What s Me Too Got to Do With Me?

What’s the Me Too Movement Got to

Do With Me? By Ericka Foster

When I was in the first grade, a little boy in my class liked to feel on the little girls’ booties when the teacher wasn’t looking. I was a shy five - year-old, afraid of drawing attention to myself and terrified of confrontation. I was also still new to school, and learning the ins and outs of how things were supposed to be. So my goal was to evade this little boy, trying to be three steps ahead whenever our first grade teacher put us in a line. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t.

One day, as we were all seated on the floor watching a movie, he did his usual thing, copping a feel while the teacher was in the front of the class. I tried scooting a little to the right, or a little to the left, but I was out of options. He got greedy. He tried to do the same thing to Nicole B who was seated next to me. (I remember everyone’s name, but in that moment, Nicole was my hero and needs a shout out). She punched him hard. Several times. Like a girl who grew up with brothers.

I had confirmation that it was ok for me to not want him to touch me like that. And I felt a sense of relief that if he did it to other girls, he was the problem, not me. Nicole didn’t punch that boy just to defend herself; she was defending me too, when I was too scared to do so on my own.

This movement is about HEALING not accusing.

I know that many of you reading this are like, “Really? She’s tripping over a little boy copping a feel in the first grade?” In fact, when I mentioned it to my college roommate, she blew it off like, “Oh girl, me too. That happens to everybody.”

Telling this story is weird. This story is part of who I am, and has influenced who I think I am, and how I view the world. But, I know that in the range of sexual harassment and sexual assault, I’m lucky that this is my story . However, I don ’t want to minimize it. As women, that’s what we are told to do – accept it. That somehow, we’re supposed to endure unwanted touching and sexual aggression as a part of womanhood. I shouldn’t have to feel “lucky” that a little boy *only* copped a feel from me in elementary school.

My point in sharing this story is – if I can remember the events and feelings 35 years later, then even the smallest things can have a large impact on who you are.

What is the Me Too movement?

It’s easy to think that the Me Too m ovement is for women in entertainment, or for women who have the privilege of speaking out. It was founded in 2006 by Tarana Burke to “help survivors of sexual violence, particularly Black women and girls, and other young women of color from low wealth com munities, find pathways to healing”. This movement is about HEALING not accusing. Tarana admits that she began her organization when a girl at the camp where Tarana was a counselor confided that she experienced sexual

assault. Tarana couldn’t utter the two words me too to give the girl comfort. So she created an entire movement to help herself, and that young woman heal. Sexual abuse and violence is that dirty little secret that no one wants to discuss. But it has an effect. According to an ACLU report, ne arly 60 percent of women in state prisons across the country have a history of physical or sexual abuse, and entering the justice system often leads to re - victimization. Winner of the 2018 Disobedience Awards. Selected images from the 2018 Disobedience Award event at the MIT Media Lab. Click here for even more photos. Credit: Jon Tadiello

In the spirit of healing

The harassment didn’t stop just because Nicole beat his ass. He was also in my second grade class, and there was a different boy in the third grade . In the fourth grade though, I overheard another student tell the teacher what was going on. I remember thinking. Wait, we can do that? The next time we had to line up, I strutted into that line, because I did n’t have to take it anymore. When I found out my best friend was having problems, I gave her the 4 th grade, 80’s equivalent of “ hold my beer” . Then I went to tell the teacher.

I’m a talker, so speaking my truth helps me heal. In order for Tarana to heal, she created an organization. In 2017, when Alyssa Milano encouraged women to tweet “me too”, those women needed to acknowledge that had happened to them to begin to heal . T he conversations that have taken place since then have helped women and men begin to heal. Healing looks like whatever it should for you to feel whole.

I wish I could end this article with ways for you to heal. But that’s different for everyone, in every situation. If you’ve got a record and the boss/client/coworker/landlord likes to pl ay grab - ass – or worse – I don’t have a right to tell you how to handle it. If you are popping pills to forget the atrocities of a family member, only you can figure out how to be whole. But there are two things that I can tell you for sure: It is not your fault. Nothing you say, wear, or do makes it okay for someone to victimize you. And, you have what it takes to become the person you want to be. Good luck on your journey.