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er be whe ni ’ m al one ,ir e ac hf ort het e qui l a buti ’ m notr e al l yal oneanymor e s oir e ac hf ort hebe e r ands ome t i me st het as t eoft hec ans t i c ks s oipouri touti nt oagl as s andwat c ht hef oam r i s e is t op t oc al mt hebe e r t oc al m mys e l f andipouragai n it akeas i p pl ac ei tdown andwat c ht het i nybubbl e sr i s e f r om t hebo om t ot het op maki ngmor ef oam t hatne e dst obec al me d f oam t hatne e dst oe s c ape happi l yi nt omymout h f oam make smehappy andt he r e f or e iam notal one butihavebe e npour e dout s t i r r e d,e age r t oe s c ape f r om t hi snar r owr i mme dc up andhappi l y i nt oyourt e qui l at as t i ngmout h
A Tas t eofYourOwnMedi ci ne “Doc ,yous ur et hi swi l lmakehe rf al li nl ovewi t hme ? ”Hedoubt e d. “100pe r c e ntguar ant e e d.J us tmakes ur eyou’ r et hefir s tpe r s ons hel ooks at . ” Ye s ,hewasde s pe r at e-ormaybec r azy.Ei ghtye ar sofadmi r i nghe rhas madehi m de s pe r at e l yc r azyf orhe r .Het houghthehadi tal l–t hel ooks ( e mphas i zeont he“t houghthehadi t ”par t ) ,t hes mar t s ,t hepl e as i ngpe r s onal i t y,t hemone yandmos tofal l ,as t r ongs e ns eofl ongi ngt obewi t h he r .Hewasmuc hl i keananxi ousl il eki daboutt os t ar ts c hool–f r i e ndl y, we l l manne r e d,qual i fie d,r i c he nought oaffor di t ,andmos tofal l ,e age rt o as ks omanyque s t i ons . Thepr obl e mi s ,s hehas n’ tgi ve nhi m anys i gni fic antans we rye t . Ont opoft hat ,t he r ewe r emanyot he rhope f uls ui t or swhohadt hes ame e nt hus i as m ashedi d.Hehat e dt hec ompe t i t i onmos tofal l . Ofc our s e ,hekne wt hatwoul dal lc hange .Hewasc onfide nt ,whatwi t h t hepot i onwor ki ngonAl l e n’ sne w gi r l f r i e nd. Atl as t ,t hemi s s i ngvar i abl e i nEvan’ se quat i onhasbe e nl oc at e d–hehadt he“f or mul a”f ort heans we r . Thebe s tpar twast hatnobodye l s ekne w ofi t ,af t e ral l ,Doc t orBe r ni e s howe dhi ms e l ft oonl yhi m andAl l e n.Hewaspr e yc onfide nt ,gi ve nt hat t he ywe r et heonl yone swhobot he r e ds noopi ngar oundt hewoodsf ora goods mogf r e ehangoutont heout s ki r t soft hec i t y( how t he yme thi m wasadi ffe r e nts t or y,i ti nvol ve dt hr owi ngr oc ks ,e xpl or i ngmos s hi dde n c ave s ,andaf e w de mons t r at i ves pe l l st opr ovet heDoc t or ’ sl e gi t i mat ewi zar dr y) . SoEvan,c onfide ntasc anbe ,r ac e dout s i det hec avebac kt oAl l e n,andt he t womadet he i rwaybac khome . “Sowhe nar eyoupl anni ngt ous eyour s ? ”
“Soon.Iac t ual l yas ke dhe routagai n.Shes ai dye st oaThur s daydat e . ” “ A aboy.Gonnas l i pi ti nhe rdr i nkl i keIdi d? ” “He l lye ahbr o. ” Thene xtf e w dayswe ntbyune ve nt f ul–oratl e as tbyhi ss t andar ds .He hadabi gge rmome nti nmi nd. Al lEvanc oul dt hi nkaboutbe t we e nj oi ng downpai ns t aki ngl yl ongnot e si nc l as sandge i nghomeont i met oe at , washe r . Andr e awa sanade quat e l yave r ageac ade mi c ,whomos t l ygotbywi t hade quat e l yave r agegr ade sowi ngt ot hear myofs mar tApl usboyswhowe r e mor et hanwi l l i ngt os i tne xtt ohe randgi vehe rhe l pf ule xpl anat i onsi n c l as s .Evanwasnotoneoft he m,hepr e f e r r e dt os i tatac as ualdi s t anc e f r om he r ;f orEvant heave r agej oe at he ar t ,t hr e es e at st ot hel e f tandt wo s e at sbe hi ndAndr e awaspe r f e c t–hec oul dadmi r ehe rf r om af arandye t s t i l ls e e m not c r e e py. Thef ac tt hatt he ywe r ec l as s mat e sf orHi s t or y,Che mi s t r y,andMat h,e xpl ai ne dt hepe c ul i ar“l i ne of 9”gr ade she ’ sbe e nhavi ngi nt hos es ubj e c t s ( t her e s tofhi ss ubj e c t swe r el i ne of 8s ) .I nt hec l as s e st hathedi dn’ thave wi t hhe r ,hewoul dt hi nkabouthe re ve nmor e ; he rnot s ol ongbut not s os hor tbr ownhai r ,t hes ne akyl il er e dhai rc l i pt hats heus ual l y wor e ,he rpe r f e c t l yt anne ds ki n,e ve nt hehabi ts hehadoft wi r l i nghe rpe ns andbi t i nghe rl i pswhe ne ve rt he yt ookt e s t sori fs hedi dn’ ts e e mt ounde r s t ands ome t hi ng.Now,het houghtabouthe re ve nmor e .“Soon”,he t houghtt ohi ms e l f ,“Iwon’ thavet oke e padi s t anc e . ” I twass ope r f e c t l ypl anne dout :Thur s dayni ghta ppar e nt l y,wast hes t ar t oft hel ongwe e ke ndf ort he m,andc ons e que nt l yt he r ewasanope npar t y be i ngt hr ownatane ar bybart hatni ght ,whe r et he ywe r ebot hi nvi t e d. Af t e ramovi eands omedi nne r ,Evanwoul dt akehe rt ot hepar t y.Hi spl an
wast ohavehi sc ous i nMar c us( abar t e nde r )s l i pi nt hepot i onwhi l epr e par i nghe rCr anbe r r yVodka. “… don’ tf or ge tt oc he c koutyourmi dt e r me xam r e s ul t s ,I ’ vej us tbe e ni nf or me dt hatt hede par t me nthadj us tpos t e dt he m ont hegr oundfloor …” “OH SHI TBRO,THERESULTSAREI N. ”, Al l e nj ol t e dEvanbac kt or e al i t y. “What …?Ohh,ye ah,t hat . ”Al l e ns e e me dr at he rdi s t ant .“Whoc ar e sbr o? I t ’ sj us tSpani s h;i t ’ sj us tal anguagee l e c t i ve . ” “Ps hh,youj us tdon’ tc ar e‘ c aus eyouhaves ome t hi ng–ors ome one–e l s e i nmi nd,don’ tyou? ”Al l e nhadt hats mugf ac e ;t hes ameonet hathe s howe dt hedayaf t e rhegotSabr i nat obehi sgi r l f r i e nd. “What e ve rman, ”Evans mi l e dne r vous l y.“ Anyways ,Igo ahe adhome andge tr e ady.Se eyal at e rt oni ght . ” … Themovi ewas n’ tbad,anddi nne rf orEvanandAndr e awe ntwe l l ;Eva n f e l tt hene r ve sgoawayaboutfivemi nut e si nt ot he i rl i ghtc onve r s at i ona t t hec argoi ngt ot hec i ne ma.Bas i c al l y,t he i rt opi cnow wast hes amet opi c i nt hec ar :t he i rbor i ngHi s t or yt e ac he r .Evanf oundi tamus i nghow t he y c oul ds t i l lhe are ac hot he re ve nwi t hal lt het ugs t ugsmus i candt henoi s y dr unkdanc e r sar oundt he m.The ywe r ei nt hepar t ynow andye ti twasas i ft he ywe r es t i l latt hec armaki ngl i ghtbutpl e a s antc onve r s at i on. “He y,l e tmebuyyouadr i nk. ”Evans ai dwi t ht hes amene r vouss mi l ehe ga veAl l e nj us taf e w hour sagoi nc l as s . “Sur e ,butnot hi nghar dpl e as e . ”het houghts hehadt hemos tmode s tt one , butpe r hapsi twasal s obe c aus ehet houghthe rs mi l ewass oe qual l y mode s tatt hatt i me .
“Youknow what ? ”s hes pokeagai n,t hi st i mewi t har at he rs e r i oust one . Evant ur ne dhi sf ac eawayf r om t heawai t i ngbar t e nde rMar c ust ol i s t e nt o he r .Shewor et hes amemode s ts mi l e .“I ’ m notr e a l l yt hepar t yt ype .I t ’ s j us tt hatmyf r i e ndsar eal waysgoi ngt oal lt he s epar t i e sands ei ngmeup wi t hguyswhogot he r e .Youhadt hegut st oas kmeout ,i nf ac tyou’ r et he fir s tonet odot hatwi t houtpu i ngons t r ongc ol ogne ,orove r s t yl i ngyour hai r .You’ r ear e al l ygr e atguy,Evan. ”Shet ol dhi m.Eve r ywor daf t e r“you hadt hegut st oas kmeout ”madeEvanf e e lmor eandmor ec onfide nt . I r oni ct hough,hewas n’ tl i s t e ni nganymor eaf t e rt hos ewor ds . “Wow,t hanks .Youknow,you’ r eagr e atgi r lt oo.Ofc our s eyoupr obabl y know t hat ,ot he r wi s eIwoul dn’ thaveas ke dyouout ,haha! ”The ybot h l aughe dal il e .Het ur ne dt oMar c us ,whos t oodc onve ni e nt l yc l os et ot he t wooft he m al lt hi st i me .“Onec r anbe r r yvodkapl e as e . ” … “He y,uhm…”Evans ai dabr upt l y.“Maket hatt wopl e as e . ”Mar c uss hot hi m ac onf us e dl ook,butwe ntr i ghtbac kt owor k,s l i ppi ngaf e w dr ops ove rt hegl as soft her e dal c ohol i cbe ve r age .Hegl anc e datEvant he nputa r e dar e ds t r aw i nt ot hegl as s , s i mul t ane ous l ypi c ki ngupabl ac koneand s l i di ngi ti nt oanot he rgl as s .Fr om t hatpoi nt ,i twasonl yama e rofs e c ondsunt i lt he r ewe r et wogl as s e s–onewi t har e ds t r aw,andonewi t ha bl ac ks t r aw –t hatwe r es e ti nf r ontoft het wo. Andr e at ookouthe rphone , andc he c ke dane w me s s age .Evans t ar t e dt ot hi nk. Eve r yt hi ngs t ar t e dt os l ow downashi smi nds t ar t e dt or ac e .The r ewas gui l tands hame ,t hegui l tands hamet hatc ome sf r om f or c i ngs ome onet o ac i r c ums t anc ewhe r et he yhavenoot he rc hoi c e .Hewasc he at i ngl ovet hi s way.Sur ei twase as y,buthef e l t–no,hekne w –s hewoul dbewor t hi t . Wor t he ve r ypai ns t aki ngl yl ongmont ht hatt hepr oc e s sofc our t s hi pmay t akehi m;wor t he ve r ybi tofpl anni ngande ffor tt omakehe rs e ehow muc h hedi dc ar e .I twoul de ve nbeal lwor t ht her i s kofhe ar t br e ak–af t e ral l ,he
waswi l l i ngt odoanyt hi ngr i ght ? Ass hes t uffe dhe rphonebac ki nt ohe rpur s e ,Evans wi t c he dt het wogl as s e s ,i ns uc hawayt hatt hebl ac ks t r awe donewasne ar e rt ohe r .Ma r c uswas al r e adyt e ndi ngt oanot he rdr i nke r . “ThanksEvan! ! ”Shet i l t e dt hegl as ss l i ght l yandt ookas i p. “He y,i t ’ snopr obl e m. ” Thel ovepot i onwasonl yas i pawayf r om hi m now.Wi t hal i f toft hegl as s andas l i ghtfixat i onoft hes t r aw,het ookhi sfir s tt as t e .Cl os i nghi se ye s andpr e t e ndi ngt oe nj oyt hedr i nk,al lhec oul dt hi nkaboutwasope ni ng t he m,andl ooki ngathe r–t hos enot s ol ongbutnot s os hor tbr ownhai r , t hes ne akyl il er e dhai rc l i pt hats hewor e ,he rpe r f e c t l yt anne ds ki n,t hat hone s t t ogoodne s ss mi l e .Whatwoul dl oveac t ual l yf e e ll i ke ? Whe nheope ne dt he m agai n,t he r es hewas ,be aut i f ulase ve ri nhi se ye s . Whather e al i ze dt houghwast hathedi dn’ tf e e lanyt hi ngne w.
FourFeet t he r ei sdi s t anc e t hatwec hoos et os e tbe t we e nus t hatwewe l c omet oi gnor e t hedi s c l ai me r t hatke e psuss of r e e ye ts ot e t he r e d t hef r ont i e r t hatt e as e s t hatpr ovoke s t hegame i t spl aye r s andt he i rf oul s
Nomad is e edi e r e ntpl ac e s i nmanyf ac e s buti t ’ sonl yyourf ac e iwantt ogohomet o
Unt i t l edPr ose Hepul l e dt hehandbr e akup Heunbuc kl e dhi ss e at be l t Heunbuc kl e dmi ne Hec uppe dmyf ac e Heki s s e dmeaggr e s s i ve l y Iope ne dmymout ht ogi vehi m ac c e s s Hemoane d,Imoane d Hef e l thot ,If e l thot Notl ei nggooft heki s s Hepul l e dmeont opofhi m Headj us t e dhi ss e at Hemademeope nmyl e gswi de If e l thi shar ds haf t Ihe a t e dupmor e Ikne w hef e l tt hes ame Her e ac he df ort hehe m ofmys hi r t Ir e ac he dhi s Hel i f t e di tupt or e ve almybos oms Il i f t e dhi st oe xpos ehi swe l l bui l tc he s t Hes t ar e datt he m Het ouc he dt he m andc ont i nue dki s s i ngme Her e move dt hec l ot ht hatc ove r st he m andpl aye dwi t ht he m Hes uc ke dmyni ppl e s It i l t e dmyhe adbac kf orpl e as ur e MyďŹ nge r sr ant ohi sbody Fr om hi ss houl de r sdownbe l ow t hi sbe l t Iunbu one dhi spant sandunzi phi szi ppe r Hi shar df r i e ndr e ve al e di t s e l f Igr abbe di tandpl aye dwi t hupanddown Hemoane d Il owe r e dmys e l fands uc ke dhi smanhood
Hec l os e dhi se ye sandgr oane d Hepul l e dmebac kont opofhi m Hel i f t e dmys ki r t Her e move dmyl i nge r i e Andi ns e r t e dafinge rort woi nmyc unt Hemove dhi sfinge r si ns i de Ands uc ke dmybr e as t sonc emor e Whi l eIpl aye dhi sboom s t i c k Hes t oppe d Is t oppe d Hes pr e admyl e gswi de r Heputi nhi spe ni si nt omyc r ac k Ibounc e ds l owl y The nf as t e r Wes hout e de ac hot he r ’ sname Wec l i maxe d Wewe r epant i ng Weki s s e donc emor e Andwedr i f t e dt os l e e p
OnceUponA Snackt i me Ionc ei magi ne dmys e l fi nf r ontofami r r or .Mye ye ss t ar i ngdownatt he r e fle c t i onofmyc hi s e l e dbody.Sl owl y,ast hes l e e ks i l ve rpol os hi r t s moot hl ys l i de sal ongmyt ans ki n,Ii magi ne dhow e as i e ri t ' l lbet os l i pon t omys l ac ks . Ii magi ne dhow t i ght e rmybe l ts houl dbe ;andIi magi ne dni mbl e rfinge r s e as i l yl oopi ngmype ar l e s c e ntbl uene c kt i e . Myme di ums i ze ddar kc oatwoul dwai tf orme ;andasi tc l oa ksmys l e e k s i l ve rpol oIwoul dr ai s eane ye br ow,s how offmype r f e c twhi t et e e t h,wi t h as mugs or ugge dl ygoodl ooki ngandwi nkatmyi magi nar yl ady.Theone wi t har e dfi e dgown. Myl e at he rbl ac ks hoe swoul dc l ogal ongt hemar bl efloor-s i gnal i ngmy ar r i val . He adswoul dt ur n,asmye ye spi e r c eagazes t r ai ghtt hr ought hec r owd andt he ywoul donl ymar ve latmydagge r s har pdappe rl ooks . Shewoul dwhi s pe rwor dsIdar enotwr i t ehe r e ,woul dt r i nkl ehe rs moot h finge r sove rmybr oads houl de r s .Myhandswoul df e e lt hec ur veofhe r wai s tandwewoul dmovewi t hmuc hgr ac e .Wewoul dki s s …att her i ght t i me ;t her i ghts ong,andIwoul dt as t et hos ebe r r yr e dl i ps . . . Ye tIope ne dmye ye st ot het as t eofwhatwasi nmyhands :abe r r yj e l l yfil l e dflavourdoughnut . Sudde nl yIf or got-For gott hedas hi ngyoungmanwi t ht hec hi s e l e dbody andt het r ophyl ady. " Ohwe l l " ,e xc l ai me dIwi t hhal famout hf ul l .“Gue s st hat ' l lhavet owai ta whi l el onge r ! ”
ThePer f ectDat e Ius e dt odr e am Aboutt hepe r f e c tdat e Whe r eI ’ dwakeup Tor e dpe t al sal love rmybe d Wi t hadr e s shangi ngont hewal l Andanot et hats ays " I ’ l ls e eyoul at e r ,baby" I ’ dt akeas howe r We armyl ove l yne w dr e s s Le avet hehous e Andfindac arwai t i ng I ’ das kwhe r ewe ’ r ehe ade d " i t ’ sas ur pr i s e " ,t hedr i ve rwoul ds ay We ’ dpul lt oas t op Ope nt hec ardoor Ande s c or tmet oapl a c e , I ’ vene ve rbe e nbe f or e Age nt l ebr e e zewoul dc ar e s smyc he e ks Asc andl e l i ght sl e dmet oac l e ar i ng Sur r ounde dbyflowe r s The r e , I ’ dfindhi m wai t i ng He ’ dwal kt owar dsme Takemei nt ohi sar ms The nwhi s pe ri nmye ar Thathe ’ dal waysbehe r e Wi t has mi l eonhi sf ac e Andapr omi s eoff or e ve randal ways Buti t ’ sadr e am I ’ m af r ai d I ’ dne ve rge t
Twent yThi ngs Iwantt o As kyouout Br i ngyouowe r s Cat c hyourt e ar swhe nt he yf al l Danc ewi t hyoui nt her ai n Eatdi nne r ,l unc h,and/ orbr e akf as twi t hyourf ami l y Fe e lyourl i psagai ns tmi ne Gi veyouc hoc ol at e s Hol dyourhand I gni t eyou Ke e papi c t ur eofyoui nmywal l e t Los emys e l fi nyoure ye s Makeyouf al lf orme Ne ve rhavet owor r yaboutpe opl es e e i ngust oge t he r Or gani zee ve nt swi t hyou Pr e s e ntmys e l fasar e bounde ve r yt i meyouge thur t Re ve almyt r uef e e l i ngst oyou Si ngyout os l e e p Tr ave lal lt hewayt oyourhomej us tt os e eyoue ve ni fIdon' tl i vei nt he s amec i t yasyoudo Undr e s syou Wat c ht heni ghts kywi t hyou
Unt i t l ed I fIwe r et ohavemyfir s tt i mewi t hyou: I ’ dr at he rnotus eac ondom SoIc anf e e lyou c omei nt ome wi t houtbar r i e r s , wi t hnol a ye r sbe t we e nyouandI , Soyouc oul df e e l myc al l us e sgr azeyours of ts ki n, SoIc oul df e e l t hepl ane sofyour ubont omyc ur ve s , Sowec oul df e e l e a c ho t he r —ami xoffle s honfle s h c omeonc ome ,s we atons we at ,he atonhe at ; I ’ dr at he rwedi di tl yi ngdown maybeonama r e s s ,onas of a,onabe nc h, I tdoe s n’ tma e r Sol ongasIc anf e e l yourwe i ghtonme , butnotr e al l yonme , Soyouc oul df e e l myhi psr i s eupasyou c ont i nuet her hyt hm, Sowec oul df e e l gr avi t yke e pi ngust oge t he r , l i pst ol i ps , hi pst ohi ps , s houl de rt os houl de r , he ar tt ohe ar t ; I ’ dr at he rwedi di tf orr e al ,
I ’ dr at he rwedi di tf orr e al , andnotonl yasIt hi nki nmymi nd,t heve r ys e c ondIs t ar tt ot hi nkyour nameunt i l … …. weundr e s sandIt ur nt oyout of e e l t hec r e vi c e smyhandshookont o asweki s saspas s i onat e l yaswegr as pf ore ac hot he r i nt hedar k. … wefitt oge t he rl i ket wopi e c e sofapuzzl e . wedonotf umbl ebuts e ar c hf ort heus ualpl ac e s — yourhandshe r e ,myl e gswr appe dar oundyou, ourl i pss ome t i me si npl ac e sIc an’ tbe l i e ves houl dbeki s s e d. … wer e ac hl epoi ntdeapogé eandyou dr oponmeasIr e l i s hyourhe avybody, he avybr e at hi ng,c r us hi ngmeunt i lIc oul dnol onge rbr e at he anyt hi ngbutyours c e nt —ours c e nt t hes c e ntofl oveandl us tandpl e as ur e . … andyour ol lawayf r om meandwel i et he r e i nt hedar k;youhol dmyhandandI movei nc l os e rt ot r apyoui nmyar ms . …t hemi l l i s e c ondl at e rt hatIr e al i zeIam onl yhe r e ,r e ac hi ngoutt oe mpt y ai r .Ihaveye tagai nl os tmys e l fi nyoure ye s ,andt hes pl i ts e c ondor gi e swe haveonl yi nmymi nd.
CONFESSI ONS Iwannal i ckyoul i keal ol l i pop. I want t o spend t he whol e day cuddl i ng and wat chi ng movi es wi t h you ( pr ef er abl y wi t h i ce cr eam or chocol at e): (
Iwantt o ki s ss o badl y .ButI t hi nkyou' dhaveawf ulbr eat h
Iwantt o t ouch your mus cl es .
Iwantt oki s ss obadl y . ButIt hi nkyou' dhave ntt obea awf ulbr eat hhIowa mewr ecker . . . I ' dl i ket o go backt ot hepas t s omuch when t her e wasan i magi nar y ys i ngl et i me ' us' but t hat woul d be t oo Ever y o u ’ r e i n my sel fish t o ask because Iknow d r e a ms ,I t hatIwas t he onl y one who r e me mb e r i t a s washappyatt hatt i me. s oonasIwakeup Iwantt ohat eyou. becauseIfind mys el fi nt ear s Iwantt ohat eyou r i ghtaway.
ng somuchsot hi sIwanttotrydoi i t wi t h a g i r l woul dn' thur t .
I ' veal wayswonder ed whati twoul df eell i ke t obei nanor gyIwanted
t oki s s yout hen . .Ishoul d have Iwantt o Iwantt o ki s sed exper i enceget t i ng know you. bl ackoutdr unk
Ir eal l ywantust obet oget her , and I want t ot el lyou how much It hi nk aboutyou ever y day,buti tcan neverhappen because I ' m pr et t y sur e you onl yhaveeyesf orHER.
whati t andMOMOLing M i n s a n wi t hs omeonei nanakakacurious f eel sl i ke party,kahitone rin talaga, masar ap ba n t obr eak timelang(Adhoc t'yaalangga gawi 50 kaya?hahahaha) ShadesofGr ey s omeone' na' yan? shear t . I ' m i n l ove wi t h t hi s pr et t y, t al ent ed, r esponsi bl e and s weet l ady. I have been her seat mat e and gr oup mat e and s t i l l , I have never har nes sed t he gut st ot el lherwhatI f eelabouther .: (
Ir eal l yl i keyou, butIj us tdon' t know how t o s how i t .
eal l ywantt ot el l I want t oIr youhow bi gyour h e a d ' s b e c o mi ng, know how i t butyoumi ghtj us t f eel s l i ke t odismissitbecause, wel l ,oft hatbi g cutmywr i s t shead ofyour s.Your
r ogancei swayout She al r eady sai d no,yet ar you s t i l l keep f or ci ng ofhandal r eady. your sel f on her . When wi l lyou dr aw t he l i ne?I Thi smayor j us tcan' tsayanyt hi ngt o maynotbea youcauseyouknow t hat h i ddendes i r e: I ' mi nt ohert oo.
Iwantt o I ' vel i kedyouf orfuckingpunch youi nt he t hel onges t nut s .
t i me.Sanat ayo nal ang. . . .
Dr eam kongmag MOMOLsakot se.
I ' ve act ual l y ser i ousl y consi der ed dr oppi ng out of school , l eavi ng ever yt hi ng behi nd, and l i vi ng l i f e as a si mpl e squat t er . Maybe i t ' s because Ij us tdon' tf eel t heneed t o bef ul ďŹ l l ed.I f eels t r angl edbyt het i ght nor ms of soci et y. Knowl edge and wi sdom nowadays has been r educed t o mer e desi r ed as set s and goods f or t r ade.
Iwantt omake s omeoner egr et notf al l i ngf orme.
Notami nut egoesbymyf ucki ng l i f ewi t houtyou on my mi nd.I st hatevennor mal ?Idon' tknow t hough,Icanonl y s ayt hatt angi na,I ' mt i r edofwai t i ngf ort her i ghtmoment t ot el lyou,butIj us ts i tbackand gr i nd myt eet hknowi ng t hatt hatmomentmi ghtnotact ual l yexi s t .
d"no"bef or e, Ican' tmoveon.I t ' sbeen Iknow Isai b u t wh a t I r e a l l y me a n t a year ,but Is t i l lt hi nk t o s a y wa s I wa s a f r a i d about you ever y day, dn' tr et ur n my ever y si ngl e day.Ican' t you woul f e e l i n g s . B u t n o w t hatI move on because Is t i l l k n o w wh a t y o u f el t l ove you. I s t i l ll ove ( f e e l ? ) I wa n t t o s t a r t ever yt hi ngaboutyou. somet hi ng good wi t h t know Ir eal l ywantust oyou.Ijust don' how t ot el lyou.
bet oget her ,andI wantt ot el lyouhow muchIt hi nk aboutyouever yday,buti tcannever happenbecauseI ' m pr et t ysur eyou onl yhaveeyesf orHER.
Is weart oGod,Is houl dn' tbe f ucki ngf eel i ngt hi sway ,I meanyoucani r twi t h whoevert hef uckyouwant but .Fuck.Fuckyou.Whydi d i thavet obeyou.
THI NGS
YOU WANT TO HAVE
BUT CAN’ T
Unt i t l ed Lovei sakni f e t hatyoue nt r us t t oas i gni ďŹ c antot he r . Tr us t i nghi m nott ous ei t t oi ni c tpai nonyou oronot he rpe opl e . Lovei sakni f e us e dt oc ar ve t hehe ar tofi t sowne r s . Butt he n t heot he rus e st hekni f et ohur tyou, t os t abyou, andt oal mos tki l lyou. Qui c kl yge i ngt hekni f e , your anf ar . Fa raway. Ne ve ragai ndi dyoue nt r us t t hekni f et os ome onee l s e . Youhi di tt oyour s e l f . Unt i loneday, whi l eyouwe r ewal ki ng. Yous aw hi m. He , whos t abbe dyou andal mos tki l l e dyou. Yout al ke d. Andl aughe d. Andf e l lf orhi m agai n. Thewor s tt hi ngyoudi d, yougavehi mt hekni f e . Agai n.
Note ve nt hi nki ng t hatbyt r us t i nghi m onc emor e , yougavehi m anot he rc hanc e t ohur tyou andki l lyou. Sobec ar e f ul wi t hwhom youe nt r us t t hekni f e , l ove . Be c aus ehe whoi swor t hy oft hekni f e wi l lne ve rus ei t agai ns tyou.
Li s t s [ 141]Thi ngst hatl ookf r e s handpur e Bondpape r ,be f or eanyt hi ngi se ve nwr ie noni t ,andpe r hapse ve n mor es owhe ns ome t hi ngal r e adyi s . Abagofal l pur pos eflour .Ne wl y t r i mme dandc hal ke df oot bal lfie l dadaybe f or et hegame . Ababy’ ss mi l e . Rai ndr opsf al l i ngi nt opuddl e sont hes t r e e t . [ 144]Ende ar i ngl yl ove l yt hi ngs He re ye s .He rl i ghthaze le ye si nt hes unl i ght .Thec r i nkl eunde rt he m whe ns hes mi l e she rge nt l es mi l e .St r andsofhe rhai rt hatf al le ffor t l e s s l y ove rt he m,c al l i ngt obepar t e d.Thes mal lde t ai l s ,s e e mi ngl yi ns i gni fic ant , t hatmakehe rbe aut i f ul . Ac upofc offe e .Thes i l e ntni ght swhe r eyouar ei nde e pt houghtt hati s onl ybr oke nwi t haki s soft hec up.Thear omaofi t ,f or e s hadowi ngt he t hi ngst of ol l ow,andfinal l y,t hebie rs we e tt as t eofi t ski s s . Hous eke ys ,how s hefiddl e swi t ht he m be f or es heope nshe rdoorand e nt e r s ,asi fwai t i ngf ors ome t hi ng. Thel oos ec hangei nyourpoc ke t ,j us te noughf ort her i dehome .
Unt i t l ed The r ei snoot he rwayt os ayi t ‌ Iwantyou. Iwantyout obet hepe r s onIwakeupt oandnotj us tt hepe r s onIwakeup t hi nki ngabout .Iwantyout obet hepe r s onwhot e l l smet ohaves we e t dr e amsandnotj us tt hepe r s onwhos t ar si ne ve r ys i ngl eoneoft he m. Iwantyout obet hepe r s onc he e r i ngmeonandnotj us tt hepe r s onc ongr at ul at i ngmef oraj obwe l ldone .Iwantyout obet hepe r s onhol di ngon t omeandnotj us tt hepe r s ont ur ni ngbac kandhe l pi ngmeupwhe nIf al l . Iwantyout obet hepe r s onwhos e e smye ve r yaw andi mpe r f e c t i onand notj us tt hepe r s onwhos e e swhatIwantt he mt os e e .Iwa ntyout obet he pe r s onwhol ove smeanywayandnotj us tt hepe r s onwhol ove smebe c aus e . Iwantyout obeThePe r s on.Iwantyout obeMyPe r s on. Butmor ei mpor t ant l y,Iwantt obeYourPe r s on. Iwantt obet hepe r s onyoul ookf orandnotj us tt hepe r s onyouhappe nt o s e e .Iwantt obet hepe r s onyous pe ndt hedaywi t handnotj us tt hepe r s on as ki nghow i twe nt . Iwantt obet hepe r s onwhomake syous mi l eandnotj us tt hepe r s on hi di nghe rowns mi l e .Iwantt obet hepe r s onwhor e ac he soutf oryouand notj us tt hepe r s onbe s i det hel as tope ns e at . Iwantt obet hepe r s onwhome anse ve r yt hi ngt oyouandnotj us tt he pe r s onwhoknowse ve r yt hi ngaboutyou.Iwantt obet hepe r s onwhoi s
al wayst he r ef oryouandnotj us tt hepe r s onwhos ohappe ne dt obet he r e . Iwantyou.Iwantus .I ’ ms or r yi fIe ve rmadeyouf e e lot he r wi s eori fI f ai l e dt omakeyouf e e le nough.I ’ ms or r yi fmye ye swe r et oobl i ndormy s ki nwast oot ough.I ’ ms or r yi fIt ookt ool ongandt hatI ’ vemadeyou wai t .I ’ ms or r yi fIwe ntaboutt hi sal lwr ongandi fnow I ’ mt ool at e . Butmos ti mpor t ant l y,I ’ ms or r yf ornott aki ngac hanc e .I ’ ms or r yf orbe i ng af r ai d.I ’ ms or r yf orbe i ngl os ti nat r anc e ,l ongi ngaf t e rl ee r si nt hes and t hathavel ongs i nc ebe e nwas he daway. I ’ ms or r yf orgi vi ngupbe f or et he r ac ee ve ns t ar t e d,f orke e pi ngmymi ndt ooc l os e dandmyhe ar tt ooguar de d. Ihopet hati fyour e adt hi s ,you’ l lknow how muc hIc ar e . Ande ve ni f you’ vemove don,Ihopeyou’ l lfinds ome onewhowa s n’ tass c ar e d;who wi l ll oveyouwhol e he ar t e dl yandgi vei the ral l ;whowi l lgot ot hee dge wi t hyouandbebr avee nought of al l . Be c aus emor et hanIwantyout obemi neandmor et hanIwantt obe your s ,Iwantyout obehappybe c aus eIknow youde s e r vemor e .You don’ tne e dde s e r ves ome onewhoc l os e dt hedoor .Youdon’ tde s e r ves ome onewho’ ss t uc ki n“be f or e ”.
FEELI NG I ’ vebe e nnumbf ors ol ong I ’ vef or go e nwhataf e e l i ngi s I si tt heknotatt hepi tofyours t omac h ort het i ght ne s si nyourc he s t j us tbe l ow yourhe ar t Theur get oac twi t hnor hyme orr e as on, Move dt oappe aroutof s pont ane i t y Canyous e ns ei ti nt heai r dur i ngt hes i l e nc eofourwal ks I si twaki ngupatni ght t hi nki ngoft hi ngst odo, t hi ngst os ay whe r ewe ’ l lbe whe nwe ’ l lbe Thee as eofyourl augh ort hebr e adt hofyours i gh I si ti nt hebr i ght ne s sofyours mi l e ort hehazei nyoure ye s
Haveyoube e ne xpe r i e nc i ngt he s et hi ngst oo? Orhasi tj us tbe e nmet hi swhol et i me ?
I nf at uat i on Ohs os ubt l eu e r he rname he rf ac e . Whe nyouj us twantt ogot ohe r , t r ans c e ndi ngal ll ogi c , al lc onc e r ns , al lc onve nt i ons , notoutofl one l i ne s s orr e c i pr oc at i onofc ompany buts ome t hi nge l s ee nt i r e l y bor de r i ngonj oyandmadne s s Li keal lt hi ngswi l lbemadebe e r
Wor dsYouWon’ tHearMeSay Il i ke dyouasyoudanc e dwi t hme , Ourf e e tmovi ngl i ket he y’ r eme antt obe Il i ke dyouasoure ye ski s s e d I tf e l tl i keonl yuse xi s t Il i keyouasyouc he e r e dmeon Al lmyi ns e c ur i t i e swe r egone Il i ke dyouasyout ouc he dmyhai r Andt ol dmeyou’ dal waysbet he r e Il i ke dyouasyoupl ac e dmyhands Ar oundyouandl ooke di nt omye ye s Il i ke dyouasyous har e dwi t hme How t hewor l di st hr oughyoure ye s Il i ke dyouasmyc he e kshe at e d Whe nupont he m yourl i psde s c e nde d Il i ke dyouasyoumademyt e ar sf al l Whe nyout ol dmeyou’ dc at c hmei fIf al l Il i ke dyouast hewi ndbl e w Be t we e nusandgavemeac l ue Thatpe r hapsIl i ke dyoumor et han Ihadfir s tt hought
THI NGS
YOU WANT TO SAY
BUT CAN’ T
TO TH E TH O U G H TS W E C O U L D N ’T SA Y W IT H O U T A N O N Y M IT Y
A Let t erToYOU I ’ ms or r y. I ’ ms or r ybe c aus eatt i me sIf e e ll i kemyf e e l i ngsf oryouar es l owl ydi s appe ar i ng. I ’ ms or r ybe c aus eIt houghtofs ome onee l s ewhe nyouwe r e n’ tt he r e . I ’ ms or r yf oroc c upyi ngmymi ndwi t hs c e nar i ost hatdon’ ti nvol veyou. I ’ ms or r yIs t i l lhave n’ ts t oppe dmys e l ff r om t hi nki ngofs ome onee l s e . I ’ ms or r yf ornott e l l i ngyou,andIpr obabl yne ve rwi l l . I ’ ms or r ybe c aus eIf e e ll i keI ’ vef al l e noutofl ovewi t hyou. Butmos tofal l ,I ’ ms or r ybe c aus ee ve nunt i lt hi sve r ymome nt ,yous t i l l t hi nkt hatI ’ mc ompl e t e l yi nl ovewi t hyou.
YetAnot herOneAboutYou The r ear es omanyt hi ngsIwanti nl i f e .Ime an,whot hehe l ldoe s n’ t ? Whoe ve rs ayst hatt he y’ r ec ompl e t e l yhappyands at i s fie dwi t hwhat e ve r t he yhaver i ghtnow andwoul dn’ twa ntt oc hangeoras kf orANYSI NGLE THI NGi sde fini t e l yl yi ng.How c anyounotwants ome t hi ngmor e , s ome t hi ngbe e rt hanwhatyouhaver i ghtnow?Ye ah,whatyouhave r i ghtnow mi ghtbegood,butt he r ewi l lal waysbes ome t hi ngbe e r , s ome whe r e ,s ome how. Iwantbe e rhai r ,be e rbody,be e rgr ade s ,be e rs mi l e .Iwantmor e f r i e nds ,mor eor gs ,mor emone y.Iwantnume r oust hi ngs ,andI ’ dpr obabl y bel aughe datorhat e donf ors omeoft he m be c aus et he y’ r es hal l ow.The s hal l ow one sar ee as yt of or ge tabout ,t hough.Thankgoodne s s .The s hal l ow one sar ee as i e rt oge t ,t oo,i fyouwor khar de nough.Thet hi ngsI wantmos tt hough,we l lt hos ej us ts e e mi mpos s i bl eandIhat emys e l ff or want i ngt he m. Iwoul dhaves ai dIwantyou,i fIhadwr ie nt hi sl as tye ar ,butt hat ’ sa wi s ht hat ’ sc l e ar l youtofmyr e ac h.That ’ sadr e am I ’ veal r e adygi ve nup on,adr e am Ial r e adyl e tgoof ,andI ’ m note ve nr e gr ei ngi t .Whywas t e myt i mewi s hi ngf oryouwhe nt het houghtofusdoe s n’ te ve nc r os syour mi ndanymor e ?Whywas t emyt i mewant i ngyoubac kwhe nIc oul dwant s ome onebe e r ,s ome onewhowi l lwor khar dt omakei twor kwi t hme ? Whywas t emyt i mehopi ngyou’ l lc omebac kwhe nIc oul dhopef or s ome onewhowoul dne ve re ve nl e ave ? No,Idon’ twantyoubac k.WhatIwanti sane xpl anat i on.Iwantt her e al r e as onwhyyoul e f tandnott hebul l s hi ts ugar c oat e dr e as onyougaveme t omakei t“hur tl e s s ”.Iwantt oknow whe nyous t ar t e dhavi ngt hought s aboutl e avi ngmeandwhyyoune ve rbot he r e dt al ki ngt omeabouti t ,why youne ve rbot he r e dt e l l i ngmeabouti ts owec oul dfindawayt ofixt hi ngs . Iwantt oknow i fyout r ul yl ove dme ,andi fyour e al l yme antal lt hos e
t i me syout ol dme‘ f or e ve rande ve r ’ .Iwantt oknow whyyoune ve r e ve ngavemeac hanc e ,whyyoune ve rgaveusac hanc et ot r yagai n.I wantt oknow i fi thur tyouasmuc hasi thur tme ,be c aus es c r e w you.I di dn’ tde s e r vewhatyoudi dt omeandIhopeyous uffe r e dl i keIdi d.I wantt oknow i fIs t i l lc r os syourmi ndandi fyoudi eal il ei ns i de ,be c aus e i t ’ snotf ai rt hatI ’ mt heonl yonewho’ shavi ngahar dt i me . Las t l y,Iwantt obeabl et oadmi tt omys e l ft hati fgi ve nac hoi c e ,Is t i l l woul dn’ twantyout ohur tasmuc hasIdi d.Iwantt obeabl et oadmi tt hat Iwoul dn’ twi s ht hatonyou,oronanyoneIl ove ( d) , andt hat ’ snotr e al l y s ome t hi ngt obeas hame dof .Mos tofal l ,Iwantt obeabl et or e me mbe rt he goodt i me swehadwi t houtt hepai ni tnow c ome swi t handt obeabl et o di s t i ngui s ht hedi ffe r e nc ebe t we e nmi s s i nghavi ngs ome oneandmi s s i ng you.
IHat eThi sPar tRi ghtHer e He y.Re me mbe rme ?Whatas t upi dque s t i on;ofc our s eyoudo.Is e et hat fli c ke rofr e c ogni t i oni nyoure ye swhe ne ve rwepas se ac hot he rby.Summe r ’ sdoneandgone ,andde s pi t et het hi ngswe ’ vegonet hr oughwe ’ ve now c omet ot hepoi ntwhe r eweonl ys har eas i ngl e ,fle e t i ngmome nt e ve r yt i mewec r os se ac hot he r ’ spat h; “He y. ” “He l l o. ” Thei ns t antt hewor dsl e aveourl i ps ,i t ’ sgone .Themome nthase nde d. We ’ r ebac kt obe i ngs t r ange r s . Pe r hapsi ti sal li nmyhe ad,de ar ,buti ne ve r ys i ngl emome ntIc ans e ns e t hes t i r r i ngsofc onve r s at i onst hatwoul dne ve rhavet hec hanc et obud.I c ans e ns eyoure ye sonmewhe nyou’ ver e al i ze dI ’ m[ r i ght ]t he r e ,e ve n whe nI ’ m ont heot he rs i deoft her oom.Iknow,be c aus emya e nt i on ve e r st owar dsyout oo.Par t l y,atl e a s t .Ic anal mos tf e e lt hes t r i ngsoft he bondwe ’ veonc ehads t r ai ni ngt or e c onne c t . Butt he nagai n,maybei t ’ sal lj us twi s hf ult hi nki ng. Eve r ynow andt he nIwonde r :“Whati fIwai t e d? ”Wha ti fIf ai t hf ul l y hungon[ de s pi t ehavi ngnopr omi s enoranyi ndi c at i onofyouc omi ng bac kt ome ] ?Whatwoul d’ vebe c omeofus ?Ofme ?I ’ m notwi s hi ngf orus t oge tbac kt oge t he r ,no;I ’ m happywhe r eIam now.Butal lt hos el oos e t hr e ads ,t hel i mi t l e s sc oul dhave be e nsandmi ght have be e ns … Aswes t ar tc ol l e geandwal kondi ffe r i ngpat hs ,aswes l owl ymoveawa y f r om oneanot he r ,Ic ont i nuet os t r uggl er e i ni ngi ne ve r ywor dIc a n’ the l p butl e aveuns poke n.Iknow Imayne ve re ndupadmii nganyofmyr e gr e t st oyouf ac et of ac ebuts ome day,Iwantyout oknow; I–
Capi t al sandCount r i es “How Iwi s ht ot r ave lt oc ount r i e sl i keI ndi aorVe ne zue l a. ” Amywasal wayst headve nt ur oust ype .Now t hatwe ’ r es el e ddownwi t h af ami l y,wer ar e l yhavet i mei nours c he dul e st ogooutandabout . Al be r t andVi nc e ntar eourl i ve snow. “Eve rdr e ame dofj us ts el i ngdown? ” Ri c kwasal wayst hehome yt ype .Of t e n,he ’ dc ount e rmyambi t i onst o t r ave lwi t hdr e amsofs t ar t i ngaf ami l yorowni ngahous ei nas i mpl e ne i ghbour hood.Now t hatwe ’ r es el e ddown,hes e e mshappye nough. “Ic an’ tbe l i e veyou!Count r i e sar oundt hewor l dawai tusandyouj us t wantt os t ayhe r e ? ” Amywoul dal waysgi vemeadi s dai nf ull ook,pus hmepl ayf ul l y,andt he n s he ’ dl augh.He rl aught e rus e dt omakemes mi l e . “Eve r yt i meIbr i ngt hatup,youal wayst r i vi al i zeme . ” Ri c kwoul dal waysgi vemeadi s dai nf ull ook,ki s sme ,andt he nhe ’ dl augh. Myi nt e nt i onswe r e n’ tt oi ns ul thi sdr e am t hough.Onl y,i fmyl i f ewe r et o s t ar twi t hhi m,whatwoul dhappe nt omi ne ?Shoul dmyambi t i onsbes ac r i fic e df ort hemanwhol ove sme ? “Oh,youpus s y!Youknow t hat ’ saj oke . ” Ormaybenot .Unde ral lt hos epl ayf ulwor ds ,s hemi ghtr e al l ybeye ar ni ng f oral i f eofr i di ngpl ane sandpubl i ct r ans por t at i ont oRus s i a,Engl andor e ve nSomal i af oral lmyknowl e dgeofhe r .Of t e n,be f or ewegotmar r i e d, myt hought swoul dbeonhow amanl i kemec oul ds ai lhe roffwhe r e ve r s hewant e dt ogo.Mos toft het i me ,mys al ar yc an’ te ve nmakee ndsme e t .
“Eh,al r i ghtfine .Takemeasf arast hes t ar s ,myl ove !Howe ve r ,wehavet o beabl et opul loffourbake s hopfir s t .I ft hemone ys t ar t spour i ngi n,s o woul dal lyourpl aneandc r ui s es hi pt i c ke t s ! ” Now what ?Gonear eourdr e amsofmaki ngi tbi gwi t hourbake s hop. Eve r ybus i ne s swet r yt os e tupaf t e r war dsal wayse ndsupi nt hedus t .Las t ye ar ,hi sne w mobi l emi l kt e as t al lgi mmi c kdi dn’ te ve nr akee noughpr ofit t opayf ort hede bt sandl oanst os e ti tup. “Se tupt hes ai l sandwes hal lc r ui s et hr ought hehe ave ns !Eve rwi l lyour damebegr at e f uli fs uc hpr omi s e sar ef ul fil l e d!Is e r i ous l yhopeyouke e p i t . ” Whe r e ’ st hes uppor tnow?Iknow mybus i ne s sve nt ur e swe r eal lflopsbut al loft hee ffor tputi nt oi ti sf orhe rdr e ams .Soc ans heatl e as tc utmes ome s l ac kf oronc e ? “How woul dyoul i kemet oke e pmypr omi s e st r ue ,ohgoods ai l or ? ” Ye ar ss i nc ewe ’ veme t ,hes e l dom wasabl et oke e pt r uet ohi spr omi s e s .Oh how i tr e mi ndsmeofal lhi se mpt ywor ds .U e r anc e sbr oughtuponbyt he mome ntt he nl e adi ngt odi s appoi nt me nt . “Kne e ldown,ohbr avewar r i or ! ” Now i t ’ sj us tr i di c ul ous .Eve r yt i mewet al kaboutouri s s ue s ,i tal ways l e adst os hout i ngandar gume nt saboutunf ul fil l e dpr omi s e s !We l l ,c an’ t t hemanber i ghtf oronc e ? ! “Hi ghandl ow,wes hal lc onque rt hewor l d! ” Ohs avemet hepi t y,youoat hbr e ake r !Whatt hi swoma nhasgi ve nupf or youi smor et hanyouknow! “I mpl or eyouroat h,myf ai t hf uls t e war d! ”
Fuc kt hi s !Eve nf or e ve rhasane nd! “Eve ns t ar ,wi l lyouf or e ve rbemi ne ? ” Le t ’ se ndt hi snow,t he n! * c uedi vor c e *
Bet weent heSt ar sandWaves Thefir edanc e datt hec e nt e roft hec i r c l et hatwemade .I twoul doc c as i onal l yj umpofft hewoodonwhi c hi ts t andson.Ourl aught e rr e ac he st he s kyt hati snow t ur ni ngadus t ybl ues hadeast hedaygi ve swayi nt oni ght . Is e ehe rt hr ought heflame ,he rf ac egl owi ngass hes mi l e s .Is i tdown qui e t l y,j us tf ol l owi ngt hec r owdast he yl augh,t houghIdon’ tknow what ’ sf unny.Ipai dnoa e nt i ont oanyt hi ng,onl yhe r . Al lIc oul ds e ewas he r .Onl yhe r . Theni ghtdr i f t sawayandonebyoneourf r i e ndsr e t i r et ot he i rt e nt s . Soon,i twasonl yt het woofus .Thewave sc r as he dge nt l yont hes hor ei na r hyt hmi cpa e r n,andt hes kywasde c or at e dwi t ht hemi l l i onsofs t ar s .I t s oot he dme ,he ar i ngt hege nt l ewhi s pe r sofnat ur e . Shes ats t i l lac r os sf r om me ,he rgazenow t owar dst hebonfir et hats t i l l fli c ke r e d,butnotass t r ongasi twasawhi l eago.Sher e mai ne ds i l e ntand s odi dI .Empt yc ansandbo l e sofbe e rl ays c ae r e dont hes and. Eve r yt hi ngs t oods t i l l . Ihadmys ke t c hpadwi t hme .Ihe l di tdownonmyl apandt r i e dt odr aw ade c e ntpi c t ur e .Iwoul dbr i e flygl anc eupf r om t hepadandt akei nas muc hde t ai lasIc oul d.Thef ul lmoont hatnow s wi msont hehor i zongave mewi t hj us tt her i ghtl i ght .Sl owl yandc ar e f ul l y,Idr e w,t aki nge xt r ac ar e t hatImakenomi s t ake .Idr e w he r .Dani e l l e . Atonepoi nts hec aughtmel ooki ngathe r .Iqui c kl yl ooke dawayand ac c i de nt al l ydr e w al i neac r os st hepape r . “Damn, ”Ic ur s e dunde rmybr e at handgr abbe dt hee r as e randl i ght l y e r as e dmymi s t ake .Shes mi l e sandc huc kl e s . “Whatar eyoudr awi ng? ”s heas ke dwi t hhe range l i cvoi c e .
“Not hi ng.I t ’ snot hi ng”Ir e pl i e dne r vous l y;whi l es t i l lt r yt oe r as emy mi s t ake . “Comeon,youc oul ds how me , ”s hebe ganass hes t oodupmaki nghe r wayt owar dsme . “I t ’ snot hi ng,Is we ar , ”Il i e dasIt r i e dt ofli pt hepagebutf ai l e d. Shegr abbe dahol dofs ke t c hpadandl ooke dati the r s e l f .Sheponde r son i tf oramome ntasIs atqui e t l y,f e e l i ngmyf ac et ur nr e d. “ Amazi ng, ”s hes ai daf t e rwhats e e me dl i keane t e r ni t y.“How’ dyou l e ar nt odr aw l i ket hi s ? ” “Idon’ tknow.Ij us tdr aw whatIs e e . “Ir e pl i e dhone s t l y. “ Andyous e eme ? ”s heas ke dwi t has mi l e . Inodi nr e pl y,l ooki ngi nt o he re ye s . “You’ r er e al l ygood, ”s hes ai dass hes atdownbe s i demeandbe gan fli ppi ngt hr ought hepage soft hepad. Amome ntpas s e dwhe nbot hofusj us tr e mai ne ds i l e nt .Shec l os e dt he padandgavei tbac kt ome . “Thanks , ”s hes ai dass hegavebac kt hepad.Shes t oodupandgaze d t owar dst hefir eagai n.Shec r os s e dhe rar ms ,pr obabl ybe c aus eoft hec ol d, andt ookade e pbr e at h. “ Ar eyouokay? ”Ias ke d,s e ns i ngt hatt he r ewa ss ome t hi ngt r oubl i ng he r . “Oh,i t ’ snot hi ng, ”s hes ai d,t r yi ngt opus ht het opi caway. “Comeon,youc ant e l lme , ”Is ai d,i nt e ndi ngt omoc khe r .
Shec r ac ksas mi l eandr e t ur nst os i tdownbe s i deme .He rs mi l e di s appe ar sass het ookanot he rde e pbr e at h. Thewave sc r as he dagai nandagai nont hes how andt hewi ndbl e w ge nt l y,maki nghe rhai rflow wi t hi t .If e e lac hi l lr unupmyar m,butI s hr ugi toff. “Idon’ tr e al l yknow i fIs houl dbewor r yi ngabouti t , ”s hebe gan.I r e mai ne dqui e t .Shegi ve smeane r vousc huc kl e ,andt he ns het ur ne d agai nt owar dst hefir e . “I t ’ sj us t , ”he re ye swe r es t ar t i ngt owe l lupwi t ht e ar s .“Myboyf r i e nd. . . ” Thewor dshi tmel i keakni f es t abbi ngmyhe ar t .Shehadaboyf r i e nd, how c oul dIf or ge t ?Il ookawayf r om he rands t ar e di nt ot hefir e . “Ij us tdon’ tge thi ms ome t i me s , ”s hec ont i nue d,“onemome nthe ’ st he r e f orme ,al ways ,andt he nt hene xti t ’ sl i kehedoe s n’ twantt obewi t hme anymor e . ” “Whatmake syous ayt hat ? ”Ias k,s t i l lpi nni ngmygazet ot hefir e , whi c hc r ac ke donc emor easaflamej umpe dofff r om t hewoodandl ande d s of t l yont hes and. “I t ’ shar dt oe xpl ai n,buti fyouwe r ei nmypos i t i on,you’ dunde r s t and whatIme an.Webar e l ye ve nt al know. ” Ic huc kl eunde rmybr e at h,“Ic oul dn’ tdot hat . ”Is ai d.Idi dn’ ti nt e nd f orhe rt ohe ari t ,buts hedi d. “Dowhat ? ”s heas ke d,now l ooki ngatme . “Nott al kt oyou, ”Is ai dt ur ni ngt ohe r ,andnow l ooki ngi nt ohe re ye s . “Be c aus e ,nott al ki ngt oyoumake smef e e ll i kemyday’ snotc ompl e t e . ”
Shegi ve smeaf ai nts mi l eandhe re ye sl i ght e ne dupal il e .Ic oul dn’ t be l i e vet hatIj us ts ai dt hatt ohe r .Whywoul dIs ayt hatt ohe r ? “That ’ sni c et ohe arf orac hange , ”s hes ai d.Sher e t ur ne dhe rgaze t owar dst hefir e ,butIr e mai ne dmi neathe r . “Hebr okeupwi t hme …” Iwasc aughtoffguar dwhe ns hes a i dt hos ewor ds .I tt ookawhi l ef or t he mt opr oc e s si nmyhe ad.Hebr okeupwi t hhe r ? “…Al t houghI ’ m nots ur ei fheme anti t ,buthedoe s n’ ts e e mt obe maki nganye ffor t sonc omi ngbac k. ” “I ’ ms or r yt ohe art hat . ”Is ai dwi t hal ls ympat hy.Ic oul dn’ tbe l i e vet hat hewoul dl e aves ome ones ode l i c at e ,s ome ones or ar e ,s ome onet hat ’ sone ofaki nd,j us tl i ket hat . Te ar swe r enow we l l i ngupi nhe re ye sonc emor e ,al t houghs het r i e dhe r be s tt ohi det he m. “He y,c omehe r e . ”Is ai doffe r i ngmys houl de r .Sheac c e pt e di tand r e s t e dhe rhe adonme .“Eve r yt hi ngwi l lbeokay,Ipr omi s eyou…” Theni ghtwe ntonandt hemoons ai l e dac r os st hepur pl es ky.Wel i e d downont hes andbe s i dee ac hot he r ,he rhe adr e s t i ngonmyc he s t ,andwe r e mai ne ds i l e nt .He r ewewe r e ,be t we e nt hes t ar sandwa ve s ,andatt hat mome nt ,Iwi s he dt hatt i mewoul dj us ts t op. Dani e l l ebe gant odozeoff,f al l i ngas l e e pt omyhe ar t be at . “Il oveyou. ”Iwhi s pe r e ds i l e nt l yt ohe r ,buts hewasal r e adyf as tas l e e p.
Thewave sc r as he dont hes hor es oot hi ngl y,t hebr e e zebl owi ngj us te ve r s os of t l y,whi s t l i ngasi tpas s e s .Be f or eIkne wi t ,Idr i f t e dofft os l e e pas we l l . * * * We e kshavepas s e ds i nc et heni ghtwi t hDani e l l eands t i l lIr e me mbe ri t l i kei twasye s t e r day.Imi s s e dhe r .Imi s s e dhe rf ai nts mi l e ,he rf ac et hat gl owe di nt hefir e ,he rhai ri nt hemoonl i ght ,andhe re ye st hats e e me dt o l ooki nt omyve r ys oul .Imi s s e dhe r . Adayar r i ve dwhe ne ve r yt hi ngi nt hewor l ds e e me dr i ght .Thes unwas out ,butj us tbar e l yass hehi dbe hi ndt hewhi t ec l ouds .Thes kywast he pur e s tbl uet hatI ’ vee ve rs e e n.Thebr e e zebl e w ge nt l y,c ool i ngt heday. Chi l dr e npl aye d,t he i rl aught e rhe ar de ve r ywhe r e ,andt hebi r dss angi n t heai r .Thedaywaspe r f e c t . I ’ vehadDani e l l ei nmymi ndal lday.I twasdaysl i ket he s ewhi c hmade mewi s ht hats hewaswi t hme .I twasi ndaysl i ket he s e ,t he s er ar edays whe r ee ve r yt hi ngs e e me dt of al li nt her i ghtpl ac e ,whe r eIwoul dt e l lhe r whatI ’ ves ai dt ohe rbe f or e ,t hatni ghtwes pe ntt oge t he r .Iwant e dt ot e l l he rt hatIl ove dhe r . Whatj oyIf e l twhe nIkne wt hats hewoul dbei nt hepar kt oday!My he ar tl e ape di ne xc i t e me nt ,knowi ngt hatIc oul dbewi t hhe ronc eagai n.I r e pl aye dove randove ragai ni nmyhe ad,whi l eIwal ke dt ot hepar k,how Iwoul dt e l lhe rhow If e l t .I twasi ndaysl i ket he s ewhe ne ve r yt hi ng s e e me dt of al li nt her i ghtpl ac e . Andt he n,t he r es hewas ,s ii ngonapar kbe nc h.He rs mi l ewasno l onge rf ai nt .He rf ac egl owe d,butnotbe c a us eoft hefir eanymor e .He rhai r s hi ne di nt hes unl i ght . Andhe re ye s ,whi c hs t i l lpi e r c e ss oul s ,nol onge r
me tmi ne ,butofanot he r .Shehe l dhi shand,andhehe l dhe r s .Hemove s c l os e rt ohe rands hemove sc l os e rt ohi m.The i rl i psme e t .Shewaswi t h anot he r . Myhe ar tdr ops .Thi swasanunde r s t at e me ntofwhatIwasf e e l i ng.My he ar ts t oppe ds e e msmor eappr opr i at e .Mybr e at hs hor t e ne d,andi tf e l ta s i ft i mei t s e l fhasc e as e d. Shes e e smef r om t hedi s t anc eands mi l e sandwave s .Theguynot i c e s andt ur nshi she adt owar dsme .Is e ehi m,andIkne w whohewas .Igue s s het houghtt hes amewayasIdi d.Hec oul dn’ tl e aves ome ones ode l i c at e , s ome ones or ar e ;s ome onewho’ soneofaki nd,l i keDani e l l e . If or c ea s mi l eonmyf ac e ,andwavebac k. * * * Thewave sc r as he ds oot hi ngl yont hes hor e .Thebr e e zebl e w ge nt l y, whi s t l i ngasi tpas s e s .The r ei snobonfir et oni ght ,nol aught e r ,andno me r r i me nt .I ti sonl ymet oni ght ,s ii ngdownont hes andwat c hi ngt he moonr i s e . Thes kyhasnow t ur ne dt oi t spur pl i s hhue , andonebyonet hes t ar s s howe dt he ms e l ve s ,l i kehol e sont hefloorofhe ave n.I ti sonl ymet oni ght , s ii ngdownont hes andt hi nki ngaboutDani e l l e . Is houl dn’ tf e e lt hi sway.Ine ve re xpe c t e dhe rt of a l li nl ove .ButmaybeI di d.Thepai nofnotknowi ngwhatc oul dhavebe e nnow s i nksi n.The r e gr e t soft he“what i f ’ s ”now t aket he i rt ol l .I ’ vemi s s e dmyc hanc et ot e l l he rt hewor dsmyhe ar tl onge dt os ay,andnow t he r e ’ snot hi ngIc oul ddo. Shebe l onge dt oanot he r .Some bodyownshe rnow. Thewave sc r as he ds oot hi ngl yont hes hor e .Thebr e e zebl e w ge nt l y, whi s t l i ngasi tpas s e s .I ti sonl ymet oni ght .Ihe l dt hepi c t ur eofhe rIdr e w i nmyhand.It akeonel as tl ookati t ;onel as tl ookathe r , he rf ai nts mi l e ,
he rgl owi ngf ac e ,he rhai ri nt hemoonl i ght ,andhe re ye st hats t i l lpi e r c e d mys oul .If ol dt hedr awi ngi nt oaboatandl e ti ts ai li nt hewat e r .I wat c he dast het i det ake si taway. I ti sonl ymet oni ght ,l yi ngont hes and.He r eIwas ,be t we e nt hes t ar sand wave s .
IHat eYou byLiam Untalan Il oat het hepoe t s . Myl ac kofvoc abul ar y, andi nabi l t i yt ous et he m, i nt oape r f e c tmi xofade s c r i pt i on f oryou, Iowet ot he m. The yt ookal lofi t , andc al l e di t" c l i c he " f uc kt he m al l . “Cl i c hé ”. . . i t ' swhatt he yc al li tt heve r yr e as onr e pe l l i ngmef r om t hepe nsandpape r s . Ihat ehow t he yt ookal lt hepe r f e c tde s c r i pt i ons , Ic an' te ve nwr i t et hi sdownwe l l . Idon' te ve nknow i ft hi si sapoe m, orar antwi t hl i ne sbr oke noffatpe c ul i arpl ac e s . Al lIknow i st hat , e ve nwi t hadi c t i onar yi nhand, Ipal ei nc ompar i s ont ot he m, t oYOU. " Youar e . . . " no,wai t ," youre ye sar e . . . " ughhs hi tno. " You' r ehai ri s . . . " f uc k,wai tt hat ' ss t upi d.
Idon' tknow anymor e , yourabi l i t yt ol e avemewi t havoi d i nmybr ai n, t ol e avemet hi ss t upi d, i s . . . " damnIc an' te ve nde s c r i bei t . " Youf r us t r at eme , ye tyoudonot hi ng; al lyoudoi se xi s t ,beyou. Ye tIke e ponwi s hi ng, Ij us tc an' the l pbutf e e ll i ke . . . l i keyou' r et oomuc hofwhatIne e d. ( Iknow r i ght ,you' veoďŹƒc i al l ybe at e nmybr ai ns e ns e l e s s . ) Anyways ,bac kt ot hepoe t s . . . t hos ebas t ar dl ywor ds mi t he r sc oul d' vedonebe e r , Iwi s ht he ywe r et heone st hatl ove dyou, notme-notwhe nIc an' te ve nf at hom how hope l e s s l yhope f ulyoumake me . Youde s e r vet oknow -t or e adorhe art hemos tbe aut i f ulofde s c r i pt i ons ; t hepe r f e c twor ds . Buti t ' sme , i t ' smewhol ove syou, ( i ft hi si swhatt he yc al ll ove ) AndIl i t e r al l yc annotďŹ ndanyot he rwor dst os ay.
CONFESSI ONS It hi nkIl i keGabe.Iyte’sarb,eeanndmorIe’mthasntilal The pr obl em wi t hf r i endl yi s t hat ,par as akani l a,f r i endl yka LANG,per opar as ayoi bana. Kaya pami ns an ang hi r ap magt apat kas iAl am mo na kunganoi s as agotni ya…
cl i ngi ng on t o t he hope t hat you wi l l come knocki ng on my door and ever yt hi ng wi l lbe al lr i ghtagai n. My l i f ei sa ver y,ver y unhappymes swi t hout you.
Las i ngl angakonun,s or r y . Notami nut egoesbymyf ucki ngl i f ewi t houtyouon mymi nd.I st hatevennor mal ?Idon’ tknow t hough, Icanonl ys ayt hatt angi na,I ’ mt i r ed ofwai t i ng f or t her i ghtmomentt ot el lyou,butIj us ts i tbackand gr i nd my t eet h knowi ng t hatt hatmomentmi ght notact ual l yexi s t . Il ove you wi t h al lmy hear t
Nasasakt an even if you cheat; and no mat t er what happens I wi l l akokahi t continue to love you and to hi ndidapathope and pray thatyou find
your way. Tr ue, i t ’ s my Ever ys i ngl et i me obl i gat i ont o;butasyourson,I you’ r ei nmy know t hatIcan’ thel p butf eel dr eams ,I nohat r edt owar dsyou,Papa. r ememberi tas s oonasIwakeup I mi s st heol dyou becaus eIfind .t heol dus. mys el fi nt ear s . r i ghtaway.
ToPol o,Icanhel pyoumoveon. I fever yonehast ogot hr ough I ’ l lj us ts t and t hewr ongr el at i ons hi pst oget er e and bear t ot her i ghtone,t hen whati fh I ’ m yourfir s tr el at i ons hi p? I n t he pai n of s hor t ,whati fI ’ m wr ong f or t chi ng you you? Iwantyou t o be s ur e wa kapagt ayona,butIal s ocan’ tf al l f or s t and s eei ng you happy wi t h someoneel se. s omeoneel s e.Whet herhebe t hewr ongoneornot . You don’ t under s t and boundar i es. You may appr eci at e women,but you have no r espect f or t hem. You keep t ouchi ng unneces sar i l y and i nt r udi ng i n ot her s’busi nes ses.Maybe i t ’ sbecause yout hi nkyou’ r esohotorhandsome,buteveni fyou r eal l y wer e,t hats t i l ldoesn’ tgi ve you a r i ghtt o t ouchpeopl ei fandespeci al l ywhent heydon’ twant t obet ouched.Keepyourhandst oyour sel f ,youfli r t .
I ’ m af r ai dnoonewi l lever Pl eas emagbr eaknakayo.You l oveme. ar edr aggi ngherdown.Weal l
know you’ l lneverendup Iwantt o t oget heranyway.Lethergo. know how i t Li z,hi ndiki t amaaLI Z sa f eel sl i ket o puso ati si p ko!wag mo s a n a a k o a kong LI Zani n cutmywr i s t s
puuhhLI Z
Pl eas e don’ tWhy won' tyou be i n l ove fight f or me? wi t hs omeone Am Inotwor t h el s e. bei ngwi t h? Iwantt ohat eyouf orhur t i ngme,f ort aki ngmef or gr ant ed,and f ormaki ng mef eell i keI ' m notwor t h anyt hi ng.ButIcan' t .Ij us tcan' tbr i ng mysel ft ol et yougo,nomat t erhow muchyoupushmeaway.
Iwantt o know whati t f eel s l i ke t o br eak s omeone’ shear t . Pl eas edon' tl eaveme.Notl i ket hi s .Iknow weowe i tt oour s el vest obef r eebutpl eas edon' tl eaveme.
Ir egr etl eavi ngyouf orher . Iknow i tdoes n' tmakes ens e, but I r eal l y ,r eal l y want t o bel i eve i n t he mul t i ver s e t heor y .Iwantt obel i evei nt he i dea t hat s omewher e out t her et her e' s a wor l d wher e we' r e bot hs t upi dl yi nl ove wi t h each ot her ,becaus ei t ' s t heonl ywayIcan copewi t h nothavi ngyoul ovemei nt hi s .
Da t i t al aga s obr ang gus t oki t a, Kai .
Edi t or si nChi e f : Br e ntBue noandYe nye nTe Me mbe r s : Paol oAl j i be Al dr i nFaj ar do Me l i s s aHont i ve r os Shi e l aRabaya Ni zzaRe gal ado Spe c i alThanksTo: Tar aMe ndoza Cl ai r eAr agon Mai neLe onar do Ranzhe lAganan