reflections WINTER 2019
Masonic Village Hospice
Understanding and Embracing Hospice This daughter experienced hospice with her mother and father. Jen Garver had a unique experience with Masonic Village Hospice, as her parents, Frank and Abbie, received overlapping care. Frank and Abbie were both part of Italian families living in Brooklyn, New York, where they met and fell in love. The two married after Frank returned from the Korean War and had dreams of starting a family of their own. They raised four daughters together, teaching them the importance of education and generosity. Frank and Abbie were different in many ways, yet were a perfect match. “My dad loved to travel, while my mom was a homebody,” Jen recalls, “but they both enjoyed socializing with their friends and family.” They worked together to build a happy and secure life for themselves and their children. Shortly after Frank retired from his job as a coal-mining engineer, Jen began to notice a decline in her father’s short-term memory. As Frank’s dementia progressed, Jen’s mother became his primary caregiver. While being a full-time caregiver was difficult for someone in her 60s and 70s, it was something Abbie wanted to do out of love. However, after Abbie experienced a severe stroke, caregiving was no longer possible for her. Jen needed to find an alternative plan for her parents and suggested they move to a retirement community near her Lancaster County home. This took some of the worry from Jen, but as her mother’s motor movement and cognitive function decreased, doctors suggested she be evaluated for end of life care. Masonic Village Hospice was recommended, and Abbie received services off and on for nearly two years.
“These are people who are strong yet caring enough to help you shoulder the sadness of what is one of the hardest times of your life,” Jen recalls. Jen was grateful that hospice staff went above and beyond to care for her mother, as her focus was also on her father, who was slowly declining, as well. “When mom became bedridden, hospice noticed she was experiencing discomfort, so they found her an air mattress,” Jen recalls. “They even worked with her pharmacy to get her the medicines she needed. They took so many things off my plate.” 2
Jen also appreciated the weekly phone conferences she had with her mother’s hospice nurse. “They have a high bar set for their staff,” she said.
“It was hard for me to watch my mom continue to hold on for so long. As hard as it was for me, it was hard for hospice, too. They did everything they could to make it easier for everyone.” When Jen’s father experienced a serious upper respiratory infection and was not given much time, the understanding Jen had developed of hospice during her mother’s journey made it an option she proactively explored. “I told my dad’s medical team that I wanted him evaluated for hospice care,” Jen said, “I wanted Masonic Village Hospice again.” Frank received care for a few weeks prior to passing away in March 2017. Abbie passed in June 2018.
Frank and Abbie Ucciardi with their four daughters, including their youngest, Jen (front row, center)
“Hospice knew it was difficult for us to experience the overlapping of my parents’ illnesses,” Jen recalls. “They were in my life for two years, and they will always be part of my life.”
“Hospice staff have influenced my daughters,” Jen says. “They showed them how to be caring and compassionate.”
Until experiencing it first hand, Jen’s family – like so many others – was unaware that hospice is about more than just dying. The service combines top-notch medical care with a compassionate human touch, one that can have an impact on a family forever.
When a family member is actively dying, many parents struggle with how much of the dying process they should allow their children to witness. Jen and her husband were no different.
“Hospice was never pushy. They made recommendations, but they let us make our own decisions,” Jen said. “As a family, hospice showed us how we could still be involved in my parents’ care.” Like many children who experience the death of a loved one, Jen’s two daughters, who were age 7 and 10 at the time, struggled with the idea of death. Their grandparents no longer seemed like the people they once knew. With the help of hospice, Jen’s daughters learned to communicate with their grandparents in a new way and assist with their care.
“I talked to hospice about it, and they said they encourage children to be part of the process, as it can remove some of the fear they have of dying. “It was hard for them to see the labored breathing with both my parents, but it was important for them to say goodbye,” Jen recalls. “Hospice suggested we let the kids see them after they passed as well. This helped them understand that they had a sense of peace now.”
memories, you’re different. My parents’ philosophy was quality of life, so I am happy they’re in a better place.” Hospice still calls Jen to check in on her as she grieves. She had wanted to thank the staff with more than just words after her parents died, so she surprised them with a delivery of her parents’ favorite pastries from a nearby Italian bakery. “I appreciate that they reach out,” Jen said. “My family will remember the guidance they gave us. I have a life-long gratitude for these special people.”
Thanks to you, hospice is able to support families like Jen’s in making important decisions about the care of their loved ones.
Jen was glad to have that experience, too. “They were still my parents, but during the last few years of their lives, they were different,” Jen said. “Without your thoughts and your
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“It’s hard to lose someone who was in your life for so long. If I didn’t have my faith and hospice, things would be a lot harder.”
Continuing a 73-year Love Hospice gave this man hope after losing his wife. To Vince Webb, life is a lot like dancing. What’s most important is the partner you choose. Vince’s first date with his wife, Reba, was to a school dance. He was 18 years old, and knew he found “the one.” “She had this nice smile and beautiful hair,” Vince recalls. “I asked her if she wanted to go out with me the next Saturday.” That next Saturday, they went dancing again. Reba’s father was from the South, and he passed on his love of square dancing to her. This, however, was no easy feat for Vince. “I was just a clunky farm boy,” he recalls. “I did my dancing on the tractor.” Vince was born on a 200-acre farm in York County. As a boy, he helped bottle and distribute milk to local towns each day before school. He wasn’t graceful, but he knew how to love Reba, who was his wife for 73 years. The two completed each other; Reba was everything Vince was not. “She had the patience, and I had the humor,” he said. 4
The Webbs raised two sons together and lived on Vince’s family farm for 63 years. They moved from school dances to dancing in their living room. As the couple grew older, they opted for just listening to their favorite records instead. Vince and Reba never thought they would live into their 90s, but they seemingly blinked their eyes, and there it was. Vince began noticing changes in his wife soon after she turned 90. “She would have these vivid dreams at night, and she would be upset about them the whole next day,” Vince recalls. “I would say, ‘Dear, let it go. They’re just dreams,’ but she couldn’t.” Over the next year, she became fearful and confused. “She would stare at her closet and tell me those weren’t her clothes,” Vince said. At this point, he knew it was dementia. Regardless of the changes he was seeing in his wife, Vince was surprised when doctors told him Reba should be evaluated for hospice care. “It’s shocking to hear that,” he said. “I thought, ‘Wow, she must be in worse shape than I thought.’”
However, once Masonic Village Hospice formulated a care plan for Reba and began assisting her with daily living, Vince’s outlook changed. “They were so helpful,” he said. “They helped her to get dressed in the morning and kept me up to date with every change they saw in her.” Reba received care for a few months before passing away in August 2017. “The hospice staff never made it seem like it was a labor to care for her,” Vince said. “They always did what we needed done, no matter what.” While it was difficult for Vince to watch the woman he loved fade away, he believes it’s wrong for him to be selfish. “Sometimes I look at her picture on top of my fridge and think, ‘Boy, do I wish you were here with me,’” Vince says. “Then I think to myself, ‘No, I’m being selfish.’ I wish I was with her, because I know she’s in a better place.”
When Vince and Reba took over his family farm, Reba loved to plant flowers around their beloved farm house, while Vince planted his corn around the rest of the property. He shared this memory with hospice, and after Reba passed away, staff presented Vince with a small poinsettia flower. Vince has kept it alive for a year now, and hospice has come back to help re-pot the plant as it has grown. This winter, Vince will be waiting for its leaves to turn from green to red. He knows his wife would be delighted to see that.
“Hospice gives me hope by doing the little things,” he says. “When you live for somebody for 73 years, it feels good to know someone else cares about you, too.”
Soon to be 99 years old, Vince’s head still dances with one vision. “I can still see her smile; it’s ingrained in my brain forever,” Vince says. “Those are the kinds of things that mean the most in life. “It’s hard to lose someone who was in your life for so long. If I didn’t have my faith and hospice, things would be a lot harder.”
Grieving spouses can get the bereavement support they need through Masonic Village Hospice, thanks to donors who believe patients facing terminal illnesses and their families deserve quality care and guidance.
Support Masonic Village Hospice Through the 2018-2019 Giving Catalog Order catalogs: 1-800-599-6454 | View and donate items online: MVGivingCatalog.org 5
Fighting Back Against Cancer Through fundraising efforts, the Masonic Village Hospice team raised more than $7,300 for the 2018 Relay for Life of Lancaster, benefiting the American Cancer Society. The donation will help the American Cancer Society provide free information sessions for those diagnosed with cancer, rides to and from treatment, wigs, personalized care kits and lodging for patients and caregivers who are traveling for treatment. During the Relay for Life, a 24-hour walk, staff took to the track for the caregiver lap and purchased luminary lanterns in
honor of loved ones and patients affected by cancer. Hospice staff are already beginning to plan their involvement in next year’s event, committed to contributing to the fight against cancer in honor of family, friends and past patients. For families and friends who would like to support Masonic Village Hospice, the 2019 Relay for Life will be held at Conestoga Valley High School, from Friday, June 7, 2019, at 4 p.m., to Saturday, June 8, 2019, at noon. For a list of upcoming fundraisers to support hospice’s Relay for Life efforts, please call 717-361-8449.
Letters of Love
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Thank you so much for the gentleness and care you gave my mom. You knew what she needed in addition to her medical care. She loved the one-on-one time that you gave her, and she talked about you often. We also appreciate all that you did and continue to do for us. I think of my mom often and the bereavement letter helps put it all into perspective.” -FAMILY MEMBER
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“
Glenn loved all of you, and we couldn’t have made it through his illness without all of you. Thank you all so much for all the care and support you gave him (and me) over the past few months. I can’t say enough about how good MV Hospice is. My family and I have appreciated everything!” -FAMILY MEMBER
Thanks to Our Donors Memorials
Memorials and honors received Aug. 1 - Oct. 31, 2018 MEMORIAL Charles T. Chew Ralph B. Clare John Vincent Dietz Karen M. Dohner Frances Glass Duval Lois L. Foreman Betty Jane Fraunfelter G. Emory Freet Sylvia D. Glick Regina R. Grow Joan H. Hall E. Dale Hornberger Jimmie D. Jones Jack H. Kelley Joyce A. Kurtz Robert E. McCombs Earl R. and Joan Mezoff Eleanor M. Nimick Fay Rauschkolb
DONOR Sophia Miller Betty Deibert Beth Esbenshade Clair Dohner Janet Lee Murphy Josephine Musser Jack and Anderia Gutshall Carl Thomas Bob and Sue Thomas Charles F. Snyder Funeral Home and Crematory, Inc. Kay Freet Shirley Egolf Jim Glick Gochenauer Family Robert and Debra Stewart Charles and Frances Barletti Nancy Becker Dianne DeLong David and Jacquelyn Raco William Hall Scotty and Jane Davis Bruce and Joan Howarth Dontina Jackson Charles and Carol Curry Frank and Pamela Harrison Joan Kelley Jeanne Kelly Pat Morris Lou and Rose O’Brien William and Jo Ellen Poe James and Mary Ellen Tarman Donald and Rose Marie Thompson Barbara Zell Terry Kurtz George and Ann Weaver Brian McCombs Patti Magoon Luciana Deissroth Nimick Family Arlene Scheingraber Erika Viola Donald Wink Marianne Lentini-Bernarducci
Rose Resanovich Betty J. Rodgers Joan E. Stein Mary Emily Vint Anthony F. Vitas Joan R. Witmer
Honors
HONOR Tracy Brumbaugh Wendy Gallagher Robert Heim Brenda K. Kelchner Natasha Lauver Timothy A. Nickel Amber Pawuk Staff on Washington 4 John E. Varner
Marie Bowman Catherine Hannan Cindy Coombs-Harbert Michael Donahue Steven and Taryn Donahue Anita Klembara Sharon Smith Leon and Kathy Wintermyer Charles Stein Donald and Margaret Hale Bruce Schermerhorn Delores Dengler Vitas Keith Witmer
DONOR Joan Kelley Joan Kelley Joan Kelley Joan Kelley Joan Kelley Joan Kelley Joan Kelley John Meridionale Joan Kelley
To our generous donors, thank you for believing in Masonic Village Hospice’s mission. You have made a difference in the lives of patients!
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MASONIC VILLAGE HOSPICE One Masonic Drive • Elizabethtown, PA 17022-2219 717-367-1121, ext. 18449 • MasonicVillages.org/care-support/hospice
Who We Are Since 2009, Masonic Village’s trained, compassionate hospice staff have cared for thousands of patients and their families, focusing on the physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs of patients so they may complete their lives joyfully. Our hospice staff promote comfort and self-determination, enabling patients to participate in making decisions about their care. Based in Elizabethtown, Masonic Village Hospice is pleased to offer services to patients in the comfort of their homes throughout Lancaster, Dauphin, Lebanon and Eastern York counties.
Open for Everyone. Masonic Village Hospice does not discriminate against any person on the basis of race, color, religion, disability, ancestry, national origin, familial status, age, sex, limited English proficiency (LEP) or any other protected status in admission, treatment or participation in its programs, services and activities, or in employment. Masonic Village Hospice cumple con las leyes federales de derechos civiles aplicables y no discrimina por motivos de raza, color, nacionalidad, edad, discapacidad o sexo. Masonic Village Hospice iss willich, die Gsetze (federal civil rights) vun die Owwerichkeet zu folliche un duht alle Leit behandle in der seem Weg. Es macht nix aus, vun wellem Schtamm ebber beikummt, aus wellem Land die Voreldre kumme sinn, was fer en Elt ebber hot, eb ebber en Mann iss odder en Fraa, verkrippelt iss odder net.