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Editor-in-Chief and Publisher Kimi Johnson
Executive Editor
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Ann Marie Bryan
Cover Designer Brittany Rockwell
Contributors
Natalie Black Michele Badie Renee Dantzler Tiffany Hayes Christina Malloy Carmelita McRoy Erica Thomas Rhoda Whitfield
Cover Feature Cindy Bigbie
Share My Story Features Juanita Rasmus Shaneisha Dodson
Purpose Driven Women Magazine is the woman's guide to connecting to and thriving in their purpose. We are a bi-monthly digital faith based magazine designed to provide inspiration for women on their purpose journey. Our publication is published by PurposePals, LLC on the first Tuesday of every odd month.
OUR MISSION Imagine a world where every woman knew exactly why they were created. Despite their economical background, past failures, trials, or tribulations they believed they were more than enough to thrive as the person God created them to be with ease and flow. Our Vision is to create an international publication that creates unification and connection amongst women from different walks of life, giving them an opportunity to uplift each other by sharing stories, resources, products, and expertise.
OUR VISION
Purpose Driven Women Magazine is a publication of PurposePals, LLC. The information in this publication is presented in good faith. The publisher does not guarantee accuracy or assume responsibility for errors or omissions.
Purpose Driven Women Magazine’s Mission is to inspire and encourage women to discover and surrender to the plan God has for their life. We give everyday women a voice and platform by means of testimonials, interviews, training, resources, and informative articles to share stories of how their faith helped them to overcome hardship. EBSITE: pdwag.com
Copyright 2020 © PurposePals, LLC.
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Dr. Cindy Bigbie
42
PEACE ON EARTH
HEALING THE WORLD THROUGH NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION
Spiritual Inspiration
18
LIVING OUR BEST LIVES
Dr. Cindy Bigbie
42
Juanita Rasmus 12
LEARNING TO BE
Wealth & Prosperity 24
Love & Relationship
30 USING WISDOM IN YOUR MARRIAGE
WAYS WOMEN CAN SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN IN BUSINESS
Career Tipper 26
BELIEVE WHAT YOU SEE
Health and Fitness 34
WATER: A HYDRATING GAME CHANGER
Family 38
DEPRESSION: WILL YOU GET HELP
Share My Story 46 47
SHANEISHA DODSON I STAY LOOKING UP
Beauty & Wellness 50
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LIVING A STRESS FREE LIFE
From My Heart to Yours
W
ell, I'm excited. How could I not be with this being another opportunity to connect with you! Not to mention our feature guests are Dr. Cindy Bigbie, a leader in restorative practices and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and Juanita Rasmus, author of Learning to Be. They are Purpose Driven Women Magazine kind of ladies. They are passionate about purpose and both know what it is like to take a leap of faith into the unknown realm of a purpose driven life. Here’s the thing, this publication was intentional designed to create unification and connection amongst women from different walks of life, giving you an opportunity to be uplifted through inspiring stories, resources, products, and informative articles. Having the opportunity to serve you bring me joy. My prayer is that in the pages of this issue you are able to find shared reality, community, encouragement, love, and clarity regarding your purpose.
Signed with love, Kimi Johnson Founder and Publisher
October 2020 PDWMAG.COM 7
October 2020 PDWMAG.COM 9
Michele Badie is the host of Career Tipper podcast that features interviews of seasoned professionals in different industries sharing their expertise and professional development resources on iTunes, Spotify, and Stitcher Radio. Her efforts with Career Tipper are rooted in wanting to encourage amazing professionals to evolve to their professional best by keeping their skills recharged. www.careertipper.com
Natalie Black is a passionate mother, minister, and makeup/skin specialist. With a mission to help women not only discover their outward beauty, Natalie also is driving her purpose to unlock the beauty that radiates from within!
Rhoda Whitfield is a columnist for Just Simply Saying where she gives raw and relevant straight forward martial advice to help couples cultivate a successful and loving marriage. She is a co-author of the book A Well-rounded Love Affair “More than Between the Sheets,” with her husband Danny Whitfield. Married for over 39 years, Rhoda has experienced many bumps and bruises but has stayed on the course of her marital journey. She wishes to see every couple be successful in their marriage by sharing martial nuggets to enrich couple’s lives. www.dannyandrhodawhitfield.com
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Carmelita McRoy is a bestselling author, speaker, and certified life coach. She was the previous editor of Pneuma magazine, and she hosts an online radio program on Blog Talk radio called “Woman to Woman Ministries.” www.carmelitamcroy.com/
Renee Dantzler is a sought-after certified personal trainer and transformation artist. Renee is passionate about helping others overcome challenges physically, emotionally and spiritually because she has overcome major challenges of her own. Her clients affectionately know her as, Coach Renee.
Tiffany Hayes is the author The Love Between, three-part series, Victim to Victor”, “Dear Fear We’re Done” and “The Ultimate Gift” . Tiffany’s a mindset coach and owner of Think and Renew (YouTube) and heard on many different radio stations. www.thinkandrenew.com
www.reneedantzler.com
Christina Malloy is from Fayetteville, North Carolina. Writing letters and poetry helps her release the stress in her life. A lot of her poems are love letters to God and prayers to help her make it through.
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Juanita Rasmus, Author of Learning to Be Foreword written by Tina Knowles Lawson Interview by Kimi Johnson CLICK HERE TO WATCH INTERVIEW
“Everything good to do isn't always God's assignment for you to do.” -Juanita Rasmus 12 PDWMAG.COM October 2020
It
doesn’t surprise me that author Juanita Rasmus and I would have such an instant connection. Her peaceful yet captivating presence creates an atmosphere of love and light that embraces everyone she meets.
how to “Be.”
Juanita and I met through Zoom on a Sunday morning right after St. John’s United Methodist Church 8 am service. Before starting our interview, Juanita invited me to experience a piece of what it means to simply be. Our souls embraced stillness through breathing Mediation, a practice she speaks about in her new book. While I closed my eyes Within seconds I realized why the Creator would allow our and focused on taking deep cleansing breaths Juanita guidpaths to cross. Our purpose journeys had presented us with ed me through the process of being and taking in the breath a remarkably similar call: A call to surrender to a life of of God. It was evident that the words Juanita speaks to enease and flow. courage others around the world are not just words of inspiration, but they are truly apart of the woman she has Juanita and her husband Rudy Rasmus stepped out in faith become. As the old saying goes, “You must practice what to start St. John’s United Methodist Church located in you preach” and she does just that. downtown Houston with only 9 members and later became pastors to over 3000 including Tina Knowles Lawson and Hearing Juanita’s inspiring story encourages me to family. This was not an easy assignment. The vicarious embrace the uncomfortable and painful moments that life trauma of ministry work along with the desire to serve with sometimes brings our way and ask a thought-provoking perfection was silently taking Juanita’s strength. In the question, “What are you here to teach me.” We can choose mist of showing up great for everyone else the lack of fully to embrace life’s challenges or we can choose to run from showing up for herself was leading Juanita to the them. In the words of Mrs. Rasmus, “Take the time to occurrence of a day she would never forget. A day she later notice what you are noticing.” refers to as the “Crash.” Since then Juanita has released her NEW book, “Learning to Be” and shares a compelling story about how she battled and overcame depression. The touching and heartfelt foreword written by her dear friend Tina Knowles Lawson moved me to tears and points out why we all need to learn October 2020 PDWMAG.COM 13
Kimi Johnson: What a beautiful meditative practice. It is so calming and relaxing. Having dealt with anxiety before I can see how the mediation calms you, allowing God to be the I am in your life. Thank you. Juanita Rasmus: Oh, my pleasure. I encourage people to do that as often as they like, I mean, I've never heard of anybody overdosing on breathing, but I've heard of a lot of people who died because they were holding their breath. KJ: Yes. (laughing) Tell us a little bit about yourself. How did you come around to writing “Learning to Be?” JR: I'm a person who love stories, and I believe that ever since I was a little girl, I enjoyed all those fairytale books with the happy ever after endings. But what I didn't realize is that even as a little girl, I was writing my own fairytale story, and it was about how Juanita should be in the world. That Juanita should be a good little girl, that Juanita should never get angry. She should never get in trouble. She should always follow all the rules, that Juanita should be as perfect as possible. And I got all those notions, of course, from things I learned in church, like the ten commandments and how we're to follow those rules. My personality was such that I wanted and desired to be a good little girl because I wanted affirmation, approval and acceptance and other people's pats on the back and praise and all of that. And so rule-following became the way that I saw I could get what I needed. Now, all of us have a narrative, a story we've been telling ourselves. And so learning to be was written out of my understanding that I had created this narrative. And I had gotten to a place where that narrative wasn't working for me anymore. As a matter of fact, that narrative was working the heck out of me.
I just tried to make our mornings special. So we had breakfast, and after breakfast, my husband asked me, “Baby, would you like me to take the girls to school this morning?” And I said that would be great. (laughing) That way, I can put my makeup on in the bathroom mirror instead of the rearview mirror. We all hugged. I kissed them and I sent them out the door. And true enough, I went to the bathroom and finished putting on my makeup. And as I was doing it, Kimi, all of a sudden, I felt sick. I just felt terrible. Many people might relate to this by how you can feel when you all of a sudden feel like you've been socked by the flu or something that just comes on you all of a sudden. So I picked up the phone, called our secretary, and said, I'm not feeling well. I said, you know, maybe I moved around too fast this morning. Would you call and reschedule my morning appointments? I'll come in around noon. I think if I lay down, I'll probably be all right. So I hung up the phone, and then I saw myself; it was like an out-of-body experience. We've heard people say that they've seen themselves, like in a near-death experience. They see the doctors trying to help them to recover or whatever. And so I saw myself pick up the phone, hit redial, called our secretary back, and said, I'm not coming in today. I don't know if I'm ever coming back, I'm going to take a sabbatical or medical leave or something. And then I hung up the phone, got in the bed, and I began a process of sleeping 18 to 20 hours every day for weeks. My psychiatrist would later tell me that I had experienced a major depressive episode, but my grandmother knew nothing about major depressive episodes. And if she had been living during that time, she would have just said, baby, you had a nervous breakdown. So that was the day of the crash, August 27th. And that's how this all began.
KJ: It was working the heck out of you. Right. I feel the emphasis on that word, "Heck." I get it. So in “Learning to Be,” you talk about how striving to fulfill the role of a perfect little girl led you to a day that you call the crash. What happened that day?
KJ: You mentioned sleeping 18 to 20 hours. I'm wondering what did depression teach you at that moment? What were your thoughts, or were you just so out of it you didn't know what was going on.
JR: The morning was like any other morning. My husband and I had been in ministry for about seven years. We had started with nine members and at that point, we had about 3000 members. The church was growing so rapidly that for our little family, my husband and I, and our two daughters who were in middle school at the time. This was like the wildest ride of our lives. The only time that we were really guaranteed to be with each other during the day was breakfast. So I always tried to make breakfast special. We had sparkling Apple cider in champagne glasses for breakfast, and then they would have green eggs and ham. Cause you know, that was one of the children's books that they had read.
JR: I was so out of it for such a long time. I didn't have any thoughts. Its funny what well meaning Christians will say to people experiencing a mental health crisis or even a physical health crisis. Sometimes they say, “Just read your Bible more, pray more.” Well, I couldn't read, and I couldn't pray. I couldn't read my Bible if those letters have been in boxcar letters. And so for me, it was the experience of the mind shutting down. Let me give you the opposite end of the body. Most of us have had an experience with severe constipation, bowels shut up, and nothing is happening. That was what was happening in my mind. It was shut so tight, nothing was happening. I couldn't think of getting up or brushing my teeth. I couldn't think of getting up and take a bath. I remember a
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point where I was in bed, and perhaps I had been in bed at that point for maybe eight or nine weeks. I would turn from one side to the other, and I would smell something that smelled terrible. I kept thinking to myself, what could that be? And one of the things that happened for me is all of my senses got heightened. You know how they say, if you lose one sense, like your sight, then your taste gets stronger, your hearing, or your smelling? My senses were really strong, and I think it was probably my body's defense mechanism because my brain was shut down. It later dawned on me that the offensive smell was me because I hadn't bathed in all that time. KJ: Right because you were spending most of your time sleeping. JR: I became dehydrated because even as shut down as my brain was, I stopped drinking because I realized if I didn't drink anything, I wouldn't have to go to the bathroom. It took so much energy to just get out of bed and go to the restroom. And so into about the second week of this, my husband said, baby, I think you need to see a doctor. The second week, I called my physician and went and got a checkup to find out what was going on. Because at that point, I thought it was something physical. They ruled out diabetes, ruled out hypertension, hypothyroidism, ruled out everything else they could rule out by taking blood work. So she suggested I see a psychiatrist. When I went to see the psychiatrist, I told her about what was happening. She used a book called the DSM-4, the diagnostic statistic manual, most mental health professionals and counselors know about that. And she said, Mrs. Rasmus, you've experienced a major depressive episode. So that was my diagnosis. Sometimes, when we can't see the changes that need to be made in our lives, our minds will show us. Sometimes it shows up in the body. I was having all of these physical symptoms. During that time, I was having lower back pain. I was having headaches, and I never had headaches. I remember biting into an apple, and two of my back teeth just shattered. What seemed to be disconnected things happening in my body was all a part of the depressive episode. I was experiencing mental exhaustion, something called compassion fatigue. Our ministry at that point had been primarily to the homeless community in and around downtown Houston. We were working with men and women who were in recovery from substance abuse. We were working with people who had mental health diagnosis, and I would hear their stories, not as a counselor, but as a pastor, just listening to provide pastoral care. But what I didn't know is I was absorbing
their stories. So I was experiencing vicarious trauma, like second-hand smoke. I was taking all that in with no training in mental health. I didn't know it was wearing me out, literally. The reality was I didn't have any coping skills. That also added to the crash. It wasn't just one thing. It was a culmination of things, not including the grief that I've been going through. I'd experienced the loss of two dear friends who were members of the church. In addition to that, my husband and I were doing 50 funerals a year because HIV and AIDS were at a very peak time and our church was one of the very few churches in the city of Houston who would bury a person who had died from AIDS. So you see, I had all these dynamics going on in my life that I didn't realize were taking a toll and sucking the life out of me. So I want people to know that a mental health diagnosis isn't just about one moment. It's often about our lives having a load that we can't bear any more. KJ: In listening to your story it sounds like you were so busy giving to everyone else that you forgot to serve yourself. JR: Now isn't this a common story, especially for African Americans and then to go a step further, especially for African American women. Black and brown women are often in places where we find ourselves giving, giving, giving, giving, but not remembering that we have to fill our cup. You know, the flight attendants tell you in their messages when you're getting on the plane if this plane loses oxygen, there's a mask that's going to drop down. Put yours on first. That became such a real message. I have learned so much about setting healthier boundaries. I've learned that my no is as Holy as my yes. And that I have to know when enough is enough for me. I don't even get to the enough is enough anymore. As painful, dark, and hellacious as it was, this opportunity taught me exactly what my limits are. Now I don't wait to get on empty; I fill up when I get to half. I pull back. I look at what needs to be minimized and things only I can do. I do only the things that I can do. Then I ask other people to help. I have learned how to delegate. I also realize that everything good to do isn't always God's assignment for you to do. KJ: And as you stated, as a black and brown woman, especially in a Christian community, we are continually giving and saying yes to every opportunity that comes our way because we have the heart to serve. We rarely pause and think about what we can do and what can be delegated. JR: God was inviting me to live into my most expansive self and to let go. For some people who need some Bible
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on it, 1st Corinthians 13:13 says, "When I was a child, I thought like a child, I spoke as a child. But now that I've become mature, I put away childish things." That process of maturity is what was happening for me during that space of depression. I didn't know it. I couldn't name it at the time. It was time for the Spirit to take control of driving my life. I wanted to go back to the way things had been. I realized I couldn't. I have never understood until my own experience why people who have mental health diagnoses will go off their meds. I'm going to tell you why, because I know your audience is wondering why their cousin, brother, or mother stop taking their medicine. How often have you been given a seven-day prescription for an antibiotic and on the fourth day you start feeling better. Then what do we do? We stop taking the meds. KJ: You're right about that. You're like, I don't need the medicine anymore. I'm good. JR: What was at work was the ego. The ego says I got this. I should go back to the old way, but who was in control of the old way? The ego. So the ego wants to be in control again. So, you know, the scripture says we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Our wrestle is against this ego. There's a point where that little self, the ego, surrenders, or is invited to surrender to the bigger self. And that's the self-found in John 15, where Jesus said, if you abide in me and my word abides in you, then you can ask what you will, and it shall be given unto you so that the Father will be glorified. What He's saying is if you let me abide in you to the point that you no longer allowing your ego to run your life, then you will learn how to have this expansive life, where the Spirit is living in you, where the Son is living in you. And so for me, this transition is called the dark night of the soul. It's a very classic phrase that's found in a lot of classical Christian writing. Some of the saints talk about this. Saint Francis of Assisi, as an example for my Catholic brothers and sisters out there, had been a soldier. He got injured during his recovery. He encountered Christ. And in that experience, he experienced depression, a dark night of the soul, where God began to talk to him and tell him about how he wanted him to live his life. And for him, that was saying, in essence, that I want you to allow me to be in control of your life. And so he gave him specific instructions and told them to rebuild the church. Another person, Saint Teresa of Avalon. There are just so many, Saint Augustine. Many of the early church, fathers, and mothers experienced some major despair, some trauma, and some illness. They chose to
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be with the illness instead of running from it. Cause most of us get a diagnosis, and we run. We want to get away from it, not realizing that often the diagnosis shows up as our teacher and the dark night of the soul, this place where all the stuff we used to do, we cannot do anymore. Either physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, we can't do it anymore. People in the 12 steps program call it hitting rock bottom. So when you hit your own personal rock bottom, whether it's because of divorce or despair or some devastation, some disease, some situation where the rug gets pulled from under your feet in life, maybe it's death, maybe it's grief. Whatever it is, "Learning to Be" is a book about how to cultivate spiritual resilience. There are practices in the book like the breathing meditation we did. I want us to recognize that these dark places come in our life to teach us, not just as a diagnosis. KJ: And you said something compelling that I want to revisit. You said, oftentimes, when these types of diagnoses come our way, we want to run away from them rather than running to them. JR: Every physical and mental illness are all teachers. KJ: That's your warning. JR: Yes, it's your warning. The Spirit said to me, "I'm going to give you treasures out of this darkness." And when God said that to me, He knew I am an eternal student. That was like, saying, get your tablet ready, girl, because I am about to teach you some stuff. And that's what God did. And that's how my book "Learning to Be" came about. I took notes on what God was telling me during that phase of my life. KJ: The key is looking at that situation and saying, what are you here to teach me, and recognizing this situation has come to teach you something. Don't dismiss it. JR: No, don't dismiss it. Notice what you're noticing about the stories you're telling yourself because those stories keep the patterns alive in our lives: the ego, the little self, and that isn't life-giving. KJ: What I also hear you saying is it requires a level of accountability. You can't just keep walking through life blaming everyone else. You have to be able to look the situation in the face and say, you know, what are you here to teach me? But also, what do I need to change about how I've been doing life?
JR: Exactly, exactly. That's the big takeaway. What change am I being invited to make? And so one of the spiritual practices that I use in the book is called the Examen. Saint Ignatius of Loyola created it. And when he was founding his monastery he would train the monks. During that day monks had to work. They had regular jobs. And typically in the Catholic church, there are hours of prayer, three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock, 12 o'clock. And it goes all around the clock. So he would tell his monks, look, you may get busy. And so maybe you don't make it to mass. Maybe you don't get to read your Bible. Perhaps you don't get to pray for the hours you would normally pray, but if you don't do anything else, the Examine says, before you go to bed ask the Spirit to help you review your day. Look over your day, look for the places that gave you life. What made you smile, what gave you joy and a sense of being loved. Then when you see those moments, give God thanks. The second part of the Examine is ask the Holy Spirit to show you your day again, but this time look for the places where maybe you didn't love so well or didn't feel loved, or maybe something that drained you or sucked the life out of you. Notice what you're noticing, thank God for letting you see those things, and then see if there's something in you that can change those things. Notice what you’re noticing! Juanita Rasmus is an author, speaker, spiritual director, and pastor. She co-pastors the St. John's United Methodist Church in downtown Houston with her husband, Rudy Rasmus. Started with nine members in 1992, thousands have joined the St. John's family, making it one of the most culturally diverse congregations in the country. Tina Knowles Lawson and her family were some of their first members. Pastor Juanita has served as a member of the board of directors of Renovaré and its ministry team founded by Richard Foster. Additionally, Juanita serves on the board of her alma mater, Houston Graduate School of Theology, and on advisory boards for Rice University's Religion and Public Life Program and re:MIND Houston. Juanita cofounded Bread of Life, Inc., a nonprofit corporation, with Rudy in 1992 and began serving meals to the homeless in the sanctuary at St. John's. Juanita most recently teamed up with Tina Knowles Lawson and Beyoncé to help forty thousand flood victims recover in the wake of Hurricane Harvey in Houston. In addition to addressing issues of health and disaster relief, Juanita launched the Temenos Community Development Corporation in 2006, which recently completed over thirty million dollars in housing development projects for the previously homeless in downtown Houston. She also founded The Art Project-Houston to empower the city's homeless to become hope-filled painters and artisans who craft their own livelihood and create lives filled with new possibilities.
“Over the years, I’ve witness Juanita navigate the highs and lows of marriage, motherhood, ministry, and womanhood. I’ve seen her journey from the self-professed “good girl” to a leader who wholeheartedly seeks God with a level of authenticity, transparency, and grace hat is unmatched. And in this book, she inspired us to do the same.” -From the foreword by Tina Knowles Lawson
The book is available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Google Play, Target, eBay, Walmart, christianbook.com, and other retailers. It is available in Hardcover, Kindle and Audible Audiobook.
To learn more about Juanita Rasmus visit: juanitarasmus.com October 2020 PDWMAG.COM 17
Spiritual
Living Our Best Lives By Tiffany N. Hayes
L
“Living Our Best Lives”, what exactly does that mean? Does that mean having everything we ever wanted or imagined? Or having what we deem as necessary to live our best lives? Absolutely not, and that makes me so happy. Why? Well, I used to think that my best life would consist of a corner office, a jaw-dropping impressive position that others would covet, and a car that others would drool over. Basically, I imagined a life that someone else would want. Self-centered, right? Yes, I know. I’m so glad for a changed heart. You see, I have come to realize that living our best lives does not mean that everything will always work out exactly the way that we want it to. Sometimes, what we receive is much greater than what we could have ever expected or dreamed. God’s ways are vast and the lessons we can glean from them are never ending. Though they may seem hard to understand at times, His ways are often exactly what we need. Living our best lives means living with intentionality; living a life that is not only intentional for our own personal benefit, but also for the benefit of others around us and those to come. I must share that although I may not have the corner office at a prestigious company, I have a life that is continually being lived for God. My life provides a far greater reward than what I could have ever imagined, and I love it! A true best life
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is a life that is poured out. It is a life that helps others think and renew their minds. I have the honor, as a Mindset Coach, to partner with others as they share their dreams and their fears. I get to assist them, with the help of the Holy Spirit, wade through the waters of their limiting beliefs and, by grace, end up on the other side of doubt. If someone were to ask me how we can really live our best lives, my advice would be as follows:
Live for God first and foremost. As His word states, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33 (KJV)
Live with the bigger picture in mind; see the forest, not just the trees. This has kept me going when emotions attempted to overtake me, and I believe that it will aid your lives as well.
Remember that we are meant to live abundant lives. Each day is a gift and should be lived to the fullest. However, while we are busy with our day-to-day, we shouldn’t forget to truly appreciate the people in it and all that we’ve been blessed to experience.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33 (KJV)
That big office may not have happened, but I do have an office at home that allows me to do what I love. Best of all, being able to continually encourage others, love despite the pain or offenses, and grow with other believers is greater than any grandiose life I may have imagined before. Living our best lives is to live a life that is poured out for Christ. If we could sit and share stories of how God has turned our ashes into beauty and how we thought our lives should have gone differently, we would see God’s hand working in us all. Just as a potter shapes clay, so the Lord shapes our lives. What a delight it is to live our best lives in His hands and for His glory. All in all, we need to remember that our lives are not our own, they belong to God. He has ordered our lives according to His will before we were ever formed in our mothers’ wombs. “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 (KJV). Aligning ourselves to His will, in my opinion, constitutes as living our best lives. Living our best lives is knowing who we are and what we have in God, accepting the promises of God and His laws and reading and applying His Word in our daily walk. What a joy it is to live for God and to live solely for His glory!
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Wealth & Prosperity
WOMEN UNITED
Excellent Ways Women Can Support Other Women in Business By: Erica Thomas, Life Coach, Author Coach and Author
Americans are known for their entrepreneurial spirit. Both female and male entrepreneurs understand the challenges and rewards of owning a business. However, female entrepreneurs have to work harder to achieve business success. In fact, The Center for Entrepreneurship and Barclay’s Bank found that only 42% of businesswomen felt confident with their business compared to 62% of men. Nevertheless, female entrepreneurs could find business success by partnering and supporting each other. Women entrepreneurs can show support and collaborate with each other by doing the following: Professional Networking Female entrepreneurs should work on their social and networking skills to help grow their business. Research shows that women excel in socializing and networking; not to mention, networking is a powerful tool that female entrepreneurs should engage in to educate others about their business and creates possible leads for new business. The benefit of building, growing and maximizing all social and professional networks is ongoing requests for future collaborations. These requests will multiply women entrepreneurs leads and community presence, especially if coupled with other strong women entrepreneurs. Create Partnerships Women in business tend to overcome business barriers by working together.
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There are several organizations that help women entrepreneurs find the resources they need to succeed. Women’s cooperatives in developing countries are success stories that prove that women who work together can reach goals. The women’s initiative in north Sri Lanka has successfully obtained $2 million in funding from the United Nations to provide micro-loans to 38 local women’s cooperatives in the region. Women face marginalization in many parts of the world, but they’ve found success through collaborations and creating partnerships.
way female business owners can help other women is by hiring more women in their businesses. In her article on Forbes, Tracy Byhan, CEO of DDI says that hiring more women increases productivity. Female employees have a 47% higher tendency towards mentoring, thereby creating a learning culture within the organization that promotes inclusiveness and diversity. Don’t Buy into Stereotypes Women were raised to view themselves based on the
stereotype of feminine traits. Common stereotypes of women have excluded women from occupying leadership roles in the workplace. Moreover, women entrepreneurs often contradict the submissive, emotional, and impulsive female stereotype. Women entrepreneurs should ignore the stereotypes created by others and actively promote their real strengths such as relationship-building, communication, and collaboration while helping other women promote their strengths and talents as well.
Maximize Social Media Platforms Women entrepreneurs tend to be more successful when leveraging the power of social media and the Internet. Professional networks like LinkedIn, Angel List, and Meetup open doors for professionals and businesspeople alike, can help entrepreneurs and professionals grow their networks in a wide variety of ways. The Internet has opened the doors for entrepreneurs. Women entrepreneurs who want to work and collaborate with other women entrepreneurs can maximize their impact using social media platforms designed to help entrepreneurs. Hire More Women Perhaps the most straightforward
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Wealth and Prosperity
Believe What You See By: Michele Badie
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"Do you see what I see?" is a question that I often ask when speaking with professionals about the trajectory of their careers. The imposter syndrome tends to sometimes sneak into the self-talk that occurs when strategizing career moves and minimize the list of accomplishments that many professionals worked hard to attain. In those moments, believing what you see within yourself from the earned wins and lessons based on your work performance and professional development can be a deal-breaker. Real Beauty Sketches is a short film on self-perception produced by Dove films. In less than seven minutes, the film delivers a powerful truth of how women describe themselves based on their perceived mirror image versus how another woman describes them through sketches completed by an FBI-trained forensic artist. One of my takeaways from the film is that women can sometimes have a harsh perception of themselves that can limit them seeing the beauty that they radiate. The emotion and mindset of recognizing how beautiful we are can simulate how we view our career contributions and the value that we deposit into our workplaces. A quote by Marianne Williamson, author, spiritual leader, politician, and activist, came to mind after watching the short film. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about
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Career Tipper
shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.� Self-perception should sit at the top of our list when determining our career moves and the permissions that only we can issue to ourselves to evolve to our professional best. How we perceive ourselves impact the pace of manifesting the resources and connecting to the right people that will help us experience the professional roles of our choosing. Take a moment to recall the emotions and takeaways from past moments of doubt, differing opinions, career reboots that successfully transformed into a frequency of empowerment, growth, and confirmation that you are capable of conquering the perceived impossible to the full extent of your belief in your abilities to do so. Like beauty, we believe what we see in the mirror just the same when it comes to our careers. Similar to the ladies in the Dove Real Beauty Sketches, how we choose to describe ourselves and our professional experience on resumes, networking up with leadership and across with industry peers, and during interviews matters. How we see ourselves shows up when reviewing career opportunities that we perceive we qualify for. According to LinkedIn's 2019 Gender Insights Report, research shows that in order to apply for a job, women feel they
“
Challenge yourself to believe in your skills and abilities during the ebbs and flows of your career and life. Our self-perception is a game-changer that can lead us to or away from career opportunities. -Michele Badie need to meet 100% of the criteria while men usually apply after meeting about 60%. The good news is that when women do apply to a job, they are 16% more likely than men to get hired. In fact, if the role is more senior than their current position, that number goes up to 18%. During meditation, consider placing focus on the self-perception statements below about your career. Identify your professional contributions that have added value to the workplace.
Are you proud of your work performance? Do you view it as an accomplishment? Do you recognize your professional development efforts as growth and time well spent? Is there good or developmental feedback that has been a challenge for you to process and acknowledge? Determine the root cause. Remember, you don't have to agree with the feedback. If the baseline of the constructive responses is reoccurring and repeatedly reveals itself in different ways, pay attention.
How do you talk to yourself when you perceive that you’re winning or when you do not meet your goals? Harshly or an attagirl tone of analyzing and regrouping? Challenge yourself to believe in your skills and abilities during the ebbs and flows of your career and life. Our self-perception is a game-changer that can lead us to or away from career opportunities.
Get your coy of “Confidently You” by Michele Badie by visiting Amazon.com
Just Simply Saying
Using Wisdom in Your Marriage By: Rhoda Whitfield
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very couple should go through intense pre-marital counseling before marriage. Through counseling, there are things that the couple will learn about each other that will let them know if they should move ahead, slow things down or postpone to a later date. When we approach the altar and say our vows, we should not be there because of a physical attraction or just because we want to have legal sex. Hopefully, we would have already made a connection to what the Word of God states about marriage. We need to know how to exhibit and utilize wisdom in our marriage. A marriage between two immature people is doomed before it starts. Worldly wisdom does not make a successful marriage. However, the wisdom that is received from God will help couples to experience successful relationships. Marriage requires a lot of sacrificing and immature people do not know how to sacrifice because they are still thinking like a child. Marriage is about giving. Think about it, children don’t like to share and neither do immature adults. God did not design marriage to be an institution of discord, but of two individuals working together in harmony. This can be obtained by applying wisdom. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, wisdom will help us to understand and
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embrace the gift of marriage. Where there is a lack of wisdom, our marriage won’t feel like a blessing but instead a curse. God’s ways are higher than our ways, which means we can take and believe His instructions and apply them to our lives every day. He is always forgiving us, and we too need to learn how to forgive. We can’t allow our anger to overtake us when we go to bed with that unresolved issue lingering on our mind. Satan is waiting for the opportunity to use our thoughts as his personal playground. Learning to use wisdom in forgiveness is vital. Ephesians 4:32 says, “…be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Forgiveness in marriage allows for God’s intervention to solve the issue at hand. If you fail to forgive when your spouse hurts you, you can possibly be overtaken by uncontrollable rage. In the end, your lack of wisdom in this area will surge stress through your body and people will see a person they are not accustomed to seeing.
James 1:19-20 states, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” This scripture is simply saying to lead with your ears and listen. Something many of us have a difficult time doing. Don’t allow your mouth to speak before listening. It will only cause you to shoot from the hip with irrational responses. Anger, on the other hand, is a human emotion that everyone experiences. However, losing control can cause us to do things that we can or will regret. We must use wisdom when communicating with our spouse during heated discussions. If not, things can escalate and become very volatile. Always remember the power of our words and not be quick to tear each other down. Our words should represent our love even during disagreements. Once degrading words are spoken, it’s hard to remove the impact they cause. Discipline in your marriage takes wisdom and you should practice it. In many cases, our upbringing or things we experienced growing up, will play out when we unite with someone. Truth is some of these patterns can be destructive. We may not immediately see it, but once we do, we need to be diligent about kicking our discipline into gear to remove
them from our life. Finally, the painful lesson in using wisdom would be in your foundation decisions. When your marital foundation isn’t solid, challenges can destroy your marriage. Jesus stated that our lives must be built on obedience and our trust in Him. When we put His Word into practice, our lives can find solid ground to build our marriage upon through His power and His grace. Now am I saying, if you have a solid foundation that you won’t experience any marital difficulties? Of course not. But because of that solid foundation that you and your spouse form through God’s Word, you may get bruised, but not taken out. You see, learning to utilize wisdom in all aspects of your marriage is crucial. As 1 Peter 4:8 states, above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins, “I’m Just Simply Saying.”
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Health and Fitness
Water: A Hydrating Game Changer By: Renee Dantzler, CPT
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ost people do not think of water when they think about healthy living and eating. Water is not only a must-have, but a health and wellness game changer. Water is the single largest component of the human body. It makes up approximately sixty percent of your body weight. Drinking water helps to maintain the balance of body fluids. The functions of these bodily fluids include digestion, absorption, circulation, creation of saliva and transportation of nutrients. Water is a driving force for our body’s ability to absorb nutrients. It also aids in the maintenance of body temperature and protects vital organs. Hydration Changer Dehydration can have negative effects on your body and brain. Studies show that even mild dehydration can impair many aspects of brain function. In a study of young women, fluid loss of 1.36% after exercise impaired both mood and concentration, and increased the frequency of headaches. Dehydration can trigger headaches and migraines in some individuals, and it can affect brain structure and function. Severe dehydration can lead to heat stroke. Prolonged dehydration can lead to problems with thinking and reasoning. With dehydration, the skin can become more vulnerable to skin disorders and premature wrinkling. So drink up to stay hydrated and keep that skin plump and young-looking.
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Water is essential for the kidneys to function. The kidneys regulate fluid in the body. Insufficient water can lead to kidney stones and other problems. If the kidneys do not function properly, waste products and excess fluid can build up inside the body. Untreated, chronic kidney disease can lead to kidney failure. Create a Change If you are one of those people who want a little flavor get creative and change it up by adding healthy ingredients to get that water daily. Try adding cucumbers – cucumbers contain antioxidants and also provide hydration. They have a refreshing flavor that will not add many calories to your water. Mint is another healthy option to add to change up your water. Mint has antioxidants and can aid with indigestion and as a bonus, freshen your breath. Lemons are another good option to add to your water. Lemons are high in vitamin C and also aid with digestion. You've probably heard the adage about drinking eight eight-ounce glasses of water per day. To calculate your hydration needs start with half of your body weight in ounces of water each day. For example, if you weigh 150 pounds, aim for at least 75 ounces of water per day. If you live at high altitude, in a hot environment, or you exercise heavily, you should increase your intake accordingly. You may also want to drink more if you’re
sick, pregnant, or breastfeeding. It can be tough to remember to drink enough water throughout the day – so here are some tips for staying properly hydrated. Take a sip or a gulp of water each time you:
Return from the restroom Send an email Respond to a text message Complete a phone call Finish a meeting Cross something off your to-do list
Also, drink an entire cup before each meal or snack – see if doing so helps with the headaches and overall lethargy that often occur due to dehydration. You may even feel less tempted to snack. Thirst is often misinterpreted as hunger.
metabolism, cleanse your body of waste, and acts as an appetite suppressant. Also, drinking more water helps your body stop retaining water, leading you to drop those extra pounds of water weight. Drinking water with a meal will help you feel full more quickly, and therefore more satisfied while eating less. However, drinking water before you eat may help you deter some not-so-healthy choices, to begin with. Water is involved in every type of cellular process in your body, and when you are dehydrated, they all run less efficiently, this includes your metabolism. Think of it like your car: if you have enough oil, gas, and fluids, it runs more efficiently. It’s the same with your body and water. Step up your health and wellness game by drinking that one ingredient, no-calorie, metabolism-boosting, organ detoxifying, a hydrating game changer—WATER!
So, if you are struggling to get that water in try making a competition of it. Start a friendly game in your office with your coworkers. Compete with your coworkers to see who can hit their hydration goal the most in each week. Weight Changer Drinking plenty of water can help you with weight loss. This is because water can increase satiety and boost your metabolic rate. Drinking water helps boost your
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Family
DEPRESSION Will you get help? By Carmelita Mcroy
In news feed after news feed, I read stories about children committing suicide. This pains my heart. We must look for signs of depression in our children. Sometimes, we may be able to talk with them, but if that doesn’t help, then we should take them to a therapist or counselor. I created a podcast recently about “Depression in Children”, which touched on the death of Bryce Gowdy, a South Florida high school football star who was just days away from starting classes at Georgia Tech on a full ride scholarship. Bryce killed himself by jumping in front of a freight train. It hurt my heart to hear that because this could have been one of my children. I say that because Bryce’s family was homeless and the issues of living in poverty had taken a toll on him and had caused him to be anxious, sad and depressed. Bryce’s mother indicated that she was going through some challenges. I understand how she felt because I was once her. At that time, my children and I were homeless; we had nowhere to go. I had no money, no home and no job. But I trusted and depended on God to get me through the storm. I did not fall apart in front of my children because I did not want them to go through depression or sadness. Yes, children need to
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“We must admit when we need professional help to deal with life issues, especially when it starts affecting our children.�
understand life, but when we as adults are going through, I do not think they need to know everything. Try to keep their spirits up and let them be children. During this challenging period of my life, I kept my children in school; they were neatly dressed and in extra-curricular activities. We kept going to church and we kept trusting God. Also, I gave my children hope. I let them know that this situation is only for a moment and I was looking for another job and a new home. I believe when children see their parents fall apart, they lose hope. We must admit when we need professional help to deal with life issues, especially when it starts affecting our children. Yes, my kids were sad at times, but hope kept them going and we prayed as a family each day. I let them know that God would get us through this. We got through this period, but it was rough. If your child seems like a loner and if often sad, then I think it’s time to seek professional help. We must quit ignoring the signs of depression and mental illness in our children. I pray for every mother reading this article that God will grant them a discerning spirit, and if their children are suffering mentally, they will get professional assistance to deal with the matter.
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Dr. Cindy Bigbie Talks about Nonviolent Communication and how this process can bring more peace into the world. Interview by Kimi Johnson CLICK HERE TO WATCH INTERVIEW
When I first met Dr. Cindy Bigbie, we were at a local church. Our journeys embraced through a mutual friend, my brother. My brother and I had just lost our mom, and Dr. B was gracious enough to provide empathy sessions to help him move through his grief. I did not know this would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship and my introduction to a totally different way of life. Since then, Dr. B has been an influential mentor, teaching me how to navigate through the highs and lows of life through the process of Nonviolent Communication. For me, NVC was magical. It instantaneously aligned me with more peace, joy, clarity, and connection. Recently I had the opportunity to sit and chat with my dear friend and mentor to discuss NVC and how this process can bring more peace into the world. Check out the interview below. Kimi Johnson: Hello. Thank you so much for speaking with me tonight. How are you? Dr. Cindy Bigbie: I am good. It's really sweet to be here with you. Very, very sweet. KJ: It's nice to be with you as well. Tell us a little bit about Nonviolent Communication? What is this process all about?
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Dr. B: Sometimes, the name itself turns people off because people hear the term nonviolent communication and think to themselves, well, I don't speak violently, so that must not be for me. And I want to correct people's thoughts around that. The guy that developed this process name is Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. He had a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, and he drew this work out of Gandhi's philosophy of nonviolence with the idea being that anything that disconnects you from another human being is a form of violence. And in fact, much of what goes on in our interactions and our language, even when we have the best intentions to have a connection, really ends up in more disconnection. It starts in the way that we talk to one another, right. I think we have a process to get more peace in the world, honestly.
KJ: How were you introduced to the process? Dr. B: I was introduced to the process years ago. I got involved with a campaign to have a United States Department of Peace. Like we have a Department of Defense. At the time, there were probably 30 years' worth of research on peace and building processes, and things that we know actually work to bring about more peace and harmony. The thought was that information should be at the table in conversations having to do with international and internal domestic conflict as well. So there was this push to have the United States campaign, a campaign for a Department of Peace. I was the local district leader in Tallahassee, which meant that my job was to get information about this campaign out to the general public and get our local leaders to back the campaign and County resolution. I also had to get our legislators at the national level to help back the bill. I had never gotten involved politically before, so this was my first foray into politics. The people that were behind the peace Alliance collaborated with the center for nonviolent communication. I'm going to show my age right now. It was back in the day when teleconferencing was a brand new thing. And it was like so weird because we would get on these calls with like a hundred plus people. It was the first time we were ever doing this kind of thing. And we had some of the best trainers in the country at the time. We want to not just talk about having a Department of Peace, but we wanted to represent and model the same things we were trying to promote. So that was kind of my beginning of NVC. Similar to the first time you were introduced. The minute I got into it, the more I was like, oh man, there's something here that I really want to know more about. KJ: The process is magical, right? Dr. B: It is very magical. It's hard to explain it. I'm sure you have that experience yourself, trying to explain to people what this is and why it's so powerful. But honestly, as a little girl, I always like at church when they play the
song that says, let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. I used to remember wanting that so bad and then feeling discouraged because I'd look around, and I'd see I want peace so bad, but I still come up so short, even in my own life, I come up short. And then, when the NVC came into my life, it was the first time I had a concrete tool that could really help me move in the world in a very different way so that I could be more in alignment with the piece that I wanted in my heart. KJ: Yeah. It is a compelling process. I've used it for self-empathy, but I've also used it as a tool to have difficult conversations with other people. There have been so many times where I've walked away with my mind completely blown with the results because initially, I have all this anxiety. I hope me and the person I want to talk to can connect. I hope we can remain in connection after the conversation. Once I go into it, and I remember those processes and the steps to take, remember to put my giraffe ears on, there's so much connection that takes place. I've really been able to cultivate some intimate relationships from it. I can't say enough how this process has really changed my life. Dr. B: Yes, I think that's the way it's been for many folks. I, I started teaching it years ago when my daughter went to high school here in Tallahassee. I just wanted to give it as a gift to her and to all of her friends, they were graduating that year. And I approached the principal at the time and asked if I could teach a four-credit class at Rickards. I didn't need to be paid. I just wanted to try it out. You know? Many of those kids that I taught, but it's like 12 or 13 years ago now they're still into it. Some of them work for me. The fact that you can teach people this 12, 13 years ago, and they're still holding it in their lives in one way or another, I think speaks volumes to the power of it because it just didn't dry up, you know? KJ: Yeah. I mentioned sitting in some meetings with my brother. That's one of the things that we do to communicate now. It's like, okay, do you have your feelings and need sheet? He pulls it out, and we just get right into it, and I tell you, it has helped our relationship get so much closer. So I'm so thankful for meeting you and for you sharing this gift with me so that I can share it with other people. I think it's just something more and more people need to be exposed to and learn about.
Dr. B: A big part of this process is learning how to take judgment out of your interactions and your communications. And yet nonviolent communication itself sounds very judgmental. So there's, and some heated communication for those of us in the, in the field of NVC, because some people really think that the name needs to change because it, it does turn folks off because this whole thing is about how do you actually communicate in a way where there's no judgment, which sounds like difficult on the one hand. And then there are probably
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some people who think, oh, I don't, I don't speak very judgmentally, but truth behold, like much of what comes out of our mouth, including what I just said a judgment. KJ: And when you're having a casual conversation, it doesn't matter that much, but when you're in the midst of a conflict to be mindful of that can be very, very helpful. So there is some irony that NVC sounds judgmental, and it's still going strong. Marshall Rosenberg. He passed away. I think about it five or six years ago now. And I think his body of work is only growing more and more in the world. So, you know, whether the name is right or not, it's still moving forward. Cause the process is, is what it's all about ultimately. KJ: I agree. It is a fantastic process, indeed. What impact has this process had in your life and in the lives of others you work with? Dr. B: Oh, gosh, it's totally changed my life. This is my full-time work now working with non-communication and getting it out into the world. And before this came along, I did program evaluation work for 25 years. I had a lucrative program, evaluation business. I mostly worked in schools and school districts at all different levels, including the federal level at times. And when NVC came into my life, and I started teaching it for the first time, I just wanted to do more and more. And it wasn't just because of the process itself, but it was also because of my desire to give it to others. Teaching it forced me to stay in integrity with the process because it's hard to rewrite your own behaviors. It's hard to reroute your knee jerk response when you're in the midst of a conflict. So by teaching it, I became more in integrity with it. And the more I tried it and the more I gave it to people and saw the impact, I just couldn't stop. Dr. B: I left my program evaluation work and took a total leap of faith into the unknown. Luckily I have a husband that backs me, but you know, I was probably the bigger breadwinner at the time, and he was still like okay, whatever. So then I ended up running a restorative justice program here in Tallahassee, and the backbone of the Community Connections Restorative Justice Program really became the nonviolent communication process. And as a result of doing it there and the way we set up the program, I worked with youth 13 to 17-year-olds, many of whom had legal involvement. I needed people to come in and help me with the youth process because we actually teach empathy. It's not empathy as people know it to be. It's a process. And because I had this one to one ratio of volunteers to kids, it wasn't just the kids that started learning but it was the adults too. It's grown exponentially because you just want more of it as soon as you end up in this process. KJ: Yes, you do. Dr. B: So, the kids are still using it. The grown-ups that have been a part of the program are still using it and have
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told others to use it. So it's just kind of grown and grown and grown from there. And I hear from many people about how they have these feelings of need sheets in their home. I have it around me at all times. They run to it when they're in the midst of a conflict, to help guide them and give them a lot more clarity in their communication. KJ: Sometimes you cannot just dive right into it. Sometimes you have to take a moment to give yourself empathy, get clear about what feelings are up for you, and identify your needs and even your request before you have that difficult conversation. You must really notice what's up for you, right? Dr. B: Oh yeah, a big part is the self-connection piece. One of Marshall's best quotes is the foundational concept of nonverbal communication. He said, "All conflict is a tragic expression of an unmet need." But most of us, when we're in conflict, are not even aware of what the need is underneath that conflict. We're fighting about strategies to get needs met without even having a level of clarity of what it is you're actually wanting. So this idea of slowing down enough and getting clear for yourself allows you to identify the need. Now you have a way of pointing to what it is you're wanting without judgment. That is one of the ways you remove the judgment from the conversation. It's really, really important to slow it down, get connected with self. A big part of this process is connecting with yourself. KJ: What I like about the feelings and needs list requires you to pause and notice what's up for you. Because oftentimes, what we think are feelings may not be a feeling. It may be a judgment. Dr. B: True. That's one of the things people learn when they start learning this process. Many things come out of our mouth like I feel disrespected or I feel tired, or I feel like he doesn't listen to anything that I say. We hear a lot of, I feels, and then what comes after is not a feeling. It's actually a judgment. That is very triggering for the person to receive. It's really important to slow it down and clarify the difference between a feeling and a thought. There's a lot to it. I mean, it's, it's a lifelong journey for me. I will be learning, growing, and deepening in this process forever. As I know, probably you will be as well. And many of the folks that are on this journey with us.
KJ: You're right. I don't think it's like a one and done type of thing. It's actually something that you have to make a lifestyle. I'm continually learning more and more. I'm always running into challenges because I want to be in integrity so much with the process. I have to be intentional about how I approach difficult conversations. How is empathy built into the process of nonviolent communication? Dr. B: So, empathy is different than most people think of as empathy. It's a process. There are three components of empathy. The first and foremost is just being present.
We're not present with each other, especially when we're in conflict. It is very hard to be present and thoroughly with someone with no agenda, no other thinking going on. So that's one of the biggest things. You have to develop that muscle. That's not something that comes very easily. The second component is reflecting what you're hearing somebody say; that's how you allow someone to know that they have been heard. The third component is this part about needs. No matter what someone is saying, can I translate it into the need? And that's why we use this needs list. You know, we have it always, no matter what you're saying underneath everything, there's a need going on. Can I, can I take a guess what that is? So that's what it is, taking those three components and kind of weaving them together in the conversation. And it doesn't even need to be actually in conversation. It can be what's going on internally for you rather than going into blame, which still happens. I still go to blame, but then I reroute and come back to presence, just reflecting the need I think I am hearing the person say. It is still not automatic for me; after 12 years, I still must work at it. KJ: With everything that is going on in the world right now, I think you and I will both agree that we can use more peace. How can we use this process to bring more peace into the world? Dr. B: Oh, gosh, I really believe if someone gave me enough of the resources, I really believe we could make it happen. I'm not kidding. It's a concrete process. When I was working with at Community Connections, we never had a fight in the eight years and these are kids that fight with everybody. And it's not like it was always like blah and class, it wasn't always like that. It gets spicy at times. And what we would do is we would slow everybody down, and we would use the process that we were teaching them, which is before you talk, can you reflect what you're hearing? So, and so say, and maybe take a guess of what's going on for them need wise. And you kind of go back and forth. I can't wait to see that process built into, you know, so many of our areas, not just interpersonal, but you know what, when we have village square meetings where people are coming out of talking about heated issues. What happens for most people is that one person talks and then they sit down and never have an experience of, did anybody even hear me? Right. NVC helps to close that gap between speaking and being heard. There's a very intentional way of making sure that happens. And part of that reflects what you're hearing someone say and maybe taking a needs guess. If we did that in so many of our areas of life, between husband and wife, in your work environments, in the political realm, we could start doing more and more of that in schools it could totally bring more peace into the world. So the dream is to get it everywhere. And the more that I share it, the more I see lots of people like, "Whoa, this is it's revolutionary." It really is. It's like the missing piece.
KJ: And so leading into that, tell us, what's next for you? How are you using NVC to bring peace into the world? Dr. B: Well, I have taken another leap because that's just what I do. I'm taking another leap in the middle of a pandemic. I left my well paid, steady job to start a business because I was called to do so. It just flat out I was called to do this, you know, and I'm trusting. My business is called the Bigbie method. I'm taking a lot of what I learned by working in the restorative justice program, and we are bringing this program into schools now. I've already got three schools that we're working in locally. The idea is to be bringing this nationwide. Like that is my goal. Before I go out, this thing will be nationwide. And this process is going to be being taught to teachers and students, administrators, and parents everywhere. It's already happening. KJ: There's also a nonprofit organization that has been started called Connection First. Right? Dr. B: Yeah. Connection First was started by the volunteers at Community Connections that were totally blown away by the work we were doing and the impact on the youth and our community. They too, want to see this process everywhere. So they spun off as a nonprofit to help to make it happen. KJ: Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for all of the work that you're doing in the community. I know 20 to 30 minutes is nowhere near enough time to actually get into the depth of the NVC process. Still, I really appreciate you coming on the show and talking a little bit about it and shedding more light on our readers about the Nonviolent Communication process. Dr. B: Well, it's my pleasure. It's my favorite thing to talk about and its my understanding that you want to use NVC as a backbone to having these interviews, you know, to hold that safe space for people. Hopefully, having a little bit of background and understanding will help people see you moving with the process seamlessly in these interviews. KJ: Yes, absolutely. That is definitely the goal! For more information about Dr. Cindy Bigbie and to learn more about nonviolent communication visit thebigbiemethod.com or follow her on Instagram and Facebook @thebigbiemethod. To learn more about Connection First, Inc. visit www.connectionfirst.org
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Share My Story
Shaneisha Dodson:
Two Words: Trust God…
Around 2015, I walked away from my six-figure income to pursue my God-given purpose in the arts. It was one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made in my life. The journey was full of ups and downs. But, I never gave up on me. I put a plan into place and boldly stepped out on faith. Everything was going great until I started to get sick. A car accident, a cancer scare and two surgeries later, I was swimming in debt. My savings dwelled down to almost zero. My main source of income came to a screeching halt. My family helped as much as they could, but I just couldn’t catch up. I would take one step forward, then get knocked back ten. No matter how much I tried to fix the situation. I couldn’t. Therefore, I went into prayer and received a message that it was time to shake things up. I reflected on my life and evaluated everything that had happened after I left my job in 2015. It appeared that every time my life got hard a huge blessing was waiting for me on the other side. It didn’t take me long to realize that my setbacks were really a set-up for greatness.
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Share My Story
I prayed for direction, and God revealed to me that it was time to move. I applied for jobs on the east and west coast. I received six-figure offers from both directions. My closest friends lived on the east coast. But, my heart was leading me west. I prayed some more, and God said go. I packed up my car and moved to Los Angeles, California during the middle of a pandemic. I know it sounds crazy, but I knew in my heart that I made the right decision. God showed me that even in the midst of chaos, He was still in the blessing business. He gave me back everything that I lost and some. I continued to pray. God said in order to thrive in this season, I had to get into shape and create content. I started working out and changed my eating habits. I lost weight and made more time to write. I distanced myself from people who bought drama and negative energy into my life. I focused my energy on people and things that made me happy. This allowed me to thrive even when it felt like the world around me was at a standstill. This gave me a sense of peace. No matter what challenges that came my way. I remained faithful because I knew that God had my back.
Poetic Purpose New Section
I Stay Looking Up By Christina Malloy
I I stay looking up Looking up for hope Looking up for peace Looking up for love Looking up at the clouds and stars In a universe that goes around and around As my life goes around and upside down. I stay looking up because I know that my God stays looking down on me
And no weapons formed against me shall prosper.
October 2020 PDWMAG.COM
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Beauty and Wellness
Living a Stress Free by Natalie Black
Many of us are master multi-taskers. We are moms, daughters, sisters, bosses, wives, and a plethora of other titles. While these roles are very rewarding to our lives, they are all ingredients for stress. Webster defines stress as a load, force, or system of forces producing a strain. As a man thinks, so is he; keeping that in mind, how you take care of yourself internally will show up externally. Would you believe me if I told you that we wear stress in our skin? Well, it is true. Stress can cause breakouts on the face or knots in our bodies along with a long list of health problems. I haven't even mentioned the unforeseen causes of hormones. In this New Year, together, let's shift gears! First on the list, go to a spa at least once a month! You need a facial. Facials give your skin a therapeutic cleanse that gets rid of excess dirt and debris that the everyday woman don't. Like a mental phycologist, a skin care therapist or Esthetician's job is to give your skin the attention that you can't, or forget to give to yourself and also give you a skin care regimen to help prevent physical trauma. In between visits to the spa, you have to make it your duty to cater to your skin needs at home. Your daily skin care regimen should be a cleanser, tone, and moisturize. At least twice a week you should add an exfoliation or scrub and a mask. I am a lover of makeup as you know, but there are somethings makeup can't or shouldn't have to do. So many women want to look like celebrities but are unwilling to give themselves the “celebrity treatment”. I know you’re
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thinking “Heck I need celebrity money to do that,” but I beg to differ! Visit your local beauty school, those students are required to do a certain amount of clinic hour to graduate. They offer fancy spa services at extremely low and affordable rates. You would be surprised to hear that 4 out of 5 women have never received a massage. Now when I say massage, I'm not talking about what your boo Ray-Ray gives you but a professional one from a licensed massage therapist. Back pain, neck pain, and headaches can also be caused by stress. The good news is it can be “worked out”. While a massage can be a very soothing experience, it can be a painful one as well. The “knots” that are built up in your body will not leave peacefully, just as the stress that caused them gave no mercy. But just as you allow yourselves to deal with your emotional build ups, allow yourself to push through the temporary pain. Once the knots are gone your body will feel so much better. Put yourself first and take care of you!