Honest Conversations with Wendy

A Reluctant Homeschool Mom

“ABSOLUTELY NOT. NOT MY THING.”

That was my response when my husband hinted at his desire for me to homeschool our kids. At the time, we had a three-year-old, a one-year-old, a baby on the way, and I ran a successful business from home. To say I didn’t have the time wouldn’t paint the full picture—I wanted nothing to do with it. Besides, I was a product of public school, as was my husband, and we were doing just fine (thank you very much).

When I lived in the West, homeschooling was both foreign and frightening for a number of reasons. Namely, no one I’d ever met was homeschooled or homeschooled their children. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t have known the first thing about where to begin such an endeavor.

Once we moved to rural Tennessee—where homeschooling is not only normal, it’s celebrated, and resources and support are in abundance I briefly considered the idea again. But how could I ever pull it off? I wasn’t a teacher. Although I had my bachelor’s degree, it was in theater performance, for goodness’ sake. And besides, I worked! There was just no way. So, I did what so many parents do by default.

I sent my daughter off to kindergarten at the local public school.

Conviction from Holy Spirit came almost immediately. If you’ve been reading along with me over these past months, you know I receive my biggest breakthroughs in the shower. This was no exception. One evening, only a few short weeks into my daughter’s education, I felt Holy Spirit impress upon me something I’d skipped in my decision-making on this topic.

I hadn’t prayed about it.

In the five years I’ve been homeschooling, I’ve had many conversations with moms about whether or not educating at home is right for their families. The chat always ends with, “I’ll pray about it.” To which I respond, “Did you pray about public school?” The surprised smile always gives them away. Like me, they hadn’t. It was just the expected course of action.

As I showered, a little embarrassed about my rash decision to surrender an enormous amount of influence over my child without even praying about it, Holy Spirit pushed me a little further, and I began to wonder…

Does God have an opinion about education?

Turns out, He does!

Scripture is clear in some areas, and it’s gray in others. I certainly subscribe to the idea that we needn’t yell where God is whispering and vice versa. Although one could argue that the role of “government” can be debated in Biblical terms, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anywhere that suggests education should be the government’s responsibility. Scripture tells us plainly where the role of educator lies. It certainly isn’t in the hands of governing authorities, and perhaps surprisingly for Christians, it also isn’t in the hands of the Church. God suggests it’s the family’s responsibility.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The word used here in the Greek is paideia. The definitions of paideia according to word study are as follows: rearing of a child; training and education of children; instruction. The Greek lexicon goes so far as to say, “The whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals…).” Paideia speaks to the culture of a child’s upbringing as well as instruction—the foundation. I’m not confident public school provides an appropriate culture or foundation for any child’s upbringing, let alone a Christian child. And furthermore, God didn’t give my children to public schools. He gave them to my husband and me.

Now dads, as the above Scripture suggests, you’re not off the hook. God doesn’t explicitly relegate this job to moms, despite our nurturing nature. It was my husband who suggested I should homeschool our kids, but he’s the one making sure my son can read a tape measure and the one teaching the kids how to operate a tractor. In my searching, I found twice as many commands for fathers to instruct their kids when compared to mothers. In practice, yes, I think most households find that mamas are at the center of homeschooling, but at the very least, this brings fathers more exposure to their children for discipline, correction, and training—which God assigns as their duty. As a matter of fact, the role of discipline falls entirely to dads in the Scripture, and yet so frequently, Mom plays the role of disciplinarian. The father’s influence and his Biblical roles have been all but removed in so many Christian homes due largely to a lack of opportunity. a few hours on Sunday and Wednesday to override more than 18,000 hours of public education (and that’s excluding college)?

It’s a scheduling conflict.

And let’s not forget the abundant chance for learning and discipline that authentically takes place in the home on an average day. Most parents feel disqualified from teaching because of the lack of certification. I would argue there is no one more qualified than the parent who will deal with the consequences of an adult who never learns to thrive, but I digress. For those of you who homestead, you can’t imagine how many opportunities for real-life learning lie at your fingertips. During my daughter’s one (long) year in public school, she missed the first chickens hatching, the first blooms in the garden, the baby pigs being born, and the two dozen loaves of zucchini bread we baked after our first harvest. These daily miracles allow for ample topics of conversation, research, reading, and even a chance to dive into the Bible. At a recent Rogue Food Conference, I heard Congressman Thomas Massie say he didn’t homeschool his kids; he homesteaded them.

So, should we step into reluctant obedience and homeschool, forcing down our inclinations and commitments to align with God’s will for our family? Yes and no. Yes, because we always want to be in alignment with God’s will, right? And no, because one could argue we don’t have to do anything reluctantly when we trust it’s for our very best. Was I the most prepared and optimistic homeschool mom when I decided to take the plunge? Absolutely not. I was terrified, unprepared, overwhelmed, and ill-equipped.

But lucky me. God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.

Proverbs 22:6 tell us, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This is my hope. This is my anchor on the hard days. This is where I draw strength when I’m certain God has picked the wrong gal for the job. I don’t mind if my child isn’t a wiz at math, but if they fear the Lord, they have wisdom. If they learn to discern the voice of God, I know I have prepared them for every trial and temptation this world will surely throw at them. Traditional school doesn’t teach them to fear or hear the Lord. As a matter of fact, most education systems and unbelieving peers will encourage them to question their faith.

Y’all, God has given us an assignment: The stewarding of souls. It’s not a responsibility I take lightly, and it’s certainly not a job I feel prepared to pass off to someone else. When it comes down to it, I have to remind myself of one important truth: As a mom, my job is to ensure my child is healthy, happy, safe, and loved.

But what good is any of that if my child never enters the Kingdom of Heaven?

Now for some encouragement. Although I didn’t want to homeschool, and I still work from home—now more than before I began—and I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing a lot of the time, homeschooling has been the biggest blessing of my life as a parent. My obedience has assured my success.

Isn’t that the funniest thing about trusting God?

When we don’t get all the English done and haven’t picked up Spanish in two months, God is faithful to show me the miracles unfolding in my living room. In the middle of science, my seven-year-old gives me a glimpse into his tiny mind as he proclaims, “Mom, did you know God can’t lie?” Or, in the midst of World War 1 history, my nine-year-old decides he’s ready to give his heart to Jesus. Who would be on the receiving end of those blessings if I were not the one present? Would such moments even be happening at all?

Instead of asking what obstacles you’ll have to overcome to step into such a challenge, I’d invite you to dream about the memories you’re going to make. I hope you’ll be inspired by the relationships you will build with your kids—and them with each other. But more than anything else, I pray you recognize that during the struggle, God’s very best for both you and your children is waiting. //

Discipleship is my most important role as a parent. As a former atheist, I know how vital this is and how eternal the implications are. Seventy percent of our youth are leaving the Church in or by college, according to Barna Research. Only six percent of those claiming a Christian faith hold a Biblical worldview. We’re hemorrhaging, Church. We’re failing in our most important endeavor. How can we rely on ~ until next month, Wendy

WORDS BY: Nic Stoltzfus

BOTH HANDS is a Tennessee-based non-profit with a mission of fulfilling James 1:27 by serving orphans, widows, and Christian adoptive families. Since Both Hands began, they have raised $16.5 million for adoptions and orphan causes through 1,209 projects serving 1,346 widows and 1,451 orphans.

But it all started twenty years ago with just one little note.

Back in 2003, JT Olson was heading up a charity golf tournament to raise funds for Bethany Christian Services. When he sent a letter to his friend asking for money, his friend sent the letter back, no money included, but instead with a sticky note scribbled with this message: “JT, if you told me you were working on a widow’s house, I might sponsor you, but you’re just golfing. Nice cause, but not my money.”

The note was pointed, but the idea stuck in JT’s head—what if he did a fundraiser to help widows? Would it be more effective than a golf tournament or a 5K run?

JT would have the chance to test out the idea a few years later. After church one Sunday, one of his friends, Don, approached him. Don told JT that he was adopting four children from Moldova. This came as a shock to JT—Don already had three biological children, and now he was going to add four more?! JT asked Don what led him to want to adopt these four children. Don told him that he had gone to Moldova on a mission trip delivering beds to orphanages, and a little boy named George captured his heart, and they were inseparable the whole week. After Don got home, he talked with his wife, and they decided to adopt George. In the process, they discovered that George had three other siblings, and Don and his wife didn’t want to separate the children. Don said that the total cost for the adoption of the kids was estimated to be seventy to eighty thousand dollars, and he had no idea how he was going to raise the money.

Without hesitation, JT told his friend that he would do whatever he could to help raise the money to keep the children together. It was time to put his friend’s sticky note idea to work. He was going to do a project that would help both orphans and widows. JT decided to call the project “Both Hands,” taking their inspiration from James 1:27—one hand for the widow, one hand for the orphan.

Don and JT recruited fifteen friends of theirs. They all sent out letters saying that they would be serving a local widow, Miss Lucille, with help around her home (landscaping, decluttering, skilled labor, and painting).

In the letters, they asked people to sponsor them, with all of the funds going towards the adoption costs for George and his siblings.

Around thirty-five people showed up on the volunteer day to help Miss Lucille. Their supporters sent in donations. The total amount? About seventy thousand dollars raised! Finally, Don and his wife had enough funds to adopt, and George and his siblings found their forever home in Nashville, Tennessee.

This first project set the foundation for Both Hands’ purpose: to help Christian adoptive families fund their adoptions by coordinating a service project fixing up a widow’s home.

Adoption is expensive. In fact, studies continue to show it’s the #1 reason families who want to adopt aren’t able to move forward, with costs ranging from $30,000-$70,000. This is where Both Hands comes in. Their average project raised a total of $22,000 from 2021-2022, making them the highest yielding adoption fundraiser out there.

One thing that sets their ministry apart from other adoption fundraisers and websites like GoFundMe is that Both Hands doesn’t take anything out for their operating costs. That’s right, 100% of the funds a family raises goes towards their adoption, and Both Hands has a "No Funds Guarantee" pledge for adoptions.

To cover its operating costs, Both Hands does a yearly Vision Project. This is the only fundraiser that the organization does, so the more funds that are raised in the Vision Project, the more families they can help. This year’s Vision Project takes place on May 6 in Franklin, Tennessee. The goal is to raise $350,000.

If you want to support the 2023 Both Hands Vision Project, you can make a donation by visiting www. bothhands.org/vision or by writing a check payable to “Both Hands” and mailing it to this address:

Both Hands

Attn: Vision Project 2023

P.O. Box 2713, Brentwood, TN 37024 write "Vision Project 2023" in the memo line www.bothhands.org/vision

Nic Stoltzfus is the editorial manager at Plain Values magazine. He and his wife Jen live in Reading, Pennsylvania, with their three crazy cats and rescue dog, Paul. They hope to have children soon! Nic loves volunteering in his community—he is teaching Sunday school next spring, is involved with the Schuylkill River Passenger Rail Authority’s plan to bring back passenger rail to Berks County, and he serves as secretary of the Nicholas Stoltzfus Homestead Preservation Committee. He is currently working on a novel about the immigrant Stoltzfus family.

HE WAS ONLY 10. Jimms was a good boy, still carrying with him the innocence of a child and wonder of youth. He was loved by his family and playful like children are. It was just another Ugandan day. The Bush War continued, but civilians went about their lives, always aware of the threats that existed but choosing hope in order to sustain some form of normalcy. The morning had come. It was time for school. As Mama helped Jimms get on his way, she had full intentions of seeing him return after his day of classes. But unbeknownst to her, this day would be a day of sorrow. This day would be a day of great loss. This was the day her heart desperately hoped she would never have to endure.

As Jimms walked to school, he was abducted by rebels. He would remain in captivity for three years. Not only would he see and experience unspeakable atrocities, but he would also be the subject of physical and mental abuse, leaving him deformed. The boy Mama once cradled had now become a man—doing, seeing, and experiencing things a 10-year-old should never have to endure.

Many children, like Jimms, have been captured to be used as child soldiers in the brutal wars of the Democratic Republic of Congo (DR Congo) and Uganda. Thanks to Exile International, Jimms’ story doesn’t end in sorrow. Instead, his story ends with hope, redemption, and purpose. Jimms is one of many children who have been given a healthy, peaceful future because of the rehabilitation programs and genuine love from the counselors at Exile International.

After Jimms was rescued, he began working with Exile to start the healing journey to treat significant PostTraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Jimms was placed in a safe host home, received regular meals, and began attending school. But this wasn’t a simple fix. Jimms had a great deal of trauma to work through, and this impacted his commitment to Exile, but it didn’t impact Exile’s commitment to him. Jimms dropped out of school and tried for a time to live away from Exile’s support. But just like the love of Jesus, Exile pursued Jimms, bringing him back into the programs and therapy. Through the dedication of counselors and staff at Exile, Jimms began finding emotional healing. Discovering his giftings and skills, he became trained as a welder. After a few years, Jimms transitioned from a broken victim to a leader in his community, training others in the trade of welding and living a life full of purpose.

This is just one small glimpse into the thousands of transformational stories that have occurred as a result of the Christ-centered and dedicated programming of Exile. In just 15 years, over 50,000 children have been impacted. In 2008, Bethany Haley Williams traveled to Congo’s war zone, where she met child soldiers and orphans who had been rescued. Bethany had a Ph.D. in counseling with a background in psychology and social work. She was recovering from her own personal trauma. Her own healing process helped her identify with the trauma these children were facing. She learned about the atrocities of child soldiers who were forced to kill their own families, little girls being captured for sex trafficking, and families who had forsaken these children because of the violent acts they were brainwashed to commit. Initially, Bethany began to question, “Where are you, God?” in these children, in these war-torn lives, but then she realized, “The answer lies in the mirror. The question isn’t, ‘Where is God?’ He is beside these children when they are afraid in the bush. He is holding their hand when they are abducted and running from rebels. He is right there with them on the battlefield

Where are we in this story, and what is our role...” and in the midst of the bullets. The question is not, ‘Where are you, God?’ The question we should all be asking is, ‘Where are we?’ Where are we in this story, and what is our role in making the ending look different than the beginning?” So, Bethany returned to America and began to research ways to create a solution. She visited Uganda and made trips back to Congo. There she met Pastor Joseph, who is now the country director of Congo. At that time, he had already been working to help these children, but the organization he was partnered with was only a temporary band-aide, providing immediate crisis relief but no long-term care. He, too, longed to do so much more. When Bethany met Pastor Joseph, their hearts were aligned. They had a vision for children to go from child soldiers to leaders of peace—for holistic rehabilitation.

Bethany networked with various agencies and researched what was and was not working. She vetted a variety of curriculums to determine which had tested and proven transformative results. Soon Exile International was born with the mission of “Empowering rescued child soldiers & children orphaned by war to become leaders for peace through art-focused trauma care & holistic rehabilitation.” About three years into Exile’s mission, Matthew Williams, a master’s level trauma therapist who shared the same passion and experience of working with traumatized youth in developing countries, began volunteering at Exile. Eventually, the two became married and ran Exile International as co-CEOs.

Throughout the war period in Congo and Uganda, over 100,000 children were abducted and forced to become child soldiers, some as young as

6, with an average age of 12 years old. These children are brainwashed, forced to carry guns, and forced to kill, sometimes their own parents and siblings. Young boys and girls are captured and held hostage as sex slaves. Over 6 million children have been left orphaned without any home or stability to return to should they even escape their captivity. Exile International provides hope for these rescued children through art-focused trauma care, conflict resolution, and peace-building curriculums.

Exile focuses on healing spirits, minds, and bodies. After the child is welcomed to Exile, they are evaluated for their level of trauma so that the counselors and staff have a better understanding of the support the child will need. The child is then invited into art-centered therapy, which involves singing, worship, dancing, and drawing— all with the purpose of helping them share their story, exposing their pain to the restorative power of Christ.

This helps the child find healing, joy, and a reason to smile again. Healing minds through education and leadership development, Exile works with gifted counselors who are native to the location to mentor, support, pursue, and walk hand-in-hand with the recovering child. Many of these counselors have been victims themselves to the wars but have found victory through God’s work in Exile. They are now able to empower younger victims to also grow into freed leaders of peace. All of these healing programs are provided in the safety and security of Exile’s third cause, healing bodies. Exile ensures that children are placed in safe homes. Some families will not receive their children back because of the disgrace caused or the heinous crimes the children were forced to commit against them. Additionally, many children are orphaned as a result of the war. Exile ensures that the child is either reunited with their family or a host home, similar to an American version of the foster system. Exile also provides other basic needs such as medical care and food security.

The key has always been Christ. Doreen, a female counselor from Uganda, said, “Jesus is the first counselor we have.” The love that is shown is the love of Christ. A child may walk away from Exile, but Exile continues to pursue. Exile runs towards the wounded, the dysfunctional, the broken, and the layers of complicated pain and becomes a strong, steady source of emotional and physical support. Everything starts and ends with prayer. The counselors bear the pain of recovery alongside these children, meeting the child where they are and drawing them into freedom.

Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” This is how Exile relentlessly reflects the image of God. They understand the darkness and bondage these children have faced. They understand the tremendous amount of courage it takes to overcome the trauma experienced during such formative years. And many of these staff understand firsthand, as that was their life until Exile met them with the same pursuing love of God. Co-CEO, Matthew Williams, reflects, “There is no better place for them to go in that country other than Exile. There is no other option… we provide the highest level of care that you can get. The others are transit centers.” Children are evaluated every six months to assess their progress and ensure favorable outcomes. 37 out of 44 of Exiles’ care programs are led by graduates who once were child soldiers or slaves themselves, 95% of sponsorship program beneficiaries complete their education, and 78% of children experience a decrease in PTSD symptoms. “These programs are literally pushing back the darkness,” says Matthew Williams.

Jaxon was one of these examples. On his way to school, he was captured at age 15. He remained in captivity for a year. After being rescued, he came to the Exile center. There, he was empowered to change his behavior, but because of his past, the community was not ready for his re-entry. Exile worked with the community and Jaxon. Jaxon is now a pastor, impacting his community for the Kingdom of God instead of a kingdom of war. Francine is another example. At age 16, she was one of the ladies in the rebel group. She described it as, “hell on earth.” When she came to Exile, she felt life was meaningless, and in her anguish would ask why she had to go into the bush. Why her? Coco, a counselor at Exile, said they kept reminding her in big and small situations how much they loved her and how much God loves her. Through therapy, Francine’s confidence has been restored, and she is currently studying to be a doctor. It is stories like these that show the redemptive work of God through Exile International.

“Every child is important. Give these children a chance to enjoy, to have a life and a chance to smile,” says Doreen, a counselor in Uganda. “Even though the guns are silent, there is still a lot of work to be done,” reminds Geoffrey, Executive Director of Exile

International in Uganda. These children need to see the love of God and experience the healing power of Jesus. Exile believes deeply in the power of prayers, not only praying for the children but praying for those who partner with their mission. If God is moving your heart to become involved, you can help by financially giving to Exile International, 3534 West End Ave, Nashville, TN 37205, or visit www.exileinternational.org. You could also become a child champion through monthly or onetime giving. Whether big or small, financial or spiritual, God will use any and all support to help one more child find peace. // www.exileinternational.org

Rebecca Greenfield is a certified Nuclear Medicine Technologist who carries a Master's Degree in Theological Studies. She is blessed to pursue both of her passions, science and theology, by working in nuclear medicine and at Lifeline Christian Mission. One of her deepest desires is to create spaces and places where people can experience the presence of God through the power of written art. She is the author of five books including, RAW Inner Workings of a Reawakened Soul, The Prayer Crossing Personal Devotional, and her most recent release, a children’s book called Dusternuffle. To order a copy of any of her books, visit www.Rebecca-Greenfield. com or make checks payable to Reawakened Ministries ($16.99/ copy) and mail to Cross Point Christian Church, Attn: Rebecca Greenfield, 10659 Johnstown Rd., New Albany, OH 43054.