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Upcoming seminars 10/5 10/17 10/25 10/27-11/17 11/15 1/17-2/27/2015 3/28/2015
Presence Vision Sharing & Fundraising Banquet (English / Mandarin) RE:NEW Faith Seminar // Theology of Work (English) Fearless Tour Concert (English) Presence Hong Kong Training (Cantonese) Job Interviewing Skills Workshop (English) 40-Day Impact Challenge (English) CRI Youth Leader Conference (English)
What Caring Ministry Workers Need to Know // Agnes Ip Caring for someone struggling with mental health issues is always a challenge. These challenges can arise based on how direct or indirect the person is. Those needing help may approach others directly in an upfront way to ask for help, while others may act more passively and even feel ashamed for needing help. Before helping someone, we have to really understand how the person you are caring for may feel about receiving help. We need to be intentional about communicating openly, asking them how they feel about being helped. We don’t want them to feel ashamed. Ask them what they need and don’t need to clarify their expectations. When people are too passive, they often reject help. With these people, their safety is always our greatest concern. The most important aspect of helping someone
with mental health struggles is to make sure they are not hurting themselves or hurting others. You may find that at times, those receiving help from you may blame you for what they are experiencing. Some people with mental illness can be overwhelmed by negative thoughts, so we must not take their comments personally. In essence, they need your help but they don’t want to get help from you. Sometimes, it’s like a love-hate relationship. They may be constantly ambivalent, with an “I want you, I don’t want you” attitude. They want to prove that they can handle a situation themselves. So when we work with someone like that, we always have to be one step ahead. We need to set boundaries to avoid unrealistic expectations by understanding what
you can and cannot handle and gently communicating to that person the reasons behind those limitations. At the same time, we need to provide help, knowing that we will not get anything in return. It is not healthy to expect the person you are caring for to solve your problems. You can disclose a little of what you’re going through to help normalize their conflicting thoughts and feelings but never for the intention of solving your problems, even if you have been caring for this person for a long time and feel that they owe you something. For those helping others, it is important that they have some supervision or at least a peer group for support. Churches can also provide some sort of mentoring to support those who are helping others, in order to make sure they are continue to p.010
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give consent on certain issues of liability and the appropriate guidelines for the limits of the lay counseling relationship. An intake session is also held before pairing the person up with a counselor. “Eighty percent of these people probably could have been helped by someone who loves them and knows them,” said Ric in regard to those who seek counseling at GCC. “The other 10% probably could have been helped but...they never dealt with it and it got to a point where they really do need some specialized help. And the final 10% are those who need professionally trained people.” For more severe cases of mental illness, GCC will work in tandem with a counselee’s psychologist and/or psychiatrist. They will also create what they call an advocacy group, in which 5-8 individuals work together to care specifically for that individual and act as that person’s accountability. This plan helps to provide a continuity of care for the counselee while preventing burnout on the part of those caring for the counselee. “People always think that we can handle it all. And no, we can’t,” said Ric. “A depressed person can really suck you dry emotionally. And what happens is that they’ll go to one person and that one person wants to love them, but after three months of it, they just burn out. And then they go to the next person and what we have is not a consistency of care but a lot of burnt out relationships. Eventually, this person burns out all their relationships.” In these advocacy groups, one person a week will act as the crisis care person. Everyone follows a set of expectations and knows what they need to do to walk with the counselee the week they are scheduled. Everyone on the team works toward the same treatment goals and agrees on how to reinforce them. The group also meets up regularly to give one another feedback about how the
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counselee is doing, and how to best care for him or her. Of course, the counselee is informed of this treatment plan, and the support group must fully agree to commit to helping this person before moving forward.
“You don’t have to do it all by yourself,” said Jim. “If it’s too big of a task, ask for help, or you know, find an expert, somebody who knows more about helping someone like that—whether it be a person, or a book, or information.”
“We’ve had remarkable success,” said Ric. “Now that’s relative when you’re dealing with someone with severe depression, right? Success can be this person hasn’t been hospitalized this year.”
Tracy also talked about the value of just being present with someone, especially in hard times. She had been on the receiving end of that when members of her Grace Group visited her at home after her father passed away. It was a comfort to her and an extremely powerful experience of God’s love. Although she never really knows how what she is doing may be impacting others, she believes it is important to just keep doing what is right by the Lord, to be consistent with people, and to pursue them. She sees the value of perseverance in walking with others through difficult times.
Their counseling ministry also works alongside their church-wide shepherding ministry called Grace Groups where all who attend the church are encouraged to be a part of an intergenerational small group of 10-15 people. Their Grace Groups are usually led by two shepherding couples who, according to their website, actually “function as pastors of their own small flock within the church.” Through these two ministries, the church emphasizes spiritual growth and healing for individuals within community. “This modern way of counseling is not really the best way. It’s really to be in your life, to be in community with people, with God’s people at work,” said Ric. “When I speak to therapists and psychologists, I will be upfront and say, you know, what you’re doing is what a pastor does.” Jim and Tracy (actual names changed here) have been Grace Group shepherds for the past 10 years and have learned the importance of relationship in difficult times. Jim said that they had carried some heavy burdens and encountered issues that were beyond what they could handle. Many times, caring ministry workers like Jim and Tracy, may not be familiar with all the specific struggles that come their way. It is important for pastors and caring ministry workers to get the proper training and resources needed to know how to care for someone dealing with specific issues.
“If there’s a level of health in the church... people are willing to let you in,” said Tracy. “The elders talk about getting into the trenches with people and getting in the mud. That is very true. If people will let you into each other’s lives—you see family fights, you see children yelling at each other, you see people being mentally ill, you see things that are embarrassing...just because somebody has a mental illness or marital struggle, it doesn’t give you permission to quit.” Presence seeks to come alongside and support various church communities. It is not our goal to promote any one church as the model for all other churches. However, we are thankful to Grace Evangelical Free Church in La Mirada for sharing with us how they have helped those in their church struggling with mental and emotional issues and what has been effective for them. We believe that each church has its own story and specific community issues. It is important that each church develop their own model for intentionally addressing these issues in ways God would have them best minister to their specific church community.
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not helping in ways they cannot handle. Sometimes people you help will have similar experiences to you, but since we are all different in some way, we need to focus on the other person’s needs and be careful not to project our own personal experiences onto the other person. But when what the other person is saying is reminding you of your own painful experiences, you need to work those feelings out with your own counselor. Forming teams to help certain individuals may be the best way to help someone struggling with mental illness. The church should also work closely with some mental health professionals, referring their counselees to professional services and in more serious cases, following up with the counselee as they get professional help. Lay counselors play an emotional and spiritual supporting role and are not called to treat someone like a mental health professional is trained to do. Confidentiality is also of huge importance in this kind of ministry. Though you as a care person cannot tell others all the details about a person you are caring for, you still need to be able to ask for prayer and advice from a supervisor or your own counselor while
Counseling and Caring in the Church Community Interview by Elizabeth Mak “Counseling should not sound odd in a church because the church was the one that started counseling,” said Ric Rodeheaver, administrative elder at Grace Evangelical Free Church in La Mirada. “The church has been doing this for two millenia and longer. So it
not using actual names or unnecessary details. It is important that you find the right person to talk to about these issues, not just any person. If you share openly with just anyone about how frustrated you are with the person you are caring for, you will do that person harm when they find out what you are saying about them, and all your help will actually turn into a negative. It is important for you to be aware of your own emotional limitations. Do not let anyone you are caring for push you beyond your ability to actually love them. At the same time, as a caring minister, it is not right for you to just to abandon the person you are caring for. It is okay for you to take a break, but let them know when you will come back. If you want to stop the helping relationship, you need to refer them to someone else and followup to help with the transition process. If you have your own ambivalence toward the person you are caring for, you need to be aware of it and find your own counselor to help you work out your own frustration. Also, be sure to be up-to-date on legal issues surrounding counseling and confidentiality.
shouldn’t be surprising that churches counsel. It’s surprising that more churches don’t counsel.” The church where Ric serves established a formal counseling ministry in September 2012 called Grace Counseling Center (GCC) to serve its church members with Gospel-focused, Christ-exalting counseling services, training and education. Their brochure points out that, “many of the issues that people struggle with have a distinct god-ward focus that must be addressed.” They specify their task as bringing help and hope to people through the gospel, which provides the proper worldview, methodology and structure for change.
Ultimately, when working with someone with mental health struggles, the goal is not to have that person dependent on you, though they might be for a while. The ultimate goal for them is to depend on God and take care of themselves, thus gaining some independence. Though most of those involved understand this goal, it can seem impossible in the middle of counseling. A peer counselor and counselee may be dancing back and forth in regard to how dependent the counselee is on their counselor. We know this can be very difficult, which is why training is necessary for those ministering in this way. Caring ministry workers ultimately need to know how to appropriately address mental health issues. In this regard, Presence is here to help. We know how mental health issues can affect one’s spirituality, interpersonal relationships, and daily functioning. That is why we are able to provide consultations and training to ministers in these kinds of areas. On the 5th of October, 2014, we will be hosting our 11th Annual Presence Anniversary dinner where we will talk about biblical standards for helping those struggling with depression. We welcome you and your team to join us.
“The gospel’s meant to change us,” said Ric. “And it’s not just about eternal life and forgiveness and praying. It’s about the world of emotions. It’s about our anxieties. It’s about our greatest fears. It’s about despairs. It’s about our hopes. Well, that’s everything that Scripture’s about.” Grace Counseling Center pairs up those requesting counseling at their church with lay counselors or licensed marriage and family therapists for 10-week sessions. Counselors are members of the church and are trained through the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation. Prior to being paired up with a counselor, each counselee must fill out a Personal Data and Intake Form and
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Presence Possibilities Ministry Update Vanessa Lai What I found most helpful and beneficial from the career assessment consultation program:—“Exploring so many possible career opportunities. I did not know my strengths could help me to succeed in the paralegal profession.” // Joyce Yip, Working adult
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Attendees greatly enjoyed our “Resume Workshop” presented in March 2014. High-schoolers have shown great passion in learning by taking diligent notes and asking questions. The college-adult group found the workshop helpful and practical in equipping them to write a resume. In Q&A session, one of a recent college grad asked our speaker Tom to review his resume. Soon after, we were so encouraged to learn that he had gotten an interview! After all, as the speaker says, the goal of writing a resume is to get you to interviews! We are looking forward to hosting our next workshop “Job Interviewing Skills” in November 2014. Please check out
Presence Quotient Ministry Update Joanne Wong
Knowing that mental health is a serious issue in urban areas that affects many families, Presence hosted a series of mental health seminars in March and once again in May (one Cantonese and one Mandarin). Experienced professionals gave insights on Major Depression and discussed different issues related to depression, namely Bipolar Disorders, Anxiety Disorders, and Personality Disorders. Many families affected by these issues were able to find help through the seminars.
In mid-May, our president, Dr. Agnes Ip, was invited to speak and provide training for churches in Northern California. In a short trip of two and a half days, Agnes ran around to three churches, preaching in one worship service and speaking in five different workshops. Topics included: “Understanding the ‘I’ Generation,” “The Truth Behind Gaming,” “Resolving Conflicts in Marriage,” and “Between the Two Generations.” Participants enjoyed the topics and the interactions a lot in the workshops. Last summer, Agnes was invited to lead a “Personal Growth” training for the coworkers of Chinese Family For Christ, USA. This July, she was invited again to speak at their Family Vacation Camp in Redding, California. In the five days of training, campers learned how to grow in marriage and parenting in order to build a true Christian home. Agnes was surprised to see so many campers that were eager to learn and to seek professional advice in those five days, and it was indeed a meaningful and
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www.possibilities.org, or call Presence’s office (626) 810-5200 for more info. Since the beginning of the year, we have been thrilled to continue serving our community through the unique one-on-one assessment consultation program. Those who came in ranged from grade schoolers to working adults. They wished to understand and improve in their respective learning styles and focus on the key areas of their strengths. College students wished to make decisions on choosing majors, and working adults wanted to explore alternative career paths. Presence Possibilities is proud that we are here for them!
enriching experience to her. She was also very touched and moved to tears when hearing the testimonies of the couples on the last day of the camp. The last round of our mental health training this year will be conducted at our 11th annual vision sharing dinner on October 5. The theme is “Soul Carea biblical perspective on caring for those with emotional disorders.” You are cordially invited to join us. Agnes will be traveling to Hong Kong and Zhongshan around the end of October. She will be providing training on mental health issues like depression, personality disorders and specific training on family and relationships like “Resolving Conflicts in Marriage,” “The Seven Seasons of Manhood,” “Being a Happy and Content Person.” Other topics include “Christian Principles on Dating,” “Overcoming Stress,” “Personal Growth for Pastoral Staff,” and other marriage and parenting workshops.
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RE:NEW Ministry Update Phoebe Ng
On February 22, 2014, RE:NEW hosted a “Money Matters Workshop”, where Michael Lee coached attendees on personal budgeting and how to manage debt. Michael also identified practical tips for using credit cards and how to create a finance plan for college. Overall, both parents and students were greatly benefitted and were better equipped to meet their short-term and long-term financial goals. In the coming months, we will be releasing a new video clip series featuring some of Michael’s most sought after tips. Make sure you sign up for our emails, or check our website to see them as soon as they are released!
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This October 2014, RE:NEW will also be hosting our sixth annual Faith Seminar on the “Theology of Work”! We live
in a world that is struggling to find meaning and a sense of purpose in the day-to-day and especially with regard to the workplace. Thus, we are so excited to invite Alex Liu to share about his executive experience at a Global Fortune 500 company, where his faith and work ethics were constantly put to the test. It is our hope that this event will help the rising generation to broaden their understanding of missions and to develop a kingdom oriented mindset with regard to the workplace. We hope to see you there!
You can RSVP for this year’s Faith Seminar at http://www. renewtheresponse.org/event/faithseminar-2014. All pre-registered attendees will receive a voucher that is redeemable for one free boba milk tea and other exclusive goodies.