Your first book, Fair Play, is a time- and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a com pletely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities. In the wake of that debut book, what inspired you to write Find Your Unicorn Space? In 2019, while on the Fair Play book tour, it was so gratifying to see that a system that introduces a new vocabulary for talking about domestic life was resonating with families everywhere. People embraced the idea of providing a clear organizational strategy to the home, but the true magic was what emerged, for women specifically, when domestic responsibilities were divvied up more fairly: More time. Time to become curious. Time to focus on ourselves. Time to reconnect with the skill/talent/interest that makes you feel like the most alive version of you. But when the pandemic hit in the spring of 2020, the time-space continuum collapsed, leaving most of us with no time to do anything more than sanitize the house and order groceries online. Suddenly, making time for Unicorn Space was more important than ever. When I couldn’t find anything out there that ap proached the importance of creative self-expression within the context of motherhood and unpaid labor, I wrote Find Your Unicorn Space to serve as the permission slip so many people were asking for, one that permits and encourages us to remember who we are apart from our jobs and separate from the family roles that can define us. In the book, you take us with you on the journey of setting new personal goals, rediscovering your interests, cultivating creativity, and reclaiming your Unicorn Space. Tell us more about how your expertise informed this book and about your research. Was the writing process simi lar to or different from writing Fair Play? Research, rigor, and curiosity continue to drive my research process. While developing Find Your Unicorn Space, I read through hundreds of articles, original research, and books on creativity, work-life integration, motivation, and happiness. I sought out and interviewed approximately fif ty experts in psychology, sociology, social work, neuroscience, behavioral economics, and law. In addition to experts, I spoke with approximately seventy-five individuals and couples through a qualitative approach rooted in informal interviews with open-ended questions and observations. As themes and patterns emerged, I began to craft my 3 C’s framework for cultivating curiosity, making meaningful connections, and following creative projects through to completion. Many of the people I had the privilege to meet through my research have become friends, teachers, and integral sources of inspiration for my continued pursuit of creating Unicorn Space and even more motivation for sharing it with the world. RODSKY
A CONVERSATION WITH EVE
© Avia Rosen
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When I started to test messaging for Find Your Unicorn Space, the idea that we must each give ourselves permission to be unavailable hit a raw nerve. I’d drop this line into interviews and panel discussions and women would outwardly gasp. Many would tear up. Others would bristle and boil. Why? Because work-life boundaries remain blurred, and women really struggle with this in a way that men often just don’t. Until we have systemic change that allows for flexibility and boundaries, women will likely con tinue to juggle it all at the cost to themselves.
How does FindYourUnicornSpace change the conversation about creativity and self-expression?
jugglechangeWork-life“boundariesremainblurred,andwomenreallystrugglewiththisinawaythatmenoftenjustdon’t.Untilwehavesystemicthatallowsforflexibilityandboundaries,womenwilllikelycontinuetoitallatthecosttothemselves.”
What is one thing you were most fascinated to learn during your research? Was there anything that shocked you?
Creative self-expression, redefined as Unicorn Space, is not optional. Prioritizing creative time for you is essential to your ongoing sense of self, the health of your partnership, and your ability to convey what a full and meaningful life looks like to your family and your greater community. In other words, if we want to avoid burning out, opting out, and losing ourselves, we each must set true boundaries by reclaiming the space and time for creative self-expression.
Which chapter was your favorite to write, any why? I love them all, but if I had to pick one it would be Share It With the World because it helps the reader connect their curiosity with their community. My findings revealed that when you pair your Unicorn Space with a “share with the world” component, when you outwardly extend and share that thing that you love to do with others, it becomes more meaningful, purposeful, and you’re more apt to continue or even grow it. In many respects, “sharing” has been co-opted by social media, but what I’m talking about is intrinsically motivated sharing. When you tap into what is authentically moving you from the inside, what I discovered is that what motivates one person to share may differ vastly with another. In this chapter, I outline and explore seven types of sharing. Many of them complement and overlap, so readers may recognize themselves at the intersection of two or more types. For example, I most identify with the Slay It Forward share, which is motivated by an intrinsic desire to share your skills, knowl edge, or expertise with others. I also align with the Spin-Off share, which is motivated by a desire to embrace and pass on traditions, knowledge, a skill, or a craft from a previous generation to a future generation. My friend Tiffany, who I feature in this chapter, is a perfect example of a Spin-Off share. She created a cookbook of her mother’s most prized Chinese and Taiwanese recipes to both preserve a family tradition and extend it outward for others to enjoy.
Should people read Fair Play before Find Your Unicorn Space, or can this book be read as a standalone? How much of your work in Find Your Unicorn Space is derived from Fair Play?
What I came to understand and feel on very personal level is that Unicorn Space works like an umbrella to help you weather the inevitable storms of life. There will always be rain, but giving yourself permission to focus on the things you love is how you weather the hard and mundane. This umbrella metaphor became especially relevant during the storm of our global pandemic. I had just started working on this book in March 2020 and overnight, the project took on deeper meaning and importance. Helping others find their Unicorn Spaces became my new Unicorn Space. I realized that what lights me up the most is supporting other people’s bright ideas and encouraging them to pursue their dreams!
You mention why it is important for women to discover their Unicorn Space. How has identify ing your Unicorn Space changed your own life?
They complement each other, and I hope to bring readers of Fair Play along, but for new readers of my work, Find Your Unicorn Space was written to stand alone. Asserting individual time choice is a key principle that I explore in both books, and in the context of creative self-expression, I take a much deeper dive this second go-round into the value of uninterrupted time and sustained atten tion to the things that you love. Achieving this magical flow state starts with giving yourself permis sion to be unavailable. I hope this new focus on the value of time becomes a breakthrough moment for readers of this second book.
If more women were to find their Unicorn Space, how do you think this act would change the culture and community surrounding them?
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More women reclaiming their Unicorn Space means there’s been a cultural shift in the value of time. It is still subversive for women to spend their hours on unpaid interests beyond their roles of partner, parent, and professional (and by professional, I mean any work for pay). It’s time for policy change that influences cultural change. It’s time for a time choice revolution! Through organiza tions like CareForce, in which I’m involved, we advocate that employers invest in their employees’ creative acts, their unpaid Unicorn Space, because it makes them happier people and thereby more committed, invested, and productive at work. Learn more and get involved at reclaimingMorecare-force.org.“womentheirUnicornSpacemeansthere’sbeenaculturalshiftinthevalueoftime.”
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What advice would you give for someone in a “zombie rela tionship” looking for a path forward when their partner is resistant to a different dynamic? Rather than try to change our partners, my advice is to invest in yourself. When you boldly assert your desire for and right to self-expression and actively pursue the curiosities and con nections that light and fill you up, you just might discover that your partner steps forward with you. This pattern emerged in many of my interviews, and it was beautiful to observe and witness this positive shift in the partnership dynamic. Brad Johnson, PhD, clinical psychologist, offered up one of my favorite quotes in the book. He said, “The best partner fills the role of a ‘sculptor’ that allows the beautiful form to emerge.” Offering time toward that person your partner wants to be come is its own act of love and service. Why should men want to get on board with their partner finding their Unicorn Space? Reciprocal partner support is a very important piece of the puzzle. My observations revealed that within our marriages and intimate relationships, when one or both partners don’t feel supported or permitted to pursue their Unicorn Space, they report heightened resentment, perceived unfairness, and a lack of personal fulfillment. The good news is that when couples do engage in collaborative dialogue and prioritize more equitable time for individual pursuits, this dynamic can shift dramatically and often quickly. Bottom line: You both need equal uninterrupted time. In my own home, my husband and I honor each other’s permission to be unavailable every weekend. He takes Saturdays off from work, household responsibilities, and the kids, and I take Sundays—yes, all day—to myself. We’ve never been happier.
10. During the COVID-19 pandemic, did you have a Unicorn Space of your own? If yes, explain your Unicorn Space, and if no, explain what preventes you from having one. How does this change your emotional and physical state?
2. Find Your Unicorn Space outlines the “Rules of Permission” as permission to be unavailable, permission to burn your guilt and shame, and permission to use your voice. Is there one rule you could see being difficult for you to apply to your life? If so, which one is it, and how do you plan to overcome this mental or physical block?
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. After reading Find Your Unicorn Space, what have you identified as your Unicorn Space, and how do you plan on taking time to incorporate this act into your life moving forward?
4. What was your favorite chapter of the book, and why?
3. Take the Pop Quiz “Are You a Giving Tree?” on page 91. Did any of your answers fall within A to K, and if so, what is your plan to set healthy boundaries?
5. What do you think of the claim “creativity doesn’t pay”? Has your opinion changed after reading Find Your Unicorn Space?
6. Take the Pop Quiz “What’s Your Communication Style?” on page 106. Were you surprised to learn which communication method aligns with you? How do you think your partner would describe your “style”? Do the two match up?
8. Have you ever been or are currently in a “zombie relationship”? If so, please share your experience and what you did or are planning to do to reclaim your brain and creative space.
7. Eve Rodsky interviewed everyday individuals as well as experts in psychology, sociology, social work, neuroscience, behavioral economics, and law. Which person’s story or advice resonated with you the most, and why?
9. Which of the seven types of “sharing” speak most to you? If there are a few, please list them and discuss why these types of sharing resonate with you.
