Commun ty Matters Kansas City Presbyterian Manor
Presbyterian Manors rooted in Generosity
We often recall the story of Alice Kalb, who at 90 traveled to a 1947 Presbyterian Synod of Kansas meeting to ask for a retirement community in Kansas.
According to Edwin Shafer, senior vice president of development, what Mrs. Kalb basically told the Synod was: “If I give you all the money I have, will you build a home for the aging?” Her heart-felt offer symbolized the plight of a growing number of seniors needing the church’s help. Kalb’s initiative led a farmer from Wakarusa, Kan., to bequeath his farm to the new project. The sale of that land upon his death provided the funds for the first building of Newton Presbyterian Manor. Today, philanthropy at PMMA is evidenced through community partnerships, capital campaigns, Good Samaritan Program giving, special projects campaigns, and planned giving.
Many of PMMA’s 18 communities were opened with the help of local fundraising campaigns. There were
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March 2015
Resident profile: PatriciaWatson
Finding hope through helping others
Patricia “Pat” Watson hasn’t lived at Presbyterian Manor very long, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t already made an impression. After a fall at home left her unable to stand, she came to live at here in July and quickly found her place.
“Everyone is good to everyone around here. I’d like to be more involved, but I’m not able to get around like I used to. Still, I do what I can,” said Pat. “There are several people older than I, and in worse condition, and I can still help. Sometimes, it’s just as simple as rolling up alongside someone and chatting with them for five minutes. That can make their whole day. Or when someone tries to get past a piece of furniture or something or is unable, I can sit and talk with them until help comes. I had one lady tell the nurses I was her best friend, even though she didn’t know me five minutes earlier. We can all help in our own ways.” Pat’s late husband, Kenneth, is a big reason why she feels the way she does about helping others in spite of physical limitations.
“My husband was blind the last 20 years of his life, but he didn’t let that stop him from doing what he wanted to do and helping others,” Pat said. “We had a big garden, and he enjoyed working out there. He knew exactly where everything was. He could repair the tiller and sharpen the mower blade, a lot of things that most sighted people couldn’t even do. He was quite a talented man. He was a wonderful example for me and others.” Kenneth and Pat had three children – a banker, a minister and a teacher – all roles which involve helping others. They were very active in the community, and Patricia was especially active in her church, Wyandotte United Methodist. “I helped out with many things around the church, just like everyone else. When I became older and unable to go to committee meetings, they began meeting in my home,” Pat said. “One thing I was always able to do was bake.
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GENEROSITY
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donations of land for the Clay Center, Fort Scott, Olathe and Topeka locations. In addition, coalitions of citizens, churches and business leaders raised money for buildings in the Dodge City, Emporia, Parsons and Rolla.
Through the years, capital campaigns have enabled PMMA communities to continue expanding services and remodeling campuses. Over the past eight years, Shafer said, there have been four capital campaigns. Ark City added a memory care assisted living neighborhood, and Clay Center added health care rooms and space for
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Community Matters is published monthly for residents and friends of Kansas City Manor by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America organization. Learn more at PresbyterianManors.org Peatric Gates, executive director Charley Lewis, marketing director To submit or suggest articles for this publication, contact Charley at clewis@pmma.org. Telephone: 913-334-3666 Fax: 913-334-2904 Address: 7850 Freeman, Kansas City, KS 66112-2133 Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values. KansasCityPresbyterianManor.org
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dining and activities. Newton created several neighborhoods at the health care level, and Rolla added assisted living rooms and a community meeting room.
Good Samaritan Program
PMMA’s Good Samaritan Benevolent Care Program provides close to $4 million a year to touch the lives of nearly 400 residents, Shafer said. Mailings are sent throughout the year to enlist support from friends. The Good Samaritan Program allows residents to remain in their apartments even after they have exhausted their financial resources. A similar mail solicitation is conducted in late summer/early fall to benefit the Employee Scholarship Fund, which reimburses employees for tuition for approved classes. Some campuses have special event fundraising programs, usually benefitting each campus’ Good Samaritan Program.
Special projects
Presbyterian Manor communities have other events and efforts to raise money for special projects, often suggested and spearheaded by residents. A couple of months ago, for example Lawrence’s soft-serve ice cream machine, donated to the campus 15 years ago, could no longer be repaired.
So residents kicked off a campaign to raise the money for a replacement. In a matter of two weeks, they reached the $15,000 goal.
Planned giving
“We promote gifts through wills and trusts as way for someone to ‘pay it forward,’” Shafer said. Wills and trusts have resulted in millions of dollars given to PMMA through the years. All of those funds are invested in the communities, he said. Donors may designate which location will benefit.
“Seventeen of our 18 communities have benefitted from estate gifts,” Shafer said.
“Even our newest campus, Aberdeen Heights, already has individuals who are including Aberdeen Heights in their estate plans.”
Shafer said one of the most popular estate planning gifts is the charitable gift annuity. It is referred to as a “life income gift.” because the donor receives income for his or her lifetime at a specified percentage based on the donor’s age at the time of the gift. Donors for these annuities must be at least 65. Generally, older donors will receive a higher return rate, Shafer said. For more information about Planned Giving, contact Shafer at eshafer@pmma.org or call 800-336-8511.
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For the women’s club’s semi-annual garage and bake sales, I would make laundry baskets full of baked goods. My most popular item was black walnut zucchini bread.” From supporting the neighborhood with her large garden to cooking up delicious treats for her church family to simply sitting alongside her fellow Presbyterian Manor residents when they’re in need, Pat Watson truly demonstrates a spirit of generosity and kindness.
“That’s just part of life,” she said. “You’ve got to be involved and help others. A person who does it all alone doesn’t have a good life. I was raised by adoptive parents. They were farmers and were always helping the neighbors. We’d drop everything and run to help a neighbor if they were in trouble.”
Birthday party gets
'All Shook Up'
Hope Reyes cuts a rug to the sounds of the famous crooner.
Your Opinion Matters
• complete the •
Quality of services
Resident survey Lucille Williams shakes, rattles and rolls with Activity Assistant Ashley Davies.
We celebrated Elvis’ birthday on Jan. 8 with an Elvis-themed party. We have a lot of residents who still love Elvis and listen to his music. We watched Elvis movies, drank root beer floats and had a rockin' good time.
March
2 - 27, 2015
KANSAS CITY PRESBYTERIAN MANOR 3
How to Heal a Rift With Your Adult Child Family feuds are heartbreaking — don’t let pride fuel the problem By Erica Manfred
For a full year in my 20s, I did not speak to my mother. She was controlling, overbearing and hypercritical, and she had a nasty habit of shooting zingers at me and then insisting she didn’t mean anything by them. At 19, I moved to NewYork City from our New Jersey suburb to escape her, but every time she called or visited, we’d slip into the same old battles. One day I’d finally had enough and stopped calling or returning her calls. I was her only child, and the rift devastated her. She phoned regularly and tried to see me, but I was adamant about needing my own space without her in it. My father, whom she dominated as well, made it his business to stay away from me.
I’m softhearted by nature, so I eventually relented, and my mom and I reverted to our usual tense relationship — but with one difference. I let her know that some of her behavior, such as constantly criticizing my weight, wasn’t acceptable and that if she didn’t stop it, I’d disconnect again. She knew I meant it and actually managed to change some of her more egregious behaviors.
After my father died following a long illness, my relationship with my mother improved immensely. She’d had to take care of him and had always been very unhappy in her marriage. With him gone, I believe, she was able to lighten up for the last 15 years of her life, during which time we became very close and actually had a lot of fun together, creating memories for which I am profoundly grateful. 4 COMMUNITY MATTERS MARCH 2015
Unfortunately, many broken parent/child relationships don’t have such a happy ending. I have many friends who are still bitter about the way their parents treated them, even years after their deaths. Many adult children can’t forgive or get past the issues; sometimes parents aren’t willing or able to change their behavior; and sometimes the child’s behavior is so negative or dangerous (such as with substance abuse) that the parent must cut him or her off.
In most cases, however, it is the parent who will have to make the first move to reach out and try to mend the rift, especially if the child is too angry or hurt to do it — or if they haven’t fully grasped that they don’t have forever to make things right. There is no sadder fate than a parent dying without a chance to say that final “I love you.”
Why Parent-Child Rifts Happen
Rifts are often rooted in issues that go back to childhood. Issues never dealt with at an early age, such as a child feeling that a parent played favorites or a conflicted divorce, can cause pain and anger that festers. Then some “triggering incident” occurs later in life, often leading to an argument, and then the child cuts the parent off. The fight can be as minor as an argument over where to celebrate Thanksgiving or as weighty as a parent’s disapproval of a child’s spouse and constant comments and behaviors that reflect that. How to Move Past Blame
Changing your relationship with your child is not all about the past — it's also about the present.You need to find out
what your child needs from you right now to make the relationship right. That could be anything from not being critical of her career to embracing her choice of a spouse to relating better to the grandchildren.
Taking Responsibility for Your Part
As it was for my mother, it can be very hard for parents to comprehend what they did to push their children away. Not everyone has an ability for that level of self-reflection. The Hardest Two Words: “I’m Sorry”
The power of a sincere apology cannot be overestimated.You can’t just offer a blanket “I’m sorry,” though, and expect dramatic results. It’s essential to find out what’s at the root of the rift, acknowledge your part in it and make real efforts to mend it. Express remorse, not just guilt.
Bear in mind that your apology may not heal all wounds. If your child refuses to forgive or simply won’t communicate after repeated attempts on your part, you may have to pull back. As Pfeiffer advises, “You can’t force something that isn’t meant to be. At some point you need to come to peace with the fact that you did everything you could yet still couldn’t mend the rift.”
No matter what, parent/child bonds are for life.You are the only mother or father they will ever have, and eventually something may happen that impels them to come back to you.
Missouri gets new campus; Wichita campus is reborn
This month, we conclude our look at the history of Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America as we celebrate the organization’s 65th anniversary. In 2006, SSM Health Care of St. Louis moved its St. Joseph’s Hospital from a site in Kirkwood, Mo. As part of this hospital relocation, SSM Health Care issued a request for proposals to determine what to do with the old hospital campus site. Presbyterian Manors of MidAmerica’s proposal for a continuing care retirement community was selected as the project to be constructed on the old hospital site. PMMA’s 18th senior living community known as Aberdeen Heights opened in September 2011. Upon completion, Aberdeen Heights would include 243 independent living apartments, 30 assisted living apartments, 15 residential-style memory care rooms and 38 private nursing rooms. Aberdeen Heights is PMMA’s fourth senior living community in Missouri, joining the communities in Farmington, Fulton and Rolla.
Aberdeen Heights in Kirkwood, Mo. sits on the site of the former St. Joseph’s Hospital.
In August 2012, PMMA announced plans for a major repositioning of its Wichita Presbyterian Manor campus. The project would encompass nearly two-thirds of the grounds by replacing existing independent living cottages and the assisted living and health care areas with new buildings, completed in two phases. The first phase encompassed new assisted living apartments including 24 assisted living memory care
suites and a new health care neighborhood with dedicated short-term rehabilitation suites and new common areas for all levels of care. The amenities include a new chapel, bistro, beauty salons for independent, assisted living and health care areas and a new kitchen for the entire campus. The first phase was completed in late 2014 with health care residents moving into their new building in November, and the assisted living residents moving into their new residences in December. Phase II of the repositioning of the Wichita campus will include 90 independent living apartments in a new three-story building known as The Westerly. This second phase began in December 2014 with demolition of the previous health care and assisted living buildings. The Westerly is slated to open in late 2015.
The first phase of Wichita Presbyterian new construction was completed in 2014. The second phase is slated to open in late 2015.
KANSAS CITY PRESBYTERIAN MANOR 5
March into fun
SUNDAY, MARCH 1: Gospel Lights Band at 3 p.m. in the Chapel
Daylight saving time begins Sunday, March 8. Be sure to “spring forward” and set your clocks ahead one hour.
SATURDAY, MARCH 7: Christian Music Ministry Singers 2:30 p.m. in the Chapel TUESDAY, MARCH 17: St. Patrick’s Day Party at 2 p.m. in the Chapel
FRIDAY, MARCH 20: Resident Birthday Party at 2 p.m. with entertainment from the group Note Worthy in the Chapel SATURDAY, MARCH 28: Easter Egg Hunt and Continental Breakfast at 10 a.m. for resident and employee families (Children 12 and under only for the egg hunt. Please bring your own basket or sack for your eggs.)
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Coming up in Community Matters:
Community Matters will focus on Older American’s Month in an upcoming issue. The 2015 theme is “Getting into the Act.”
How were you involved in your community? Did you serve in public office or otherwise participate in civic government? What was your experience like?
If you have a story to tell, contact Charley Lewis to share your idea.Your story may be selected for the next issue of your community newsletter. 6 COMMUNITY MATTERS MARCH 2015