The Trailing Yew

gram I’m almost there with a million. Funny, I’m saying kids, and I’m in my thirties…

Where will you be staying in Maine? Will you make sure you can be on the coast?

I don’t know, man. I’d love to be closer to the water because of the seafood. I’m from Chesapeake, Virginia, and I love it. So still a hotel, but a place with a restaurant down there on the shore so you feel close to it.

What’s your favorite lobster recipe?

Steamed with some nice garlic butter going down the middle of it. No, wait—crabmeat-stu ed broiled lobster.

I once got to interview Muhammad Ali about the Sonny Liston fght in Lewiston. I made the mistake of asking him if he had lobster while he was here. He said Muslims don’t eat lobster. Your impression of Ali?

Oh, yeah. Man, I haven’t done Ali in years: “I’m young, I’m handsome, I’m fast. Goddamn, you are a pretty individual.”

How about Will Smith playing Ali?

“Cause it ain’t never gonna happen. You can only wonder and imagine.” ere. at’s a double entendre of impressions.

Being from Chesapeake, Virginia, you must like blue crabs. What would happen in a cage match between a lobster and a crab?

Those Virginia crabs are di erent. ey’re saying, “Maine, you’re all cool, but we’ve got hands where we’re from. You lobsters are slow.” You know lobsters. ey look up at you from their tanks like they’re on morphine. Crabs are quick on the pinch. Fast, like scissors. And the way crabs stare at you, as in, “You bastard, I’m going to come back in another life as a bigger crab and have some revenge. I’m going to snap all your ngers o !”

Because of global warming, we’re seeing blue crabs in the Gulf of Maine now. During stand-up, have you ever used global warming as a point of departure for humor, especially because it isn’t funny?

No, I have not. I do talk about some of the UFO things that are going on.

Your blue crabs sound like UFOs. Where have you been asked to do an impression that’s totally inconvenient? In a crowded elevator?

More like at a restaurant when I have a plate of food. ere’s food in my mouth