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Exploring: never stop Single Tablet Regimens (one pill, once a day) are a step forward in HIV treatment.

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I appreciate the editor’s enthusiasm that the gay element is being considered in the community plan [“West End Recognition,” Xtra #528, Nov 21]. But what are the details regarding exactly what that entails? I’m also very wary of city hall and its fly-bythe-seat-of-its-pants property development reputation. Densifying a neighbourhood doesn’t necessarily make it better.

I think that residential density needs to be allowed more judiciously, with permanent rental housing at the forefront.

I don’t buy the token rainbow crosswalk “bling” the city has installed at Davie and Bute, either. The area appears trashy and needs to be rethought if we are going to block off yet another downtown street.

City hall needs to seriously commit to pedestrian traffic as well: many crosswalk lines are all but obliterated, and bicycle traffic seems to do whatever it pleases. Local transit is too tedious to use.

Thank you to those who are continuing to challenge the city’s developer-friendly agenda.

PAUL RICHARDS VANCOUVER, BC

I’ve had the pleasure of living in the West End for the past 25 years. I like the newly rainbow-painted crosswalk on Davie Street, and I’m all for new designs as illustrated in Xtra [“‘It’s What We’ve Wanted’: Malone,” Xtra #527, Nov 7] to strengthen Davie as an LGBT community.

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Now that city council has passed the gayest West End plan ever and prioritized building us a new community centre, it’s time to talk about what that centre should look like.

It’s a discussion we’ve been having off and on for years, with mostly frustrating results. Bogged down by community politics, narrow visions and territoriality, our community’s periodic surges of enthusiastic brainstorming have, in the past, tended to fizzle.

But that was before the $7 million.

It’s far from a done deal, but if Jim Pattison’s latest redevelopment proposal is approved, the price tag will include a sizable gift for us. I’m not sure how far $7 million will actually get us in Vancouver’s downtown real estate market, but it’s certainly a step in the right direction and a significantly larger step than anyone has offered us before.

City council has named Qmunity as the intended recipient and asked it to spearhead the new centre. When I first heard that, I had misgivings, and, to be honest, I still do. Qmunity’s track record on consultation is poor, and many community members con-

sider it irrelevant and uninspiring.

But we’re being offered an opportunity here, at least potentially. We can squander it with distrust and fight among ourselves for control of the new building, or we can acknowledge and pool our strengths to create a vibrant and relevant shared space.

I suggest we find ways to share our power, resources and expertise so we can build something bigger than the mandate of any single organization.

Qmunity, with its years of experience running valuable programs on a shoestring budget, is probably well suited to steward the new centre — as long as it collaborates with other groups to create a space that’s more than just a series of support groups for our most vulnerable community members.

Don’t get me wrong: the groups that Qmunity runs are essential. But when Xtra hosted a town hall in 2009 to envision a new centre, speaker after speaker called for a performance space, recreational space, casual spaces in which to socialize, a café, a clinic, a garden, a seniors’ centre, a library, accessible archives and even a portrait gallery to celebrate our pioneers. They called for a truly multipurpose place of celebration, a “bustling, fun-filled” space worth spending time in.

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Picture opening night of the Queer Film Festival every day of the year.

Some of those services Qmunity’s already got well in hand. Others, like the arts and recreational spaces, they will need a hand to envision and execute.

Not a problem if we create a consortium, ask Qmunity to anchor it, then invite other community groups to join. Maybe the Bobbers comedy troupe, so often in search of a new home, could run the performance space? Maybe Little Sister’s could run the café? Maybe the Health Initiative for Men could move in and run the clinic?

Imagine what we could create if we actually worked together.

Qmunity’s new board co-chair and new executive director both seem potentially open to the idea. The new ED says she sees Qmunity as “a hub for everyone in the queer community” and hopes the new centre “will serve as an anchor for all different types of queer organizations and services.”

Does Dara Parker’s vision include a consortium of shared power? Too soon to say.

“Our first step is to secure the commitment from the city and then the actual money and land to build a facility,” she says. “Once that is secured, Qmunity will be consulting with the community on ideas for the new facility.”

Not quite the path to a consortium that I envisioned, but if we all give each other the benefit of the doubt, we might just get the community centre of our dreams.

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I would also like to see existing businesses on Davie and throughout the West End give more attention to cleaning their storefronts and sidewalks. I see the owner of State of Mind scrubbing the exterior of her store and washing the sidewalk every day. If all other businesses did this on a weekly basis, it would dramatically improve the Davie Street image. If time and money is an issue, I’m sure some of the homeless people who sleep on Davie would gladly do it for a hot meal or $8.50 per hour.

SCOT S VANCOUVER, BC

I think we should get rid of the rainbow crosswalks as they are garish and always dirty. Where I grew up, in Kamloops, they had rainbow lights strung zigzag down the main street winter and summer, and everyone loved the beautiful colours. It would add pizzazz to the night.

The Prime Timers used to meet in the West End Community Centre.

I went for a number of years. A new centre would be nice, for sure.

KEN TERRY VANCOUVER, BC

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Rumours that a son of notoriously homophobic Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe had come out had the internet abuzz recently. The son in question, Chipape (alas, no such offspring exists), had reportedly done an interview on radio show Good Morning UK (alas, there’s no such show), saying, “My coming out of the closet was an important move in that much as my father is advocating antihomosexuality, his own blood carries the very cells of what he deems as worse than pigs.”

— advice columnist Amy Dickinson’s response to parent who wrote in upset that her son “won’t listen to reason” and “stop being gay” MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM

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VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

Upfront

Now, for the first time, the community is actually embedded in the plan.

Councillor Tim Stevenson E10

Five generations of gay men Gay men’s health linked to place of AIDS in their formative years

They are the first generation to now experience their same-sex desires absent the same fear of AIDS that consumed members of my generation when we were beginning to have sex.

HEALTH NATHANIEL CHRISTOPHER

Gay men’s health is closely linked to the era in which they were born and raised and which generation of gay they belong to, says an associate professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Cruz.

“How gay men think about themselves, their bodies and their desires is a product of social and historical time,” Phillip Hammack told the ninth annual BC Gay Men’s Health Summit in his keynote address on Nov 8.

Hammack defined five generations of gay men who are alive today.

Gay men of the stigma generation were born in the 1930s and experienced adulthood in the early years of the gay civil rights movement prior to the “tipping point” of the movement, as symbolized by the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York.

Hammack said these men, now in their 70s and 80s, witnessed the transformation of gay identity from a diagnosable mental illness to a legitimate social identity.

“They’ve been witness to the entire AIDS epidemic and, of course, lost many to the disease, but they have survived,” he said. “They carry with them the psychological and physical legacy of these experiences. They navigated cultural stigma, the hostility of health and mental health practitioners.

“They are our gay elders, and we hear their voices far too little from my perspective.”

Hammack said members of the Stonewall generation, who were born in the 1940s and are today in their 60s and 70s, benefited from experiencing gay liberation in their early adulthood.

“Unlike the members of the stigma generation, they experienced a longer period of their life course free from stigma and, in fact, criminalization of gay sex,” he said. “But also, like the stigma generation, they experienced the devastation of AIDS and the major setbacks to the movement that it brought with it, as well as a complete reframing of gay culture.”

Hammack described gay men who were born MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM

PHILLIP HAMMACK

Phillip Hammack describes five generations of gay men: the stigma generation, the Stonewall generation, the AIDS 1 generation, the AIDS 2 generation and the post-AIDS or marriageequality generation. COURTESY OF PHILLIP HAMMACK

in the 1950s and 1960s as the AIDS 1 generation because they were “probably the hardest hit by AIDS, given that they were at the peak of their sexually active lives when it was emerging.

“As one of those interviewed for the documentary film We Were Here indicates, it was like living in a war zone for this generation, with outwardly healthy and attractive men in their 20s and 30s falling ill and dying in a matter of weeks,” he said.

Hammack placed himself and other gay men born in the 1970s in the AIDS 2 generation. He

said members of this group experienced childhood and adolescence at a time when the AIDS epidemic was often conflated with gay sex, disease and death. But they didn’t experience the same personal losses as members of the AIDS 1 generation.

“We grew up in a time when we worried enough about AIDS to certainly be vigilant about condom use,” he said. “We saw the internet emerge to open up entirely new possibilities to ourselves and the next generation. And we saw the emergence of

treatment advances that gradually transformed our collective consciousness of HIV/AIDS from a lethal illness to a chronic, manageable health condition.”

He said the AIDS 2 generation witnessed the discourse shift from AIDS to issues such as marriage equality and human rights protections. “So now, approaching mid-life, we no longer see our life course as inevitably abbreviated,” he said.

“We are not sentenced to a premature death.

Members of my generation are finally starting to realize we may actually live to an older age. This could happen!”

Hammack said members of the post-AIDS or marriage equality generation, born in the 1980s and ’90s, are now growing up in a “radically different” social and political context than members of the AIDS 1 generation.

“They are the first generation to now experience their same-sex desires absent the same fear of AIDS that consumed members of my generation when we were beginning to have sex,” he said, noting they are coming of age as gay rights and visibility reach unprecedented heights.

“But we’re only beginning to hear the voices of men of this generation on their own terms rather than through the lens of paradigms constructed with gay men of prior generations.”

XTRA! DEC 5–18, 2013 9

Council approves new West End plan Davie Village now officially Vancouver’s gay hub LOCAL NEWS SHAUNA LEWIS

After 18 months of planning, community consultation and a marathon hearing at city hall, Vancouver City Council approved a new community plan for the West End Nov 20 that, among other things, promises to strengthen the Davie Village as the city’s gay hub.

The new plan aims to provide a clear but flexible framework for considering long-range and shorter-term goals regarding development in the area, rezoning applications, livability, heritage designations, rental housing, street beautification, transportation and public benefits.

It also — for the first time and in contrast to the city’s last West End plan, drafted in the late 1980s — rec-

ognizes the gay community’s historical and ongoing cultural connection to the Davie Village and promises to support, celebrate and enhance that connection.

“I’m a little bit emotional,” Councillor Tim Stevenson told council moments before the motion passed.

“Our community has been recognized when we began the Pride Week here at city council, we now have an LGBTQ advisory committee, we’ve achieved civic status for the Pride parade, we have rainbow crosswalks in the West End, and now, for the first time, the community is actually embedded in the plan.”

The plan was approved by a council vote of nine to two after an exhausting 12-hour meeting that heard from more than 40 public speakers.

All councillors voted in favour of the

Qmunity’s executive director, Dara Parker, welcomes the city’s decision to recognize the gay community’s connection to the West End and to prioritize development of a new community centre. SHAUNA LEWIS

plan except NPA Councillor George Affleck and Green Party Councillor Adriane Carr, who backed Affleck’s motion to defer the plan until spring 2014, pending more public consultation.

Carr told council that while the plan had merit, it needed more revision and clarity, particularly in areas pertaining to social and market-rental housing initiatives in the lower Robson and lower Davie Street areas.

The new plan will introduce more laneway and social housing to the central hub of the West End, while high-rise and other larger-scale developments will be designated to the fringes of the neighbourhood. It promises to maintain and create more rental stock, widen sidewalks in the commercial areas, add decorative lighting and green space, protect heritage buildings and increase the area’s walkability.

It also lists finding a new home for BC’s queer resource centre, Qmunity, among the priorities in its public benefits strategy. A separate hearing on Dec 17 will consider a rezoning application

from Jim Pattison Developments and Reliance Properties that, if approved, would give Qmunity $7 million in Community Amenity Contribution (CAC) funds.

“The fact that Qmunity has been named a priority has absolutely delighted our constituents,” said Dara Parker, the organization’s executive director.

Parker told council that Qmunity’s vision for a new facility includes the entire LGBT community. “It is a place where LGBT sports groups, arts groups, small businesses could all come and use us as a central community space,” she said.

“The fact that the LGBTQ community is recognized and celebrated and focused on in some aspects of the plan is an indication of how far we’ve come politically,” she added, “and I think that’s incredible because we do have a very long history in this neighbourhood.”

Read the full story at dailyxtra.com.

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VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

Canada grants asylum to high-profile gay activist Montenegro failed to protect Zdravko Cimbaljevic, IRB rules IMMIGRATION & REFUGEES SHAUNA LEWIS

Canada’s Immigration and Refugee Board (IRB) granted Montenegro’s highest-profile gay activist asylum Nov 22, after agreeing that Zdravko Cimbaljevic’s government failed to protect him from death threats and attacks.

“I feel relieved,” Cimbaljevic says. “This proves that the Canadian government has taken my case seriously and actually came to the conclusion to protect me.”

Cimbaljevic, who sought asylum in Vancouver on Sept 11, says his IRB hearing was “emotional and difficult.”

“I was crying. I just couldn’t hold it in,” he says. “The government of Mon-

tenegro has failed the test of protection for not only me, but all its people and has failed to prosecute those who would threaten and bring violence to others.”

The IRB says it can’t provide Xtra with minutes from the hearing because of confidentiality rules, but lawyer Rob Hughes describes his client’s case and the board’s decision as “very, very clear.”

Hughes says the IRB’s decision to accept Cimbaljevic’s refugee claim rested on concrete evidence that Montenegro had failed to protect him.

“In every refugee case, claimant credibility is an issue,” Hughes says.

“Everything [Cimbaljevic] said was consistent with the documentary evidence.

There was a lot of strong documentary

$

evidence, more than we usually hear.”

Cimbaljevic says the IRB considered his testimony along with documents that included Montenegro’s 2013 progress report from the European Commission.

The progress report, a parliamentary tool used to examine relations between Montenegro and the European Union, states that in Montenegro “shortcomings persist in the area of human rights by judicial law and enforcement authorities, particularly as it regards vulnerable groups, especially the Roma, the lesbian, gay, bi- and trans-sexual population and disabled persons.”

The report further acknowledges that there is a “high level of homophobia in the country which needs to be addressed.”

Hughes says Cimbaljevic’s high profile as a gay activist made it easier to prove to the IRB that he is gay and in jeopardy. Individuals living outside the international spotlight often have

“All of this work that I have done to make Montenegro a better country filled with better, more tolerant and accepting people has put my life in danger from those filled with hate and ignorance,” says refugee Zdravko Cimbaljevic. SHAUNA LEWIS

a much more difficult time proving their sexuality to the IRB when seeking refugee status, Hughes notes.

He says the legislated time frame between filing for refugee status and getting an IRB hearing is too short for many claimants to obtain the necessary documentation to prove they’re gay and therefore qualify for asylum as a “member of a particular social group” that’s being persecuted. It can be especially difficult for claimants coming from homophobic countries, where being openly gay is dangerous, to provide evidence of their sexuality.

Prior to legislative changes to Can-

ada’s immigration rules in December 2012, refugee claimants could wait up to two years for a hearing, notes Chris Morrissey, cofounder of the Rainbow Refugee Committee. Now claimants have no more than 60 days to schedule a hearing after they request refugee status. While the process is quicker, Morrissey says, it can also be problematic.

“There is less time for a refugee claimant to make connections, get to know people and navigate paperwork for a hearing,” she says.

For more on this story, go to dailyxtra.com.

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www.scottandcompany.ca 12 DEC 5â&#x20AC;&#x201C;18, 2013 XTRA!

Hastings North BIA

Contact 2620 East Hastings Street Vancouver, BC V5K 1Z6 Tel: 604-215-2401 Fax: 604-216-0991 facebook.com/theEastVillageVancouver hastingsnorthbia@telus.net

Research conďŹ rms we are not peeing, but rather releasing a clear, odorless liquid saturated with the chemicals of arousal and strikingly similar to menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s prostatic ďŹ&#x201A;uid. Some of it is released from the paraurethral glands that routinely produce vaginal lubrication and some comes from the bladder (in a chemically altered form of urine).

Its sometimes unpleasant taste results from what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been eating and drinking beforehand or from medications. Foods containing oxalic acid â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including spinach, beet greens and chocolate â&#x20AC;&#x201D; can make body ďŹ&#x201A;uid smell quite strong, as can asparagus, hard alcohol and coffee. Avoid these before your dates or drink extra water to dilute their effect.

You can avoid getting a faceful of your loverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cum by remaining alert to her arousal level and, when you see her beginning to clamp down, repositioning yourself without unduly changing your rhythm. Once out of the way, you can enjoy your girlfriendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s explosive pleasure.

This leads me to a note about setting up for success.

Before sex play begins, institute a â&#x20AC;&#x153;ritualâ&#x20AC;? of bed making that includes laying down large sheets of flannelbacked rubber sheeting covered by soft ďŹ&#x201A;annel sheets.

The sheeting can be found in some (youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have to search) fabric stores by the yard or metre, sold for cribs as mattress protection. It is generally sold in 45-inch widths, wide enough to protect your mattress. It lasts forever.

As to the flannel sheets, they are more absorbent and softer to the skin than cotton. Cut in half longitudinally, each piece will cover the bed and tuck in to anchor the rubber sheeting. You neednâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t â&#x20AC;&#x153;makeâ&#x20AC;? the whole bed, and the layers strip off quickly. No one has to sleep in the wet spot again!

Having such a system removes the â&#x20AC;&#x153;eewwâ&#x20AC;? factor and welcomes back erotic elements into your play.

Sex can indeed be messy, loud and sometimes even embarrassing.

Though you may not be thrilled with everything that happens during your most intense moments of vulnerability and transparency, those peak experiences are often the conduit to the best intimacy. A little bit of practical manoeuvring and a dose of good humour will enable you to progress to the best sex of your lives.

Dr Pega Ren is Xtraâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s queer- and kinkfriendly sex therapist, specializing in relationship and sexual issues, including concerns of the aging population.

To learn more about her and the work she does, or to book a session, visit her website at smartsextalk.com.

Have a question for Dr Ren? Send an email to asktheexpert@dailyxtra.com.

VANCOUVERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

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WRAP UP THE SYMPHONY FOR THE PERFECT HOLIDAY GIFT!

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vancouversymphony.ca or call 604.876.3434 XTRA! DEC 5–18, 2013 13

Bridget Coll and her partne day they got the diagnosis COVER STORY ROBIN PERELLE

Her short-term memories may be slipping out of reach, but Bridget Coll clearly remembers her days as a nun protesting torture in Pinochet’s Chile. “We were standing at the side of the poor,” she says. LEAH BROMLEY

14 DEC 5–18, 2013 XTRA!

Bridget Coll stares at me blankly when I walk into her living room. “Who are you?” she asks. Her unblinking gaze is not unkind, merely uncomprehending.

She doesn’t remember the many times we’ve met at community events or through her work as a quiet advocate for gay immigration rights. She doesn’t remember the kind words she’s made a point of sharing with me, and so many others, over the years.

I gently jog her memory, then ask her if she still wants to do the interview. “If it helps someone else,” she replies, true to original form.

She’s nervous, though, fiddling with the zipper on her red windbreaker as she sits on the couch next to her partner of 37 years, Chris Morrissey. Being interviewed is unfamiliar, and these days familiarity is a great comfort.

It’s easier to remember childhood memories than what happened yesterday, she explains, slowly.

“What happened yesterday?” I ask.

“I don’t remember.”

Some memories come more easily, like her address and phone number, which she rattles off without hesitation. And it’s Thursday, so she knows she’s going to the Britannia Community Services Centre soon for its seniors’ lunch, which she enjoys.

Other times she asks Morrissey to help her find their bedroom.

In July 2012, Coll, then 78, was already experiencing some memory loss but was still capable of single-handedly planning and executing her annual trip home to Ireland. This year, she needed Morrissey to make the trip with her.

Her siblings didn’t dwell on her dementia. “They treated me the way they always do,” Coll says, with a hint of a smile. “Like a celebrity.”

“Are you the baby of the family?” I ask.

“I’m the beginning of the second halfdozen,” she replies, without missing a beat.

She remembers some things clearly: the white-handled knives of her childhood, the new potatoes her father uncharacteristically dug up early for her as a treat during one visit home, the water cannons turned on her as she stood side by side with Chileans protesting the torture of the Pinochet regime in the 1980s.

She remembers the moment she knew she could no longer be a nun — when a letter arrived from the home convent in England about plans for its annual garden party, as the people around her struggled to survive. “It was in conflict with the things I thought were important,” she says clearly. “I was going to be on the streets protesting in Santiago and they were going to a garden party.”

She remembers the moment she knew that Chris was the one for her.

“My parents died within three weeks of each other,” she recalls. “I was a nun at the time. I got letters saying I should be happy because my parents were in heaven. When I met Chris, she was the first person to ask me how I felt, rather than telling me how I should be feeling.”

But more recent memories are elusive.

“When did you first realize you have dementia?” I ask.

“I don’t know.”

“Does it bother you to forget?”

“Sometimes I ask Chris if I’m crazy.”

“Does it feel crazy?”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel real.”

It’s easier to have a fixed schedule, she says, “because it’s real. I know that it’s real.”

Dementia wasn’t a diagnosis that she and Coll had ever contemplated, Morrissey says. “I mean, we had made wills, talked about funerals; we both know we want to be cremated. But we never got to the part of . . . how our death might VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

er quietly held hands the that changed their lives look like, what might lead to our death.”

Morrissey says she began to notice the changes in Coll about a year and a half ago. First, a greater level of forgetfulness, then some difficulty following conversations. They went for a first round of memory tests, but the doctors didn’t seem too alarmed and told them to come back in a year. They knew they couldn’t wait that long.

“The day the doctor said, ‘You have dementia,’ we came out, we didn’t say anything, we just walked down the street holding hands, and Bridget asked me, ‘Do people die of dementia?’ And I didn’t know how to answer that.”

“I have a sense of loss, a sense of grief,” Morrissey says quietly. “I’m not a person who’s good at going to that sort of feeling level — and I think to a great extent that’s what got me through a lot of things in life. But when I allow myself, I do have a sense of grief and loss.”

Coll’s dementia has significantly altered their relationship. She’s not really present as a partner anymore, Morrissey admits reluctantly. “In the sense of there’s no shared decision-making. Even companionship, because she gets very tired . . . so in the evenings I’m usually here by myself.

“I mean, she’s very connected to me in many ways, and I to her, and there’s very tender moments. But in terms of day-to-day living . . . her needs are so very different from mine.”

The phone rings for the third time and Morrissey picks up, advocating for Coll’s admission into another adult seniors’ day program for people with dementia.

Finding spots in the city’s limited support programs can be difficult; finding gay-specific programs has, until now, been impossible.

So far, the couple’s experiences with mainstream support services and home-care assistance have been gayfriendly and even welcoming enough.

MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM

(“Except I got something in the mail that said ‘Mrs,’ which bugs the hell out of me,” Morrissey says. “Or ‘Mr,’ for heaven’s sake!”)

But Morrissey remembers her hesitation when she dropped Coll off for the first time at the Lion’s Den program. She says she took a deep breath before kissing her partner goodbye in a room full of presumably straight people — “with no sense of how it’s going to be, for me or for her.”

Morrissey kissed Coll on the lips that day and has each time she’s dropped her off since. “But it’s that constant . . .

I don’t know what people’s assumptions are. I always assume that they don’t recognize us as partners. I don’t know if that’s true or not.”

When Patrick Tham joined a caregivers’ support group through the Alzheimer Society two years ago, he couldn’t quite relate, either.

As a gay man and adult child of someone with Alzheimer’s, he couldn’t connect to the husbands and wives sharing their experiences in the general group he first joined. Finding a group specifically for people with parents with dementia made a big difference, he says, which is why he encouraged the society to launch a support group specifically for gays and lesbians caring for their partners.

“That’s not to say that people haven’t been welcoming” in the general support groups, he says. The Alzheimer Society of BC has “done a lot for my family.”

But gay couples’ needs are different, he maintains. Their experiences are different; their conversations will be different.

Coping with dementia is hard enough, he notes. People shouldn’t feel the need to potentially hide part of themselves or remain silent because they feel there’s too much to explain.

The Alzheimer Society’s new LGBTQ support group will run monthly starting in January, confirms Kara Turner, the

“Where the hell are all the others?”

Morrissey asks.

“I mean, we’re all aging. Where the hell are they?”

Chris Morrissey and Bridget Coll met in a convent 37 years ago and have been together ever since. They left the sisterhood and moved back to Morrissey’s home in Canada to live openly together in 1988. COURTESY OF CHRIS MORRISSEY

Bridget Coll (right) says it’s confusing and sometimes upsetting to forget, but she tries not to get angry because “there’s no point in it. I get annoyed with myself.

I suppose that’s getting angry. I say, ‘Why did it happen to me?’” LEAH BROMLEY

organization’s support and education coordinator.

Turner’s not quite sure of the need or interest in the community, but she’s determined to launch the group and is confident it will grow. “It just sort of came together,” she says.

Morrissey welcomes news of the group’s launch. She’s been pushing for a local, gay-specific group for months.

Until now, she has felt fairly isolated in the community, disconnected from other gay and lesbian couples dealing with dementia. She and Coll know just one other lesbian couple in a similar situation, and she appreciates their biweekly get-togethers as much-needed opportunities to share, and sometimes to laugh together.

“Where the hell are all the others?” she asks. “I mean, we’re all aging. Where the hell are they?”

“We’re powerless over the disease, so at least if there was some sense of community,” she says.

“It would be great if some of us could find each other, so we can have something that’s specifically ours.”

“Can we go to Dairy Queen now?” Coll asks, reemerging from the bedroom, where she’s been resting.

“Yes, we can go to Dairy Queen now,” Morrissey smiles at her, and takes her hand.

To register for the Alzheimer Society of BC’s free LGBT dementia support group, contact Kara Turner at 604-675-5153 or kturner@alzheimerbc.org. To contact Chris Morrissey, email chrismrrss42@ gmail.com.

XTRA! DEC 5–18, 2013 15

Let’s

Kill

Presented by Ghost Light Projects

Grandma Christmas

GHOST LIGHT PROJECTS PRESENTS

this

Written by BRIAN GIANCI Directed by RANDIE PARLIAMENT & GREG BISHOP

THE MUSICAL

December 5-21, 2013

February 20 to March 8, 2014 CAROUSEL STUDIO THEATRE 1411 Cartwright St. (Granville Island), Vancouver, BC

TICKETS: $25-$35 / PREVIEW: $15 Group rates available!

THE HAVANA THEATRE 1212 Commercial Drive, Vancouver, BC

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BOOK BY PETER DEPIETRO MUSIC BY GALEN BLUM, WAYNE BARKER AND VINNIE MARTUCCI LYRICS BY TOM CHIODO DIRECTED BY RANDIE PARLIAMENT AND GREG BISHOP

For more information or to purchase tickets:

MEDIA SPONSORS:

ghostlightprojects.com 16 DEC 5–18, 2013 XTRA!

VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

OutintheCity

Downpour be damned, there was a lineup on Davie Street to get into PumpJack for the introduction of the Mr Ruff 2014 contestants.

Blitz & Shitz E21

The pinnacle of male beauty Universal Hunks celebrates the ‘greatest hunks of all time’ IN PRINT RAZIEL REID

The first bodybuilding superstar, Eugen Sandow, so wholly believed the body is the physical expression of the soul that he titled his 1902 book The Gospel of Strength, reflecting the religious zeal with which he cultivated his formidable shape and travelled the world in the early 20th century. Amen!

Sandow “was at the start of the physical-culture craze of the 1890s, and he is the epitome of virility,” says Universal Hunks author David L Chapman. “More than any of the others, he knew how to use his muscles in a variety of creative ways.”

In a conservative era, Sandow pushed the envelope by alternately posing for the camera in leopard-print boxers, with a fig leaf covering his penis, and, if shot from behind, completely nude.

The original bodybuilder pioneered not only the modern gym bunny, but the selfie-obsessed exhibitionism of those who enjoy documenting their physique as much as honing it.

It was Sandow who first inspired Chapman’s interest in bodybuilding, which has since led him to write three books on the subject: American Hunks, Venus with Biceps — which shows how the ladies can be hunky, too — and his latest installment, Universal Hunks, taking the flexing to a global level.

“Almost 40 years ago I found an old, rare cigar-box label from 1894 that had a glorious lithographed, embossed portrait of bodybuilder Eugen Sandow,” Chapman says. “I was immediately intrigued by the image, and I began to search for facts about the subject. I was rather surprised to learn that there had been many professional strongmen in the 19th century, and some

of them were pretty colourful characters.

“Bodybuilders originally appeared in sideshows, and vaudeville had room for lots of really weird and wonderful performers. So I guess you can say that I was lured into the study of sport and athletics through the stage door.”

In the 1800s, nude photographs of male hunks were morally justified as “illustrations of healthy living” (which is what I’ve renamed my porn folder). Sports and physical health became a means to create national unity in European countries — a philosophy later adopted

by Hitler in his belief that mastery of the self translated into control of the world. Chapman reveals how Hitler, in his quest to create a physically superior race of German people, transformed the image of the muscleman into an aggressive and violent figure with Nazi propaganda posters.

Through a visual odyssey of hard bodies, the hundreds of images in Universal Hunks depict the evolution of defined muscles as a means to not only define, but redefine cultures.

In his list of the five “greatest hunks of all time,” Chapman includes Japanese novelist Yukio Mishima, who, along with photographer Tomatsu Yato, “were at the centre of the new gay culture in Japan in the post-war years that turned away from femininity and softness and embraced hard muscularity and hyper-manliness.”

From colonization to fascism and from vaudeville to god, the male physique as the pinnacle of male beauty has for centuries been arousing awe, morale and other things worldwide.

Top centre: British bodybuilder David Prowse, featured in Universal Hunks, is also famous for playing the body of Darth Vader in the original Star Wars trilogy (James Earl Jones provided the voice).

Above, the cover of bodybuilder Eugen Sandow’s 1902 book The Gospel of Strength.

Top right: AJ Chandos posed for this 1910 photograph at the newly opened Artona Studio in Vancouver. Chandos wanted a more impressive physique, so he asked the studio to paint in a few muscles for him, Universal Hunks author David L Chapman writes.

Right: According to Chapman, Sandow started the physical-culture craze of the 1890s — and was considered the “epitome of virility.”

COURTESY OF ARSENAL PULP PRESS

MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM

XTRA! DEC 5–18, 2013 17

STOREFRONT

SEAN GREGOR

Kérastase gift box

SHOPPING GUIDE

Gift boxes start at $80. C-zô Salon & Medi-Spa, 525 Smithe St. c-zo.ca

COURTESY OF RIDE ON AGAIN

Holiday

While you’re giving to others this season, treat yourself to the experience of selecting the perfect gift at C-zô Salon & Medi-Spa. Step into a world of luxurious hair care and aesthetics, and let the salon’s experts work their magic while you enjoy a cappuccino and biscotti and contemplate the particular needs of that special someone on your list. Together, you’ll select the perfect combination of lush possibilities from C-zô’s exclusive line of Shu Uemura Art of Hair products or the renowned Kérastase Paris, with its patented formulas of active ingredients from Recherche Avancée L’Oréal.

Clever gift ideas for your special someones Pax portable vaporizer Looking to slow the hectic pace of the holidays?

Ignite Smoke Shop is worth a visit. A smoke shop with a modern twist and eager-to-help staff, Ignite offers a large selection of quality smoking accessories in an inviting and (not surprisingly) easygoing atmosphere. One-ofa-kind glass pipes, percolators, portable vaporizers — like the stylish Pax, pictured here — hookahs and more.

This is a gift you might want to open early! $270 Ignite Smoke Shop, 109 W Cordova St. ignitesmokeshop.ca

SEAN GREGOR

Asama Pollution Solution

18 DEC 5–18, 2013 XTRA!

Does your Wise Man or Woman eschew the camel for a more reliable rig? Available from Ride On (3463 Main St) and Ride On Again (2255 W Broadway), Asama’s Pollution Solution is designed to take the rigours of a daily commute in stride. Designed in Richmond by Asama’s Canadian branch, which has been meeting North American cyclists’ needs since 1985, the Pollution Solution boasts a 4130 chromoly-tubing hybrid frame and fork, double wall eye-letted rims laced to Shimano hubs, and a Deore rear derailleur for a full Shimano drive-train. Highly recommended by the staff at Ride On Again as that rare combination: an affordable, quality hybrid.

Regularly $549, now $399. Ride On Again, 2255 W Broadway. rideonagain.com

VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

SEAN GREGOR

COURTESY OF URBAN EXPOSURE

The Stronic Zwei is a pulsator, not a vibrator, and this makes all the difference, according to Little Sister’s and Sweet co-owner Jim Deva. “It’s very effective,” he says. Designed for anal or vaginal play, the Zwei’s back-and-forth thrust keeps it securely in place inside the user — meaning handsfree enjoyment in any number of positions, alone or with company, and the chance to surrender control completely.

Just a heads up: at 22.5 cm, it’s not for beginners. Or elves.

Up your chimney with care! $199 Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St. littlesisters.ca

Italian scarf set

Vancouver Symphony Orchestra tickets

Get your girl through the holidays in cozy style with a scarf, hat and fingerless long glove set in a sophisticated pearl-gray cashmerewool blend from Mr Mz Boutique. Carrying a full line of men’s and women’s casual wear and working primarily with small-run design houses in Italy and the United States, Mr Mz has imported these luxurious pieces from Agerola, on the Amalfi coast of southern Italy.

Damiani jewellery What are the holidays without a little bling? Gaybourhood newcomer Urban Exposure offers Damiana rings and ponderously bejewelled Geneva watches that are nothing short of gem-tacular.

Time not an issue? You’ll also find the Village’s largest selection of footwear, clothing, intimate apparel, and men’s and women’s accessories. Or treat yourself to a pair of holiday-toned skinny jeans that’ll have everyone admiring your Christmas pudding.

Urban Exposure, 1340 Davie St. Search for Urban Exposure on facebook.com.

$99 Vancouver Symphony Orchestra at the Orpheum, 601 Smithe St. vancouversymphony.ca

$165 Mr Mz Boutique, 3341 W Broadway St. Search for Mr Mz Boutique on facebook.com.

21STCENTURYDYNAMICS.COM

Got a culture vulture on your list?

The Vancouver Symphony Orchestra’s flexible four-ticket Symphony Sampler, starting at $99, is the perfect solution.

With 14 concerts to choose from, there’s something for just about any discerning music geek, especially as the orchestra celebrates its 95th anniversary this season. Tempt your music lover with the smoulderingly sexy Andrew von Oeyen, making his VSO debut playing Mozart’s decadent Piano Concerto No 22, or the dreamy Ryan Silverman singing the seductive songs of the Mad Men era.

You might just get a standing ovation.

The Miracle of Change

VANCOUVER SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

FUNFACTORY.COM

Stronic Zwei pulsator

Is somebody on your list looking to create a personal Christmas miracle?

Published July 1 by Vancouver life coach Doug Anderson (21stcenturydynamics. com), The Miracle of Change is about letting go, building trust and taking responsibility for our thoughts and our own lives. Anderson shares tools and guidelines to create positive, lasting change in all areas of life — home, work and play. Encourage your favourite elf to embrace the life he or she desires, release old beliefs and seize the opportunity to be part of a paradigm shift to a more peaceful, happy and abundant world. $19.50 at Chapters.

21stcenturydynamics.com

XTRA! DEC 5–18, 2013 19

WHAT'S ON

Chic-A-Boom Room Celebrities presents a live show with more than 50 female dancers, vocalists, aerialists and special guests. Doors 8pm, show 9pm.

Celebrities, 1022 Davie St. $20 advance at eventbrite.com, $25 door. Show also runs Sat, Dec 14. celebritiesnightclub.com

FOR MORE EVENT LISTINGS, GO TO DAILYXTRA.COM

Thurs, Dec 5 Making Spirits Bright The Vancouver Men’s Chorus presents its annual holiday concert celebration. Runs until Dec 15. 8pm, with some 3pm shows. St Paul’s Anglican Church, 1130 Jervis St. Tickets $32 at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St or vancouvermenschorus.ca.

A Christmas Carol in Gay Apparel Vancouver’s Leaping Thespians women’s theatre company brings back its take on the holiday classic. Runs until Sat, Dec 7, 8pm. The Cultch, 1895 Venables St. $20 at 604-251-1363 or tickets. thecultch.com. leapingthespians.ca

Fri, Dec 6 XPupmas Dinner Join the pups and handlers of VAN-PAH for a holiday dinner, where pups can eat out of bowls and everyone else can have a chair and take part in an under-$10 gift exchange.

7pm. Coming Home Café, 753 6th St, New Westminster.

Madonna Tribute Dance Party & Drag Show Isolde N Barron and Veronica Vamp host this Electric Circus/Sad Mag drag show. Doors 9pm, show 10pm. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. $9 advance at eventbrite. com, $10 door. the cobalt.ca

$15, limited seating. RSVP to pupluvyvr@gmail.com.

Sat, Dec 7 Binding 101 This free workshop will look at different types of binders, safer binder use in a variety of situations, binder maintenance and dressing when binding. 3–5pm. Qmunity, 1033 Davie St. To register, contact education@qmunity.ca or 604684-5307 x112. qmunity.ca

Sun, Dec 8 Cruisey Cinema Sundays Hang out with other porn-loving guys in Vancouver’s newest gay sex club.

2–8 pm. Club 8x6, 1775 Haro St. $10 or $5 each with a buddy. 8x6.ca

Mon, Dec 9

WESA Winter Social The West End Slo-Pitch Association presents an off-season social for softball players who miss each other.

7–10pm. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. wesa.net FullerStines’s 24th Annual Diorama Party Hosted by Barb Snelgrove and featuring more than a dozen performers, this annual fundraiser organized by Janine Fuller and Julie Stines is a holiday tradition. Doors 7pm, show 7:30pm sharp. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $10 at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St, or at the door. junctionpub.com

The Bobbers Vancouver’s favourite queer improv comedy troupe is back in the Davie Village with a new weekly performance. 7–9pm.

Heaven’s Door (formerly J-Lounge), 1216 Bute St. No cover.

Wed, Dec 11 Workshop for Trans Folk: Bras, Pads and Forms This free workshop will look at different types of bras, pads and forms.

11:30am–2pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. To register, contact education@

Coco Holiday Show — Fountainhead Pub, Sat, Dec 14 VICTOR BEARPARK

20 DEC 5–18, 2013 XTRA!

Sat, Dec 14

Gay & Gray A weekly discussion group for seniors regarding retirement, housing, health, dating, self-image and more. 7pm. The Roundhouse, 181 Roundhouse Mews. ahbbl@shaw.ca Bingo for Life Join Joan-E for her weekly bingo fundraiser. 8–10 pm. Celebrities, 1022 Davie St. $10 donation at door for bingo cards. celebritiesnightclub.com

Thurs, Dec 12 Gay and Bisexual Men’s Bereavement Support Group This free support group for men grieving the loss of a same-sex partner meets the second and fourth Thursday of each month. 7–9:30pm.

Qmunity, Room 610, 1033 Davie St. qmunity.ca Rainbow Refugee Committee This information and support group for LGBT people making refugee claims meets the second Thursday of each month. 7:30pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. rainbowrefugee.ca

Coco Holiday Show Coco hosts her popular annual holiday fundraiser. 9pm. Fountainhead Pub, 1025 Davie St. By donation. thefountainheadpub.com Hustla: Homo Hip Hop Peach Cobblah and Bambibot host Vancouver’s sweatiest dancefloor, with DJ Jef Leppard and guests.

Doors 9pm. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. $12. the cobalt.ca Sin City XXX-Mas Fetish Ball Sin City strongly encourages guests to wear XXX-mas costumes to their annual holiday party. Fetish dress code strictly enforced. 9pm–3am.

The Red Room, 398 Richards St. $10 before 10pm, $15 after. sincityfetishnight.com

Mon, Dec 16 Christmas with Carlotta Carlotta Gurl ushers in the holiday season with her new Mondaynight show. 9pm. Oasis Ultra Lounge, 1240 Thurlow St. No cover. oasisondavie.com

Submit your event listing to oitc.vancouver@dailyxtra.com.

Deadline for the Dec 19-Jan 1 issue is Wed, Dec 11.

the medicinal

Tel 604.343.4684 | Open 11-10 Email: info@sensiblebc.ca Suite 814, 207 West Hastings, Vancouver

Gab Youth Drop-In This fun, inclusive drop-in group for LGBT youth and their allies meets Wednesdays at 4pm and Fridays at 7pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. qmunity.ca

The Sundown The Cobalt hosts a laid-back gathering for queer women and their allies every Thursday night. 9pm. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. $3–6. thecobalt.ca

Last chance to sign!

Make your mark.

Join the campaign for a Marijuana Referendum The time is now: Decriminalize!

qmunity.ca or 604-684-5307 x112. qmunity.ca

cannabis

dispensary CannabisDispensary.ca

The Dispensary is proud to support Sensible BC

VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

Getting Ruffed up Daddy lust and family traditions BLITZ & SHITZ RAZIEL REID

I’m making a New Year’s resolution a month early because it’s that important, which means daddies are involved, obviously.

I solemnly swear to go to PumpJack more frequently because I’m sick of paying cab fare, so I’m going to start climbing on a harness to get home. Very economical.

Downpour be damned, there was a lineup on Davie Street to get into PumpJack on Nov 30 for the introduction of the Mr Ruff 2014 contestants, including Colin the lumberjack, Bryan the construction guy, Shane the fireman, Michael the cowboy, Thomas the trucker and Glenn the sailor.

Their first challenge was to see who could raise the most money for the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, who will be spreading the wealth in their charitable endeavours.

Our sailor must’ve showed his moon because he brought in the cash. Glenn raised $900, which sister Alma Bitches

The path of a smalltown gay who leaves home to reinvent himself in the big city is something that can be understood only by those who have travelled it. proclaimed to be “the largest amount of money we’ve raised at one event.”

Mr Ruff will be awarded his title at RuffNYE, where he’ll receive a $750 cash prize. You can check out the contestants and vote for the one who makes you bark the most at mnevents.ca.

I have to say my favourite is Thomas because in his official photo he’s “bearing” it all in a pin-up pose with a grin on his face that is infectious.

RuffNYE will take place Dec 31 at the Maritime Labour Centre, with the Mr Ruff naming ceremony kicking things MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM

off at 9pm. Best part of all? Steamworks has shuttle buses running from the party to the bathhouse every 30 minutes so you can start off the new year less tight . . . oops, I mean right. Same difference, really.

Blame it on Britney “You’re a selfish prick,” is the last thing my sister said to me before storming out of Ciao Bella on Denman Street. I’m sure the pianist — whom no one could hear singing, “Don’t it always seem to go, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” over our shouting — was relieved she’d left. My poor mother was crying into her red wine, though. A family tradition.

My sister and I have always clashed.

She’s a rightwing conservative who works as a prison guard and is dating a hunter. I’m a free-spirited conspiracy theorist whose idea of work is twerking at a nightclub and whose only hunting experience is on Manhunt.

The fighting began as soon as she arrived in town for a visit. But it wasn’t like the good old days when I was seven and she’d chase me around the house with a butcher knife for kicks as I screamed in terror. This was deeper than any potential stab wound.

My sister is six years older than me and, because our dad wasn’t around and our mom worked a lot, has always acted like a parent. She was very controlling and tried her hardest to rid me of my effeminacy. When I finally grew up and came out, I was determined to get away from all oppression in my life, including her.

With Bronski Beat’s “Smalltown Boy” playing on repeat on my iPod, I made my escape after high school, first to New York City and then to Vancouver.

As the years have passed, the distance between me and my old life has grown.

So when my sister and I started fighting about whether or not Britney’s “Work, Bitch” exploits the gay community (it does), I knew by her aggression that Brit Brit was not the issue.

Back at the Shangri-La, she confirmed that her true rage stems from my “disloyalty” to our family. She doesn’t feel like she knows me anymore.

And she doesn’t! More than that, she doesn’t really want to. I mean, she just couldn’t handle it if I opened up about how the last time I was at the Shangri-La I fucked a stranger for $300 (and liked it).

The path of a smalltown gay who leaves home to reinvent himself in the big city is something that can be understood only by those who have travelled it.

Although it made me sad to see how hurt she was, I wasn’t sorry.

For some of us, glitter runs deeper than blood, and that doesn’t make us bad or selfish people — it just makes us sparkle.

Raziel poses with Mr Ruff contestants (back row, left to right) Colin, Shane, Bryan, Thomas, Michael and Glenn and (front row) MN Events co-organizers Michel Nadeau and Tod Berezowski. BARRY PIERSDORFF

XTRA! DEC 5–18, 2013 21

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For our 13th annual charity holiday show December 14th at 9:30pm Great entertainment and lots of fun & prizes

PHOTOS BY JAMES LOEWEN

Mr Ruff 2014 The search is on for Mr Ruff 2014! MN Events and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence introduced the contestants with a fundraiser at the PumpJack Pub on Sat, Nov 30. Who will take home the title?

Will it be Colin, Shane, Bryan, Thomas, Glenn or Michael? Cast your vote at mnevents.ca.

1E Sister Alma Bitches introduces the candidates.

2E Thomas Hannivan and Tora Wholes. 3 E Reid Dalgleish and James Whelan cheer on the Mr Ruff contestants. 4E MN Events producer Michel Nadeau with co-organizer Tod Berezowski. 5 E Glenn Jay Lombardo, Bryan Stuart and hostess Alma Bitches.

6E Colin Marcus Jackson and Sister Sweet Cherribum.

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Dental Services

Mr. Mattress 604-255-2113

Aarm Dental Group 604-647-0006

Airlines

Boat Cruises & Charters

Harbour Air 604-274-1277

Waterway Houseboats 1-877-WATERWAY

Daher Orthostyle – Dr Sam Daher 604-662-3290

Addictions

Business & Professional Organizations

Orchard Recovery 604-947-0420

AIDS/HIV Resources AIDS Vancouver 604-893-2201 AIDS Vancouver Island 250-384-2366 1-800-665-2437 ANKORS 1-800-421-2437 Dr Peter AIDS Foundation 604-608-1874 HIM - Health Initiative for Men checkhimout.ca Positive Living 604-893-2200 Vancouver Coastal Health 604-736-2033 STOP HIV/AIDS Team 604-838-1331

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Bakeries Andy’s Bakery 604-251-5667

Beauty Enchante 604-669-9166

Dr Dean Wershler 604-688-4080 Dr Langston Raymond 604-687-1008

West End Business Improvement Association 604-696-0144

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Clinics Travel Clinic 604-736-9244

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Community Groups & Services

Ballet BC 604-732-5003

West End Seniors Network 604-669-5051

Museum of Vancouver 604-736-4431

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PlayLand Amusement Park 604-253-2311

Community Based Research Centre 604-568-7478 Vivo Media Arts vivomediaarts.com

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Amherst Funeral and Cremation Services Inc 604-831-3023 Valley View Funeral Home 604-596-8866

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Men’s Services BC Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse (BCSMSSA) 604-682-6482

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Grocery Safeway Davie: 604-669-8313 Robson: 604-683-6155 Urban Fare (Bute Location) 604-975-7556

Hair Stylists & Barbers Enchante 604-669-9166

Libraries Vivo Media Arts vivomediaarts.com

Liquor West End Liquor Store 604-689-3100

Marketing C&C Communications 604-664-8995

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The Dance Centre 604-604-6400

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