The holidays can be brutal for families of alcoholics

LAST WORD

ISABELLE SOUTHCOTT

For most of us, Christmas is a happy holiday. There are carol sings, baking, presents, shopping, glitz, glam and fun. We spend time with family and friends, attend a few parties, and exchange gifts.

We spend too much, eat too much, and drink too much, but come January we make a conscious effort to stop overindulging and return to our healthy selves.

Sadly, for some, it’s not that easy.

There are those among us who dread Christmas. The holiday may remind them that their loved one, who they used to do special things with at Christmas, is no longer with them. They feel sad and lonely without them and a wave of hopelessness washes over them.

For those with addictions, the holidays provides the perfect excuse to over indulge. Years ago, when I was married, I would say I loved my husband be fore noon because that was when he’d have his first drink and with that, his personality began to change. Things were always worse in December with friends dropping by for drinks and the usual round of Christmas parties and family vis its that inevitably included alcohol.

I was one of those people who found a 12-step pro gram in my community. One cold, dark, night in late November, I took a deep breath as I walked into a church basement and attended my very first support meeting.

I’d almost gone the year before but I’d convinced myself that things weren’t really that bad and be sides, I didn’t want anyone to know about our problems. What if someone I knew was there? I was so embarrassed by my situation that I didn’t go. But the following year, I felt like I didn’t have a choice; unable to cope alone I turned to the only place I felt safe to ask for help.

There, I met others in similar situations. They had husbands, wives, children, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, siblings, boyfriends, girlfriends and just people they cared about whose relationship with alcohol was impacting their relationships with the people they cared about to such an extent that they, like me, needed support.

That night I discovered I was not alone. I found tools, information and ideas that would help me cope with my situation. There was no magic wand that I could wave to change the situation because, as I learned, I couldn’t change someone else. But the support provided by others and the strength I found in listening to their stories gave me the courage I needed to face what was often an unpredictable time of the year for me and my family.

You may not be married to someone who uses drugs or has a problem with alcohol but you probably know or have known some one who does. Like cancer, more people than you think have been impacted by ad dictions. It may be your loud, red-faced Uncle Harry who’s always the life of the party and the last to leave a family function. Or the guy you played spin the bottle with in grade school who committed suicide when he was in his thirties.

There is no ‘us and them’ anymore when it comes to addictions, now it’s ‘we.’ Here in qathet, this is more apparent than in a bigger city where distance and population provides a buffer between people. In smaller, isolated communities like ours, life’s events are magnified and social media means that everyone can know everyone’s business if they want to.

Christmas can be especially difficult for many peo ple who love someone with an addiction.

Are you one of them? If so, help and understand ing are just a meeting away.

isabelle @prliving.ca