QNotes, Jan. 29-Feb. 11, 2016

Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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inside

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qnotes news & features

news. views. arts.

6 entertainment.

News Notes: Regional Briefs 8 News Notes: U.S./World Briefs

a&e / life&style 9 10 11 14 15 17 18 19

Broken dream of a better condom Highs, lows of divorce rate Gonorrhea rates increase Tell Trinity ‘Carol’ love story Health & Wellness: Tea Tree Oil Q Events Calendar Our People: Joel Blady & Jeff Addy

opinions & views 4 Guest Commentary: Valentine 5 Guest Commentary: Vouchers

She’s sworn in, ready to serve!

Janice Covington Allison becomes the first transgender person to be elected to the Democratic Women of Mecklenburg board. page 6

more news & features

Condom improvements stalled Trying to make condoms better is not so easy when researchers have to contend with the FDA. page 9

Making magic with tea tree oil Essences can be therapeutic, as well as helpful for an assortment of uses. page 17

Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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guest commentary

by Timmothy Holt :: guest contributor

Be my Valentine

In second grade, we made Valentine’s Day cardholders out of two red construction paper hearts. They were sewn together with white yarn and pinned to the bulletin board a few days before Valentine’s Day. Everyone’s hearts were on display. I had faith that I would get Valentine cards from a number of my fellow students, but I hoped I’d get a special one from Peggy or some other student that wanted to give me a unique card, not just any one from a package that you could buy at Woolworth’s.

Every day I’d look into my heart to see what cards were there and compare to others in my class, as if the number of cards determined how loved I was, but we were not allowed to take out the cards and look at them until Valentine’s day.

When we were finally able to take our hearts down, it was easy to tell if that special card was there. It would be bigger than the others. And it was there, a card from Peggy. On the front there was a picture of a dog, and it said, I’m panting for your love. But to my surprise, there was another from Anne. When the card was closed, two half hearts came together to make a whole, and when it was opened, it said, your heart makes me whole.

Today, in years and distance, I’m far removed from that second grade school room, yet every Valentine’s Day my heart is open and vulnerable, as are the hearts of many LGBT individuals. Yes, the past year has been a great

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Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

year for the community. We’ve won the right to marriage equality and many states have laws of non-discrimination, but none of this ensures how many Valentines you will receive, it doesn’t ensure that special one, it doesn’t ensure love.

Valentine’s Day is a poignant reminder of how far we’ve yet to go. Laws cannot guarantee acceptance. Some LGBT individuals wish for love from religious zealots that want to damn them to hell as sinners who act in defiance of God’s will. They are in our face shouting biblical words to justify their hate.

Some wish for parents to accept them for who they are and not try to make them into something the parent expects. At family gatherings they long to sit at the grown up’s table, even the kid’s table in the kitchen. They want to be recognized for who they are, and enjoy the love of their family.

And some still search the web and bars for that one special Valentine, a person that will make their heart race and put a wide smile on their face. What ever, who ever it is, my wish is that all LGBT individuals find the Valentine of their dreams this year.

— Timmothy J. Holt, M.D. is a retired geriatric physician and lives with his partner and their cat and dog in Chicago, Ill. He is the awardwinning author of numerous creative works including the new book, “Square Affair.”

Learn more about Holt at timmholt.com.

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guest commentary

by Billy Ball :: NC Policy Watch :: guest contributor

Discrimination agreement required at voucher-eligible school Burrow into Lee Christian School’s “lifestyle statements and covenant” — a wordy, contractual document requiring the signature of parents, school employees and students grades 6-12 — and you’ll find this nugget:

“Gender confusion and dysphoria are ultimately the biological, psychological, social and spiritual consequences of the human race’s fallen condition. This state of depravity affects all persons individually and collectively.”

If that’s not enough, the document — inked by a rural Lee County private school, which is eligible to receive public funds under the state’s controversial Opportunity Scholarship Program — goes on to make this declaration: “Sexual relationships outside of marriage and sexual relationships between persons of the same sex are immoral and sinful. The depth of the sinfulness of homosexual practice is recognized, and yet we believe the grace of God sufficient to overcome both the practice of such activity and the perversion leading to its practice.”

Lee Christian, the document states, reserves the right to deny admission or expel a student should the “atmosphere or conduct within” the home on these issues run contrary to the private school’s beliefs.

And while the school, which serves about 370 kindergarten through 12th grade students south of the Triangle, has yet to receive any public funding under the state’s voucher program, Lee Christian is eligible, says Kathryn Marker, associate director of K-12 programs for the N.C. State Education Assistance Authority, the agency that oversees the program.

“It’s very alarming and extremely upsetting,” says N.C. Rep. Tricia Ann Cotham, a Democrat and school administrator from Mecklenburg County who serves as vice chairwoman for the House K-12 Education Committee.

“It makes me think about my former students who were wondering who they were, looking for acceptance and love. This type of contract does not offer acceptance or love.”

N.C. Policy Watch obtained a copy of the agreement during mid-January from Lee County news blog, The Rant.

Public education advocates and lawmakers like Cotham feared such requirements would

be imposed upon potential recipients of state vouchers when funding for the program was bundled into the state’s budget bill in 2013.

Indeed, critics have pointed out other examples of apparent discrimination among North Carolina private schools. Leanne Winner, director of governmental relations for the N.C. School Boards Association, pointed to allegations of discrimination in at least seven schools, spread out across the state in places like Raleigh, Matthews, Fayetteville, Jacksonville, Greensboro, Harrisburg and Pineville.

The program (bit. ly/1OH06U3), which offers tuition scholarships of up to $4,200 annually for low-income students to attend participating nonpublic schools in North Carolina, primarily caters to religiousbased schools. And state law, which only bars discrimination in participating schools based on race, color or national origin — the federal Title VI standard — falls short of what’s necessary, opponents say.

“We do not believe that taxpayer dollars should be going to any school that includes discrimination in their admissions policies, whether it’s based on race or sexual orientation,” said Winner.

Nevertheless, last year, lawmakers and Gov. Pat McCrory signed off on a voucher expansion that would funnel more than $40 million into the program through 2017, despite lingering legal challenges to its constitutionality.

It’s an open national debate, says Julie Mead, a professor in the University of Wisconsin­-Madison’s Department of Educational Leadership & Policy Analysis.

Mead and fellow researchers are prepping a study for this spring comparing voucher statutes across the country.

North Carolina is one of 23 states nationwide that allow public vouchers or some other voucher-like program, such as tax credit scholarships, today, although the state falls short of the broader anti-discrimination protections offered by states like Wisconsin, which was one of the first states to pursue public vouchers in the 1990s.

As Mead explained, Wisconsin voucher participants may only reject applicants on the basis of capacity, and they are also required to offer students the choice of opting out of a private school’s religious activities.

Lee Christian School’s “covenant” does offer the addendum that the agreement is not intended to “dictate the personal choices of any individual.” It is intended to communicate to workers and families that the school “chooses to minister only to those that are striving to live according to Biblical principles and faith,” the document states.

In a brief interview on Jan. 13 with N.C. Policy Watch, the school’s administrator,

Don Payne, declined to comment on the agreement, although he argued that it is not the school that would be receiving public funds under the voucher program, but the parents who might send their children to Lee Christian.

Mead says it’s unclear how the U.S. Supreme Court would side on states neglecting more stringent discrimination protections, given that the high court’s 2002 decision upholding Ohio vouchers in Zelman v. SimmonsHarris stated that voucher recipients cannot be defined by religion and that they have a “genuine choice” between religious and nonreligious schools.

“Even if a court was to determine it was permissible for a state to have a school voucher program that had none of these safeguards, there’s still the policy question,” said Mead. “Are those who live in North Carolina comfortable with public monies being used in this manner?”

N.C. Sen. Valerie Foushee, an Orange County Democrat who sits on the Senate’s Education Committee, said they shouldn’t be.

“I think most North Carolinians would agree that every student should have the opportunity to be considered on the content of their character,” said Foushee. “I really just don’t know how well-thinking adults could think this is right.”

And while educational advocates have pointed to similar examples of apparent discrimination in North Carolina private schools in the past, Foushee said she counts the Lee County school’s policy as among the most egregious.

N.C. Superintendent of Public Instruction June Atkinson, also a Democrat, agreed with Foushee.

“I certainly support a parent’s choice,” said Atkinson. “But the law does not have any safeguards as to how taxpayers’ money is being spent. That’s an area the General Assembly should revisit. It has some real consequences.”

But Cotham says it’s unlikely her committee or any others in the N.C. General Assembly will consider such changes in the law when legislators reconvene in late April.

“It’s alarming that we’re going to use public tax dollars for an organization that clearly is discriminating,” she said. “They’re making very bold statements that are not the norm. We are allowing those statements to continue, and the money can be seen as justifying those discriminatory statements. I just feel like North Carolina should be better than that.”

Parents for Educational Freedom in North Carolina, one of the groups that led the push to install public vouchers in North Carolina, did not respond to Policy Watch’s questions regarding the school at the time of this writing.

Read a full copy of Lee Christian School’s “covenant” at bit.ly/1KrKNgd. : : — Reprinted with permission from NC Policy Watch.

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qnotes connect Jan. 29-Feb. 11, 2016 Vol 30 No 20

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

contributors this issue

Bill Ball, Nick de la Canal, Timmothy Holt, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Jeff Taylor, Chris Tittel, Trinity

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Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: The Weinstein Company,

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The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues.

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Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen

Dem trans activist joins board

learn more. To learn more about the work of RMN, email Southeast Jurisdiction Organizer Helen Ryde at helen@rmnetwork.org.

A group in Winston-Salem, N.C., held their meeting on Jan. 14. info: rmnetwork.org. facebook.com/ ReconcilingWNC.

Gala hits Queen City

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Human Rights Campaign North Carolina Gala will be held on Feb. 20 at the Charlotte Convention Center, 501 S. College St. It is currently accepting contributions for its silent auction. Deadline is Feb. 6. Information and signup is available online. Queries should be emailed to silentauction@hrccarolina.org.

Additionally, table captain opportunities and tickets are still available. See the website to learn more.

Volunteers are still needed. Email volunteer@ hrccarolina.org to hear about what is needed. info: hrccarolina.org.

Pride seeks volunteers and more

Janice Covington Allison (left) is sworn in as the Democratic Women of Mecklenburg County as chair of the hospitality committee. She is the first transgender person to join the board.

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Janice Covington Allison has become the first transgender person to join the Democratic Women of Mecklenburg County’s executive board as its hospitality committee chair. She was sworn in on Jan. 13 at The Asian Library, 1339 Baxter St., by the Democratic Women of North Carolina President Concetta Caliendo.

Covington shared, “Just a couple of years ago, I became a member of the Democratic Women of Mecklenburg County and in the beginning it was kind of a rocky road for me because most of the members had never known a transgender person, let alone met one face to face.” She added, “I understood this and I knew it was up to me to prove myself as an asset to the organization and to educate my fellow members that I was not a monster.”

Allison said that as a transgender woman, she just wanted to fit in. And, she wanted the women in the organization to be her friends. Most of all, she wanted a place where she could be safe.

When approached about being on the board a few months ago, she felt reluctant because she was unsure of the nature of the duties for the position. “It was a big step,” she shared, adding that after she thought about all the friends she had made and whom has come to accept her, she relented and said yes. Elections were held in November, where she was voted on by the membership.

“After the vote I reflected back to when I first became a member, about how awkward it was for me and them when I first walked into the room. I was pretty much alone; I sat alone because I knew no one. I thought about the friends I had made in my journey as the months and years past. I feel that education and I just being me was the key to acceptance,” she concluded.

Others installed were: Olma Echeverri, president; Sara Ellis, first vice president; Mary Belk, second vice president; Effie Bazmore, third vice president; Susan Zach, secretary; Belle W. Leonard, treasurer; and committee chairs Lisa Ellsworth (constitution and bylaws), Elaine Bermudez (public relations), Veena Hari (internal communications), Ann Wood (issues and resolutions), Judy Wittman (ways and means), Suzanne Elsberry Schweikert (historical), along with Jane Whitley, immediate past president (ex-officio). info: facebook.com/democraticwomenmc/.

Charlotte Methodists to hold first gathering

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte Regional Group of Reconciling Ministries Network (RMN) will meet at First United Methodist Church, 501 N. Tryon St., on Jan. 30, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., for its kickoff event. A light lunch will be provided.

Participants will be able to learn about RMN and what it is doing to champion full inclusion within the church. RMN “mobilizes United Methodists of all sexual orientations and gender identities to transform our church and world into the full expression of Christ’s inclusive love,” organizers said.

Those interested in attending should email rmn_charlotte_region@outlook.com with a head count.

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The General Conference will convene in May in Portland, Ore. The conclave meets every four years to handle church legislation and more.

RMN represents over 700 reconciling communities and more than 34,000 individuals in its work.

RMN has submitted four petitions and two resolutions for consideration at the General Conference, including protection for LGBT lay employees and advocacy for LGBT youth. Up for consideration with RMN constituents is the removal of prohibitions on all LGBT clergy and same-sex marriage.

Petitions seek to amend the “Book of Discipline” which deals with the church’s personnel policies.

It is currently seeking signees for its open letter to the conference that contains a simple request to all delegates to meet with and hear stories from LGBT United Methodists before voting on matters that will affect the lives of LGBT individuals at the conference and beyond. See bit.ly/1ORfWeY to

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Charlotte Pride is gearing up for its festival and parade that will be held from Aug. 20-21.

For those who wish to become involved as a volunteer, an interest and informational meeting will be held on Jan. 31 at 2 p.m. at the organization’s office at 1900 The Plaza.

“Volunteer organizing and planning committees cover a variety of roles and projects, including festival and parade logistics, entertainment, media and marketing, community outreach, awareness and fundraising events and more,” Charlotte Pride said. Volunteers are needed for each committee.

In addition to volunteers for the two-day festival, Charlotte Pride has opened up its parade and vendor application process. Participation in the parade has increased since it began a few years ago. The community is encouraged to take a stand for LGBT equality and visibility and join in.

Vendor locations get spoken for quickly, so those who seek a spot should apply in short order.

In December 2015, focus groups were held to ascertain the wants and needs of the festival and parade, as well as sharing with the board how it can improve, give back and engage with the community. The responses and feedback is shared online.

The organization is also seeking applicants for an executive director position, along with new board members. Interested parties can visit the website to learn more. Resumes should only be sent to info@charlottepride.org.

In addition to the annual Pride festivities, the organization also runs the GayCharlotte Film Festival, which is slated for April 21-24 to be held at Theatre Charlotte, 501 Queens Rd. For a limited time, weekend passes are on sale for $50 online. They entitle the holder to 10 screening admissions, free popcorn per ticket and an invitation to an exclusive, private film screening with complimentary beverages and hors d’oeuvres.

Film titles will be released in the near future. See the website to learn more. info: charlottepride.org. charlottelgbtfilm.com.

Candidate soirée approaches

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — An LGBT meet-andgreet reception with Deborah Ross, Democratic candidate for the U.S. Senate, will be held on Feb. 4, 6 p.m., at 1212 Grace St., as is open to any member of the Queen City’s LGBT community.

It is hosted by John Arrowood, Toria C. Boldware, Joe Davis, Robert Dogens, Jamie Hildreth, Ray McKinnon, Dianna Ward and Jane Whitley.

Suggested contributions are $500/host, $250/co-host, $150/sponsor and $50/ticket.

Send RSVPs to emily@deborahross.com or call 919-473-3197.

To attend, register online at bit.ly/1ZL3Nx4. info: deborahross.com.

Business program locations annouced

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (CLGBTCC) has announced that the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (NLGCC) and the U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA) have selected Charlotte as one of nine locations across the country that will hold a 2016 LGBT Business Builder program. Kickoff will be on Feb. 17 in Boston, Mass.

The program “is a hyper-local business education and resource-sharing program first launched in February 2015 as a result of a Strategic Alliance Memorandum between NGLCC and the SBA. In keeping with NGLCC’s mission, the LGBT Business Builder is intended to further the LGBT movement through the economic advancement of LGBT entrepreneurs.

The strategic locations of these events reflect surging momentum toward LGBT business inclusion in some of the top entrepreneurial centers in America and will bring the combined resources of NGLCC and SBA to America’s 1.4 million LGBT business owners,” NGLCC shared.

“The information and resources from SBA District Offices are a wonderful complement to the LGBT Business Enterprise (LGBTBE) Certification and membership in our local affiliate chambers,” said Sam McClure, NGLCC senior vice president. “This triad of resources will support the growth of every certified LGBTBE and reinforce the strong connectivity of the LGBT business community.”

The program helps to ensure that LGBT entrepreneurs across the nation have what they need to excel in order to grow payroll and revenues.

Last February, the SBA sought 17 Charlottearea business owners for expansion of its Emerging Leaders Program, a three-year tailored strategic growth plan to help bring their business to the next level.

Local partners for CLGBTCC, Charlotte SCORE, Charlotte-Mecklenburg Black Chamber, the City of Charlotte Business INClusion, Mecklenburg County MWSBE Program, North Carolina Small Business & Technology Development Center, North Carolina Institute of Minority Economic Development, and the Latin American Economic Development Corporation. info: clgbtcc.org. nglcc.org. sba.gov.

Skaters celebrate 10th anniversary

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte Roller Girls have announced its 2016 season schedule, hitting a 10-year milestone anniversary in the roller derby field.

The sports organization is comprised of two teams: All-Stars and B-Dazzlers.

Bouts locally will be held at the Grady Cole Center, 310 N. Kings Dr. Six homers will be held on March 5 (Greensboro Roller Girls, double header), April 2 (All-Stars vs. DC/B-Dazzlers vs. Piedmont Riot), May 7 (B-Dazzlers vs. CQS Miss B Havers/AllStars vs. Maine Roller Girls), Aug. 13, All-CLTRG Fan Appreciation Bout, Sept. 17 (Appalachian Roller Girls, double header) and Oct. 29 (Cape Fear Roller Girls, double header).

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Teams will battle Blue Ridge Roller Girls in Asheville, N.C., on April 16, All-Stars vs. Low Country High Rollers in Charleston, S.C., on June 4 and All-Stars vs. Richland Regulators in Columbia, S.C., on July 16.

Season tickets are now on sale online.

Season ticket holders gain VIP access with reserved seating, lanyard and other team merchandise. There are also full-packages for adults ($55.85) and children ($33.39). Halfpackages are $32.49/adult and $19.01/children. info: charlotterollergirls.com.

Triad Wedding awardees named

GREENSBORO, N.C. — WeddingWire has announced that Rev. H. Jackson Grimes and Rev. Elizabeth Grimes with All Faiths Wedding Officiants of the Triad were selected as winners of four wedding industry awards.

The ministers netted: The WeddingWire Couples’ Choice Awards 2016; The Knot Best of Weddings 2016; WedFolio.com Top Reviewed for 2015; and Thumbtack Best of 2015. Recipient’s are selected based upon their ability to satisfy clients.

All Faiths has won the Couples Choice Award and the Top Reviewed Award for the past three years. info: triadweddingofficiant.com. weddingwire.com. theknot.com. wedfolio.com. thumbtack.com.

Triangle March at state capital

RALEIGH, N.C. — The Moral March on Raleigh and Historic Thousands on Jones

Street will take place on Feb. 13, 10 a.m., with assembly at the corner of Wilmington and South Sts. near Shaw University (118 E South St.) at 8:30 a.m.

Participants will gather in mass near the State Capitol on Fayetteville St. The event is sponsored by the North Carolina NAACP and was first held in 2007. info: facebook.com/events/1538449356377565/.

Org seeks staffer

RALEIGH, N.C. — The North Carolina AIDS Action Network (NCAAN) has announced that it is searching for candidates for its communications development coordinator post.

Primary responsibilities include development and implementation of communications strategies that support NCAAN’s advocacy mission and operational goals. This person reports to and works in partnership with the executive director to manage development efforts. More information is available online.

Applicants are required to have a Bachelor’s degree, two to three years related work experience, possess strong attention to detail and ability to handle follow through, able to take initiative, set goals and meet benchmarks and milestones, as well as have strong written communication and interpersonal skills.

The job could be performed onsite or at a home base.

Send resumes to jobs@ncaan.org.

In other news, NCAAN has plans to participate in AIDSWatch in Washington, D.C., from Feb. 29-March 1. Anyone who has a passion for HIV/AIDS advocacy is encouraged to attend.

Event participants are comprised of those living with HIV/AIDS and their allies. They will

meet with members of Congress to educate them about issues with regard to HIV/AIDS, both nationally and in North Carolina.

Training will occur on Feb. 29, and meetings will be staged on Capitol Hill on March 1.

Registration is available online at bit. ly/1kwKkCz. info: ncaan.org.

Heroes honored

CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — The American Civil Liberties Union of North Carolina has announced that it will hold its 2016 Liberty Awards Dinner, “Protecting Democracy,” on April 2, 5 p.m., at William and Ida Friday Center, 100 Friday Center Dr. Dale Ho (pictured right), director of the ACLU Voting Rights Project, will be the keynote speaker.

During the event, men and women will be honored with awards for helping to protect and advance civil liberties for all North Carolinians. Those awards are: Frank Porter Graham (significant contribution toward the advancement of civil liberties); ACLU of North Carolina (more finite and specifically targeted toward defining civil liberties); Paul Green (honors efforts by an individual or group to abolish or limit the death penalty in the state); Norman Smith (presented to someone who has volunteered extraordinary time and effort with the ACLU); and Sharon Thompson (given to an individual or group that has contributed large efforts toward advancing equal rights for LGBT individuals in North Carolina).

Nominations closed on Dec. 11.

news

Reservations are available online. Costs start at $100 per ticket.

Replacements, Ltd., serves as a title sponsor and constitutional champion. info/reservations: acluofnorthcarolina.org.

Western Pride holds benefit

HICKORY, N.C. — A benefit for Catawba Valley Pride’s scholarship fund for area LGBT youth, “Show Some Love,” will be held on Feb. 12, 5 p.m., at Bottega, 262 1st Ave. NW. Attendees will be able to enjoy a dessert auction, light refreshments, live music, door prizes and a 50/50 raffle and more.

Tickets are $10 and are available online or at the door.

Also, customized Valentine’s cards are available for order until Feb. 9 at $5 (or more).

More information on this opportunity is available online.

Sponsors are also welcome. Visit the website to learn how to participate. info: catawbavalleypride.org.

South Carolina Pride to crown Mr. and Ms.

SPARTANBURG, S.C. — Upstate Pride SC will crown their 2016 Mr. and Ms. Upstate Pride on Jan. 29, 10:30 p.m., at Club South 29, 9112 Warren H. Abernathy Hwy.

see Carolina on 13

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news notes: u.s./world compiled by Chris Tittel :: qnotes contributor

Wrong time for ‘ambivalence’ on rights

In a new poll, about a quarter of respondents don’t think HIV/AIDS, depression and acts of violence are terribly serious.

Photo Credit: LGBTQ Nation

A new Harris Poll commissioned by GLAAD suggests that 50 percent of Americans feel that gay people should “have the same rights as everybody else.”

As The Washington Post’s Jonathan Capehart reports in his op-ed piece, headlined “This is a looming danger for full LGBT equality,” the poll split respondents into three groups

based on their level of “comfort” with seven LGBT-centered situations.

Capehart writes: “These include seeing a same-sex couple holding hands, learning a family member, one’s doctor or child’s teacher is gay and seeing a coworker’s wedding picture. ‘Allies’ were the most comfortable.

‘Detached supporters’ were comfortable depending on the situation. And ‘resisters’ were the least comfortable.”

The survey reveals a troubling number of heterosexual Americans in the three groups represented don’t think the LGBTQ community’s issues are terribly serious. Roughly a quarter of participants don’t think HIV/AIDS, depression or acts of violence are much of a priority.

This ambivalence, Capehart writes, is deeply troubling.

The GLAAD/Harris Poll report notes that “roughly a third of non-LGBT Americans profess no strong opinion about important LGBT issues. Interestingly, this ambivalence appears across segments, including allies.”

Capehart writes: “That’s being too polite.

The ‘ambivalent’ couldn’t care less whether the LGBT community has influence or the support of politicians. For instance, 38 percent ‘neither agreed nor disagreed’ that the LGBT community ‘has more influence than any other minority community.’ And 37 percent were neither here nor there on whether ‘most politicians’ support policies for the LGBT community.”

While marriage equality is officially legal, same-sex couples in 28 states still have no discrimination protections in place — so they can be fired based on who they married.

People who live in the 21 states with “religious freedom” laws still have to face discrimination lazily disguised as moral conviction.

Capehart notes that the only “bright spot” in all of this is the Equality Act that’s currently working its way through Congress, a bill that would revise the 1964 Civil Rights Act to include sexual orientation and gender identity. But, he notes, that bill is as good as dead: Govtrack.us lists it as having “0 percent [chance] of being enacted.”

He writes: “Public pressure is needed to improve that prognosis and thwart the ugly efforts happening at the state level. So, now is not the time for ambivalence. Not from the LGBT community and certainly not from folks who profess to be allies in the continuing fight for equality. Now is not the time to slow down in the quest for full LGBT equality.”

— LGBTQ Nation (lgbtqnation.com), a qnotes media partner

LGBT groups challenge Texas ruling

The National Center for Lesbian Rights reports that it has joined a coalition of LGBT, racial justice and health equity organizations in filing an amicus brief in Whole Woman’s Health v. Cole asking the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down restrictions on abortion providers enacted by the state of Texas in 2013.

If upheld, the restrictions would force most abortion clinics across the state to close.

According to The Free Dictionary website (legaldictionary.thefreedictionary.com), a person with a strong interest in or views on the subject matter of an action, but not party to the action, can file an amicus

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brief. These types of briefs are commonly filed in appeals concerning matters of broad public interest, such as civil rights cases, the website reads.

The brief urges the court to carefully scrutinize the state’s asserted justification for the law.

The state of Texas has argued that the law protects the health of women seeking abortion.

However, medical organizations, including the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the American Medical Association and the American Public Health Association, have warned that the restrictions are medically unnecessary and endanger women’s health.

No more pills?

CytoDyn Inc. has developed PRO 140, an antibody that could allow HIV-positive individuals the opportunity to take a break from so many pills.

The company is currently conducting a Phase 3 Food and Drug Administration trial, with final results expected later this year.

“Essentially, if the FDA approves PRO 140, the infected person could finally take a break and go on a vacation without having to remember their pills and the exact times to take them each day,” CytoDyn President and CEO Nader Pourhassan said. “All they need is a reminder to inject PRO 140 once a week.”

The company plans to bring the product to market in early 2017.

New program grooms queer executives

The Stanford Graduate School of Business (SGSB) will launch its LGBT Executive Leadership Program in July.

The one-week program combines personal leadership assessments and insights with design thinking innovations.

According to the SGSB, this is the only executive education program of its kind offered by a leading business school to address the significant gap in leadership for lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgender people.

Co-directors Tom Wurster and Sarah Soule call the new program and its timing both inspirational and aspirational.

“The ideal candidate is the LGBT executive with a minimum of 10 years professional experience and 5 years of management experience who is preparing to take on more significant leadership roles,” Wurster said.

“We created this course to help LGBT executives further their personal development as leaders and strengthen their personal networks and, in the process, leverage best practices to transform their organizations,” Soule said.

A one-hour program preview webinar is scheduled for 1 p.m. on Feb. 24.

To register for the webinar, visit stanford. io/20hJPME. Deadline for applying to the program is June 24. : :

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life

Love & Lust 2016

The broken dream of a better condom Why two years later, the Bill Gates’ funded condoms of the future are stalled

by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes staff

P

eople don’t like condoms. This we know. In fact, The New York Times reported in a 2013 article titled “Getting Men to Want to Use Condoms,” that only five percent of men around the world use them, in spite of the fact that they are around 98 percent effective in preventing unwanted pregnancies and STDs such as HIV/AIDS. So it is a no-brainer that we should look into creating a better condom, one that men will actually want to use. Latex, for all its usefulness, decreases sensation, can break or leak and for some results in an allergic reaction (more on that later).

The Gates Foundation recognized the need for a better condom and in 2013 announced a handful of grant recipients who had made it as finalists in a competition that saw hundreds of people submit ideas for better male and female condoms.

Yet innovation seems to have stalled, and so far it appears little headway is being made.

It turns out getting a new non-latex condom through FDA trials and then to market is a costly and time consuming affair, leaving the public waiting for a better option, while millions of new cases of HIV/AIDS are reported every year. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), in America alone there are approximately 50,000 people infected with HIV each year.

Mic.com recently reached out to grant recipient Mark McGlothlin, who created a condom made from the collagen found in bovine tendons, which is said to have no odor or taste and feel more like human skin than latex. While a successful prototype was created, McGlothlin said that to bring it to market would be cost prohibitive, even if he receives the extra $1 million in funding from the Gates Foundation.

“It probably is more than a million dollars just to get through FDA approval, he told Mic.com. “It’s a brutal process.”

While we wait for a better condom, it is helpful to at least know your options when it comes to the ones currently available.

Latex condoms continue to be the standard-bearer.

They have been on the market longer than any other type and are the most reliable in terms of strength and creating a strong barrier.

If you have a latex allergy, you can use polyurethane condoms, which are more likely to break than latex but have been shown to effectively prevent against both pregnancy and STDs. Polyisoprene condoms have also been shown to be effective in preventing against pregnancy and STDs and are safe for most with a latex allergy, although those who are highly sensitive to latex may experience issues with polyisoprene as well.

Lambskin condoms are also available, but do not effectively prevent STDs, as they are too porous to prevent viruses from getting through and are only recommended for monogamous heterosexual couples as a birth control method.

Whatever material you settle on, make sure to try different brands and sizes to find what works best for you. It should be tight enough so as not to slip off, but not so tight as to break, with room at the tip to collect semen. : : Dental dams, female condom and assorted penial condoms are ways to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia. CC license (dental dam, female condom), USER via Dollar Photo Club (condoms)

Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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Love & Lust 2016

As gay marriage became legal, straight divorces in NC fell to 25-year low Statistics for 2015 will be more telling

by Nick de la Canal :: qnotes contributor

T

he number of divorces filed in North Carolina dropped to a 25-year low in 2014, the same year a U.S. District Court judge effectively legalized same-sex marriage here.

Opponents of same-sex marriage have regularly warned that allowing same-sex marriage could destroy the sanctity of traditional marriages.

As recently as last April, Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio maintained that marriage should be between a man and a woman, saying, “We should never have any policies that stand in the way of families. We should never have any policies that stand in the way of marriage.”

In an interview on a conservative radio show in 2014, Ted Cruz lamented the spread of same-sex marriage, telling listeners, “Our heart weeps for the damage to traditional marriage that has been done.”

And after the U.S. Supreme Court made its landmark ruling in favor of same-sex marriage last October, the conservative-minded NC Family Policy Council published a blog post, saying, “The ruling has left many in the Christian community feeling defeated, uncertain, and even fearful about the future…”

But as the numbers seem to show, the damage done to traditional marriages has been minimal. According to North Carolina’s Department of Health and Human Services, fewer couples decided to end their marriages following the legalization of same-sex marriage in North Carolina than during any period in the last quarter of a century.

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Not only that, but North Carolina experienced a slight jump in divorces in 2012, the same year voters approved Amendment 1, the controversial amendment banning same-sex marriage in the state.

It’s possible the correlation is mere coincidence, but who can say for sure? The public won’t know whether the downward trend in divorces continued in 2015 until the Department of Health and Human Services releases updated numbers later this year.

What can be said for certain is the legalization of same-sex marriage didn’t end up causing an immediate crisis for straight marriages after all.

As LGBT attorney Connie Vetter said, “What’s very, very clear is that the doomsayers who said,’marriage equality is going to destroy traditional marriage,’ — which we all knew was not true and was never true — were, in fact, wrong.”

The last time the number of divorces in North Carolina fell this low was in 1991. It was the same year Cher released her hit album, “Love Hurts.” : :

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life

Love & Lust 2016

Concerns rise over antibiotic resistant gonorrhea Gonorrhea rate increases, highest in the South

by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes staff

A

ntibiotic resistant gonorrhea is raising concerns in both Europe, where it has already appeared, and in the U.S., where it is feared it will show up before long.

In Northern England, 16 cases of what is being dubbed “super gonorrhea” (Worst.

Superhero. Ever.) have been reported. UK health officials warn that this particular strain may be untreatable. So far, all of the cases seem to have come from heterosexuals.

In December, Dame Sally Davies, the UK’s chief medical officer, wrote a letter to physicians and pharmacists.

“Gonorrhea is at risk of becoming an untreatable disease due to the continuing emergence of antimicrobial resistance,” Davies wrote in the letter, as reported by The Guardian.

“Gonorrhea has rapidly acquired resistance to new antibiotics, leaving few alternatives to the current recommendations. It is therefore extremely important that suboptimal treatment does not occur.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is on the watch for cases here in the U.S. They have echoed the UK’s concerns.

“Neisseria (N.) gonorrhoeae, the bacteria that causes the STD gonorrhea, has developed resistance to nearly all of the antibiotics used for gonorrhea treatment: sulfonilamides,

penicillin, tetracycline and fluoroquinolones, such as ciprofloxacin,” the CDC says on their website. “We are currently down to one last effective class of antibiotics, cephalosporins, to treat this common infection. This is an urgent public health threat because gonorrhea control in the United States largely relies on effective antibiotic therapy.

“Given the bacteria’s ability to adapt and survive antibiotics, it is critical to continuously monitor for antibiotic resistance and encourage research and development of new treatment regimens for gonorrhea.”

According to the CDC, men who have sex with men are at particular risk of contracting STDs and are recommended to be screened at least once a year. So, too, are young people aged 15-24.

Condoms should be used to protect against the infection, as well as other STDS, such as HIV/AIDS. Condoms or dental dams can also be used during oral sex to prevent the spread of gonorrhea, although protection for oral sex continues to be a less than popular practice among most sexually active adults.

Gonorrhea is common, especially in the South Gonorrhea is a common infection. According to the CDC, it is the second most commonly reported notifiable disease in the U.S. It can occur in the genitals, rectum and throat and may be asymptomatic, meaning many people are unaware that they are infected.

Symptoms In both men and women, pain during urination and unusual penile or vaginal discharge are common symptoms of gonorrhea.

Women may also notice bleeding between periods, while men may experience painful or swollen testicles.

A sore throat can occur if that is where the infection is located.

If left untreated If gonorrhea is left untreated, it can cause serious health problems in both men and women.

In women, it can result in pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), the complications of which can result in long-term pelvic and abdominal pain, infertility and ectopic pregnancy, where the embryo attaches outside of the uterus.

The Neisseria Gonorrhoeae bacteria Photo Credit: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

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Carolina News Notes continued from page 7 Male and female impersonators will compete for a crown, sash and cash prizes, organizers said.

A three-round challenge will include Presentation, Evening Wear and Talent and will test competitors’ skills in emceeing, wardrobe, special talents and the ability to represent Upstate Pride SC’s 2016 theme of “Peace Love Pride.”

Patti O’Furniture will serve as emcee for the evening. Judges slated are Miss SC Pride Rylee Hunty, reigning Ms. Upstate Pride Veronica La Blank, drag king Viktor Grimm, along with head judge Big Shirli Stevenz from Greensboro, N.C. Two reporters and on-air personalities from WSPA’s Scene at 7, Jennifer Martin and Vanessa de la Viña, will serve as co-judges.

Entertainment will be provided during the evening by non-competing drag professionals.

Competitors must be at least 18 years old and do not have to be a South Carolina resident. A $50 registration fee is required, payable at the door between 9-9:30 p.m.

No tips can be accepted during the event. info: upstatepridesc.org.

Guild hosts lunch presentation

MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. — Takeover Grand Strand will host its first Lunch & Learn on Feb. 3, 12:30 p.m., at Courtyard Marriott Myrtle Beach Broadway, 1351 21st Ave. N. The presentation will be “Diversity: Why it matters and how it is changing the face of business,” and will be led by Roxanne James, diversity relations manager with TD Bank’s Office of Diversity and Inclusion.

Admission is free for all Coastal Business Guild members. Non-members will be assessed a $5 contribution to Takeover Grand Strand.

RSVP to bit.ly/1VlTm1X. On Feb. 5, 5:30 p.m., at Mr. Fish Seafood Restaurant, 6401 N. Kings Hwy., at happy hour gathering will take place.

Takeover Grand Strand serves as a social, educational and advocacy organization. It is open to any LGBT individual or supportive company and seeks to advance acceptance of the LGBT community along coastal South Carolina.

Terry Livingston serves as its executive director. info: takeovergrandstrand.com.

Pride org rolls out events

CHARLESTON, S.C. — Charleston Pride has announced upcoming events for February to support and enhance its efforts.

Paint the Town Red/Charleston Pride 2016 announcement party will be held on Feb. 4, 11 p.m., at Dudley’s On Ann, 42 Ann St. Host will be Patti O’Furniture with Charleston Pride Empress Justine Van de Blair and special guest Victoria

Lefaris. Other “Paint” parties will be held during the year in advance of celebration.

The vintage La-Tea-Da: A Valentine’s Day Tea Dance will be held on Feb. 14, 3 p.m., at The Pub On 61, 2366 Ashley River Rd. DJ Trevor D will spin and dance demonstrations will be presented by Dance Charleston. Food, drink specials and giveaways will be provided.

The organization’s Friends with Benefits Program is accepting participants. Giving levels are $20, $30, $50 and $100 monthly with various benefits attached to each.

Volunteer and sponsorship opportunities are now available with Charleston Pride for the 2016 festivities. Check the website for more details. info: charlestonpride.org.

Awareness day observance

ROCK HILL, S.C. — The National Black HIV/ AIDS Awareness Day will be held on Feb. 7. It serves as a day to encourage and educate the public, and especially the African-American community, about issues surrounding HIV/AIDS. On Feb. 6, 12-3 p.m., Affinity Health Center, 500 Lakeshore Pkwy., will host an afternoon with free food, giveaways, educational opportunities and free HIV testing.

For those who are unable to attend, the center offers free HIV, chlamydia and gonorrhea testing Monday through Thursday from 8 a.m.-6 p.m. No appointment is necessary. info: blackaidsday.org. affinityhealthcenter.org.

Anti-LGBT bills proposed

COLUMBIA, S.C. — The 121st South Carolina General Assembly convened on Jan. 12 and there are seven bills that target the LGBT community in discriminatory fashion.

SC Equality said that it is “ready for the fight ahead.” It was successful in thwarting antiLGBT bills in the state House in 2015.

The bills up for consideration are: S.31 (U.S. constitutional amendment defining marriage as between union of a man and a woman); S. 108 (denying hormonal therapy, sex reassignment surgery for prisoners); S.116 (same-sex marriage license issuance); H.3022 (code amendment, prohibition of use of taxpayer funds and payment of salaries and benefits with regard to support or or licensing same-sex marriage licenses); H.31050 (code amendment, removal of enforcement and penalty for those who refuse to service same-sex marriage); S.787 (deals with U.S. Supreme Court and state legislative process); and S.898 (deals with matters considered by the General Assembly after June 18, 2015, as it applies to marriage).

The complete wording and information about each bill is available online. What has been supplied in this news story is simply to

life

note the kind of action being considered and does not provide complete details.

On a brighter note, Rep. James Smith has introduced H.4025, aka the Workplace Fairness Act, that would protect LGBT workers in the state from being discriminated against because of who they choose to love.

Rep. Gilda Cobb-Hunter and House Minority Leader Todd Rutherford introduced H.3135 that would amend the state’s Constitution to remove the section that classifies marriage as being between one man and one woman.

The legislature is in its second regular session which runs from Jan. 12-June 2.

In other news, SC Equality has announced that Jennifer Tague has joined its staff as its director of operations.

Tague, an LGBT activist for 25 years, attended Midlands Technical College where she studied criminal justice. She has been involved with SC Pride since its beginning in 1989 and has worked closely with a number of LGBT organizations, including assisting with the establishment of a SAGE affiliate. info: scequality.org. scstatehouse.gov.

updated to include both parents. Lambda Legal filed the suit on behalf of Melissa and Meredith Weiss of Chapel Hill, N.C. info: lambdalegal.org/in-court/cases/nc_ weiss-v-braer.

Regional & Beyond

The American Civil Liberties Union is holding its Summer Advocacy Institute at Georgetown University from June 19-25. It is open to high school rising seniors. The program lasts for seven days and includes hands-on activities, congressional visits, engagement with a plethora of officials, lobbyists, activists, journalists and others, presentations by “luminaries” such as whistleblower and patriot Edwin Snowden and others and more. info: aclu.org/feature/aclu-summer-institute.

Appointment protested

A coalition of faculty and students has been formed to protest the appointment of anti-LGBT Margaret Spellings as president of the University of North Carolina at the Board of Governors meeting on March 1 at North Carolina A&T University. As president, Spellings is required to uphold the university policy to provide “an inclusive and welcoming environment” for everyone, regardless of one’s sexual orientation and to protect everyone from any form of discrimination, harassment or retaliation toward staff, faculty or students no matter what their sexual orientation may be.

Final confirmation is slated for the meeting in March and advocates are attempting to block her from being seated. info: bit.ly/1ZOrXa3.

Resource targets bullying

The Public Justice Foundation and The BULLY Project have released an online guide, “Bullying and the Law: A Guide for Parents,” to address school bullying. The youth advocacy project aims to reduce bullying and provides resources for parents for their usage in dealing with school districts and employees, as well as legalities. info: thebullyproject.com/bullying_the_law.

Youth observance around corner

The Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month will be held in February. This annual observance targets teens and those in their 20s.

In Charlotte, N.C., the Mecklenburg County Community Support Services and Time Out Youth Center will partner and will promote healthy relationships for all young people regardless of their gender identity or that of their partner, said Mecklenburg County Information and Education Coordinator Melissa Siegel Barrios. She added that they hope to challenge the social norms around gender in order to make the community more inclusive. “Doing this is a direct action toward ending dating violence,” she concluded. info: melissa.siegel.barrios@mecklenburgcounty nc.gov. timeoutyouth.org. loveisrespect.org.

ACLU seeks student advocates

Rugby tourney offers training pop

The Nashville Grizzlies gay men’s rugby team will host the international Bingham Cup from May 22-29. During the week, they will be offering suicide prevention training through the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network, which is the charity of choice for the tourney. Suicide disproportionately affects the LGBT community. info: binghamcup.com.

Museum makes a move

Lesbian parents have sued the State of North Carolina so that both are listed on their children’s birth certificates. The suit seeks to change the law so that the certificates could be

The National LGBT Museum has moved from Washington, D.C., to New York, N.Y. and has been escalating its efforts to create a brick-and-mortar facility. It has updated its long-term plan, launched a new digital home and rebranded itself. North Carolinians Mitchell and Tim Gold are actively involved with the museum. Tim Gold serves as the co-chairman of the board along with founding partner Christopher Johnson. Contributions and founding memberships are being accepted to bring the project to fruition. info: nationalmuseum.nyc. velvetfoundation.org.

es (131.4 cases per 100,000 population) among the four regions of the United States,” the CDC reports, “followed by the Midwest (106.6 cases per 100,000 population), West (101.1 cases per 100,000 population), and Northeast (84.7 cases per 100,000 population). During 2013–2014, the gonorrhea rate increased 22.2 percent in the West and 3.1 percent in the South, but decreased 1.5 percent in the Midwest and 0.6 percent in the Northeast.”

The South had a total of 155,597 new reported cases of the infection, up from 150,780 in 2013 and 153,067 in 2012.

In the Carolinas In 2014, the CDC reports that there were 14,415 reported cases of gonorrhea in North Carolina, resulting in a rate of 146.4 cases per 100,000 population. That was up from 13,666 cases in 2013, resulting in a rate of 138.8.

South Carolina had 8,253 reported cases, for a rate of 172.8, up from 7,194 (150.7 per 100,000 population) in 2012.

Both states have a rate well above the national average, although neither are the worst.

That ignoble honor goes to Louisiana, which had a rate of 194.6 per 100,000 population. : :

Parental suit filed

Gonorrhea rates increase continued from page 11 In men, untreated gonorrhea can result in a painful condition in the tubes attached to the testicles, and in rare cases, may result in sterility.

Untreated gonorrhea can even be life threatening, if it spreads to your blood or joints, although this is rare.

Gonorrhea in the United States While no cases of “super gonorrhea” have yet been reported in the U.S., cases of gonorrhea have increased. In 2014, a total of 350,062

cases were reported, increasing the national gonorrhea rate to 110.7 cases per 100,000 population. That is up from 105.3 the previous year and 106.7 in 2012. It is expected that many cases go unreported each year as well.

In the Southern United States The South continues to experience higher rates of reported gonorrhea than anywhere else in the country.

“In 2014, as in previous years, the South had the highest rate of reported gonorrhea cas-

Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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tell trinity

delicious will assure you that your girlfriend will always have a good appetite…for you!

by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

Dear Trinity, I was self-employed for 15 years, but now I’m back in the job market and without much luck! Selling myself is awful. Help!

Job Jitters, Miami, FL

Failure and success, failure and success…

Hello Trinity, Recently, at my high school reunion, I realized that all my high school friends, unlike me, are married, have high paying jobs and own their own homes! Why do I feel like such a failure?

Did I do something wrong?

Not Enough, Asheville, NC Hello Not Enough, So your friends “made it” sooner than you, yippee! Here are some failure facts to ponder on.

Einstein failed third grade, Lincoln lost many more elections than he won, Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken was broke until his mid-sixties and Edison failed over 10,000 times before getting the light bulb just right! By the end of your life, sweetie, you will realize that your failed experiences will be your biggest inspirations for future successes. Oh, and BTW, the grass is always greener, just in case you forgot.

Hey Trinity, I’m a gay parent who is raising two kids with my partner. Do you have any advise for gay parenting?

Parenting Ponders, Rehoboth Beach, DE

Dearest Trinity, When I get “all cleaned up,” my girlfriend goes crazy for me. But when I’m my “natural” self, i.e., unkempt, a bit dirty or just a little sweaty, she won’t even get close to me. Shouldn’t I be loved for me?

Natural Love, Eugene, OR Dearest Natural, Getting “dolled up” or “cleaned up” every so often just to keep the excitement, interest and your date eager to be next to you is a very healthy part of a relationship. Have you ever seen a male peacock spread his feathers as he’s trying to excite a mate? Appreciating you for the “natural you” is charming, but, honestly, who wants to make love to a featherless peacock? Also, honey, smelling and looking

Dear Job Jitters, Looks, charm and a creative, even aggressive sale pitch will get you in the door. But, pumpkin, just in case that’s not enough here’s: Trinity’s Loyal Tips For Going On A Job Interview 1. Baseball hats, sunglasses, jeans and T-shirts are worn by people going shopping or to the movies, not ones who go on job interviews!

2. Arriving and appearing professional, presentable, eager and responsible means the job is already half yours!

3. Sending a resume first, plus arriving with two more copies the day of the interview, means you’re a smart candidate!

4. U sing sex appeal, charm, connections and familiar references may not be righteous, but you’re on a job interview not in a church confessional!

5. T alking about things you can do is far more attractive than talking about things you cannot!

6. S elling the fact that “you can learn anything you don’t already know” means you’re not afraid of a good challenge.

7. B eing late with an excuse does not mean you’re on time. Better to say, “I’m late. I’m sorry. It will never happen again.”

8. There are many books on “job interviewing.” Buy them all, yesterday!

9. Never “shot gun” (blindly sending out) resumes. Get a contact. Talk with them. Then send your resume. And always follow up!

10. Lastly, you have 30 seconds (maximum) to sell yourself. If they like you after that, then sell yourself even more! info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

goqnotes.com

Hey Parenting, Being a parent on top of being a gay parent is a

daily challenge. But there is a large gay parenting community to help. Find and become friends with other gay parents, join a gay parenting group and travel to gay parenting events like Provincetown’s gay parent week. This will surely help. Darling, it truly does take lots of love, patience and socialization to make a child strong! (My cartoon shows you how many folks it takes to truly raise a child in the LGBT community. Just follow the Yellow Brick Road to learn more!)

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daily news, blog posts and lgbt community event listings Sign up for our weekly e-newsletter: goqnotes.com/subs

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a&e

‘Carol’: Love in the time of The American Way Relationship between two women in the mid 20th Century falls short on answers

by Chris Tittel :: qnotes contributor

“Is there any point in fighting it?”

It’s the question Therese asks Carol after Carol reveals that her soon-to-be-ex-husband is suing for sole custody of their daughter on grounds that Carol is morally unfit to be a mother.

It’s also the question posed to audiences repeatedly throughout “Carol,” a film profiling the budding romance between a high society lady and a working-class shop girl that’s receiving a lot of Oscar buzz for stars Cate Blanchett (in the title role) and Rooney Mara (Therese).

The film is set in 1952 pre-feminist era America, a time when men brought home the bacon and their wives fried it up in a pan.

Women who traveled in well-moneyed circles spent their days shopping for new shoes, enjoyed three-martini lunches, sneaked cigarettes behind their husband’s backs and were known to the world as “Mrs. So-and-So” rather than by their own first names.

It’s also a period in our history that was heavy on morality, family values and “The American Way.” Indeed, much of what we see in the film — from weighty mink coats to heavy wood and thickly-upholstered furniture to behemoth Packards with wide metal fenders and fat whitewalled tires — seems to cinch everyone tightly into a corseted existence.

The story of Carol and Therese is intimate, specific to what the two women experience without reference to what’s going on in the world around them. It’s only through occasional snatches of conversation overhead from nearby radios and televisions that we learn that Dwight Eisenhower has just been elected president and the witch hunt for so-called card-carrying members of the Communist Party that stained our nation’s history has only just begun.

Carol floats effortlessly through this stifling world of convention, pretense and judgment.

She plays the roles of trophy wife, trophy mother and trophy socialite well, with pleasant smiles and impeccable manners masking the increasingly frustrated woman yearning to bust out and dance wild to the beat of her own drummer.

Therese, on the other hand, is young and inexperienced in the ways of the world.

In an opening scene to the film, Therese seems a lovely doll among the many dolls that she’s setting out for display on the department store counter.

It’s the scene where the two women meet for the first time, the scene that sets off the chain of events to follow in which they explore their love for one another and the possibilities that such love can bring despite the odds.

Therese’s question to Carol is surprising, coming at a time when the two women are only just starting to reach out to one another. It’s not so much a question as to whether or not it’s worth fighting against Carol’s husband on the custody issue, as a question about whether or not the two women should fight for the future they might have together as a couple.

Blanchett and Mara were both nominated for Golden Globes for their performances.

The film has been nominated for six Oscars, including best actress (Blanchett), best supporting actress (Mara), best writing (Phyllis Nagy’s adaptation of the late Patricia Highsmith’s book “The Price of Salt”), best cinematography (Edward Lachman), Best Costume Design (Sandy Powell) and Best Original Score (Carter Burwell). The Oscars will be handed out Feb. 28.

Although both Blanchett and

Director Todd Hayes (left) discusses and blocks a scene on set with ‘Carol’ cast and crew.

Photo Credit: The Weinstein Company

Kate Blanchett (left) and Rooney Mara in a scene from ‘Carol.’

Photo Credit: Still images from ‘Carol’. Photo by Wilson Webb.

Mara maintain their roles well, the chemistry (sexual or otherwise) just isn’t there. Development of the relationship is slow and overacted, with furtive glances, long hollow stares and general clumsiness. The experience of coming together doesn’t seem to change either character by film’s end, with narrow-eyed Carol looking as chic and sophisticated and doe-eyed Therese looking as plain and child-like as they looked at the beginning of the film.

With Carol having wealth and access to all the resources she needs to ensure the relationship with Therese remains discreet, there’s no reason for either of these women to take the kinds of risks that would give the story the kind of edge that would hold our attention.

Abby, one of Carol’s oldest gal pals played by Sarah Paulson (who was recently linked romantically with actress Holland Taylor), provides us with only enough background on Carol to understand that her interest in women isn’t just a passing fancy.

Lots of nagging questions about Carol’s family history, why her relationship with Abby ended, how Carol met her husband and what business Carol’s husband is in that affords her the luxuries of living the life of one of the New York area’s most affluent women remain unanswered.

Despite all, however, the film is worth seeing if only to remind us of how “under the radar” our forefathers and foremothers had to be about their relationships in times when “gay” just wasn’t in fashion.

Was there any point in fighting it? Absolutely.

Does “Carol” make its point? Sorta’.

The film is produced by Number 9 Films, Film4 and Killer Films and is directed by Todd Haynes. : : — Chris Tittel is an avid movie-goer, Kyle Chandler in a scene from ‘Carol.’ with a master’s degree in acting and several Photo Credit: Still images from ‘Carol’. The Weinstein Company stage plays to his credit.

Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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health and wellness

by Jack Kirven :: personal trainer, qnotes contributor

Tea tree oil: essential oils have many homeopathic uses for home and health only a few drops to enjoy their benefits.

Essential oils are the super concentrated Tea tree oil has powerful antimicrobial extractions of plants. They might come from the properties. It is also very soothing. Before leaves, stems, flowers or seeds. Different plants reaching for over-thegive different amounts of counter products that oil, so expect authentic might be contributing to oils to cover a broad price the superbug phenomrange. It takes one ton of enon, experiment to see if rose petals to produce a natural products can work single ounce of rose oil, so for you. expect it to cost hundreds For mosquito bites, of dollars per bottle; howdab a single drop of tea ever, lavender oil is very tree oil on your finger inexpensive by comparison and gently massage the for the exact same amount affected area. If you have of oil. Most plants do not a mild sunburn, put five yield essential oils that are drops of tea tree oil into a safe for use; however, of gallon of tap water. Using the few dozen that do, tea a hand towel or sponge, tree oil is amongst the most softly pat the liquid over versatile, and is also one of the area and allow it to the most affordable. evaporate off the skin. In Tea tree oil has an Photo Credit: marrakeshh the instance of athlete’s aroma resembling a comvia Dollar Photo Club foot or jock itch, wash bination of eucalyptus and the areas and then dry menthol. As with all esthem thoroughly. Rub three to five drops of tee sential oils, tea tree oil should be used in trace tree oil into the palms of your hands, and then amounts and usually diluted in carrier oils (e.g. lightly pat the oil onto the affected areas. Paul almond, avocado, jojoba, etc.) or large quantiMitchell makes a hair and body moisturizing ties of water. Because tea tree oil and other lotion that is also helpful. Be sure to wash essential oils are so concentrated, you will need

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the area frequently and to change socks and undergarments after each bathing. It can also help to change out your bedsheets and to mist the bedsheets with a solution of tea tree oil.

Place 10 drops of tea tree oil into a water bottle with a spritzing handle. Mist the bed sheets and allow them to air dry. This can also keep the bedding smelling fresh.

Tea tree oil is also good for oral hygiene and sore throats. It won’t taste pleasant at all, so fair warning. Put five drops of tea tree oil into eight ounces of water. Swish the full glass, one mouthful at a time, to rinse teeth after brushing.

Conversely, you could gargle the water to help sooth a sore throat. As a side note, peppermint essential oil is helpful for cold sores.

If you have dandruff or an itchy scalp, rub several drops of tea tree oil into your palms and massage your scalp. Do not get essential oils in or around the eyes! Leave it in for a few minutes, and then wash and rinse your hair. Do this at each shower until your symptoms go away.

You might also consider trying Paul Mitchell’s tea tree oil hair products.

Essential oils, when used properly, are an eco-friendly and affordable way to improve or maintain your comfort and well being. They don’t replace medicine, but when you can use them, consider the benefits of natural aromatherapy. : : info: Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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EVENTS

January-February 2016 Charlotte Symphony Presents Knightsounds: Sinfonica!

Knight Theater at Levine Center for the Arts 430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 12 p.m. & 7:30 p.m.

The Charlotte Symphony presents a collection of songs from popular Spanish and Latin composers. Conducted by Christopher Warren-Green and featuring works

by Moncayo, Ginastera and de Falla.

Tapas and tango after the performance.

Tickets are $12 matinee and $29 evening, which includes a free drink ticket. Tickets and more information are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

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Piano Concert Featuring SEP JAN MO David Troy Francis Asheville Country Club Pisgah Ballroom and Emerald Lounge 170 Windsor Rd., Asheville 3-5:30 p.m.

A piano concert featuring award-winning composer David Troy Francis and benefiting Western North Carolina AIDS Project (WNCAP) will be held at the Asheville Country Club. Hors d’oeuvres and wine will be available beginning at 3 p.m. The concert, which will feature accompaniment by Carol Duermit, will take place from 4:15-5:30 p.m., with a chance to mingle after the performance until around 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $100 and are available by calling 828-2527489 or online. wncap.org.

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‘Silhouettes on a Winter’s Evening’ Youssef 242 242 11th Ave. N.E., Hickory 6:30 p.m.

3rd Annual Same Love, OUTright Youth of Catawba Valley SEP JAN MO Same Rights LGBT Wedding will hold its Fifth Annual Evening of Expo Distinction, called “Silhouettes on a Sheraton Raleigh Hotel Winter’s Evening.” The event is a fund421 S. Salisbury St., Raleigh raiser, helping the LGBTQ youth support 12:30-3:30 p.m. organization to continue their work.

The 3rd Annual Same Love, Same Rights Tickets are $100 per person. Tickets and Wedding Expo will feature dozens of more information are available online. gay friendly exhibitors ready to help youthoutrightcv.org. make you and your fiancé’s big day the best it can be, including DJs, photographers, wedding planners, jewelers, officiants, venues and more. There will also be free raffles, wedding tips and music. Free to attend. More information is available online. samelovesamerights.com.

SEP FEB MO

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Submit your event to our calendar!

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-forone entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

The Guilford Green SEP FEB MO Foundation’s Red Party Kress Terrace 212 S. Elm St., Suite 300, Greensboro 7 p.m.

The Guilford Green Foundation will hold its fundraising event Red Party, formerly known as Women’s Party. The event is a social, community building affair where all LGBT community members and allies are welcome. Appetizers will be available and there will be a cash bar.

Entertainment will be provided by DJ Jessica Mashburn and Big Beatty and the Punchbowl. $15 suggested donation collected at the door. More information is available online. ggfnc.org.

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Continues through Feb. 14 ‘Matilda the Musical’ Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N Tryon St., Charlotte

Times vary Based on the children’s book by Roald Dahl, ‘“Matilda,” this musical has won over 50 international awards, including four Tony Awards. It tells the story of an extraordinary girl, with a vivid imagination and sharp mind who takes a stand to change her destiny. It was written by Dennis Kelly, with music and lyrics by Tim Minchin. Tickets start at $29.50 and are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

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To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/

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Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

24th Annual Johnson SEP FEB MO Valentine Bash Snug Harbor 1228 Gordon St., Charlotte 9:30 p.m.-2 a.m.

The 24th Annual Johnson Valentine Bash will take place at Snug Harbor and will feature both bands and DJs, with proceeds going to Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN). Hardcore Lounge headlines, with openers Fat Face Band and Heart of a Ghost. DJ sets between bands

by Starseed, Spaceboy, and DJ Godwin.

Tickets are $5 and are availble online. snugrock.com.

–––––––––––––––––––– SAGE-sponsored Valentine’s Dance LGBT Center of Raleigh 324 S. Harrington St., Raleigh 7:30 p.m.

SAGE Raleigh is sponsoring a Valentine’s dance tailored for seniors. The annual event is describing itself as a night of “dance, drink and delicacies.” DJ Robert Murray will provide the music. Volunteers needed at 6:30 for set up. Suggested contribution is $10. lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

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Continues through March 6 SEP FEB MO The X Show: Art & Photographs for Grown-Ups PULP Gallery and Bookstore 535 King St., Charleston 6-10 p.m.

PULP presents an erotic art show for Valentine’s Day. Enjoy free champagne, chocolates and a collection of adult-only works of art, including photographs and works on paper by both local and national artists, including Clive Barker, Robert Crumb, Russ Meyer and Bunny Yeager (Bettie Page). Free. Open to the public. pulpcharleston.com.

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Dr. Robert Jones Diversity SEP FEB MO Lecture North Carolina State University Hatteras-Ocracoke Ballroom, Student Union 2601 Cates Ave., Raleigh 6:30 p.m.

Dr. Robert Jones, the president of the State University of New York at Albany will deliver a diversity presentation called, “Institutional Culture Change in Higher Education: Leadership and Inclusive Excellence.” The presentation will be given to the university’s College of Humanities and Social Sciences, but it is free and open to the public as well. For more information email jmphd@ncsu.edu.

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Condom Couture SEP FEB MO Neighborhood Theatre 511 E. 36th St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Planned Parenthood South Atlantic hosts its Condom Couture event, where designers create wearable art pieces using condoms.

All proceeds go to benefit Planned Parenthood’s work to provide sexual health and safer sex information and resources. Early bird tickets are available at $25 general admission and $40 balcony. Door prices are $30 general admission and $45 balcony. More information and tickets are available online. condomcoutureclt.com.

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Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/

goqnotes.com/to/life

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OUR PEOPLE:

Q&A with Joel Blady & Jeff Addy Funeral director, marketer, marriage suit plaintiffs

by Chris Tittel :: qnotes contributor

Joel Blady (left) and Jeff Addy arrive at their wedding on Oct. 10, 2015.

“The human soul can always use a new tradition. Sometimes we require them.”

The lines, which appear in Pat Conroy’s awardwinning book, “The Lords of Discipline,” resonate with our community at a time when so many gay and lesbian couples who have dreamed of a traditional “white wedding” can now realize those dreams.

Joel Blady, a licensed funeral director and embalmer from New Jersey, and Jeff Addy, an Ohio native who markets wheelchairs, walkers, hospital beds and other durable medical supplies, had lived in Charlotte for years before running into one another for the first time at trivia night at Petra’s piano bar in 2010.

Just four short years later, Joel and Jeff were leading the courtroom fight against the North Carolina law that prevented them from marrying. (They were plaintiffs in the United Church of Christ suit.)

As members of Temple Beth El in Charlotte, N.C., both men are proud of the role that the temple and Rabbi Judith Schindler played in the years leading up to the historic rulings on samesex marriage at both the state and federal levels.

[Ed. Note: Temple Beth El’s Associate Rabbi Jonathan Freirich was also a plaintiff in the United Church of Christ suit.]

At least twice before the lawsuit filed against the state of North Carolina, Rabbi Judith escorted delegations of same-sex couples from North Carolina to Washington, D.C., to see them married in a town where same-sex marriage was already legal at the time.

On Oct. 10, 2014, a federal judge in Asheville ruled in favor of Joel and Jeff and their fellow plaintiffs and struck down the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.

One year later, to the day, Joel and Jeff were stepping out of a horse-drawn carriage to walk the red carpet into the house of worship where they would be married.

“We wanted to get married,” Joel said. “We were part of the lawsuit that overturned the amendment. We felt it was important to go the next step and actually get married. It was the last leg of that journey.”

QN: Tell me about the wedding.

JB: We wanted the wedding with all of our relatives and friends who could come. We wanted the tuxedos and the cake and the reception. We wanted to do it in the synagogue because we go there every Friday night and it’s our second home.

We just wanted what we fought for the right to

have. We wanted our ceremony to be as inclusive and as special as possible, so we invited five rabbis, two cantors, a Christian minister and two Buddhist monks. The Christian minister brought the Irish tradition of Jeff’s heritage to our ceremony by doing a hand-fasting. It’s a ritual that gave us the expression: to tie the knot. Our rings were chosen very specifically and purposefully because the Irish Claddagh ring was originally created by a group of Jews who were thrown out of Spain. They had to go into hiding. They took symbols of Kabbalah or Jewish mysticism and created a ring that only would be recognized within the Jewish community so they could wear it out in public without fear of being persecuted. The hands, the heart, the crown are all corollaries to Jewish mysticism.

QN: When it comes to same-sex marriage, we hear a lot from Christian churches on the matter.

What’s the Jewish faith’s reaction to same-sex marriage?

JB: There are different sectors in the Jewish community. The Orthodox community still doesn’t recognize the rights of women, let alone the rights of gay people. The Conservative movement, the Reform movement and the Reconstructionist movement all welcome with open arms those of the same gender and offer religious as well as, now, legal wedding ceremonies.

QN: Joel, tell me something about you that not many people know.

JB: I’m a watch collector. I belong to the National Association of Watch and Clock Collectors. I have over 850 watches and over 250 clocks. In high school, a pocket watch was given to me. Unfortunately, it was stolen in college. It was later replaced with a truly antique watch and that’s when I got hooked.

QN: Jeff, same question.

JA: I have quite a collection of handmade pottery, pieces that catch my eye. At one point, I lived in Bolivia, N.C., and took classes at Brunswick Technical College, so I got to throw pots and learn how to do pottery.

QN: Tell me something about you as a couple that people might not know.

JB: We’ve not had one single fight in five years.

There has been tension but, literally, it was five minutes and then it was over.

JA: There seems to be very little to fight about. After a former relationship, I decided if I have to fight, I don’t think I want to be in that relationship.

QN: How does it feel to be married? Jeff, first.

JA: I love it. It was something I never thought would happen in my lifetime, not in North Carolina. It’s right, it’s the way it’s supposed to be.

You should be allowed to be with who you love and there should not be limitations.

JB: It’s always refreshing. Every time I think about the fact that I’m married, it’s like discovering something wonderful. What’s different is that it’s legal, recognized by the state and the government and the nation. We have a document and the rings and a ceremony. I can refer to him as my husband. It’s a little thing, but when I went shopping the other day and they had Valentine’s Day cards out and I started looking, I went: Oh, my gosh! I can really buy one that says to my husband now! He really is my husband!

It’s legal! Yeah, I’m a member of the club!

Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016

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Jan. 29-Feb. 11 . 2016