Personal Story: What Could ve Been

What Could’ve Been…

By D. Elizondo -- model, author, poet, Host of "THE REDZONE" on Positive Transitioning Radio

I should have a 10-year-old son right now...

His name is D'Angelo Jordan Elizondo. Unfortunately, our pregnancy did not come to term- but he had a heartbeat. My heartbeat, a heartbeat that existed as a direct result of my heartbeat.

I think about him all the time, and how he would've changed the entire trajectory of my life. First and foremost, his mother and I would’ve gotten married, so I would be married. I would be a successful entrepreneur and a small business owner. I would've never met my victim; she always said she would have never given me the time of day if I had a kid because she didn’t want “baby mama drama” . So, my son would have saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life. My son would have kept me out of my concrete tomb, and my son would've kept me from needing a second chance at life.

Chances are, as a result of the enormous amount of joy he would've brought me, we would've given him a sibling. So not only would I have one child, but once I was financially able I would have BABIES!!! What an incredible thought. I would be a homeowner- and I probably would be living in the home I built for my family. A threestory red brick colonial with four big white pillars on my front porch.

More than likely, D would have been an athlete. I would've coached his teams to support him in every endeavor he would ever undertake. I’d earn my WORLD'S BEST DAD coffee mug each and every single day. I would make sure he knows I love his mom, not just by my words but by my actions. I would live my life to raise my son, and nothing else would matter. THAT'S MY BOY. He would know there isn’t a distance I would run, a monster under the bed I wouldn’t kill, no mountain I wouldn’t climb, just so he knew how much he was loved and cared for. He would be the most well behaved boy and would always respect my wife and I -- not because we raise our voice in anger, or because he's afraid of losing his toys or getting grounded, but because we trained him up in the way he should go. Therefore, when he is older he would not depart from it.

I want to be a father so bad. Maybe it’s because my biological clock is ticking, maybe it’s because God knows I’m ready to pass on the invaluable lessons He's taught me. Either way, I made mistakes and as a result I forfeited that gift.

But, God gave me my brothers in arms and has afforded me the opportunity to guide them and impart His wisdom into them. I get to lead them not just when it’s fun and easy, but when it comes time to make the hard decisions -- when it’s time to lead -- and for that I am eternally grateful.

That’s how my life would be different if I was a father.