NATIONAL ROADMAP KEY TO SAFE REOPENING

Transport workers have been on the front lines during the pandemic, risking virus exposure to keep Australia moving as cities and entire States shut down.

However, it’s also been transport workers bearing the brunt of restrictions introduced to slow the spread of the virus. Truck drivers have had to navigate confusing and rapidly changing border rules, gruelling testing requirements and difficulty managing fatigue after being shut out of truck stops.

Many stood down aviation workers were denied targeted financial support, while others were forced to draw down on annual leave to top up wholly inadequate disaster payments.

As COVID restrictions across the country ease, it’s more important than ever that governments learn from these mistakes and adopt a suite of measures to protect transport, so workers don’t have to deal with these challenges again.

That’s why the TWU has called for the Federal Government to establish a COVID-Safe National Transport Roadmap to reopening Australia safely.

easier, not harder.

Now that rapid testing kits are being sold in supermarkets, it’s essential the Federal Government prioritises access to rapid tests for transport workers so you can do your work safely.

Central to the Roadmap is rolling out government-funded rapid antigen testing hubs to protect transport workers and supply chains from virus exposure. Catching the virus early before it has the chance to circulate in airports, on planes or in truck stops is critical in achieving uniform border, testing and vaccine requirements across the country.

It’s already difficult to be a transport worker – governments need to be looking for ways to make your jobs

The TWU sent the Prime Minister our Roadmap back in September – it took two months to receive a reply which simply dismissed the difficulties transport workers are still facing. This is no way to respond to legitimate concerns from the transport heroes of the pandemic. It’s disgraceful the Federal Government seems to think the workers who dealt firsthand with yo-yoing restrictions don’t deserve safe workplaces.

We’ll keep fighting for the Federal Government to adopt our Roadmap and keep transport workers safe as a national priority.

Pfizer and Pepsi to Merge:

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future!

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

And, if you don’t send this to five senior friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing today.

Porcupines

A man died and went to heaven.

The virus is momentarily taken aback by this unexpected and blatant display of bigotry, the likes of which he’s only seen in history textbooks.

For a brief moment, he considers the bartender. What kind of life experiences would shape someone into such a pathetic piece of garbage? What happened to this man to instill in him such an absolute dislike of viruses? All this goes through his mind in a matter of seconds.

The virus senses an awkward silence about to fall. Purely on instinct, he responds with an attempt at humor, and says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”

The 12 Days of Corona

Encouraging a sick relative

The pandemic swept over the land and finally affected this one small town and one family in particular. Little Billy’s beloved grandfather fell sick and had to be taken to the hospital. The family checked in with him virtually several times a week, and Billy’s mother coached him on what to say during these video visits: “How are you? Get well soon! We love you!”

Finally a day came when the family learned that grandfather had taken a turn for the worse and would have to go on a ventilator. He would of course be unable to talk after that. Billy’s mother gave him instructions.

“Now Billy, grandfather is very sick now. The doctors will have to work very hard to help him. We have to give grandfather encouragement. So when you speak to him today, say “I hope they pull you through.” So they logged in for the visit. Grandfather came on the screen, and Billy’s mother nudged him to speak.

“Hello, how are you?”

The grandfather, pale and thin, answered in a thin raspy voice. “I’m at death’s door.” Billy answered, “I hope they pull you through!”

2 Problems

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked “What are those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she has never told a lie.”

“Incredible,” said the man.

“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us Abe told 2 lies in his entire life.”

“Where’s Scott Morrison’s clock?” asked the man.

“His clock is in Jesus’ office,” said St. Peter. “He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

Scomo flies into a remote little country town on his way to another RM Williams shoot. He asked the locals if there was anything he could do for them.

“Well yes” says the mayor. “we have two problems. First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

“Right,” says the PM, whips out his phone, talks for a couple of minutes, and says:

“Fixed it. A doctor will be here on Monday. What’s your second problem?” asks Scomo to the mayor

“We have no mobile phone reception.”