Pastor coaching by Power Trade Media

HELPING LEADERS BECOME

B E T T E R S T E WA R D S .

Pastor Coaching Presented by: CourageToLead.com

CHURCH EXECUTIVE â&#x20AC;¢ P A S T O R C O A C H I N G

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Table of Contents PASTOR COACHING: 101 / WHAT IT IS — AND WHAT IT LOOKS IN PRACTICE 3 Seminary didn’t prepare us for this. Personnel issues. Hiring. Alignment. Firing. Culture. Vision. Systems. Multiple staff. Multiple campuses. Leadership development. Dealing with growth. Spurring new growth. Financial management. While there are more resources available to us than ever before, at the end of the day, we leaders still need a place where we can talk through the things that keep us up at night. By Shawn Lovejoy

HOW DO I FIND THE RIGHT COACH?

Real coaches have a relationship with their players. The best coaches serve you in both a personal and professional manner — and that means you need to treat the selection of a coach accordingly. That means being prudent in your search, because the right coach will be someone you ‘do life’ with. You’ll share with them on deep, personal levels. Hiring a coach is a lot like making any other hire … but, it might be your most important hire. You must be wise with this hire! If you get it right, it won’t be an ‘expense’ — it will be an investment in your own growth and the growth of our organization. This, of course, begs a big question … ‘How do I select the right coach?’

BE MEAN (ABOUT THE VISION)

UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF VISION

DISCOVER A VISION WE’RE WILLING TO DIE FOR

KEEP THE VISION FROM LEAKING

KEEP THE VISION FROM BEING HIJACKED

10 REASONS WHY EVERY LEADER NEEDS A COACH

By Shawn Lovejoy

“I just don’t have the time or money for coaching it right now.” I hear it all the time. However, my follow-up questions are always the same: When will it slow down long enough? and What will it cost you if you don’t have a coach? The bottom line is this: I just believe every leader needs a coach! And there are 10 reasons behind this belief. By Shawn Lovejoy

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When we stop growing, sooner or later the church will stop growing. For many of us, the reason our ministry isn’t growing is simple: we’re not growing. We’ve read the books. We’ve downloaded the content. What’s still missing? Relationship. This is why I believe every leader needs a coach.

By Shawn Lovejoy

What it is — and what it looks in practice Seminary didn’t prepare us for this. Personnel issues. Hiring. Alignment. Firing. Culture. Vision. Systems. Multiple staff. Multiple campuses. Leadership development. Dealing with growth. Spurring new growth. Financial management. And that doesn’t even cover it all! The ministry world today is so complex. Good news! There are more resources available to us than ever before. The Web has made it possible to download a complete online video course on virtually any subject, in a matter of moments. At the end of the day, however, we leaders still need a place where we can talk through the things that keep us up at night. • What do we do with our worship leader? (It’s always a worship leader, right?) • Should we build a new building or start a campus? • Should we give them more time or let them go? Should we go talk to them? If so, how should the conversation start? How should it end? • How can I grow my leadership? • How can I change the way I lead? • How do we take our team to the next level? Now that we know what needs to be done, how can we ensure we do it the right way? (Because if we do the right thing the wrong way, we get the same results.) In the meantime, Sunday is always coming. Every week is relentless. We are often overextended and over-committed. There’s not a lot of time to invest in extra relationships, much less in consulting or coaching. Yet, the No. 1 mistake I see pastors make is isolation. The bottom line? We need help Our schedules tend to put relationship on the back burner. However, when we get isolated, we become more vulnerable. When we get isolated, we stop learning from others. When we stop learning, we stop growing. 4

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What is coaching? “Coaching” has become a buzzword — not only in corporate circles, but now in the ministry world. But what exactly is coaching, and why does a pastor need it? Think about it: coaching has historically been relegated to athletics. Think about what coaches do — they work to help individuals and teams win. They not only help draw a picture of success, but detail a process to help take people there. Coaches work to bring out the best in people, always pushing them to excel. They encourage, admonish, correct and consult on the right mind-set and fundamentals players need in order to win. The best coaches know how to watch a player play, and then offer constructive criticism and motivation along the way to help that player seize all his or her God-given ability. In the same way, every leader needs someone to come alongside them and watch them “play” — correcting and motivating them along the way to squeeze out all their God-given ability. Coaching is not just content; with the tips of our fingers, we can read and download content. What’s missing? Relationship.

Keep an eye on this eBook! Future installments in this series will focus on: • How you know you’re stuck in a rut — and in need of coaching • How to select the right coach To win, I believe we all need to know and be known. We need a safe place to talk through our personal and leadership issues. Sometimes we need permission. Sometimes we have a sense of what needs to be done; we just need to hear someone say, “You’re not crazy for thinking that. Go for it!” Other times, we need to hear someone say: “Whatever you do, don’t do that.” How is a coach able to offer that kind of perspective? Simple. Guess what most coaches have in common? They were once players. They’ve been in the trenches and on the frontlines before. They’ve been there, done that, gotten the T-shirt — and often have the scars to prove it. Why wouldn’t we want to learn from someone else’s pain instead of having to learn everything the most painful way: ourselves? So, go. Get a coach! Ask them to watch you play. Being coached isn’t always easy, and the process can be grueling. The scoreboard, however, will often prove it’s been worth it. Shawn Lovejoy is founder & CEO of CourageToLead.com, where he and his team coach leaders, pastors pastors, and helps them all conquer what keeps them up at night. Previously, Lovejoy served as founding and lead pastor of Mountain Lake Church in Cumming, GA, and directional leader of churchplanters.com and the annual Velocity Conference. He has written several books, including The Measure of Our Success: An Impassioned Plea to Pastors (Baker Books, 2012) and Be Mean About the Vision: Preserving and Protecting What Matters (Thomas Nelson, 2016).

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BE MEAN (ABOUT THE VISION) I don’t consider myself to be a mean person. I have lots of friends. I’m an extrovert. I am a neck hugger. I consider myself to be a nice, loving person. I don’t think most people would say I’m a mean leader. You may have read this title and thought that I was going to give you permission to be a mean leader, but I’m not. There are already too many mean leaders out there today, yes, and especially, in the church! Being mean about the vision is not about being mean to people or being a mean leader. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. If you look up the word mean in the dictionary, you’ll see several definitions. One of them says that to be mean is “to be offensive, selfish, or unaccommodating.”1 That’s the definition most of us think of first; but if you 5

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think more about it, that is not even the most common use of the word mean itself. The other definition of the word mean is “to have an intended purpose.” 2 In this instance, the word mean has to do with intent. We’ll sometimes say “What I m eant to say was . . . ” or “I m eant t hat as a compliment.” In these instances the word mean has to do with intent. That is what “being mean about the vision” is all about. Being mean about the vision is being intentional about the vision. Why is is so important that we be intentional about the vision? The Bible tells us in Proverbs 29:18 that “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” In other words, where there is no vision, things dies and people die; maybe not physically, but in the Bible death is not physical. When Adam and Eve lost sight of God’s vision for them in the garden, They died; not physically, but spiritually, relationally, and emotionally. That’s how the Bible most often describes death.

1 Dictionary.com, s. v. “mean,” accessed June 30, 2015, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/mean?s=t 2 MerriamWebster Online, s. v. “mean,” accessed June 30, 2015, http://www. merriamwebster.com/dictionary/mean

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Some of us know that the word vision in in Proverbs 29:18 is literally translated revelation. The New International Version translates this same verse like this: “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint” Prov-

We must understand, embrace, and align our lives and our o r g a n i z a t i o n s a r o u n d G o d ’s revealed vision for our lives and the organizations we lead! erbs 29:18 (NIV). In other words, God also wants us to know that where there is a lack of a clear vision revealed by God for a person or organization, there is going to be less focus, more people running in random directions, and and more chaos that ensues! This is why I believe vision is the most important thing in the world. We must understand, embrace, and align our lives and our organizations around God’s revealed vision for our lives and the organizations we lead! This is what it means to be mean about the vision. The question is how, right? How can we be more intentional about understanding, embracing, and aligning our lives and organizations around the vision. An excerpt from Shawn Lovejoy’s new best-selling book, Be Mean About The Vision: Preserving & Protecting What Matters 7

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UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF VISION Where there is no vision people perish. Things and people die. Organizations die. Where there is no vision, people cast off restraint. They wander off in random directions. There is no unity or synergy. However, this At the end of t h e d a y, a v i s i o n statement is j u s t t h a t : i t ’s a s t a t e m e n t . I t ’s words on a page. It has no life on its own.

means the opposite is true. Where there is vision, there is life, vitality, and growth. There is clear direction, unity, and synergy! This is why I believe vision is the most important thing in the world! We must understand to our core the importance of vision in our lives

and the organizations we lead. In his book Built To Last, Jim Collins exposes some 3 Jim Collins and Jerry I. Porras, Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies (New York: HarperCollins, 2011) 4 Ibid 8

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of the myths people had held about what he called “visionary companies.” One of the myths he and his team debunked was the belief that “ Companies become visionary primarily through vision statements.3 He and his team set out believing that cool and clever vision statements might separate the great organizations for all others. On the contrary however, his team’s research revealed that it wasn’t the content of the vision statements that seemed to make the difference. It was the clarity of that vision statement throughout the various levels of an organization, that made all the difference. To be honest, I’m not a big fan of vision statements. Vision statements are a dime a dozen as far as I’m concerned. Every organization has a vision statement. At the end of the day, a vision statement is just that: it’s a statement. It’s words on a page. It has no life on its own. It cannot, nor will it ever, energize, unify, or align an organization. This task falls to the leader. A vision statement is only as strong as the leader is. Vision is only as clear as the leader is. Vision is only as compelling as a leader makes it. A vision is stewarded and sustained by

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a leader. this is just another reason why the leader’s vision is everything. Another myth Jim and his team exposed was the belief that “visionary companies share a common subset of correct core values.” 4 Jim and his team looked to see if there was a common set of values that every great organization had in common. Their research revealed, however, that no such monster existed. Among the best organizations in their study, there was no “right” set of core values that they all shared. The crucial variable was not the content of a company’s values, but how deeply they believed their values and how consistently they lived, breathed, and expressed those values in all that they did. Don’t you see? Vision is everything! Without a vision people and organizations perish! With clarity and unity behind the vision, good organizations become great! As leaders we must know and understand the importance of vision at every level of the organizations we lead. An excerpt from Shawn Lovejoy’s new best-selling book, Be Mean About The Vision: Preserving & Protecting What Matters

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DISCOVER A VISION WE’RE WILLING TO DIE FOR’ Here’s the good news. We don’t have to invent a new vision. We just have to discover it. If vision is actually something that’s revealed to us by our Creator, then we just have to wrestle with Him until we receive it clearly from Him. That’s what Jacob did. If you are familiar with the saga of the Bible, you know that God’s chosen nation, Israel, was named after a man named Jacob. The name Jacob means “deceiver,” and for the first part of his life, Jacob lived up to his name. He spent the first half of his life trying to deceive, manipulate, and strategize his way to success. One night, however, all that changed. The story is found in Genesis 32. Jacob found himself in a wrestling match with God (or at least a messenger from God). He wrestled all night, and Scripture tells us that during the struggle, Jacob refused to let go until God blessed him. Think about it: Jacob would not stop wrestling with God until God revealed His vision and promised to fulfill His vision for Jacob’s life! And God did bless him. Everything great in Jacob’s life started with a holy wrestling match churchexecutive.com

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over the vision. That’s powerful. The same is true for us. We must be willing to wrestle with our Creator until we know He both reveals and promises to fulfill His vision in and through our lives. That moment will change everything for us. That moment will allow us to stay true through the disappointments, the setbacks, the attacks, and potential hijacks of the vision in our lives and organizations. We need to know that we know that we know that God has spoken to us and we must obey at all costs! That’s a vision we’re willing to die for. An excerpt from Shawn Lovejoy’s new best-selling book, Be Mean About The Vision: Preserving & Protecting What Matters

KEEP THE VISION FROM LEAKING

Bill Hybels, Founding Pastor of Willow Creek Church, was the first one I ever heard say it: “Vision leaks.” It just means that the clarity and the passion for the vision will tend to fade over time. And it doesn’t take as much time as we think! This is why an annual “Vision

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Talk” will not suffice.” We must clearly but also consistently communicate the vision to everyone in our organization. Why is this so important? See, vision is not WHAT we do. Vision is WHY we do it. When we begin to forget WHY we do what we’re doing, we’ll eventually lose our passion. When we lose our passion, we shrink back, let up, and often give up, consciously or unconsciously. So how do we keep the vision from leaking? First of all, it begins with us. We need to constantly bring ourselves back to WHY we’re doing what we’re doing. Why are we here? Why do we want to grow? Why are we trying to accomplish what we’re

Vision is n o t W H AT we do. Vision is WHY we do it.

trying to accomplish? Then we’ve got to talk about it all the time. I do mean all the time. Every week if possible! We must connect vision to everything we do. Everyone must know, understand, and embrace the vision...or we perish! When people start joining about or complaining about the fact that we talk about the vision too much, we’re probably getting close to the appropriate threshold. We also must celebrate the vision often. We need to remind everyone about the difference the vision is making in people’s lives. What is the fruit if 13

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the vision> What is the win? Gather and tell stories often. Have team members do the same. If forgetting why robs us of passion then remembering why restores it! An excerpt from Shawn Lovejoy’s new best-selling book, Be Mean About The Vision: Preserving & Protecting What Matters

KEEP THE VISION FROM BEING HIJACKED No matter how clearly and consistently we communicate the vision, some people just won’t get it. Sometimes they will not want to follow. Sometimes they will want to wander. Sometimes they will have their own ideas—their own agendas. Sometimes they’ll even try to hijack the vision! I don’t know how you were raised, but I was told never to pick up hitchhikers. That may sound mean, because after all, hitchhikers obviously need a ride. Why not stop to pick them up? Simply because, historically, hitchhikers have often become hijackers! They’ve knocked the driver in the head and seized the wheel of the car, and taken both car and driver and taken them both to their own peril. Hijacking happens in organizations every day. The leader gets knocked out of the driver’s seat, and the vehicle is taken somewhere

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else to everyone’s peril! What do we do? We earn to recognize potential vision hijackers. We’re willing to have courageous conversations about where we’re going and where we’re not willing to allow the organization to go. We confront potential vision drift quickly. We confront potential vision hijackers. We take responsibility to safely steer the vision home. We refuse to allow someone to take the wheel and steer everyone toward peril. We’re willing to say NO. We have the courage to even be willing to stop the care and tell someone to get out and find another ride before they hijack the vision. We have the courage to let people go. Why? Because vision is the most important thing in the world. Our Creator has revealed His vision for our life and the organization we lead. We are responsible for stewarding it well and accomplishing the vision God has revealed to us! So today, commit to relentlessly preserve and protect the most important thing in the world: the vision! Surprisingly, it turns out that being mean about the vision could be one of the kindest, godliest, lifegiving things we could do for the people we lead! So go be mean (about the vision)! An excerpt from Shawn Lovejoy’s new best-selling book, Be Mean About The Vision: Preserving & Protecting What Matters

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#3: Coaching gives us permission. Many times, as leaders, we have a sense deep down of what the issues are. We have a sense of what God wants us to do. We just need to hear someone else say we’re not crazy for thinking what we’re thinking! We need courage to move forward. I call that giving leaders permission. #4: Coaching talks us off the ledge. There have been many days when I have called a coach because I thought the sky was about to fall. Things were not good. Things were about to crumble. The “stuff” was hitting the fan. My mind was stuck on the worst-case scenario. However, a few minutes with a trusted coach or mentor helped me step off the ledge. A coach can (and will) do the same for you.

By Shawn Lovejoy

REASONS WHY

every leader needs a coach

#5: Coaching inspires us. Not one time in a coaching conversation did I ever come away discouraged. I went into almost every coaching conversation that way — but, that was never how I left the conversation. I can honestly say that I have been most inspired to think and dream bigger, and to pursue the vision God has placed on my heart on the heels of coaching conversations. Coaching has that kind of power! Good coaches inspire their players. #6: Coaching offers outside perspective. We all have blind spots. We all have a certain lens through which we see the world and the organizations we lead. We all have certain ways of thinking. The challenges in front of us often become like forgotten cracks in a mirror; we don’t see them after a certain period of time. Coaching addresses all of that with a new, fresh perspective! #7: Coaching challenges us. Iron sharpens iron. Do you know how? Heat and friction! We need both. We need to be pushed. We need to be held accountable. We need to execute. We need to read. We need to learn. We need to get and stay healthy. Coaches are like personal trainers. They challenge us to make us better! #8: Coaching grows the leadership capacity of myself and the organization I lead. I doubt I’ve had very many original clever thoughts; most of what I know, I learned from someone else! When I spend time with someone who’s been further down the road than I am now, it raises the lid of my leadership — and, therefore, the lid on my organization.

“I just don’t have the time or money for coaching right now.” I hear it all the time. However, my follow-up questions are always the same: When will it slow down long enough? and What will it cost you if you don’t have a coach? The bottom line is this: I just believe every leader needs a coach! And there are 10 reasons behind this belief. #1: Coaching is Biblical. God reminds us over again in Scripture about the importance of seeking counsel and getting advice from wise people around us. Proverbs 19:20 is a great example: “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.” Proverbs 20:18 says, “Plans succeed through good counsel; don’t go to war without wise advice.” #2: Coaching protects us. I’m proud of the fact that in 20 years of vocational ministry, I never had a train wreck. The ministries I led never went off the rails. Because I’m so smart? No. Because I stayed in relationship with Godly, wise coaches in my life. It helped keep me sane, centered, married and protected! I sought counsel before every major decision, so it made my decisions better. 16

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#9: Coaching confronts isolation and loneliness. Sure, we can attend conferences and download content — but where can we sit down and talk through whatever’s keeping me up at night? What we need more than anything else is relationship. We need a friend who knows us well enough to speak the truth in love and challenge us regarding the nature and health of our relationships! #10: Coaching gives us an advantage. Learning, growing leaders win. Period! Isolated leaders? They stop learning and stop growing. Sooner or later, the organizations they lead do the same. Don’t allow that to be you. The wisest man who ever lived, inspired by the Holy Spirit, once said: “Walk with the wise, and you will become wise” (Proverbs 13:20). That, my friend, is good advice. So, go. Get a coach. Get the advantage! Shawn Lovejoy is founder & CEO of CourageToLead.com, where he and his team coach leaders, pastors pastors, and helps them all conquer what keeps them up at night. Previously, Lovejoy served as founding and lead pastor of Mountain Lake Church in Cumming, GA, and directional leader of churchplanters.com and the annual Velocity Conference. He has written several books, including The Measure of Our Success: An Impassioned Plea to Pastors (Baker Books, 2012) and Be Mean About the Vision: Preserving and Protecting What Matters (Thomas Nelson, 2016).

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Shawn Lovejoy is founder & CEO of CourageToLead.com, where he and his team coach leaders, pastors pastors, and helps them all conquer what keeps them up at night. Previously, Lovejoy served as founding and lead pastor of Mountain Lake Church in Cumming, GA, and directional leader of churchplanters.com and the annual Velocity Conference. He has written several books, including The Measure of Our Success: An Impassioned Plea to Pastors (Baker Books, 2012) and Be Mean About the Vision: Preserving and Protecting What Matters (Thomas Nelson, 2016). We hope you’ve enjoyed the various excerpts in this ebook from Shawn Lovejoy’s new best-selling book, Be Mean About The Vision: Preserving & Protecting What Matters.

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By Shawn Lovejoy

HOW DO I FIND THE RIGHT COACH?

#3: Character: The right coach doesn’t have a wake of short tenures and burned bridges in his past. The right coach can be trusted. The right coach is a “vault” when it comes to the information you’ll share. The right coach is someone you look up to — not just because of what he’s done, but because of who he is. He’s a focused, disciplined leader. He seems to have a healthy work / family rhythm, and appears to maintain healthy relationships. Here’s how you can tell if your potential coach has real character: • Does this coach have healthy relationships? Who are they with? • Who is this coach currently learning from? • Who does this coach look up to? • How did this coach become a coach? Did he / she suffer a moral failure out of their prior vocation or “go out on top”? • Can I trust this coach? Has he / she mentioned any information from another client that might have violated the client’s confidence? • Does this coach seem to model the way in his / her own life? If I become more like my coach, will that be a good thing?

I really believe every leader needs a coach. Real coaches have a relationship with their players. The best coaches serve you in both a personal and professional manner — and that means you need to treat the selection of a coach accordingly. That means being prudent in your search, because the right coach will be someone you ‘do life’ with. You’ll share with them on deep, personal levels. Hiring a coach is a lot like making any other hire … but, it might be your most important hire. You must be wise with this hire! If you get it right, it won’t be an ‘expense’ — it will be an investment in your own growth and the growth of our organization. This, of course, begs a big question … ‘How do I select the right coach?’ You do it by assessing the coach and the fit with you and your organization. It isn’t a simple task. Much like any hire, we need to assess this hire through the lenses of: #1: Chemistry: If you set this up correctly, you will do life with this coach on a consistent basis. You definitely don’t want to dread the time with your coach — you want to look forward to it! As such, selecting the right coach sometimes comes down to one thing: FIT. We call that ‘chemistry.’ To gauge the chemistry potential, ask yourself a handful of key questions: • Could I envision myself spending lots of time with this coach? • Did my initial interaction with the coach seem forced? Or, did it flow? • Did it feel like this coach understands me? • Was I encouraged / invigorated after our first conversation? #2: Competency: A coach’s biography, or résumé, is important. It gives you a hint as to what the coach has actually accomplished. At some level, you’re looking for someone who’s actually been a practitioner. You’re looking for a coach who has been where you need to go — and has the scars to prove it. So, what should you be asking yourself as you review the résumé? This: • Where has this coach been? What has he / she actually accomplished? • Has this coach ever done what he / she is encouraging me to do? • Has he / she ever led something that grew? What is the largest organization he / she ever led? • Does this coach have references? Are they individuals whom I respect, know, or have at least heard of? Can I can contact a reference or two?

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While every leader needs a coach, the type or coach you need might morph over time, depending upon your and your congregation’s needs. One that thing won’t change is the fact that selecting the right coach takes work and effort — along with the reality that being coached isn’t always easy. Our effort will require discipline. The process can be grueling. The scoreboard, however, will prove it’s been worth it. Shawn Lovejoy is founder & CEO of CourageToLead.com, where he and his team coach leaders, pastors pastors, and helps them all conquer what keeps them up at night. Previously, Lovejoy served as founding and lead pastor of Mountain Lake Church in Cumming, GA, and directional leader of churchplanters.com and the annual Velocity Conference. He has written several books, including The Measure of Our Success: An Impassioned Plea to Pastors (Baker Books, 2012) and Be Mean About the Vision: Preserving and Protecting What Matters (Thomas Nelson, 2016).

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