They Still Had That Kindness In Them – Emma Jane Oakden

They Still Had That Kindness In Them Emma Jane Oakden

And Kindness Lay All About

Stories from the Christchurch Earthquakes

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Glenn Busch

Emma Jane Oakden I went to a sweet little primary school in Twizel, the sort of school I’d

want my own girls to go to. Then I was a boarder at Waitaki Girls’ High School in Oamaru. I wanted to go there because all the women in my family had. My dad’s boss even gave him a raise so that they could send

me there. It was a valuable thing to have. Teaching is something I think is important so I suppose that’s why I gravitated towards it myself.

I’ve always liked children and so the first thing I did after leaving

school was to get my nannying qualification. After that I came

to Christchurch and started working towards a teaching degree.

I’d finished two years of it when Gabby, my daughter, made an

appearance—entered the scheme of things. Then last year Emerson arrived. I’m a single mum and that hasn’t always been easy. It’s hard to explain really, certain times when we’re out and about, yes, I do feel

like we’re looked down upon and that did bother me. However, if these events have taught me one thing, it’s that being a single mum is not the worst thing in the world. Sure, I’d eventually like to settle down, have a

man in my life, but if that doesn’t happen I’m not going to dwell on it.

My children are both happy and healthy and we’ve got each other. I’ve

got a great family, so, you know, if the rest of it doesn’t pan out, so be it.

We’ve got our health and we are alive. After the earthquakes so many

people lost everything, lost family members, the people they loved and that puts things in perspective.

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When it first started I was asleep like everyone else. I was dreaming

that someone was shaking the bed and then I woke up and realised that the bed was actually shaking, that it was an earthquake. I just kind

of lay there thinking oh my God, it wasn’t until the earthquake had stopped that I really registered what was going on. Gabby was sleeping

with me so I knew she was okay and Emerson was in her bassinet in my bedroom and slept through the whole thing.

It felt very scary being the only adult. Part of me wanted to freak

out but Gabby was awake by then and I knew I had to keep it together for her. I had no real idea how bad it was. I didn’t know much at all

until we went over to my neighbours at about 5.30 in the morning

and listened to the radio, That’s when we heard about all the damage

there’d been, but even then I couldn’t picture how bad it really was.

About 7 o’clock I had to make Emerson a bottle and there was no

water. That was when I started to think, this is not good. I’ve got to go.

My parents live in Parklands, to the north, and as we drove out

that way I got an idea of what really had been happening. That drive

was like an out of body experience, quite overwhelming at the time.

There didn’t seem to be a lot of damage at first, and then as I got around the corner, Retreat Road, it was just opened right up. You see

all this damage and then you drive another 50 metres down the road and there’s nothing, no damage at all. Then you’d get another kilometre away and we were back to flooding and cracks all down the middle of

the road. It was such a relief to finally get to my parents. Mum came

outside and gave me a big hug and started crying. I started crying too.

I think Dad was just relieved we were all safe.

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We stayed a couple of days that time and at first, when I started to

think of coming back home, it all seemed quite disturbing. Especially

after we’d seen on television the various things that had happened.

When I did go back there was time to register what had gone on

around me. The power was back on then, but we had to drink bottled water—well, I guess everybody did. Our toilet was still working but the lady’s across the way wasn’t. Just a matter of two or three metres made

the difference. Not everything was bad, good things were happening too. People came out of their homes, out onto the street. It was the start

of that community feeling coming into its own. It brought everybody together and people were so supportive. Before, well, I would say hello to the neighbours either side of me, but this was different. It reminded me of my childhood in Twizel where everybody knew everyone else.

Then came February and that brought back the horror. I wasn’t

actually at home at the time; I was over at my parents. I had just dropped Gabby off at her preschool, which is nearby. It was mum’s

birthday the day before and she’d got a lovely bunch of flowers.

When I saw them there I put Emmy down in the middle of the floor and walked over to the table to smell them. As I started walking

back the whole house seemed to fly to pieces. I threw myself over Emerson and everything came crashing down around us. Emmy

seemed to think it was fun but I was a long way from that. Yeah, it was hard not being around anyone and my first impulse, after Gabby, was for mum. I was freaking out big time, and I needed my

mum. I know it sounds silly, you know, twenty-seven years old and needed my mum, but honestly, that is what I felt.

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I had some difficulty getting Gabby because all the roads I usually

used were closed. I had to take a whole lot of detours and all the time I didn’t know what to expect when I got there. All sorts of things

went through my mind. Bad things. When I finally did get there

all the kids were playing happily. Gabby was most upset because she had to go home early. When we got back to my parents we started

to hear how bad things were. My dad arrived home not long after.

He’d left the CTV building in the city just twenty minutes before the

earthquake. His doctor there was one of the people in the building

when it collapsed. Even now, whenever I hear the building mentioned, it keeps going through my mind. What if… what if he’d been just that little bit later?

February changed everything. That one really affected me. It… I was

glad that we had to stay at my parents’ because I don’t think I could have

coped by myself. Every aftershock brought it all back. After September, I thought, you know, that’s the Earthquake. They’ll fix things up. there won’t be anymore. Then came February, and suddenly you knew no one

could say there wouldn’t be another big one. It just wasn’t something

you couldn’t do anymore. From then on every aftershock that started,

you didn’t know if it was going to bring the house down or… or worse.

I don’t really take things for granted anymore. Every day that we are

here and together now is special, and it’s sort of… umm yeah, it’s made

me love my family even more. You’re more aware. I understand now that life, you know, it can be over just like that. One little thing happening

can change the landscape totally. Figuratively and literally. I no longer

think that bad things don’t happen to good people, because they do.

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But then as much as I’ve seen things destroyed by the earthquake, I’ve

also seen people banding together and that really has renewed my faith in humanity, yeah, truly it has. Seeing others help each other, all those

selfless people who have been so kind, that blew me away. My grandma put something up on a Trade Me message board because I didn’t have

any baby clothes at my parents’ place, and within like, ten minutes, we’d had seven offers of baby clothes. Packages kept being dropped off, and I didn’t even know these people. People who had been through

the earthquake as well, but they still had that kindness in them. I mean

there was one family went out and actually bought stuff and then brought it over to me. That was just… I was… I was staggered by their kindness. I felt very humbled by that.

Coming back home again was hard. I’d never been scared of the

dark before but Emerson, who was only about eight months at the

time of the big one, was still then waking in the night and I hated

having to get up. I don’t know why it bothered me so much. I got to the point where I’d run to her, then run back to my bedroom and my mind would literally get carried away. Before I could get back to sleep

I’d start thinking, what if there’s an earthquake now, in the dark. I’d never been like that before. I even started to go to bed early because if I stayed up too late—once it got dark—my mind would start to wander and where it went to was not a fun place to be.

The hardest thing for me has been having to stay strong for the girls

and not really having anyone with me to support me through that. I mean my parents are great, my family are wonderful, but when it comes right down to it I’m here on my own and I have to be the adult. I have

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to act like it’s not bothering me because I know that sort of thing rubs off on the girls. If I’m not worried, then they’re not so worried. If I’m afraid, then they will be too.

In truth, they’re pretty resilient. While it makes me sad that

earthquakes have been a part of their lives—you see them playing out

there in the sand pit and they are making liquefaction—but who knows, perhaps they will be the resilient generation. The first generation of the new Christchurch.

I’m only renting here in Avonside but I won’t be leaving Christchurch.

We don’t have a lot right now but I do want to stay and do my bit, contribute what I can. At the moment I might not be able to provide

everything the girls want, but we’ve got a roof over our heads and we’re safe where we are. Okay, it’s a weekly stress seeing the money come in

and then seeing it go straight out again but since the earthquake I’ve

accepted that that’s how our life is right now. Eventually it will change.

I’m grateful that we do have WINZ, that that assistance is there for us today because I’d be screwed without it. Obviously, when Emmy’s a

little bit older, I’ll go back to work. There are prospects out there and

I know I’ve got to go out and look, rather than wait for everything to come to me. Of course I’d love to win Lotto, have a nice house, be able

to give the girls a chance to experience the world, but that’s just not realistic right now. What I need to think about is real life.

I do hope that in five years time I’ll be in a better financial position.

That the girls will be thriving and that maybe, hopefully, I might have a relationship of my own. But you know what, I’m not going to be

upset if things don’t happen the way I want them to. That’s something

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the earthquakes have taught me, to take everything a day at a time.

Enjoy the small things that you have, rather than stressing out over something that might or might not happen a few months or a few years down the track. Or that might never happen at all. That’s a bit

too much of a mouthful to be my new motto but in this regard, I am

much more relaxed as a person and as a parent. I try not to let things irritate me and don’t sweat the small things. And that’s a different

person than I was before, always worrying about what was going on,

what was going to happen. I wish the earthquakes had never happened, but if they have taught me anything it’s that life is precious, so just step back, enjoy what you have, and let it happen.

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