Q
Hot Mamas & SUGAR DADDIES
inform | inspire
March 1, 2018
TOUR de FORCE Eye on LGBTQ Black-Owned ‘Issa Revolution’ Venues
I’m with Them: POLYAMORY PART 2 Can Black Celebrity SILENCE=DEATH? Flirts, Cheats & LIES OF OMISSION
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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@QMAGATLANTA.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@QMAGATLANTA.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@QMAGATLANTA.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@QMAGATLANTA.COM
Black & White &
QUEER All Over
THE UPSHOT OF MORE THAN A MONTH of conversations about racism in queer Atlanta is a spotlight on a color divide that some LGBTQ people are just starting to acknowledge, others know is overdue, and still others are seeing in a whole new light. That’s a good thing, a great thing. As a magazine dedicated to your big life in the capital of the South, Q wouldn’t be complete without staying on top of racism. We are dedicated to keep the conversations going, not just when there is a scandal or hot topic, but always. Readers have already seen that every week. This issue shines its spotlight on what any and all of us can do to fight the problem in our everyday lives in the 10 Queer Things feature, and columnist Eric Paulk calls out African American celebrities and their unique opportunity to better serve LGBTQ fans.
ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@QMAGATLANTA.COM CONTRIBUTORS LAURA BACCUS BUCK C. COOKE BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER SUNNI JOHNSON ERIC PAULK JAMES SHEFFIELD DISCLAIMER The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the various authors do not necessarily reflect opinions, beliefs or official policies of Q Magazine or its publisher Initial Media, except where individual publishers’ names specifically appear. Appearance of photos, credits, or names in this publication neither implies or explicitly states the sexual orientation or gender identity of its subject. Q Magazine and the author of each article published on this web site owns his or her own words, except where explicitly credited otherwise. Articles herein may not be freely redistributed unless all of the following conditions are met. 1. The re-distributor is a non-commercial entity. 2. The redistributed article is not be sold for a profit, or included in any media or publication sold for a profit, without the express written consent of the author and this publication. 3. The article runs in full and unabridged. 4. The article runs prominently crediting both the author’s name and “courtesy Q Magazine.”
MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER
We also visit the four venues of the “Issa Revolution” pub crawl in our Cover Story. These blackand gay-owned restaurants and bars weren’t on some people’s radar outside certain demographics, but they’ll be on everybody’s lips now.
In other topical queer discussions, the personal politics of polyamory are laid bare, and we investigate what draws some younger queers to older partners. Meet a couple navigating an open relationship in out Atanta counselor Alexandra Tyler’s second in a series on relationships between more than two people in Conversations, and check out the traits that make the best mates in Mamas and Papas. As always, our Project Q Atlanta site fills our Q News pages with stories of interest to LGBTQ Atlanta, our top picks for upcoming events are in our Queer Agenda calendar, and the Q Shots photo pages flash your smiling faces. Finally, this week’s The Q closes out the issue with a peek into queer sex and lies. Be sure to keep an eye on our Project Q Atlanta site for queer content brewed fresh daily at theQatl.com, and reach out to me any time on the site or via e-mail. Editor and Publisher Mike Fleming loves dogs, Atlanta, MCM design, and the opportunities that still arise after 20 years in local LGBT media.
theQatl.com
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 1 ISSUE 15
MARCH 1, 2018
10 QUEER THINGS To Do List
20
COVER STORY
8
Revolutionary Ride
CONVERSATIONS
13 16
Multiple Choice
30 Anti-VDay
Negotiating polyamorous love
SUGAR MAMAS & HOT DADDIES
Some Sugar
25
What really makes older so damn hot
33 On the Rocks
FEATURES Q Voices Q News
12
Q Shots
30
Queer Agenda The Q 4
6
theQatl.com
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38
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Q VOICES
Black Silence
=DEATH Why black celebrities must fight HIV criminalization and are in a unique position to do so
BLACK ARTISTS HAVE AND DO PLAY A CRITICAL role in the fight for racial justice. Our musicians have used their platforms to amplify issues impacting our communities, particularly around discrimination, violence and other forms of structural racism. Black artists have also been historically vocal in raising awareness around HIV prevention and treatment. A$AP Ferg and Jay-Z headlined HIV benefit concerts in recent years, Common and LL Cool J starred in ‘get tested’ PSAs, and way back in 1995, The Notorious B.I.G. famously wore a red AIDS ribbon to the MTV VMAs.
These laws result in the opposite of what they were intended for: They perpetuate stigma, and they deter people – especially black Americans and LGBTQ folks –from accessing HIV testing. Under President Obama, the U.S. Justice Department issued guidelines suggesting elimination of HIV-specific criminal laws, except in a few specific situations. According to the Williams Institute, black LGBTQ people are disproportionately impacted by HIV, both in the share of people living with the virus and the majority of new diagnoses. This overrepresentation, particularly among gay and bisexual men and transgender women, these laws disproportionately push LGBTQ folks of color into the criminal justice system. Recently, black artists like Jesse Williams, Beyoncé, Kendrick Lamar, and Ava DuVernay have used their celebrity to engage in racial justice work like ending mass incarceration and reforming the racist criminal justice system. Now it’s time for black artists to take the leap and recognize how HIV criminalization is another manifestation of anti-blackness that must be denounced and dismantled.
Hip-hop artists do not shy away from speaking Mass incarceration is nothing short of modout about important issues that impact fans, but ERIC ern day slavery, a system that destroys families, PA U L K they have been noticeably silent when it comes devastates communities, and harms us all. The to responding to the real impact of HIV on our promise of this political moment is that the colcommunities and in our lives. Though testing, prevention and lective political outrage at the rates of our brothers and sisters treatment are all important messages for celebrity promotion, being thrown in cages, manifest in a powerful movement that black artists have an opportunity and a responsibility to join will address the intersections of criminalization, racial justice, activists and organizations combating one of the most importsexual orientation and HIV. ant issues of the HIV movement: criminalization. Laws that criminalize HIV have nothing to do with safety What is HIV criminalization? According to AIDS United, and everything to do with control. They give law enforceit’s an “overly broad use of criminal law to penalize alleged, ment purview over our sex lives. Critically, these laws try to perceived or potential HIV exposure; alleged nondisclosure take away a person’s right to disclose their health status on of a known HIV-positive status prior to sexual contact… or their own terms. non-intentional HIV transmission.” HIV criminalization laws are part of systemic racism that When HIV is criminalized, people living with HIV can face pushes black Americans into jails. It’s time for black artists unjustly long jail sentences simply for having sex – regardto stand with HIV activists and use their platforms to speak less of transmission or ability to transmit. HIV exposure out against this injustice. So much of our movement and laws are relics from an earlier time and fly in the face of the work has been about getting the state and the law enforcescience around how HIV is transmitted. ment out of our bedrooms; not invite them in. As of 2017, 34 states have laws that specifically criminalize HIV exposure (not transmission) through consensual sex. 6
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Eric Paulk is an advocate working at the intersections of race, class, and sexuality. Follow him on Twitter @ EricPaulk
Q Podcast Q is where Project Q Atlanta and Q Magazine talk to newsmakers, influencers, entrepreneurs, elected officials and activists so you know what’s happening in LGBTQ Atlanta.
Find us on iTunes, Google Play and wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
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10 QUEER THINGS
Saudade By Giovani Flores 8
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10 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO FIGHT
RACISM
The time is now for everyone to actively end racism. Here’s what everyone can do. LISTEN Don’t diminish others’ experiences by comparing your own hardships or struggles. Ears open, mouth shut, mind on healing.
FURTHER VISIBILITY With intention, include diverse peoples in your work, your play, your discussions, your acknowledgments, your spaces.
WHEN TALKING, ASK QUESTIONS If engaged on the topic of racism, ask open ended questions. Admit you might not know everything. Repeat what you’ve heard, and ask if you’re getting it right.
EDUCATE YOURSELF Other people are not your encyclopedia. People of color or of other backgrounds than you aren’t here to further your understanding. Find appropriate times and ask permission to “interview” people.
PRIVILEGE CHECK What does it mean to be white? What allowances, opportunities and assumptions do you get automatically that you may not have previously recognized? REMEMBER IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU Don’t express your own lack of racism when the topic comes up. It’s not extraordinary; it’s mandatory. CHALLENGE RACISM You’re not “respecting” that old uncle by avoiding or ignoring him. If necessary, learn how to engage without escalating.
WITNESS OUT LOUD If you hear racist remarks or see discrimination in action, speak up. Let everyone else know you heard and are not OK with it, and learn to do so in productive, defusing ways. NO MEDAL FOR YOU Don’t expect congratulations or rewards for doing the right thing. It’s not other people’s job to approve or certify your edification. BE YOURSELF Well, unless that self is racist. Find opportunities to further the cause that fit your personality and interests. Incorporate it into the life you already lead.
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The reviews are in! Wow. I just found Q, and it’s great!
Congratulations on the new magazine. Atlanta didn’t even know Finally! A queer publication what it was missing!
for everybody, not just some.
A gay magazine I actually want to sit down and read! I just wanted to tell you how much my husband and I love your new magazine…
omg I love your mag!
Q magazine is the best thing to happen to Atlanta in 2017! I thought I knew what to expect in local rags, but Q is totally different. I need to pick up more often.
Q is informative and
energetic, something that was sorely You guys are like a missing in the ATL. breath of fresh air.
Thank you for bringing Q to Atlanta! You guys should have done this years ago!
Atlanta needed this.
Readers love
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The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta
and your messages are the proof! Thank you for the support, and please continue reaching out!
Q
Q NEWS
State Sen. William Ligon
Answer in Search of
A PROBLEM Georgia Senate passes LGBT adoption, foster care ban in direct reaction to marriage equality
By Matt Hennie
T
he Georgia Senate passed a bill on February 23 that allows faith-based agencies receiving public funds to ban LGBT people and others from adopting children or becoming foster parents. The Senate approved Senate Bill 375 by a vote of 35-19 after an hour of debate. “In states across our nation, including here, we are failing our children by not including everything we can do by ensuring every door of opportunity is open for placement,” Sen. William Ligon, the bill’s sponsor,
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said. “For centuries, churches, people of faith have worked to rescue children from desperate circumstances and put them in loving homes.” “Just because you are a faith-based organization doesn’t mean you check your faith at the door. There is a difference of opinion on this issue and on the issue of marriage,” Ligon said. “We are either going to accommodate or subordinate one belief over another.” Ligon, a Republican from Brunswick, said the legislation would provide legal certainty to faith-based agencies that want to participate in the state’s adoption and foster care system. He also brushed off criticism that it could prevent LGBT people from adopting children. “This bill does not in way prevent anyone from adopting. It does not prevent any agency from participating in placing children in loving homes. The goal is to open as many doors as possible for those children that are in need of homes and this bill will do that,” Ligon said. Ligon’s legislation – titled “Keep Faith in Adoption & Foster Care Act” – would allow faith-based agencies that cite sincerely-held religious beliefs in their mission statements to discriminate against LGBT people, unmarried individuals and those of different faiths and others and receive state contracts to place foster children and handle adoptions. The legislation would also prevent those groups from facing any penalties by state agencies if they refuse service to LGBT or others based on those beliefs. The bill – the latest rebuke from religious conservatives to the legalization of same-sex marriage in 2015 – seems to be an answer in search of a problem. The faith-based agencies are already allowed to refuse to serve LGBT people and others based on their faith, and they have not been kept from receiving contracts with the state’s foster care system, according to the AJC. Sen. Nan Orrock, an Atlanta Democrat, argued that the bill “sends a message of hate.” “Gay people also practice in faith communities, also have religious beliefs,” Orrock said. “The aspersions cast that a same-sex couple can not constitute a faith-based family – what are we saying here? What kind of belief is that?” Sen. Elena Parent, an Atlanta Democrat, called the legislation “fundamentally flawed” and said it would discourage LGBT couples from adopting children.
‘[Senate Bill 375] sends the message that the State of Georgia thinks it is perfectly OK to discriminate. It is a slap in the face to same-sex couples who would consider adoption.’ — Sen. Elena Parent “It sends the message that the State of Georgia thinks it is perfectly OK to discriminate. It is a slap in the face to samesex couples who would consider adoption,” Parent said. Parent also said that the concerns of supporters that faithbased agencies will be prohibited from operating in the state without the bill are overblown. “There are no examples of anyone being driven out of business or the state declining to do business with them in Georgia,” Parent said. Sen. Jen Jordan, an Atlanta Democrat, questioned Ligon on whether language in the bill would prevent the state from protecting LGBT children. “If the department is trying to place a gay teenager, and they knew a child placing agency was anti-gay, anti-LGBTQ, they could not take that into consideration whether or not that child placing agency was the best child placing agency for that child,” Jordan asked. A spokesperson for Gov. Nathan Deal did not respond to questions about S.B. 375 immediately after it passed the Senate. The measure now moves to the House. Deal vetoed a sweeping anti-LGBT “religious freedom” bill in 2016 and has expressed “deep-seated opposition” to similar measures since. Last year, Deal also criticized Ligon’s LGBT adoption and foster care ban when it was amendment to other legislation. Project Q Atlanta reports the latest LGBTQ news daily at theQatl.com. theQatl.com
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Q NEWS
Georgia’s Top Cop Supports LGBT-inclusive Hate Crime Bill By Matt Hennie REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS VETTED THEIR OWN LGBT-inclusive hate crimes bill on February 13, a measure that has the backing of Georgia’s top law enforcement officer, prosecutors and progressive activists. The legislation, House Bill 660 from GOP Rep. Meagan Hanson, has bipartisan support. Religious conservatives, though, vocally opposed the bill during an hour-long hearing before a subcommittee of the House Judiciary Committee at the State Capitol. Hanson said that it sends a strong message that the state won’t tolerate hate crimes and helps combat crimes like this that “occur far too often in our community.” “While I think it is important to send a message that Georgia rejects such behavior, I also think it is equally important that people who commit these crimes get adequately punished for the severity of their crime,” Hanson said. Hanson added that the bill does not limit freedom of speech, addressing criticism from religious conservatives who argued the legislation would hamper their ability to speak out against LGBT issues. “Freedom of speech does not, nor has it ever, included the freedom to threaten. Hate crimes seek to stifle, limit and enslave others, cowing them to submission so that they might not pursue their rights to freedom of speech, to express their beliefs or to pursue happiness,” Hanson said. Hanson’s bill provides longer sentences for crimes targeting people based on their actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, and mental or physical disability. The bill stiffens penalties for crimes that target victims in the protected classes. The bill also prohibits sentences from being suspended or stayed for felonies, and eliminates earned time for misdemeanors. People convicted of hate crimes under this legislation could also be held civilly liable for any injuries or property damage they cause. Additionally, the bill requires agencies that train law enforcement officers to add hate crime education to training materials. The bill mandates that state and local law enforcement agencies report hate crimes to the Georgia Crime Information Center. Currently, agencies across the state are not required to track hate crimes. Vernon Keenan, director of the Georgia Bureau of Investiga14
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tion, said he supports the legislation and has backed other hate crimes bills in the past based on what he’s seen during his 45 years with the state’s top law enforcement agency. “I am convinced that the state needs a hate crime [law] because hate crimes that are directed against someone solely because of Vernon Keenan, director of the the group they belong in Georgia Bureau of Investigation affect the entire community, not just that individual. They are not going after them because they are a person, they are going after them because of their class,” Keenan said. Hanson’s bill also has the support of Pete Skandalakis, a longtime district attorney who is now executive director of the Prosecuting Attorneys Council of Georgia; the Georgia Association of Chiefs of Police; and Fani Willis, a former deputy district attorney. In 2016, Willis prosecuted the case of a man convicted of pouring boiling water on two gay men in a “violent, hateful, premeditated attack.” Officials with LGBT group Georgia Equality and the Anti-Defamation League also spoke out to support Hanson’s bill. But the bill’s Republican pedigree and support from law enforcement wasn’t enough for religious conservatives, who vocally opposed the bill during the hearing. They argued the legislation favors certain crime victims over others. “I’m not sure why someone who belongs to a protected class, their fear is any more special than the fear of a child whose mom is being beat up or is getting beat up themselves or getting hurt in some way,” said Virginia Galloway, regional field director for the Duluth-based Faith & Freedom Coalition. Mike Griffin, a lobbyist for the Georgia Baptist Mission Board, called the legislation “troubling.” Galloway and Griffin were joined by Paul Smith, founder of the anti-LGBT Citizen Impact; Dave Baker, executive director of the Faith & Freedom Coalition of Georgia; and Tanya Ditty, state director of Concerned Women for America. Project Q Atlanta reports the latest LGBTQ news daily at theQatl.com.
Q
CONVERSATIONS
I’m With
In our second in a series on queer polyamory, taking responsibility for your own emotions and actions
THEM
By Alexandra Tyler, LCSW, CCH
A
good description for a concept that comes up frequently in discussions about healthy personal boundaries is referenced in Mark Manson’s article, “The Guide to Strong Boundaries.” He says that good boundaries mean “taking responsibility for your actions and emotions, while not taking responsibility for the actions and emotions of others. The book More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory also addresses the topic. “If we make others responsible for our own emotions, we introduce coercion into the relationship, and coercion erodes consent,” the authors say.
What does this mean? It means that what we feel is ultimately our responsibility. We are not victims to our emotions, and we are not powerless in the face of them. They are a creation of our thoughts, beliefs and life experiences – as well as our brain chemistry and brain functionality. Imagine that JaNae and Jacki have agreed to open up their marriage. All seems to be going well until JaNae meets a non-binary person, Bill, and there is a shared attraction. JaNae comes home and tells Jacki that she intends to move forward with Bill. Suddenly Jacki is feeling anxious, and angry. Jacki expresses her feelings, respectfully, to JaNae and expects her to break things off with Bill. But JaNae doesn’t want to. Jacki feels even more anxious and angry, and now feels betrayed, too. Then, she expresses her feeling more loudly and aggressively, and she threatens to end their marriage if JaNae continues. What is happening here? If we look at the list of personal rights in Part 1 of this series, JaNae is completely within her rights. She is only looking to make decisions and exercise freedom regarding her own body, emotions, and expenditure of time. She has also acted ethically, because she and Jacki had agreed they both wanted to open up the marriage. 16
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Jacki, on the other hand is not within her rights. She is trying to make decisions about what JaNae can do with her body, or she’s trying to push JaNae to make a decision to break things off with Bill when she doesn’t really want to.
Is Jacki acting ethically? She began ethically by expressing herself in a respectful way, but when she didn’t get the result she wanted, she left ethical behavior behind and expressed herself in an intimidating and aggressive manner and made a threat. Now, she does have the right to withdraw from the marriage, but in this case she is using the threat of it to try and force JaNae to give up something she wants and has a right to. So, though she may have the right, she’s not acting ethically. Looking at each person’s rights is a good place to start when we want to determine which of the people involved needs to examine their thoughts and feelings, and needs to try to change how they feel or act. In this case, it’s Jacki. So, let’s say Jacki and JaNae have reviewed the list of personal rights, Jacki admits that she is in the wrong, and she is willing to examine her feelings and see what she can do to change them. She goes back to the beginning and asks herself, “Why did I feel anxious when I learned that JaNae and Bill have a mutual attraction and want to advance their relationship?” She realizes that her next thought was, “What if she has great sex with Bill, falls in love with them and leaves me?” She has a belief that the power of sexual passion and the quality of sexual experiences (or a person’s sexual performance) can cause someone to fall in or out of love and influence major, life altering actions, like JaNae leaving her. This belief didn’t spring from Jacki’s head – it is a common cultural myth here in the US, and in many other cultures as well. But is it true? And is it true of JaNae? Rather than assuming it is true, Jacki might want to ask JaNae about this and ask for
the reassurance she needs. For most people, choosing to leave a marriage has to do with a lot more factors than just sex. Second, when Jacki expressed her feelings, she expected JaNae to accommodate her and break things off with Bill. When she didn’t, Jacki felt betrayed. If she asks herself why, she might realize that she has a particular belief about how a loving relationship is supposed to work. Like many other people, Jacki believes that if you have strong feelings of pain, especially if triggered by your partner’s actions, your partner should change what they are doing in order to relieve your pain for you.” This is exactly what people mean when they say, “making someone else responsible for your feelings.” In other words, when we experience painful or uncomfortable emotions, we often think of them as a “problem” that needs to be “solved” because we don’t like feeling them. If we are feeling them because someone has violated our rights or boundaries, it is appropriate and ethical to look outward and require that person to change their behavior and return to respecting our boundaries. [For a full discussion of rights and boundaries, see Part 1 of this series: Boundaries.] However, if we are feeling painful emotions when no one has violated our rights or boundaries, then it is appropriate and ethical to look inward, at our thoughts and beliefs, and question them as the first step in “solving the problem” of our painful emotions.
Coercion comes in when we are strongly attached to the belief that others should take responsibility for solving the problem of our painful emotions. When others don’t do this for us, we may escalate our displays of pain, hurt and/or anger, or make threats, in order to get the response we want. That is coercion. Our example with Jacki went well, and after an initial bump, Jacki took responsibility of her own emotions, examined her beliefs and did what she could to change how she felt. But what if Jacki had not admitted to herself that she is in the wrong? How would JaNae defend her boundaries? And what if that is really hard for JaNae? There are two sides to poor personal boundaries. One side is “making other people responsible for your feelings.” The other side is, “taking too much responsibility for the feelings of others.” In my next article, I’ll address what that looks like and how to develop stronger boundaries and defend them. Alexandra Tyler is an LGBTQ, poly, kink, sex worker supportive mental health therapist in Atlanta. She specializes in treating trauma/ PTSD, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues and teaching relationship communication. Twitter @ATylerLCSW, Facebook @AlexandraTylerLCSW.CCH. Read her columns on her website, CultivatingJoy.net. One-time reprint here and on theQatl.com with permission. theQatl.com
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Q
THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week
March 1 - March 7
FRIDAY, MARCH 2 Comedy Showcase
Queer comic Ian Aber’s Hot Mic Comedy to-
ATLANTA’S FIRST URBAN WINERY, INTIMATE MUSIC VENUE, RESTAURANT & PRIVATE EVENT SPACE
gether with Urban Tree presents this showcase
with hilarious closer Gilbert Lawand @ Urban Tree Cidery, 7 p.m. urbantreecidery.com
SATURDAY, MARCH 3
Jeff Bradshaw & Friends
mar 1
ft. Algebra Blessett & Glenn Lewis
Purim Off Ponce
The queer-founded SOJOURN – Southern Jewish Resource Network for Gender and Sexual Di-
versity – hosts its annual costume ball with this
year’s ‘Fairytales’ theme @ The Temple, 7:30 p.m.
sojourngsd.org
mar
Matisyahu w/ Eminence Ensemble
5&7
mar Audra McDonald
The Broadway legend serves
songs from her most famous
Tom Green early & late shows
9
Marc Cohn City Winery & AJMF Present
10-11
Alex Guthrie & Jacks River Band Great Love Debate with Brian Howie
mar
roles and solo recordings @ Cobb Energy PAC, 8 p.m. cobbenergycentre.com Atlanta United Viewing Party
All Stripes, the gay fans of the local pro soccer club, gather to watch an away game against Houston @ Woofs, 3 p.m. woofsatlanta.com Body & Soul
Celebrate the opening of the annual queer-inclusive art show featuring
gorgeous studies of the human form
@ pb&j gallery, 7 p.m. pbj-gallery.com Photo by Bob Burkhardt
SUNDAY, MARCH 4 ‘Wild’ Softball Tournament
The Atlanta Wild team hosts a day of games
for C & D Division Hotlanta Softball League players who can’t wait to start playing @
Johnson Park, Conyers, all day. facebook.com/ AtlantaWildSoftball
Check out the full Queer Agenda for your weekend with dozens of events on Project Q Atlanta every Thursday at theQatl.com.
mar
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Wasabassco mar 23 Burlesque Late Show Get tickets at CityWinery.com/Atlanta or Call 404-WINERY1 Become a VinoFile Member to Purchase Tickets 48 Hours Before the General Public
650 NORTH AVENUE NE, SUITE 201, ATLANTA, GA 30308 PONCE CITY MARKET CITYWINERY.COM | 404.WINERY1 theQatl.com
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PLACES
Tour deFORCE Visit the LGBTQ black-owned bars, lounges and restaurants where a pub crawl became a ‘Revolution’
event was an all-day pub crawl on February 3. From morning brunch through late night partying, every stop along the way was an LGBTQ-black-owned establishment. Some of which white people didn’t know existed, or if they did, that they are in fact queer-owned.
By Mike Fleming
Other than gay black bar Bulldogs which is managed by a lesbian of color, and the truly inclusive crowds at My Sister’s Room and Mixx, too many mainstream white queers don’t know about African-American owned venues in the community that they can support, unless places make the news like lesbian-owned Urban Cannibals, which went national in 2012 with a “Two Chicks Filet” alternative to Chick-fil-A sandwiches.
S
ome great things have come to light in the wake of Burkhart’s racism shame, scandal and shutting. Overdue conversations and are starting new understandings are coming to light for some people. And more LGBTQ people are seeking solutions to end racism. And maybe, hopefully for queers of color, long-held movements are gaining new momentum. The disconnect between white and black perceptions, and reactions, to what happened at Burkhart’s became apparent pretty quickly. Some learned for the first time that racism in gay Atlanta bars wasn’t confined to isolated incidents, was not new, and was not any different than many other predominantly white LGBTQ spaces. The earliest community-wide action against the bar came at a meeting by white organizers who, during the discussion, didn’t talk much about racism. It focused instead topics like how the bar’s employees were treated and after quitting, are in need of work. “This stunt was not about tackling the issue of racism,” said Gentlemen’s Foundation co-founder Gee Smalls. “How can a group of white people talk about racism? If this was a genuine effort to create solutions, they would have included our community.” Smalls and a handful of other organizers took it upon themselves to create Issa Revolution, an action group whose first
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The spotlight on that black-white disconnect was exactly the point of Issa Revolution, Smalls told Q’s sister site Project Q Atlanta at the time. “We hope that this event brings awareness to the black LGBTQ-owned spaces that welcome our community and appreciate our presence in their establishment,” he said. Guests that day included LGBTQ state Reps. Park Cannon and Renitta Shannon, and Atlanta City Council member Amir Farokhi. “We want to reinforce the profound importance of recycling dollars within our community as a display of support to black and brown entrepreneurs, and to motivate other black and brown sisters and brothers to stop patronizing places that do not want or welcome their business simply because of the color of their skin,” Smalls told us. For those who agree but haven’t had the pleasure of the venues, we visit the four businesses that took part in the the February 3 “Revolution.” If you know them already, your favorite places may get a bit more crowded. If they’re new to you, here’s what you’ve been missing.
1133 Huff Road NW twistedsoulcookhouseandpours.com
performances at special times, so keep an eye out for that.
Creative small plates, sandwiches and salads are all original as you’d expect from a trendy Westside eatery. And while we’ll never say no to Southern Fried Chicken, be sure to try the from-scratch Creole Gumbo too. For dessert, the Red Velvet Crème Brulee will change your life.
Twisted Soul Cookhouse & Pours With the tagline “good simple food,” you may not need more to visit, but dn’t let the tagline fool you into thinking you’re in for anything standard. Deborah VanTrese’s menu of “globally inspired soul food” is is anything but basic. For a “cookhouse” theme, the experience is decidedly upscale. Creatively curated cocktails are a must-do part of the experience. They also offer live music
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PLACES, Continued
Daiquiri Factory This popular spot isn’t just always ready for a party because of the wall of brightly colored, uniquely flavored daiquiris – though that’s a worthy draw in itself ! No, the queer ownership welcomes an eclectic patronage for live music and theme parties that you won’t soon forget. Flat screens, patio atmosphere and laid-back vibes make it complete. The “bar fare” menu is a step above for snacking pleasures. Chicken wings were a favorite on a recent visit. Also, don’t be disappointed, or find reason to be glad: This is a bar; they check ID at the door, and clientele is exclu889 West Peachtree St. NW sively 21+. The even better news is there is no thedaiquirifactory.com cover charge, ever.
Soul Bar Owned by Love & Hiphop: Atlanta’s Melissa Scott, who sometimes plays DJ as DJ M, this bar within Pals on Auburn is a hot spot for good food, live music or DJs, hookahs, and celebrity-packed events. Soul food and a full bar are on offer in unpretentious, but exceedingly stylish, digs. No matter what’s going on that night, the vibe is always grown up, and the mood is always sexy, and the entry fee is free. Go for the pitchers of Blue MFs or Long Islands, and plan to stay a good, long while. Expect hundreds of beauti254 Auburn Ave NE ful women, because Team Girl World is facebook.com/soulbaratl usually in charge of the party.
b.142 Bar & Lounge This chic little spot on the south side of Downtown Atlanta is like a jewel in box just waiting for you to open it and enjoy. Its cute surroundings are ready for your event with friends, or for you to create an experience with the people who gather. The menu for brunch, lunch and dinner is good, and it’s the lounge vibe that keeps people coming back. Atmosphere only goes up as the sun goes down, when the beautiful restoration of the historic building really comes to life with DJ spins, hookahs and sometimes live music. Street parking and valet are available, though the latter may be considered steep. 22 22
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142 Mitchell St SW b142lounge.com
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MAMAS & PAPAS Q
What Really Makes One a
SUGAR MAMA or HOT DADDY? By Mike Fleming
DATING UP IN AGE BRACKET IS ABOUT the experience. Older queers who want some younger action need to know it’s not the gym or the wallet that make them attractive.
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SUGAR MAMAS & HOT DADDIES, Continued
Get It TOGETHER It’s the life and attitude, not money, that offers security. Hot mamas and daddies have their shit together enough to share.
Life EXPERIENCE They don’t have to be a certain age to have been around the block, learned some lessons, and come out wiser.
Guiding INSTINCTS Knowing is key when to nurture, when to let go, when to let paramours fail on their own, and when to offer tough love.
TRUSTWORTHY They finally know what Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts meant by that. They’ve built a reputation of trust and respect through actions.
Not ‘YOURS’ There’s a difference between a Hot Mama and a Dom. Both are fine if that’s the deal, but simple mates don’t own or control the other person. Advice yes, calling the shots no.
CONFIDENCE You’re going to make each other feel old or young sometimes. The good ones know the score and take it in stride. 26
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Person of INTEREST Whether it’s crossfit or crochet, climbing or cooking, hot daddies and sexy mamas are well rounded and share interests with their mates.
Accept DIFFERENCES The best way to be a good older mate is to accept, laugh, and work around common challenges like bedtimes and musical tastes.
Been THERE From mental exes to mean bosses, the nightlife scene and beyond, older dates have seen their way through it and make great mentors.
Open MINDED The very best still have room to learn a thing or two from their younger mates and let them be the teacher sometimes. theQatl.com
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Q SHOTS
AMOR PROHIBIDO: BLACK HEARTS BALL AT STAR BAR
PHOTOS BY LAURA BACCUS 30
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Q SHOTS
ARMORETTES NEW HOME AT OSCAR’S
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
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LOVE ON THE ROCKS WITH JOINING HEARTS
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TWISTED THURSDAYS AT TEN
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SHAMELESS WITH ALEX MECUM AT BLAKE’S ON THE PARK
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PALS MARDI GRAS BINGO AT LIPS
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QUEENS UNITED AT PARK TAVERN
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Q
THEQ?! Sick of Your
SECRETS Cheating, cybersex, and lies of omission are still… you guessed it… lies.
Q
I didn’t plan it, but after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend a couple months ago, I started hooking up with her best friend. We’re having a good time, but we’re keeping it hush-hush for obvious reasons. We want to stay friends with my ex, but we’re afraid if she finds out, we could both lose her forever. She might think we were both interested all along, and I swear that’s not why I broke up with her. She’s a good person and doesn’t deserve the drama. What should we do? Dear Drama: So you’re sleeping with your ex’s bestie, and you’re hiding it to keep a lid on drama? No. It’s to save you from dealing with it and letting the drama stew.
Tell your ex before she finds out on her own, which she will. You might lose her, but it’s her call, not yours. You might also gain some personal integrity.
Q
I’m in a monogamous relationship, but sometimes I find myself downloading Grindr and chatting up strangers. My profile says I’m just interested in friends, but sometimes
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I would never cheat, but a friend says what I’m already doing is cheating. I say it’s just fantasy. Who’s right?
We want to stay friends with my ex, but we’re afraid if she finds out, we could both lose her forever.
You can either decide that some temporary fun isn’t worth your friendships, or choose to give it a go for a possible future together. What you can’t do is to keep it quiet.
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I exchange pics or let conversations go over the flirting line. Way over. Like, Facetime seshes.
Dear Cheating: It’s not what you’re doing. It’s how it makes you feel. On their own, hookup apps are innocuous. Trouble comes if you break your relationship agreements, wonder out loud about it with others, or keep secrets from your partner. You’ve done all three.
Instead of airing your dirty laundry with friends, have an honest conversation with the person who needs to know: your partner. Does your relationship agreement need adjusting? Would certain changes eliminate your urge for virtual sex? Does either of you mind if the other cruises Grindr? Solve those, and I won’t make you answer how you “find yourself ” on Grindr, like you just woke up and Mr. Hyde had taken over your body. The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to mike@qmagatlanta.com. Illustration by Brad Gibson
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