Learning from Parenting Classes

by Ericka Foster

I recently attended a panel discussion for justice-involved families, and one of the panelists mentioned that upon his release, he had to approach his children with “humility”. Many of us grew up with parents who have the mentality of “I know better because I’m the adult, so do as I say.” But parents who have been separated from their children can benefit from a less authoritarian point-of-view.

Humility is about being able to admit your weaknesses. Not only is that hard in an adultto-adult relationship, any ability to admit weakness is likely to be undone while incarcerated. In an article by David Brooks in the New York Times, he describes humility as “an intense self-awareness from a position of other-centeredness.” In other words, humility is about knowing what you need while being aware of what the other person needs as well.

The parenting philosophy of ‘I know better, so do as I say” disregards the kids’ right to their own experiences, feelings, and point-of-view. That is additionally complicated by absence due to incarceration. The child has real feelings that need to be acknowledged and expressed in order to heal. And since no kid comes with a manual, the communication skills will be unique between each parent and each child (even between the same parent and multiple children).

In an article for the Marshall Project by Richard Hines-Norwood, the author talks about how parenting classes gave him techniques to better communicate with his daughters. He describes how, at first he was skeptical, but over time, he admits to learning valuable techniques to connecting with his girls. Though one daughter was small, he also had a teenager. The author was able to put himself in her shoes and parent from a place of empathy and humility so they could reach some common ground.

Parenting Inside Out is a popular parenting program that helps incarcerated and formerly incarcerated individuals learn techniques for parenting. The course details techniques in parenting styles and values, positive reinforcement, monitoring, communication, problemsolving, non-violent discipline, and co-parenting. You can find parenting classes – either Parenting Inside Out or similar – through social services programs, as well as churches and other types of organizations.