Food & Drink ~ Welcome Back 2017 issue 4 of 6 by Prairie Mountain Media

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INDEX Breakfast..............Page 5 Coffee...................Page 8 Burritos...............Page 12 Pizza...................Page 26 Burgers...............Page 28 Sandwiches.........Page 31 Late-night eats .... Page 33 Special diets ....... Page 36 Get Social ....................... ....... Pages 18, 20, 22, 24 Bear With Me Q&A........... ...........................Page 39 Campus Map....... Page 40 Popular to Contrary Opinion Q&A........Page 42

ColoradoDaily.com

Main Office: 2500 55th St., Suite 210, Boulder, CO 80301 Editor: Deanna Hardies, 303-4731111 editor@coloradodaily.com Advertising: Jill Stravolemos, 303473-1400, stravolemosj@dailycamera.com Circulation: Preston Latham, 303994-3677

On the Cover Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer Theo Gagan, left, and Dani Andersen make a Rush Bowl at the restaurant’s location on The Hill.

Food & Drink

A culinary carnival By Deanna Hardies Colorado Daily Editor tep right up, friends. Step right up! We’ve got keto, paleo, locovores and flexitarians, celiac, anaphylactic shock and vegetarians. This mysterious burg is teeming with an infinite brood of food restrictions. And a sideshow like Boulder Hardies aims to cater to each of them. That’s right: We have gastronomic oddities you’ve never dreamed of. Gasp in shock at the farm-to-table porcini and lovage! Ogle in disbelief at the meatless, pea-protein burger imbued with cruelty-free “blood”! Shriek with terror at $25 cocktails suffused with house-made cilantro bitters! Step right up! This spread is not for the faint of heart, no sir, no ma’am. The deepest annals of occult scripture never foresaw the lengths mere mortals would go for organic, vegan jackfruit tacos, served steaming and aromatic out of a nomadic food truck. Pay no attention to that line

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cook behind the curtain. (But tip these wizards their due, lest the evil eye be cast upon you. It’s hotter than the scorching pits of Gehenna in there.) This is adventure on a plate, thrills in a bowl, shivers in a glass. Served in zero-waste dinnerware. Even the doggy bag is compostable!

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And our sultry attractions hail from all corners of the world. Behind these doors, you’ll find rare and redolent dishes that journeyed here across mountains and deserts: lacy injera from Ethiopia, spicy curries from the Himalayas, fair-trade coffees from Bolivia and savory poutine from the

distant reaches of exotic Canada. Witness, if you dare, the bewildering variety of grass-fed creatures, freshly flayed and marbled in mystical swirls as they sway hypnotically from their meat hooks. The swarming denizens of the ocean depths are likewise

See CARNIVAL , page 26

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Breakfast

Buffaquiles, bloody marys and benedicts Even egg skeptics can’t help but be tempted by Boulder’s morning munchies By Karen Antonacci Staff Writer have a confession. I don’t really get breakfast. I don’t think it’s the most important meal of the day. The most important meal of the day is the one that comes smothered with cheese at 3 a.m. as you binge Netflix shows instead of doing your homework. And … wait for it. I don’t like eggs. It’s weird that we crack open something from a chicken’s butt and heat it and eat it. It’s a nonfood texture. I keep trying eggs, trying to figure out why everyone loves them so much and I just ... don’t understand. It’s like Chacos. Why are these popular? Anya Semenoff / The Denver Post Additionally I don’t really What’s wrong with a bagel for breakfast? Absolutely nothing. Moe’s Broadway Bagel even has a gluten-free see the point in getting up selection. early to eat a meal. Give me my cold pizza at 1 p.m. and let me go back to sleep. Despite being the nation’s foremost Breakfast Hater™, I still have a vast and shadowy network of breakfast-lovin’ sources, so I can tell you where to grab a bite to eat in the god-awful morning in Boulder.

for the day. True to Boulder form, they offer gluten-free selections.

Dot’s Diner

Where: 2716 28th St. Hours: 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday-Friday; 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday-Sunday I mean, Jesus Christ, the place’s motto is “Where the folks get their yolks!” You don’t get any more adorable than an egg pun greeting you first thing in the morning. I also appreciate that their breakfast hours last until 2 p.m. to accommodate the morning-challenged such as myself. If eggs are your thing, I don’t think you can go wrong at Dot’s. They’ve got omelets! They’ve got huevos rancheros! They’ve got traditional breakfast plates with two eggs, bacon and the works. You want a big plate of saag tofu or chicken masala first thing in the morning? They’ve got that, too, for some reason. Don’t question the Nepali menu! Just enjoy that gift horse. And because when Americans say “breakfast,” we actually just mean “first desserts,” you can satisfy your Moe’s Broadway Bagel sweet tooth with a cinnamon Where: 3267 28th St. roll, banana bread or pan••• cakes. Where: 3075 Arapahoe They even have breakfast Ave. items to satisfy egg skeptics ••• such as myself. I like to think Where: 2650 Broadway of myself as a biscuit and graHours: 5:30 a.m.-5 p.m. vy connoisseur, and Dot’s daily has some of the best this Despite my objections to side of the state line. Order breakfast, bagels are A-OK in some ham and hashbrowns a my book. Sure, you could la carte and chow down. ruin them with eggs, but you Gluten-free options are could also dip them in deliavailable. They accept cards cious hummus or just use Cyrus McCrimmon / The Denver Post but prefer cash, so hit up the them as bread in a scrumpATM the night before. Dot’s Diner is where “the folks get their yolks” and where some folks can also get their aloo mutter. tious sandwich. No one’s Order a burrito with Colo- Snooze ever gonna be mad at a sand- logos and an expansive menu cheese? They got it. Do you Where: 1617 Pearl St. want a deluxe breakfast that includes every way to wich bread. rado green chile for later and Hours: 7 a.m.-3 p.m. daily sandwich with bacon, egg, When you walk into Moe’s, have a bagel ever conceived then wash it all down with an The name is a bit of a you will be greeted by by man. You want some arti- ham, cheese and a jalepeño? iced chai and you’re all ready Of course you do! aggressively cheerful flower choke Parmesean cream See BREAKFAST, page 6 to pretend to be productive

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 5

6 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Colorado Daily file photo You gotta get up early if you want to snag a coveted first-come, first-served table at Snooze.

Breakfast from page 5 misnomer, because if you actually hit snooze on your alarm, you likely won’t get a table at this popular brunchery before next Tuesday. No saving seats, either. They’re a first-come, firstserved place that is incredibly popular with our brunchobsessed generation. But once you get a table, be prepared to be plied with all sorts of egg benedict, if that’s your thing. The waitstaff is attentive and knowledgable about every egg concoction under the sun, and there are event a few options for the egg-challenged among us. Snooze is not where you go to get a no-frills-yet-delicious biscuit and gravy plate. Snooze is where you go to get the Bella! Bella! Benny, which is prosciutto, Taleggio cheese and poached eggs on a ciabatta bun and topped with cream cheese hollandaise, balsamic glaze and … wait for it … arugula. You’d be a shoo-in on “Chopped” with that dish. Chase it all down with a Brewmosa (just use your imagination) or a peach bellini, which you cannot — unfortunately — order in an IV drip.

Lucile’s

Where: 2124 14th St.

Cyrus McCrimmon / The Denver Post Lucile’s is the place to go if you wanna eat red beans and rice and listen to some zydeco.

Hours: 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday-Sunday I don’t know who Lucile is, but she’s a goddamned genius. Colorado is proud of its barely-spicy green chile and its overpriced craft beer, but Lucile’s decided to liven up the Wonderbread culture with some creole. *Puts on “Daddy Lessons” and “Formation” by Beyonce to prepare for breakfast.* The Eggs Pontchartrain sounds killer — fresh pan-

fried mountain trout, poached eggs and béarnaise sauce (which is hollandaise sauce’s mean cousin). Lucille’s also has a variety of other cajun-inspired fare, like New Orleans-style French toast and a creole omelette, along with more standard breakfast items. Or get the New Orleans Praline Waffle. Pecans are in the batter, people! Sound the alarm. It comes with praline syrup. Good God, man, what

See BREAKFAST, page 22

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Coffee

Boulder’s best picks to get a caffeine fix Independent shops provide peace, pours and poetry

Monday to Friday ••• Where: 2907 55th St., Boulder Hours: 6:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday-Friday, 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday Maybe there was a time Starbucks had just three outBy Charlie Brennan lets. Not saying the Laughing Staff Writer Goat is a future national monolith, but the Laughing ould college happen Goat now has a trio of locawithout coffee? tions in Boulder, and each It’s no mystery that a unioffers something distinctive. versity town would be awash The downtown site is a true with opportunities to catch Bolder melting pot that feathe caffeine buzz needed to tures live music, poetry and get to through classes and “finely crafted adult libaexams, idly hang with a tions,” as billed on its webfriend or simply meditate site. The campus outlet is a over the affairs of the day great spot to grab a cup on with a steaming hot cup of the way to class, and during joe. Boulder is no exception. finals, it’s open 24 hours a Like most cities with more day to keep everyone caffeinthan three traffic lights, Boulated to dawn and beyond. der is littered with Starbucks, The third location is a perfect Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer stop-in for those working in but they don’t need your business and you don’t need their Trident Booksellers and Cafe has been a fixture since it opened in 1979. the business parks on the city’s far east side. coffee. Boulder features a quirky spirit. the succeeding 38 years. Trident Booksellers More info: thelaughing bountiful selection of indeThe direct pass-through to After a few visits, you might and Cafe goat.com pendent coffee shops, some its new and used bookstore discover why. featuring award-winning Where: 940 Pearl St.; offers Trident Cafe visitors an More info: tridentcafe.com Ozo Coffee baristas. 303-443-3133 opportunity to browse, buy Where: 5340 Arapahoe Laughing Goat Most shops have free WiHours: 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. and plant themselves with a Ave., Boulder, 303-440-0233 Fi, several feature live music Monday-Friday, 7 a.m. to 11 Coffeehouse good read or simply watch Hours: 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. or open mics, and some also p.m. Saturday and Sunday Where: 1709 Pearl St., life’s parade play out on Pearl Monday-Saturday, 7 a.m. to offer poetry or spoken-word Boulder, 303-440-4628 A Boulder institution, the Street. Also, check out its 5 p.m. Sunday nights. Hours: 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. program of live music on its Trident is a direct link to a ••• Monday to Friday, 7 a.m. to Whether you’re looking Where: 1015 Pearl St., downtown Boulder scene that Facebook page, facebook 11 p.m. Saturday and Sunday Boulder, 303-645-4885 simply to fuel up on the fly or some see as rapidly vanishing .com/TridentBoulder. ••• The Trident has been a fixHours: 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. seeking a place to mull the in the face of an onslaught by Where: Norlin Library, CU Monday-Saturday, 7 a.m. to ture since it opened in 1979 meaning of existence, here high-end retailers with no and appears to have regulars campus, Boulder 7 p.m. Sunday are five spots that should local ties or interest in cultiwho haven’t missed a day in Hours: 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. See COFFEE, page 10 vating the downtown core’s meet your needs.

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Coffee

from page 8 ••• Where: 1898 S. Flatiron Circle, #110, Boulder, 303-396-0302 Hours: 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday-Friday ••• Where: 1232-A S. Hover Road, Longmont, 720-6006689 Hours: 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday to Saturday, 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sunday Like Laughing Goat, Ozo is developing quite the Boulder County footprint, particularly if you toss in its outlet in neighboring Longmont. Its baristas pride themselves in their friendly service. Barista Greg Lefcourt is a multiple winner of the Mountain Regional Barista Competition and landed on the cover of the June issue of Barista Magazine. And if the Arapahoe Avenue location is too crowded for the tête-à-tête you had planned, the nearby Flatiron Court venue is noteworthy for its elbow room. More info: ozocoffee.com

course offering a full complement of coffee drinks. Caffe Sole has been an anchor for south Boulder coffee lovers since 1995 and is proud of its status as a small, locally owned and independent operation. More info: caffesole.com

Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe

Where: 1301 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303-495-3303 Hours: 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday to Friday, 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday and Sunday Feel like waxing poetic as you grab your coffee? No better spot than Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe,

one of the nation’s few poetry-only bookstores, which opened in 2011 and moved to its current perch in December 2015. Featuring Boulder’s Conscious Coffees, the awardwinning Boulder-based coffee roaster, Innisfree is just a stone’s throw from campus and an oasis from the hectic pace of college life, embracing the words of William Butler Yeats: “And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow.” More info: Innisfreepoetry .com Charlie Brennan: twitter.com/ chasbrennan

Photos by Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer Barista Chloe Margot, left, serves a cup of cappuccino to Sara Stup at Innisfree Poetry Bookstore and Cafe in Boulder.

Caffé Sole

Where: 637R S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-499-2985 Hours: 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday to Wednesday, 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Thursday to Saturday (live music evenings) Tucked in the west-facing side of the Table Mesa Shopping Center, Caffé Sole — pronounced “caf-fay so-lay” — is so much more than a coffee house, serving as a community center, art gallery, music venue and dining spot with a full selection of wine and beer — while of

Barista Blaire Baker makes a latte at Ozo Coffee in Boulder.

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WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 11

Burritos

Portable perfection in a tortilla

The only thing we know for certain in this world is that we like burritos.

12 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Explore the area’s offerings or make your own. ¿Por qué no los dos? By John Bear Staff Writer t was difficult to write this. I started off with a brief history of the burrito, most of which I culled from a Wikipedia article (bad journalism, but good reading). Then I pondered delving into some Descartian logic about the only thing I know for certain in this world is that I like burritos. It’s true, but why launch into some pedantic, philosophical waxing about it? Just say it. OK. Burritos are awesome. They are more portable than a sandwich, and without the burrito, there are no wraps, no hot pockets and no reason to continue living. In fact, the next time I see a matronly Andy Cross / The Denver Post Hispanic woman walking down the street, I’m going to

offer her a big hug and say, “Thank you.” In this particular fantasy, she will hug me and reply, “You’re welcome, mijo,” which every white guy should be called at least once in his life. I also enjoy being labeled a “pobrecito,” which isn’t the most flattering word. I don’t know why. I’m weird. Anyway, there are plenty of burritos to be had in Boulder County. You can hit up the unfortunately named Illegal Pete’s at 1124 13th Street; Chipotle, 1650 28th St.; or QDOBA, 1625 28th St. for Mission-style burritos. It’s probably not cool to say this, but the beefy five-layer burrito at Taco Bell is good and a steal at $1.59. Fill up. It’s OK. A little soylent green

See BURRITO, page 14

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 13

Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer Johana Campos makes a burrito for Johnnie Norris at Illegal Pete’s on The Hill.

Burrito

from page 12 never hurt anyone. The Safeway grocery stores in Boulder offer bland yet arguably tasty breakfast burritos on Saturdays and Sunday for about three bucks. They actually use pretty high-quality meat in the ham variety. You have to get there pretty

early, but there’s a nice lady at the 28th Street and Iris location who will run to the back and grab you one should you arrive a little late. I lived in Longmont before drifting into Boulder like a literary Henry Lee Lucas, and you should get out of Boulder occasionally to broaden your horizons. That’s what college is all about, after all — experimentation.

14 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Lewis Geyer / Longmont Times-Call Holga Espinoza prepares Santiago’s famous breakfast burritos in Longmont.

Las Palmeras, at 199 Main St. in Longmont, has a large offering of burritos, tacos and tortas, and a second location. Santiagos, 215 Main St., makes a decent and cheap breakfast burrito. They also have chicharrones, the crack cocaine of bacon. Try it. The chicharrones, not the crack. Federal Boulevard, which will take you all the way to Denver, has about 5,000 Mexi-

can restaurants lining it once you get south of U.S. 36. So if you are feeling adventurous, steal a Subaru and hit one up. If you are living in a dorm, this might be kind of hard to pull off, but you can make your own burritos. Find a heavy pot — a dutch oven is great — and brown about a pound and a half of ground beef. Add some salt and garlic. Chop up an onion and add

that and simmer. Chop up a potato and add that. Buy a pint-sized carton of frozen New Mexico green chile, thaw it out and drain it and add it to the mix. Let the whole thing simmer about an hour, and roll it up in burritosize tortillas with grated cheese. You’re welcome. John Bear: twitter.com/ johnbearwithme

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 15

WELCOME BACK

16 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

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Get Social

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Far left: Scott pours a pint at Southern Sun. Left: Daphne enjoys a tasty treat from Fior Gelato at the Farmers Market. Below: Olivia, Kyle and Erin work at Rowdy Mermaid kombucha. Below left: Customers dine together at the Boulder Farmers Market. Photos by Nick Mott / Colorado Daily

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Get Social Right: Jake, Cole, Austin and John enjoy Incredible Hulks on the patio at Salvaggio’s. Far right: Patrick serves up a burrito bowl at Illegal Pete’s. Below right: Olivia and Erin pour some kombucha at Rowdy Mermaid. Below: An employee serves up a dish at Savory Saigon at the Farmers Market. Photos by Nick Mott / Colorado Daily

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WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 21

Get Social Far left: Crystal prepares a cappuccino at Trident. Left: Wilson, Tera and Chantel hang out on the patio at Half Fast Subs. Below: A bartender pours a pint at Southern Sun. Bottom left: A bartender muddles ingredients for a drink at No Name Bar. Photos by Nick Mott / Colorado Daily

Breakfast from page 6 did we do to deserve such a good idea? Or get some shrimp and grits. Have you seen that elsewhere on a menu in Boulder County? Stop thinking; you have not. Wash it all down with tableside fresh-squeezed orange juice or grapefruit juice (*stares into the middle-distance just thinking about it*).

Saturday, September 16, 2017 Join us for this scenic ride along the Front Range in Boulder County, Colorado. Choose from a variety of routes and enjoy great food, music and giveaways —all in support of Craig Hospital programs for individuals with spinal cord or brain injuries. There is a course for riders with every skill and ability.

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Where: 2600 Canyon Blvd. Hours: 6:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday-Friday; 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday-Sunday Despite this place’s name, they do prefer you wear clothing to eat your breakfast. Once you’re there and clothed, definitely give the pecan caramel quesadilla a try. You heard me. Pecan. Caramel. Quesadilla.

Or go for some more traditional fare like eggs benedict, skillets or buffaquiles. Wait, what was that last one? Chile con carne, cheddar, two basted eggs, sour cream and guac on a crunchy bed of tortilla chips smothered in pork green chili. Besides the eggs, it sounds like everything I love on one plate. They’ve got 99-cent mimosas, tequila sunrises and bloody marys, too! The menu also has vegetarian options for those not into snacking on tasty animals, as well as some glutenfree items if thoughts of wheat fill your gut with intense dread. Alas, you are likely to wait for a table, with long waits common on weekends. It’s worth it, though. Karen Antonacci: twitter.com/ ktonacci

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Get Social Far left: Ildemaro and Kendall enjoy an afternoon snack at Rush Bowls. Left: A Munson Corn employee handles the merchandise at the Boulder Farmers Market. Bottom left: Keenan and Vince finish up lunch at Half Fast Subs. Below: Michael serves a customer at Innisfree. Photos by Nick Mott / Colorado Daily

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WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 25

Pizza

A few of Boulder’s nicest slices There’s a lot of pie in this town, and that’s a lot of good news

By Christy Fantz Staff Writer nyone who doesn’t like pizza, come here. For those who can’t see, I’m grabbing them by the ear, shoving them inside a circus face-hole cutout thingy (the scientific term) and hurling pizza pies at their face in rapid succession. Like I’d do that. What a sad waste of pizza. Instead I’ll just side-eye mad-dog you while I fold New York-style slices in half and shotgun them faster than a beer. Pizza is the nuts and bolts of a college student’s diet (nuts). Roll home after bombing a final? Order a pizza. Wake up with “poop” written on your forehead in

Sharpie? Get a slice (and cut some bangs). Take the wrong bus after a night of partying, and end up walking 16 miles home because you can’t figure out how to download Lyft? Pizza (and a technology class). Bingeing on “Degrassi: The New Class” (you would) instead of writing that 20,000-word paper? PIZZA. Here are some pizza joints to check out around town. Eat at local shops instead of delivery chains — you won’t be disappointed.

Fast-casual

Abo’s Pizza Where: 2761 Iris Ave. Hours: 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Friday-Saturday

See PIZZA, page 27

Colorado Daily file photo Do you believe in love at first bite? Sous Chef Justin Neely tosses pizza dough at Sun Deli & Liquor in Boulder.

Carnival from page 3 21st Annual FAIRVIEW BAND

GARAGE and PEACH SALE Saturday, Aug. 26th - 8am - 1pm (early birds welcome at 7am with $5 per person donation)

Clothing, Furniture, Books, Bikes, Peaches, Bake Sale, Concessions and More! Sale supports students in Marching, Jazz & Concert Bands 1515 Greenbriar Blvd BOULDER

Come Early to Buy Your Peaches! 26 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

ready to tickle your tastebuds. Your eyes will no doubt be bigger than your stomach as they bulge at the astounding quantity of squirming, dancing delicacies of the sea. Do you have the backbone to swallow that invertebrate sashimi? Are you courageous enough to conquer a mound of fried tentacles? Grab your shucking knife and your nerve, and face your slimiest oyster fears. If your courage remains intact after the main course, there are yet more wonders to astonish and amaze. Peer beyond the Pearl Street plate glass to be dazzled by rows of multicolored chocolate truffles that shine like jewels. Walk this way to discover a purveyor of bundt cakes … and nothing else! Visit a miraculous website where you can order cookies for delivery … at 2 a.m.!

It’s the tastiest show on earth, ladies and gents. Four years and a princely fortune are not enough to probe every secret menu, sample every shot and leave every tureen uncovered under this big top. It’s a daring trapeze ride for the curious carnivore and gluten-free glutton. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, a feat of super-sized proportions. You cannot miss this chance to experience the sweetest pies and spiciest roes. Dine among crystal-clad gypsies, tattooed ladies and strong men! Incubate your own freakish food baby! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble! One of us! Read more Hardies: coloradodaily.com/ columnists. Stalk her: twitter.com/deannahardies

Pizza

$3.25. Brooklyn Pizza Where: 1647 Arapahoe from page 26 Ave. Hours: 10:30 a.m.-midnight ••• daily Where: 637 S. Broadway Eat in or order delivery, Hours: 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m. but just eat. Opened by a Monday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-9 Brooklyn native, the spot sits p.m. Sunday across from Boulder High. Created by a true New Slices start at $2.75, so try Yawker (and CU grad), these the homemade sausage and giant slices are foldable, New house-made mozzarella (sauYork City Neapolitan. The sage). dough is fresh, slices start at Cosmo’s Pizza $3 and whole pies are available for delivery. Where: 1325 Broadway Audrey Jane’s Pizza Hours: pick-up only 11 Garage a.m.-2 a.m. daily Where: 2675 13th St. ••• Hours: 11 a.m.-8 p.m. Where: 659 30th St. Tuesday-Saturday, noon-8 Hours: pick-up and delivp.m. Sunday, closed Monery 11 a.m.-2 a.m. daily days. Cosmo’s Pizza is that haulOwner Audrey uses a ass-after-last-call-and-snag-amother dough and a threeslice kind of joint, since both day aging process for a deliBoulder locations are open cious crust. A mother dough until 2 a.m. every day of the is also known as pre-ferment Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer week. The New York-style Is pizza a healthy and important part of your diet? Sure, why not. (But you can throw in that kale salad if it or sourdough starter. But pies start at $10 for a basic makes you feel better.) you knew that. I just found 14-incher and include a wide that out from Google. Also, Craving some chicken and What I said was, ‘Give me all amount of toppings up to a you’re a mother dough. Slic- a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Tues24-inch pie. If you walk out of day, summer hours vary; waffle pizza? Or how about a the bacon and eggs you es start at $3. delivery hours are 10 a.m.-10 Ron Swanson with all the have.’ Do you understand?”) there without Cosmo’s Boss Lady Pizza famous homemade spicy p.m. Sunday-Wednesday, 10 beefs. (“I’m worried what The New York-style pizza Where: 1129 13th St. ranch, you’re fired. FIRED. a.m.-1:30 a.m. Friday-Saturyou just heard was, ‘Give me spot is across from campus Hours: 10 a.m.-2:30 a.m. day. a lot of bacon and eggs.’ on the Hill. Slices start at See PIZZA, page 29 Wednesday-Saturday, 10

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 27

Burgers

Open wide for these beefy bad boys Where to find Boulder burgers worth unhinging your jaw for By John Bear Staff Writer heeseburgers are the primary reason I’m likely going to die in my late 40s — that and the quasi-poverty and stress-related gunshot wounds that accompany being a journalist. But it will totally be worth it. Burgers are juicy and delicious, even if they are loaded with cholesterol and the commercial production of meat — unless PBS is lying to me, and I have no reason to believe they are lying to me — is contributing to the destruction of the environment. I watch Frontline on PBS sometimes when I’m looking for reasons to selfexit the mortal coil — fortunately, I get lousy television reception in my apartment — and it apparently takes 1,800 gallons of water to produce 1 pound of grain-fed beef. That’s a lot of water for four quarter pounders. But as I said, my burger love and chosen profession has increased my mortality

cheap and delicious burger, and it has enough decor to keep your eyes busy. Vegetarian options are available — for the burgers, not the Rocky Mountain Oysters. That would just be weird.

Mountain Sun and Southern Sun

Where: 1535 Pearl St. Hours: 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. daily, 12 p.m. to 1 a.m. Sunday ••• Where: 627 S. Broadway Hours: 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. Monday, 11:30 a.m. to 1 a.m. Tuesday-Friday, 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. Saturday-Sunday Mountain Sun and Southern Sun hand cut their french fries, which is awesome and begs the question: Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer Why doesn’t every restauPatrons at the Mountain Sun Pub and Brewery get an up-close view of the Underpants Run on Pearl Street in rant in the free world do Boulder. this? They taste far superior than measly frozen ones. exponentially, so the bleak Hours: 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. including the Texas Onion The restaurants also say near future doesn’t really Straw, which made an daily, bar is open later right on the menus that if concern me. I’ll be dead, and appearance on “Diners, The Sink started off as a your fries aren’t perfect, they the rest of you will be eating European-style restaurant Drive-Ins and Dives,” a show will bring you some more. crickets, trying to explain staring a guy with very, very Also awesome, because and officially became “The what a cow was to your chil- Sink” in 1940 having already blonde hair. Not to mention, nothing is worse than getdren and dodging the nocPresident Barack Obama been called that for years ting a juicy burger with turnal mutant cannibals. because of the sunken foun- stopped in for a bite when he french fries that taste like In the meantime, let’s get was in town, and Robert Red- they fought in the great war. tain in the dining room. our grub on. Speaking of burgers, the The restaurant sells burg- ford worked there as a janitor when he was a CU stubrewpubs’ two locations The Sink ers made with “certified dent in 1955. True stories. make their burgers with “all Where: 1165 13th St. Angus beef” with variations natural, vegetarian-fed ColoDark Horse rado beef with no antibiotics Where: 2922 Baseline or steroids.” This means Road they are still eligible to play Hours: 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Olympic baseball — and daily likely more healthy. The Dark Horse offers 11 Note: The locations don’t kinds of burgers on its accept credit cards, but they menu. The one that jumps do take personal checks. If out is the Jiffy Burger, which you are an 18-year-old has — wait for it — peanut incoming freshman, allow butter, bacon and provolone me to explain: Checks are cheese on top. It doesn’t say rectangular pieces of paper if it’s creamy or crunchy. that people used to pay for More importantly, the items with. Often, the person Dark Horse sells Rocky in front of you in line would Mountain Oysters, which the wait until the very last minmenu describes as “cow ute to begin filling it out. fries,” but we know what they really are. So order up a The Attic Bar and Bistro Where: 949 Walnut St. pair with some horseradish Hours: 11:30 a.m. to 2 a.m. on the side and chow down. See BURGERS, page 30 The Dark Horse makes a

28 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Pizza

from page 27 Nick-N-Willy’s Where: 801 Pearl St. Hours: 11 a.m.-8:30 p.m. daily It’s like Papa Murphy’s but founded in Boulder. Papa Murphy’s was founded in Washington. And Boulder is better. So take ’n’ bake the hell out of a fresh made-to-order pizza. You can even cook with your pants off. Street Legal Pizza Where: 3060 Pearl Parkway Hours: 11 a.m.-9 p.m. SundayWednesday, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Thursday, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. FridaySaturday Build your own New York- or Sicilian-style pies, starting at $10. Choose a specialty pie, or order a slice to go. The pizzas are made with fresh ingredients and crafted by the family-owned business. Aw. Hugs. Sun Deli Where: 2299 Pearl St. Hours: 9 a.m.-11 p.m. MondaySaturday, 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday, delivery 10 a.m.-11:30 p.m. Need a pizza with that log of firewood and handle of Fireball? First of all, slap slap slap. Call me and I’ll give you a lesson on real

whiskey. Second, coming right up: The Sun Deli has a vast menu for delivery, including slices of pizza starting at $2.50 (and whole pies) -— and will even bring cigarettes and booze to your door. If you’re of age, rascals. And take your pants off after the delivery pal leaves.

Put on pants for these fancier joints

Backcountry Pizza and Taphouse, 2319 Arapahoe Ave., kitchen hours: 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Monday-Thursday, 11 a.m.11 p.m. Friday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday Basta, 3601 Arapahoe Ave., 5-10 p.m. daily Pizza Colore, 1336 Pearl St., 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Wednesday, 11 a.m.-2:30 a.m. ThursdaySaturday Pizzeria da Lupo, 2525 Arapahoe Ave., 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m. Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-10:30 p.m. Friday-Saturday Pizzeria Locale, 1730 Pearl St., 11:30 a.m.-10:30 p.m. MondaySaturday, 11:30 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday Proto’s Pizza, 4670 Broadway, 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Friday-Saturday Christy Fantz: twitter.com/fantzypants

Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer Owner Audrey Sherman holds a work of pizza art at Audrey Jane’s Pizza Garage in Boulder.

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Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer When you don’t have time or a clean pair of jeans, hit up Smashburger or Five Guys.

Burgers

Less fancy; still counts

Here are some quick bites for when you, or your wallet, are in the mood for somedaily thing more fast-casual: The Attic offers a variety • Five Guys, 1855 29th St., of burgers and sandwiches 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily along with other pretty stan• Larkburger, 2525 Arapadard pub fare — like fish and hoe Ave., 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. chips and jalapeño poppers. Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m. to There is a good variety for 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday everyone, including salads • Smashburger, 1650 28th and hummus for all you letSt., 10:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. daituce people. ly But we’re talking burgers here. The eye-catcher on the • Snarfburger, 2000 Arapahoe Ave., 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer menu has to be the Bucky Supreme — a burger with The Sink restaurant in Boulder was once featured on“Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.” Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m. to three kinds of cheese and 11 p.m. Friday and Saturday. bacon sandwiched between John Bear: twitter.com/ two — count ’em — two johnbearwithme grilled cheese sandwiches.

from page 28

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Sandwiches

5 places to get your gluten on Endless combinations of meat, cheese, veggies and bread By Amy Bounds Staff Writer hrowing together your own basic PB&J may get you through when you’re desperate, but you can turn to Boulder’s pros when you want to treat yo’self to a truly tasty sandwich. Your wallet won’t thank you, but your tastebuds will. And sandwiches tend to be the cheapest thing on the menu, so maybe there will still be some cash left over for that extra fancy nut butter from Trader Joe’s when you’re done.

Half Fast Subs

Where: 1215 13th St. Hours: 10:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. Monday-Wednesday, 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 a.m. Thursday-Friday, 11 a.m. to 12:30 a.m. Saturday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sunday More info: halffastsubs.com Perched directly across the street from campus on The Hill, Half Fast Subs is a great spot, offering patio seating — and some great Buffs boastfulness.

See SANDWICHES, page 32

Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer Gwen Schwartz delivers food to Emily and Tyler Driver and Brian Alfano, right, at Cheba Hut on University Hill.

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Sandwiches

Enjoy your sandwich and try to keep a better handle on your surroundings next time, jeez.

from page 31

This shop has one of the largest sandwich menus in the country, and we wouldn’t dare doubt it. Walk in and you’ll be greeted by the mother of all chalkboards along with other such wellcurated decor like articles from The Onion by each booth. Plus, the half-pitchers of “Mega-ritas,” “Strong Island Iced Teas” and hurricanes will quench your thirst — and then some.

Cheba Hut

Where: 1313 College Ave. Hours: 10 a.m. to 12 a.m. Monday-Saturday, 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. Sunday More info: chebahut.com The subs are not the only thing toasted here. Catering to perhaps the easiest-toplease customers on Earth, Cheba Hut slings 4-inch nugs, 8-inch pinners and 12inch blunts. Got a bad case of cottonmouth? Try the smooth pineapple iced yerba Snarf’s mate or the Kool-Aid. SeriWhere: 2128 Pearl St. ously, when was the last time Hours: 1 a.m. to 10 p.m. you had Kool-Aid? Oh yeah! Monday-Saturday, 11 a.m. to The decor is definitely col9 p.m. Sunday lege dorm chic, and the TVs ••• are playing either Mexican Where: 637 S. Broadway Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer wresting or nonstop Bob St. Suite A Lena Zimmerman shows the meat who’s boss at Half Fast Subs. Ross. If that doesn’t convince Hours: 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. you, nothing will. Just say the name. Isn’t it and sides flesh out the menu yeah, yeah. Monday-Saturday; 11 a.m. to fun? There are more than 20 of these fluorescent little 8 p.m. Sunday Salvaggio’s Deli Zone sandwich options in 7-inch gems. Plus, the fresh-baked ••• Where: 1335 Broadway on Where: 1322 College Ave. and 12-inch configurations, bread and hot pepper relish Where: 5340 Arapahoe The Hill on The Hill including a mouth-watering is a must-try. Ave. Hours: 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Hours: 7:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. prime rib as well as a slew of At lunch hour, you may Hours: 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday-Thursday, 8 a.m. to Monday-Sunday face a wait, but you know Monday-Saturday; 11 a.m. to vegetarian options, like an 11 p.m. Friday-Saturday, ••• artichoke, feta and provolone what they say — good things 7 p.m. Sunday Where: 2900 Valmont Road 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sunday sub. A wide range of salads coming to those who — More info: eatsnarfs.com ••• Hours: 7:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. Where: 2609 Pearl St. Monday-Friday, 8:30 a.m. to Hours: 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. BA WE 6 p.m. Saturday, 9 a.m. to CK LCO Monday-Friday, 10:30 a.m. 5 p.m. Sunday SP M to 6 p.m. Saturday, 11 a.m. EC E ••• IAL to 6 p.m. Sunday Where: 4800 Baseline S! ••• Road Where: 1397 Pearl St. Hours: 7:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. Hours: 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday-Saturday, 7:30 a.m. Monday-Friday, closed weekto 5 p.m. Sunday ends late fall through early More info: delizone.com spring You will bite into this sandMore info: salvaggiosdeli wich and immediately feel .us like you’re in the Big Apple. It starts with bread. That But wake up and come to mouth-watering, warm, soft, your senses, dammit! You’re fresh-baked bread. Try to still in Boulder, merely biting remember to have them put into a New York-style sandother stuff in the bread wich. before you scarf down that Deli Zone features famous glorious gluten solo. • 1 in 5 students have hearing loss Brooklyn heroes in the form Salvaggio’s isn’t a deli; it’s • Hearing loss is connected to social isolation and cognitive challenges of big fat Reuben and Philly a delicatessen. Sandwiches • A growing number of students have permanent ringing, 24 hours a day, for the rest of their lives cheesesteak sandwiches. are made with a wide variety Try the Soprano sandwich of fresh meat and cheeses, (grilled roast beef, cheddar, sliced right into the sandtomatoes, red onion, horsewich. Try a hot pastrami or radish mayo, lettuce and a shaved roast beef. really frustrating series finaIt’s a sandwich whittled MUSICIAN Off le), or the Hell’s Kitchen down to perfection — no fanPLUGS ARE (with this coupon) breakfast sandwich (eggs, cy-schmancy combinations Expires 09/30/17 pastrami, swiss, onion, hash here. Just good ol’ fashioned browns and a scathing insult bread, meat and cheese done from an angry British man). right. www.BoulderValleyEnt.com 303-502-9538

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Food after dark

Sate that late-night craving You’re not a gremlin (right?); you’re allowed to snack after midnight By Alex Burness Staff Writer s I have always said, it’s really important to eat food every day. Sometimes when I was a kid growing up in Cleveland in the mid-’70s, my mom used to be like, “Clean your room!” or “I swear to god, you better get the hell out of my face so I can focus on my work.” And I always used to respond by telling her how important it is that she and every other human being access key nutrients on a daily basis. Without them, I’d tell her, humans can literally die. Did you know that? Few Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer people do, but it’s true: If you Cosmo’s Pizza is tucked into that colorful, angular building on the Hill, just across from campus. To promote never eat food, you will evenyour own long-term vitality, make sure to eat food on a regular basis.

tually shut off. In order to make sure that never happens, I recommend eating constantly. All day, every day. Pick the most caloric grub you can find and fill your lil tum with the good stuff. One of the challenges, though, of taking this approach to food consumption is that many purveyors of food stop serving after a certain hour. These people are slackers and American disgraces — but I won’t get into that now. Anyway, the late-night dining options in Boulder aren’t many, but they do exist. Here’s a rundown of a few choice eateries for the midnight nutrient-hunter.

See LATE, page 34

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Cosmo’s Pizza

Smelly Deli

Where: 1325 Broadway St. #108, 303-447-1133 Hours: Dine in or carry out only 11 a.m.to 2 a.m. daily ••• Where: 659 30th St., 303-447-3278 Hours: Dine in, carry out or delivery 11 a.m.to 2 a.m. daily More info: cosmospizza .com During the day, the number of customers at Cosmo’s won’t “wow” you. You’ll find people casually filtering in like any other restaurant in Boulder. Late at night, especially on the weekends, Cosmo’s on the Hill looks more like a stampede as Buffs line up well beyond the doors to get a slice or two of pizza and Morguefile some of their otherworldly You ever tried shawarma? The Smelly Deli serves the stuff all night long. Spicy Ranch. Cosmo’s isn’t that big of a tomorrow morning in one food at the counter, making Illegal Pete’s place to begin with, but there convenient stop. for some great people-watchWhere: 1124 13th St. is something to be said for ing and conversations. Much 303-444-3055 Smelly Deli is a hive for waiting outside in the winter respect to the cooks at the Buffs, which adds a social Hours: 8 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. to get pizza, and believe us, it Smelly Deli — whipping up element to the experience. Monday-Wednesday; 8 a.m. happens here and it’s worth You’ll find dozens of haggard food for college kids is no to 2:30 a.m. Thursday-Friday; the wait. picnic. students waiting for their 9 a.m.to 2:30 a.m. Saturday; The 30th Street store is 10 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. Sunday conveniently located across ••• from the Williams Village Where: 1447 Pearl St. dorm complex and provides Hours: Open until 2:30 a.m. a good late-night option for Friday and Saturday nights all those neglected, off-campus slacker freshman. It also More info: illegalpetes delivers until 2 a.m., which .com/boulder-pearl-street Unlike those softies at sim- comes in awful handy no matter where you live in ilar burrito spots that close Boulder. before midnight, Illegal Pete’s bomb-ass burrito mak- Boulder Baked for Seasonal & Environmental Allergies ers keep on rolling until 2:30 Where: 1911 Broadway St., a.m. Thursday through Sat303-444-4999 urday nights, except during Hours: 4 p.m. to midnight the summer, when they close daily at midnight. More info: boulderbaked Illegal Pete’s has a diverse .com menu for a fast-paced burrito Cookies and desserts shop with many choices that delivered to your door until aren’t available everywhere: midnight? Could life offer fish burritos, taquitos and anything better? Don’t the option to stuff potatoes in answer that, because it can’t. your burrito. Pete’s is great Boulder may be a city filled PAIN FrEE - COST EFFECTIVE – TIME Call Today for an Appointment because they mix up your with quinoa and kale chips, SAVING TrEATMENTS! burrito’s guts before they but this town definitely has a WELCOME BACK SPECIAL: wrap it up. So no sole sour sweet tooth. The familywww.BoulderValleyENT.com 15% off 3 months’ supply of sublingual drops cream bite. It’s ... it’s brilowned Boulder Baked has Expires 09/30/17 liant. sold mountains of freshNot to mention, if you’re of baked cookies over recent Exempla Good Sam’s Avista Hospital age, the Pete’s on the Hill is years, offering flavors BCH Foothills Campus one of a small and dwindling ranging from your classic 300 Exempla Cir #210 90 Health Park Dr #220 4745 Arapahoe #130 number of full-service bars in See LATE, page 35 Lafayette Louisville Boulder

Where: 1134 13th St., 303-449-2923 Hours: Open 24 hours Every black-and-goldbleeding, dyed-in-the-wool Buffalo knows about University Hill Market & Deli, aka — and really, pretty much exclusively known as — Smelly Deli. If for some odd reason you aren’t acquainted with this magical bodega, you’d better ask somebody. Or better yet, get your ass over to Uni Hill and check it out. The Smelly Deli has a menu tailor-made for college students: cheesy fries, mozzarella sticks, chicken shawarma, chocolate cake, the steak and cheese wrap, the list goes on. Smelly Deli doubles as a convenience/tiny grocery store, so any gas station-type food and materials you can think of are on the table here as well. This way, you can grab your evening gut-buster and a bottle of aspirin for

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miss the fact that this place has pool tables, foosball, darts and the occasional live from page 34 band to bring everything together. chocolate chip to the more Don’t forget to kiss the adventurous oatmeal white buffalo if it’s your birthday, chocolate cherry, to everything. Yes, there is an “every- and keep an eye out for a beautiful display of some thing” option. While the cookies are unreal, don’t for- great Denver Broncos’ history hiding in plain sight in the get the cupcakes, brownies cellar. or cakes. Or the ice cream sandwiches, milkshakes and D.P. Dough pies. Where: 1622 Broadway St., Boulder Baked also puts 303-444-9663 together care packages, so Hours: Open until 1 a.m. you can send yourself one in Sunday-Thursday; until 2:30 case your mom forgets. a.m. Friday-Saturday More info: dpdough.com/ Pearl Street Pub & Cellar locations/boulder Where: 1108 Pearl St., This is a good option if 303-939-9900 you’re A) really high, B) realHours: Open until 2 a.m. ly drunk or C) really OK livevery night (bar time: 1:30 ing with regrets — profound, a.m.) painful regrets usually relatThere’s no way around it, the fried mac ’n’ cheese gets ed to profound, painful visits to the restroom. people going. And by On the plus side, D.P. “going,” I’m talking about the Dough’s insane assortment excitement and enthusiasm the fried masterpiece brings of calzones makes this spot the perfect place to pick up into the pub. The Pub’s got some much-needed susteall of the late-night bar food nance after a long night out. you need — burgers, wings and fries that are a must try. With options including your The drink specials here are standard sausage and pepon point, and we can’t disperoni, the veggie-packed

Insomnia Cookies

Where: 1203 13th Street, No. 2 Hours: Delivery and pickup until 3 a.m. More info: insomniacookies .com It’s the wee hours and you’re freaking out because you just shotgunned all 125 episodes of “Cupcake Wars” and you need baked goods, and you need them now. But you can’t leave your dorm because last week you ziptied all your bestie’s drawers and scissors together, and Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer you know she’s just lying in When there’s hunger pains and you need some food, who you gonna wait to prank you back hard. call? Boulder Baked and Insomnia Cookies will deliver long after Calm down, son. Have sundown. some sugar. Garden ’Zone, all the way to a.m. Thursday-Saturday You don’t need to set foot breakfasty-yet-served-allMore info: halffastsubs.com outside your safe space. night eggs, bacon, potatoes, Insomnia Cookies will delivIf you’re the indecisive sausage and cheddar-stuffed type, Half Fast is either your er cookies, brownies and ice cream until 3 a.m., and you Sunny ’Zono, it’s not hard to best friend or your worst find at least one you’ll dig. nightmare. This Uni Hill sta- can supplement your nerPlus, that place has wings, ple offers more than 100 vari- vous pacing with watching cookies and tater tots. Score. eties of the classic American the status of your order through their Cookie TrackExcept for the whole bathsub sandwich and claims, er. And once your treats room thing. perhaps realistically, that it appear, you can pull an all may have the largest sandWe all live with regrets. nighter by upgrading your wich menu in the U.S. TV intake to “The Great Half Fast Subs For those of legal imbibing British Bake Off.” Where: 1215 13th St., age, try out — but be wary of 303-449-0404 Alex Burness: twitter.com/ — Half Fast’s legendary 32Hours: Open until 12:30 ounce Strong Island ice teas. alex_burness

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 35

Diets

Gluten free, vegetarian and tasty If you have special health or ethical food needs, Boulder has you covered By Amy Bounds Staff Writer hink sticking to a glutenfree, paleo or vegan diet means you’re stuck making your own meals while your friends are out feasting in Boulder’s restaurants? Think again. In a town like Boulder, you have all kinds of options. Most places now will make accommodations, swapping a hamburger bun for lettuce for those avoiding carbs or the beef patty for a veggie one for those who don’t eat flesh. But Boulder also offers restaurants that cater specifically to those who follow special diets, whether that means no animal products, no nuts or Colorado Daily file photo no gluten. Want to eat hyper You can find paleo-friendly dishes like these bacon-wrapped stuffed dates at Blooming Beets in Boulder. local? Boulder’s got you covered there, too.

You’re used to looking for the special menu items, those with a little carrot or star next to them to signal vegetarian dishes, but forget about that at Native Foods. Every single thing on the menu is 100 percent plant-based. Nothing is out of bounds, which can be incredibly refreshing for those used to limiting themselves. Indulge in traditional French fries or their sweetpotato cousins without worrying about what’s in the oil. Don’t worry about the tempeh in your Baja Blackened Tacos even sharing a grill with meat products. And speaking of that tempeh, Native Foods has the biggest range of soy-protein nonanimal products in town, with house-made tempeh, seitan, “chicken,” “bacon” Native Foods Cafe and nut cheeses. That means Where: 1675 29th St. #1272, vegetarians can savor AmeriBoulder, 303-442-0213 can classics like chicken Hours: 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. wings or a BBQ sandwich Monday-Thursday, 11 a.m. to without sacrificing their dedi10 p.m. Friday-Saturday, 11 cation to their health or that a.m. to 8 p.m. Sunday of animals. More info: nativefoods.com See DIETS, page 37

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Diets

from page 37 Fresh Thymes Eatery

Where: 2500 30th St., Unit 101, 303-955-7988 Hours: 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday-Saturday, closed Sunday More info: freshthymes eatery.com This casual restaurant is a safe space for those with allergies. The diverse menu is totally gluten-free, including the beer, and there are items for herbivores and carnivores. Plus, peanuts and GMOs are banished from the menu, and many ingredients are sourced locally. Signature fresh flavors appeal to nearly every dietary need, making this the perfect spot for couples that follow different diets or a big group of friends with a mix of dietary requirements. Choose from seasonal counter options or a made-toorder menu. For the carnivores, options include local pastured ancho chili pork and chicken wings. To tempt the herbivores, there’s Yucatan grilled tempeh and falafel burgers. There’s even a marketplace of grab-and-go lunch and dinner fare and tasty sides — plus quarts of bone broth in flavors that include ginger garlic beef, naked beef and turmeric chicken. Happy hour, from 4 to 6 p.m. Monday-Saturday, lets you snag dragon tacos and

chicken or tempeh wings on the cheap, plus $1 off those gluten-free beers.

Leaf Vegetarian Restaurant

Where: 2010 16th St., 303442-1485 Hours: Lunch 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Mondays-Fridays, brunch 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays, dinner 5 p.m. to close daily; afternoon tea 3 to 5 p.m. Saturdays More info: leafvegetarian restaurant.com Expect to spend more green at The Leaf, where the produce is supplied whenever possible by Three Leaf Farm in Lafayette. But this artful, gourmet vegetarian haven is worth every penny. There’s an artistry to the food at this special-occasion Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer venue, which really shines at Mindy Murphy, left, owner Christine Ruch and Erin Donahue serve customers during the lunch rush at Fresh brunch with their biscuits Thymes Eatery in Boulder. and wild mushroom vegan gravy and vegan French toast — with banana bread pudCLOTHING - COSTUMES ding, Boulder breakfast tea anglaise and seasonal berries. SUPER FUN The best deals are at the weekday-only lunches, with $10 or $11 sandwiches. Vegan crab cakes, ruebens and mushroom burgers are some of the sandwich options. Or try bargain-priced small bites during the 3 to 6 p.m. daily happy hour, including buffalo cauliflower tacos, samosa or potato cakes and grilled flatbread with beet hummus, pickled carrots and fava beans.

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The Party before the Party

Columnist Q&A

Bear asks that you ‘Bear With Me’ John loses his patience with this bullshit every Thursday in the Colorado Daily

site sex. What’s your first move? I would say play with my breasts, but Human ResourcX” just By Deanna Hardies es has already warned me beyond PluColorado Daily Editor about these kind of jokes. to’s orbit. f you’re looking to share a You wake up to a string of She offers hot buttered rum with a epithets shouted in a familyou naming chipper ski bum after a day iar voice. Gordon Ramsay is rights to get on the slopes ... keep looking. pacing in your bedroom, and out of debt. Bear John Bear may not fit neatly he won’t go away until you What’s the into your apres-ski fantasies, cook something worth his name that’ll but he’s the guy you’ll want to go in future textbooks? time. What dish can you know next decade when you make to appease him? Fuck you. Pay me. need to take the underNothing. I don’t negotiate After a successful interground railroad down to the with terrorists. view, the Gods of Small Free Republic of Sonora to Wake up, sheeple! It’s a Annoyances have hired you escape the Thought Police. conspiracy! They’ve got as an entry-level deity. How everyone fooled, but you Approach him carefully, will your worshipers praise John Bear / Colorado Daily know the truth. What are and preferably with a tamal John Bear’s cat whispers column ideas into his ear. your name? They covering up? as tribute. They won’t. I get absolutely Donald Trump is actually ing over tickets to “HamilOh no! You’re missing a no respect from those people. make complaint phone calls the world’s greatest perforfinger. How did that happen? ton.” You have died and become to my mom. mance artist. The U.S. Treasury I’d rather not say. The stat- a ghost. (My condolences.) You have 24 hours to ute of limitations is not up on What place or object do you announces it will begin issu- experience life as the oppoSee BEAR, page 42 ing 7-dollar bills. Whose face that one yet. haunt, and how do you will be on it? That astronomer friend express your otherworldly Abraham Lincoln and who owes you $100 has just frustration? Thomas Jefferson fist fightdiscovered the large “Planet I’d just stay home and

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University of Colorado 2

ST.

20TH ST.

DACR MARINE ST.

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WVN

FLMG KITTREDGE LOOP DR.

BCAP

Visitor parking Creeks and ponds RTD bus stops near main campus

SMTH

KITTREDGE FIELDS

WFLW

Pedestrian/bicycle underpass

BCC U. VCDC DE S. 3 NV 6 B ER OU T U LD RN ER PIK – E

BUCK

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Housing (residence halls and family housing)

DLYT

DISCOVERY DR.

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Limited access streets

AY AD W

SKI BUILDING

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Kittredge Complex

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ARAPAHOE AVE.

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CU-Boulder Main Campus

STADIUM DR.

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Need more detail? A full campus map that displays wheelchair-accessible sidewalks, construction zones, ATMs, food options and parking is available online at colorado.edu/map.

40 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Directory Emergency (answered on campus) . . . . . . . . . . 911 Directory and Operator Assistance Administrative . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-1411 Student . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-786-1411 TDD (Hearing Impaired) . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-0833 Admissions, Regent 125 . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6301 Alumni Association Koenig Alumni Center, 1202 University Avenue . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-8484 Athletics, Intercollegiate, Tickets Stadium 126 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-8337 Bursar’s Ofﬁce, Regent 150 . . . . . . . . 303-492-5381 Buses, City—RTD, 14th and Walnut Streets . . . . . . . . . . 303-299-6000 Career Services, C4C N352 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6541 Continuing Education, 1505 University Avenue . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-5148 Counseling Services C4C S440 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6766 CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St. . . . . 303-492-8300 CU Book Store, UMC 10 . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6411 Cultural Unity and Engagement Center, C4C N320 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-5667 Disability Services, C4C, N200 . . . . 303-492-8671 Financial Aid, Regent 175 . . . . . . . . 303-492-5091 Fiske Planetarium 2414 Regent Dr. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-5002 Greek Activities UMC 411–413 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6359 Heritage Center Old Main, third ﬂoor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6329 Housing Residence Halls, C4C S300 . . . . . . . 303-492-6673 Family Housing, 1350 20th Street . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6384 Housing and Neighborhood Relations, UMC 313 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-7053 International Education C4C S355 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-8057 Library, Norlin, 18th & Colorado Streets General Libraries Information . . . . . . 303-492-8705 Museum of Natural History Henderson Building . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6892 Parking Services 1050 Regent Drive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-7384 Police, University (UCPD), 1050 Regent Drive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6666 Ralphie’s Resource Center Regent Hall IB80 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-735-7257 Recreation Center, Student 1835 Pleasant St. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6051 Registrar, Regent 105 . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6970 Sommers-Bausch Observatory, 2475 Kittredge Loop . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6732 University Memorial Center (UMC) Reception Desk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6161

University Buildings & Facilities AAC Academic Advising Center: SIT (Students in Transition) C-3 ARCE Administrative and Research Center (East Campus) J-2 ARMR Armory D-4 FPA Arts and Sciences Finance and Payroll Administration D-2 OB1 Arts and Sciences Ofﬁce Building 1 D-4 ATLS ATLAS Building, Roser (Alliance for Technology, Learning and Society) G-6 FH Balch Fieldhouse E-7 BESC Benson Earth Sciences F-9 MCOL Bruce Curtis Building (Museum Collections) G-3 CARL Carlson Gymnasium E-7 CAS Center for Asian Studies D-2 CASA Center for Astrophysics and Space Astronomy L-3 C4C Center for Community I-9 CHMP Champions Center D-9 DACR Children’s Center: Main Ofﬁces A-9 CIRE CIRES (Cooperative Institute for Research in Environmental Sciences) F-5 CLRE Clare Small Arts and Sciences D-6 COMP Computing Center J-3 CEDU Continuing Education Center D-4 EVNT Coors Events/Conference Center / Basketball– Volleyball Practice Facility I-12 CHEM Cristol Chemistry and Biochemistry G-5 DALW Dal Ward Athletic Center D-8 DEN Denison Arts and Sciences G-4 DLC Discovery Learning Center F-11 DDW Duane D-Wing F-7 DUAN Duane Physics and Astrophysics F-7 EDEP East District Energy Plant H-13 HUMN Eaton Humanities Building E-5 ECON Economics Building F-3 EDUC Education Building G-4 EKLC Ekeley Sciences Building F-5 EC Engineering Center F-11 ENVD Environmental Design G-7 EHSC Environmental Health and Safety Center H-13 EPRK Euclid Avenue AutoPark G-6 FISK Fiske Planetarium and Science Center J-10 FLMG Fleming Building K-10 • Folsom Field E-8 • Gamow Tower (in Duane Physics and Astrophysics) F-7 COTT Gates Woodruff Women’s Studies Cottage F-3 GOLD Gold Biosciences Building (MCD Biology) E-7 GROC Grounds and Recycling Operations Center G-13 GUGG Guggenheim Geography F-3 HALE Hale Science E-3 HLMS Hellems Arts and Sciences (includes Mary Rippon Outdoor Theatre) G-4 HEND Henderson Building (Museum of Natural History) G-4 HFOC Housing & Dining Services Facilities Operations Center K-3 HSSC Housing System Service Center J-2 MUS Imig Music Building H-7 IPRC Indoor Practice Facility D-9 IBG Institute for Behavioral Genetics K-1 IBS Institute of Behavioral Science C-3 ITLL Integrated Teaching and Learning Laboratory G-11 IEC International English Center G-2 BIOT Jennie Smoly Caruthers Biotechnology Building L-2 JILA JILA G-7 KTCH Ketchum Arts and Sciences F-6 KOBL Koelbel Building (Business, Leeds School of) H-10 ALUM Koenig Alumni Center E-2 LSTR LASP Space Technology Research Center L-3 LESS Lesser House F-11 LSRL Life Science Research Laboratory, RL4 K-1 MCKY Macky Auditorium D-4 MSSC Marine Street Science Center, Research Laboratory, RL6 J-2 • Mary Rippon Outdoor Theatre (at Hellems Arts and Sciences) G-4

MATH Mathematics Building F-10 MKNA McKenna Languages E-4 MUEN Muenzinger Psychology E-7 • Museum of Natural History (in Henderson Building) G-4 LIBR Norlin Library E-6 MAIN Old Main E-4 PFDC Page Foundation Center D-3 PDPS Police and Parking Services G-12 PORT Porter Biosciences E-7 POWR Power House F-6 RAMY Ramaley Biology E-6 RGNT Regent Administrative Center I-8 RPRK Regent Drive AutoPark G-12, J-9 RL2 Research Laboratory, RL2 K-1 GH-3 Research Park Greenhouse K-1 LITR Rose Litman Research Laboratory, RL1 J-1 • Roser ATLAS Building (see ATLAS Building) G-6 SLL Science Learning Laboratory K-2 OBSV Sommers-Bausch Observatory I-11 SPSC Space Science K-3 SLHS Speech, Language, and Hearing Sciences I-11 STAD Stadium Building E-8 STTB Stadium Ticket Building F-9 REC Student Recreation Center D-7 SEEC Sustainability, Energy and Environment Complex (SEEC) L-4 SEEL Sustainbility, Energy and Environment Complex L-Wing (SEEL) L-4 TLC Technology Learning Center G-6 TB01 Temporary Building No. 1 D-6 TRAN Transportation Center J-2 UCTR University Administrative Center and Annex I-7 CLUB University Club H-6 UMC University Memorial Center G-5 THTR University Theatre Building (includes Charlotte York Irey Theatre) F-4 VAC Visual Arts Complex (includes CU Art Museum) G-6 WARD Wardenburg Health Center H-7 WLFL Wolf Law Building L-11 WDBY Woodbury Arts and Sciences E-5

University Housing ADEN Aden Hall (Engineering Quad) G-9 ANDS Andrews Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-11 ARNT Arnett Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-12 ATCT Athens Court C-7 ATHN Athens North Hall B-6 BKER Baker Hall G-7 BCAP Bear Creek Apartments L-6 BCC Bear Creek Commons (Williams Village) L-5 BRKT Brackett Hall (Engineering Quad) G-9 BUCK Buckingham Hall (Kittredge Complex) K-12 CHEY Cheyenne Arapaho Hall H-7 CKRL Cockerell Hall (Engineering Quad) G-10 CROS Crosman Hall (Engineering Quad) G-10 DLYT Darley Towers (Williams Village) K-5 FACT Faculty–Staff Court C-5 FRND Farrand Hall H-9 HLET Hallett Hall H-9 KCEN Kittredge Central Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-11 KITW Kittredge West Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-10 LIBY Libby Hall G-8 MRCT Marine Court B-7 NTCT Newton Court B-9 REED Reed Hall H-10 SWLL Sewall Hall D-5 SMCT Smiley Court L-1 SMTH Smith Hall (Kittredge Complex) K-11 STRN Stearns Towers (Williams Village) K-6 VCDC Village Center Dining and Community Commons L-6 WLRD Willard Hall H-8 WVN Williams Village North Hall (Williams Village) K-6

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 30, 2017 • 41

Columnist Q&A

Freeman’s tales are ‘Popular to Contrary Opinion’ Casey is friend to bartenders, epileptics and retired Korean call girls By Deanna Hardies Colorado Daily Editor

son. Duh. You have died and asey is a CU grad and become a Boulder resident off and ghost. (My on since 2003. He has travcondolenceled all over Asia, and now es.) What he selflessly shares his place or Freeman worldly wisdom with you object do every Monday in the Colorayou haunt, and how do you do Daily. express your otherworldly Let’s take a first-class flight frustration? into his gray matter. “Oooo-oOo-oooh! The CU You have 24 hours to Armory is miiiiiiiine! I graduexperience life as the oppo- ated with a journalism site sex. What’s your first degree from CU. Moan & move? groooan! While I may be I’m assuming I’ll be as dead, my major doesn’t attractive as a woman as I am deserve to be. Booo! I didn’t as a man, so I’m going to memorize First Amendment Pearl Street and for all the case studies just to have my free drinks and attention I entire major erased. Shuttercan handle. ing the doors of the J-School The U.S. Treasury only makes today’s media announces it will begin issu- crappier. I will write the ing 7-dollar bills. Whose regents’ names in buffalo face will be on it? blood until it’s reinstated. Dwayne “The Rock” John- Obey or you’re doooomed!

42 • AUGUST 30, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Oh no! You’re missing a finger. How did that happen? Well, being a writer isn’t a very profitable job. I just got hungry. Here’s a life tip, kids: You don’t see people studying business or engineering eating their own digits. That astronomer friend who owes you $100 has discovered the large “Planet X” just beyond Pluto’s orbit. She offers you naming rights to get out of debt. What’s the name that’ll go in future textbooks? Our “new” ninth planet will be called Especially Not Pluto. So now, whenever kids make solar systems out of white Styrofoam and ping pong balls for class projects, they’ll write, “Here are the planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Espe-

cially Not Pluto.” Future couples will ask, “Where’d you like to go for space vacation?” “Especially Not Pluto.” You wake up to a string of epithets shouted in a familiar voice. Gordon Ramsay is pacing in your bedroom, and he won’t go away until you cook something worth his time. What dish can you make to appease him? First, I’d tell him to relax with the finest lager my apartment has to offer: Busch Light. As he’s chugging, I’ll heat up some SpaghettiOs, mix in some kale and pickled jalapeños while topping it off with two sunnyside-up eggs. I call this dish, S’il Vous Plait Arrêtez de Parler (French for: Please stop talking). After years of research and maniacal laughter, you’ve finally created a terrifying hybrid of plant and animal. It’s alive! Dear god, what have you done? Behold, the Venus frogtrap, a plant with a mouth and a tongue. The little ones catch mosquitoes, while the big fellas go for pigeons. When they get bigger ... You’ve managed to slip a subliminal message into every iPhone on the planet. How will you know when it’s

Courtesy Casey Freeman Just look at this man’s joie de vivre, graceful posture and impressive chopstick skills. It’s a good thing he’s chilling in Chicago this month, or you know he’d steal your girl.

working? People stop using phones in public. Centuries from now, only five words remain legible on your grave. What are they? “... secret to happy life is ...” Read more Freeman: coloradodaily.com/columns. Stalk him: comfyconfines .wordpress.com

Bear from page 38 What new musical genre will take over the charts in 2018? Nuclear Holocaust Pop. Turns out I was wrong about the performance art thing. After years of research and maniacal laughter, you’ve finally created a terrifying hybrid of plant and animal. It’s alive! Dear god, what have you done? It’s a cat/ficus. Basically a lazier ficus with a worse attitude. You’ve managed to slip a

subliminal message into every iPhone on the planet. How will you know when it’s working? Everyone stops using iPhones. Peace. And. Quiet. At. Last. Centuries from now, only five words remain legible on your grave. What are they? “Meh, His Brother was Worse.” Read more Bear: colorado daily.com/columnists. Stalk him: twitter.com/ johnbearwithme.

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