PUREHONEY 21

Health ‘Care’ Jokes The healthcare industry is rife with irony. Oh, it’s got a sense of humor; just be prepared to be the butt of the joke.

Here’s a good one: A patient in need of a liver transplant is told by his surgeon that he had lost too much weight to undergo such a rigorous procedure, that the patient looks like he could fall down at any minute, and that it was so serious that he would have to spend some time in a hospital receiving intravenous nutrition (total parenteral nutrition, or TPN), which would get him back to a manageable weight. The patient agrees and goes to the hospital, only to get the bait and switch. Instead of TPN, he gets put on a liquid diet, followed by fasting so he could undergo a colonoscopy (his fifth one in almost as many years). So not only did he not get the extra calories he needed; he got even fewer than normal — and the comfort of knowing there’s a nice big hospital bill on the way.

Funny-ha-ha, right? The joke’s not over yet.

The hospital doctor calls the patient a week later and tells him the colonoscopy results reveal that the patient’s colon needs to be removed due to numerous “pre-cancerous” polyps. The doctor says he needs to confer with some other doctors before any more information is known. Talk about dropping a bombshell.

Finally, four days later, the patient gets some good news. The doctor says it’s possible to do both surgeries during the same hospital stay.

Things are looking up. Not only that, but the patient will be getting TPN at home to get in shape for surgery. And he’ll be able to receive it at home — no more hospital stays until T-Day! The patient then receives a call from his local doctor’s office, which is arranging to have a home healthcare service handle the TPN. He is told that the insurance company authorized everything, and he just needs to go to an outpatient center to have a PICC line (catheter) for the IV installed in his arm; a nurse would come by the following day with the TPN. He gets the PICC line installed and is at home waiting for the nurse. The nurse calls and says she’ll call back to let him know when she’s coming. A second nurse calls and says she’ll call back. A “nurse coordinator” calls... yada, yada. They all leave him hanging. Then the pharmacy that has the TPN calls and tells him his insurance company won’t cover home infusion.

“But my doctor’s office already had this authorized.”

“Sorry.”

“What do I do?”

“Not my problem.”

OK, so she didn’t say that, but that’s what this conversation and the six or so others I had that night — yes, I’m the patient — amounted to. They were washing their hands of this problem and leaving me to solve it. Because, you know, I understand jack shit about home health infusion and can easily get in touch with anyone on a Friday night.

Though my gastroenterologist was out of town, I emailed her, and she replied within a half-hour, saying I should just go to the ER the next morning. So much for home service.

I went to JFK Medical Center, and while the staff was great, the entire first day there was frustrating as hell because I didn’t know what was going on — and I still wasn’t getting the TPN. But because I threw myself at the feet of the healthcare industry, I became a problem that had to be solved. I started TPN the following evening, and on Monday morning, straightened out my insurance company and now receive TPN at home.

Of course, the last laugh will once again be on me, the butt of the joke, when this hospital bill arrives. I always knew I’d be in for some financial strain because of the liver transplant, but since I’ve had these two unforeseen hospital visits — and now need a colectomy, which will require at least two surgeries — I think the only thing I can do at this point is to laugh along with the joke. Because when I get the bill for all of this, I’m going to have myself a good cry.

In the meantime, my good friend Devon Nelson set up a Billy Boloby Benefit at Little Munich with Cop City, Nervous Attachments, The Jameses and New Coke. He also created a fundraising page at GiveForward.com (under “Jason Budjinski”). I’ve got a huge ordeal ahead of me, but this gives me some muchneeded motivation to stay strong. Of course, TPN helps, too. ~Jason Budjinski

Mood Ring Boutique We’ve all had those days when you walk over to the closet, that one colorful shirt speaks to you, and you know today you are feeling adventuroustoday you are going to feel happy!

Melissa Brouard is behind the newly-launched Etsy shop, Mood Ring Boutique, and brings that unique everyday-feeling to your closet.

She always knew she wanted to open an online store but it was costume design where she got her initial start in fashion. Her extensive costume design skills, acquired from years of working with entertainment companies, give Mood Ring that special flair and custom “upcycled” edge.

Just like a mood ring- a novelty ring that changes colors in response to the wearer’s spirit- the name Mood Ring Boutique came about from Melissa’s “all-over-the-place” style. Like an ever changing fashion chameleon, “Versatility,” she states, “is the inspiration and you don’t have to be confined to one style.”

You will find vintage pieces that range from 80’s blouses, belts and shirts, to one-of-a-kind 90’s floral dresses at her shop on etsy.com/shop/ moodringboutique and at Flash Studios Miami.

Get to know Moodring Boutique’s Melissa in the Doll Quiz…

Hobbies & Interests: Running, designing, crafting, thrifting, movies, playing tourist, beach, and hanging out at various cafes with friends.

One item in your wardrobe you can’t live without: Sunglasses and oversized tops. I’m always running late for things. Oversized tops are quick and easy to change into, and allow me to dress up or dress down. I’m all about versatility.

Top five artists/songs on your iPod: I never get tired of The Black Angels, Washed Out. I love classic rock (The Runaways are a guilty pleasure), 90’s hip hop, electronica, and I absolutely love James Brown and R&B artists from the 50’s-70’s. I recently discovered The Kukumbas, and I’m a fan of a Miami Group called Poko Loco. I would kill to go through Quentin Tarantino’s music library.

Sorry, that’s more than five.

For more Dopedoll Fashion Chronicles and an exclusive Focus Media ‘Behind The Scene’s Mood Ring Boutique video by Sam Cavero go toTropicult.com! ~Vanessa Haim Photography: Danny Delgado for Tropicult’s Dopedoll Fashion Chronicles http://TROPICULT.com

FAU Strikes Again CAVES IN TO RIGHT WING HYSTERIA Bad enough that FAU last February decided to sell naming rights to its football stadium to the world’s largest private prison company, the GEO Group. (And thank you to the protestors who got the deal cancelled.)

Worse, in many ways, is how the school in March dealt with the uproar over a class exercise that liars and fools distorted and moaned about all over the planet, crying religious discrimination -- when the point of the exercise was to teach the power of religious symbols.

What happened in the class is this: Dr. Deandre Poole (a devout Christian, using a textbook written by a scholar from a Catholic college) had students in his class write the word “Jesus” on pieces of paper. He asked them to put the pieces of paper on the floor and step on them.

(The students were free to refuse.) Then they discussed the word’s power to influence their feelings. According to Dr. Poole, one student got upset and after class, threatened him, saying he wanted to hit him. Poole filed a report with campus cops. The school told the student to not attend the class while the incident was under investigation. The student went to local television and said he was suspended for speaking out rather than “having my religious rights desecrated.” FOXnews and others blew the story up. A right wing Christian legal organization from Texas bullied the school. The school issued an apology and said they’d never do anything again to cause anyone to think offend anyone (which only fueled the flames). Hate mail against the instructor followed, including death threats [cuz that’s what Jesus woulda done-ed.]. He’s been in hiding ever since, in fear for his life.

The spirit of inquiry at a public university? Fuhgeddaboutit.

FAU’s administration should have stood up for the professor and defended the principle of academic freedom. Instead the cowardly hypocrites crapped their pants and bowed down to a mob. Like the local joke goes: Find Another University. ~ Karlo M

SUBMIT YOUR SHOWS EACH MONTH BY THE 10TH May 1-5 SunFest: Smashing Pumpkins, Cheap Trick, Jimmy Cliff, Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, Less than Jake, Roadkill Ghost Choir and more @ Dntn WPB

Wednesday, May 1

Industrial Grade Wednesday @ Respectable Street Heavy Pets Light @ Dada

Thursday, May 2

Gravel Kings @ Respectable Street Suicidal Tendencies, Sick of it All, Waking the Dead @ Grand Central Opeth, Katatonia @ Culture Room The Magic Beans, Lucky Costello, David Jacobson Band @ Funky Biscuit

Sunday, May 12

Chris Murray, Good Shepard, DJ Skidmark @ 5 Points Lounge Jahfe, Lance-O, JLouie Rockaz, Realmarsha, Shyne J @ Jazid

Monday, May 13

Spred the Dub @ Longboard’s Rhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’s Miami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s Pub

Wednesday, May 15

Heavy Pets Light @ Dada ‘Bikes: Check ‘em out!’; Free Live Art/Craft Bazaar @ Respectable Street

Thursday, May 16

Men: A Documentary @ Coastars Coffee Bar

Friday, May 3 Of Montreal, Wild Moccasins @ Grand Central Rachel Andes Band @ Dada Felicia Rose, South Side Dub @ Swampgrass Willys The Duppies @ 5 Points Lounge Between Bluffs @ The Funky Buddha Lounge

Saturday, May 4 Kris Delgado Art Opening @ Coastars Coffee Bar Project X, Luxury of Company, Luna Rex @ Longbouard’s A Day To Remember @ The Fillmore Miami Beach The Hard Richards @ Dada Boregore @ Revolution Live Skanko De Mayo: Ghetto Blaster, The Sheffield Crew, Control This!, Surfer Pig, Raskylz, Stop the Presses, Riot Agents, DJ Los Hated, Rudeboi Shuffle, Askultura @ Churchill’s Pub 1 Hit Left, Operative me, Adage @ Swampgrass Willys Strangecookie @ Undergrounds Coffeehaus Brownbird Rudy Relic, Los Bastardos Magnificos @ 5 Points Lounge

Sunday, May 5

iCinco de Mayo Rabia! Greenhouse Lounge, BioDeisel, Space Jesus @ Funky Biscuit Jahfe, Lance-O, Jahstream, Alesouljah @ Jazid Cinco de Massiv: Nadastrom, Sabo, Craze @ Grand Central

Monday, May 6

Spred the Dub @ Longboard’s Rhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’s Miami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s Pub

Tuesday, May 7 The Joy Formidable, IO Echo @ Culture Room Poetry Slam @ Dada

Wednesday, May 8

Alkaline Trio, Bayside @ Revolution Live Orgone, Fusik @ Funky Biscuit Dubble James, S.P.O.R.E. @ Respectable Street Heavy Pets Light @ Dada

Thursday, May 9

CLVB DRVGS @ Coastars Coffee Bar The Dada Craft Bazaar @ Dada Couthie Chops, Skillz Medina, Jony Van Doren @ American Rock Bar

Friday, May 10 Eagle Chief (Arboles Libres), The Tremends, Deaf Poets, Copan @ Churchill’s Pub Clutch, The Sword, Lionize @ Revolution Live Fear Factory, Hate Eternal, Kobra & the Lotus @ Culture Room Mike Dillon Band, Ketchy Shuby @ Funky Biscuit Imagine Dragons @ Sunset Cove Amp Johnny Buscemi, Mandy Moon, Fireside Prophets @ Swampgrass Willys Los Bastardos Magnificos @ Poor House Ana Popovic @ Bamboo Room The High Chiefs, Orange Juice Band @ Funky Buddha

Saturday, May 11 Blackfinger CD Release @ Bamboo Room

21 Reasons @ Coastars Coffee Bar Rebel, Retrocities, Article 47 @ Respectable Street Comedy Fest @ Funky Buddha Fred Falke, Aramis Lorie, Ray Milian @ The Garret Bird Bash 1.5: Deaf Poets, Eagle Chief, Contra, Sharpsound Louie Arson, Haitian Hillbilly, Yancy @ Blackbird Ordinary Collie Buddz @ Culture Room Goat Whore @ Churchill’s Pub Skinny Jimmy & the Stingrays @ Dada Back to the 80’s @ Swampgrass Willys Juke @ Poor House Mothers Day Craft Show @ Undergrounds Coffeehaus

BBAD Presents Open Mic @ ActivistArtistA Gallery Heavy Pets Side Project: The Sugar Dicks @ Funky Buddha

Friday, May 17

Raphael @ The Fillmore Miami Beach Rocky Horror Picture Show @ Respectable Street Luna Rex @ Dada The Heavy Pets @ Will Call Premium Buzz, S.L.A.P @ Swampgrass Willys Slip & the Spinouts @ Poor House Gothic Masquerade Ball @ Undergrounds Coffeehaus Jon Zeeman Band, David Shelley & Bluestone @ Bamboo Room Rundowntown @ Funky Buddha

Saturday, May 18

Astari Nite, Astrea Corp, Pretty Girls @ Respectable Street Third Day @ Cruzan Amp

Beach Day @ Dada Baauer @ Grand Central The People Upstairs @ Old School Square Lowdown 13 @ Swampgrass Willys Peewees Burlesque Adventure: Reckless Dames @ 5 Points Lounge Albert Castiglia @ Bamboo Room Dirty Bourbon River Show @ Funky Buddha

Sunday, May 19 Gold Dust Lounge @ The Standard

Jahfe, Esther Fortune, Jovi Rockwell, Prince Patrick, Natty Remo, Bizerk, Beky Glacier, Red Lyte, Lance-O, Croy @ Jazid Ft.Lauderdale Electronic Music & Animation festival “Altered Fest”: Untamed, Weho, Kill this City, Dirty District,

Sun Fkt, Murjur, This is the Black Machine, DJ Oski, Mister Cribb, Johanna Martinez, Chelsea Colon, Ishaemedia @ Da Big Kahuna Attack Attack! @ Culture Room

Monday May 20

Spred the Dub @ Longboard’s Rhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’s Miami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s Pub

Tuesday, May 21

Quincy Mumford @ Funky Buddha

Wednesday, May 22

Heavy Pets Light @ Dada I Heart the 80’s Music Video Dance Party @ Respectable Street Plan B, Tom Tom Fundraiser @ Churchill’s Pub

Friday, May 24

Los Bastardos Magnificos @ Dada

The Mobile Homies, The Curve, The Bastard Suns @ Swampgrass Willys The Resolvers @ BJ’s On The Beach Kelly Richey Band: Freekbass & Jun Yates @ Bamboo Room The Super Fuzz, Mylo Ranger, Pretty Girls @ Funky Buddha

Saturday, May 25 MARCH AGAINST MONSANTO @ Everywhere

Astrea Corporation @ Dada Open Story Slam, Plush Lounge @ Coastars Coffee Bar Electric Decadence @ O’Malley’s Bar County Line Road @ Swampgrass Willys Haunted Promo @ Undergrounds Coffeehaus A Tribute to Bob Dylan: Rod MacDonald’s Big Brass Bed & Reflections @ Bamboo Room The Hip Abduction @ Funky Buddha Yngwie Malmsteen @ Grand Central

Sunday May 26

7th Ever Cheesy 80’s Prom @ Respectable Street Ras Kokay & Rythmadix, Lance-O, Walshy Fire Balck Chiney, Exit Sound @ Jazid

Monday May 27

Spred the Dub @ Longboard’s Rhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’s Sevendust @ Culture Room Miami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s Pub

Tuesday, May 28

Ironic/Iconic: A Pop Culture Expo @ Howley’s

Wednesday, May 29

Face To Face @ Revolution Live Heavy Pets Light @ Dada

Thursday, May 30 Dada Drinking Spelling Bee @ Dada

Love of Lyrics Poetry Slam @ Coastars Coffee Bar

Friday, May 31

Sea Rat, The Weird, Speaking Volumes @ Swampgrass Willys JP Soars & the Red Hots, Josh Smith @ Bamboo Room Scott Marischen’s Jazz Quartet COTT @ Funky Buddha Nunhex, Devalued, Holly Hunt, Shit Luck @ Churchill’s Pub

Saturday, June 1

King Django, Askultura @ Churchill’s Pub Across the Universe: A Tribute to the Beatles @ Bamboo Room

Sunday, June 2

Jahfe, Lance-O, Jahstream, Rudeboy Craig @ Jazid

Monday, June 3

Spred the Dub @ Longboard’s Rhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’s Echo Valley Art Show @ Undergrounds Coffeehaus

Tuesday, June 4

Killswitch Engage @ Revolution Live

Wednesday, June 5

Big Boi @ Revolution Live

Thursday, June 6

Dopapod@ Funky Buddha Lounge

June 6-9 Hukilau 2013: The Hula Girls, Gold Dust Lounge, The Intoxicators, The Ding Dong Devils, Ixtahuele @ Hukilau Friday, June 7 Ice Age, Lover, New Coke, Suede Dudes, Last @ Churchill’s Pub Saturday, June 8 Los Amigos Invisibles @ Grand Central Chali, XCX, Kitty Pride, Little Daylight, Ray Milian, Aramis Lorie @ The Garret Order of the Owl, Bog Prophet, Orbweaver, The Tunnel, Amplifier Orgy @ Churchill’s Pub Fleetwood Mac @ BB&T Center Murder Junkies @ The Speakeasy

Hot Breathy Screams Christopher Ian Macfarlane is a local artist that operates on an entirely different plane of consciousness and brings artists such as Joseph Beuys and Marcel Duchamp to mind because like them, Macfarlane is attempting to redefine “Art” (capital a) and what it means to be an artist.

Flowing like a river between mediums (music, painting and sculpture), ‘found objects’ and illustration being combined into a 21st century version of animatronic Kinetic Art; Christopher represents a new avant-gardism. About his work preferences he states: “Painting on a flat canvas is great, but there’s got to be more.

I’ve been making large three dimensional cardboard sculptures” and about art in general “… art should jump into the audience, physically grabbing them by the collars and warming their faces with hot breathy screams.” He then spoke at length about his “ … disgust toward the mentality that many people have regarding migration to one place or the other to get ‘discovered’ or ‘noticed.’ If your art is good, then you should be able to draw crowds into a sewer to come see it.” His personal art mythos: “I want to try to be as innovative as possible - not so people can marvel at me as a person. I don’t want to be in their minds at all. I want each person to feel like the only ones in the room are them and the particular piece.” More Duchamp-isms; Marcel was acutely aware of the critical relationship of what he considered to be the holy trinity of art (artist/object/viewer). I suspect we’re seeing the sum effect of marrying art with technology and it’s becoming a sort of new informal “Fluxus;” spreading like so many ripples… as movements in Art (capital a) are both inevitably and apt to do.

It’s worth mentioning that some months ago Christopher made a sculpture for The Residents which still rides at the helm of their tour bus and that at the very least is pretty damn cool!

Check out ~Gabriel Laszlo

his

website:

www.crapbychris.com

Wolf Blitzkrieg “The best part is over, and nothing I’m feeling is new,” Joy Formidable vocalist Ritzy Bryan sings on “The Turnaround,” towards the end of her band’s new album, Wolf’s Law. A falser statement could not be made about Joy Formidable itself, which, if Wolf’s Law is any indication, seems to want to reinvent the rock ‘n’ roll wheel with every record. Leaps and bounds ahead of the group’s 2011 debut The Big Roar, the album doesn’t hew nearly as faithfully to the band’s sonic forbears – the Breeders, Cocteau Twins, Belly – and inches the Joy Formidable closer to the kind of band other acts are compared to. Some of the credit must be reserved for producer Andy Wallace, whose work with Slayer, Sonic Youth and Nirvana helped shape the album’s mix of heaviness and artiness. Ditto for the secluded cabin in the woods in Maine where the Joy Formidable spent a week writing Wolf’s Law, sans Wi-Fi and telephone, alone with their ideas, creative juices flowing like sap from the trees outside.

At any rate, the band’s advanced growth and complexity are best distilled by three tracks in the middle of the album: The frenzied punk bombast of “Bats” gives way to the arresting acoustic lighter-waver “Silent Treatment,” which ushers in the assaulting “Maw Maw Song,” with head-banging riffs that not a far cry from Black Sabbath. “Cholla” and “Forest Serenade,” meanwhile, have the same instant-hit infectiousness that made “Whirring” one of the most exciting songs of 2010. Bookended by orchestral surprises and filled with twinkly interludes, shredding solos and other unexpected bridges, Wolf’s Law is masterful. It’s safe to say the best part is definitely not over, with the hardworking North Wales trio stopping at the Culture Room May 7, where they’ll bring along Los Angeles indie rockers Io Echo. The band’s set lists have been seemingly short on this tour, clocking in at around 14 songs, but expect to hear extended, emphatic versions of album tracks that already inch toward the 7-minute mark. Tickets are $15 at ticketmaster.com. ~John Thomason

Lake Worth Vinyl Project Lake Worth is a lucky little town. Spanning just seven miles, residents and visitors get a face full of culture whenever they swing through this artsy community. With a bevy of local bands, stellar venues, and the finest vinyl in all the land available at Top Five Records, it’s no secret this town gets turned on by music.

Locals invariably tend to get into the musical spirit, including friends Dave Earley and Lauren Vocino who met when Lauren was booking acts at Propaganda and Dave was a regular at the bar. They would chat about bands and one day, Dave revealed his big idea.

After discovering the book Behind Photographs by Tim Mantoani, Dave was inspired. It captured images of famous photographers holding a copy of their most beloved photographic contribution.

“I thought, Lake Worth is so musically oriented, it would be neat to photograph people holding the one album they could listen to forever” he said. Dave shared this concept with Lauren, and the Lake Worth Vinyl Project was born.

They started promoting. Soon shoots were popping up all over town. Who was allowed to participate? Everyone. “We wanted it to be diverse, people from different groups getting together and getting to know each other and talking about the records they chose. There are kids, bands, and business people. But the commonality is music.” The response was rather impressive.

158 people and 1 dog participated in the project and the official unveiling was last December at Top Five where over 80 people came to show support.

The photos still hang there today.

Is this the end of the Lake Worth Vinyl Project? No way! Dave and Lauren are planning on a “Guilty Pleasures” shoot. Keep an eye out for a Kickstarter page launched by the duo that will raise funds to keep the project going.

Lauren knows they have a good thing going and is looking towards the future: “People have been really receptive to it; everyone we talk to is excited about the idea. People ask me all the time ‘When are you doing the guilty pleasure shoot?’ We are hoping it will be even bigger than the first one.”

To view a full list of models and album titles from our centerfold go to PureHoneyMagazine.com | www.facebook.com/lakeworthvinylproject ~ Dana Krangel

A Local’s Guide to Hukilau The Hukilau has become a Fort Lauderdale institution, an annual bacchanalia of tiki culture that draws colorfully-clad revelers from around the globe for four days of revelry.

The 12th annual event – set for June 6-9 at the Sheraton Beach Hotel and The MaiKai restaurant – could be daunting to the newbie or casual observer. So, for those who just want to get their feet wet in this ocean of tiki madness, here’s what to look for: The Sheraton (aka Yankee Clipper) - home of Marina the Fire Eating Mermaid and her underwater swim shows in the Wreck Bar – is ground zero. Rooms are sold out, but the neighboring Best Western and other nearby hotels are fine for a “staycation.”

Look for Marina’s special performances, including late-night Thursday.

You don’t need a room or an all-access pass to enjoy the party. Various tickets are available, most including access to the art show and Tiki Treasures Bazaar. For the first time, the bazaar will be free and open to the public Saturday afternoon.

Eclectic music sets the mood, and The Hukilau offers a rare chance to catch Ìxtahuele (Sweden), The Ding Dong Devils (California), The Hula Girls (California), and The Intoxicators (Tallahassee). South Florida is represented

by Gold Dust Lounge and Skinny Jimmy & the Stingrays. Check the online schedule for venues and times.

The Hukilau is known for its educational symposiums on such diverse topics as authentic Polynesian tattooing and the history of aloha shirts. Cocktailians won’t want to miss author Jeff “Beachbum” Berry’s annual seminar featuring exclusive recipes, tips and tropical drink lore. These require a separate ticket but are reasonably priced.

Further inland, The Mai-Kai hosts multiple events. Sure, we enjoy this Polynesian paradise year-round, but the vibe and energy is unique during The Hukilau. Check out the Thursday night party or make reservations for one of Saturday’s dinner shows to get a front-row seat for the festivities. Bands perform all night in the bar and back dining area.

Sunday afternoon’s finale includes live music and a documentary on tiki culture by Miami filmmakers Common Machine.

For more information, go to TheHukilau.com ~ Jim Hayward, TheAtomicGog.com