From Self-Regard to Athlete Regard: The Foundation of Self-Actualization

BY DR. LAUREN K. MCHENRY, CMPC, NCC

In a podcast interview with sport psychology consultant, Michael Gervais (2020), Retired Head Coach of the University of California Los Angeles softball team, Sue Enquist said: “My purpose when I was coaching…was to convince people they have it all to reach their best self. I’m just going to create the conditions for you to do it. So, my job is to be a facilitator, and I am going to work really hard to convince you: you already have everything you need to be great.” Enquist shared that she had the most clarity in this purpose in her last 10 years of coaching, during which time she also feels she was most effective. Enquist’s proclaimed purpose offers us a tangible example of what it can look like to relate to athletes with unconditional regard.

In the last issue of this column, I defined “self-regard” as acceptance, respect, engagement with, belief in, and challenge of yourself in any circumstance and provided five strategies to support your own self-regard. I hope you found this valuable for your own well-being and longevity in coaching given the daily stressors this profession brings. Yet, supporting your own self-regard is also important because research has shown that coaches’ abilities to practice self-regard is a necessary first step in their ability to communicate unconditional regard to their athletes—that is, acceptance, respect, engagement, belief in, and challenge of their athletes (see McHenry, 2021).

Put simply, the ways in which we regard ourselves will surface in how we regard others especially in emotionally charged moments. This notion is foundational to a psychological theory called person-centered theory (PCT). Coined by Carl Rogers (1959) PCT is supported by decades of research in parent-child and teacher-student relationships, while more recent research supports its application in coach-athlete relationships. PCT can be explained by an “if-then” equation:

If a person has developed a consistent sense of self-regard, then they will be able to consistently show high regard to others.

Still, you might ask how this matters for your effectiveness as a coach? Findings from research that my co-authors and I conducted with retired elite figure skaters have demonstrated that the ways in which an athlete feels regarded by their coach will impact how they regard themselves (McHenry et al., 2019, 2020). This provides evidence for the second piece to Rogers’ (1959) equation: if a person interprets genuine regard (acceptance, respect, engagement, belief, and challenge) on a consistent basis from a leader or mentor in their life (i.e., a coach), then they will be more likely to develop their own consistent self-regard.

When athletes can accept, respect, engage with, believe in, and challenge themselves, our research has shown that they will have higher quality motivation, be able to trust themselves, the training process, and their coaching staff, and experience higher levels of confidence which can translate to stronger performances (see McHenry et al., 2020).

Yet, communicating unconditional regard is really difficult to do! As humans, our interactions with others will be influenced by our underlying belief systems. To truly be consistent in regarding your athletes, it can be helpful to check your underlying beliefs about the why behind athletes’ behaviors. For example, is that athlete not trying because they’re lazy? Or, were they up all of last night doing homework and their energy is depleted? As coaches, you always have the option to make an assumption about an athlete’s character or to seek to understand more about their context. One concept within psychology called “selfactualization” offers a belief system that is foundational for communicating unconditional regard. This concept challenges all of us to check character assumptions at the door as “self-actualization” means that—when basic needs are met—every human being’s natural tendency is to strive toward their best self and continually grow toward their potential. The concept of self-actualization guides us to consider what basic needs may be unmet in moments when athlete behaviors are not helping them realize potential.

Now, I know it can be difficult to buy in to the idea that people are always striving to be their best especially if you have ever felt let down by an athlete’s behavior. Yet the real value and utility of believing that people are doing the best they can with what they have is irrelevant to whether this is always true.

Rather, the value comes with how this belief can impact your responses to an athlete’s disappointing behavior in a way that gives you a better chance to help them change that behavior.

Let’s consider a typical automatic reaction to a disappointing behavior without any consideration of self-actualization. You might become frustrated, angry, or annoyed (moving against the athlete); you might not know how to deal with the behavior and consequentially disregard the athlete (moving away from the athlete); or you might over-accommodate and allow this athlete to break standards for fear of being too harsh (moving toward the athlete). In any of these cases, you begin to form an expectation that this athlete might continue to let you down. With this expectation, your consistency in acceptance, respect, engagement, belief, and challenge decreases over time. This shift in your interactions will likely contribute to repeated disappointing behavior from the athlete, thus fulfilling the initial expectation you formed.

Now, let’s consider how your response might differ when grounded in the idea that each of your athletes are selfactualizing human beings. That is, as Coach Enquist put it, they have everything they need within them to become their best self, and you are there to help create the conditions for them to do this. While you may still feel initial frustration or annoyance in reaction to a disappointing behavior, a quick reflection on self-actualization would point you toward curiosity about which of the athlete’s basic needs are not met, and how their training conditions may be adjusted to help them bring the best out of themselves in that moment.

Rather than moving against, away from, or toward the athlete, you are now moving with them: You seek to understand their perspective and context and ask what they need. You maintain high expectations for them and directly communicate your belief that they can rise to your expectations. You express that you want to ensure they have what they need to get it done.

Not only does this make for a less stressful experience for you as coach, it can also give your athlete a better chance to change their behavior and prove to you and to themselves that they have everything they need within them to be great.

References

Gervais, M. (Host). (2020, February 19). Sue Enquist on What Makes a Great Coach. (No. 212). [Audio podcast episode] in Finding Mastery. https:// findingmastery.net

McHenry, L., Cochran, J., Zakrajsek, R., Fisher, L., Couch, S., & Hill, B. (2019). Elite figure skaters experiences of harm in the coach-athlete relationship: A person-centered theory perspective. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, published online ahead of print.

McHenry, L. K., Cochran, J. L., Zakrajsek, R. A., Fisher, L. A., Couch S., & Hill, B. (2020). Elite figure skaters’ experiences of thriving in the coach-athlete relationship: A person-centered theory perspective. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, 1-21.

McHenry, L. K. (2021). A Realist Evaluation of the Professional Development Program Thriving through Being with Professional Coaches and Support Staff of NCAA Women’s Basketball. PhD dissertation, University of Tennessee, 2021.

Rogers, C. R. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships, as developed in the client- centered framework. In S. Koch (Ed.), Psychology: A Study Of A Science. Formulations Of The Person And The Social Context (Vol. 3, pp. 184-256). New York: McGraw-Hill.

Author Bio: Dr. Lauren McHenry is a former figure skater and certified mental performance consultant through the Association for Applied Sport Psychology. She holds a PhD in sport psychology and motor behavior and is the lead author of two articles on coach-athlete relationships in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology. Lauren translated her research into practice as the lead creator, facilitator, and evaluator of Thriving Through Being, a professional development program implemented with National Collegiate Athletic Association coaches and support staff from which this article is based. Lauren is a consultant to athletes and coaches across sports nationwide and is subcontracted to support the US Figure Skating sport psychology team. She is based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Author Contact: mchenry.lk@gmail.com “...the value comes with how this belief can impact your responses to an athlete’s disappointing behavior in a way that gives you a better chance to help them change that behavior.”