BLOG SPOT with Clive Allwright

"VULNERABILITY IS THE BIRTHPLACE OF JOY" - BRENÉ BROWN

I have to begin my last Hair Biz Blog Spot for 2021 with a massive “Thank you” to the many people who sent me the most beautiful messages of support and kindness surrounding my last article “Coming Clean About Sobriety”

I don’t post much content on social media these days, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to post that article. I am sure you can imagine, announcing to the industry that I have struggled with addiction for many years, wasn’t going to be easy for me. The thought of clicking that “Share” button filled me with anxiety and shame, whilst at the same time having the disparity of a strong feeling of relief. I knew once I clicked that button, there was no going back, it was the next chapter of openly dealing with my past, and another important part of my recovery.

Have you seen the brilliant Brené Brown’s TED Talk’s on courage and vulnerability? When TED Talk posted her first talk on YouTube, she hid under the bed covers! Deep down I honestly felt a similar level of panic. Brené mentions one of the first comments she read was “That woman needs Botox and to lose weight”, my biggest fear was potentially reading “That explains why you were such an asshole to me when you were drunk at Hair Expo back in…” Thankfully I haven’t received any messages like that yet.

Incredibly that post had the most engagement of any post I have made in my life.

What followed later that night was quite scary, I found myself quickly freefalling back into classic addict behaviour patterns. As I read through the beautiful messages of support and kindness, I couldn’t read them fast enough or checking how many “likes” I was getting. I was refreshing the feed every 4-5 mins, whilst I was scanning for potential trolls and hate posts like a crack head looking down a drain, I couldn’t get the self-gratification fast enough. l was bathing in the constant “Likes” and messages of love and support. Back in my days of addiction, what often started out as fun and excitement with friends and good laughs, always ended with me being alone in isolation, and that’s when the insanity in my head became the loudest.

Everyone in the house was in bed as it was now 1:30am, I was wide awake totally wired on social media gluttony. I was alone again in the dark lounge room constantly checking my phone, waiting for my friends, enemies, and family back in the UK to read my vulnerability/ courage admission post. Waiting for that person, I may have offended and had no idea because I was drunk, I eventually identified my level of craziness. Like all addictive behaviour you get to a point, when the only way to stop the madness is to sleep, I called time and took myself off to bed. Just because I am now sober, my head and thoughts can still be bat shit crazy!

What really hit home to me when reading all those messages of support, is that we all feel vulnerable when facing our shame. Many people reached out with their own similar stories of recovery. We are all forced to face fear and our lack of self-esteem throughout life, whether it be body image, alcohol, gambling, sex, drugs or just chatting face to face with a stranger, we never understand what battles we are all facing until we are brave enough to openly talk about them. I mentioned in my last article “The opposite to addiction is connection” Just having someone to share and listen with is so empowering, you may never know how important it could be in someone’s life. I will conclude on this point, as I write this, NSW is just about to reopen from nearly 5 months of lockdown. Forget all the addictions listed above, just the thought of reopening our doors to our clients, seeing work colleagues again, standing behind a chair for 12 hours, the possibility of us catching Covid-19 or even challenging the thought of going back to hairdressing, could fill the strongest of minds with a similar fear Brenè Brown faced, and run to hide under the Doona until January 2023.

We need to be able to talk about our fears, challenges and insecurities with our families, partners, friends, and colleagues in a safe environment free of judgement and ridicule. It so important that you can share your wins, failures and fears openly, it can be equally as powerful having the ability to admit our failures in life. We all have our demons and having a friend that simply takes the time to listen, can highlight the importance that showing kindness and empathy for each other, could hopefully help us become better humans.

I would like to end with a very special “Thank You” to both Linda and Louise for all your guidance and support throughout this past year. Thank you, Ladies, for asking me to contribute my thoughts and views on life. Who would have thought that by sharing my views, I could possibly help some of our industry friends in the process? The first two comments I received when I pressed “Share” was from these two very special ladies. Luckily it wasn’t I needed Botox and to lose weight.

Thank you both x