Qnotes April 15, 2022

LGBTQ Local News, Voices and Community

APRIL 15 - APRIL 28, 2022|VOL 36 NO 26

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NC’s Jerrod Carmichael Comes out in HBO Special LGBTQ Canidates bid for Charlotte City Council seat – pg 6

LGBTQ Youth: Music, Inclusive Housing & GSA’s – pg 8,10,9

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May 13 & 14

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Broadway vocalists Julie Reiber and Doug LaBrecque join the orchestra for an unforgettable evening of hit showtunes.

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Writers: Alex Bollinger,Simone Boyd, Reuben Evans, Laryn Jackson L’Monique King, Jack Kirven, Delphine Luneau, David Aaron Moore, Chris Rudisill, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Trinity

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inside this issue

feature

9 GSAs: Supporting LGBTQ Youth with More than Academics 10 Top 15 Music Artists for Today’s Queer Generation

Bechtler Museum Exhibits Work of LGBTQ Cultural Icon Annemarie Schwarzenbach Annemarie Schwarzenbach was one of the most dazziling and contradictory figures in modern Swiss cultural history. In this article, we unpack more about this amazing pioneer.

news 5 Franklin Graham Says Trans Rights Are ‘Evil’ and ‘Wicked’ 5 Madison Cawthorn gives bizarre definition of women on House floor 5 South Carolina House Passes Anti-Transgender Sports Ban 6 Getting to Know Charlotte’s LGBTQ City Council Candidates 12 Remembering Our Friends at Qnotes 12 Bechtler Museum Exhibits Work of LGBTQ Cultural Icon Annemarie Schwarzenbach

a&e 14 Out in Print: Conversations with People Who Hate Me 18 NC Native and Comic actor Jerrod Carmichael Comes Out in HBO Comedy Special

life 8 What Is LGBTQ Inclusive Housing?

16 Health and Wellness: The Strange Pandemic Housing Market 17 Tell Trinity

PAGE 12

What Is LGBTQ Inclusive Housing?

LGBTQ Students living on and off of campus want to feel safe and confortable. In this article we talk more about what colleges are doing about this concern.

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views 4 Undressing Race in Queer Space

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Undressing Race in Queer Space Op-ed

by Reuben Evans Guest Writer

T JOIN THE

Equality NC Crew! #ENCCrew equalitync.org/membership

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he reality of racism isn’t newfound or recent. Truthfully, it’s an age-old monster that has outgrown its brutal tyranny. Racial discrimination is both a global and domestic issue, and sadly it has long been an inescapable consideration for Black people, people of color and Indigenous people.

That said, I present this piece wanting to speak to a particular audience: the entire LGBTQ community. Far too often in queer spaces has this intangible puppeteer caused a palpable divide among our members. As a young Black queer man, I’ve already experienced accounts of discrimination from others that have left a lasting impression on how I understand the unity in our community. Being mindful of those experiences, I was forced to confront an ugly truth: not everyone who identifies as queer is truly an ally.

Before I undress my experiences though, I challenge you, as a reader, to reciprocate the vulnerability I will display.

As I divulge the truths I’ve accepted, I ask my audience to listen intently as if I were sitting across a table from you having a

candid conversation.

Because – and I mean this quite sincerely – racism isn’t an issue that we can combat solely through the efforts of those who experience it firsthand.

Realistically race controls a lot of interactions, both subtly and overtly.

Specifically in queer spaces what allows the divide to deepen is the refusal to acknowledge it, and the continual facade of being a false ally.

Being an ally is something familiar to many in the LGBTQ community: a father who makes an honest effort to support his child by attending pride events, or having a group of friends who are straight but hold spaces for their trans peers. That said, genuinely working to understand someone else is emotionally taxing. But like most things that are difficult to obtain, the rewards are worth the effort.

Authentically showing up as an ally really only requires that you show up as yourself first, and the most crucial part, with a willingness to learn. A huge contributing factor to being a false ally is projecting an image of understanding something with fuller depth than you actually wield.

In a way, it’s similar to the intrusive and innocently ignorant questions almost every queer man has received from straight people. My favorite one is “Who’s the man and who’s the woman in the relationship?”

The moment of grace extended is the same kind of grace the community collectively needs to afford to one another, like how I did in an eye-opening experience that completely changed my understanding of how my presence was perceived.

At the time I lived in Colorado and I had befriended a white gay man from the English composition class we were taking.

This individual and I had made it a habit to hang out, listen to music, talk about the arts, and discuss different social issues that seemed to be prevalent within our respective communities. I enjoyed our verbal exchanges as I often gained more insight or an interesting perspective from this person; they often demonstrated an ability to comprehend and understand experiences outside of their own respective identity, and that was a trait I admired. My perspective of this person took a completely different turn one evening as a result of an unexpected and fateful exchange.

While hanging out during the late hours of the night, they were messaging one of their friends through a direct

message. While he was texting his friend it was brought to my attention that their friend said something inappropriate and he was unsure how to handle it. This friend of theirs referred to Black people as colored.

Instantly enraged, I repeated the words “Colored!?” back to them, and immediately suggested a response that would set a boundary of race and correct the speech, but instead of even addressing the issue they chose the comfort and ease of silence and didn’t even attempt to correct their friend.

An awkward stillness settled into the atmosphere, and I realized this person was being less than sincere when it came to their concerns about minorities. It was a bitter truth I had to swallow, and I soon realized that even in the gay community, which was so infamously touted as being accepting of others, that racism was alive and well.

I was holding them culpable for the language of their friend simply because if we were all in the same room, that friend would never be bold enough to utter those words in my presence. This was the critical moment that being a true ally was hinging upon, the responsibility to correct someone else’s racist ideals. The hurtful factors of this situation consist of this: First someone will hide the language they use to display that they aren’t discriminatory.

Secondly, whether or not I was present, that friend wasn’t going to step up to the plate to correct the behavior either way.

So, although this person didn’t explicitly say those words or even agree with their peer’s stance, their complicity was just as harmful. To employ a willingness to facilitate dialogue that would better educate their peer is the difference between being an authentic or false ally.

Honestly, this isn’t my first account of regressive and discriminatory words being used to refer to a black person in queer spaces. Grindr, a hallmark app for the queer community, was a breeding ground for some of the most disparaging comments and verbal assaults experienced by people of color and Black folk – myself included.

During an exploratory phase when I was navigating my sexuality and the app, there were multiple times older white men that I ignored would project their dissatisfaction by calling me the N-word on the messaging app. As despicable as the thought may be to imagine in our modernized times, it’s a reality I had to accept at a young age.

I say all of this with the entire LGBTQ community in mind. I’m not interested in coddling anyone into accepting the facts of a situation, but rather I’m invested in challenging everyone to be receptive to change.

Let’s change the sexual racism that occurs, the subtle and slick micro-aggressions that alienate minorities, and build a more authentic support system that will become a part of the solution.

No one can change the skin they’re born into, and they should never be made to feel they need to. The opportunity to change your attitude or perception, however, is something everyone can do. : :

news Franklin Graham Says Trans Rights Are ‘Evil’ and ‘Wicked’ Boone and part-time Charlotte resident Franklin Graham – the son of Billy Graham and one of the most famous and powerful evangelical leaders in the country – spent the weekend on social media railing against transgender people and demanding “regime change” in the U.S. because, as he said, the Biden administration is “evil” and “wicked.”

Graham first got mad at transgender people on March 31, the Transgender Day of Visibility, which the Biden administration honored by announcing several policy changes designed to make transgender people’s lives easier.

One of them was a paper released by Assistant Secretary for Mental Health and Substance Use Miriam Delphin-Rittmon that explained why gender-affirming, evidence-based health care for transgender youth is important and lifesaving.

The paper did not discuss surgery since

Then he called for “regime change,” an expression that usually refers to removing the government of a country and replacing it with another through military force.

“Speaking of regime changes – we need one in this country,” he wrote.

On April 3, Graham joined the chorus of conservatives calling for a boycott of Disney because the company spoke out against Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” law, which bans the mention of LGBTQ people in elementary school and limits it in other grades.

“Disney is indoctrinating children with the LGBTQ agenda – and they don’t even try to hide it,” he wrote, linking to an article about “ten families who are swearing off Disney due to its left-leaning politics.”

“I certainly hope parents wake up to what Disney is trying to do and protect their children and grandchildren from the lies this once-great company is now so willing to promote.”

On Sunday, Graham reposted video of North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson’s (R) infamously hateful rant about the transgender equality movement, which he called “demonic” and “full of the spirit of

Antichrist.”

“You can’t transcend God’s creation; I don’t care how hard you try,” Robinson said in the speech that made headlines last year. “The transgender Graham’s Facebook movement in this post may threaten country, if there’s Biden and libel Disa movement ney. (Photo Credit: in this country Facebook) that is demonic and that is full of the spirit of Antichrist, it is the transgender movement.”

“This preacher is our NC Lieutenant Governor Mark Robinson” was the entire caption Graham wrote for the video as he shared it on Facebook, getting it over 150,000 views. info: bit.ly/3uxL1mD — Alex Bollinger

ment out of his marriage.

He is also opposed to protecting LGBTQ people from discrimination.

Earlier this year, he voted against the Equality Act, which would add sexual orientation and gender identity to existing be involved in marriage,” Cawthorn said at federal civil rights legislation, banning the time. “I have very traditional views myanti-LGBTQ discrimination in employment, self. I’m straight, I’m marrying a woman. credit, housing, and other areas.

I don’t think the government should be He claimed that the bill would restrict involved in marriage. I believe it should be parents’ rights when it comes to health between the marriage and God, that’s all care for their transgender children, somethat matters.” thing that was not in the bill. In fact, sevThe argument that “government eral states tried to pass bills to ban docshouldn’t be involved in marriage” is one tors from providing that some conservamedically appropriate tive Christians bring gender affirming up, but only in the care to transgender context of same-sex minors, and Cawthorn couples getting marnever spoke out ried. When Cawthorn against them. married his wife a The bill did not few months later in contain funding for NC Rep. Madison Cawthorn calls a April 2021, he said abortion either. penis a ‘tallywhacker.’ Now he’s the it was “the greatest In the interview laughing stock of social media. honor, privilege and with the Asheville (Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore) adventure of my life.”

Citizen Times, He did not mention Cawthorn also said, keeping the govern“I don’t think we should indoctrinate ex-

tremely young children and allow them to have life-altering surgeries at a very young age and change their gender.”

Gender affirming surgery is not performed on minors. Gender affirming care for younger children involves social transitioning, where the parents create a welcoming and loving environment for their children to express their identity and be treated as the girl, boy, or non-binary person that they are.

In the interview with the Citizen Times, Cawthorn also said, “I don’t think we should indoctrinate extremely young children and allow them to have life-altering surgeries at a very young age and change their gender.”

Gender affirming surgery is not performed on minors. Gender affirming care for younger children involves social transitioning, where the parents create a welcoming and loving environment for their children to express their identity and be treated as the girl, boy, or non-binary person that they are.

This article appears courtesy of our media partner LGBTQNation. info: bit.ly/3uspNX3 — Alex Bollinger

gender-affirming surgery is not performed on minors.

“This is vile,” Graham said in response on his popular Facebook page. “It’s one of the most wicked initiatives that we’ve seen come out of Washington. President Biden’s Democratic administration is endorsing sex-change operations and hormone treatments for children.”

“Mutilating bodies and removing the genitalia of children is permanent,” Graham ranted about the paper that said that affirming a child’s gender can reduce depression, drug use and suicide risk. “All of their manipulated research saying that it improves mental health or increases happiness is just a lie from hell. What it really does is destroy the lives and futures of these children.”

Graham called transgender equality an “evil agenda” that “followers of Jesus Christ must stand against.”

Madison Cawthorn gives bizarre definition of women on House floor Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) decided that Congress needed to hear his definition of the word “woman,” and now people are making fun of the strange definition online.

“Take notes, Madame Speaker, I’m about to define what a woman is for you,” Cawthorn said, as if “Madame Speaker” doesn’t know what she is. “XX chromosomes, no tallywhacker. It’s so simple.”

Cawthorn was, of course, presenting a definition of the word “woman” that intentionally excludes transgender women as well as many intersex women. He has a history of anti-transgender comments and hasn’t hesitated to share his viewpoints.

Cawthorn is an opponent of LGBTQ rights. When the Asheville Citizen Times asked him about his views on LGBTQ rights when he ran for Congress two years ago, he said that he opposes government involvement in marriage, even as he was engaged to marry his wife.

“I don’t think the government should

South Carolina House Passes AntiTransgender Sports Ban After over eight hours of debate and filibuster, HB 4608, which bans transgender students from participating in school sports consistent with their gender identity, was rushed through the South Carolina House of Representatives April 6 to meet a legislative deadline of April 10.

Although the Bill is titled “Save Women’s Sports Act,” the South Carolina House has done everything except create an equal footing for women in sports. The bill – which passed in the House with a vote of 82 to 48, now heads to the Senate for consideration.

HB 4608 artificially and unfairly separates transgender kids from their fellow students, further isolating children who are already wrestling with the weight of discrimination. A recent study by the

Trevor Project found that 42 percent of LGBTQ+ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and non-binary youth. Ninety-four percent of LGBTQ+ youth also reported that recent politics negatively impacted their mental health.

It’s clear the South Carolina House did not consider the serious consequences of bills like HB 4608.

As of March 31, more than 200 major U.S. corporations, including companies like Amazon, American Airlines, Apple, AT&T, AirBnB, Dell, Dow, Google, IBM, Lyft, Marriott, Microsoft, Nike, Paypal and the Walt Disney Company, have spoken out to oppose anti-transgender legislation being proposed in states across the country,

and the payoff of hard much of which attacks work. We urge the South transgender youth.

Carolina Senate to stop Human Rights this dangerous bill from Campaign State becoming law.”

Legislative Director and The Justice Senior Counsel Cathryn Department issued a Oakley released the folletter on April 1 to all lowing statement: state attorneys gen“The South Carolina eral reminding them of House has no shame. federal constitutional Not even a week after Protestors rally against anti-trans and statutory provisions passing a discriminasports bills aimed at American that protect transgender tory health care bill youth. (Photo Credit: Facebook) youth against discriminathat attacks vulnerable tion. patients, they double The latest PRRI data shows that 67 down on the attack against LGBTQ+ kids. percent of South Carolinians support Just like every kid across our country, nondiscrimination protections for LGBTQ+ transgender kids want to be able to play people. Nationwide, approximately 79 perwith their friends. cent of Americans favor laws that would “For many youth, playing school sports protect LGBTQ+ people against discriminais an integral part of student life. Sports tion in jobs, public accommodations and are part of education for a reason – parhousing. ticipating in sports helps students learn info: bit.ly/3vaSwif leadership, friendship and teamwork — Delphine Luneau alongside physical wellness, self-discipline

April 15-April 28, 2022

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news

Getting to Know Charlotte’s LGBTQ City Council Candidates Candidates show community diversity in multiple ways

by David Aaron Moore Qnotes Staff Writer

with predominantly white populations and affluence, as opposed to schools that were substantially less affluent and populated by greater numbers of students of color.

Barack Obama mounted his campaign for president at that time as well. All of those elements came together, leaving the young Cunningham with a passion for changing the inequalities in society through political efforts.

Despite his youth and fresh perspective, he isn’t unaware of the past and how it impacts life today. “The cost of real estate in this city,” he says, “ is a big concern.

And I am super concerned about the small mom and pop businesses and the smaller property landlords who are having to increase rental payments beyond affordability, or even sell property to big companies just to keep the bills paid.”

Regardless of the problems the city faces, Cunningham sees a positive side in Charlotte’s growth as well. “There is a lot of social Pride among the native residents.

They have come to love the city during this international phase. To witness how the city has grown and evolved – a lot of that is indeed something to be proud of.”

Cunningham is excited about representing all of his constituency, although he has a strong commitment to the LGBTQ community. While he has said he identifies as non-binary, he feels he generally passes as straight in the general public. In conversations with friends across the LGBTQ spectrum, he has become aware he has not experienced some of the harassment and discrimination others have. “I want to create a stronger sense of belonging for LGBT people. I don’t want them to be afraid or experience any discomfort.

Everyone should be able to enjoy their lives as who they are.” https://www.kendrickcunningham. com/

by Chris Rudisill Qnotes Contributor

S

everal of Charlotte’s local LGBTQ community organizations came together March 29 to present the Charlotte LGBT+ Community Candidate Fair, among them Carolinas LGBT+ Chamber, Charlotte Black Pride, Charlotte Pride, Equality NC, the Freedom Center for Social Justice, LGBT Democrats of Mecklenburg County, Log Cabin Republicans of NC and the city’s leading voice in LGBTQ media, qnotes.

Over 50 candidates running for local, state and federal offices attended the event, including candidates running for Charlotte City Council, Mecklenburg Board of County Commissioners, judicial races, General Assembly races and candidates for the 12th and 14th Congressional Districts.

Of particular importance for Charlotte’s LGBTQ community are five candidates we call our own running for the Charlotte City Council. Here’s a closer look – in alphabetical order – at each of them, as they share pieces of their lives in the city, their desires for the community in the future and why we should vote for them.

Candidate: Danté Anderson The Charlotte Native Charlotte City Council, District 1 Party Affiliation: Democratic

Danté Anderson grew up in Charlotte, seeing firsthand the issues that have accompanied the city’s rapid growth. She was raised in Southside Homes, a public housing community along South Tryon and Remount Road. The neighborhood has been plagued by violence recently, including a shooting last month involving two teen victims.

“I grew up in a zip code that was meant to tether my economic outcome,” says Anderson. “I’m one of those statistic defiers who was able to shift my outlook.

Economic mobility should be a birthright

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April 15-April 28, 2022

of every Charlottean.”

She also remembers spending countless Saturdays at Queens Park playing video games and watching movies and today is an avid traveler, having visited over 50 countries around the globe.

Anderson says that while she sees herself as a global citizen, she loves her home in the Queen City – the food, the culture, the city’s passion for sports and its diversity.

Furthermore, Anderson believes her experiences growing up in District 1 are a strength that she would bring to Council.

“The next few years are crucial to how the city will take shape over the next 10 years,” she continues. “I want to ensure we can look back and say our leadership got it right.”

For the city’s LGBTQ residents, Anderson wants to be a voice and advocate – “a fighter for the community,” noting the need to better understand why violence toward Black trans women is spiking. According to the Human Rights Campaign, Charlotte has the second highest rates of anti-trans violence and murder, especially against Black trans women.

“We need to ensure that the community has protections,” states Anderson.

Ensuring equitable access for Charlotte’s Black neighborhoods that includes affordable housing, reliable public transportation, greenways and economic opportunity is also important to Anderson.

“I’m positive that Charlotte can meet the challenge and want to help usher the city through continued success while keeping its soul and charm intact.” https://dante4charlotte.com/ Candidate: Kendrick Cunningham Charlotte City Council, District 2 Party Affiliation: Democratic Twenty-five-year-old Kendrick Cunningham is likely the youngest candi-

Candidate: Kyle Luebke Charlotte City Council, At-Large Party Affiliation: Republican

Courtesy of the Carolinas LGBT+ Chamber of Commerce

date running for Charlotte City Council. He hopes to be elected to represent District 2. A lifelong resident, he was born at Charlotte CMC Main.

Although Cunningham is a member of the Democratic Party, he’s enthusiastic about reaching across party lines and speaks highly of his interactions with Yvonne Holly and Tom Tillis, both Republicans. “It’s insightful to discuss voting rights, and fighting for fair elections in the state with them,” he says.

Cunningham’s interest in politics began when he was in elementary school. “I went to a predominantly white elementary school,” he recalls. “Then in middle school, I was transferred to Bishop Spaugh School.” It was here that Cunningham witnessed the inequities between schools

Kyle Luebke says that Charlotte is the type of city where you get what you put

news into it. From working with LGBTQ nonprofits like The Plus Collective where he previously served as vice chair to working with neighborhoods on zoning and traffic safety, Luebke, a financial services attorney, says that “people here actually care about the city and they want to lift up anyone who is interested in walking with them on a journey to better Charlotte.”

Luebke moved to Charlotte in 2018 from the Twin Cities. He and his fiance, Bryan Segers, live in Beverly Woods with their dog Asher, a 90-pound chocolate lab. He got involved in city politics because he sees the need for more diverse voices on City Council. “Local politics is where you can give a voice to people in our community,” says Luebke. A local transit user, he takes that opportunity to speak with other riders about the issues they face. “When national and state politics seem bleak, you can make real change if you engage in the process.”

For the LGBTQ community, Luebke notes his work on the Republican draft of Charlotte’s Non-Discrimination Ordinance.

“In the end, we were the first city in North Carolina to pass our NDO on a unanimous bipartisan basis, with Councilmember Bokhari specifically fighting to make it a stronger proposal.” If elected, he hopes to find a solution to the political logjam surrounding statewide protections and push for a ban on conversion therapy. As a gay Republican, Luebke believes he can challenge his party. “I think that I have a unique perspective, and I would do exactly what I did here in Charlotte – show our partners in the General Assembly how LGBTQ+ protections are good for business as well as reflect conservative values.”

Luebke also wants to improve Charlotte’s transportation system through increased headways, rapid transit bus routes and expansion of CATS’ Special Transportation Services program, and in line with other candidates, sees affordable housing as a problem that the city must continue to address. For him, that means incentivizing building homes to own, not rent, and preventing residents from being taxed out through rising property taxes. https://kyleluebke.com/ Candidate: Billy Maddalon Charlotte City Councilt, District 1 Party Affiliation: Democratic At 55, Billy Maddalon has had plenty of time to make connections, get to know people, have some amazing experiences and step up to the bar for a second oppor-

tunity to sit on the Charlotte City Council.

A native of Charlotte who, aside from his college years at North Carolina State University and the two years that followed while he worked as a speech writer and staff assistant at the North Carolina legislature, has been a lifelong resident of the city.

In 2013 he became the first openly gay man appointed to serve on Charlotte’s City council when then Mayor Anthony Foxx was appointed to be Transportation Secretary by former President Barack Obama. Patsy Kinsey became mayor for the remainder of his term. That left her seat on City Council open. Encouraged by multiple council members, he accepted the nomination and was voted into the seat by the Charlotte City Council.

Maddalon brought with him a diverse background of knowledge in business and finance.

For years, before he sold it, he was known as the owner of the Van Landingham Estate. He also owns and operates the Morehead Inn. Both have served as upscale lodging and special event facilities for visitors to the city as well as residents. For the LGBTQ community the facilities have hosted a number of destination events over the past few decades.

As for his decision to run for the District 1 City Council seat, he had this to say: “The kids are grown, and I sold the estate. I have the time and the energy I didn’t have before. After being around for a while, I kind of know more than some other people do. I know the players, and I might just be a damn good city council person. There’s some persistent issues I want to have an impact on, and I think I could be the person for the job.”

While Maddalon acknowledges there are some problems in the city, especially with affordable housing, he admits that solving the issue is complicated and not particularly different from other cities of the same size throughout the country.

“This is an issue that has to be addressed,” he says. “There are real lives at stake here. Our police, our teachers, our firefighters. The very people who are here to protect the city and to make it a better place can’t afford to live here.”

On his list of plans should he be elected, he hopes to extend the NDO to encompass affordable housing and livability for the LGBTQ community.

For the community of color, Maddalon insists that equity must be demanded, a part of strategic planning, and included during budgeting with a special emphasis for the community of color.

For the entire city, he looks to the future: “I want to make a long-term difference. Let’s say I serve eight years. When that comes to a close, people might say they’re not sure what I did or how I accomplished the things I hope to do. It’s like planting trees. I might not eat any fruit from that tree, but I want to invest in the future so that it will bear fruit for generations to come.” https://billymaddalon.com/ Candidate: LaWanna Mayfield Charlotte City Council, At-Large Party Affiliation: Democratic

Courtesy of the Carolinas LGBT+ Chamber of Commerce

If the name Lawana Mayfield sounds familiar to you, it should. The Democratic party member served as a member of the

Charlotte City Council previously, representing District 3, serving two terms from 2011 to 2019. On top of that she’s the first elected LGBTQ community member elected to the council. A native of Miami, a visit to the city in 1988 left her in love with Charlotte and ready to make a fast move to the Queen City.

When asked what originally prompted her to get involved with city politics, she quickly points to local attorney Connie Vetter, a longtime activist in the LGBTQ community.

Vetter’s impact, Mayfield’s experiences volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign and her work with Meckpac prompted her to run for her first term on City Council.

It’s been over three years since she last served on the city council. After the time off and the freedom it allowed, it begs the question, why toss your hat back in the ring?

“I’ve never stopped loving my city,” says Mayfield. “And I never stopped doing the work I did before as a city councilwoman.

Despite the time that has passed, I still have people reaching out to me – multiple people, different ethnicities and different walks of life – have asked me to do it again. As an at-large candidate, I will be able to reach out to and work with the entire city much easier than I was able to before.”

Mayfield makes her home in Southwest Charlotte, where she is married to IT Support Specialist Gelisa Stitt. “We were married Sept. 24, 2016,” Mayfield announces delightedly. “We’ve been together for 15 years now.”

If Mayfield is re-elected, she has lots of plans for the city that will impact all of us in a very positive way.

“I’d like the NDO to become a full inclusion ordinance,” she says, in reference to the LGBTQ community. “I’d also like to see the CMPD do a better job with the LGBTQ community. Let’s have a paid liaison who works with the city and the LGBTQ community directly.” For people of color Mayfield would like to see easier access to housing affordability, better support of community arts and genuine financial support of true small businesses. For the city as a whole, she hopes to see it continue to thrive. “There should be access to a greater quality of life for everyone, we should all be able to gain wealth and we should all be happy and comfortable in the city that we call home.” https://votelawanamayfield.com/ : :

April 15-April 28, 2022

Qnotes

7

life

What Is LGBTQ Inclusive Housing?

Inclusivity, a welcoming environment and safety are all a part of the mix that helps LGBTQ students thrive

BY SIMONE BOYD | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

I

t’s important to LGBTQ students – living on and off campus – to have access to housing they feel comfortable and safe in.

Gender inclusive housing not only recognizes gender identities outside of the binary, but it also gives students the option to live in a residence hall with other students, regardless of the students’ gender identity or gender expression.

Examples of LGBTQ inclusive housing include themed floors and living/learning communities. They can be seen at several institutions throughout the country. Here in North Carolina, you’ll find them at Davidson College, Duke University, Elon University, Guilford College, Wake Forest University and Warren Wilson College. All of these institutions offer inclusive options.

Check out this extensive list of colleges/ universities around the country with gender inclusive housing: https://www.campuspride.org/tpc/gender-inclusive-housing/.

Davidson College is one of many in North Carolina that offers LGBTQ housing. (Photo Credit: Facebook)

What policies are important?

It is extremely important that students and young LGBTQ individuals are aware of their rights and current policies and practices that can impact them both on and off campus. If students elect to reside off campus, get to know and understand the Fair Housing Act – it can aid you in your housing search.

According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, the Fair Housing Act works to “protect people from discrimination when they are renting or buying a home, getting a mortgage, seeking housing assistance, or engaging in other housing-related activities.”

Furthermore, the “Fair Housing Act prohib-

its discrimination in housing because of race, color, national origin, religion, gender identity, sex, sexual orientation, familial status, and disability.”

For students choosing to live on campus the same sentiments apply. Know your rights as a student and understand the current policies at your educational institution.

As of June 6, 2021, H.R. 4286, the Fair and Equal Housing Act pf 2021 was introduced to Congress as a means to “extend to protections of the Fair Housing Act to persons suffering discrimination on the basis of sex or sexual orientation, and for other purposes.” (https://www.hud.gov/ program_offices/fair_housing_equal_opp/ housing_discrimination_and_persons_ identifying_lgbtq) Campus Prides #ReportIt encourages students to #ReportIt when they witness or experience discrimination at their college or university. By completing the form, Campus Pride can gather data to improve our work and provide assistance to LGBTQ students who wish to file complaints with the Office for Civil Rights in the Department of Education. For more information, go to campuspride.org/reportit.

If you’re at a school that doesn’t already have an LGBTQ-welcoming environment, the best place for a student seeking to create that on campus is with peers, staff and faculty. Your voice matters.

Your safety matters. The blueprint exists and examples of LGBTQ friendly housing flourishing and benefiting students is already there. Let your voice be heard and contact your school’s Office of Housing and Residence life or Student Affairs. : :

Grab a coffee, take the survey, make a difference.

Take the 16th Annual LGBTQ Community Survey

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LGBTQsurvey.com LGBTQ research helps non-profits, universities and businesses better understand and serve our community.

Download survey results free of charge at cmi.info.

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Qnotes

April 15-April 28, 2022

Proudly LGBTQ-Owned and -Operated A pioneer in LGBTQ research since 1992.

feature

GSAs: Supporting LGBTQ Youth with More than Academics Queer student groups on campus offer friendship and a safe haven

BY L’MONIQUE KING QNOTES STAFF WRITER

T

he ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) defines a GSA as student-led and student organized school club that aims to create a safe, welcoming and accepting school environment for all youth, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. However, as you might imagine, it’s so much greater than that.

For those of us who went to school before they ever existed and felt alone and without peers to identify with and support us, we can only wish such inclusive clubs existed when we were in middle, high school or college. Thankfully though, for many of today’s students, the support and community that GSAs (and like organizations and clubs) offer is an affirming benefit that has life saving potential.

If you’re over 40, when you hear the term GSA you probably think Gay Straight Alliance. Back in the 1980s when these clubs started and began to gain popularity, that’s most often what the acronym stood for. Today, it might stand for Gender and Sexuality Alliance, or be QSA (QueerStraight Alliance) or SAGA (Sexuality And Gender Acceptance).

While the names may be modified as language evolves, what hasn’t changed is the communal support these clubs continue to offer. As previously mentioned, GSAs offer more than safer meeting places for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults to chat and commiserate.

According to GSAnetwork.org GSAs “… unite LGBTQ+ and allied youth to build community and organize around issues impacting them in their schools and communities. GSAs have grown beyond their traditional role to serve as safe spaces for LGBTQ+ youth in middle schools and high schools and have emerged as vehicles for deep social change related to racial, gender, and educational justice.”

It’s also important to note that GSAs exist outside of middle and high schools.

As an adviThey can be sor, Wheatley found frequently is there to on college and offer support university camand action on puses as well. a variety of For younger issues faced students in

by LGBTQ stumiddle and high dents. “One of school, GSAs my greatest isare student run sues is getting but generally Middle school, high school and institutions of higher fellow teachrequire monitorlearning can be an intimidating experience for ers to uning and support LGBTQ youth. A GSA allows like-minded students derstand the of a teacher – a to connect with their peers. (Photo Credit: Adobe impact and GSA Advisor. In Stock) detriment of many cases, the not referring teachers taking to students by up the charge of their preferred names or pronouns. supporting and protecting LGBTQ+ youth “After having students complain to me are also part of the LGBTQ+ community about this, I decided to reach out to John (or are staunch allies).

Concelman, the LGBTQIA+ support [repreFor many of these teachers who may sentative] for bullying and prevention, for not have had the benefit of participating guidance on finding additional support for in GSAs themselves, there’s a personal our trans students and how to reinforce stake in seeing LGBTQ+ youth nurtured in CMS guidelines of having students adacademic environments whose role it is to dressed respectfully.” educate and create healthy citizens.

Tori Wheatley is an English teacher at Character development initiative speNorth Meck High School and has been the cialist John Concelman oversees the CMS school’s GSA advisor for nearly four years.

Making It Better initiative. The program Although the GSA currently only has about helps schools create a better learning en10 regularly attending students, the group vironment by addressing cultural changes has big goals. at the school to combat the student bully“Our big focus this year has been on ing and negative behaviors. building family within our club,” Wheatley Prior to the Making It Better Initiative, explained. “In years past, we’ve been there were still many students who benmore focused on advocacy and commuefited from GSAs and empathetic teachnity service. But this year – in the wake of ers. Antonio “Toni” Morrison was one such COVID, we find that getting members to student. Morrison graduated from Phillip join [especially in communities of color] O. Berry Academy of Technology [High COVID restrictions have meant no meetSchool] and regularly attended GSA meetings during school time and the GSA has ings there. to happen after school.

“As someone who struggled a lot with “So, what do we do about our students my sexual identity, GSA helped me to who want to join, clearly need the supbecome more comfortable with myself by port but their bio families don’t support placing me around other people like me,” their identity? Zoom meetings have helped Morrison recalled. some but we’re still trying to figure out “Having a sense of community made how to create more support for those a big difference for me, as I typically felt students outside of the club. alienated. GSA not only showed me that

there is community for people like me, but it gave me the courage to eventually come out to the rest of the world.”

Morrison’s story is not unique for students who attend schools with GSAs. For others without that opportunity, that’s not always the case. Finding a middle or high school with a GSA can be a bit daunting – if word of mouth hasn’t reached potential members. On the collegiate circuit, it’s a little easier, but either way, where a student lives will undoubtedly dictate the likelihood that a school GSA exists.

GLSEN.org reports, “GSAs and similar clubs are least common in the South and Midwest. For example, you’ll find them in fewer than one in 10 secondary schools (9.3 percent) in South Dakota, and only one in seven (13.9 percent) secondary schools in Arkansas. You’re far more likely to find an LGBTQ student club in the Northeast or West. In Massachusetts, these groups are in 6 in 10 secondary schools (60.5 percent). And, when looking across the U.S. as a whole, CDC data indicates that schools commonly lack a GSA. In fact, besides Massachusetts, there are only two other states (Connecticut and New York) in which a majority of secondary schools have any GSA or similar club.”

That said, NOLA high school librarian and GSA Advisor Melodie Franklin proudly supports her GSA student participants. “It’s so important. It gives marginalized kids an opportunity to have a safe space within our school to talk about and discuss things queer – those topics that are difficult to discuss with their straight friends, people who are not a part of the LGBT community. It is a place where education about Queer issues – is accessible.”

It’s been said time and time again, a key factor to success is access. So, hats off to all the GSA advisors that are providing access to something so valuable: authenticity. These teachers are literally assisting in bolstering esteem, providing acceptance that can feel so fleeting and saving lives. They are truly GSA. Great, Supportive and Affirming. : :

Connie J. Vetter, Esq. Attorney at Law, PLLC

Your LGBTQ+ Law Attorney serving Clients from across North Carolina Talk/Text 704-333-4000 or online

Become a foster parent today! chsnc.org/foster April 15-April 28, 2022

Qnotes

9

feature

Top 15 Music Artists for Today’s Queer Generation A broad spectrum of artists offer a myriad of different sounds

BY LARYN JACKSON | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

T

tor Candace Owens. She often speaks on her experiences as a Black, queer, plus size woman.

aking up space as a queer artist in a cis-heteronormative music industry and society is no simple task. The complexities and challenges that come with being LGBTQ+ are no secret, and the right song can make someone’s day or in some cases, save their life. Queer artists have a way of expressing themselves through music in a way that helps LGBTQ+ folks everywhere find joy in being who they are in a world that too often makes them feel the opposite.

Here are today’s top 15 music artists for today’s queer generation. Check out Spotify and YouTube for their music and videos.

Troye Sivan

Kim Petras

pop music. Sawayama, who previously identified as bisexual, stated that she’s ready to embrace pansexuality because she wants to be honest in her songwriting.

Brittany Howard

people (especially women of color) heal and feel more empowered, artistically and spiritually in tune. I want to connect with them through my music, but also in a broader way as an artist, lover and healer.”

Raveena is an Indian American singersongwriter from New York City. She is known for her dreamlike and sensual ‘70s and ‘90s R&B / soul-influenced style.

Raveena is openly pansexual.

Chika

“Let yourself be the person you’ve secretly always wanted to be.”

Troye Sivan is an Australian actor, YouTuber and singer-songwriter. After gaining popularity as a singer on YouTube and in Australian talent competitions, Sivan signed with EMI Australia in 2013.

Sivan had revealed to the world that he was gay on his YouTube channel that same year.

King Princess

“Don’t be scared to do something that stands out. Don’t lose what makes you special.”

Kim Petras is a transgender German singer and songwriter who specializes in English-language EDM and dance-pop.

Petras has identified herself as female from a young age, and she made headlines for having completed a full gender transition at the age of 16, believed to be the youngest on record at the time.

Rina Sawayama “For me there’s still a lack of representation. I just think the reason I wasn’t so comfortable with my sexuality was because there was no one on TV or anywhere that I could point to and go, ‘Look mom! This person is what I was talking about!’”

Rina Sawayama is a Japanese-British London-based singer, songwriter, producer and model. At Cambridge University, she decided to pursue both modeling and her love for singing. She would go on to experiment in a hip hop group before deciding to pursue her interest in R&B and

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“When stuff gets hard, and you’re feeling real down about everything or in a dark space, a song can bring you out of it.”

Brittany Howard is an American musician, singer and songwriter known for being the lead vocalist, guitarist and main songwriter of rock bands Alabama Shakes and Thunderbitch. Now 33, Howard came out as a lesbian at age 25. In 2018, she married Jesse Lafser, her bandmate in the Bermuda Triangle Band.

April 15-April 28, 2022

Raveena “My biggest goal in life is to help other

“Chasing the impossible takes some courage.”

Chika is an American rapper, songwriter, poet and actress. She rose to fame when her video “A Letter to Kanye Omari West” went viral in 2018, criticizing West for his public support of Donald Trump and endorsement of political commenta-

“Queerness is the lens that I live my life through.”

King Princess is an American singersongwriter, multi-instrumentalist and producer from Brooklyn, New York. She is

feature currently signed onto Mark Ronson’s Zelig Records label and was the first artist to sign onto that label. King Princess identifies as genderqueer and uses she/her pronouns.

Clairo

“I want everyone who’s listening to know who I am and not just see me as this singer. I want them to feel connected to my story.”

Clairo is an American lo-fi singersongwriter and recording artist. She went viral with her song “Pretty Girl,” which received over 34 million views on YouTube.

Associated with soft and intimate vocals, she started sharing her music online as a teenager in 2013. Clairo came out as bisexual to her fans via Twitter in May 2018.

In an interview, she explained that making friends in college is what helped her to come out as they were openly gay, and she was inspired by “their confidence and their willingness to be exposed.”

cord producer and DJ. He rose to fame after releasing a series of mixtapes, remixes and original music projects beginning in 2010. Kaytranada disclosed he is gay in 2016 during an interview with The Fader.

Sam Smith

Syd

“Feeling invisible definitely makes you want to become visible sometimes.”

Syd is an American singer and songwriter. She is a founding member of the band The Internet, and was a member of the alternative hip hop collective Odd Future. Syd has often talked about how she doesn’t like the label “lesbian” and identifies as gay. Her music caters to gay women.

“I didn’t become successful until I became myself.”

Sam Smith is an English singer and songwriter. Their singing style encompasses several genres such as pop, soul and R&B. While they had already identified as gay, Smith came out as nonbinary in 2019 and chose to use they/them pronouns.

on the pop-R&B and neo-soul figures – from TLC and Brandy to Lauryn Hill and Jill Scott. Kehlani has long identified as queer and bisexual but proclaimed herself a lesbian via TikTok in 2021.

Lil Nas X

Janelle Monáe

girl in red

KAYTRANADA

“Embrace what makes you unique, even if it makes others uncomfortable.”

Janelle Monáe is an American singer, rapper and actress. She is signed to Atlantic Records as well as to her own imprint, the Wondaland Arts Society.

Throughout her entire career, Monáe has done much to push R&B forward, expanding the definition of the genre by incorporating elements of classical music, futuristic synths, disco-y grooves and much more into her own sound. She is openly queer.

“Deep down, you know what you want, and you should go for it.”

Kaytranada is a Haitian-Canadian re-

”I know a lot of people say I’m a lesbian, but that’s literally my least favorite word in the entire world.”

Girl in red is a Norwegian singer-songwriter. She started uploading music to SoundCloud under the username lyfsuxx before changing it to girl in red around September 2017. She is openly queer.

Kehlani “Sometimes I make songs about girls, and I say ‘he,’ or I’ll make songs about guys, and I say ‘she,’ or sometimes they’re exactly what they’re about. I feel like it just allows me to get a lot more perspective.”

Kehlani is an American singer, songwriter and dancer. She became known during the mid-2010s for a modern twist

“Live your life to its fullest potential and don’t really care too much about what other people think about you.”

Lil Nas X is an American rapper and singer. He rose to prominence with the release of his country rap single “Old Town Road,” which first achieved viral popularity in early 2019 before climbing music charts internationally. He shocked the world by coming out as gay during Pride Month of 2019. In his music, he is open about his experiences as a Black gay man and that representation is lacking in the music industry.

Campus Pride represents the leading national nonprofit organization for student leaders and campus groups working to create a safer college environment for LGBTQ students. Be sure to follow Campus Pride on Spotify and check out our playlists. To learn more about Campus Pride visit, https://www. campuspride.org.

April 15-April 28, 2022

Qnotes

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news

Remembering Our Friends at Qnotes As time passes, so do we all

Teresa Rogers Bryant

by David Aaron Moore qnotes Staff Writer The modern day LGBTQ civil rights movement, as history would view it, began at a gay bar called Stonewall in 1968.

But that’s just part of it. There were many people and efforts that came before and after and in different places.

Although it has roots dating back to 1983 as a newsletter, qnotes officially became an official publication and a significant part of Charlotte’s queer history in June of 1986.

Since that time there have been many people who have stepped up to the plate to help keep us at the forefront of Charlotte’s LGBTQ community.

Regrettably, over the past few months, we have lost friends and contributors who remain an important part of our history in some form or another.

Joel Nathan Smith Joel Smith passed away unexpectedly Friday, Feb. 25 at the age of 60.

His involvement with qnotes dates back to the mid-1980s. He wore multiple hats with the publication, assisting in publishing, distribution, creating copy and layout through the early 1990s.

Survived by his partner of 38 years, Jim Fetchero, the two shared a home in Charlotte and enjoyed traveling extensively throughout Europe.

He was a graduate of North Rowan

High School in 1980 and later attended Appalachian State University. In recent years his career took him to Apple computers, where he served as a senior technical advisor.

An avid car buff, he was passionate about the Mini Cooper. In 2021 he organized the first annual Mini Meetup in Spencer, N.C. at the North Carolina Transportation Museum.

He is survived by his partner, mother and many other loving family members and friends. Donations may be made in his honor to Time Out Youth or to the American Heart Association.

Frank Edwin Dalrymple Frank Dalrymple, aged 68, passed away Feb. 1. His involvement with qnotes

dates back to the mid-1990s when he volunteered with the publication after his return to the city following experiences living abroad and teaching English in China; directing and acting in theater in New York for over a decade and living and working professionally in the field in Boone, N.C., Kansas City, Miss. and Savannah, Ga. At qnotes he frequently assisted in production and was a regular content creator, writing stories about entertainment, sporting events and interviewing LGBTQ individuals of note, among others.

A native of Savannah, his family moved to Charlotte when he was a young child.

He spent his final years in his beloved Kansas City, where he continued to work in theatrical music presentation.

Dalrymple spent a lifetime traveling and pursuing his passions. His creative contributions to the world will be missed.

Teresa Rogers Bryant was a native of Gastonia and a lifetime North Carolina resident. She passed away March 18 at the age of 72.

Described by those who knew her as a Renaissance woman, she was known for her love of sports, a career spent in law enforcement and eventually as the owner of a nightclub known as Night Owls.

The LGBTQ nightclub, a rarity in Gaston County, was an advertiser with qnotes, and Bryant was an appreciated friend to the publication.

In her later years she worked as a representative for Carolina Mortuary Service in Charlotte.

She is survived by sons, grandchildren, a host of loving friends and a family of multiple chihuahuas. : :

Bechtler Museum Exhibits Work of LGBTQ Cultural Icon Annemarie Schwarzenbach Charlotte’s modern art museum is currently hosting the U.S. premier of photography exhibition

BY QNOTES STAFF

Writer, journalist, photographer, traveler, cosmopolitan and LGBTQ icon Annemarie Schwarzenbach (1908-1942) was one of the most dazzling and contradictory figures in modern Swiss cultural history. Consumed by wanderlust, a desire for social progress and a sense of adventure, Schwarzenbach traveled extensively through Europe, Central Asia, Central and North Africa and the United States between 1933 and her death in 1942.

While Schwarzenbach saw herself primarily as a writer, she was a pioneer of photojournalism in Switzerland. Her work as a journalist, coupled with her upperclass background and her status as the wife of a closeted gay man and French diplomat Claude Clarac (generally referred to as a “marriage of convenience” in those days) granted her extraordinary freedom of travel for the period.

Annemarie Schwarzenbach: Departure Without Destination, presented in collaboration with Zentrum Paul Klee in Bern, Switzerland, is the first major retrospective dedicated to the photography of

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Qnotes

Annemarie Schwarzenbach.

The exhibit opened April 2 and will continue through June 19. Curated by Martin Waldmeier with the Zentrum Paul Klee, the exhibition features archival material, film and 200 photographs from the approximately 7,000 photographs in the Schwarzenbach estate, which is held in the Swiss Literary Archives in Bern, Switzerland.

Schwarzenbach was born in 1908 into the affluent Schwarzenbach-Wille family of Zurich industrialists and graduated with degrees in history in Zurich and Paris. Because of her political and sexual orientation, she turned her back on her conservative family and established connections with the German literary diaspora, particularly with the siblings Klaus and Erika Mann. In 1931 she lived in Berlin before moving, after the National Socialist seizure of power, to Spain, Russia and Iran, where she published prose and journalistic writings.

Despite her years-long struggle with drug dependency, over the course of the

April 15-April 28, 2022

1930s, Schwarzenbach professionalized herself as a travel and features journalist.

On joint trips with female writers and photographers such as Ella Maillart, Marianne Breslauer and Erika Mann, she turned her attention to social and political subjects, including the rise of National Socialism, the workers’ movement in the United States, the consequences of modernization and the role of women in society.

Her photographs, though, also reveal a longing for foreign lands and the poetry of travel. Some 300 articles by Schwarzenbach were published in Swiss magazines and newspapers in her lifetime.

From 1933 these articles were increasingly accompanied by her own pictures, although most of Schwarzenbach’s photographs remained unpublished before her death at the age of 34.

When her literary work was rediscovered in the 1980s, Schwarzenbach became celebrated as a writer, female pioneer and LGBTQ icon. Her gender-bending fashion sense and her lifestyle were the inspiration for Clare Waight Keller’s Spring/

Summer 2019 line for the fashion house Givenchy. It was not until recently that Schwarzenbach’s contributions to photography were recognized.

Travels in America deals with her travels in the United States in 19361938, where Schwarzenbach engaged intensely with a new understanding of politically committed photography and encountered a society that was still deeply marked by the economic crisis after 1929.

Unemployment, poverty droughts, the decline of the cotton industry – her attention focuses on the American system and explores the differences between rich and poor, but also the widespread misery of the African American population in the southern states.

The New Earth addresses her ambivalent views on the relationship between nature and culture in the context of mechanization and industrialization. Minor Encounters tells the story of people she met on her travels and offers a personal view of her circle of friends.

For more details visit bechtler.org.

Disney heir comes out as trans

Charlee Corra Disney, great grandchild of Walt, speaks out against ALEX BOLLINGER Charlee Corra Disney, an heir to the Disney fortune, has come out as transgender and is speaking against Florida’s H.B. 1557, better known as the “Don’t Say Gay” law.

Disney’s new found public activism comes as Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) picked a fight with the corporation over its opposition to the law.

Charlee Disney, 30, is a high school biology and environmental science teacher, and also the great-grandchild of Walt Disney. “I feel like I don’t do very much to help,” Charlee Disney told Robin Abcarian at the LA Times. “I don’t call senators or take action. I felt like I could be doing more.”

As a younger individual, Charlee identified as gay for a number of years before coming out as trans in their mid-20s.

“I had very few openly gay role models,” Charlee said. “And I certainly didn’t have any trans or non-binary role models.

I didn’t see myself reflected in anyone, and that made me feel like there was something wrong with me.”

The “Don’t Say Gay” law bans discussions of LGBTQ issues in elementary school and requires them to be “developmentally appropriate” in older grades, but the law doesn’t define what that means.

Instead of setting clear standards, the law allows parents to sue school districts if they feel like the law has been violated, which critics say will stifle any discussion of LGBTQ people and lead to LGBTQ youth feeling isolated and alone.

As an advocate, Charlee has routinely brought up the high rates of depression,

anxiety, bullying, and suicide that LGBTQ youth face.

“Then to put something like this law on top of that? They can’t learn about their community and their history at school, or play sports or use the bathroom they want to use? : :

April 15-April 28, 2022

Qnotes

13

a&e

Conversations with People Who Hate Me Out in Print

BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER CONTRIBUTING WRITER “Conversations with People Who Hate Me: 12 Things I Learned From Talking to Internet Strangers” by Dylan Marron ©c.2022, Atria $27.00 ometimes, it just makes you feel gruff.

Seriously, the internet should be the G.O.A.T. invention. It should be a place to connect with friends and share laughs, a safe place to go when you want to be yourself. It should be a place to tell your story, free of danger and full of truth.

Nobody should butt heads online or be the victim of a bully goat. Instead, as in “Conversations with People Who Hate Me” by Dylan Marron, we gotta deal with the trolls.

The fact that Marron had a “HATE FOLDER” in his email should speak volumes.

As a gay man and a writer-performer, he expected a certain amount of negativity online; that’s the nature of the internet.

But as a creative employee of Seriously.

TV, the emailed hate, death threats and homophobia just got to be too much.

Before his job at Seriously.TV, he’d acted, reported, waited tables and cultivated

S

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Qnotes

a “prompt” that served him well. “What am I going to do about it?” is what he asked himself every time he was faced with something that bothered him, and this time the answer was a series of conversations with haters who’d commented.

He began to mine the HATE FOLDER for people to talk with.

The first was a guy Marron calls “Josh,” a decent guy who was a lot like Marron.

Their conversation, done remotely, was a hit with fans, and it gained Marron a lot of “points.” In a small way, it gained him a friend, since he and Josh came to an understanding. Marron was happy with that, and with subsequent “Conversations...”

But after he quit his job at Seriously.TV to go it alone, he found himself at an impasse.

The old way of doing his conversations

April 15-April 28, 2022

needed to expand to include a wider angle and different guests. Marron imagined himself bringing together hater and target on bigger subjects. He’d learn more about people – and in the process, he’d learn more about himself.

The lesson was underscored a few Sundays ago: something huge happened, something loud, and everybody’s got an opinion.

“Conversations with People Who Hate Me” helps show that we can talk civilly about issues without insults.

But will haters – the people who presumably need this book – be willing to read it?

Surprisingly, on one side of this book, author Dylan Marron shows that that’s entirely possible: Once he approached his interviewees, many people who hid behind the ‘net rued their

actions and words. Granted, the haters he hosted were highly, carefully curated, but Marron’s approach shows hope.

The other side of the book is the one that teaches tolerance and a sort of zen approach when you’re the target of a troll. Haters gonna hate, as they say... but with enormous grace and thoughtfulness, Marron offers better ways to perceive it.

Readers looking for another way to invite open dialogue and those who are aghast at spewing commenters on social media will love this book. If you want to do better, “Conversations with People Who Hate Me” could help make happy bridges.: :

Dylan Marron

704.977.2972 704.948.8582

@TheDudleysPlace @MyRosedaleHealth

dudleysplace.org myrosedalehealth.com

April 15-April 28, 2022

Qnotes

15

life

The Strange Pandemic Housing Market Health and Wellness

BY JACK KIRVEN QNOTES CONTRIBUTOR

O

kay, wow. Just wow. I couldn’t have timed buying my first house more poorly. My experience has been just as aggravating and demoralizing as most people’s, but I don’t have the credentials to discuss real estate markets or the economy. So what could I really say that would have any authority?

What I can do (in the interest of emotional wellbeing) is share some of my anecdotal experiences. Shall we commiserate? Perhaps you can laugh or gasp at these stories, especially if you are in the process of changing apartments or trying to buy a home. My experience rests at the outer edge of the bell curve, and hopefully your experience in housing isn’t so crazy as mine.

It never occurred to me how much this process would undermine my mental health. Thankfully, I discovered a couple new ways to reduce stress, which are essential for me right now. Perhaps for you, too? One is a breathing exercise, and the other is a free app.

The properties The first property was listed by

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Qnotes

Opendoor — never use them, as they are a huge part of the spiraling problem — and my foot went through both the wooden deck as well as through one of the bedroom floors. It had huge issues on top of that as well. I didn’t get hurt, but it was disconcerting. It (along with practically every listing I have seen or visited) was priced so ridiculously high that I thought it was a typo.

Hard pass.

I also saw a poorly maintained property with a spiral staircase.

It wasn’t a permanent piece of architecture. It was metal and was installed at some later date, connected to the ceiling and floor by way of bolts. While I was on it, the thing came detached from the ceiling. It made my heart stop. That was scary, but I didn’t get hurt.

A week later I did get hurt. As per usual, the pictures were completely inaccurate. It had never occurred to me that I could be catfished by a house. On the

April 15-April 28, 2022

backside, there was a patio that required a step directly down to the ground. I stepped down to inspect the degree to which the wooden fence was rotted, and I instantly collapsed. What I thought was a six-inch step down onto solid, level ground was actually a thick layer of dead leaves. The yard had been abandoned so long that years of autumn leaves had accumulated and settled into a perfect carpet. My foot collapsed another four inches through this layer, and I fell so fast that I didn’t understand why the ground was in my face.

Had I not reacted so quickly, I would have dashed my brains out on the bricks next to my temple. I sprained my ankle so badly that I nearly fainted. I went to get x-rays, and nothing was broken, but nearly three months later I’m still not completely healed.

Not long after that I went to see two properties within 20 minutes, one right after the other. The first had a decrepit outbuilding in the backyard. When I opened it I staggered backward because I wasn’t expecting to find a rotting pig leg hanging from the inside. — it’s morbid to say the least. The shed was an abandoned smokehouse, and the owner had never removed the leg. I mistook it for a human limb until I saw the hoof.

Immediately after that, my realtor took me to what I suspect was a meth house.

There were several heavily scented candles and a dozen security cameras around the property. Upstairs was a computer monitor with a grid of at least 12 recordings showing the live feed of the yard and home. In one of the feeds, we were looking at ourselves looking at the monitor. That was not particularly endearing.

Upon leaving, one of the motion activated cameras was triggered. It happened to be mounted right by my head, and with-

out warning at full volume it yelled, “HI! YOU’RE BEING RECORDED!” It startled me. Bad. And I was already upset. I lost my temper and screamed, “Fix your house!” into the camera. Later, the listing agent told my agent that the owners were extremely offended. I was very glib in dismissing that. Then my realtor fired me.

It is what it is.

Such is the nature of the market right now: Owners and landlords don’t have to care at all about anything really. The demand is too high for any of them to need to exert any effort. If I could have timed it otherwise, I would have. But, I’m working with a new realtor because my rent is going up $500 in October, and I cannot stay at a property where the new owners are determined to ruin the place.

Two new coping mechanisms The universe knew I needed some refreshers on breathing and focus. Here is a cool breathing technique I learned from NPR: Hold up one hand with your fingers splayed apart. With the pointer finger on the other hand you will trace both sides of each splayed finger. Start at the top side base of your pinky finger, and inhale as you trace your pointer finger to the tip.

Exhale as you trace your index finger to the bottom side. Without lifting your pointer finger, inhale as you trace the bottom of your ring finger, exhaling as you trace the top. Continue this pattern without lifting your pointer finger from your hand. Go all the way through to both sides of your thumb, and if you need more time, reverse this all the way back to your pinky.

The other new coping mechanism I found is an app I discovered by accident while imagining color schemes for the rooms of my future house. That’s the fun part: envisioning how I will make the house my home. This free app is called Sorting Therapy by a developer named Ben Morrison. For iPhones, use the search term “color sorting therapy,” and you will find it about a dozen titles down from the top. All you do is sort tiles of colors into gradients. That’s it. Just look at the pretty colors, and let yourself fall into focusing on sliding the tiles into new orders. Your thoughts will go silent, your breathing will relax, and several minutes later you will feel much better. : :

life

Threesomes Relationships: Can They Last?

Tell Trinity

BY TRINITY | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hello Trinity, I’ve been dating a couple as their throuple for a half a year now, and loving it.

It really works for me. Do you think long lasting threesome or multi-partner relationships are possible?

Three’s Company Boston, MA Hello Three’s Company, I’ve always been open to and for threesome relationships. Many of my cartoons show me with two or more men. I know many throuples in Ft. Lauderdale and in Denver where I live now. I’ve not been in one yet, however, I keep trying. So Honey, are long lasting threesome relationships possible? Absolutely! Is one person to fight with and feast with easier than two?

You bet it is. But if you’re in a threesome relationship, should you stop? No way! But please… take videos!

Love, Trinity Dearest Trinity, I’ve had a total of four partners in the past 12 years. Each time when it ends, I lose all my money to my partner. Now it’s happening again. How do I get less burned in a breakup?

Yours, Alone and Broke Hollywood, FL Dearest Alone, It may sound hard, but stop sharing so much of your wealth and start acquiring something for yourself. Remember Sweetie, Marilyn Monroe said it best when she said, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.”

Trinity Dear, My boyfriend is so NOT out of the closet that I’m thinking of leaving him.

Too much secrecy! But we love each other. Is love enough?

Help, Comfortably Out Madison, WI Dear Out, Hiding anything is difficult, but if you really love him then you better start making room… in your closet! Some days will be harder than others. So imagine yourself as a movie/porn star who’s playing the “Undercover Lover” helping him to come out when he’s ready. Also, take him to very gay places like Provincetown, Chicago or Montréal. Being together in a gay environment is the best medicine. And Darling, it may also be that you’re with him “spiritually” to show him that being gay is the great and powerful gift from Oz! Oh, and if all else fails… make him listen to showtunes!

Kisses, Trinity

Woes Rehoboth Beach, DE

2. Remember, anyone can get a picture of anybody and Photoshop® anything to make even a cucumber look like François Sagat (porn star)!

3. By your third correspondence ask or demand a recent above the waste picture, if you haven’t already.

4. Think globally, but search locally.

5. Before you go somewhere to meet someone, first TALK on the phone at least once.

6. If you’re buying a plane ticket to visit your app hookup or date, let them pay your flight. It’s pricey to fly across country to meet the man of your nightmares!

7. Just because someone’s very good looking doesn’t mean they don’t have major mood swings and an uncontrollable thirst for alcohol and drugs!

8. And just because someone’s a great writer and poet doesn’t mean they’re not an eccentric lunatic. Including yours truly!

9. Remember, even you yourself would say or write whatever you had to if you were a desperate introvert who falls in love easily!

10. Lastly, have fun, be honest, be skeptical and please… don’t ever send money!

Hey Trinity, With cell phone apps there are so many ways to hookup, i.e., Grindr, Scruff and Growlr, that I find myself going out less and less and surfing my apps more and more.

Sometimes, however, I get myself into trouble. Got any advice for safe app surfing and hooking up?

App

Hey App Woes, Cell phone app hookups are now a part of many people’s lives just like Groupon and Happy Hour specials. But to stay safe, Pumpkin, keep a close copy of:

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings.

Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, www.wigministries.org Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Send e-mails to: Trinity@telltrinity. com

Trinity’s Cautious Tips For Safe App Hookups 1. Don’t give out your home address or cell number too quickly. Get a safe public meeting place, preferably a café or bar.

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April 15-April 28, 2022

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a&e

NC Native and Comic actor Jerrod Carmichael Comes Out in HBO Comedy Special Later talk with TV host Seth Meyers reveals Carmichael’s mother has issues with her son’s sexuality

by David Aaron Moore Qnotes Staff Writer North Carolina clearly has no shortage of creative talent that has roots in the state.

Quadruple threat Ariana DeBose.

31, and now comedian and actor Jerrod Carmichael, 35, are media buzz darlings.

DeBose is in the spotlight for her recent Oscar win as supporting actress in Steven Spielberg’s remake of West Side Story and coming out during her Oscar acceptance speech. Carmichael has captured the media eye for his groundbreaking HBO comedy special “Rothaniel,” during which, you guessed it, he came out.

We explored DeBose’s Wilmington and Raleigh, North Carolina connections in a recent story published in Qnotes . Now it’s time to take a look at Carmichael.

A native of Winston-Salem, he hosted a student morning news show on his elementary school’s in house TV channel.

In 2005, he graduated from Robert Glen High School in Kernersville. Two years later, at the age of 20 he was headed for Los Angeles. That was 2007.

Since that time, he stuck his finger in the stand-up pool and was relatively successful at various venues around the Los Angeles area. He also appeared in the comic showcase “New Faces of 2011” at the Just for Laughs festival in Montreal.

His first shot at the big time came in the film “Neighbors” in 2014, starring Seth Rogen and Zac Efron. The following three years saw even greater success for Carmichael, as he co-created, co-wrote, produced and starred in the semi-biographical NBC sitcom “The Carmichael Show,” (set in Charlotte) which was well received and notable for its approach to such subjects as the Black Lives Matter Movement, LGBT issues, gun rights and multiple aspects of politics.

Most recently he appeared in the aforementioned “Rothaniel” on HBO and hosted an episode of Saturday Night Live.

In the special, Carmichael talks at length about his family life and how it connected to his own journey of coming to terms with his sexual orientation..

In a particularly poignant moment, he tells the audience a story about accidentally catching his father cheating on his mother when he was younger.

“After that was out in the open,” he recalls, “I was left alone feeling like a liar, because I had a secret. One that I kept from my father, my mother, my family, my friends, and you. Professionally, personally. And the secret is that I’m gay.”

For a brief period of time, the audience fell quiet, but then they began to applaud.

“I’m accepting the love, I really appreciate the love. My ego wants to rebel against it,” he said later during his performance, “I rebelled against it my whole life. I thought I’d never, ever come out. At many points I thought I’d rather die than confront the truth of that, to actually say it to people.

Because I know it changes some people’s

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Qnotes

Jerrod Carmichael guest hosting Saturday Night Live April 2. perceptions of me. I can’t control that.”

On the footsteps of the HBO special, Carmichael made an appearance as the guest host of NBC’s “Saturday Night Live.”

Carmichael stepped onto the SNL stage wearing a white double breasted suit with no shirt underneath and waited while the audience applauded. After thanking them for the ovation, the first words out of his mouth were, “I’m not going to talk about it.”

Then in his typically stylized comedic manner, he proceeded to talk about not talking about it. “But do you want me to talk about it? Do you know how long it’s been?

This is going to blow your mind. It’s been six days. Just six days. But doesn’t it feel like it’s something that happened years ago? To me it feels like it was something that happened between Jamiroquai and 9/11.”

As his monologue progressed he talked about going from being excited to the point where he had started to consider committing suicide (jokingly, one assumes), to a place where he made a vow to himself that he would never speak about it again.

That all changed when SNL producer Lorne Michaels said to him, “I think you need to talk about it. The nation needs to heal.”

“The nation needs to what?”

Carmichael asked. “The nation needs to heal? You want me to do that? They don’t even know who I am. The nation has no clue who I am. I have to be the least famous host in SNL history.”

The audience laughed along with Carmichael and applauded as he went on to spoof what life was like since coming out on the HBO special and living in New York City. “If you say you’re gay in New

April 15-April 28, 2022

York you can actually ride the bus for free and people just give you pizza. If you are gay in New York you can host Saturday Night Live.

“But heal the nation? I got so many homophobic cousins I can’t even heal my own family I don’t know how I’m supposed to heal the nation.”

Then came the monologue wrap up as he abruptly turned the focus of his talk to former President Barack Obama, addressing him directly.

“B, are you out there? What are you doing? I know you’re probably busy writing books. I bought your last one, but it was like 900 pages, you know, so anyway you got us all hyped up on this hope and change idea. I know you’re not going to like this but it’s not working out like we were all hoping for.

“I think you need to come back. I think you need to talk about it. The nation needs to heal.”

A matter of a few days was nothing less than a whirlwind for Carmichael.

Nowhere was that more evident than in his scattered conversation with the host of “Late Night with Seth Meyers,” who asked Carmichael what prompted him to tackle the subject of his sexuality on the HBO special.

“I couldn’t think of anything else,” he laughed. “I’m so gay I just couldn’t,” he joked, while the audience applauded.

“You know I keep saying I’m gay in New York and people keep clapping and it’s so nice but it’s like alright...I mean it’s very kind and I’m learning how to receive love.

That’s something I’m learning to do now in life as a man. I definitely needed the supplement. I think there’s kind of a rift

between me and my family, so I’ve been receiving love from strangers.”

Meyers interjected. “I’m really fascinated by this because you talked about that you didn’t come out to your mother before the special, so, you didn’t talk about it to her before?”

“Well, kind of, I have to renew it,” Carmichael replied. “My mom practices a lot of this cognitive dissonance or denial rather, so I have to come out every other conversation.”

“How did the conversation go?” Meyers asked.

“I don’t know,” Carmichael said, clearly becoming somewhat uncomfortable…I was nervous because my mom and my family can be kind of nice and smile and be polite and not talk about things ... there’s a lot of elephants inside the room… we’re great performers ...

It was an emotional call.

They expressed a lot of love, [and] it was almost very nice until my mom said ‘these sins are tearing the family apart.’ It just kind of speaks to the core of the problem, that there’s this insurmountable mountain of problems that we can’t get over.

“It was real dramatic and then the driver said we were here and I need to get out of the car now, and I’m here.”

Carmichael glanced down at the floor and allowed his speech to gradually trail off before suddenly bursting back with an overly enthusiastic attempt at changing topics. “So that’s where I’m at! What’s up with ya’ll? Everybody cool?!”

Meyers replied encouragingly, but his concern for Carmichael was palpable. The comic assured Meyers he was okay. “I’m all right, I’m all right. My bad for bringing… this.” he said.

While Carmichael is riding a wave of success professionally, he appears to be coping with family turmoil in his personal life.

That’s not something you would expect a hot entertainer of the moment would want to reveal to a live audience, but perhaps it’s the very reason viewers are continuing to identify with Carmichael. While we’re all hopeful and confident things will work themselves out appropriately, revealing vulnerability takes strength.

Carmichael is using his own signature style of humor to cope with that in a manner that falls somewhere between amazing and admirable.

The April 2 episode of Saturday Night Live is available for streaming on the downloadable NBC app. All episodes of “The Carmichael Show” can be viewed on Hulu.

“Rothaniel” is currently available only with a subscription to HBO Max. : :

April 15-April 28, 2022

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April 15-April 28, 2022