Q
February 27, 2020
BUCK UP FOR A BUMPY 2020
inform | inspire
Queer
KINKS Tap into your wild side
GALANO CLUB CREATES SAFE RECOVERY SPACE FLUX PUTS AFAB NB POC IN LGBTQ ATL BURLESQUE DATING MARRIED PEOPLE COVERS YOUR REAL ISSUE
Q Shots Q&A Q News The Queer Agenda The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta
• Offers a holistic-approach to wellness, health and beauty. • Provides a relaxing, comfortable space where you can achieve your aesthetic and wellness goals. • Customizes treatments to meet your specific needs. • Offers a free consultation which includes our “BluePrint”, a customized plan to address all your age-related concerns. • Practices the fine art of quality aging for every stage of your life all in one location.
b e jo i n i n g h e a rt s po o l pa rt y ready before, not flexing
after, not flexing
Midtown’s 1st Certified EMSCULPT provider! before, flexing
after, flexing
Finally, a non-invasive body sculpting solution that helps both women and men build muscle and burn fat. Best of all, EMSCULPT is anesthesia and needle free.
BlueMedCenter.com
404.815.8880
190 10th St NE | Atlanta, GA 30309 | 404-815-8880 | Products & Services: BlueMedCenter.com
EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM
All SIDES
ADDICTION, BURLESQUE, KINK AND CHEATING. This edition
of Q hits queer Atlanta from multiple angles as LGBTQs at large steel ourselves for another bumpy ride.
The turbulence of an election year sets the
ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM
backdrop to every weekly issue the maga-
PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM
of Voices columnist Ian Aber. He puts
CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON JIM FARMER BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS BENTLEY HUDGINS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071
zine puts out in 2020, and it’s on the mind out a clarion call for changing the future MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER
for our queer successors just as we enjoy a
queer present built on the backs of others.
The future of equality gives way to individual futures in a two-
pronged look at queer addiction. First, discover Galano, Atlanta’s LGBTQ facility for 12-step recovery. We also take a look at the
definitive book on gay men recovering their sex lives from chemsex as they recover from meth abuse.
Ever forward, meet the burlesque dancer known as Flux Inqueerior. They let you in on being an AFAB NB POC, and why their
multi-faceted queerness is a critical aspect of their performances. Also in this issue, a beginner’s guide to kink spices things up in the bedroom, and the Q advice column takes on a local queer
single who only wants to date married people. Of course, it also includes your weekly must-reads in Q News, Q Shots and the Queer Agenda calendar.
Next week, March arrives, and with it promises of spring and
spring sports for local LGBTQ leagues. We’re all over it, so enjoy
this issue while we work on that and daily updates at theQatl.com. Reach out to me any time at mike@theQatl.com.
theQatl.com
3
INSIDE THIS ISSUE
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 10 FEBRUARY 27, 2020
FLUXING AWESOME Meet Mx. Inqueerior
COVER
21 10
Kink 101
Six sects of spicier sex
COMMUNITY
13
25 Horse Meat
Set Free
LGBTQ addiction programs at Galano Club TALK
18
Ice Breakers
27 Dinner & Show
Lust, Men & Meth: Sexual side of recovery
FEATURES
Q Voices Q News The Queer Agenda Q Shots The Q 4
theQatl.com
6 9 23 25 30
30
28 Pop By
theQatl.com
5
Q
VOICES actions by the Trump administration have sought to erase
Buck Up,
or curtail language defining sexual orientation and gender
identity as protected classes under the Equal Employment
CHILDREN
HUMANS DON’T KNOW THE HISTORICAL SIGNIFicance if the age we live in, or how or even if it will be remembered. What defines us as a species now is the immediacy of
response to the instant history we create with every Instagram
Opportunity Commission.
While the world is glued to President Trump’s Twitter feed,
the Republican Party is introducing bills to curb queer rights to marriage, adoption and foster parenting, as well as issuing “licenses to discriminate” in the guise of “religious freedom”
bills. For a party of straight men, they sure act like a bunch of sub bottoms for Trump and the radical religious right.
post, and its significance is measured in likes and shares.
We are at a crossroads in history. It’s a year in which an
We are our own historians, capturing the mundane to the
of bigots and zealots, or firm their grasp upon it for what may
election could tear the reigns of our country out of the hands
supreme, and those moments pieced together tell our story.
feel like forever. Whatever happens, we need to be ready.
Never in recorded history have there been as many visible
We as a people can’t afford a post-2016-level
queer people, never have we had more rights,
mass depression. We cannot check out because
and never have we flourished in every endeavor
the news is too much, too sad or too scary.
and industry we inhabit.
We must stay engaged and active. We must
Ours is a halcyon age of visibility. Even with
continue the crucial conversations necessary to change the minds of the bigots and zealots in
a long way to go towards total equality, we
our lives. Not everyone can be swayed, but we
are seeing lasting changes in the attitudes of
must try.
straight society towards queer people. It’s a
time of queer influence and a greater understanding of the queer experience in mainstream culture.
IAN ABER
love, because that is what we live and strive for — the chance to love who we want openly and
We get to live less diminished lives than our queer brothers
honestly. There is nothing more frightening to the dishonest
freedoms were built, it may very well be by the strength of
an evolution.
and sisters of the past. While it was on their backs that our our own backs that it will be maintained.
For every advance we make, there are those in our society that hate us. They feel our very existence is an affront to what they consider their divine right to define what is good and what is evil, what is moral and just, and what is corrupt and without redemption.
Thanks to a federal ruling, every state has marriage equality, but every state does not have LGBTQIA protections. Our
own Georgia is a “right to work state,” a misnomer if there ever was one since it gives employers carte blanche to fire
anyone based on any grounds not covered by federal protections like Title VII or the Equal Rights Act of 1964.
While many states do have protections for queer folks from being wrongfully terminated for simply not being straight, 6
To be queer is to be in the pursuit of truth and
theQatl.com
and loveless than that. They see us as an epidemic, but we are Queerness is not erasable. Gender is not immutable. We will not be legislated out of existence.
Whether we are remembered for what we gained or what
we lost is yet to be seen, but I choose to value the content of our content. Even the silliest Insta post is Queer History, a
moment in the history of the age of visibility, the age of truth and love.
So keep living out loud, my beautiful tribe. Find whatever it is you need to support you in these trying times so that you
can take care of others and keep all of our voices aloft and in support of each other.
And for fuck’s sake, get out and vote. Ian Aber is a writer, stand-up comic and showrunner in Atlanta.
At Your Service To advertise, contact us at sales@theqatl.com or 404-949-7071
Athens Athens, GA 3700 Atlanta Highway 706-543-5788
SCHEDULE YOUR EYE EXAM AT 3425 LenoxWarminster Rd. NE, Atlanta, GA 30326 http://www.pearlevision.com/athe (404) 237-6210 *
40%
SCHEDULE YOUR EYE EXAM AT PEARLEVISION.COM
OFF COMPlete PAI
OF eyeglAsses Or rx sungl
We Work With All Major Health And Vision Plans Including:Valid only at We Work With All Major Health & Vision Plans Including
updated 12-18-2006
Athens, GA
VSP, EyeMed, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Aetna, and Humana
*Eye exams available by Independent Doctors of Optometry at or next to Pearle Vision in most states. Doctors in some states are employed by Pearle Vision.
Both frame and lens purchase required. Valid prescription required. Excludes certain Sun. Cannot be combined or used in conjunction with any vision care, insurance be offer or discount. Not valid on previous purchases, readers or non-prescription sungl lenses. Not valid on previous purchases, readers or non-prescription sunglasses. Valid GA location. Some restrictions may apply. See store for details. Š2016. Pearle Vision. A ends 12/24/2018. US009
Nobody Cares For Your Eyes More Than Pearle. theQatl.com
7
8
theQatl.com
NEWS Q
Once More, WITH FEELING Another Atlanta Pride member quits, fears workplace retaliation By Patrick Saunders SEBASTIAN BECKHAM NIX IS THE LATEST ATLANTA Pride Committee member to resign. The longtime volunteer said that a “severe conflict of interest” by Pride’s executive director had him in fear of losing his fulltime job. Nix is an employee at the Rush Center, which counts Atlanta Pride as one of its tenants, and he volunteered on the Atlanta Pride Committee. Pride Executive Director Jamie Fergerson is also a Rush Center board member. Nix told Project Q Atlanta that he feared Fergerson would push for his firing for revealing any Pride matters he witnessed as a Rush Center employee. Nix didn’t want to take that risk, according to a resignation letter he sent to Atlanta Pride board and committee members on Feb. 13.
Sebastian Beckham Nix “[Fergerson’s] dual roles have muddied the waters enough that I am no longer comfortable volunteering with Atlanta Pride, for fear of retaliation at my place of employment,” he wrote.
Nix’s resignation followed the departures of numerous board members, staff and committee members in the past four months. A group of Atlanta Pride Committee members requested that the board update its existing ethics code last fall, according to Fergerson. The new ethics package includes policies on conduct, email, media relations, whistleblowers, nondiscrimination, harassment, violence prevention, confidentiality and conflicts of interest. Committee members were given the new ethics package in December and asked to sign it by Feb. 1. “More than 60 members signed on time,” Fergerson said. “Sebastian chose not to sign the ethics statement or to discuss any concerns with anyone in APC’s leadership. We’re grateful for his prior years of service and looking forward to a fantastic year.” Nix said he was willing to sign the ethics package but couldn’t until the Rush Center staff and leadership finalized the collective bargaining process in an ongoing labor dispute. “Mind you, had Jamie not been on the board of the Rush
Center, I would have immediately signed that packet,” he said. “But her dual roles created a severe conflict of interest.” Former longtime Atlanta Pride Committee member Tony Kearney bemoaned the recent flood of resignations and turmoil at the organization. “Atlanta Pride is falling apart because the current leadership is putting their ego ahead of the best interests of the organization,” he said. “We’ve had so many resignations of staff, board members and committee members across all parts of our community – black, white, brown, male, female, cis, trans and queer. It’s truly sad that they continue to refuse to do the right thing.” Atlanta Pride is governed by a 12-person board of directors and includes three staff members and the executive director, Atlanta Pride Committee and volunteers, according to the organization’s website. The executive director reports to the board chair. The Atlanta Pride Committee plans and implements the organization’s events, including the annual festival in October, and consists of 15 subcommittees.
Atlanta Pride’s board chair resigned in October after a failed effort to oust Fergerson. He warned that the organization faced financial issues, management issues and sponsor complaints, which Fergerson denied. The organization hired a public relations firm in October to manage the fallout from a leak of internal reports and criticism from current and former board members, employees, committee members and volunteers. In November, Atlanta Pride tried to oust board member Chris Jones after he publicly raised concerns about the organization’s leadership and financial future, but the vote failed. Jones and Travis Brookshire gave up their seats on the board in December. They claimed that the organization conducted a “sham” board election, is awash in secrecy and is plagued by entrenched power. Two of four Atlanta Pride staff members resigned in December and January. Three more committee members resigned in January, and one said he “was heartbroken to see what the organization has turned into in a very short period of time.” Read Nix’s resignation and f ind more local news of LGBTQ interest every day at theQatl.com theQatl.com
9
Q
Q&A
PHOTOS BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD 10
theQatl.com
Gender-fluid burlesque dancer amplifies queerness through art By Patrick Saunders THE BURLESQUE DANCER NOW KNOWN AS FLUX Inqueerior came to Atlanta from Wilmington, N.C., in 2013. Since then, they’ve performed at clubs across the city “incorporating queerness as an act of long overdue self-love,” as they told Q in a recent chat. They opened up about Flux Inqueerior’s origin story, liberation through art, the importance of queerness in performance, and how they wind down when not in Flux mode. How did your burlesque journey begin? Back in Wilmington, I was immersed in the regional Burning Man scene, which often intersects with a lot of performance art, including burlesque. I first encountered burlesque up close when I was bartending one of the burlesque shows in the area. I have always been drawn to dance, but I became enchanted with the striptease and sexual freedom entwining with the choreography, fire arts and the vaudevillian comedy. I think a lot of burlesque dancers, before they become burlesque dancers, go to a show for the first time and they have that ecstatic epiphany of, “I want to do that!” That’s what happened with me. What were your inspirations in creating Flux Inqueerior? Flux is still constantly evolving, but what brought Flux to fruition is liberation in my sexual orientation, gender identity, biracial background, activist roots, and my long-lasting love of music, especially punk music. The name Flux Inqueerior is a tribute to Lux Interior, singer of The Cramps.
What can people expect at a Flux performance? Before I became a dancer and burlesque performer, my medium was writing. I am still a storyteller, but now rather than through pen and paper, it’s through rhinestones and choreography. Regardless of whether the performance leans more toward neo-burlesque versus classical burlesque, or maybe comedic raunchiness versus introspective sensuality, I always aim to have some narrative behind the stripping and dancing. What role does queerness play in your performances? I incorporate queerness as an act of long overdue self-love, and I want others that might be questioning or struggling through society’s pressured heteronormativity and gender binaries to be encouraged to explore themselves and find self-love. Being AFAB and in relationships with cis men, I have seen and experienced queer/ bi/ pan/ trans/ NB erasure and mistreatment, including in the queer and burlesque communities. Through my queerness and my art, I want to amplify queer, POC, and other marginalized voices, while also defying stereotypes of queer and gender-nonconforming folx, and harmful behaviors such as prejudice, erasure and gatekeeping. What do you do when you’re not in Flux Inqueerior mode? Since Flux is such a proclamation of my identity, I think I am always in Flux Inqueerior mode to some extent, even when I am not performing, producing or practicing. I am a pretty quiet and laidback human that still loves company (though I socially navigate better in smaller groups), has their own business, and likes to read a lot, go to my dance classes, do hippie things like garden and dabble in herbalism, have cooking parties and travel whenever I can. Flux Inqueerior’s next local show is Syrens of the South’s Tease Tuesday on March 10 at Red Light Café. Find them on Instagram @flux_inq and on Facebook @theoriginalfluxinqueerior. theQatl.com
11
Q
IN BRIEF
Atlanta Dream signs lesbian Georgia native in three-team trade THE ATLANTA DREAM MADE A FLURRY OF MOVES including signing a lesbian point guard and a WNBA All-Star
after Johnson announced she was pregnant. Johnson told Cosmopolitan in 2015 that she is straight.
The Dream acquired Courtney Williams in a three-team trade
The Dream also claimed guard Alexis Jones off waivers on Tuesday. The team opens the 2020 season on May 15.
whose relationship with another player hit the headlines in 2015. with the Phoenix Mercury and the Connecticut Sun, according to a press release. Williams, a Folkston, Ga., native, has been public about being a lesbian and supporting LGBTQ rights, according to Women’s Hoops World.
Williams’ signing comes just days after out WNBA All-Star Angel McCoughtry left the Dream for the Las Vegas Aces after 11 years with the team.
The Dream also signed free agent Glory Johnson on Feb. 13. Johnson was briefly married to WNBA star Brittney Griner in 2015. Griner filed for an annulment a month later, a day
East Point weighs broad LGBTQ nondiscrimination policy By Matt Hennie
HIV doctor shortage hits Atlanta hard, experts say By Patrick Saunders
EAST POINT IS CONSIDERING A BROAD LGBTQ-INclusive nondiscrimination policy, but the measure hit some initial resistance from City Council members concerned about its impact on businesses and enforcement.
A SHORTAGE IN THE NUMBER OF MEDICAL PROFESsionals who fight HIV in Atlanta will be exacerbated by a federal plan to end the epidemic, according to several local HIV experts.
In 2009, East Point became one of the first cities in Georgia to expand its nondiscrimination policy for city employees to include sexual orientation and gender identity. Now, seven cities in the state have passed broader measures that prohibit discrimination based on sexual Thomas Calloway orientation, gender identity, race, color, religion, national origin, ancestry, sex, age, disability, marital status, familial status or veteran/military status in private employment, housing and public accommodations.
A federal plan to end the epidemic by 2030 focuses heavily on increased HIV testing and getting those who test positive into care. Four metro Atlanta counties – Cobb, DeKalb, Fulton and Gwinnett – are targeted as part of the plan.
“It’s time to re-engage on some of these issues and to go ahead and do what needs to be done,” Council member Thomas Calloway told Project Q Atlanta. The policy encountered some initial resistance during the city council meeting on Feb. 10, but City Attorney Brad Bowman said he will talk with other cities around the region that have passed similar policies. A draft is expected to be presented to the council in April. 12
Photo by Ned Dishman/Getty Images
theQatl.com
Getting those patients into care will require a “substantial increase” in the HIV workforce in Atlanta, according to Wendy Armstrong, medical director for the Infectious Disease Program at Grady’s Ponce de Leon Center. One of the main reasons for staffing shortages across the U.S. is compensation. U.S. Rep. John Lewis proposed the HIV Epidemic Loan-Repayment Program Act this month to provide student loan forgiveness for practitioners who provide HIV treatment. There’s also a false sense that the HIV epidemic is over, according to Armstrong. “The rhetoric that’s out there is that it’s not a problem anymore, and that’s not true, especially for us in the South,” she said. Read the full stories and fresh queer Atlanta coverage every day at theQatl.com.
COMMUNITY Q
Galano Club offers a place for recovering LGBTQ+ to live their best sober lives
By Patrick Saunders FIGHTING ADDICTION CAN BE hard enough, but doing it while queer adds a degree of difficulty for many people in recovery. If you choose to go the 12-step route, will the meetings be LGBTQ-friendly? Will there be others there that share your unique experience as a queer person? The Galano Club answers yes. For nearly 50 years, it has provided an LGBTQ-inclusive space for 12-step groups in Atlanta. Galano hosts over 55 meetings per week and makes space for some 3,600 people monthly at its facility on Dutch Valley Road in Midtown. But it all started in a much more humble — and secretive — fashion. YOU CAN RING MY BELL In 1975, a small group of LGBTQ men and women began having 12-step meetings at local churches, including
PHOTOS BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com
13
Q
COMMUNITY continued All Saints Episcopal Church on West Peachtree Street.
‘Galano definitely provided a space where no one cared [about your sexuality] and you could be yourself.’
“They met in a place where you had to ring a bell to get in,” Jamie, a Galano member, told Q. “If they didn’t recognize you, you got grilled about how you heard about the meeting and who told you, because there was such fear about being found out.” As the address and the size of the club changed over the years, the mission remained the same: provide a space for LGBTQ people and allies to attend 12step meetings. And the statistics show the need for such spaces. LGBTQ people are twice as likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, according to the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration. Jamie was one of them. He came from a family of alcoholics and knew he’d inherited the trait. “But the consequences never got bad enough for me until one day I was sick and tired of being sick and tired,” he said. He initially tried a 12-step meeting at another venue, but religious talk turned him off. A friend suggested Galano. That was 13 years ago. Jamie has remained sober and continues to go to meetings to this day. A NEW PERSPECTIVE Drew was new to Atlanta when he moved here nine years ago from the Midwest. He had an alcohol problem and a meth addiction, and he wanted to attend 12-step meetings specifically for LGBTQ people.
PHOTOS BY RUSS BOW14 14
theQatl.com theQatl.com
“It was always, ‘you’re gay, you go out to the bars, that’s your life,’ he said. “But I’ve found that there’s a lot of gay people in Atlanta that, maybe they’re not into sobriety, but they don’t go out to the bars. You don’t have to go to a bar to meet gay people.” Galano hosts picnics and other social events for members, plus Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas parties. “I’ve been sober going on eight years,” Drew said. “And because of my sobriety, I have been able to build a truly great and full life. I’m not sure that I could have accomplished this without my 12-step home group that meets at Galano.” ENDURING PHILOSOPHY What started as a space for Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon groups grew throughout the years to include Narcotics Anonymous, Crystal Meth Anonymous, Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, Self-Sabotagers Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous and more. The makeup of the membership has changed over the years as well. “We are a place of recovery primarily for the gay community, but not exclusively,” Jamie said. “We provide meeting space for all who want recovery, the majority of whom happen to be gay. We don’t say, ‘Give us your gay card’ when they walk in the door.” No matter who you are, the fundamentals of recovery remain the same: honesty, willingness and openness. “Those are the three pillars of how people come to get sober,” Jamie said. “I’ve seen a place where people deeply care about their recovery and care about the place and they’re grateful.”
“When I came down here, there was still a slight undertow of ‘gay is different.’ Feeling judged, feeling wrong,” he said. “There’s a few times that I just didn’t feel as safe as I did in the Midwest, but Galano definitely provided a space where no one cared and you could be yourself.”
“I’m grateful that there’s a place that I can go that is welcoming to people like me — and by people like me, I mean recovery first and gay second.”
It also helped change his perspective on the possibilities of what queer social life could be.
Editor’s Note: The names of the sources in this story were changed to protect their anonymity as members of 12-step groups.
Find out more about the Galano Club and its meeting schedules at galano.org. Follow Galano on Facebook @galanoatlanta.
Q
The #chem TALK
By Mike Fleming
LET’S NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH. METH IS killing gay sex, and the dirty little secret epidemic whispered between gay men is far from over. The good news is that while gay Atlanta is not immune by any stretch, parts of it are involved in finding solutions, including the 2015 book Lust, Men & Meth: A Gay Man’s Guide to Sex and Recovery. You know the story. It’s all Party N Play until somebody’s life gets ruined. And it’s happening on a daily basis among gay men in Atlanta and across the world. Few doctors or gay advocates have been as brave and unapologetic about the topic as author David Fawcett, PhD, an addiction therapist. He unmasks the way meth attaches itself to the libido, elevates sexual experiences, then doesn’t let go even after gay men stop using. Former gay Atlantan and AIDS activist Mark King writes the book foreword. “I contributed the foreword because this issue – separating my past meth use from my sex life – has been the single biggest challenge to my ongoing recovery from addiction,” says King, who chronicles his 30-year HIV status, addiction recovery and their surrounding issues on his blog, “My Fabulous Life.” “This book goes there, directly and with great compassion and insight,” King says. “As someone who can be triggered by various things, I can only say that Fawcett remains just clinically detached enough to make the patient stories relevant but never indulgent or exploitative. There is a healthy sex life on the other side of addiction, and this book maps the way.” So there’s hope. The book’s authentic approach that comes from years of working with gay men suffering at the hands of meth could save lives, even as so many of us struggle to avoid the topic in polite company while just as many have struggled in silence with the effects of the addiction and recovery. Lust, Men, and Meth provides the first practical resource for meth recovery and the restoration of healthy sex and intimacy. Fawcett outlines the seductive appeal of meth use, its impact on high-risk behaviors and desire, and a resulting fusion of meth and sex in the brain. 18
theQatl.com
It may not be fun or fancy, but devastating addiction and sexual dysfunction are worth compromising our Southern mores and maxims to talk about it. Any gay man who experiences it, as well as anyone who loves one who does, can get something out of this book.
The book outlines dozens of cases that slowly begin to outline a path toward healing, describing phases of physical, emotional, and sexual recovery with tools for men who are off meth but now just want their sex lives back. It wraps with valuable information, relapse-prevention skills, and guidance for the therapeutic work necessary for healthy intimacy. The book is divided into three parts, and they mirror the problem as gay men experience it. “The Perfect Storm” examines how it entices guys through brain chemistry to take risks, as well as gay cultural phenomena like feeling unattractive and unworthy of adult intimacy. Secondly, “Exploring the Sexual Universe” investigates desire and eroticism in the brain and how meth penetrates and distorts it. It unearths new discoveries about the brain’s ability to change and adapt to compulsive behaviors. Finally, “Restoring Your Life” explores the process of recovery in detail, with chapters on specific skills, managing feelings, and rethinking perspectives on sex. With increased distance from the drug, such powerful emotions as vulnerability, anxiety, or shame, which so many gay men bury with meth use, can actually now promote emotional transformations that ultimately enrich a guy’s sexual and emotional life that’s joyful and expressive. In the end, Lust, Men & Meth takes all that work and uses it to create a path for a gay guy in recovery to rebuild relationships with himself, his loved ones, and even the gay community at large. “Lust, Men & Meth” is available via Amazon in paperback and for Kindle. Also check out facebook.com/lustmenmeth. IceBreakers is a gay and gay-friendly Crystal Meth Anonymous group in Atlanta. They meet several times a week at Galano Club in Midtown. Visit galano.org.
msex bandit An unflinching look at how meth steals an astonishing number of gay men’s sex lives, and their road to getting it back.
theQatl.com
19
COVER Q
KINK 101 Six areas to explore and channel your inner dom, sub, role player or fetishist ď ľ
theQatl.com
21
Q
KINK continued
S
o you think you might like some sexual exploration. Perhaps you want to take your sex life a different level, or maybe you want to indulge a fetish or fantasy you’ve always harbored. Try this quick-hit beginners guide to fetishes that might pique your interest.
Roleplay Roleplaying is a great way for kink virgins to explore before really letting your flag fly. Step into the shoes of another persona, and break free of the vanilla box to embrace a completely new reality. Roles can encompass other kinks like puppy play, leather or BDSM, or it can explore fantasy scenarios student/teacher, coach/jock, homeowner/gardener/poolboy. The only limit is your imagination.
Feet
We all have those body parts that turn us on the most. Feet are one of the most common. Some gay fetishists say it’s the vulnerability, others the strength of the sight of bare feet. Size, shape, hair, highness of the arch and softness of the toes all play a part. Feet are also a powerful sensory spot – that’s why so many people curl their toes during orgasm. Don’t be squeamish about taking their (or your!) tingly nerves to places they’ve never explored.
Watersports Let’s get soaking wet. People engaging in water sports or “urine play” may be aroused by the wetness when urinating on each other. Watersports also comes with a strong taboo, which can increase the excitement further as participants break away from cultural taboos. The early morning erection will be familiar to cis males, and it may play a part in their attraction to this kind of kink. Others say it’s doing the forbidden, seeing it as humiliation
22
theQatl.com
or degradation or the ability to satisfy someone’s else’s craving for those fetishes.
Puppy Play No real canines are involved in this scenario, usually, but it can be a similarly endearing power dynamic. Simply, pups get treated as you would your regular four-legged friends: Shower them with affection, kisses and love, and maybe a few barking orders. Typically a “handler” is the more dominant partner, and the “pup” is subordinate. Walking on all fours, perhaps wagging a butt plug dogtail, or lapping up the handler’s crotch are all in the realm of possibility. Be a good pup, and do it doggy style.
Leather Leather culture is the fetish most commonly associated with gay men. “Leathermen” are not solely reserved for BDSM, and the leather itself can be the draw. Pup play, roleplay and other kinks can be great avenues for welcoming those buttless chaps, that fitted harness or maybe a collar. And you don’t have to have a love of motorcycles to get down, although a Sons of Anarchy biker scene does sound kinda hot.
BDSM Bondage, Discipline and Sado-Mascochsim push boundaries. Dominate and subordinate practitioners might choose to include chains, floggers, slings, whips and any number of leather clothes and toys to explore the boundaries and connections between pleasure and pain. It’s important to note that while misconceptions regarding BDSM abound, its dungeons are safeguarded with responsible, consenting adults. The art is only truly pleasurable if you take the time to learn the ins and outs before you’re on your knees, looking at the floor, softly saying, “Yes, master.”
THE QUEER AGENDA
Q
The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta February 27 – March 4
THURSDAY, FEB. 27 Hussy
This queer party crew throws a leukemia fundraiser with raffles and auc-
Bessie, Feb. 28
tion items in addition to their usual drag and shenanigans @ The Bakery, 8 p.m. thebakeryatl.com Misfitz
The drag show that keeps on giving closes out Black History Month with “Still Black” @ Mary’s, 10:30 p.m. marysatlanta.com
FRIDAY, FEB. 28 Bessie
A cooperative of LGBTQ groups screens the
Reload
Queen Latifah film as part of the In Vibrant
Hussy, Feb. 27
Fourth Friday
Out Georgia Business Alliance hosts its monthly cocktail hour @ Creative Approach, 5:30 p.m. atlantagaychamber.org
@ Atlanta Eagle, 10 p.m. atlantaeagle.com
SUNDAY, MARCH 1 Drag Brunch Bingo
Hit the Beltline for food, games and queens @ Guac y Margys, 12:30
Queen Butch
DJ Hector Romero spins the soundtrack to QB’s own Alfons’ birthday bash @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com
p.m. guacymargys.com The Armorettes
Camp queens raise funds against HIV in Atlanta @ Midtown Moon,
SATURDAY, FEB. 29
8 p.m. thearmorettes.com
NunDay Funday
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4
@ Ansley Mall, 7 p.m. atlsisters.org HSL Beer Bust
Even before Opening Day, Hotlanta
Softball League coaches and players start beer busting @ The Hideaway, 4 p.m. hotlantasoftball.org
Neon Blk
n Dean
gence do a fruit loop to four places, starting
The always-all-black cast, including
by J oh
A venue hop like only they can do it. Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indul-
JayBella Banks, crushes another show
@ Mary’s, 10:30 p.m. marysatlanta.com Check the extended Queer Agenda calendar each Thursday at theQatl.com.
oto
@ Out Front Theatre, 6:30 p.m. outfronttheatre.com
Ph
Color: Celebrating Queer Black Cinema series
DJ Eric James pulls back the hammer and keeps firing
Neon Blk with JayBella Banks, March 29
Just Roxie
HSL Beer Bust, Feb. 29
The lesbian bluegrass band formerly known
as Roxie Watson performs @ Eddie’s Attic, 7 p.m. eddiesattic.com
Thomas Solvert
All the way from Spain, this DJ turns you every which way but loose @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com Faeries & Tails
Get ready for burlesque, aerial arts, puppetry and
singing in this scripted variety show @ Red Light Café, 8 p.m. Second performance on Sunday. redlightcafe.com
Thomas Solvert, Feb. 29
Queen Butch, Feb. 28
theQatl.com
23
HORSE MEAT DISCO AT HERETIC
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com
25
OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY!
An Oasis for Your Sexual Revolution • • • • •
17 SCREEN HI-DEF VIDEO ARCADE HUGE SELECTION OF MALE ENHANCERS OVER 10,000 DVDs FOR SALE & RENT EXPANSIVE TOY & NOVELTY SECTION FLESH TOYS, PULSATORS & LUBRICANTS
2205 Cheshire Bridge Rd. • Atlanta, GA 30324 • 404-728-0701 • www.snvonline.com 26
theQatl.com
GLITZ & GLAM AT LIPS
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com
27
Q
Q SHOTS
BLAKE’S ON THE PARK
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
28
theQatl.com
PHOTOS BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD
Q
THEQ?! Cheater,
CHEATER
Why am I only attracted to married people?
Q
Having traveled the marriage route, done the domestic partner thing and been down the breakup and divorce
roads, I am finally realizing that the single life is for me. So
many times, I was hurt so deeply, two-timed so frequently and played so thoroughly that keeping relationships casual feels just right for me.
not be simple to dismantle, but you’ve got layers of other walls on top of it.
It seems you internalized the pain of risking emotional intimacy to the point that it releases the adrenaline of revenge.
Over time, you taught yourself to release it as sexual energy.
You felt powerless in your past relationships, but the power in that scenario didn’t lie with your ex either — it lies with the person with no strings attached.
These other people your exes cheated on got the best parts of
your exes — the sex, intimacy and romance. You got the dregs — lies, coverups and gaslighting. Now, the addition of some helpless person waiting at home makes you the person with all the power.
On top of that, there’s built-in intrigue and drama being “the
other woman (or person).” Now you get to be the tempter, the forbidden one. You are the mysterious
My trouble is that, despite their
and alluring sexual fantasy, and that
assurances of the opposite, most
feels pretty good in the moment.
single people deep down want that
It’s after the moment passes that you
one magical date that turns into
feel guilty, and that’s good
their ever-after. It turns me off
news: It means buried
of being romantic or sexual with
under your own bag-
them, but I found a work-around,
gage, you’re a thoughtful
albeit one that bothers me:
and caring human. You feel
Dating married people.
bad because you are partic-
Online ads for people
ipating in hurting someone
looking to cheat on their
else, and that’s not who you
partners guarantee my
desire to remain uncommit-
ted, and reading them actually
turns me on in a big way. Just the thought of helping them cheat
through clandestine liaisons and hit-em-and-quit-em encounters really gets me going.
On the one hand, the cheating is their problem and not mine, but having been the cheated-upon partner — the one sitting at home wondering, the one on the receiving end of all that
toxicity — I feel guilty as hell. What is wrong with me, and
why am I now almost exclusively attracted to married people? Dear Cheater: Avoiding commitment to protect yourself is just the foundation of your fortress against vulnerability. That alone would 30
theQatl.com
want to be.
Your work to protect yourself almost worked too well. Years
on, now you may be ready to start disassembling the fortress. You don’t have to date for permanence, and you may never
want to, but you can address your feelings around vulnerability and emotional safety.
Consider professional help to become more open with others,
including potential dates who are available to you without the baggage. Consider fantasy roleplay for the sexual excitement
without the real-life fallout. Experiment with your concept of yourself and what you deserve.
The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.
ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON