A grumpy old man writes…

the insider

Kevin Willis

LET’S START WITH LONDON. IT wasn’t that long ago that I would fight anyone who argued against my insistence that our capital is the greatest city in the world. Recently, however, I constantly find my head shaking in disbelief at the state of the place. Never mind Boris’s enquiry into breaking the rules he himself set - it is the custodians of this oncegreat metropolis that are in need of a thorough investigation.

As soon as Sue Gray’s enquiry has condemned Bojo, the immediate task should be for her to look for any links City Hall has with block paving companies because everywhere we turn is now a one-way street or pedestrianised zone. 20mph speed limits! Are you kidding me?

Unless passing a school during term time there is absolutely no reason for us to be driving at such a low speed. It causes other road users to overtake when they shouldn’t and makes us all look like curb crawlers as cyclists and electric scooters zoom past at 40mph.

My son says I sound like a crusty old man with my mutterings about ‘back in the day’ and he might have a point. But things aren’t the same anymore. Gone are the cheap and cheerful eateries like The Stockpot or Guido’s in Shepherds Market. Where we grabbed breakfast while waiting for the Hand Car wash to open. We have been abandoned to the mercy of overpriced Starbucks’ coffee and a Pret-a-Manger menu of brioche bun and porridge.

Birmingham doesn’t fare much better. What a khazi the town planners have made of the second City. A place were Waze spins into a vortex of confusion before demanding a week off work to care for its mental well-being. ‘Drive to Martineau Square, Birmingham’ is a new game show I am devising. To be hosted by Noddy Holder and Bear Grylls (all rights reserved).

Worse than that, we are being taken for fools – and as I get older, I get less tolerant of that. Do you know what Hollywood Movie executives call British drivers? ‘White Mexicans’. The slur stems from the fact that unit drivers’ pay in the UK is exactly half of that of our American counterparts. And unit drivers in the US get supplied a vehicle when us Brits cheerfully bring our own.

I heard a story of one American movie exec who turned up on a British set and was furious to see a car park full of V-Class and S-Class Mercedes. “I’m not paying for these expensive vehicles!” he yelled. He was informed that the drivers supply their own cars and it’s included in the half-priced deal. According to his driver, he chuckled all the way home.

Another story that crossed my path by way of an old mate is a far more serious tale. Chauffeurs, both sole traders and companies, are falling victim to a major scam. Now, I have to

be careful here as this carries all the hallmarks associated with organised crime. Either county lines drug smuggling or child prostitution, or both, so I am not giving too many specifics.

Briefly, a business woman has had her personal details hacked. The hackers contact companies and use the stolen details to book vehicles on account. The jobs that have gone out, and there are hundreds of them, follow a similar pattern. The ‘customer’ never comes out of the pick-up address but appears from around the corner or out of a waiting vehicle.

Much the same happens at the drop off with children often accompanying the adults(s) on the journey. Whether this gang are drug dealers or pimps is conjecture but what is certain is that they, to date, have never settled any account with many stories of chauffeurs being owed several thousands of pounds.

If you should receive contact from anyone looking to book a lot of journeys out of the blue then I would suggest an abrupt ‘lack of availability at the moment’ response or apply a high degree of due diligence before proceeding.

Another thing that changed recently was when my licensing authority, Medway, merged with Gravesham Council. All of a sudden I found myself forced to attend Zoom training courses on disability and customer awareness. Then, once my initial anger had subsided, I was struck by how useful the programme actually was and how much it resonated with the scam story.

As drivers, we are given up close and personal time with our clients, so have a responsibility to look out for any red flags being waved when it comes to helping victims of abuse. We should be asking ourselves ‘Is that drunk girl safe with the man taking her home?’ or ‘Why is that child so withdrawn?’

We do not have to be detectives or act as superheroes, so please, please, do not attempt any intervention alone. Simply be vigilant, just as one taxi driver did when becoming suspicious that his punter, a confused, elderly lady, had told him how she was heading to her bank in order to withdraw a large amount of money.

The driver called his suspicions into his office who, in turn, contacted her bank and then the police. The driver’s smart intervention saved the old girl her life savings.

Finally, hopefully, business looks to be heading toward a bumper year as we finally learn to live with, and not hide from, Covid-19. People will travel freely again soon and events will happen so please, be alert, be safe and get busy making some proper money. Try not to be as cynical and grumpy as I am and should you want to join me down at Benito’s Hat for a few Tacos then you are more than welcome.

n Kevin Willis runs Chirton Grange, contact@chirtongrange.co.ukw