An Open Letter to a Girl Struggling with a Negative Body Image

Farman 1 An Open Letter to a Girl Struggling with a Negative Body Image

By Jessica Farman

Farman 2 Dear Girl Struggling to Love Your Body, There are many women who face the battle to love their body. I am not saying this to dismiss your feelings; however, I am telling you this to make you realize -- you are not alone.

Approximately 80 percent of women in the U.S. are suffering from a negative body image, including me (Ross).

From a very young age, I was self-conscious about how other people, mainly my peers, viewed me based on my appearance. When I look back now, I am saddened that I did not enjoy my childhood as much as I could have. My insecurities prevented me from enjoying activities like going swimming with my friends and playing on the playground at recess. I was seen by many as the larger girl in my class. When I was in sixth grade, I was already five feet six inches and 160 pounds. I was tormented in school, mostly by guys, about how much bigger I was than all the other girls. When I got to middle school, I grew even taller, to five feet ten inches. I decided if I had to be this tall I should at least use my height, so I began to play basketball and volleyball. Even at my lowest weight in middle school (160 pounds), I was the focus of guy’s jokes; for example, guys would say that I was big enough to eat my boyfriend or that that the whole building shook when I walked by. This was discouraging because, as you probably know, middle school is when you hope the guys start noticing you. Some days, I would wish I were invisible because the guys were noticing me, but not in the way I had hoped.

When I became a senior in high school, I gained a lot of weight from stress. People quit picking on me because they were stressed too, but that did not stop me from hating my body. I was even dating my current boyfriend, who would tell me every day how beautiful I was, and I still wished I were living in another body. After graduation, I went to Slippery Rock University, where I am currently in a group called Reflection Body Image Program. This group advocates

Farman 3 for students to stay “body positive.� Going in, I hated my body, and now I am working at being okay with the skin I am stuck with. While working with the members of this club, I have learned that no matter what, you only have one body and that if you do not love your body, that is okay, but accepting your body is key. I did not share my story to discourage you, but to show you it is a work in progress. I am still working at it myself, and I have been in this group for almost a year now.

I also want you to know it is not our fault that we feel this way. We have been socialized to think negatively about ourselves since we were young, wishing we were just like our favorite same-sex character (Vitelli). Some of the characters that have affected me, and I am sure many other girls, are the Disney Princesses and Barbie. Have you ever noticed how all the Disney Princesses look very similar? They are all the same height and they all have an hourglass shape with an unrealistically thin waist. Barbie is the same way. I know when I was about five I played with a Barbie. I would imagine what she would have looked like if she were real. I would imagine this gorgeous woman, who lived in a mansion and had a handsome husband, and unfortunately, I wanted to be just like her. I now know that if Barbie were a real person she would fit the criteria for anorexia. In real life, Barbie would be a woman standing at six feet, with a 39-inch bust, an 18-inch waist, and 33-inch hips, weighing in at the unhealthy weight of 110 pounds (Slayen).

Farman 4 But if young girls are taught the thin ideal by their idols, it does not stop here. The media continues to contribute to body dissatisfaction by portraying these unrealistic ideals through T.V. programs, the clothing industry, the diet industry, magazines, and video games (Grogan). These standards for women, created by the media, play a huge role in women’s relationship with their body (Mask). I am sure you have seen the thin ideal portrayed, and I guarantee you did not think twice about it. It’s not likely for someone who does not fit the thin ideal to play major roles in the media.

Producers and other people in the industry know they can get away with the lack of representation of all body types because the consumers of the media have just accepted the media for what it is, instead of trying to change it. Reality T.V. programs such as “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and “Real House Wives” are drenched with these ideas of the thin ideal, which would have been impossible -in most cases- without extreme diets or surgery. Another form of media that is saturated with the thin ideal is magazines, specifically fashions magazines such as Vogue and Elle. These magazines simultaneously sexually objectify women, and reinforce the thin ideal. What the consumer of these magazines tends to not realize is that a lot of these women only fit the thin ideal because of Photoshop. Tying into that, the clothing and diet industry push the thin ideal on women through the work of modeling and Photoshop, just as

Farman 5 magazines do. The diet industry also pushes the idea that being thin equals being healthy; therefore, you should buy diet pills to fit the thin ideal. What these industries do not tell you is that these pills do not even come close to working unless you follow a very strict diet.

If it is not apparent already, I would like to emphasize that the thin ideal is not healthy in any way, especially since only about 5% population naturally fits these ideals. For the rest of the population, girls and women especially, we too often take extreme measures to fit this ideal because, once again, we are pressured to do so by the media and life around us. By the time young girls are in 5th grade, the media has influenced their visions of the ideal body, and 35% percent of those girls have already been on diets (Ross). This is just one example of a negative consequence to these unrealistic thin ideals.

When someone tries to fulfill the thin ideal, they will be faced with a number of consequences. Girls and women could become physically ill from trying to fit the thin ideal.

They could become dehydrated or malnourished, for example, and could potentially have to go to the hospital as a result. Eating disorders are the most common psychiatric problem that women are diagnosed with and they are directly related to internalizing the thin ideal (Thompson). This is a very scary concept because anorexia nervosa affects 1% of American adolescent females and it has the highest mortality rate of any other mental health disorder (Ekern). Other consequences one can face when they adopt an eating disorder (binging, purging, not eating) are impaired brain functions, infertility, dental decay, kidney failure or cardiac arrest, just to name a few (Deam).

Farman 6 Another consequence people face when trying to reach the thin ideal is that they gamble their money away on pointless products. Some of the aids that one may buy to fit the thin ideal are diet pills, diet foods, special diet guides, and weight loss equipment. Few of these items are cheap and most of them are products you would have to buy more than once. Other items that someone trying to fit the thin ideal might buy are a variety of beauty products, make-up, age reduction creams, and designer clothing. These products tend to not be cheap either, especially if you want to look just like the models in your magazines.

In addition, someone who really wants to reach their goal of fitting the thin ideal may resort to cosmetic surgery. The most common cosmetic surgery is liposuction and the cost of this starts out at $2,000 (Mann).

Finally, women who are trying to fulfill the thin ideal often have relationship issues.

Trying to fit these ideals could result in loss of friendships, romantic relationships and could cause issues within a family. As I’ve noted, trying to fit the thin ideal may lead to eating disorders. Someone with an eating disorder may try to hide that they have one, which could cause strains between their family and friends. Additional stress may be added to the family if the person who is trying to fit the thin ideal gets physically sick and has to go to the hospital.

Farman 7 I want you to rest assure that things have not always been like this. If you think of the perfect women in your head, I am going to assume it is a very similar image to what other people would picture.

The thin ideal reflects a woman who is slender, has big breasts (but not too big), long hair, perfect teeth and clear skin. Is my outline of the perfect women similar to what you imagined?

Well, even though it seems like it, it was not too long ago when this was not the ideal image. Women who were curvy were considered beautiful in the U.S. up until the 1960s (Bushak). The iconic Hollywood figure, Marylyn Monroe, showed that a curvy woman is beautiful. This seems to be a great time era, right? The thin ideal did not exist so women were healthier then. Unfortunately, this is incorrect. The women in this era may not have been trying to be unrealistically thin, but they still had pressures to fit the ideal for women.

During this time, the ideal for women was to be curvy, so the women who were not curvy felt they did not fit into society because in the magazines the women were retouched (Bushak). Even though the woman’s body was heavier then, it was just as subject to cultural pressures.

I hope it is starting to seem silly to you to want to fit the thin ideal. You are also simultaneously asking yourself, why do we do it then? We have established that these ideals are

Farman 8 unhealthy and impossible for a majority of our bodies to achieve, and that there is no easy or cheap way of achieving them, yet we still have the drive to fit the ideals. I would like to explore the idea that men in society may have some responsibility. Now, I am not putting the blame completely on men, but it is hard to understand why women want to fill these thin ideals, without discussing what men are doing to contribute.

One reason for women to be obsessed with the thin ideal is that they are afraid they are already being criticized by men, and more importantly, by the men they love. It is my belief that many straight women fear that their romantic partners, or someone they desire as their romantic partner, are seeing these images and comparing themselves to the “ideal” woman.

Again, I was not putting all the blame on men; other women could have a part in this too.

Women are not only influenced by the media, but they are also influenced by the women around them. It tends to become a game among women to nitpick other women on how they look. It is the core of our gossip and it is how we relate to other women. Think of a time when you were around your friend and there was a silence between you two, did you ever break the silence by saying “Oh my god did you see what ____ was wearing today?” or “I feel so fat, I need to start working out again” and did your friend agree and proceed with this negative conversation? I have been a part of a few conversations like this myself, and I never walk away from them feeling good about myself. It is sad to say, but women do just as much damage to other women as men do.

We even view this type of conversation or acts in the shows and movies we watch. The first movie that comes to mind that shows this type of act and conversation in it is Mean Girls. In this movie, the girls in their clique connect and relate solely

Farman 9 by making fun of other girls’ looks and their own. This movie is the prime example of the idea that even if you fit the thin ideal that does not make you a happy person.

The last reason why someone would want to try to fit the thin ideal is for approval. Now, I have discussed this at some length in other situations, but what I mean now is approval from people who are giving you compliments. I am sure your long lost best friend did not mean anything when she said, “Wow…. You look great! Did you lose some weight?” but these compliments are what I am talking about. They are pressures to not only fit the thin ideal, but also to keep losing weight or else you will no longer receive compliments from that person.

In the end, there is not one reason why women feel the burden to fit the thin ideal. They face high standards that are hard to resist or reject. I wish I could tell you that you are beautiful and know that you would believe me, but I know from personal experience that this is not likely to happen. We have many years of socialized ideals we need to overcome before the thin ideal and the issues that come with it no longer needs to be a topic of discussion. For now, I would hope that you can walk away from reading this letter feeling better knowing you are not the only person going through this. I also hope that what you take away could help one of your friends or a family member that is also struggling with a negative body image, because I truly believe if women stick together and fight against these impossible ideals, then we would no longer have women who hate themselves and their bodies. Remember, you only have one body; I hope you can learn to embrace it.

Farman 10 Works Cited Bushak, Lecia. “A Brief History of Body Image in America.” Medical Daily. 2016. www.medicaldaily.com/history-body-image-america-how-ideal-female-and-male-bodyhas-changed-over-360492. Accessed 05 May 2017.

Deam, Jenny. “The Scary Rise in Adult Eating Disorders.” Women’s Health. 2012. www.womenshealthmag.com/health/adult-eating-disorders. Accessed 05 May 2017.

Ekern, Jacquelyn. "About Anorexia: Signs, Symptoms, Causes & Articles for Treatment Help."

Eating Disorder Hope.” Eating Disorder Hope. www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/anorexia. Accessed 01 May 2017.

Grogen, Sarah. Body image: Understanding body dissatisfaction in men, women, and children.

Routledge, 05 Oct. 2016.

Mann, Denise. “The Most Common Cosmetic Surgery.” WebMD. 2012. www.webmd.com/beauty/news/20120319/most-common-cosmetic-surgery-2011#1.

Accessed 05 May 2017.

Mask, Lisa and Blanchard, Celine. “The Effects of “Thin Ideal” Media on Wome’s Body Image Concerns and Eating-Related Intentions: The Beneficial Role of an Autonomous Regulation of Eating Behaviors.” Body Image. vol. 8, no. 4, 2011, doi: S174014451100088X. Accessed 05 May 2017.

Ross, Carolyn. “Why do Women Hate Their Bodies?” PsychCentral. 2015. www.psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/02/why-do-women-hate-their-bodies/.

Accessed 05 May 2017.

Farman 11 Slaven, Galia. “The Scary Reality of a Real-Life Barbie Doll.” HuffingtonPost. 2011. www.huffingtonpost.com/galia-slayen/the-scary-reality-of-a-re_b_845239.html.

Accessed 05 May 2017.

Thompson, Kevin and Stice, Eric. “Thin-Ideal Internalization: Mounting Evidence for a New Risk Factor for Body-Image Disturbance and Eating Pathology.” Current Directions in Psychology Science. vol. 8, 2001, doi: 10.1111/1467-8721.00144. Accessed 05 May 2017 Vitelli, Romeo. “Media Exposure and the “Perfect” Body.” Psychology Today. 2013. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201311/media-exposure-and-theperfect-body. Accessed 05 May 2017.