The Portland Mercury, June 28, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 6) by Joe Davis

FREE EVERY THURSDAY / VOL • 13 NO • 06 / JUNE 28 - JULY 4 / HELPIN’ THE MISSUS WITH THE DISHES

The Mercury Brunch Issue Presents…

WE DON'T

WAIT

IN LINES NO-WAIT BREAKFAST OPTIONS! THE BEST BRUNCH FOOD CARTS! PASTRIES! STRIP CLUBS! AND A VERY USEFUL MAP INDEED! Page 11

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2 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

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lovenotes@portlandmercury.com LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE

DEAR NED LANNAMANN—How can you not like Keira Knightley? She’s so dreamy!!! :) Do you also hate rainbows and lolcats? :( Isaac Hudson

GROW UP, VIRGINS RE: “Lesser Evils” [Letters, June 14], in which readers discuss voting for Obama in the next presidential election.

SUZETTE SMITH

CARS, CLOTHING, KIDS: OPTIONAL RE: “World Naked Bike Deride” [I, Anonymous, June 21], in which an anonymous author criticizes a coworker’s participation in this year’s World Naked Bike Ride, along with multiple retellings of an instance in which her breasts were complimented by an observer. Dear Anonymous—The Naked Bike Ride is not for everyone, but it is not gross. Fat people naked are not gross, they are naked. In my experience people who repeat compliments paid to them by others are sad inside and most often a bore. They don’t need further floggings, multiply that times a million for floggings in public. If you want to help further the cause of cycling, smile while you’re riding your bike. posted by Bob Car-free Bob—Objectively, no, fat naked people are not gross. Speaking SUBJECTIVELY, I think that the act of ignoring your health until the point that you resemble the Dune villain is sad, and flaunting your naked mistake in public is disgusting. As an eco-conscious person, I think the naked bike ride is a horrific exhibition of everything wrong with this city. I don’t care how much gas you save, if you’re finding yourself riding your bike naked as an adult, you have failed. You’re the reason Portlandia! isn’t stuck on cable access. posted by Child-free, Auto-driving Ray

FEMALE PRISON PEN PALS RETURNS! RE: Our steadily growing pile of letters from incarcerated females looking for pen pals. See one you like? Drop ’em a line! Hi, my name is Adriana. I am a 34-yearold Hispanic female. I am 5’4”, 165 pounds with dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a great sense of humor. I love to laugh. Right now I’m doing some time so I need a good pen pal. Please write to: Adriana Guerrero c/o Madison County Jail, 15 N 2nd, East Rexburg, ID, 83440.

DEAR MERCURY—Unless you live on a planet where political choice involves choices between absolutes, then voting for “the lesser of two evils” is all you’ve got. Considering what the greater evil can be, historically, a compromise for the greater good doesn’t look that bad. Grow up, virgins. Barbara Mor

HE AIN’T

IN THE FAMILY RE: “Jackpot” [Feature, June 21], in which Portland’s history of pinball as an illegal activity is recounted, along with the rise and fall of Portland criminal Jim Elkins. An interesting and well-written story, thanks to the author. I would add however that racketeering in Portland using pinball machines and the like did not end with the fall of Jim Elkins. It continued on for a number of years, as did the bribes paid to ranking members of the Portland Police Bureau and the district attorney’s office to look the other way and to ensure that their subordinates did the same. I know about it because of family members who were involved, back in the day… posted by Ex-Human DON’T SEND OUT your muscle to break our kneecaps, Ex-Human, okay? We’ll even bribe you with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where from time to time you can catch films about gangsters from all over the world. In the meantime, let’s just fuhgeddaboudit.

EVERYBODY’S GOT ONE

dlreamer.com

RE: “Apocalypse Now” [Film, June 21], in which author Ned Lannamann reviews portlandmercury.com

INTERNS Nathan Gilles, Suzette Smith, Zibby Pillote,

MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner

Nate Miller, Larissa Board

NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk

DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams

SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann

SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson

ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad

SALES COORDINATOR Tonya Ray

COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts

DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan

SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead

ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David

AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos

OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham GENERAL MANAGER Katie Lake

ART DIRECTOR Justin “Scrappers” Morrison

PUBLISHER Rob Crocker

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THE

RE: “Unforgivable Cruising” [Letters, June 21], in which the ills and merits of Tom Cruise are weighed. Hey, as much as Tom Cruise’s work seems to be one-dimensional, the guy has managed to work with some of the best directors of our time. Could it be that perhaps Kubrick, et al., saw something in him that we ain’t fully seeing yet? Then again, he ain’t Daniel Day-Lewis, right? posted by frankieb

TWO SHOWS!

DIRTY THREE

NOTES

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and opines that Keira Knightley is “super irritating, of course.”

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June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 3

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ONE DAY AT A TIME

MERC MOBILE… NOW 100 PERCENT SEXIER!

THE WEEK IN REVIEW by Ann Romano

erc Mobile—the Portland Mercury’s hot-poop mobile site—has always been extremely useful and sexy. BUT NOW? It’s 100 percent more sexiest! Hop over to m.portlandmercury.com on your smartphone (that includes YOU, Android users!) and be amazed at what you find:

KRISTIAN DONALDSON

MONDAY, JUNE 18

This past weekend, Oprah interviewed inhuman lumbering monster Kim Kardashian on the topic of what it’s like to be an inhuman lumbering monster. They also talked about her sex tape. “I think that’s how I was definitely introduced to the world,” Kim cooly reminisced. “It was [in] a negative way, so I felt like I really had to work 10 times harder to get people to see the real me.” When asked exactly what the “real me” was like, Kim shed her human skin to reveal her true yellow-eyed reptilian form, screeched, “A r r g a a a a a h h REPTILE ATTACK! laaaaharggh!” and ate Oprah along with everyone else in the studio. Interesting interview! MEANWHILE… As we reported last week, it will be a MIRACLE if the terribly named Lifetime movie Liz & Dick ever gets made—but wait a second! Star Lindsay Lohan is only partially to blame! Yes, LiLo tapped the brakes on production when she slammed into the back of a dump truck last week, and later sent producers into a panic when she was found unconscious/sleeping in her penthouse at the Ritz-Carlton. However, we say that all these delays can be blamed on one culprit: caring too much! Here’s what Lindsay twattered once the news of her collapse/nap hit the internet: “Note to self… After working 85 hours in 4 days, and being up all night shooting, be very aware that you might pass out from exhaustion & 7 paramedics MIGHT show up @ your door.” See? That’s the problem. She’s working too hard, guys, and… THIS JUST IN. Lindsay Lohan is NOT working too hard. “LiLo did not work 85 hours in four days and we are not averaging 20 hours a day,” said a Liz & Dick crewmember who actually does work for a living. “We worked about 70-75 hours in five days last week, which isn’t that abnormal for a TV movie. We could’ve shaved off about seven or eight hours that we sat around waiting for LiLo.” Oh! Well… However, in Lindsay’s defense, when one is in a coma/catnap, one does lose track of time.

TUESDAY, JUNE 19

Actor Alec Baldwin—the left wing’s Mel Gibson—is back in the tabs again after being accused of smacking a paparazzo in the chin. According to the Daily News, Baldwin and fiancée Hilaria Thomas were outside NYC’s marriage license bureau, when the 30 Rock actor became enraged, and began shoving and allegedly punching celeb photog Marcus Santos. “He was like, crazy, you know?” said an eyewitness. “There was an eruption of mad.” Later that same day, photographers confronted Baldwin again—though this time he tried to trick them by covering himself up in a sheet. Unconvinced that this was merely the ghost of Alec Baldwin’s rage, the photogs took his picture anyway. Then, less than 24 hours after the fi rst incident, Baldwin was accused of running over an Inside Edition reporter’s foot with his mountain bike. “Ouch, my back,” the reporter confusingly responded following the incident. “He shoved me and ran over my foot.” This time Baldwin was intent on making amends in the

THIS WEEK ON

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

best way possible… via his Twatter machine! “I am told I ran over someone’s foot on my bike today,” he apologetically twattered. “I think it was the person who placed their foot under the wheel of my bike.” Hey, that’s funny! And… OUCH! OUR BACK! (Take his picture, quick!)

• Awesome new look, with big, easy-topunch buttons for Grandma! • The latest issue of the Mercury, plus every ancient story in our archives!

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20

In the continuously entertaining and illuminating Playboy interview with Charlie Sheen in which the actor gamely tried to explain away his 2011 psychotic “winning” break, Chuckles was asked why he chose to refer to himself as a “warlock.” “I didn’t know what the hell a warlock was,” Sheen responded. “I just liked the way it sounded. It’s got war in it; it’s got a kah sound. War-lock.” That explains a lot—though it doesn’t explain how he graduated high school.

• Accurate and updated movie times and reviews! • Our handy restaurant locator, honest reviews, and… MENUS? • Wait… did you say you can read restaurant MENUS? • Yes, we did! • WOW! • No shit.

THURSDAY, JUNE 21

(Seeeeethe. Okay. Get ahold of yourself, Ann. Rise above, be professional, and take the high road. For once. Control… take a deep breath, and… Ahem.) Cong ratulations to d rea mboat a c t or G eorge Clooney and his beautiful, statuesque gal pal Stacy Keibler who are celebrating their one-year dating anniversary with a weeklong incredibly romantic vacation at Clooney’s lavish vilSEETHE la in Lake Como, Italy. (GRRRRRRRRR!!!! Eaaasy, Ann. Take it eaaaaasy.) Keibler took a moment away from cuddling and nuzzling her superstar boyfriend to bat away pregnancy rumors by twattering a picture which TMZ described as “her sweaty, gorgeous, ripped, flat stomach during a workout in Italy.” (Ring! Ring! Hi, Kim Kardashian? Ann Romano, here. Yeah, are you still currently in your reptilian flesheating form? You are. Terrific. We need a teensy-tiny little favor….)

FRIDAY, JUNE 22

Today former Penn State football coach/pedophile Jerry Sandusky was found guilty on 45 of 48 counts of sexual assault on 10 boys, bringing a close to the skeevy saga of horrific abuse and sketchy cover-ups. “On Friday, Sandusky, 68, spent the fi rst night of what is expected to be the rest of his life behind bars,” the New York Times reports. “There are federal investigations into a possible cover-up by Penn State and the charity Sandusky founded, the Second Mile”—a charity that, the New York Daily News points out, allowed Sandusky to target and systematically abuse his victims. Enjoy your life in prison, creep. It’s far better than you deserve. MEANWHILE… Wall Street fi rms earned more in the fi rst two-anda-half-years of Obama’s presidency than they did in the eight years of the Bush administration—thanks to, according to the Washington Post notes, “government policies that helped the financial sector avert collapse and then gave financial fi rms huge benefits.” So you’d think the bastards would be supporting Obama, right? Wrong! “Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign and the super PAC supporting it are outraising Obama among financial-sector donors $37.1 million to $4.8 million,” Politico

WIN TICKETS TO SEE YOUNG MAGIC! END HITS THURSDAY!

• Plus Blogtown, End Hits, the I, Anonymous Blog, MOD—all the bloggin’ you could want! • AND the most complete, most bodyrockin’est music event calendar in town!

It’s the best of the Mercury print edition, and our online extras all rolled into one! Get the new MERC MOBILE by punching m.portlandmercury.com into your phone’s browser, and GET MORE OF EVERYTHING YOU NEED. reports. You stay classy, Wall Street. There’s a reason you’re about one rung above Sandusky on the ladder of public opinion.

SATURDAY, JUNE 23

While Hubby Kip won’t stop talking about his “spider sense,” running around the house in his thermals, and pretending he’s web-swinging off the couch, there’s only one movie we’re excited for this summer: Magic Mike, the Channing Tatum flick inspired by his real-life exploits as a stripper! Yay! But it turns out some of C h a n n i n g ’s old stripper pals aren’t so excited. “He only danced for four months. How many events could have happened to him?” a grumpy Thomas “Awesome” Austin said to TMZ, claiming Tatum HOT SEAT! was an “amateur.” “They claim they took Tatum under their wings when he was a nobody and taught him all their special stripper moves like ‘The Hot Seat’—which is featured in the film and Austin says he invented,” TMZ continues. At a press junket, Channie responded to the criticisms of Awesome Austin and another fellow dancer, London Steele. “These guys have been trying to make money off me since I got into this business,” he said. “I don’t want to say anything bad about them because they’re part of the reason I think this world is so interesting. They’re very interesting, intriguing, and bizarre characters, and I’m thankful for weird people out there. They’re some of

HALF OFF YUMMY BRUNCH MERCPERKS.COM

Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com

the most creative—” Blah blah BLAH. Take off your shirt, Chatum, and show us the Hot Seat already. Do you think we’re waving all these singles at you to get you to talk?

SUNDAY, JUNE 24

So that Kim Kardashian sex tape she was going on about to Oprah earlier this week? Turns out it was a teeny bit more calculated than she’s letting on. According to TMZ, jilted former beau Kris Humphries has started letting people know Kim’s sex tape wasn’t only conceived as a publicity stunt—but actually underwent reshoots when the original version wasn’t sexy enough. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Kim Kardashian is a reeking, seeping pustule in the moist, fetid crevices of the human race. (Please don’t eat us.) MOVING ON… “Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise are sure to turn heads wherever they go, and it was especially hard to miss them in NYC on Sunday, when they stepped out in coordinating outfits!” squealed Us. “Holmes, 32, walked hand-in-hand with her six-yearold daughter while wearing a white pleated skirt, a black and white checkered buttondown tied at the waist, and tan booties. Suri wore a similar white linen skirt and chose a summery black and white striped tank top.” “Too cute!” Emperor Klaktu of Rigel VII said when he saw pictures of the mommydaughter duo over the holonet. “That’s just adorbs. Quick question, Kate, if I might? Okay. Here goes. INGRATE! Did Suri, our future Empress of the Hubbard Sector, not receive my gift of a plasma tiara from Epsilon X4 I sent her for her birthday? And what of those booties wrought from the finest of Xalanthian war-hound skins? Exactly who or what am I supposed to slaughter to please you people?!?”

ENTER THE HUMP! DIRTY MOVIE CONTEST! PORTLANDMERCURY.COM/HUMP June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 5

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6 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

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NEWS

Playing a New Race Card

What’s Behind Disparity in Traffic Stops? Maybe Racism, Cops Admit by Denis C. Theriault THE PROBLEM is familiar. According to the latest batch of traffic data released by the Portland Police Bureau, covering all stops in 2010, cops continue to pull over and search African Americans and Latinos about twice as often as white Portlanders. Also familiar, if equally troubling, is the idea that cops are targeting blacks and Latinos in what accountability advocates see as “fishing expeditions.” According to a review of the data by Portland Copwatch and the Albina Ministerial Alliance (AMA), whites are way more likely to have contraband like weapons or drugs, even though they’re searched far less often. But here’s what’s new—the Portland Police Bureau has swallowed hard and finally admitted something it’s often struggled to say: Part of the problem might really be racism. Overt, institutional, and even “implicit” racism—which means you might be a little racist without even realizing it. Historically, the bureau has denied racism might play a role in traffic stops and searches, instead solely blaming other factors like socioeconomics, crime rates, and targeted actions like flooding so-called gang “hot spots” with extra cops. “Context is important. But owning [potential racism] is important, too,” Sergeant Greg Stewart, a member of the bureau’s three-year-old stat-crunching team, told the Mercury. “We don’t want to make excuses, either.” And, in another change, the bureau explicitly isn’t disputing the analysis by Copwatch or the AMA. Instead, at the June 20 meeting of the city’s Community and Police Relations Committee (CPRC), where the bureau first unveiled the data, Assistant Chief Larry O’Dea thanked the two groups for their work. Cops and observers say two factors

are behind the bureau’s shift: The first is an increasing reliance—part of a national trend—on statistics and research. The second is the bureau’s ongoing scramble, in a time of budget austerity, to do more with less. Improving cops’ “legitimacy,” as Stewart explained in the CPRC meeting, means they’ll spend less time on routine calls and more time on serious cases.

Police Chief Rosie Sizer, agreed the cops’ rhetorical shift is a “huge step forward.” But she also said it won’t mean much if nothing changes. Stewart, who’s been taking classes in statistics and geographic mapping at Portland State, says that’s part of what his stat-crunching unit is working toward. The bureau has finished phasing in new traffic-

As such, the changes brought cautious plaudits from accountability advocates who’ve spent years tilting with bureau officials over racial profiling. “It’s a huge jump from where we were,” says Dan Handelman of Portland Copwatch, who remembers when some cops didn’t want the city’s old “racial profiling” committee to be named as such. AMA member JoAnn Hardesty, who co-chaired that committee with then-

stop reporting forms, a bid to collect better data about how, why, and when cops decided to stop and search people. Are cops’ “discretionary” searches the biggest problem? Is it just that more kids are out of school in the summer? Is it gang enforcement in black neighborhoods? “Right now, we don’t know any of that,” says Stewart. “Maybe we can find better tactics. Maybe there are alternative ways of doing things.”

Upbraiding the State

NEWS

Wait… Braiding Hair in Oregon Requires a License? by Sarah Mirk THE WORLD of labor licenses is not a fair one. In Oregon, getting a food handler’s license takes $10 and less than an hour. But professionally braiding hair, as Portlander Amber Starks discovered, requires 1,700 hours of training to earn a cosmetologist’s license that is largely irrelevant to one’s ability to braid hair. Starks, 31, is a model and hair braider who’s a proud champion of black women wearing their hair unstraightened and uncolored. In late 2011, she asked the state foster care system if she could volunteer to braid hair for adopted kids—seven percent of kids in Oregon foster care are African American and many adoptive parents are unfamiliar with natural hair care for African American hair. She got an enthusiastic yes, but then found out that even to volunteer as a professional hair braider, Oregon requires a beautician’s license.

The practice of braiding hair falls under “hair design”—a licensed trade. Now Starks is on a campaign to reform Oregon’s restrictive hair-braiding laws. “We just grew up doing it, so we do it,” Starks says of herself and friends who braid hair. “We don’t sit and think, ‘Is hair braiding illegal?’ Why would we have to go to school to do something we learned how to do culturally?” This isn’t just an Oregon quirk: Only 11 states have no requirements for braiding hair, while the remaining states require from six to 2,100 hours of training. According to federal numbers, fewer than five percent of American workers in the 1950s had a job that required a license. Today, it’s roughly 30 percent. That’s a great improvement for jobs that require intensive skills, or safety training. But unlike barbers or hairstylists, hair braiders don’t cut, straighten, curl, or color hair—the skills com-

INFOGRAPHIC BY BETHANY NG

monly taught in cosmetology schools. What hair braiders do is braid hair. They weave in extensions and decorations, in keeping with traditions that originated in Africa. Still, for some reason, states have lumped braiding in with more complicated and risky types of hair styling—Oregon exempts people from a needing a license only if they’re not braiding hair for cosmetic reasons but, say, to keep someone’s hair out of their face as they work in a kitchen. “It’s a one-size-fits-all solution,” complains Starks. “The license is a big barrier to people who could be earning some money from braiding.” Washington State required a license for hair braiders until 2005, when the libertarian Institute for Justice filed suit prompting the state to “clarify” its law to state that “natural hair braiders” do not need cosmetology training. Starks now braids hair in a salon just over the river in Vancouver, but she’s working with State Senator Jackie Dingfelder (DPortland) to propose reform legislation for the 2013 legislative session in Salem. Sightline Institute, a Northwest research center, contributed to this article.

Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com

Hall Monitor

Hales’ Good Day Goes Bad by Denis C. Theriault

NEWS

IT SHOULD HAVE been a good day for Charlie Hales and his dream of serving as Portland’s next mayor. Early on Thursday, June 21, the former city commissioner was beaming in front of a pack of reporters sent by nearly every media outlet in town, touting his new pledge to limit campaign gifts to no more than $600 per donor. Sure, the notion was first raised by his rival, State Representative Jefferson Smith. Sure, his staffers and Smith’s had been contemplating a joint announcement. And, sure, Hales could also have declared a cap on overall spending (bad idea, he says), or maybe a more modest individual limit ($600, he told me more recently, “keeps the disparity modest”). But it was canny, cutthroat politics. Voters, this fall, won’t remember who first championed campaign finance as an issue in the race. So far, so good. Like I said, Hales should have slept pretty well that night. That wasn’t to be. By Thursday afternoon, the Oregonian, at least, had moved on. Its editors were about to publish something that played into voters’ worst fears about Hales: that he’s an exaggerator, even a liar—or certainly someone who doesn’t mind the store while his staffers and consultants do those things in his name. The O examined a letter to the editor, signed by Hales, that appeared in the April 27 edition of the St. Johns Review. The letter, written by a campaign volunteer, expressed Hales’ support for reopening the old North Precinct in St. Johns, a building the city’s financial planners would love to unload for cash. But somehow, as published, it included unattributed passages from a 2009 Oregonian article about St. Johns and, worse, had Hales saying he was on a neighborhood tour he never took. The stakes are incredibly high. This flap brings to mind the time he had to take down TV ads that took credit for a city hall school bailout that happened in 2003, a year after he left office. And it exhumes the stink of his Washington vs. Oregon tax issue. But Hales isn’t saying much anymore. In a sitdown about the letter and other subjects on Tuesday, June 26, he said he clearly felt the story wasn’t fair, but wouldn’t comment on why—or say what he was doing about it. He invited a neighborhood volunteer mentioned in the letter, Tom Stubblefield, to talk about the issue his campaign first wrote the Review about: community policing. It was a good conversation. I live in St. Johns, and I like that Hales wants to encourage more cops to live in Portland. But it’s not quite the clear explanation voters are expecting. Let’s hope that’s forthcoming. June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 7

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8 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

To the Ballot!

ILLUSTRATIONS BY KURT MCROBERT

A Rundown on 2012’s Most Likely Initiatives by Sarah Mirk

NEWS

ARE YOU a registered Oregon voter who’s sick of being asked whether you’re, in fact, a registered Oregon voter? Signatures for this fall’s ballot initiatives are due July 6— and that means political petitioners are in the home stretch in their race to gather tens of thousands of signed supporters. Here are four issues likely to make the cut.

aren’t putting up a big fight—they haven’t received any kicker money since 2007, when businesses agreed to give their rebate back to the state anyway. War chest: $225,000 Backers: Public employee unions, Our Oregon Opponents: Politicians, like Senator Ginny Burdick, pushing for deeper tax reform

A NUG IN EVERY PIPE What’s an Oregon election without a call to end pot prohibition? Two initiatives have collected enough signatures to make the ballot: The Oregon Cannabis Tax Act and a constitutional amendment legalizing possession and use of marijuana among adults over 21 (so long as they don’t endanger minors or pose a public safety threat). The tax act would create a state commission charged with regulating marijuana, including distributing licenses to growers and having the state buy and sell entire crops, reaping any profit. Far out. War chest: Cannabis Tax Act—$233,633; pot reform amendment—$395,920 Backers: The tax act has support from the United Food and Commercial Workers International Union and (no joke) singer Willie Nelson. The reform amendment is funded largely by a Texas-based marijuana reform group and eccentric University of Phoenix founder John Sperling. Opponents: During the 2010 gubernatorial race, John Kitzhaber spoke out against legalizing pot.

GAMBLING ON OREGON Who really wants to move to East Multnomah County? Two Lake Oswego entrepreneurs, that’s who. In 2010, voters rejected plans for a non-tribal casino in the scenic lands between Gresham and Troutdale. Now it’s back! The massive Wood Village casino complex allowed by the Oregon Job Growth, Education, and Communities Fund Act would also boast a water park, theater, and hotel. War chest: $996,655 Backers: Entrepreneurs Bruce Studer and Matt Rossman Opponents: Tribal gambling groups, people who think casinos are ugly

KICK THE KICKER When the state collects more in taxes than projected, we “kick” that money back to people and corporations. This long-planned Protect Oregon’s Priorities initiative would end the corporate kicker, sending any windfall tax revenue to schools instead. Surprisingly, corporations

In Other News

SOMETHING FISHY Salmon is big business in Oregon, and that means big controversy. Funded largely by sport fishermen and perennial initiative-bankroller Loren Parks, the Protect Our Salmon Act would ban the practice of gillnetting on the Columbia River (with tribes exempted). That would leave some commercial fishermen high and dry, but allow sport fishers a larger share of the limited fish run. It also would be better for fish, backers say, though science is hazy on whether gillnetting actually hurts the river more than other kinds of fishing do. War chest: $401,380 Backers: Sport fishing groups Opponents: Commercial fishing groups

by Mercury staff

One of Portland’s most beloved bars is changing hands: After 20 years, the sisters who own Dots Cafe on SE Clinton are moving on. Though the café’s name, menu, and large collection of velvet paintings are part of the sale, longtime staffers and patrons are crossing their fingers that not too much will change at the Portland institution. “It’s the end of an era,” summed up seven-year employee Amy Squier. “I’m devastated. My daughter has grown up here. It’s been a longtime family.” Stop by on June 30 to snag an order of cheesy fries and say goodbye to Dots’ owners, Monica and Jennifer Ransdell. SARAH MIRK *** Say goodbye to Monday library visits. Thanks to budget cuts, Monday, June 25, was the last Monday you could set foot inside a Multnomah County Library branch. Will this be permanent? Maybe not. While the temporary tax levy we voted for in May wasn’t enough to save Mondays, it staved off worse cuts and showed

NEWS

the community’s eagerness to fund their libraries. This summer, county commissioners will decide whether to ask voters to create a library taxing district—a more permanent and stable source of funding that could maybe be enough to bring back Mondays. NATHAN GILLES *** Dozens of Occupy Portland protesters once again packed Multnomah County Judge Cheryl Albrecht’s courtroom on Monday, June 25, hoping to find out when they might get their day in court for alleged violations stemming from winter protests. But, once again, no trial dates were set. The reason, this time: the Portland Police Bureau. Since April, the Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office has been under a court order requiring it to snag police records related to Occupy arrests and share them with occupiers. But the DA’s office says the cops have been slow to share. Meanwhile the occupiers’ brain trust of defense attorneys is insisting they get the records before going to trial. NG June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 9

10 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

The Mercury Brunch Issue Presents…

Instagram by dlreamer (David Reamer)

Never Wait

in Line P Again!

Breaking Bridgetown’s Breakfast Bottleneck

edited by Chris Onstad

ORTLAND IS KNOWN as a city of championship breakfasting—a sleepy town of flannel-banded slackers who stack lumber in their bellies after nights well lived. The weary, bleary, and rough dutifully queue for a morning meal they somehow know is more important than sleep, and endure waits that would make prisoners riot. What is it about a plate of eggs and fried potatoes that can get the man with hot lees roiling in his belly to wait in line for an hour, in the beating sun and spitting rain? How can he think it’s wise to share a single, humid bathroom with 100 other Stumptown-swilling sorts who were at Clancy’s Grog Hammer until the taps spat only air the night before? What model of risk vs. reward plants his feet on that hard, hard sidewalk? His risk is only discomfort and idle time, things he already has plenty of on Sunday morning. His reward is the safety and pleasure of a meal so simple, so primally satisfying—one which is eaten while still in the subconscious pajamas of his childhood home—that very little will keep him from it. At dinnertime we may seek out bibimbap fusion tacos and henbane-braised escolar, but this forgiving food—bacon, for foolproof satiety; pancakes, for economy—is the stuff our busy parents cooked our whole young lives. The lines of people waiting for these familiar favorites are homesick, in a way… lining up to see if mom is inside. She isn’t. But many talented cooks and restaurateurs all over this city are, and most of them do not have lines. An hour spent waiting is a significant portion of a sacred day, an hour when we could be tending our gardens, minding our children, tuning our guitars, burping our wort. It shouldn’t be spent standing around—particularly when the pleasures of someplace new, in a city this passionate about dining, might be greater than the threadbare romance of someplace old.

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 11

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12 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

The Mercury Brunch Issue

The Dumpster Brunch

Of Pervasive Coffee Grounds, Unlimited Bread, and Fattened Rats

by Sarah Mirk and Chris Onstad

REAKFAST is a scam. quick hop in the produce aisle cast-offs Retail eggs, to you and turned up fresh ears of corn, a basket of me, cost 19 cents apiece. A beaten-up strawberries, and a full Grand pancake is local-sustain- Central loaf still in the bag. able air kissed with five On NE Alberta, the full-sized open cents of flour and chemical dumpster outside the recentleavener, and a $2 loaf of white INGREDIENTS LIST: ly shuttered Siam Society bread with 20 usable slices Items Found in Trash or for turned out to be a goldmine. Free on the Night of June 11: means your side of toast nets Rifling through the refuse of 10 pounds of salt out at 10 cents. Potatoes cost 8 limes the former Thai restaurant far less than paper towels, and 4 ears of corn unearthed a 10-pound bag two slices of bacon might go 4 tomatoes of salt, dried noodles, fresh for whatever you lost between 3 lemons mint, ground coffee, hibis2 bags of rice noodles the cushions the last time you cus syrup, and the evening’s 2 ramekins of chile flakes fell back onto the couch and 1 ramekin of cinnamon crown jewel: an unopened joy-belched your first name. Pizza dough bottle of Cook’s champagne. It’s entirely possible your $10 Small watermelon High on that find, we threw restaurant brunch could have Grand Central Como loaf open the lid of a doughnut Jar of lychee berries been made for under $1 at shop bin and were immeBottle of champagne home, and the service—even Half bottle of white wine diately horrified when the if it were overseen by a Wei- ¼ pound coffee beady eyes of the Western maraner who was caught in 1 cup sugar Hemisphere’s three fattest a fan belt as a puppy—would Mint rats met ours—maple bars Mango likely have been less self-obclenched in their teeth, and Orange sessed, lazy, and unlikely to Four placemats bellies distended. remember your coffee. At the end of the night, we Plastic cutlery As an experiment in ex- Coffee mugs had a diverse assortment of treme thriftiness, we whipped bread products, soggy fruits, Non-dumpstered item: up a meal for four using only seasonings, and “carbon-based ½ cup olive oil ingredients culled from one sparkling product,” but no pronight of digging through Portland dump- tein (we had left the rats). Dumpster brunch sters. We learned that the 7-Eleven on SE would be four starchy vegan dishes, paired Hawthorne doesn’t sell flashlights and bala- with a risky cocktail. clavas, that the pros always get there first, and that freegan is, largely, vegan.

COOKING

DUMPSTERING We started in inner Southeast at 10 pm. As the last light bled from the summer sky, we found ourselves stuffing taffylike gobs of beautiful, fully fermented, uncooked pizza dough into Value Village bags, marveling at the versatility of this bloated blank canvas. Trekking northeast, we stopped off behind a Hollywood grocery store, slipping open a gate and sifting through the moist refuse in a giant food-waste skip, only to be rewarded with a mushy mango and a cracked, coffee-ground-slathered watermelon. The parking lot of a familyrun market was a much better gamble: a

PANZANELLA

We cut the Grand Central loaf into oneinch squares and fried them in a steadily replenished sheen of non-dumpstered olive oil (even freegans must consider stocking lipids). Then we sliced the kernels off the corn and sauteed them with chile flakes, salt, and lime juice. All that was mixed together with some curb-scored sage, and voila, a fragrant Italianate bread salad not unlike a panzanella.

FLATBREADS, PAN CON TOMATE

Picking tiny food chunks out of the dayold pizza dough became a tense game of “Salami or Salmonella?,” but after a thorough once-over, we rolled the dough into

Photos by Sarah Mirk

six-inch rounds and set them on a hot oiled griddle, where they puffed up into chewy, flavorful flatbread. Slices of toasted Grand Central boule rubbed with ripe tomatoes and backyard oregano became a Spanish-inspired pan con tomate.

AFFINITY NOODLES

The filthy watermelon became the best part of a cold noodle dish made with one of the several packs of rice noodles we fished from Siam Society. Since the watermelon was split and filled with digestion-impairing coffee grounds, we cut off only the safest back quarter, sliced it into chunks, and tossed it with the noodles, fresh mint, a little salt, and chopped tomato. As luck would have it, the flavors of these fruits have a remarkable affinity for one another, and the resulting self-

dressed salad was actually something worth improving into a repertoire item. Toasted nuts would have been nice… and you can steal those from bars.

FREEMOSAS

For the cocktail, we blended strawberries, lychee berries (also from Siam Society), the juices of lemons, limes, and oranges, and the smushy mango for a mimosa drizzled with hibiscus syrup. Fresh citrus is ideal for dressing up nasty booze, so this came off as a nearly intentional fog cutter. The best part of the meal? No food poisoning, no money spent, no confrontations. For zero dollars and two hours of adventuring, we had a goof that bore real fruit. June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 13

BRUNCH worth waiting for

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Pain Perdu (lost bread) Eggs Benedicts

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Plus sandwiches, salads and Appetizers

This Week: Warm Figs and Prosciutto with goat cheese

Dinners Tuesdays-Sundays Lunch 7 Days a Week Saturday & Sunday Brunch 14 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

503-360-1048 1411 NE Broadway

11 Carts,No Waiting

The Mercury Brunch Issue

Get In, Get Out, and Fill Up at These Breakfast Food Carts

generate an hour-long wait at their cart on a weekend morning? (To be fair, the counter lady warns you about this before you order.) I’d advise weekday visits unless someone has a very long and interesting story with which to entertain you while you wait. Satisfaction is guaranteed with their standard PDX Sandwich ($5 for one egg, white cheddar, and stone-ground mustard on brioche—add smoked bacon for an extra $1.50),

GF CHEF

Photo by Larissa Board

The Green Castle cart pod got off to a rough start: An initial wave of settlers in the parking lot at NE 20th and Everett were forced to relocate after inspectors found the lot lacked proper permits. Fortunately, when the pod reopened this spring, some of the popular original carts returned, including the quintessentially ma ’n’ pop GF Chef—a welcoming little trailer whose proprietors are VERY generous with a lavender scone sample. Breakfast sandwiches, at $4, are small but densely packed with egg, cheese, and your choice of meat. After 11:30 am, the Iberian sandwich ($7.50) melts together smoked Gouda with sautéed turkey breast and spices for a sandwich no hangover could withstand. It’s telling that I didn’t realize until after I’d eaten two sandwiches that the “GF” here stands for “gluten free”—the housemade bread’s biscuit-soft texture seems like the result of a deliberate decision made by the chef, rather than the inevitable result of gluten omission. Other options at this friendly little celiac’s paradise include pancakes, onion rings, and clam chowder. ALISON HALLETT 1930 NE Everett, Wed-Sat 8:30 am-7 pm, Sun 9 am-5 pm, gfchefpdx.vpweb.com

THE BIG EGG

Farm eggs, fresh bread from Grand Central Bakery, excellent meats and cheeses, and house-made spreads allow the Big Egg to compete in a city with high standards for breakfast sandwiches. How else could they

Photo by Larissa Board

but the steak and egg sandwich is tempting. Seasonal specials pop up every now and again, always featuring carefully considered pairings and responsible sourcing. The Big Egg shines in their deliciously sustainable concept and consistent execution. CLARE GORDON 4233 N Mississippi, Wed-Fri 8 am-2 pm, Sat-Sun 9 am-2 pm, facebook.com/thebigeggportland

FRIED EGG I’M IN LOVE

The music-based puns are unavoidable at this SE Hawthorne breakfast sandwich cart (you already got suckered into reading one without even knowing what you were doing, sucker), so let’s get the menu items out of the way. All of ’em come with a fried egg on toasted sourdough; among others, there’s the OK Commuter (over-hard egg, bacon, cheddar, $5.50), the Smells Like Protein Spirit (cheese with ham, bacon, or sausage, $5.50), and the Huevo Mutilation (ham, onions, cheddar, Aardvark aioli, $6). You can swap out any of the meats for veggie sausage, which, due to my delicate vegetarian constitution, I did with the excellent Egg Zeppelin: not one but two fried

Photo by Nate Miller

eggs stacked with two sliced links of chipotle veggie sausage, melted cheddar, and that Aardvark aioli ($8). Delicious, yes, but just as importantly—and unlike too many Portland breakfast sandwiches—it was also substantial enough to kick start my shitty morning. My companion got a Yolko Ono (fried egg, seasoned sausage, parmesan, and pesto that was generously smeared on both slices of sourdough, $6) and was similarly delighted. The friendly dudes behind Fried Egg have hit that too-rare sweet spot between the comfort of a greasy fried egg and other ingredients that, you know, justify the existence of said fried egg. I’m headed back tomorrow morning for the Tacoing Heads—two corn tortillas instead of sourdough, with eggs, cheese, meat, and salsa. FYI, I almost made a “sugar on my tongue” reference in the preceding sentence; you’ll notice that I refrained. You are welcome. ERIK HENRIKSEN 3217 SE Hawthorne, Wed-Fri 8:30 am-3 pm, Sat-Sun 9 am-3 pm, friedegglove.com

FLAVOURSPOT

I arrive at the FlavourSpot cart on N. Lombard at 8:10 am. I leave at 8:25 am, $8.50 lighter, with two warm, seven-inch baked Dutch Tacos in hand. I know that sounds like something a 14-year-old boy invented to describe a sexual act he’ll never perform on a woman who will never touch him, but it simply means the waffle is folded in half, sandwiching whatever culinary payload is inside. (The menu offers something even more unfortunately named, the Nut Fluffer, their version of a Fluffernutter featuring homemade marshmallow spread.) I order the Sausage and Maple for myself, and the Sweet Cream and Raspberry Jam for the wife. The waffle crunches ever-so-slightly upon first bite, and then a lasting, chewy consistency sets in. FlavourSpot’s maple spread approximates a syrupy saturation, but without Continued on page 17

CaligulaWould Have Brunched

The Acropolis Knows What Boys Want by Chris Onstad

STILL HARBOR the romantic notion, however hopeless, that somewhere, in one of our 50-plus metro-area strip clubs—which are required to offer food if they provide alcohol— there will be a kitchen that serves edibles beyond powdered chicken fingers, fried string cheese, and ammoniated shrimp. The standard scenario is a Sysco dump ’n’ fry—and while something unique like Casa Diablo’s vegan snacks or the Russian-tinged bill of fare at Union Jacks occasionally comes along, by and large the food is about as inspired as the dancers. If a basket of onion rings was physically capable of texting its boyfriend from the corner of the stage for three songs, at most of these places, it no doubt would. The Acropolis Steakhouse (8325 SE McLoughlin),

a Rose City institution and one of the few gentlemen’s clubs to open daily at 7 am (except for Sunday when they open at 11 am) with a full revue and menu, goes well beyond the standard grudgingly offered Fryolator flotsam. A Greek-themed menu of steaks, souvlakia, lemon-herb chicken, salad bar, and ribs also includes a startlingly cheap 11-item breakfast section. If you are looking for greasy diner basics done surprisingly well for about half of what you’d pay in a place where the only tits are the people waiting in line, this is something of a revelation. Their legendary steaks can be quite good, and though many of the cuts are marinated, the textures of mine were choice tender. The $7 steak and eggs is a thick eight-ounce sirloin cooked to order (medium-rare with a warm, rosy center, in this case) with two eggs

Photo by Chris Onstad

(over-medium and jiggly), toast, and a six-inch square of iconic diner hash browns (the cook, clearly a disciple of Joël Robuchon, seems to use a 2:1 potato-to-butter ratio). The chicken-fried steak with gravy, hash browns, and eggs ($6) is good in all the ways this nasty little schnitzel should be, and the ham-bacon-or-sausage breakfast gyro, at only $3, is an eight-inch meat omelet on thick pita with cheese. It is ugly, and hot, and big. I find the dark, uncrowded breakfast ambience genial and calming, and the dancers’ mellow morning playlists soothing. Nurse a bad head with a cheap cocktail, or simply energize yourself with the one-dollar coffee and free refills. Simply beware the $4.95 ATM fee, which is more than a plate of their sweet, chewy sourdough French toast or syrup-thirsty waffles. June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 15

HAPPY HOUR $5 OFF ALL PIZZAS DURING HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 2:30—4:00 & SUNDAY—THURSDAY 10PM TO MIDNIGHT

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16 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

The Mercury Brunch Issue

Pho in the I Morning Hot Soup for Healthy Hangovers by Marjorie Skinner

T MAY NOT BE authentic per se, but vegan pho— like the increasingly available and reputable vegan ramen—does exist. Furthermore, when you’ve a serious hangover, there is nothing better for you outside of a liver cleanse. Sometimes it is the only nourishment that will do at all. There’s something about those final sips of anise-tinged broth at the bottom of a wide bowl, where the tiny bits of herbs and spices (you must use all available fresh jalapeños, Sriracha, and chile sauces to maximize effectiveness)— that’s where the real healing happens, and there’s nothing else like it. You should be coated in a light sweat, likely with a bit of nose run, and a sense of fullness that will comfortably pass with the rapid metabolizing of liquid, rice noodle, and barely cooked, crisp vegetables. It is absolutely my number-one brunch option for the mornings I’m rough around the edges, but I eat it at least once a week sober as a church mouse, and I’ve been known to drop everything and drive clear across town when an urge overtakes me. My go-to pho kitchens, in order of preference:

LAC VIETNAMESE 1) LUC KITCHEN

Photos by Katie Swezey

Relatively new on the scene, in my book this is the Portland answer to a certain restaurant in Los Angeles’ Silver Lake neighborhood that has been affectionately nicknamed “Hipster Pho.” The young staff have been around the pho block once or twice in previous incarnations, but the vast pleasant space, full bar, excellent happy hour featuring a panoply of small plates for a song apiece, and—of course—the fact that they have what’s probably the tastiest pho in town, for carnivores and vegans alike, makes this a standby. Perfect for productivity-saving mid-week lunches (against all reason they are closed Sundays and don’t open until 4 pm on Saturdays), everyday dinners, and super late-night preventative measures. The dragon mural is pretty cool too. 835 SW 2nd, Mon-Fri 11 am-2:30 pm, Mon-Thurs 4 pmmidnight, Fri-Sat 4 pm-4 am, luclackitchen.com

Brunch Cart Roundup Continued from page 15

fast sandwich, with a sturdy egg and all-encompassing cheddar cheese base working together to support your choice of bacon or ham. I’m sold on the Supreme, but next time I might try the Beignet Fried PB&J. Breakfast Lunch Today serves a variety of fried sandwiches to hurt your heart with, but keep in mind: $2.50 homemade tater tots that never sog, $3 frozen custard, also homemade, with varying daily flavors… and my favorite, the $1 CHICORY COFFEE. It’s still coffee but it has chicory in it! SUZETTE SMITH 1313 NE Alberta, Wed-Sun 8 am-8 pm, facebook.com/bltenterprises

Photo by Larissa Board

the soggy, used-sponge texture that often accompanies a proper waffle drenching. The flavors blend beautifully; the spread is sweet but not cloying, the sausage mildly spicy and tangy. The wife’s waffle wins the day, however. I am allowed one bite, and spend the rest of the morning getting my face pushed in as she Heismans away my lunging attempts on her breakfast. BOBBY ROBERTS 2310 N Lombard, Mon-Fri 6:30 am-2 pm, Sat-Sun 8 am-3 pm; 810 N Fremont, Mon-Fri 8 am-2 pm, Sat-Sun 9 am-3 pm, flavourspot.com

BREAKFAST LUNCH TODAY

I don’t mean to be a narc, but I don’t think Breakfast Lunch Today really opens at 8 am. I was there twice, like an expectant puppy that wants to have breakfast before working its puppy temp job. On a Saturday at noon, I finally acquired their fanciest Breakfast Sandwich Supreme, $7 (add shrimp for another $2). I worried that the tastes of nutty Gruyère, tangy artichoke hearts, and salty eggs might be overwhelming, but the spinach helped everything balance out nicely and added another textural dimension to the French bread crunch. There’s also a less flavorful but still competent $5 break-

Photo by Nate Miller

BLUES CITY BISCUITS

Despite plenty of time in the South—I notched a good four years in the buckle of the Bible Belt—I never fully embraced those thick, beige breakfasts of biscuits and gravy. But Blues City Biscuits offers a fresh and appealing lease on gut-bomby Southern classics, like egg sandwiches on massive, flaky, yellow biscuits, as well as the traditional biscuits-and-gravy breakfast. The Isaac Hayes comes with cheddar, collard greens, egg, and gravy, and it’s about as salty and stupor inducing as it sounds—but it’s worth it. There are also options with glazed ham steak, molasses butter, and something

2) PHO GREEN PAPAYA

Originally founded by the Luc Lac crew, some abandoned this spot when it changed hands, but the recipe for their vegan pho, at least, doesn’t appear to have been altered much. Plus, the roomy patio allows one to fully enjoy the act of eating hot, spicy soup on a warm day—an acquired taste, maybe, but a refined one. One hint: It’s worth requesting the chile oil that doesn’t come standard on your table caddy of condiments in order to adequately crank up the spice volume. They too are closed on Sundays, but open early enough Saturdays to ease the cravings of most weekend brunchers. 402 SE MLK, Mon-Sat 10:30 am-9 pm

3) GOT PHO?

One of the local originators of veggie pho, this place has a slight health-food bent and a charmingly goofball name. The vast dining room is never as full as it should be, but the staff is friendly, the food materializes quickly enough to salve the famished, and the vegetarian pho comes with a little add-on of fried garlic and crushed peanuts that you don’t see every day. Plus they are always open when the others are closed. They are my #1 Sunday pho refuge. 3634 NE Sandy, daily 11 am-9 pm, gotphoonline.com

4) PHO GIA

There have been some suspicions voiced that the kitchen doesn’t always get the memo when you ask for the vegetarian broth here. I’ve never detected the error myself, however, and while the veggie pho doesn’t quite have the singing zip of crisp veggies that my other favorites boast, they serve up a perfectly satisfying bowl that will scratch the itch and clear the head (and sinuses). Located at a formerly cursed address that saw a steady turnover of mediocre restaurants, Gia appears to be turning it around, attracting a fanbase and heightened reputation in the neighborhood. Plus they have Got Pho? beat by one hour on the daily clock. 1944 NE Sandy, daily 11 am-10 pm called the “Elvis Presley,” with peanut butter, banana, and Nutella. Blues City has grits as well, and black-eyed pea salads that you can augment, of course, with bacon and ham. If the line at Pine State Biscuits has got you down, Blues City offers a chest-tightening but completely delicious alternative. NED LANNAMANN 3221 SE Division, Tues-Wed 11 am-3 pm, Thurs-Fri 11 am-7 pm, Sat-Sun 10 am-8 pm, bluescitybiscuits.com

YOLK

Like the Amazon, the deeper one journeys into Southeast Portland, the less likely one will discover a legit breakfast spot. That’s obviously why beloved breakfast makers Toast (5222 SE 52nd) branched out, and established Yolk, a food cart outpost serving starving Woodstock residents. Boasting a menu of seven hearty/complex sandwiches, one may be tempted to simply go with “The Sandwich” (scrambled egg with cheese and ham or braised greens on a baguette, $4), but there are two other choices that refuse to be ignored. One is the comainducing Brother Bad Ass ($8), featuring maple-glazed pork belly, Beecher’s cheddar cheese, over-medium egg, and Dijon-tossed spring lettuce on a pretzel roll. This deliciously fatty treat will take care of that hangover by forcing you to convalesce. But the crowd favorite by far is the Glendale ($7)—ground sausage with sautéed onions and peppers, and three Italian cheeses dusting a scrambled egg, encased in a baguette. It is shockingly good—and one of the crown jewels of Southeast’s “new world.” WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY 4804 SE Woodstock, Wed-Sun 8:30 am–1:30ish

DON PEDRO MEXICAN FOOD

As has been stated numerously in this issue, waiting in line is for IDIOTS. It’s summer—which means a no-wait picnic breakfast is the way to go, and a marvelous idea Continued on page 21 June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 17

18 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

The Mercury Brunch Issue

URBAN FARMER AT THE NINES

Index & Addresses VEGETARIAN/VEGAN PHO

• Got Pho?, 3634 NE Sandy • Luc Lac, 835 SW 2nd • Pho Gia, 1944 NE Sandy • Pho Green Papaya, 402 SE MLK

CARTS

• Bagel and Box, 4707 N Lombard • The Big Egg, 4233 N Mississippi • Blues City Biscuits, 3221 SE Division • Breakfast Lunch Today, 1313 NE Alberta • Don Pedro Mexican Food, SW 5th & Oak • The Egg Carton, 5205 SE Foster • FlavourSpot, 2310 N Lombard, 810 N Fremont • Fried Egg I’m in Love, 3217 SE Hawthorne • GF Chef, 1930 NE Everett • The Heart Cart, SW 2nd & Stark

• Yolk, 4804 SE Woodstock

BAKERY

• Bakeshop, 5351 NE Sandy • Little T American Baker, 2600 SE Division • Nuvrei Pâtisserie & Café, 404 NW 10th • Random Order Coffeehouse and Pastry, 1800 NE Alberta • Tienda Santa Cruz, 8630 N Lombard • Tonallis Donuts and Cream, 2805 NE Alberta • Woodlawn Coffee and Pastry, 808 NE Dekum

PAUL GERALD’S NO-LINES PICKS

• Autentica, 5507 NE 30th • City State Diner, 128 NE 28th

Map by Chris Onstad • Detour Café, 3035 SE Division • EaT: An Oyster Bar, 3808 N Williams, #122 • Equinox, 830 N Shaver • Industrial Café, 2572 NW Vaughn • Irving Street Kitchen, 701 NW 13th • Morning Star Café, 500 SW 3rd • Sanborn’s, 3200 SE Milwaukie • Sunshine Tavern, 3111 SE Division

BRUNCH RESERVATIONS

• Aquariva, 4650 SW Macadam • Brix Tavern, 1338 NW Hoyt • Gracie’s at the Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th • Jake’s Grill, 611 SW 10th • Ned Ludd, 3925 NE MLK • The Heathman, 1001 SW Broadway • The Parish, 231 NW 11th

• Urban Farmer at the Nines, 525 SW Morrison

SARAH MIRK’S NO-LINES PICKS

• Cameo Café, 8111 NE Sandy • Fuller’s Coffee Shop, 136 NW 9th • Miss Delta, 3950 N Mississippi • Pambiche, 2811 NE Glisan

CHRIS ONSTAD SLUMS IT

• The Acropolis, 8325 SE McLoughlin • Javier’s Tacos, 121 N Lombard • My Father’s Place, 523 SE Grand • Pho An Sandy, 6236 NE Sandy • The Sandy Hut, 1430 NE Sandy • Tom’s Restaurant, 3871 SE Division

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 19

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The Mercury Brunch Issue Brunch Cart Roundup Continued from page 17

Photo by Nate Miller

is lounging in the grass on downtown’s waterfront while chowing down on delicious, reasonably priced huevos rancheros ($5.49) from Don Pedro’s food cart. You’ve had this dish before, and while it may certainly bear resemblance to rancheros of the past, this one defies you to stop eating it. Fluffy over-easy eggs, lightly ladled with red ranchero sauce, accompanied by rice and beans and four fresh, warm corn tortillas—every flavor builds upon the next, until you’re shoving it in your face with wild abandon. Maybe it’s a good thing you’re not inside. WSH SW 5th & Oak, Sun-Fri 10 am–9 pm

THE HEART CART

It’s a bit counter-intuitive to head downtown to Office Land for weekend brunch at a food cart, but the Heart Cart—which serves up creative, multi-ethnic vegan and gluten-free lunches to working stiffs on weekdays—offers just such a thing. This little bluehued destination can withstand the inquisition of even your most virulently PC dining companions, serving a small menu of thoroughly local and organic ingredients. Breakfast features such off beat selections as a big_egg_ad_tall.pdf 1 6/26/12 8:30 AM

sweet potato hash with chocolate sauce, quinoa cakes, and a form of breakfast nachos far more likely to propel you toward the closest yoga studio than to your favorite napping couch, dressed with refried black beans, a mysterious substance known as “raw-cho cheese,” and apple-garlic salsa. Don’t forget to grab some of the fruitinfused water on your way to breakfast on the waterfront lawn—nothing else washes down this healthiest of health food quite right. Oh, and don’t even ask: All of the Heart’s takeout containers are 100 percent compostable. Obviously. MARJORIE SKINNER SW 2nd & Stark, Mon-Fri 11 am-2 pm, Sat-Sun, 10:30 am-2 pm, theheartcart.com

THE EGG CARTON

Like a giant robin’s egg, the Egg Carton glimmers on a gritty stretch of SE Foster with its perfect baby-blue shell. For such a small kitchen, this new food cart packs a decadent punch with fare like the FoPo Cristo (two slices of sugared French toast stuffed with cheddar cheese, fried egg, and myriad bacons, with a condiment of strawberry jam and a kick of mustard, $7) and a delicious breakfast sandwich called the Ronald (house-made sausage, egg, cheddar, and maple syrup, tucked into a nest of English muffins, $5 with bacon for $1 more). There’s no eating like a bird here. In fact, one weekend special saw the chef experimenting with devil’s food pancakes covered with fresh strawberries. She asked, “Weird question: Do you want bacon in that?” Yes. Yes, I do. And it was exactly like eating a huge chocolate bacon cake for breakfast. A word of note, the Egg Carton is still stretching their wings, so if you’re super-hangry, just know that you might have a wait, but enjoy their French-pressed coffee and fresh-squeezed orange juice in the sun and quit your squawking. COURTNEY FERGUSON 5205 SE Foster, Thurs-Fri 8:30 am-2 pm, Sat-Sun 9 am-3 pm, facebook.com/eggcartonpdx

Photo by Larissa Board

BAGEL AND BOX

When you slink up to this outpost of the FlavourSpot empire (plopped next to the friendliest local meat store ever, Western Meat Market), don’t make the same mistake I did. I saw “Bagel” in the name and presumed it was the main attraction. I saw “Box” and figured it was a riff on the shape of the cart itself: a red rectangular box. I ordered accordingly. And incorrectly. Sure, the bagel sandwiches we shared were plenty fine (note: the creamy salmon is far more distinctive than the cheese-light bacon-and-egg stalwart). But it was what we ordered as an afterthought—a takeout carton packed with peppery, crusty, chewy home fries—that had us plotting our return trip. Hence, the aforementioned “Box.” And if you’d rather dispense with bagels altogether, like I might next time, that same “Box” can even serve as a starchy bed for your choice of breakfast meats. DENIS C. THERIAULT 4707 N Lombard, Mon-Fri 8 am-1 pm, Sat-Sun 9 am-1 pm, facebook.com/bagelandbox

CMY

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 21

$2.50 TACOS DURING HAPPY HOUR lunch 11:30am-3pm happy hour 4pm-6pm late happy hour 10pm-midnight 1205 SW Washington Street corazonpdx.com â&#x20AC;˘ 503.241.1133 Reservations accepted for parties of six or more 22 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

Food Lines Are for

The Mercury Brunch Issue

Depressions

Living It Up, with Reservations by Marjorie Skinner

T’S NOT NORMAL. Many would argue it isn’t acceptable, either. And yet, we’ve all done it: Eager to gloat over our city’s famed culinary wonders for the benefit of visiting family and friends, we have subjected our guests to the cruel and epic Portland Brunch Line. This is a culture in which an hour’s wait can be considered good fortune, and it is possible to receive a phone call alerting you that your table is finally ready after you’ve given up, eaten elsewhere, driven home, and watched the better part of a featurelength film. It’s scandalous, ridiculous, and many of us have simply given up altogether on the over-hyped end of the brunching scene as a result. Who has the time, or wouldn’t be embarrassed to admit that they do? (Furthermore, who has the stamina for a bathroom scenario inescapably tainted by the successive hangover dumps of 100 patrons on their third or fourth cup of self-serve coffee?) And so while the diehards endure, the rest of us avoid… until summoned by someone irresistibly naïve and/or enthusiastic. It was in just such a situation that I found myself recently, slumped glumly against a wall, mug of Stumptown in hand, as the clock marched past the 40-minute mark. Then, right before my eyes,

a group walked in, announced that they had “reservations”—what the fuck!—and were immediately sailed to a waiting table. This brings up several issues. When people criticize Portland for being overly laidback, the local custom of timing a brunch date by waiting (sometimes long after noon) for all parties involved to leisurely achieve mutual consciousness might be the sort of thing they reference. Far more glamorous to simply arrive and without hesitation, sidle past the line of have-nots, wait nary a second before being seated, eat in a timely manner, and then whisk your tourists to the next adventure. Reservations are the rock-star parking—the car service, even— of brunch. So why don’t we ever do it? For one thing, Portland restaurants seem to love sustaining a line out their door, as anyone who’s ever attempted to penetrate Biwa or Pok Pok during prime time on a weekend night can attest. Many places will accept reservations only for larger parties, and some not at all. The commonality of this has trained us to not even inquire most times, but maybe we should. More places might offer it if they were confronted with an uptick in interest, especially from the regulars. So you work on yours, and we’ll work on ours, and soon we’ll have

pressure on the whole city. The honest among us can just make our reservations for 1:30 pm and preserve the slacker je ne sais quoi while we’re at it. In the meantime, here are a few places that are already ahead of the reservation curve. You’ll notice they tend toward the upper crust; remember that time equals money (brunch hours listed): • Aquariva, 4650 SW Macadam, Sun 10 am-3 pm, aquarivaportland.com • Brix Tavern, 1338 NW Hoyt, Sat-Sun 9:30 am-3 pm, brixtavern.com • Gracie’s at the Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th, Mon-Fri 6:30 am-2 pm, Sat-Sun 8 am-2 pm, graciesdining.com • The Heathman 1001 SW Broadway, Sat-Sun 9 am-2 pm, heathmanrestaurantandbar.com • Jake’s Grill, 611 SW 10th, Sat-Sun 7:30 am-1:30 pm, jakesgrill.com • Ned Ludd, 3925 NE MLK, Sat-Sun 10 am-3 pm, nedluddpdx.com • The Parish, 231 NW 11th, Sat-Sun 9 am-2 pm, theparishpdx.com • Urban Farmer at the Nines, 525 SW Morrison, Sat-Sun 6:30 am-3 pm, thenines.com

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 23

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24 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

The Mercury Brunch Issue

Lineless Classics Portland’s Best Places for No-Lines Brunch by Sarah Mirk

HE ONLY THING that outweighs my love of breakfast is my hatred of lines. The only place lines are tolerable is the airport, where you get felt up at the end. Until a Screen Door server offers to search me with federally mandated rigor, I’ll be brunching at less-wellknown Portland places that dish up decent food, avoiding the weekend mob. When Gravy (3957 N Mississippi) overflows, cross the street and hit up the less-stuffed Southern food staple Miss Delta (3950 N Mississippi). The hungover crave their chicken and waffles, served with crispy, salty wings over perfect waffles smothered in sweet pecan butter. Match that with a refreshing basil mimosa, and you’re halfway to headache-free by the time your neighbors across Mississippi have been seated. Why kick-ass Cuban classic Pambiche (2811 NE Glisan) remains conspicuously crowd-free most weekends is a mystery—I’ll chalk it up to people thinking

of the patchwork-painted restaurant as a lunch-anddinner venue. But oye! They serve weekend desayuno! Maybe it’s the experience with meat rationing, but their Socialist Soy Hash kills any other vegan scramble in town, bringing deep flavor to Bob’s Red Mill TVP and served with a side of avocado and plantains. Just down the block, City State Diner (128 NE 28th) is also curiously not clusterfucked [Sarah, really.—Ed.] on weekends. If you’re looking for a low-key place to wolf down huevos rancheros without a wait, this is the place. Skip their more ambitious dishes and go for the tasty standards, like the creamy eggs Benedict and biscuits and gravy every bite as good as Pine State’s. The indecisive will be rewarded by the Best of Both Worlds, eggs Benedict with a side of biscuits and gravy. Downtown, Portland’s least-pretentious diner Fuller’s Coffee Shop (136 NW 9th), has doled out no-nonsense coffee and pancakes since 1947. Take a seat immediately at their old-school, U-shape counter and order any variety of grease-bomb omelets. This is not the

Photos by Katie Swezey

place for artisan healthiness, so embrace the inevitable and order the golden, buttery hash browns with a side of dirt-cheap eggs over easy. Of course, for the real no-line gems, you have to head east. From the outside, Cameo Café (8111 NE Sandy) looks like a crazy person’s house built next to a motel parking lot. Praise the Lord for that disguise, because it keeps chef Sue Gee’s Korean-fusion breakfasts hidden from foodie tourists. Cameo is packed to the gills with unironic kitsch, starting with its menu, which is epic and printed entirely in Comic Sans. Go ahead and order a buttermilk pancake bigger than your head (“half-acre” size is $6.95) but don’t scurry back to inner Portland without taking a well-rewarded gamble on Gee’s more bizarre-sounding creations: The special kimchee omelet is a spectacular salty, tangy mix, and the Pindaettok is a surprisingly tasty bean-vegetablerice pancake flavored with some sort of secret spices. Make it out there as soon as possible—just don’t tell your friends.

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June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 25

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26 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

3039 NE ALBERTA ST. • 503-288-8839 DOVETAILBAKERY.BLOGSPOT.COM HOURS 8AM-6PM DAILY

COME IN FOR BRUNCH Biscuits with Smoky Tempeh & Gravy and WARM STICKY BUNS Saturday & Sunday.

The Mercury Brunch Issue

Breakfast in Bridgetown Redux

Q&A with Portland’s Breakfast Authority Paul Gerald by Chris Onstad

AUL GERALD is the author of Breakfast in Bridgetown, a comprehensive guide to over 100 Portland breakfast restaurants, and the editor behind the regularly updated and information-rich breakfastinbridgetown.com. The Mercury spoke with Gerald about his book back in 2008, and we wanted to check back with this local authority for updated observations on under-sung diners, why we wait in line, and how to find quick, nearby alternates when your hunger gets the best of you. MERCURY: What, in your opinion, are the top three breakfast spots that never have a wait? I’m thinking specifically of places with great food, great service, and easy parking. PAUL GERALD: Sanborn’s (3200 SE Milwaukie) is at the top of this list for me. There might be a small wait on weekends, but it’s worth waiting for. Their hollandaise is so lemony and zingy, they warn you upon ordering the Benedict. Build-your-own omelets and scrambles, plus a variety of fruity Ger-

man pancakes put them over the top. Next up is Sunshine Tavern (3111 SE Division), where a kind of ’80s retro tavern feel is perfect for gourmet twists on American classics. And finally, Autentica (5507 NE 30th). I simply marvel at people waiting in line for the mediocre fare at Cup and Saucer, when right across the street is fantastic Mexican food in a much more relaxed setting. Some of the crowded places do deserve their lines. Which legendary breakfast spots do you think are truly worth waiting in line for, and what are their signature dishes? The Screen Door (2337 East Burnside), obviously. I hate waiting that long, but I also hate going too long without their fried chicken and waffles. I’d also wait even longer than necessary for the sourdough flapjacks at the Original Pancake House (8601 SW 24th), the price be damned. And the Everything Nice at the Tin Shed (1438 NE Alberta) might be my single favorite plate of breakfast in town: eggs, potato cake, choice of meat, sweet potato-cinnamon French toast, and fruit.

What are some alternative places within walking distance of your favorite places, for those who decide they just can’t handle the line? From Screen Door, go east to City State Diner (128 NE 28th). The food is a downgrade, but you’ll already be napping while the other folks are still in line. Bail on Gravy (3957 N Mississippi) and go around the corner to the sweet patio at Equinox (830 N Shaver). Walk just up the block from Tasty n Sons (3808 N Williams, Suite C) to have New Orleans-style brunch at EaT: An Oyster Bar (3808 N Williams, #122). Walk a few blocks from Mother’s (212 SW Stark) to the Morning Star at SW 3rd and Washington (all-American fare and big portions). From Broder (2508 SE Clinton) I’d go to Detour Café (3035 SE Division) or Sunshine Tavern, or even to the Blues City Biscuits cart (3221 SE Division). Forget the overrated Byways Café (1212 NW Glisan) and walk down to Irving Street Kitchen (701 NW 13th). And while I love the Stepping Stone (2390 NW Quimby), I avoid it on weekends; go over to the Industrial Café (2572 NW Vaughn) instead.

Photo by Cheryl Juetten

Why do you think people are willing to wait for an hour in breakfast lines? We rarely do that for lunch or dinner. It’s a curious phenomenon I can’t quite put my finger on, particularly for places that are just doing basic eggs-and-pancakes fare. I think part of it is people just don’t know there are options, or they go to these places just because that’s where they go. Same reason hiking trails like Eagle Creek and Angel’s Rest are packed when there are hundreds of other options. I also think people may enjoy it as part of the experience. I don’t get it, but maybe there’s a social aspect to hanging out for 45 minutes, drinking coffee, and catching up. And you’re right, we tolerate that in the morning, but not at night. Maybe because we’re not awake enough to be grumpy?

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open daily 8-3 closed Monday

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June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 27

Open 7 Days NE 22nd @ A lberta St. 503 -548 - 4491 .themashtunbrewpub.com w w w bagel sandwiches nj style home fries taylor ham & scrapple fresh squeezed oj giant arrows burgers

4707 n. lombard 2 blocks west of columbia park (in the western meat market lot) facebook.com/bagelandbox twitter: @bagelandbox

BAGEL & BOX

WAS SELLING WAFFLES

BEFORE IT WAS COOL ...and we still do. Baked to order, served hot & fresh since 2006.

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28 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

Bakery Roundup

The Mercury Brunch Issue

Photo of Tonallis Donut Case by Katie Swezey

The Best in Portland Breads and Pastries by Clare Gordon

REAKFAST AT ANY of Portland’s best bakeries is the way to go. These people get up hours before we do to expertly craft sweet baked goods for our purchasing pleasure, letting us circumvent questionable service, long waits for tables, and the other wild cards that sit-down restaurants often serve along with your eggs. Here are my picks for Rose City’s finest in carb production:

TONALLIS DONUTS AND CREAM

The ridiculously low price point and friendly service at Tonallis Donuts and Cream—NE Alberta’s staple for longer than you’ve been frequenting Last Thursday—only complement the incredible fried treats themselves. Offerings range from standard glazed doughnuts to a banana-buttermilk bar to a bear claw as big as your head. I’d pass up the menu fare and sub-standard ice cream options (however vast—think over 25 flavors) and stick to what they do best, as doughnuts are freshly made throughout the day and are half the price of more famous doughnuts in town. 2805 NE Alberta, daily 7 am-midnight

TIENDA SANTA CRUZ

Far from the artisan fare almost exclusively appreciated in Portland, Tienda Santa Cruz’s bakery offerings are all about the most bang for your buck—if you can find larger pastries at a smaller price within city limits, I’ll eat my proverbial hat.

Head out to this St. Johns treasure for giant bolillo, sugar-topped and obscenely colored conchas, and a jalapeño pastry with a questionable cheese filling that will cure most hangovers and only gross you out a little. Most pastries cost about 50 cents a pop—they’re yeasty and have zero-to-no nutritional value, but there’s a time and a place for cheap bread, right? 8630 N Lombard, daily 9 am-10 pm

BAKESHOP

Bakeshop owner and James Beard Award-winning cookbook author Kim Boyce is a genius: She makes beautiful pastries with dried fruit, heritage grains, and other ingredients generally considered “healthy,” but manages to make everything taste rich and delicious. This is, all too often, really difficult for many “healthy” bakers and cooks. Thank god Boyce is so good at it, and moved to Portland to grace us with her brilliance. Grab a sweet and salty cookie at her retail spot on NE Sandy or try a figgy buckwheat scone at various local cafés. The menu rotates seasonally, but these rustic offerings are consistently unique and delightful. 5351 NE Sandy Blvd, Wed-Sun 7 am-2 pm

RANDOM ORDER COFFEEHOUSE AND PASTRY

Where else can you find award-winning homemade pie baked throughout the day, superior coffee, and a decent morning cocktail menu?

Random Order’s notoriously hip yet earnestly accomplished concept has made their café famous, and the pies speak for themselves. The salted-caramel apple is most popular, but by no means a show-stealer considering the abundance of talent in neighboring pies. Seasonal fruit stars year-round, at least a couple of cream pie options can generally be found, and there’s also savory fare for anyone who hasn’t heard that dessert can not only come before, but actually completely replace primary courses. 1800 NE Alberta, Tues-Sun 6:30 am-11 pm, Mon 6:30 am-8 pm

WOODLAWN COFFEE AND PASTRY

Tucked away in Northeast Portland is this gem of a bakery and café that only neighborhood folk seem to have discovered. A stellar selection of breakfast pastries are baked fresh every morning with standard fruit muffins, quick breads, and daily creative offerings—the standout of my last visit being a beautifully flaky scone with black pepper, black cherries, and goat cheese. Cookies and pies just like your grandmother used to make, a brief breakfast menu offering oatmeal and eggs and such, and Stumptown espresso— it’s just our luck this place is content to be a neighborhood favorite and doesn’t draw visitors from across town. Yet. 808 NE Dekum, Mon-Fri 6:30 am-4 pm, Sat-Sun 7:30 am-4 pm

LITTLE T AMERICAN BAKER

Good bread is a blank canvas for a breakfast fanatic— toasted, battered, and grilled, or just dipped into a jar of peanut butter—and Little T American Baker simply offers the best yeasted product in town. Full disclosure: I worked here a number of years back, and for good reason. Dare to venture beyond the (admittedly awesome) baguette and try the pretzel bread, their mouth-wateringly chewy slab (a focaccia-style bread with or without olives), or a spelt roll with dried fruit. Sweets are no waste of calories either, as owner and baker Tim Healea’s award-winning viennoiserie skills mean only incredible croissants can be found in the case at Little T every morning. 2600 SE Division, Mon-Sat 7 am-5 pm, Sun 8 am-2 pm

NUVREI PÂTISSERIE AND CAFÉ

You can find Nuvrei’s flaky croissants and lush canelés in coffeehouses across town, but you’d never dream of how extensive their offerings have become until you visit their tiny storefront quietly tucked away in the Pearl District. Inside you will find French macarons in every color and flavor, their classic pretzel bagel, a large list of hearty, refined, and delicious breakfast sandwiches served all day, and a quality cup of local favorite Coava coffee. 404 NW 10th, Mon-Sat 7 am-5 pm, Sun 8 am-5 pm

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 29

Bakery Cafe

100% Plant-Based Small-Batch Bakery Cafe Gluten-Free Options Abound! Now Serving Light Lunch Fare! Dairy-Free Ice Cream, Shakes & Sundaes Happy Hour: Mon-Thurs 4pm-7pm $1.00 Off Soft Serve Treats 2217 NE Alberta St Open Daily 9am-9pm 503-477-5022 backtoedenbakery.com Facebook.com/backtoedenbakery Twitter: Back_To_Eden

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Find Your Perfect Match

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portlandmercury.com/personals 30 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

City Food Park e s o R

Slumming It

The Mercury Brunch Issue

Just Your Basic Breakfast Diner Chow—That We Love by Chris Onstad

R E A K FA S T, to me, is potato, egg, and sausage on the same fork, coffee in steady supply, and thimble-sized creamers for stacking in uncomplicated ways. Wire racks of Concord jelly and two kinds of Tabasco are a good litmus, and whipped butter in a pleated cuplet sets my mind at ease. If the hash browns fall somewhere between flat-topped and butter-braised, I’ll be back. Here is a list of some local standbys that cradle my simple tastes like a ninth-grader charged with pretending a chicken egg is her baby. Would my Depression-reared grandfather enjoy these places? “You’re goddamn right I would,” I conjure from the memory of 100 fishing breakfasts we shared.

TOM’S RESTAURANT

Extraordinarily basic diner food, booths, and coffee. It’s cheap, the waitress will openly tell you that she smokes inside her house, and they know how to cook eggs. Never a wait, never a thrill, my kind of place for when I don’t want to talk too much. Denny’s without the pizzazz. 3871 SE Division

THE SANDY HUT

My girlfriend said she once saw Elliott Smith in here nursing a watery scotch and soda at the breakfasting hour. I can still feel the pain, and I think I can smell him. Regardless, during a recent visit, the cook came out halfway through my breakfast with a fresh plate of over-mediums, because he’d been hairshirting himself over how one of mine had popped. I hadn’t noticed, but that’s the kind of thing that makes you like the place. Bonus points: He looked like the guys from the Proclaimers. Both of them. 1430 NE Sandy

JAVIER’S TACOS

The legendary 24-hour Javier’s Tacos is where up-too-late meets uptoo-early for the kind of taqueria fix-all that discounts the future against the joys of the present. See a goth skitter away as you go, unwisely, for that 4 am chimichanga. It’s the right place for those times you don’t brag about. 121 N Lombard

Memphis Soul

3221 SE Division St. at the D Street Noshery

MY FATHER’S PLACE

If Mike Ness ever comes to town, we’re getting violent on some O’Briens and chicken-frieds at this dark, perfect dive of a rock ’n’ roll afterlife. Spacious private booths, basic classics, and bar, they’re exactly the wrong kind of cooks to be playing at bell-pepper cookery—but the spirit of Reno runs deep, and the jukebox warms my preJane’s Addiction heart. 523 SE Grand

PHO AN SANDY

It’s one of those places where they tell you that white people don’t usually order the pizzle. If you ask what the pizzle is, they say a boy cow has (had?) one. So, go for the consommé-like, spiced pho with any cut of beef besides the cruelest one, and round out the table with the banh hoi dac biet, a build-your-own-roll grilled meat, vegetable, vermicelli, and fixings plate that would feed two as a main, and four as a plaything. 6236 NE Sandy

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32 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

MY , WHAT A BUSY WEEK! OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF JUNE 28-JULY 4 THURSDAY, JUNE 28 TREAT YO’ SELF—From Human Giant to Funny People to Parks and Recreation, Aziz Ansari is one of the funniest people working in Hollywood—and also one of the funniest people working the comedy circuit. Tonight he hits Portland to do some stand-up, and you should be there. EH Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 7:30 pm, $35.75, all ages

RAWK OUT—Blistering heavy rockers Sons of Huns have a ripping new video to premiere at tonight’s show. (Spoilers: Fire! Corpses! Fire! Scary men in cloaks! More fire!) Stick around for the fall-through-the-earth’s-crust metal of Rabbits, who never fail to pulverize. NL w/Towers, Turbo Perfecto; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $5

FRIDAY, JUNE 29 TWIST AND SHOUT—Events at the Eagles Lodge are uniformly fun, but Shout!—a group of DJs, headed up by DJ Drew Groove, spinning mostly ’60sera danceables, from rhythm and blues to girl groups, all on vinyl—would be a safe bet nearly anywhere. So just consider the cheap drinks as the cherry on top. MS Eagles Lodge, 4904 SE Hawthorne, 9 pm, $5

PRINCE VS. BOWIE—Bicyclists, it’s time to choose sides. Who do you love more: Prince or Bowie? Prove your allegiance by attending either of these two super fun Pedalpalooza rides, dress as any famous ’80s pop star, then bike to converge in a dance battle with the other ride. WSH Team Prince, meet at SE 50th & Division; Team Bowie, meet at SE 31st & Market, 7:30 pm, FREE

SATURDAY, JUNE 30 R.I.P. MCA—It was only a few months ago that Adam Yauch died. Remember his music with Sabotage: Beastie Boys Tribute, which will feature sets from Dr. Theopolis, DJ Gregarious, Pinehurst Kids, plus Nathanial and the Hornblowers—featuring members of the Decemberists, Blue Skies for Black Hearts, the Jackmormons, and more. EH Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $10, all ages

JUST SAY NO—In its fifth year of sprawling across St. Johns, NoFest is a delightful collision of music, art, and grumpy natives wondering what the fuck is making all that racket on Lombard. With close to 100 acts playing, you ought to find something pleasant all over the neighborhood. DCT Various locations, downtown St. Johns, 11 am-2 am, FREE

HOT BIKE FUN—Today is the day where you just want to sit in the sun, drink a beer, and watch some ridiculous tall-bike jousting. Amiright? Good thing it’s Multnomah County Bike Fair, the grand-a-palooza all-day party marking the end of June bike fest Pedalpalooza. Pack the shades and helmet. SM SE 12th & Alder, 2-8 pm, FREE

SUNDAY, JULY 1 BETTER THAN CHURCH—The Doug Fir’s summer patio series of free shows kicks off this afternoon with sets from the Tumblers and Jason Dodson of the Maldives. With food and drink specials, good music, and plenty of sunshine, there’s nothing not to love about Pickin’ on Sundays. NL Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 3-7 pm, FREE

SUDS—There is arguably no better use of a summer afternoon than drinking good beer in the sunshine, and the North American Organic Brewers Fest wants to help you to do just that—so they’ve lined up more than 50 organic brews from around the country to get you started. AH Overlook Park, N Fremont & Interstate, Fri-Sat noon-9 pm, Sun noon-6 pm, FREE admission, $6 mug, $1 tasting tokens

MONDAY, JULY 2 ROLLER DERBY BINGO—The roller gals of the Rose City Rollers are raising cash for their all-star traveling skaters with a fun night of bingo, plus a photo booth, game footage, and booty shorts galore. Bring your goodluck troll doll (or buy a charm from the derby girls) to win some prizes! CF Buffalo Gap, 6835 SW Macadam, 6-10 pm (21+ after 9 pm), $5/bingo card

BITCH, MOVIES!—Time to clock out early. Tonight Dolly Parton, Lily Tomlin, and Jane Fonda are all in one place as Bitch magazine screens the star-packed OMG-you-haven’t-seen-it? workin’-gals classic 9 to 5 at Mississippi Studios for the monthly CineBitch movie night. SM Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 7 pm, $5-10

TUESDAY, JULY 3 THIS TOWNES’ GOT SOUL—There is something really enticing about soulful alt-country. In a town full of indie rock wannabes and hip art rock bands, Justin Townes Earle’s visit is a breath of fresh air. It’s going to be a boot-stomping, whiskey-sweating good time, y’all. ZP w/Tristen; Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $20

TIMBERQUAKE—The Portland Timbers preseason bout with West Coast rivals San Jose Earthquakes ended in a 1-1 draw, but things are very different now. The Timbers still have a lot to prove after a shaky season, and the Earthquakes are flying high. So if there was ever a time to support your home team? It’s NOW. WSH Jeld-Wen Field, 1844 SW Morrison, 7:30 pm, $25-$135

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4 OOOH! AAAH!—Let’s blow some shit up! Bring on the sparkly sky explosions with this grand ol’ day of DIY hand maiming. Or! Go watch the pyrotechnic pros at Oaks Park (rides ’til midnight), the Waterfront Blues Fest at the Waterfront, or trek on out to the ’Couv. With these fireworks, you can oooh and aaah your face off, not your fingers! CF Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park, $5; Tom McCall Waterfront Park, SW Naito, 10 pm, $10 & two cans of food; Ft. Vancouver, 1001 E 5th, Vancouver, 10:05 pm, $5-7

KABOOM—What better way to come down off the explosive holiday than some good ol’ American butt rock, courtesy of Street Nights? The sky-gazing synthers of Shadows on Stars also drop their debut record tonight, and their candy gloss will be the perfect aperitif to Street Nights’ shredding. NL w/DJ Jake Morris; Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand, 10 pm, FREE

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 33

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34 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

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MUSIC

Nutmeg Funk

with baroque ornaments and deep-space echo, mirroring the most inventive pop productions of the analog era. The Stepkids have since put together a striking, visual live show and are deep into recording their second album, which Edinberg suggests will show a more varied approach and an even greater range. “It really just brings back all of the influences that we really hold near and dear to our lives,” says Edinberg of the band. “We were all primarily jazz musicians— and R&B, funk, soul, gospel—and we’ve all branched off and done various things. So it’s nice to get it back but still make it our own, and still make it sound the level of raw that we want it to.”

The Stepkids Tear the Roof Off by Ned Lannamann

THE STEPKIDS’ self-titled debut is a that was heavily R&B- and soul-inflected, a quote-unquote standard soul groove into masterstroke of silky soul that sounds because he’d overdosed on that, and I was that, it just sounded much more excellent like it tumbled out of an alternate future wary of doing something that was too coming out of the tape than it did even in passed. You’d have to melt down your fa- rock or indie or punk, because I’d over- the room.” The recording project quickly evolved vorite records—from Philly’s classic era, dosed on that. It was cool, we were able to meet in the middle.” In 2008, the into a band, with all three members singMotown’s orchestral-pop peak, Funkadelic’s maggot-strut, and The Stepkids three got together, envisioning ing; Stones Throw Records added the Sat June 30 the collaboration as a record- Stepkids to their roster of hiphop artists, Sly and the Family Stone’s hotDoug Fir ing project fi rst and foremost. a connection that makes sense when you house-commune shakedown— 830 E Burnside They recorded a tentative fi rst hear how sample-ready the grooves are: all into one hot, sticky heap of vinyl to match the diversity and weirdness album, but scrapped the whole thing after They’re thick, syrupy, and cosmic, gilded found on The Stepkids. And this platter coming up with a track called of funka-psychedeli-soul was made by… “Brain Ninja.” “Jeff found his old fourthree guys from Connecticut? It’s true. Dan Edinberg and Jeff Gitel- track cassette recorder in his man met as teenagers playing a jazz gig parents’ closet, and he brought in the Nutmeg State. “We met at this that into the studio,” says EdMexican place in New Haven,” says Edin- inberg. “He was really influberg, “and the fi rst thing we ever said to enced by people like Ariel Pink each other was, ‘Hey, how’s it going, one- and R. Stevie Moore who were two, onetwothreefour!’ And basically Jeff doing more ‘lo-fi’ recordings— just counted off the fastest bebop I had and how having a sound like that will actually affect what ever played.” They remained friends over the years, you write in the fi rst place. We with Gitelman going on to play guitar for experimented and recorded Alicia Keys and Edinberg touring with some stuff on that, and then the band Zox. Gitelman kept telling Edin- hearing it back, it sounds like berg about this drummer he’d met, anoth- it’s from some forgotten era, er Connecticuter named Tim Walsh, who wholly because we tracked onto was skilled in the studio and could sing this little piece-of-junk thing and play a bunch of different instruments. that just splotches the sound. The idea was that “the three of us could But it just somehow sounded really do a lot of damage,” says Edinberg. warm and really cool. If we “Jeff was a little wary of doing something played what would normally be THE STEPKIDS Funka-psychedeli-soul straight outta Connecticut.

A Bold New World

YOB’s Mike Scheidt Goes Acoustic by Andrew R Tonry

MUSIC

THE SEED WAS planted in fall of 2010, played acoustic guitar for a lot of years when YOB—a heart-slowing, austere, and I’ve worked in a couple of really highcresting, and critically acclaimed doom end guitar shops that sold like, the tip-top acoustic guitars you can buy,” metal group from Eugene— Mike Scheidt says Scheidt. (One of those opened for Sleep at the RoseFri June 29 shops was Eugene’s McKenzie land. After YOB’s set, NeuroMississippi Studios River Music, where this writer sis singer Scott Kelly took the 3939 N Mississippi bought his fi rst guitar.) “I have stage to a nearly full house. Kelly then did something practically un- a lot of familiarity with acoustic guitar, but heard of in the diverse but insulated world I never really had used it as a medium for myself—though I do love acoustic music.” of metal: He went acoustic. “I was in awe,” says Mike Scheidt, In October of last year Scheidt quickly YOB’s guitarist and frontman. “And ut- wrote the six songs that would make up terly, my heart was in my throat. It scared Stay Awake, his fi rst solo record. Compositionally, Stay Awake shares me to watch it. It was like when you watch a crazy cop video and somebody crashes familiar building blocks with YOB— and you just cringe. That’s all I felt like— namely an extreme patience, which rolls onward like heavy sap into epic, elemental oh my god.” Kelly’s performance split the audience. tidal waves. The record, Scheidt says, “was born Half talked, as if the stage were empty. The other half was drawn in. “I thought out of a really hard time,” though he opted to myself, ‘I could never do that,’” Scheidt not to get more specific. “I needed to exsays. “The more I thought about it, the press something different than YOB.” Scheidt started the band in 1996. Linemore I was gravitating toward trying it. Because, I don’t know, I gravitate toward ups changed and the aesthetic was perfected: an extremely loud, slow-burning some things that freak me out.” And though performing alone, without crash of heavy tones and dark chords, rollscorching amplifiers and a thunderous ing and shifting together. YOB continues rhythm section, was frighteningly new to grow; they’re getting more and more to Scheidt, acoustic guitar was not. “I’ve offers to fly around the world to play metal

fests and tour with other renowned outfits. In recent years YOB have reached— or are damn close to—the pinnacle of the doom scene. But, as Scheidt told New York Times critic Ben Ratliff in 2010, when it comes to supporting his family, “doom metal don’t pay the bills.” Nonetheless, Scheidt is proud and honored by what YOB has become. And it’s getting better all the time. Doom, though, is a challenging and highly refi ned taste, one with a particularly high barrier to entry. Scheidt’s acoustic

output has the potential to reach a wide swath of new listeners—the types who would be confounded by why Ratliff would write that YOB “might be one of the best bands in North America.” Going acoustic has become a fresh start for Scheidt. He is both inspired and trepid, but ultimately free of expectations and excited to see where it may take him. “It was very personal stuff and really it made for a very, very personal record that I put out there,” Scheidt says. “The storyline kind of continues from there.”

MIKE SCHEIDT Long hair and beards are where doom metal and acoustic guitars intersect.

Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 35

Alberta Rose Theatre Thursday, June 28th SWING TIME

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(503) 764-4131 3000 NE Alberta AlbertaRoseTheatre.com 36 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

Gangster Politician

Killer Mike Is the Best of Both Worlds by Andrew R Tonry

MUSIC

KILLER MIKE is a knife to the throat something special and persuaded El-P to of conventional wisdom. As he barks on come aboard for a whole record. It is the fi rst of Render’s 10 albums and “So Glorious” from last year’s Killer Mike mixtapes in which he worked marvelous Pl3dge: “I’m a book Sat June 30 with a single producer. reader/I’m a gang leader.” The Hawthorne Theatre The two hunkered down in Elproduct of a wild upbringing, 1507 SE 39th P’s Brooklyn home last August. no one is better suited to meld the oft-opposing forces of community poli- “We examined thoughts and emotions,” says Render. “Not to be overly deep about it, but tics and hard-nosed, hustling rap. “My dad was a black cop,” says Killer it really did give us an opportunity to make a Mike, born Michael Render. “My mom was record that was more like 16-year-old young a florist. Then she got into selling a little kids just making a record out of passion than coke on the side. She got hooked up with a it was two seasoned musicians having this dealer, a trafficker, and eventually entered unique opportunity.” That feeling spilled over to Killer the adventurous world of trafficking.” But as much as these two disparate lives can Mike’s career. “It feels like a beginning,” be heard in his music, a duo from Render’s he says, reflecting on 12 years of rapping. hometown of Atlanta wields the most sig- “It’s like, you fi nally made it over that mountain—and then you’re looking at a nificant influence. “I’ve learned everything from Out- new mountain to climb.” Kast,” Render says. “Everything.” The groundbreaking duo featured Render on “Snappin’ and Trappin’,” from 2000’s canonical Stankonia. It was the second time he appeared on a record. Like Big Boi, Render raps about money, drugs, and strippers every bit as potently as he does about social justice, race, and selfempowerment. (Aesthetically, Killer Mike spits with the blunt force of Ice Cube.) He can drop a banger, but unlike Jay-Z and Kanye, there is no disconnect—no talk of rich-people problems. Killer Mike’s latest, R.A.P. Music, is a collaboration with El-P. “I jumped at the opportunity,” says Render. Quickly, the duo churned out “Big Beast,” a powerfully aggressive, dark, driven, dirty, and dexterous blast. Render felt they were onto KILLER MIKE No rich-people problems.

Accentuate the Positive

Delicate Steve’s Inner Frampton by Ryan J. Prado

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MUSIC

FOLLOWING A MINOR media mael- missing frontman. Marion admits the connection. “I constrom in the wake of a widely republished faux press release (later found to have nect more with singers than I do with inbeen written by Chuck Klosterman) for his strumentalists,” he explains, “so I try to 2011 debut LP Wondervisions, guitar ge- sound like a voice with my guitar.” A fi ne example is “Wally Wilder,” one of nie Delicate Steve—one Steve Marion— the album’s more epically strucpulled off another PR stunt earlier this month that’s endeared Delicate Steve tured cuts. The song screeches Sat June 30 to life with all the measured stohis soaring guitar instrumentals Holocene to a growing audience. A series 1001 SE Morrison icism of an NES Zelda installment, allowing Marion’s expresof play-button audio installations in NYC were placed on park benches, near sive chops to escort a snappy instrumental bridges, piers, and even in a converted full of talkie lead guitar over plush, CaribNYPD van that served a special sandwich bean progressions. And opening track “Ramona Reborn” dubbed the Delicate Cheese. There were 10 in all, each playing a respective track awakens a lithe slide guitar, a wisp of layered keys, and just a trace of feel-good from Marion’s new LP, Positive Force. “If these new Delicate Air Jordans are whoo-oo-oo vocals near the back-end. Just as hot as I think they’ll be, we got the PR as suddenly and dreamily, that existential sense of fanciful worldliness is unsheathed game on lock,” jokes Marion. Fortunately, the new album is injected on the title track, showcasing Japanesewith enough mind-altering time signa- inspired guitar arpeggio, lots of trippy tures and genre-blurring world pop to swells, and more slide guitar. “I wanted to fully realize all of the stand on its own. Virtuosic hits of decidedly indelicate psychedelic pomp and sum- tracks on this record,” Marion says. “Even mertime gloss slither throughout Positive if they were meant to be transitional piecForce. One of its more gratifying aspects es or moments, like there were on the fi rst is its allegiance to soaring melodies, as record, I still wanted to turn them into if the lead guitars are a ghost voice for a full-sounding songs.”

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June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 37

This is a classic piece of Sailor Jerry flash, unmatched in its attention to detail. (Check all the rigging. They’re correct down to the last sheet bend.) Consisting of a schooner ship–usually a memento of a successful trip around Cape Horn– surrounded by two sweetheart-style mermaids and balanced by two flags, this design harkens back to a time when “ships were made of wood and the men were made of iron!” find out more at sailorjerry.com

and facebook.com/officialsailorjerry RESPECT HIS LEGACY. DRINK SAILOR JERRY RESPONSIBLY.

38 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

MERMAIDS

UP&COMING THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PREVIEWS

HUNGRY GHOST Bunk Bar, 6/30

CRYSTAL FIGHTERS, Wonder Ballroom, 6/2

JAMES REXROAD

THURSDAY 6/28

RABBITS, SONS OF HUNS, TOWERS, TURBO PERFECTO (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 33.

SHOUT!: DJ DREW GROOVE, DJ LIBERATOR, KATRINA MARTIANI, DJ HIPPY JOE (Eagles Lodge, 4904 SE Hawthorne) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 33.

MBRASCATU, LONE MADRONE (Secret Society, 116 NE Russell) The first time I listened to Mbrascatu’s self-titled debut, it was because I was expecting to hear music that was West-African-by-wayof-Portland. It was the combination of consonants, you see; they misled me. Because from the first notes of the first song, Mbrascatu is unmistakably Americana— acoustic guitar, fiddle, banjo—except that the lyrics, and the song titles, are all Italian. Singer/songwriter Andrea Algieri moved from Calabria, Italy, to Portland, where he joined forces with bassist Michael Doherty, also of Future Historians, and John Sabestinas, formerly of Sick Pony, who plays banjo, ukulele, electric guitar, and lap steel. The combination of vernaculars—old-timey folk and Italian crooner—has created indie folk’s very own spaghetti western, with Algieri’s baritone vocals playing lead heartthrob. REBECCA WILSON

LES MCCANN, JAVON JACKSON, MEL BROWN, FRANK TRIBBLE, ED BENNETT (Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th) Boasting a career that spans six decades, jazz/soul/R&B pianist Les McCann’s live appearances now amount to witnessing a living legend. Even before his breakthrough 1969 Atlantic Records collaboration with Eddie Harris, Swiss Movement, McCann was laying the groundwork for experiments in combining traditional jazz with the emerging dalliances of funk and soul, culminating in the timeless anti-war composition “Compared to What,” and the ballad “With These Hands” from Much Les. Though he hasn’t released any new material for about a decade, and though a stroke in the mid-’90s slowed him down considerably, the strength of McCann’s back catalog—as well as his noted, old school vigor—is more than enough to sustain his legacy as one of the great jazz artists of our time, and makes this a must-see event. RYAN J. PRADO

MANE OF THE CUR, NASALROD, OLD JUNIOR, HONDURAN (Kenton Club, 2025 N Kilpatrick) Female-fronted hard rock has a certain intoxicating swagger to it. When the masculine tendencies of axe-wielding are melded with the all-powerful, siren-call qualities of the female voice, a potent amalgamation of human energy results. Local group Mane of the Cur builds on this effect masterfully with the alluring vocals of Sarah Crosley, who layers a tremulous warble of voice on top of churning bass, burrowing drums, and unique synthesizers to create satisfying, sultry meditations. Their online EP released this spring—titled Friday April 13th, 1973— captures the band’s spooky, supernatural take on rock, creating an atmosphere where one might imagine classic metal being played at a rundown carnival at some heathen celebration. Their cited infl uences of “crappy Northwest weather and Midwest melancholy” are present in every tweak of the string and blast of the drum. MARANDA BISH

FRIDAY 6/29 MIKE SCHEIDT, SEDAN, VRADIAZEI, AERIAL RUIN (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See Music, pg. 35.

SARA JACKSON-HOLMAN, POINT JUNCTURE WA, WHAT HEARTS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Sara Jackson-Holman was famously discovered by Expunged president Anthony

McNamer after she left a heartfelt fan post for Blind Pilot, along with a link to some of her home recordings. Having shed the cutesier post-adolescence of her first album, When You Dream, Jackson-Holman has entered a phase of world-weary heartache on her excellent second album, Cardiology. Her voice will continue to be compared to Adele’s, though she no longer sounds so remarkably like Feist. Dark trip-hop beats (courtesy of Keith Schreiner of Auditory Sculpture and Dahlia) create the sophisticated cool behind some of the best songs (“Can’t Take My Love”). But the huge standout here is a hot R&B number, “Break My Heart,” which features a Jackson-Holman vocal that could hold its own next to Rihanna and an unforgettable chorus: “Honey, honey why you gotta be so cruel/All my love will never be enough for you.” RW

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7/13: M.O.T.O. 7/27: PoWder/Clorox girls 7/28: Dj i n Aquarian (yahowha 13)

SATURDAY 6/30 SABOTAGE: A BEASTIE BOYS TRIBUTE NIGHT

(Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 33.

MATES OF STATE, THE STEPKIDS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See Music, pg. 35.

DELICATE STEVE, ADVENTURES WITH MIGHT (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See Music, pg. 37.

NOFEST (Various locations, St. Johns) The St. Johns Nofest is now in its fi fth year, luring artists, fi lmmakers and musicians out from the woodwork for a full day of eccentric fun in that little nook to the north. This year’s lineup includes some 90 performances that span genres while giving you that much-needed vacation from the norm (you deserve it!). Some of the betterknown include Sun City Girls’ Sir Richard Bishop and Snow Bud and the Flower People (the longtime project of Chris Newman of Napalm Beach). Then there’s the earthy ambience of Eternal Tapestry guitarist Dewey Mahood’s Plankton Wat. My money’s on local three-piece Lord, whose Fripp-ian fretboard shenanigans are matched only by the sheer volume. Lots to get lost in here—an afternoon in St. Johns and you’ll surely see the light. MARK LORE Also see My, What a Busy Week! , pg. 33.

EL-P, KILLER MIKE, MR. MUTHAFUCKIN’ EXQUIRE, DESPOT (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) Dig out those neck braces, El-P’s back with the bangers. With his history in Company Flow, starting up the successful record label Definitive Jux (host to Aesop Rock, Del the Funky Homosapien, RJD2, Murs), putting out instrumental albums, and producing for other rappers, it’s hard to know what to expect from his few-and-far-between solo albums. It’s rare for a seasoned artist to not have peaked after two decades in the rap game, but the Brooklyn hiphop guru has recently outdone himself. ElP’s latest solo album, Cancer 4 Cure, showcases his rapping, beat making, and executive producing talents. His beats are even more innovative than before, filling out the usual hard-hitting style with booming bass, layers of industrial noise, and unexpected format twists. That, paired with his rhythmic, content-heavy, sharpedged wordsmithing, make this album something else. ROCHELLE HUNTER Also see Music, pg. 37.

HUTSON, VIOLET ISLE (White Eagle, 836 N Russell) Portland rock band Hutson makes the kind of music that I’d like to invite over for dinner, by which I mean that it’s polite enough to help out with the dishes, but wouldn’t ever make boring table conversation—and would likely bring over plenty to drink. Hutson’s debut full-length From a Transistor Radio (following up their Reland EP) is home to 12 wellhoned tracks that vary from folk-flecked strum (“Black Light Serenade Part 2”) to riffy amplifier hum (“Kill Your Scene”). Frontman Bryan Larson leads the trio down

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 39

Laurelthirst PUBLIC HOUSE 2958 NE Glisan • 503-232-1504 LaurelThirst.com Weekend breakfast 9am–3pm Free happy hour music every day! Thursday, June 28th Lewi Longmire Band (6pm); Ridgerunner Summit: Jim Boyer, Lynn Conover & Dan Haley Band (9:30pm) Friday, June 29th Alice Stuart (6pm); Shoeshine Blue, Dead Run, Dan Kimbro (9:30pm) Saturday, June 30th Tree Frogs (6pm); Jack Ruby Presents, Hip Hatchet, Cave Country, Levi Strom (9:30pm) Sunday, July 1st Freak Mountain Ramblers (6pm); Dan Haley & Tim Acott (free) (9:30pm) Monday, July 2nd Portland Country Underground (6pm); Kung Pao Chickens (free) (9pm) Tuesday, July 3rd Jackstraw (6pm) Wednesday, July 4th Alameda, Emily Logan (6pm)

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Thursday, July 5th Lewi Longmire Band (6pm); Taarka (9:30pm)

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40 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

UP&COMING THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PREVIEWS

familiar but entirely pleasing avenues and discovers interesting twists, like the gradual, krautrock-y buildup on the epic “No One’s Home,” or the yearningly soaring “Ready to Run,” both of which should make Portland playlists for years to come. NED LANNAMANN

SUNDAY 7/1 PICKIN’ ON SUNDAYS: THE TUMBLERS, JASON DODSON (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 33.

GREEN TEAM, ILLMACULATE, ONLYONE, DAIN, TROX, DJ CELSIUS

THE ROYALTY, INFANTREE, DE LA WARR

(Ted’s, 231 SW Ankeny) You may know G_Force as the prolific producer of some the best local hiphop releases in recent years, including Illmaculate’s The Green Tape and his work with TxE. G_Force also raps under the name Calvin Valentine, and recently released the solo record Red Eye Flights. His latest project, Green Team, sees him teaming up with local producer Lawz Spoken for a Cheech and Chong-inspired ode to weed, women, and good times. Green Team Official was initially intended as an EP, but after Lawz and G locked themselves into the studio for a weekend armed with a crate of records and a bag of weed, a full album of beats emerged. Featured guests include Caitlin Cardier, Epp, and Mikey Vegaz, as well as Sandpeople’s Illmaculate and OnlyOne, who perform a set of their own tonight. RYAN FEIGH

(Lola’s Room, 1332 W Burnside) El Paso’s the Royalty has a winner with their debut album, Lovers (and their press materials make no secret of the fact that the New York Times agrees). It’s a loud, brash pop album with everything cranked dizzily into the red. Sure, their powerhouse lead singer Nicole Boudreau has a tendency to oversing, but with a voice like hers, it totally works, particularly with skipping fuzz-pop tunes like “I Want You” and album highlight “Bottle Breaker,” which marries a forlorn, heartsick melody to a rocketing production. The Royalty’s best tunes evoke those of the long-lost Sundays (where art thou, Harriet Wheeler?), and there is no shortage of hooky confection on Lovers. This nascent band already feels much bigger than they actually are; expect the size of the Royalty’s audience to grow accordingly. NL

LEFTÖVER CRACK, JUICY KARKASS, HEPSI, PATRIA JODIDIA DEMOCRACIA PODRIDA

VALIENT THORR, HOLY GRAIL, ROYAL THUNDER, THE KICKASS

(Branx, 320 SE 2nd) Leftöver Crack, as a name, is a perfect oxymoron, ’cause as any good crack smoker knows—there ain’t never no leftovers. The name is the only thing ironic about the band, though. Otherwise, they’re 100 percent anarcho-ska-punks that formed in 1998 in New York City; this Portland show is part of a reunion tour. There are also rumors of a brand-new album, which would be the first full-length in more than eight years, following the legendary Fuck World Trade. That album was pure politico gold, featuring Bush, Cheney, and Giuliani gassing the towers on the cover—an image that got the album banned from chain stores like Best Buy and Walmart. The Cracks are also banned from many venues, so I high-five Branx for its bravery. KELLY O

(Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) For reasons I don’t understand, grunge seems to have become a four-letter word these days. While turning their nose up at the grunge movement, did anyone stop to consider present popular rock? Who would you rather listen to: Nickelback and Five Finger Death Punch, or Soundgarden and Alice in Chains? On their new full-length, CVI, Royal Thunder does some channeling of the heavier side of ’90s rock. The band taps the formerly mentioned Seattle upstarts, while bass player/vocalist Mlny Parsonz puts some L7 vibes into the mix for good measure. The result is sensual, mid-tempo, morose rock with a nice, flannel sheen. Most tastemakers are going to lump Royal Thunder into the doom movement, but I say they could’ve emerged from the Emerald City 20 years ago. ARIS WALES

PITY SEX, ZOOGIRL (Laughing Horse Books, 12 NE 10th) A few weeks ago, I was up late at night with a broken heart and troubled mind and saw the footage of Mick Jagger performing with Foo Fighters on a recent episode of SNL. It made everything worse. The prophetic Lenny Kravitz was essentially right, even if he was off by 15 years—“rock and roll is finally dead,” I thought. Just as I was about to give up all hope, a friend sent me Dark World, the brusque but brutal new EP from Pity Sex, a relatively new band from Michigan. It single-handedly restored my faith in music produced by guitars, bass, and drums. The excellent “When You’re Around” sounds like Rival Schools meets Ride, and “Coca Cola” is a formidable summer jam—but the absolute highlight is closer “Flower Girl,” whose cacophonous beauty mirrors love’s own catastrophic capabilities. Remember to bring earplugs and a handkerchief. MORGAN TROPER

HUNGRY GHOST, SURVIVAL KNIFE (Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water) Part of me hopes that the legion of Pacific Northwest garage-punk trios never hear Hungry Ghost’s self-titled album. Because it likely would cause them to give up the dream. And that would be depressing, even though they will likely never be as good as Hungry Ghost. If they spend the next 20 years honing their chops, it’s just possible they will get there—so long as they have a drummer as good as Sara Lund of the Corin Tucker Band and Olympia’s wildly influential post-hardcore pioneers Unwound. Lorca Wood (the Drags) plays bass, and Andrew Price, of the experimental 1990s group Irving Klaw Trio, plays guitar with a dexterously nerdy style that belies the band’s overall aesthetic of funky grime. Everybody sings, though Price takes main responsibility for the vocals. An exercise in rock economy, the nine short songs come together to form what may be my favorite album of 2012. RW

PALO VERDE, DJ ANDROJENOUS (Foggy Notion, 3416 N Lombard) After listening to PDX duo Palo Verde’s latest album Zero Hour, you’ll note the crushing miasma of thrashy drums, the magma-low thud of chugging guitar, and an intuitive flair for dissonance. To say it’s an accident wouldn’t exactly be accurate; the flailing stoner-metal of Terrica Kleinknecht (guitar) and Lauren K. Newman (drums) is spontaneously composed, creating new fissures of ferocity literally on the spot, at every turn. That means every time they play, you’re seeing something that no one else has seen before, a breath of fresh air in the sometimes stale and rehearsed arenas of heavier acts. Whether you stack it up against the freakish manipulations of post-rock propagators like Shellac, or relish Zero Hour’s somehow nearly seamless execution, it’s tough to escape the fact that Palo Verde are probably the rawest band in Portland. See for yourself tonight for free. RJP

MONDAY 7/2 LIBYANS, WILD MOHICANS, LONG KNIFE, DJ JUST DAVE (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) Libyans have a sound that’s instantly pleasing to fans of classic punk while also thrillingly new. Earlier this year, the Bostonbased group played their city’s Ladyfest festival, a celebration that originated in Olympia in 2000 and now occurs sporadically to highlight and promote the presence of women in the performing arts. Libyans sound and feel right at home in this ethos—one that is dear to us in the Northwest, along with their unapologetic DIY aesthetic. Formed in 2010 among the burgeoning underground scene in Massachussetts, the band developed around the distinctive female vocals of Liz Panella, whose classically snarling punk intonations are endearing, evocative, and strikingly melodic among breakneck, thrashing instrumentation. Their debut album A Common Place features 13 pummeling tracks that end too soon (most are about a minute). Download it on Bandcamp to provide some gas money for their journey out here; we are truly lucky to have them. MB

TUESDAY 7/3 JUSTIN TOWNES EARLE, TRISTEN (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 33.

CORY BRANAN, AUDRA MAE (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) It’s been a long time since Tennessee singer/songwriter Cory Branan had a new record, but here’s Mutt, Branan’s first record in more than half a decade. Like much of Branan’s work, it’s a prickly listen at first, bouncing from whiskey-soured folk to hoarse, caffeine-amped rock to string-laden melodrama. But also like much of Branan’s work, each of his iterations is worth listening to. With such a long time between records (Branan took time off to tend to his ailing father, and Mutt spent a year in label limbo before finding a home on Bloodshot), it’s likely he had too much to say for one record, resulting in the album’s seeming hodgepodge. But Branan remains an excellent songwriter and a riveting performer in perfect command of his increasingly gravelly delivery. And on a track-by-track basis, Mutt ends up a reeling, intoxicating listen. NL

WEDNESDAY 7/4 SHADOWS ON STARS, STREET NIGHTS, DJ JAKE MORRIS (Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 33.

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 41

friendly. sounds great. best burger. independent. musician-owned /operated

503.288.3895 info@mississippistudios.com 3939 N. Mississippi

8pm Doors, 9pm Show Unless otherwise noted

Psychedelic and garage music from a rocking experimental band with edge

GRANDPARENTS

Jack Daniels Presents Mississippin: Raw, low-end rock that bristles with punk attitude. Featuring ex members of of Angel Hair, The VSS, and Pleasure forever

RABBITS THUR JUNE 28th

+GRAPEFRUIT

XDS

WED JUNE 27th

FREE

Frontman for doom metal band YOB releases Stay Awake, a Southern inflected album that showcases this unique artists breadth of range

MIKE SCHEIDT SEDAN VRADIAZEI +AERIAL RUIN

FRI JUNE 29th

$6 ADV

SONS OF HUNS TOWERS +TURBO PERFECTO $5 ADV

Garage-rock bashing and Ramones era style from the finest from Mississippi

BASS DRUM of DEATH XDS

+GHOST ANIMAL

SAT JUNE 30th

$10 ADV

Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp For Girls Presents:

LADIES ROCK CAMP SHOWCASE

Mississippi Summer Sessions: No better for a summertime jam then from our favorite of folk-jamming luminaries

The

MY OH MYs

ON THE BAR BAR PATIO ALL AGES

SUN JULY 1st

+KEEP YOUR FORK THERE’S PIE FREE

Blues, country, and gospel from a six-piece with a raved about new album, Carry the Fire

DELTA RAE

2:30 Doors, 3:00 Show - ALL AGES

SUN JULY 1st

$7 ADV

It’s time for office talk, working guys and gals. Come on down for beer, feminists and an awesome movie you meant to see ten years ago

CINEBITCH PRESENTS

9 to 5

6:30 Doors, 7:00 Show Mostly Seated 7:00 Doors, 8:00 Show

+HELENA

HEY MARSEILLES SUN JULY 1st

$10 ADV

Channel your celebratory fire with the finest karaoke selection around, and sing your heart out with us

BABY

MON JULY 2nd

$5 - $10

Dreamy Baltimore pop band transfix with their second album, Nootropics, an experimental wonder of celestial synth bliss

LOWER DENS

KETTEN

NO JOY

WED JULY 4th

FREE

Southern-fried island bluegrass rock from Portland favorites

SUGARCANE LEFT COAST COUNTRY +WAYWARD VESSEL

FRI JULY 6th

$6 ADV

Coming Soon: 7/8 - EEF BARZELAY 7/8 - SLOAN MARTIN (patio) 7/9 - PURE BATHING CULTURE 7/10 - RAMBLIN JACK ELLIOTT 7/11 - BAD WEATHER CALIFORNIA 7/12 - STEVE POLTZ 7/13 - CHATHAM COUNTY LINE 7/14 - MISSISSIPPI STREET FAIR BABY KETTEN KARAOKE 7/14 - MRS. w/ DJ BEYONDA 7/15 - KELLI SCARR 7/17 - DEEP TIME

THUR JULY 5th

$12 ADV

Portland-based trio comprised of legendary members of the seminal punk band Dead Moon

PIERCED ARROWS THE NEEDFUL LONGINGS

+DON’T

SAT JULY 7th TUESDAYS

$10 ADV

QUIZZY

6:30-8:30 FREE - PRIZES!

at Bar Bar w/ Quizmaster ROY SMALLWOOD

7/18 - DAN SARTAIN 7/19 - SHEARWATER 7/20 - PARENTHETICAL GIRLS 7/21 - DAM-FUNK 7/22 - CASEY NEILL (patio) 7/22 - CRYSTAL STILTS 7/23 - THE PSYCHIC PARAMOUNT 7/25 - LUCY MICHELLE & THE VELVET LAPELLES 7/26 - CHARLIE PARR 7/27 - THE HOOD INTERNET

www.mississippistudios.com 42 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

+ALAN RESNICK

Scan this for show info

& free music

LIVE MUSIC

DELICATE STEVE Holocene, 6/30 JOE APPALUCCIO

THURSDAY 6/28 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Small Souls, The Doubleclicks, 6:30 pm; The Accordion Babes, Contratiempo, Three Times Bad, 9:30 pm, $5 AL’S DEN—McDougall, Kevin Blackwell, 7 pm, free ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Acoustic Village, 7 pm, $5 ASH STREET SALOON—Swamp Devil, Horus, Riastrad, Heavy Baang Staang, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—Nilika Remi, Sleeplong, Top Hat Confederacy, I Digress, 7 pm, $6, all ages BEATERVILLE BAR & LUBRITORIUM—Mammoth in Space, Mosey Walker, Kris Deelane, 8 pm, free BLUE DIAMOND—Tom Grant, 8:30 pm BLUE MONK—Alan Jones, 8 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—JB Butler, Al Craido, 5:30 pm, free, all ages BUFFALO GAP—Will Coca, Chris Margolin, Matthew Price, 9 pm ★ BUNK BAR—Bobby Bare Jr., Quiet Life, 10 pm, $10 CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Valerie Lopez & the Wandering Few, 8 pm, free CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Sellwood Jazz Ensemble, 8 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Brokedown in Bakersfield, Lewi Longmire, 9 pm, $13-15 DUFF’S GARAGE—Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; The DelRods, WaveSauce, Aloha Screwdriver, 9 pm EAST BURN—Boy & Bean, 10 pm ★ EAST END—Sweat It: Long Knife, Surfs Drugs, Whorehounds, Lamar Leroy, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—The Quick & Easy Boys, 6 pm, free, all ages FIRKIN TAVERN—Sam D, Saucy Town, Purr Purr Meow Meow Club, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Jason Okamoto, 5 pm GOODFOOT—Fruition, 9 pm GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—Pilon d’Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT’S—Terry Robb, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Dinner With a Bear, Censure, Iditarod, Bury Your Horses, Whispers of Wonder, 7 pm, $8-10, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Roads, Jesse Hughey, free HEATHMAN—Johnny Martin, 7 pm ★ HOLOCENE—Planned Parenthood’s Fourth Annual Pink Party: Blouse, DJ Cryder, DJ Hero Worship, 8 pm, $12 IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free; Gaea Schell, Thomas Barber Quartet, 8 pm, $7 JADE LOUNGE—Alex Geer, Barry Brusseau, 3 Moons, Jason Simpson, 7 pm ★ JIMMY MAK’S—Les McCann, Javon Jackson, Mel Brown, Frank Tribble, Ed Bennett, 7& 9:30 pm, $20-25 KELLS—Danny O’Hanlon, Through June 28, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Stumblebum, Advisory , Good Intentions, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL—Muriel Stanton Band, 7 pm, free, all ages ★ KENTON CLUB—Mane of the Cur, Nasalrod, Old Junior, Honduran, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON—The Pick Ups, 8:30 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Lewi Longmire, 6 pm; Ridgerunner Summit: Jim Boyer, Lynn Conover, Dan Haley, 9:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Karyn Patridge, 6 pm; Goose & Fox, Kite Sun Kid, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Rabbits, Sons of Huns, Towers, Turbo Perfecto, 9 pm, $5 MUDDY RUDDER—Jack McMahon, 8 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—Kathy James Quintet, 7 pm, $5 THE PRESS CLUB—The Druthers, 8:30 pm QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Chris Baum Project, 9 pm, free RED & BLACK CAFE—Fire Witch, 7 pm

RED ROOM—The Xaggerations, Not Sure, Erik Anarchy, Stepper, 9 pm, $5 ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Zenda Torrey, 9 pm ROTTURE—Tiger House, Panther Power, Mangled Bohemians, 9 pm, $5 ★ THE SECRET SOCIETY—Mbrascatu, Lone Madrone, 8 pm, $7 SLABTOWN—JAMF, Whitecloud & the Human Tribe, AC Lov Ring, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Sambada, Bloco Alegria, 8:30 pm, $8 THE SPARE ROOM—Brazz Band, 9 pm, free TED’S—Faraji, Madgesdiq, Jagga Culture, 9 pm, $10 TIGER BAR—Karaoke from Hell, 9:30 pm, free TONIC LOUNGE—Outpost, Sono Vera TONY STARLIGHT’S—Karen Maria Capo, 7:30 pm, $8 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Douglas Fox, 9 pm WHITE EAGLE—Kory Quinn, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Garcia Birthday Band, 9 pm, free WILF’S—Tara Williamson, 7:30 pm

FRIDAY 6/29 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Mikey’s Irish Jam Session, 6:30 pm; Super Natural, 9:30 pm AL’S DEN—McDougall, Henry Hill Kammerer, 7 pm, free ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Key of Solomon, A((Wake)), Oden, 9:45 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—Chemical Channel, Foxall to Foxall, DJ Caraya, 7 pm, $5, all ages BEATERVILLE BAR & LUBRITORIUM—Alex Nicole, 8 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Funk Shui, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Lisa Mann, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Bronson/Heartworm, 9 pm BRANX—Dirtnap, Gusher, February 5th, Twenty Shades of Red, 7 pm, $8-10, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Tablao, 8 pm, free, all ages BUFFALO GAP—Ken Hanson Band, Lloyd Allen, 9 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Kelly Ash, 9 pm, $6 CANVAS ART BAR—Open Mic: Steve Huber, 7 pm, free ★ CLUB 21—K-Tel ’79, Magic Mouth, Pinkslime, Shake Appeal DJs, 8 pm, free ★ DOUG FIR—Sara Jackson-Holman, Point Juncture WA, What Hearts, 9 pm, $8-10 DUFF’S GARAGE—Ron Rogers & The Wailing Wind, Steady Boys, 9 pm EAST BURN—Jambox Allstars, 8 pm, free ★ EAST END—James Chance, Ancient Heat, Fist Fite, Lick, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—John Bunzow, 7 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN—Irie Idea, Bubble Cats, 9 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Kory Quinn, 5 pm; Blind Bartimaeus, 8 pm ★ GET HAPPY STUDIOS—Fuck Yeah Party III: Tiger House, The Roving Eyes, Redcast, She’s Not Dead, 8 pm, $5 HALIBUT’S—Duffy Bishop, 8 pm, free HEATHMAN—Johnny Martin, 8 pm ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Ronnie Robins, 5 pm; Devin Phillips, 8 pm, $10 JADE LOUNGE—Class M Planets, Ama Bently, Joel Kraft, 6:30 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Bart Ferguson, Edward Stanley Band, 8 pm, $10 JOLLY ROGER—Synrgy, 9 pm, free KELLS—Pass the Whiskey, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—School of Rock Presents: Flaming Lips, 8-9 pm, free; On the Stairs, Datura Blues , Light Creates Shadow, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL—Don Q Rum Dinner: Newel Briggs, 7 pm, $60 ★ KENTON CLUB—Gaytheist, Rubella Graves, 9 pm, free

★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LEARN ABOUT THIS BAND ON THEIR PORTLANDMERCURY.COM BAND PAGE. TO LIST YOUR LIVE MUSIC OR DJ EVENT, SEND YOUR INFORMATION AT LEAST NINE DAYS IN ADVANCE TO MUSIC@PORTLANDMERCURY.COM OR VIA FAX (294-0844). WHENEVER POSSIBLE WE WILL ADD LATE-BREAKING INFORMATION OR CORRECTIONS.

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 43

44 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

LIVE MUSIC THE KNOW—Faster Housecat, The Situation, Abolitionist, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Barn Door Slammers, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Alice Stuart, 6 pm; Shoeshine Blue, Dead Run, Dan Kimbro, 9:30 pm THE LOVECRAFT—DJ Horrid, 10 pm MILL ENDS TAVERN—The Twangshifters, 9 pm, $5 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Cedro Willie, 6 pm; Saloon Ensemble, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Mike Scheidt, Sedan, Vradiazei, Aerial Ruin, 9 pm, $6-8 MT. TABOR THEATER LOUNGE—Sean Gaskell, Njuzu Mbira, 8 pm, $7 MUDDY RUDDER—The Reverb Brothers , 8 pm NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm, free, all ages NEW COPPER PENNY—Xperience, Buddy Hinton Band O’CONNORS VAULT—Alternators, 8 pm, $5 PLAN B—Echoic, Ashen Relic, American Roulette , Gladius, 8 pm PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Michele Drey & the Branded Band, 9 pm, $2-5 THE PRESS CLUB—Yiddish Republik, Schicky Gnarowitz, 8 pm QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Lloyd Jones Trio, 8:30 pm, free ★ RECORD ROOM—Little Pilgrims, Big Black Cloud, 8 pm, free RED ROOM—Brutal Metal for a Brutal World: Godenied, Murder Your Gods, Gate of the Gods, Aethyrium, Psychosynapsys, 8:30 pm, $6 ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Stuck Runnin’, 10 pm ROSELAND—Banda Bostik, Banda Interpuesto, 8 pm, $30, all ages ROTTURE—Solstice: Sick Jaggers, The Bellicose Minds, The KVB, Di Di Mau, 9 pm, $5 THE SECRET SOCIETY—Bossa Nossa, 6 pm, free, all ages; Naomi Hooley, Justin Jude, Brian Copeland, 9 pm, $10 SLABTOWN—Only Zuul, Apocryphon, Shroud of the Heretic, Omnihility, Miscreation, 9 pm, $6 ★ SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Pink Noise, Fatha Green, Endless Loop, 9 pm THE SPARE ROOM—Hi Fi Mojo, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER—Scott Pemberton, 9 pm, $12 THIRSTY LION—Schwing!, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Rockstar Mini Mayhem Festival: I Reckon, Rustmine , In Her Memory, Censure, 9 pm TONIC LOUNGE—Go Ballistic, Sick Broads, Bloody Hellfire, Budget Airlines, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Bridgetown Sextet, 8 pm, $12 TRADER VIC’S—Tribute to Frank Sinatra: John English, 5 pm TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Synesthesia, Outer Space Heaters, Better Days, Xuosoux, 9 pm, $5 VIE DE BOHEME—Everything’s Jake, 9 pm, $5 THE WAYPOST—A People’s Choir, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Reverb Brothers , 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Pine & Battery, Asteroid M, The Dragons, 9:30 pm, $6 WILF’S—Tony Pacini Trio, 7:30 pm

SATURDAY 6/30 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Steven Roth, Hannah Glavor, Emily Crawford, 9:30 pm AL’S DEN—McDougall, 7 pm, free ★ ANNA BANNANAS (NORTH)—NoFest: Il Marzo, Cedar Teeth, Marshmallow Gaveller, Nilika Remi, Marie Black , Dave Geare, Smilin’ Bill, Steve Turnbull, 3 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Joshua Bell, 7:30 pm, $32.25-100, all ages ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Alexander’s Real Time Band, Mary Flower, 8 pm, $15 ASH STREET SALOON—One Movement, The Mighty Misc, Buck Turtle, Bad Habitat, Eastern Sunz , Diction One, Sammy Mack, Boosen, Soul Ill, 9:30 pm, $5 ★ BACKSPACE—Excruciator, Headless Pez, Raw & Order, 9 pm, $6, all ages BEATERVILLE BAR & LUBRITORIUM—Freight Miners, 8 pm, free BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Jobo Shakins, 6 pm ★ BLUE BIRD TAVERN—NoFest: Rayliota, Irie Idea, The Special Occasionists, The Charlie Darwins, Jeremy Burton Band, 3 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Bridge City Blues Band, 9 pm BLUE MONK—The Planet Jackers, 9 pm ★ BRANX—Leftover Crack, Hammered Grunts, Hepsi, Juicy Karkass, FM & RD, 7 pm, $15, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Tablao, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; The Djangophiles, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Boy & Bean, 9 pm, free, all ages BUFFALO GAP—The Love Loungers, 9 pm ★ BUNK BAR—Hungry Ghost, Survival Knife, 10 pm, $8 CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Steve Hall, 8 pm, $5 DANTE’S—Young Empires, Humans, 9 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Mates of State, Stepkids, 9 pm, $15-17 DUFF’S GARAGE—Down North, Big Monte, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Remington Silver, 7 pm, free ★ ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Sundaze, Shana Falana, Ten Million Lights, Mojave Bird, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN—Hivemind, Bevelers, 9 pm, free

★ THE FIXIN’ TO—NoFest: Dirty Nick, LSD&D , Dirt Clod Fite, Mustaphamond, Swamp Buck, The Silent Numbers, The Hand That Bleeds , Ryan Miller, 2 pm ★ FOGGY NOTION—Palo Verde, DJ Androjenous, 9 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Milford Academy, 5 pm GOODFOOT—Chicago Afrobeat Project, 9 pm, $10 HALIBUT’S—King Louie Trio, 8 pm, free ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—El-P, Killer Mike, Mr. Muthafuckin Exquire, Despot, 7 pm, $20-23, all ages HEATHMAN—Shirley Nanette, 8 pm ★ HOLOCENE—Delicate Steve, Adventures with Might, 8 pm, $8 IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free; Frontline Quintet, 8 pm, $10 JACK LONDON BAR AT THE RIALTO—Glam-O-Tron: DJ Aurora, DJ Chubby Chaser, 9 pm, $3 JADE LOUNGE—Small Souls, Brian Rozendal, David Griggs, 6 pm; Paul Mauer , 8 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Soulmates, 8 pm, $10 KELLS—Pass the Whiskey, 9:30 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—School of Rock Presents: Minor Threat, 8-9 pm, free; The Verner Pantons, The Dandelions, Anne Mersereau, 9 pm, $5 ★ KENTON CLUB—Wooden Indian Burial Ground , Bubble Cats, Street Nights, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON—Rachael Rice, 9 pm ★ LAUGHING HORSE BOOKS—Pity Sex, Zoogirl, 8 pm, $5, all ages LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Tree Frogs, 6 pm; Jack Ruby Presents, Hip Hatchet, Cave Country, Levi Strom, 9:30 pm ★ MARIE’S—NoFest: We Sick Boss, Transcendental Brass Band, Flatland, Professor Gall , Joe Paul, Huck Notari, Caddoc, 2 pm MILL ENDS TAVERN—Strange Tones, 9 pm, $8 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Anna Antonia, 4 pm, all ages; Ciri Jaye, 6 pm; Martin Zarzar, JKDC, 9 pm, $5 ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Bass Drum of Death, DZ Deathrays, Ghost Animal, 9 pm, $10 NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm, free, all ages O’CONNORS VAULT—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm, $5 ★ THE PARLOUR ST. JOHNS—NoFest: Betacrack, Jennifer Robin, Pillowhorse, Someone, Gang Radio, Mangled Bohemians, 4 pm ★ PATTIES HOME PLATE CAFE—NoFest: Sound Roots Music, 3 pm ★ PLAN B—Spookies, Point Juncture WA, The Woolen Men, 8 pm, $5 ★ PLEW’S BREWS—NoFest: Monkey Trick, Party Killer, Pecos, The Sexbots, Snow Bud & the Flower People, Teflon, Monster Sized Monsters, The Harvey Girls, The Yarbles, John Henry, Boyd Andersson, 3 pm PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Flexor T, 9 pm, $2-5 THE PRESS CLUB—Baron Robber, Old Propensity, 8 pm ★ PROPER EATS CAFE—NoFest: Sir Richard Bishop, Marisa Anderson, Plankton Wat, Matt McDowell, Blake Mackey, C.E. Searle, JD Helwig, Max Countryman, Reed Cole, 1 pm RECORD ROOM—Bat Fancy, Ruby Ridge, We Are Like the Spider, 8 pm, free RED ROOM—Mohawk Yard, 40 Ways From Sunday, Ether Circus , Battle Axe Massacre, Choaform, 9 pm, $5 RINGLER’S PUB—The Chancers, 3-6 pm, free, all ages ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—A la Mode, 10 pm THE SECRET SOCIETY—Trashcan Joe, 6 pm; Libertine Belles, Jenny Finn Orchestra, 9 pm, $10 ★ SLABTOWN—The Cry, Mad Caps, Sorta Ultra, 9 pm, $5 ★ SLIM’S—NoFest: Dr. Amazon, Komal Sa, The Food, Mongoloid Village , Lord, IX, Druden, Raw Nerves, Drunk Dad, Rohit, Old City, Old City, Banishing, 1 pm SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Contemporary Portland Orchestra Project, 5 pm THE SPARE ROOM—Teri & Larry, Last 9 pm, free ★ ST. JOHNS BOOKSELLERS—NoFest: Rookierock, 11 am ★ ST. JOHNS TOWN SQUARE—NoFest: The Incredible Kid, Lovebomb, Child Children, Pinehurst Kids, Fiasco, Rllrbll, When the Broken Bow, Threadbear, Venerable Showers of Beauty Gamelan, noon ★ STAR THEATER—The Upsidedown, 1776, Sexy Water Spiders, 9 pm, $7 THE TARDIS ROOM—Arthur Moore, 8 pm ★ TED’S—Green Team, Illmaculate, OnlyOne, Dain, Trox, DJ Celsius, 9 pm THIRSTY LION—Boys Next Door, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Amerakin Overdose, American Wrecking Company, Deathtrap America, American Roulette , 9 pm, $6 TONIC LOUNGE—Towers, Serial Hawk, Lamprey TONY STARLIGHT’S—The Tony Starlight Show: Tony Starlight, 8 pm, $15 TRADER VIC’S—Xavier Tavera’s Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 8 pm TROUT LAKE COUNTRY INN—Countryside Ride VIE DE BOHEME—Anandi, 9 pm VINO VIXENS—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 6 pm

JUNE 28TH - JULY 1ST BOSSANOVA BALLROOM DOORS @ 7PM - SHOW @ 8PM - $15 ADVANCE $20 DOOR TICKETS @ BOSSANOVABALLROOM.COM

SMASHED BLOCK PARTY! JULY 7th & 8th 1PM-1AM

$12

per day

REPULSION DENT MAY

REDD QUINTRON DANAVA &MISS PUSSYCAT

KROSS

ZIPPER/THRONES

DEATHCHARGE/BABIES LONGKNIFE/MODERN PETS/PROBLEMS POLAROIDS/THERAPISTS NUCULAR AMINALS BLOOD BEACH/PINK SLIME/DI DI MAU DJ SMOOTH HOPPERATOR

LORD DYING

BLOODFREAK/DEAD CONSPIRACY/WITCH MOUNTAIN/NETHER REGIONS/BILLIONS& BILLIONS/NORSKA/R.I.P. RIPPER/TURBOIGOR BURNING LEATHER LESBIAN/SPELLCASTER SONS OF HUNS DJ DENNIS DREAD

PRESENTED BY PORTLAND MERCURY/TECATE PBR/STOLICHNAYA/FIREBALL/RED BULL &OLD TOWN MUSIC/AFTER PARTY @STAR BAR

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 45

Events During Craft Beer Month Daily Brewery Tours BUCKMAN BOTANICAL BREWERY — 4pm • 928 SE 9th Ave, Portland • (503) 517-0660 DESCHUTES BREWERY — 1-4pm • 901 SW Simpson Ave, Bend • (541) 385-8606 CHATOE ROGUE — 3pm • 3590 Wigrich Rd, Independence • (503) 838-9813 FULL SAIL BREWING CO —1-4pm • 506 Columbia St, Hood River • (541) 386-2247 ROGUE ALES BREWERY — 1pm, 3pm & 5pm • 2320 OSU Drive, Newport • (541) 867-3660 ROGUE ALES PUBLIC HOUSE — 4pm • 844 Olive St, Eugene • (541) 345-4155 GREEN DRAGON — 4pm • 928 SE 9th Ave, Portland • (503) 517-0660

Weeklong Events

For More Information:

www.OCBM.org What events are you attending for Oregon Craft Beer Month? Share your experiences on Twitter using the #Ocbm hash tag. To keep in touch with all events for Oregon Craft Beer Month, join our Facebook Fan Page at http://bit.ly/OCBMFacebook

Week of July 1: McMENAMINS — All IPA's Happy Hour prices all day • 50 locations www.mcmenamins.com Week of July 8: McMENAMINS — All Fruit Beers Happy Hour prices all day • 50 locations www.mcmenamins.com Week of July 15: McMENAMINS — All Wheat-Style Beers Happy Hour prices all day 50 locations • www.mcmenamins.com Weef of July 22: McMENAMINS — Copper Moon Seasonal at Happy Hour prices all day 50 locations • www.mcmenamins.com Week of July 29: McMENAMINS — All 50/50 Blends Happy Hour prices all day 50 locations • www.mcmenamins.com

Weekly Events Every Monday: Mac TARNAHAN'S TAPROOM — $10 Pitchers • 2730 NW 31st Ave, Portland (503) 228-5269 Every Tuesday: MacTARNAHAN'S TAPROOM — $5 Burger & Fries • 6pm-close • Free pint glass w/Mac's Seasonal • 2730 NW 31st Ave, Portland • (503) 228-5269 CASCADE BREWING BARREL HOUSE — Tap it Tuesday 6 pm • NW Style Sour Ale, Cascade Brewing Barrel House • 939 SE Belmont St • (503) 265-8603 Every Wednesday: GREEN DRAGON — Premier pour with Oregon Brew Crew at 6pm • 928 SE 9th Ave, Portland • (503) 517-0660 MacTARNAHAN'S TAPROOM — Bring today's Taproom receipt to Dock Sales for 20% oﬀ any Keg Purchase • 2730 NW 31st Ave, Portland • (503) 228-5269 Every Thursday: DRAKE PARK — Munch+Music • Deschutes Brewery • Beer garden & food from Bend's top restaurants • 5:30-9:30pm • Bend VERTIGO BREWERY & TAPROOM — Flights & Pints 4-8pm • $3 pints from 4-6pm • 21420 NW Nicholas Ct, Ste #D6, Hillsboro • (503) 645-6644 GREEN DRAGON — Meet the Brewer 6pm • 928 SE 9th Ave, Portland • (503) 517-0660

46 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

Every Thursday (cont’d): MacTARNAHAN'S TAPROOM — $2 pints from 6-10pm 2730 NW 31st Ave, Portland • (503) 228-5269 Every Friday: EXPERIENCE BREWVANA BREWERY TOURS — Behind the Scene's Tour 1-5pm • $75 • www.experiencebrewvana.com MacTARNAHAN'S TAPROOM — Buy One Get One Free growler fills • 2730 NW 31st Ave, Portland • (503) 228-5269 OAKSHIRE BREWING — Pints 3-7pm • 1055 Madera St, Eugene • (541) 688-4555 VERTIGO BREWERY & TAPROOM — Flights & Pints 4-8pm • $3 pints 4-6pm • 21420 NW Nicholas Ct, Ste #D6, Hillsboro • (503) 645-6644 WIDMER BROTHERS BREWING CO —Brewery Tour 2pm and 3pm • Reservations required • 955 N Russell St, Portland • (503) 281-2437 Every Saturday: EXPERIENCE BREWVANA BREWERY TOURS — Imbibing Tour $75 • 12-4pm • www.experiencebrewvana.com MacTARNAHAN'S TAPROOM — $1.00 off seasonal pints • 20% off seasonal retail including beer to-go • 2730 NW 31st Ave, Portland • (503) 228-5269 OAKSHIRE BREWING — Tastings &Tours 12-5pm • 1055 Madera St, Eugene • (541) 688-4555 VERTIGO BREWERY & TAPROOM — Flights & Pints 12-6pm • $3 pints from 12-2pm • 21420 NW Nicholas Ct, Ste #D6, Hillsboro • (503) 645-6644 WIDMER BROTHERS BREWING CO — Brewery Tours Noon, 1 & 2pm • Reservations Required 955 N Russell St, Portland • (503) 281-2437 Every Sunday: EXPERIENCE BREWVANA BREWERY TOURS — Sunday FUNday Tour • $60 • 2-4:30pm • www.experiencebrewvana.com MacTARNAHAN'S TAPROOM — Kids 12 + under receive free kids meal w/ each paying adult 2730 NW 31st Ave, Portland • (503) 228-5269 LES SCHWAB AMPITHEATER — Sunday Summer Concerts 2:30-4:30pm • Featuring Boneyard Beer • 344 SW Shevlin-Hixon Dr, Bend • www.bendconcerts.com

All Oregon Beer on Tap CHEESE BAR — 6030 SE Belmont St, Portland • (503) 222-6014 HORSE BRASS PUB — 8 guest taps + Oregon cask beers, 4534 SE Belmont, Portland PILSNER ROOM — 22 Oregon taps • 0309 SW Montgomery, Portland • (503) 220-1865 CHATOE ROGUE — 3590 Wigrich Rd, Independence • (503) 838-9813 GREEN DRAGON — 928 SE 9th Ave, Portland • (503) 517-0660 ROGUE ALES PUBLIC HOUSE & BREWERY — 844 Olive St, Eugene • (541) 345-4155 ROGUE ALES PUBLIC HOUSE ASTORIA — Pier 39, 100 39th St, Astoria • (503) 325-5964 ROGUE ALES PUBLIC HOUSE BAYFRONT — 748 SW Bay Blvd, Newport • (541) 265-3188 ROGUE BREWER’S ON THE BAY — 2320 OSU Dr, Newport • (541) 867-3660 ROGUE HALL — 1717 SW Park Ave, Portland • (503) 219-8000 ROGUE PUBLIC HOUSE & DISTILLERY — 1339 NW Flanders St, Portland • (503) 222-5910 WILDWOOD RESTAURANT — 1221 NW 21st Ave, Portland • (503) 225-0130

★ WHITE EAGLE—Matthew Gailey, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; Hutson , Violet Isle, 9:30 pm, $6

★ WONDER BALLROOM—Sabotage: A Beastie Boys Tribute Night: Dr. Theopolis, Old Light, DJ Safi, Yards, Buttery Lords, DJ Gregarious, The Mighty Misc, Mic Crenshaw, Pinehurst Kids, Ask For Janice, Nathaniel & the Hornblowers, 9 pm, $10, all ages

SPIRITED TRIBUTE TO THE BAKERSFIELD SOUND FEATURING MEMBERS OF ALO AND MOTHER HIPS

FRIDAY!

THURSDAY!

MONDAY 7/2 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Marius, Purrbot, James London Trio, Autumn Electric, 7 pm AL’S DEN—Chris Schelske, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Pete Krebs, 7 pm ASH STREET SALOON—Monger, Sluagh, Silencer, Weird Fear, 9:30 pm, $5 BLUE DIAMOND—Tom Grant, 8:30 pm; Soulmates, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Eric John Kaiser , 5:30 pm DANTE’S—Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm DUFF’S GARAGE—Lily Wilde Orchestra, 8 pm EDGEFIELD—Skip vonKuske, Will West , 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 HAWTHORNE THEATRE—As I Lay Dying, Separation of Sanity, Kingdom Under Fire, From the Eyes of Cain, 6:30 pm, $16-20, all ages ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE—Cover Songs Super Spectacular: Elie Charpentier, 6 pm; Salon De Musique: Jaime Leopold, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Libyans, Wild Mohicans, DJ Just Dave, 8 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages MUDDY RUDDER—Lloyd Jones MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Community Day: Thad Beckman, Santi Elijah Holley, Jack McMahon, 10 am, free, all ages ★ THE PEOPLE’S SANDWICH OF PORTLAND—Anniversary Party: The Bugs, Gaytheist, Party Foul, 8 pm THE PRESS CLUB—Beaucoup Chapeaux, 7:30 pm PUB AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE—Open Mic, 8 pm, free QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Soul Mates, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm TIGER BAR—Metal Machine, 9 pm, $2

BROKEDOWN IN

BAKERSFIELD

HOLMAN

PT JUNCTURE WA

FRIDAY JUNE 29

•

+WHAT HEARTS $8 ADVANCE

of STATE SATURDAY JUNE 30

•

Present that night’s show ticket and get $3 off any menu item Sun - Thur in the dining room

SUNDAY JULY 1

3-7PM

•

FREE

IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS THEIR MONTHLY SHOWCASE

A HAPPY DEATH BLACK PUSSY

+THE HUGS

THURSDAY JULY 5

•

$5 AT THE DOOR

A MIDSUMMER’S NIGHT WITH PDX’S FAVORITE INSTRUMENTAL DUO

TALKDEMONIC FRIDAY JULY 6

WILD ONES +HOUNDSTOOTH

•

SUNDAY JULY 1

$13 ADVANCE

$6 ADVANCE

CORY

DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM–2:30AM EVERYDAY

SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. FOOD SPECIALS 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE...

•

ORIGINAL AND STORYTELLING FROM SOUTHERN BORN TROUBADOUR

830 E BURNSIDE • 503-231-WOOD • www.dougfirlounge.com

JASON DODSON of The MALDIVES

BBQ AND DRINK SPECIALS!

$15 ADVANCE

HALO REFUSER +GUDA

MAKE IT A NIGHT

TUMBLERS &

•

EROTHYME

$13 ADVANCE

PORTLAND MERCURY, PBR AND STOLI PRESENT

THE

+THE STEPKIDS

BACARDI PRESENTS THE “BACK TO BASICS” SERIES - ELECTRO EDITION

+LEWI LONGMIRE

THURSDAY JUNE 28

MATES

SATURDAY!

SARA JACKSON

SUNDAY 7/1 AL’S DEN—Chris Schelske, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Danny Romero, 7 pm ★ ASH STREET SALOON—Torches, In the Trees, York, 9 pm, $5 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH—Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages ★ BAR BAR—The My Oh Mys, Keep Your Fork There’s Pie, 3 pm, free, all ages BEATERVILLE BAR & LUBRITORIUM—Spit and Shine, 5:30 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—The Barkers, 6 pm, all ages; Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK—Bryant Allard Quintet, 8 pm BRANX—We Rise the Tides, I Am the Monster, Above the Broken, When the Lights Go Out, Fire in the Skies, Before You Fall, 7 pm, $8-10, all ages CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free DANTE’S—Three Times Bad, Old Tire Swingers, 8 pm, $8; Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Pickin’ on Sundays: The Tumblers, Jason Dodson, 3 pm, free; Back to Basics: Electro Edition: Erothyme, Halo Refuser, Guda, Melting Pot Soundsystem, 8 pm, $5 DUFF’S GARAGE—Bill Kirchin, 8 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Reggie Houston’s Box of Chocolates, 11 am EDGEFIELD—Dan O’Sullivan, 5 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN—Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Tim Roth, 2 pm, free, all ages JADE LOUNGE—Virtual Campfire, Dan Cecil, 8 pm KELLS—Irish Session, 6 pm; Dave Ross, July 1-5, 9 pm THE KNOW—Cower, Tacos!, Crag Dweller, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Ian Miller, Jake Ray, 5:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Freak Mountain Ramblers, 6 pm, free; Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free ★ LOLA’S ROOM—The Royalty, Infantree, De La Warr, 8 pm, $8-10, all ages MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Franchot Tone, 6 pm; The Twangshifters, Jon Koonce, Peter Hanks, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Ladies Rock Camp Showcase, 3 pm, $7, all ages; Delta Rae, Hey Marseilles, Helena, 7 pm, $10-12 ★ MOON & SIXPENCE—Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER—Irish Music MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Infantree, 3 pm, free, all ages ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Slow Grooves: Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm ★ RONTOMS—TxE, And And And, 8:30 pm, free SLABTOWN—Val Bauer, Chon Travis, 9 pm, $3 THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free ★ STAR THEATER—Valient Thorr, Holy Grail, Royal Thunder, The Kickass, 9 pm, $12 VIE DE BOHEME—Classical Beauties, 5 pm THE WAYPOST—Brandon Brown, Alli Warren, Zosia Wiatr, 7 pm WHITE EAGLE—Justin Rayfield, Josh Nielsen, 7 pm, free

AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH HUSBAND-WIFE INDIE ROCK DUO

AN ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH

BRANAN

TUESDAY JULY 3

•

+AUDRA MAE $10 ADVANCE

BOMBASTIC GARAGE-PSYCH-ROCK TRIO FROM SF

RHYTHMIC AND TEXTURED ART-ROCK FROM BROOKLYN TRIO

LIARS

THE

MALLARD

SUNDAY JULY 8 +CADENCE WEAPON

SATURDAY JULY 7

•

+THE WIMPS

•

$8 ADVANCE

BACARDI PRESENTS THE BACK TO BASICS SERIES

$15 ADVANCE

AN ALBUM RELEASE EXTRAVAGANZA WITH

AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH SLOWCORE PIONEERS

CODEINE

MONARQUES BEISBOL

+HOUNDSTOOTH

PEGASUS DREAM +FOREST PARK

AAN

FRIDAY JULY 13

+SCOUT NIBLETT

WEDNESDAY JULY 11

•

$15 ADVANCE

A CO-HEADLINE AFFAIR OF TWO UP-AND-COMING BUZZBUILDERS

THURSDAY JULY 12

Doors at 8pm, Show at 8:30pm - EARLY SHOW! $10 ADVANCE

SATURDAY JULY 14

•

TWO NIGHTS OF MIND-BLOWING DANCE MADNESS

PORTLAND CELLO PROJECT’S

$13 ADVANCE

ASCETIC JUNKIES

MELODIC MAJESTY FROM BUZZ-WORTHY BROOKLYN QUINTET

HOLIDAY FRIENDS

THURSDAY JULY 19

+NORMAN

•

$7 ADVANCE

EXPERIMENTAL FUTURIST HIP-HOP FROM SOUTH AFRICA

SPOEK MATHAMBO

MY BEST FIEND WEDNESDAY JULY 18

•

$8 ADVANCE

A CO-HEADLINE EVENING OF UP-AND-COMING SUBPOP RAWK!!!

SUNDAY JULY 22

KING TUFF •

The

$8 ADVANCE

EXTREME DANCE PARTY

FRIDAY JULY 20 SATURDAY JULY 21

$5 ADVANCE

A LOG LOVE EVENING OF STELLAR NW TALENT

•

YOUNG MAGIC

QUILT IMAGINARY CITIES +SWAHILI

•

MONDAY JULY 23

•

+JAILL $10 ADVANCE

•

$13 ADVANCE

FUTUREBIRDS 8/8 ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO 8/13 LEE FIELDS & THE EXPRESSIONS 9/2 - ON SALE 6/29 GREGORY ALAN ISAKOV 9/10 SAUL WILLIAMS 9/18 - ON SALE 6/29 SALLIE FORD & THE SOUND OUTSIDE 9/21 - ON SALE 6/29 THE JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION 11/12 - ON SALE 6/29 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com

LA SERA 7/26 • THE PRIDS 7/27 • LEFT COAST COUNTRY 7/28 • THE YOUNG EVILS 7/31 • SUPERSUCKERS 8/2 JAY BRANNAN 8/3 • TOTALLY ENORMOUS EXTINCT DINOSAURS 8/6 • THE ENGLISH BEAT 8/10 • ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO 8/13 TWIN SHADOW 8/14 • CHARLI XCX 8/15 • GRIFFIN HOUSE 8/16 • THREE MILE PILOT 8/21 • NIGHT BEATS 8/24 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS • SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW • 21+ UNLESS NOTED • BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS • ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 47

SAT 6/30 - CHICAGO ART OPENING AFROBEAT PROJECT THURS 6/28 Ali Schlicting, Chuck Bloom FRI 6/29 Emily Bates, Jennifer Griffo DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW THURS 6/28 - FRUITION WED 6/27 - REDRAY FRAZIER THE MY OH MY’S MON - SONIC FORUM - OPEN MIC TUES 7/3 - FREE!!! SUGARCANE STRING BAND GOODFOOT THURS 7/5 GOODFOOT ALL-STARS & PHILLY’S PHUNKESTRA FRI 7/6 - DJ MAGNETO & FRIENDS SAT 7/7 - DANNY BARNES, SPOONSHINE (CD Release) TUES 7/10 - FREE!!! SUGARCANE STRING BAND

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48 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

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WHITE EAGLE—Sea at Last, 8:30 pm, free

TUESDAY 7/3 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—Justin Townes Earle, Tristen, 8 pm, $20 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Revel Switch, Monokino, 9:30 pm AL’S DEN—Chris Schelske, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Neftali Rivera, 7 pm, free ASH STREET SALOON—Torture Me Elmo, Reanimated, Raw Dog & the Close Calls, 9:15 pm, $4 BLUE DIAMOND—The Sportin Lifers, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free BUFFALO GAP—Open Mic: Scott Gallegos, 9 pm, free ★ BUNK BAR—Ninja Turtle Ninja Tiger, Sucker for Lights, 9 pm, $3 CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Tom Wakeling, Dan Balmer, Charlie Doggett, 8 pm, $6 ★ DOUG FIR—Cory Branan, Audra Mae, 9 pm, $10 DUFF’S GARAGE—Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EDGEFIELD—Hanz Araki & the Mighty Few, 7 pm, free, all ages ★ ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Palmas, Young Pharaohs, Torches, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN—Jom Rapstar, Oxygen Elmo, DJ Wardove, Lord Ill, 8 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sugarcane String Band, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Rich West Blatt, 6 pm, free THE HUTCH—Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Tom D’Antoni, 4:30 pm; Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, 7 pm JADE LOUNGE—Colin Johnson, 7 pm THE KNOW—King Elephant, Neutral Boy, 8 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Jackstraw, 6 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Musekiwa Chingodza, 6 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Adrian H & The Wounds, 6 pm, free, all ages OREGON ZOO—K.D. Lang, Siss Boom Bang, 6 pm, $38, all ages PLAN B—Atriarch, Whitehorse, The Body, Usnea, 8 pm QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Tom Grant, 8:30 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Brothers ’n’ Laws, 9 pm ROTTURE—Excruciator, Apothesary, Blessed Curse, Motorthrone, 9 pm, $6 SLIM’S—Open Mic, 9 pm, free TASTE ON 23RD—Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION—Eric John Kaiser , 9 pm TIGER BAR—Sarah Moon & The Night Sky, AC Lov Ring, 9 pm TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—Lost & Found, Jelly Bread, Slow Children, 8:30 pm, $6

helloGoodbye · William beckett & house of heroes sunday july 22 crystal ballroom 1332 W burnside sT · PorTlAnd, or · 7:00Pm shoW · All Ages TickeTs AT cAscAde TickeTs · chArge by Phone 855-cAs-TiXX X2 TickeTs Also AT crysTAl bAllroom boX office

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WEDNESDAY 7/4 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Suck My Open Mic w/Tamara J. Brown, 7:30 pm, free AL’S DEN—Chris Schelske, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Danny Romero, 7 pm, free BEATERVILLE BAR & LUBRITORIUM—Doc McTeer’s Medicine Show, 5 pm; Jeremy Burton Band, 8 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Half-Step Shy Happy Hour: David Gerow, 6 pm, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—The Fenix Project, 9 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm DEPOKOS PIZZA—Open Mic, 8 pm, all ages ★ DIG A PONY—Shadows on Stars, Street Nights, DJ Jake Morris, free EAST BURN—Irish Music Jam, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Sonny Hess, 7 pm, free EUGENIO’S—Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN—Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA—Open Mic HEATHMAN—Bre Gregg, 7 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Tom D’Antoni, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Twizzy & Friends, 7 pm; Hazel Rickard, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 LANDMARK SALOON—Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Alameda, Emily Logan, 6 pm MARRIOTT HOTEL—Curtis Salgado, Too Slim & The Taildraggers, Charlie Musselwhite, 10:15 pm, $15 MILL ENDS TAVERN—Vickie Stevens Band MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Hoo, noon, all ages O’CONNORS VAULT—Jon Koonce & One More Mile, 8 pm, free PORTLAND SPIRIT—Waterfront Blues Festival: Driftin’ Cruise: Brooks Robertson, Lionel Young Band, Mr. Nick & the Dirty Tricks, Arsen Shomakov, 2:30 pm, all ages RADIO ROOM—Sidestreet Reny, 9 pm, free RED ROOM—Open Mic, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Jordan Harris, 9 pm SLABTOWN—Knife in the Eye, Defect Defect, Social Graces, 9 pm, $5

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1037 sW broAdWAy · PorTlAnd, or · 7:30Pm shoW · All Ages TickeTs AT All TickeTmAsTer locATions · chArge by Phone 1-800-745-3000 June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 49

50 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

LIVE MUSIC SUNDOWN PUB—SongWrecker Cabaret, 9 pm ★ TOM MCCALL WATERFRONT PARK—Waterfront Blues Festival: Curtis Salgado, Too Slim & The Taildraggers, Kevin Selfe, Linda Hornbuckle, Lisa Mann, Duffy Bishop, Rae Gordon, Amy Keys, Lady Kat, La Rhonda Steele, The Wired Band, Mr. Nick & the Dirty Tricks, Arsen Shomakov, Tony Furtado, Ben Rice, The Muddy Sons, Franco & The Stingers, Vicki Stevens, Chuk Barber, Hammer Lane Blues Club, Charlie Musselwhite, Simon Tucker Group, Norman Sylvester, Brooks Robertson, Bill Rhoades, Mitch Kasmar, Nick David, Mike Moothart, Johnnie Ward, Stan Street, Joe McMurrian, Lionel Young Band, noon, all ages TRADER VIC’S—Xavier Tavera’s Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 6 pm THE WAYPOST—Classical Revolution, 7 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Nutmeggers, 8:30 pm, free

DJ LISTINGS THURSDAY 6/28

CC SLAUGHTERS—Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CLUB 21—Greyskull THE EMBERS AVENUE—Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ—Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free THE KNOW—Eye Candy: DJ Danny Norton, 8 pm LANGANO LOUNGE—Veridius Quo, 9 pm THE LOVECRAFT—Mutant Disco, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Panty Droppa, free MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICK’S FAMOUS CONEY ISLAND—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free PALACE OF INDUSTRY—The Walk of Shame: DJ Pippa Possible, 8 pm, free SANTA FE TAQUERIA—Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando SAUCEBOX—Evan Alexander SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm STAR BAR—Party Time: DJ A-Train, Isaiah Summers, 10 pm, free; DJ Jonny Cakes, 10 pm, free SWIFT LOUNGE—Funky Broadway: DJ Drew Groove TIGA—Tony Remple TUBE—Sethro Tull, 7 pm; Habits, DJ Matt Scaphism, 9 pm, $3 THE WHISKEY BAR—Damage, 10 pm; Never Say Die: Skism, Dodge & Fuski, 10 pm, $10 WORKSHOP PUB—Phonographix Video DJs, 9 pm

FRIDAY 6/29 AL’S DEN—DJ Flight Risk, 10:30 pm, free BERBATI’S—Mezzi, 10 pm, free BLITZ 21—DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CRYSTAL BALLROOM—’80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free ★ EAGLES LODGE—Shout!: DJ Drew Groove, DJ Liberator, Katrina Martiani, DJ Hippy Joe, 9 pm, $5 ELEMENT—Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Shut Up & Dance: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, $5 GOODFOOT—Soul Stew: DJ Aquaman HOLOCENE—Nurses, 5 pm, free; Snap!: Dr. Adam, Colin Jones , 9 pm, $3 JACK LONDON BAR AT THE RIALTO—DJ Mighty Moves, 10 pm, free LOLA’S ROOM—’80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 9 pm, $5 LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Joe, free MATADOR—Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm MILEPOST 5—DJ Revron, 7:30 pm MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu PALACE OF INDUSTRY—DJ Philadelphia Freedom STAR BAR—Blank Fridays: DJ Paultimore, 10 pm TIGA—Beacon Sound TRIPLE NICKEL—Theronious Chunk, Kut Throat TUBE—Neil Blender, 7 pm; Black Friday: Ronin Roc, 10 pm, $3 VALENTINE’S—DJ AM Gold, 9 pm

SATURDAY 6/30 AL’S DEN—DJ Rescue, 10:30 pm, free AURA—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BERBATI’S—Music for the Masses: King Fader, 10 pm CC SLAUGHTERS—House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Affiliated: Doc Adam, Ronin Roc, Rev Shines, 9 pm, free, $5 after 11pm DEVILS POINT—DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free EAST BURN—’80s Dance Attack: DJ Revron, 10 pm, free ★ EAST END—Baron Saturday’s Mod Monthly: DJ Beyonda, DJ Baron Saturday, DJ A Train, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious,

10 pm, free GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—DJ Sonero, 9:30 pm GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILL—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free GROOVE SUITE—After Dark GROUND KONTROL—Landau Boyz, 9 pm, free ★ HOLOCENE—Big Fun: Summer Jams Dance Party: DJ Papi, Michael Bruce, 11 pm, $3 ★ LOLA’S ROOM—Jai Ho! Bollywood Bliss Dance Party: DJ Prashant, 9 pm, $5-10 LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Kenoy, free MATADOR—DJ Drew Groove, 10 pm MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Hookahdome: Jef Stot, DJ Anjali, DJ Globalruckus, Plantrae, 9 pm TIGA—Cowboys from Sweden TUBE—Saturdazed: DJGH, DJ Czief Xenith, 7 pm VALENTINE’S—A.V. Club, 9 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Revolve: KTheory, 10 pm, $12

SUNDAY 7/1 AALTO LOUNGE—Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free ALLEYWAY CAFE & BAR—Country Music, 3 pm, free, all ages ★ BEULAHLAND—The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSH—DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINT—Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free EAST END—Driven to Death: Nick Bellicose, Wild Mohicans, Vicious Pleasures, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free PLAN B—Hive Goth Night, 9 pm, free TUBE—Dark Sundays: DJ Josh Dark, 10 pm VAULT—Saved by the Belvedere: DJ 60/40

MONDAY 7/2 BLUE MONK—Deep Cuts, 8 pm CLUB 21—Witch Throne EAGLE PORTLAND—Maricon: Ill Camino, DJ Moisti, 10 pm, $3 GROUND KONTROL—Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 7 pm, free MATADOR—I Don’t Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O’MALLEY’S SALOON & GRILL—Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR—Metal Mondays: DJ Blackhawk, 10 pm, free TIGA—Champagne Jam

TUESDAY 7/3 CC SLAUGHTERS—DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CLUB 21—DJ Dirty Red CROWN ROOM—See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Tom Waits Night: DJ Full of Bourbon, 8 pm; Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADOR—DJ Donny Don’t, 10 pm, free STAR BAR—DJ Smooth Hopperator, 10 pm, free ★ SWIFT LOUNGE—Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA—DJ Smelly P TUBE—DJ Overcol, 7 pm; Tubesday, 10 pm

WEDNESDAY 7/4 CC SLAUGHTERS—Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CRUZROOM—Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio: Pat Kearns, Mark Brachmann THE EMBERS AVENUE—Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens GROOVE SUITE—Woo Down Wednesday, 10 pm, free LADD’S INN—DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free MILL ENDS TAVERN—DJ Wicked MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free SAUCEBOX—DJ Nealie Neal STAR BAR—Love Monkeys: DJ Overcol, DJ Moderhead, 10 pm, free TED’S—World Music Dance Party: DJ Jason Catalyst, 10 pm TIGER BAR—Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE—Loyd Depriest, 6 pm; DJ Creepy Crawl, 7 pm; Paint it Black: DJ Freaky Outy, 10 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Whiskey Wednesdays: American Girls, 10 pm, free

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 51

No Straight Lines: Four Decades of Queer Comics is an important, overdue anthology—but to describe it as such shouldn’t take away from just how much fun it is. Among the stories chronologically collected here, there are tales of young love, heartbreak, frustrated nights at the club, and meaningless hookups of both the fun and depressing variety; there are drag queens, lesbians who sleep with men, transgender people in transition, and a few anthropomorphic penises, just for good measure. Some of the most powerful work here deals with the AIDS crisis, while the funniest stuff mostly involves butts. Queerthemed comics have long been self-published, indie affairs (gay Green Lantern notwithstanding)—thus this book collects not only a remarkable range of tones, styles, and perspectives, but also serves as a fascinating walk through 40 years of comics history. It’s a great anthology, a must-have for comics fans, queers, and especially anyone in the sweet spot where those circles overlap. ALISON HALLETT The Legend of Bold Riley by Leia Weathington (Northwest Press) Release party w/Weathington and Vanessa Gillings, Bridge City Comics, 3725 N Mississippi, Sat June 30, 6 pm, 21+

You like Buffy? Now throw some Xena and Conan the Barbarian into that mix and you’ve got a pretty good idea about Portland comic creator Leia Weathington’s debut book The Legend of Bold Riley. Set in the fairy-tale Eastern country of Prakkalore, the Princess Rilavashana (nicknamed Riley) is bored by her well-explored kingdom, so she sets out to vanquish monsters, sex up pretty ladies, and kick some ass. There are five stories, each illustrated by different artists, and some shine more than others: Jason Thompson in “The Serpent in the Belly” is a standout, with

expressive illustrations that are rich with details about Riley’s world. The Legend of Bold Riley is a goofy and enjoyable Arabian Nights-style collection that never makes a hullabaloo that its strong swordbrandishing hero and righter of wrongs is a woman (a woman who loves the ladies, no less), because, duh, why the fuck wouldn’t she be? COURTNEY FERGUSON Animal Man: Volume 1: The Hunt by Jeff Lemire and Travel Foreman (DC Comics) When DC Comics rebooted their line last August—reimagining their books with new creators and storylines—only a few titles stood out. Chief among them was Animal Man, written by Essex County’s Jeff Lemire and featuring creepy, jarring art from Travel Foreman. In that first issue, Lemire and Foreman introduced Buddy Baker, a man who can take on the attributes of any animal he wishes—but also the sort of guy who when he gets interviewed by The Believer, has his profession listed as “superhero/actor/activist.” Buddy—who spends more time hanging out with his family than fighting supervillains, and describes himself as “just a guy from San Diego with animal powers”—soon discovers that his young daughter is exhibiting abilities both similar to and far more worrisome than his own. Animal Man had a great first issue, full of weird promise and ominous dread, which makes it a bummer that in the five subsequent issues that make up this collection, the book doesn’t go much further. Things happen, but the stakes feel the same; questions are answered, but more are asked. Animal Man may still cash in on the potential of its beginning, but it doesn’t do so here. ERIK HENRIKSEN

Jeff is back at the Sea Tramp! 503.231.9784 Committed to improving your ACNE?

...visit

SILKFACE

www.silkface.skincaretherapy.net (971)-227-6262 52 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

Even-keeled comics memoirist Guy Delisle has documented day-to-day life in Pyongyang, Shenzhen, and Burma; for his newest book, he packs his pencils and heads to Jerusalem with his partner, an administrator for Médecins Sans Frontières. While his partner is in and out of Gaza, doing important doctor-type work, Delisle spends his days taking care of the kids, exploring religious sites, and learning new ways to navigate Jerusalem traffic. It’s a remarkably level account—Delisle is clearly sympathetic to the Palestinian cause, but it’s only with extreme reluctance that he refrains from shopping at a grocery store in an Israeli settlement. (It stocks his favorite brand of cereal.) Most of his commentary is limited to the “Whoa, that’s weird!” of seeing men out for a job with guns casually strapped to their backs. The decision to emphasize the mundane, rather than the political, is paradoxically what makes Jerusalem such a quietly compelling read. AH Nurse Nurse by Katie Shelly (Sparkplug) It’s the year 3030! Humans are living on Mars and Venus, but the artificial atmospheres cause random cases of atmosphere poisoning. Luckily there are still go-go boots… I mean, space nurses! Matterof-fact space-hottie Nurse Nurse is a recent nursing school graduate, traveling on a planetary circuit to treat poisoned colonists—but instead of running into atmosphere poisoning, she ends up fielding mysteries, boy bands, bureaucracy, lost love, evil pirates, and sneaky aphrodisiac butterflies! Nurse Nurse is reminiscent of 1960s European sci-fi, but it’s more approachable and well explained; and it’s so much fun that it also reminds me of Scott Pilgrim (the earlier, less emo books). Nurse Nurse is the first book published by Spark-

How do I order my desires?

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No Straight Lines edited by Justin Hall (Fantagraphics)



COMICS ROUNDUP



CULTURE/ART/PDX

Jerusalem: Chronicles from the Holy City by Guy Delisle (Drawn and Quarterly)

ThinkRenaissance.org

plug since the death of its publisher, Dylan Williams, and it continues their reputation of bringing amazing, under-the-radar comics voices out into the light. I’m so glad to have another Sparkplug gem. SUZETTE SMITH The First Sign of Anything by Kevin Hooyman (Self-Published) It begins with a longhaired woman, sitting at a desk, drawing. She tells her dog she’d “like to think that this one little chapter would include pretty much everything a person needs to know to […] establish themselves as a member of any community on Earth!” Then she and the dog begin to change. Split into seven chapters, The First Sign of Anything at first felt like a humorous play on self-help material, but then I began to realize Hooyman’s social psychology observations are completely in earnest. His beautiful, densely drawn subjects change their shape, reflexively morphing to match and illustrate each new concept. This is officially the first comic book to almost trigger my own existential vertigo. Luckily there’s a feeling of calm and flexibility worked into the art itself; the meticulous lines are natural and organic. Big picture concepting busts a variety of hilarious dance moves. SS Baby’s in Black: Astrid Kirchherr, Stuart Sutcliffe, and the Beatles in Hamburg by Arne Bellstorf (First Second) While technically one of many fifth Beatles, bassist Stuart Sutcliffe was more like the lost Beatle, due to his untimely death in 1962, and his tale hasn’t been crammed down your storyhole as aggressively as all those other Beatles. In the historical comic Baby’s in Black—written and drawn by Arne Bellstorf—Stu and lovely photographer/ tastemaker Astrid Kirchherr get their time in the limelight. A burgeoning artist, Sutcliffe was the bassist for the Beatles when he fell in love with pixie-haired Kirschherr. Their sweet story of love and art and music is set in early-’60s Hamburg, Germany, when the baby Beatles were cutting their teeth in the red light district. Beatles fans will have much to like about the book, but non-Fab Four lovers might find it narratively light underneath its beautifully drawn, apple-cheeked charm. CF

Full Body Burden: Growing Up in the Nuclear Shadow of Rocky Flats

by Kristen Iversen (Crown) Reading at Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, Fri June 29, 7 pm

COMEDY Q+A

UBLISHERS PASSED OVER Kristen Iversen’s Full Body Burden, until the nearnuclear winter in Japan last year made fallout relevant again. This is absurd—to think that radioactive pollution succumbs to fad. It will outlive even the colonies we will have to build on the moon. Iversen’s carefully pruned memoir layers the story of the Rocky Flats nuclear weapons plant in Colorado, a cold-war darling that made plutonium triggers, over her life in its “nuclear shadow.” Her greatest feat, beyond her clear exposition of decades of scientific mismanagement, is to explain our capacity to ignore what seems too deeply embedded to fix. Iversen grew up in a planned community adjacent to Rocky Flats, played childhood games downwind of it, and even did clerical work at the plant as an adult. In some ways her youth was idyllic—she had a pony, to put it briefly. On the other hand, her father was an alcoholic, providing for the family through an increasingly precarious law practice. Her mother was an onlooker to his gradual decline, sympathetic to his weaknesses, but unable to stand up to him. Rocky Flats offers the same kind of paradox. Set amid picturesque mountains, the factory was once the economic engine for the surrounding Denver

ORTLAND LOVES Ron Funches. The disarmingly sweet comedian recently had a great set on Conan and is becoming known well beyond Stumptown. Unfortunately for us, Funches is moving to Los Angeles next week—before he goes, he’s doing one last show with Funny Over Everything. He chatted briefly with us about his plans and what makes the Portland comedy scene so damn great. TEMPLE LENTZ MERCURY: So you’re moving to LA! Why there, now? RON FUNCHES: I’ve been planning on moving to LA for quite some time. At some point you have to try your hand if this is going to be your career. It’s either New York or LA in the end, and I have more friends and family and support in LA.

Funny Over Everything

Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Thurs June 28, 9 pm, $10

What’s the plan once you’re there? I’m going to take some acting classes and further work on developing my stand-up skills. I hope to tour more and maybe open for a great headliner on an extended tour. I’ll probably just get my medical card and smoke all day with Richard Bain, though. What will you miss the most about Portland?

suburbs. However, the plant poisoned, to small or great extent, everything that came close to it. As little as one millionth of a gram of plutonium can be cancerous if internalized, though the effects may not be felt for decades. Yet, in its 40 years of operation, Rocky Flats lost almost 3,000 pounds of the stuff, simply filed as “Material Unaccounted For.” The concept of a failed protector binds the Rocky Flats narrative to Iversen’s, and she build a great rhythm by letting the two tales go blow-for-blow. Iversen uses mini-biographies of Rocky Flats workers to demystify the plant’s operations. As soldiers of the cold war, most clocked in proudly. Meanwhile, managers carefully sealed them into their one stop on the assembly line, and hid or refuted environmental impacts. Iversen’s biggest failing is in not also personalizing the blame-bearing managers and government regulators, who I could only imagine as gray flannel suits. Though topically linked to events at Fukushima, the story of Rocky Flats actually seems more in line with the recent financial meltdown; it was spurred by greed and negligence, not panic or an “act of god.” However, it is too scary to believe that our nuclear waste is as poorly guarded as our banks. JANE CARLEN

My friends. We are lucky to have such great comics here who are also great people. Hanging out with them at Ganja Jon’s talking about our dreams is what I’ll miss the most. The least? Nothing. I love this city. It made me a comedian. Portland’s comedy scene really seems to be taking off right now. Do you agree that there’s something special happening here? It is very special. It happens when people do art for the love of it. Before Bridgetown, before Helium, we were all doing it because we love it, and it shows. With your son and your friends here, can folks expect to see you visiting once in a while? Of course. I love it here. I just want to take a plane to get here now, it makes me feel opulent. Any parting words for fans, friends, and total strangers who might happen to read this interview? Enjoy the rare amount of talent that you have in this town before they all move away. It is a special time.

ARTCHART OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK

ANYTHING YOU WANT DONE, BABY, I'LL DO IT NATURALLY

MELISSA DOW

BOOK REVIEW

MARIA JOAN DIXON • OPENS JULY 2 STUMPTOWN COFFEE • 128 SW 3RD

Reservoir Dolls—A gender-swapped adaptation of Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs, the dirty crime classic about a team of thieves who turn on each other in the aftermath of a botched heist. Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside, Thurs June 28-Sun July 1, 8 pm, $15-20, bossanovaballroom.com No Joke—A special NoFest version of the intimate comedy showcase with a bent toward storytelling and sick jokes, with performances by Richie Stratton, Whitney Streed, Kyle Harbert, and others. Wishing Well, 8800 N Lombard, Sat June 30, 9:30 pm, free The Liberators—The last performance of Portland’s sexiest improv troupe before they go into hibernation for the summer. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, Sat June 30, 8 pm, $12-15, theliberators.net Grant Cogswell—A reading from Cogswell’s debut poetry collection, The Dream of the Cold War. Copies will be printed off, one at a time, as needed, using Powell’s new Espresso Book Machine. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Sun July 1, 7:30 pm, powells.com Finn J.D. John—Wicked Portland: The Wild and Lusty Underworld of a Frontier Seaport Town is a history of Portland’s rough, colorful past. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, Mon July 2, 7 pm, powells.com PO RTLAN D M E RCU RY.CO M HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS

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June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 53

ARTSCALENDAR

READINGS FRIDAY 6/29 WILL HOLDER

A series of readings from various works, dedicated to the single mothers of the world. YU Contemporary, 800 SE 10th, 236-7996, 7 pm

SATURDAY 6/30

VOICES OF VETERANS Mosaic Multicultural Foundation presents an evening of storytelling from author and storyteller Michael Meade, along with numerous other returning veterans. First Unitarian Church of Portland, 1211 SW Main, 7 pm, $12, free for veterans

New on Alberta

GRIDLORDS The latest installment of the live comic reading series, featuring artists/writers Cameron Hawkeye, Suzette Smith, Sam Alden, Elijah Brubaker, and Patrick Keck. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams, 367-3182, 8 pm, free

New on Alberta

Mens and womens vintage goods

BABES WELCOME

COMEDY DREAM TEAM A new stand-up showcase that intends on bringing the funniest minds in Portland to the Overlook area, featuring Ian Karmel, Nathan Brannon, Steven Wilbur, Mandie Allietta, and Jen Allen. Hosted by Joe Hieronymus. Beaterville Bar & Lubritorium, 2201 N Killingsworth, 7354652, Tues July 3, 8 pm, free

DOWN TO FUNNY Featuring performances from Nariko Ott, Marcia Belsky, Andrew Michaan, Richie Stratton, and headliner Don Frost. Hosted by Katie Brien and Danny Felts. East Burn, 1800 E Burnside, 236-2876, Mon July 2, 8 pm, free

FUCK YEAH PARTY III

Mensof and womens The founder the Codex International Book FairWELCOME discussBABES es the fair,vintage his careergoods as a fine art printer, and some of his more recent artist books. Em Space Book Arts Center, 407 SE Ivon, Mon 5 pm

KEVIN BROWN

PETER KOCH

The People’s Pension proposes democratizing Social Security, and getting it out of government’s hands completely. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 2284651, 7:30 pm

TUESDAY 7/3

STEPHEN GRAHAM JONES Growing up Dead in Texas is Jones’ attempt to create a narrative around the unsolved arson of a Greenwood, Texas, cotton field. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651,7:30 pm A storefilled with one of a kind finds

THEATER

HOW TO SURVIVE A POISON APPLE

4932 NE 30TH AVE PDX, OR 30th Ave right off of Alberta

COMEDY

MONDAY 7/2

ERIC LAURSEN

A store filled with one of a kind finds

acrobatic artists, combining storytelling and high-flying artistry. Musical accompaniment by Fever. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 719-6055, Fri June 29, 7 pm and Sat June 30, 8 pm, $25-30

A fractured fairy tale in the form of Mindy Dillard, perform4932 NE 30THshow AVEaboutPDX, OR ing a one-woman, five-song the evolution of her self-image as she faces down anorexia. Hipbone 30th Ave right off of Alberta Studios, 1847 E Burnside #104, 231-3994, Fri June 29Sat June 30, 7:30 pm, $12-15

A celebration of summer (such as it is here in Portland) with live music, new art, and comedy. Get Happy Studios, 2119 N Kerby, Fri June 29, 8 pm, $5

A night of stand-up from a man best known as Dot Com, Tracy Jordan’s bodyguard/best friend/right-hand man on NBC’s 30 Rock. Mt. Tabor Theater, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 360-1450, Thurs June 28, 8:30 pm, Fri June 29Sat June 30, 7 & 9:30 pm, $15

VISUAL ART BE STEEL MY HEART Artspace presents a group show focused on the Steel Bridge on the event of its 100th anniversary. Ristretto Roasters, 3520 NE 42nd, 284-6767, July 1-31

EARTHLY DOOR MSHR, a collaborative project by Brenna Murphy and Birch Cooper, presenting sculptural human-electronic interfaces, surrounded by mirrored glowing sand glyphs, sonic rainforest codes, and laser feedback corridors. Appendix Project Space, btwn 26th and 27th Avenues on NE Alberta (South Alley), Thurs June 28, 9 pm and Sun July 1, 9 pm

FRIENDS & ICONS

A one-woman play about an actress beset by divorce and addiction, and a high-priced courtesan seeking to influence Greece’s most powerful politician. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh, 220-2646, Thurs June 28, 8 pm-Sat June 30, 8 pm and Sun July 1, 2 pm, $15

An exhibition/fundraiser, featuring works by Bobbie Sue Schindler and Manny Reyes, focused on celebrating friendship and iconography through interpretations of the likenesses of Paul Newman, Uhura, Aaliyah, and Madonna. Music provided by Strategy. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, 241-0227. Sat June 30, 6 pm

INVASION OF THE BICYCLE SNATCHERS

EMERGE UNDERGROUND

YOU BELONG TO ME

A blending of stage play and bicycle ride from Working Theatre Collective, complete with alien invasion, government conspiracies, and sentient bicycles. Audiences ride alongside this traveling storytelling event. Ladd’s Circle, 1600 SE Harrison, Thurs June 28- Fri June 29, 6:30 pm, free

DANCE LA LUNA, A MOONLIGHT CIRCUS

A one night art show featuring emerging fringe and outsider artists from Portland, Vancouver, and the Willamette Valley, featuring live performance art from Terry Holloway and Graeme Haub, and live music provided by DJ Emok and Jonathan Christ. Slate Technologies, 6315 SE Holgate, Fri June 29, 7 pm, free

For a complete calendar of arts events, see portlandmercury.com

Night Flight presents the Northwest’s finest aerial and

THEATER NEWS National Theatre Live One Man, Two Guvnors, Sat June 30, 2 & 7 pm, Frankenstein, Sun July 1, 1 & 5 pm, World Trade Center Theater, 121 SW Salmon, $20, thirdrailrep.org

ATIONAL THEATRE LIVE is a program that records productions at London’s National Theatre, and rebroadcasts them around the world—local company Third Rail Repertory Theatre hosts Portland’s screenings. A prerecorded version of a live show sounds hokey (and expensive, at $20 a ticket), until you consider the level of talent the National Theatre attracts: Last Saturday afternoon I saw Frankenstein, directed by Danny Boyle and starring Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock!) and Jonny Lee Miller (…Hackers?); on Sunday, the Tonywinning comedy One Man, Two Guvnors. Of the two shows, Frankenstein was far less suited to being recorded. The big hook is that Miller and Cumberbatch alternate roles as Victor Frankenstein and his Creature; the heartbreaking script closely focuses on the experiences of the Creature, a sad sack of a monster who wants nothing but companionship from the world, and finds nothing but cruelty. The performances are impressive—surprise, Jonny Lee Miller is a really good actor!—but the

54 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

production as a whole doesn't translate well to film. The stage is huge, mostly empty and overhung with a cluster of dozens of bare bulbs—in person, no doubt this conveys a sense of humanity’s insignificance in the face of an uncaring universe, or something profound like that. But the effect is lost when someone else is telling you where to look, and closeups and camera fades are distracting and over-used. If you’re a diehard Cumberbatch fan, though, go see it when he’s performing the role of the Creature, for the five-minute movement-based creation-myth scene alone. If I was disappointed in Frankenstein, Sunday redeemed the National Theatre Live experience: One Man, Two Guvnors is totally hilarious and charming, a character- and dialoguedriven show that lends itself much better to film than the more atmospheric Frankenstein. (It also features the most brilliant use of audience participation I’ve ever seen.) A convoluted farce about a servant-for-hire who tries to hold down jobs with two bosses at the same time, the show hinges on James Corden’s endearingly hard-won performance, plus a few stellar supporting characters. The production’s more intimate scale means that, unlike Frankenstein, the audience doesn’t feel like they’re missing anything. ALISON HALLETT

Sold Out

FASHION

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Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com

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found “a red poppy flower that fought its way through the asphalt” outside the building, he reports. “Our original business name was 'Poppi,' and the red flower in the Popina logo is a red poppy—pretty wild.” Look for a grand opening to celebrate the new configuration in early 2013. Popina headquarters, 2030 NE 42nd, popinaswimwear.com. Close on the heels of swinging open the doors for a soft opening, Garnish is celebrating the opening of their second location, having expanded from NE Alberta to a some primo retail real estate in the Pearl District. The grand opening event will feature dancing and live music from Stumbleweed, plus the requisite snacks and drinks, toasting not only a new outlet for the in-house Garnish line designed by shop owner Erica Lurie, but exclusive editions like handbags from Latico and Portuguese brand Artelusa, as well as “funky belts” by Motif 56. Garnish grand opening party, 404 NW 12th, Fri June 29, 6-9 pm. The Portland location of the Las Vegasbased Patty’s Closet is geared up to welcome an accessory-dedicated companion store to its side. Sparkle by Patty’s Closet will mirror the apparel shop’s dedication to moderate pricing, with jewelry and small accessories like iPhone covers in the $10-40 range. On its opening day, the first 50 customers will score gift bags, so if you’re on the hunt for some cheap(er) thrills, go early. Sparkle by Patty’s Closet, 828 NW 23rd, opens Sat June 30, 11 am. River and pool weather is imminent, and if you’re in the market for a new suit, don’t miss the sample sale at Citrine this week. Pieces that may or may not have gone into production for 2012 by Calvin Klein, Speedo, Raisins, Anne Cole, and Leilani will all be on offer, including a small selection for men and kids, all within the range of $25-45. They’ll cap things off with a “beach party” featuring bubbles and a 10 percent discount in the rest of the store, plus a one-day-only 50 percent off rack, so hit it. Citrine, 2937 E Burnside, Fri June 29, sale at noon, party at 6 pm.

MON -T H

JEN KILCOYNE DESIGN

AC REˆ P

POPINA (RENDERING)

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VISITORS TO East Burnside have likely noticed there’s a new kid on the block (and I’m not just talking about Boogies Burgers and Brew). One of the city’s best sources for modern and mid-century furniture, the Good Mod set up shop in the former TEDx space at 1000 E Burnside back in May for a month-long pop-up shop. And yet, it remains, its timeline now indefinite (they recently moved their permanent shop to the fourth floor of 1313 W Burnside, in the coveted warehouse space above Everyday Music)—it could be two weeks, it could be six (maybe more?). For a business that tends to keep out of sight, doing much of its business online, one can imagine that the visibility on this formerly dingy stretch of increasingly foot-trafficked real estate could become addicting. Within striking distance of the style-minded patrons of Lille Boutique and the 811 E Burnside building, curious shoppers are lured in by the carefully edited showroom visible through the windows, where visitors are met with various delights, from a stiletto-legged dining table to a floor-to-ceiling map of Portland circa the turn of the 20th century. As an introduction to the wider world of the Good Mod’s wares, it’s a well-dangled carrot, but one that could disappear at any moment. The Good Mod pop-up shop, 1000 E Burnside, showroom 1313 W Burnside, 4th floor, thegoodmod.com. It’s parade season, and in Portland there’s a parade for every niche, if usually of the two-wheeled variety. Vintage, hat, and vintage hat enthusiasts get their day in the sun this week with the third annual rendition of the Portland Hat Parade. The invention of “Lulu” Anne Weiland of Lulu’s Vintage, the Hat Parade began on an occasion when she invited her friends over to dress up in her collection of vintage hats, after which they struck out onto the town for champagne and dessert. They attracted enough attention on the streets that Weiland decided she may as well make an official spectacle out of it, and thus the Hat Parade was born. Free to attend, participants gather at Lulu’s for a pre-parade meet-up, where last-minute hat purchases can be made. (Vintage or self-made hats are preferred, but the only class of hat that disqualifies is the baseball cap.) The route will include visits to area hat shops, along with a concluding fête over drinks and other treats. The Third Annual Portland Hat Parade, Lulu’s Vintage, 916 W Burnside, Sat June 30, noon (parade leaves at 1 pm). In other retail news, Portland swimwear empire Popina Swimwear has purchased a building in the Hollywood District that is set to become their new headquarters at the end of this year. Big enough to house a large studio space for in-house designer and proprietress Pamela Levenson, storage, and 2,000 square footage of retail space, the new building will replace Popina’s original HQ and storefront at 4831 NE 42nd. (Their second Pearl District location, at 318 NW 11th, will remain open.) Take it as a good omen that Levenson and her husband Will

.le www

happy.com

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 55

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STARTS FRIDAY, LIVING ROOM THEATERS JUNE 29TH 341 SW TENTH AVE. (971) 222-2010 PORTLAND 56 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

Portland Mercury

FILM

Tampa Strip

Magic Mike’s Art-House Camp by Alison Hallett STEVEN SODERBERGH makes the movies he wants to make, and apparently this time around Magic Mike he really wanted dir. Steven Soderbergh to make a movie Opens Fri June 29 that prominently Various Theaters features Matthew McConaughey’s glistening abs. McConaughey plays the shiny, ridiculous frontman of Tampa strip club Xquisite, where he leans hard into his Southern drawl and goes by “Dallas.” Under his charismatic stewardship, the club transforms nightly into a giddy, giggly bacchanal; male dancers feed on the crowd’s energy, turning the performance into a low-stakes power play. Audience members are hoisted to the stage to pantomime the most athletic sex they’ve ever had; in one routine, the dancers’ crotches become machine guns, fi ring a spray (of imaginary bullets!) into the crowd. Objectifying men, it turns out, is way more fun than objectifying women—Magic Mike’s campy, enjoyable musical numbers are predicated on the fact that the dancers want to be there just as much as the audience does. Headliner “Magic Mike” (Channing

Tatum) is a hard-working hustler, possibly possessing a heart of gold, whose dream is to save enough money to open a custom carpentry business. (He’s “good with his hands.”) Tatum’s alleged sexual magnetism doesn’t really resonate with me, but he’s perfectly likeable, and his best scenes here are with low-key love interest Brooke

(Cody Horn), the big sister of Mike’s young protégé “The Kid” (the verrrry handsome Alex Pettyfer). Despite its winky title, and the apparently near-universal appeal of Channing Tatum hopping around shirtless while wearing a little hat, Magic Mike is more than just a straight-to-screen Chippen-

MAGIC MIKE Above, center: Channing Tatum, the greatest actor of this or any generation.

My Buddy

dales revue. Soderbergh is interested in all aspects of his characters’ work, and the strip club behind-the-scenes are some of the fi lm’s most entertaining: The dancers sew their own thongs, shave their legs, and swap theories about “Waffle House pussy” while drinking home-brewed Viagra. It’s almost a shame that Magic Mike has to have a plot at all, and the halfhour of story shoehorned in at the end is about what you’d expect from a movie about Florida strippers: drugs, weird sex, a baby pig eating vomit off the floor of a fancy apartment. It’s a world full of easy money and easier women, a world that’s awesome when you’re 19 and less so at 30. The strippers pursue pleasure, and suffer its consequences; some learn lessons and some don’t. Neither Soderbergh nor Magic Mike’s characters are interested in passing judgment one way or another.

GEEK OUT GOLDEN NOIR Max Payne 3

Ted The Talking Teddy (Don’t Ask) by Marjorie Skinner

FILM

IT’S A MYSTERY why Ted (voiced by bear who hires prostitutes (one of whom Seth MacFarlane) exists. A talking teddy shits on the floor on a dare), sings cocainebear brought to life by a lonely little boy fueled karaoke, and fights—an extended hotel fight scene being the film’s who wished upon a star, Ted beTed finest moment. Sure there are came a minor celebrity, appeardir. Seth MacFarlane things to keep the characters ing on talk shows and the cover Opens Fri June 29 occupied: Ted fills in the badof Rolling Stone, but never forVarious Theaters influence friend role in the old got his best friend, with whom he huddled under the covers during thun- rom-com saw about the girlfriend (Mila Kuder storms. He grew up with the boy, John nis, perpetually the guy’s gal who laughs at (Mark Wahlberg), until they both became fart jokes and drinks beer) waiting for her beer swilling, bong ripping, fast-cussing man to grow up. There’s the creepy dude Bostonian men. The rest of the world, (Giovanni Ribisi) and his sadistic son (Aedin Mincks), who stalk Ted, lurking around meanwhile, kind of forgot about them. Ted the movie exists primarily for the menacingly. But that’s all window dressing comedic fun of an adorable but dirty teddy meant to bolster the hijinks of the tough-

Complicated People

FILM

Alex Kurtzman Chooses People Over Robots by Elinor Jones

SO YOU KNOW how people mock Garden tragedy, meets a woman who will change State as an example of a directorial de- his life. The difference with this fi lm is but project gone… not exactly wrong, but that instead of yelling into a crevasse with a manic Natalie Portman, overwrought? All fi rst-timePeople Like Us Sam (Chris Pine, swoon) goes to director-y? People Like Us is dir. Alex Kurtzman AA meetings with a half-sister he very much the same deal. Opens Fri June 29 never knew he had, Frankie (ElizThere are the same closeVarious Theaters abeth Banks, who I guess is just in ups of serious faces and slightly blurred objects that scream “I’m everything now). This family drama is inspired by true an artist,” and, more notably, the plot is similar: a young man who isn’t living life events, co-written and directed by Alex to the fullest receives news that a parent Kurtzman, a man responsible for writing has suddenly died, and while dealing with some of the biggest blockbusters of the

talking, blonde-boning teddy bear. As such, Ted has its moments. Wahlberg is easily matched by his plush co-star’s comedic timing, and while uniformly aimed at the gutter, a fair number of the jokes stick their landing. The film’s whimsical premise also manages to attract a respectable number of cameos, from Norah Jones to Sam Jones, plus a moment from Tom Skerritt and two from Ryan Reynolds. On the other hand, in its effort to push the envelope, the humor occasionally veers into awkward racial territory—horny, stoned teddy bear is funny, racist teddy not so much. It might be advisable, then, to get your hands on some of what Ted and John spend a fair amount of their time smoking before embarking on this particularly odd journey, because chuckles are the only thing Ted has to work with. Best not worry about why it even exists. last five years: Transformers, Mission: Impossible III, Star Trek. “I met my own sister when I was 30, and it was something that really affected me and my life,” he told me in a recent interview. “I knew when we were writing it that I was going to want to stay involved through to the end. It’s so personal for me, and it’s really been a labor of love.” Kurtzman was super nice and sincere, and his movie is one of the rare earnest fi lms that comes out in blockbuster season. That said, I wish he’d ditched all of his swirly angles and (it pains me to say this) close-ups of Chris Pine’s face and just let his sweet story do its job. If Kurtzman’s trying to shake his big-budget reputation by doing something simple, he should have kept it simple.

Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com

Developed by Rockstar Studios Available Now for Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC THERE ARE at least five reasons for me to recommend Max Payne 3. It’s gorgeous. The voiceover work is some of the best the gaming biz has ever seen. The multiplayer component is surprisingly deep. The excellent level design offers a surprising amount of replayability. That said, I’d rather focus on the story. In Max Payne 3, there are no good guys. Everyone—from the paramilitary goons to the wealthy socialites—is moral shades of gray. Even our protagonist is an emotionally broken, junkie alcoholic: Max is definitely a hero, but you get the sense that he’s throwing himself into danger in the hopes that maybe the next firefight will end his suffering. “Gritty” would be a good descriptor here: “dark” too, though it’s more accurate to say that Max Payne 3 deals with adult themes in a realistic, mature fashion—like a good film. Comparing Max Payne 3 to a movie is fitting, as Rockstar has made its fortune by creating virtual homages to their favorite films: Grand Theft Auto apes Scorsese’s gangster flicks, Red Dead Redemption is a pastiche of classic westerns, and Max Payne 3 is a modern, hard-boiled noir. I want to stress that point because while this game is far more aesthetically colorful than its predecessors—Max Payne 3 sees our protagonist transplanted from New Jersey to sunny Brazil—the script makes it immediately apparent that this game is an apt addition to the series (even before you take out a room full of thugs with Max’s trademark akimbo pistols and a slow-motion staircase dive). Max Payne 3 is unapologetic about what it is, but it’s also an important release that demonstrates the storytelling potential of videogames. Even without the awesome John Woo-style gunplay, Max Payne 3 would still be the most legitimately engaging action tale released this year. EARNEST “NEX” CAVALLI

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 57

JASON JOEL DAVID

LAUREN

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WITH

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CEDRIC

BIGGS MOORE AMBROSE SMULDERS ARNOLD McDONALD THEENTERTAINER “ THIS

IS THE GREATEST FILM

IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA EVER MADE ABOUT ME!” - Grant Cogswell

CLOSING NIGHT FILM

SEATTLE FILM FESTIVAL

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LAUGH. CRY. VOTE FOR THE LITTLE GUY.

GRASSROOTS Written by Justin Rhodes and Stephen Gyllenhaal Directed by Stephen Gyllenhaal

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STARTS FRIDAY, JUNE 29

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58 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

9.75” x 13.5”

PORTLAND MERCURY

THURS 6/28

Boobs

I WAS SO RELUCTANT TO LET GO OF THE MOVIE THAT I SAT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE FINAL CREDITS. “

Succinct Reviews for the Discerning Cinephile Pink Ribbons, Inc. dir. Léa Pool Opens Fri June 29 Cinema 21

Pink has gone platinum. On each of your trips to the grocery store, I guarantee you’ve been a victim of “pinkwashing.” Pink Ribbons, Inc. illustrates how pink has swiftly and sneakily become the leading color of both breast cancer support and corporate trickery. Think about it: Would you rather buy the yogurt that contributes a few cents to breast cancer research, or the other one that makes you feel like a greedy, selfi sh, healthy person? That’s what I thought. And it’s what a plethora of crafty corporations

FILM

way through school as prostitutes—the subjects of her article. Charlotte (Anaïs Demoustier) is a nice girl from the wrong side of the tracks, and Alicja (Joanna Kulig) is a sassy Eastern European immigrant who gets Anne drunk on vodka and club music during their interview. Anne probes them on their motives (rent, leather jackets) and difficulties (double lives require above-average organizational skills), imagining the lurid scenes they describe in NC-17 detail. Despite the moral implications of the task at hand, Anne, along with director Malgorzata Szumowska, seems more concerned with glamorizing these young women’s circumstances than making any

The whole second half of the film is a nonstop smile.” – Stuart Klawans, THE NATION

★★★★★ ONE OF THE MOST MAGICAL

“

FILMS ABOUT CHILDHOOD I HAVE EVER SEEN.”

– Elizabeth Weitzman, NY DAILY NEWS

“DELICATE

AND OBSERVANT —

a lovely and piquant examination of childhood.”

– A.O. Scott, THE NEW YORK TIMES

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EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT PORTLAND Living Room Theatres

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More fun than a monkey on ice skates. www.portlandmercury.com

PORTLAND MERCURY THU: 6/28 1 COL. (2.25”) X 4” ALL.IWI.0628.PM

PINK RIBBONS, INC. The SINISTER TRUTH behind the PINK RIBBON.

have counted on since the fi rst pink ribbon was created 20 years ago. Pink Ribbons, Inc. unveils the politics behind the seemingly philanthropic, system of “supporting” a hunt for the breast cancer cure by throwing money at major businesses. Specifically, businesses that give a miniscule percentage of their profits to an unorganized network of endless research projects. The rest they tuck into their pink wallets. And not without irony: Avon’s pink-ribboned makeup, the emissions from Ford’s pink-striped sports cars, and KFC’s questionable chicken served in a Pepto-Bismol pink bucket: They all contain carcinogens. Awkward. Featuring interviews from women with breast cancer, power-suit-clad Susan G. Komen spokespeople, giddy “walk for a cure” members, and a handful of activists, Pink Ribbons, Inc. smoothly tackles a sensitive topic with an educated, eyeopening angle. ALEX ZIELINSKI

Elles dir. Malgorzata Szumowska Opens Fri June 29 Cinema 21

Anne is on deadline. A writer for French Elle, the mother of two (Juliette Binoche) languishes in her fabulous Paris apartment, affl icted by the usual ailments of the upper-middle-class: Her teenage son’s been smoking weed, her husband is distant, and she needs to finish her coq au vin in time for a dinner party. Elles takes us through her day, spent intermittently typing in pajamas, doing a little Pilates, a little masturbating, cutting and burning her hand while cooking, and—mostly—jealously recalling the lengthy interviews she conducted with two young college students working their

4 COLOR

useful social comment. In fact, the fi lm says little at all, mainly utilizing its premise as an excuse for soft-core fantasies in which the clients aren’t particularly hideous or cruel (barring one uncomfortable incident with a wine bottle). Which isn’t terrible—but it’s not terribly ambitious, either. MARJORIE SKINNER

Portland Underground Film Festival dirs. Various Sat June 30-Sun July 1 Clinton Street Theater

The Portland Underground Film Festival is upon us once again, so let’s affi x tiny lights to our proverbial helmets and delve into some underground cinema. The Good: The shorts on tap (Sat June 30) are varied and amusing. And while it’s about as underground as Zooey Deschanel, the inclusion of Tandem Hearts (screening Sun July 1) in the festival feels unfair. It probably cost about as much to make as the others, but a good eye and I assume lots of Apple products really show in terms of quality. Following the mumblecore travails of a gamine pair of Portland transplants, Hearts is a sweet little film, but Trash Humpers it’s not. The Bad: Equal parts Battlestar Galactica clips, truther theories, and lens flares, SpaceDisco One (Sat June 30) is a horrible clusterfuck and you shouldn’t see it. The Ugly: An avant-garde take on a supposed high school pregnancy plot, Bumps (Sun July 1) lands comfortably in the sweet spot between competent and unwatchable. Sound and editing issues abound, but it’s fun to see some young ladies make a movie in their own voice. BEN COLEMAN

“

hilArious And heArTfelT! A dream cast including Bruce Willis, edward norton, Bill murray & frances mcdormand.” pe Te r T r Ave r s , rol l i n g sTon e

Have You Seen

This summer’s sleeper hiT!”?

“

An n ho r n A dAy, T h e WA s h i n gTon p osT

Written By

#MoonriseKingdom

Directed By Wes Anderson Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola

Facebook.com/MoonriseKingdom

MoonriseKingdom.com

Check Local Listings For Theatre Locations And Showtimes

noW plAying in TheATres everyWhere

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 59

THE PORTLAND MERCURY

FILM SHORTS

ELLES

YOU AND A GUEST ARE INVITED TO A SNEAK SCREENING OF

THE ’80S ROOM

GRASSROOTS

Two hours of “the weirdest, funniest, and best television commercials from the 1980s.” Hollywood Theatre.

Grassroots is based on Phil Campbell’s memoir, in which he gets fired from the Mercury’s sister paper, Seattle’s The Stranger, and then becomes the manager of former Stranger writer Grant Cogswell’s doomed-but-spunky campaign for Seattle City Council. The good news is that Grassroots was obviously filmed on location: Seattle, and not some shitty generic Vancouver street corner, is everywhere in this movie. The bad news is everything else. PAUL CONSTANT Fox Tower 10.

B-MOVIE BINGO The Hollywood’s series features B-movies, with the audience marking down clichés on a custom-made bingo card. This time around: 1991’s Stone Cold, starring Brian Bosworth and Lance Motherfucking Henriksen. Hollywood Theatre.

BEYOND THE SPILL

EMAIL CONTESTPDX@GMAIL.COM@GMAIL.COM FOR A CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS TO THE SNEAK SCREENING.

A film about 22 Oregonians’ journey to the Gulf Coast following the oil spill. Proceeds go to the Audubon Society of Portland and Willamette Riverkeeper; director in attendance. Clinton Street Theater.

THE BIG FIX This film is not yet rated. Please note: Sneak passes are good Monday, July 2nd only. Showtime restrictions and locations will apply. All federal, state and local regulations apply. A recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket, and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider. Paramount Pictures, Seattle Stranger and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, winner is unable to use his/her ticket in whole or in part. Not responsible for lost, delayed or misdirected entries. All federal and local taxes are the responsibility of the winner. Void where prohibited by law. No purchase necessary. Participating sponsors, their employees and family members and their agencies are not eligible. NO PHONE CALLS!

IN THEATERS JULY 5 KatyPerryPartOfMe.com

Portland’s Historic non-Profit tHeatre

Portland Mercury THU: 6/28 BLACK & WHITE 4.75” x 3.25” RM ALL.KPP-P.0628.PM

4122 NE SaNdy BoulEvard

enter taining Por tl and since 1926

EVENT HOTLINE: (503) 493-1128

ThE hollyWood ThEaTrE NoW SErvES BEEr & WiNE. all agES STill adMiTTEd!

A documentary about the Deepwater Horizon, “the root causes of the oil spill and what really happened after the news cameras left.” Hey! That’s that thing that happened in The Newsroom pilot, right? Clinton Street Theater.

BIKE SMUT Watching porn in public is actually more silly and less creepy than you’d think it would be. At least that’s the case with Bike Smut, the globetrotting, Portland-born “sex-positive, human-powered” film fest premiering its sixth season: Turning Trixx. The festival’s mishmash of short, upbeat, feminist-friendly amateur pornos all revolve around bikes—and while they usually don’t involve bikefucking, per se, you’ll likely never look at your saddle the same way. SARAH MIRK Clinton Street Theater.

★ A CAT IN PARIS An adorable French girl and her adorable cat cross paths with Paris’ most notorious criminal gang. You will enjoy this stylish little cartoon if you are a child or a lonely cat lady. (I enjoyed it.) ALISON HALLETT Living Room Theaters.

CINEBITCH A monthly fundraiser for Bitch, with “beer, feminists, and trivia/discussion, and often films that you meant to see 15 years ago but didn’t.” This month’s film: 9 to 5. Mississippi Studios.

RE-RUN THEATER prESENTS ThE origiNal uNcuT 1978 piloT of

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA FRIDAY JUNE 29 · 9:30 p m · ONLY $5!

★ DEATH OF A SIDESHOW Forty-year-old KGW documentary Death of a Sideshow, about West Burnside’s drunks and corner stores, is a time capsule of both old Portland and old-school TV. No local station today would produce this wandering, meditative look at alcoholism, hipster jazz clubs, and urban renewal in Old Town, narrated by a reporter literally wearing a trench coat and fedora. Director Mike McLeod wanted to capture “that lousy piece of Skid Row where men lose their identities to cheap wine” before major renovations (like the construction of Big Pink) changed downtown. The result is a slow, interesting portrait of issues that—surprise!—Old Town still deals with today. SARAH MIRK Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

ELLES See review this issue. Cinema 21.

TExT your hEcklES aNd coMMENTary, ThEy appEar oNScrEEN!

HECKLEVISION: TWILIGHT SATURDAY JUNE 30 · 7:30 p m

See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website

w w w .H o l l y

w o o d T H e a T r e . org

★ THE EXTRAORDINARY VOYAGE The hour-long documentary about film director Georges Méliès (AKA the old man in Hugo) and the restoration of his most famous creation, A Trip to the Moon, plays like an extended DVD extra, but it’s worth it to see the new print of Moon that follows. The downside: Trip’s new score by techno duo Air is kitschy and overbearing. JAMIE S. RICH Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. ★ THE GODFATHER PART II “I don’t feel I have to wipe everybody out, Tom. Just my enemies.” Academy Theater.

HECKLEVISION: TWILIGHT The Hollywood Theater presents Twilight—with your text commentary popping up onscreen. Sorry Twihards :( Hollywood Theatre.

HOW TO GROW A BAND Virtuoso mandolin player and composer Chris Thile should be a terrific subject for a documentary, but Mark Meatto’s fly-on-the-wall doc How to Grow a Band makes him look like a sullen prima donna. Thile got his start in Nickel Creek, and there is a fascinating story behind that band of child prodigies, but Meatto’s not interested in telling it, nor does he dig very deeply into Thile’s recent divorce or any other elements of his biography. Instead, the focus is on Thile’s band the Punch Brothers and their 2008 European tour, during which they premiered Thile’s four-movement string quintet to generally baffled ears. NED LANNAMANN Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

I WISH Two young Japanese brothers, divided between their divorced parents, devise a plan to reunite at a midpoint in the hopes that, if uttered at the precise moment when two bullet trains cross paths, their wish to have their family reunited will be granted. So they assemble a pack of plucky preteens, pool their pocket money, tell a few white lies, and cobble together a little adventure for themselves. This movie is a bit like gardening: It’s quiet and slow, and while some people may find that it rewards their patience and attention, for others, its modest revelations may be too gradually realized to be enjoyed. KRISHANU RAY Living Room Theaters.

★ LOGAN’S RUN A digital restoration of the 1976 sci-fi flick. No one over the age of 30 will be allowed to attend. Ha! Just kidding, old people! You can totally go! (But you will be murdered afterward.) Laurelhurst Theater.

MADEA’S WITNESS PROTECTION Tyler Perry’s latest features Tyler Perry, Tom Arnold, Denise Richards, and Eugene Levy. It was not screened for critics. Various Theaters.

★ MAGIC MIKE See review this issue. Various Theaters.

PEOPLE LIKE US

See Film, pg. 57. Various Theaters.

★ PINK RIBBONS, INC. See review this issue. Cinema 21.

PORTLAND UNDERGROUND FILM FESTIVAL See Film, pg. 59. Clinton Street Theater.

RERUN THEATER A screening of 1978’s execrable Battlestar Galactica pilot. Fun fact! The monkey they trapped inside that robot dog suit almost died. Hollywood Theatre.

TED

See review this issue.Various Theaters.

TRUE WOLF A documentary about wolves that was not screened for critics. What do you have to hide, wolves? Cinema 21.

★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY JUNE 29-THURSDAY JULY 5,

UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

60 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

MOVIE TIMES COMMERCIAL LISTINGS ARE GOOD FRIDAY- THURSDAY,

JUNE 29-JULY 5 UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. MOVIE TIMES ARE UPDATED DAILY AT

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

Downtown

Northeast Blind Onion Pizza Pub 3345 NE Broadway, 284-2825

Southeast Academy Theater 7818 SE Stark, 252-0500

Wet Hot American Summer Mon 8 (free)

The Cabin in the Woods Fri-Tues 2:40, 7, 9:15; Thurs

Hollywood Theatre

2:40, 7, 9:15

4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215

The ’80s Room Fri 7 B-Movie Bingo Tues 7:30 Bernie Fri 7:20; Sat-Sun 3:15, 5:15, 7:20, 9:15; Mon-Tues 7:20, 9:15; Thurs 7:20, 9:15

Dark Shadows Fri-Tues 6:30, 9; Thurs 6:30, 9 Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax Fri 12:40; Sun-Tues 12:40; Thurs 12:40 The Five-Year Engagement Fri-Tues 9:50; Thurs 9:50 The Godfather Part II Fri-Tues 12, 6; Thurs 12, 6 Mirror Mirror Fri-Tues 4:45; Thurs 4:45 The Pirates! Band of Misfits Fri-Tues 12:30, 2:30, 4:30; Thurs 12:30, 2:30, 4:30

Fox Tower 10

The Cabin in the Woods Fri 9:20; Sat 2:45, 4:45, 10; Sun 2:45, 4:45, 7, 9:20; Mon 7, 9:20; Tues 9:40; Thurs 7, 9:20 Hecklevision: Twilight Sat 7:30 Rerun Theater Fri 9:30 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri 7:10, 9; Sat 3, 5, 7:10; Sun 3, 5, 7:10, 9; Mon-Tues 7:10, 9; Thurs 7:10, 9

Kennedy School

Thurs 8:30

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Fri-Thurs (12:40),

Fifth Avenue Cinema 510 SW Hall, 725-3551

Black Dynamite Fri-Sat 7, 9:30; Sun 3 846 SW Park, 800-326-3264

4:30, 7:10, 9:45 Grassroots Fri-Thurs (12:10, 2:50), 5:10, 7:30, 9:50 The Intouchables Fri-Thurs (12, 2:25), 4:50, 7:20, 9:45 Madagascar 3 Fri-Thurs (12:35, 2:45), 4:55 Moonrise Kingdom Fri-Thurs (12:20, 12:55, 2:40, 3:10), 4:45, 5:25, 7:15, 7:45, 9:20, 9:55 People Like Us Fri-Thurs (12:05, 2:30), 5, 7:35, 10 Rock of Ages Fri-Thurs 7, 9:35 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri-Thurs (12:25, 2:35), 5:20, 7:55, 10 Seeking a Friend for the End of the World Fri-Thurs (12:30, 3), 5:15, 7:50, 10:05 Your Sister’s Sister Fri-Thurs (12:15, 2:45), 5:05, 7:25, 9:40

5736 NE 33rd, 249-7474

The Cabin in the Woods Fri-Thurs 9:50 Chimpanzee Fri-Mon 3 Dark Shadows Fri-Mon 7:30; Tues-Thurs 2:30, 7:30 The Pirates! Band of Misfits Fri 5:30; Sat-Sun 12:30, 5:30; Mon-Thurs 5:30

King School Park 4906 NE 6th, 823-2525

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial Sat Dusk (free)

Knott Park

NE 117th & Knott

Living Room Theaters

The Adventures of Tintin Fri Dusk (free)

The Avengers 3D Fri-Thurs 12:10, 3:25, 6:40, 9:40 A Cat in Paris Fri-Thurs 11:50, 1:30, 3:15, 5:10, 6:50, 8:35 Headhunters Fri-Thurs 5, 10:05 I Wish Fri-Thurs 12, 2:20, 4:45, 7:15, 9:50 Magic Mike Fri-Thurs 11:40, 12:20, 2, 2:50, 4:30, 5:20,

2735 E Burnside, 232-5511

341 SW 10th, 971-222-2005

7, 7:45, 9:20, 10

Monsieur Lazhar Fri 12:25, 2:20, 7:30, 9:30; Sat-Wed 12:15, 2:20, 7:30, 9:30

Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium 1219 SW Park, 221-1156

Laurelhurst Theater 21 Jump Street Fri-Sun 4, 9; Mon-Tues 9; Thurs 9 The Cabin in the Woods Fri-Sun 4:30, 9:50; Mon-Tues 9:50; Thurs 9:50

Dark Shadows Fri-Sun 4:15, 7; Mon-Tues 7; Thurs 7 The Five-Year Engagement Fri-Tues 7:15; Thurs 7:15 Jeff, Who Lives at Home Fri-Tues 9:20; Thurs 9:20 Jiro Dreams of Sushi Fri 7:30; Sat-Sun 2, 7:30; MonTues 7:30; Thurs 7:30 Logan’s Run Fri-Thurs 9:30

The Pirates! Band of Misfits Fri 4:45; Sat-Sun 1:50,

Death of a Sideshow Mon 7 The Extraordinary Voyage Sun 7 How to Grow a Band Fri-Sat 7, 9

4:45

Pioneer Place Stadium 6

Lloyd Center 10 Cinema

340 SW Morrison, 800-326-3264

The Amazing Spider-Man 3D Mon 11:59 pm; TuesThurs 4, 7:15

The Amazing Spider-Man Tues-Thurs (12:30), 10:35 Katy Perry: Part of Me Thurs (1:15), 4:15, 7:45, 10:15 Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D Mon 4, 7 Ted Fri-Wed (1:30), 4:30, 7:30, 10:30; Thurs (1:30), 4:30, 7:40, 10:30

Northwest

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen Fri-Tues 6:40; Thurs 6:40 1510 NE Multnomah, 800-326-3264

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Fri-Mon (11:45 am), 5:15, 10:25

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 3D Fri-Mon (2:20), 7:45

The Amazing Spider-Man 3D Mon 11:59 pm The Amazing Spider-Man IMAX 3D Mon 11:59 pm; Tues-Thurs 1, 4:15, 7:30, 10:40

The Amazing Spider-Man Mon 11:59 pm The Avengers Fri-Mon (12:15, 3:35), 6:50, 10:05 Brave Fri-Sun (11:30 am), 4:40, 9:50; Mon (11:30 am), 4:40, 9:30

Cinema 21

Brave 3D Fri-Sun (2:05), 7:15; Mon (2:05), 7:05 Madagascar 3 Fri-Sun (12:05), 5, 9:55; Mon (11:40 am),

Elles Fri-Thurs 8:40 Pink Ribbons, Inc. Fri-Thurs 4:30 True Wolf Fri 7; Sat-Sun 2:45, 7; Mon-Thurs 7

Madagascar 3 3D Fri-Sun (2:35), 7:30; Mon (2), 6:40 Magic Mike Fri-Mon (11:50 am, 2:30), 5:10, 7:50, 10:30 People Like Us Fri-Mon (12:50, 3:55), 7:20, 10:15 Prometheus IMAX 3D Fri-Sun 12:45, 4, 7, 10; Mon

616 NW 21st, 223-4515

Mission Theater

1624 NW Glisan, 223-4527

4:20, 9

12:40, 3:30

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World Fri-Sun (12, 2:45), 5:25, 8, 10:35; Mon (12, 2:45), 6:55, 9:20

The Cabin in the Woods Fri-Sun 7:45; Tues-Wed 7:45 My First Oregon Brewers Festival Thurs 7:30 (free) The Princess Bride Fri 5:30; Sat-Sun 2:30, 5:30; Tues-

Snow White and the Huntsman Fri-Mon (12:35,

Wed 5:30

Lloyd Mall 8

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil Fri-Wed 9:45

North Mississippi Studios 3939 N Mississippi, 288-3895

Cinebitch Mon 7

St. Johns Theater and Pub 8203 N Ivanhoe, 225-5555

Dark Shadows Fri-Mon 8:30; Wed 2:30, 8:30; Thurs 8:30

Mirror Mirror Fri 6; Sat 1; Sun-Mon 6; Wed-Thurs 6

St. Johns Twin Cinemas 8704 N Lombard, 286-1768

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Fri 5, 7:15, 9:30; Sat-Sun 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:15, 9:30; Mon 5, 7:15, 9:30 The Amazing Spider-Man Mon 11:59; Tues-Thurs 4:45, 7:30, 10:15 Ted Fri 5:30, 7:45, 10; Sat-Sun 1, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45, 10; Mon-Thurs 5:30, 7:45, 10

3:45), 6:45, 9:45

Ted Fri-Mon (11:35 am, 2:15), 4:55, 7:35, 10:20 15 Lloyd Center, 800-326-3264

The Amazing Spider-Man 3D Mon 11:59 pm The Amazing Spider-Man Mon 11:59 pm; Tues-Thurs (12:15, 3:15), 6:15, 9:15 Brave Fri-Mon (3:30), 6:15 Brave 3D Fri-Mon (12:25), 9:10 The Hunger Games Fri-Mon (11:55 am), 6:05 Katy Perry: Part of Me Thurs (12:30)

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole Tues-Wed (10 am)

Madagascar 3 3D Fri-Mon (12:25, 3:15) Madea’s Witness Protection Fri-Mon (12, 3), 6, 6:30, 9, 9:30; Tues-Thurs (12, 3), 6, 9 Men in Black 3 Fri-Mon (12:20, 3:55), 6:25, 8:55 Moonrise Kingdom Fri-Mon (12:05, 3:10), 6:15, 9:20 Prometheus Fri-Sun (3:25), 9:25; Mon (3:25) Prometheus 3D Fri-Mon (12:15), 6:20 Rock of Ages Fri-Mon (12:10, 3:05), 6:10, 9:15 That’s My Boy Fri-Mon (3:20), 9:05 Yogi Bear Tues-Wed (10 am)

Roseway Theater 7229 NE Sandy, 282-2898

Brave 3D Fri-Mon 11, 1:45, 4:45, 7:45

MAGIC MIKE

The Secret World of Arrietty Fri-Tues 3:50; Thurs 3:50

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne, 225-5555

The Artist Fri-Sat 5:15; Sun-Thurs 6 The Cabin in the Woods Fri 7:45; Sat 7:45, 10; SunThe Pirates! Band of Misfits Sat-Sun 2

Century Eastport 16 4040 SE 82nd, 800-326-3264

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Fri-Mon (12:45), 6:15 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 3D Fri (11:20 am, 2:05, 3:30, 4:45), 7:35, 9, 10:05; Sat-Sun (11:20 am), 2:05, 3:30, 4:45, 7:35, 9, 10:05; Mon (11:20 am, 2:05, 3:30, 4:45), 7:35, 9, 10:05, 11:30 The Amazing Spider-Man 3D Mon 11:59 pm; TuesThurs (12:30, 3:45), 7, 10:15 The Amazing Spider-Man Mon 11:59 pm The Avengers Fri-Mon (12:05), 6:20 The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Fri (11:05 am, 4:50), 10:15; Sat-Sun (11:05 am), 4:50, 10:15; Mon (11:05 am, 4:50), 10:15 Brave Fri (12:35, 3:10, 5:45), 8:30; Sat-Sun (12:35), 3:10, 5:45, 8:30; Mon (12:35, 3:10, 5:45), 8:30 Brave 3D Fri (11:10 am, 1:45, 4:25), 7:10, 9:45; Sat-Sun (11:10 am, 1:45), 4:25, 7:10, 9:45; Mon (11:10 am, 1:45, 4:25), 7:10, 9:45 Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D Thurs (1:45, 4:30), 7:15, 9:45 Madagascar 3 Fri (10:55 am, 3:45), 8:40; Sat-Sun (10:55 am), 3:45, 8:40; Mon (10:55 am, 3:45), 8:40 Madagascar 3 3D Fri-Mon (1:15), 6:10 Madea’s Witness Protection Fri (11 am, 1:50, 4:35), 7:30, 10:20; Sat-Sun (11 am, 1:50), 4:35, 7:30, 10:20; Mon (11 am, 1:50, 4:35), 7:30, 10:20 Magic Mike Fri (11:45 am, 2:30, 5:10), 7:45, 10:30; SatSun (11:45 am), 2:30, 5:10, 7:45, 10:30; Mon (11:45 am, 2:30, 5:10), 7:45, 10:30 Men in Black 3 Fri-Mon (1:55), 7:40 Moonrise Kingdom Fri (12:10, 2:45, 5:15), 7:50, 10:20; Sat-Sun (12:10), 2:45, 5:15, 7:50, 10:20; Mon (12:10, 2:45, 5:15), 7:50, 10:20 People Like Us Fri (10:50 am, 1:40, 4:30), 7:20, 10:10; Sat-Sun (10:50 am, 1:40), 4:30, 7:20, 10:10; Mon (10:50 am, 1:40, 4:30), 7:20, 10:10 Prometheus Fri (12:50, 4), 6:50, 9:55; Sat-Sun (12:50), 4, 6:50, 9:55; Mon (12:50, 4), 6:50, 9:55 Seeking a Friend for the End of the World Fri (10:45 am, 1:30, 4:15), 7, 9:35; Sat-Sun (10:45 am, 1:30), 4:15, 7, 9:35; Mon (10:45 am, 1:30, 4:15), 7, 9:35 Snow White and the Huntsman Fri (1:10, 4:20), 7:20, 10:25; Sat-Sun (1:10), 4:20, 7:20, 10:25; Mon (1:10, 4:20), 7:20, 10:25 Ted Fri (11:15 am, 12:30, 2, 3:15, 4:40), 6:05, 7:15, 8:45, 10; Sat-Sun (11:15 am, 12:30), 2, 3:15, 4:40, 6:05, 7:15, 8:45, 10; Mon (11:15 am, 12:30, 2, 3:15, 4:40), 6:05, 7:15, 8:45, 10 That’s Entertainment! Wed (2), 7 That’s My Boy Fri (3:25), 9:40; Sat-Sun 3:25, 9:40; Mon (3:25), 9:40

Cinemagic

2021 SE Hawthorne, 231-7919

Ted Fri 5:30, 7:45, 10; Sat-Sun 3:15, 5:30, 7:45, 10; MonThurs 5:30, 7:45, 10

Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899

Beyond the Spill Thurs 7 (director in attendance) The Big Fix Mon-Wed 4, 6, 8 Bike Smut Fri 9:15, 11:15 Portland Underground Film Festival Sat-Sun Call theater for showtimes.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Sat 11:30

Regal Division Street

16603 SE Division, 800-326-3264

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Fri-Mon (11:45 am), 9:45

Men in Black 3 Fri-Sun (11:40 am, 2:20), 4:55, 7:35, 10:15; Mon (11:40 am, 2:20), 4:55, 7:35

People Like Us Fri-Sun (11:30 am, 2:10), 4:50, 7:30, 10:10; Mon (11:30 am, 2:10), 4:50, 7:30, 10:30 Prometheus Fri-Sun (12:05), 4:25, 7:25, 10:20; Mon (12:05), 4:25, 7:25 Rock of Ages Fri-Sun (12:15), 10:25; Mon (12:15) Snow White and the Huntsman Fri-Mon (11:55 am), 4:15, 7:10, 10:05 Ted Fri-Mon (12, 2:40), 5:15, 7:55, 10:30 That’s My Boy Fri-Mon 4:40, 7:45

Elsewhere 99W Drive-In

3000 Portland Road, Newberg, 538-2738

Brave Fri-Sun Double Feature, film begins at dusk The Avengers Fri-Sun Double Feature, begins after first film

Century Clackamas Town Center 12000 SE 82nd, 800-326-3264

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Fri-Sun (10:40 am, 4), 9:20; Mon (10:40 am, 4), 9:10

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 3D Fri-Sun (12, 1:20, 2:40, 5:20), 6:40, 8, 10:40; Mon (12, 1:20, 2:40, 5:20), 6:35, 8, 10:40 The Amazing Spider-Man 3D Mon 11:59 pm; TuesThurs (12:40, 4), 7:20, 10:40 The Amazing Spider-Man Mon 11:59 pm The Avengers 3D Fri-Mon (12:15), 7 The Avengers Fri-Mon (3:35), 10:15 Brave Fri-Sun (10 am, 11:50, 12:45, 3:30, 5:20), 6:15, 9, 10:40; Mon (10 am, 11:50, 12:45, 3:30, 5:20), 6:15, 8:45, 10:40 Brave 3D Fri-Mon (10:55 am, 1:40, 2:35, 4:25), 7:10, 8, 9:55 Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D Thurs (12:25, 2:50, 5:15), 7:40, 10:05 Madagascar 3 Fri-Mon (10:05 am, 12:35, 3, 5:30), 7:55, 10:25 Madagascar 3 3D Fri-Mon (11:15 am, 1:45, 4:10), 6:50, 9:25 Madea’s Witness Protection Fri-Mon (11:05 am, 1:55, 4:40), 7:25, 10:10 Magic Mike Fri-Thurs (11:40 am, 2:25, 5:05), 7:45, 10:35 Men in Black 3 Fri-Mon (10:50 am, 1:35, 4:20), 7:05, 9:50 Moonrise Kingdom Fri-Mon (10 am, 12:25, 2:50, 5:15), 7:40, 10:05 People Like Us Fri-Mon (11 am, 1:50, 4:35), 7:20, 10:05 Prometheus Fri-Mon (1:30), 7:30 Prometheus 3D Fri-Mon (10:35 am, 4:30), 10:30 Rock of Ages Fri-Mon (10:15 am, 1:15, 4:15), 7:15, 10:10 Seeking a Friend for the End of the World Fri-Mon (11:10 am, 1:45, 4:20), 7, 9:40 Snow White and the Huntsman Fri-Mon (10:10 am, 1:10, 4:10), 7:15, 10:15 Ted Fri-Sun (11:45 am, 2:30, 5:10), 7:50, 10:35; Mon (10:20 am, 12:55, 3:40), 6:15, 8:50 That’s My Boy Fri-Mon (11 am, 1:50, 4:45), 7:35, 10:20

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 3D Fri-Mon (2:15), 4:45, 7:15

The Amazing Spider-Man 3D Mon 11:59 pm; Tues (12:30, 3:45), 7, 10:10

The Amazing Spider-Man Mon 11:59 pm, 12:06 am The Avengers Fri-Mon 12:10, (3:25), 6:45, 9:55 Battleship Fri-Sun 9:50 Brave Fri-Sun (11:30 am, 12, 2, 2:30), 4:30, 7, 10; Mon (11:30 am, 12, 2, 2:30), 4:30, 7, 10:15 Brave 3D Fri-Mon 5, 7:30 Madagascar 3 Fri-Mon (11:50 am, 2:10), 4:35, 6:55 Madagascar 3 3D Fri-Sun 9:25 Madea’s Witness Protection Fri-Mon (11:35 am, 2:15), 4:55, 7:35, 10:20 Magic Mike Fri-Mon (11:45 am, 2:20), 5:05, 7:40, 10:15

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 61

I SAW U

YOU CALLED ME DAPPER...

TIMBERS-SOUNDERS SECT.210 ROW H

Lovely girl in the red outfit..I was your neighbor as we both experienced our first Timbers match. Even though we won, you are the most memorable thing about the game..can we share another? Me: right next to you, seat 10. When: Sunday, June 24, 2012. Where: Timbers Game. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914930

KENTON CUP AND SAUCEY

Me, door to door salesman, you, redheaded coffee goddess. I saw sparks, how about you? You have my number so call me. Your next pipe cleaning is on me. When: Monday, June 25, 2012. Where: Cup and Saucer. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914928

MCDONALDS HATER AT SWEET HEREAFTER

Your cuteness got my attention, but your words caught my interest. Sorry I couldn’t come up with anything interesting to say in return. When: Tuesday, June 5, 2012. Where: Sweet Hereafter. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914927

ROSE GARDEN BEAUTY!

Thanks for taking a picture of my mom and me, and making sure my dog got in it too! There were lots of beautiful roses, but nothing as pretty as you! Hope you had a great day, I sure did!! When: Sunday, June 24, 2012. Where: Rose gardens. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914926

“KELLY” IN CAP, GOWN, CONVERSE

You’re heading to Corsica this summer for drinking on the beach, I’m taking Latin. Your deep laughter and bright eyes were my favorite memory from graduation. Let’s grab a drink before I’m back in books, have a few more laughs? When: Sunday, June 17, 2012. Where: Rose Garden Arena. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914925

TOTAL GORG-ING @ ‘ROCCO’S’

Saw you and said to myself “Holy Shit.” You walked past me and complimented my sweater. I had no words for how stunning you are. “Thanks” was all I could muster. Phone number with the next slice? Counter girl... sigh... When: Saturday, June 9, 2012. Where: Sizzle Pie, Downtown. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914924

L&C CLASS OF 2002 REUNION

You were the speaker at one function. I said I liked your earrings, you said you liked my hair and eye makeup. I get shy sometimes, and I thought you were so handsome and I liked your style. When: Saturday, June 23, 2012. Where: Lewis & Clark. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914922

OH! OH! THE MOON AND..

D: Movie I saw afterward featured a character reading Windsor McKay comics. Had just explained to your workmate, that rarebit caused Nemo nightmares. Had to squish my crush way back, because I was taken. You’re cute and cool. -A friend. When: Saturday, June 23, 2012. Where: After four or five years... You: Woman. Me: Man. #914919

CRAYONS, UNITE AND TAKE OVER!

I used to see you on the 14 in the mornings frequently on the 7 amish bus. I swa you at MoMo on the patio once, but I think we just recognized each other from the bus. Hang out sometime? When: Friday, June 22, 2012. Where: The 14. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914918

LOVELY GAL OUTSIDE ALMA CHOCOLATE

You were sitting outside Alma on 28th Thurs with a friend. I was trying to admire you figure out how to approach you. But couldn’t intrude. You short dark hair, horn rim glasses, me white t-shirt glasses. Coffee? Shopping? Beach? When: Thursday, June 21, 2012. Where: NE 28th. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914917

2012-06-21 Thursday We met by the Bear Paw. Sparks? More please. Me - 6’+, linen sport coat, brown hat, jeans, reddish beard. Mostly sober. You - Heather, 5’9”(?), olive t-shirt, flowing blueish(?) sundress, gorgeous eyes and smile, tipsy. When: Thursday, June 21, 2012. Where: SE 11th & Franklin. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914916

CREMA BELLE

I see you almost every time. Been meaning to tell you I love your style. As I did a crossword, you swept around me. I lifted my feet. You told me not to worry. I’ll be less timid next time When: Saturday, June 16, 2012. Where: Crema. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914915

SUN, PRIDE, REDCAP BLOCK PARTY

You’re smallish, with a beard and a pretty face... I came up and introduced myself awkwardly, but then had to go. I believe you said your name was Christopher. I’m Stephen. Wanna meet for a beer or a bike ride? When: Sunday, June 17, 2012. Where: red cap. You: Man. Me: Man. #914914

YOU SCREAMED AND I LAUGHED.

I waited outside the coffee shop, nursing my beer, hoping I could say something clever. Too late. Let me buy you a drink? When: Monday, June 18, 2012. Where: N Killingsworth. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914904

MAX STOP COMMOTION ME YOU

You were a darling with two plumes of curly hair about your face p coat type dress. I was tall flannel conservative travel costume. I took my hat off to let my locks show and sat and read. red wine? When: Tuesday, June 19, 2012. Where: max and gateway stop. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914912

THAT SHIT CRAY!

The amazing girl from Montana who met me in an ISawU and make me smile everyday; You’re the best!... even if don’t sell wicker anymore. Oh, DumDum’s mystery flavor is a mix of the ending and beginning batches. That shit cray! When: Monday, June 18, 2012. Where: Ringside Fishhouse. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914910

MY OLD FRIEND THE BUTCHER

We met years ago, our partners were roommates. You and I clicked but I was still closeted. Your name begins with I and have a tattoo across your shoulders, mine begins with T and a tattoo on my neck. Date? When: Saturday, June 16, 2012. Where: Red cap. You: Man. Me: Man. #914909

GREEN STRIPES FRESH MOVES

You were hamming it up at the art party. I had to leave early, but would like to try out for your dance squad. When: Thursday, June 7, 2012. Where: First Thursday Art Party. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914889

BRUNETTE, KING BURRITO, LAST WEEKEND You: Raven-haired, pigtails, gray T-shirt, reading the Merc. You finished your meal and took off on a bike. Me: Dude a couple of tables behind you. You are stunning. When: Monday, June 11, 2012. Where: King Burrito. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914907

NACHO NACHO MAN

I noticed your neon socks first. Then I noticed your t-shirt saying “nacho business” . Your red beard is amazing. I would love to see your next softball game. No need for uniforms with style like that. Stud. When: Sunday, June 10, 2012. Where: Sunday softball. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914890

AMPUTEE PUNK AT MAGIC GARDEN

respond online with a membership

Girls 4 Boys

All I know is you were wearing a white dress shirt, black suspenders and black pants.I wanted to tell you that you were cute but all I could do was smile. I was going to ask for your number. When: Sunday, June 17, 2012. Where: Mary’s Party, Pride. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #914903

GREAT CORN WHISKEY DRINKATHON

CONSUMMATE PHILOSOPHER AND LADY Fun loving girl who likes to laugh!! I enjoy interesting conversation, good food, outdoors, sports, travel, music and art. I watch little to no TV and movies. I hail from NYC. Anything else you’d like to know, just ask!! portlandbearcub, 37

1) Liz, hit me up and we’ll watch The Matrix on the projector! 2) Whoever wore the Bieber wig home, please return it or your pubic hair may begin to fall out. When: Sunday, June 10, 2012. Where: 18th & Burnside. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914887

PARDON THE CHARM...

POST-WNBR KISS!

RADIANT, AMICABLE, PLAYFUL, AND AFFECTIONATE

I’m looking for something real. i’m a laid back girly girl who loves to laugh and can charm your pants off in a g-rated way lol. If you like an honest fun and caring girl, hit me up. suchalivelything, 27

You: mostly naked man, Me: mostly naked woman. I turned on headlights after the big ride was over and there you were! I asked you to dance...you kissed instead(thanks for being obstinate!). Would love to get together to reenact! When: Saturday, June 16, 2012. Where: World’s Naked Bike Ride. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914901

“NICE RIDING, SLICK”

WNBR -- You: black hair. lacey underpants. waist tattoo. Me: tall. dark. black bag, green stripes. I was having so much fun riding fast, I didn’t think about asking for your number until you and your friends walked away. Damn. When: Saturday, June 16, 2012. Where: Naked Bike Ride. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914900

DON’T KILL THE BIKE MESSENGER

You: Pedi Cab Aaron-studied poetry at UNC. Me: Wearing a tie dyed shirt Whole Foods in NW Portland. When: Sunday What: you put wooden crates in my friends car Let’s meet again? Next Sunday afternoon at Whole Foods in NW. When: Sunday, June 17, 2012. Where: whole foods. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914899

POST SHOW CONVO

Haven’t really posted one of these before, but I really enjoyed meeting you. After our band’s set you introduced yourself to me and we talked about your travels to Spain and the ETA, then you took off with your friend. When: Thursday, June 14, 2012. Where: Record Room. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914898

BECKY FROM DYKES ON BIKES

I am moving into my Saturn return and am seeking authentic connection with people who are interested in the inner life, the one life. I am very playful and enjoy having that reflected back to me. I love to dance. mamacita2012, 28

MAN IS AN ANIMAL.

“if you want to be a man-hating woman it’s easy. just know you’re fucking up what could be someone else’s dream guy.” “i’ll just tell ‘em ‘i used to be somebody’s dream, too.’”. schoolofhardknocks, 21

YOU KNOW, I’M THAT GIRL

I like simplicity mostly. Going for walks. Wandering downtown. I enjoy going out too, don’t get me wrong but mostly I’m into being cozy and comfortable. I enjoy one on one conversations. SmallWombat, 30

VIVACIOUS, COLORFUL, SENSOUS

Recently moved back home to Portland from Australia. Settling back in with newfound appreciation for Portland. I view life through rose tinted goggles, dance instead of walk, and sing instead of speak. Connoisseur of beer and hot sauce. denimandstuds, 22

ADORABLE SMARTYPANTS SEEKS ADMIRERS

I’m a clever little thing with a taste for adventure. I have my shit together and I spend a lot of time being a grown up, but when the work is done, I love to play. Ciao_Bella, 27

COUNTRY GIRL IN THE CITY

You: Beautiful. Rode on the back of your friend’s bike. Me: Kristina. Triumph. We talked after the ride. You liked my bike; I’d like your number. When: Sunday, June 17, 2012. Where: Pride Parade Dykes On Bikes. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #914897

I feed on experiences! I am looking for someone who is into being productive and creative. I am a simple gal and have an abundant surplus of energy for a guy that deserves it. hideawaywoman, 31

EASTBANK ESP...POST WNBR

I’M HILARIOUS, TRUST ME.

I told you and your friends the sad story about losing my phone. You asked if I was going to join you in going to the next place. Why didn’t I?! Biggest regret ever... When: Saturday, June 16, 2012. Where: Eastbank Epanade. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914896

KALI LOOKING FOR BOOKS

kali with a long list and a prettier face at powells 5/31, did i remember to say that your face is prettier than your list was long When: Thursday, May 31, 2012. Where: powells. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914894

KATIE? FROM SWEETNESS

i dig your style, don’t know you at all but i have a big crush! When: Friday, June 15, 2012. Where: sweetness. You: Woman. Me: Man. #914893

66TH AND GLISAN PETCO

Two hot punks with glasses and studded vests, you:Missing an arm. Me:long redhair, shorts and whiteT. I was really high and my friend wanted to leave, but we saw both of you looking over at us. Be my AmputeeFantasee When: Sunday, June 17, 2012. Where: Magic Garden. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914905

Simple To Respond!

PRIDE AT MARY’S, BUMPED SHOULDERS

Thursday 6/14. Did you say you were becoming a “crazy cat bachelor?” I was behind you in line as you and the cashier discussed the poor conditions of the cats available for adoption. You were cute, funny, compassionate--a rare combination. When: Thursday, June 14, 2012. Where: 66th and Glisan Petco. You: Man. Me: Woman. #914892

FINALLY GETTING WHERE I’M GOING

RUMOR HAS IT!

A GENTLEMAN AND A BEATNIK

I’m all about the hilarious side of life, I can be serious but in general find that life is but a joke it seems. I want a guy who wants to travel the world, laughing the whole way with me! BlissfulLeah, 36

I’m on here after much hesitation and resistance! I finally decided that if I want to get out, this might be the most resourceful way. I love music, going to shows, eating breakfast, laughing, and coffee! Factoryline, 27

INDIAN, PUPPETEER, SCREENWRITER, HIKER I am a filmmaker when not at my paid job. I’m interested in a guy who isn’t afraid to be direct, keeps committments and enjoys adventures. Two_Feathers2, 43

SHINY MUSICAL REAL

I believe music is the best thing known to man, coffee makes the world go round, you accomplish more by listening than by talking and there’s never a reason for bull shit (or drama). Charmainepr, 19

Boys 4 Girls SHY GUY SEEKS CONSPIRATORIAL PARTNER Recently moved to Portland, looking for an awesome girl. Don’t know my ‘type’ but very into creative and smart women. Think ‘The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo’. I’m not into any ‘scenes’, but up for nearly anything. xhiris, 35

PUNK ART NERD

I’ve got a soft spot for dive bars and staying out late. If you want to go to coffee, thrifting, a punk show, have beers at the bluffs or watch the entire Sex and the City series let me know! deadboy86, 26

ADVENTUROUS, HAPPY, CREATIVE, FUN, GENUINE

Back in Portland after four year trip. I am happy, have a good idea of who I am, and what I want. I’m an honest, open communicator, and want the same. coffee? good conversation? movie and cuddle? fun in bed? davidakachops, 36

AND MINE TO THEE

Crazy nice, recent PSU grad. Musician, accountant, non-profit worker and best friend. Creative, hardworking and active...running, biking, and hiking are my jams. Adventures! Fancy spontaneous evening recipes that include a killer show or a late night run with a buddy. millhouser, 26

HERE I AM

Hey! I’m Jess, recently moved to Portland and only here for 3 months. Looking for friends or slightly more, nothing serious. I like drinking whiskey, eating snobby food, watching asskicking action movies, and spending lots of time outside. jessibear, 24

SWM,33, laid back, spiritually oriented, not religious,believe in karma , law of attraction. My passions are music, nature, running, writing. I don’t take life or myself too seriously, and try to find humor in things. Seeking likeminded person for relations. doctorluvbaby, 33

SULTRY, PERCEPTIVE, WITTY AND SASSY.

I’M LOOKING FOR MORE FRIENDS.

I am sexy, silly and fun. While I think that love is just peachy, I am not looking for it. The only thing that I am looking for right now in my life is fun, sexy times. Meg_Lomaniac, 36

NORMAL LIFE ABNORMAL BLACK CHICK Seeking guy that has personality and likes to laugh, home cooked meals, isn’t afraid to be alone, and a guy that is wanting to be honest with me and themselves. Not someone that would prefer a lie than the truth! Xoregongirl, 44

Whether it’s over coffee, smoke, drink, food, walking, sitting, I’m looking for more summer fun and fun people to join me. I’m 26, single, energetic, handsome (I’ve been told) and always up for meeting new faces. Jc3p0, 26

GEEKY, FUNNY, MUSICAL, LOVING I have freckles! I’ve been told those can be cute. I’m a pretty big geek when it comes to music and computers. I love playing my drums whenever I can, and I love programming new kinds of software. dutch, 25

BOSTON

JUST ANOTHER DUDE

I believe in the power of postive thinking & living in the now. I love getting outside and getting muddy! There is also the designer side of me which dresses girlie, enjoys photography, art & culture. ellerygreen, 37

Somewhat new to PDX. Came over from the east side and looking to meet people for some fun times. I know finding people in a new city can take a while and I figured this might be a good way. cooperator2, 35

I had potential, did a lot to lose it, but realize now -- that potential is something you cannot lose! I’m just now, embracing my qualities: I love to write, paint, cook, laugh, read, walk, and believe in the future! ArcherInBlue, 45

“Disco Stu doesn’t advertise.” - Disco Stu Ladies, if your dream is to go out with the disco guy from the Simpsons, I’d be delighted to keep you company till then. BCM, 34

THE ROBOTS ARE COMING

I’m smart, loud and outgoing, funny, dependable, and the right blend of selfdeprecating mixed with egotistical (I’m not self-deprecating on here though cause I’m trying to sell you on how awesome I am, that’s how love capitalism works right?). Dylan31, 30

CATCHY HEADLINE

single and bored looking for a cool chick who likes whiskey and random adventures, tattoos and piercings are a plus...not really looking for a serious relationship but not opposed to one either. slv2scty, 24

HIKING METAL PUNX

I play in bands and work at venues. I still play Dungeons and Dragons. I constantly read. My record collection spans the history of pissed off music. The world is my giant play structure, don’t fall into the lava. AudioSauce, 27

FUTURE NURSE WITH MUSTACHE

Hi everyone‚ I am on my way to finishing up a nursing degree and to being the best nurse with a mustache ever. If that’s cool to you, drop me a line. burntselena, 32

OVER HERE AND OVER THERE

Summer is almost here. I want to find people who want to go camping and hiking. I need discussions on the beach and long walks. please start with my mind because that’s where I will start with you. areaman, 36

LOOKING FOR SERIOUS LOVING WOMAN

I like to laugh. I’m genuine have good taste in music, reading and fashion. I want to find my soul mate, and I’m hoping she resides in Portland. Why Portland? Because it’s the kind of place where she might reside. cake, 39

Girls 4 Girls QUEER KISSING MAMA

Values honest communication and assertive folks with kind hearts. I just recently fell out of the closet (& a marriage.) Now I’m looking for some sexy fun! I love chickens, making jam, and pulling weeds. Really. Must like kids. felloutofthecloset, 25

SASSY, SPARKLY, SHWEET, SASSAFRASSY, SCRUMPTIOUS

I grew up in Ptown. I love to travel, but find myself so in love with this city it makes me sick. I love to RIDE BIKES! Cook,bake,craft, practice accordion, go on epic dumpster missions, and meet kick ass ladies! CestLaVie, 22

Boys 4 Boys FUNNY, ALSO A JERK, SOMETIMES

Just thought I’d give this a try, low expectations. But why not. If you want to say hi ,go ahead. I’m a pretty decent person with a variety of flaws that I won’t list. What can I say. gonzo, 46

IN FOOLS EYES, LIES LOVE

Textured plaid heart hidden under it all, wondering if there is someone out there that can see it. Who can talk like they mean it. And laugh at the world with me. nothing more then just a friend, but more. fivel44, 31

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www.mercurylovelab.com* 62 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

UNIQUE PORTLANDIA GIRL WITH LAUGHS

Each Pass gives you all-access, unlimited searching, browsing, emailing, and responding. *WE ACCEPT VISA, MASTERCARD, AMEX, AND DISCOVER *

I♥TELEVISION

™

things from another world and the portland mercury present:

America Loves Things by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey

HOOOO-RAH! The greatest holiday of the year—Fourth of July—is right around the corner, and I’m happier than a dingo with a fat Australian baby in his mouth. I love the Fourth of July because it contains all my favorite things: explosives, binge eating, binge drinking, and binge porking. And it has absolutely nothing to do with that holiday hog, Jesus. The Fourth of July is all about KICKING ASS—whether it’s kicking the asses of those dandy British fops during the Revolutionary War or kicking the ass of Ronny Schlamicker, who very unwisely tried to baloney-block me with Shirley Roundtree at Camp Wannawee’s July 4 Big Bang Extravaganza of 1983! (Note to Ronny: All is forgiven, and you should drop by for dinner—that is, if you’re no longer eating from a tube.) Goddammit, I love America! And this year I’m proving it by (1) eating an entire barbecued pig, (2) drinking a keg of the cheapest beer Brewski Outlet has to offer, (3) exploding 900 pounds of illegal fireworks, (4) calling 911 for various reasons, and (5) porking whatever ass Ronny Schlamicker is currently porking. EVEN IF IT’S HIS OWN ASS! Oh, and I intend to watch a little TV this week, because television’s job is to remind us of things America really loves. For example… Marijuana: America is crazy for those “Mary-Jane ganja cigarettes,” because it makes them HIGH and STUPID. It’s a scientific fact that Americans only use 10 percent of their brains, when they should actually only be using maybe 2 percent. That’s where “sticky-icky doobie-loobies” come in. “Chronic marijuana blunt grass” directly affects the part of the brain that normally stops you from laughing hysterically, eating melted cheese off a paper plate, and answering relatively simple questions in more than five minutes. Oh, and “hash hemp pot” is also the primary topic of Showtime’s Weeds, which begins its eighth and final season (Sun July 1, 10 pm). And it hates cancer. Charlie Sheen: America loooooves Charlie Sheen because he’s an unrepen-

JEREMY EATON

tant douchebag whose incessant partying and porn-star porking make me look as innocent as a nun’s hymen. And after his well-publicized Two and a Half Men meltdown, Charlie is back in the new FX series Anger Management (debuting Thurs June 28, 9 pm) in which he plays an angry ex–ballplayer turned angermanagement specialist—DO YOU SEE THE IRONY THERE?—who treats angry people, while working on his own anger. America loves anger. That’s why we blow things up with fi reworks. For example, Ronny Schlamicker’s last three garden gnomes. Fireworks: Have I mentioned that America loves fireworks? That’s because they metaphorically symbolize us sticking a Roman candle up the fanny of King George—which is both hilarious and disturbing. I mean, that would really hurt. But maybe having an exploded, burned anus taught him a valuable lesson about taxation without representation. Hmm… I’ll think about that while watching Macy’s Fourth of July Fireworks Spectacular (NBC, Wed July 4, 9 pm). And as those bombs burst in midair, I’ll be imagining them bursting inside King Ronny’s anus. Did I say King Ronny? I meant King George. Whoo! Time to lay off the “Maui Wowie reefer spliff”!

THE CORTANDFATBOY MIDNIGHT MOVIE: the TERMINATOR July 6th • doors at 10pm, film at 11pm • $3 admission, 21 & over

BAGDAD THEATER • 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd, Portland OR art by thethomaswilson.com

This Week on Television THURSDAY, JUNE 28

10:30 FX LOUIE Season premiere! Yahoo! Louie C.K. is back, and he’s having an absolutely terrible day. Yahoo! 11:00 FX BRAND X WITH RUSSELL BRAND Debut! Comedian/hairy person Russell Brand offers his take on current events (that we didn’t ask for).

FRIDAY, JUNE 29

9:00 NBC OLYMPIC GYMNASTICS TRIALS Live coverage of hormonally stunted gymnasts trying out for the Olympics. NO PRESSURE. 10:00 IFC COMEDY BANG! BANG! Michael Cera drops by to see if he can make this show any more hilariously awkward.

SATURDAY, JUNE 30

9:00 SYFY BIGFOOT A DJ (Partridge Family’s Danny Bonaduce) and a conservationist (Brady Bunch’s Barry Williams) team up to kill Bigfoot (hopefully played by Saved by the Bell’s Dustin Diamond).

SUNDAY, JULY 1

10:00 HBO THE NEWSROOM Mackenzie takes charge of the revamped News Night—now with 20 percent more Bigfoot stories.

10:00 SHO WEEDS Season premiere! Ouch! Somebody got shot! But which dope huffer pulled the trigger?

MONDAY, JULY 2

11:00 SHO WEB THERAPY Season premiere! Fiona sends her kid to “Sexual Reorientation Camp”—which, weirdly, doesn’t work so well!

TUESDAY, JULY 3

8:00 PBS MICHAEL WOOD’S STORY OF ENGLAND A recounting of the history of England, including King George dealing with anal singeing. 10:00 LIF BRISTOL PALIN: LIFE’S A TRIPP Bristol attends a book signing in which she’s heckled for being a judgmental, terrible person. (Is it “heckling” if it’s true?)

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4

8:00 FOX NEW GIRL MARATHON Four back-to-back episodes of the year’s best network sitcom! 10:00 CBS BOSTON POPS FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR Ka-BOOOOOM! (BTW, do they make prosthetic fingers?)

KABOOOM!! (Ow, my fanny.) @WmSteveHumphrey

Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com

June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 63

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64 Portland Mercury June 28, 2012

SAVAGE LOVE

Self-Pity Party by Dan Savage My younger brother and I are close. He came out of the closet last year, although it wasn’t much of a surprise because everyone knew he was gay since forever. Everyone is happy he’s out because it kind of takes the elephant out of the room, and our immediate and extended family are all really supportive. But for the last six to nine months or so, he’s been really depressed about not ever having had a boyfriend. He’s 21 and he’s always talking about how he wants to find a boy to be with in a relationship and not just for sex, but he says it’s impossible for him to meet said boy. Me being straight, the only advice I’ve ever been able to give him is to just try new things and that way you’ll meet new people, as really that’s the only advice you can give someone who’s looking to meet a potential partner. My brother, however, framed his issue to me in a way I’ve never really thought of—which is that only a small fraction of the population is gay, and an even smaller fraction of that may be compatible with him, so meeting new people for a gay guy is actually a lot harder than it is for straight people. He’s been on the whole online dating thing for a while, but said it’s really diffi cult to meet anyone who he feels a connection with. I’ve never done online dating, but I have heard the same points from others who’ve tried it. I asked him if he ever goes to gay bars, because that would obviously change the ratios around, but apparently it’s a little insensitive for a straight guy to say that, and he said he’s not really into that scene. Anyway, I just wish I could give him some good advice without being unintentionally offensive (the gay bar suggestion). I’d still like to offer him any advice I can for him to meet a guy he feels strongly about. Seeking Advice for Family There are 3.5 billion men on the planet. Even if we accept the lowest educated guesstimate of the percentage of the population that’s gay—1.7 percent—that means your brother has nearly 60 million potential romantic partners to choose from worldwide; he has 2.5 million potential romantic partners in the United States alone. Other informed guesstimates of the percentage of the population that’s gay are much, much higher—seven or eight times higher—so your brother’s odds of fi nding a partner are probably much better. But let’s put that 1.7 percent figure in perspective: Jews represent just 1.7 percent of the population of the United States. So even if the percentage of the population that’s gay is “just” 1.7 percent, your brother has the, um, same cross to bear—and the same odds of success—as an American Jew who wants to marry another American Jew. It sounds like your brother is going through a common if rarely discussed stage of the coming-out process: Wallow in Self-Pity and Bite the Head off Anyone Who Tries to Help. That’s why he was offended by your perfectly reasonable, not at all offensive suggestion that he get out there and hit some gay bars. Yes, the bars aren’t for everyone. But if you’re single and want to meet people—gay or straight—you need to be moving on all fronts: online dating, hitting bars and clubs, volunteering, and just generally getting out of the fucking house. Your brother is 21 years old and he just came out, SAFF, and his frustration is understandable. He’s been watching his straight peers (and his straight brothers) hook up and fall in love since middle school and he feels anxious to make up for lost time. But he won’t fi nd that fi rst boyfriend if he isn’t willing to put himself out there—and that means giving the guys he meets online a chance, giving the bars a chance, and giving the people who are trying to help him out a break.

My girlfriend of two and a half years and I are ready to move in together. Finally! I am so excited to take this next step, and so is she. The problem is that I work third shift four to five nights a week and she works a regular day job. I can’t help but feel that we aren’t going to get the full experience of living together with our work situations being what they are. I won’t be waking up every morning to her saying, “Good morning, beautiful,” etc. What can we do to make this a better situation and take advantage of the next step? Thanks. The Next Step Here’s a tip, TNS: Don’t spend too much time comparing your actual relationship, which will always be shaped by circumstances not fully in your control (like your work schedules), to your idealized notions about what a romantic relationship should look like. That only ensures constant disappointment. Don’t get me wrong: Once you move in with your girlfriend, there will be days that begin with her rolling over and saying, “Good morning, beautiful.” But there will also be days that begin with your girlfriend rolling over and farting. The trick to loving your LTR is to fully appreciate JOE NEWTON the moments that rise to the level of your romantic ideals (“Good morning, beautiful”) without obsessing about those moments that disappoint (split shifts, ripped farts). Good luck! I’m a guy. I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years. I love her, but in the last year, sex has been an issue. I feel attracted to her, but I find myself easily distracted these days, kind of worried during sex, which has resulted in me either coming super fast or losing my erection altogether. As a result, she does not orgasm at all. It’s gotten to the point where I’m afraid to be intimate with her for fear of letting her down. I have gone to see doctors to try to understand if my medical conditions—severe sleep apnea, elevated blood pressure—might have something to do with it. I’m in treatment for these things and I’ve started going to a therapist, too. I am thinking of buying some sex toys to use while I work to overcome my problems. My girlfriend doesn’t own any, and she says she doesn’t masturbate because she tried it once and never came. How do I approach her with the idea of using sex toys during sex? Should I? I just want her to experience an orgasm even if I need to get some extra help from a vibrator. Devil in the Details Incorporating some adult toys—vibrators and dildos—into your sex life isn’t just a great way to maintain your sexual connection while you work on your physical and mental issues, DITD, it’s also a great way to take the pressure off your dick. Performance anxiety and worries about leaving your partner unsatisfied can combine to create a hugely destructive, dick-deflating negative feedback loop. As for your girlfriend… A woman who doesn’t masturbate—because she tried it once and it didn’t work—has hang-ups, DITD. And a woman with hang-ups is much likelier to forgive a partner for having purchased some sex toys than she is to give a partner her advance permission to go and purchase some sex toys. So fi nd a good local or online sex-toy store and buy whatever you think looks like fun. Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

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BLOOD MERIDIAN Ladies, I’m sorry about the tampon. It was Sunday, June 17, post Pride parade, and I was at Powell’s meeting a friend for coffee. I knew my tampon was failing, but you know how it is when the conversation is good—the world tends to stop. Unfortunately, not so for my little red visitor. I finally made my way to the bathroom, and I was not prepared for the scene that greeted me when I finally made it into a stall. It was like a deleted scene from Game of Thrones, deemed too bloody for HBO. My entire uterus appeared to be hanging from the string, like the world’s worst Christmas ornament. I freaked out and tried to wipe the blood trails off my thighs and figure out if I should put my underwear in my bag, or in the trash. I realized that not only had I bled through an entire tampon plus my underwear, but the whole seat and inseam of my shorts was soaked. In my haste to get home before I passed out, I forgot to flush. Despite what philosophizin’ feministas will tell you about de-stigmatizing menstrual blood, it is downright gross to see someone else’s goo swimming around in the toilet. And so, again I say: Ladies, I’m sorry about the tampon.—Anonymous Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to “I, Anonymous,” at anonymous@portlandmercury.com, or on the new I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com. UNDERWORLD // KAZ

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June 28, 2012 Portland Mercury 67

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