email: contact.kiwimag@gmail.com website: kiwimagazine.tumblr.com instagram: @fresh_kiwimag facebook: @freshkiwimag
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About Kiwimag Kiwi Magazine is a biannual print publication and art collective at UCLA. We are a group of creatives who are living, learning, and growing – creating art as a product of our experiences, for our own self-expression and enjoyment. The only goal is to work towards becoming our best selves. Our delivery is raw and pure, like fresh produce. “...quality people who share in experiences, art and inspiration; who mutually respect each other as creatives; and who are willing to learn from one another.” ~Teresa Ji, President “I suppose our job is to be critical of everything. It’s kind of on-brand for us to be self-indulgent in our own struggles, and then hope it translates into being relatable and real.” ~Brenna McNamara, VP
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The Staff
Brenna McNamara
Katherine Arnaud
Sachi Hilliard
Audrey Min
Qingqing Su
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Nessa Yang
Erica Wu
Teresa Ji
Sheila Wang
Felipe Navarrete
Tracy Tan
Eunice Song
Risley Cline
Forward How to Grow Up 1.You count the lessons your mother taught you, folding them neatly into paper boats you keep tucked in your pocket. 2.You’re waiting for it to rain, waiting for streams that will careen down towards your hometown waiting for the day you’ll finally have the chance to 3.Take her words and apply them to your budding career – your fucking life. A paperboat carrying her dreams, your dreams, our dreams, just a giant public collective of lofty goals, checklists, weights, ups, downs, around and been around towns. Her tender words scraping against the bottom of asphalt streets. 4. Stand there, staring at the fridge, wondering what to eat. Paper corners turning into pulpy holes. All because none of us really know. Repeat.
words by Eunice Song
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Table of Contents 7
“A list of things my parents gave me when they inadvertently brought me, kicking and screaming, into the interstices of this world” ---------------------------------------------------------------- Audrey Min
8 Self-portrait ------------------------------------------------------- Risley Cline 9
Care Bear ------------------------------------------------- Brenna McNamara
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Map of a Young girls Heart ------------------------------ Vanessa Yang
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the subtle art of never growing up ------------ Katherine Arnaud
14 Yakult --------------------------------------------------------------------- Erica Wu 15
Picky eater --------------------------------------------------------- Sheila Wang
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Life in the Margins -------------------------------------------- Sachi Hilliard
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Little Lion --------------------------------------------------------- Qingqing Su
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Sophomore Summer ---------------------------------------------- Teresa Ji
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“God Made Me Poor Because I Can’t Stop Giving People Money”
------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eunice Song
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Morning jog around the block --------------------- Felipe Navarette
27 untitled ------------------------------------------------------------------ Tracy Tan
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A LIST OF THINGS MY PARENTS GAVE ME WHEN THEY INADVERTENTLY BROUGHT ME, KICKING AND SCREAMING, INTO THE INTERSTICES OF THIS WORLD This body an index of centuries of contingencies a reminder of the literal corporeality of |dentity The treachery of solidarity The longing of the post-diasporic self for the indices of a mythic home or family that are ostensibly irrational/arise from a fallacy of eyes and face and tongue but which our emotional viscera tell us are wrenchingly valid Who are we, as diasporic individuals (or more accurately as indices, as products, of diaspora)?
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the subtle art of never growing up. finish your cartoons and then go take off your chipped nail polish with rubbing alcohol, but don’t rub your eyes right afterwards, or you’ll go blind they say, and don’t drink the bath water, shampoo first, shave everything, even your toes, but don’t cry when you get stung by a bee, and don’t suck hard on markers, trust me they don’t taste like strawberries, draw only straight lines, triangles are okay, keep stick figures to a minimum, but if you must, at least close the door, oh, and raise your hand in class when you have to pee, but it’s better if you just hold it, learn to do cartwheels, flexibility is always preferred; go ahead and enjoy your sprite, but don’t laugh too hard when you get tickled, and don’t sneeze in church and don’t straighten your hair on rainy days, roll your blue plaid skirt twice, but make sure to duck around corners when the principal walks by, eat less than everyone around you, but don’t throw up, only in private, and don’t let the boys touch you between your legs, move away even if they’re just reaching for your hand, don’t ask too many questions, especially not in sex ed or bible study, wear socks that match, button your buttons, check your fly six times, maybe seven, remember that blood stains, forget about training bras, sometimes we all skip a base, kiss your own eyelids, don’t fall into volcanoes and don’t speak out of turn. watch out for mixed breeds. never go out without a bang, or condoms. and never fall asleep before nine. but most of all: don’t get caughtyou can’t let them know all along you were playing make-pretendyou can’t let them know or your childhood will end.
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As a child, most of us lived without a worry, carefree and wild. We don’t think much about how to take care of ourselves. As we mature and grow, we may not realize that keeping ourselves safe and healthy takes work. We’re not prepared for when the storm hits. How do we begin the process of self-healing and self-care? Maybe we can begin the process together.
1. Eat at least three meals a day. As a college student, we are often busy with school, internships and work. It can be easy to skip a meal to save time, but it’s important to keep our bodies nourished. Eating three healthy meals a day will ensure that you have enough energy to tackle the day’s activities. 2. Get at least 8 hours of sleep per day. Taking care of your physical health includes your sleep schedule. While it can be tempting to stay up studying or going to a party, sleep is essential for maintaining your health. 3. Maintain a support network of friends and family. In college, most of us move away from home for the first time. It can be scary and lonely, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember to make calls to your family, and open up to your friends when you are having a rough time. 4. Know your limits and adjust your workload accordingly. As college students, we all come to school with the goal of achieving something and making a change our own way. While reaching for our dreams and goals, we must remember to take a rest and just breathe. Overworking yourself will only be detrimental to your mental health. You must take care of yourself before tackling on the world. 5. Take the time to do something you enjoy. Whether it’s playing an instrument or doing your makeup, do something that’s fun for you just for the sake of it. Make time for something that isn’t school or work-related, and you will feel much more refreshed and ready to handle your responsibilities. 27
6. Treat yourself. When you can, treat yourself every once in a while. Pamper yourself by getting your nails done or getting an ice cream cone. Take the time to sit back, relax, and enjoy life. 7. Try to exercise a few times a week. Exercise is not only good for your body physically, but it also releases endorphins that will improve your mood as well. 8. Use the resources available to you. During times of stress, don’t be afraid to email your professor or TA. If you have a disability, including mental disabilities, you can register with the Center for Accessible Education. If you are having academic trouble or just questions in general, check in with an academic counselor. Make use of the plentiful resources available at school and use them to your advantage. 9. Go to the doctor and maintain your physical health. Be sure to have regular check-ups with the doctor and take medicine as instructed or needed. If it helps, you can use an app to remind you when to take medicine. 10. Make time for self-reflection or meditation. In addition to physical health, it is important to nourish our spiritual health. Take the time to read something inspiring, or listen to music that motivates you. Think about what is fulfilling to you, whether it is a religion or a cause.
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“When I grow up, I’m gonna learn how to bake so I’ll always have a cake on the cake stand when my friends come over. Free cake! All the time.”