Outdoors ~ Welcome Back 2017 Issue 2 of 6 by Prairie Mountain Media

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8.28.17

Colorado

Daily

Outdoors

Issue 2 of 6 Welcome Back

Suspended animation

Slacklining scene on campus p

Hello handlebars Ride a bike for fun & profit

Because it’s there

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INDEX Biking....................Page 4 Skiing....................Page 8 Fourteeners ......... Page 16 Dog rules ............. Page 22 Camping.............. Page 26 Slacklining...........Page 29 Climbing .............. Page 31 Hiking..................Page 33 Get Social Page 18, 36, 37 Campus Map Pages 38, 39 Under the Influence Q&A... ........................... Page 40

ColoradoDaily.com Main Office: 2500 55th St., Suite 210, Boulder, CO 80301 Editor: Deanna Hardies, 303-4731111 editor@coloradodaily.com Advertising: Jill Stravolemos, 303473-1400, stravolemosj@dailycamera.com Circulation: Preston Latham, 303994-3677

On the cover Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer University of Colorado student Evan Valencia practices his slacklining skills at Chautauqua Park in Boulder.

Outdoors

Pretty faces like ours mustn’t be shut away indoors

By Alex Burness Staff Writer f you’re like me, you’ve got a really, really, objectively beautiful face, with a winning personality to match. But if you’re like me, you’re also prone to making the critical Burness mistake of too often passing on chances to get outside and relish the insanely plentiful recreational opportunities our lovely state offers. Here, I will advocate for a simple approach that I myself have never followed: Any time anyone invites you to do something outdoors and you aren’t busy, say yes. I have literally never once regretted a ski day or a hike or a camping trip, and I’m guessing, if you’re like me, you haven’t either. If you’re like me, I’m guessing that nothing feels better to you than the downhill morning drive from a campsite, your clothes thick with bonfire scent and your stomach sluggish with grilled zucchini. I’m also guessing that your beautiful green eyes are reading this right now and relating to the previous sentence, as the quarter-

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Shaun Stanley / The Denver Post Let’s get our kicks on the water couch now while we’re still young and radiantly good looking.

moon rises and soaks your already-luminous skin in a soft glow. So what is it that keeps us stunners on the couch, when we really should be on the water couch? “Water couch,” by the way, is a widely used local slang term for “river raft.” If you’re new around here, you should start saying it often and in public, because everyone will get it and also respect your command of Boulder vocabulary. If you’re like me, when you decline chances to get outside, it’s because doing nothing is just a whole lot easier. Why get up at 6 a.m. to exhaust yourself on a difficult climb — one in which

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sweat beads are sure to be dropping constantly from your perfect forehead onto your long, naturally lush eyelashes — when you can sleep and eat and watch TV? Because being outdoors makes you feel good, every time, period. That’s why. The outdoors awaken the spirit and reset the mind. They gently caress the heart and make out for hours with the sense of adventure. You and I must keep this in mind in the future, because if you’re living in Colorado and not going outside all the time, you’re doing it wrong. Someday, these pretty faces of ours are going to

get wretched and wrinkly, and we might be sitting on rockers wondering why we didn’t go on more hikes or water-couch down the mighty Colorado. But we hold it in our silken, exquisitely shaped hands to reverse course and start doin’ stuff more, natural world-wise. So let’s you and I make a pact. We’re gonna say yes every time someone invites us to do something outside. We’re gonna hydrate and apply sunscreen regularly. And we’re gonna look extremely good doing it. Alex Burness: twitter.com/ alex_burness

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Bicycles

Ditch the car — say hello to handlebars Pedal your way through Boulder for business and pleasure

By Amelia Arvesen Staff Writer he bike paths and lanes are the veins of Boulder, pumping people to and fro. The city boasts more than 300 miles of dedicated bikeways, 80 underpasses, 38 B-cycle bike share stations and a community vibrantly supportive of the spoked mode of transportation. But in sharing the road with drivers, there can be tensions between who’s responsible for what. There were five cyclist fatalities in 2016 and there have been two so far this year, but the two manage to coexist in harmony the rest of the time.

If you missed Bike to Work Day at the end of June, it’ll be back again in 2018, but after the winter version in January. They’re two days comparable to any other recognized holiday, when bike commuters and those normally behind the wheel come together for free food and goodies set up around Boulder. Not to be confused with Tube to Work Day, which involves a commute down Boulder Creek and lands in For University of Colorado students without their own pedals, more than 250 bikes are scattered throughout the city at the 38 B-cycle bike-

See BIKING, page 6

Colorado Daily file photo Cyclists ride past the C4C building on Regent Drive on the University of Colorado campus. CU has two bike stations where students can register their rides, fix a flat and more.

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Biking

Learn from the best

from page 4 share kiosks, and once they have been used, can be returned to any station in the city. Students might be eligible for a free Boulder B-cycle annual membership through the CU Environmental Center, through a program offered in partnership with the E-Center. CU also has two bike stations, at the UMC and Folsom, that offer maintenance checks and other services. Some of the accessible connecting bike paths — clearly marked with green signs indicating “Bike Route” — include the Boulder Creek Path, Goose Creek Path, Skunk Creek Greenway, Bear Creek Path, LoBo trail and Foothills Trail, utilized by skateboarders, bikers, pedestrians and runners. Every Thursday evening from spring through fall, the Boulder Cruiser Ride welcomes hundreds of costumed participants that yell, “Happy Thursday,” to whoever they pass. Contrasting with the leisure riders, elite cyclists come to Boulder to compete in a number of races held throughout the year. Mountain biking enthusiasts around the world also are attracted to the areas in and around Boulder because of the hilly and rocky landscape of the Flatirons. The Canyon Loop Trail at Betasso Preserve has sweeping views of the Boulder canyon, and the Marshall Mesa trail provides stunning views of the Flatirons along its rolling trail. Easier rides can be found at Walker Ranch Loop west of Boulder, accessed by way of Flagstaff mountain. The Boulder Mountainbike Alliance website features details on these trails and more. On 40 acres at the corner of Valmont and Airport roads by the Parks and Recreation Department, the Valmont Bike Park is a well-groomed

Tap into the knowledge of Boulder’s cycling experts, some of whom work at bikecentered stores. Bicycle Village - Boulder, 2100 28th St., 303-4408525 Boulder Bicycle Works, 2886 Bluff St., 720-2872884 Boulder Cycle Sport Outlet, 629 S. Broadway St., 303444-2453 ext. 3 Community Cycles, 2805 Wilderness Place No. 1000, 720-565-6019 Excel Sports, 2045 32nd St., 303-444-6737 Fat Kitty Cycles, 3380 Arapahoe Ave., 720-9824120 The Fix Bike Shop, 3015 Sterling Circle #100, 303939-8349 Full Cycle, 1795 Pearl St., 303-440-1002 Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer In his revered wisdom, the Dalai Lama knows the importance of safety, which is why he was crowned with a bicycle helmet when he visited the University of Colorado in 2016.

LTD Cycleworks, 5360 Arapahoe Ave., 303-4423283 Performance Bicycle, 2450 Arapahoe Ave., 303-4445044 The Pro’s Closet, 2845 29th St., 303-993-7776 Pro Peloton Cyclery, 2516 Broadway, 303-415-1292 Sports Garage Cycling, 2705 Spruce St., 303-4730033 REI, 1789 28th St., 303583-9970 University Bicycles, 839 Pearl St., 303-444-4196 Vecchio’s Bicicletteria, 1833 Pearl St., 303-4403535

Bike events and resources Bike to Work Day: biketoworkday.us/ Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer University of Colorado junior Robert Foster works on a bicycle prototype designed to support obese people at a lab room in the Clare Small Arts & Sciences building on the CU campus in Boulder.

park designed especially for cyclocross riders. It also features a toddler track. In January 2014, it was host to the Cyclocross National Champi-

6 • AUGUST 28, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

onships. Whether you’re commuting to campus or to work, pushing the pedal for a good workout or looking for a new mode

of transportation, bicycling in Boulder is the way to go. Amelia Arvesen: twitter.com/ ameliaarvesen

B-Cycle bike-sharing program: boulder.bcycle.com Thursday Cruiser Ride: facebook.com/ HappyThursdayCruiserRide Boulder Mountainbike Alliance: bouldermountainbike.org

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Skiing & snowboarding

Powder you can be proud of Freshly groomed corduroy is less than an hour away

By Shay Castle Staff Writer oulder kicks ass for many reasons. One of the best? Within 45 minutes and a $5 bus ride, you can be face down in some of the purest powder on the planet. Eldora Mountain Resort is this town’s hometown resort. And after some much-needed upgrades — a new chair lift, logo and motto: Drive less, ski more — it’s looking better than ever. This year, the resort tore down its ’70s-era single and double chair lifts and

installed a brand-spankingnew, six-person, high-speed replacement. The Eldo Express will go from base to tip faster than your mother last night, Trebek: a lightning-quick 4.5 minutes. The $5 million upgrade will be finished in time for the 2017-2018 season. Buffs can get an Eldora pass for $309; real adults will shell out an extra $100 for the same privilege. If 1,600 vertical feet is too tame for you, head into the high country for some of the country’s best skiing.

See SNOW, page 10

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Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer University of Colorado student Nate Simpson bonks a boundary marker while snowboarding at Eldora Mountain Resort.

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Helen H. Richardson / The Denver Post Kari Miller, right, pops open a bottle of champagne while her friend Julia Iacino cheers.

Snow

from page 8 All that’s left now is how to convince your parents that a ski pass should be counted toward your education expenses. Here are your options for the upcoming season. Many of the college passes require valid student identification and course schedules, among other things. Check the websites for details. As always in skiing and boarding, there are no guarantees for price, weather or gaper levels. Shred smartly.

Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer Eldora Mountain Resort recently made some much-needed upgrades, including a new chair lift, logo and motto: Drive less, ski more.

Rocky Mountain Super Pass Plus

Unlimited access to Eldora, Winter Park and Copper Mountain, plus six days at Steamboat Springs and three at Crested Butte will run you $479 with valid student ID, $599 without. Brian Brainerd / The Denver Post Epic Passes Costumes aren’t just for Epic Pass: A bit spendy at Halloween and the Bolder Boulder. $859 (no discount for You can shred in them, too.

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See SNOW, page 14

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Snow

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Basin and 10 days at Vail and Beaver Creek, you fancy fuck. College Summit Value Pass: The perfect Summit County deal, this pass is for unlimited days at Keystone and Arapahoe Basin, favorites of the locals. It also gets you into Breckenridge, with some holiday restrictions. Breck tickets on blackout days are half-price. Full pass is $439.

The M.A.X. Pass

No student discount for this one, but with 44 resorts and five days at each — that’s 220 days of total skiing and boarding for you lib-

eral arts majors — it’s a great deal. Eldora, Winter Park, Steamboat, Crested Butte and Copper Mountain are representing Colorado on this pass, plus dozens of others from the East Coast to the

West and in between. Scoop it up for $679. Visit themax pass.com.

Route 40 Pass

This pass is named for the highway connecting the Winter Park and Steamboat

resorts. Unlimited days at Winter Park plus four at Steamboat will run adults $489 and college students $399. Visit bit.ly/2w4IU9x. Well worth the trek, Steamboat is also home to Strawberry Park Natural

Hot Springs. Shuttles run regularly from town, and the springs are clothing optional after dark. Watch out for bat wings. Shay Castle: twitter.com/ shayshinecastle

Skiing resources Colorado Department of Tourism: coloradoski.com Boulder Freeride: boulderfreeride.org Eldora Mountain Resort: eldora.com Epic Passes: epicpass.com The M.A.X. Pass: themaxpass.com Route 40 Pass: bit.ly/2w4IU9x

CU Ski Bus The ski bus is an awesome way to hit the Summit County slopes with a few dozen of your best pals. It’s cheap, and you can either nap or be that guy that does funny/mean things to people while they’re napping. (Be nice.) Go to colorado.edu/ ecenter/transportation/bus/ski-bus-program or the Ski Bus Facebook page, facebook.com/cuskibus, for details. Plan ahead — it fills up quick. The schedule goes up about a month before the bus starts bussing.

RJ Sangosti / The Denver Post Jason Hildreth eats a doughnut at he waits in line for opening day at Loveland Ski Area.

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Fourteeners

‘Easy’ takes on a new meaning Prepare yourself if you want to summit, because altitude bites

By Amelia Arvesen Staff Writer t sunrise on my birthday July 8, I was swallowing down bouts of nausea, stooping to catch my breath, sucking water through a tube and fighting through wooziness. No, I wasn’t hungover. I was enduring the sufferfest of hiking Mt. Bierstadt, one of Colorado’s 54 peaks looming taller than 14,000 feet. My more experienced hiking buddies convinced me that the mountain was one of the easier summits. So my

Hyoung Chang / The Denver Post

From Guanella Pass, Mount Bierstadt is about a 3-mile hike, with a climb of 2,391 feet.

expectations were low because I run and bike and climbed Quandary Peak in 2016, but altitude bites. And

16 • AUGUST 28, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

“easy” is an entirely different standard in mountain climbing terminology. It takes more preparation

to climb these beasts than lacing up your boots. Thinner air makes it tougher to breathe deep, staircase-like

steps for miles fatigue your body, and rock scrambles can trip you up and slow you

See 14ER, page 20

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Get Social

Students look down on the city lights from high up on Flagstaff Mountain.

Photos by Nick Mott / Colorado Daily

Above middle: Folks splash around in Boulder Creek on a hot summer day. Above left: Liz and Amanda hike on Flagstaff Mountain. Above right: Mitch works on a boulder problem near Castle Rock in Boulder Canyon.

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14er

from page 16

down. Whether it takes you two hours or triple that to summit, it’s common knowledge among hikers that you should be off of the mountain by the time afternoon storms roll in. This could mean waking up at 2 or 3 a.m. — if you’re not camping nearby — and starting the hike in the dark for some ascents. Before conquering Mt. Bierstadt, we camped about 5 miles away from the trailhead along Guanella Pass so we could sleep in until 5:45 a.m. We hit the trail at 7, though we had hoped to be hiking 30 minutes earlier. The fastest hiker of our group set a brisk pace, so we summitted at 9 and were down the mountain by a little after 11, when dark clouds appeared in the sky and our hangriness kicked in. Weather has the tendency to be unpredictable in this state, shifting quickly. As we climbed higher and higher, the temperature dropped

Colorado’s fourteeners Front Range Grays Peak 14,270’ Torreys Peak 14,267’ Mt. Evans 14,264’ Longs Peak 14,255’ Pikes Peak 14,110’ Mt. Bierstadt 14,060’ Tenmile Range Quandary Peak 14,265’ Mosquito Range Mt. Lincoln 14,286’ Mt. Cameron 14,238’ Mt. Bross 14,172’ Mt. Democrat 14,148’ Mt. Sherman 14,036’ Sawatch Range Mt. Elbert 14,433’

lower and lower. I was wearing gloves and several layers at the top, even with the sun shining. I wore hiking pants, a sweat-wicking long sleeve shirt, a fleece quarter zip-up, a rain jacket, a billed hat and sunglasses. I also packed gloves, which I wore at the top, and an insulated jacket, which I didn’t end up using.

Mt. Massive 14,421’ Mt. Harvard 14,420’ La Plata Peak 14,336’ Mt. Antero 14,269’ Mt. Shavano 14,229’ Mt. Princeton 14,197’ Mt. Belford 14,197’ Mt. Yale 14,196’ Tabeguache Peak 14,155’ Mt. Oxford 14,153’ Mt. Columbia 14,073’ Missouri Mountain 14,067’ Mt. of the Holy Cross 14,005’ Huron Peak 14,003’ Elk Mountains Castle Peak 14,265’ Maroon Peak 14,156’

Capitol Peak 14,130’ Snowmass Mountain 14,092’ Conundrum Peak 14,060’ Pyramid Peak 14,018’ North Maroon Peak 14,014’ San Juan Mountains Uncompahgre Peak 14,309’ Mt. Wilson 14,246’ El Diente Peak 14,159’ Mt. Sneffels 14,150’ Mt. Eolus 14,083’ Windom Peak 14,082’ Sunlight Peak 14,059’ Handies Peak 14,048’ North Eolus 14,039’

Also in my backpack were sunscreen, 2.5 liters of water, peanut-butter-stuffed pretzels, granola bars and a can of summit beer. Once at the top with my friends, we cracked our cans and clinked them in celebration of making it without me puking. We were surrounded by dozens of other hikers posing for shots with card-

board signs displaying the mountain’s altitude, resting their legs, and snacking and hydrating. It’s a high-altitude party at the top, though some mountains are less traveled and provide more solitude. But wherever you are, don’t piss off other outdoorsists by disobeying the “Leave No Trace” ethics by leaving

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Redcloud Peak 14,034’ Wilson Peak 14,017’ Wetterhorn Peak 14,015’ San Luis Peak 14,014’ Sunshine Peak 14,001’ Sangre de Cristo Range Blanca Peak 14,345’ Crestone Peak 14,294’ Crestone Needle 14,197’ Kit Carson Peak 14,165’ Challenger Point 14,081’ Humboldt Peak 14,064’ Culebra Peak 14,047’ Ellingwood Point 14,042’ Mt. Lindsey 14,042’ Little Bear Peak 14,037’ Source: 14ers.com

trash behind, clambering over the high alpine vegetation, taunting the mountain goats or stopping in the middle of the trail to take a breather. Respect the mountain and respect those who want to enjoy the journey.

Mt. Bierstadt

Height: 14,060 feet

See 14ER, page 21

14er

from page 20

Difficulty: Easy Elevation gain: 2,850 feet Length of route: 7 miles Known for: A hike for fourteener virgins Mt. Bierstadt is about a 90minute drive from Boulder, up the winding Guanella Pass that starts in George-

town.

Mt. Democrat, Lincoln, Bross, Cameron

Height: 14,155 feet, 14,293 feet, 14,178 feet and 14,286 feet Difficulty: Easy to moderate Elevation gain: 3,700 feet Length of route: 7.25 miles Known for: Abandoned mines

Mountain goats chill on the east ridge of Quandary Peak.

Mt. Democrat, Lincoln, Bross and Cameron can all be climbed together. The trailhead, about two and a half hours from Boulder, can be reached by taking Colo. 9 to Alameda. At Kite Lake trailhead, it is easiest to access Mt. Democrat and, from there, hike to the other trails. This is an especially cool hike because you can climb four mountains in one day.

Patrick Traylor / The Denver Post

Long’s Peak

Height: 14,255 Difficulty: Moderate to difficult Elevation gain: 4,700 feet Length of route: 14 miles Known for: The thousands of people who turn around before they reach the summit, according to the National Park Service While Long’s Peak is one of the more difficult four-

teeners to climb, it is the closest to Boulder. It is only an hour away from the city, in Rocky Mountain National Park. It is the only fourteener in this park, so it is quite popular, but it’s not easy. The hike to Keyhole is straightforward, but beyond that, you will have to do some scrambling and route finding. Amelia Arvesen: twitter.com/ ameliaarvesen

Lewis Geyer / Staff Photographer Clouds hover around the tops of 13,911-foot Mount Meeker and 14,259-foot Longs Peak.

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 28, 2017 • 21

Dogs

Rules for your h*ckin’ cute pupper Follow our lead if you don’t wanna get bitten by the long jaw of the dog law By Karen Antonacci Staff Writer

like to eat, sleep and plot your destruction. They need some attention, but they will K, so you live in Boulder generally be fine if you care and want a dog. That’s for them the same amount as completely understandable. a finicky house plant. I have a doggo and he’s Dogs aren’t cats. Owning a great. He spends most of his dog means taking on respontime as a dog-shaped rug on sibility for a life form that is my floor, and he can’t help pretty dependent on you for but shake his leg when you food, exercise, love, the rub the white spot on his bel- whole kit and canine-oodle. ly. He’s a h*ckin’ great smol They are sad when you leave pupper. and happy when you return, I totally get why you would no matter how long you’re want to emulate me and my gone. They dig holes and completely adorable G O O chew shoes, and some shed D B O Y E. all over the place. So don’t But as with everything take on a new puppy or a these days, first you need to senior dog lightly. It’s a commitment, is what study up on how not to be a I’m saying (and so does the garbage hoo-man. All borkers are 11/10 good dogs. But American Kennel Club). So give it more thought than Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer you need to earn your fren’s Molly C wears sunglasses and a tie-dyed shirt while watching racers during the 2017 Bolder Boulder. Taking you would a drunken tattoo. respect. Here’s how. care of such a cool pup is like that Spider-Man quote: With great joy comes great responsibility. You can’t laser off a dog. Or Dogs aren’t cats maybe you can, but I don’t I know this may seem obvi- advise it. ous, but apparently not. Cats See DOGS, page 24

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Dogs from page 22 Your dog can’t go everywhere with you

do has a new law that allows someone to break into your car to rescue a dog if they So you’re a good, thoughtthink the animal might die. ful, responsible dog-owner. Granted, there are some Great! But even though your more restrictions — they dog might literally cry when have to try to find the owner you leave, you can’t take that first and call police — but pupper everywhere. still, don’t risk it. For example, CU Boulder Also, that’s a dick move to does not allow dogs in dorms your dog. How would you unless they are service, ther- like to sit in a hot car for an apy or assistance animals. indeterminate amount of You can’t even bring your time? dog into a dorm if you’re visLastly, trails. Dogs actually iting someone there. It’s a can’t go on all trails or in all no-go, OK? parks. They spook the wildAll right, but what about life or their poop can endanout in the world in general? A ger our water. Just check lot of places in Colorado are bouldercolorado.gov/osmp/ dog-friendly, but not all of dog-regulations-by-area them. Double check with any before you clip on that leash privately owned business and head out. before taking a dog inside, especially if they serve food. Get that bitch a license. Remember that some people Bitches love licenses. just don’t like woofers or may To keep tabs on pets in the be allergic. It’s not your right community, the city requires to take your nonservice/ that all dogs older than 4 assistance/therapy dog into months who call Boulder a place you don’t own. their home must be licensed. You have 30 days after you But you can leave them in a car right? NO! Bad human! move to Boulder to get your pooch licensed (or 30 days DO NOT DO THIS. Colora-

Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer Liz Lindquist lets her dog Dave cool off in Boulder Creek. Another good way to keep your dog cool is by not locking them in your car. Seriously, don’t do that shit.

after you get your pooch, if you’re getting him or her or zie here), and dogs need to wear their license tag at all times to help city officials reunite your dog with you if they get lost. Getting a license is pretty

simple. Your dog must have a current rabies vaccination, and while you’re at the vet’s office, you can purchase your license, too. You can also mail in a license registration form found on the city’s website. For a spayed or neutered dog, a license for one year is $15. If your pets are still, er, intact, it’ll cost you a bit

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Go Green (Tags)

Boulder’s voice and sight

See DOGS, page 25

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Dogs

from page 24 tag program, more commonly known as the green tag program, allows pet owners to walk their dogs off leash by meeting certain standards. Owners must watch a video about voice and sight control, register with the city’s Open Space and Mountain Parks department, and purchase the tags, which cost $13 for Boulder residents and $33 for people who live in Boulder County but not within city limits. NonBoulder County residents are going to have to shell out $75, but I mean, you moved to Boulder. What did you expect? Renewal fees are a little bit cheaper. To purchase tags, make sure your dog has an up-todate rabies vaccination and you have proof of that vaccination. If you’re going to take your doggo out in Boulder, he or she cannot be aggressive toward other people or dogs, according to the city’s website, and you must pick up your dog’s poop immediately.

Jenny Platt and her dog Valor take a ride and walk at the University of Colorado South Campus. If you want to roll without a leash, get your dog in the green tags program through the city’s Open Space and Mountain Parks department. Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer

Don’t be a doo-doo derelict. No one likes those people.

Dog parks Boulder has four dog parks where you can take your pup to play. All city ordinances about dogs are enforced, and you must have

your dog on a leash as you approach and exit the dog park. Boulder dog parks are free and open from dusk to dawn. The parks are East Boulder Dog Park, Foothills Dog Park, Howard Heuston Dog Park and Valmont Dog Park. Remember: Dogs aren’t

allowed on Pearl Street Mall, leashed or not. Scott Carpenter Pool also turns into a dog park for two weeks in September for Dog Days (Sept. 11-23). At the end of the swimming season, city officials close the pool to humans and let dogs swim.

As it should always be. You can also take your dog to the south shore of the Boulder Reservoir during off-season, which is Labor Day, Sept. 4, to Dinosaur Day, May 15. Karen Antonacci: twitter.com/ ktonacci

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 28, 2017 • 25

Camping

Sleep around & shit in the woods

The backcountry is just as sexy as you wanna make it

By Shay Castle Staff Writer ou’re not officially a Boulderite unless you’ve hiked into the wild with only the gear you can carry and shit in a hole the woods that you dug yourself with a specially designed folding shovel called an iPood. (It’s a real thing; get yourself one stat.) Of course, backpacking’s not for everyone. That’s why this list has a nice mix of organized, dispersed and backcountry camping options so you can match your adventure to your fitness level. Sorry, there’s no “professional GoT binge watcher” level of camping in Colorado. You will have to move your soggy behind for The Denver Post file photo all of these, at least a little You never knew you wanted to camp in a yurt, but now you want to so badly you could just yurt your pants. bit. These recommendations are all within an hour of campus. Being a mountainous

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area, nights get cold and weather can change quickly, so be prepared with rain and cold-weather gear. My pro tip for sleepful nights under the stars: Eye masks and foam ear plugs. Because the sound of a babbling brook is quaint, but a snoring friend will turn you violent quicker than a menstruating woman will draw bears in the woods. Another pro tip: If you pack it in, pack it out. Leaving your trash on the trails isn’t OK; it’s the mother of all dick moves. Help out our friends in public service and their recently slashed budgets and clean up after yourself. Bonus karma points if you clean up after others. Extra bonus points: Play the Anal RV Game. Easier than actually doing anal. Simply spot an RV or camper and add the word “anal” in

See CAMPING, page 27

Lewis Geyer / Staff Photographer When you got skin in the game, you stay in the game. But you don’t get to win unless you play in the game.

Camping from page 26 front of its name. My winners so far: Anal Crescendo, Anal Fury and Anal Spree. You’ll never look at Mom and Pop’s quaint retirement recreating the same way.

Longs Peak campground

Where: Rocky Mountain National Park Directions: Head up Boul-

der Canyon Drive to Nederland, then north on Colo. Highway 7. The campgrounds are 10 miles south of Estes Park. Reservations: No More info: nps.gov/romo/ planyourvisit/camping.htm Only tents are allowed here, so you’ll have to travel into town to play your new

Andy Cross / The Denver Post Moraine Park Campground in Rocky Mountain National Park is a good place to spot horny elk bulls bugling their pickup lines during the September-October seasonal sexy times.

favorite game. (Anal Tourists, anyone?) But sleeping at the foot of the nearest 14er is an experience no one should miss. Only the most ambitious should attempt to scale Longs Peak: it’s a challenging hike, and people die on it every year. We recommend ambling into RMNP for the trails, the elk and the views. It closes in late fall, but if you have a hankering for

wintertime RMNP, head over to nearby Moraine Park Campground.

Golden Gate Canyon State Park Where: Golden Directions: Head south on Colo. 93, then west on Golden Gate Canyon Road Reservations: Yes; backcountry is first-come, firstserve

More info: parks.state.co .us/parks/goldengatecanyon There are lots of camping options in this state park, but our fave: the yurts. A bit pricy at $80 per night, but bring a group and split the cost.

Camp Dick

Where: 6 miles north of Ward Directions: From Ward,

See CAMPING, page 28

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 28, 2017 • 27

Camping from page 27 head north on Colo. 7, the Peak to Peak Highway. Reservations: Yes More info: fs.usda.gov/ recarea/arp/recreation/ camping-cabins/recarea/ ?recid=28224&actid=29 First off, giggity.

Second, this campground is in a glacial valley. It has forests. It has meadows. It has a creek. It also has a shitton of people, being one of the most popular spots around and so close to civilization. But the views along

the Peak to Peak — especialDirections: From Ward, ly in fall — are worth fending briefly head north on the off midwesterners and socPeak to Peak Highway, then cer moms. turn left on Brainard Lake Road. Pawnee Campground Reservations: Yes Where: 5 miles west of More info: fs.usda.gov/ Ward recarea/arp/recreation/

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camping-cabins/recarea/ ?recid=28314&actid=29 Just a mile east of Camp Dick (giggity), this is another popular spot because of the awesome nearby hiking and views of the Indian Peaks. Pro tip: It’s mega windy here. A CU-sponsored Tundra Cam sits atop Niwot Ridge to measure the gusts. You can view the live cam to get a sense of conditions or if your life has become so empty and devoid of meaning that you want to stare at open spaces for a few hours while listening to Gary Jules’ “Mad World” on repeat: instaar.colorado.edu/tundra cam/view.php This is by no means an exhaustive list. There are as many places to pitch a tent in Colorado as there are flecks of glitter at a Pride Parade — and they’re just as awesome. The best way to find a new spot? Ask those salty upper classmen. They’ve been around. Shay Castle: twitter.com/shayshinecastle

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Slacklining

Toe the line on campus and in parks It’s important to maintain a work-life balance

By Shay Castle Staff Writer he biggest news in slacklining this year was the city of Boulder’s rule change to cut practitioners of this noble sport some, well, slack. Previous rules banned anything being attached to our fair city’s precious trees, but a February change now allows exceptions for eight parks: Admiral Arleigh A. Burke Park, Beach Park, Bear Creek Park, Howard Heuston Park, Marin Park, Melody Park and North Boulder Park. There are a few other things to know to stay on the good side of the law, to keep from busting your ass and to hook up with other slackers (though

Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer Caza Gomis walks the slackline as Alvaro Fernandez plays guitar in the Norlin Quad. Slack on campus at your own risk: CU takes no liability in the event of an injury, death or slack-related sack-racking.

we recommend a shower first). Read on, then get slackin’, ya dirty hippie.

Rules

At the eight aforementioned city parks, slacklining is restricted to specific trees, because Boulder. Find a map at arcg.is/2uUt0QD, and more rules at boulder colorado.gov/forestry/ slackline. Lines must be no higher than 4 feet off the ground when a person is on it, and protective materials have to be placed between the line and the tree. Lines longer than 50 feet have to be flagged, and no tricks or stunts are allowed. The slack scene isn’t

See SLACK, page 30

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Slack

from page 29 more relaxed on campus. Protection is still required (for the tree; feel free to slack bareback). Trees must be larger than 1 foot in diameter to attach a line to, and some memorial trees or those previously damaged by slackers are restricted. All other city rules — on line height, length and tricks/stunts — are the same here, too. And one more, just for fun: No slacking by special event zones (like a Buffs football game) or within 20 feet of sidewalks, buildings, roads, streets, bikeways, water features, sports courts, bike racks, handrails, art objects, fences, light poles or thirsty freshmen. (Just kidding on that last one; tempt them all you want.) Also, slack at your own risk: CU takes no liability in the event of an injury, death or slack-related sack-racking.

Industries among them — put together slackline kits, with lines, tension systems and, sometimes, tree guards. Lines come in 1- and 2-inch widths; 2 inches are recommended for beginners. Lowstretch webbing is the way to go if you’re new to the sport; as in sex, the more rigid it is, the easier it will be to get started. You also might want to consider a topline, or helpline, that runs parallel to and above the slackline that you can grab with your hands to help you along.

Community

Whether you’re the slackiest of all the slackliners or just dip a toe into the sport, the university has a whole club just for you: Slackers at CU (facebook.com/groups/ slackersatcu). The group is open to more than just Buffs. Roughly 10 percent of its 300(!) members are students. About the same number are active members. Slackers at CU can often be spotted at Norlin Quad and count some slacking royalty Gear among them. Eli Ellis and Much to the chagrin of Justin Wagers are sponsored Colorado Daily file photo “serious” outdoor enthusiby Slackline Industries. CU student Hannah Wilnes demonstrates her sure footing. Boulder allows slacklining in Admiral Arleigh A. asts, slacklining is now a pretDespite their pro status, the Burke Park, Beach Park, Bear Creek Park, Howard Heuston Park, Marin Park, Melody Park and North Boulder ty mainstream outdoor purexperienced are always hapPark. suit. As such, gear can be py to guide the uninitiated. found at most outdoor retailers like REI. Some businessShay Castle: twitter.com/shay es — Boulder’s Slackline shinecastle

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Climbing

Chalk up, get high on Boulder’s rock walls

By Amelia Arvesen Staff Writer eing attached by a rope to a 100-foot rock wall will surely give you a more epic high than any green leaves smoked from a pipe. Boulder is considered one of the meccas for rock climbing, chock-full of indoor gyms and outdoor hotspots, where dirtbags can get their chalky hands on colored rubber holds and real granite. The sport, though easily accessible, requires research and skill to prevent serious injuries, especially when you’re taking your sport climbing moves outdoors. While the three main types of climbing in the gym are bouldering, top roping and leading, there are end-

less possibilities outside, from trad to aid to free soloing to sport climbing. After moving on from top roping inside, most beginners next take to sport climbing, or climbing a route without being attached to a rope from the top. Tied to a rope and belayer on the ground, the climber clips into draws placed into bolts and builds an anchor at the top before getting lowered back down to the dirt. Having the proper gear is pricey but essential, so don’t skip gearing up with rock shoes, harnesses, chalk for those sweaty hands, a 60- or 70-meter rope, carabineers and draws, belay devices and helmets. Always bring water, snacks and your belay buddy along.

Also bring your best etiquette to the crag, where you’ll likely be surrounded by more experienced climbers trying to send their projects. Don’t cross somebody else’s routes, wait in line for a route, don’t leave your garbage behind, keep track of your equipment and lend your guidebook if someone asks. Before you head to an area, check to see if a guidebook is available for purchase. It’s worth the investment if you plan to return and check out other areas. Otherwise, the site Mountain Project at mountain project.com has an extensive database of routes across the U.S. Here are some easy places to start out on real rock:

See CLIMBING, page 32

Kevin Ziechmann / For the Colorado Daily Brad Gobright climbs the Naked Edge in Eldorado Canyon without a rope.

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 28, 2017 • 31

Climbing

Climbing indoors in Boulder

from page 31 Eldorado Canyon State Park

South of Boulder, find more than 500 climbing routes on conglomerate sandstone walls in one of the world’s most famous areas often called “Eldo.” Some walls tower at 700 feet, graced by climbing legends, but the area boasts something for every level. Check out Wind Tower for the classic Calypso, rated 5.6, and Wind Ridge, rated 5.7, routes.

Boulder Canyon

Just west of downtown, enter the mouth of the Boulder Canyon by taking the highway that leads to Nederland, where you’ll be surrounded by rock walls and a plethora of crags for about 15 miles. There’s hundreds of multipitch lines, short Alton Richardson climbs at a spot in Boulder Canyon. sport routes, ice routes and approach up to the rock colbouldering problems. Check single pitch up Bosch Blanket Bingo, rated 5.9. umns, you’ll be perched out The Bihedral for a 100with a full view of Golden foot single pitch up Dan’s North Table Mountain and the rooftops of Coors Line, rated 5.8, or a shorter After a breathless Brewing Co.’s buildings. but more challenging 60-foot

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Prepare for almost a full day of sun. You can set up a top route easily on most routes that range between a 5.2 and 5.12, and are generally 60feet tall. Check out the three-star 45-foot single pitch up Old Roof Route aka Lemons, Limes, and Tangerines, rated 5.8+.

Clear Creek Canyon

About 45 minutes south of Boulder along Colo. 93 in Golden, tap into the great granite sport climbing along the creek. Parking along the road can be tricky, so be careful crossing and hop-

Boulder Rock Club Where: 2829 Mapleton Ave. Cost: Day pass, $15 ($15 students); monthly unlimited, $67 ($33 students) More info: boulderrockclub.com, 303-447-2804 The Spot Bouldering Gym Where: 3240 Prairie Ave. Cost: Day pass, $18 ($14 students); unlimited monthly pass, $75 ($65 for students) More info: thespotgym.com, 303-379-8806 Movement Climbing and Fitness Where: 2845 Valmont Road Cost: Day pass, $20 ($16 students); monthly pass, $88 ($78 students) More info: movementboulder.com, 303-443-1505 Colorado Athletic Training School Where: 2400 30th St. Cost: Drop-in, $20 cash only More info: catsgym.com, 303-939-9699

ping guardrails. Check out the East Colfax crag for climbs ranging in grade from a 5.4 to higher than 5.10s and a view and sounds of the rushing water. Amelia Arvesen: twitter.com/ ameliaarvesen

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Colorado Daily file photo Aaron Bray of Golden walks a high slack line in April during Slacktopia. The event takes place at The Spot climbing gym in Boulder.

Hiking

Step on it: 5 trails to get you started Where to go when you’re ready to walk the walk By Charlie Brennan Staff Writer hose looking for a nice place to get a workout or simply get away from the grind and clear out the gray matter will find Boulder and its environs are perfectly suited for both. There are trails here of every level of difficulty, and it’s as easy to find one that tests endurance as it is to just go for a glorified stroll that would barely alter the heart rate. Unlike some forms of Colorado outdoor recreation that can eat up a paycheck in paying for the ancillary accoutrements — hello, downhill skiing and mounJeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer tain biking — hiking Boulder-area trails requires nothParking at Chautauqua is a nightmare at peak hours, so get there early.

Hike with the herd

The Hiking Club was founded in May of 1919, and is one of the longest running student-run organization on campus. Go to colorado.edu/ StudentGroups/uchc for details, including the trip schedule. Membership is $60 for five years, $20 for one year and $15 for a semester.

ing more than a good pair of walking shoes. Because you are at altitude, hydration is important, so you could throw in a water bottle and a pack to carry it in. You might also feel like springing for items such as

See HIKING, page 34

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Hiking from page 33 sunscreen, trail snacks, extra layers of clothes for a change in the weather, a map and perhaps ski poles for balance. But sturdy shoes and a game plan for where you’re going are enough to get you out the door. And a little exploration and taste for adventure will reveal that Boulder is at the doorstep of a seemingly limitless array of hiking opportunities that might require sticking around for graduate school to thoroughly do justice. Boulder Open Space and Mountain Parks claims more than 140 miles of trails, and Boulder County’s Parks & Open Space boasts another 100-plus. Indecision could freeze you in your tracks. Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer The Sunshine Fire in Marsh left parts of Mount Sanitas looking a bit crispy. That’s why we’re offering this primer with a few trails to satisfy hikers of every lev- long or strenuous, so they’re “anthill” status, given its tre- yon Drive just west of Fourth mendous popularity. But it is Street. both good for a quickie. el. somewhat steep and close to Flatirons Vista is a good Royal Arch town, so you can get your Flatirons Vista Trail choice in any season, but if 3.5 miles (out-and-back/ sweat on without having to you go during winter, you 1.9 or 3.5 miles (two loop loop) make a day trip out of it. Go might see golden and bald options) This hike to a hidden arch clockwise to go with the flow eagles. Here’s a trail for the absoin the Flatirons is a local lute beginner or someone Trailhead: Take Broadway of traffic, or buck the trend favorite, so it pays to go earand say hi to everyone you who moved to Colorado from south; it’ll turn into Colo. 93 ly, or on a weekday, to avoid pass. You’ll catch peeks of one of those sea-level states. as you leave Boulder. Keep the crowds. An early start is higher peaks to the west, Just south of the city, Flatgoing until you pass the wise on hot days, too, since chill on the rocky summit, irons Vista is a mellow, hilly intersection with Colo. 128. the first stretch is sunny. then enjoy the easy cruise trail popular with deer and The parking lot will be the Plus, parking at Chautauqua down the valley trail at the the less-intense set of trail next right. is a nightmare at peak hours. end. Bouldering spots are runners, some of them speckled along the way for This is a serious workout. accompanied by canine train- Mount Sanitas 3.4 miles (loop) those inclined to climb. Take as many rest breaks as ing partners. The longer loop Trailhead: Two parking you need, but persevere Mount Sanitas is coming to will take about twice the areas straddle Sunshine Can- because it’s worth it for the time, but neither is especially rival Chautauqua’s trails for

34 • AUGUST 28, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

close-ups of the Flatirons, and the impressive arch serves as a 20-foot frame for far-reaching views toward Denver and the Eastern Plains Trailhead: Chautauqua Park, west Baseline Road

Bear Peak

6.3 miles (lollipop) Once you’ve acclimated to the altitude here and tested yourself on lesser trails it’s time to tackle the Bear. Easily recognizable from postcards, Bear Peak rises about 3,000 over Boulder; it’s Green Mountain’s grumpy sibling. Power up the steep Fern Canyon Trail through forest to the summit (bonus points for tacking on the summit of South Boulder Peak, just to the south), then descend a longer route via the Bear Peak West Ridge and Bear Canyon trails. It’s a tough day out and therefore lightly traveled. When you get high enough, you might still see blackened patches that mark the path of 2012’s Flagstaff Fire. You can watch for bears, but you’re more likely to see dogs. And bear in mind that the biggest danger you might encounter on this or other local trails is poison ivy. Trailhead: National Center for Atmospheric Research, west end of Table Mesa

See HIKING, page 35

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Hiking from page 34 Drive

Betasso Preserve

Up to 8 miles (loops) Betasso’s Canyon Loop Trail is beloved by hikers, trail runners and mountain

bikers, so if you’re seeking solitude, go elsewhere. The 3.12-mile Benjamin Trail provides an extra loop to tack on to the Canyon Loop. It’s narrow and steep in places, so pass others with

care. An 0.8-mile connector trail links Benjamin to Fourmile Canyon Drive, and an easy 0.3-mile jog will lead you to the Blanchard Cabin. Bikes are not allowed at Betasso on Wednesdays or

Colorado Daily file photo Bikes are not allowed at Betasso on Wednesdays or Saturdays, so hike then if you want to avoid the two-wheeled crowd.

Saturdays, so hike then if you want to avoid the twowheeled crowd. Trailhead: Head west up Boulder Canyon (Canyon Boulevard) about 4 miles from the edge of town to

Sugarloaf Road. Go north on Sugarloaf Road 0.9 miles to Betasso; right to two trailheads. Charlie Brennan: twitter.com/ chasbrennan

Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer Chautauqua’s trails have reached “anthill” status for a reason: The park is right on the edge of town, full of options and downright gorgeous.

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WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 28, 2017 • 35

Get Social

Shawn makes the final reach on Gill Crack in Boulder Canyon.

Photos by Nick Mott / Colorado Daily

Jeremy flips into Boulder Creek.

Parker figures out the moves on the Monkey Traverse on Flagstaff Mountain.

36 • AUGUST 28, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Jake and Elizabeth examine some leaves during the Boulder Cruiser Ride.

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Top left: Boulderites watch the sunset during the longest day of the year on Flagstaff Mountain. Above: A tuber floats down Boulder Creek. Left: Marcel climbs on Flagstaff Mountain. Photos by Nick Mott / Colorado Daily

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University of Colorado 2

ST.

20TH ST.

DACR MARINE ST.

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to 29th Street Shopping District

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CASA COLORADO AVE.

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Major buildings

WVN

FLMG KITTREDGE LOOP DR.

BCAP

Visitor parking Creeks and ponds RTD bus stops near main campus

SMTH

KITTREDGE FIELDS

WFLW

Pedestrian/bicycle underpass

BCC U. VCDC DE S. 3 NV 6 B ER OU T U LD RN ER PIK – E

BUCK

KCEN

Housing (residence halls and family housing)

DLYT

DISCOVERY DR.

LSTR BIOT

Limited access streets

AY AD W

SKI BUILDING

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Williams Village

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ek Cer er

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Need more detail? A full campus map that displays wheelchair-accessible sidewalks, construction zones, ATMs, food options and parking is available online at colorado.edu/map.

38 • AUGUST 28, 2017 • WELCOME BACK

Directory Emergency (answered on campus) . . . . . . . . . . 911 Directory and Operator Assistance Administrative . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-1411 Student . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-786-1411 TDD (Hearing Impaired) . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-0833 Admissions, Regent 125 . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6301 Alumni Association Koenig Alumni Center, 1202 University Avenue . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-8484 Athletics, Intercollegiate, Tickets Stadium 126 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-8337 Bursar’s Ofﬁce, Regent 150 . . . . . . . . 303-492-5381 Buses, City—RTD, 14th and Walnut Streets . . . . . . . . . . 303-299-6000 Career Services, C4C N352 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6541 Continuing Education, 1505 University Avenue . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-5148 Counseling Services C4C S440 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6766 CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St. . . . . 303-492-8300 CU Book Store, UMC 10 . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6411 Cultural Unity and Engagement Center, C4C N320 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-5667 Disability Services, C4C, N200 . . . . 303-492-8671 Financial Aid, Regent 175 . . . . . . . . 303-492-5091 Fiske Planetarium 2414 Regent Dr. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-5002 Greek Activities UMC 411–413 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6359 Heritage Center Old Main, third ﬂoor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6329 Housing Residence Halls, C4C S300 . . . . . . . 303-492-6673 Family Housing, 1350 20th Street . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6384 Housing and Neighborhood Relations, UMC 313 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-7053 International Education C4C S355 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-8057 Library, Norlin, 18th & Colorado Streets General Libraries Information . . . . . . 303-492-8705 Museum of Natural History Henderson Building . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6892 Parking Services 1050 Regent Drive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-7384 Police, University (UCPD), 1050 Regent Drive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6666 Ralphie’s Resource Center Regent Hall IB80 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-735-7257 Recreation Center, Student 1835 Pleasant St. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6051 Registrar, Regent 105 . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6970 Sommers-Bausch Observatory, 2475 Kittredge Loop . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6732 University Memorial Center (UMC) Reception Desk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 303-492-6161

University Buildings & Facilities AAC Academic Advising Center: SIT (Students in Transition) C-3 ARCE Administrative and Research Center (East Campus) J-2 ARMR Armory D-4 FPA Arts and Sciences Finance and Payroll Administration D-2 OB1 Arts and Sciences Ofﬁce Building 1 D-4 ATLS ATLAS Building, Roser (Alliance for Technology, Learning and Society) G-6 FH Balch Fieldhouse E-7 BESC Benson Earth Sciences F-9 MCOL Bruce Curtis Building (Museum Collections) G-3 CARL Carlson Gymnasium E-7 CAS Center for Asian Studies D-2 CASA Center for Astrophysics and Space Astronomy L-3 C4C Center for Community I-9 CHMP Champions Center D-9 DACR Children’s Center: Main Ofﬁces A-9 CIRE CIRES (Cooperative Institute for Research in Environmental Sciences) F-5 CLRE Clare Small Arts and Sciences D-6 COMP Computing Center J-3 CEDU Continuing Education Center D-4 EVNT Coors Events/Conference Center / Basketball– Volleyball Practice Facility I-12 CHEM Cristol Chemistry and Biochemistry G-5 DALW Dal Ward Athletic Center D-8 DEN Denison Arts and Sciences G-4 DLC Discovery Learning Center F-11 DDW Duane D-Wing F-7 DUAN Duane Physics and Astrophysics F-7 EDEP East District Energy Plant H-13 HUMN Eaton Humanities Building E-5 ECON Economics Building F-3 EDUC Education Building G-4 EKLC Ekeley Sciences Building F-5 EC Engineering Center F-11 ENVD Environmental Design G-7 EHSC Environmental Health and Safety Center H-13 EPRK Euclid Avenue AutoPark G-6 FISK Fiske Planetarium and Science Center J-10 FLMG Fleming Building K-10 • Folsom Field E-8 • Gamow Tower (in Duane Physics and Astrophysics) F-7 COTT Gates Woodruff Women’s Studies Cottage F-3 GOLD Gold Biosciences Building (MCD Biology) E-7 GROC Grounds and Recycling Operations Center G-13 GUGG Guggenheim Geography F-3 HALE Hale Science E-3 HLMS Hellems Arts and Sciences (includes Mary Rippon Outdoor Theatre) G-4 HEND Henderson Building (Museum of Natural History) G-4 HFOC Housing & Dining Services Facilities Operations Center K-3 HSSC Housing System Service Center J-2 MUS Imig Music Building H-7 IPRC Indoor Practice Facility D-9 IBG Institute for Behavioral Genetics K-1 IBS Institute of Behavioral Science C-3 ITLL Integrated Teaching and Learning Laboratory G-11 IEC International English Center G-2 BIOT Jennie Smoly Caruthers Biotechnology Building L-2 JILA JILA G-7 KTCH Ketchum Arts and Sciences F-6 KOBL Koelbel Building (Business, Leeds School of) H-10 ALUM Koenig Alumni Center E-2 LSTR LASP Space Technology Research Center L-3 LESS Lesser House F-11 LSRL Life Science Research Laboratory, RL4 K-1 MCKY Macky Auditorium D-4 MSSC Marine Street Science Center, Research Laboratory, RL6 J-2 • Mary Rippon Outdoor Theatre (at Hellems Arts and Sciences) G-4

MATH Mathematics Building F-10 MKNA McKenna Languages E-4 MUEN Muenzinger Psychology E-7 • Museum of Natural History (in Henderson Building) G-4 LIBR Norlin Library E-6 MAIN Old Main E-4 PFDC Page Foundation Center D-3 PDPS Police and Parking Services G-12 PORT Porter Biosciences E-7 POWR Power House F-6 RAMY Ramaley Biology E-6 RGNT Regent Administrative Center I-8 RPRK Regent Drive AutoPark G-12, J-9 RL2 Research Laboratory, RL2 K-1 GH-3 Research Park Greenhouse K-1 LITR Rose Litman Research Laboratory, RL1 J-1 • Roser ATLAS Building (see ATLAS Building) G-6 SLL Science Learning Laboratory K-2 OBSV Sommers-Bausch Observatory I-11 SPSC Space Science K-3 SLHS Speech, Language, and Hearing Sciences I-11 STAD Stadium Building E-8 STTB Stadium Ticket Building F-9 REC Student Recreation Center D-7 SEEC Sustainability, Energy and Environment Complex (SEEC) L-4 SEEL Sustainbility, Energy and Environment Complex L-Wing (SEEL) L-4 TLC Technology Learning Center G-6 TB01 Temporary Building No. 1 D-6 TRAN Transportation Center J-2 UCTR University Administrative Center and Annex I-7 CLUB University Club H-6 UMC University Memorial Center G-5 THTR University Theatre Building (includes Charlotte York Irey Theatre) F-4 VAC Visual Arts Complex (includes CU Art Museum) G-6 WARD Wardenburg Health Center H-7 WLFL Wolf Law Building L-11 WDBY Woodbury Arts and Sciences E-5

University Housing ADEN Aden Hall (Engineering Quad) G-9 ANDS Andrews Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-11 ARNT Arnett Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-12 ATCT Athens Court C-7 ATHN Athens North Hall B-6 BKER Baker Hall G-7 BCAP Bear Creek Apartments L-6 BCC Bear Creek Commons (Williams Village) L-5 BRKT Brackett Hall (Engineering Quad) G-9 BUCK Buckingham Hall (Kittredge Complex) K-12 CHEY Cheyenne Arapaho Hall H-7 CKRL Cockerell Hall (Engineering Quad) G-10 CROS Crosman Hall (Engineering Quad) G-10 DLYT Darley Towers (Williams Village) K-5 FACT Faculty–Staff Court C-5 FRND Farrand Hall H-9 HLET Hallett Hall H-9 KCEN Kittredge Central Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-11 KITW Kittredge West Hall (Kittredge Complex) J-10 LIBY Libby Hall G-8 MRCT Marine Court B-7 NTCT Newton Court B-9 REED Reed Hall H-10 SWLL Sewall Hall D-5 SMCT Smiley Court L-1 SMTH Smith Hall (Kittredge Complex) K-11 STRN Stearns Towers (Williams Village) K-6 VCDC Village Center Dining and Community Commons L-6 WLRD Willard Hall H-8 WVN Williams Village North Hall (Williams Village) K-6

WELCOME BACK • AUGUST 28, 2017 • 39

Meet your columnist

Marsh gets your heart pumping with ‘Under the Influence’

Catch her every other Tuesday in the Colorado Daily

By Deanna Hardies Colorado Daily Editor

sister the sole beneficiary of my ise men once said, life insur“Be excellent to each ance. I other” and “Party on, didn’t tell dudes!” Liz Marsh follows Marsh her. She this sage advice as she naviwas preggates a life full of close faminant at the time and was ly, high adventure and copisuper mean to me. I ous amounts of wine. thought, “That’s fine. You We jogged alongside her let those hormones rage. I’ll to find out what it’s like to have the last laugh.” And be constantly on the move: boy would I have. After I You wake up to a string died in a terrible pirate inciof epithets shouted in a dent, my sister would get a familiar voice. Gordon Ram- letter in the mail, a check. say is pacing in your bedShe’d be devastated, of room, and he won’t go course, but the knowledge away until you cook somethat she was mean to me thing worth his time. What and in return I offered her a dish can you make to selfless gift from the grave appease him? would haunt her forever. I He seems stressed, so would check in on her from he’ll get the Wednesday time to time to make sure Night Special: frozen pizza she was eternally sorry. and a box of wine. There’s Wake up, sheeple! It’s a nothing that can’t be solved conspiracy! They’ve got with that combo. everyone fooled, but you You have died and know the truth. What are become a ghost. (My conThey covering up? dolences.) What place or You know the hit song object do you haunt, and “Oh Where Can My Baby how do you express your Be”? It’s a super romantic, otherworldly frustration? upbeat little ditty about a A few years ago, my dad dude who accidentally kills and I went on a big South the love of his life in a car American adventure, and crash. The lyrics go, “I before we left, I made my couldn’t stop, so I swerved

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have less incentive to accomplish anything that doesn’t directly benefit me. to the right.” Sir, are you Oh no! You’re missing a telling me we are to expect finger. How did that hapthat in a head-on collision, pen? in the rain, a driver swerved Since I’m a homeowner, to the right and it was his I’m going to have to go with passenger who got hit? lawn mower or garbage disNope. I’ve watched enough posal. Law and Order SVU to That astronomer friend know a cover-up when I who owes you $100 has hear one. just discovered the large The U.S. Treasury “Planet X” just beyond Pluannounces it will begin to’s orbit. She offers you issuing 7-dollar bills. naming rights to get out of Whose face will be on it? debt. What’s the name I’d like to take this opporthat’ll go in future texttunity to announce that I am books? completely, hopelessly, helpPlanet Marshmallow. If lessly in love with “Hamilwe’re going to trash this ton.” The hit musical, not fucking place on our way the dead dude. So here’s Courtesy Liz Marsh out with war and famine and how this is going to go. Here we see Liz Marsh with a knife whatnot, shouldn’t we have Ham gets moved to the new, and ornamental buck teeth while something goddamn apparently high as a kite. weird and sort of upsetting delightful like Planet Obviously, the girl knows how to 7-dollar bill. Then we move party. Marshmallow to look forsome badass Founding ward to? Mother to the tenner. I rec- for this arithmetic apocaWhat new musical genre ommend Angelica Schuyler, lypse? Pence? All right fine, will take over the charts in because well, she’s going to Pence my man, thanks for 2018? include women in the putting a lady person on a Marshmallow Pop sequel, amirite! bill, finally. But 7 dollars? After years of research But now let’s go back to Seven goddamn dollars? and maniacal laughter, the fact that a 7-dollar bill is Mother Pence will not be you’ve finally created a terweird and upsetting. The pleased with the adjustment rifying hybrid of plant and good lord did not bless me to her grocery allowance. animal. It’s alive! Dear god, with math skills. I barely After a successful interwhat have you done? make it work in increments view, the Gods of Small Nothing! Why do you of five. Why, U.S. Treasury? Annoyances have hired you have to be so judgemental? Why you gotta fuck with me as an entry-level deity. How My creature is a nurturer. like that? Who do I blame will your worshipers praise In fact, he takes care of both your name? my plants AND my animals. They’ll throw stupid 7-dol- Imagine coming home from lar bills at my feet, of work and having the dog course. And you know already walked and the flowwhat? I’m gonna take them. ers already watered. Good By now I’ve learned that SUPER FUN job, Plantimal Friend! quippy writing isn’t going to You’ve managed to slip a pay my bills. So I’m gonna subliminal message into take those 7-dollar bills, but every iPhone on the planet. I’m not going to like it. How will you know when You have 24 hours to it’s working? experience life as the oppo7-dollar bills will be site sex. What’s your first thrown at my feet. move? Centuries from now, only Dismantle the patriarchy five words remain legible from the inside. And 24 on your grave. What are hours will be plenty of time they? because from what I underShe was amazing. His stand white dudes can do loss. whatever they want. But I Read more Marsh: colorado also anticipate once I daily.com/columnists become a white dude I’ll

The Party before the Party

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