HIS STORY
BY DIRECTOR OF COLLEGE COUNSELING CORIE MCDERMOTT-FAZZINO
My son, Wyatt, is approaching three and firmly in the ‘why?’ stage. We have gone down many twisted rabbit holes together: the construct of time; the death of our dog, Banjo; validation of my particular snack choice that day. “Why mommy, why?” he repeats, in a doubly asked question revealing urgency and innocence. I rarely tire of his questions. They are just plain fun to answer, rhetorical exercises inviting new ideas and terms. It makes his preschool teachers chuckle to discover he knows that “smoke dissipates” after filling our kitchen that time his dad overcooked dinner. That “dry ice sublimates” when you remove it from the Omaha Steaks packaging and douse it with water. That the ocean has a “tidal range” making the sea crash with varying intensity and reach as it yields and swallows up the shoreline. Wyatt’s curiosity is palpable as he parses out what he can control and what he cannot. He is in a constant state of discovery as he figures out his priorities, his values, and himself. I’m sure the influx of information is dizzying. Most of the time, it delights him. In the quiet hours, I can hear him chanting a new phrase to himself, consumed with wonder: “Investigation. We did an investigation.” But there are also times when he explodes in defiant frustration: “I can’t like this!” Learning about the properties of the world and his corresponding place in it is both exciting and overwhelming. And messy. Often, just as Wyatt thinks he has it all figured out there’s an exception, something he cannot control. His instinct is to double down with toddler intensity.“But I want the sun to come up!”he once shouted in an effort to avoid bedtime and will daylight into existence. I try not to lie to him in these moments. It seems cruel to do so. Instead, I offer my best advice based on experience and give him the space to process… and possibly throw an excellent temper tantrum. Navigating the college process can feel just as dizzying for students – especially over the last year in a world upended by pandemic. Quite honestly, I’m shocked that no students threw a proper fit in our office in response to the pressures. The catalogue of factors out of the student’s control is epic these days: enrollment objectives; financial optimization; institutional priorities; imploding (and by extension, confusing) standardized testing; tuition discounting; marketing schemes; cookie tracking websites. Did you know that
1 From Who Gets in and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions by Jeffery Selingo
College Board’s Student Search Service sells a student’s name, on average, 18 times over his or her high school career to various colleges? 1 Those names are sliced and diced in a variety of ways: high SAT scores to find qualified applicants; low SAT scores to gin-up application numbers and drive down admit rates; zip codes to find more full-pay applicants; particular ethnicities to increase campus diversity; certain potential majors to help balance out program distribution. It’s insane. And completely out of the applicant’s control. Then there is the sheer cost of college. Also, out of control. Many financial aid professionals frame the family contribution to the college bill not as what the family can afford, but what the family can absorb. Much like purchasing a car or house, the expectation is that families use past (did you save?), present (how much do you make?), and future (how is your credit score for taking out loans?) income to manage the cost of college. I can’t like this. We are honest with our counselees about the college admissions landscape. It is, ultimately, the humane thing to do. But we also proceed with compassion and help students refocus energy on factors they can control: their academic record, their résumé, their interests, their story. College reps – those road warriors who read each application and know the Abbey well – often report back about how much they enjoyed reading Abbey student essays. Learning about a high schooler in his or her own voice grounds an otherwise data driven process in the human experience. We also help support the student narrative with our contribution to the story. The counselor recommendation letter captures the student in context, provides important background information, and offers particular insights into each student’s life, academic and otherwise. As an office of English teacher-counselors, we are particularly well-suited for these tasks. Taco night is like a holiday in our house. Wyatt is a foodie – quite possibly the only toddler on this planet who eats almost everything. Last summer, in an effort to lure him inside for dinner, I used the secret weapon word: “You want tacos?” He sprinted to the dinner table without stopping. As he devoured his meal, I asked him, “Is it good?” He mumbled an inaudible response. “Good, right?” I repeated, imposing my opinion on his answer. Wyatt looked at me, appalled, “No, mommy, I said it was great.” And there you have it: in a world where he controls so little, Wyatt still found space to have an opinion, to control his story. It’s not much, but it’s something– a trend to build on.
summer Alumni BULLETIN 2021
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