Jan. 31-Feb. 13 . 2014
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qnotes
Love & Lust: 2014 Sex Issue
qnotes takes ournews. annual arts. entertainment. views.journey into all things sex, this year exploring important topics like bodyand sex-positivity, what they mean, why they are important and what community members think.
news & features 4 4 6 8
LGBT center may close News Notes: U.S./World News Notes: Regional Briefs Pastor leads growing church
a&e / life&style 9 10 11 12 15 15 16 19 21 22 23
Exploring desire and communication The Greatest Generation (In Bed) What I mean by sex positive Love of body, pride of self Playing the Field Jane’s World Precious Pets Coming to terms Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar Sex-positive resources
opinions & views 5 Editor’s Note 5 QPoll
Jan. 31-Feb. 13 . 2014
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qnotes connect Jan. 31-Feb. 13, 2014 Vol 28 No 20
arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas
contributors this issue
Paige Braddock, Alan Brightside, Matt Comer, David Green, Jon Hoppel, Lainey Millen, Cliff Pervocracy, Joanne Spatero, E. Winter Tashlin, Trinity
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The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues. Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough
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Charlotte LGBT center may close at end of February Group seeks to clarify recent bylaws, membership changes by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com CHARLOTTE — The LGBT Community Center of Charlotte announced Jan. 22 that it is on the verge of closure as it attempted to clarify its intentions in new bylaws it released in response to calls for change from community members. Center Chair Roberta Dunn said in a letter published to the group’s website that it may close at the end of February. “Without continued financial support from the community and corporate partners, the center will close at the end of February,” Dunn wrote. Dunn also clarified several points of the center’s new bylaws, which underwent several changes following a Dec. 4 town hall meeting, at which 100 people attended, where concerns over openness, transparency and board accountability were discussed. The town hall was planned in response to several commentaries from this writer at his personal blog in November. Though the center originally voted to open board meetings to the public, it’s revised bylaws released on Jan. 19 only opened full board meetings to center members. The group has also adopted a membership structure, with annual dues ranging from $24-$240 annually. The center hopes the new member fees and new sponsorship levels will help support the center past February. New revised bylaws, adopted Jan. 21, and released Jan. 22 clarify previous restrictions opening meetings only to members and re-
opens board meetings to the full public. “One of the changes made to the bylaws involved opening the Center’s Board meetings to the community,” Dunn wrote. “In describing this, we used the word ‘membership’ when we should have clearly stated that all Board meetings will be open to the entire community. Upon hearing the concerns of the community in how this read, the Board voted and changed the bylaws to reflect our original intention: that all Board meetings are to be open for the entire community (no membership required). We apologize for this mistake and understand that it was a big error on our part. We hope now it is clearly understood that board meetings are open to everyone.” Among other clarification, Dunn said membership would never be required for participation in center events or programming. She also noted the board’s intention in creating a 24-hour comment notification requirement for a new 15-minute open comment period at each monthly board meeting. “For individuals who would like to speak during these 15 minute sessions, we are asking that you submit notification that you would like to speak within 24 hours of the scheduled meeting,” Dunn wrote. “There have been some concerns over the Board controlling who can
and cannot speak during this time. Please note that everyone who submits a request to speak will be given the opportunity to speak and will not be overlooked. We are asking for 24 hours of advance notification so that we may organize a list of speakers and make sure everyone who wants a chance to speak gets that opportunity.” Dunn’s statement on Wednesday did not address several other controversial changes and concerns, including the right of members to vote. Currently, members can only vote on matters when the center board of directors decides to poll the membership. Members do not have the right to elect any officers or members of the board. Members do not have the right to approve changes or amendments to the bylaws. Patrice Shannon, chair of the center’s public relations committee, said the board will be considering additional revisions to the bylaws. Those updates had not been published at press time. Shannon also noted that a new membership drive will help to support the center, which is also planning a Feb. 8 “Back to the Block” event to raise funds for the organization. For more information on that event, see our news brief on page 6. : : more: Follow us online at goqnotes.com for more news and updates on the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte. See goqnotes. com/27134/ for more background on the center’s changes and potential closure, as well as the full statement from Chair Roberta Dunn.
Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Editor: Matt Comer, x202 editor@goqnotes.com Copy Editor: Maria Dominguez Production: Lainey Millen, x205 production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper. Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2014 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.
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news notes: u.s./world. Virginia marriage decision puts spotlight on N.C. CHARLOTTE — The decision by Virginia Attorney General Mark Herring not to defend his state’s anti-LGBT constitutional amendment on marriage has sparked a wave of controversy and shed a spotlight on efforts to rollback a similar ban in North Carolina. On Jan. 23, Herring announced he would not defend the state in a federal lawsuit seeking to declare unconstitutional Virginia’s ban on marriage equality. Republican lawmakers there want to empower the legislature to step in to defend the state. The same has already happened in North Carolina, where the GOPcontrolled legislature and governor have hired counsel to defend the state in several lawsuits. North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper has come out in favor of marriage equality, but says his office will still defend the state. “[W]hen legal arguments exist to defend a law, it is the duty of the Office of the Attorney General under North Carolina law to make those arguments in court,” Cooper said in a statement. That’s not good enough, says Jasmine Beach-Ferrara, executive director of the Campaign for Southern Equality. Her organization is calling
on Cooper to make a move similar to Herring’s. “I am hopeful that N.C. Attorney General Cooper will take the same course of action as Virginia Attorney General Herring and choose not to defend Amendment One, an unjust law that will ultimately be ruled unconstitutional,” Beach-Ferrara said in a statement. “Every day that Amendment One remains on the books, same-sex families in North Carolina are harmed because they are denied fundamental rights and protections. We’re calling for full rights and protections under the law immediately for LGBT people. Patience ceases to be a virtue when people are suffering.” Equality North Carolina Executive Director Chris Sgro said the advancement in Virginia is yet another sign in a determined shift in public opinion. “I think it’s the next step in a national wave of elected officials and judges across the country realizing what we’ve known for years, which is that differentiating between LGBT couples and straight couples for the purposes of marriage is wrong and unconstitutional,” Sgro said. : : — Matt Comer
QUICK HITS ——————————————————————————————————————————————————— A federal appeals court ruled Jan. 21 that attorneys may not exclude potential jurors or remove them on the basis of sexual orientation alone. more: bit.ly/1dBqAma A leading Indian psychiatrist, a former head of the national India Psychiatric Society, recently told the Times of India that homosexuality is “unnatural” and that “homosexuals uncomfortable with their sexuality should seek psychiatric help.” more: bit.ly/1dV5sxc
Thousands of protesters in Nigeria are calling for the speedy convictions and executions of 11 men recently arrested under that nation’s new, harsh anti-gay legislation criminalizing homosexuality. more: bit.ly/1dBrbUT The Scottish Parliament announced Jan. 21 that it had scheduled a final debate and vote on same-sex marriage legislation for Feb. 4. more: bit.ly/1aSmfLF
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editor’s note by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com
Sex and body positivity can empower, unite our community In qnotes’ past nearly 30 years in print, we’ve covered a variety of controversial and provocative topics. Such coverage has been necessary to accurately and fully represent the history and lives of LGBT people in Charlotte and across the Carolinas. But, never have we so brazenly and boldly asked individual members of our community to be so open and honest about themselves as we did for this year’s annual sex issue. In 2009, qnotes began producing our annual “Love & Lust” edition in order to bring a specific attention and currency to important and timely issues relating to sex and sexuality, relationships and more. We’ve covered polyamory, pornography, sex slang, virginity, safer sex and STDS and HIV and a whole host of other topics in each year’s “Love & Lust.” This year, we decided to take a different route. As you can plainly see, the topics and imagery are still provocative, but the content and message is anything but salacious. This issue, we dive head first into what it means to be “body positive” and “sex positive.” Taking a look around the “gay community” and its media landscape — qnotes’ history included — it is easy to see a plain bias in how our diverse LGBT community is often portrayed. Younger white gay men with chiseled abs and gym-hardened bodies are the norm in publications and advertisements. Certainly, younger white gay men are a part of our community, but, collectively, we are all so much more. Our beautifully-diverse community comes in all shapes, sizes and body types. We are younger and older. We are male and female and oftentimes somewhere in between. We are of all races, ethnicities, nationalities, languages and ancestries. And, each of us should be proud of who we are and where we’ve come from. This is the essence of body positivity — loving who you are as a person — heart, mind, soul and, yes, even your body. But, society teaches us differently. We are inundated with images and messages that tell us to dye our hair (or shave it away in certain areas) and lose our love handles. Twisted standards of so-called beauty impel some of us to make drastic changes to our bodies. We seek out botox treatments or expensive plastic surgery in a quest toward “beauty,” a standard someone else defined for us. This issue, we want to give you a different and beautifully-alternative message — who
you are and what you are is not and cannot ever be defined by the pages and pages of ads and photos picked and chosen by magazine, advertising or TV executives. Our beauty is our uniqueness. Similarly, society and history have handed down to us a restrictive, judgmental and shaming view of sexuality. For members of the LGBT community, this is a shame we have all experienced at one point or another in our individual lives. Heterosexism and the rigid social “norms” of heterosexual monogamy have for centuries defined us against our will. It has painted our love and how we love as sick, sinful and criminal. Our community has been judged and our community has been the judge, applying hurtful, heart-shattering labels like “whore” and “slut” to those who live outside the bounds of a Victorian-esque model of heterosexual “purity” (as if such a thing ever actually existed). Fortunately, we can shed such restrictive and harmful “standards” by taking a more positive, affirmative and holistic approach to our bodies and our sexuality. We can affirm what is right for us, while loving our own bodies. We can throw away shame and judgment and see our human siblings not as a collection of sexual and physical choices and traits, but rather as full and complete persons with full lives, spirits and dreams. To do so is empowering and connects us all together as one people, one heart, one mind — one humanity. That idea of “one humanity” is one that for me — and likely for many other people who share similarities to my faith tradition — is very powerful and at the core of our beings as individual people and collectively as humankind. As I prepared for this issue and the features inside it, my mind kept racing back to a significant, foundational story of my childhood. “In the beginning,” I was taught, “God created the heavens and the earth.” And when God had finished, God looked down at all God had created and said, “It was very good.” God did so without reservation, without judgment and without shame. I wish the same for each of us today, no matter who you are, what you look like, where you’re from, what decisions you’ve made or not made. Together, united as a community in our shared humanity, we are all very good. : :
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qpoll Do you believe the LGBT community should do more work to address issues like sexual health and choice, body image, self-esteem and self-worth? See the options and vote: goqnotes.com/to/qpoll Jan. 31-Feb. 13 . 2014
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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen & Matt Comer
N.C. Blue Cross doesn’t recognize married gay couples CHARLOTTE — Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina (BCBSNC) doesn’t yet offer coverage for married same-sex couples with new insurance plans offered under the federal Affordable Care Act, according to spokespeople and a story originally reported by Raleigh ABC affiliate WTVD. A married couple in Moore County, N.C., Thomas Hafke and Chad Higby, said they felt ripped off by the discrimination. They were married in Washington, D.C., last October and have been in a relationship for 11 years. After signing up for an insurance plan and paying their premiums, BCBSNC told them their plan was no good. They received a phone call shortly after receiving their insurance cards in the mail. “It was the head of customer service for Blue Cross Blue Shield,” Hafke told WTVD. “She asked me if I had a same-sex spouse. I said ‘Yes,’ and she was like, ‘Sorry, we are going to have to cancel your policy!’” The problem, says BCBSNC, is that North Carolina doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage. A BCBSNC spokesperson told qnotes the problem is technical. “We don’t have ability to offer domestic partnership coverage to either same-sex or heterosexual couples,” the spokesperson said. Currently, the company allows large companies or other group policy customers to opt-in to domestic partner employees for their policy holders. Individual plans under the federal Affordable Care Act currently don’t have that option, even though the federal government recognizes marriages between same-sex couples. However, the insurance company is working to implement technical changes that would allow for coverage of domestic partners in 2015. Despite the problems facing married same-sex couples in the state, BCBSNC has had a long history of LGBT community support. They often sponsor LGBT-inclusive causes and larger events like Charlotte’s annual Human Rights Campaign Carolina Gala and Charlotte Pride, as well as the LGBT Center of Raleigh’s Out Raleigh festival. BCBSNC received a score of 85 on the Human Rights Campaign’s 2014 Corporate Equality Index. The company lost 15 points specifically because it does not offer insurance plans for same-sex couples. To read the full statement by BCBSNC, visit goqnotes.com/27126/. — M.C.
Charlotte Open house announced
CHARLOTTE — Regional AIDS Interfaith Network’s board of directors and staff invites the community to celebrate the opening of their new offices to the Children and Family Services Center on Feb. 12, 5 p.m., at 601 E. 5th St., Suite 470. This soiree will honor the network’s beginnings as it promotes its future. Guest parking is in the gated lot immediately adjacent to the building. Tokens will be given to attendees to allow for ease of departure. RSVP is due by Feb. 10 via email to info@ carolinarain.org. info: carolinarain.org. — L.M.
Film fest features ‘Dark’ story
CHARLOTTE — The Charlotte Jewish Film Festival, in collaboration with the Gay Charlotte Film Festival, will present “Out in the Dark” on Feb. 20, 7 p.m., at the Regal Ballantyne Village Stadium 5 theater, 14815 John J Delany Dr. The show centers around Nimer, an ambitious Palestinian student in the West Bank who dreams of a better life, and Roy, an Israeli lawyer who meet in Tel Aviv, Israel. Subsequently, the two fall in love, but
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they are confronted by the realities of a Palestinian society that does not accept Nimer’s sexual identity. Additionally, the Israeli society does not accept him either based upon his nationality. He, eventually, has to choose between his love of Roy or the life he had wanted prior their meeting.
Michael Mayer directed the film. It won Best Picture in the Haifa International Film Festival 2012. Tickets are $10 and are available online at brownpapertickets.com/event/540694. info: charlottejewishfilm.com. — L.M.
Center to host block party
CHARLOTTE— The LGBT Community Center of Charlotte, 2508 N. Davidson St., will open its doors to the community as it hosts a Back to the Block party on Feb. 8, 8 p.m.
The event will feature music by DJ Q. Michael, spoken word performances and live musical performances by Red Jesse and jocElyn ellis. The event will celebrate the 11th anniversary of the center’s first physical location, which opened on Central Ave. in 2003. The event will also mark one year of residence in NoDa. In the lead up to the event, the center is also unrolling its 2014 membership drive for community members who would like to financially partner with the center as a supporting member. Admission to the event is $10/non-members and $5/members. Annual membership levels are: supporting/$24; trailblazer/$60; and sustaining/$240, along with corporate sponsorships. Benefits of membership include discounts on programming and events, a membership newsletter and more. For more information on the center’s new membership structure, see our news story on page 4. info: lgbtcharlotte.org. — L.M.
‘Monologue’ returns to the Queen City
CHARLOTTE — Chi Psi Omega Fraternity, Inc., will present “The Vagina Monologues” as a part of VDay 2014 Charlotte on Feb. 16, 8 p.m., at Brief, 1426 S. Tryon St. This Eve Ensler staple will feature the members of the fraternity, along with guest host Jewel Carter, on air personality with V101.9. Proceeds from the event will benefit the Battered Women’s Shelter of Charlotte. General admission is $12. VIP tickets are $15 and entitle the holder to a reception at 7 p.m. prior to the performance. info/tickets: Tan, 704-839-4945 or Sam, 704-606-1466. chipsiomegafraternity.org. — L.M.
Guild gears up for new year
CHARLOTTE — The Charlotte Business Guild is positioning itself with a new vision and direction for 2014. Their board met on Jan. 11 and created a strategic plan for the upcoming year. It is encouraging members with lapsed memberships to renew and for those who have never belonged, to consider joining. They are also surveying its members and prospects to learn more about what they want and need. Their hope is to provide a more focused organization that engages the community in volunteerism, encourages networking and training, provides a place for meaningful and lasting charitable contribution rewards, and more. The LGBT chamber’s objective is to gather the community to gain mutual benefit. They also welcome attendance at meetings, input and suggestions, too. And, some of the things that they have earmarked for this year are to create a 501(c) (3) foundation for training, business development and community involvement; secure affiliation and accreditation with the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce; produce a regional Business Expo; provide quarterly educational and training sessions; create a more user friendly and social media driven website; create and adopt a business code of ethics; secure relevant speakers and clinicians for its events; and provide marketing efforts for its members and their businesses through its website and social media. Membership comes with benefits, including discounts at local and national companies. The organization will provide LGBT business
certification beginning in February; educational opportunities; local employment postings; event and program discounts; membership directory listing; cross-promotional opportunities; and more. info: charlottebusinessguild.org. — L.M.
Triad ‘Power’ event at Rustin Center
GREENSBORO — “Truth To Power: Re-centering Healing, Reconciliation, and Transformative Justice” will be held on Feb. 7-9 at Guilford College Community Center, 5800 W. Friendly Ave. The symposium is sponsored by The Bayard Rustin Center for LGBTQA Activism, Education and Reconciliation and is the third annual event. Kickoff is on Feb. 7 at 5:30 p.m., at the Green Leaf Coffee Cooperative, 5800 W. Friendly St., with a screening of “Intersections.” An artist talk with creator Emilio Rojas follows. Free coffee and tea will be provided. On Feb. 8, registration begins at 8:30 a.m. and from 9 a.m.-2 p.m., workshops and a keynote speech by Dr. Alexis Pauline Gumbs (pictured) will take place with lunch provided. A reception and screening of the award-winning documentary “Brother Outsider: The Life of Bayard Rustin” will occur from 3 p.m.-6 p.m. at the International Divil Rights Museum, 134 S. Elm St. It will include a panel discussion and refreshments. From 9-10 p.m., enjoy a performance by F to e(M)Body and Bootz Durango at Guilford’s Community Center. The event concludes on Feb. 9 with a North Carolina LGBTQA College Consortium launch. Admission is free and is open to the public. Childcare will be provided. info/registration: bayardrustincenter.wix.com/ symposium2014. — L.M.
PFLAG seeks members
GREENSBORO — Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Greensboro is searching for new members to help it continue its work for the LGBT community. Membership helps PFLAG provide support in the community when needed, education for those questioning and advocacy to establish more favorable laws and policies, whether for the LGBT community, families, friends or allies. In addition to their ongoing efforts, PFLAG also established the Carter Stroupe Memorial Scholarship Fund that helps to provide funding for rising high school seniors and established freshman college students. Candidates can either by a member of the LGBT community or someone who actively supports LGBT issues. Cost for membership is $15/student and fixed income; $30/individual; $40/household; and $50/sustaining (individual or household). An application is available online. They also welcome any other gifts toward their work, especially the scholarship fund. info: pflaggreensboro.org. — L.M.
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Triangle Moral March slated at Capitol
RALEIGH — The Moral March on Raleigh will be held on Feb. 8, 9:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m., and Equality North Carolina (ENC) is jumping on the bandwagon for this Historic Thousands on Jones Street event in support of the North Carolina NAACP. Participants will gather at Shaw University at 118 E. South St. between Wilmington St. and Blount St. Join advocates from across the state and country as they descend on the General Assembly to move agendas and objectives forward in the new year. Attendees are asked to bring rainbow flags and wear ENC “State of Equality” T-shirts. Parking is available in the Blount St. deck, 213 S. Blount St. Participants are encouraged to engage in pre-march preparation nights on Feb. 4-5, 6:30 p.m., at the ENC office, 5121 Hollyridge Dr. For more information on the volunteer preparation events, email ben@equalitync.org. In other news, the ENC Foundation is hosting #GetEngagedNC institutes across the state on Feb. 22 (Western), March 1 (Piedmont) and March 8 (Eastern) from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. These hyper-local, day-long events focus on community and voter engagement and pro-equality issue education. The institutes will be held at the following locations: Western, Boone Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 381 E. King St., in Boone; Piedmont, Beloved Community Center, 417 Arlington St., in Greensboro; and Eastern, St. Jude MCC, 19 N 26th St., in Wilmington. For more information, email chris@equalitync.org. To register, visit equalitync.org/getengagedNC . info: equalitync.org. facebook.com/events/480940972025318. — L.M.
Retirement workshops on horizon
RALEIGH — The LGBT Center of Raleigh, 324 S. Harrington St., will hold a SAGE Raleigh sponsored
“Workshop on Retirement: Planning Ahead with Options,” on Feb. 11, 7:30 p.m. Representatives from Carol Woods, a continuing care retirement community in Chapel Hill, will share information about housing options after retirement. A Q&A session will follow the presentation. This is open to the community. info: lgbtcenterofraleigh.com. — L.M.
B-I-N-G-O time!
RALEIGH — The Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolinas has announced its late winter bingo schedule. On Feb.15, head out to the North Carolina State Fairgrounds, Holshouser Bldg., for “Happily Ever After Bingo.” On March 22, head up the road to the Durham Armory for “It’s Britney Bingo BI...!!” Funds raised go toward the sustained work by the AIDS service organization. Doors open at 5:30 p.m. and games begin at 7 p.m. Tickets are $25 and can be ordered online. info: tickets.aas-c.org/. — L.M.
Western
High Country hosts fundraisers
ASHEVILLE — A number of events are slated for February to support some of the town’s non-profits. On Feb. 9, head on down for a Mardi Gras Masquerade fundraiser at Tressa’s Downtown Jazz & Blues Club, 28 Broadway, at 5 p.m. to benefit the Multiple Sclerosis Society. Enjoy entertainment by guitarist Jeff Thompson, songwriter Jill Siler & Friends, Blues, Soul, R&B and Jazz performer Peggy Ratusz and Jazz vocalist Regina Loveday, plus catered food and a chance to win prizes through a raffle. Costumes are encouraged and beads will adorn participants in honor of Mardi Gras. Admission is a contribution at the door.
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On Feb. 15, the 5th Annual Valentine’s Cabaret fundraiser, “Love is in the Air,” is slated to support Cantaria, the area’s gay men’s chorus. Enjoy a night of dinner and entertainment, plus a silent auction. It will be held at St. Mary’s Episcopal Church, 30 Macon St. A silent auction and social hour is at 6 p.m., followed by dinner at 7 p.m. Per person seating cost is $20/regular and $35/VIP. Visit cantariaasheville.org/valentines_2014.htm to purchase tickets. — L.M.
Regional Charlotte ranks 6th in ‘Bible-minded’ cities
NEW YORK — According to the American Bible Society, Charlote ranks sixth in a list of the 100 most and least “Bibleminded” cities. TIME magazine reported on the list on Jan. 22. The society defined “Bible-mindedness” as a combination of how often survey participants said they read their Bibles and how accurate they think the text and stories of the Bible are. “Respondents who report reading the Bible within the past seven days and who agree strongly in the accuracy of the Bible are classified as ‘Bible Minded,’” the society’s report reads. The top five most “Bible-minded” cities are, unsurprisingly, southern, including, in order from most to least: Chattanooga, Tenn.; Birmingham and Tuscaloosa, Ala.; Roanoke/Lynchburg, Va.; Springfield, Mo.; and Shreveport, La. Charlotte came in sixth, following by the GreenvilleSpartanburg, S.C., and Asheville, N.C., metro area. North Carolina’s Triad area came in at 20, with Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill falling at 27 and Greenville/New Bern/Washington, N.C. at 33. The least “Bible-minded” cities included, from most to least: Cedar Rapids and Waterloo, Iowa; San Francisco and Oakland, Calif.; Boston, Mass., and Manchester, N.H.; and Providence, R.I., and New Bedford, Mass. — M.C.
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news Pastor leads church in growth and change goqnotes.com/to/news
Rev. Brendan Boone of St. John’s MCC by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com RALEIGH — St. John’s Metropolitan Community Church celebrated a milestone in its congregational history in late December as it paid off the mortgage on its church building. Established in 1976 as a small Bible study, the church grew over the next two decades and in 1993 purchased its current building at 805 Glenwood Ave. On Dec. 22, 20 years of mortgage payments came to an end through the generosity of a church member. St. John’s Pastor Brendan Boone said the gift came at a fitting time as the church was celebrating Christmas. Rev. Brendan Boone Photo Credit: Rick Grissom, St. John’s MCC. “I was in the process of he said, was “unbelievably phenomenal.” teaching a class this fall and “Of course,” Boone said, “there were one of our participants really felt inspired and, people who didn’t understand or who found it in good old religious terms, convicted to make a frustrating and people who did, in fact, grieve significant gift to the church,” Boone said. “That the loss of the Belva they knew, but also celin and of itself is a reflection and testimony of ebrated the fact I could be the person I always what we believe we are called to do here — knew myself to be and modeling for others the transforming lives and growing individuals as importance of living authentically and genudisciples and witnesses of the Good News and inely from the inside out.” being the embodiment of Christ.” Through the church’s experiences and Growth and transformation has been a growths in diversity and inclusion, Boone said marker of St. John’s history. Boone himself the congregation has always remained a place has been key to the process. Originally hired in where all people can feel at home. As pastor, 2001, Boone said the congregation’s decision to he’s tried to guide in a personal manner. He hire him forever altered the church family. gives other churches and organizations the “It is a very diverse congregation now,” same advice. Boone said. “When I came in 2001, we were “It begins with the pastor or the leader and predominately gay male. … It certainly made being able to see the larger picture of what’s an interesting picture when they called me to being created and what your call or what your be their pastor.” appointment is in breathing life into that larger Boone and the congregation set out on a picture,” he said. path toward “intentional diversity.” Organizations that want change — either “To be an intentionally-diverse community internally or externally — have to keep focus. makes it clear that when we talk about the “It’s incumbent upon upon you to not lose community of God, the universality of God, that sight of the picture and understand there are all of us are reflections of the divine order,” going to be challenges and pitfalls and enormous Boone said. “We affirm as Christians that we victories,” Boone said. “But, it’s all part of the are all created in the image of God. … We journey. We know what the destination looks encourage people to celebrate who they are, like — an intentionally-diverse and welcoming their roots and their traditions and uniqueness, community of all God’s people — and we just understanding that uniqueness and bringing it have to keep going toward that destination and to the table is what makes us stronger.” understand there is richness in that journey.” St. John’s growth in diversity saw even St. John’s journey is decades long already, further transformation in recent years as Boone but will continue on. Paying off the mortgage is came out to his congregation as transgender. a big help. Funds previously set aside for that Boone says he had always known exactly expense can now be used to support, strengthwho he was and he’d shared it with his wife. en and grow the church’s ministries. “I had always had an affinity to females, but Boone said the church will be attempting always with a male psyche. I’ve always known new techniques, including small group ministhat,” Boone said. “Nobody ever asked me tries this year. the proper questions so I could give them the “It’s one of the realities of church growth,” proper answers.” he said, “that in order for the church to grow But, that changed in a conversation that unlarger, it must grow smaller.” folded with Boone’s wife as the church neared But, whether folks are gathered in small Easter weekend in 2010. groups or larger worship or both, Boone looks “We were doing Resurrection Sunday,” forward to continuing St. John’s historic mission. Boone said. “My wife said it’s next to imposSaid Boone, “When we come together sible to preach resurrection and coming out of and rise above our cultural differences, there the tomb when you yourself still need to come is a power in that experience that is quite out fully to the people you are called to pastor.” incredible.” : : Boone did so that Sunday. The reception,
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LOVE & LUST 2014
Exploring desire and communication Columnist says open, positive communication between partners key to trying new desires and fantasies by E. Winter Tashlin :: Bilerico.com
When it comes to sex and relationships, we’re all wacky in our own ways. Of course, one person’s particular brand of sexual or fetish desire may not be the same as that of their partner(s), so this column will look at strategies for communicating around and exploring sexual needs with a partner(s). The first and foremost thing one needs to do is own their desires. What turns us on is what turns us on. Of course, those desires might not be feasible for reasons of ethics, or safety, or physics for that matter. Or they may be feasible, but be something you don’t think it’ll be possible to find someone to explore with. For that matter, with some interests you might prefer to keep them as yours and yours alone. Whatever your desires, they are yours, and you have to be able to own that part of yourself and be happy with who you are. Before you can start figuring out how to talk to a partner(s) about your desires, first you need to establish if that’s a conversation you are willing to have. A question that’s important to resolve before moving forward is why sharing this desire(s) is important to you. What do you hope to gain? Perhaps you aren’t looking for anything from your partner(s) other than for them to know another aspect of yourself. Or it could be that you’re hoping to get some hot (your desire)related play out of the whole thing. Knowing your own motivations gives you a foundation to stand on when weighing your options. There are after all, clear risks and rewards at stake in this situation. There’s always the possibility that a partner could reject you, for instance. They may reject this particular interest, taking away the possibility that you could get to explore it with them. What’s more, there’s
the nebulous risk that your reputation could suffer if word of your deep inner desires was to become public. On the other hand, there is an opportunity to share a part of yourself, maybe to get some hot play, explore aspects of yourself you haven’t been able to give voice to, and even open the door for your partner(s) to share parts of themselves that they haven’t. Once you’ve decided to open the door on having the conversation, you want to think about setting and timing. To be clear, right before you want to play isn’t the best time to bring up something new and out-there. You want to be prepared to give a partner(s) time to mull over what you’ve told them, ask questions, do their own research and thinking. Presenting a new sexual desire in the lowest pressure manner possible is important, and if there’s an expectation of immediate play, it can leave a partner(s) feeling trapped between rejecting someone or something they may not wish to reject, or diving into some form of erotic play that they don’t feel prepared for. How you present a desire is a vital element of how a partner will receive what you have to say. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of our particular culture that it is natural to have embarrassment or shame around one’s sexual desires. However, you have to have that under control before you talk to your partner(s). If you present a new desire like it’s a negative aspect of your being, that is how it will be reacted to. Try to keep conversations upbeat and lighthearted whenever possible. When talking to a partner(s) about your desires, the internet is your friend. The odds that you’re the only person out there with your sexual interest is so vanishingly small that I’ve yet to encounter it in the course of my career. Coming to a conversation with some ideas of how other people have explored and integrated this desire into their relationships and erotic lives can be invaluable. Other good ways to increase your partners’ understanding of your desire can include sharing good erotica or pornography that represents your desire in a way you like; you aren’t asking your partner to be titillated, just helping them understand why you are. Likewise, if you or your partner(s) have friends that already play in similar waters, it may be worth getting them involved in the conversation. You also need to be willing to reveal the “man behind the curtain” as it were. This is difficult for many of us. It is hard work taking an objective look at what gets us off and figuring out why. Moreover, some people feel that sharing the why’s of their desires somehow makes them less engaging to play with. That may just be the price you have to pay in this instance.
Through all these steps, it should go without saying that you also need to be listening to what your partner(s) has to say, and be receptive to their opinions and experiences. It is unreasonable to expect a partner(s) to be into everything that we’re into, and part of getting to where you want to share with your partner(s) has to be being ready for them to shrug and say “not my thing.” In other installments in the column, we will look at how to move forward with exploring new desires with a partner(s), and by oneself, as well as strategies for working with those desires and fetishes that are for one reason or another, not practical to explore in a literal way. : : — E. Winter Tashlin is a presenter, blogger, activist, photographer, and religious leader who teaches workshops on such diverse topics as queer/LGBT issues, alternative sexuality & BDSM, pagan spirituality, polyamory, and disability awareness. Originally published at Bilerico Project (bilerico.com), as a part of Tashlin’s “How’s That Work?” column exploring sex, sexuality, desire, fetishes and more. Check out the column and more writings from Tashlin at bilerico.com/contributors/ wintersong_tashlin/. Reprinted with permission.
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The Greatest Generation (In Bed) How Millennials are changing the sexual landscape by Alan Brightside :: Imgism.com
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Barely a day seems to pass without one of the “wise old men” who dominate the editorial columns writing a dubiouslyresearched opinion piece on how the Millennial generation is dangerously apathetic, hedonistic and lazy. The American Conservative recently published an article bemoaning the fact that over a quarter of men and women under 30 don’t bother to affiliate with any religion and are therefore, in their words, the “decadent” generation. They’re absolutely right. By the standards of our parents, we’re all little Caligulas. And that’s our greatest strength. As the generation with the least up-tight views on sex since the ’60s, our sexual laissez-faire is changing the way society treats both sex and identity, entirely for the better. Here’s how. 1. Pornography and masturbation are now things that normal people do. Did you know that masturbation will make you go blind? And causes hair to grow on your hands? And will even cut your life short? It doesn’t, but a hell of a lot of people before us grew up with all the guilt and self-loathing that those beliefs will bring. Rumors like these were passed around frequently back in the day, and judging by their longevity (some of them can be dated to Victorian-era health handbooks) a good portion of people believed them. Short of asking your doctor whether it was healthy to have a wank, there was very little way of getting an objective opinion on the issue. With the invention of the internet, we are the first generation to grow up without having to wonder, “Is touching myself going to kill me?” Judging by the stats released by the sort of people who would know these things, Millennials are enjoying guilt-free masturbation in record numbers — and if that doesn’t lead to a more well adjusted society, I don’t know what will. 2. Millennials are more likely to experiment with the same gender — and overwhelmingly support gay marriage. You don’t need to have a thing for members of your own sex to support gay rights, but it’s no coincidence that a generation that is more willing to fool around with the same gender are also overwhelmingly in favor of letting people marry whomever they’re in love with. The surprisingly detailed OkCupid dating insights data suggests that over 34 percent of young men and women have either had a same-sex encounter or would like to – an increase that dovetails nicely with the 81 percent of people under 30 who now support gay marriage. Coincidence? We think not. 3. Sex is no longer necessarily between two people, and love doesn’t need to be either. According to an ABC survey, over 21 percent of Americans have had a threesome and a further 14 percent would like to — and that’s counting all generations. Factor out people over 30, and this percentage rises dramatically. So, why does it matter? One of the last remaining forms of legal discrimination against consenting adult relationships is with men or women who choose to involve themselves with more than one partner. Note that polyamorous people are not necessarily going around throwing orgies — but, much like homosexuality, a generation that is willing to reinterpret traditional notions of monogamy is far more likely to support the right of others to live the lifestyle of their choice. 4. We’re having more sex than anyone since the ’60s — but not having unwanted kids. Abstinence-only education has proven as useless as everyone expected it to, since preventing teens from having sex with 30-minute courses is about as likely as holding back the sea with a bucket. But, despite the worst efforts of legislators and educators, our generation has the lowest teen pregnancy rate in history — because we’re smarter about condom use and birth control than any generation before us. 5. Kink is the new mainstream — and it’s leading to intelligent discussions about consent. While harder to quantify than some of our other choices, the fact that an erotic S&M romp like “Fifty Shades of Grey” sold over 70 million copies in the U.S. alone should clue anyone into the fact that people are becoming more sexually adventurous, if only in their reading choices. Despite suggestions that books like “Fifty Shades” are middle-aged escapism,
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sales figures show that women under 30 are equally (if not more) likely to be picking it up. Does someone’s reading choices mean they’re more likely to engage in kinky behavior? The fact that sex shops in the U.S. are now selling out of ropes and handcuffs suggests that the answer is a resounding “yes.” The mainstream success of kinky porn is also leading to intelligent discussions of how popular depictions of sex, like those seen in “Fifty Shades,” raise questions over ideas of boundaries and consent. 6. The stigmas around sex work are lessening as attitudes about sex become more relaxed. We’ve come a long way from the ‘70s, baby. A generation ago, prostitution was widely seen as a moral failure by lusty women who would lead honest men astray. Logically then, prostitutes would frequently be fined or thrown in jail while their customers would get off with a stern warning. Today, it’s hard to find a person under 30 who views sex work as a moral issue rather than an economic one. That’s why states from Germany to Canada are decriminalizing prostitution or, in a partial victory, criminalizing the purchase of sex rather than the selling of it. That means less crime, less persecution of the vulnerable, and less stigma for those men and women who choose to do sex work. So next time you see an out of touch columnist rushing to label the youth as decadent, embrace it. Overthrowing the backwards sexual morality of yesteryear can be our greatest accomplishment. : : — Originally published at Imgism.com. Reprinted with permission. Visit goqnotes.com/millinnialsex for a link to the original story, chock full of secondary sources and data cited here.
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LOVE & LUST 2014
What I mean when I say I’m Sex-Positive An ambiguous term gets detailed definition by Cliff Pervocracy :: guest contributor
I’m sex-positive! And, I’m realizing that’s a painfully ambiguous term. I’ve seen people use it to mean everything from “not viewing sex as inherently evil” to “insisting that everyone should have tons of orgasms and it’ll solve all their problems.” You can see how people using the first definition could have some seriously unproductive arguments with people thinking they’re using the second. About the “orgasms for everyone!” thing. It’s not entirely a strawman. I once saw a presentation by American sex educator Annie Sprinkle where she basically argued that we would have world peace and feminist utopia if everyone in all the armies just fucked and had orgasms instead. It’s superficially sweetsounding — yay, pleasure — but there’s some really obvious problems. Not everyone can have orgasms, not everyone wants orgasms, and there are lots of people who have fabulous orgasms, but they’re still assholes. Sex-positivity has had problems with misconstruing personal choice as sexual repression and sexual exploitation as personal choice, and I don’t want to deny that. (“Sex work is always great because sex is super fun happy time,” is every bit as vacuous as, “Sex work is always terrible because no one could ever possibly choose that.”) I also don’t want to deny that I’ve done it myself at times. But, I do want to move away from it. So here’s my definition/manifesto. Defifesto. When I say that I’m sex-positive, this is what I mean: • I think freedom of sexuality is something that we all need and very few of us have. • I think sexual pleasure is a legitimate thing to want and ethically pursue. My sex-positivity does not exist in opposition to non-sexpositive feminism. It exists in opposition to screwed-up social sexual norms. It exists in opposition to the people who attack any sexuality outside strict norms, the people who
demand women and girls be sexy, but humiliate them for being sexual, the people who treat discussions of sexual safety and consent like obscenity, the society that constructs sexual desire as something dark and dirty and secret and awful. That is sex-negativity. That is the real reason sex-positivity matters. • I reject preconceptions of what kind of sexuality a person “should” have, whether these preconceptions are based on gender, age, race, culture, disability, trans status, survivor status or basically anything else. • I do not judge people for the ethical sex that they have or want. “Ethical” means “not harming others.” Ethics doesn’t have a damn thing to say about whether your sex should be kinky, heterosexual, fully clothed, anal, unmarried, boring, gay, still going at age 80, in a kiddy pool full of Karo syrup, twice a year, with 12 people or not exist at all — and therefore, neither do I. • I will not tolerate hatred of sex workers. This means from all sides: employers and customers as well as moralists and police. Sex workers are people; sex work is work. There’s often a shit-ton of misogyny and exploitation in the sex industry, but the “misogyny” and “exploitation” parts are the problem and what we should be working to fight. Not the “sex” part. • I believe comprehensive, honest, non-judgmental sex education is necessary for public health and happiness. • I think understanding of sexual consent — what it is, why it matters — is sorely lacking in society and crucially important. These two really, really need to go together. If abstinenceonly sex ed is like driver’s ed without talking about cars, then sex ed without talking about consent is like driver’s ed where they show you the gas and the brake, but assume you’ll pick up all the “how to follow traffic laws so
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Love of Body, Pride of Self
Community members bare their hearts, minds and bodies in an exploration of self-affirmation As LGBT people, our journeys toward self-acceptance of our sexuality and gender make us unique. But, we often lose sight of how else we are unique. Our personhood is not limited to our heart and mind; our body, too, is an integral part of who we are. These community members know the importance of taking pride in who we are as individuals — no matter where we’ve come from, what we look like or who we love.They volunteered to step up and “bare it all,” so to speak, to bring attention to the importance of self-esteem, self-love and self-affirmation. Thanks to all our volunteer models for making this feature a possibility!
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Alan 52, 5’10”, 190lbs White male, Gay Body type: Average Attraction is a very unique and personal thing. It has to work both ways for there to be a connection. You can’t tell by looking at someone to what features he is attracted. I am who and what I am; a 52 yr old, bald, hairy, average-built white guy. To some people, my look is attractive. To others I am too old, too hairy, etc. Likewise, I have people to whom I’m attracted. It is just a matter of taste. Love who you are and the right person for you will love you for you in return.
Josh 27, 5’8”, 128lbs Caucasian male, Gay Body type: Flag Pole Skinny I chose many years ago to own what I was given and never look back. The reflection I see in the mirror is the same one I am going to see for the rest of my life. Why not love that person that is staring back at me? It is a conscious decision to be happy with myself, just as I am. As I age I’ve started to notice things changing about my body. I have embraced it and realized that with the crow’s feet and thinning hair comes a confidence and feeling of ownership of myself. No one can alter the opinion I hold about my body. I love it. One nipple is bigger than the other; why not love that? My freckles are like connect the dots when I am out in the sun; why not love that? I have knobby knees and chicken legs; why not love that? My body is just the conduit anyway — my mind is the truly sexy part. Love yourself. No one else can if you don’t.
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Paige 42, 5’9”, 270lbs White transwoman, Queer Body Type: Curvy Being a transgender woman much of my life has been a struggle against my own body image. Some may think it would be surgery which made me feel whole, but for me it was simply living and being accepted as a woman in society. Just as I had to overcome internal negative feedback about my prior body image, I now work to feel good about myself despite being a plus-sized gal. What I love about this body is that it is unique, it’s female and it’s mine.
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Bethany 36, 5’3”, 110lbs Caucasian, Lesbian Body Type: Athletic My body tells the story of who I am; my scars, my tattoos, my piercings — everything is a reflection of what is on the inside. One year ago I made the decision to completely change my life. I traded in Mountain Dew for water and video games for the gym, and for the first time in my life, I listened to my body and not my mind. I’m in better shape at 36 than I was at 16 and I’ve never been happier in my own skin. Everyday I push myself to be a better person on the inside and the outside.
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Lamont 38, 5’5”, 145lbs Black male, Gay Body type: Fit/athletic For years, I slaved away in the gym keeping my body fit and looking the way that I felt that I should look for others. However, in the past six months, I realized that my working out was not for me, but for an image that I was trying to portray. A little heavier than before, I have never been as happy with my body as I am now. Bottom line is, I like me for me and don’t really care what others think anymore.
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Joanne 28, 5’4”, 133lbs Latina/Jewish/Italian/Irish, Female, Gay Body type” Bodacious I feel sexiest when I’m in a slinky one-piece and heels. I must have been Andy Warhol’s wig in another life because I love nothing more than to sport a leotard and dance to disco. My favorite body part is my butt — it looks outrageously disproportionate to my petite shoulders, which makes me laugh. It also makes dress shopping an adventure. Shaking it to some Donna Summer is my all-time favorite hobby. For me, feeling positive about my body is not about how much skin I’m showing. It’s about how I feel whether I’m in a full-body burlap sack or just my Wonder Woman underwear. Nothing makes me feel better than when my hair is in the shape of a human woman. I will add that I just got this new bra that finally makes it look like I have cleavage. It’s the biggest thrill of my life at the moment. Body shaming is never acceptable, even when it seems the other person is being “innocuous.” It’s still a microaggression. A co-worker at my first job said my khakis were “tight” in a derogatory way. I know she meant that my butt looked big in them. Or people have said, “You must have a hollow leg,” intimating that I can eat whatever I want and look how I do. Which is how? Which way is it, people: am I too butt-heavy to wear tight pants or am I too thin to lay waste to a plate of nachos? People need to get right with their own body image before they can subtly jab me. I love my body — even that one weird dimple in my thigh.
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Bobby 26, 6’ White male, Gay Average I’m proud of my body because I feel completely comfortable in it. What I love most about my body are my arms. They are not special in any way, but I always get compliments on how sexy they are. I also use them for the best thing in the world: Hugs. I used to be shamed in the past for not being a perfectly-shredded guy. My first photo shoot with qnotes put me completely at ease about how I feel about my image.
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Joe 45, 5’8”, 182lbs. White male, Gay Body type: Furry “cub” I am proud of my body more now than ever. As a child I was skinny and awkward. As I grew into my body type currently, I still was not completely comfortable until the proliferation of the internet that introduced me to the “Bear” culture. Eventually attending “Bear Week” in Provincetown where I realized that like me, there were lots of men who actually preferred my body type for what it is. The general public needs to know that not all gay men have “smooth swimmer” bodies or are gym rats. Many of us are heavier, hairier and much older, but proud.
Stephen 28, 5’10”, 165lbs White male, gay Body type: Average guy At first, I was a little terrified of doing a photo shoot in my underwear, but, oddly enough, that’s kind of the reason I signed up for this. I’m an actor and we have to be comfortable with our body because it’s our tool and it’s how we tell a story. We’re always in front of an audience. And, they’re always judging. My family is Mormon, so when I came out, they didn’t accept me. After a while, they sort of came around and I’ve let them back into my life, but I don’t think they will ever fully accept me as being gay. But, I’m proud of who I am. On my body, I’m really proud of my tattoo. I can show it off when I want to, but when I have to be a little more professional, I can put on a shirt and it’s like my secret. It’s my own little way to stand out and be proud of me.
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Photos by Matt Comer Design by Lainey Millen Materials provided by David Lari
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Pat 56, 5’10”, 216lbs Irish/German/Welsh male, Gay Body type: Athletic “with a few extra pounds due to interest in good food and red wine” I think I have done a fairly good job of preserving my body over the years. I was an active kid, rode horse-back in my teens and was a competitive swimmer in high school. I continue to swim, run and bike regularly each week to keep toned and in shape both physically and mentally. I have competed in two triathlons so far in my 50s and plan on competing in more races as the season is a bit longer here in the Carolina’s than my native New York. I do face fairly regular admonishments from my partner of almost 32 years to lose weight, in part because he still thinks of me as the 25-year-old with the hard body and 29-inch waist that he first met. I am comfortable in my body. In terms of specific body parts, I believe we all secretly (or some of us not so secretly) wish we were taller, thinner, more muscular, handsome, hairier, more well endowed, etc. While a few of these things we can do something about, the majority we simply cannot and I believe time spent in a stable long-term relationship has helped me realize that those wishes are superfluous when compared to the things that really matter in our lives.
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Rebby 25, 5’1”, 107lbs Multi-racial female, Bisexual Body type: Petite My body is the vessel through which I present myself to the world; I am proud of it. I love my back, feet and arms, they are strong and hold me together. Becoming sexually active early, I faced teasing, shaming and it was difficult to be happy with myself. Through sports and dance I was able to grow my body and bring a different attention which brought me more joy and self respect. Developing a spiritual relationship with the world around me has become a great turning point to the way I view myself, my body and my sexuality. Today my body is part of who I am and I have been able to establish a spiritual grounding including my body. Coming out and allowing my sexuality to grow and sometimes change over time has been such a beautiful process that I enjoy. It is so important to gain acceptance of the body at every age because sometimes perceptions of others can be hurtful, but a happy relationship with the self can help keep you grounded and deflect negativity.
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Lamar 40, 5’9”, 192lbs American Indian-Black American male, gay Body type: Medium-built I am very proud of who and what I am. It took me until I was 23 to be comfortable with who and what I am. I dated my high school sweetheart for six years while I was seeing men on the DL and I felt more comfort with a man than I did with her. I was raised as a Baptist, Bible-reading child. I would not even think about telling other people that I was different at that time and age. I really didn’t understand it and couldn’t figure it out. I thought something was wrong with me and God was going to punish me for being different than the other men that I was raised with and had been around. At the age of 13, I was raped by a preacher of God and was told that if I said anything to anyone that I would be choked with his private part until I couldn’t breathe. I am sorry, but that is scary to a 13-year-old. The family that raised me, if I had told them I was different, I think it would have been very bad for me and that the social service would have to remove me because I would not be welcome around any of the children in that family. They were scared of the word “gay” to a point where they couldn’t even say the word. I moved out at the age of 23 and I realize I was not happy until then and I was now free to be who I really was: a gay male who can live his life being proud of who and what I am. I love my body and other people tell me that I am cute. I dont see it, but I know I just like me for who and what I am.
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SPORTS
Playing the Field Match-ups from across the Carolinas: Q&A to test your knowledge by Jon Hoppel :: qnotes contributor
Gastonia Showstoppers Photo Credit: Ron Tessner
Welcome back to Playing the Field! It’s a new year and there are plenty of LGBT sports going in 2014. To tackle them all, let’s start the year with a little Q&A! Are there any new gay sports teams in the Carolinas? Yes! There is a new LGBT volleyball team in Gastonia called Showstoppers Volleyball, sponsored by MAK6. The seven-person team plays every Thursday night at the Gastonia Armory and is captained by Ron Tessneer and includes Shawn Carlton, Mark Herring, Dana Howard, Bri Skinner and T.J. Day. So far, the team is 8-0 overall and 4-0 in conference play. So, if you are looking for a good winter sport to check out, but takes place within a nicely heated gym, then head south and check the Showstoppers out. Are there any low impact sports that one could participate in while also being able to
enjoy a nice cold alcoholic beverage? Yes again! The Charlotte Rainbowlers is a local Charlotte bowling league that meets every Monday night at the Centennial Lanes on South Blvd. Teams are made up of four people and you can come with or without a team. So, come solo or bring your buds. The league is in the middle of their third quarter, but don’t let that deter you from coming out since the league is always in need of subs on a weekly basis. And, if you want to join the league with your own four-person squad, check them out on Facebook by searching for the Charlotte Rainbowlers to get info on how to join. Can the Charlotte Royals continue their undefeated streak from last season? Sadly, I think this is a no, but that is not a bad thing either. The Royals had an amazing season last year, defeating teams from all over the southeast and allowing less than a try a game on average. However, this year, Charlotte will not be catching any team by surprise and every team they face will be giving it their all to break the Royals winning streak. This added pressure and competition will only help your local rugby team as they prepare for the Bingham Cup in August, which is being held in Sydney, Australia this year. The team started the year with their annual Rugby 101 Boot Camp on Feb. 8 at 12pm, at Cordelia Park in NoDa. If you are interested in giving rugby a shot or just want to learn more about the game, this is definitely an event you should check out. Will the softball league become NAGAAA sanctioned?
Yes, soon. The Carolina Softball Alliance is on its way to becoming officially recognized as a NAGAAA league. That means that winner of each division it has will earn spots to participate in the Gay Softball World Series each year. In order to do so, the league needs just a bit more participation from the gay athletes in the Carolinas to grow into an eight-team league. The league will start up in mid-March and is encouraging any players of any skillset to come out and participate. Also, LGBT teams that are looking for a league to join are welcome as well. For more information, visit carolinasoftball.org. When does the Roller Derby season start up? The Gastonia G Force started their season with a road match against the Soul City Sirens
in Augusta on Jan. 18. They took home the win with an impressive 143-106 score. Earning MVP Blocker was TuTu Larue, MVP Jammer was 5 Star Chick and Ham Award went to Michelle O’ Bam Ya. The ladies first home bout will be against the Kannapolis Roller Girls on March 16. The Charlotte Roller Girls have not finalized their schedule as of press time, but keep checking their website, charlotterollergirls. com, to stay up to date on all their info, including how and where to buy their 2014 calendar. That’s the wrap up for the Charlotte area LGBT sports scene. Come back next month when we will have scores, game reviews and schedules for all your favorite teams! : :
The Gastonia G Force battle it out with the Soul city Sirens. Photo Credit: Phil Lackey
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life
precious pets by David Green :: N.C. State University
N.C. State’s Veterinary Health and Wellness Center ensures proper pet diet Starting this issue, qnotes debuts its new pet column as we continue to unroll new features in this new year. Every other issue, we will feature expert advice and commentary for your beloved pets. Are you a pet owner and have advice or a funny story? Own a business catering to the needs of pets and want to chime in? We’re accepting submissions for the new column. Email your ideas or your writing, approximately 600 words or less, to editor@goqnotes.com. Specialists with the Nutrition Service at N.C. State University’s Veterinary Health and Wellness Center provide nutritional recommendations and feeding plans for the medical and surgical services at the Veterinary Health Complex, offer owners diet and nutrition support for their animals, and conduct research that informs both animal and human health. The Nutrition Service works closely with the Critical Care Service in the Randall B. Terry, Jr. Companion Animal Veterinary Medical Center in providing various assisted and minimally invasive tube feedings, as well as intravenous nutrition. The nutritionists also work closely with Internal Medicine,
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Surgery, Oncology, the Rehabilitation and Mobility Service and other specialized services to provide state-of-the-art individualized nutritional plans for patients with various medical conditions. Nutrition specialists also can work directly with owners to explain the best dietary options for the pet or animal, including commercial diet recommendations for patients, critical care nutrition for inpatients, customized weight loss programs and nutritional consultation for metabolic diseases such as diabetes, kidney and liver diseases or urinary stones. Head of service Dr. Korinn Saker, associate professor of clinical nutrition and a Diplomate of the American College of Veterinary Nutrition, and her staff can evaluate an animal’s diet and, if necessary, suggest appropriate changes to ensure a complete and balanced dietary intake for the animal. The staff can also formulate a complete and balanced home-prepared therapeutic diet if there are no appropriate commercial diet options or if the owner desires to prepare home-cooked food for the animal. Nutrition consults–owners: Consults may be via telephone/ Skype, email, or in-person visit. The nutrition specialists will work in conjunction with the local primary care veterinarian as well as with any N.C. State colleagues as appropriate. For an owner consultation request, visit bit.ly/M4yDmf. Nutrition consults–veterinarians: The Nutrition Service offers telephone/Skype, or email consults to veterinarians for a variety of medical conditions such as kidney disease, heart disease, cancer, gastrointestinal disease, allergies, challenging cases with more than one medical condition or to support an owner with a keen interest in commercial or homemade diets. For a veterinarian consultation request, visit bit.ly/1mCU6xa or see an online form at bit.ly/1mRguWC. For more information, visit the Nutrition Service webpage at ncstatevets.org/small/nutrition/ for services, fees and appointments or call 919-513-6999. : :
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Ask Dr. C…HIV and healthcare advice
Helping to keep you in the know with up-to-date information by Frederick Cruickshank ~ Medical Director
After many successful installments of “Ask Dr. C” in the past, Rosedale wants to bring back this opportunity to offer our readers’ information about infectious disease from basic questions to in-depths explanations. The questions have provided us a forum to debunk myths and remove stigma from those living with HIV and AIDS. It is important to educate yourself, get tested, and protect yourself! Send your questions to info@rosedaleid.com. Dr. C looks forward to responding to as many emails as possible. Is it okay if I skip my HIV medications on the weekend? — Andre from Charlotte Many of my patients ask me this question. Often, our schedules change on the weekend, and it is harder to stick to a routine, including the routine of taking our medications. However, I cannot stress the importance of adherence to your HIV medications. It is important to take every dose of HIV medication as prescribed by your provider. When a dose of HIV medication is missed, the amount of the medication in your blood
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will drop as the liver and kidneys clear the medications from your system. Some HIV medications stay in your system longer than others, but a couple missed doses is all it takes for the medication level to get low. Anytime that you have a low level of medicine, there is a chance for the virus to mutate and drug resistance to emerge. Once drug resistance occurs, that medication will no longer be effective in fighting off the virus and you will have to change medications. It is especially risky to skip doses of medication at the beginning of therapy, before your virus is fully suppressed. That is when the virus is still growing. Remember that you don’t want a low amount of medication in the blood when the virus is still growing and replicating. Sometimes it helps to set a reminder on your phone or carry a pill case with you to remember your medications on the weekend. I have one patient that knows he will probably be out with friends when he needs to take his medications on the weekends, so he puts them in a Ziploc bag in his pocket and excuses himself to go to the bathroom to take them when it is time. That way his friends don’t have to know, and he doesn’t have to worry about a missed dose. At the end of the day, it’s your health, and it’s important to protect it. I have heard that only straight men get Chlamydia. As a gay man, am I at risk? — Larry from Charlotte Many times Chlamydia statistics are taken for female populations because undetected Chlamydia can have great affects on female reproductive health. However,
Jan. 31-Feb. 13 . 2014
Chlamydia affects anyone who is sexually active. An estimated 2.8 million people, both men and women of all sexual orientations, are infected in the U.S. every year. Chlamydia is a bacterial infection and, like other STIs, it is spread from person to person through unprotected anal, oral, or vaginal sex. Symptoms in men include discharge from the penis and/or a burning sensation during urination. Also, in both men and women, chlamydia can result in rectal pain, discharge, and/or bleeding. Chlamydia is often known as a “silent” infection because more than 50% of men who have it have no symptoms at all. Untreated Chlamydia in men can result in chronic infections in the prostate, rectum, and other organ systems. It can also cause sterility. Because of this, it is important for sexually active men to be tested regularly for Chlamydia. Treatment for Chlamydia is oral antibiotics that can be prescribed by your doctor. If you have more questions or would like to schedule an appointment to get tested, call Rosedale today at 704-948-8582. Is there food that I can eat to make my semen taste better? — Sam from Mooresville I’m glad you asked this question because many people are embarrassed to ask this even though they are concerned. It is true that consuming different foods affects the taste of your semen when you engage in oral sex with your partner. The most important thing to consider if you would like to improve the flavor is hydration and smoking cessation. Avoiding coniferous vegetables such as asparagus and broccoli is also
good, as those vegetables can cause a bitter taste. Also, coffee, black tea, and dark beer can result in a bitter flavor. Kiwi, watermelon, and celery have been proven to lighten the taste of semen. Berries such as blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, and cranberries can sweeten the flavor. Eating meat can result in a buttery flavor. It is important to remember that STIs can also be transmitted through oral sex with your partner, and the safest way to enjoy oral sex is with a condom. There are flavored condoms available that can increase the enjoyment of using a condom for oral sex. We have an assortment of flavored condoms available for free at our office. Please stop by if you need condoms or call to make an appointment at 704-948-8582 to speak to one of our healthcare professionals for more information. Always remember that this is an advice column based on your questions and the best possible knowledge out there. We need your questions to help educate the community, so email them to info@rosedaleid.com and be sure to include a first name and location. All respondents will remain anonymous. We will try to do our best to answer, educate and inform from your responses to this column. Don’t forget to visit our website at rosedaleid.com and friend us on Facebook for community and clinical updates. Don’t forget to visit our website at rosedaleid.com and friend us on Facebook for community and clinical updates. — Sponsored Content —
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LOVE & LUST 2014
Keeping it positive and coming to terms Writer shares her experience coming to terms with her identity by Joanne Spatero :: guest contributor
[Ed. Note — Writer Joanne Spatero was among the several community members who participated in our cover story this issue. In addition to her profile in our body-positive feature, Joanne shared a moving story about her experience coming to terms with her identity. Joanne’s experience is a reminder that self-acceptance is just as important to living life healthily and positively. Indeed, accepting one’s self is crucial to later acceptance and affirmation of your sexuality and your body.] After I came out to myself at age 13, I started to internalize homophobic messages about how I was “too pretty to be gay.” I felt it from people I met who talked poorly about the LGBT community. I felt guilty for being attracted to women because somehow I had potential to be a “pretty straight person,” whatever that meant. I could pass and have the stereotypical heterosexual life of having a husband and 2.5 kids. What made it worse is that when I tried to date women or make friends with lesbian and bi women, they did not see me as “gay-looking” enough. I wasn’t gay-looking enough for my own community and did not internally feel straight-enough to pass in the heterosexual
world. This wrecked havoc with my self-esteem and body image. I began to stop feeling this internalized homophobia in my later teens when there were great — albeit sparse — lesbian and bi characters of all shapes and sizes in the media. Leisha Hailey played Alice on “The L Word” and helped me see I could be bubbly and girly and still love women. And, the first lesbian character on daytime television, Bianca Montgomery from “All My Children” — I was in love with her. Her pictures from weekly issues of Soap Opera Digest were plastered on my bedroom walls. She may have been played by the straight actress Eden Riegel (or at least she said she was straight), but she was excellent. I could relate to her and see myself dating her at the same time. She took me out of my self-loathing. Every weekday at 1 p.m. was my therapy session — Erica Kane accepting her daughter Bianca did so much for me. I’m glad there is more diverse LGBT representation in all forms of media today. I hope that today’s kids who are 13 and beyond can find more role models to combat their internalized homophobia. : :
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Sex-Positive continued from page 11 you don’t kill people” bits on your own. • I think the diversity and power of human sexuality is awe-inspiring. Sex has the potential to bring great joy or great suffering. Sex-positivity, to me, means celebrating and cultivating the joy. Not imposing it upon people, not ignoring the suffering. But, believing that sex brings enough good things to enough people’s lives that it is worth talking about, worth working on. On the other hand, when I say I’m sexpositive, here are a few things that I absolutely do not mean: • Everyone should have sex. • Everyone should have kinky, non-monogamous, exhibitionistic, orgasmic, pansexual sex. Some people are asexual. Some people are sexual, but not all that into it. Some people are monogamous, heterosexual and not into
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kink. Some people have physical or psychological issues that interfere with them having sex. Trying to “free” any of these people from their “repression” is ignorant, presumptuous and the very opposite of promoting sexual freedom. • Accepting someone’s way of having sex means you have to participate in it, watch them engage in it or hear about it in detail. Yeah. Ew. I hate that I even have to say this. But, it comes up. And, ew. (Caveat: “You don’t have to watch it or hear about it,” does assume some initiative on your part to avoid things you don’t want to see. If you say, “Don’t tell me about your sex life,” when I’m talking to you, I will respect that; if you say, “Don’t tell me about your sex life,” in response to writing not directed at you and clearly labeled as sex writing, I will tear my hair out.) • Nothing related to sex is ever hurtful for anyone. • Nothing related to sex should be criticized. “If it’s consensual and ethical, it’s all okay,” is worlds away from, “If it’s related to sex, it’s all okay.” Worlds. And, I do believe
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things can be unethical even if all the sex involved is consensual. Cheating is unethical. Fetishizing people based on racial stereotypes is unethical. Treating people as sex objects is unethical. Imposing strict norms of gender expression and sexual behavior on others is unethical, even if you come up with some convoluted argument for why it’s your sexuality. Responsible sex-positivity requires a thorough examination of sexual ethics. It’s just that whether something seems “freaky” or hedonistic or something you wouldn’t enjoy yourself should play no part in those ethics. • F eminism should be all about sex. •S ex fixes everything. I’m wary of anything that smacks of “making feminism sexy.” Sex-positivity should be a part of feminism because sexuality is important — not because feminism needs spicing up. I really don’t want to imply any “be a feminist ally and you’ll get lots of kinky sex” deals here or any “don’t worry, we’re not man-haters, we’re into stripteases and blowjobs!” cajoling. The
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challenge of integrating sex-positivity into feminism is communicating “women’s sexual desire matters” without giving any ammunition to “women are for sex.” Plus, there’s a lot of worthy feminist goals that just can’t be shoehorned into being about sex. I think promoting women’s sexual autonomy and respecting the diversity of female sexuality should be a part of feminism, but I’m under no illusions that this is going to fix hiring discrimination or domestic violence. There’s a lot of unsexy work to be done in feminism and sex-positivity shouldn’t eclipse that. No, we won’t get feminist utopia through sexual freedom, but that’s okay, because sexual freedom is an end in itself. And, that’s what I mean when I call myself sex-positive. : : — “Cliff Pervocracy has been blogging about sex, kink and gender for six years and is currently based in the Boston area. This commentary originally appeared on Cliff’s blog, pervocracy.blogspot.com, on May 4, 2013. It is reprinted with permission.
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everyone around us is doing their best to get what they need out of life. Sweetie, that which doesn’t kill you will make you stronger‌ or at least higher? (My cartoon tells a story about choices. Decisions, decisions, what’s a gal supposed to do?)
tell trinity by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com
Are singles just play ponies for married men Hey Trinity, I met a guy who asked me out, but after we had sex, he told me he was married. Why do we singles end up being play ponies for the married elite? Play Ponies, South Hampton, NY Hey Play Ponies, It does seem like every time a single person or pony steps into the field or bar the odds
become higher and higher that they’ll end up a play pony for an already taken jockey! Today, more and more couples are “playingâ€? or “open,â€? especially in cities where gay couples and sexual freedoms are in greater numbers. And, for some reason, couples seem to “open upâ€? after about three to seven years. So, honey, before getting taken for another ride, just come right out and ask, â€?Are you married?â€? I do‌ most of the time! Dear Trinity, I’m a 48-year-old gay man who loves dancing, but the circuit parties are so filled with drugs and steroids that it’s depressing me. Is my gay generation silently ruining their lives in exchange for being bigger and higher? Bigger & Higher, MontrĂŠal, QC Dear Bigger & Higher, I agree, it is a silent problem that everyone likes to get high. It’s so strongly connected to the freedom of being openly gay, yet, silently connected to the destruction of gay men as well. When I’m at a circuit party, I try to create a healthy circle of friends that inspire my “cleanâ€? experience, while at the same time trusting that
Hey Trinity, I’m in love and want to call my girlfriend every day, but I don’t want to call too much. Any advice? Phone Or Not Phone, Peoria, IL Hey Phone Or Not Phone, I understand love and wanting to hear someone’s voice every day, even every minute, but, pumpkin, there are healthy and unhealthy rules that must be respected in the first few weeks and months of a relationship. Besides using good intuition for when to or not to call and letting someone get off the phone quickly if they’re busy remember, never call more than twice a day or three times a week (the first few weeks) and never leave long messages. The phrase “short and sweet� has lots of power! Hello Trinity, I love my boyfriend, but after a night at the clubs, he smells, we both do, but I can’t get him to shower. Then he wants to have sex, but he stinks. Help? Cleanliness and Communication, Seattle, WA Hello Cleanliness and Communication, Men, you can take ‘em out, but you can’t clean ‘em up. Listen, baby, on your refrigerator try posting:
a&e
Trinity’s Hard Tips For How to Prepare For Sex (without taking a shower) After A Night At The Bars   1. Before laying down, go down to the bathroom and‌   2. If you smoke: brush your teeth, tongue and upper palate. If you’re sans toothbrush, put toothpaste on your finger and “fakeâ€? brush.   3. If you touched money, food or other hands, wash your hands!   4. If you’ve been sweating, wet some toilet paper and yes, wipe your butt clean!   5. I f you’re uncircumsized, clean your appendage and if you’re circumcised, still wipe it clean!   6. If your breath is bad (which it is), use mouthwash.   7. I f your feet smell, wet them, wipe them, then sprits a bit of cologne on them.   8. If your hair smells of cigarettes or sweat, wet a hand cloth and wipe it or run water through it.   9. If your armpits smell, apply some baby powder or just a bit of cologne. 10. Lastly, if you’re gassy, light incense and fart outside the bed sheets while romantically covering your lover’s ears. : : info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,â€? a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.
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C A L E N DA R JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2014 To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/ Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/
HER HRC Hartigan’s 601 S. Cedar St., Charlotte 7 p.m. Hartigan’s hosts HER HRC, a special event featuring performances by Christy Snow, Gina Stewart, Brenda Lee Gambill, Amy Steinberg and more coming together through music in support of the Human Rights Campaign. hrccarolina.org
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Pancake fundraiser SEP FEB Applebee’s 3628 E. Franklin Blvd., Gastonia 8-10 a.m. A pancake fundraiser for PFLAG Gaston. Tickets are $7 for eat-in or carry out.
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Superbowl Chili Cook-off Sidelines 4544-C South Blvd., Charlotte 6 p.m. Sidelines hosts its annual chili cook-off and Superbowl party, with proceeds benefiting the Charlotte Royals Rugby Football team. Free for members. $5 for guests. Information on rules and procedures for the cook-off are online. thesidelinesbar.com
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Party Hardy SEP FEB LGBT Community Center of Charlotte 2508 N. Davidson St., Charlotte 7-10:30 p.m. PRISM, a group for LGBTQ young people 18-26(-ish) hosts a special party with food and drinks, karaoke, open mic, dancing and more. Come and meet LGBTQ people from other schools and organizations. After party will follow at Hartigan’s, 601 S. Cedar St. Suggested $5 donation. lgbtcharlotte.org –––––––––––––––––––– Pretty In Pink Phoenix 300 N. College St., Charlotte 10 p.m.-2 a.m. A birthday bash for all Aquarius friends, featuring Blaze, Shannon and Pop, with DJ Phalse ID of Power 98. 21+ only. To RSVP tables or VIP, call Tami at 980-322-9859.
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Continues through Feb. 9 Truth To Power Guilford College 5800 W. Friendly Ave., Greensboro The third annual Bayard Rustin Center for LGBTQA Activism, Education and Reconciliation symposium, exploring the topic, “Recentering Healing, Reconciliation and Transformative Justice.” Event kicks off with film showing on Feb. 7. Conference schedule and registration online. bayardrustincenter.wix.com/ symposium2014
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Back to the Block SEP FEB LGBT Community Center of Charlotte 2508 N. Davidson St., Charlotte 8 p.m. A special party celebrating the center’s 11th anniversary of its first physical location and one year in NoDa. Special entertainment provided by DJ Q. Michael with spoken word performances and live music by Red Jesse and jocElyn ellis. General admission is $10. $5 for members. lgbtcharlotte.org
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Feb. 9 Painting with a Twist 4724 Sharon Rd., Charlotte 3-5 p.m. A unique and fun fundraising party for Different Roads Home. Painting with a Twist is a BYOB art studio. Bring your favorite bottle of wine or other beverage, your favorite food and your friends and get to creating some fun and fantastic art. paintingwithatwist.com differentroadshome.org
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RAIN Open House SEP FEB Regional AIDS Interfaith Network 601 E. 5th St., Suite 470, Charlotte 5-7 p.m. The Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN) hosts an open house, “Honor our Beginnings, Promoting our Future,” at their new offices. carolinarain.org
Submit your event to our calendar!
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Sweetheart Gala SEP FEB EdVenture Children’s Museum 211 Gervais St., Columbia 8 p.m.-Midnight SC Pride hosts its annual Sweetheart Gala as it kicks the year off, celebrating its 25th anniversary. Music, dancing and fun, with proceeds benefiting SC Pride. scpride.org
Continues through Feb. 23 HRC Gala Weekend Charlotte Join the Human Rights Campaign for their annual HRC Carolina Gala on Saturday, Feb. 22, along with a full weekend of fun activities, including a Takeover Friday at The Westin on Friday, Feb. 21 and more. hrccarolina.org
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The Vagina Monologues Brief 1426 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 7-9:30 p.m. Chi Psi Omega Fraternity, Inc., presents VDAY 2014 with a reading of “The Vagina Monologues,” with special guest host Jewel Carter of V101.9 and directed by Tania Cox. General admission is $12. VIP, $15. Proceeds to benefit the Battered Women’s Shelter of Charlotte. chipsiomegafraternity.org
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Continues through March 1 SEP FEB LGBT in the South Various locations The Campaign for Southern Equality hosts a regional conference designed for organizers, attorneys, service providers, ministers and community members. The conference will feature presentations, discussions and panels about LGBT advocacy in the South. lgbtinthesouth.com
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Out in the Dark Regal Ballantyne Village Stadium 5 14815 Ballantyne Village Way, Charlotte 7 p.m. The Charlotte Jewish Film Festival presents in collaboration with the GayCharlotte Film Festival a screening of “Out in the Dark.” Directed by Michael John Mayer, the film follows Nimer, an ambitious Palestinian student in the West Bank, dreaming of a better life. One fateful night in Tel Aviv, he meets Roy, an Israeli lawyer, and the two fall in love. As their relationship deepens, they are both confronted with the harsh realities of a Palestinian society that refuses to accept Nimer for his sexual identity, and an Israeli society that rejects him for his nationality. Eventually, Nimer is forced to choose between the life he thought he wanted and his love for Roy. Tickets are $10 and can be purchased online. brownpapertickets.com/event/540694l
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You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-for-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes. com), the LGBT Center (lgbtcharlotte.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).
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LOVE & LUST 2014
Sex and body positive resources A variety of resources exploring body positivity, sex positivity and sexual freedom ORGANIZATIONS
WEBSITES/BLOGS
The Body Positive Organization whose mission is to “transform people’s beliefs about beauty, health, and identity, freeing them to live balanced, joyful, and purposeful lives.” thebodypositive.org
Just Ask Skinny Boy Twenty-one-year-old Elijah blogs about his life with aspergers syndrome and working through depression and an eating disorder. When visiting his Tumblr blog, a reader gets a pop-up that reads: “Hey guess what?! You are truly Beautiful and Amazing just the way you are. Remember that always, and never let anyone try to tell you otherwise. Mkay? Smile, you are loved <3.” Web — justaskskinnyboy.com Tumblr — blog.justaskskinnyboy.com
Center for Positive Sexuality A Los Angeles-based non-profit educational organization founded in 2007 that believes sex education should be “easily available, friendly and accurate.” positivesexuality.org Center for Sex & Culture A San Francisco-based organization provides “judgment-free education, cultural events, a library/media archive, and other resources to audiences across the sexual and gender spectrum; and to research and disseminate factual information, framing and informing issues of public policy and public health.” sexandculture.org Center for Sex Positive Culture Seattle-based non-profit, membership-based community center founded in 1999 as a “bold attempt to create an environment that was accommodating to sex positive communities and transformative in all areas of human sexuality.” thecspc.org National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Founded in 1997 to “fight for sexual freedom and privacy rights for all adults who engage in safe, sane and consensual behavior.” ncsfreedom.org Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance National organization that “works to advance the recognition of sexual, gender, and family diversity.” The group bills itself as the “leading sexual freedom and human rights organization.” woodhullalliance.org
Sex Positive Portal An online portal listing organizational and other resources including links to activists and speakers and, even, sex-positive porn. sexpositiveportal.com Sex Positive Activism Avory is a “genderqueer, polyamorous, sexpositive, kinky writer, blogger and activist” whose in-depth blog explores a variety of topics. sexpositiveactivism.wordpress.com BOOKS “The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures” (2009) Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt “The Obesity Myth: Why America’s Obsession with Weight is Hazardous to Your Health” (2004) Paul Campos “Fat!So?: Because You Don’t Have to Apologize for Your Size” (1998) Marilynn Wann
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