Qnotes February 4, 2022

LGBTQ Local News, Voices and Community

FEB. 4 - FEB. 17, 2022|VOL 36, NO 21

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HARVEY FIERSTEIN MCC Charlotte faces closure after 40 years – pg 5

Valentine’s Day dining suggestions

– pg 8 Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

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8 Valentine’s Day 12 Wedding Planner Makes Dreams Come True

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5 Everything Has Its Time 6 Out Vogue Editor & Fashion Titan André Leon Talley Has Died at 73 6 Trevor Project Survey Finds High Rate of Depression in LGBTQ Youth 6 Gov. Cooper Seeks Help over Charlotte Hospitals COVID Surge 7 ‘All Over Campus, All Over Town’

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In this coulmn, we get the opportunity to get a sneak peak of the wedding planner extrodinare himself, Lance Devereaux.

PAGE 12

Keeping the spark in your relationship

Many people feel as if long term relationships are boaring, but it doesn’t have to be. In this column we discuss the different options of spicing up your relationship

PAGE 13

Tell Trinity Better than ever

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13 Tips for Keeping the Spark in Your Long-Term Relationship 19 Our People: Sam Hart

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4 What’s on the Political Horizon?

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What’s on the Political Horizon?

Political Voices

by Kendra R. Johnson, Equality NC Executive Director Contributing Writer

A

s legislative bodies around the nation start convening, it is important to understand the national political climate and legislative trends. Already this year, we’ve seen several states push antitrans bills, including prohibiting medical care for trans youth and restricting access to sports. Many advocates are predicting that throughout the year, more harmful legislation will be introduced around the country. Book bans that disproportionately target LGBTQ+ and BIPOC artists, authors, and creators are on the rise. These censorship efforts are becoming more widespread and aggressive. Recently, a Tennessee school board made national news when they removed “Maus”, a non fiction novel depicting the atrocities of the Holocaust from their curriculum.Trans and queer students are being used as political collateral and history is being erased. This cannot go on.

At school board meetings across the country, conservative groups are protesting mask mandates, so-called critical race theory, and curriculum that includes race and gender identity. Far-right, antiLGBTQ+ groups are well organized, wellfunded, and they’re winning school board

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elections. In the name of transparency and parental involvement, these same groups are encouraging parents and students to report teachers when they present historical perspectives that differ from some parents’ world views, creating an extremely divisive school climate..

Controlling what students learn, as well as the national narrative, comes from a desire to amass power. Communication that supports a healthy, functioning democracy must include multiple perspectives written through the lens of social justice, liberation, and power. Education, informed by our past, should challenge young minds to find solutions to our collective struggles.

Adding to the growing contention is proposed legislation aimed at voter suppression, a proliferation of gerrymandered maps, as well as attacks on reproductive

freedoms. In North Carolina, legislative leadership has become increasingly contentious regarding the State Supreme Court. These obvious and desperate attempts to gain control at any cost are in reaction to a changing national demographic. Dividing Americans and turning them against one another keeps power in the hands of a few.

Recent polling shows one in six Gen Z adults are LGBTQ+. Gen Z is the most racially and ethnically diverse generation and Generation Z and Millenials are the largest combined age cohort in the nation.

Less than half of the population in the United States under 15 is white. The future of this nation will look quite different from its past. Leadership that is representative of the constituents they serve remains essential to meet the current and future needs of our communities.

What are our priorities to advance lived equality in this divisive climate? Passing comprehensive national legislation that protects LGBTQ+ and BIPOC individuals from discrimination is a good place to start. Everyone should have the opportunity to thrive and safely express their full humanity, regardless of where they live.

Pressuring state lawmakers to fully repeal discriminatory laws is equally important.

Protecting students’ freedom to learn remains critical. All students deserve to see themselves reflected in representative materials. This is especially important now, in the face of ongoing attempts to censor curriculum, erase identities, and rewrite history. Censorship attempts negatively impact students and protecting their mental health in an already difficult environment is vital. Defending the right to vote and increasing voter engagement this year is crucial in every race. From the school board to the highest offices, we must use our voice to call out abuses of power. Electing pro equality candidates and centering community leaders who work for justice in the face of ongoing attempts to thwart progress is key.

Though there is much work still to do, we are energized and ready to continue our work with you. This work will take all of us and we appreciate your ongoing support! : :

news

Everything Has Its Time After Four Decades MCC Charlotte, May Be Facing Closure

by Chris Rudisill Qnotes Contributor

T

o everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:” Ecclesiastes 3:1 (New King James Version) In 1979, a group of people got together in Charlotte with a vision of having an MCC presence here in the Queen City.

Metropolitan Community Church had been founded in 1968 by Rev. Troy D. Perry in Southern California and quickly became a much-needed safe and welcoming place for LGBTQ people to worship in cities across the country. Today, the church has congregations in over 20 countries. There are six in North Carolina, with one in Charlotte and one in nearby Gastonia.

The Charlotte church, now also known as the Queen City Worship Center, was granted a charter by MCC in 1981, and

Isy Ros has been a member of MCC Charlotte since 2000.

Rev. Perry spoke at the first official service on Nov. 22 of that year. Rev. Lynn Guerra was the first elected pastor of the church, after a couple of MCC appointed worship coordinators and its attendance and influence grew quickly in the next decade.

Ups and Downs In 1986, MCC Charlotte leased part of the third floor of the historic Varnadore Building on Independence Blvd. Within a few years, it occupied the entire seventh floor. By 1999, the church purchased a building at 1825 Eastway Dr. and continued to flourish. Churchgoers describe the years that followed as some of the most exciting in its history.

“It was packed,” says Isy Ros, a longtime member of the church.

MCC Charlotte had become a vital part of the local LGBTQ community.

Bill Badgett, a member of the church since 1984, also remembers how local news media always reached out to MCC Charlotte’s leadership on issues concerning the community. “In years past, MCC Charlotte was a very well respected entity in the LGBTQ community,” says Badgett.

He served on the board of directors for over ten years.

“Over time it seems that has dissi-

The former MCC Charlotte location on Eastway Drive in Charlotte is now the site of the Levine & Dickson Hospice House at Aldersgate. pated, and in fact, probably to the point where I couldn’t tell you [when] the last time was that I can remember someone reaching out to the pastor to ask them a question about anything in regards to LGBTQ issues in the city of Charlotte.”

Ros remembers participating in Pride festivals, marching in the parade together.

“I remember being involved with Time Out Youth and some of their events. We’ve been very involved with House of Mercy, providing support for them, and the AIDS Walk – every year raising funds and walking with them,” she says. The church was alive with social activities, dances, concerts, a food pantry, children’s ministry, vacation bible school and community clothing closet.

“People liked the idea of their church having an actual church building,” recalls Ros. “We had like 250 members at some point.”

But by 2014, attendance had started to dwindle and they had to sell the building.

“People started leaving. They stopped giving, and then it unravels,” says Ros. The congregation moved to a leased property at 7121 Orr Rd., but that only caused further declines.

Rev. Catherine Houchins retired in 2016 after serving for eight years. Rev. Wanda Floyd became the transitional pastor before becoming the denomination’s Emerging Church Specialist a year later. In March 2018, the congregation elected Rev. Todd Goewey as its new senior pastor.

Goewey passed away eight months later.

Rev. Paul Whiting was appointed as provisional pastor the following year and was elected as permanent pastor in 2020.

At the time, Rev. Whiting was eager to revitalize MCC Charlotte, but realized the challenges it faced. Many thought the church had closed.

“We have not gone away,” Rev. Whiting told Qnotes in 2019. “Locations are important to LGBT people, because they are safe spaces that become connected to cherished memories. When MCC relocated there was a sense of loss. But although

The Rev. Catherine Houchins receives donations to the church food bank during services September 13, 2015 at MCC Charlotte’s location on Orr Road. the other building is gone, the organization has not closed!”

We all know what happened next. In March 2020, the coronavirus pandemic caused lockdowns which had an immediate impact on churches across the nation.

MCC Charlotte suspended in-person activities and went to a virtual ministry on Facebook and Zoom.

According to the church’s website, “the ongoing impact prompted the board to affirm a task force to look at options for the future of our ministry.” The church’s congregation voted to leave its Orr Road location and explore alternative forms of ministry. It also changed its name to Queen City Worship Center (QCWC).

Whiting stepped down in June 2021.

In-person services are now led by a gap pastor, Rev. Dr. Renee DuBose in its

temporary home at 6300 E. Independence Blvd. The church still live-streams its Sunday services as well.

With attendance often only 12-15 people weekly, the small number of members left are now asking if the church can go on.

Losing a Place to Call Home Ros was born and raised a Catholic in Cuba. She left when she was 14 years old and found she wanted nothing to do with the church. “There was just something about it that didn’t sit right with me, but I’ve always had a relationship with God,” she says. In fact, Ros had not felt comfortable with any denomination or religion since coming out as a lesbian.

Then in the mid-1980s, while living in California, a friend took Ros to an MCC church in North Hollywood. “I just felt like I had come home,” she said. “I never realized that I had felt like that, that I was missing something until I joined that church.”

After moving to Charlotte with her partner in 1996, she quickly found the local MCC church. In 2000, she became a member and got more involved in its ministries. She served on the board until last year and continues to help with the food pantry, which is done in partnership with Sacred Souls Community Church and Second Harvest.

She’s saddened by the loss of MCC in Charlotte’s LGBTQ community. “Even though a lot of churches are affirming, it’s not the same to me as being in a place where you are not only affirmed or welcomed, but it was built for you. This church was created for us and it’s sad,” she says. “We’re not the only church that’s going through this.”

According to Gallup, American’s membership in houses of worship continued to decline last year, dropping below 50% for the first time in the study’s history.

People are also finding different forms of spirituality online and the relationship between the LGBTQ community and religion continues to be, well – complicated.

To Ros, MCC Charlotte’s current chapter resembles the stages of grieving. “To everything there is a season. We’ve gone through a lot of acceptance.”

“We’re at the point now where there’s just less and less of us,” she says. “It’s been very hard and very stressful for those of us who were left behind, if you will, to continue that. So, some of us have decided, you know what, maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s time.”

If the church closes, Ros plans to join the congregation at Sacred Souls, which is led by Bishop Tonyia M. Rawls.

That will be a big change in her life.

Even when she travels, she finds an MCC to visit. “I know that I’m going to find my people there. I’m going to find my God there,” she says.

Holding back tears, the loss of that spiritual home created by MCC is probably the biggest thing for Ros. “I always hoped that people and kids and young people would find a place that they would come in and say, you know, I feel accepted here. I feel loved. I feel that I’m not being rejected. God loves me.” Ros Continued on page 16

Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

Qnotes

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news Out Vogue Editor & Fashion Titan André Leon Talley Has Died at 73

André Leon Talley, an icon of fashion journalism, has died at the age of 73.

Best known for his roles at Vogue as creative director and editor-at-large, which spanned from the 1980s to 2013, he has long been considered one of the fashion industry’s most prominent figures. His career led him to work with iconic figures like Andy Warhol, Diana Vreeland, Oscar de la Renta and Michelle Obama.

Beyond his work at Vogue, he was the Paris bureau chief of Women’s Wear Daily, a judge on America’s Next Top Model, artistic director for Zappos and also worked for Vanity Fair, Interview and Ebony, among others. He was also the subject of a 2017 documentary, “The Gospel According to André.”

The announcement of his passing on his Instagram page described him as “larger-than-life” with “a penchant for discovering, nurturing and celebrating young designers.” It also said he was a “close confidant” of fashion giants like Manolo Blahnik, Karl Lagerfeld, Diane von Furstenberg and Yves Saint Laurent.

On Instagram, von Furstenberg paid

tribute to Talley.

“No one saw the world in a more elegant and glamorous way than you did,” she wrote, adding that “no one was more soulful and grander than you were” and that “the world will be less joyful now.”

Talley was famous for his boundless knowledge of all things fashion, his flamboyant style that was often described as regal, his ability to smash through barriers and rise to the top of a white-dominated field, and also for being unapologetically himself.

“I was smart, and I showed it,” he once told NPR. “It goes back to when people can’t figure out who you are and are afraid of you – and as you boldly, with confidence, show who you are to the world, certain people just have the fear of seeing someone tall and Black suddenly come on the surface.”

Talley was born in 1948 and raised in Durham, N.C. by his grandmother, who worked as a maid at Duke University. His love of fashion began when the two of them attended church together and he noticed the variety of styles worn by those around him.

Trevor Project Survey Finds High Rate of Depression in LGBTQ Youth

LGBTQ youth in the South are disproportionally underserved. Many don’t have access to spaces that affirm their identity.

According to a recent analysis by The Trevor Project, unsupportive environments are linked to an increased likelihood of depression and even suicide.

The same survey found 69% of those same young adults had fair or poor mental health and that LGBTQ youth in the South had a nine percent greater possibility of a past-year suicide attempt when compared to other regions of the United States.

The Trevor Project found that overall, nearly half of LGBTQ youth in the south, (46%) confirmed their community was somewhat or very non-accepting, com-

pared to less than a third of LGBTQ youth in other regions of the country, which came in at 32%.

It is interesting to note that the southern region of the United States is the environment most of these young adults live in, and yet there seems to be a scarcity of spaces that could provide them a welcoming environment and the opportunity for self-exploration and making new friends.

Of additional concern is another minority group that exists within the greater community: Black LGBTQ young adults.

The survey found that Black LGBTQ youth were twice as likely to reside in the South.

The feelings of discomfort and alienation they experience carry a weighty impact that is more than just numbers and statis-

Gov. Cooper Seeks Help Over Charlotte Hospitals COVID Surge North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper on Friday sought federal help in the Charlotte area as hospitals across the state face record numbers of patients hospitalized with COVID-19. The huge surge in COVID infections in recent weeks comes from the spread of the highly contagious coronavirus variant omicron in the Charlotte region and across the state and country. North Carolina has set daily records for hospitalizations multiple times throughout January, including a new record set Jan. 20, with 4,741 people hospitalized with COVID, according to the state.

Charlotte’s largest hospital system, Atrium Health, is currently above 95%

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capacity for hospitalizations. The hospital system has already redeployed staff from urgent care and outpatient centers, limited non-emergency procedures and closed specialty centers. On Friday, the governor’s office announced that Cooper, working with Atrium Health, has requested federal support for staffing capacity from the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) and the Assistant Secretary for Preparedness and Response.

The state is requesting resources including additional nurses from FEMA to help hospitals deal with COVID capacity.

Unvaccinated and in the Hospital Across the state, 72% of people hospi-

The news of his death has led to an endless stream of tributes from the celebrities and designers who have worked with him. One particularly meaningful salute came from playwright Jeremy O’Harris, who expressed gratitude for the road Talley paved for young LGBTQ boys.

“For a little Black gay boy who reached for the stars from the South, there were few people I could look to up there amongst the stars who looked like me just more fab except for you Andre,” O’Harris wrote. “For a generation of boys Andre Leon Talley was a beacon of grace and aspiration.”

“André Leon Talley was a singular force in an industry that he had to fight to be recognized in,” Talley’s friend, Ford Foundation President Darren Walker, told the New York Times.

“R.I.P., dearest Andre. Without you, there would be no me,” wrote British Vogue Editor-in-Chief Edward Enninful on Instagram.

This story appears on the qnotes website courtesy our media partner, LGBTQ Nation. https://nyti.ms/3s3zkS8 — Molly Sprayregen

Although the cause of his death has not been confirmed, friends of the fashion journalist have suggested he died of a heart attack resulting from COVID complications.

tics: They’re lived experiences.

Corey Henderson is a 22-year-old, Black non-binary person, working as a visual lead in fashion retail, who currently lives in Spartanburg, S.C. Henderson can attest to the uneasiness encountered daily. “I’ve lived in South Carolina my entire life, and every day I’ve experienced discomfort, ‘’ said Henderson.

“A lot of people aren’t used to my expression,” Henderson continues. “A lot of times it’s stares and whispers, but I typically tune them out and focus on the task at hand while listening to my air pods.

If I’m with other people, then I tend to just focus on them.”

Henderson is never one to shy away from expressing self identity and happy to offer personal insight. “I definitely see myself as a rebel at heart so I’m always trying to test the waters and push it as far as I can, not to make others uncomfortable but I definitely try to challenge gender norms,”

Henderson explains.

“Working [at the store] I’ll wear a skirt, but I stick to the company’s policies making sure a garment remains at a certain length. Through that, at the end of the day I feel empowered. I express it because it feels right, it’s normal for me.”

According to the Trevor Project report, southern LGBTQ individuals are less likely to attempt suicide when they reported feeling affirmed in their sexual orientation and gender identity.

There are ways to achieve that goal: creating and/or maintaining safe spaces for queer youth (like Time Out Youth), making certain NDOs in your area are inclusive, offering clinical support for youth (such as Dudley’s Place) and respecting the identities of others by acknowledging their preferred pronouns are simple steps towards safeguarding the future of queer people. https://bit.ly/35A1BYW — Reuben Evans

talized and 83% of coronavirus-related ICU admissions are unvaccinated, according to the Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS). “The vast majority of people hospitalized with COVID-19 are unvaccinated,” state Secretary for the DHHS Kody Kinsley said in a statement. He urged residents to stay up-to-date with coronavirus vaccinations and wear a well-fitting mask when around other people.

COVID Hospitalizations Rising in North Carolina Local experts have noted that omicron spread may be beginning to slow in Charlotte and around the state. Still, hospitalizations are typically called a lagging indicator – meaning COVID hospitalizations may slow days or weeks after COVID infections begin to plateau, and may even continue to increase.

Hospitalizations increased 23% last week compared to the previous week, ac-

cording to the North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services (NCDHHS).

The state tracks COVID hospitalizations by regional healthcare preparedness coalitions. Mecklenburg falls into the Metrolina Healthcare Preparedness Coalition, along with parts of 12 neighboring counties.

That region has the highest number of COVID hospitalizations across the state, with 1,109 currently hospitalized COVID patients, according to NCDHHS. The state has previously received federal COVID capacity support, Cooper said in a statement Friday. Earlier this month, FEMA provided 25 ambulances for North Carolina, which have been deployed to 11 counties and will remain in North Carolina until Feb. 3.

This story is made available through our media partner The Charlotte Observer. https://bit.ly/3KTZy1Q — Hannah Smoot

news

‘All Over Campus, All Over Town’ Story of Us Archive Preserves LGBTQ Student Voices

BY BROOKE ELLIOTT | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

I

n 1976, the first Southeastern Gay Conference in the United States was held on UNC’s campus.

More than four decades later, the Carolina Pride Alumni Network has raised over $90,000 to preserve the history of the university’s LGBTQ+ students, faculty and staff through “The Story of Us,” a collaboration with the Wilson Library and the Southern Oral History Program.

University Archivist Nicholas Graham said the experiences of marginalized or underrepresented students are often missing from archives.

“This is a way to make sure their experiences become a part of the permanent record of UNC’s history,” Graham said. “If a student approaching the archives now wants to know what it was like to be gay at Carolina in the 1970s, they will have access to interviews and archival documents to learn that history.”

altogether and traveling to a large urban center,” Schultz said. “I think that’s an important part of this project, saying, ‘No, we’ve been here doing these things not only in a large urban center, but in a small college town in the South.’”

Schultz said the project had gathered testimonies from alumni who attended as long ago as the 1940s — coming of age at a time when homophobic and transphobic laws were commonplace across several states. Upon gathering more testimonies, a “hidden geography” of spaces marked by LGBTQ+ people on UNC’s campus and in Chapel Hill, Durham and Carrboro emerged.

“All over campus, all over town — they might not be the same bar or the same venue, but the physical space is still there,” Schultz said. “Those kinds of things are really valuable. It helps us to see the physical world in a different way, knowing those queer histories are all around us.”

Launching an Historic Initiative The stirrings of the project that would become “The Story of Us” first appeared in spring 2019, when the Carolina Pride Alumni Network reached out to the Wilson Library and the Southern Oral History Program to begin hiring necessary staff and researchers.

The project was publicly announced in May of that year. They sought to raise $92,000 in order to hire archivists and researchers, as well as maintain a permanent collection of LGBTQ+ testimonies at Wilson Library.

Hogan Medlin, a 2011 graduate, former student body president and current CPAN president, said the fundraising effort was highly successful, with many alumni who identify as LGBTQ+, or as allies, happy to contribute to important historical research.

“There are direct benefits for current students, both undergraduate and graduate, who will in the future be able to access this archive, find themselves in it, find inspiration from it and hopefully see that they too fit in and they count at Carolina,” said Medlin, who is also pursuing a master’s in public administration at UNC. “It’s incredibly important for any

A Community for Everyone

marginalized community, but in particular this community, given that our history has not yet been captured.”

Hooper Schultz, who graduated from the university in 2014, was hired in the fall of 2020 to act as a field scholar and researcher for the project. As a graduate student at the University of Mississippi, Schultz collected the oral histories of LGBTQ Mississippians for his thesis.

Now, as a doctoral student at UNC collaborating with “The Story of Us,” he records the oral histories and gathers documents related to past gay and transgender rights activism at UNC. “LGBTQ people have been at the university, have been on campus and have had a big impact,” Schultz said. “There has

been increased attention to LGBTQ history in the U.S. South, and oral history is one way that historically marginalized groups can pass down their history.”

The organizers of “The Story of Us” called for CPAN members and other gay alumni of UNC to share their experiences as gay and transgender students while at the university. Schultz said that while the history of the LGBTQ+ community in heavily populated northern cities has been documented extensively, many southern states in the United States lack accessible historical records of the existence of queer communities.

“Oftentimes, in the broader public imagining, we think of queer people leaving their rural homes or leaving the South

“The Story of Us” has received an overwhelmingly positive reception from the public and LGBTQ+ alumni, Medlin and Schultz said.

“It became a whole coordinated effort – the library system, the communications department, the graduate students who are running the project – it’s kind of snowballed into everyone wanting us to succeed,” Medlin said. “There’s a lot of great minds and hearts at work in bringing this home.”

Schultz said he believed the excitement of people who contacted CPAN about the project was indicative of its importance to the LGBTQ+ people at UNC and across North Carolina.

“People want to make sure their voices are heard; they haven’t necessarily seen themselves in the archive at UNC before as queer people, or they haven’t seen history written about LGBTQ people in North Carolina,” Schultz said. “I think that that’s something that people see as really democratizing the archive. It kind of gives them a sense of belonging.”

This article was republished with permission from The Daily Tar Heel. : :

Connie J. Vetter, Esq. Attorney at Law PLLC Your LGBTQ+ Law Attorney

Talk/Text 704-333-4000 or online

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Qnotes

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feature

Valentine’s Day: An Appetizing Bit of History and a Few Dining Out Suggestions Charlotte’s Mix of Cuisine and Culture Can Make a Magical Evening

by David Aaron Moore qnotes Staff Writer

W

e all know Valentine’s Day is celebrated on Feb. 14. Although it is typically viewed as a holiday celebrating love with special meals often shared in particular places, along with the giving of cards, candy, flowers and other gifts between couples, it has origins deeply rooted in fifth century Rome, when it served as a tribute to Saint Valentine, a Catholic bishop.

Further investigation reveals similar celebrations held during the same season date back some 800 years prior to the establishment of Valentine’s Day. Roman Pagan celebrations held during the season commemorated a young man’s “right of passage” and paid homage to the god Lupercus. The celebration featured a lottery that allowed young men to draw the name of an individual who would be his sexual companion during the remaining year.

As time passed and in an effort to do away with the Pagan festival, the pope of the day ordered a change to the lottery.

In the newly refined Catholic version, both men and women were allowed to draw a ticket from the box. The point of the revised game: to emulate the ways of a random saint (whose name they had pulled from the box) during the rest of the year. Sounds like fun, huh?

Needless to say, many of the young Roman men and women were not too pleased with the rule changes.

Over the years the traditions continued to evolve, with the first true Valentine card reportedly being sent in 1415 by Charles,

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Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London.

Skipping forward to upcoming Valentine’s Day 2022, most of us tend to stick to flowers and/or candy, a card and a special meal. In a large city like Charlotte there are a multitude of fine dining establishments to choose from, so we’ve picked a few that are particularly popular with the LGBTQ community.

The Queen City’s selection of destinations for dining and imbibing is a wide and eclectic variety of hole-in-the-wall grab ’n gos, intimate and cozies, and palatial palaces serving just about every kind of cuisine you can imagine.

Of course, since we’re now in the second year of a pandemic that has entirely changed the way we interact with the world around us, restaurant behavior, etiquette and the number of patrons allowed in an establishment isn’t what it once was.

In fact, some restaurants that survived the economic crunch have switched over almost exclusively to take out.

And why not? Less expense for employees, less cost for general overhead.

Fortunately for us, though, there are plenty of chefs, business owners and patrons out there who still enjoy the artistry and experience of dining out, which leaves us with a variety of places to choose from for your special Valentine’s Day experience. Keep in mind: limited space, lots of people, best to plan ahead with reservations as soon as possible.

The Wine Vault 9009 JM Keynes Dr. #1

704-548-9463 https://www.headwino.com/ This is an excellent choice for starting off your evening with a craft beer or fine glass of wine. The Wine Vault has been around for over 30 years and has stood the test of time as a reliable and tasteful destination for casual drinkers and beer and wine enthusiasts. Located in the University area with a plethora of restaurants within walking distance, The Wine Vault offers an opportunity for guests to enjoy socializing in a cozy and comfortable environment. They host live music on weekends, weekly wine tastings and monthly wine-related events in an environment that offers a true sense of community. Their website boasts you’ll notice it the moment you walk through the door.

Dolce Osteria 1710 Kenilworth Ave. 704-332-7525 https://www.dolce-osteria.com/ Located in Kenilworth Commons, Dolce Osteria is a popular destination for authentic regional Italian dishes and boasts pasta made in house by an expert mentioned in multiple five-star reviews known as Rita.

Italian food is considered by many to be among the most romantic cuisine of all – making it the perfect food to share with someone you love. There’s plenty to love at Dolce: Rita’s variety of pastas include Bolognese, Amatriciana, Sorrento and Carbonara along with a number of others.

But wait, there’s more! Carpaccio, Pollo Marsala, Gnocchi, Lasagna, Linguine with Clams, Prosciutto with Fresh Mozzarella, Tagliatelle Di Mare and Vitello Al Limone.

The menu boasts a seemingly never-ending list of appetizers, salads, entrees and desserts and more five star reviews than you can shake a stick at!

Take all of this Sicilian goodness and serve it up in an intimate and inviting environment and you’ve got an eatery many Charlotteans call the best Italian in Charlotte.

Artisan’s Palette 1218-A E. 36th St. 980-209-9168 https://www.theartisanpalate.com/ The Artisan’s Palate in the city’s North Davidson Community (NoDa) is a mix of multiple things: restaurant, art gallery and gathering space. They offer a distinctive list of unique cocktails, wine and shareable plates in a friendly and welcoming environment reflective of NODA culture with a focus on art and the artists who create the work. If you’re looking for a Valentine adventure that steeps you in food, spirits and creative culture, this just might be the destination for you.

Regrettably, after the first decade of 21st century growth, NoDa has seen many galleries close and few, if any, open to take the place of those lost.

Artisan’s Palate is dedicated to keeping the creative spirit of NoDa alive and thriving. The space boasts a gallery populated by works from local artists, who are featured monthly.

Visitors to Artisan are introduced to multiple sensory consuming experiences, created by chef and owner Christa Csoka that will assuage your senses through food, beverage, art, music and more, with each wrap-around presentation based on the type of collection presented.

Artisan’s Palate is a highly anticipated experience for patrons, which includes locally grown coffees and unique cocktails beside a delightful menu with such inviting edibles as a Smoked Salmon Board, Shrimp and Grits, Pulled Chicken Sliders, Mussels in White Wine, Grilled Octopus, Red Wine Braised Short Ribs and Shrimp Artichoke Salad.

Poplar Tapas 224 W. Tenth St. 704-940-5757 https://www.poplarcharlotte.com/ If you’re in the mood for a cosmopolitan Valentine experience full of character and history, a visit to Poplar Tapas is definitely a go-to destination for you and your significant other. Located in the Historic Morrison House in center-city Charlotte’s Fourth Ward neighborhood, Poplar Tapas Restaurant & Bar offers Peruvian-inspired tapas, wine and spirits. Fourth Ward is Charlotte’s oldest inner city neighborhood, and very walkable. On the down side, parking in the area is a major challenge.

If you’re close to a light rail station and feeling adventuresome, you might want to take the train to Seventh Street and hoof it a few blocks. On the way, enjoy some amazing architecture before a dining experience that offers such delectables as Farfalle con Salchicha, Bocados de Carne, Tacos de Puerco, Manchego Stuffed Figs wrapped in Prosciutto with Basil Aioli and Shrimp Ceviche.

300 East 300 East Boulevard 704-332-6507 https://www.300east.net/ One of Charlotte’s longtime standbys and always a popular go-to for the LGBTQ Community, 300 East opened in Dilworth (the light rail goes there too) in 1986 when the neighborhood was the city’s most populous gayborhood. Lots of LGBTQ folks still enjoy all the beauty and amenities of Dilworth and nearby Southend and the restaurant, which is housed in a sizable turn of the 20th century two-story bungalow that’s

extra inviting and brimming over with character. Another excellent destination for a romantic evening, 300 East boasts a full bar and a menu that includes baked Marinated Vermont Goat Cheese, Sweet Potato Ravioli, Seared Ahi Tuna, Bronzed Sesame Salmon, Pan Seared Springer Mountain Farms Airline Breast and Filet Mignon. : :

Wine & Dine A VALENTINE’S AFTERNOON DELIGHT AT ALDERSGATE

Love Where You Live.

You’re invited to events at Aldersgate, a 62+ Life Plan Community.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 14 | 2PM Bring a friend or join us solo for tasty bites with complimentary wine pairings in a group setting. Space is limited. RSVP today!

To RSVP, learn about more events or schedule a tour, call (704) 318-2018 or visit AldersgateLiving.org.

3800 Shamrock Drive, Charlotte, NC 28215

Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

Qnotes

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February 11 & 12 7:30 pm | Belk Theater “Intelligent and agile” (Bachtrack) conductor Kensho Watanabe leads Tchaikovsky’s boisterous and melancholic Symphony No. 6, “Pathétique,” in his debut performance with the Charlotte Symphony.

Pianist Sara Davis Buechner, lauded for her “intelligence, integrity and all-encompassing technical prowess” (New York Times), joins the orchestra to perform Clara Schumann’s Piano Concerto. Buechner — a proud transgender woman — is known around the world for her eloquent piano playing as well as her activism for transgender rights.

704.972.2000 | charlottesymphony.org 10

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Sara Davis Buechner piano

Kensho Watanabe conductor

Grab your $19 tickets while they last!

Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

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feature

Wedding Planner Makes Dreams Come True NC Native Finds Career Success on “Celebrity Dream Wedding”

BY L’MONIQUE KING QNOTES STAFF WRITER

B

ack in the early 2000s a young man from Burlington left his hometown to become a student at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte (UNCC) where he looked forward to pursuing a degree in public relations. What he left with was a bachelor’s in mass communications, the man of his dreams and, soon, a whole new career.

That student was Lance Devereux, and now he’s the owner of Designs by Devereux, LLC, a competitor on VH1’s “My Celebrity Dream Wedding” television show and an entrepreneurial force to be reckoned with. A newlywed himself, Lance married Antonio Farrington (in May 2021), his best friend from college, and together their life has been a whirlwind of the types of things dream weddings are made of. The two recently had a home built in Charlotte, where Devereux grew up, but are now maintaining an additional residence in Atlanta where the VH1 show is filmed.

How did you get into the wedding planning business?

Honestly, initially I didn’t have much interest in the industry, but my parents were both wedding planners in Burlington, so it’s something I was exposed to and familiar with but not something that I saw myself doing. Then, while in college, almost 10 years ago, I was doing interior décor. A [straight female] client I’d done some interior décor for, a fellow UNCC student, asked me to do her wedding.

Who planned your wedding?

Dextor Rodgers of 19Eleven. He’s a dear friend and we co-designed my wedding.

Is there any difference in planning a heterosexual couple’s wedding compared to an LGBTQ wedding?

No, the planning process is the same.

I approach celebrating love the same, no matter who it is. All clients – whether LGBTQ, straight or whatever it may be – have different things they may want to include in their weddings. Being a member of the LGBTQ community myself, I do try to pay special attention to details for LGBTQ couples. Particularly with LGBTQ couples, I try to make sure that both individuals have a say in the process.

Sometimes with a male/female couple there’s this expectation of tradition where only the bride has the say. I want to make sure that both parties are equally represented and free to contribute to the process.

How did you end up on “My Celebrity Dream Wedding”?

I received a phone call from a casting agent who was referred to me by another local planner. This wasn’t the first of these types of calls I had received but nothing much ever came from it, so I didn’t want to get my hopes up. The interview process took about six months, while they narrowed down over 300 applicants to 10.

They then flew me to L.A., which is when I thought, [rather] I knew, this is real! The next step was being flown to Atlanta to shoot the pilot, which aired on TV months

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later as a Valentine’s Day special.

What’s it like competing and appearing on “My Celebrity Dream Wedding”?

It’s amazing, it’s lots of fun. I’m used to working for myself, so having the opportunity to work with two other amazing entrepreneurs and planners, who are also used to being the boss, has been humbling, fun and good. It’s an experience that gives me the opportunity to really be my full self. People who know me know I’m full of energy and like to have fun. I’m able to be that person on the show. People love it, couples love it.

What surprised you the most about participating on the show?

The budget. I knew that we were doing this for deserving couples who wanted huge celebrity styled weddings, but when you hear you have to bring some sense of a million-dollar event for someone with a $15,000 budget [that’s challenging and surprising].

Outside of the show, what types of budgets are Designs by Devereux, LLC, clients working with?

Through my journey as wedding planner and designer I’ve had the opportunity to work with all kinds of couples with all kinds of budgets. At this point in the journey, we’re working with a clientele that has access to a wedding budget of $75,000 or above. One of the things I’ve loved most about being on My Celebrity Dream Wedding is the opportunity to work with clients who are deserving of a dream wedding they’re not in a position to make happen.

Any tips for those planning a wedding on a tight budget?

Sometimes people feel like they have to follow traditions when they don’t – like wedding favors. I’d suggest you take that money and put it into the day’s experience. The memory of that will last longer than something [like a wedding favor] that may be lost or thrown away. So, focus on memorable moments instead. You don’t have to spread décor throughout an entire space. A few conversation pieces will make it memorable; like a cake display, a backdrop or elevating the feel of the table your

family is seated at.

What’s the most extravagant wedding you’ve ever planned to date?

NFL Arizona Cardinals D.J. Humphries’ wedding. His wife is from Charlotte and he’s also from North Carolina. The budget was well over $200,000 and it was held at the Ballantyne Resort. They spared no expense on details. There were specialty linens, luxurious florals, a five-star meal and an all-in experience for their guests.

What’s your dream wedding? Who are you just dying to plan for? <Without a moment’s hesitation> It would be my ultimate dream to plan for the Obamas. They are my dream client.

But another event outside of weddings I’d love to do is Oprah Winfrey’s Legends Ball.

I’m manifesting that; that will happen one day and I will have my hands on it.

Has the pandemic impacted wedding planning?

Yes. The pandemic has definitely impacted wedding planning. There was a period of about a year when our industry came to a halt. There were closures, restrictions and people were afraid to celebrate. But now, people are ready to celebrate, party and live. However, celebrations have become smaller and more intimate. People are starting to realize intimate celebrations [micro-weddings and events] can be great if not greater. No one is happy about COVID, but one byproduct I am happy about is that we’ve found a way to maintain and adjust.

What does the future hold for Lance Devereux? Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

Hmmmmm, that’s such a loaded question. Personally, ten years from now I hope to be achieving beyond my wildest dreams. Ten years ago, I would have never imagined being where I am now, so I look forward to the ride. Someone recently asked me during Thanksgiving what I’m most thankful for this year. I said, I’m most thankful for the view…of what’s coming next. I can see a little piece of it but imagine it’s going to be even wilder than the glimpse I have now.

What’s down time like – if you ever have any? Do you have a go-to for chill time?

I love good food and I love good laughs with my husband, family and friends. I love to have at-home moments with people I love. My husband, family and friends love to come together for homebody moments. It’s the piece of completion that I need to get through the rest of life. I also love to travel. It doesn’t always happen as often as I like, but we still like to get away when we can.

Now that you also have an additional residence in Atlanta, where is home?

Charlotte. Charlotte raised me. It’s where I really became my true self. When I embraced that, doors really started to open for me. In the moment it may not always feel like the easiest thing to do, but when you take that step, you’ll realize the fullness of what life truly has to offer. : :

life

Tips for Keeping the Spark in Your Long-Term Relationship Twelve Hints for Keeping Romance Hot, No Matter How Long You’ve Been Together

BY MICHAEL SHERNOFF | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

I

remember once seeing a cartoon that showed two men, obviously long-term partners, sitting on a couch. One was doing a crossword puzzle and asked his boyfriend, “What’s an eight letter word for monotony?” His partner replied: “Monogamy.”

The last panel had the first man hitting the other over the head with the newspaper and the first saying, “Only kidding!”

Unfortunately, for many long term couples, monogamy is equated with boring.

But it doesn’t have to be. In order for romance to remain hot in any longterm relationship, both partners have to remember their most important sex organ is between their ears. There are multiple ways to achieve a successful long-term relationship, ranging from the completely monogamous to the completely open. Talk honestly with your partner about what will work for you and be open to revisiting the important issues in your relationship at different times.

After several years of working with same-sex couples I found that most often a couple reports they have been sexually

exclusive for certain periods of their relationship, at times lasting for years. Most couples are likely to remain monogamous with a high level of sexual activity during the early phase of their relationship.

When asked why, they generally responded that the excitement of being in love is so intense and satisfying that, though they find others attractive, they have no interest in diluting what is going on between them by seeking sex outside the relationship.

It’s a given that every relationship requires work. Part of that work involves

open communication, which allows both partners to feel safe expressing their feelings and secure that, while their partner may not always agree with them, he or she does always care about how the

other is feeling.

To achieve your goals, we’ve come up with 12 suggestions for couples seeking tips on how to keep it hot and sexy over the long haul.

1. Sex is not a competitive sport One of the major problems unique to same-sex couples can be competitiveness.

Both of you don’t always have to be ready

for sex at the same time or even have an orgasm during every sexual encounter in order for it to be fun or fulfilling. Leave the sports-minded competitiveness on the playing field when you’re playing in your partner’s field, and you might just end up scoring a whole lot more.

2. Timing There are going to be times when one wants to play and the other does not. It should always be permissible for either partner to indicate they would like sex.

Similarly, neither partner should feel like a sexual robot who has to perform on demand. How each of you responds to these situations will determine the sexual and emotional climate within your relationship. A simple “I’m not really there tonight, but I promise before the weekend ends I’ll jump your bones,” is a lot easier to hear than a flat and matter-of-fact “no.”

Another option for the one not in the mood for a full scale romp? Ask the partner if he or she would like to be held while they take care of themselves. In these Continued on page 15

Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

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Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

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Continued from page 13 situations, stranger things have happened than both individuals finding themselves really turned on.

3. Keep it interesting Routines and sameness and how and where you have sex can make even the most exciting sex partner seem like a double-yawner. If your partner is the one who generally initiates sexual advances, why not try seducing them for a change?

If you normally have sex in your bedroom, try having it in front of the fireplace, or on the kitchen floor, or in the backyard. If you normally have sex with both of you undressed try it with your smelly gym clothes on, or your suit, etc.

4. Foster romance Part of the excitement and fun of a new relationship is the romance of it all.

In order for this to continue, both of you have to work at it. Dr Betty Burzon, a Los Angeles psychotherapist and author, suggests: “If the romance is waning at home, the world is full of romantic places that are a perfect backdrop for a romantic afternoon, evening, weekend or vacation, even if it means checking into a hotel or motel for one night in order to give yourselves a change.”

5. Continue the courtship Treat your significant other as thoughtfully now as you did in the early days of dating. Send them flowers or a card for no particular reason. Never stop demonstrating that you do not take them for granted. Set up a date night with the phones turned off, no television and the two of you spending time together getting reacquainted.

6. Touch Be physically affectionate with each other on a regular basis in ways that do not necessarily lead to sex. Keeping in close physical contact with one another helps keep the erotic fires simmering.

Take turns giving one another massages that may or may not lead to sexual play.

7. Prioritize sex For a couple with demanding professional lives it is all too easy for sex to be put on the back burner. If one of you is cooking and the other comes up behind you, begins to hug, nuzzle and get frisky, don’t respond with, “The chicken will burn!” Turn around and pounce. You can always order in if the dinner is ruined.

8. Casual encounters Remember how excited you used to get about sex with someone new? Take the best of hit-and-run sex and what makes it exciting and bring it into your home. Sometimes it can be fun play to

treat your partner as a sexual object. If you’ve had a really tough and stressful day, there’s nothing wrong with walking into the house, kissing your partner and telling them you are so stressed out that some type of sexual release would be most welcome. Of course, it’s fine for you to say that, but it’s also alright for them to tell you “that would be hot, but could we do it in 20 minutes?”

9. Be daring and creative Think of sex like food: You want it fresh, not stale. If you know your partner finds you sexy in a jock, leather, lingerie, aluminum foil or whatever, surprise them by greeting them at the door dressed for action. Try doing it in the doorway. Just keep it interesting.

10. Talking about sex Tell each other what would turn you on and what sexual fantasies you have. How are you going to find out whether your boyfriend or girlfriend has been dying for you to tie them up unless the two of you talk about it? But if your partner shares with you their desire to do something you feel is just way too kinky for you, try not to respond with, “Ugh! That is really weird.”

Try to remain open to having your sexual boundaries expanded. As they say, don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.

11. Don’t avoid fights and don’t stay angry If a couple does not share enough passion to occasionally fight, then chances are there’s not enough passion for good sex.

You have to feel safe and secure enough with your partner to be able to get really angry at them without fearing that if you do, the relationship will end. Plus, many a heated argument has led to a sizzling makeup. My grandfather, who was married for over 70 years to my grandmother before she died, once told me that they never went to bed angry. This is very wise advice for any couple. Closing down and not telling them how you feel is a clear path to an unhealthy relationship.

12. Expect it to change The initial sexual excitement that creates a profound mood altering sexual intoxication really lasts for about two years on the average. It is unrealistic to expect even the best relationship to maintain the same kind of sexual energy that is a normal part of any new romance. One couple I know who have been together for more than 30 years and are still sexually active with each other put it this way: “Of course I see that his body has wrinkles and sags and that he doesn’t get as excited as he used to. Yet when he starts to get amorous with me, I still see the 25-year-old boy I fell in love with.” : :

Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

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Continued from page 5

churches and supporting pastoral transitions. The board members left that continues, “I wanted to be able to be there meeting with the task of gathering more for them. That’s the saddest part of us information from its current memberclosing is the fact ship, including if that this presence people choose to won’t be there be moved to an for them if they inactive status. choose to try to There are find that.” currently 51 What’s Next The future of members of the the Queen City church, howWorship Center, ever several have or MCC Charlotte, already asked is still unknown. to move to that Rev. Dr. inactive status DuBose’s according to Rev. contract has Dr. DuBose. Any been renewed decision to close through the end would have to be of February. If the a vote of the full church votes to (active) memberclose, she plans ship. A special to assist as much congregational as she can but meeting will be plans are already set sometime in in place for her Rev. Dr. Renee DuBose is the gap pastor at Queen City the near future and her wife to Worship Center / MCC for the purpose move back to Charlotte through the end of February. of voting on Georgia in mid to whether or not to late-March. “We close the church. delayed our move a month or so because Despite the outcome, MCC Charlotte I don’t want to leave MCC Charlotte during will always have an important role in this stressful and transitional time,” said Charlotte’s LGBTQ history. “I would imagRev. Dr. DuBose in an email. ine there would be some type of celebraThe church had a meeting on Jan. 23 tion for all the years MCC Charlotte has with MCC National leader Rev. Rebecca been in service to the community,” said Wilson to discuss its options. Wilson is Rev. Dr. DuBose. : : responsible for working with affiliated

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a&e

It’s A Wonderful Gay Life!

Tell Trinity

BY TRINITY | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Dear Trinity, It’s been over a year since I came out.

I now have many gay friends, but it really bothers me that some of them have low self-esteem, live alone, spend too much time on hookup apps and confess their fears of never finding a companion. Is this my gay future too?

My Gay Future Charlotte, NC Dear My Gay Future, Yes, some gays (and straights) are single, live alone and look for love on all the wrong hookup apps. And yes, some have low self-esteem, are hard to please and/or just don’t want to take the time to get to know someone who doesn’t fit their porn fantasy. However, there are MANY other LGBTQ’s who are turning off their cellphones, raising their self-esteem and going to coffee shops, private parties and joining social, intellectual, athletic or religious groups. These folks are pushing themselves to meet new people and trying new ways of celebrating their life. Honey, you may have to find some “new” positive, like-minded friends who KNOW that being LGBT and/or Q is the greatest gift someone could have. As Helen Keller once signed, “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing.”

Hugs, Trinity Hey Trin., I went on a first date and thought ev-

erything went great. I told her a lot about myself, even the bad things. I think being honest is best, and she did seem interested. But I never heard from her again. What did I do wrong?

Yours, First Ditched Date Ottawa, ON Hey Ditched, Maybe she moved to Alaska. Maybe she was thrown in prison. Or maybe you told her so much about yourself that she was scared off or left with nothing to keep her interested for a second date. Pumpkin, a first date is not a time to dump your troubles, read your police record or make someone feel like they’re watching an A&E biography special.

It’s a time to let someone get to know a bit about you. That’s it!

Hello Trinity, When it comes to pick-up tactics, I’m a complete failure.

Help!

Pick Me Plymouth, MA Hello Pick Me,

If you want to pick someone up, start by looking and smelling good, being at ease and open-minded, and Sweetie, please read:

TRINITY’S “WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE” TIPS FOR BAD PICKUP MANEUVERS

1. The Bad Fall: Trying to get noticed by falling into, pushing or slapping the behind of someone you want to pick up. Not funny!

2. The Push Myself On You Approach: Being pushy and aggressive only works in porn or Quentin Tarentino films. Otherwise, learn to accept “No!” 3. The Drunken Approach: Getting drunk so you can become “fearless” only makes you feared by others. Have a drink or two. That’s enough!

4. The Political Approach: Yes, everyone likes to talk about politics and we all detest the MAGA-heads but try talking about something… less upsetting!

5. The Never Stop Telling (Bad) Jokes Approach: Being funny and fun is a great gift but telling more than four jokes per hour is itself… a bad joke!

6. The Never Stop Talking Approach: Being interesting and provocative is great, but if you’re not hearing much from your counterpart, shut up. And take a break!

7. The Negative Approach: Yes, sometimes pointing out people’s misfortunes will make you look more fortunate, but after 14 years of age, stop it!

8. The Desperate For Love Approach: If you must use pity or misfortune to get a date, then GET OUT of the singles scene. Join a monastery!

9. The Silent Approach: Being a good listener is a wonderful trait, but having nothing to say does not make you a good date!

10. Lastly, The Listen To How Fabulous I Am Approach: Yes, everyone is glad you’re rich, successful or famous, but you’re out to get dates, not start a fan club.

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings. Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, www.wigministries.org Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Send e-mails to: Trinity@telltrinity.com

BUSINESS CARDS AS LOW AS $22 FOR MORE INFORMATION, EMAIL ADSALES@QNOTESCAROLINAS.COM

Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

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a&e

Better Than Ever An Interview With Harvey Fierstein

by Gregg Shapiro Contributing Writer

O

ne of the best things about reading a memoir by someone with a distinctive voice – both spoken and written – is that you hear them as you read their book. Let’s face it, awardwinning writer and actor Harvey Fierstein qualifies as someone who has a distinctive voice; and while reading his revelatory memoir, “I Was Better Last Night” (Knopf, 2022), you’d swear he was in the room with you, dishing away. Harvey was gracious enough to make time for an interview shortly before the book’s March 2022 publication date.

Gregg Shapiro: Harvey, why was now the time to write your memoir, “I Was Better Last Night,” and does having a milestone birthday [70] in 2022 have anything to do with it?

Harvey Fierstein: What’s really funny is that so many sources, if you look online, have my birthday as 1954, even though it’s actually 1952. The reason is that when I turned 22, my friend Eric Conklin, who directed the original production of “Torch Song,” said, “You should tell everybody you’re turning 21.” I said, “Why?” He said, “Because if you lie when you’re older, nobody believes it. But if you start at 21, who the fuck’s going to care!” That year, I moved my birthday to ‘53. The next year, we decided we’d do it again. But I never took it seriously. Things just get picked up by this one or that one. I think it was in New York Magazine that they got the facts wrong and said my parents were Eastern European immigrants. They were actually third-generation Americans. But it got picked up by everyone and everywhere it said I was the son of Eastern European immigrants. My mother was born in Brooklyn and my father was born in the Catskills.

So, I wrote the book, and there’s a fact checker, of course. Every time I mentioned my age he sent back a note, “Wikipedia says you were born in ‘54. This one says you were born in ’54,” I had to keep saying, “Why would I lie and make myself older?

I’d only make myself younger!” It’s another one of those examples of why you should never lie. I am indeed as old as the mountains. So, did I write the memoir because of the birthday? No. Like everybody else in the fucking world, this pandemic hit. I was a very good boy. I sat down and did all the work on my desk. At that time, we were supposed to be doing a production of “Bye Bye Birdie” at the Kennedy Center.

I finished the rewrites on that. I had rewritten “Funny Girl” which was done in London and then went on tour in England, and we were bringing it to Broadway. I wanted to make some more changes to it, so I got all those changes done. “Kinky Boots” was sold to cruise ships, so I had to do an adaptation, a shortening of the show, as I had already done for “Hairspray” and other shows. That was off my desk and done. I’m working on a new musical with Alan Menken and Jeff Feldman, the guys I wrote “Newsies” with.

GS: Yes, I read about that in the book.

HF: So, I was all caught up with that.

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Basically, I was done. Then I sat down and, as I say in the book, I make quilts. I owed a couple of quilts as gifts. I went down to my little sewing room and I made seven quilts in a row [laughs]. Usually, I turn out one a year. Everybody got their birthday quilts, their wedding quilts, whatever it was that was owed. I had cleared my desk and we were still in the pandemic. Then my agent said to me, “Why don’t you write your memoir?” I said, “Because I don’t write sentences.”

GS: You wrote the children’s book. That has sentences.

HF: But that’s kid sentences. I’ve written Op Eds, but for that you just have to get the voice of Edward R. Murrow in your head or something like that. That’s like writing dialogue, as well. All of a sudden, you’re Aaron Sorkin. I thought, “What the fuck? I’ve got a computer. Let me try.” I wrote four chapters, and I sent them to my agent. She said, “This is great!” She sent the chapters out to I think nine publishers, and eight of the nine made offers.

GS: There are numerous powerful moments throughout the book. Without giving away too much…

HF: Oh, go ahead, give it away! I already know what happens.

GS: But I don’t want to spoil it for the readers.

HF: That’s right. Goddammit.

GS: Chapter 57 contains one of the most

emotional sequences involving your parents. Would it be fair to say that writing the book was a cathartic experience?

HF: Yes, the whole thing really is. When I started, I asked Shirley MacLaine because she’s written 300 books about her 700 different lives. She said, “Write what you remember because your brain has a way of editing, and it will give you what you need for this book. You’ll remember things for other books and other things, but write what you remember and just be true to what comes up.” I said, “Even about other people?” She said, “Yes. When you’re writing about other people, you’re really writing about yourself. Just trust that.” That’s what I did. There were hundreds of stories that I could have told. I just tried to sort of follow a line of thought and let it be.

GS: That’s interesting because the chapters in “I Was Better Last Night” are presented in chronological order, beginning in 1959 and concluding in 2022. Is that how they were written?

HF Yes, I wrote it exactly as it is. As you say, that particular chapter, I knew was coming because I knew what happened to bring that memory back. I’m trying to say it as you said, to not give it away. What happened between me and my brother, when he sat down to watch the last revival of “Torch Song.” My editor was incredibly gentle with me. Now and then he’d say,

add more here or there. But the only real note that I got from him was he wanted to move that story into chronological order since the rest of the book is. I said, “No. That’s in emotional order.”

GS: It needed to be where it was.

HF: Exactly! Most celebrity autobiographies begin “I was a kid and I saw a show and I said, ‘I wanna be a star, too!’” Which is obviously not my story. I never wanted to be in show business. I didn’t want to be a writer. I didn’t want to be an actor or a drag performer. It was not my dream at all. That’s why it was so important to do it chronologically. I wanted to show how I lived my life being true to the moment I was in.

GS: In “I Was Better Last Night” you take readers on a journey through modern theater, from The Gallery Players and La Mama to off-Broadway and Broadway. With that in mind, would you agree that in addition to being a memoir, the book also functions as a theater history lesson?

HF: I guess it does. I have certainly been told that by a bunch of people who’ve read the book. When I was talking to Patti LuPone about it, she said, “Geez, I wish I had done what you did. She came through theater school and right into the legitimate, not through the experimental.

As I say in the book, I came from an art school, so I always approached it as an art.

Theater was part of an art movement, and I got involved because I wanted to meet Andy Warhol. Little did I know they would put me in drag. I guess there is a history there. Certainly, when I look around me, and I look at the people that I grew up with – Kathleen Chalfant and Obba Babatundé -- and, of course, La Mama became something bigger. There were lots of others. Meeting Matthew [Broderick] at 18, or Estelle Getty who was a housewife from Bayside, Queens. She wouldn’t even admit she was from Bayside. She told everybody she was from Long Island [big laugh]. I said, “Estelle! Bayside is in Queens. Shut up!” What is history? After all, history is just day after day after day after day. I did start, as a baby, in this experimental theater. I wish that experimental theater still really existed. There were a few of us that I would say destroyed off-off-Broadway.

I think greed is what destroyed off-offBroadway. I think what happened was when people saw Tom O’Horgan make it, when “Hair” became a hit, that had a lot of people going, “Where’s my Hair?”

GS: But don’t you think that experimental theater might exist in cities where it’s a little more affordable to do that kind of thing? Say, Austin, Texas.

HF: There will always be experimental theater. It’s just, how is it looked at? Is the government funding there for it? I hear a lot of people saying, “Let’s not waste money on theater.” “Torch Song Trilogy” wouldn’t have been what it was if not for a government grant. I don’t know if you know this, but I just gave a grant to the New York Public Library at Lincoln Center to build a theater laboratory because rehearsal space is incredibly expensive Continued on page 19

life

Our People: Sam Hart

Thoughts on Food, Failure and Valentine’s Day

BY L’MONIQUE KING QNOTES STAFF WRITER

A

s Valentine’s Day approaches many people, friends and lovers are searching for a cool romantic place to eat. Restaurant owner and chef, Sam Hart, not only has the answer, but also what just well may be one of the city’s most unique places for dining out on that special day.

Raised as an only child by his mom, these days Hart’s family has grown somewhat – he has a partner, and the twosome recently moved to the city’s historic Wesley Heights neighborhood.

Hart is known around town as a culinary dynamo. A fifth generation Charlottean, at just 30 he’s the owner and chef at an exclusive local restaurant known as “counter-”.

He’s taking a break from prepping dishes for the next day’s guests. While relaxing in the restaurant’s dining area wearing a pair of pink suede vans (a favorite wardrobe staple) he’s sharing parts of his personal story with qnotes about who he is and how he does what he does with a touch of irreverent refinement.

Considering Hart’s reputation is now steeped in the culinary industry, it seemed apropos to find out what kind of food makes his heart skip a beat.

“The greatest dish I’ve ever had was the cheese course at a restaurant called Oriole.

It’s a cheese soufflé with gruyere cheese sauce on top. It’s the greatest fucking thing I’ve ever tasted,” he says. “The only thing that comes close to it is the Cajun filet biscuit combo, it’s the number one at Bojangles. I used to get it with Cheerwine, but unfortunately, [they] stopped serving [the soft drink].” from on page 18 in New York and almost impossible to find. David Rockwell is designing it and I’m hoping it’ll be open in two years. I tell a story in the book about how [years ago] we were rehearsing up at the YMCA, and the director just disappeared and left us with the bill for the rehearsal room. If I can leave a rehearsal room behind… LinManuel [Miranda] developed “Hamilton” in the basement of the Drama Book Shop.

For my shows, I used the basement of La Mama which was this small space, but big enough for us to rehearse and develop what we needed to do. I even did a couple of shows down there.

GS: Chapters 19 through 22 give readers insight into the inspiration for and the writing of “Torch Song Trilogy” and then much later you write about the recent revival with Michael Urie. What was it like to revisit the creation and the revision of “Torch Song Trilogy”?

HF: They’re your children, so they never really leave you. You may not think about them in the same way all the time, but they don’t leave you. You ask a mother about her son when he was six, and she can tell you a story about that time. It doesn’t mean you live with those stories every day. But they’re always there.

Unfortunately, as you get older and people

While Hart low lighting. has always enCounter- subjoyed food; he merges guests hasn’t always with visuals, been a chef. sounds, feelings He started and tastes while cooking about showcasing seven years produce and ago when he proteins from left his adverlocal growers tising job of five and distributors. years. It was He says in September his restaurant 2020, in the is the first he midst of the knows of to pair first year of music with a the COVID-19 tasting menu. pandemic that “Some people Hart decided to initially think it’s Chef Hart: ‘…there’s something to be said for open the ecleca gimmick,” he the romance of the day, fine wine, great dinner tic fine dining explains. “Then and enjoying your significant other – I love restaurant. they taste our Valentine’s Day.’ “We signed food and realize the lease, built [the combinathe restaurant tion is] pretty and opened. [It was] the best decision ever. phenomenal.”

It was the greatest happenstance, and we Hart’s eatery promises to accommoknew doing this [during a pandemic] would date all dietary needs and restrictions for a be the ultimate test.”

10-course tasting menu that is by reservaApparently, it’s been one test Hart is tion only. It’s not often a restaurant has a pleased to have passed. waiting list, but that’s the case with counThe dash at the end of the name of ter-. However, there are season passes to the restaurant (counter-) is intentional those attempting to avoid the often-soldand intended to draw attention to how out guest list. The limited seating, like most his establishment has priorities that differ things counter- related, is also intentional. from those of many others. Hart describes “We only have 18 seats,” Hart offers. his business as a non-pretentious fine “The main reason has to do with wastes. If dining spot that embraces counterculture, you know exactly how many people are gopromotes diversity and revels in unveiling ing to eat that week, there’s no waste. It’s a narratives that may have been previously more sustainable way to operate, [and] we hidden. cut down on our waste by about 80%.”

According to Hart, that means offering As for what his favorite course might be, an experience that goes beyond food and Hart replies with a chuckle.

“The golf course! I’m obsessed with playing golf. It’s an odd sight – I’m sure – a flamboyant bald, bearded and tattooed guy [playing golf].

Additionally, when he does have time for leisure, he enjoys spending time with his partner traveling, drinking lots of wine, exploring and experiencing life. However, he may have to wait until after Valentine’s week before he’s able to explore his favorite golf course and the rest of the world.

Valentine’s Day is typically a big day for restaurants. As the day approaches Hart and his team are ready to greet and serve lovebirds and anyone else looking for a unique dining experience.

“People who work in the restaurant industry hate Valentine’s Day,” he says matter-of-factly. “They’re overbooked and super busy. But there’s something to be said for the romance of the day, fine wine, great dinner and enjoying your significant other – I love Valentine’s Day.” He offers an explanation about food service angst regarding the holiday: The quality of service and food can often suffer on high volume days like Valentine’s Day. “With us, it’s very different. We only serve 18 people, so the same focus we give customers on any night is the same for Valentine’s Day. It’s the highest level of focus and execution every night. That’s what I require from my staff and myself.

When asked where he hopes to see himself in 10 years he says, “Failing more than I currently am. I have a policy and understanding with myself that I cannot succeed without failing a lot. I believe I’m successful today because I’ve failed more than most people. So, my goal is to fall on my face quite a bit. That means I’m trying [to] be more successful than I am now.”: :

die on you, you remember them, or you go back to those stories time and again to remember how you all met and all that.

With something like “Torch Song,” which is so much a part of my life, there was no real shock to going back and looking at that stuff again. Seeing Michael do it was not a shock either, because I cast all of my understudies. The show ran on Broadway for five years, but I didn’t play it all five years. There were other Arnolds and I saw all of them. There were matinee Arnolds, and then we had a bus and truck tour, and a regular tour. I saw all of those guys play it. I saw it in London with Tony Sher, who died a few weeks ago. He won the Olivier for “Torch Song.” Writing a memoir is not a time to blame other people [laughs].

When you’re writing plays, it is.

GS: I’m so glad you said that because one of the things that I think will strike readers about “I Was Better Last Night” is the brutal honesty with which you write about alcoholism and sobriety, as well as your suicide attempt. What do you hope readers will take away from that?

HF: There’s a certain point when you’re writing something like that…I don’t really care [laughs]. I needed to tell the truth and you hope that the truth will do good.

When you’re writing fiction, you care more about how it’s read and what somebody

talking about? This was a friend of mine!”

GS: Thank you for mentioning pictures. I live four blocks south of Wilton Manors in Fort Lauderdale. In the book you include a photo of the WiltonArt. com street sign that features a quote by you. What does it mean to you to be immortalized in this way?

HF: While it’s very flattering, another place I looked had it that Walt Whitman said it! With one hand, you’re flattered, and with the other, you’re slapped across the face.

GS: At least they got the attribution right in Wilton Manors.

HF: That’s lovely, it really is lovely. It’s a lovely thing to see something like that.

I was watching some interview with Billy Porter, and as if by accident they walked down the block where there was a mural on the side of a building of his portrait.

As if, “Oh, I didn’t know that was there!”

You sort of laugh, like, yeah, right! You brought a film crew because you didn’t know your picture was there on the wall [laughs]. That sort of stuff of celebrity is always funny. Especially when you have friends who are famous and you try to just be human beings together, but then you go out in public, and you realize that they mean a whole other thing to the

gets out of the fiction. When you’re writing non-fiction, it’s like, “This is what happened, like it or not, Cookie.” The only hope is that I hope you know I’m telling it the best I can and being truthful. Because the truth does affect people, that I know.

When you’re writing drama, you are manipulating an audience, and a story, and emotions. When I was writing the book, of course, there’s still an art to it, but I’m not turning away from something because it’s not comfortable. I’m going to say it. If somebody thinks I’m an asshole, let them think I’m an asshole. You read the book, and thank you very much for doing so.

GS: That’s my job!

HF: You see in the book that I don’t have an answer for my own gender. Had I been born in 1980, instead of 1952, would I be a woman now? I don’t know. I don’t have those answers. I don’t have the luxury of being born in a different society. The first [trans] person I knew was Christine Jorgensen, who died owing me money, that bitch [laughs]. When I was writing the book, I was going through photographs.

There’s a picture in the book of me and Marsha P. Johnson and Jon Jon marching in a Gay Pride march. I put that picture up and somebody wrote to me telling me about Marsha, like you should know who this person was. I was like, “What are you

Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022

Qnotes

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Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022