life
Tips for Keeping the Spark in Your Long-Term Relationship Twelve Hints for Keeping Romance Hot, No Matter How Long You’ve Been Together BY MICHAEL SHERNOFF | CONTRIBUTING WRITER
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remember once seeing a cartoon that showed two men, obviously long-term partners, sitting on a couch. One was doing a crossword puzzle and asked his boyfriend, “What’s an eight letter word for monotony?” His partner replied: “Monogamy.” The last panel had the first man hitting the other over the head with the newspaper and the first saying, “Only kidding!” Unfortunately, for many long term couples, monogamy is equated with boring. But it doesn’t have to be. In order for romance to remain hot in any longterm relationship, both partners have to remember their most important sex organ is between their ears. There are multiple ways to achieve a successful long-term relationship, ranging from the completely monogamous to the completely open. Talk honestly with your partner about what will work for you and be open to revisiting the important issues in your relationship at different times. After several years of working with same-sex couples I found that most often a couple reports they have been sexually
exclusive for certain periods of their relationship, at times lasting for years. Most couples are likely to remain monogamous with a high level of sexual activity during the early phase of their relationship. When asked why, they generally responded that the excitement of being in love is so intense and satisfying that, though they find others attractive, they have no interest in diluting what is going on between them by seeking sex outside the relationship. It’s a given that every relationship requires work. Part of that work involves
open communication, which allows both partners to feel safe expressing their feelings and secure that, while their partner may not always agree with them, he or she does always care about how the
other is feeling. To achieve your goals, we’ve come up with 12 suggestions for couples seeking tips on how to keep it hot and sexy over the long haul. 1. Sex is not a competitive sport One of the major problems unique to same-sex couples can be competitiveness. Both of you don’t always have to be ready
for sex at the same time or even have an orgasm during every sexual encounter in order for it to be fun or fulfilling. Leave the sports-minded competitiveness on the playing field when you’re playing in your partner’s field, and you might just end up scoring a whole lot more. 2. Timing There are going to be times when one wants to play and the other does not. It should always be permissible for either partner to indicate they would like sex. Similarly, neither partner should feel like a sexual robot who has to perform on demand. How each of you responds to these situations will determine the sexual and emotional climate within your relationship. A simple “I’m not really there tonight, but I promise before the weekend ends I’ll jump your bones,” is a lot easier to hear than a flat and matter-of-fact “no.” Another option for the one not in the mood for a full scale romp? Ask the partner if he or she would like to be held while they take care of themselves. In these Continued on page 15
Feb. 4 - Feb. 17, 2022
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