Survivors Against Domestic Violence January 2010

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Survivors Against Domestic Violence

WE ARE SURVIVORS

LIFE AFTER DOMESTIC

VIOLENCE HE HIT ME

HE HIT ME NOT Facts & Stats About DV

SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

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CONTRIBUTORS>>

Survivors Against Domestic Violence

Called to Fight Domestic Violence

G

eorge and Chyna, a husband and wife dynamic duo are instruments of solution for individuals desiring to turn their life’s pain into purpose from domestic violence.

Their message is quite simple - to give victims a voice and give them the courage to rediscover themselves anew.

George Namho is the Founder and brainchild of Purple casket campaign .com. He is also a speaker, socialpreneur and author of the soon to be released book titled “Silent Fear – Ending the Silence of Domestic Violence”.

Illustration By: Ashley Cecil

I pledge to take a stand against Domestic Violence.

I recognize that Domestic Violence threatens the lives of women and children and the health of entire communities.

I recognize that Domestic Violence is everyone's business and that there is no excuse for not taking a stand to prevent abuse.

I promise to get involved in the effort to reduce Domestic Violence in my neighborhood, my city and the United States.

He is a natural born leader and visionary with an extraordinary gift to take your passion, idea and transform it into reality. George’s natural philosophy is to enlighten, enrich, empower and change the lives of others by how they think, what their core beliefs are and how they perceive life’s challenging situations.

PurpleCasketCampaign.Com Waging War Against Domestic Violence

S AND UP AGAINST

DOMESTIC

SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

VIOLENCE

You will be going to the Morgue

LETs Prevent domestic Volience It’s Your Business!

PurpleCasketCampaign.Com Waging War Against Domestic Violence

SAFEL NE Helping Victims of Domestic Violence

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THINK IT OVER>>

Survivors Against Domestic Violence

Why do victims return to or stay with abusers?

• A better question is, “Why does the abuser choose to abuse?”

• The deck is stacked against the victim when confronted with leaving or not.

• Abusers work very hard to keep victims in relationships.

• There is a real fear of death or more abuse if they leave.

• In fact, a victim’s risk of getting killed greatly increases when they are in the process of leaving or have just left.

• On average, three women die at the hands of a current or former intimate partner every day.

• We, as a community, must do more to ensure the safety of victims when they leave.

• Batterers are very good at making victims think that the abuse is their fault. Victims often believe that if they caused the violence, they can also stop it.

• Victims stay because they are made to think they cannot survive on their own, financially or otherwise. Often abusers create a financial situation that makes leaving nearly impossible.

• Survivors sometimes want the abuse to end, not the relationship.

• A survivor may return to the abuser because that’s the person she the survivor fell in love with, and she believes his promises to change. It’s not easy for anyone to let go of hopes and dreams.

Is it possible for abusers to change?

• Yes, but they must make the choice to change.

• It’s not easy for an abuser to stop abusive behavior, and it requires a serious decision to change. Once an abuser has had all of the power in a relationship, it’s difficult to change to a healthy relationship with equal power and compromises.

• Sometimes an abuser stops the physical violence, but continues to employ other forms of abuse – emotional, sexual, or financial. Some abusers are able to exert complete control over a victim’s every action without using violence or only using subtle threats of violence. All types of abuse are devastating to victims.

SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence

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THINK IT OVER>>

Survivors Against Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Violence?

• Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior that can include physical abuse, emotional or psychological abuse, sexual abuse or financial abuse (using money and financial tools to exert control).

• Domestic violence is a pervasive, life-threatening crime that affects millions of individuals across the United States regardless of age, economic status, race, religion or education.

• High-profile cases of domestic violence will attract headlines, but thousands of people experience domestic abuse every day. They come from all walks of life.

• Batterers make it very difficult for victims to escape relationships. Sadly, many survivors suffer from abuse for decades.

• It’s important for survivors to know that the abuse is not their fault, and they are not alone. Help is available for those who suffer from domestic violence.

What are Resources Available for Victims?

• Survivors have many options, from obtaining a protection order to staying in a shelter, or exploring options through support group or anonymous calls to a local domestic violence shelter or hotline program.

There is hope for victims, and they are not alone.

• There are thousands of local shelters across the United States that provide safety, counseling, legal help, and other resources for victims and their children.

• Information and support is available for victims of abuse, their friends and family. If you are in danger, call 911, a local hotline or a national hotline.

• Before using online resources, know that your computer or phone may not be safe. Some abusers are misusing technology to stalk and track all of a partner’s activities.

SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence

60 Second Checklist You are a victim of domestic violence and/or abuse if you answer yes to these questions: 1. Does your spouse regularly find fault with you or tell you are worthless?

2. Does he refuse to let you have friends?

3. Does he keep you from seeing your family?

4. Does he stop you from leaving the house without a valid reason?

5. Does he make you afraid by what he says (for instance, does he threaten you)?

Please note the following: If the abuser wants to change the way the acts, he can get counseling.

WIth long term help some men have learned to stop being abusers. The abuse usually gets worse over time.

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SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

Share Your Story, Save a Life.

Tell us your story of courage, survivorship and inspire other survivors and supporters around the world.

E-mail Us: Hope@SadvMag.com

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SURVIVOR STORIES>>

Survivors Against Domestic Violence

CHYNA MCGARITY, LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT I was subjected to his torment daily. I was beaten, handcuffed to the bed. He bit me, breaking my skin and drawing blood, but only in places hidden by my clothing. I was made to feel less than necessary. I was called everything but my name. I was raped, demoralized and de-humanized.

H

e was my knight in shining armor, my husband, the father of my children. A man I believed did not have a cruel bone in his body.

After all, he was a police officer, sworn to protect and serve.

We met in college and later married. I never saw any signs of abusive behavior.

We attended pre-marital classes at our Church and a year later, I was pregnant with our son. Suddenly our plans became his plans. He enlisted in the military, became an MP and went overseas alone. Months passed before we joined him. His demeanor had changed, now distant and cold. I wasn't welcome around his friends or to contact mine or have any contact with my family. I wanted counseling which he refused, saying I was the one with the problem. Everything that I did was wrong and always my fault even when it wasn't.

Then came D-Day (Decision Day). This was the day my son witnessed him hitting me and screamed for his Daddy to stop. I decided my children would not grow up this way or in this environment any longer. I documented his abuse, gathered witnesses and presented my case to his superiors. Horrified and scared to death, I didn't care about his threats that cops protected each other, that no one would believe me, not even my family or that he would make me disappear. Anything had to be better than what I was going through and did not care what I had to do to have a non-violent life. I left not knowing what the future would be holding for me. My faith was strong and I knew if I made one step that God would do the rest and I tell you that this was the most difficult decision that I had ever made in my life.

Returning to the United States, I started my life over or so I thought. I received a call that he was back in Atlanta trying to track me down, I called the local domestic violence shelter and was immediately admitted. During my darkest hours, the DV shelter became my guardian angel, providing a safe haven when I needed it most. Child care enabled me to get a job. Counseling helped me move forward (to forgive). Parenting and support groups, legal advocacy, medical and financial assistance allowed me to regain my power, independence and self-sufficiency.

Today, I've come full circle! I have been remarried for 11 years and have a man who loves me and my children and encourages me to tell my story to others.

I volunteer and work with a local shelter where I lived over 20 years ago, sharing my story of triumph and success with women currently experiencing abuse. I understand their challenges and emotions because I've walked in their shoes. I want them to know that it's not their fault, that they're not alone, and shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed. There is help and people who care.

Love is patient, Love is kind and Love should not hurt!

SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

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He Hit Me. He Hit Me Not. Facts & Stats About Domestic Violence

Featured Cover Story

Survivors Against Domestic Vioolence

ith one out of every four American women reporting physical abuse by an intimate partner at some point in their lives, it is a certainty that in every workplace, domestic violence is affecting employees.

Whether it's a threatening phone call, repeated absences due to injury, or decreased productivity as a result of stress, domestic violence is a pervasive force in the American businessplace.

W

Until a few years ago, domestic violence was a forbidden topic that was only addressed by close family members, law enforcement or the courts. No one spoke about it in the workplace. It is now absolutely clear that companies must take steps to educate employees and help victims.

The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that more than 90 percent of all victims of domestic violence are women and most perpetrators men. For this reason, this Web site uses she when referring to victims and he when referring to abusers.

Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence

Batterers—The Facts Batterers come from all walks of life. Much like victims, you cannot identify a batterer by where he or she lives, or what he or she does for a living.

Battering is learned behavior.

Batterers tend to be people who have experienced violence in their families of origin.

Battering is not gender-specific.

While women are primarily the victims of intimate partner violence in the U.S., that is not to say that men are not victims, or that women cannot be batterers.

Battering doesn’t stop when the victim leaves. Most batterers will abuse multiple partners.

Unless the batterer is dealt with, and unless the behavior changes, more people will get hurt. Protecting victims is important, but it isn’t enough.

Battering leads to death. A 2001 study found that perpetrators of deadly domestic violence had several common characteristics including extreme jealousy and possessiveness, stalking, and hitting victims at least once before the death occurred. And they had all used violence with a previous partner. Sadly, everyone close to the victim and perpetrator knew something was very wrong in the relationship but did not intervene.

Batterers work for you. It is statistically likely that if you employ victims of partner violence, you have batterers as employees as well.

What can I do to help?

• Everyone can speak out against domestic violence. The problem will continue until society stands up with one resounding voice and says, “no more!”

• Members of the public can donate to local, statewide or national anti-domestic violence programs or victim assistance programs.

• We can teach our children about what healthy relationships look like by example and by talking about it.

• You can call on your public officials to support life-saving domestic violence services and hold perpetrators accountable.

How does the economy affect domestic violence?

• A sour economy does not cause domestic violence but can make it worse. It’s like throwing gasoline on a fire.

• The severity and frequency of abuse can increase when factors associated with a bad economy are present.

Job loss, housing foreclosures, debt, and other factors contribute to higher stress levels at home.

SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

Domestic Violence Resources National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800.799.SAFE (7233) or 800.787.3224 (TTY) www.ndvh.org American Psychiatric Association (APA) 703.907.7300 www.healthyminds.org National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Phone: 202-745-1211 Phone: 303-839-1852 Fax: 202-745-0088 Fax: 303-831-9251 www.ncadv.org National Network to End Domestic Violence 202.543.5566 www.nnedv.org The National Center for Victims of Crime 202-467-8700 www.ncvc.org

Someone you know needs help. too!

SADVMAG.COM/JANUARY 2011

The Family Violence Prevention Fund 415.252.8900 FAX: 415-252-8991 www.endabuse.org

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence 800.537.2238 FAX: 717-545-9456 www.nrcdv.org The Battered Women's Justice Project TOLL-FREE: 800-903-0111 ext. 3 Phone: 215-351-0010 FAX: 215-351-0779 www.bwjp.org National Battered Women's Law Project Phone: 212-741-9480 FAX: 212-741-6438 National Women's Health Information Center 800.994.9662 www.4women.gov The Domestic Violence and Mental Health Policy Initiative 312.726.7020 www.dvmhpi.org PADV: Partnership Against Domestic 24 Hour Crisis Line Fulton County 404.873.1766 Gwinnett County 770.963.9799 www.padv.org

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he Beat me & You just watched  A 24-hour toll-free crisis line staffed by trained personnel is available to anyone wishing to utilize the emergency shelter facility or the Outreach Programs.

For assistance call:

24-Hour National Hotline

1.800.799.SAFE 1.800.799.7233