Testing Times - May(ish) 2010

Testing Times to be delivered daily Start your day the Testing Times way Unconfirmed rumours are circulating around the time trialling world suggesting that Testing Times has at last gone ‘live’.

The editorial team, headed up by the clapped out old has-been, 9 times BBAR, Ian Cammish (he who produced the greatest ever ‘100’ in 1983 with a ride of 3:31:53 without the aid of tribars, disc wheels or having to pack in work / claim he was putting in a 78 hour week writing for Cycling Weakly … let’s face it, the entire editorial team at Cycling Weakly can't be putting in 78 hours between them if the recent content is anything to go by!) is now reaping the benefits of being able to drip-feed content in to a ‘live’ site by going out training when the sun’s out, watching all the Tours live on Eurosport and feeding Mrs Loughran’s pussy while her

May (just!) 2010 What's in this issue: Not a lot to be honest.

“I’ve got far better things to do than waste hours of valuable training and drinking time writing crepe for a dozen or so readers” - Ian Cammish

“Is this the last ever Testing Times?”

husband’s at work during the day.

So … if sour milk isn’t enough to spoil your Corn Flakes or leave a bitter taste in your mouth, try clicking on to www.thetestingtimes.co.uk each morning to see if they can’t do any better.

There’s even the opportunity to add your own comments. Click here http://www.planet-x-bikes.co.uk/news/ testing-times

… and be part of it.

The headline originally read ‘Cammish to deliver daily’ … but he’s 53 years old for goodness sake and finds it hard to deliver once a fortnight … so rumour has it … according to Mrs Cammish!

These are testing times indeed. What with Gordon Brown’s drubbing at the election, an economy on the brink of bankruptcy and some Tory toffee nosed twits now in charge of our taxes let’s just say it’s all pretty gloomy .

To cap it all, Testing Times’ driving force, Ian Cammish, is going through a similar black hole of glumness as the evenings draw out and it’s time to go riding. It also seems there's a distinct lack of support from the public-so there's a big chance that Testing Times is going to be a DNF .. at least (maybe) as far as pdf versions are concerned.

Could this be the last (pdf) issue ever or is there a gap in the market for a regular tt magazine? Contact vino@picadilly.co.uk to find out.

Coming next time … maybe … meet the REAL Mrs Tiggywinkle.

Holy Trinity … (another) one of Nob’s fetishes!

Product reviews.

What’s your tipple? (We’ll be blowing the author’s cover).

If you think this issue’s bad … you ain’t seen nothing yet … maybe!

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Dear team of experts … and I use that term loosely!

Ranting at Frankly Dear Frankly You may have noticed that along with new fangled bikes there have been many people coming into this sport – all as green as Tesco’s bananas – who think that because they have ridden a bike for five minutes they can reorganise the sport. Or rather they think that people who organise the sport do it all wrong and the same people should organise it in a different way.

I am an event organiser and timekeeper. As you know, entries close about 10 days before the event is due to take place. This gives me, and other organisers, time to set out the field, address envelopes, lay out the start sheet and so on. But I get calls the night before the event from wallies who ask me if they can have a ride.

My goodness, this didn’t happen in the 1930s when I first started organising. ‘Get stuffed’ I usually say.

Gone are the days when I tried to politely explain about closing dates because these people always have a riposte without knowing the first damned thing about organising events.

These same people – and there are hundreds of them – want to sign on the line (they don’t mind paying double entry fees), want to wear cycling tops without sleeves for heavens sake, want a reserve system and so on. In fact the list is bloody endless. In my day we wouldn’t even have allowed these people into the conscripted armed forces, let alone ride our precious time trials!

I’m afraid Frankly that these issues have been playing on my mind to such an extent that I can’t sleep at night. I’m frightened of answering the phone and whenever I go out bicycling, I think anyone sitting on my wheel is stalking me. I have referred my fears and worries to the RTTC (or whatever they call SEE MORE AT

themselves these days) but they seem unable to help. Usually they tell me to go to my District Committee. But with the lack of volunteers these days, I AM THE DISTRICT COMMITTEE. I voted myself in as treasurer, secretary, press officer, chief timekeeper, results coordinator and even chairman. There was no one else at the meeting, that’s why I had to take on all of the jobs.

You may have guessed that I am slightly older than you – indeed I will be 97 next birthday and I can prove that because I have a picture of myself on a high ordinary riding the Tooting Bec’s club 24-hour many years ago.

I am sorry to write you such a long letter but I have no one else to talk to.

When I go out tricycling, I think of these things all the time. I’m not to proud to ask for help and wonder if you can do anything or whether my attitude to these new fangled triathlon and mountain biking upstarts is the right way to go. Should I just tell them to stick to swimming, running and insulting their event organisers and leave the bicycle out of it?

Harry E. Plusfours, Berwick-onTweed

Frankly replies I think you have raised some very interesting issues here. You are right, the sport is undergoing many changes. Years ago, you used to ride without numbers and in alpaca jackets, pitch black so that nobody would see you – not even

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motorists! Like this nobody knew that the sport existed and you only found out about the secret codes and so on once you had been initiated into a cycling club. Funnily enough we have come full circle. In those days when nobody was supposed to know that the sport was taking place, Cycling, Bicycling and the other magazines would give copious reports on every race, be it club events or national championships.

Nowadays our only national cycling magazine totally ignores the sport – it hopes that the sport may disappear altogether if it pretends that it does not take place. Funny old world isn’t it?

However, nowadays you have all these new people around riding identikit black carbon bicycles and calling each other ‘mate’ or speaking with fake London accents.

They like to show how knowledgeable they are about our sport and what great blokes they are.

Inevitably these people are university educated unlike the likes of you or I who learned our academia in the university of life.

And they want to boss you around, dear Harry. They don’t want to organise anything themselves, they are too busy running, swimming and cycling to do that. They are far too busy to fill in entry forms and post them off 10 days before the event.

They are too busy to read the dictionary of courteous words and gentlemanly conduct. So they use their finally honed management skills to tell you how to run the sport and demand that you stick them on the end of your start sheet with 5 minutes notice.

I ’m afraid we have run this sport for far too many years to give into their demands. And look at the success we have had. In the UK that is – they don’t ride proper time trials on coded courses elsewhere! So stick to your guns old fella. That’s my best advice. Testing Times will always be here to support you. We

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love the old skool, don’t we? We don’t need new fangled ideas, loud mouthed know-alls, late entries, drafting, sleeveless jerseys, reserves and all that nasty stuff. Secretly, and I wouldn’t say this in print, I personally believe that we should bring back black alpaca. Now that would make the buggers go away.

Leg Shaving Dear Ian C or F (whichever), Over the years I have experimented with leg shaving to see which is the best way to do it. It all started one day when I was shaving my legs in the shower and my wife ran over the neighbour’s pet rabbit on our drive.

Well! As you can imagine there was a hell of a todo. It even made the main story in the local church newsletter, the Daily Doings. It distracted me from the task in hand and as I was riding an afternoon ‘10’ I had to get myself ready in a hurry.

When I got to the event I noticed that I had only shaved one leg. Well, it was too late to do anything about it, so instead of getting embarrassed I told my clubmates (and anyone else who would care to listen) that it was an experiment, that with only one leg shaved I was creating what is known as a sectional, crossover aero dynamic situation. This, I convinced my team mates would produce a personal best.

Of course they didn’t believe me ‘cos at that time I hadn’t done a personal best for 15 years, 6 months, 3 days and 21 minutes. But I had the last laugh because I improved my ‘10’ time from a gut-wrenching 33:10 to a storming 31:26 (on my computer it said 31:25 but the timekeeper wouldn’t have it).

Some weeks later when the hairs had grown back (I’m a hairy chap so it doesn’t take long) I rode another ten and tried a variation of this experiment. I shaved the front, but not the back, of both legs. Again I had to contend with the piss-taking in the event HQ but I had the last laugh. My ten time was down to a 31:19. I will point out here that I’m not a Cammish-type tester. I don’t ride 7 times a week. Once every couple of months is sufficient – I believe in rest and recovery and peaking for events.

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Anyway, the next time I shaved both of my legs in circular stripes going around the leg. It looked so utterly cool! Unfortunately, this time I didn’t get a PB, so I think I have proved that it is best to shave only one leg because that is when I made my biggest improvement. I have yet to work out which is the best leg to shave.

My question to you Ian and Ian, is why do most riders shave both legs when I have proved, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the most efficient method is to shave just one leg?

Ivor Stubble (Seven Whiskers CC)

said that they had regular massages and the others didn’t have any at all!)

26.5% thought that it is more aerodynamic (poppycock) 13% said that if they fell off it wouldn’t hurt when they put the plasters on and took ‘em off again.

(When I asked how many of them had fallen off in a time trial, again the answer was in the single digits.)

6% said “because it looks cool”.

Sadly, I don’t see how the bandy legs of a life long 76 year old tester could ever look cool, but I would not want to spoil their self delusions.

1% refused to answer. I believe that this was because they don’t shave their legs.

0.5% said it was because they have a secret life as a ladyboy and therefore it has nothing to do with cycling.

Ian C replies That is a most interesting letter and you raise a fascinating point. As you know, all pro and international riders shave both legs without exception. Take Bradley Wiggins for example – he rides time trials so fast that (with respect) he would do a ‘25’; in the time that it takes you to do a ’10’.

Even Frankly Franklin has just about gone faster than 30 minutes and he shaves both legs. In your case I do know that we have to make an age adjustment, but even then ...

May I suggest that you extend your experiment by shaving both legs?

Please let me know what happens.

Whilst I am writing about leg shaving, I recently polled a random selection of amateur riders of all levels (from the Hutchinsons to the guys who habitually finish way off the pace) to ask why they shave their legs. The poll result came back as follows: 53% said it was easier and more efficient for massage (when asked a further question about how often they have massages only 2% of this sample

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DID YOU (have any heroes?)

Oh, I need a hero A hero I can really like, He’s got to be good and he’s got to be strong And he’s got to be fast on a bike.

(With apologies to Bonnie Tyler – who is WELSH!) A couple of issues ago I mentioned my early introduction to ‘serious’ cycling via the pages of Cycling (and Mopeds) in the late ‘50’s. Once I had deciphered the mysteries of 25’s, 50’s etc and cryptic codings such as D1, J13, E3 etc I was able to understand the attraction of the racing scene and the people who competed in it. At this early stage I had no idea of how to go about doing this myself but just immersed myself in reading about the stars of the day both in the UK and ‘sur le continent’ and tried to imagine a life spent just riding a bike for pleasure (and possibly profit although I had no idea of professionalism – such as it was then). Coureur, the Magazine for the Sporting Cyclist was also discovered around this time and I devoured its pages avidly (and still do!!), studying photos of the stars and trying to copy their positions even though it was quite obvious that they were all of a totally different shape to me and I was therefore wasting my time!

Of the continental stars there were obviously the British contingent (and I include Shay Elliot amongst these even though he was Irish) headed by Brian Robinson closely followed by Shay and an up-and-coming Tom Simpson. Soon the UK contingent would be extended by riders such as Alan Ramsbottom, Barry Hoban, Pete Crinnion (also Irish but close enough for me!), all of whom seemed to be god-like characters far removed from the life of a young teenage schoolboy like me. The top continental riders appeared even more superhuman (possibly due to things that were not mentioned in open conversation in those days!) and unattainable and stars such as Jacques Anquetil (or Jakwez Honkwerteelee as he was known by some of my less cosmopolitan mates), Rik van Looy SEE MORE AT

can be a great experience and I can well remember seeing the rear ends of many of our top stars disappearing up the road in front of me.

(who shares the same birthday as me – but he is rather older and far more talented), Louison Bobet and the young pretender Eddy Merckx (who was thought could be a star of the future!) were – and still are – the recipients of my youthful adulation.

At home I began to see that the top time triallists of the day were also worthy of respect along with roadmen such as the Baty brothers, Bill Bradley (who could also put in a handy TT if required), Bill Holmes (ditto), Pete Chisman, Bob Addy and many others. Of the TT’ers I can name Ray Booty (obviously!), Gordon Ian, Charlie McCoy, Ron Hallam, Alf Engers (also obvious!!), John Woodburn, Frank Colden, Vic Marcroft, Brian Kirby and many more who influenced me in my formative racing years even if I didn’t get anywhere near their level of performance. As time progressed many more were added to my own personal ‘Hall of Fame’ and Martin Roach, Pete Smith, Bob Porter, Ant Taylor, John Watson and even our very own Ian Cammish amongst others have all been the unwitting recipients of my admiration.

I think that the thing about heroworship is that, provided it doesn’t get out of hand and degenerate into ‘stalking’, then it can be a good thing and provide inspiration to those of us who may not have been blessed with an innate talent for riding a bike fast. To even ride in the same event – and be caught by – one of your heroes

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As time progressed I caught up with many of my heroes. The Isle of Man Cycling Week in the ‘60’s was a great place to see them in action. As well as the top amateurs riding in the Manx International, many of the top continental pro’s came over and I saw Anquetil, Merckx, Simpson, Ramsbottom, Elliott and many more in action, even talking to some of them at the evening ‘do’ afterwards. I bought a jersey and shorts from Shay Elliott and raced in the shorts for years after. I met Tom Simpson only a couple of weeks before the tragic TdF and could have bought a track suit from him but unfortunately didn’t. How I regret that now. Over the years I have been a clubmate of Barry Hoban and Beryl Burton and have made the acquaintance of several more of my heroes including Alan Ramsbottom and Brian Robinson, both of whom are very unassuming and naturally pleasant men who seem quite bashful about their Hero status.

In the time trialling world it seems to be even more easy to meet heroes as so many of them are still around, competing regularly and recording times that I would have been proud of in my ‘prime’. In confirmation of such competitive longevity I have a start sheet for a road race dated 24 June 1956 where one of the competitors is Leading Aircraftsman J. Woodburn riding for RAF Binbrook CC. John, of course, is still hammering out competitive rides 54 years later! In another, dated even earlier on 25 May 1952 is Sid Wilson, Sheffield Phoenix CC, who was still racing until quite recently.

How many other sports can lay claim to having Legends and Heroes still competing at such grand ages?

Long live our Cycling Heroes!

And roll on the next generation, may you still be competing in 2060.

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Gambling on … retiring Mick Gambling contributed around 5000 articles, race reports, interviews etc for Cycling Weekly, formerly Cycling. They encompassed a 40-year period, 1965-2004 and half that period, to 1985, included light-hearted pieces.

Many were topical for the period, although some are still relevant to the present time. A taste of these will be produced on a regular basis.

Mick is alive and well pedalling away in Norfolk.

This is not an article of persuasion towards retiring, and in fact I would discourage such a cowardly action.

However, you may have already achieved the dubious status of exracing man. If so, I wonder if you went out with a bang, or a girl.

There are several standard retirement methods to choose from and no restriction on the number of times you do so. Indeed, some cyclists I know have been through the lot and are halfway down the list again.

This is the most feeble and pathetic way to give up, because after several comebacks the whole thing becomes a club joke and the grand finale retirement is eventually made to the accompaniment of gusts of laughter.

Once I saw a retirement effected in a splendid style at a Bedfordshire '25.' The rider had clocked 58 minutes two weeks previously, but on this occasion dropped in with 1-6.

Ceremoniously and with great dignity he lifted his bike above his head, walked into a cornfield and threw it as far as he could! What a glorious, flamboyant gesture upon which to finish.

An heroic climax is another way to go. Bow out with an insurmountable physical handicap and a stiff upper lip, to lots of sympathy from those SEE MORE AT

More often than not cyclists with girlmotive for surrendering inwardly regret their actions. Sometimes they make token returns at club 10's or roll up with flabby muscles congealing in a car.

People who hang up their wheels and leave the cycling scene are often met after about two years, shuffling behind a pram, bored and drearily ‘average man’. who can now see their way clear to win all the trophies.

Cyclists with ungovernable natural instincts get nastily involved with girls not interested in cycling and then the decline and fall of the athlete is marked by a gradual deterioration in performances and a steep skid on the mileage graph, as if all life had ended.

Sometimes they conceal the disease with flippancy, "Just riding for the laughs," and ask for a late start on Sunday morning due to a late finish on Saturday night.

The inexorable process of elimination continues as his name appears on the start sheet but nobody on the starting line, and finally not even an entry form completed. He is then, officially, extinct.

The sinister girl who has corroded the will-power of the racing-man and engineered his departure from the sport must be of a selfish bent.

Surely it should be acceptable that her boyfriend should train four evenings a week, disappear at 9pm on Saturday for an early night and reappear Monday evening with a wellrehearsed hard-luck story.

Of course, he might magnanimously meet her halfway by reappearing on Sunday afternoon with glazed eyes, a distinct odour of embrocation and a babble of how he "missed the break" before falling asleep with mouth open and showing his fillings. It could be worse, with the modern trend toward racing both days of the weekend.

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They talk of the old days with the club, "best years of my life-remember when Pete was so hungry he raided a field of cabbages and still finished in the bunch."

The light is back in the eyes and the parting line is, "I wouldn't mind having another go." They very rarely do. At home the mention of meeting old Frank from the club causes a rising tide of wrath from the wife that leaves only washing-up, on the ebb.

Of course, there are exceptions and some do come back but they are a small percentage of all retirals.

The reason is not always that of the "little woman" but may well be pressure of work or relate to some personal problems, which in time are solved and the cyclist comes bounding back, albeit with rusty spokes, an out-of-date chainset and old-fashioned bars. Soon he is cracking along and not far from his best.

Perhaps it is unfair to heap blame on the ladies, for often they are understanding and tolerant of their husband's sport, but the house, the garden and the children do demand time. Very often they approve a return to cycling and turn out with the family to support the hubby.

If you think I am backing down in cowardly fashion then I must admit to suddenly recalling a conversation a lady had with my wife. She said, "Are you Mick Gambling's wife? I do feel sorry for you!"

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From 1:07:57 to 54:23 in one year

by Molteni Mike (Mike Hallgarth, Anfield BC) … with a little help and cajoling from Sue Fenwick 1980, my best season so far, saw me mile-eating for the Mersey RC 24 hour but resulted in a disappointing 428 miles. Four weeks later a long 57 in a 25 left me wondering what if I devoted an entire season to 25s? The following two decades saw indifferent racing with various comeback attempts and by 1999 I was 42 and weighed 12 stone.

On July 6 I organised and rode the Dursley RC 25, finishing in 1:08:40. As usual, riders overtook me as if I was standing still. Chatting afterwards, I wondered why I was talking and not doing. Preparing the result sheet later I became restless and decided to make a PROPER comeback for the 2000 season. This time it was for real.

I decided on a drastic weight loss program, successfully losing two stone by the end of August 1999.

Weight loss became an obsession with a graph was placed on a wall to show progress. I ate like a sparrow for eight weeks and the line on the graph plummeted. Training was riding at 12mph, feeling very weak and avoiding routes past chip shops!

But how to train? July and August were uncomfortable but gave me the opportunity to re-evaluate things for my approach to the 2000 season.

Endless miles, low gears and occasional chaingangs were out of date. Training had progressed, timetrialling was faster. I spoke to many people and got many contradictory replies. I steered clear of coaches as I wanted to take responsibility myself.

I was impressed by websites for triathlete training – they were necessarily short of time but more importantly theirs was a new sport allowing them to start from scratch.

My weight loss meant I could drop my tribar elbow pads by two inches SEE MORE AT

and my next ‘5 ‘in Sept 1999 saw 1:03:13 on no training, just weight loss and a new position. The next fortnight saw five steady turbo sessions plus 80 recovery road miles, leading to the Sotonia ‘25’ on 26 Sept where I felt better on a bike than for many years and was thrilled to do 1:00:09. A three-minutes improvement from just five turbo sessions? I now knew that turbo training would form the base of my 2000 comeback.

Choosing to work with heart rate, over the winter I formed a three-phase training plan, basing every training session on my race-pace heart rate of 175bpm, so my Level 1 recovery rides were 125bpm, my Level 2 long steady

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sessions were 150bpm, my Level 3 long intervals peaking at 165bpm and my Level 4 short intervals peaking at 180bpm.

Phase 1, October-year end, was two Level 2 turbo sessions a week and a Level 2 Sunday run, each followed by a snail’s pace Level 1 recovery ride the following day. By Phase 2, Jan and Feb, I’d switched to just one Level 2 sessions on a Thursday and a Level 3 session of five-minute intervals on a Tuesday. Phase 3 brought the final top-end speed on the winter base so Thursdays stayed the same but Tuesday became a Level 4 turbo session of short, intense intervals. There were no junk miles between Level 1 and 2—these

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would be too slow for any training effort, too fast for recovery. Every single mile had a purpose. My turbo sessions became exercises in watching the cadence and HR dials on the dashboard. I’m convinced the mental effort of these sessions’ concentration helped me produce a more steady power output in racing.

The New Year brought the start of Level 3 sessions. Wednesday recovery rides became longer but still never above 125bpm. Sunday club runs continued at too great an intensity and distance but were good fun and after a recovery session on the Monday, never left me too tired for Tuesday’s session.

I replaced my 1975 ‘old skool’ bike with a newer lopro, featuring modern technology, a disc wheel and fitted my single-ring chainset with 177.5mm cranks from my old bike.

My first race outing, the day after fitting the cranks, was a very windy Severn RC 25 and 1:04:21 with a chain derailment.

March saw the end of the long interval sessions and their replacement with short intervals on Tuesdays and Level 2 sessions on Thursdays as before. These intervals would take me briefly to 180 bpm (race-pace plus 5 bpm). My schedule was to complete as many intervals as I could finish.

March and April were spent on hardrider events on my road bike with extra miles after each event. I was lured to the Acme Wheelers 25 on the superfast R25/3 in South Wales at the end of April but my second ride on my new bike was another disaster: I couldn’t get the top two gears and couldn’t spin the available gear, a poor breakfast, a bad stitch, and a 58:32. People congratulated me but I was disappointed, wondering what could have been…

A third time trial and more technical problems. I had to face the truth that although I’d modernised my training, I was still stubbornly pushing big gears with a slower cadence for racing. I swapped the old single chainset for a modern 175mm double SEE MORE AT

to enable a better chainline and get all the gears. My racing style had to change significantly, from 78rpm to 90+rpm but the new cadence felt more natural and comfortable. I seemed to go up a level in just one event as a result and later put it down as my second best ride of the year. Clearly lower racing gears were the way to go and I put the improvement down to turbo training and those seemingly endless hours of Level 2 winter sessions at 100rpm.

And so to the St Ives CC 25 on the F1 in Bedfordshire on Saturday 1 July 2000. An hour’s slow warm-up on my training bike at 17mph finished with even the slight wind dropping to no wind at all. No particular focus but I remember a sense of ‘souplesse’ of pedalling rather than a sense of power. Then I went for a fast six mile warm-up with 3 x 45 second intervals exactly as for any other event.

Conditions seemed perfect. It was now or never. The results of 12 months of training would now be concentrated into 25 miles of effort.

Those intervals leading to the start line left me very focused and almost in a trance-like state…

I reached racing speed quickly and felt at ease on the bike yet at about four miles my average speed was showing 28.2 mph so I eased slightly to 27.6, on 53 x 14 and occasional 15 or 13. The race progressed in an almost dream-like way with no conscious thought about gear changing etc. It was like being on automatic pilot trying to ignore the agony of maintaining the speed. The average speed held at 27.6 all the way back with 94rpm. The leg pain was indescribable and I was mentally ticking off the computer’s miles-togo. I finished in 54:23!

The effort was way beyond anything I’d ever experienced and one for which I’d been mentally preparing since the start of the comeback. I was left totally drained and shaking with painful quads for days afterwards. I didn’t want to put myself through this kind of effort ever again and even considered giving up racing forever… but of course I did carry on racing over the following few weeks and did PBs at 10, 30 and 50 miles. Not bad

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for a 43 year old after a 17 year break!

So, turbo training. Boring? Yes! But motivation will drive you over that. I did my turbo sessions first thing in the morning, so no excuses of running out of time, and always set the turbo bike up the previous night so I only had to get on it. A written plan for the session was essential as a focus, a selection of music, one litre of drink, sweat-band, fan and the HRM. I’ve learned that with motivation, a tough but achievable target and a plan, the sky’s the limit!

Reflections 10 years later.

Could I have gone better by approaching the 2000 season any differently? After researching all the available training material I reckon what I did was optimal. I certainly don’t think a ‘coach’ would have made any difference, much of the enjoyment of the season involved working out a training plan myself.

It ain’t rocket science.

My new bike is around 3 pounds lighter than the 2000 one. I doubt if this would have made more than a few seconds difference.

A power meter might have provided interest but probably would have made no difference to training. Heart Rate, cadence and ‘distance’ ridden during turbo sessions gave me all the feedback needed to confirm steady progress.

Central to having my best season in 2000 was having a challenging goal, then producing a good training plan and sticking with it.

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Old Skool Series … Round 1 City Road Club Hull 10 … Good Friday Full result: The event was well run by Geoff Backshall and company. I Cammish (Planet X) 22:33 G Rose (Icknield RC) 22:48 It wasn’t as ‘fast’ as last year.

G Hinxman (Kettering CC) 23:43 Cammish won the £50 voucher. N Ridsdale (Bridlington RC) 24:18 L Barry (Sportcity Velo) 24:39 Photos by kind permission of N Hanson (Seacroft Whls) 25:13 Martin Henson R Porter (ABC Centreville) 25:45 http:// A Vaughan (City RC) 26:30 A Clovis (Team Swift) 27:08 www.cyclingimages.co.uk/ I McColl (Maldon and Dist CC) 27:45 P Hopkins (Icknield RC) 28:17 P Gittins (Retrobike.co.uk) 29:29

Gavin ‘good-man ….

Christ … look how long my arms are’ Hinxman

Neil http:// www.nationaltrail.co.uk/ ClevelandWay/article.asp?

PageId=3&ArticleId=22 Ridsdale!!!!

Paul ‘Did you (have any heros) … see page 4 … I wrote that ;-)’ Gittins

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Lee ‘I’m bound to conquer the world because I’m from quality breeding’ Barry

Ian ‘anyone would think I run a bloody taxi service from Donny station to Planet X HQ the amount of times that Cammish has collared me for a lift’ McColl

Gareth ‘Bismark’ Rose threatening to use tubs to destroy the silver fox in the Old Skool World Championships in August

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Bob ‘stretch Armstrong cum Superman’ Porter

A. ‘you might not know my first name but at least I’ve got my photograph in Britain’s crappiest ever issue of Testing Times’ Clovis

Paul ‘I’ll straighten these bloody cranks if it kills me’ Hopkins Ian ‘thank God the Power isn’t here’ Cammish

Andy ‘I thought I’d take the P and see if I could get away with using a full carbon Boardman without anyone noticing. I think I got away with it’ Vaughan SEE MORE AT

Nick ‘I can talk the hind legs off a donkey’ Hanson

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Tyne Tees SPOCO Update The previous seasons have been dominated by the battle between Keith Murray and Dom Munnelly.

However, this season neither are riding the series. Murray is focusing on mountain biking to help his cyclocross and Munnelly has semi-retired.

The early races have had a sprinkling of bit hitters who have done the odd

Dave Robinson Profile Cycling History I’ve probably always dabbled in bikes from being a kid, though not in a formal way by being a member of a club. I think it was a lot safer to ride out on the roads then, less cars, and cars that travelled slower. So a ride into North Wales from where I lived in Wirral was quite a common trip in the school holidays.

I actually began to cycle more seriously soon after I moved to Newcastle in 1986, and joined the Gosforth Road Club. Met lots of good mates and it became my passion.

I mainly did long rides, especially enjoying european sportives, such as La Marmotte, Granfondo Campagnolo and Quebrantahuesos.

I started riding time trials about 5 years ago and soon got hooked. I am quite good at individual focus. I enjoy self directed pursuits and like to push myself to improve.

My time trial highs probably include the first time I rode under an hour for a ‘25’. Achieving my personal best times for ‘10’ and ‘25’, and hopefully being able to improve on those further.

As far as actual wins go, they are very thin on the ground, well only one to be honest. Though I have had quite a number of age related prizes over the past few years.

I have not really had any lows, as I think you just have to be philosophical if you don’t deliver the goods on the day. Realising that your rear tyre has punctured as you roll up to the start could be considered a pain, especially when you have travelled for a few hours to get to the event.

Bike Collection.

Have a few arrows in the quiver.

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race, notably Simon Baxter’s thumping 1:48:57 at the Teesdale Mountain Time Trial which was 9 seconds off the course record set by Wayne Randle in 2006. The Walker brothers have been out in front in the Northern events.

Dave Robinson, Tyneside Vagabonds CC, has had a good season so far, consistently racing and getting top ten placings. So has Martin Gibson of Specialized fixie for commuting, Orange MTB which I converted for general duties, Giant full suspension mountain bike (doesn’t get too much use sadly), Trek Madone 5.5 which I use as a winter bike, Pinarello Paris which is my best road bike (fantastic to ride, especially when in the Alps or Pyrenees), Trek Madone 5.2 which I have in Spain to ride when on holiday.

My time trialling bike is a Dolan Pallatola, with Dura Ace groupset, Zipp disc on rear and Zipp 808 on front. I am awaiting release for sale of the new Trek Speed Concept TT bike, which I am planning to purchase. Well, depending on the price!

What training you did this winter given the adverse weather conditions?

Managed to keep riding most of the winter, though experienced some fairly extreme conditions. Ranged from being soaked to the skin and riding through near rivers of water, to being frozen to the core riding through inches of snow. Think my bike took a fair beating after last winter.

Luckily I had a small group of friends who were pretty hardy and we tried to get out as much as possible, maybe modified routes a little to stay on more major roads. Though on a few occasions when it was just impossible to get out, the ‘tyranny of the turbo trainer’ took over. Don’t mind it too much really, but need to keep changing the sessions around otherwise it becomes soul destroying.

What is it about SPOCOs you like? Favourite courses?

I think Spocos are great, they have certainly revitalized the time trialing scene. Perhaps they appeal to a wider

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Adept Precision RT, and a new name to the SPOCO season has been Ben Lane of GS Metro who has swapped the road for time trialling.

There are some big races to come such as the Tyneside Vagabonds Mountain Time Trial, the epic Derwentside which is an 14 mile race round a dirty great hill in the Northern Pennines and the Richmond CC 24 mile hilly. audience, but I notice over past few years that the numbers of riders is steadily increasing. I also get a good cross section of riders and abilities.

Most of the courses are quite varied and challenging in parts, and often in beautiful countryside. I get to see areas that I wouldn’t normally ride in.

Most of the events seem to be centred around small village halls, and there is often a great buffet afterwards.

I have met quite a lot of people from other clubs, and it is good to see good camaraderie coupled with some healthy competition. The idea of the league also adds to the fun. Spoco courses perhaps are safer to ride, as often are on quieter roads and lanes.

As opposed to the usual ‘10’ and ‘25’ courses which are often on busy A roads, which gradually seem to get busier and busier.

My favourite Spoco courses are Stokesley T211, Toft Hill T165 and of course the Tyneside Vagabonds Mountain Time Trial M47.

Favourite post ride/race snack.

I usually have some Maximuscle Recoverymax drink after a race.

However, it is always nice to have a bit of cake, if it is available, and a decent coffee. Normally there are some offerings of cake after Spoco events, my favourite being banana cake or my wife’s Simnel cake.

Top 5 turbo tunes.

I change my playlists pretty frequently, though my top 5 at the moment are, in no particular order: • FEAR – Ian Brown • Jeremy – Pearl Jam • Where did the love go Kasabian • Seconds – Human League • Please just take these photos from my hands – Snow Patrol

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Gerry Ashley : 63 years of clock bashing Gerry Ashley, a stalwart of the Icknield Road Club, is a well known figure amongst South East Midlands and North London time triallist. Well, he should be. He's been at it for more than 60 years. This year is his 80th year and his 63rd year of continual time trialling.

Last season was blighted by illness but he promises to be back this year setting the 'F' courses alight with his own brand of friendliness and gritty determination. So look out for him, pay your respects (preferably with a fat cheque) and ask him where he stashed his black alpaca.

Frankly Franklin caught up with him on a dark and snowy night [ed:- well it was for Gerry, Frankly was sunning himself in Thailand] and asked him some ignorant and sensitive questions that most fellows would not have answered.

Frankly Franklin: Gerry, you have been cycling since long before the stork brought me to my mom. I thought I was an old git with a vet's standard time for 10 miles of 30:02, but your standard this year is 34:55. How old were you when you first started riding and how did you get into this wonderful sport of ours in the first place?

Gerry Ashley: As a boy I was always interested in outdoor activities and in 1944 we used to have games evenings in a field off St Neots common. Cecil Paget, who was a well known North Road CC member living in St Neots and trying to revive the St Neots Cycling Club came to talk to us one Thursday in early August He first told us about the health benefits and friendliness of cycling and invited those with a bike to go on a Sunday tea run.

Previously, I had been with my Dad for a drive when I saw these black clad riders taking drinks on Eltisley Green and thought that's what I would like to do and suddenly I had this chance. As it happened only a few weeks before Cecil's chat a local businessman had driven over my old Hercules wrecking it, so he gave me his business card and sent me to the local bike shop to get a replacement. I choose a James frame which was fitted with all sorts of odd bits. It didn't really fit me but it got me out on Sunday's run to the pub in Northill for tea. I was smitten, couldn't wait until the next weekend!

My third club run was to Littleport, some 35 miles from St

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Neots and it was an experience. I left with the lads at 2:30pm and rode through the lanes not having any idea where I was going until we got to the tea place which we shared with the Cambridge T&CCC. When it was time to leave we took a different route back until we got to a pub in the country which had just opened. By now it was 7 pm. In those days, with so many RAF stations around St Neots, the military brought their bikes to camp and joined local clubs on Sunday tea runs. When we left this pub at closing time (10:30pm) Stan Collis took me to the A45, as it was in those days, and said keep on this road and it will take you to St Neots. Here was I a 14-year-old in the middle of Cambridgeshire on my own with the war going on all around me. With hardly a glimmer of a front light, I headed for St Neots. I rode down Cambridge Street to see in the distance my dad standing on the crossroads waving a walking stick at me, shouting “where the b.... hell do you think you have been?”

“Littleport” says I. “You've had me worried to death……” he replied then ranted all the way home. Once the bike had been put away and I was back indoors he read me the riot act saying: “I'm taking that bike away from you. I don't need scaring like that again”. But half-way through the week he realized where I had been and how many miles I had covered including doing the last 18 on my own on a pitch black blackout night. Anyway, he relented and loaned me 7 pounds 10 shillings to get a used Hobbs of Barbican. What a beauty! Getting a Hobbs in those days was like getting a Cervelo today!

During the next three years I racked up lots of miles mostly with mates. By then the members that went to war were home and in March 1947 we had a club '10' (my first event) which strangely enough went through Eltisley Green where I first saw those black-clad bike racers. [ed:- The result is mentioned elsewhere.] At that point I really got excited about riding my bike, joined the club and got into regular riding and club life.

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I did have other interests in my early teenage years. I was a drummer in a dance band doing at least 4 nights a week and I was also being trained as a boxer! That involved lots of running a skipping. However, I realized that together with my mate Dixie Dean we could explore much of the county on our bikes and we introduced cycling like this to fellow members of the St Neots Youth Club. We soon formed Sunday club runs of 20 or more riders.

FF: You are a part of the fittings and fixtures of the famous F courses on the A1. Have these courses changed very much? Has the atmosphere at an open event changed a lot? What is your best memory of riding the F1?

GA: Over the years the F1 has changed starts and finishes from Biggleswade, Shefford Lane, Sandy, Blunham Lane, Tempsford, Chawston Lane, Eaton Socon and Little Paxton Lane - these were all variations of the same course. In the days prior to using village halls as HQs - we used to have a finish that had a course built around it so that spectators were stationed within a 100 yards of the finish line which created an electric atmosphere egged on by the many amateur timekeepers and excited earlier finishers. In the early days the scratchman was always on number 50 out of a full card of 100 riders. So after he had finished there was not a lot to look forward to. Today, of course, there is no atmosphere at most events as starts and finishes are well away from the headquarters at Tempsford and the results come in by telephone.

When I first started riding the course the A1 went over the Girtford river bridge. On the southern side of the bridge was a real bikie's café - it was called Fullers - which had a wooden hut in the garden where riders that rode down to ride the course would stay overnight and congregate after the event for breakfast and wheel changing, very often putting on mudguards for the ride home. There was always a very friendly atmosphere and there was always a joker about. I remember asking a rider from Yorkshire one morning how to do fast rides. “Hard tyres and high gears lad” came the reply!

Going back as far as the 1950s the '100' course in those days had the last turn outside the Haycock hotel in Wansford, where the A47 crosses the A1. It then went 35 miles down the A1 all the way to finish in Everton Lane almost opposite the present F1 HQ. It was usually into a prevailing south westerly wind. We had five or six '100's on the F1 in those days and three 12- hour events. And for years after I first started we used to do U Turns as the traffic was just about non existent What is my best memory of the F1? There are so many . . . but it could be my first national championship '50' in 1949 when I bought my first pair of wooden sprints with Airlite hubs especially for the event. Jack Simpson was the winner in 2:02:14. My personal best 12-hour in 1958 was another great memory as was the Southgate '50' in September 1958. Alf Engers started a minute behind me and needless to say he caught me and left me for dead in about 10 miles. In those days we went north on the A1 turning at Sawtry. It was a real F1 day with a very strong south westerly wind. I saw Alf about 4 miles back from the turn. Then after grovelling down the A1, on an 84 fixed, it was a pleasure to go over Girtford bridge knowing there was only three miles down the Shefford lane to the finish. Once into the straight I couldn't believe my eyes as Alf was only just up the road. He finished 4th I was 5th and the event was won by A Rowe in 2:7:58. Two weekends before that I rode the N&DCA 12-hour on F1 and covered 245 miles. The next

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weekend it was the Peterborough '100', again on 84 fixed, when I did a 4:14:09, then the Southgate '50' followed by the Champ 12 when I did my 253 on 81 fixed. All events were ridden on the standard 27x1¼ high pressures. Those were the days!

Perhaps my strongest memory of more recent years is riding the Norlond '100' at the age of 66. It was one of those days when I reached the 75-mile mark in 3:03 and I stood a good chance of getting the veterans age record. However, I blew completely at 85 miles and finished with a 4:16:52 missing the record by just 16 seconds. That still smarts to this day - I should have been inside a 4:10.

FF: You are known as a time triallist. Have you taken part in other disciplines such as road racing, bicycle polo, track or cyclo cross? Have you used your bike for more than club runs, such as touring in Europe, commuting to work or hostel weekends?

GA: I had a couple of unsuccessful attempts at road racing. In the first one the bunch left me sitting in the road and the next was even worse - I was dropped in the neutralized zone when my chain came off at the start. I never saw anyone again. In the 50s there were plenty of grass track meetings in conjunction with local fêtes. They were hard races but good fun. I did some touring around the UK until 1949 and then I went with two Beds Roads members and two from St Neots by train to Sans Sebastian just over the Spanish border. We rode through the Pyrenees, with a detour to Andorra but were not allowed to cross the border from Spain. We went on to Tossa del Mar on the Mediterranean. It was a real exploration as we didn't have maps.

The roads were unmade for miles in some parts and in the towns and villages many properties were covered in bullet holes. We didn't speak a word of Spanish though that was never a problem as hand gestures were very effective. In those days, just after World War 2, holiday makers were only allowed to take 25 pounds out of the country at any one time. We had a great time, with plenty of local food and drink and I still managed to come home with 7 pounds 10 shillings. [ed:- you must have been stinking rich Gerry, that was a lot of money in those days!]

FF: You used to race with the St Neots & District CC. That was the club that our lovely editor first joined. Can you tell us about what he was like as a sprog. Do you remember his first events?

GA: Yes I remember this tall, slim, quiet lad coming to ride the St Neots evening '10's doing 26/27s but he soon started speeding up. He made friends with Adrian Collard the St Neots junior who had won the national junior '25' in June of that year with a 56:13. Ian learned fast and soon became a mile eater training with Adrian. As he moved up to '100's, so the story has it, Colin and Wendy Every gave him a time check every 10 miles to keep him on schedule of 10 x10 miles each one inside 21 minutes.

Once that was achieved it was 10 x10 inside 20 minutes. I think it would be fair to say Ian is the best 100 miler this country has ever produced.

FF: How about the bicycle. Talk us through some of the early bikes that you have owned? Have you always ridden gears or did you ride on fixed wheel in the early days? What is the best bike that you've ever owned? And the worst?

GA: I went onto fixed wheel about three weeks after joining the St Neots in 1944 and carried on racing on fixed until the early 1960s when I changed to a 3-speed gear for twelves and '100's. I have had some great hand built bikes by Alan

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(Pongo) Braithewaite, Alan Shorter and Cliff Shrubb and in recent years Terry Dolan. As good as they were in those days I believe an all-carbon bike has to be light years ahead. In fact modern day times suggest they are. I still buy my weekly Lottery ticket in the hope that one day I may get lucky. I'd then go the whole hog and see what I could do on one. Its not 'personals' that us vets think of anymore - it's a good plus on standard.

FF: You've ridden with some very fast boys and many of these were close friends of yours as well as being real characters in the sport. Can you name some of them here and tell us something about them? You were also part of the very fast VC Slough with John Burnham, Eddie Adkins, Roger Queen and so on. These are the experiences we'd like to hear about.

GA: Yes riding with the VC Slough was a great experience and one event with them gave me my biggest disappointment in time trialing. The high was in 1978 when John Webb, Arthur Boutell and myself won the Veterans team championship. On the other end of the scale, in the same year, five club members, Roger Queen, Jon Burnham, Dave Smith, Eddie Adkins and John Webb broke the '30' team competition record. Roger Queen took 20 secs off Engers' comp record and they all came away with national certificates. I was the only one that didn't even though I rode a 1:06:50! It was a great club with many major successes thanks to Wendy Webb whose business sponsored the club. Some of our social events went on for so long I don't think anyone remembered going home after them!

FF: Last year you were 79 years of age and listed in the VTTA handbook as one of the oldest guys still time trialling. Three years ago the A5 Rangers CC awarded you a trophy for 60 continuous years of racing, which must be a record. What do you feel now when you look at all the younger riders on their flashy expensive carbon machines? Do you still think they'll be racing when they're eighty?

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GA: I recall my first attempt at riding a ‘10’. I didn't have a clue about racing as after the war things hadn't really got going.

At the start I was told to go as fast as you can until a man standing in the road tells you to turn round and go back. I did the fastest time that day, a 32:20 on 23 March 1947. I had to borrow a black alpaca jacket and black tights to be conspicuous in order to ride. 60 years later on 25 March 2007, with a very heavy cold, I rode the A5 Rangers CC ‘10’ and my time was just a handful of seconds short of the first effort.

Mind you, I'd love to do it all again on one of those flashy carbon bikes. Sure I would love to own a top of the range S Works low pro. Dream on Gerry! [Frankly: I think you'll have to tap up Planet X for a loan machine for the season! They have some nice carbon gear.]

It is sad that our very healthy sport is on the decline. I get the feeling youngsters want to race but no one wants to properly promote an open event. It seems that many of the established events have been allowed to fall by the wayside. There may be no events left in 50 years time. Seems we don't have officials that fight for our rights as riders. Motorists say ‘bloody cyclists’, yet I would guess at least 80% of riders are car owners anyway, so we really do have a case as whilst we are allowed to ride our bikes we are not polluting the atmosphere like these individuals that would rather drive to the local shop than walk.

FF: How about your personal records? Have you ridden at all distances or were you mainly a short distance man? What are your personal best times, years that these were set and on what courses? (Sorry Gerry, we are nosey blighters.)

GA: Yes I have ridden all distances with the exception of a '24'. My feet have prevented that! I used to love riding a '12', in fact I've ridden 26 of them with an average mileage of 237. The first one was in July 1949 when I did 216 miles including half an hour's sleep following a bout of sickness! My best '12' was in 1958 when I got 8th place in the national on the F1 covering

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253 miles on 81” fixed. Ray Booty did the best distance of 263 miles.

I've ridden 83 hundreds. The first was in July 1948 when I was 18 years old. That was a 4:57:52. In 1980 I did my all time personal in an event won by Ian Cammish in 3:41:41. I did a 4:11:27. My best '50' was in the Clifton CC event on the V153, 30 August 1976 - that was a 1:52:54. It was won by Phil Griffiths. I mentioned the '30' earlier on so I won't repeat that!

Then we have the '25'. In 1986, at the age of 56 I did a 54:21 just missing Vic Gibbons' age record. As for tens, in 1983, aged 52, I got the vets national age record with a 21:22 which stood for three years until 1985 when I reduced it to 21:17.

That time stood for another three years. And in 1984 I managed to get 'Best on Standard' in the vet's championship '30'.

Up to 1986 I had ridden all my personals with conventional dropped bars. When I rode my ten personal I was getting towards an aero position. We turned the bars upside down and sawed off the surplus bits!

Overall my record books show almost 1700 events, two of which were on a trike. A 1:08 for a '25' on a borrowed trike in 1952 then a 4:58 '100' a few years later.

FF: In a few words how do you think the sport has changed over the years? I don't know if you ever raced in black alpaca, but is this the way to go again? Do you like woollen shorts or does Lycra® turn you on the same as it does me and Nob? GA: Unfortunately the sport hasn't changed all that much.

When we used to pay two shillings and sixpence [ed:- 12½ pee] entrance fee the first prize was 15 shillings [ed: 75 pee] or 6 times the entrance fee. Today the £7-50p entrance fee produces a £20 first prize which is not even three times the entrance fee. I used to love it when we had the result board and tea stall in a field near to the finish were spectators could see riders finishing and many amateur timekeepers having a guess at what so and so had done. It was a great atmosphere which we don't always find today. Another memory from the past was the great BBAR concerts organized by the RTTC. My first visit to one of these was in the Albert Hall in the midforties when Tommy Trinder was the compere.

of competing, not only against others, but also against the elements. A time triallist has to face howling gales, torrential rain, strong headwinds - all the elements. I would imagine with today's equipment and training based on intervals as opposed to 'getting the miles in' as us old 'uns were brought up to believe, racing is just as hard if not harder. However the new styled bikes must help riders to go through the air that bit easier.

Going on that first club run changed my life forever. Over the years I have made life long friends, and couldn't imagine life without a bike and wanting to get on the start line to beat Old Father Time!

FF: Gerry, if you were to be asked for some helpful words of advice for a young time triallist to carry with him for the rest of his life, what would you say?

GA: Talking to any youngster I would encourage him or her to take a serious look at cycling both as a healthy lifestyle and as a competitive sport which has much to offer. I would encourage them to invest some money in themselves to develop personal development and most importantly get them to develop a positive attitude.

I would say learn to set short- and long-term goals in the six most important areas of their life. In your early cycling days build your stamina with regular long rides and don't be persuaded to race too early, let your body develop a bit first. Learn bike maintenance; enjoy getting away from all that a stressful modern life throws at you. I can guarantee you will enjoy a wonderful life with many friends that share your hobby or should you wish, you could turn cycling into a profession. You can do what you want in life when you learn to turn your wants into desires.

FF: And finally ... Do you read Testing Times? If not, why not?

GA: Ooops! I have just found the Planet X ad and seen how to access Testing Times.

Frankly Franklin: All of us old codgers were young aspirational riders once! Even Ian Cammish - Gerry actually knew him before he'd even ridden a '100'. But Gerry is an absolute treasure and its worth going down the F1 just to have a chat with him. He's a lovely guy who has been there and done it and still wants to do it all over again, season after season.

And, yes, as you have seen I have raced in black Alpaca - but give me Lycra any time!

FF: I know that sadly you have struggled with your health a tad over the past few years? But given good health and some successful turbo training how do you think this season will pan out for you? Do you have any goals?

GA: Yes I have had a few accidents of late with a few broken bones. Unfortunately arthritis has now set in which makes bending etc a bit of a chore. My mind is still strong but the body not so willing anymore. I still intend to ride a few more events though, God willing.

FF: Can you describe what this sport has contributed to your life. How do you think your life would have turned out without the bike?

GA: Health is still high on my list of priorities. Racing breeds that competitive spirit in anyone that can accept the challenge

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Old Skool Series … Round 3 Cambridge CC 10

Paul ‘it’s not really an SRM … honest’ Mellens

Gareth ‘Bismark’ Rose … still on clinchers … still trying to win enough Planet X vouchers to get some freebie Planet X Artisan tubs to whoop the world in August

Nice day … decent course … photos courtesy of David Jones.

Cammish won another £50 Planet X voucher. Gareth Rose came second.

Ian ‘this is far too hard … I can’t believe we used to go so fast looking as daft as this’ Cammish Full result: I Cammish (Planet X) 22:54 G Rose (Icknield RC) 23:07 P Mellen (Horsham CC) 23:23 M Hennessy (Southend Whls) 25:18 E Dean (Norwich ABC) 25:45 J Maund (VC Elan) 27:43

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Old Skool Series …

Round 2 Bath CC 10 It went ahead … it was VERY fast. Cammish won the £50 Planet X voucher. No photographers … no photos. Sorry.

Result: I Cammish (planet X) 22:30 P Mellen (Horsham CC) 22:40 G Rose (Icknield RC) 23:04 M Rowley (Oxonian CC) 23:24 G Hinxman (Kettering CC) 23:47 D Summers (Bath CC) 24:00 T Marshall (Chippenham & D Whls) 24:15 T Woollard (Northover Vets) 24:52 A Kelly (Bristol South CC) 25:27 L Muir (Newbury RC) 26:00 Ms L Smith (VC Walcot) 26:34 J Maund (VC Elan) 26:56 K Williams (Oxford City RC) 28:36 N Cavan (Planet X) 39:59

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Nob off … coming soon … WORLD EXCLUSIVE ...Nob’s Giant Chav We’ve all heard about Specialised’s Shiv ... well Testing Times is pleased to be able to announce a world exclusive … Nob’s Giant Chav.

Testing Times’ photographers have infiltrated the strictly controlled confines of Nob’s back garden and have dispatched countless digital goodies across the globe via electronic transmission solely for the benefit of the loyal, discerning Testing Times subscriber (whoever … wherever you may be).

During the course of the next few weeks, you’ll be able to see exactly what Nob’s been up to while he’s been beavering away at work away from his wife.

Testing Times apologises in advance for any heartache or trauma the state of Nob’s grass A sneak preview of what’s to come … a fair bit of Evergreen Complete and / or borders may cause to any serious Soluble Lawn Feed and Moss Control gardeners who may happen to stumble on the wouldn’t go amiss. site (or Testing Times).

Testing Times continues to be on the look out for news, views, reviews … whatever. A Master’s degree in journalism isn’t always a pre-requisite for budding contributors although it may help if you possess, what may be termed to be, an acquired sense of humour.

Spelling expertise and grammatical excellence lay low on the list of ‘must have’ skills … as any regular reader of Testing Times will confirm.

Material (no Nob … not rubber, lycra or leather) and / or comments appreciated … now on-line! ;-)

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