18 MAY 2018
TERM 2 • 18 MAY 2018 • VOLUME 300
18 MAY TO 1 JUNE 2018
From the Principal Mrs Nicola Taylor
This week the NSW Government has launched a comprehensive review of the K-12 curriculum being taught in all Government, Catholic and Independent schools in our state. This is the most extensive curriculum review since 1989, though several individual subject areas have been reviewed more recently, especially K-10 English, Mathematics, Geography, History, Science and Technology, leading to the introduction of the Australian Curriculum. Having worked in education for over 30 years, a professional interest has been in Curriculum design and development. I inherited this interest from my mother who was a Government School Principal and who has given me her complete set of syllabus documents from the 1970s when a structured timetable and set curriculum was in place in all Government Schools across the state. My own pre-service teacher education was during a period when having disbanded centralised curriculum, each school was able to develop its own curriculum within the context of the needs and interests of its community, according to a framework of curriculum guidelines. This approach was soon shown to be inefficient as whilst some schools were resourced and able to develop detailed curriculum documents, many schools were not. continues next page... continued on Page 2...
Boarding Schools' Expo - Dubbo 18/5 - 19/5/18 Kindy/Year 1 Excursion to Thalgarrah 18/5/18 Year 8 Mathematics Day 18/5/18 IGSSA Cross Country 18/5/18 Eisteddfod Strings and Chamber Music 20/5/18 Boarders' Chapel 21/5/18 Volunteer Students to Torch Bearers Legacy Event 21/5/18 Years 5 and 6 Maths Olympiad 23/5/18 Chamber Music - Armidale Eisteddfod 24/5/18 PSSA Cross Country 25/5/18 Eisteddfod New England Championship 25/5/18 Years 11 and 12 Ancient History HSC Seminar 25/5/18 String Eisteddfod 27/5/18 Boarders' Chapel 28/5/18 Years 2 to 11 ICAS Science 29/5/18 AMEB Speech & Drama Eisteddfod 29/5 - 1/6/18 PLCA to Columba - Student Exchange 31/5/18 Model United Nations Assembly (MUNA) 1/6 - 3/6/18 North West Equestrian Expo Coonabarabran 1/6 - 5/6/18 PLCA at Columba - Student Exchange 1/6 - 12/6/18
In 1989, The Committee of Review of New South Wales Schools released the Report of the Committee of Review of New South Wales Schools (known as the Carrick Report) which made recommendations for a reform of the K-10 Curriculum. This was followed by the establishment of The Board of Studies (now NESA) with responsibility for curriculum development from K-12 and accreditation of the HSC. So once more curriculum was centralised across the state.
As an Independent School we are required to teach the curriculum developed by NESA. However, as an Independent School we have autonomy in deciding how the curriculum is delivered, how classes are structured and organised, which elective subjects are offered and how much time beyond the mandatory hours, we allocate to courses of study. As a school for girls, this enables us to structure our approach in a way that suits girls and appeals to the way they learn.
NEWS
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PLC ARMIDALE OLD GIRLS’ NEWS There are a couple of invitations for PLC Armidale Old Girls. The first is: Make the old new again and re-connect with old friends. Come along for a drink and a chat after the working week has finished on Friday 1 June, 2018. Where: 'Charlies Last Stand', cnr Jessie and Beardy Sts, Armidale When: Friday, 1 June, 2018 from 5:30 pm Who: PLC Armidale Old Girls and their partners/friends RSVP or further information, please phone Kathie Marquardt 0409 722 149 or email kathie@marquardtconstructions.com.au The second is:
BOARDING SCHOOLS’ EXPO
The Old Armidalians’ Union (formerly the TAS Old Boys’ Union) has invited PLC Armidale Old Girls to join in with their TAS reunion weekend 14-16 September, 2018. They are organising a swimming relay on the Friday night and would love to have a PLC Armidale Old Girls’ relay team compete. Festivities will then move to the foyer of the TAS Hoskins Centre, which will include the OAs v TAS debate.
It has been great to see so many visitors to our PLC Armidale stand at the first Boarding Schools’ Expo in Dubbo today (and hopefully more tomorrow). Enrolments Manager, Sally McCook and Head of Boarding, Alison Spencer are there flying the flag for the College.
The weekend will include “A Night at the Newie” organised by Sara Schmude (nee Grills) from NEGS.
They are also showcasing a few treats from the PLC Armidale Commemorative Book, REPAST, and have a few order forms there as well.
If there are any PLC Armidale Old Girls who do not receive invitations and/or communications from PLC Armidale, it may be because your contact details have changed. Please give me a ring and we can easily get you back on the list.
Stories to tell? Should you wish to have any achievement or activity promoted, please send the information to: development@plcarmidale.nsw.edu.au
Should anyone be interested in attending the reunion or forming a relay team please contact Tim Hughes, Secretary, Old Armidalians’ Union on 0409 662 420 direct or myself Kathie Marquardt on 0409 722 149.
Kathie Marquardt President PLC Armidale Old Girls’ Union
Shona Eichorn • Director of Development development@plcarmidale.nsw.edu.au Sally McCook • Enrolments Manager enrolments@plcarmidale.nsw.edu.au
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SENIOR SCHOOL
Senior School Notes Anna Caldwell, Head of Senior School
What a fabulous start to the term! Congratulations to everyone who participated in the Athletics Carnival with such enthusiasm and thank you to all the staff, parents, old girls and UNE students who helped run all the events. It was a fabulous day, despite the arctic conditions.
Sport Uniform The school sport uniform is to be worn for all PE lessons and sport training before, during and after school. Long black skins/ sports leggings are permitted to be worn under their shorts during winter as an extra layer. Girls are to wear white sport socks for all PE lessons. It is not hygienic or appropriate to wear the long winter green socks or stockings.
MYAT and NAPLAN This week saw our students in Years 5 – 9 sit the Middle Years Ability Test on Monday and Years 3, 5, 7 & 9 sit NAPLAN on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Eisteddfod This week also saw the start of the 2018 Eisteddfod with our girls performing in numerous music events held at Necom and Lazenby Hall. With both the Music, Speech Drama Eisteddfods, please remember to contact the school in writing (email) to notify of any /all absences from school due to performances.
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Fiona Wake, Head of Junior School
Congratulations PLC Armidale Junior School, for your success and participation at our rather chilly Athletics Carnival last Friday. I would also like to extend this appreciation to staff, parents and carers for your support and assistance. The smooth running and safety of our students is achievable when our parent body willingly commits their time to make this possible.
Mother’s Day Breakfast It was lovely to see so many smiling Mums and Daughters enjoying each others company at the Junior School Breakfast and Chapel last week. Thank you to everyone for joining us and making the day so special.
JUNIOR SCHOOL
Junior School News
Standardised Testing PLC Armidale teachers are committed to using a variety of assessment procedures to build learning profiles on individual students across the Junior School from Pre-K through to Year 6. Standardised testing in Reading, Spelling and in LIEN and LIN (Learning in Early Numeracy and Learning in Numeracy) is administered and from this data collected to assist in providing support and enrichment activities for students and an understanding of students as learners. NAPLAN, MYAT are standardised tests that provide a measure of general intellectual abilities. These tests are developed by ACER (Australian Council for Educational Research) and are scored and analysed by ACER. These tests provide an overall ability score in each of the following areas; Literacy, Numeracy and a non-verbal section which provide information about the extent to which a student can discover principles and rules and apply them to solve problems using abstract visual patterns rather than numbers or words. It is important to view these tests as one test on one day and hence it is important for teachers to use a variety of assessment procedures and methods in the classroom across the year to assess student skills. This enables the differentiation of learning programs to cater for the individual needs and learning styles of students within a classroom. If you have any question relating to standardised testing or would like to touch base with your daughter’s teacher regarding their learning, please do not feel this needs to be confined to the Parent Teacher Interview time slots.
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Year 4 have made an exciting start to a busy term. Within their Science and Geography investigation unit “Beneath Our Feet”, students are looking forward to exploring their physical environment and how it changes over time and examining the similarities and differences between the natural environment of Australia and other countries. Most recently, students investigated the natural features of our local environment, examining rock and soil samples collected from the PLC Armidale Junior School grounds and exploring how features on maps made a long time ago might have changed. Students are enjoying working collaboratively and taking on important roles within their Science research teams and are looking forward to investigating the soil and rock samples they bring from their homes.
JUNIOR SCHOOL
Learning in Year 4 with Miss Rowland
Our novel study for this term is Storm Boy, and the students are thoroughly enjoying getting to know Storm Boy, Hide-Away and Mr Percival and exploring the descriptive language used by Colin Thiele to describe the natural environment of the Coorong where this classic novel is set. In Maths, students are continuing to develop their problem-solving skills by working collaboratively to design robots, bust myths, and engage in a range of engaging activities which require them to consolidate knowledge from a variety of Maths concept areas. All of Year 4 are looking forward to an exciting and productive Term 2.
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EVENTS
Warialda Show Report The Cattle Team headed off to Warialda on Friday after the Athletics Carnival, ready to compete in Saturday’s events. The first in the ring for the Red Polls were the bulls aged under 12 months where: • 2nd place went to Lagoona Impact, led by Paris Whibley • 3rd place went to Lagoona Open Road, led by Lily Coleman Following on were the Red Poll heifers: • 1st place in the under 12 months was won by Lagoona Miss Sugar, led by Isabelle Leitch • 2nd place in the same class went to Lagoona Petunia, led by Chelsea Waters • 1st place in the over 20 months was won by Lagoona Qinta, led by Madison Mitchell • Reserve Champion in the over 16 months category was awarded to Lagoona Natalie, led by Charlotte Lamaro The girls also competed in the Junior Judging competition and two PLC girls, Chelsea Waters and Madison Mitchell made the finals. The under 13’s Paraders’ competition was won by Charlotte Lamaro and 2nd place was awarded to Madison Mitchell. Congratulations girls! Judy Miller Cattle Team Coordinator
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EVENTS
Year 11 & 12 Father Daughter Dinner Dance
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SPORT
Around the Grounds Sports Report Peter Le Surf, Director of Sport
2018 Athletics Age Champions
Week 3 is here and winter sport is up and running. Our Hockey teams are doing well in the Hockey New England competition. Here are some reports from our coaches: PLC Thunder played NEGS last week and while the girls took a while to get used to their positions with a few girls new to the game, they put on a remarkable display. The girls came out in the second half and scored a breakaway goal (Charlotte), and later in the game (Mackenzie) scored a cracking goal off the top of the circle. The girls ended up winning 2-0, which was super effort for the first game of season.
The girls in PLC 4 have been training and playing hard, with still many aspects of their game to improve on throughout the season. So far, they have had a win and a narrow loss. The first weekend the girls played Duval, winning 36 - 15 with Sienna taking out best and fairest. The second weekend the girls played the Vixens losing 13-14 with Lucy Caldwell receiving best and fairest. Despite the weather and tough competition, the girls played outstandingly well and improved their skills from Week 1. I look forward to working with the girls throughout the rest of the year.
PLC U’13s Flames started off the year red hot with a great game against United Hockey team. The girls linked well together as a team and tried their hardest the whole game. Promising signs for what is ahead and proving a worry for any team up against these girls. Even though the score line this week didn’t reflect the game, the Hockey season is looking very positive. Well done girls! Our Netball teams are having a mixed start to the season so far, however all the coaches have expressed delight at the attitude of all players. Some girls have never played before and they have been quick to learn and take onboard any information and instructions from the coaches. PLC 3 have had two very tough games against the MFIT Mixups and the Uralla Wildcats. Last Saturday’s match against Uralla was incredibly close, as the girls (with no reserves) went down in the last five minutes of the game 29-33. The girls put in a fantastic game and should be very happy with their improvements in these two weeks alone.
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Mrs Taylor and Ally Carter, Maquarie Guild Captain
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Records Broken!!
Just a reminder that if you are not able to make training or the game each week, you need to contact me plesurf@plcarmidale. nsw.edu.au so I can inform your coach. If you know in advance that you will be away some weeks, please let your coach know as soon as possible.
1500m time 5:30.00 previously held by L.Neilson (2014) 6:55.77
I look forward to seeing you either on the sporting fields or on the sidelines throughout the term.
Some records were broken, despite the weather: Chiyo Brown Girls 12 years 400m time 1:09.57 previously held by A.Jakins (2000) 1:13.69
SPORT
Our soccer team that plays at 8:30am every Saturday is finding things a little tough, however they are turning up and giving their best effort each week. The competition does not separate the girls and boys, and PLC Armidale is the only all-girls’ team in the competition.
Kate Loxley Girls 8 years 800m time 3:23.00 previously held by C.Portell (2015) 3:32.04 1500m time 6:56.00 previously held by S. Smart (2016) 10:16.99 Anais Dettwiler Girls 9 years 1500m time 7:05.00 previously held by C.Portell (2016) 7:08.57
Athletics Carnival On Thursday and Friday May 10 and 11, the Whole School Athletics Carnival was conducted. Some events were held at Harris Par (Friday) while some at PLC Oval (Thursday).
Maddison Campbell-Pickering Girls 14 years
The best way to describe the weather was “memorable!” It was a chilly 14 degrees and gusty winds of 25-30 km/hr. At least it was not raining!
I would like to say “Thanks” to the P & F for supplying the canteen both at Harris Park and PLC Armidale Oval. And another “Thanks” to all the parents who braved the weather and assisted last week. Without this assistance it would have been very difficult to get through the whole program.
The girls performed at their best, however running into a strong headwind was quite challenging. Congratulations to all girls for “getting in and having a go!” Our Age Champions for 2018 are as follows: 8 years
Kate Loxley
9 years
Anais Dettwiler
10 years
Sophie Young
11 years
Scarlett Loxley
12 years (JS) Maggie Ryan 12 years (SS) Sienna Dellow 13 years
Lucy Young
14 years
Maddison Campbell-Pickering
15 years
Imogen Dellow
16 years
Charlotte Caldwell
17 years
Sarah Miron
18 years
Sarah Askey
Equalled the high jump record set in 2007 by G. Toombs 1.48m
Fitness A reminder that fitness is compulsory for ALL girls playing in our representative teams. If you would like to apply for an exemption from fitness, you need to come and see me. Other girls not in representative teams who wish to participate in the fitness program are welcome to join in. Fitness is held every Tuesday 6:30 - 7:30 am. You can also then stay on for breakfast in the Dining room if you wish. Just make sure you’re organised and have purchased a breakfast ticket from Reception beforehand!
Overall point score: Macquarie 1495 Gregory 1272 Forrest 985 Wentworth 972
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SPORT 2018 Athletics Carnival
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On average, 60% of funding for Australian independent schools comes from parent and community contributions, including fees and donations. These contributions are essential for providing the buildings, grounds and other facilities that make PLC Armidale such a vibrant and inspirational place to learn. Federal'(Commonwealth'Grants)
State
FOUNDATION
Did You Know?
Parent'&'Community
30%
60% 10%
Data based on Independent Schools Council of Australia
Annual Giving Campaign How can you support PLC Armidale to educate the successful women of tomorrow AND improve your end of financial year tax return? By supporting Foundation’s Annual Giving campaign. Your generous gift will help the College today and into the future, by providing more scholarships to girls of promise and upgraded buildings for all students. And, if you give by 30 June 2018, you will receive a good return for your donation – a receipt for tax purposes that you can use to prepare your 2017/18 tax return. It’s a win-win. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------c Yes I would like to make the following gift to PLC Armidale: c $500 c $250 c $100 c $2000 c $1000 c Other $_____________ I would like to give to the: c Scholarship Fund c Building Fund My payment details are: c EFT BSB: 032 607 Scholarship Fund Account #223426 Building Fund Account #128584 c I’ve enclosed my cheque c Please charge my credit card (circle): Visa / Mastercard / Amex Number: cccc cccc cccc cccc Expiry Date ___/___ Signature: _________________________ Name:______________________________________________________________________ Address: ____________________________________________________________________ Postcode:______________ Contact phone number:_________________________________ Email:______________________________________________________________________ All donations over $2 are tax-deductible within Australia. For receipting purposes please mail the completed form to: PLC Armidale, Locked Bag 5, Armidale NSW 2350 ABN: 75 486 224 651
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MUSIC Year 3 - 6 Choir conducted by Mrs Constance Dunham
Music Matthew Minter, Director of Music PRE-EISTEDDFOD IN-HOUSE CONCERTS
EISTEDDFOD
Last week on Wednesday and Thursday we held three In House Concerts to prepare for the Eisteddfod. There were two concerts for soloists in the Music room and our Pre Eisteddfod Twilight In House Concert was held in the Astra Arts Centre on Wednesday. The Twilight Concert featured the Senior Choir, Bel Canto Ensemble, Senior and Junior Strings and the Year Seven String Quintet. It was an excellent opportunity for these ensembles to present their Eisteddfod works to an appreciative audience. Having the Pre-Eisteddfod performance a week or so before the Eisteddfod itself begins allows the students an opportunity to polish their works.
The Eisteddfod has commenced! Bravo to the choirs on their very impressive performances at the choral events and to Emma Dauparas, Abigail Thompson and the Elective students for their exceptional compositions and performances in the composition competition held on Wednesday. Of the 20 school aged finalists from Armidale, 11 were from PLC. This is a very commendable result and reflects not only the talent and high calibre of students in our College, but the genuine effort that went into the preparation of the works in Term One. I am extremely pleased with how PLC performed in the Eisteddfod Composition Competition.
Congratulations to all of the following students who performed in the concerts:
Highlights from the Eisteddfod so far include the very impressive performance from the Treble Makers who achieved equal first place with NECOM Cantilena. Congratulations particularly to Mrs Dunham who directs both of these ensembles!
Harriet Minter Georgia Smitham Laura Smitham Lucy Quast Emily Thompson Mackenzie Constable Madeleine George Chiyo Brown Catherine Alcorn Anais Dettwiler Sophia Ruig Flurina Dettwiler Winnie Huang Sarah Miron Teya Catterall Elinor Warwick Jessica Hughes Crystal Dai Ruby Beatty
Hanna Wu Kaylee Swick Madeleine Tidbury Angel Cheung Abigail Thompson Emma Dauparas Matilda PoolesEisenhauer Scarlett Loxley Kate Loxley Sarah Hughes India Smith Maggie Ryan Katie MacDougall Sophia Mackson Lily Graham Teresa Yuan Isabelle Taylor
The Senior Choir presented an exceptional performance at the Choral Championship. Although achieving second place, being narrowly defeated by NECOM’s New England Singers, the performance marked the highest standard that we have achieved as an an ensemble in the years that I have worked with them. Congratulations girls. Bravo! In summary, our results thus far include: Vocal Ensemble - Open PLC Senior Elective Vocal Ensemble - tied for 3rd Place PLC Bel Canto Vocal Ensemble - 2nd Place New England Choral Championships - Open PLC Senior Choir - 2nd Place Year 3 to 6 Choir – placed 1st in their Division All the very best to each and every student for the remainder of the Eisteddfod.
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MUSIC
Mackenzie Constable Year 11
Richard Gill workshop
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PASTORAL
Pastoral Care Conversation Paula Goode, Pastoral Care Coordinator
BEATING BULLYING BE INFORMED, BE AWARE! Over the next few weeks all senior Pastoral Care classes will be involved in discussion sessions using activities and resources from Bullying. No Way! for Australian schools and the Student Wellbeing Hub websites. These resources will assist to establish proactive and comprehensive strategies that have proven to be highly effective ways of preventing bullying. Talking and teaching about bullying through everyday opportunities is the best way to make it clear that bullying is never ok. Talking about bullying means it can't be hidden or overlooked in the busy school or family day. Conversations provide opportunities for students to raise issues that adults may not have noticed, and to discuss concerns before they become long-term and entrenched. Teaching about bullying is also part of a comprehensive safe school curriculum. Learning about feelings, social interaction, diversity, social structures, discrimination, justice, power and conflict provide opportunities to explore the issue of bullying, why it happens and how to prevent it. To help you have appropriate conversations with your daughters concerning this topic the information on the following spread has been provided from learningcurve.com.au.
Talking and teaching about bullying through everyday opportunities is the best way to make it clear that bullying is never ok. What is bullying? Bullying is a severe form of harassment that occurs when someone, or a group, have power over a student and deliberately upset or hurt them, damage their property, reputation or social acceptance more than once. Bullying and harassment occur in a number of ways, including verbal, physical or written including by computer, email, mobile phone or the Internet. There are four main types of bullying: Verbal may include: name calling and put downs; spreading rumours; negative references to a person’s appearance or personality; unwanted verbal comments; threatening remarks or noises, negative comments about a person’s private life; negative comments about a person’s family structure or situation; negative comments about a person’s hobbies and/ or interests; unwelcome comments via implication, insinuation, inference or innuendo. Physical may include: threatening behaviour; unfair exclusion; fighting and wrestling; using dangerous weapons; spitting; pulling and damaging clothing; throwing objects,; including water; unwanted touching; damaging or interfering with
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Sexual from subtle to explicit and criminal sexual harassment. Note: Criminal harassment must be reported to the police immediately. Racial may include: racist comments or jokes, negative references to a person’s appearance, cultural values, beliefs, language, country of origin, negative judgement of a person according to their appearance, cultural values, beliefs, language, country of origin. When being bullied the student’s inner self has been hurt and may experience and feel: • Anxious – when will it happen again? • Powerless – there’s nothing I can do?
But it is also important to realise what bullying is NOT. Many distressing behaviours are not bullying, even though they are unpleasant and often require parent and teacher intervention and management. There are three socially unpleasant situations that are often confused with bullying.
Mutual conflict In mutual conflict situations, there is an argument or disagreement between students but not a power play. Both parties are upset and usually both want a resolution to the problem. However, unresolved mutual conflict sometimes develops into a bullying situation with one person becoming targeted repeatedly for ‘retaliation’ in a one-sided way.
Social rejection or dislike
• Frustrated – this is consuming me!
Social rejection is directed towards someone and involves deliberate and repeated attempts to exclude or create dislike by others; it is not bullying.
• Embarrassed – are other students watching and what do they think?
Once only events
• Angry – it’s not my fault, why me?
• Helpless – no one understands what I’m going through! Bullying is unacceptable in any shape or form and students must be empowered to speak up until they are heard and action is taken by responsible adults to address the issue: • bullies misuse or don’t use their strengths, and need to be taught how to use them properly • students craving for peer esteem and acceptance often are blockers for them to report bullying. • they desperately don’t want to lose social connectedness with their group and may see speaking up as threatening this. • teaching students how to use their strengths to overcome bullying needs to be a key strategy and
PASTORAL
others’ property; deliberately blocking access to or exit from an area, intimidation by deliberately invading the personal space of another.
Single events of nastiness or physical aggression are not the same as bullying. If a student is verbally abused or pushed on one occasion they are not being bullied. Nastiness or physical aggression that is directed towards many different students is not the same as bullying. Our PLC Armidale Bullying policy is in the student diary on pages 5 – 8. We will not tolerate or accept bullying in any shape or form at the College as we are committed to providing a positive environment which is safe and supportive for all. If we are made aware of any situations we will work with the parties involved using a supportive restorative justice approach. This is a strategy that seeks to repair relationships that have been damaged, including those damaged through bullying. It does this by bringing about a sense of remorse and restorative action on the part of the offender and forgiveness by the victim.
• in particular, teaching students how to use assertive language and practising it often
‘It is not small people who ask for forgiveness. It is large hearted, magnanimous, courageous people who are ready to say what are some of the most difficult words in any language: “I am sorry”. But once uttered, they open the way to a new opportunity, the possibility of a new beginning, the chance to start again, having learnt a lesson from the past’. Archbishop Desmond Tutu (1998)
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WELLBEING AND MENTAL HEALTH
insights 5 ways to validation: showing distressed kids you get it by Dr Jodi Richardson
Every day, we send messages to our kids that shape their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Equally, our kids are sending us messages about their thoughts and feelings through their behaviour, particularly when they’re feeling distressed. When kids feel distressed their behaviour can vary enormously. Some might lash out while others cry. There can be displays of frustration, fear, sadness, anger or disappointment, to name a few. There are times as parents when we do and say all the ‘right’ things in response to such situations, but there are also times when we don’t. It makes it especially hard to respond in helpful ways when we think our kids are completely overreacting or are feeling differently to what we’d expect to (or what we’d feel) under the circumstances. Feeling this way can prompt us to say unhelpful things like “Don’t be silly”, “You’re overreacting”, “It’s not as bad as you think it is” or “It will all be forgotten tomorrow”. Our responses can also be influenced by how distressed we feel in the situation. It’s hard to hear our kids crying and upset, no matter how old they are. So we might find ourselves saying things like “stop crying”, “settle down”, “take some deep breaths” or “it’s not that bad”, all in an attempt to calm our child down, stop the crying and feel better ourselves. By understanding that all behaviour is a form of communication, we can begin to respond in ways that show our kids that their message has been received, that we get it, and that we genuinely understand and care about how they’re feeling – whether we agree with their reactions and feelings (or the extent of them) or not. This is called ‘validation’, and it’s the first step to helping our kids wind back their emotional response. Done properly, validation also helps them to connect their feelings with the situation that provoked their reaction in the first place. “You’re frustrated that you have to re-sit the chemistry test” or “You’re disappointed that you didn’t get invited to the party”, for example. Validation also shows them that you care and you understand.
Here’s how to go about validation: Use ‘ahh’ and ‘oh’ statements and keep it brief “Ahh, you’re feeling jealous that you weren’t picked for the team and she was”, “ahh, you’re having the idea that you can’t do it”, “oh, you’re feeling nervous about the exam.” When it comes to validation, keep it brief. When our kids are distressed, it’s harder for them to listen and concentrate so keep validation clear and to the point. The intention for now is for our kids to know that their
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message (via their behaviour) has been received; there’ll be time for more of a discussion about the situation later. Build a more nuanced emotional vocabulary Validation is the perfect opportunity to help your child broaden their language when it comes to their emotions. It’s never too early, or too late, to start. Try replacing ‘upset’ with ‘disappointed’, or ‘angry’ with ‘frustrated’. The Mood Meter mood tracking app is a great tool that offers a wide choice of emotions associated with positive and negative feelings of high and low energy. In it you’ll find 100 emotions including apathetic, at ease, proud, timid, alienated, furious, alone, inspired, ecstatic and more. Show some emotion Another important component of validation is showing some emotion yourself. It can feel intuitive to try to remain calm when your kids are distressed but this actually sends the message that you don’t get it. They actually need to see an emotional response from you. Use your facial expressions and your body language to match your validation statements. Remind them that thoughts are not facts Recognise also that thoughts and ideas can feel like facts when kids and teens are distressed. It’s hard for them to differentiate between the two. You can help by saying things like: “Oh, you’re having the idea right now that it will be too hard”, “it looks like you’re having the idea that you’ll never find it”, “ahh, you’re having the thought that you won’t be included.” Sit with them One of the most helpful things you can do is to sit with your child or teen while they are suffering psychologically. Once you’ve shown them validation you need to simply be there for them. Sit with them and comfort them by holding their hand, putting an arm around their shoulder or giving them a big hug. In doing this you’re strengthening their ability to tolerate their discomfort. Try not to let your distress hurry them or shut down how they’re feeling. Reassure them that you understand, that you’re there for them, that they can tolerate their discomfort and that it will pass. By doing this, you’re building within them strength, tolerance and emotional intelligence which will all contribute to their lifelong resilience and mental health. Of course, if at any time you’re concerned about your child or young person’s mental health, make time to see your family GP for reassurance and answers to your questions. Parenting Anxious Kids is our new online course, created to help the parents of children with anxiety. You can find out more by visiting our website.
Dr Jodi Richardson Jodi is a happiness and wellbeing speaker and writer, and is mum to two primary school aged kids who light her up. For more great ideas on flourishing mental health for the whole family, subscribe to her newsletter at drjodirichardson.com.au and say hello on facebook.com/DrJodiRichardson. Enquiries to jodi@drjodirichardson.com.au
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