Mina Kakaiya

3 Waves of Wellness

Mina Kakaiya

Sharing my thoughts on wellness has been a personal life long journey in enabling myself and others to find their own inner wellness through mentoring, coaching and training. What has also been a great help was developing wellbeing programmes in the workplace and across health and social care and non-for-profit sectors of mental health, HIV and domestic violence.

By bringing awareness to improve others personal mental wellness, I realised that our source of wellbeing is innate within us and it is fundamentally our true natural state of being, that is in a continual state of change and transformation.

Wellness in essence is an emotional state of unconditional self-love and appreciation that is eroded or lost and found again along our life journey.

Our sense of who we are and our values, believes, attitudes and behaviours are moulded by our past experiences, family situation, culture, education and life experiences. Often our wellness then gets lost or what gets in the way of our wellness and happiness is pleasing and conforming to the wider cultural pressures and norms we begin to adhere to. Pandering to needs and wants of others hence neglecting our own. Experiences of loss or trauma in different areas of lives such as loved ones, health, money and purpose.

We then try to find it again, and for many of us through developing unhelpful and negative thought patterns, believes, fears and habits such as addictions, self-harm, lack of self-worth, low expectations and negative perceptions about self, others and the world around us.

The 3 waves of wellness is an approach which enables individuals to begin to become aware, move and practice towards nurturing their true inner wellness or “inner me”. We are all born from water and our wellness journey is a personal one of self-discovery, which is unique to each one of us.

Like the waves, our life experiences come in cycles of ebbs and flows, bringing crests of positive high waves and negative low crashing waves. Wellness like the waves is not fixed but flexible, forever dynamic, evolving and changing and to embrace all aspects of our mind and body and by adopting an attitude of inner kindness and self-love.

When I run my wellness sessions I ask the participants to describe what wellness and wellbeing means to them and what it feels like. The general responses are feelings of happiness energetic, and confident, joy, and content, having clarity, safety and security, loved, appreciated, kindness and satisfaction. When asked what un-wellness or poor well-being feels like, responses such as feeling of fear, anger, dissatisfaction, trapped, no choice, despair, not being good enough, failure, judgemental of self or others, blame, guilt, duty, responsibilities, not having enough or lack of, clarity, time, money, negative relationships or purpose.

Like the waves, we come in or out of wellness on a daily basis as we experience life and things that disrupt our wellness state. So wellness is about changing your inner experience from the external situation in the way we think and feel about the things and the quality of the thoughts we choose to pay attention to and focusing on doing more of what feels good to you with an attitude of self-appreciation.

The 3 waves to wellness

The first wave of Awareness- Noticing your feelings and thoughts, about any given situation you are experiencing. What are the stories you are telling yourself about the situation? We often told not to show our emotions as it perceived as a sign of weakness and vulnerability. However, recognising the value of your feelings as your inner guidance systems is an indicator of your level of wellness at that moment. It’s a bit like a radio and noticing which station and song are you creating, listening and paying attention too! Is it the tunes of wellness or tunes of un-wellness that you tuned into right now? Noticing what the stories you are telling yourself first thing in the morning and throughout the day. Our daily life experiences evoke certain negative and positive thoughts and feelings all the time and we all deal and respond emotionally differently to the same situation as we all hold differing opinions.

For instance, I had been fearful of dogs and particularly Alsatians for many years as I was chased by one when I was a child. Then recently I came into an encounter with an Alsatian at a friend’s home over a few days celebrating a family wedding and this Alsatian was so placid and friendly that my perceptions and fears around this breed of dog changed. So noticing how we label our past experiences and we have the ability to change and control our inner experiences of thoughts and feelings about the situation.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus (55- 135AD) said….”It is not things in themselves which trouble us, but the opinions we have about these things”.

We often treat our states of mind as absolute reality, when actually, we each react differently to the same events. If we question our thought processes, we can change the way we respond to the world around us so that we can have a better life. By noticing our own self-limiting thoughts and believes and recognising that our own personal attitudes and believes are your own and different from others which is often either blocking or enhancing our wellness at any given moment in time.

The second wave of Allowing- by choosing to challenge and change our current thoughts and believes and focusing on more about by caring the way we feel. Gently allowing ourselves to shift our attention to thoughts and moods from a place of dissatisfaction to satisfaction. Therefore, easing off the pressure on yourself and doing more of what makes you feel better or good to you right now. Focusing away from what’s lacking or negative aspects of your current life and towards positive aspects of your life that can improve your mood and make you feel better. Have you noticed when you keep focusing on the negative things in your life they become bigger and bigger and vice versa when you focus on the more positive aspects of your life the better you begin to feel?

After my redundancy, I decided to do Master in CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility) full time in one year. However, I did not anticipate the level of stress it would cause me and the reality of writing 3 essays in a 3 months deadline seemed very daunting to me at the time and then I started to feel increasingly worried and anxious and the panic set in with feelings of overwhelmed, fear, doubt. My old negative belief about myself crept in of not being clever enough and good enough and the fear of failure and I became tearful all the time and found it difficult to eat or sleep or focus. I was at a breaking point and then made a decision and talked myself into telling myself to let go and do the best I can and if I failed my essays I would drop out the course as it was not the end of the world.

At that moment of relaxing and easing the pressure from myself from my current reality and shifting my negative perceptions and believes from fear to hope and optimism, I passed my Masters with flying colours! My biggest learning lesson I received from doing my Master was realising that the impossible was possible!

Ways to take yourself out of your own head:

Awareness of your inner mind chatter and noticing if it is helpful or unhelpful, you’re negative self-talk.

Practicing the process of quieting your mind through simple activities that help stop the momentum of the inner critical voice or from the unpleasant experience for a while, by having a nap, doing some relaxation, meditation or mindfulness practices on a regular basis.

Doing things the make you feel good, whether it’s pampering yourself, having a lying, baking, dancing, or listening to music and learning or taking up a new interest or hobby.

Taking care of your body by eating better, getting a good night sleep and exercise that you enjoy doing, whether it’s walking, cycling, swimming, sports activities or going to a gym.

Connecting with people that uplift, support and inspire you.

Giving back and by doing things for others. Often random acts of kindness can make us feel better.

Having hope and optimism that things will improve and change and appreciation of the good things you have in your life right now. Living in the present moment enjoying the full experience. Often, we are in autopilot and so in our planning, worrying mode and so we fail to notice the wonderful things around such as the birds or trees, the sky, clouds and stars, or savour the flavours from the food we eat.

The third wave of Awesomeness –is about unlocking and knowing your true “inner me” or awesomeness that has the limitless potential to create and the power to choose and change the course of your life and acknowledging your own ongoing journey of transformation is in constant seek of wellness that is forever changing and growing. It is also about truly accepting and being comfortable with who you are with an attitude of being kind to yourself and appreciating all aspects of yourselves. We are often our own biggest critic.

So it about moving away from self-judgment and criticism of others.

Shifting towards feelings of worthiness and deserving and stop comparing ourselves to others.

Accepting that we are all unique with our own skills, talents, and abilities and are always evolving in our own ways.

• Discovering and honouring what is important and matters to you by reconnecting with your passion and purpose, no matter how big or small.

• Honouring my “inner me” by appreciating where you are right now with the attitude of inner kindness and self-love.

About Mina Kakaiya

Mina is a social entrepreneur, trainer, wellbeing coach and public speaker. She has a background in social work and over 20 years’ experience in community development working in collaboration across health and social care NHS and not for profit sector and education in developing a diverse range of mental health and wellness projects and initiatives and influencing NHS service commissioning to improving health and social inequalities for the wider population and those experiencing mental health problems and long term conditions. Mina is also a freelance mental health and MHFA (Mental Health First Aid) trainer, resilience in the workplace, and mindfulness practitioner. She has also developed peer support training in Mental Health, HIV and Domestic Violence.

Mina holds a degree Neuroscience and a Masters in CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility). CSR is how prioritising people, planet and then profit can enhance business success and Mina has developed wellness approaches into SME’s.

She is passionate about promoting awareness of inner wellbeing towards personal transformation and empowering individuals and communities to unlock their inner potential and collective wisdom to tackle the wider issues of health and social inequalities and improve personal mental health and wellbeing.

Mina practices yoga and meditation and has a love for music and dance and interests in sustainable living and with a dream of building her own Eco home in the near future. She has her pink hard hat already!

For more information please connect with me on LinkedIn page.