Seattle Weekly, December 10, 2014 by Sound Publishing

DECEMBER 10-16, 2014 I VOLUME 39 I NUMBER 50

SEATTLEWEEKLY.COM I FREE

THE LAST ACT OF MISTY UPHAM » PAGE 8 GAY JOCK MEMOIRS » PAGE 17

AN ANONYMOUS PROGRAMMER IS DEMANDING POLICE TRANSPARENCY. THE SPD IS LISTENING. BY NINA SHAPIRO » PAGE 5

NEW AGE OF ACTIVISM

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

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MAN OF MYSTERY BY NINA SHAPIRO | A tech-savvy

activist pushing for greater police transparency prefers to remain anonymous. Plus: face-to-face with a downtown protester.

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14 TASTE-TESTED

BY NICOLE SPRINKLE | How far

can a Hillman City chef go on ABC’s cooking competition show?

14 | FOOD NEWS/THE WEEKLY DISH

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23 FILM

BY BRIAN MILLER | Is moviegoing

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27 | FILM CALENDAR

28 MUSIC

BY GWENDOLYN ELLIOTT | Musicians

reflect on their freakiest holiday traditions. Also: a web series may jump to TV, and a comics artist reports from Wonder-land.

32 | THE WEEK AHEAD

Arts Editor Brian Miller Music Editor Gwendolyn Elliott Editorial Operations Manager Gavin Borchert Staff Writers Ellis E. Conklin, Matt Driscoll, Kelton Sears Editorial Interns Jeanny Rhee, Abby Searight

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Contributing Writers Rick Anderson, Sean Axmaker, James Ballinger, Michael Berry, Roger Downey, Alyssa Dyksterhouse, Jay Friedman, Margaret Friedman, Zach Geballe, Chason Gordon, Dusty Henry, Rhiannon Fionn, Megan Hill, Robert Horton, Patrick Hutchison, Seth Kolloen, Sandra Kurtz, Dave Lake, Jessie McKenna, Jenna Nand, Terra Clarke Olsen, Brian Palmer, Kevin Phinney, Jason Price, Keegan Prosser, Mark Rahner, Tiffany Ran, Michael Stusser, Jacob Uitti PRODUCTION Production Manager Sharon Adjiri Art Director Samantha Wagner Graphic Designers Nate Bullis, Brennan Moring Photo Intern Kyu Han

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

24 | OPENING THIS WEEK | Reese Witherspoon’s long march, Christian Bale as Moses, and very bored Israeli soldiers.

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Misty Upham performed with Oscar winners; offscreen, her troubled life was cut tragically short.

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news&comment

The Accidental Activist

Amid the uproar over Ferguson, a self-taught, 24-year-old programmer is forcing police departments to become more transparent. And SPD wants to work with him. BY NINA SHAPIRO

A dash-cam video posted by the anonymous Programmer shows an arrest in progress.

might become the subject of litigation—the rationale SPD used to deny KOMO’s request. Dashcam videos were public records just like written documents, opined the judges, and in failing to turn them over, SPD had violated the state Public Records Act. The Programmer followed his curiosity to its natural conclusion. What would happen, he thought, if he filed requests for all the videos ever filmed by police departments? He says it wasn’t until he did so that he realized the many issues that his requests presented. The lessons came quickly. The first was that, even after the KOMO ruling, obtaining a massive amount of videos and other records—including 911 calls and computer searches—would not be easy. SPD—one of 20 agencies with whom he filed requests—declared itself overwhelmed, and said it was even considering dropping a pilot project to outfit officers with body cameras due to start later this month. The prospect of creating more video that would need to be turned over was too much. Poulsbo and Bremerton, both also hit with the Programmer’s requests, resolved to scrap their body-camera programs too. The problem, according to SPD chief operating officer Mike Wagers, is that every video given out by the department must be redacted according to state law, which prohibits the release of Social Security numbers and the identities of juveniles and sexual-assault victims. Even though his department estimates that 95 percent of its videos need

no redaction, he says all videos need to be reviewed “frame by frame”—an extremely time-consuming task—and any offending frames cut out. He adds that an internal team has been working since August to come up with a quicker, automated redaction system, but that’s still a work in progress. Meanwhile, Wagers says, the department is burning an average of 7,000 DVDs each month to meet the insatiable demand for these videos from citizens as well as prosecutors and defense attorneys. That’s double the number from last year. All that was in Wagers’ mind during lunch one day in late November when, as he recalls it, he was perusing the Programmer’s Twitter feed, which provides voluminous updates about his publicrecords skirmishes. Also in the chief operating officer’s mind was a question posed by new SPD chief Kathleen O’Toole (who over the summer had hired Wagers away from his previous civilian post at the International Association of Chiefs of Police): “How can we leverage the local talent to help us solve problems?” Specifically, Wagers says O’Toole has wanted to tap into the talent of the tech community. “She wants the department to be second to none when it comes to technology,” Wagers says. “She made that clear from day one.” The Programmer is not the first techie to chal-

lenge SPD on the transparency of its public documents. A 38-year-old computer programmer

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 6

JEREMY DWYER-LINDGREN

On Monday, Puget Sound Business Journal reported that the beloved, and shuttered, sandwich haven Paseo was sold at auction for $91,000, a price that includes the name and $53,000 in assets. Is the price right? Our readers weighed in. “Did that include the recipe?” —Kassandra Sprenke Bradberry “Nope.” —Jennifer Pugh “The price of ‘buzz’ these days is a lot less than I thought.” —Michael K Sullivan “I’m sure the selling price was discounted by the debt and potential litigation the new owners are assuming.” —Gallica Nux “Lynnwood would be a good spot for the new restaurant/shop!” —Ben Tablazon “By Lynnwood you mean Greenwood.” —Tony Graf

•

What’s been your history with protesting?

I grew up in L.A. and I remember protesting the death of Amadou Diallo. He was the immigrant that was killed by New York police in the late ’90s. I think they shot him 22 times or something like that. [Editor’s note: Diallo was fired on 41 times and struck by 19 bullets.] He was unarmed, like a lot of the recent deaths we’re protesting. I was in high school then, probably 15 or 16 years old. How would you describe your political beliefs? My wife and I are Maoists. We study

people like Marx, Lacan, and Hegel.

How do those beliefs affect your view of these protests? I think people forget, or don’t

realize, that we’re a democracy. We have the capacity for self-organization. Our police force doesn’t have to be like it is: an unnecessary corporate security force. Do you think the protests in Seattle are working? I think they’re good and they’re

definitely raising awareness, but I don’t think enough has happened yet. Not enough people have been killed.

As in, there haven’t been enough killings by police? Right. It’s terrible, but even with what’s

happened, it’s not enough to bring the issue to Main Street.

How long do you expect the protests to last?

I don’t know. The weather has been good, which helps a lot. I know some [protests] have been canceled, like with the caroling competition. [Editor’s note: A protest scheduled for Friday, Dec. 5 was cancelled to allow the annual Great Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition to go on unhindered.]

How do you feel about protests getting canceled for a caroling competition? I think it was

leftovers » Paseo Lives On

•

ressed in a camo jacket, brown pants, heavy-duty boots, and a shallow-brimmed green wool hat, Chris M. (who declined to offer his last name) looked like he was straight out of the era of Vietnam protests. As the 31-year-old deli worker marched down Third Avenue on Sunday night, he carried a homemade sign in each hand, one reading “Revolt! Organize! Dream!”, the other, simply, “Reject Racism.”

•

a good idea. I don’t want to ruin other people’s good times. On the other hand, if people hate our message because we make their bus a little late, that’s ridiculous. I would be proud if my bus was a little late for a cause as meaningful as this. E

news@seattleweekly.com

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

sparked by a June ruling by the state Supreme Court. The case involved a request for Seattle police dash-cam videos filed by a KOMO-TV reporter. The court ruled that police departments can not withhold videos just because those videos

BY PATRICK HUTCHISON

POLICE VIDEO REQUESTS VIA YOUTUBE

His curiosity about police transparency was

Profiles in Protest Chris M.

PATRICK HUTCHINSON

t was literally a curiosity.” That’s how a thin 24-year-old sporting a reddish-brown beard and a gray hoodie describes the beginning of his activism on police accountability and transparency in Washington state. As it happens, the cause he took on—obtaining public records, in particular police dash-camera and body-camera videos—would become a flashpoint in the recent furor over police accountability. Following last month’s grand-jury decision not to indict a police officer who killed a young AfricanAmerican man in the city of Ferguson, Mo., activists and politicians increased their call for police offers to wear body cameras and for the public to have access to the footage. President Obama responded last week by announcing that he would seek federal funding for 50,000 body cameras for officers across the country. Before the national attention, the 24-year-old’s activism caused uproar among police agencies statewide. And, in a strange twist, it eventually led to an unprecedented partnership between him and the Seattle Police Department. All the while, the young man’s cause has raised the profile of a new kind of activist, born of the tech world, that is becoming increasingly influential in Seattle. In the beginning, though, nothing like that was in this young man’s mind. As he tells it, talking last week at Seattle Weekly’s offices, he was living a quiet life in his parents’ house in South King County, happy to avoid the headache of paying bills while working as a freelance computer programmer. “Look, I’m a geek,” he says. But he is not a typical one. He never went to college, except for the classes he took at a community college while he was being home-schooled as a teenager. “I got A’s in math and F’s in everything else,” he recalls. He had asked to be home-schooled because he was tired of being teased at school. “Even among geeks, I have a hard time holding a conversation,” he explains. But when things interest him, he says, he digs in. That’s how he became a programmer, having learned most of his skills on the Internet. And it’s how he suddenly became the state’s most famous and arguably effective public-documents requester—even while maintaining the anonymity he insists upon because, he says, he’s overwhelmed by public attention. We’ll call him the Programmer.

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on how to use technology to help solve unsolved murders,” he tweeted recently.

named Eric Rachner has for years been requesting vast amounts of dash-cam videos and other records. His crusade stemmed from his own 2008 arrest on charges he believes were trumped up; he refused to turn over his ID during a game of urban golf on Capitol Hill that got on one officer’s nerves. By researching SPD’s video system, he realized that the department was keeping a log of all videos copied to fulfill an information request. He requested and received the log for several years, and eventually wrote a simple piece of code that informed him when a copy was made for a misconduct investigation. He subsequently requested many more documents and videos related to misconduct investigations, among other things. SPD has not been very accommodating. At one point, he says the department told him that it would cost $30,000 to deliver the records he wanted. The Programmer, though, hit SPD at the right time. As Wagers ate his lunch that day in November, mulling over the department’s publicrecords conundrum and the new chief ’s orders, he decided to tweet his nemesis. Withdraw your public-records requests and “work with us as a partner,” he wrote. “I’ll set you up with our IT person tomorrow.” Wagers didn’t even know the Programmer’s full name. Recalling the episode now, he’s also not sure if he knew that his public-records nemesis was a computer programmer. But the requests were phrased in a way that suggested technical expertise. “What did we have to lose from meeting with the guy?” Wagers asks. The Programmer tweeted back: “Cool.” He dashed off a note dropping all his requests and stayed up late into the night writing software code that he thought could solve SPD’s redaction problem. The code would automatically “overredact,” as he puts it, by blurring faces and stripping out all audio to prevent voice recognition. And he believes there would still be enough context, especially if the videos were cross-referenced with other documents, that citizens and reporters could determine the particular videos and parts of videos that they would like to see in a minimally redacted form. That way, requesters could submit much narrower public-records requests that the department could more easily handle—at least until SPD figures out a more precise automated solution. The Programmer says he was committed to making these overredacted videos publicly available on the Internet if police departments didn’t. On Friday, Nov. 21, the Programmer visited police headquarters to meet with Wagers and a handful of other police officials. He brought his code, and got the impression that SPD would soon begin using it. Wagers says he never got around to seeing the actual code, and wouldn’t have known what to do with it if he had. He’s leaving that to his IT specialist. Wagers says he was impressed with the Programmer, though: “The guy is extremely smart and frames the issues perfectly.” The success with the Programmer gave Wagers a new idea: Why not invite more members of the tech community to see what video-redaction solutions they might have? He scheduled a hackathon on December 19. Until then, he says, he’s holding off on using the Programmer’s code. Wagers is also throwing out new ideas for tapping into the local talent. “Looking for ideas

Meanwhile, even before Wagers issued his momentous tweet, SPD and other police departments around the state started gradually fulfilling the Programmer’s requests. By last week, he had received close to 100 videos and other records. This brought about a couple more important lessons for the young activist. One, police have to deal with a lot of crap, including being spit upon by drunken drivers who eat up hours of the officers’ time. “I’ve watched these videos and have much greater respect for law enforcement,” he says. He thinks the public will have the same reaction—one reason he’s been uploading everything he receives to the Internet on Live Leak and YouTube (search for “Police Video Requests”). But other videos bring up questions about the use of excessive force. One from the Tukwila Police Department shows a traffic stop that ends with the driver being tased, apparently because he didn’t immediately follow an officer’s screamed commands to get on the ground and put his hands up. “He needs to be tased. He doesn’t listen,” mutters a beefy officer who appears on the dash-cam video. The driver subsequently howls in pain.

uploading the uncut videos for the world to see. He says that’s deliberate. “I don’t think people are going to deal with this,” he says of the privacy issues involved, “until they have an emotional reaction.” If the public sees a lot of private information splashed over the Internet, he reasons, they’ll push to stiffen redaction laws. That’s exactly what public-disclosure advocates are afraid of, of course. “We staunchly oppose any attempt to undermine the Public Records Act,” says Jared Friend, the director of the technology and liberty program at the ACLU of Washington. But Friend does not dismiss the young programmer’s privacy concerns either, indicative of the conflicted area of activism that the Programmer occupies. Privacy has long been a huge issue for tech activists, given the ease with which companies and nefarious actors can now accumulate personal information. Friend acknowledges that body cameras raise new concerns because they can pick up things that police never recorded before: the inside of someone’s home, for instance, or people near but not part of a police encounter. Say the body cam was on during a protest, Friend imagines; police would then have a recording of participants. Friend says the ACLU has been discussing

A Bellingham officer’s bodycam captures a chase.

Another big lesson for the Programmer was that, in his view, the videos contain a lot of things he shouldn’t be seeing: in one instance, a Social Security number, shown as an officer with a body camera takes down some information; in another, the face of an undercover officer who monitors shoplifting at a Safeway; in yet another, an example of atrocious customer service by the manager of a Carl’s Jr. in Liberty Lake (Spokane County) who called the police on a woman who sought a refill of coffee. (The Programmer questions whether police videos should be used to embarrass companies. Others might have no such qualms. In any case, the video is a must-watch for anyone who wants to see, for a change, a shining example of police good humor and patience.) Other arguably private things can be seen and heard on the videos and 911 recordings that the Programmer has uploaded to the Internet, including the name and cell-phone number of a crime victim, as well as the make and model of her car and license-plate number. Ironically, the Programmer has become con-

vinced that these types of things shouldn’t be made public while he is in the very process of

POLICE VIDEO REQUESTS VIA YOUTUBE

Jay White

The Accidental Activist » FROM PAGE 5

ways of handling that. One idea the group has entertained would not categorize body-cam videos as public records unless they were “flagged” as part of an investigation into an officers’ conduct. Meeting one day last week at Grand Central Bakery in Pioneer Square, Rachner expresses skepticism of that idea. The seasoned activist leans toward full transparency when it comes to police. Phil Mocek, another programmer who has been working with Rachner on creating a nonprofit that will also make police records available to the public, is more ambivalent. “I don’t want someone to come in with a video and make a record of my home,” Mocek says. Where both agree is that the Programmer, as accidental an activist as he has been, has forced the public to face issues it wouldn’t have otherwise— issues that will soon face the entire nation. “I’m fascinated by what’s happening,” Mocek says. The Programmer is anticipating the issue moving to the federal stage. After Obama’s call for funding body cams throughout the country, the 24-year-old created an online petition. Its opening line: “We the people should be able to watch the actions of every police officer on YouTube.” E

nshapiro@seattleweekly.com

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MARK MORRIS

COURTESY CHARLES UPHAM

MISTY’S LAST ACT As an actress, Misty Upham was often cast in roles that surrounded her with trouble, pain, and failure. Her life—which ended prematurely at age 32—wasn’t much different. BY RICK ANDERSON

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

t times, the relatively short and stormy life of actress Misty Upham seemed to be unfolding much like a script from one of her own movies. There were upbeat scenes of memorably good times: co-starring opposite Oscar nominee Melissa Leo in the acclaimed Frozen River; cooking for a dysfunctional family in the George Clooney-co-produced August: Osage County with Oscar winners Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts; and collecting a growing list of drama awards and favorable reviews. It was the stirring tale of a young woman who leaves her Indian reservation and emerges atop the red carpets of Hollywood and Cannes. Yet the music was off-key and the plot took foreboding turns—such as those two life-altering sexual assaults she incurred as a child and a teen, one of them a gang rape. Then came the chronic depression, occasional wrist-cutting, and anxiety attacks when she was off her meds—scenes that would end with the 32-year-old actress tied to a bed in the emergency room, scenes she would later write about in a little-known web journal she called The Struggles and Triumphs of a Blackfeet Native With a Dream. Now that one of the rapes is out there, let’s talk about what happens to a girl/woman (can’t write

for men or boys) who is raped or gang-raped. First there is the physical pain and never being able to forget it. The fear of having someone hold you down, the cheering and the laughter. All these noises won’t leave my mind. I keep hearing it, like a ghostly voice. But the physical is nothing compared to the mental. After I was gang-raped I sort of shut down for three or four days. In my guess, this is the mind’s way of not going crazy. If something is too overwhelming then your mind just says no. I had this fear that every man was a rapist. And of course there was that climactic scene of Oct. 5, 2014, bringing down the curtain. Upham had been restless and fearful in her sister’s Auburn apartment, and by that afternoon was losing control. “She was incoherent, having delusions and afraid that she was going to be locked down in a mental institution or jail,” remembers her father, Charles Upham, a 56-year-old musician and teacher who is currently recovering from a stroke. As they had three times in recent months, Upham’s parents decided they would phone police for help. Mother Mona placed the call from her daughter Amanda’s apartment, where the parents and Misty were staying. The apartment complex is just up the street from the Muckleshoot Casino in Auburn, set amid a ridge of neighboring homes. It’s a

short walk from a wooded ravine with a steep, mostly hidden drop-off, 150 feet above the meandering White River. Panic attacks. I can’t seem to be free of them. They are triggered by situations that don’t feel safe or when I’m surrounded by too many men. And when females act stupid and hurt each other over stupid males. The panic attacks are the worst . . . The first thing that happens is, out of nowhere, like a ton of bricks, you are hit by this awful feeling of darkness. Fear. Like someone you love is gonna die. Like there is no safety anywhere . . . Not on earth, not with yourself, inside yourself, not even in the heavens. The doctors call it the “doom” stage. You literally feel there is no hope and no way out. Charles Upham wasn’t happy to call the cops on his daughter. In the past, he’d thought some officers had mocked her for acting out, and worried they had contributed to injuries she suffered in one episode. Auburn Police, who transported Misty for involuntary commitment twice in July and twice in August, deny mishandling her, and say she told them she got a black eye on one occasion by jumping out of a second-story window. If I’m lucky, I have medicine. If not then I have

to go to the E.R. and sit through all of this while the doctors try to determine if I’m on crack or just looking for pills. Because of the psychological factor of a panic attack, they often put you in a room that is locked from the outside and strap you to the bed until they can make sure you’re not a complete nutter. This may take anywhere from ten minutes to an hour or so. Then they sit there and ask you questions while you’re in this state. During the last visit I made, a young doctor stood over my bed for nearly thirty minutes asking me dumbass questions like, “Do you know what day it is? Where are you? Do you want to hurt yourself or anyone else?” Yeah, dipshit. I wanna snap your fukken neck because I can barely breathe let alone answer these questions. Misty had run out of meds, Charles says. She and her parents had temporarily relocated from Los Angeles to cut costs and aid her father’s stroke recovery. But refills of a drug she took in California for her anxiety attacks had been delayed by a clinic here. “So,” Charles says, “she was self-medicating, taking alcohol, and that was one of the things that set her off this time.” Charles and his wife and their two daughters and a son are Blackfeet Indian, so the mention of booze will make it easy for some to write her off, he says, as “some drunken Indian.” But “She was not an alcoholic,” he adds emphatically. “She

“When I do cut, it hits me with an immediate calm or state of peace. I don’t know why, but seeing blood sort of satisfies the need for revenge.” substituted alcohol for her meds, although that was a recipe for disaster.” I am learning to deal with this anxiety without medicine. You can live in addiction both mental and physical when these wonder-drugs help so perfectly and quickly. I am working towards a life without Xanax, unless absolutely needed of course.

Charles Upham follows the medical examiner after learning his daughter has died.

“She had a fear of being alone,” Charles says, “and didn’t like to be separated from her mom and dad.” She was also dealing with the aftermath of traumatic events—her father’s stroke and a miscarriage. She’d had a relationship and gotten pregnant in the spring, Charles says, but lost the baby a few months later. He didn’t think she was suicidal, though she had long struggled with self-destruction, sometimes cutting herself—for relief. People ask me why I did it, and sometimes still do. I don’t really know why this appeared, but it is like releasing some air from a balloon that is about to burst. You save yourself just a second or so before destruction. Cutting has the same effect as Xanax for me. When I do cut, it hits me with an immediate calm or state of peace. I don’t know why, but seeing blood sort of satisfies the need for revenge. I don’t feel the pain. The father walked the neighborhood streets that day, and went along the edge of the woody

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 11

City of Seattle

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

ROBERT WHALE/AUBURN REPORTER

When Misty realized police were coming, she flipped out, Charles recalls. “She heard Mom on the phone, and she said, ‘I’m not going to get locked away again!’ ” She grabbed a shoulder bag with a change of clothes already packed, along with her cell phone and purse. “I’m not going to let these guys lock me down!” Charles recalls her saying as she went for the door. Her reaction seemed more intense this time, and the parents were not sure what to do first—wait for the police or try to stop her. After she dashed down the apartment’s outside stairway, “We decided I should at least follow her,” Charles says. It was about 1 p.m., and he went outside just as police arrived. “They said we need to go into the apartment because they thought she might be hiding there,” Charles says. “I said that she was probably out back—at least let me go look for her. But they wanted to go to the apartment. She wasn’t there. They got her description and went looking for her. I went out looking too.”

For me, my body feeling any sort of “pleasure” was so shameful that I would punish myself by not eating for a day or two. No water, no food. This began at age five. I couldn’t wear skirts for the longest time . . . Skirts were too open, anyone could enter at anytime.

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

Misty’s Last Act » FROM PAGE 9 ravine off Forest Ridge Drive, above the river basin, occasionally calling out Misty’s name. Thick growth blocked a clear view off the drop-off area. Charles had no idea that, 11 days later, that’s where a search party would find his daughter. “I was an introverted child, too serious for my

age,” Misty Upham recalled last year at age 31, writing in her journal. It was her 18th year of stage, movie, and television work. She found her calling as a teenager in a Seattle communitytheater troupe, Red Eagle Soaring, and went on to write and act with a touring company. She got her first break by landing the role of Mrs. Blue Cloud, an abused native woman, in the 2002 movie Skins. She would go on to play roles—some small, some important—in 17 other big-screen and TV movies, including Quentin Tarantino’s 2012 film Django Unchained and Jimmy P. with Benicio del Toro in 2013. She won acclaim for her work as an Indian housekeeper in 2013’s August: Osage County and for her co-starring role as a Mohawk reservation border smuggler in 2009’s Frozen River, earning the American Indian Film Festival award for best supporting actress. Last year she completed filming the just-released Cake with Jennifer Aniston—about a woman suffering from chronic pain who is drawn into the life of a woman who eventually commits suicide. She is also set to

the question. I didn’t even know how to express the depression I felt. I just knew that I wanted to die and felt so alone even when surrounded by family. So I lost myself in books and music. “My lineage is both great and greatly sad,” she reflected on the blog. “Both my parents are Blackfeet. I’m a full-blood. Both my parents come from broken homes which is why I am in awe of the fact that they’ve been married for over 35 years. My mother’s father, Joseph Arrowtopknot, died when she was five. He, unfortunately fell under the poison of alcohol.” Born in 1982 in Kalispell, Montana, Misty lived with her family in Browning on the Blackfeet Reservation, then moved to Billings when her father landed a music scholarship at Eastern Montana University. School officials, she recollected, “were amazed by his talent and perfect ear and pitch. Everything they played on the piano, he could play verbatim on the guitar.” He worked at Pizza Hut and Taco Bell and did odd jobs while raising a family and attending college. Her mother, she said, “did her part by taking used clothes, redesigning them, and selling them to local boutiques. We were poor, but I remember it being a wonderful childhood.” When Misty was in grade school, she began to experience anxiety attacks and develop ulcers. During that time, the family moved to Seattle, stayed about four years, and moved back to the reservation. “My ulcers were not as bad and with a prescription of Prilosec,” she recalled, “I was able to hold food down. We moved back to the rez after my 7th grade

“They set our house on fire while we were asleep. It got so bad that my dad had to sit up nights and watch the house.” school year. My dad told me how good it was going to be. We’d be surrounded by family and living near the mountains. I was excited and so were my brother and sister. . . . I made friends with the girls in the local community. I knew they thought I was weird because after I played them a song on my viola they started teasingly calling me white girl.” But the teasing turned violent. “I am reluctant to reveal all of this only because I don’t want people to think that I’m saying everybody on the rez should be represented by this, but I will tell the truth,” she wrote. She was twice assaulted by her so-called girlfriends, she said, beaten and kicked. “It was vicious. I screamed for help but people just stood and laughed. . . . After that, every time I left my house they would threaten me. Throw rocks. They poured sugar into our gas tanks. Flattened about 10 tires, shot at our house with bee-bee guns, killed our dogs and puppies by tying them to a pole and stoning them. They set our house on fire while we were asleep. It got so bad that my dad had to sit up some nights and watch the house.” The following year, it got worse. “I was gangraped on my rez when I was 13,” she revealed last year on the blog. “Blocked most of it out, but do remember the beginning and the end. I won’t reveal where it happened and can’t reveal

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 12

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appear in a 2015 horror movie, Crawlspace, currently in post-production. Five-foot-six, with a wide oval face, Misty could be a strikingly pretty damsel or a gritty single mom, adapting physically to her role. (For her part as Lila in Frozen River, she purposely gained 40 pounds and cut off her waist-length hair above the shoulders). The work brought in good money at times, but she struggled financially and sometimes lived in her car in Hollywood. She hoped for a breakout role, but was typecast as a Native American surrounded by trouble, pain, and failure. “I would love to do a film like Sense and Sensibility,” she told an interviewer, “but until society changes, the only roles I’d get to play in movies like that would be either as a maid or a prisoner, which totally sucks.” Her longing to escape into a make-believe comedy of errors would allow her to break away from the dark Native roles that mimicked her own hard life. “At age 8 I began to suffer from the same depression and anxiety my dad suffered as a child,” she candidly revealed last year in her journal. She had been sexually abused as a child and a teen, she said, and “I feared all men. Well, most men besides my dad and his brother Antoine. It was a blessing to have two good examples of men when horrible things were happening, but more on that later . . . We were poor, so a doctor was out of

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Misty’s Last Act » FROM PAGE 11 who . . . not out of fear, but because I don’t know who it was. I was depressed and tried to face my fear of going outside. . . . I dared the devil and went for a walk one night. I felt a bad feeling at one point and turned around. I was about two blocks from safety when someone grabbed me from behind. My eyes were covered. I was dragged into a house. I heard echoes and it was cold. Somebody held their hands over my eyes . . . over my face. I could smell the cigarettes on the skin. I had been raped before as a child, so it wasn’t as physically painful, thank god. But it did hurt. I remember it feeling different with each man or boy, whoever it was. I lost count and consciousness at one point. I woke up crying and they were gone. The house had no windows or a front door and it felt so dark. I found my pants lying half-way out the door and put them on. “There was a tribal cop who would patrol at night. Didn’t do a very good job because I witnessed him sharing cigarettes with kids my age while they drank whiskey straight from the bottle. I saw him and approached him. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I just said, ‘Officer. I’ve been attacked.’ ” He questioned her, then asked if she was drunk. “No, I was raped,” she said. He told her to go home and sober up, she recalled. “I didn’t tell my family, and they will probably find out from this blog, but I was scared.

lights and people seemed so much happier than my room. I could smell the fresh grass and the bushes of black-berries that grew behind our apartments. I climbed onto the window, got dizzy as my legs swung out. I could smell the water. It took about fifteen minutes to go back and forth between fear and desperation and bravery. Finally, I decided to just jump. “I braced myself to push when my dad opened my door, ‘Misty, where’s the VCR remote?’ He saw me and rushed forward catching me just as I pushed forward. He pulled me in, carried me into the living-room and yelled at me like he’s never yelled before. I was crying. Not because he was angry at me, but because he caught me. I had almost accomplished it. . . . My mom came running in and he told her what happened. She yelled at me too. I was on suicide-watch after that. No closed doors. And they made me sleep in their room on the floor.” Almost 20 years later, Misty says in her journal, she was still struggling with suicidal thoughts and memories of sexual assaults, en route to becoming an accomplished actress. She endured panic attacks on movie sets or awards runways, she said. “Think about this. Try to imagine experiencing this in front of a movie crew. Or on the red carpet in front of cameras and flashing lights. Think of experiencing this while flying over the ocean. Try to comprehend how much worse it is when you are in a foreign country, with no family or friends to help you, and often around people who don’t speak your language.”

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

“Try to imagine experiencing [a panic attack] on the red carpet in front of cameras and flashing lights. [Or] while flying over the ocean.”

Fear. It’s a weapon. The next day I could barely walk. It hurt to sit. I am still trying to be okay with myself and my image-less attackers. I always ask myself why I went out, trying to be strong. If only I didn’t have that moment of strength maybe I wouldn’t be as fukked up as I am today. I hurt men. On purpose. I want to stop because how will I ever find love? Breaking hearts hasn’t healed mine.” In the teen years that followed, Misty wrote, she considered ending her life. The family had moved back to Seattle and was living in an apartment a few floors up from a busy highway. “I will be honest and say that I was suicidal and spent a great deal of time wondering what would happen to me if I did go through with it.” One day, “I woke up early, watched the sun rise and thought, ‘When the sun goes down. I’ll do it.’ ” She spent the day waiting for darkness. “At dinner I ate what I could, but felt sick. I began to cry, thinking this is my last meal with my family. My family by this time, were used to me crying and pretended not to notice. After dinner I wrote a poem. It was a goodbye poem. I didn’t like the term suicide note.” She laid in bed with her mom awhile, watching her dad sleeping, and then “I went in my room and prayed, asking forgiveness for what I was about to do. I opened the window and looked down. The Pacific Highway, full of

Writing seemed to have a therapeutic effect, she suggested, and she was planning to talk about her past in a video interview, as the the subject of a documentary about Native women and rape. “I’ve given them permission to film everything, if it [the documentary] happens . . . I want men to see what happens to a woman after they’ve had their fill of her body. I also want to write that a lot of people experience this but they are too ashamed to come forward and ask for help. The mental illness stigma is one of the reasons why it took me so long to come clean. My parents didn’t want me to reveal this, but I feel like it is important to do so and let people know that panic attacks are not means to lock you away for the rest of your life. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone.” That hints at a happy ending. Then came that last scene, when they wanted to lock her away again because she seemed crazy. In the woods above the ravine, she was alone. Misty Upham’s body was found at the bottom

of the drop-off, near the White River, on the afternoon of Thursday, October 16. She had fallen 150 feet and hit hard, losing her purse about a third of the way down. It is unclear if she died instantly, or was knocked out and died later from what police called massive internal and external injuries. An empty bottle of vodka was found nearby. The medical examiner deter-

JORY SUTTON/SONY PICTURES CLASSICS

Misty Upham, left, and Melissa Leo in Frozen River.

mined she died the same day she left, October 5, perhaps in the early evening. “If she was there [in the woods] when I walked past that first day,” recalls her father Charles, “I might not have been more than 25 feet from her.” Maybe she had already fallen, he wonders, and he could have saved her somehow. At this point you are trying to not be scared of the doom, keep yourself from vomiting and choking on your own spit, trying to breathe through what feels like you’re under a hot blanket in a car, in a heatwave. . . . The fear of death, at least for me, begins. It is an unnatural fear that gives me a feeling that it is the end of the world. This makes me cry, because I don’t want to die. Not yet. Not like this.

Then comes the feeling that your spirit is leaving your body. You ask, “Is this what it feels like to die?” At this point I lose it. The adrenaline of fear can give you great strength. I’ve thrown two or three nurses off of me while at this point. I have kicked doors off of their hinges trying to outrun death. Meryl Streep said that she was “So so sad to hear this news. All our thoughts are with her family and with her beautiful spirit.” Others speculated about the cause of death. Actress Juliette Lewis, who co-starred in August: Osage County, tweeted “I pray the police do a murder investigation,” claiming Upham had told her she was worried about someone trying to hurt her. People reported that Misty’s shoes were found atop the cliff, suggesting she had jumped, but they were found with her body, searchers said. Police investigators and the medical examiner have not determined the manner of her death (murder, suicide, natural causes, etc.), but tend to

The calm. The medicine begins to work and suddenly you can breathe. Your body relaxes and the doom feeling slowly creeps away like a monster into a closet at the rising of the sun. The fear leaves . . . Your mind feels normal again. In November, a month after Misty’s death, Charles wrote a letter to his daughter, which he posted on Facebook. “Your funeral service was a beautiful ceremony,” he told her. “But the crowds have gone away and the breaking news about your passing has diminished. It’s just me and mom at home again, missing you.” You start to feel embarrassed, thinking of all the people who just saw you. You begin to feel like a weak, pathetic fool for not being able to just breathe and calm yourself down like normal people. “I returned your Redbox movies. There is still much to do and I don’t get much rest these days. Sometimes I wake up and forget that you’re gone but then I see your empty bed and remember your laughter, your smile and your voice telling me about your plans for our future. I miss you so much.” You feel sorry for putting the people who support you through panic into such a scary situation. You feel like a burden. “Your niece, Belle Jordan, was born after you left. You missed her by six days. She is a gift from heaven during this hard time. But there is a huge hole in my heart that will not be filled until we meet again. The whole world has lost its rising star but your star will always shine brightest in my sky. “ You can finally feel what everyone else has been feeling . . . There’s nothing wrong. Nothing to be afraid of. Your life is worth living. “I love you Misty. I’m holding you close right now. Love Dad and Mom.” E

randerson@seattleweekly.com

Excerpts from Misty’s journal used with permission of the family.

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In sorrow and anger, the family blamed police for not making a concerted search—Auburn officials said her disappearance did not fit the legal definition of a missing person, though they did some checking and said they tried to ping her cell phone. Misty’s uncle, Robert Upham, a former Army reconnaissance scout, organized a Native search group that found the body a day after they began their hunt. “At some point, she apparently went deep into the woods,” says Robert, 52. “It was slick above the drop-off, and she slipped maybe. Or she might have fallen asleep and when it got dark, went the wrong way.” A neighbor later reported hearing a scream from the area around 2 a.m.

agree with Misty’s family that the fall was most likely accidental. Her family said she had liquor and medications in her system, and the medical examiner this month reported she suffered fatal “blunt force trauma” injuries from the drop.

food&drink

FoodNews

Anthony Bourdain Snags Seattle Chef

BY JASON PRICE

It’s Ronspies vs. Ronspies in what is sure to be an epic battle at Le Petit Cochon on December 23. Dustin Ronspies of Art of the Table holds down the surf side of things, while Derek Ronspies of Cochon will work wonders with the turf. There will be no losers here— especially for the lucky diners. $150 gets you 10 courses with drink pairings. Call 829-8943 for reservations.

Will Tarik Abdullah win the title of America’s best undiscovered cook on ABC’s The Taste?

BY NICOLE SPRINKLE

Abdullah on camera.

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At his Hillman City viewing party.

in 2008, right after West’s release of 808s & Heartbreak. “I’d started a food-delivery service for celebs and I delivered food to his stylist, who asked if I wanted to cook for [West]. I was the sous chef at Luna Park at the time. [West] gave me a tour of his house, which was pretty cool, and I asked him about his eating habits. He said: ‘I just want healthy food. Can you do that?’ ” He could indeed. If Abdullah could manage to impress West, it’s

not such a stretch to imagine how he might also handle the pressure of a major TV food show. “This is serious, but I’m not a competitive guy. But today I have to realize that seven or eight hundred thousand people might watch this tonight. Holy smoke!” He pauses as if he’s actually digesting this reality for the first time. “I just treat it like I’m going to work, except I have four bosses instead of one.” Speaking of those bosses, I try to get some dirt. After much cajoling, Abdullah finally tells me that “Ludo is the most animated because he’s so pas-

BRENNAN MORING

extravagant dinners— late-night, e-mail-invitation-only, 13 courses, $150 per person, with wine and art installations at friends’ lofts; and then by late-night, small-bite Caribbean pop-ups in Pioneer Square at La Bodega under the name Midnight Mecca. But it was those brunches that Abdullah says were the “winner, winner chicken dinner.” His choice to bring them to Hillman City was fueled by his sentiment for the area—and the fact that “there’s nothing really here in terms of restaurants.” Asked about his future plans, he maintains that despite his success on The Taste, he wants to keep doing the pop-ups and teaching kids. “Two things: I want to keep [the brunches] in South Seattle and have the best brunch in South Seattle.” As for the kids, he’s taught cooking classes at Coyote Central and will soon offer them in Hillman City: “Oh boy, yeah! I try to help them understand that you don’t have to do the norm. It’s OK if you’re not into sports. Kids want accolades so they tend to go to sports or entertainment, but with cooking, you can do anything you want and you constantly get accolades, even if it’s just a high-five in the kitchen.” As he’s fluffing a huge bowl of couscous with his fingers and drizzling small nuggets of short ribs with a pomegranate-molasses sauce, he tells me more about his time in L.A., where he worked as a private chef for Kanye West for several months

And as if Tom Douglas didn’t have enough restaurants already, Serious Pie is opening a Capitol Hill outlet at Pike and Melrose next to the brandspankin’-new Starbucks Roastery/Café/Tasting Room. The 90-seat space will serve the standard menu established at other locations; it also includes a full bar and a massive wood-fired oven. E

JENNY TUCKER

Capitol Hill will be home to a new Szechuan Chinese restaurant with chef Jerry Traunfeld at the helm. The Capitol Hill Seattle Blog reports that Lionhead will open next door to Poppy in The Confectional space on the north end of Broadway in the spring, focusing on affordable, traditional Chinese dishes with a signature Traunfeld flair. Hopefully they’ll do takeout at some point as well. Don’t we need a Chinese-takeout bicycle service on the Hill?!

©KELSEY MCNEAL/ABC

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

hen I meet Tarik Abdullah for the first time at his home in Hillman City, it becomes quickly apparent why Donna Driscoll, head of casting for the production company that works with ABC’s The Taste, chose him out of thousands to be on the show this season. “He’s probably the coolest guy in our cast . . . DJ and a culinary hipster who is always reaching for the stars. Loves to teach kids how to cook and volunteers his time to do so.” Oh, she adds: He was a private chef for Kanye West (more on that later). He’s getting ready for one of the biggest moments of his life—his TV debut competing for the title of “America’s Best Undiscovered Cook,” judged by celebrity chefs Anthony Bourdain, Marcus Samuelsson, Nigella Lawson, and Ludo Lefebvre. Yet while friends pour in just minutes before the show, and as the former chef at Cicchetti in Eastlake prepares plates of his signature Mediterranean food, he stops to bend down and talk to my 7-year-old daughter, disappears for a minute, comes back with a jar of various colored beaded bracelets, and lets her pick a beautiful white one. He himself is wearing several red and black beads on his thin wrists, a stylish short-sleeved light-blue oxford-like shirt with a snappy white collar, and a dark blue apron. My daughter is enchanted. But let’s cut to the chase: About halfway into The Taste’s two-hour season premiere last Thursday, none other than Bourdain chooses Abdullah for his team, and the 20-some guests at his home all contribute to a tremendous roar of shouting and applause. (The whole season was taped over the course of three months, and the winner will take home $100,000. But of course that information is top-secret.) Abdullah, who’s been full of smiles and relatively chill all night, tears up. Who can blame him? Getting greenlighted by Bourdain for your cooking is truly the Holy Grail of the culinary world. On the show’s audition, where 24 of the competitors get gleaned to 16, Abdullah’s lamb and bison patty has Bourdain praising his bold North African flavors. Those flavors stem in large part from his childhood. Born to Muslim parents who moved to Hillman City when Abdullah was about 3, he says he grew up surrounded by Middle Eastern and Mediterranean friends, and thus the food of those regions. “Mediterranean is my food, and Cicchetti was a perfect vehicle for that.” (He worked there for four years before leaving recently to tape The Taste.) But it’s his “Morningstar” pop-ups that he’s most passionate about: Sunday brunches in Hillman City, often at the Tin Umbrella, which feature dishes like harissa hash browns, tabil scrambled eggs and spiced sausage, and Indian coriander pancakes with toasted pecans, star-anise compote, and rose syrup. The breakfasts were preceded by more-

’Tis the season when strange cakes in boxes appear at your local grocery store. Often they are a rendition of panettone, an Italian brioche cake with raisins, and often they are best left in those boxes. Grand Central Bakery, however, bakes its own panettone for the holidays; it arrived this week and will be available until December 24. The vanilla-scented bread ($13.75) is studded with raisins and—in one of those great touches the bakery is famous for—house-candied organic citrus peel. These cakes, about half the size of those in a box, come wrapped in Grand Central packaging with a dark-green holiday ribbon, making them a lovely gift to take to a party. Or just dunk a slice into your morning coffee. GCB even has a video on their website, grandcentralbakery.com, documenting the baking of them in case you’re interested. E

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sionate. Samuelsson is really in it, and Nigella is a little more smiley. Anthony is going to lay it on you with his wording, or he’s reserved.” His own group of friends are a mixed bunch he’s either known for more than 20 years or met recently. Some are from the cooking community, others from the art world, because, renaissance man that he is, Abdullah also just opened T Leatherworks in Hillman City, where he’ll sell handmade biker accessories. Yes, he’s a biker who likes to ride in style. Oh, and a DJ. He’d like to DJ his own pop-up brunches at some point, but for the time being will settle for having a cellist friend play. Between fielding calls from his family back east (who tonight have already seen the show air) and getting reminders from his PR person not to talk about any upcoming episodes, he tells us all that “They say don’t trust a skinny chef, but I ride a bike and keep it lean and mean.” After the room is fully cranked up seeing their friend kill it on TV, his attention falls back onto my daughter, who’s clearly exhausted. “Do you want to lie down in the bedroom?” he asks her. “How about another cookbook to look at?” She gives him a sleepy smile and we say our goodbyes. There’s an hour left of the show, and I have the feeling this party is going to be carrying on for a while. But then again, Abdullah has big plans for tomorrow. He’s leaving town on business that he’s not legally at liberty to talk about at present. What, one wonders, could be bigger than getting Bourdain’s approval on prime time TV? With Abdullah, any guess is as good as any other, but probably not half as interesting as whatever he’s got cooking. E

JENNY TUCKER

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arts&culture

ThisWeek’s PickList

Are You There, Soccer? It’s Me, Robbie

THURSDAY, DEC. 11

Maria Bamford

Unlike prior accounts, an MLS star aims his coming-out volley where it will do the most good.

There’s Minnesota Nice, which everyone loves to laugh about. Then there’s Minnesota Crazy, which is Bamford’s confessional comic specialty. Almost all stand-up comics mine their personal lives for material, though few deal so frankly with mental-health issues as she.

BY GAVIN BORCHERT

ROBBIE ROGERS/PENGUIN

Awww! Rogers (foreground) as an irresistibly cute little baller in the mid-’90s.

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 19

Bamford deals with unwanted thoughts.

OCD, depression, bipolar, suicidal thoughts, what it’s like to be in a psych ward—these are all things she can joke about, because she’s been there, done that. (It’s a little like the license black comics are given with certain language and topics, or why Jews can joke freely about Soup Nazis.) Bamford’s Internet sketches and stage material may exaggerate her vulnerabilities and insecurities, but selfcaricature is a form of ownership. (Again, think of gay men doing drag.) In our Kardashian culture of oversharing, erasing the boundaries between private and public life is one path to possible fame and fortune. What Bamford does is considerably braver and more acute. Other comics score laughs because we’ve all been on bad dates or wondered what is the deal with the way wooden chopsticks come stuck together. Those are universals. But so are mental-health worries. Bamford has done all the talk shows, plus bit parts on Arrested Development and The Sarah Silverman Program. Now one hopes that America is ready for a favorite new crazy deadpan aunt—with those Minnesota vowels, which make her jokes all the funnier. The Neptune, 1303 N.E. 45th St., 877-784-

4849, stgpresents.org. $26. 8 p.m. BRIAN MILLER

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

In contrast to Coming Out to Play, as wellscrubbed as Rogers’ own nice-guy persona and consequently almost totally devoid of dirt, these other four books are all dishier. The David Kopay Story was incendiary for its tales of “God-was-Idrunk” encounters with Theta Chi brethren and one Washington Redskins teammate, and especially for its blind-item assertion that three other then-active NFL players were gay. (If not its bolted-shut closet door, what definitely has changed in the NFL? Of his 1973 season with the Green Bay Packers, Kopay boasts, “My salary was up to $32,000”—equivalent to $171K today, when the guaranteed starting minimum is $420K.) In addition, Kopay, as a pioneer, seems to have felt obligated to produce not just a memoir but an overview of the whole subject of gay men in sports. There’s a bibliographic list of press citations from across the country; an appendix of several supportive letters; and an examination of sports literature (Ball Four, Semi-Tough, North Dallas Forty, The Front Runner) for mentions of the topic. As a result, his book’s prose occasionally goes sort of Kinseyish: “What people are really saying, when they say that homosexuals can’t be trusted as coaches or teachers, is that homosexuals are somehow different from heterosexuals in being unable to control their sexual feelings in a professional public situation. My own career helps give the lie to this.”

MARIABAMFORD.COM

in Leeds, England. (“But as I lay paralyzed on the field . . . all I could think was, Who am I and how did I get here? ”) From there, he goes on to describe his all-American SoCal childhood (chapter 4’s title, “Golden Boy in a Golden Family,” sums it up) and a fairly typical career path for a top-level U.S. male soccer player, bouncing from Europe to MLS and back, interspersed with callups to the men’s national team. Though his relationship with his parents was generally strong—there’s a reason “soccer mom” has become synonymous with achievement-oriented, time-and-money-sacrificing parenting—they were conservative Republican Catholics, which didn’t smooth Rogers’ path to self-acceptance. (Though he was lucky compared to these other four men, whose fathers ranged from distant to abusive to absent.) Neither did soccer itself, to the likely disappointment of liberal Seattle fans and parents who might hope the sport was above that kind of bullshit. “Gay” and “fag” were put-downs no less prevalent (if possibly less vicious) in soccer five years ago than they were in football 50 years ago. Sounders fans may be ruefully amused to read that one source of in-his-face homophobia was Rogers’ thenteammate Steven Lenhart, now notorious as one of MLS’s biggest on-field assholes. He’s since come around, reports Rogers, who describes Lenhart as “one of my biggest supporters . . . our friendship has not only survived, but thrived.” For those curious, a few current and former Sounders make cameo appearances in his book: Brad Evans, Kasey Keller, Marc Burch, Marcus Hahnemann, and most heartwarmingly Sigi Schmid, Rogers’ coach in Columbus, who led the team to a 2008 MLS Cup and who texted Rogers during the original flurry of media attention to encourage him not to retire.

JEFF/GROSS/GETTY IMAGES

he one disheartening thing about Robbie Rogers’ Coming Out to Play (Penguin, $17), the newest entry in its genre—Memoir League, Gay Conference, Sports Division, men’s team—is how little had changed since its groundbreaking ancestor, The David Kopay Story, from 1977. Kopay, a former running back and co-captain of UW’s 1963 Rose Bowl team, dropped his bombshell a full decade before Rogers was born and 36 years before the midfielder, playing in England at the time, posted a tell-all letter to his blog. The good news: Rogers, now 27, assumed that retiring from soccer would be inevitable, but the public response was entirely positive, inspiring him to rethink that decision. (Good choice: Now playing for the L.A. Galaxy, he got to share in the glory of winning the 2014 MLS Cup on Sunday.) Yet as he tells it, the details of his life in the sports closet were, even after all those years, all too similar to Kopay’s—and those of diver Greg Louganis (Breaking the Surface, 1995), footballer Esera Tuaolo (Alone in the Trenches, 2006), and basketball’s John Amaechi (Man in the Middle, 2007). Several themes run prominently through all five books: the sense of isolation, especially within the machismo of sports culture; the unsateable addiction to praise for athletic achievement as a counter to that isolation; the fear of a career-destroying outing (all but Rogers came out after their playing days ended); the casual and omnipresent gay slurs and sexual boasting of the locker room, and the lies they necessitated; the attempts to self-reprogram, using women in the short term physically and in the long term emotionally; and the concomitant difficulty of maintaining a social life of any kind— much less a supportive circle of friends, much much less a relationship—while living the itinerant, cog-in-a-machine life of a pro athlete. (With very few exceptions, none of these four players of team sports ever spent more than two or three years in one city, and even Louganis was constantly preparing for and traveling to competitions). The more you read all these books, though, the harder it becomes to clearly distinguish what is a universal experience from what is merely a cliché of the genre. Four of these tomes, for instance, begin identically, in medias res on field, court, or platform, ironically contrasting a public moment of career climax with the anguish of a private secret. (Kopay’s also opens dramatically in its way, with his decision to tell his story to a Washington [D.C.] Star reporter. Its sporting high point comes when he returns to Seattle for the 1976 varsity/alumni game—his first public appearance after that interview. From the stands, surprisingly, “not a single boo.”) Here let’s stipulate, however, that Rogers and Louganis enlisted the same co-writer, Eric Marcus, which may partly explain the formula. For Rogers, the dramatic impetus is a midmatch concussion during his debut with the team

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 18 17

(12/9) Women’s Funding Alliance presents Breaking Stereotypes in Work, Gender, and Race

arts&culture»

(12/10) Health Matters Health as a Human Right TOWN HALL CIVICS SCIENCE ARTS & CULTURE COMMUNITY Idaho. His revenge, of sorts, wasn’t against America per se but its pop-cultural imagery: superheroes and Mickey Mouse, Dick Tracy and George Washington—which he then mixed with his own family history and the iconography of Japan (samurai, Hello Kitty, etc.). His paintings playfully yet trenchantly address notions of race, ethnic stereotyping, and representation. His work is unquestionably on the Pop Art spectrum, only with politics and autobiography interlaced. Though he left Seattle in the early ’60s, he’s unquestionably one of the halfdozen great artists this city has produced. He also provided the illustrations for a poetry collection: Glimpses of a Forever Foreigner: Poetry & Artwork Inspired by Japanese American Experiences (CreateSpace, $18.70), whose local author, Lawrence Matsuda, will also read his verse tonight. Elliott

» FROM PAGE 17 SAM Lights

ture Park, 2901 Western Ave., 654-3121, seattleart museum.org. Free. 5:30–7:30 p.m. BRIAN MILLER FRIDAY, DEC. 12

With its tagline “Where people tell true stories they never thought they’d dare to share in public,” Risk! has blown up into a weekly podcast that nets 600,000 downloads a month. Created as a live show in 2009 by host Kevin Allison, who got his start as part of MTV comedy troupe The State, Risk! asks various comedians, celebrities, and regular people to spill their most morifying moments. Their first-person stories range from totally embarrassing to kinda sexy to (sometimes) really enlightening. Example: A woman describes how being fingered by a random actor in the freezer room of a gay bar ended up freeing her from the psychic bonds of her Christian summer-camp upbringing. Or: A man reveals how accidentally sharting his shorts during a date ended up (teaser: it involves a police raid and cats). Tonight Risk! is returning its live show to Seattle for some heretofore unheard stories from local storytellers, the lineup still pending. If fan testimonials like “YOUR STORY HELPED INSPIRE my 18-year-old step-son TO STOP USING DRUGS” are to be believed, you are in for a cathartic and potentially therapeutic ride. The Vera Project (Seattle Center), risk-show.com. $20. 7:30 p.m. KELTON SEARS

The Conformist

Bernardo Bertolucci’s 1970 classic has been given a spiffy new digital 2K restoration, which should bring out the burnish of Vittorio Storaro’s famously elegant cinematography. (No one, back then, could’ve predicted the near-demise of 35 mm film.) Jean-Louis Trintignant’s fatally passive Marcello is plagued by an incident from childhood. An aristocrat whose class is falling out of favor in late ’30s Italy, he seeks to make good with the fascists by agreeing to assassinate his old professor. (One sin will erase the other, he figures.) His Paris honeymoon a pretext for the hit, he and his wife both fall in love with the academic’s young wife (Dominque Sanda, with powerful bisexual appeal). Marcello’s life emerges in gorgeous flashbacks: empty plazas menacingly paced by hard-soled flunkies, country estates in lavish, leafy disrepair, Marcello and Giulia (Stefania

(12/13) Seattle Girls’ Choir: 33rd Annual Holiday Concert (12/13) Magical Strings: 36th Annual Celtic Yuletide Concert (12/14) Short Stories Live A Rogue’s Christmas

Cary Elwes

(12/15) Navy Band Northwest: Holiday Concert Sandrelli) necking in a room seemingly constructed of Venetian blinds. There’s a lovely scene in a dancehall where the two women lead a swarm of dancers in joyous rings around Marcello; yet he stands stolid at their center. Making amends for his past cuts him off from the living. (Through Sun.)

(12/15) Andrew Hodges Remembering Alan Turing (12/20) Earshot Jazz presents Ellington’s ‘Sacred Music’

SIFF Film Center (Seattle Center), 324-9996. $7–$12. See siff.net for showtimes. BRIAN MILLER

TOWN HALL

SATURDAY, DEC. 13

Bookstore & Gallery, 1201 S. Vale St., 658-0110, fantagraphics.com. Free. 6–9 p.m. KELTON SEARS TUESDAY, DEC. 16

Roger Shimomura

Making a rare but welcome visit from Kansas to his old hometown, the eminent painter was just honored with a retrospective at WSU and a new book, Roger Shimomura: An American Knockoff (UW Press, $24.95), which he’ll be signing tonight. Long associated with Greg Kucera Gallery, Shimomura spent part of his boyhood detained with other Japanese-Americans in the World War II internment Camp Minidoka, in

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WWW.TOWNHALLSEATTLE.ORG

Robert Williams

In 1968, freaks from across America ended up on Haight Street in San Francisco, pens in hand, lured by the trippy psychedelic posters being made there. As the famous alt-comix pioneer R. Crumb put it, the posters clued him in that “there were a lot of artists who were on that wavelength, you know, obviously involved with psychedelic drugs.” When eight hippie comic artists started vibrating on that weird wavelength together, Zap Comix was the result—a seminal countercultural comic series full of bisexual drug-addicted pirates, horny anthropomorphic dogs, and radical leftist superheroes. The series also produced one of the most iconic images of hippie-era optimism, Crumb’s big-footed “Keep on Truckin’ ” men. Fantagraphics has now compiled the 16 issues of Zap into a comprehensive box set, The Complete Zap Comix ($500), including an unpublished 17th issue that never saw the light of day. Tonight, as part of the Georgetown Art Attack, Zap contributor Williams will sign books alongside an in-store exhibition of Zap art (on view through Jan. 8). And tomorrow he’ll introduce the new documentary Robert Williams: Mr. Bitchin’ at Northwest Film Forum (4 p.m., $6–$11), followed by a Q&A. Fantagraphics

CIVICS

Elwes was every woman’s crush in 1987.

My feeling about Hollywood memoirs of the post-studio era is this: Only women should write them. Actresses like Carrie Fisher, Lena Dunham, and Angelica Huston have got stories to tell; and a common denominator is survival in a brutally sexist, male-dominated industry. For actors, by contrast, candid tales of sexual conquest and misbehavior will only make you look like more of an asshole. Who wants to know more about Warren Beatty or Jack Nicholson? Not me. Occupying a very different position is the nonbad-boy British actor Elwes, whose As You Wish (Touchstone, $26) is devoted to the filming of 1987’s The Princess Bride. Since an entire generation of new fans has been raised—from VHS to DVD—on that beloved adaptation of the William Goldman children’s tale, Elwes is not about to piss upon his fellow castmates. (Bread, meet butter, etc.) That means flattering anecdotes and new interviews with Robin Wright, Wallace Shawn, Carol Kane, Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest, and Mandy Patinkin. ( Jesus, what a great cast.) Goldman lends his acerbic voice, as does director Rob Reiner (gentler, growlier). Elwes arguably never escaped his role as Westley the would-be pirate (Saw was his last notable movie lead), but he has the good sense—and good manners—not to deny it. (Also note that SIFF Film Center is screening a quote-along presentation of The Princess Bride on weekends through Jan. 1.) University Book Store, 4326 University

Way N.E., 634-3400, bookstore.washington.edu. Free. 7 p.m. BRIAN MILLER E

20TH CENTURY FOX

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

Risk! Live

(12/11) Reclaiming Prosperity Harold Meyerson Economic Prosperity through Equality

Bay Book Co., 1521 10th Ave., 624-6600, elliott baybook.com. Free. 7 p.m. BRIAN MILLER FANTAGRAPHICS

How does that Springsteen song go? “The sculpture park is cold and dark” . . . ? Or maybe that’s another tune. Tonight the mood will be considerably more festive at this holiday event, as the OSP is open long past its usual dusk closing time. The paths will be illuminated by candles and lanterns. (To help you create the latter, Celeste Cooning will lead a paper-cut workshop.) There will be live music from Lydia Ramsey, Ben Hunter and Joe Seamo, and the D20 Brass Band. Food and drinks will be offered from Taste and Bikelava. And visitors are encouraged to wear “light ensembles,” which we take to man those wearable, wired, LED-bulb-adorned garments you sometimes see on bicycle commuters or at holiday parties. (The old term “Cosby sweater” will have to be replaced, of course.) Otherwise, dress for the weather; this is primarily an outdoors event—come rain or come snow. Olympic Sculp-

(12/10) Seattle Human Rights Day Jorge Baron Focus on Immigration

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arts&culture» » FROM PAGE 17 Though no reader, obviously, would wish Rogers had had a tougher life, his book is Wonder Bread compared to the luridness in Louganis’— particularly his long romantic relationship with a manipulative sociopath—or Tuaolo’s, whose childhood was by turns idyllic (a banana farm on Oahu) and nightmarish (the deaths of several family members, including a beloved brother to AIDS). He perhaps travels the furthest from scarifying traumas to happy ending; his catalyst for coming out was his adoption of children with his now-husband and the impossibility of continuing to pretend that the man who accompanied him and his twins everywhere was not also their parent. But the most richly readable book of all is Amaechi’s. Gayness, it turns out, is one of the least remarkable aspects of his story. (Man in the Middle is the only one of these five in which coming out and its aftermath plays no part—the book was his comingout.) A biracial, bookish, overweight, Erasure- and Earl Grey-loving English boy who did not touch a basketball until age 17, Amaechi was six years later starting for the Cleveland Cavaliers. And his sexuality, though he speaks comfortably about it, seems pastel among these more improbable life details. Naming names and settling scores with coaches and management who wronged him, in a comic voice that recalls, say, Stephen Fry with a hint of Christopher Hitchens, his book is more flamboyant than Rogers’ by just the same margin that the NBA is more flamboyant than MLS. He writes, “For the first time, I could see the potential fun in [lacrosse]—even if I never did get my jollies from two hours drenched in sweat and mud, mashed up against miscreants half my bulk.”

Stage OPENINGS & EVENTS

ATTACK ON EMERALD CITY Six superhero-themed

•

LAND OF THE SWEETS: THE BURLESQUE NUTCRACKER Lily Verlaine and Jasper McCann return

for the ninth annual staging of this festive and titillating tradition. The Triple Door, 216 Union St., 838-4333. $40–$65. Opens Dec. 11. Runs practically daily; see thetripledoor. net for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 27.

CURRENT RUNS

• ALL THE WAY Seattle playwright Robert Schenkkan’s

broad, bustling Tony winner reframes our view of the Lone Star magician/politician Lyndon B. Johnson, played by the excellent Jack Willis. Schenkkan packs scads of information and backstory into chorus-like powwows

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ELLIOTT BAY BOOK COMPANY 521 10th Ave., 624-6600, elliottbaybook.com. Free. 7 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11.

among various factions. It’s dizzying, but it conveys the scramble that Johnson had to navigate to pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964—all the while consolidating power for his passion project, the War on Poverty. That effort, and the Vietnam War, will fill LBJ’s tumultuous four-year term in Schenkkan’s The Great Society, which alternates with All the Way. MARGARET FRIEDMAN Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St. (Seattle Center), 443-2222. $17– $150. 7:30 p.m. Tues.–Sun., plus Wed. and weekend matinees; see seattlerep.org for exact schedule. Ends Jan. 4. APPALACHIAN CHRISTMAS HOMECOMING Tales of three generations, with lots of live roots music, for the holidays. Taproot Theatre, 204 N. 85th St., 781-9707. $20–$40. 7:30 p.m. Wed.–Thurs., 8 p.m. Fri., 2 & 8 p.m. Sat., plus some weekday matinees; see taproottheatre.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 27. A CHILD’S CHRISTMAS IN WALES/THE LONG CHRISTMAS DINNER A Dylan Thomas/Thornton

Wilder double feature. Stone Soup Theatre, 4029 Stone Way N., 633-1883. $20–$25. 7:30 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sun., plus more performances Xmas week; see stonesoup theatre.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 24. A CHRISTMAS CAROL He may be a miser onstage, but Scrooge’s been very generous to ACT over the years. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St., 292-7676. $27 and up. Runs Tues.– Sun.; see acttheatre.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 28. A CHRISTMAS CAROL A musical version. SecondStory Repertory, 16587 N.E. 74th St., 425-881-6777, second storyrep.org. $5–$10. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 20. A CHRISTMAS STORY This year instead of catching it on TBS’ 24-hour broadcast, see the musical version onstage! 5th Avenue Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave., 625-1900, 5thavenue. org. $29 and up. 7:30 p.m. Tues.–Wed., 8 p.m. Thurs.–Fri., 2 & 8 p.m. Sat., 1:30 & 7 p.m. Sun. Ends Dec. 31. CHRISTMASTOWN A new “holiday noir, ” complete with a hard-boiled gumshoe and a sexy elf, by Wayne Rawley. Seattle Public Theater, 7312 W. Greenlake Dr., N., 5241300. $5–$32. Runs Fri.–Sun. plus Xmas week; see seattle publictheater.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 24. DICK WHITTINGTON AND HIS CAT An orphan finds himself in the big city of London, where he meets a remarkable cat. Seattle Children’s Theatre, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $20 and up. Runs Thurs.–Sat., see sct.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 21. THE DINA MARTINA CHRISTMAS SHOW An all-new show from the adored, tireless, must-be-seen-to-bebelieved entertaineress, with Chris Jeffries on keyboard.

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 20

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short plays. Ballard Underground, 2220 N.W. Market St., 800-838-3006, facebook.com/AttackonEC. $5. Opens Dec. 12. 10 p.m. Fri.–Sat. Ends Dec. 20. THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER The 14th annual production by Seattle Public Theater. Bathhouse Theater on Green Lake, 7312 W. Green Lake Dr. N., 5241300, seattlepublictheater.org. $5–$32. Opens Dec. 13. 2 & 4 p.m. Sat.–Sun. plus Dec. 22–24. Ends Dec. 24. A CHRISTMAS CAROL JR. Mrs. Claus and the elves retell the Dickens tale. SecondStory Repertory, 16587 N.E. 74th St., 425-881-6777, secondstoryrep.org. $5–$10. Opens Dec. 13. 1 & 3 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 21. FINNEGANS WAKE Neal Kosaly-Meyer transforms the first chapter of Joyce’s densely layered novel into a solo theater piece—performed from memory, mostly in the dark, with sound design by Jake Thompson. “Enjoy the music,” Kosaly-Meyer says, and a “muddy kissmans” to all. Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N. Free. 8 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. HENRIETTA Evan Morrison and Albert Kirchner host his monthly comedy show, this month featuring Emmett Montgomery, Hari Kondabolu, and others. Eclectic Theater, 1214 10th Ave. $8–$10. 10:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS This burlesque ex-dragaganza stars BenDeLaCreme, Lou Henry Hoover, and plenty more. (Idea for a nom de burlesque: Plenty Moore!) West Hall, OddFellows Building, 2nd floor, 915 E. Pine St. $25–$35. Opens Dec. 11. Runs practically daily; see strangertickets.com for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 27.

Rogers’ style, on the other hand, is straightforward and unadorned. In fact, it reads very much like—well, here, see if this rings a bell: “I loved Elton John’s music. He’s a great singer-songwriter and his music is something that makes you feel good. I always thought he was gay but that wasn’t an issue for me, and I didn’t see how his being gay could be a problem for anyone, but clearly it was for my mom. That really scared me. It made me think that I could never say anything to to my mother about what I already suspected about myself because she would think there was something wrong with me, too. We listened to the rest of the song in silence.” This passage—and it’s not at all atypical—is, to my ear, purest Judy Blume. This is not a slam; Blume’s is exactly the readership for whom Coming Out to Play will do the most good. If Rogers does seem to play his cards a bit closer to his chest than these other authors, it makes his story more relatable, more universal; and his career success and boy-band adorableness won’t hurt either. He admits his intent—“being a role model for that young Robbie Rogers who was just starting out in his sport and wondering whether he could be himself . . . I could be an example of someone whose difference not only didn’t get in the way, but also made his life better.” In an odd way, Rogers’ book is designed to help make its genre obsolete—another shot at the goal of making being an out athlete no big deal. E

arts&culture» Performance » FROM PAGE 19 Re-bar, 1114 Howell St., 800-838-3006. $22–$25. Runs weekends only at first (incl. selected Sunday “Mimosa Matinees”), then practically daily starting Dec. 17; see brownpapertickets.com for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 31.

EVAN & BOBBI: A TWISTED CHRISTMAS CAROL

Bobbi Cratchit and Evan Scrooge are co-workers/ dysfunctional lovers in this Dickens subversion. Theater Off Jackson, 409 Seventh Ave. S., seattlestageright.org. $15–$20. 7:30 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 13. THE GREAT SOCIETY See All the Way, above. HAM FOR THE HOLIDAYS: FEAR THE BACON The annual holiday sketch show from Lisa Koch and Peggy Platt (aka Dos Fallopia). Another visit from the Sequim Gay Men’s Chorus is promised. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St., 292-7676, acttheatre.org. $30–$35. 7:30 p.m. Wed.–Thurs., 8 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 21. THE HOURS OF LIFE Paul Lewis’ new musical fictionalizes Poe’s affair with a fellow poet. Cornish Playhouse Studio, Seattle Center, 800-838-3006, theatre22.org. $11–$22. 8 p.m. Tues.–Sat., 2 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 14. A(N IMPROVISED) CHRISTMAS CAROL Dickens, rewritten by you. Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 5872414, unexpectedproductions.org. $5–$15. 8:30 p.m. Thurs.–Sat., 7 p.m. Sun. Ends Dec. 28. IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE: A LIVE RADIO SHOW Joe Landry’s Capra adaptation. Kenyon Hall, 7904 35th Ave. S.W., 800-838-3006, brownpapertickets.com. $18–$20. 7:30 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 3 p.m. Sun. Ends Dec. 14. JUDY’S SCARY LITTLE CHRISTMAS In this musical fantasy, Judy invites her Hollywood friends—from Lillian Hellman to Liberace— for a holiday TV special. (If you have to ask which Judy, this show is so not for you.) ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave. S.W., 938-0339, artswest. org. $17–$36.50. 7:30 p.m. Wed.–Sat., 3 p.m. Sun., plus 7:30 p.m. Tues., Dec. 23 & 5 p.m. Wed., Dec. 24. Ends Dec. 28. MARY POPPINS After little Jane and Michael Banks turn and burn a string of governesses, an Edwardian version of Super Nanny appears to transform the naughty kids and their unhappy elders with alchemy and adventure. In the title role, Cayman Ilika finds a Julie Andrews-esque balance of cool and compassion. ALYSSA DYKSTERHOUSE Village Theatre, 303 Front St. N., Issaquah, 425-392-2202. $40–$72. Runs Tues.–Sun.; see villagetheatre.org for exact schedule. Ends Jan 4. (Runs at the Everett PAC Jan. 9–Feb. 8.) PRIDE AND PREJUDICE Richard Nguyen Sloniker, the Darcy in Book-It’s brisk and bubbling version of the beloved Jane Austen novel, carries off some splendid scenes with the sharp, subtle Elizabeth of Jen Taylor. The casting is just as ideal all the way through, the 15 actors adept at weighting and coloring every laugh line to make it land and deftly avoiding caricature even where it’s most tempting. Marcus Goodwin ably directs his Austen adaptation, previously staged in 2000 and 2004. GAVIN BORCHERT Center Theatre at the Armory (Seattle Center), 216-0833. $25–$60. Runs Wed.–Sun.; see book-it.org for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 28. RECKLESS Craig Lucas’ comedy starts on Christmas Eve with a husband’s confession. Annex Theatre, 1100 E. Pike St., fantasticz.org. $10–$20. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 20. SNOWGLOBED Five short new holiday-themed plays. Theater Schmeater, 2125 Third Ave., 324-5801, schmeater. org. $10–$12. 11 p.m. Fri.–Sat. Ends Dec. 20. SPAMALOT A musical version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. As you know. Bainbridge Performing Arts, 200 Madison Ave. N., Bainbridge Island, 842-8569, bainbridge performingarts.org. $19–$27. 7:30 p.m. Fri.–Sat., 3 p.m. Sun., plus 7:30 p.m. Mon., Dec. 15. Ends Dec. 21. TEATRO ZINZANNI: HACIENDA HOLIDAY In TZZ’s new show, Showbiz couple Vivian Beaumount and Clifton Caswell (Christine Deaver and Kevin Kent) return to a swanky hotel to renew their vows, in a romantic tale as spicy as the Southwest-inspired menu. GAVIN BORCHERT Teatro ZinZanni, 222 Mercer St., 802-0015. $99 and up. Runs Thurs.–Sun. plus some Wed.; see zinzanni.com/seattle for exact schedule. Ends Jan. 31. TINY TIM IS DEAD In Barbara Lebow’s cheerily titled play, a group of homeless people stage A Christmas Carol. Presented by Play Factory Theatre. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave., 800-838-3006, playwrights-theatre. org. $20–$25. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. plus Tues., Dec. 16; 6 p.m. Sun. Ends Dec. 20. THE TWILIGHT ZONE: LIVE! Three staged episodes from the TV series. Theater Schmeater, 2125 Third Ave., 324-5801, schmeater.org. $18–$25. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Sat. Ends Dec. 20. UNCLE MIKE RUINS CHRISTMAS Relive your worst family holiday traumas in this improv show. Jet City Improv Theater, 5510 University Way N.E., jetcityimprov. org. $12–$15. 10:30 p.m. Sat. Ends Dec. 20.

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Everyone’s fave Brit period piece gets sent up, improvstyle. Jet City Improv Theater, 5510 University Way N.E., jetcityimprov.org. $12–$15. 8 p.m. Thurs.–Fri. Ends Dec. 19. For many more holiday shows, see seattleweekly.com.

Dance

ACIFIC NORTHWEST BALLET: NUTCRACKER • PPNB premiered this production, choreographed by Kent

Stowell and designed by Maurice Sendak, in 1983. This time next year we’ll see George Balanchine’s iconic choreography set to new designs by Ian Falconer (of Olivia the Pig fame). If you don’t already have tickets, try to get some. SANDRA KURTZ McCaw Hall, 321 Mercer St. (Seattle Center), 441-2424, $35–$136. See pnb.org for neardaily schedule. Ends Dec. 28.

INTERNATIONAL BALLET THEATER: NUTCRACKER

Meydenbauer Theater, 11100 N.E. Sixth St., Bellevue, 425284-0444. $25–$50. Runs Fri.–Sun. plus Dec. 22 & 23; see IBTbellevue.org for exact schedule. NEXT FEST NW If you’re not in the mood for a Nutcracker, here’s new work by Ariana Bird, Luke Gutgsell, and others. Velocity Founders Theater, 1621 12th Ave., velocitydance center.org. $12–$18. 8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 12–Sun., Dec. 14. EMERALD BALLET THEATER: NUTCRACKER With live music from the Rainier Symphony. Northshore Performing Arts Center, 18125 92nd Ave. N.E., Bothell, 425-984-2471, emeraldballet.org. $20–$35. 2 p.m. Sat.–Sun. Ends Dec. 14. NEXT DANCE CINEMA Dance onscreen, part of Next Fest NW. Northwest Film Forum, 1515 12th Ave., velocitydance center.org. $6–$11. 2:30 & 4 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. DASSDANCE: MINI-NUTCRACKER A family party, with breakfast. Washington Hall, 153 14th Ave., 800-838-3006, dassdance.org. $15–$20. 11 a.m. Dec. 13, 14, 20.

Classical, Etc.

• MUSIC BY SEAN OSBORN Premieres of new works

by the clarinetist/composer. Chapel Performance Space, 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N. $5–$15. 7:30 p.m. Wed., Dec. 10. SEATTLE SYMPHONY The premiere of Mason Bates’ Cello Concerto, written for Joshua Roman, plus Prokofiev and Tchaikovsky. Benaroya Hall, Third Ave. & Union St., 215-4747, seattlesymphony.org. $20–$120. 7:30 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11; noon Fri., Dec. 12; 8 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. ELEONORA KARPUKHOVA Music by Rachmaninoff, including several Etudes-tableaux. Frye Art Museum, 704 Terry Ave., 425-829-1345, russianchambermusic.org. $10–$20. 7:30 p.m. Fri., Dec. 12. NORTHWEST BOYCHOIR The traditional Festival of Lessons and Carols at venues all over Seattle, Dec. 12–14 and 19–23; see nwboychoir.org for complete info. $10–$25. SEATTLE MEN’S CHORUS Their holiday extravaganza. Benaroya Hall, Third Ave. & Union St., 388-1400, flying house.org. $28–$78. 8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 12; 2 & 7:30 p.m. Sun., Dec. 14; 7:30 p.m. Sun., Dec. 21–Mon., Dec. 22. INVERSE OPERA A reprise of their staged, theatrical Messiah, launched last year. Isaac Studio at Taproot Theatre, 208 N. 85th St., 800-838-3006. $25–$30. Runs 8 p.m. Fri.–Sat. plus some matinees; see theinverseopera. com for exact schedule. Ends Dec. 20. THE MET: LIVE IN HD Wagner’s generously proportioned comedy Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg. See fathomevents.com for participating theaters. 9 a.m. Sat., Dec. 13; encored 6:30 p.m. Wed., Dec. 17. SEATTLE PRO MUSICA French Christmas music. Chapel at Bastyr University, 14500 Juanita Dr. N.E., Kenmore, seattlepromusica.org. $12–$38. 3 & 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. UNSILENT NIGHT Phil Kline’s participatory ambient music event/walkabout starts and ends at On the Boards, 100 W. Roy St. See ontheboards.org for full info, including the download. Free. 5:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. NORTHWEST CHAMBER CHORUS “A Child’s Christmas in Wales” with David Pichette. Phinney Ridge Lutheran Church, 7500 Greenwood Ave., N., 800-838-3006, northwest chamberchorus.org. $12–$22. 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. ANCORA From this women’s choir, “Walking in the Air.” Trinity Lutheran Church, 1200 10th Ave. E., 800-838-3006, ancorachoir.org. $12–$15. 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. MARKET STREET SINGERS go “Down the Chimney.” Ballard First Lutheran Church, 2006 N.W. 65th St., market streetsingers.com. Donation. 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. SEATTLE MANDOLIN ORCHESTRA Messiah like you’ve never heard it (unless you went last year). Epiphany Parish Seattle, 1805 38th Ave., 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13; Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 7 p.m. Sun., Dec. 14. $15–$20. seattlemandolin.org. SEATTLE CHORAL COMPANY “On Christmas Night.” St. Mark’s Cathedral, 1245 10th Ave. E., 363-1100, seattle choralcompany.org. $25. 8 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13, & Fri., Dec. 19. CANDLELIGHT CONCERTS Serene trios for the oncepopular grouping of flute, viola, and guitar. University Christian Church, 4731 15th Ave. N.E., 522-0169, candle lightseattle.org. Freewill offering. 7:30 p.m. Sun., Dec. 14. For many more holiday concerts, see seattleweekly.com.

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B Y G AV I N B O R C H E R T

Send events to stage@seattleweekly.com, dance@seattleweekly.com, or classical@seattleweekly.com

» Visual Arts • BRUCE BICKFORD If you live in Seattle and love

animation, then bow down to this hometown hero. Since the ’60s he’s relentlessly churned out bewitchingly bizarre films featuring surreal landscapes both hand-drawn and crafted in clay. Although he’s most remembered for his half-dozen years as Frank Zappa’s resident animator, he’s continued to produce incredible work, including one of history’s greatest work’s of stop-motion, Prometheus’ Garden. Opening reception 6-9 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. Vermillion, 1508 11th Ave., 709-9797, vermillionseattle.com. 4 p.m.-midnight. Tues.-Sun., Ends Feb. 7. GEORGETOWN ART ATTACK The monthly art fair includes a special holiday tree lighting. Other highlights include Zap Comix legend Robert Williams at Fantagraphics, Angelina Tolentino’s circusy take on ocean life, mythological paintings from Terese Nielson, and LxWxH Gallery’s final exhibition—“series of free-standing and wall-based sculptures made from re-purposed hardwoods, beeswax, denim, brass, steel, or lead; leftovers from other projects or job sites.” Georgetown, see georgetownartattack.com for locations. 6-9 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. MINIATURE ART EXTRAVAGANZA! Fifty artists show small works for $250 and under, perfect for holiday gifts. Opening reception 5-9 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. Ghost Gallery, 504 E. Denny Way, 832-6063, ghostgalleryart.com. 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Mon.-Sun. Ends Feb. 7. STAR WARS: AN ART SHOW Original and licensed Star Wars art from the Acme Archives. Opening reception 6-10 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. Ltd. Gallery, 501 E. Pine St., 457-2970, ltdartgallery.com. 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Tue.-Sat. Ends Jan. 30.

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Ongoing

• AHTSIK’NUK (GOOD WITH THE HANDS) A col-

lection of “rare and unusual” carvings from the Nuucha-nulth Nations of BC and Washington. Steinbrueck Native Gallery, 2030 Western Ave., 441-3821, steinbruecknativegallery.com. 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Mon.-Sun. Through Dec. ZACK BENT Lean-out, Lean-to is an installation inspired by a chance encounter with a truck canopy in Spokane. Bent adopts it into a “monolithic chamber of secrets.” Jack Straw New Media Gallery, 4261 Roosevelt Way N.E., 634-0919, jackstraw.org. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Mon.-Fri. Ends Feb. 6. BAM BIENNIAL: KNOCK ON WOOD Again, there’s a very materials-focused emphasis to this biannual group show. Clay and fiber art were featured in 2012 and

•

2010, respectively; now it’s the chisel-and-mallet set’s turn to display their creations. Some of the three dozen artists featured you know or have seen before at BAM (or local galleries), like Rick Araluce, Whiting Tennis, and W. Scott Trimble. The juried selection offers every variety of woodworking from the Northwest, ranging from indigenous Native American carvings to smartly modern furniture that might fit into your SLU condo. BRIAN MILLER Bellevue Arts Museum, 510 Bellevue Way N.E., 425-519-0770, bellevuearts.org. $5-$10. 11 a.m.-6 p.m. Tues.-Sun. Ends March 29. JOHN BROPHY AND STACEY ROZICH Rozich’s new series of paintings, Shrine, continues her penchant for depicting fabulously patterned beasts and horned creatures—this time centered around the theme of death and death rituals. Brophy’s show The Saddest Heart on the Holy Mountain, examines the “absurdist nature of sadness” by rendering images via 3D computer software and then painting the results. Roq La Rue, 532 First Ave. S., 374-8977, roqlarue. com, Noon-5 p.m. Wed.-Sat. Ends Jan. 3. CITY DWELLERS A dozen contemporary Indian artists are represented in this show originating entirely from the private local collection of Sanjay Parthasarathy and wife Malini Balakrishnan. Scenes and icons from Mumbai to New Delhi are represented via photography and sculpture, from an all-native perspective. As tourists know, India is ridiculously photogenic, from its colorful idols and deities to the slums and beggars. It all depends on what you want to see. Photographer Dhruv Malhotra, for instance, takes large color images of people sleeping in public places— some because they’re poor, others because they simply feel like taking a nap. BRIAN MILLER Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave., 654-3121, seattleartmuseum.org. $12–$19. Weds.-Sun. Ends Feb. 15. RACHEL DENNY Denny has made a name for herself by crafting those big taxidermy animal heads you see hunters hanging on the wall, only there’s a twist— instead of making them out of animals, she uses materials like matches, yarn, and sequins. Foster/White Gallery, 220 Third Ave S., 622-2833, fosterwhite.com. 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Tues.-Sat. Ends Dec. 24. ANN HAMILTON The artist has created new art that she invites viewers to interact with through touch. Henry Art Gallery (UW campus), 543-2280, henryart.org. $6-$10. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Weds., Sat. & Sun. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Thurs. & Sat. Ends April 26.

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Box Office: (425) 392-2202 • Now - January 4, 2015 • VillageTheatre.org

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wildly different vintages and design). Included in Idleness are architectural renderings for a more open, discussion-oriented gallery. Such future plans for a Jake Version 3.0 would of course require significant budget and labor (see Industry). In the meantime, says the forward-looking Lawrimore, “We have to rally the troops.” Additionally, the Jake now hosts a regular “picnic” salon gathering every Wednesday at noon (bring your own lunch), where visiting artists, students, and the art-curious are invited to come mingle and mix ideas. Jacob Lawrence Gallery (UW campus), art.washington.edu. Free. 10 a.m.– 5 p.m Tues.–Fri., noon–4 p.m. Sat. Ends Jan. 17.

FI L M

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

MLADEN STILINOVIC

Jake who? The Jacob Lawrence Gallery was founded in 1983 at the University of Washington, where the pioneering local painter was then a teacher. Since then the space has mainly been devoted to student and BY BRIAN MILLER faculty shows, considerably overshadowed by the Henry. What changed this year is the gallery’s relaunch under curator Scott Lawrimore, formerly of the Frye and past proprietor of his own downtown gallery. He’s now teaching at the UW as well, and he recently walked me through his second show at the space, a companion to the prior Industry, called Idleness. The two group exhibits contrast notions of productive labor and productive labor-saving; and that latter idea applies to Lawrimore’s recent cheap-by-necessity makeover of the Jake. Walls were added and windows covered to create more usable exhibition space, and Lawrimore says the DIY spruce-up (Jake Version 2.0) is intended partly to provoke discussion of a complete renovation and possible relocation in the the Art Building (itself an unsuccessful graft between two structures of

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GOOD BOOKSTORES A Reader’s Guide

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a&c» Literary Author Events PHILLIP MARGOLIN Woman With a Gun is his latest

crime thriller. Also: Seattle Mystery Bookshop, noon, Thurs., Dec. 11. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave., 6524255, townhallseattle.org. 7 p.m. Weds., Dec. 10. SEATTLE LIT FIX Local writers Ryan Boudinot, Sonora Jha, Daemond Arrindell, and Jennifer D. Munro read at this 21-and-over event. JewelBox Theater at the Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave., 441-5823, jewelboxtheater.com. 7 p.m. Weds., Dec. 10. DAWN WELLS Gilligan’s Island debuted on TV 50 years ago, and the iconic actress is now sharing tales from the set in What Would Mary Ann Do?. University Book Store, 4326 University Way N.E., 634-3400, bookstore.washington.edu. 7 p.m. Weds., Dec. 10. ANGELA GLOVER BLACKWELL He’ll discuss Uncommon Common Ground: Race and America’s Future. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave., 652-4255, townhallseattle.org. $5. 7:30 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. LYNN BRUNELLE Her memoir is Mama Gone Geek: Calling on My Inner Science Nerd to Help Navigate the Ups and Downs of Parenthood. Third Place, 7 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. HAROLD MEYERSON Editorial writer for The Washington Post, he’ll discuss the $15 minimum wage movement with journalists including Jerry Large of the Times. Town Hall, Free. 7 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. JAMES STARK He collects his short stories in Woodfiber Dreams, Coming of Age Tales. University Book Store, 7 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. ROBIN K. WRIGHT He and Kathryn Bunn-Marcuse (also appearing) edited In the Spirit of the Ancestors: Contemporary Northwest Coast Art at the Burke Museum. Seattle Central Library, 1000 Fourth Ave., 386-4636, spl.org. 7 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11. TOM BRENNER His children’s holiday book is And Then Comes Christmas. Third Place, 10 a.m. Fri., Dec. 12. AMIN GHAZIANI The urban planner considers gentrification and more in There Goes the Gayborhood? Elliott Bay Book Co., 1521 10th Ave., 624-6600, elliottbaybook.com. 3 p.m. Fri., Dec. 12. UW LITERARY FICTION WRITING PROGRAM READINGS Students share their work. University

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ping! Representatives from Wave Books, University Press, Fantagraphics, and others will be joined by a few authors to help in your holiday impulse buying. University Book Store, 1 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. FRANK PORTMAN King Dork Approximately is the sequel to his darkly funny and very popular teen novel from 2006, King Dork. University Book Store, 9 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. HAROON ULLAH His street-level reportage from Pakistan is The Bargain from the Bazaar: A Family’s Day of Reckoning in Lahore. Seattle Central Library, 2 p.m. Sat., Dec. 13. NICK BAKER Turtle is the author’s memoir of growing up blind and with autism. University Book Store, 3 p.m. Sun., Dec. 14. WENDY LIU She’ll discuss My First Impression of China: Washingtonians’ First Trips to the Middle Kingdom. University Book Store (Bellevue), 990 102nd Ave. N.E., 425-462-4500, bookstore.washington.edu. 3 p.m. Sun., Dec. 14. BUSHWICK BOOK CLUB The local lit-based music ensemble performs songs inspired by Charles Dickens’ classic holiday story A Christmas Carol. Seattle Central Library, 7 p.m. Mon., Dec. 15. MICHELLE DUNN MARSH Executive director of Photo Center Northwest, she’ll discuss two new photo books: Lisa Leone’s Here I Am and David Hilliard’s What Could Be. Elliott Bay, 7 p.m. Mon., Dec. 15. SHANNON PAGE A woman discovers she has healing powers in the new novel Our Lady of the Islands. University Book Store, 7 p.m. Mon., Dec. 15. ANDREW HODGES With the fine new film The Imitation Game opening Dec. 25, here’s a chance to hear from the biographer who wrote the source book: Alan Turing: The Enigma. Town Hall, $5. 7:30 p.m. Mon., Dec. 15. RICHARD MCGUIRE His new graphic novel Here expands on a strip originally published back in 1989 (!) in Raw. Seattle Central Library, 7 p.m. Tues., Dec. 16. SEATTLE POETRY SLAM Local poets share their verse and spoken word compositions. 21 and over. Rebar, 1114 Howell St., 233-9873, rebarseattle.com. $5. 8 p.m. Tues., Dec. 16.

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» Film

JAN

Next to Exit?

9 +1 0 2015

The Harvard Exit will depart fast-gentrifying Capitol Hill, leaving two nonprofit cinemas to survive. BY BRIAN MILLER

Film Forum, which moved to the trendy side of Capitol Hill in 2004. The nonprofit cinema operates two small screens at its 12th Avenue location between Pike and Pine, where patrons can now bring wine and beer into screenings. It’s an invaluable local institution, founded in 1995, but the neighborhood has exploded around it. Apartment developers and restaurant owners are willing and eager to pay rents or sale prices far beyond the reach of a tiny arts organization. The new 12th Avenue Arts building, with three theater companies sharing its two stages, is a welcome exception in a brutal marketplace. NWFF is a renter in this booming neighborhood, like SIFF, which recently signed a long-

term lease for the Egyptian with its owner, Seattle Central College. Can NWFF afford to stay on Cap Hill? Yes, executive director Lyall Bush told me last week. “We heard that the Egyptian was available” in 2013, he adds. And he confirms that the space would’ve been cheaper to rent than its current digs. But instead he says the organization opted to renew at an “awesomely fair” rate from the building’s arts-minded owner, Elizabeth Linke (landlord to nearby Velocity Dance Center). The rent’s a little higher, says Bush, who explains that NWFF needs more space for offices and classrooms than the Egyptian has to offer. (Also, industry-wide, large old single-screen cinemas are almost impossible to run profitably.) With its current lease running through 2018 (plus option to renew), Bush says, “I wanna stay. I think it’s the right place for us.” He and other arts organizations are in talks with the city about estabishing a Capitol Hill Arts District, perhaps to enjoy municipal support. In the meantime, “We’re not going to get a better deal.” So, I ask, given all the new apartment buildings full of young tech workers, has NWFF seen an Amazon bump in attendance? “Not yet,” he concedes. Still, he insists that—unlike Landmark or even SIFF—classes and education are part of NWFF’s business model. To reach the millennial newcomers on Cap Hill, those without the baby-boomer art-house habit, Bush talks of more social activities, live music, and mixers after screenings—to make moviegoing more of an occasion. (Again, beer and wine help in that regard.) Speaking both for his cinema and the other arts enterprises along 12th Avenue, Bush asks rhetorically, “How do we become a magnet?” Ultimately, as with SIFF’s recent purchase of the Uptown, Bush acknowldges that NWFF will need to own its own premises to control its destiny in such an expensive city. (Landmark provides the counterexample.) And of that, says Bush, “There’s been some talk.” E bmiller@seattleweekly.com

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SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

This brings us to the dilemma of Northwest

The 1925 Women’s Century Club building may next house restaurants and retail.

BRIAN MILLER

have written this story several times before, which says something about the state of the indie/art-house movie biz. As first reported by Capitol Hill Seattle Blog last week, the Harvard Exit’s landlord plans to sell the building to Scott Shapiro, developer of Melrose Market and owner of the property that currently houses Chop Suey (also headed toward closure). Movies will cease in mid-January, ending a 46-year history for a beloved institution that often topped our Best of Seattle reader polls. Screenings began there in 1968, and the theater has been operated since 1979 by what is now Landmark Theatres—the same L.A. company that surrendered its lease on the Egyptian last year (since reopened by SIFF). Landmark previously operated the Broadway Market Cinemas from 1988 to 2002. It gave up the lease to the Metro (now Sundance) in 2012 and the Neptune (now a music venue) in 2010. Do you sense a pattern here? And the company is relinquishing the lease to the underperforming Varsity Theatre at the end of this month; a different operator may or may not keep it running. (Landmark still has the Crest, Seven Gables, and Guild 45th, where it owns the actual land beneath.) Landmark’s woes go way back. It’s been through several sales and a bankruptcy. Dallas billionare Mark Cuban currently controls the small national exhibition chain. He tried to sell it in 2011, but found no takers. Obviously Cuban could put money into nicer seats and concessions if he wanted to. He could pay higher rents when landlords raise them; but that’s evidently not the business model being pursued here. Instead, the new industry model for grown-up art-house movies seems to be amenities, food, and booze. Paul Allen just spent another small fortune upgrading the Cinerama again. Sundance and the Big Picture likewise offer fewer, nicer seats and a premium menu. At a lower price point, Central Cinema, Cinebarre, and even SIFF have embraced the booze-and-view trend. Unless you’re a teenager at the mall, going out to movies can increasingly seem like an evening at the theater, plus dinner, with comparable damage to your credit card. Those who want to stay home with Netflix can stay home. Cinemas have to offer something special (and increasingly spendy) to lure viewers off the couch.

arts&culture» Film

Opening ThisWeek

images of the landscape, yet The Great Invisible doesn’t entirely succeed as either journalism or poetry. This saga is still unfolding, and while the film will likely serve as a reminder of a forgotten crisis, it feels like an opening salvo, not the definitive word. Even the wealthy oilmen who somehow agreed to let Brown eavesdrop on their conversation—in which they come close to acknowledging that they don’t know what to do about oil, either—are being overtaken by time; the recent drop in gas prices might have them slowing their intake of cigars and whiskey. ROBERT HORTON

Edgerton (left) plays Ramses to Bale’s Moses.

Comet OPENS FRI., DEC. 12 AT SUNDANCE CINEMAS. NOT RATED. 91 MINUTES.

Exodus: Gods and Kings OPENS FRI., DEC. 12 AT MAJESTIC BAY AND OTHER THEATERS. RATED PG-13. 146 MINUTES.

Rossum and Long as starfated lovers?

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

IFC FILMS

Dell (Long) and Kimberly (Emmy Rossum) randomly meet at a meteor-watching party held in an L.A. cemetery full of famous graves. (Love, prepare to be buried.) The know-it-all Dell is so aggressively off-putting and neurotic, a cynic who nonetheless falls for Kimberly at first sight, that we know he’ll be converted to a sincere romantic in the end. He’s a motor-mouthed brainiac who puts his Ph.D. to good use in the plot. She’s not quite a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, yet she has no fixed identity or profession beyond being the object of Dell’s ardor. (Though, in one MPDG flourish, she drives her robin’s-egg-blue vintage Saab to the gun range: quirk in place of character.) No one else really exists in the movie, not outside the first fateful scene (to which we’ll return repeatedly, like the other half-dozen vignettes stitched together with dialogue cues). Comet is cosmic and expansive, yet oddly claustrophobic. (With all the time-skipping synchronicity, Chris Nolan would love it.) There’s talk of a cancerafflicted mother and a romantic rival, but they only exist in one of Dell’s parallel universes. Esmail’s relentless editing scheme and aggressively clever writing make Comet as deterministic as it is romantic, undercutting its two leads. Long is capable of playing notes beyond smartass, and the script gives him a few. Rossum (from TV’s Shameless) hasn’t done much since her ingénue role in The Phantom of the Opera, but her Kimberly morphs plausibly through a half-dozen years of impatience with Dell. Does he deserve a second chance? (Or a third or a fourth or a sixth?) Not in this universe. BRIAN MILLER

The gulf between Moses movies can be measured in beards. For The Ten Commandments (1956), Charlton Heston unrolled a splendid carpet of chin-hair; for the latest incarnation, Christian Bale offers realistic, scraggly whiskers that might belong to the third apostle from the right in any average biblical epic. Exodus: Gods and Kings prefers angst over showmanship, and the picture suffers accordingly. Surely the film’s director, Ridley Scott, has been waiting all his life to get a crack at the florid yarn-spinning of the Old Testament. One of Scott’s most sheerly enjoyable movies, Gladiator, conjured up the sword-and-sandals mode of 1950s epics, and Exodus lays out an even bigger canvas: slave armies, plagues of frogs and locusts, the parting of the Red Sea. It sounds like an ideal match for the man who made Blade Runner, but Scott’s grouchy approach falls short of the eager-beaver cornpone of Cecil B. DeMille (who vigorously mounted The Ten Commandments twice in his career). Bale creates a somber Moses, adopted brother of Egyptian king Ramses ( Joel Edgerton, from The Great Gatsby). You know the story: When an enslaved Hebrew elder (Ben Kingsley) informs Moses of his actual Jewish heritage, our hero goes through a spiritual crisis, is banished, and returns to help his people wait out the plagues. The storytelling has been surefire stuff for a millennium and a half, and it still plays. (In my Catholic childhood, I loved the plagues—so colorful and huge, plus they were numbered for easy categorization.) Scott creates the big computer-generated vistas of pyramids and palaces, but the digital flatness diminishes the impact after a while. Both Bale and Edgerton seem on the way to interesting character detail, but there’s so much to cover they can’t complete the task. And forget about developing the roles played by Aaron Paul, Sigourney Weaver, Hiam Abbass, and other good actors; they barely register in the spectacle. Only Ben Mendelsohn (Animal Kingdom) gets anything memorable going, and he’s playing a caricature of pagan depravity (Scott’s tendency to equate villainy with insufficient masculinity is tiresomely in place here).

As for the parting of the Red Sea, the film uses a non-supernatural explanation, and those optics score pretty well on the popcorn-movie scale. Scott also does something seriously haunting with the burning bush. All that spectacle, yet Exodus violates the 11th commandment of Hollywood: Thou shalt not bore the audience. Mr. DeMille would not have let this happen. ROBERT HORTON

The Great Invisible OPENS FRI., DEC. 12 AT HARVARD EXIT. RATED PG-13. 92 MINUTES.

Is a documentary an information-delivery system or a work of art? This question keeps dogging the makers of nonfiction films, and director Margaret Brown takes a stab at having it both ways in The Great Invisible. Brown, who made the affecting 2004 portrait Be Here to Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt, has here tackled the Deepwater Horizon oil spill—and most important, its aftermath. Brown does due diligence in reminding us of the devastating 2010 explosion at the offshore oil rig, which killed 11 workers and caused extensive damage to the ecosystem of that part of the Gulf of Mexico. One of the film’s eeriest tools is home-movie footage shot on the rig before the disaster, a cheerful tour through the state-of-the-art (but still dangerous) structure. This is a prelude to the film’s real subject: how things are going four years after the incident. Much was made at the time of oil giant BP’s announcement to set aside many billions for compensation, a bold move that was supposed to avoid the kind of litigation (ongoing) from the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill. Nobody seems too happy; BP has been complaining about payments made to undeserving claimants (Brown doesn’t cover this in the film), but The Great Invisible finds a number of people who have yet to receive compensation. Brown focuses on specific individuals, including workers from the oil rig whose injuries—including post-traumatic stress—are still left unresolved. Just as poignant is the glimpse into tiny Bayou La Batre, Alabama, where hesitant locals appear overwhelmed by the paperwork and bureaucracy connected to claiming reparations for the harm done to their seafood industries. At least one great character study emerges: Roosevelt Harris, an indomitably upbeat gentleman who helps the scattered rural folk claim their just due. Along with this material, Brown includes some haunting

Top Five OPENS THURS., DEC. 11 AT SIFF CINEMA EGYPTIAN AND OTHER THEATERS. RATED R. 101 MINUTES.

If Chris Rock’s movies were as good as his interviews, he’d be racking up year-end critics’ awards right about now. The comedian has been smart and funny—riffing on politics, race, and Hollywood—in his publicity marathon for Top Five, a starring vehicle he also wrote and directed. But at some point, the actual film has to open, and, well—too bad. This one is a marked advance over Rock’s previous directing fling, I Think I Love My Wife (2007), a stillborn remake of Eric Rohmer’s French New Wave classic Chloe in the Afternoon. But it’s much less savvy than his stand-up observations.

ALI PAIGE GOLDSTEIN/PARAMOUNT

A relationship put through a cracked prism, Comet immediately alludes to parallel universes enfolded within its six-year span. And those years (or scenes) will come entirely out of order. If that’s not enough, its hero ( Justin Long) invokes The Sixth Sense more than once—he could be dreaming, he says, or possibly dead. Or, taking another step back, he could be a befuddled spectator like us of the events unfolding. This debut feature by Sam Esmail means to keep you off-balance, and does; though that ends up being an exhausting stance both for us and the film’s two lovers. Will they reach equilibrium (i.e., a happy ending)? Each time it teeters within reach, Esmail totters us back to a prior point in the relationship. The tease matters more than the totality here.

Allen (Rock) grimaces for the cameras with his supposed fiancée (Union).

The story unfolds over the course of a long day in New York, as a once-popular comedian named Andre Allen (Rock) desperately promotes his new movie. He’s talking to a New York Times writer named Chelsea Brown (Rosario Dawson) throughout the day, a device that’s less about illuminating his character and more about highlighting their growing rapport. (Although one long slapstick recollection about a lost weekend in Houston keeps the movie 2014-level raunchy.) We learn that Andre is giving up comedy because he’s quit drinking; that he only wants to make serious films like his new project about the Haitian slave uprising; and that he’s less than passionate about his upcoming marriage to a reality-TV star (Gabrielle Union). It’s also really getting old that his furry trilogy about a police bear named Hammy is his biggest claim to fame. Something in him dies every time a fan shouts “It’s Hammy time!” in his direction. Rock has gathered a batch of colleagues to contribute smallish roles, including Kevin Hart, Tracy Morgan, and Cedric the Entertainer. As for Rock’s performance, even playing opposite the lively Dawson doesn’t make him a more fluid actor. There’s nothing wrong with the idea of mixing comedy and Woody Allenesque introspection—I guess the comparison here is with Allen’s Stardust Memories, but that movie wasn’t especially strong, either. The “problems” that come with wealth and celebrity are a wobbly basis for comedy, despite the laughs scattered

It’s a

usual wailing-at-bedside scene. I guess this is the price (for Vallée, for Strayed) in working with A-listers who covet awards. (It worked for McConaughey—amirite, amirite?) Still, since Witherspoon already has her Oscar for Walk the Line, I wish Wild weren’t so full-frontal about everything. (Related: Witherspoon is fairly bold about showing her body here, though appropriately.) Wild is both tremendously appealing and inescapably sappy, also attended by various spirit animals (horses for tragedy, a fox for hope). One of its best moments comes in the soggy Oregon rainforest, where Cheryl is serenaded by a little boy. After his party continues down the trail, she collapses to her knees, sobbing behind that giant pack full of burdensome memories. A better film would leave it there, but Vallée has to turn the camera around, so we can see those precious golden tears. Strayed, in her more astringent writing, wouldn’t be so indulgent, but such is the rocky path to cinematic redemption. BRIAN MILLER

through Top Five. And when the jokes are given the hard-R down-and-dirty treatment (this is not a holiday movie to see with the whole family), it makes the experience that much more dispiriting. ROBERT HORTON

Wild OPENS FRI., DEC. 12 AT GUILD 45TH AND OTHER THEATERS. RATED R. 115 MINUTES.

This film was certain to be a success long before anyone saw Reese Witherspoon wrestling with her overstuffed beast of a blue backpack on the floor of a California motel room, preparing to hike 1,100 miles to Oregon. The scene’s a welcome moment of pure physical comedy, coming before the arduous trek up the Pacific Crest Trail that forms the emotional spine of Cheryl Strayed’s bestselling 2012 memoir. Witherspoon, as producer, quickly grabbed the rights to the book before its publication. Good call.

ANNE MARIE FOX/FOX SEARCHLIGHT

Cheryl (Witherspoon) near the end of her journey.

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Zero Motivation OPENS FRI., DEC. 12 AT VARSITY. NOT RATED. 100 MINUTES.

They don’t make movies like M*A*S*H anymore, at least not in this country. We’ve been at war so long that it’s difficult to imagine when an irreverent military comedy—much less a satire—will come out of Hollywood or Sundance again. Things are different in Israel, a nation where compulsory military service and intermittent conflict have been the norm for decades. Only the comedy in Zero Motivation, sometimes dark, springs not from combat but from tedium on an IDF base somewhere in the desert. There are no car bombs or terrorists, only the daily monotony of typing reports, making tea, and shredding documents in what used to be called the secretarial pool. Zero Motivation is based on the IDF experiences of writer/director Talya Lavie, who has little use for heroics or nostalgia. She filters her distaff story through three different women facing the same oppressive sexism of the military. Slackers Zohar and Daffi are besties who at first appear to be cut from the same cloth. They’re bored and resentful upon returning to base after a short leave, but Zohar (Dana Ivgy) seems more resigned to the situation. She does nothing but sulk, avoid work, and play computer games. Meanwhile the slightly more chipper Daffi (Nelly Tagar) is determined to transfer back to Tel Aviv. To do this, she must impress her boss Rama (Shani Klein), one of the few female officers on base. Around them swirl a gallery of noobs and cynics; everyone in the barracks seems a little unhinged by the desert isolation; and there’s a tragedy that has one Russian immigrant soldier seeing ghosts. Lavie’s characters are clockwatchers whose response to the absurdities of military life is mostly deadpan. They’re women engaged in everyday resistance to bureaucracy, one reason Zero Motivation often feels like a sitcom-duringwartime. (The Brits once did that kind of thing very well, and some professional joke writers would’ve helped Lavie’s cause.) The few laughs here aren’t profound, and Lavie doesn’t really have any deeper point—unlike, say, Catch-22 or Mister Roberts—about the inanities of war or military service. Still, 34 years after Private Benjamin, Zero Motivation is a welcome film long overdue. BRIAN MILLER E film@seattleweekly.com

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THE CONFORMIST

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

Though I have reservations about the fulsome emotional blasts of director Jean-Marc Vallée (like his Dallas Buyers Club), and though the adaptation by Nick Hornby (About a Boy, An Education) leans rather too hard on the death of Strayed’s mother, this is a movie that—like its solitary hiker heroine—cannot be stopped. (Witherspoon’s ironclad casting makes matters even more inevitable.) The audience, as they say, is built in from the book. Now based in Portland, Strayed extensively toured her memoir with as much determination as when she went for that 1995 trek. (She even has a small part in the movie.) Readers, predominately female, responded strongly to her humor, candor, and non-self-pitying pluck. Here is a woman who bottoms out—with men, drugs, and grief—then straightens out, even without disavowing all her past actions. Don’t mistake Wild for an easy, conventional healing narrative (though healing does of course come at the end). Rather, it’s more a coming-to-terms account. Or as our heroine puts it, “Problems don’t stay problems. They turn into something else”—in this case a book and surefire hit movie. That process of transformation is related via interior monologue and near-continuous flashbacks (fluidly edited by Vallée and Martin Pensa), both to relieve the potential tedium for us and reflect Cheryl’s vagrant mental state. Wild is essentially a memory trip, presented nonsequentially, as Cheryl plods north. Various men figure in her past (including a brother), but none memorably. In the movie’s second half, more maudlin than its smart start, Wild is all about mommy—Bobbi (the typically committed Laura Dern, who should be in twice as many movies as she does today). As unlucky with men as her daughter is, she apparently ends up in college with Cheryl; then there’s something to do with a horse farm; then there’s cancer, which leads to the

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arts&culture» Film Local & Repertory • BLADE RUNNER: THE FINAL CUT Ridley Scott’s

vanguard science-fiction epic from 1982 has been digitally tweaked in hundreds of ways, most of which will be noticed only by the most pious of fanboys. Mainly, the rerelease is a good excuse to indulge once more in Scott’s iconic and highly influential vision of a future Los Angeles choked by rain, neon, and cheap pleasure palaces, where Harrison Ford’s bounty hunter trolls the godforsaken urban landscape for those renegade “replicants.” Of course, there comes a steely-eyed brunette (Sean Young), who may be a replicant herself. It has always been difficult to discuss Blade Runner—one of the few genuine masterpieces of the forlorn 1980s— without focusing on its style, and yet it is a movie where style becomes content and vice versa, as the romantic fatalism of ’40s film noir freely intermingles with the visionary imagination of Philip K. Dick. (R) BRIAN MILLER SIFF Cinema Egyptian, 801 E. Pine St., 324-9996, siff.net. $7-$12. Midnights Fri. & Sat. COMIN’ AT YA! This is a 3-D presentation of the littleremembered 1981 spaghetti Western, with plenty of gunfights, arrows, and flying furniture directed at the lens. (NR) SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave. N., 324-9996, siff.net. $7-$12. 9:45 p.m. Fri.-Sat. 9:15 p.m. Sun. THE DEVICE This local horror flick by Jeremy Berg finds two adult sisters reconnecting while they try to solve an old family secret that may involve ... aliens?!? (NR) Grand Illusion, 1403 N.E. 50th St., 523-3935, grandillusioncinema.org. $5-$9. 8 p.m. Mon. GREMLINS Watch as Phoebe Cates and Zach Galligan battle ill-behaved green puppets in this 1984 sci-fi comedy, basically a riff on the old Star Trek “The Trouble with Tribbles” episode, effectively reworked by writer Chris Columbus, director Joe Dante, and executive producer Steven Spielberg. (PG) Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave., 686-6684, central-cinema.com. $7-$9. 7 p.m. Sat.-Mon. Also 3 p.m. Sat. matinee. IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE Times are tough in Frank Capra’s 1946 holiday classic. Banks are failing. People are losing their homes. Veterans are returning from a bloody war abroad. Families are falling apart. And all

•

these stresses converge during the holidays, when there may not even be enough money in the household to buy any presents. Sound familiar? In the GI’s 44th-annual screening of this seasonal classic, the distressed town of Bedford Falls could today be Anytown, USA. And beleaguered banker James Stewart could be any small businessman struggling to remain solvent amid our current financial crisis. If It’s a Wonderful Life is arguably the best Christmas movie ever made, that’s because it’s certainly one of the most depressing Christmas movies ever made. Our suicidal hero is given a future vision—courtesy of an angel (Henry Travers)—of bankruptcy, death, poverty, and evil, unfettered capitalism (hello, Lionel Barrymore). Even his wife (Donna Reed) ends up a spinster in the alternative universe of Pottersville. Yet amazingly, 68 years later, the film preserves the power to inspire hope for better days ahead. (NR) B.R.M. Grand Illusion, see grandillusioncinema.org for showtimes. $5-$9. Runs Fri., Dec. 12-Thurs., Jan. 1. LANDMARK POSTER SALE Here’s a chance to shop for your favorite film lover, choosing among this year’s movie posters, from Generation War to Ernest & Celestine. (NR) Seven Gables, 911 N.E. 50th St., 6328821, landmarktheatres.com. 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Sun. LIVE BY NIGHT From 1957, Slaughter on Tenth Avenue features Walter Matthau as a mobster menacing New York dockworkers, despite the efforts of a crusading DA. Also on hand as a corrupt labor lawyer, the ever-amusing Dan Duryea, who never seems to take any studio assignment too seriously. (NR) Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave., 654-3121, seattleartmuseum.org. $63–$68 series. $8 individual. 7:30 p.m. Thursdays through Dec. 18. THE PRINCESS BRIDE/WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY Two family favorites are

running on a complicated weekend schedule through New Year’s Day. The 1987 Bride is being screened as a quote-along presentation (“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die” etc.) while the 1971 Wonka features “Smell-O-Vision,” so be warned if you’re fragrance-intolerent. (NR) SIFF Film Center (Seattle Center), 324-9996, $7-$12. See siff.net for showtimes. Run Fri., Dec. 12-Thurs., Jan. 1.

in this spry and darkly • SCROOGED Bill MurrayA stars Christmas Carol. The 1988

• BIRDMAN A movie star in a career skid since he

Ongoing

•

comic take on Dickens’ satire, directed by Richard Donner, is set in the world of TV entertainment that Murray had by then gained ample reason to hate. Carol King plays the daffy Christmas fairy who gives Murray’s character the holiday thrashing he deserves. (PG-13) Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave., 686-6684, central-cinema.com. $7-$9. 9:30 p.m. Sat.-Tues. GREG SESTERO Co-author of the recent book The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room, the Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made, Sestero will appear before a screening of that same 2003 vanity project/cult oddity by director Tommy Wiseau. This should be a fascinating evening. (NR) Central Cinema, $7-$9. 7 p.m. (presentation) & 9 p.m. (movie). Fri. WHY DON’T YOU PLAY IN HELL? From Japanese director Sion Sono (Cold Fish), this is apparently a violent and stylish salute both to old yakuza movies and the endangered medium of 35 mm film itself. (NR) Grand Illusion, $5-$9. 9:30 p.m. Fri. & Sat.

stopped playing a masked superhero named Birdman back in the ’90s, Riggan Thomson (Michael Keaton) is preparing his big comeback in a Broadway adaptation of Raymond Carver stories, funded and directed by himself. Obstacles abound: Riggan’s co-star (Andrea Riseborough) announces she’s pregnant with his child; his grown daughter (Emma Stone) is his assistant, and not his biggest fan; a critic plans to destroy the play. And, in the movie’s funniest headache, Riggan must endure a popular but insufferable stage actor (Edward Norton, doing a wonderful self-parody) who’s involved with the play’s other actress (Naomi Watts). This is all going on while Riggan maintains a tenuous hold on his own sanity. To create Riggan’s world, director Alejandro González Iñárritu and cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki present the film as a continuous unbroken shot (disguised with artful digital seams). Birdman serves so many heady moments it qualifies as a bona fide happening. (R) R.H. Seven Gables, Kirkland, Bainbridge, others CITIZENFOUR Fugitive leaker Edward Snowden has invited documentary filmmaker Laura Poitras and journalist Glenn Greenwald into his Hong Kong hotel room. In this absorbing character study, they debate how and when to spill the information he took from his job at the National Security Agency. This straightforward documentary may be smaller-scaled than a political thriller, but it has similar suspense: Everybody in the room realizes the stakes—and the dangers—of exposing a whistleblower to public scrutiny. One man’s whistleblower is another man’s traitor, a debate that Poitras doesn’t pause to consider, so confident is she of Snowden’s cause. Having this access to Snowden in the exact hours he went from being a nonentity with top-secret clearance to a hero/pariah is a rare chance to see a now-historical character in the moment of truth. (NR) R.H. SIFF Cinema Uptown

• THE BABADOOK How did this children’s book get

into the house? Nobody seems to know. This one—it shares its title with the movie we are watching—is called The Babadook, almost an anagram for “bad book,” and that’s the effect it has on Amelia (Essie Davis) and her 6-year-old son Sam (Noah Wiseman). Among other issues, the death of Sam’s father some years earlier is very much in the background of the scary little tale that unfolds. The Babadook himself is dark-suited and creepy-fingered, and he wears a cape and a Victorian hat, like a creature from an earlier era of horror. When the Babadook becomes real, mother and son must wage battle (but then they have been all along). This is the debut feature of Jennifer Kent, who skillfully keeps us locked into the moment-by-moment thrills of a monster movie, but also insists that this Babadook is clearly a stand-in for the other problems that inflict the lonely household: grief, guilt, depression, an unwillingness to live life. (NR) ROBERT HORTON Sundance, SIFF Cinema Uptown

BY B R IA N M I LLE R

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before bed equals bad dreams in your head. Keltner: It’s called Black Friday and it totally blows. Although I loved Blacked Out Friday: that’s where you drink all night and then go shopping at 4 a.m. with a heavy buzz on. Adra Boo: I probably will this year thanks to that damn clown on American Horror Story: Freak Show! Trueb: Yeah, but it was probably some version of Christmas morning where I don’t get a guitar, or a Boba Fett action figure, and for some reason everyone from high school is there, and we’re on a cruise ship to Señor Frogs, and it isn’t Christmas at all, it’s Armageddon. Markel: Only visions of sugarplums and presents under the tree!

Smokey Brights SW: What makes your holidays freaky? Ryan Devlin, Smokey Brights: Dry turkey.

I mean I’m into the real dry shit. Additionally, low-budget stocking stuffers. Bim Ditson, And And And: Lack of sex drive [and] anal-ese. Guy Keltner, Fox and the Law: Being a freak. Ain’t no party like a no-pants party. Nathan Trueb, Tango Alpha Tango: Celebrating Christmas on the moon has always been a quirky family tradition, but holiday travel is always cumbersome, and traditions are traditions. Adra Boo, Fly Moon Royalty: Well, naturally, tequila shots and craziness! Graig Markel, Graig Markel and the 88th St. Band: Playing a show at the Eagles club in Ballard. Robbie Luna, Trick Candles: The fear of

receiving another pair of custom PJs from Mom. Have you ever had a nightmare before Christmas?

Devlin: Sure, lots of times. It’s a little scary to be told that a big man in leather gloves is coming in the house in the dead of night. Also, dairy

And And And Re “Jingle Bell Rock”: What is a “jingle horse”?

Keltner: I would tell you, but I don’t think that’s very appropriate content for Seattle Weekly. It shows up a lot in vintage pornos, though. Ditson: I think it’s a native animal from that Jungle that Axl Rose sings about. So, a vagina? Trueb: The “Jingle Horse” slang refers to a type of pack mule responsible for carrying Mexican heroin across the Southern California border in the late ’50s. You can hear Bobby Helms sing that lyric with a wink: “Giddyup, Jingle Horse, pick up your feet!” Luna: Obviously a drug euphemism. Markel: That’s a rock & roll Christmas horse. When you’ve got a jingle sled tricked out with a 200-watt Bluetooth-enabled stereo system

COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

DA 808 PRESENTS

ANDREW J.S. PHOTOGRAPHY

SHOWBOX SODO NEW YEARS EVE!

7:30 PM

FIFTEEN YEAR BIRTHDAY TOUR

SHOWBOX AND STG PRESENT

12/31

2/17

very time you hear “White Christmas,” somewhere a local band logs another hour at the practice space. With a homegrown lineup of regional bands, the Psychedelic Holiday Freakout nurtures this idea—a festival featuring original live music, not rehashed Christmas classics—to the fullest this time of year. “We wanted to throw a music festival to brighten things up before they got too dark and dreary,” says co-founder Drew McCornack, of Northwest creative group FunkFarm. With Guy Keltner (of Fox and the Law) and Nate Leonard Berliner, the three organized last year’s event of more than 40 bands at venues across town. This year they scaled the lineup back to 25 bands, and picked Ballard as ground zero for the haps. Holiday covers aren’t off-limits, McCornack says, but that’s not that point. “My hope is that everyone has a lot of fun, and that it’s a good party. The goal of FunkFarm is to help facilitate the creative culture around us and get more exposure for [local] artists.” The bands aren’t necessarily psych-oriented either, though that was the original concept, McCornack says. Because of Keltner’s music connections, “so many awesome people wanted to participate,” so it was decided to open the fest to one and all—and keep the name: “It was so cool we didn’t want to give it up.” We liked it so much we decided to ask some participating bands what makes their holidays freaky. Whoa, did we ever find out.

with FILTER + COMBICHRIST + AMERICAN HEAD CHARGE

8PM

BY GWENDOLYN ELLIOTT

COAL CHAMBER

THE ROOTS

12/29

Bands from the Second Annual Psychedelic Holiday Freakout contemplate the season.

9PM

MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK

+ SAVES THE DAY 12/15

Not-So-Silent Night

VANCOUVER MUSIC REVIEW

BILL FRISELL

W W W. S E AT T L E W E E K LY. C O M / S I G N U P What’s your most psychedelic holiday memory?

BOB SUH

Fly Moon Royalty

cranking the Christmas jams, you’re gonna need a jingle horse to haul it around. Devlin: It’s what you put your jingle on to safely cut it with a band saw. Adra Boo: Probably some chicken heads with loud earrings and bad weaves! Stomping in platforms. A mess. Bing Crosby and David Bowie: Best duet ever?

Adra Boo: After her recent holiday performance, I’d rather not comment to that at all! Devlin: . . . all of her own music. She might have a few screws loose, and say what you will about her recent Rockefeller Center performance, but not many pop singers on her level have written and produced so many of their own records. That woman is talented and has an amazing instrument, and I absolutely do not enjoy listening to her. Keltner: . . . possibly the most irritating Christmas song of all time. A hex on that woman. She’s like a walking Black Friday. Ditson: . . . her number on the men’s bathroom wall. Trueb: . . . the book on dog-whistling her way into octaves that no woman has before or since traveled. Luna: “All I Want for Christmas Is Auto-Tune.” Markel: Did she actually write that Christmas hit in the ’90s?

MUSIC

E VE NT S

MUSIC NEWSLETTER The inside scoop on upcoming shows and the latest reviews.

H APPY H OU R

AR T S AND E

Tango Alpha Tango

Luna: “Merry Christmas. Shitter’s full.” Keltner: Scrooged all the way. And I have a massive soft spot for Randy Quaid’s Oscarworthy performance in Christmas Vacation. “That there, that’s an Arrrrr-Veeeee.” Markel: They both suck. Ditson: Big Top Pee-Wee, the part where they kiss for too long. Trueb: Definitely Home Alone. There was a time when I wanted to be him, dress like him, talk like him. He was a hero. Adra Boo. The kid in me says Macaulay all day, bustin’ bad guys’ balls, but Chevy Chase? He’s hilarious! To quote the ladies of NighTrain, “Chevy Chase all over my face!”

Figgy pudding: your thoughts.

Keltner: Love it. Best face cream I’ve ever used. I’m so totally over cow semen. Luna: Let’s keep this clean. Trueb: Never. Devlin: It needs to commit. Either be fig pudding, or don’t. This fig-y business just shows a lack of resolve. Markel: Figs, sweet potatoes, and yams must be subsidized by some obscure, little-known farm bill. Nobody seriously likes that stuff. Adro Boo: Um, what? Is that, like, fruitcake? You can keep that! E

gelliott@seattleweekly.com

THE PSYCHEDELIC HOLIDAY FREAKOUT With Smokey Brights, And And And, Fox and the Law, Tango Alpha Tango, Fly Moon Royalty, Graig Markel and the 88th St. Band, Trick Candles, and more. Sunset Tavern, Salmon Bay Eagles Club, and Conor Byrne. Single day, $12 adv.; two-day passes, $18 adv. holidayfreakout.com. Fri., Dec. 12–Sat., Dec. 13.

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

Mariah Carey wrote ________?

W EEK LY

Home Alone or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation?

BRECKEN DILLER

Graig Markel & The 88th St. Band

DIN ING

F IL M ERICH MCVEY

Markel: You mentioned nightmare before Christmas earlier. Ditson: Clearly you’ve never heard the Ozzy Osbourne & Miss Piggy duet. Adra Boo: Ever? I mean, David Bowie is the man, but the version with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, that’s super-entertaining! Trueb: Honestly, I would love to leave David Bowie out of it and let B.C. take the reins. Keltner: Their cover of “Material Girl” is so damn good. Devlin: Oh yeah, from Bing’s hugely underrated glam record. It’s certainly a holiday fave in the Devlin family. Luna: Yes. Did anyone else think they were watching a porno before the music kicked in?

Keltner: [Quotes lyrics from “Que Sera, Sera.”] Ditson: 10 a.m. mushrooms, 2 p.m. shared bowl of soup at Chen’s Dynasty. Trueb: Probably when my grandpa was hallucinating that the mantel was on fire and that there was a mystery girl laying on the ground. Then a car crashed and started on fire in front of their house. Markel: I got a kaleidoscope one year for Christmas when I was a kid. That thing was super-cool. I got a Spirograph one year, too. I made some pretty trippy stuff with that. Luna: One time my uncle dry-humped the Christmas tree. Adra Boo: I don’t think I’ve had one quite yet. The year ain’t over yet! Devlin: Nothing psychedelic has ever happened to me or my white middle-class family on Christmas. Unless you count getting drunk on Grandma’s eggnog and really listening to Mannheim Steamroller.

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

arts&culture» Music

Holiday Hangin’ A special Q&A with Hangin Tuff’s Bobbi Rich. BY KELTON SEARS

or a year and a half, Seattle DJ Bobbi Rich has been taking local bands out on a hot-tub boat and asking them weird questions like “Who was the first butt you ever touched?” The result is a wonderfully bizarre web variety show called Hangin Tuff, highlighting bands like La Luz, Dude York, Fly Moon Royalty, and others during nautical-themed interviews spliced with weird animated segments, drunken mermaids, and a lot of partying. Think early MTV mixed with Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. After shooting her first whole season of the show and nearly 20 individual band segments at this year’s Capitol Hill Block Party, Rich is gearing up for the taping of her first holiday special: A Very Tuff Christmas. She’ll also debut neverbefore-seen episodes from Season Two. We sat down with Rich to ask her some holiday-themed questions and chat about her attempts to take Hangin Tuff to television.

in This Bring T And ge n o Coup er iz T e p p one A 2 oFF! For 1/

Rich: I’ve been all over the place. I think I’d be on the naughty list because I definitely did party a lot this year. Santa would probably be, like, “Why you fuckin’ shit up, party animal?” I love hot water—obviously, there’s a hot-tub boat on the show—so I’m a connoisseur of hot springs. I went to so many hot springs this year and just got really drunk in them—this one I had to take a snowmobile to. I still want to go to that one in Japan [with] those little fuzzy monkeys that hang out in it. I went to one in Soap Lake this year. Isn’t that the place with the world’s largest lava lamp?

You’ve been pitching Hangin Tuff to TV, right? Is a lot of strategic partying involved there?

Half the trips I went on this year were business trips. We [Hangin Tuff production team Easy Bake Coven] signed with Screaming Flea [the local producers of Hoarders and The Legend of Mick Dodge], and they’ve been pitching it to all kinds of crazy folks to be executive producers before they take it to the networks. Like, “Are you seriously pitching it to Mike Myers today? That’s crazy fucking awesome—tell him ‘Schwing!’ for me!” They also were talking to Paul Reubens [PeeWee Herman], and I almost died—he’s one of the biggest inspirations for the show and for everything throughout my life. He couldn’t sign, though, because Pee-Wee is actually coming back for a new Big Adventure movie with Judd Apatow. Until I found out, though, every day I just dreamed about how I’d impress him at our first meeting: “OK, I’m going to wear a big trench coat with tequila

in it, and I’ll have a mini-boombox and big shoes and get on the table and do the splits.” A physical therapist once told me I’d never be able to do the splits, but it’s still one of my goals.

Any other possible producers you’re talking to?

The Workaholic dudes. It would make so much sense. They’re really into music, the whole ’90s vibe, and silly as fuck. I think we could make a kick-ass show together. I just need to show them the footage from Capitol Hill Block Party where we’re taking marshmallow bong rips with bands.

What do you have in store for this Christmas-party taping? And how’d you get a Rainier sponsorship? That’s a dream.

My dad actually used to drive a truck when we lived in Colorado and [he] and his buddy used to be the big Rainier truckers in Colorado even though it’s Coors land, so I grew up wearing a Rainier T-shirt as a little child. I met the Rainier rep here, and we became friends and we scored free Rainier. You’ll actually be able to get free Rainier logo flash tattoos at the show. As I’m sure you know, Christmas was based on pagan traditions. Would you say the Christmas show will be more like new Christmas or old pagan Christmas?

We have a Krampus—it’ll be [vocalist Bryan] Krieger from Deadkill, and he’ll be interrupting people, being a dick all night and hitting drinks out of their hand. He’ll also have a mistletoe kiss-me cam that’ll project on the wall, so everyone will see you getting harassed by him. So I guess it’ll be a nice fusion of new and old Christmas. We definitely recognize all of it, though— Kwanzaa, Festivus. We’ll have lots of party bands, so no matter what it’ll be a party. What’s your favorite Christmas special?

Oh, I mean, Pee-Wee’s, easy. With Grace Jones coming out of that box? Pshhh.

Favorite Christmas gift of all time?

My parents didn’t have a lot of money and I’m one of four little baby girls in the family, so we’d have a lot of Christmases with nothing, but they’d do weird stuff to make up for it. One time they bought a shit-ton of balloons and blew them up on Christmas Eve. My dad got on the roof and stomped around and was like “HO-HO-HO!”, and my mom was like “Go to bed, he’s here!” When we woke up there were magic balloons all over our house and we loved it. Also one year I got a light-up Fisher-Price microphone with pedals attached to it that had different vocal effects, and you could sing to a little beat. I got that and a two-deck cassette player with Michael Jackson’s album, the one with “Black or White,” so I just recorded myself singing to it a bunch.

Mariah Carey’s or Celine Dion’s Christmas album?

Mariah, all day every day.

Did you hear about her big goof-up on “All I Want for Christmas” last week?

That one at the Christmas-tree lighting in New York? I was surprised she even did it, given everyone protesting. Mariah forgets words and stuff kind of often. I’ve seen performances where she does that, but I still love her, she’s Mariah. She could just sing the word “poo” the whole time, and I’d be like, “Still love you, Mariah! Wish your hair was still curly!” E

ksears@seattleweekly.com

A VERY TUFF CHRISTMAS With Don’t Talk to the Cops, Thunderpussy, and more. Fred Wildlife Refuge, 128 Belmont Ave. E., 588-6959, fredwildliferefuge.com. Free; one drink ticket with toy donation. 21 and over. 7 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 11.

2033 6th Avenue (206) 441-9729 jazzalley.com

JAZZ ALLEY IS A SUPPER CLUB

AVERAGE WHITE BAND THURS, DEC 11 - SUN, DEC 14

Infectiously danceable funky soul based on the sounds of Memphis, Motown and Philadelphia

JOEY DEFRANCESCO TRIO HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

TUES, DEC 16 - WED, DEC 17

The finest jazz organist on the planet!

A BOBBY CALDWELL CHRISTMAS THURS, DEC 18 - SUN, DEC 21 Soul-stylist and in-demand pop and R&B songwriter, blending holiday tunes and his classics!

PONCHO SANCHEZ LATIN JAZZ BAND MON, DEC 29 - NYE!! Legendary Latin jazz master conguero and his 7-piece band ring in 2015 (4 package options available for NYE. Visit JazzAlley.com for details)

all ages | free parking | full schedule at jazzalley.com

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

Yeah! I couldn’t find it, though. I guess the town used to be this hippie hotspot in the ’60’s for wellness/New Age stuff before it dropped off the map. I went there for my birthday by myself, and there was a hot tub in the cabin, and I just got champagne-drunk in a mineral hot tub, and it totally did feel healing. I was like, “This year’s going to be great! I’m not going to party as much. Well, actually, I will party as much, but the partying will be more strategic partying.”

All lit up: DJ Bobbi Rich.

KELTON SEARS

SW: It seems like you’re always in some exotic location partying. Give me a summary of this year for you, and whether or not you think you’d be on Santa’s Naughty or Nice list.

arts&culture» Music

TheWeekAhead Wednesday, Dec. 10 After 11 albums, indie-rocker DAMIEN JURADO is a Seattle music vet. His latest release, Brothers and Sisters of the Eternal Sun, picks up where its predecessor, Maraqopa, left off, with the album’s main character returning to Maraqopa after a car accident to find a group of people—the eponymous brothers and sisters—waiting for the second coming of Christ. There’s a groove in the music that adds a bit of lightness to, but doesn’t take away from, the heavy lyrical content. This show finds Jurado returning to the space where he recorded a few Brothers and Sisters bonus tracks with the Sisters of the Eternal Son choir. Fremont Abbey, 4272 Fremont Ave. N., 414-8325, fremontabbey.com. Through Friday. 8 p.m. SOLD OUT. AZARIA C. PODPLESKY When it comes to bluegrass, it doesn’t get much better than Colorado’s HOT RIZE. Formed in 1978, the quartet began blazing a new path, recalling the traditional Appalachian sound while creating a modern blend of bluegrass and folk. The band broke up in 1990 and reformed in 2002 with a few reunions in between, though its latest, When I’m Free, is the group’s first batch of new music in 24 years. But Hot Rize has not lost its touch. When I’m Free features the contemporary take on traditional bluegrass that made it so popular to begin with. With Cahalen Morrison and Eli West. The Neptune, 1303 N.E. 45th St. 682-1414, stgpresents.org/neptune. 8 p.m. $37.50 adv./$40 DOS. All ages. ACP

Saturday, Dec. 13

Thursday, Dec. 11

U P C O M I N G

E V E N T S

SATURD AYS

TH URSD AYS

L ANE 8 CA JMERE TAPESH + DR. FRESCH MIGUEL MIGS + MARQUES W YATT ANTHONY ATTALL A + WEISS ANJUNADEEP TOUR HUXLEY

12/11/14 12/18/14 01/08/15 01/15/15 01/22/15 01/29/15 02/12/15

DARK CHRISTMAS

12/20/14

DRAMA

Friday, Dec. 12

FRID AYS

S TE V E1DER

12/12/14

W ED N ESD AYS

AUTOGR AF

TICKETS AVAIL ABLE AT W W W.QNIGHTCLUB.COM 1426 Broadway - Seattle, WA

Who better to honor the pioneering metal sounds of Geezer Butler, Tony Iommi, and Ozzy Osbourne than an all-star lineup of local, heavy, Sabbath-worshipping acts? At BLACK SABBATH TRIBUTE NIGHT, Symptoms of the Universe (which includes members of Minus the Bear, Schoolyard Heroes, Crypts, and Helms Alee), Fox and the Law, Black Whales, Grenades, The Mothership, and Bigfoot Wallace & His Wicked Sons will all perform the music of the famous, and infamous, trio. With everything from psych-rock to blues-rock well represented here, expect Black Sabbath’s metal spirit to take many shapes at this show. Neumos, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9442, neumos. com. 8 p.m. $5 adv. 21 and over. ACP SERA CAHOONE has handled percussion for such acts as Band of Horses, Betsy Olson, and Carissa’s Wierd, but she’s more than equipped to be front and center after three solo albums—most recently Deer Creek Canyon, named after the Colorado canyon in which she grew up. The album finds the singer-multi-instrumentalist reminiscing—especially on the title track, on which she contemplates going back to Deer Creek as her brother and sister have—and singing about different aspects of love. Her voice is unassuming but powerful, and since Cahoone is a natural-born storyteller, each tale is beautifully brought to life. With Jen Wood, Inly. Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave. N.W., 789-3599, tractortavern.com. 8 p.m. $15. 21 and over. ACP

For her latest release, The Water Chapter, Seattle-by-way-ofWest Virginia Americana singer PEPPER PROUD took inspiration from what is perhaps the world’s most beloved resource: water. Despite titles like “Salty Bodies,” “Reservoir,” and “City Water,” the songs are about more than just H20; they’re about how its properties have influenced the life lessons Proud has learned over time. “Rain doesn’t doubt that it will end up at the sea/Doesn’t seem to worry about its destiny,” she sings in “Salty Bodies.” Proud also uses the subject to explore another universal topic: love. With Mikey Mike Gervais, Jon Pontrello (the Moondoggies), and live painter Ryan Henry Ward. Ballard Homestead, 6541 Jones Ave. N.W., 414-8325, ballardhomestead.org. 4 p.m. $3 and up. All ages. ACP With FM COLLECTIVE, former Microsoft employee Mike Lucero is a musical matchmaker, pairing some of the area’s top indie musicians (like Shaprece, Hey Marseilles, Cataldo, Fences, Portugal. The Man, and Tennis Pro) with songs he’s been working on for years and collecting the results on the group’s self-titled album (FM stands for “Friends of Mike”). Tonight, his collaborators Ken Stringfellow (the Posies, R.E.M., Big Star) will also perform songs from his 2012 album Danzig in the Moonlight, and Michael Kroll will open the show with a mix of FM Collective tunes and songs from his latest release, Clamor. If that isn’t enough incentive, a portion of all proceeds will go to MusiCares. Barboza. 7 p.m. $15 adv. 21 and over. ACP If you’re a fan of synth-rock quartet JUPE JUPE’s third album, Crooked Kisses, the tunes played at this release show might sound a bit familiar. The band reached out to 10 artists, including Head Like a Kite, Eleventh Hour, OCnotes, Mike Simonetti, The Cheebacabra, and Waco Girls, to remix the record in its entirety, a collaboration that rendered a new LP titled Cut-Up Kisses. Some stuck closely to the originals; others turned them into something completely new. Either way, the haunted feel of the originals is still present. Also with Golden Gardens, the Hoot Hoots, DJ sets from Hanssen. High Dive, 513 N. 36th St., 632-0212, highdiveseattle.com. 9 p.m. $8. 21 and over. ACP

01/14/14

SAY HI, formerly Say Hi to Your Mom, is the brainchild

of Eric Elbogen. His latest, Endless Wonder, falls somewhere between the alt-rock and electro-pop genres he’s blended since 2002. There are musical ups (album-opener “Hurt in the Morning,” “Such a Drag”) and downs (“Sweat Like the Dew,” “The Trouble With Youth”) on the album, but the underlying synth makes it hard to stop grooving—appropriate given Elbogen’s goals when making this record. As he says in his publicity bio, “I created Endless Wonder for one reason: to make the world a less weary place.” With Unlikely Friends. Barboza, 925 E. Pike St., 709-9951, thebarboza. com. 7 p.m. $12 adv. 21 and over. ACP

Tune-Yards Worldbeat duo TUNE-YARDS, vocalist/drummer Merrill Garbus and Nate Brenner on bass and synth, have packed more energy into its third album, Nikki Nack, than some artists cram into their entire discography. Influenced by Garbus' trip to Haiti, Nikki Nack features a mix of percussion (including Brenner using a bag of rice as a drum), chanting, sweeping synths, and grounded bass lines; it’s an eclectic batch of tunes unlike anything on the airwaves today. Some of Garbus’ lyrics sound like what children might shout while jump-roping on a play-

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 34

HOLLY ANDRES

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

T H U R S D A Y, D E C E M B E R 1 8 T H

The Fox and the Law

ELEANOR PETRY

QN I G H T C L U B

You may remember FAR EAST MOVEMENT from its 2010 trip-hoppy hit with Cataracs, “Like a G6” (feat. Dev), which made it the first Asian-American group to hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100. Despite a questionable collaboration with Justin Bieber, the L.A. Koreatown crooners remain oriented toward the hip-hop scene by working with the likes of Snoop Lion, Schoolboy Q, and Tyga. Its high-energy EDM irreverence comes through in its live performances; it’s known for coming onstage in teddy-bear masks. No Kendrick Lamar-esque soulsearching lyrics here; Far East Movement delivers with playful dance tracks instead. Foundation Nightclub, 2218 Western Ave., 535-7285, foundation-nightclub.com. 9 p.m. $15 and up. 21 & over. JENNA NAND After looking at the discographies of each member of CRITTERS BUGGIN, it’s obvious why the quartet hasn’t released new material since 2004’s Stampede. Side projects have kept them busy, and with a sound that defies boundaries as a fusion of jazz, electronica, rock, funk, and psych—well, there’s a lot going on here, too. Given that Stampede sounds like an epic instrumental jam session, structured but with an air of spontaneity, this show should be a treat. With Master Musicians of Bukkake. Nectar Lounge, 412 N. 36th St., 632-2020, nectarlounge.com. 9 p.m. $15 adv./$20 DOS. 21 and over. ACP

mainstage

dinner & show

THU/DECEMBER 11 - SAT/DECEMBER 27 • TIMES VARY Join us in the Trophy Room for Happy Hour: Thursday Bartender Special 8-Close Fridays: 5-8pm RESERVE THE TROPHY ROOM FOR YOUR NEXT EVENT!

land of the sweets: the burlesque nutcraker

SUN/DECEMBER 28 & MON/DECEMBER 29 • 7PM

the bobs after christmas show!

TUE/DECEMBER 30 • 7:30PM - 91.3 KBCS WELCOMES

aurelio martinez COCKTAILS • TASTY HOT DOGS • LOTSA PINBALL

2222 2ND AVENUE • SEATTLE

206-441-5449

WED/DEC 31 • 7PM & 10:30PM A NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION!

leroy bell & his only friends FRI/JANUARY 2 • 8PM

hannah weeks w/ cassie correlle SAT/JANUARY 3 • 8PM - 91.3 KBCS WELCOMES

cahalen morrison & eli west WED/JANUARY 7 • 7:30PM

midge ure

happy hour every day • 12/10 maracujá • 12/11 ari joshua band • 12/12 supersones / the hot mcgandhis • 12/13 jelly rollers • 12/14 hwy 99 blues presents • 12/15 crossrhythm sessions • 12/16 the sunshine junkies • 12/17 jd hobson Tuesday’s

Wednesday’s

TO ENSURE THE BEST EXPERIENCE · PLEASE ARRIVE EARLY DOORS OPEN 1.5 HOURS PRIOR TO FIRST SHOW · ALL-AGES (BEFORE 9:30PM)

thetripledoor.net

216 UNION STREET, SEATTLE · 206.838.4333

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

next • 1/8 david lindley • 1/9 anna coogan w/ carrie akre • 1/10 elvis alive with vince mira • 1/11 korby lenker • 1/14 sean watkins • 1/15 tom paxton w/ kate power and steve einhorn • 1/16 curtis salgado • 1/17 joey jewell, a tribute to sinatra • 1/18 tomo nakayama w/ eric johnson of fruit bats • 1/22 the kingston trio • 1/23 brazilian nights! tribute to tom jobim • 1/25 casey abrams • 1/28 the bgp w/ ok sweetheart

a&c» Music » FROM PAGE 32 ground, which only adds to the fun. With Cibo Matto. The Moore, 1932 Second Ave., 877-784-4849, stgpresents.org/ moore. 8 p.m. $22.50 adv./$26.50 DOS. All ages. ACP It’s pretty impressive how many genres MY GOODNESS is able to incorporate into its blues-rock sound. On its latest, Shiver + Shake, there’s twang (“Sweet Tooth”), garage-rock (“Say You’re Gone”), folk-rock that wouldn’t sound amiss on an Avett Brothers record (“Bottle”), indie-rock (“Lost in the Soul”), and a few raucous tunes (the title track, “Hot Sweat”) for good measure. Rather than sound disjointed, Shiver + Shake is held together by the blues-rock thread running through it. Comparisons to the Black Keys are warranted, but there’s more to the trio—drummer Andy Lum, singer/guitarist Joel Schneider, and bassist Cody Votolato—than meets the ear. With So Pitted, Karoshi. Vera Project, 305 Warren Ave. N., 956-8372, theveraproject.org. 7:30 p.m. $12 adv./$15 DOS. All ages. ACP

JAN

9 +1 0 2015 The YWCA of Seattle-King CountySnohomish County seeks a

ANGEL CEBALLOS

General Maintenance Person to serve its downtown Seattle properties. The primary focus of this position is day-to-day repairs and maintenance as well as room turnovers. Employee spends most of the time at one location. Performs general maintenance and repair of YWCA properties, related fixtures and equipment. Work requires practical skill and knowledge, but not journey-level skill, in two or more trades such as: painting, plumbing, plastering, carpentry, masonry, tile setting, and electrical work. The employee may occasionally perform general grounds maintenance and basic custodial work.

Sunday, Dec. 14

Full time, 40 hrs/wk. Rate $16.35/hr. Respond to sperry@ywcaworks.org Details @ www.ywcaworks.org

El Corazon www.elcorazonseattle.com

E S T IVA L M U S IC F R E T IN A RU W ER SUB POWE R

ART ED BY C

109 Eastlake Ave East • Seattle, WA 98109 Booking and Info: 206.262.0482

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12TH

THE DREAD CREW OF ODDWOOD

with Rainbowdragoneyes, Last Bastion Lounge Show. Doors at 8:00PM / Show at 9:00 21+. $10 ADV / $12 DOS

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 13TH

MUSICWERKS SEATTLE & EL CORAZON PRESENT:

AURELIO VOLTAIRE

with The Nasty Habits, Smoke Season, Jeff Ferrell Doors at 8:00PM / Show at 9:00 ALL AGES/BAR W/ID. $15 ADV / $20 DOS

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14TH

MOURNING MARKET

Doors at 12:00PM / Market Closes at 5:00pm ALL AGES/BAR W/ID. $1

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14TH MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS:

STICK TO YOUR GUNS

with Being As An Ocean, Trial, To The Wind, Motion, Singled Out Doors at 7:00PM / Show at 8:00 ALL AGES/BAR W/ID. $12 ADV / $14 DOS

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14TH

NEW GODS

with Hemmingway, Bad Idea, Sterling, Where My Bones Rest Easy Lounge Show. Doors at 7:00PM / Show at 7:30 ALL AGES/BAR W/ID. $8 ADV / $10 DOS

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 16TH

DOPE BY DESIGN

with Deadly D, The Mystic Arrows, Young Love, Campana Lounge Show. Doors at 7:00PM / Show at 7:30 ALL AGES/BAR W/ID. $8 ADV / $10 DOS

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 17TH

CAPTAIN ALGEBRA

with El Norte, The Ram Rams, Something Strange Lounge Show. Doors at 7:00PM / Show at 7:30 ALL AGES/BAR W/ID. $8 ADV / $10 DOS

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18TH

NICK THOMAS

(OF SPILL THE CANVAS)

with My Body Sings Electric, Kight, Moments, Dylan Yuste

Doors at 7:00PM / Show at 8:00 ALL AGES/BAR W/ID. $10 ADV / $12 DOS

JUST ANNOUNCED 12/23 LOUNGE - PASCAL 12/27 - LAKEVIEW DRIVE 12/27 LOUNGE - THE LATE NIGHT SWING 12/28 LOUNGE - THE SKY RAINED HEROES 1/9 LOUNGE - NO BRAGGING RIGHTS 1/10 - PIG DESTROYER 1/14 LOUNGE - SHIRIN 2/7 - JUCIFER 2/14 - PIRATEFEST 2015 FEAT. ALESTORM 2/15 LOUNGE - ABYSSINIAN FLAG 2/17 LOUNGE - SET YOUR ANCHOR 2/20 - SUICIDE SILENCE 3/8 - MOTIONLESS IN WHITE UP & COMING 12/19 & 12/20 - X / THE BLASTERS 12/21 - MOONSHINE BANDITS 12/22 - DANI FOUTS 12/29 - LOVE THE LOST 1/2 - I DECLARE WAR 1/3 - DR. KNOW 1/4 LOUNGE - SURVIVAL 1/6 LOUNGE - THE FRADIES 1/16 - SCHOOL OF ROCK PRESENTS: BLACK SABBATH 1/17 LOUNGE - CONVEYER 1/20 LOUNGE - THE RAMONAS 1/22 LOUNGE - GRAYSON ERHARD 1/23 - DARK TRANQUILITY 1/24 - POWERMAN 5000 1/25 - SILVERSTEIN 1/26 - JAKE E. LEE’S RED DRAGON CARTEL 1/26 LOUNGE - CALABRESE 1/27 - MAYHEM / WATAIN 1/28 - PERIPHERY Tickets now available at cascadetickets.com - No per order fees for online purchases. Our on-site Box Office is open 1pm-5pm weekdays in our office and all nights we are open in the club - $2 service charge per ticket Charge by Phone at 1.800.514.3849. Online at www.cascadetickets.com - Tickets are subject to service charge

The EL CORAZON VIP PROGRAM: see details at www.elcorazon.com/vip.html and for an application email us at info@elcorazonseattle.com

My Goodness

RED FANG SOL DEEP SEA DIVER HOBOSEXUAL AAN PROM QUEEN BELLAMAINE LEGS SISTERS COURTNEY MARIE ANDREWS DUDE YORK THE BANNER DAYS PLANES ON PAPER ADD ODE TIMBERMUSICFEST.COM

Try as it might, pop trio WILSON PHILLIPS hasn’t been able to recapture its early staggering success. The group received worldwide acclaim with the release of its 1990 self-titled debut, but shortly after their sophomore album, Shadows and Light, Chynna Phillips and sisters Carnie and Wendy Wilson broke up. Since reuniting in 2004, the group has released only a Christmas album and two cover records: California and the latest, Dedicated, a collection of songs made famous by their parents’ bands, the Mamas & the Papas and the Beach Boys. The latter charted fairly well, but longtime fans are surely waiting for original tunes that let the trio's trademark harmonies really shine. Snoqualmie Casino, Mountain View Plaza, 37500 S.E. North Bend Way, 425-888-1234, snocasino. com. 8 p.m. $25 and up. 21 and over. ACP Need a Pogues fix? KMRIA can help with that. In true Pogues fashion, the name stands for “Kiss My Royal Irish Ass, ” and is a collection of eight Portland musicians (including members of the Decemberists, Eels, From Words to Blows, Casey Neill & the Norway Rats, My Oh Mys, Hanz Araki Band, and The Minus 5) dedicated to performing Pogues songs with almost as much drunken bravado as the prolific Irish folk-punk crew. KMRIA pulls its set list from nearly every album the Pogues released, so it’s almost a given that they’ll play your favorite tune (no doubt “Fairy Tale of New York” will make an obligatory holiday cameo). And the band is James Fearnleyapproved, so you can expect to hear some pretty spot-on covers. Tractor Tavern. 8 p.m. $10. 21 and over. ACP

Monday, Dec. 15

We all have that one album that transports us right back to high school. Those who came of age loving SAY ANYTHING AND SAVES THE DAY should prepare for three chances to relive their pop-punk-fueled teenangst days with this co-headliner. Los Angeles quintet Say Anything will perform its second release, . . . Is a Real Boy, in full for the album’s 10th anniversary, and New Jersey four-piece Saves the Day will perform its sophomore album, Through Being Cool, in full for its 15th anniversary. If that wasn’t enough, opener Reggie and the Full Effect will perform 2003's Under the Tray in full as well. The Showbox, 1426 First Ave., 628-3151, showboxpresents. com. 7:30 p.m. $23.50 adv./$27 DOS. All ages. ACP You know that video of the goth kids dancing that’s been making its way around the Internet recently? SKINNY PUPPY is a band they could definitely get down to. The long-running Canadian trio’s brand of electro-industrial, most recently heard on Weapon, may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but there’s something intriguing about the band’s theatricality, especially during live shows, and singer Nivek Ogre’s distorted voice pairs well with the group’s experimental synth vibe. Plus it’s been together since 1982 (albeit with a few breaks in between) so it’s definitely giving the fans—including the U.S. government, which reportedly used its music for torture—what they crave. With Front Line Assembly, Haujobb, Youth Code. Showbox SoDo, 1700 First Ave. S., 652-0444, showbox presents.com. 7:30 p.m. $32 adv./$37 DOS. All ages. ACP

SPAS

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DONT SETTLE FOR SEASONAL WORK YEAR-ROUND We are looking for motivated, independent, individuals who don’t mind talking to people. No sales involved just short conversations face to face with home owners. Work outdoors around your own schedule. Earn $500-$750 per week/ top reps make $1200+ Allowances for Cell phone, travel, medical compensation can be earned Company provides all market areas, apparel & training. Vehicle, DL, Cell phone & Internet access req. Email resume to recruiting@evergreentlc.com or apply online at www.tlc4homesnw.com

ART DIRECTOR Seattle Weekly, one of Seattle’s most respected publications and a division of Sound Publishing, Inc. has an immediate opening for an experienced editorial art director. The art director is responsible for the overall design quality and integrity of the publication. He/she must be able to conceptualize and produce modern, sophisticated, and vibrant design for covers, features, and editorial pages. This individual must be an exceptionally creative designer who has experience commissioning high-quality photography and illustration, negotiating fees, clearing rights and managing a budget. The art director will work with and manage other designers in a fast-paced, deadline-driven environment so will need the ability to balance strong leadership with strong collaboration in order to thrive in a team environment. Applicants must have a superior understanding of typography and expert-level skills in Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, and Acrobat. Editorial design experience is a plus. The successful candidate will possess excellent communication and organizational skills and the ability to juggle several projects at once. Knowledge of PDF and postscript technology is beneficial. Other talents such as illustration or photography are desirable, but not required. Sound Publishing offers competitive salaries and benefits including healthcare, 401K, paid holidays, vacation and sick time. Qualified applicants should send a resume, cover letter, and a few samples of your work to: hreast@soundpublishing.com Be sure to note ATTN: HR/ADSEA in your subject line. Sound Publishing, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer (EOE) and strongly supports diversity in the workplace. Visit our website at: www.soundpublishing.com to find out more about us!

Employment Computer/Technology

As the world leader in next generation mobile technologies, Qualcomm is focused on accelerating mobility around the world. Qualcomm Technologies, Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Qualcomm, has the following positions available in Bellevue, WA: Staff Software Engineer/ Multimedia: Proficiency in C or C++; and Embedded multimedia security software development req’d (FRLA63-P) Multiple openings avail. Mail resume w/job code to QUALCOMM, P.O. Box 919013, San Diego, CA, 92191-9013. EEO employer: including race, gender, disability & veterans status Senior Account Analyst sought by Providence Health & Services in Renton, WA. Crdnt, rvw, & apprv mnth end rltd actvts fr asgnd ents. Req BS in Acntng or rltd + 5 yr pre/post BS exp in rltd fld & pos or be prsng a MS in Acntng or rltd. Lcnsd CPA. 3 yr nfp adtng exp. 2 yr exp: w/ Lawson & Hyperion, prfrmng fnncl anlys on oprtng rslts, & prfrmng hlthcr & nfp reg flngs. Infrqnt dmstc trvl req. US wrk auth req. Aply @ jobpostingtoday.com ref # 2050.

TECHNICAL salesforce.com, inc. has the following position open in Seattle, WA: Senior Member of Technical Staff (REF #J14W51): Design, implement, and ship features that can scale to millions of users. Attend meetings and discussions of feature and architecture design with focus on performance, scalability, and future expansion.

SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEM BER 10 — 16, 2014

FREE to listen and reply to ads!

Be a part of the largest community news organization in Washington! Do you have a proven track record of success in sales and enjoy managing your own territory? Are you competitive and thrive in an energetic environment? Do you desire to work in an environment which offers uncapped earning opportunities? Are you interested in a fast paced, creative atmosphere where you can use your sales expertise to provide consultative print and digital solutions? If you answered YES to the above, then we are looking for you! Seattle Weekly, one of Seattle’s most respected publications and a division of Sound Publishing, Inc. is looking for self-motivated, resultsdriven people interested in a multi-media sales career. This position will be responsible for print and digital advertising sales to an eclectic and exciting group of clients. As part of our sales team you are expected to maintain and grow existing client relationships, as well as develop new client relationships. The successful candidate will also be goal oriented, have organizational skills that enable you to manage multiple deadlines, provide great consultative sales and excellent customer service. This position receives a base salary plus commission; and a benefits package including health insurance, paid time off, and 401K. Position requires use of your personal cell phone and vehicle, possession of valid WA State Driver’s License and proof of active vehicle insurance. Sales experience necessary; Media experience is a definite asset. Must be computer-proficient. If you have these skills, and enjoy playing a proactive part in impacting your local businesses’ financial success with advertising solutions, please email your resume and cover letter to: hreast@sound publishing.com ATTN: SEA. Sound Publishing is an Equal Opportunity Employee (EOE) and strongly supports diversity in the workplace. Visit our website to learn more about us! www.soundpublishing.com

Employment General

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SEATTLE WEEKLY • DECEMBER 10 — 16, 2014

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VISITING ANGELS Certified Caregivers needed. Minimum 3 years experience. Must live in Seattle area. Weekend & live-in positions available. Call 206-439-2458 • 877-271-2601

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U-DISTRICT $450-$550 All Utilities Included! Call Peir for more info (206) 458-0169

Firewood, Fuel & Stoves

NOTICE Washington State law requires wood sellers to provide an invoice (receipt) that shows the seller’s and buyer’s name and address and the date delivered. The invoice should also state the price, the quantity delivered and the quantity upon which the price is based. There should be a statement on the type and quality of the wood. When you buy firewood write the seller’s phone number and the license plate number of the delivery vehicle. The legal measure for firewood in Washington is the cord or a fraction of a cord. Estimate a cord by visualizing a four-foot by eight-foot space filled with wood to a height of four feet. Most long bed pickup trucks have beds that are close to the four-foot by 8-foot dimension. To make a firewood complaint, call 360-9021857. agr.wa.gov/inspection/ WeightsMeasures/Fire woodinformation.aspx agr.wa.gov/inspection/WeightsMeasures/Firewoodinformation.aspx

Announcements Dogs

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SE ATTLE WEEKLY’ S 2014 HOLI DAY GIFT GUI DE • PA RT THREE

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THE GREATEST GIFT ... 4 Two buddies provide a guided tour of Seattle’s parks, complete with boobs and butts.

WISH LIST ... 4 One of the minds behind Timbrrr! Fest

tells us what he wants, including a disaster kit and a Mariners playoff berth.

BUY LOCAL ... 6 Between Ballard and Fremont, you will find a full holiday’s worth of gifts.

BUY NEARBY ... 7 Head north for some culture and

character in the shops of Victoria, B.C.

GIFT PICKS ... 9 Presents for all, including booze, home

CECILIA CORSANO-LEOPIZZI

9 COVER ILLUSTRATION AND LETTERING BY CHRISTINE HERRIN

WE WRITE A LOT ABOUT HOMELESSNESS in Seattle

Degre Degrees r es Include: re • Ayurveda • Maternal-Child Health • Naturopathic Medicine • Nutrition • Public Health

Weekly. In the past few months alone, we have written about encampments buried deep in the woods surrounding our suburbs (“Into the Wild,” Sept. 24); a group of homeless citizens overcoming the greatest of odds to summit Mount Rainier (“One Foot in Front of the Other,” Aug. 6); and, just a few weeks ago, we invited a writer who spends his night on the streets to share his story of insecurity with our readers (“Stealing From the Homeless,” Nov. 12). There has been more in the past, and, unfortunately, there will certainly be more in the future. We are lucky enough to work near Pioneer Square, which has seen an uptick in development, with new restaurants and businesses moving in every week. It is also still where much of the city’s population of indigent transients can be found. For the most part, the homeless do not benefit from the neighborhood’s progress. If anything, the new businesses and businesspeople flooding in complete a tableau that illustrates the striking gulf between wealth and poverty in our city, where at least 2,000 people sleep on the streets each night. During the holidays, when rain and cold bear down, the contrast is even starker. Because of our location, it is impossible for us to ignore the challenges of homelessness that face Seattle. That’s likely why it’s a topic that we, as a staff, are eager to explore. It is also why I’m taking the opportunity at the outset of this, the third of Seattle Weekly’s Holiday Gift Guides, to encourage you to give to the organizations that help Seattle’s less fortunate. They are myriad, from food banks to shelters to transitional and job-training programs. I’m not going to tell you which to donate to—we consider it our job to write about these organizations with a semblance of objectivity, and to advocate one above another, even here, would be irresponsible. Instead I’ll leave it up to you. Think about how you want to help—donating food, an old interview suit, money—do a quick Internet search, reach out, and give. And then go ahead and buy a few of the great gifts from local businesses and makers found in these pages.

Mark Baumgarten Editor-in-Chief

Learn more: Info.BastyrUniversity.edu • 425-602-3330 Kenmore, WA • San Diego

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SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

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SE ATTLE WEEKLY’ S 2014 HOLI DAY GIFT GUI DE • PA RT THREE

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CECILIA CORSANO-LEOPIZZI

The wife and I have talked it over, and it’s time. The Cascadia Subduction Zone is locked up tight. We’re feeling pretty safe down here in the Rainier Valley, but it’s time to get ready for what could come our way. It’s also time for us to get serious about our garden, learn more about permaculture, and to get good at canning foods. Or maybe we just need to form a more strategic alliance with our friendly neighbors and their giant garden. Less Controversy, More Conversation

I want to hear less of people’s (and my own) selfproclaimed wisdom and hear more questions. I want to spend less time on the Internet reading opinions and more time reading about perspectives. Maybe I feel especially overwhelmed by tone and attitude this holiday season given the intensity and frequency of horrible events, but I get the sense that we’re all tired. Maybe I just need a hug. Sleater-Kinney Box Set

Two buddies went on a four-year adventure to every park in Seattle. They put it all in a book so you can tag along. BY PATRICK HUTCHISON In 2010, two born-and-bred Seattle boys came up with an idea. It happened while James Mitchell and Jackson Quall were sitting on Quall’s porch drinking beers. “We thought it would be a good idea to smoke a spliff in every Seattle park,” Quall remembers. And so, a journey began. “Somewhere along the way, we realized that we needed proof, so we started taking pictures next to the rainbow signs.” Quall is speaking, of course, of the signs found in every Seattle park highlighting the park’s name and amenities. But once Quall and Mitchell started to run out of parks they knew, they decided to keep going into the unknown, employing a checklist of all the city’s parks—a long checklist. With so much formality now in place (the list, the photographs, the plan), they eventually put down the spliffs and came up with the idea to make a book. Almost four years, 334 parks, and one very successful Kickstarter campaign later, Quall and Mitchell have realized their goal, aptly titled Reasons to Go Outside—a beautifully designed catalogue of their experience, with most of the pho-

tography by Quall himself and the design by a friend, local artist Lola Migas. Though the book starts with a brief history of our parks’ key historical proponents, like the legendary John C. Olmsted, and a few other facts and figures, it’s not necessarily meant as a guide. “The book is basically three parts. Yes, it can be used as a resource because it lists all the parks, but it’s also a personal narrative and a piece of art—something beautiful you can put on your coffee table,” says Quall. Each park visited gets its own page, with a picture of Quall, Mitchell, and whatever friends decided to tag along. Icons let the reader know the weather during their visit, the temperature, and what method of transportation they used to get there (usually bikes). Captions on each page include “anything we want to say about the park. It could be an anecdote of what we did that

day, or it could just be a rambling story that we were talking about at that time.” In this way, Reasons to Go Outside is just the tale of two friends having fun. Quall and Mitchell have known each other since both were 13, the year their parents started dating. Quall tells me, “They split up after about 10 years, but James and I, we’ll be friends forever. You can’t split us up.” Reasons to Go Outside is a time capsule of what it’s like to be in your 20s, riding bikes and spending time with friends in one of the most beautiful cities in the country, if not the world. “This book is a very accurate portrait of who we are. It’s not apologetic. There’s boobs and butts and drugs and drinking. It’s not a family book. It’s an accurate representation of what we, and young people in general, do in parks.” E $55. reasonstogooutside.com.

The First Hill Streetcar

I’m ready for a carless commute from the south side of town to Capitol Hill that doesn’t take a full hour or cost a small fortune. With Bertha dead 100 feet under the city and the viaduct wobbling ever more with each gust of wind, I’m not feeling superconfident that it’s going to get any easier to make our way across town anytime soon. We need little victories on the way to a functional transit system. Let’s open up that streetcar early for Christmas! Mariners Playoff Berth

It’s time. It’s been fun to watch Seattle explode as a football town. I loved watching Boeing fly a 747 with a Seahawks livery over downtown Seattle. But I’ve simultaneously loathed the personality-driven blather of football. We don’t need Richard Sherman yapping or Marshawn Lynch keeping us guessing. We need to gradually fall back in love with the Mariners during a slow-paced, methodical, 162-game all-American baseball season. Let’s have a good one. Let’s watch a team build momentum and get there. Also, if it’s not too much trouble, it’d be great if we could get Michael Saunders back. E In addition to singing songs sweetly, O’Sullivan is responsible for the business operations of Artist Home, which will stage its second annual Timbrrr! Winter Music Festival, Jan. 9–10 in Leavenworth. See timbermusicfest.com for tickets and info.

SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

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Ring in 2015 under Seattle’s most iconic fireworks display as Chihuly Garden and Glass transforms into the ultimate New Year’s Eve celebration.

Let Leary lead the way to your holiday pick-ups. BY ABBY SEARIGHT Lumping Fremont and Ballard together

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package of herbs and check her off the list. Next head to Trouvaille (5335 Ballard Ave. N.W., 829-8539) and The Palm Room (5336 Rod Mar Photography Ballard Ave. N.W., 782-7256). At Trouvaille, you’re bound to come across many a trinket to complete a coffee-table spread, while The Palm Room offers varieties of succulents you never knew existed. While rather pricy, a purchase from either will surely garner oohs and ahs when the ribbons come off. Cap your shopping day by heading to Northwest 70th Street. If you need a lift before heading to yet another holiday party, get an espresso and croissant at Honoré (1413 N.W. 70th St.,706-4035), or if dinner is in order after a long day of shopping, head to Delancey (1415 N.W. 70th St., 838-1960), Brandon Pettit and Molly Wizenberg’s renowned pizzeria. But note that both are closed Mondays and Tuesdays. Plan accordingly. E

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SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

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might offend some proud locals, but when it comes to holiday shopping, efficiency dictates that you traverse Leary Way between these two bustling Seattle ’hoods. In just one afternoon you’ll be able to scoop up items you’re unlikely to find further south, east, or north for that matter. Within the two neighborhoods are enough cafes and restaurants, specialty stores and gift shops that you’re sure to complete your holiday shopping in a single trip. Start in Fremont. Essenza (615 N. 35th St., 547-4895) and Les Amis (3420 Evanston Ave. N., 632-2877) are can’t-miss stops. Both owned by Becky Buford, the sister stores offer just what you’d hope of a boutique—intimate, inviting, and chock-full of luxury items you can’t help but admire. Shop for fine jewelry and fragrances at Essenza and designer apparel at Les Amis. Head up Fremont Avenue for happy hour at Vif Wine and Coffee (4401 Fremont Ave. N., 5577357). Enjoy a glass and browse the bottle selection. But hold it there, you’ve got driving to do. Take Leary west to Ballard. On Ballard Avenue, you must check out neighbors Lucky Dry Goods (5424 Ballard Ave. N.W., 7898191) and Dandelion Botanical Company (5424 Ballard Ave. N.W. #103, 545-8892). Lucky carries perfectly worn flannels and team Ts—the perfect place for a gift your husband won’t simply shove to the back of his closet. If your crazy aunt who swears by spoonfuls of vinegar could call a store home, that store could quite possibly be Dandelion. Pick up a

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SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

Forget Vancouver. The right spot for your Canadian spending spree is Victoria, B.C.: cozier, not to mention closer, and as near London as you’re likely to get without having to book a flight. In fact, you can ride Amtrak, the Victoria Clipper, or the ferry from downtown Seattle, or drive four hours north on I-5. As British Columbia’s capital, Victoria has a strong British background, with majestic buildings and architecture—and as a bonus, the Parliament Buildings are adorned with tens of thousands of lights during the holiday season, making your shopping experience all the jollier. Apart from the appeal of the town’s historical buildings, which make for some whimsical cafes and a snug atmosphere, the shopping alone is a cultural experience. Locals recommend going downtown to Lower Johnson Street, or “LowJo,” between Wharf and Douglas for a wide range of independent and noteworthy shops, including Violette Boutique (1223 Government St., +1 250-388-7752). This chic store, with interiors that replicate the shops

of Paris’ Île Saint-Louis, carries jewelry and accessories made primarily by Canadian designers from Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. But if one shop itself is worth the trip, it’s Smoking Lily (569 Johnson St., +1 250-3825459). This tiny alcove in the front section of a 120-year-old heritage building lobby is only a few feet larger than your average closet (4 by 11 feet). Smoking Lily collaborates with local artists to produce specially designed silk-screened clothing, made in-house. They also offer customized orders and a selection of printed T-shirts, bags, scarves, jackets, and more. For the serious action figure and comic book collector, there’s Curious Comics (631 Johnson St., +1 250-384-1656) and Cherry Bomb Toys (1410 Broad St., +1 250385-8697), both at the corner of Johnson and Broad Streets. They buy exclusively from local collections, and have an expansive and ever-changing inventory that stands out from other toy shops in town. Among their most popular and treasured collectables are Star Wars figurines, the original G.I. Joe, LEGOs, and more. And what’s a town with a strong British background without English confectioneries? The English Sweet Shop (736 Douglas St., +1 250-382-3325) carries foodstuffs usually found only in England, like “boiled sweets,” bonbons, toffees, and (as they spell it) liquorice. They also sell familiar grocery items like marmalades and traditional English biscuits, as well as “distinctive British groceries” like Marmite, malt loaf, and spotted dick. Surely you won’t find the latter anywhere in Seattle. P.S. Don’t forget your passport. E

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SE ATTLE WEEKLY’ S 2014 HOLI DAY GIFT GUI DE • PA RT THREE

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f a bottle of beer doesn’t fit into the stocking you have hanging on the mantle, then you might want to get a bigger stocking. Giving beer for the holidays is a surefire way to make a beer geek happy. But you can do better than just grabbing a six-pack from the grocery store. If you put some thought into it, you can find some gifts that are sure to please that special beer drinker in your life.

Seattle Bottle Shops

Start a Beer “Cellar”

While the majority of beer is best drunk as fresh as possible, there is a small percentage that ages with grace. Over a year or two, or even more, the flavors in certain beers can develop and change. One gift idea for the holidays is to get someone started on their own beer “cellar.” It doesn’t take much, other than buying them a bunch of bottles of a beer styles that have the potential to age well. Other than the beer selections, a cool, dark place to store the beer (a basement is perfect) is all you need. Beers that are bottle-fermented and high in alcohol are the best bets for aging. Barleywines, imperial stouts, and beers with wild yeast, such as sours and saisons, are perfect examples. Barleywines are my favorite style to age. These beers often have alcohol content higher than 10 percent ABV and have loads of hops and malt packed into the profile. Over a couple of years, the alcohol and hop bitterness mellow, while the malt flavors develop and integrate with the rest of the beer. What

Relax, Have a Homebrew

If you know someone that loves beer and has played around with the idea of homebrewing, the holidays are the perfect time to make that choice for them. A visit to one of the area homebrew shops, like Cellar Homebrew, Bob’s Homebrew Supply, Mountain Homebrew or Sound Homebrew Supply will give you what you need to make a homebrewing dream come true. You should be able to find starter kits at these shops, as well as ingredients and expert advice. Start off with a basic kit, or have a shop put together some customselected equipment that will keep your new homebrewer happy for years. If your potential homebrewer is excited about creating recipes to fit their tastes, but they aren’t enamored with the laborious process involved, you might think about opening your wallet for the high-end PicoBrew Zymatic. This machine is the size of a large microwave and automates much of the process of making all-grain beer. The retail price for a base model is $1,699, but you’ll save yourself space and money on the usual homebrewing equipment, and you’ll save an incredible amount of time and effort. Happy holidays to all you beer drinkers out there, and may your stocking be enormous and full of beer! Geoff Kaiser enjoys writing about and drinking beer in Seattle. Check out his website at seattlebeernews.com.

SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

One of my favorite things about the Seattle beer scene is the selection of locallyowned small bottle shops we have. Beer Junction (West Seattle), Full Throttle Bottles (Georgetown), Bottleworks (Wallingford) and Chuck’s Hop Shop (Greenwood & Central District) are my favorites of the bunch in Seattle, with Malt & Vine (Redmond) being a very worthy visit on the Eastside. But you risk being overwhelmed if you don’t know exactly what you are looking for. Luckily, these shops are all staffed by bonafide beer geeks. There are many seasonal releases that come out this time of year, from barrelaged rarities to annual favorites like Anchor Christmas Ale. Winter seasonal beers are typically heartier and heavier than your average beer, and something to sip on by the fire after opening presents would surely be welcome.

might have been a harsh beer to drink when first released can turn into a perfect sipping beer to enjoy by the fireplace. Smoked beers are another style that tend to age well, specifically the Alaskan Smoked Porter. While the beer is only 6.5 percent ABV, the smoked malt in the beer is a natural preservative that will allow you to cellar these for several years. The smoke flavor can diminish over time, while flavors of sherry, dark fruit (raisins, figs), and toffee start to come through more. If you want to take a shortcut to try this beer, Alaskan released a Vintage Gift Pack this month that includes bottles of the 2008 and 2013 vintage of the Smoked Porter. Speaking of shortcuts, Bottleworks is nice enough to save you the task of cellaring your own beer. They have a stash of beer down in their own cellar that they dip into for special occasions, including the holidays.

HOLIDAY SPIRITS

Gifts that go in a glass—or mug.

LOOK SHARP! VIA WIKIMEDIA

SE ATTLE WEEKLY’ S 2014 HOLI DAY GIFT GUI DE • PA RT THREE

1. Tovolo Colossal Cube Ice Molds

Every time I watch an episode of Mad Men with my girlfriend, she wonders aloud, “Why does every man want to be like Don Draper? All he does is womanize and smoke and drink!” Well, she’s right on all counts. The truth is, there is only one Don Draper. But that doesn’t stop us from drinking classy beverages with classy ice cubes that make us seem a little bit more like him, right? Right! So for the Don-wannabe in your life, get a magnificent large ice-cube molder! JACOB UITTI $16.50. Mrs. Cooks in U Village, University Village Shopping Center, 2685 N.E. Village Lane, 525-5008, mrscooks.com. 2. Yamazaki 12-Year Single Malt

Suntory made the news this year for producing the World’s Best Whisky, taking the top spot over Scottish whisky; the news was controversial among whisky drinkers and Scots. But rather than rub salt in the wound, sit back and enjoy the best in the world. Though the winning whisky, a Yamazaki Single-Malt Sherry Cask 2013, is far from easily available, Suntory’s Yamazaki 12-Year Single Malt is as close to the best as the common man can get: aged in three types of oak and sweet with the fragrance of honey and dates. TIFFANY RAN $69.99. suntory. com.

3. Smacha Tea

3 6 5. Scrappy’s Cardamom Bitters

7. Moscow Mule Copper Mugs

For the tea connoisseur in your life, you can’t go wrong with a selection from Smacha in Bellevue. Owner Jason Chen, recently profiled in Seattle Weekly (“Tea Party,” April 9), has been in the wholesale tea business for 16 years, and owns more than 3,000 acres of tea gardens in China. To ensure top quality, he farms the tea and processes it himself, and sources the best bergamot and hibiscus. With more than 60 varieties to choose from, there’s something for every palate—from creamy Taiwanese oolong to lively yet delicate jasmine. Pick up a box of locally made snacks to pair with them. like mochi or black-tea lotus cake. NICOLE SPRINKLE Prices vary. smacha.com.

I feel that bitters are a bit overplayed in the cocktail world these days. I’m not sure there’s a point in having 100 different varieties, because they’re used in such minimal quantities most of the time. That said, a good home bar has at least four: Angostura, Peychaud’s, orange bitters, and something spiced. My personal preference in the latter realm are the cardamom bitters from Scrappy’s, which pair nicely with both barrel-aged spirits like whiskey and brandy and with gin. They’re powerful and should be used with restraint, but they lend a delightfully exotic note to many otherwise familiar drinks. ZG Prices vary. scrappysbitters. com. Sold in dozens of stores in Seattle.

In 1941, a Hollywood bar owner mixed the first Moscow Mule to sell more vodka, but what followed the success of this marketing strategy was a frenzy for the signature copper mug it’s served in. Even Mules enjoyed at home should come in a dapper mug, but swiping the copper beauties from your neighborhood bar is not so classy; one should opt instead for buying a set. Mules aside, these copper vessels can hold the chill for any iced beverage of choice. TR Set of 4 mugs; $79.80. Sur La Table, Pike Place Market, 84 Pine St., 448-2244, surlatable.com.

6. Sparkling Wine

4. Mixing Tools

Without a doubt, the perfect gift is sparkling wine. It’s fun to buy, and everyone will have a time in their life when opening a bottle of sparkling wine is appropriate: birthdays, promotions, Tuesdays. Picking a bottle is always a bit tricky, and of course there are tons on the market. Yet for my money, the best combination of deliciousness and value is the Pierre Peters Blanc de Blancs. It’s amazingly complex, super-delicious, and, for a Grand Cru Champagne, surprisingly affordable. ZG $54.95. Sold at most wine shops including Wine World, Esquin, and McCarthy & Schiering.

You will earn either eye-rolling or a new friend if you bring this on your next flight. The kit includes the makings of an Old Fashioned (minus the whiskey, which you’ll need to order on the plane): a recipe card, a spoon/muddler, aromatic bitters delivered via those miniature pumps in perfume sample bottles, cane sugar, and a linen coaster. Since the cocktail requires no fresh-squeezed citrus, herbs, or other nonairport-friendly portable ingredients, it’s the perfect drink to mix in flight. A great gift for the jet-setting boozehound in your life. NS $24. carryoncocktailkit.com E

Mixing drinks is actually really simple. It’s easy to go overboard with equipment, but in the end you only need three tools to make just about every drink under the sun. The centerpiece is a sturdy pint glass (well, preferably at least four to six), which will allow you to shake drinks in concert with a Boston shaker tin or stir them with a bar spoon. A Hawthorne strainer (the kind that vaguely looks like a Slinky) will help you leave the ice behind and completes the set. ZACH GEBALLE

8. Carry On Cocktail Kit

KITCHEN CONTRAPTIONS Tools that will make foodies drool.

2 1

6 3

5 1. Sansaire Sous Vide Machine

2. Beginning Modernist Pack

Sodium alginate and calcium chloride may not make an appearance in the standard recipe, but the Modernist Cuisine reader in your life will surely squeal to have their own Modernist Pack. A Beginning Modernist Pack includes seven ingredients (agar agar and sodium citrate, among other pixie dusts), and a set of starter tools will help even the molecular gastro-novice achieve food-lab perfection at home. A variety of modernist agents are also available and sold separately. TIFFANY RAN $96. Marx Foods, 144 Western Ave. W., 447-1818, marxfoods.com. 3. Miyabi Birchwood Santoku Knife

For both the home cook in dire need of a knife upgrade and the chef who’s a sucker for the classics, this is the ideal everyday knife for fine dices on vegetables, thin slices on fish, and clean cuts on meats. Its thin blade is crafted

with exactly 101 layers of resilient steel, and, relatively affordable, it’s a great introduction to the ease and elegance of Japanese knives. It’s safe to say that after a few uses, one will simply never go back. TR $279.95 for the 7-inch. Sur La Table, 84 Pine St., 448-2244. 4. Burlap Holiday Napkin Rings

Some people are nuts for table settings, from cloth napkins to table runners. For them, decking out a holiday table is right up there with trimming the tree. And for them is this homemade set of burlap napkin rings with four holiday embellishments, like a single bright-green jingle bell and a wooden Christmas tree, sold by “The Sleepy Dog” vendor. Mix and match them or get one uniform set. NICOLE SPRINKLE $12 for a set of four. etsy.com/ listing/116125996. 5. Vegetable Peeler

Multi-use tools are a must in the kitchen, and a wide-set vegetable peeler is a good one, useful both for cooking and drinking. On the culinary front, it’s great for peeling lumpier items like potatoes and other root vegetables, while in the mixology world, it helps you make really nicelooking wide citrus garnishes. OXO in particular makes a comfortable and highly functional version called the Julienne Peeler. ZACH GEBALLE $9.99. oxo.com.

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SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

Cooking food sous vide—in a bag submerged in water at very specific and often low temperatures—is a practice reserved for only the most ostentatious of at-home food nerds, owing to the device’s big price (usually more than a grand) and enormous size. But a Seattle native has found a way to bring that cooking potential into your kitchen, for a small price and a smaller footprint. The Sansaire slips into any standard large cooking pot and transforms it into a beautiful and capable sous vide machine. Get your bags of lavender-infused halibut ready: The Sansaire is the next ultimate food-geek tool you absolutely need. PATRICK HUTCHISON $199. sansaire.com.

Kitchen Contraptions » FROM PAGE 13 6. Turnco Wood Goods French Rolling Pin

The best tool in your kitchen is not that newest gadget or most unusual item, but the most common. For home bakers, a rolling pin is as vital as a chef ’s knife or the perfect sauté pan, and Turnco Wood Goods on Whidbey Island might make the best you can find. Owners/makers Kelly and Janae Cameron use locally sourced wood for their French rolling pins. Versions in black walnut or PNW madrona are available, along with custom felt storage sleeves to protect them from all the other tools in your baking drawer. PH $58. turncowoodgoods.com.

Welcome Sights

7. Finex Cast-Iron Skillet

When Portland’s Mike Whitehead was a kid, he didn’t collect baseball cards or pogs or Pokemon, but something that mattered: castiron skillets. Now instead of collecting them, he’s making them. “We’re all drawn to things that age more slowly than us, things that are going to be here after we’re gone,” says Whitehead. His company, Finex, is looking to revitalize the lost tradition of making truly great skillets—ones you pass down to your grandchildren. And from the looks of them, octagonal with polished, brass-capped handles, your grandchildren will be happy to inherit them. PH $125–$195. store.finexusa.com. E

MAKER’S DELIGHT Tools and supplies for your favorite artist. 1

Blue skies in December. A HARDWARE A hardware store on Capitol Hill.

STORE ON

SE ATTLE WEEKLY’ S 2014 HOLI DAY GIFT GUI DE • PA RT THREE

206-322-1717 CAPITOL HILL 1417 12th Avenue 206-322-1717 www.pacsupply.com

1417 12TH AVENUE (BETWEEN PIKE AND UNION) WWW.PACSUPPLY.COM

2 4

1. Mosaic Glass

A pound of glass is appropriate no matter your recipient’s artistic discipline. Bedrock Mosaic Glass, located under the Magnolia Bridge, offers a variety of colored glass—some pieces circular, others triangular, all 100 percent recycled. Browse mosaic materials to complement his or her next project. A trip to the shop’s Stoneyard is a gift in itself. Orderly as it is, the back outlet lends a funky flair that lures a buyer to the bright-hued tubs of tumbled tile. ABBY SEARIGHT $7.99+. 1401 W. Garfield St., 283-7625, bedrockmosaicglass.com. 2. Turtle Sandbag

Ordinarily used to pound sheet metal, a Turtle Sandbag also serves to deaden the sound of hammering, support hand tools, and as an engraving surface. Handstitched by Danaca Design instructor Bill Dawson, this multipurpose leather pouch is sure to delight the artist in your life—especially if that artist is partial to turtles. AS $40. Available at Danaca Design, 5619 University Way N.E., 524-0916, danaca design.com.

3. Hand Roller

Ideal for potters with designs on their mind, the MKM hand roller imprints a pattern on rolled clay. Crafted in Appleton, Wisc., these rollers range in size and design depending on the project and the artist’s preference. AS $7.95–$17.95. Available at Seattle Pottery Supply, 35 S. Hanford St., 587-0570, seattlepotterysupply.com. 4. Yarn Bowls

Yarn balls never stay put. They’re on top of the nightstand one second and rolling across the floor the next. Heidi’s Pottery’s yarn bowls will secure those runaway balls, making your grandmother’s and knitter friends’ lives a whole lot easier. Hand-thrown and carved on Capitol Hill, the bowls are specially designed with holes and a J-curve to hold yarn in place while knitting and a weighty bottom to prevent tipping when tugging. JEANNY RHEE $39–$68. Heidi’s Pottery, 735 Belmont Ave. E., 965-9810, heidispottery.com.

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 17

Holiday Editions 4TH WEEK of HOLIDAY COVERAGE

Next Issue On Stands 12/17! Gift Guide Part 4

Give the gift of comfort.

MILAGROS FINE MEXICAN FOLK ART

THE BEST OF MEXICO IS HERE!

GIVE A UNIQUE GIFT! • Oaxacan carvings • Religious artwork • Talavera pottery • Huichol artwork • & more 206.464.0490 www.MilagrosSeattle.com

And remember we always validate parking for all UDPA parking lots.

Give an experience that will create lasting memories this holiday season. Instant Gift Certificates available Online

LUCKY FOR YOU WASHINGTON’S LARGEST SKI RESORT IS LESS THAN 2 HOURS AWAY! Learn to Ski or Snowboard this winter for just $195 - Includes 3 days of lift tickets, lessons and rental equipment. Learn more or purchase online as a gift CrystalMountainResort.com/StartingOut The Mt. Rainier Gondola and Summit House Restaurant welcomes non-skiers during the winter! Surround yourself with stunning scenery in a true winter wonderland. Come for the day, or stay the night in a charming hotel, condominium or suite. Let’s connect: CrystalMountainResort.com

CrystalMountain

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SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

PIKE PLACE MARKET Post Alley (just off Pine St) 1409 1ST AVE (2nd location) between Pike & Union

4303 University Wy NE Seattle 98105 • 206-632-3254

SE ATTLE WEEKLY’ S 2014 HOLI DAY GIFT GUI DE • PA RT THREE

MAKER’S DELIGHT

» FROM PAGE 14

8 9

For the artist who wants some Northwest in his or her work, there’s Bob’s Fine Vine Charcoal, sourced in Eugene. Its trademark color and consistency is credited to its method of production—select Northwest hardwood is burnt at a specific temperature. A pack contains 24 sticks, 20 small and four large. AS $12. Available at ARTspot, 408 Main St., Edmonds, 425-640-6408, artspot.squarespace.com. 6. Clothbound Chicago Screw-Post Portfolio Professional

This is for any Type-A artist out there who understands the importance of keeping work neat, organized, and coffee-stain-free. Paper Hammer’s handmade cloth-bound portfolio comes with three 1-inch vertical Chicago screw-posts that tightly hold and secure paper, with multiple colors available. It’s the perfect gift for your anxiety-ridden designer friend, who’ll most likely treasure this timeless gift—and you for your support of their tidy career. JR $45. Paper Hammer, 1400 Second Ave., 682-3820, paper-hammer.com. 7. Fountain Pens, Nibs, and Dip

Calligraphy isn’t just for Mother’s Day cards. These wooden beauties with replaceable nibs offer an archaic yet worldly feel that is perfect for illustrators and cartoonists, but also good for writing your autograph in your checkbook.

It certainly would make paying the rent an eloquent chore. JR $5–$15, $2-$5 for nibs. Available at The Lost Quill, 126 Winslow Way E., Bainbridge Island, info@thelostquill.com. 8. Pastel Set

Washington-based Dakota Art Pastels is the designated distributor of Blue Earth Pastels, which offers two sampler sets, Land & Sea and Portrait & Figure. Each includes 21 sticks in seven tones that will enable an artist to draw the most convincing landscapes or portraits. Place an order with Ballard’s Dakota Art Store, and your pastels will be available for pickup within a week. AS $49. blue earthpastels.com. Available at Dakota Art Pastels, 2000 Market St., 523-4830, dakotapastels.com. 9. Customized Stamps & Crafty Miscellany

On average, holiday cards cost $4 to $6. $4 to $6! Add the cost of stamps, shipping, packaging, and sometimes Priority Mail Express, and sending a standard “Happy Holidays” card plus a few “envelope stuffers” can easily cost you $15. That’s quite a burden to put on your loved one. At Impress Cards and Crafts, your friend can custom-order and design stamps that start at a fraction of that cost, choosing from a variety of typographies and font sizes. You’ll see the results in the mail. JR $9+.University Village Shopping Center, 2621 N.E. Village Lane, 526-5818, impresscardsandcrafts. E

TOURS BY APPOINTMENT For reservations, visit westlanddistillery.com/tours Tastings, Tours and Holiday Specials available in our Tasting Room, Tuesday through Saturday, 11am—6pm. 2931 First Avenue South | Seattle, Washington 98134 westlanddistillery.com

SEATTLE WE EKLY’ S 2014 HO LIDAY GI FT GU IDE • PART THREE

5. Charcoal

• Hair Weaving • Extensions • 100% Virgin Human Hair

253-431-2121 2052 Rainier, Seattle

Sheila “Ms. Denight” Triplett All hair types are welcome!

Styling, Blowouts, Color, Cuts, Braids and Locks. $25 Booking Deposit

WILD THINGS

College student discounts

HairbySheilaTriplett.com

Perfect presents for kids ages 12–14.

K. Alan Smith, Jeweler’s 10th Annual Holiday Party. Friday, December 12th from 5pm until whenever. • Raffle for a pair of 1 carat diamond stud earrings • Extensive selection of unmounted diamonds • Wines from DeLille Cellars (hors d’oeuvres to accompany)

RSVP kim@kalansmithjeweler.com The Logan Building | 500 Union St, Suite 325 Seattle, WA 98101 | 206.622.0223

Mini Yeti Friend

Bring a bit of wild into your kid’s life with a personal Mini Yeti Friend, handmade by Kelice, founder of local plush company Careful It Bites. These fleece and felt yetis stand 6.5˝ with customizable face, eye, and heart colors if you order offline. Each plush also comes with a hand-stamped cotton bag. Although suitable for all ages, these unusual monsters are perfect for the quirky teen in your life. TERRA CLARKE OLSEN $18. carefulitbites.com. Available at Crackerjack Contemporary Crafts, 1815 N. 45th St.., 547-4983, crackerjackcrafts.com. Concept

A simple-to-learn and -play party game, Concept pits two teams against each other, sort of. Each team chooses a word or phrase— which vary from simple nouns to pop-culture references—and tries to get the other team to

DWELL SEASON

SE ATTLE WEEKLY’ S 2014 HOLI DAY GIFT GUI DE • PA RT THREE

Curious things to bring light and life into the home.

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Ninja Bag

The perfect gift for the tech-savvy teen who needs a bit of help toting all their devices. Handmade in Seattle, it features an image of a ninja scaling the Space Needle, evoking the kawaii style that designer Retro Pop Namu is known for while also incorporating hometown pride. Made from a cotton canvas, the shoulder bag has numerous pockets and a padded sleeve that fits an iPad, netbook, or tablet. TCO $45. etsy. com/shop/namu. Available at Sassafras, 2307 First Ave., 420-7057, sassafras-seattle.com. E at Third Birds, 2107 Queen Anne Ave. N., 6867664, threebirdshome.com. Red Koi Lantern

Need a living gift that’s both green and gorgeous? Sharon Chung of TWIG Landscape, a Seattle-based garden-design/build firm, creates one-of-a-kind arrangements of succulents and air plants in pieces of driftwood that are easy to care for and longlasting. You can even work with her to create custom pieces. LISA COLE $40–$80. twigand landscape.com. Available at Juniper, 3314 E. Spring St., 838-7496, juniperinmadrona.com.

Elaine Hanowell is a participating artist in Bellevue Arts Museum’s wood exhibition this season, but in the long winter nights ahead, her light sculptures may grab more attention. The fragments of torn paper embedded in the pale bodies of her fish lanterns evoke the shikishi craft and the spontaneous urban collage of flyers and ads that also inspired Paul Horiuchi. Each is a unique and playful way to add color and warmth to a room, especially for fans of Japanese art. T.S. FLOCK $750. Available at ArtXChange, 512 First Ave. S., 839-0377, artxchange.org.

Velvet Pumpkin

Bird of Paradise Print

TWIG Landscape Succulent Driftwood Planter

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guess it, placing game pieces on various icons on the board as clues. Concept is endless fun, varying in difficulty and wackiness depending on who’s playing. TCO $33. Card Kingdom, 5105 Leary Ave. N.W., 523-2273, cardkingdom.com.

Located just outside Portland, Hot Skwash is a family-run business began by Daria Knowles in 2008. Working with local farmers, the company harvests unwanted pumpkin and squash stems and recycles them into the most beautiful home decor. The hand-crafted pumpkins come in a variety of luscious velvet colors, and are definitely in the “the more the merrier” category. These elegant little gems are not just for fall, but add a personal touch to your home all year. LC $11–$62. hotskwash.com. Available

Art makes a timeless gift—although because it’s so personal and subjective, it can be intimidating to choose for someone else. Jennifer Ament’s handprinted linocuts draw inspiration from nature, the Pacific Northwest, and old books from centuries past. These beautiful prints, on French paper, have wide appeal as both classic and modern. The Bird of Paradise print, in a limited edition of 50, is signed by the artist. LC $325 (15˝ x 22˝ unframed). jenniferament.com. Available at Rejuvenation, 2910 First Ave. S., 382-1901, rejuvenation.com. E

The Perfect Gift For the one you love...

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From Seattle, take I-5 north to Northgate Way Exit 173. Turn left at light then right onto NE Northgate Way. Pass Northgate Mall then turn right into driveway after 24 Hour Fitness. Parking garage will be on the left.

HOURS: Mon-Sun 9am-10pm

8th Ave NE

Target Best Buy NORTHGATE MALL Nordstrom

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