Research shows successful Relationships know how to offer “real” apologies. Here are five characteristics of what a genuine, meaningful apology looks and sounds like: 1) Show accountability
2) Validate your partner’s feelings 3) Express your feelings 4) Offer Reassurance 5) Offer up a repair or amends
Show Accountability: The offending person accepts full responsibility for actions or words without blaming others or circumstances, nor making excuses. Words like “I didn’t mean to” and “It wasn’t my intention” are ways of letting yourself off the hook and remaining “innocent” in your own eyes……
Validate your Partner’s Feelings: Never tell your partner that his or her perspective is wrong and “could not possibly be true” because it contradicts your own point of view. This discredits your apology……
Express your Feelings:
Tell your partner that it matters to you that you hurt him or her. How does witnessing your spouse’s pain make you feel right now? Sad, disappointed, guilty, scared, regretful?.....
Offer Reassurance: Tell your husband, wife or partner how it’s going to be different in the future. What will change? When you apologize, your partner is wondering, “If I forgive you, will you just take that as permission to hurt me again in the same way tomorrow?” …….
Offer up a repair or amends: Actively show you are willing to expend your time and energy to make things better for your spouse. If you don’t know how, ask your partner: “What can I do to make things better?”…..
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