Xtra Vancouver #558

VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

#558 JAN 15–28, 2015

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XTRA VANCOUVER’S V VA NCOUVER S GAY A & LESBIAN AY NEWS #558 JAN 15–28, 2015

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Editorial Nous sommes Charlie

By Robin Perelle 4 Feedback 4 Xcetera 5

Upfront Chosen Family plaque defaced Unknown vandal covers portrait of gay couple in paint 7 New Brunswick still supports TWU Directors deadlock on vote to rescind approval for Christian law school 8

on dailyxtra.com

Sex Now seeking participants Researcher hopes survey results will shape public policy 9 Cover story Soul sisters Vancouver’s Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence turn five 10

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Nous sommes Charlie EDITORIAL ROBIN PERELLE

“ L’ h u m o u r c ’e s t d e s’interdire à rien,” cartoonist Georges Wolinski once said, before he was assassinated with seven of his Charlie Hebdo colleagues at an editorial meeting in their Paris office Jan 7.

Translated it means, “Humour has no prohibitions.” No subject is too sacred to satirize, to critique.

In the deluge of coverage following the murders, it can be easy to get distracted by the manhunt, the logistics of the shootings, the assassins’ identities, what they learned where and from whom. It can be equally essential to monitor the predictably deplorable anti-Muslim backlash and government justifications to suspend civil liberties for more anti-terrorism measures.

But at the heart of this story lies freedom of expression and the beating it’s taken on multiple fronts since fear seeped into our social consciousness and sapped our courage to discuss all topics openly.

Mainstream media are obsessed with tracking terrorism threats yet shy away from in-depth discussions of what scares us into silence and, most importantly, how to openly communicate with each other instead, to foster truly pluralistic societies where no subjects are taboo and we can learn to offend without excluding each other.

Learning to offend and especially to feel offended without resorting to shaming or silencing tactics doesn’t come easily. In our own community, we are quick to try to silence each other as well as perceived anti-gay or anti-trans enemies when we feel threatened or offended — anyone who dares to challenge the rights we’ve painstakingly carved for ourselves or sometimes, simply, to question established or emerging “truths.”

Rather than celebrating open discussion and the importance of genuine

Christian lawyers I appreciate Robin Perelle’s point of view [“Heroes and Villains of TWU,” Xtra #556, Dec 18], but as a Canadian who has lived in the US, I automatically think of graduates of Christian law schools like that at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, founded by the late Jerry Falwell. Many, or most, of their lawyers joined Christian legal organizations whose main function was to counteract any and all legal gains by the LGBT citizens of America. They are devoted to hatred, bigotry and exclusion. And there are many such groups stateside.

Kudos, big time, to those who fought and are fighting Trinity Western University’s efforts to establish a similar law school.

HUGH VINCELETTE DAILYXTRA.COM

Charlie Hebdo’s “Love Is Stronger than Hate” cover, published after its office was firebombed in 2011, and its 2006 cover depicting Muhammad saying, “It’s hard being loved by jerks.”

debate, we live in a society steeped in fear, distracted by manhunts and vacuous celebrity gossip, and generally unwilling to engage in painful discussions of how to address long-standing power imbalances and emerging incompatibilities to try to find ways to coexist without squashing each other.

“In the face of ambient nervousness, our fear is to be too cautious, too reasonable,” Charlie Hebdo contributor Laurent Sourisseau (known as Riss), injured in the Jan 7 attack, once remarked.

I’ve certainly felt the chill: don’t question this, don’t challenge that.

But if Charlie Hebdo’s team taught us anything, it’s to fight the chill and critique without fear.

Riss knew that, as he put it, fundamentalists have no sense of humour. But that didn’t stop him or his colleagues from challenging them all, especially the segment of Islamic fundamentalists who launched violent protests around the world after a Danish newspaper dared to represent and even caricature Muhammad in 2005.

Charlie Hebdo reprinted the vilified cartoons and added its own cover: a weeping Muhammad saying, “It’s hard

The outcome that we seek is this — gay and lesbian people daring together to set love free.

Xtra is published by Pink Triangle Press, at 2 Carlton St, Ste 1600, Toronto, M5B 1J3.

4 JAN 15–28, 2015 XTRA!

FEEDBACK

being loved by jerks.”

The magazine took equal aim at everybody: no topic was off-limits, they said, and none should be. And no one was exempt, fear of reprisals be damned. “I don’t see why we can’t critique all ideologies,” Jean Cabut (Cabu) said.

They didn’t back down when their office was destroyed by Molotov cocktails for another Muhammad cover in 2011.

With his now-famous retort, “I prefer to die standing than live on my knees,” editor Stéphane Charbonnier (Charb) hired bodyguards and put another Muslim man on the cover — this time kissing a male cartoonist.

No doubt the cover was designed to needle their opponents and take aim at yet another taboo — that was, after all, the satirists’ raison d’être — but like most of their work, it also made a profound point: “Love is stronger than hate.”

Taboos don’t spread love; they create barriers and block discussion. If we truly want to build a pluralistic society that sets love free, we can’t yield to anyone’s demands for silence on any topics — whether out of fear, misplaced sensitivity or shame.

Je suis Charlie, and I won’t be silenced.

Robin Perelle is the managing editor of Xtra in Vancouver.

Even after any covenant is dropped I wouldn’t support it. There is no place for religion in law.

STEPHEN FOSTER FACEBOOK

Sex, stats and ‘straight’ men In your article “1 in 10? Not Even Close” [Xtra #555, Dec 4], it says that just 11 percent of people have experienced same-sex attraction. But what about the people who have never consciously experienced same-sex attraction but who are attracted to the same sex nevertheless?

A study I read about in The Vancouver Sun suggests that this is a large group. In that study (University of Georgia, Athens, Department of Psychology, August 1996), they assembled a group of self-identified straight men, gave them a questionnaire and divided them into two groups: nonhomophobic and homophobic. They then showed them gay porn and measured their arousal by measuring the circumference of their penises. About 30 percent of the non-homophobes were aroused, as were about 80 percent of the homophobes.

I believe that stigma plays a large part in these people not having discovered their bisexuality or homosexuality before. I see this as a huge pool of undiscovered bisexual (or even homosexual) men.

CHRIS ROGERS VANCOUVER, BC

Vision not for all of us This op-ed is so sickly sweet for Gregor and company that I almost gagged. You even used their campaign slogan as the title [“Moving Forward with Vision,” Xtra #555, Dec 4]! I, like many other queer voters, cast ballots for worthy candidates from every party, specifically because I think the city is best served by a diversity of voices and don’t think any party should “dominate” city hall, park board or school board.

Painting the NPA as some quasifascist, extremist and homophobic party that would “roll back” queer rights, revoke civic status for the parade or trample on the West End community plan is a completely disingenuous load of crap. Fact is, the NPA ran a fantastic slate of candidates; many of them were queer and accomplished and worthy of a shot at leading and governing in this city. The same goes for many of the other slates.

Are they perfect? No. But they were a pretty legitimate alternative to the past six years, in my view. Vision does not have a monopoly on representing the queer community, except maybe when it comes to empty platitudes.

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I believe that stigma plays a large part in these people not having discovered their bisexuality or homosexuality before.

RE: SEX, STATS AND ‘STRAIGHT’ MEN VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

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Upfront

Right now, we’re licking our wounds and recovering. Ted Flett • 8

Chosen Family plaque defaced Unknown vandal paints over portrait of gay couple COMMUNITY NATASHA BARSOTTI

A photo of two gay men hugging featured on a plaque near Milestones restaurant on Denman Street has been vandalized.

Roger Chin, who is pictured in the photo along with his husband, Jim VanDeventer, says someone thoroughly covered the plaque in white paint in what seemed “like a professional job.”

He says the paint appears to have been rolled on in a “premeditated” rather than a spur-of-the-moment act of vandalism.

“It’s almost a neat excision,” he says, adding that the whitewash job gives the impression that whoever did it was saying, ‘We don’t want to see this.’”

Chin, who lives in Duncan, estimates that the plaque had been in that state for about a month before he found out about it. He learned about its defacement from a friend during the holiday season and saw the damage firsthand in early January. One of his first thoughts on seeing it, he says, was “Why us?”

That such an act can be committed in Vancouver raises questions about how gay-friendly the city really is, he suggests.

“I think there are factions that are very conservative,” he says, citing the highprofile gaybashing at the Fountainhead Pub in 2009 that left Ritchie Dowrey permanently incapacitated and the resistance of former trustees Ken Denike and Sophia Woo to the Vancouver School Board’s recent transgender policy.

The plaque, one of eight installed on lampposts in the West End and Chinatown and on Commercial Drive and Granville Street in 2011, is part of Out on Screen’s multimedia Celebrate Queer Vancouver project, which marked the city’s 125th anniversary.

Prior to the installation of the plaques, which feature portraits of community members’ chosen families, Amber

Above, Roger Chin and his husband, Jim VanDeventer, pose with their Chosen Family portrait. The plaque was whitewashed, left, by an unknown vandal or vandals. COURTESY OF ROGER CHIN

Dawn, former program director at Out on Screen, told Xtra that the project, which was funded by all three levels of government, offered a “learning moment” for the general public and an opportunity for the LGBT community to be more visible. “Representation is a powerful tool in generating discussions,” she said.

Within hours of hearing about the vandalism, the City of Vancouver dispatched a crew to fix the plaque.

Richard Newirth, managing director of cultural services for the city, emailed Xtra to say that the paint had been successfully removed. “As you can see, when anything like this is brought to our attention, we try to remedy the situation as quickly as possible,” he wrote.

Vancouver police spokesperson Sergeant Randy Fincham says vandalizing city property is a crime. “The criminal offence would be mischief — so damaging property, defacing property, acts of graffiti.”

Asked if police are now investigating, Fincham says police will look into it if the owner of the property (in this case the city) reports the incident.

Fincham says there is a graffiti task force within the police department that is dedicated to working on such

incidents and trying to identify who is doing the damage and any other related damage in the area.

“When the city does report it through 9-1-1, then we’ll have our officers investigate it,” he says.

As of press time, no one from the city had responded to Xtra’s question about whether staff plan to report the incident to police for investigation.

Chin is pleased with how quickly the city responded once it was alerted to the vandalism.

While he is surprised that a cosmopolitan city like Vancouver still sees incidents targeting gay people, he says the climate seems to be changing as more people notice and respond. “I guess that’s the silver lining.”

The idea behind the plaques is to raise awareness, he notes. “I think this is, in some ways, an opportunity to raise awareness again, to renew what the Chosen Family portrait series was about, to realize that these are our families that we have formed because our blood relatives often disown us.”

Chin, who is a teacher, says he is a strong supporter of sharing the community’s stories. “It’s a great way to educate.”

MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM XTRA! JAN 15–28, 2015 7

New Brunswick still supports TWU Directors deadlock on vote to rescind approval for Christian law school EDUCATION JEREMY HAINSWORTH

Despite calls from members to withdraw support for Trinity Western University’s (TWU) proposed law school, the Law Society of New Brunswick (LSNB) maintained its support Jan 9 after directors tied 12-12 in a vote to repeal.

“It’s not an easy issue,” LSNB council president Hélène L Beaulieu tells Xtra.

“It was down the middle. We did not anticipate that [result] at all.”

Like in BC, the LSNB voted initially in June to accept TWU’s proposed school, but its members voted 137 to 30 at a special general meeting in September to direct the council to rescind its approval.

At issue in New Brunswick, BC, and for many other provincial law societies

also grappling with the issue, is TWU’s community covenant, which states that students must agree to uphold Christian biblical teachings and abstain from any sex that “violates the sacredness of marriage between a man and a woman.”

Beaulieu notes that the issue is now at a standstill in several provinces, with court cases pending in Nova Scotia, BC and Ontario. She says the LSNB is watching those cases, as well as the BC government’s Dec 11 decision to withdraw support for the school. “Our approval was conditional on the law school being approved,” Beaulieu says.

TWU president Bob Kuhn welcomes the LSNB decision. “I think it’s an appropriate decision on the part of New Brunswick,” he says.

“We are very pleased with the LSNB’s

“The Law Society of New Brunswick council is out of step with its members,” says OUTlaw member Ted Flett. COURTESY OF TED FLETT

decision to stand by its original decision of June 27, 2014,” TWU spokesperson Guy Saffold adds.

But Ted Flett, a member of OUTLaw, the LGBT student group at the University of New Brunswick’s law school,

tells Xtra the vote is “a terrible decision.”

“The Law Society of New Brunswick council is out of step with its members,” Flett says. “It’s extremely disappointing to those of us who protect human rights across Canada.” He says OUTLaw will

be meeting soon to discuss its options.

“Right now, we’re licking our wounds and recovering.”

Dispute over the proposed school has also divided lawyers in BC. In April, the Law Society of BC (LSBC) approved the school after vigorous debate by directors. However, members forced a special general meeting in June, where a majority urged the directors to reconsider. The directors opted to hold a referendum, where members voted 74 percent against approval. On Oct 31, the LSBC honoured its members’ referendum results and reversed its earlier approval.

TWU is now suing the LSBC, as well as the law societies of Nova Scotia (where a hearing was held in December) and Ontario.

Meanwhile, a gay would-be law student is proceeding with his complaint against the BC government for approving the school, even though the government has now withdrawn its support. Lawyer Clayton Ruby told the BC Supreme Court Jan 5 that the constitutional violations allegedly underlying the government’s original decision to approve TWU’s school remain an unresolved issue that still needs to be heard in court.

For more on this story, go to dailyxtra.com.

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CANADA’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

8 JAN 15–28, 2015 XTRA! VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

Sex Now seeks participants Researcher hopes survey results will shape public policy STUDIES NATHANIEL CHRISTOPHER

The Community-Based Research Centre (CBRC) is seeking gay and bisexual men of all ages and backgrounds to participate in Sex Now 2015, a national survey about sex between men.

“The primary thing we are looking into this year is the difference amongst generations of men,” says Terry Trussler, research director at CBRC. “Are there things we can detect in the survey that would show as differences among the generations?”

Trussler says this approach is informed in part by a past Sex Now survey that showed that gay men born after 1980 report higher instances of anti-gay discrimination than older generations. “The reason we think

new generations of gay men committed to researching gay men’s health because it’s still largely a gay enterprise.

“We don’t see a bunch of great scholars entering this area to try and demonstrate the health impact of sexual stigma that gay men face,” he explains.

“The reason is because anyone doing the research is suffering the same stigma. We’re one of the extremely few research organizations that is conducting leading-edge research on the health impact of stigma and discrimination on gay and bisexual men.”

Trussler hopes the survey results will make public policy more responsive to the needs of gay and bisexual men.

“We know that numbers have an effect on how people think policy-wise,” he says. “It’s one thing to do qualitative research and show those findings, but

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that’s happened is because there’s been more visibility of gay men in the media, with shows like Will & Grace and so on appearing more commonly,” he says. “That has created more tension, particularly for younger people.”

Trussler hopes the 2015 survey will shed light on how this discrimination affects the health of younger generations as time goes on.

The survey was developed largely by the CBRC’s Investigaytors team, a training and education program that provides young gay men with the skills to research gay men’s health. Trussler says it’s critically important to foster

people don’t seem to wake up to what it all means until they see it in numbers and have some assurance that the numbers are there and the impact is there.”

He hopes the survey will also reveal the impact of societal changes on gay and bisexual men. “Is health better because of social change, or are we still living with products of stigma?” he wonders. “Also, the people who attack gay development still seem to have a voice, so does this still have an impact on our lives?”

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Soul Sisters The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence put a queer spin on spirituality GRACE CAMERON PHOTOS BY BELLE ANCELL

he Holiday Grocery program at AIDS Vancouver on Seymour Street was already in full swing when four members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence hit the floor.

Draped in festive red dresses glittering with gold, with their white-painted faces, bright red lips, dark eyeliner and hornlike headdresses (their version of a nun’s wimple), the Sisters serenaded the 800 clients passing through to pick up donated groceries. “Joy to the queers,” they sang, “the nuns are here.”

The clients smiled. Some stopped to tap their feet, while the young women volunteering at the pasta-and-sauce table giggled, then clamoured to take pictures with Sisters Sweet Cheribum, Lois Price, Lucy Caboose and Tora Wholes.

“The Sisters do wonderful things in the community, and they do it without 10 JAN 15–28, 2015 XTRA!

fanfare,” says Mark Mahl, AIDS Vancouver’s director of development and external relations. “Plus, they pretty up the place and add a nice flair.” Even before they carolled for the clients, Mahl says, the Sisters had donated $1,000 to the grocery program.

They’re not just a group of brightly painted, pretty drag faces, says Brian Chittock, AIDS Vancouver’s executive director. The Sisters work hard to help people living with HIV/AIDS and to alleviate poverty and homelessness, he says. “The way they dress draws attention, and people are taken aback when they first meet the Sisters until they hear their story.”

In Vancouver, the story starts with Sister Merry Q Contrary (known in civilian life as Michael Anhorn). A self-described introvert, she seems an unlikely candidate to assume the habit and public ministering of a sister. An administrator at a non-profit by profession, Merry Q

says she always felt called to the ministry and studied theology for two years in the mid-1990s at Queen’s Theological College (now Queen’s School of Religion) in Kingston, Ontario.

But she just couldn’t “buy into the old dead white man theology.” So she left before being ordained but kept looking for other avenues for spirituality. She eventually found the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, but it was 15 years before she heeded their call to join the order of queer nuns.

“Their drive to feed the need for spirituality in the gay community — without shame and guilt around sexuality — and the fact that they were creating joy and raising money for groups doing work in the community” finally convinced the reticent Anhorn. Merry Q took her vows to “expiate stigmatic guilt, promote universal joy, and be of service to the community” and began to live the ordained life that she was meant to lead.

In February 2010, along with three other queer nuns, she founded a local chapter for the Sisters in Vancouver called the Abbey of the Long Cedar Canoe.

The abbey also owes its existence to another quartet of gay men, this time in San Francisco, who were looking for ways to pass the Easter weekend in 1979 and decided to dress up as nuns. Wearing costumes from a production of The Sound of Music that had been staged by one of the four men, they ventured into The Castro, San Francisco’s gay mecca. The “amazing reaction” to this and to subsequent outings where they ministered and took confessions “with a queer spin” (sending off those who sought solace to “go forth and sin some more”) led them to believe that they could be “a vehicle for advocacy and public justice,” Merry Q says.

Now, with more than 700 nuns in more than 65 abbeys in countries in-

cluding France, Germany, Uruguay and Australia, the sisters rank with Catholic nuns in the US as the fastest growing order of nuns in the world, she says.

As fate would have it, the San Francisco Sisters were just a step ahead of the 1980s AIDS crisis. With thousands of gay men dying, they realized that they could be a force for the greater good. They were among the first to visit HIV/AIDS patients and organized themselves into a charitable organization to raise money for causes, “like real nuns,” Merry Q says.

The Vancouver chapter is also a registered charity, with 22 sisters, including Sister Alma Bitches, otherwise known as James Goranko, who joined the order in late 2010. Over the last five years the pace has been blistering, Alma says, with the Sisters participating in Pride events and numerous fundraisers for AIDS Vancouver, the Out in Schools program, the LOUD VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

With more than 700 nuns in more than 65 abbeys in countries including France, Germany, Uruguay and Australia, the sisters rank with Catholic nuns in the US as the fastest growing order of nuns in the world, Sister Merry Q says.

Sister Alma Bitches, Vancouver chapter co-founder Sister Merry Q Contrary and Sister Tora Wholes. You can see more photos from this series at the Unveiled show, opening Feb 24 at The Junction.

scholarship fund, Rain City Housing for queer youth and many more.

While it may seem all fun and games, the life of a queer nun is not for the faint of heart, Alma says. “It takes patience, persistence, commitment and time.”

Alma says that she has participated in up to eight functions some months, and each event can take six to eight hours, from applying and removing makeup, travelling to and from locations and participating. Some activities, like working the doors and coat checks at local bars and parties (sometimes from 8:30pm to 3 or 4am), can mean a commitment of up to 10 hours. “We donate all the tips — an average of $5,000 a year over the last two years — that we raise doing coat checks and working the doors to charity,” Alma notes.

The Sisters use their own money to buy makeup and clothing for the events they participate in. “I tell people that if we used the money we raise to buy MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM

makeup, we’d look a lot better,” she jokes. Alma, a burly, bearded guy who calls himself a “hard-nosed business type,” instead shares cost-cutting tips — like using olive oil to remove makeup — with new nuns just joining the order.

Being a Sister “is a way to give back,” says Alma, who at one time juggled working part-time with attending massage school full-time in New Westminster and commuting from Langley to Vancouver for the abbey’s events.

For Sister Sweet Cheribum, Justin Saint in everyday life, the path to becoming a Fully Professed (lifelong) Sister was lined with hours of ministering at charitable events (“too many to count”), pinching about $45 a month from lunch money to buy makeup, and wearing hand-me-down dresses. The once-shy Cheribum says it took her two years to complete the four-part process — from Aspirant to Postulant to Novice and finally to a Fully Professed Member.

She notes, however, that the stages can “It’s so thrilling to watch their growth. be completed in as little as one year.

It gives me the warm fuzzies,” says Raising money for charity is only part community activist and media consulof the sense of accomplishment, she tant Barb Snelgrove, who was granted says. “You also get a sense of fulfillment Sainthood by the Sisters in 2012 for her when you hug someone who needs it countless hours serving the community. and you know you’ve made their day. It’s Other honorary saints include the late like a Mother Teresa moment of caring.” Jim Deva, a hero to many and a tireless Sister Tora Wholes, defender of free speech also known as Gary and sex without shame, SISTERS OF PERPETUAL INDULGENCE Shergill, says she joined and artist John Ferrie.

FIFTH ANNIVERSARY & the order about three Snelgrove cites a late UNVEILED PHOTO SHOW years ago to give back to December function, Tues, Feb 24, 7–11pm The Junction, 1138 Davie St the community. Lookwhere some of the Sisyvrsisters.blogspot.ca ing back, she describes ters bagged groceries the hours poured into in a West End store projects like creating and distribut- to raise awareness for the abbey, as ing condom packs with safer-sex and an indication that the group is reachHIV-testing information as “a labour ing beyond its usual scope in the gay of love.” community. Novice Sister Lois Price Alma says the abbey is growing and organized the three-hour event, and now looking for projects of its own to shoppers responded by donating $420, fund, rather than contributing solely even though the sisters were not solicitto the efforts of other organizations. ing donations. Such is the recognition of

the work being done by the abbey, says Lois, whose name outside the nunnery is Tim O’Brien.

As the order has evolved so has its membership, which now includes lesbians, straight women, Muslims, Christians, wiccans, people who practise First Nations traditions and atheists.

“And we range in age from 20s to 70,” Merry Q adds.

Some people, thinking the Sisters are mocking the Catholic Church, have resisted the nuns’ presence over the years. “But we take our vows seriously,” Merry Q says, “and like Catholic nuns, our philosophy is to be of service to the community. We don’t have to dress up to do good work, but doing so helps to open people’s minds and pushes them to let go assumptions.”

Snelgrove impatiently brushes aside any thought of disapproval. “The Sisters work to spread love and light. What’s not to love?”

XTRA! JAN 15–28, 2015 11

Check out our columnists and bloggers on dailyxtra.com A sex worker’s tale

Trading a blowjob for 20 bucks and a half pack of cigarettes had brought me to a new level of debauchery.

Courtney Love would have been proud.

Adventures in gay parenting

It’s not that I don’t like Hot Wheels or Thomas the Tank Engine, but I can’t quite figure out my son’s predilection toward traditionally masculine pursuits.

History Boys

The Wonder Woman comics from the 1940s are rife with BDSM. On almost every page there’s kidnap, slavery or bondage.

Hooking up in public

When I find myself exploring a dungeon party on a Sunday afternoon, I know why I’m there. I’m on a journey searching for those connections.

Cruising versus controlling

Are women more likely than men to be possessive?

ASK THE EXPERT DR PEGA REN

Dear Dr Ren, I’m 30-something, a happy gay man with a partner of eight years, and I’ve just had the chance to exercise the “bi” card I’ve always wanted to explore. I have a girlfriend, and everyone’s in on the deal. That part is actually easier than I’d feared.

But here’s the problem . . . maybe.

My girlfriend is almost militant about shutting down any sexual interest I have unless it directly relates to her.

I’ve even learned to stare at the sidewalk when we’re walking together to avoid her accusations that I’m looking at other women or men.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, thinks it’s totally hot when other guys give me the eye, and he even encourages flirting. Just a totally different attitude.

I don’t understand what’s going on here. Is this a gender thing? A gay/ straight difference? Old relationship versus new? Simply personality variations?

And primarily, is it important?

— Overthinking Am I . . .

Dear Overthinking, You’ve created a new relationship that is different from your established one in a number of critical ways. It’s not surprising that you are noticing the effects of these contrasts. Good on you for doing so. It can be difficult to see clearly in the beginning of a new coupling.

You have spotted a distinct dissimilarity in your lovers’ attitudes toward

all the messages about beauty have merged with those about sex, some women believe it means they are not being treated well if their man wants somebody else, too. “Exclusivity” comes to equal “value.” It can also feel like safety — she holds on tight to prevent his straying to someone taller, thinner, richer, smarter . . .

So in those ways, gender plays a part, but only a part. Orientation matters, too. This examination forges in us an ownership of and responsibility

It’s not easy becoming or remaining sex-positive in a culture that is so constipated about sexuality, especially other people’s. the role of sex. Your boyfriend takes a friendly approach, embracing the arousal-boosting charge of acknowledging another’s appreciation of the guy who is going home with him. He does not view lust as a threat.

Your girlfriend, however, lives in a different social world, where power distribution makes the rules distinct.

Women are held to unattainable competitive standards with other women for the attention of men. By the time

for how we manage our personal and interpersonal sexuality. Straight folks can dodge some of the steps of this introspection, bolstered as they are with heteronormative cues along their way.

Old versus new relationship dynamics play here, too. You and your boyfriend have established trust and security over your years together. He knows where he stands with you. On the other hand, your new girlfriend is still tentative regarding her place in

THINKSTOCK

your constellation. You may find she eases up a bit with time. Or maybe not.

Finally, you ask about individual personality variations. Could that explain the difference in attitude between your lovers? Well, yes, to a point. Some people are nesters, while others dread fences; some merge, while others demand freedom. Good relationships require a balance of intimacy and independence, and each couple’s needs are individual. Still . . .

Overriding all is each person’s attitude about the value of sex. It’s not easy becoming or remaining sex-positive in a culture that is so constipated about sexuality, especially other people’s!

So, regardless of how you interact with these two different individuals, what is at stake is how their disparate attitudes can affect your sexual and interpersonal relationships.

Generally, those who have tasted freedom resent cages. And those who attempt to extinguish another’s desire are, sadly, often successful. Watch your reactions to your girlfriend’s focused attentions as well as your responses to your boyfriend’s more expansive approach. Can you appreciate both, different though they may be?

Monitor your comfort, rewards and costs. Absorb information, and learn what works best for you.

Have a question for Dr Ren? Email her at asktheexpert@dailyxtra.com.

12 JAN 15–28, 2015 XTRA! VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

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OutintheCity

This year: success. Whistler has kicked in $25,000 for the festival. WinterPride rebrands 16

Practical tips for Tomboy Survival Queer content at PuSh festival is slim but substantial ONSTAGE MARK ROBINS

Though presenting only three queer shows — and all outside its main stage — might seem a bit thin, the quality in this year’s queer trio at the PuSh International Performing Arts Festival is indisputable.

Two of the three productions with queer content will take place at Club PuSh, which features cutting-edge performances in a less formal, less traditional space. “It gives us a lot of leeway to bring smaller and more experimental shows to PuSh,” explains Veda Hille, one of the club’s curators. “We’re really big on the inter-arts — people who are doing work that crosses boundaries with dance, theatre and music.”

Hille is a big proponent of showcasing edgy new voices and experiences onstage, something she says never seems to be lacking in the queer submissions to the festival. “As far as edgy art goes, the queers have always led the way,” she says.

“There is so much queer performance that it isn’t one area that we have to dig very far to find great content.”

One of the edgiest productions THE CHRISTEENE MACHINE this year comes from Austin, Thurs, Jan 22 & Fri, Jan 23 Texas, as Paul Soileau brings Performance Works his alter-ego Christeene to Club Granville Island PuSh, a character Spin magazine TOMBOY SURVIVAL describes as “a manic combinaGUIDE tion of Alice Cooper and Hedwig Fri, Feb 6 Performance Works (of the Angry Inch).” The theatGranville Island rical incarnation of the persona From left: Pebbles Willekes, Alison Gorman, Ivan Coyote and Sally Zori star in Tomboy Survival Guide at Club PuSh. COURTESY OF IVAN COYOTE HUMAN LIBRARY Soileau created five years ago Fri, Jan 23–Sun, Feb 8 and has featured in music vidtips for tomboys, the Guide is the books covering a range of topics, such as Hitch- especially if the borrower has a burning question Vancouver Public Library Central Branch 350 W eos, The Christeene Machine stage version of what will become a hiker and Autistic Actor, available for festival- they are looking to have answered.”

Georgia St stage version is more than simbook in 2016. goers to literally check out at the main branch of With a collection of up to 40 books available, pushfestival.ca ply music.

“This is the guide that I wish I had the Vancouver Public Library.

Deveau says there are a number with queer stories While partly scripted, the growing up,” says Coyote, who uses Conceived 15 years ago in Denmark, the Human to tell, like Bearded Drag Queen, the provocative show is also an improvised conthe gender-neutral pronoun they. Library mimics the book-borrowing experience Queer Islamaphobe and a currently untitled book versation Christeene has with her audience, “I can’t tell you the number of times I was told with a real live person, who not only provides a about violence in a gay male relationship. exploring the idea of queer assimilation in society it wasn’t ladylike or what I was doing wasn’t be- narrative on their topic, but will also answer any Deveau also urges community members to and using her own unique metaphor to resis- coming of a lady. When you can finally give up on questions the borrower might have about their branch out beyond the queer stories to check tance. “Christeene believes that everyone has a trying to be pretty, it can be a very freeing thing.” particular subject. out some of the other “books” too. “Born Again pony inside their belly,” Soileau says. “She wants The Guide is as practical as it is affirming.

“It is part performance, part interaction,” Christian is one that many queers, like myself, you to understand that pony inside you, and then “There are so many skills that a tomboy needs to explains curator Dave Deveau who, with Zee Zee may find very eye-opening,” he says. “Or Invisible ride those ponies down the street.” learn,” they say. “We even have a Stomp-inspired Theatre, is once again co-presenting the library. Minority, which could be very interesting, as there Also at Club PuSh is author Ivan Coyote’s latest number about how to tie a half-Windsor knot.”

“Each ‘book’ will have prepared a short narra- is sometimes a commonality between an ethnic work, Tomboy Survival Guide. Combining CoyOutside Club PuSh and returning for a third tive about their lives and why [they chose] their minority who is not particularly visible and queer ote’s storytelling prowess with music and practical year is the Human Library, a selection of human title. There is a potential for it to be interactive, people who are not out.”

MORE AT DAILYXTRA.COM

XTRA! JAN 15–28, 2015 15

Censorship, meat cleavers and India’s trans mayor

dailyxtra.com

Skiers and snowboarders enjoy a sunny day on the slopes at last year’s gay ski week in Whistler.

GREGORY WHITING

WinterPride rebrands Gay ski week secures new funding and big names PRIDE PAT JOHNSON

A rebranded Whistler Pride and Ski Festival will take place at the end of January, with headliner comedian Margaret Cho and a number of tweaks intended to spike participation and revenue.

The annual gay ski event, now in its 23rd year, has morphed over time, with various names, producers and changes to programming. Since 2006, Dean Nelson has run the event, in collaboration with business partners.

This year Nelson’s company, Alpenglow Productions, partners with Sunil Sinha, of Big Roger Events, to produce the renamed festival.

The festival generates $9 million in economic activity and $300,000 in tax revenue for the municipality of Whistler, according to an economic impact study undertaken by the local government. But in the past two years, Nelson says, the festival had been unable to access funds the province gives to resort municipalities like Whistler to promote tourism.

The problem, he says, is that ski week happens early in the year, before local governments learn what their annual program allocations from the province are.

“We had to create a case for us to be able to apply for those funds and have the municipality try and release

some of those funds early so we could roster of DJs will spin at a succession actually use the funds to augment some of parties; the UK DJ band Freemasons of our programming and drive more will also perform.

Nelson says the rebranding to the business,” Nelson says.

This year: success. Whistler has straightforward Whistler Pride and Ski kicked in $25,000 for the festival, Festival came in part because there are which has allowed organizers to book now at least a dozen events worldwide Cho as the headlining entertainment. dubbed Winter Pride — and not all of Crucially, Cho’s show takes place on them are gay. Some are just proud it’s the festival’s Wednesday night, Jan 28, winter.

“To avoid brand confusion, we which is meant to increase the length of stay for attendees who might other- thought it’s better for us just to be wise have scooted up for only a couple more in control of our brand and, with of days over one of the two weekends. partnership change, with Sunil coming The festival runs Jan 24 to 31. on board as a full partner, there was After two years of being rebuffed, an opportunity to redo the website Nelson is thankful for and everything,” Nelson the funding. says. “We decided this WHISTLER PRIDE AND “It definitely helps,” is a good time to really SKI FESTIVAL he says. “It helps reduce own the new name.”

Sat, Jan 24–Sat, Jan 31 the financial risk to us in Visitors to Nelson’s gaywhistler.com bringing huge headline ski week roughly tally artists like Margaret in, up as 40 percent Canaso we’re really quite thrilled with it. Of dian, 40 percent American and 20 course, we would’ve loved to have had percent international.

“One of our largest markets is actualmore funding, but for the first time out and third time lucky in applying for the ly California,” Nelson says. “New York, Florida, the UK, Australia — they’re all funding, we’re pretty happy with it.”

Attendance is expected to at least really strong markets for us.”

The event also has a charitable match last year’s numbers of about 3,000, though Nelson is hopeful that component. Last year, Nelson says, new programming will draw more. In Whistler Pride guests contributed addition to Cho, who will be joined by $16,065.70 to organizations including actress, comedian and burlesque per- the Rainbow Refugee Committee, Vanformer Selene Luna, a mini film festival couver Frontrunners, Cutting Edges on the Monday and Tuesday nights will Hockey, Qmunity, the Vancouver Pride offer two features and a short. A long Society, Egale and others.

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Thurs, Jan 15 NSFW: Hip Hop Meets Striptease NSFW celebrates a year of downand-dirty striptease with a variety show set to a hip hop and rap soundtrack. Doors 9pm, show 10pm.

The Cobalt, 917 Main St. $12 advance at brownpapertickets.com, $15 door. nsfwvancouver.tumblr.com

Fri, Jan 16 AJ’s Café Gather with other HIV-positive gay men every Friday for this free group sponsored

by Positive Living BC. 3–6pm.

The Junction Pub, 1138 Davie St. positivelivingbc.org Queer Women’s Book Club This free monthly book club for women meets the third Friday of every month at Qmunity’s library, Out on the Shelves. New members are welcome but asked to register by calling 604-684-5307 x112.

7–9pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. qmunity.ca

at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St or notsostrictlyballroom.ca.

Absolutely Drag-u-lous Carlotta Gurl and her guests regale the crowd every Saturday night with drag, live numbers, contests and more. Show 11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $5. junctionpub.com

Sun, Jan 18 Beauty for Life Salons and spas in the Lower Mainland raise funds for Friends for Life.

For more information, contact events@beautycouncil.ca or visit beautycouncil.ca.

Vancouver Jax Join other guys who love masturbating the third Sunday of every month.

6–9pm. 8x6, 1775 Haro St. $12. vancouverjax.com Caliente Night Junction presents Latin beats, salsa lessons and DJ Limon. 9pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $5. junctionpub.com

Senior Sessions at Generations Join other LGBT seniors the third Monday of every month to chat, connect, socialize, play or learn something new.

3:30–5pm. Generations Office, Room 610, 1033 Davie St. The workshop is limited to 10 LGBT people aged 55 and up. Email generations@qmunity.ca to register.

Condom-Packing Party Join the guys at the Health Initiative for Men to help package condoms and lube for distribution to other gay guys.

This social group is known for its lively conversation and donated free meals. 6–9 pm.

HIM office, Ste 310, 1033 Davie St. checkhimout.ca Genderqueer This support and social group for people who identify outside the male/

Naked Yoga Nude Dude Yoga hosts a weekly class to help men develop greater awareness of their bodies.

7:30–9pm. Club 8x6, 1775 Haro St. $15 per class. Also runs Saturdays 10–11:30am. 8x6.ca

Queer Prov A little improv comedy starts your week off right. 8–9:30pm. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. 1181.ca

Tues, Jan 20 Men on Men A weekly discussion group for men who have sex with men. The facilitated, themed workshops aim to build skills and encourage lively interaction. Every Tuesday, 6:30pm. Gordon Neighbourhood House, 1019 Broughton St. checkhimout.ca

Sat, Jan 17 Trans Gathering Join trans-identified and gender-variant folks to connect, share, discuss and learn in a safe and supportive environment. Significant others and family are welcome. 1–3pm.

Qmunity, Room 610, 1033 Davie St. For more information, call 604-684-5307 x100 or email transgathering@qmunity.ca.

18 JAN 15–28, 2015 XTRA!

female binary meets the first and third Monday of every month.

6–7:30pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. qmunity.ca.

Hominum This group for gay, bisexual and questioning men discusses the challenges of marriage, separation or single life.

Meets every Monday, 7:30–9:30pm.

For info on meeting places and to register, go to hominum.ca.

Tomboy Turns One The first anniversary of this monthly queer burlesque party is hosted by Mello Meg and features DJ Kasey Riot, burlesque, drag kings and more.

10:30pm. Fox Cabaret, 2321 Main St. $8 at eventbrite.ca. Search for #Tomboy Vancouver on Facebook.

Not So Strictly Ballroom Party Gigi teaches a free tango lesson at 8:45pm, and newcomers are always welcome; no partner required.

Stay for the dance party until 11:30pm. Let’s Dance Studio, 927 Granville St. $12–15, sliding scale,

GREGORY WHITING

Mon, Jan 19

Vancouver International Sketch Comedy Festival Our local Ryan and Amy Show and Kids in the Hall co-founder Kevin McDonald perform at this weekend’s festival of sketch comedy, which runs until Sun, Jan 18. Waterfront Theatre, 1412 Cartwright St, Granville Island. Schedule and tickets — $15 per show, $20 for evening pass — at vancouversketchfest.com.

The Junk Yard A no-holes-barred sex party on the first, second and third Saturday of every month.

8pm–3am. Club 8x6, 1775 Haro St. $10, two-for-one before midnight.

8x6.ca

Whistler Pride and Ski Festival — Whistler, Sat, Jan 24–Sat, Jan 31

Wed, Jan 21 Gab Youth Drop-In A fun, inclusive drop-in group for LGBT youth and their allies.

Wednesdays, 4pm; Fridays, 7pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. gabyouth@qmunity.ca Yoga in Surrey The Health Initiative for Men now offers drop-in yoga sessions every week in Surrey. 7–8:30pm. HIM Health Centre, #220-10362 King George Hwy, Surrey. checkhimout.ca

The Ryan and Amy Show at Sketch Fest — Waterfront Theatre, Sun, Jan 18 RHONDA DENT

Vancouver Men’s Chorus Auditions Vancouver’s talented, friendly gay chorus invites you to a noncompetitive audition. Bring a song you’re prepared to sing. 7:30–10pm.

Vancouver Academy of Music, 1270

Sat, Jan 24

Chestnut St. Jan 21, 28 and Feb 4. vancouvermenschorus.ca

Whistler Pride and Ski Festival Celebrate community on and off the slopes at this winter festival, which runs until Sat, Jan 31. See story on page 16. gaywhistler.com

Bingo for Life A weekly extravaganza filled with brilliant prizes, cheap drinks and snappy drag queens. 8–10:30pm.

Celebrities, 1022 Davie St. $10 donation at door for bingo cards. celebritiesnightclub.com

Brain Teasers Valynne Vile, Miss Dee Twenty and Sherry Hymen present a variety show with music, comedy, dancing, drag and more.

7pm. Club 560, 560 Seymour St. $10. facebook.com/vanbrainteasers

Adore Delano RuPaul’s Drag Race star Adore Delano joins Valynne Vile, Jane Smoker and host Peter Breeze. 8pm. Fortune Sound Club, 147 E Pender St. $30–75 at fortunesoundclub.com.

Faux Girls Support the Dogwood Monarchist Society’s 43rd reign and enjoy a drag show hosted by Emperor XLIII JJ Nation and Empress XLIII Kiki Lawhore. 10pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $3 cover goes to DMS charities. junctionpub.com

Thurs, Jan 22 Timberline Dance There’s always a partner available and a lesson included with Vancouver’s gay country and western dance group.

7–9:30pm. St Paul’s Anglican Church, 1140 Jervis St. A portion of the recommended $10 donation at the door benefits A Loving Spoonful. timberlinedance.org Rainbow Refugee Committee This information and support group for LGBT people making refugee claims meets the fourth Thursday of every month. 7:30pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. rainbowrefugee.ca

Fri, Jan 23 Amy Lives! A Screaming Weenie Cabaret Delica C hosts this hiphop themed cabaret honouring the late, great Amy Winehouse.

Doors 7:30pm, show 8pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $10 at brownpapertickets.com or door. thefranktheatre.com Flashback Indulge your nostalgia for the 1970s, ’80s and ’90s and their signature soundtracks.

9–11pm. Heaven’s Door, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/ heavensdoorevents

16th Annual Gay Surrey Pageant Come say farewell to Mr Gay Surrey, Luc, and welcome the new titleholders. Doors 7pm, pageant 8pm. Olympia Pizza, 10257 King George Hwy, Surrey. Tickets ($20) and info at epama.ca/pageant.htm.

Out in Harmony Vancouver’s queer choir presents its winter concert, Perchance to Dream. 7:30pm.

Unitarian Church of Vancouver, 949 W 49th Ave. $15 at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St, but no one turned away for lack of funds. outinharmony.org Lost Girls Burlesque This month’s burlesque party features Diamond Minx. Doors 8pm, show 9pm.

Fox Cabaret, 2321 Main St. $13 at lostgirls.brownpapertickets.com.

Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo The world-famous Trocks present their take on classical ballet.

8pm. Queen Elizabeth Theatre, 630 Hamilton St. $29 at 604-684-2787 or ticketstonight.ticketforce.com. trockadero.org Glitter: Whistler Pride Opening Party Big Roger Events throws the opening party for Whistler Pride here in Vancouver, with DJs Abel and Del Stamp. 10pm.

FiveSixty, 560 Seymour St. $40 at ticketzone.com/whistlerpride.

Sun, Jan 25 The Teabag Sessions DJ Taffi Louis brings you a weekly tea-dance in Gastown. 4–8pm. 303 Columbia, 303 Columbia St. No cover.

303columbia.ca

Submit your event listing to oitc.vancouver@dailyxtra.com.

Deadline for the Jan 29 issue is Wed, Jan 21.

VANCOUVER’S GAY & LESBIAN NEWS

OUT

IN HARMONY PRESENTS

Nicola Hamilton Dan Lauterbach DIRECTOR

A C C O M PA N I S T

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24 JANUARY 2015 SATURDAY, 7:30 pm Unitarian Church of Vancouver 949 W 49th Ave. whe e lch ai r accessib le Tickets $15, $10 concession.

Available at Little Sister’s, from choir members, and at the door.

No one is turned away for lack of funds.

Visit outinharmony.org for more information

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Vancouver’s Wet and Wild mixed gay bowling league kicked off the new year with its regular bowling night at Revs lanes in Burnaby on Wed, Jan 7.

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