7 minute read
The introverted view
Deborah Sloan explores what it feels like to be an introvert at church and suggests how churches can adapt to welcome those who struggle in social situations.
“Turn round and say hello to someone sitting near you.” Words that fill me with dread. I know it’s a well-intentioned attempt to encourage the congregation to be friendly and sociable and to help us warm up our voices before the first hymn, but it makes me disgruntled and ever so slightly resistant. If I’d wanted to speak to the person behind me or in front of me or absolutely anywhere in my vicinity, I’d have done it before the service started. Having an awkward exchange with someone I don’t really know is not top of my list of favourite activities. I am a highly sensitive introvert. Lots of things make me anxious at church. Alongside small talk with strangers, I have a range of other ‘fears’ – my tummy rumbling, someone else’s tummy rumbling, praying out loud, tea and coffee, passing the Communion glasses, rustling sweet wrappers, chit-chat during the sermon, not knowing the song (should I pretend and move my mouth?), someone coming into the chorus too early, anything that might take me by surprise.
Depending on our likes and dislikes, we will usually know ourselves whether we are more introverted or extroverted. In theory, introverts derive energy from internal experiences, extroverts from external ones. Introverts prefer contemplation in quiet and reflective spaces. Extroverts enjoy stimulation and the opportunity to express themselves out loud. Introverts value solitude, while extroverts value time with other people.
Introverts hide at the back. Extroverts prefer to be the centre of attention up at the front. Under-stimulating environments can bore extroverts, overstimulating environments can deplete introverts. Taking this into a church context, it is likely that the extrovert will be on stage leading, whereas the introvert will be serving behind the scenes. The extrovert will usually willingly offer their gifts. The introvert will have theirs dragged out of them. Most of us fall somewhere in between introvert and extrovert. We can also adapt when required. Regardless of my introvert tendencies, I can still channel my inner extrovert. I can step up to a microphone, put on a more confident persona. I’ll just have to lie down somewhere afterwards!
But personality types matter and the fact that people identify somewhere along the introvert–extrovert spectrum has real implications for how they experience church. It impacts how they participate in corporate and social activities and how they approach the core disciplines of prayer and Bible study. It also has consequences for how a church conducts worship, welcomes new people and engages in mission, evangelism and discipleship.
A quick Google search and you’ll find that some of the cultural practices of evangelical worship services can be challenging for introverts. Because introverts tend to internalise their relationship with God, they can feel like imposters when others around them are having a more externalised spiritual experience. They question why they can’t lift their arms or close their eyes. Recently, I struggled to join in with the singing at a Christian event. Without a clear melody and any sense of where it might go next, or even how long we would continue singing for, I began to disengage. I craved a structure, maybe a verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridgechorus but definitely an end to the endless repetition. I am not alone. Adam S. McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church, found that “introverts often feel more freedom in worship services that feature traditional liturgy than in ones that feature more open, informal, unstructured styles of worship”. He explains that introverts appreciate the rich symbolism found in traditional services because they may feel “less expectation to offer outward, emotional responses”. He also notes that when introverts go into a church, they are seeking sanctuary from the complexities of 21st-century life. They want to escape from superficiality, busyness, noise, distractions, and rest in God’s presence. They want to hear God’s voice but yearn for stillness because he comes to them more often in whispers than in shouts.
Even though they deeply love Jesus and are fully committed to the gospel message, sadly, many introverts will often ask themselves whether they are good enough Christians because they find it so hard to publicly share their faith. Talking about themselves in a group context can feel deeply unnatural. It’s easy to identify the introverts in a Bible study because they’re the ones listening rather than actively joining in. Introverts are much more reluctant to be openly vulnerable. They don’t jump into discussions and offer opinions. Introverts also see prayer as an intimate encounter, a personal chat with God. They’re less comfortable praying while others listen. Being asked to lead corporate prayer can be their worst nightmare.
Being part of a large church family can also be intimidating. Often, events that seek to build church community involve social gatherings, networking and enjoying hospitality together but the larger the crowd, the more overwhelming it can be for the reserved introvert who thrives on one-to-one conversations. Many introverts find walking into a room nerve-wracking. Post-service tea and coffee can be incredibly stressful. They’ll stand round the edges and count the minutes until they can leave. They’ll rarely break into an existing group unless invited. Those latecomers on a Sunday morning maybe aren’t as disorganised as you think. They slip in at the back and exit quicky so they can avoid any awkward pre- and post-service socialising.
Because of all this, many of us who self-identity as introverts worry that we might be seen as unfriendly, even odd, when we hold back and don’t rush to make connections. But it’s a misconception that introverts don’t like people and don’t want fellowship. They just need it in much smaller doses and in much greater depth.
So, if it’s sometimes difficult for an introvert to feel fully comfortable in a church they’ve belonged to for a long time, how much more difficult is it for introverted newcomers to walk through a church door and start trying to belong? One way that churches can help is by providing introductions and information in advance for those interested in coming along for the first time or by having a few select, trained members who integrate newcomers gradually into a small group of people. One Presbyterian church, for example, has recently started going out into their car park to welcome visitors so they don’t have to walk in by themselves. Because introverts understand what it’s like to be on the outside of a community looking in, Adam S. McHugh says the church needs “introverted evangelists”. They can best relate to those exploring faith and extend a welcome in nonintimidating ways.
But whether we identify as introvert or extrovert, all our individual personalities matter in the body of Christ. Unity is key. While extroverts need to be aware that they may overwhelm at times, introverts may also need to occasionally step out of their comfort zones.
Recently, I joined a new church. “Where do you sit?” someone asked. “Back row, far corner, close to the exit,” I said. Of course, I’m sure upfront is lovely with a great view of the minister but as far away as possible from the pulpit is where I naturally gravitate to. I wonder how many people I am likely to meet there.
On Sunday, have a look and see who is sitting in the back row. Have you spoken to them before? Maybe they’re an introvert and it’s up to you to say hello before the service starts.
