QNotes, February 8, 2019

Feb. 8-21, 2019

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inside this issue

Feb. 8-21, 2019 Vol 33 No 21

connect

feature

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contributors this issue

Rev. Josh Bowron, Buff Faye, Torie Dominguez, Lowell Fleming, Vic Germai, Rev. Sonja Lee, Lainey Millen, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Trinity

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: Ashlee Marie Preston via Facebook Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, x201, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Copy Editor: Torie Dominguez, torie@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2019 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction.

Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

8 Love & Lust 11th Annual Sex Issue:

Drug Fueled Sex

news

Our People: Robert Dogens

Former Wells Fargo senior vice president and community activist Robert Dogens is settling back since his retirement, but still places high value on doing things to support non-profits and other worthy causes.

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6 HRC NC Dinner & Gala

Welcomes Actress Young 6 Aldersgate Hosts author Andrew Reynolds 6 News Briefs 7 SEI 2018 Index Released

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HRC North Carolina Dinner welcomes actress Bellamy Young

Ashlee Marie Preston Out in Print: ‘Death Checks In’ Dishing with Buff Faye Tell Trinity

The Human Rights Campaign North Carolina Dinner and Awards Presentation will be held on Feb. 23 with noted celebrity Bellamy Young headlining the event. She is joined by comedian and auctioneer Dana Goldberg.

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life 9

Hearts On Gift Guide

views 4 Medicare Part D Changes

Could Hit Close to Home 13 Spiritual Reflections: Love & Lust 13 Spiritual Reflections:

Black History Month

events 18 18

Patti LaBelle ‘Miss Saigon’

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Feb. 8-21, 2019

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Changes to Medicare Part D would hit patients close to home A Personal Commentary

BY J. Wesley Thompson, MHS, PA-C, AAHIVS, DFAAPA | Guest Contributor Thirty-four years ago, I decided to devote my life to working with people living with HIV, providing them the medical care they needed and deserved. Today, as the medical director of HIV care at Amity Medical Group in Charlotte, I realize that goal every day by serving more than 600 patients with HIV. Our practice serves as a one-stop shop for these high-risk patients — including medical examinations and treatments, a pharmacy and counseling services — to ensure that patients across North Carolina can easily access comprehensive, high quality care.

As of December 2017, there were more than 40,000 people living with HIV in North Carolina, including an estimated 5,000 who have not yet been tested and diagnosed. Making HIV treatment accessible to all who need it is vitally important, not only to those living with the virus, but also to our community more broadly.

Currently, Medicare Part D — the government program that provides prescription drug coverage for those over 65 and/or disabled — covers many of the medications we use to treat HIV. This coverage is

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critical considering that at least 25 percent of people living with HIV rely on Medicare as their sole insurer.

In fact, HIV prevention drugs, or antiretrovirals, are so important, they are considered one of the “six protected classes” of medicine. Medicare Part D is required by law to make medicines in the protected class available to Medicare recipients who need them with no restrictions whatsoever.

Recently, however, the Trump Administration has proposed making changes to Medicare Part D, stripping out the protections for antiretrovirals and other medications in other protected classes. This proposed plan would impose a step therapy-type structure for HIV medications, which means Medicare can require patients under my care to fail on cheaper medications before being supplied by Medicare with the medication that I, as their medical provider, prescribed as the optimal medication for that person’s health.

Essentially, these changes could allow Medicare to determine what kinds of drugs my patients are able to use through-

out their treatment journeys instead of me, a professional fully qualified to prescribe medications based on the individual needs of my patients. HIV medicine is not a one-size-fits-all approach, especially when you consider the co-morbidities occurring in those that are disabled or over the age of 65. Under this new plan, Medicare would be able to ignore the treatment plan I have designed to meet a patient’s specific needs and provide him or her, instead, drugs that are cheaper and may not work as well. Patients may also not take the cheaper drugs as consistently, which can also lead to poorer health outcomes for my patients.

Not only is this a personal health problem, but it has serious public health ramifications. When people living with HIV take their medications regularly, they are much less likely to transmit to others. Therefore, when government-induced alterations seek to undermine access in the name of cost-saving, we are all at risk.

Today, HIV is no longer a death sentence, thanks to the advancement of antiretrovirals. To pull those protections

would be taking an archaic step back. For healthcare providers like me, who have spent decades treating and caring for these individuals, this is simply unacceptable.

My goal is not just for patients to survive, but to thrive in North Carolina and across the country. Changes to Medicare Part D could have detrimental effects for HIV patients, other patients in need, and ultimately, our local community here in Charlotte. By continuing to provide access to care, our community will remain healthy, happy and prosperous. That undoubtedly trumps any cost-saving that may occur through these harmful changes to Medicare Part D. Protected classes protect my patients. : : J. Wesley Thompson has practiced medicine for 34 years and has been a board certified physician assistant. Thompson was the first physician assistant to be certified as an HIV specialist in the State of North Carolina and one of the first in the United States. He lectures extensively and serves on the boards of directors for multiple HIV community organizations.

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news HRC NC gala welcomes actress Bellamy Young CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The 24th Annual Human Rights Campaign (HRC) North Carolina Dinner will be held on Feb. 23, 5 p.m., at Le Méridien Charlotte, 555 S. McDowell St., North Tower, and features actress Bellamy Young and comedian and auctioneer Dana Goldberg.

The theme for this year’s event is “This Is Me” and focuses on the message, “This is Me! This is Us! We Matter!”

Awards will be presented to the Person of the Year and the Organization of the Year. The awardees’ names were not available at press time. Updates will be provided as they are known.

Young, who was born in Asheville, N.C., is best known currently for her role on award-winning “Scandal” as the ex–first lady, a former senator, and later the president. Her performance earned her a Best Supporting Actress statue from the Critics’ Choice Television Awards, Entertainment Weekly’s 25 Best Characters on TV, #15 on Entertainment Weekly’s 50 Best TV Scenes of the Year, NY Post’s Top 10 TV Actors, as well as TV Guide Magazine’s Fan Favorite Award.

On the big screen, Young recently appeared in Disney and Ava Duvernay’s “A Wrinkle In Time.” Her extensive television resume has included recurring roles on CBS’ long-running series “Criminal Minds” alongside Thomas Gibson and Joe Mantegna, ABC’s “Dirty, Sexy, Money” alongside Donald Sutherland and Jill Clayburgh, portraying ASA Monica West on “CSI: Miami” and her appearance alongside Zach Braff on the hit-comedy, “Scrubs.”

Her other roles include a plethora of other television appearances on popular shows.

Young graduated from Yale University in 1991 with dual degrees in English and Theater Studies; she also holds a certificate from Oxford University in England.

Her career, which began in the 1990s, has spanned the stage and small and large screens, as well as being a recording artist. She is a long-time supporter of shelter adoption and has also lent her services to help fundraise nationally for causes that are dear to her (domestic violence), and was a headliner for the Hillary Clinton campaign in 2016. She performed at the Christmas Tree Lighting in 2015 and was made a co-ambassador, along with Chelsea Clinton, of the Trust for the National Mall in 2016.

Goldberg was voted one of the “Top Five Funniest Lesbians in America,” CURVE Magazine reported.

Contributions to the live and silent auctions are still being accepted. Offerings include original artwork, home furnishings, professional services, dining and entertainment, jewelry/fashion, health/beauty/fitness and high-quality travel packages, and new this year is the “homegrown” category. Email silentauction@hrccarolina.org to inquire to donate.

Or become a corporate sponsor (sponsor@hrccarolina.org), or better yet, volunteer services (volunteer@hrccarolina.org) to help make the dinner a success (phone banking, gala set up, registration, etc.).

Tickets are $250 and are on sale online at bit.ly/2GaNWtp. Federal Club members can attend for $125 as a benefit for their sustained support. Students, seniors and active duty military personnel can attend for $125.

For those who wish to make more of an impact on the evening’s fundraising, volunteer to be a table captain (tablecaptains@hrccarolina.org) and invite nine others to join in the event. Guests can either purchase their own tickets or table captains can make the purchase themselves). Perks, depending upon the number of tables reserved, range from program recognition, lapel pin, bottles of wine, VIP reception tickets, discounted gala ticket and tickets to the pre-auction event.

Other activities that are paired with the dinner are a weekend kickoff Takeover at Vivace, 1100 Metropolitan Ave., on Feb. 22, 8 p.m., and a Fun Run & Breakfast on Feb. 23, 9 a.m., from The People’s Market at Dilworth. The takeover is free to attend. Attendees will be able to enjoy drink specials and an Equality Menu. Ten percent of bar sales will go to support the work of HRC. The Fun Run is being held in partnership with Charlotte Front Runners and is free to attend. Participants can enjoy a tasty morning meal and a fun-filled jaunt around the neighborhood. info: hrccarolina.org. hrc.org. photo credit: uta.

— Lainey Millen

Aldersgate to host LGBTQ lawmakers discussion CHARLOTTE, N.C. — On Feb. 15, 6:30 p.m., at Aldersgate’s Fellowship Hall, 3800 Shamrock Dr., Andrew Reynolds, Ph.D., author of “The Children of Harvey Milk: How LGBTQ Politicians Changed the World,” will discuss his latest book.

Reynolds is a professor of political science at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He founded and directs the UNC LGBTQ Representation and Rights Research Initiative, a global think tank addressing LGBTQ politics. His work has been featured in The New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, New Statesman and more. The themes of his 12 non-fiction books range from elections to the future of democracy.

“The Children of Harvey Milk” was published by Oxford University Press last November. Part political thriller, part meditation on social change and part love story, the book introduces readers to some LGBTQ men and women who risked everything to make their voices heard during the ongoing struggle for equal rights.

Reynolds’ research included interviews with nearly 100 elected officials and highprofile candidates from his native UK, the United States, Africa, Asia and the Caribbean about their choice to be openly LGBTQ in office. Publishing 40 years after Milk’s assassination, the book reveals the extent to which LGBTQ individuals have served as catalysts for social change. Milk, a member of San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors, was the first person in America to make being openly gay the central focus of his campaign.

In a Nov. 1, 2018 interview with WUNC 91.5, Reynolds commented on the inevitability of openly LGBTQ politicians becoming spokespeople for gay rights, sometimes reluctantly: “Barney Frank for many years didn’t want to be the ‘gay’ politician. He wanted to be a politician. But at the same time, he and others inevitably are the one voice in the room for that community that’s struggling.”

The book has won praise from a number of influencers. Houston’s Mayor, Annise Parker, who also serves as president of LGBTQ Victory, said it “will become a key reference on the history of our movement.” Jim Obergefell, plaintiff in Obergefell v. Hodges, said it’s filled with “inspiring stories of people courageous enough to say ‘This is who I am.’”

The event It is an outgrowth of Aldersgate’s mission to be an inclusive, continuing care retirement community that offers all elders access to retirement living and all levels of continuing care.

“Our mission calls us to honor the dignity of every individual, regardless of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation or any diversity dimension,” said Suzanne Pugh, president and CEO. “Our mindset has always been to be intentional about inclusion.”

The event is open to the public, but seating is limited. Advance registration is required and is available online at bit.ly/2I3Jmz1. A reception and book signing in The Rose and The Ivy Pub at Aldersgate will follow the discussion.

Park Road Books will have hardback copies of “Children of Harvey Milk” available at the event for sale.

Aldersgate earned platinum status — the highest level possible — last August from SAGECare, the training and consulting division of New York-based SAGE (Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders), becoming the first continuing care retirement community on the East Coast to do so. info: aldersgateccrc.com. photo credit: martha hoelzer.

— Lainey Millen

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Feb. 8-21, 2019

Mickey to make magic for Pride

Travel + Leisure has reported that Disneyland Paris will host their first-ever LGBTQ Pride event, Magical Pride Party, on June 1. Specially-themed events and activities are planned, including a diversity parade, party and special access to selected attractions.

info: bit.ly/2Rwxchv.

Arkansas strikes down ordinance On Jan. 31, the Arkansas Supreme Court struck down Fayetteville’s LGBTQ nondiscrimination ordinance.

info: logo.to/2t0dMYm.

Trans denied status

The High Court of Hong Kong has denied three transgender men to be recognized as males on their official identity cards because they had not undergone full transition surgery, The Associated Press reports.

info: bit.ly/2MK5eOi.

Gay mayor enters prez race

Harvard University graduate and Rhodes Scholar Pete Buttigieg, mayor of South Bend, Ind., has tossed his hat into the ring for the 2020 Democratic race for president.

He is the first openly gah politician to ever seek a mainstream party’s nomination.

info: bit.ly/2sZTRJ6.

Funders elect first trans chair

Funders for LGBTQ Issues has announced the election of Rickke Mananzala of Borealis Philanthropy as its new chair. Mananzala is the first transgender chair for the organization.

info: lgbtfunders.org.

LGBTQ history encyclopedia released

Gale has released the “Global Encyclopedia of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) History.” This new encyclopedia is the first authoritative academic resource of its kind with an international focus on the history of the LGBTQ community, the company said. Libraries can provide students and researchers with global content on LGBTQ history.

info: gale.com.

Institute tours southern health departments

The Black AIDS Institute conducted a tour of southern health departments at the end 2018. Among those visited was the Charlotte-Mecklenburg County.

info: blackaids.org.

SONG sets revival

Southerners on New Ground (SONG) will hold their Queer South Revival for its membership from March 14-17 in Whitakers, N.C. Application is available online at bit. ly/2MzJ55p. In other news, SONG’s “A Labor of Love: Black Mama’s Bail Out Action 2019” is gearing up for its May initiative. Weekly regional calls will take place on Sundays at 6 p.m. from Feb. 10-May 26. To participate, RSVP to bit.ly/2RDO8aJ.

info: southernersonnewground.org.

How ‘queer’ was adopted

The Columbia Journal Review published an article on how the word “queer” was adopted by the LGBTQ community.

“Originally a derogatory name for a homosexual, ‘queer’ has been embraced by some in the non-heterosexual community. In response, some activists in the gay community (to use a broad term) started calling themselves ‘queer’ in a prideful way,” the Journal shared.

info: bit.ly/2WG3XfF.

HRC’s index rates N.C.’s LGBTQ laws WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Foundation and the Equality Federation Institute released their 5th annual State Equality Index (SEI), a comprehensive report detailing statewide laws and policies that affect LGBTQ people and their families, and assessing how well states are protecting LGBTQ people from discrimination. Not surprising, North Carolina falls into the category, “High Priority to Achieve Basic Equality.” Because there are currently no comprehensive civil rights protections for LGBTQ people at the federal level, the rights of millions of LGBTQ people and their families are dependent upon the state in which they live. In 30 states, LGBTQ people remain at risk of being fired, evicted or denied services because of who they are. For this reason, the incoming pro-equality majority in the U.S. House of Representatives has made the Equality Act — a bill to establish comprehensive federal protections for LGBTQ people — a top priority.

As civil rights organizations work toward passage of critical federal protections, accelerating progress at the state level is crucial. This year, the number of states that obtained the SEI’s highest rating, “Working Toward Innovative Equality,” increased from 13 to 17. These states currently have robust LGBTQ non-discrimination laws covering employment, housing and public accommodations, as well as protections in the areas of credit and insurance.

This SEI report comes as more than 46 state legislatures have opened their sessions — and with New York kicking off the year on a tremendous note by passing both the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA) and legislation protecting LGBTQ youth in the state from the dangerous and debunked practice of so-called “conversion therapy.” The Virginia State Senate has also passed legislation that would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. And governors in Kansas, Ohio, Michigan and Wisconsin signed executive orders protecting LGBTQ state employees.

The U.S. House is soon poised to begin considering the Equality Act, a historic bill that would provide consistent and explicit non-discrimination protections for LGBTQ people across key areas of life, including employment, housing, credit, education, public spaces and services, federally funded programs and jury service. More than 130 major employers, with operations in all 50 states, have joined HRC’s Business Coalition for the Equality Act, urging Congress to pass these crucial protections.

“The work of the HRC Foundation and programs like the State Equality Index, along with HRC’s efforts day in and day out to advance protections for LGBTQ people at the state and federal level are vital to the struggle for LGBTQ civil rights,” said HRC President Chad Griffin.”HRC and our partners on the ground defeated dozens of anti-LGBTQ bills last year, and worked to pass crucial pro-equality measures that ensure LGBTQ Americans are protected wherever they live. Already, we see the promise of even more protections passing in 2019 — with action taken in New York, Virginia, Kansas, Ohio, Michigan and Wisconsin.”

Griffin continued, “However, LGBTQ people still face the sobering reality that their rights are determined by which side of a state or city line they call home. As this year’s State Equality Index makes clear, the time has come for us to do away with this patchwork

of state laws and to protect all LGBTQ people by passing the federal Equality Act.” “As the State Equality Index illustrates, North Carolina still has a long way to go before ensuring that LGBTQ individuals are able to live safely, freely and openly. While queer people continue to live and thrive in the face of political forces working against their best interests, LGBTQ North Carolinians are still denied many of the basic protections that ensure their survival. There are currently no protections barring LGBTQ people from discrimination in general, and conversion therapy remains a legal practice in this state. As we enter our 40th year as the oldest statewide LGBTQ rights group in the country, Equality NC will never stop fighting until all marginalized North Carolinians have equal protections under the law,” Kendra R. Johnson, executive director of Equality North Carolina, said.

Advancing LGBTQ non-discrimination protections at the state and federal level is supported by a wide swath of Americans. In fact, a recent Public Religion Research Institute survey found that 71 percent of Americans support LGBTQ non-discrimination laws like the Equality Act. An estimated 12 million LGBTQ Americans, their friends and families remain at risk of discrimination if they live in one of the 30 states without adequate protections. North Carolina is one of those 30 states in the country that lack explicit state-level protections for all LGBTQ people. A map of this patchwork of laws can be found here.

The SEI’s assessment of statewide LGBTQ-related legislation and policies in the areas of parenting laws and policies, religious refusal and relationship recognition laws, non-discrimination laws and policies, hate crime and criminal justice laws, youth-related laws and policies and health and safety laws and policies has placed each state in one of four distinct categories: Working Toward Innovative Equality, Solidifying Equality, Building Equality and High Priority to Achieve Basic Equality (where both Carolinas fall).

This year’s SEI also details the onslaught of more than 100 anti-LGBTQ laws introduced across 29 states during the 2018 state legislative season, including proposals to grant sweeping licenses to discriminate, undercut marriage equality and target the transgender community — including transgender children. HRC worked on the ground with local advocates and allies to defeat all but two of these bills.

The report also points to encouraging progress for LGBTQ youth, as well as transgender and gender non-conforming people seeking to update their identity documents. A record five states — Delaware, Hawaii, Maryland, New Hampshire and Washington — passed new protections against the practice of so-called “conversion therapy,” bringing the total number of states with such laws or regulations to 15, plus the District of Columbia. New York, which has had regulatory restrictions against the practice since 2016, kicked off its 2019 legislative session by enacting a law solidifying and expanding these protections.

HRC’s full report — including detailed scorecards for every state, a comprehensive review of 2018 state legislation, and a preview of the 2019 state legislative session — is available online. info: hrc.org/sei.

— Lainey Millen

Feb. 8-21, 2019

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life

The world of drug-fueled sex Love & Lust (11th Annual Sex Issue)

BY Lowell Fleming | Guest Contributor

Engaging in sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol can be risky and should be consensual, as well as include boundaries and trust. (Photo Credit: vladorlov via Adobe Stock)

R

ock-N-Roll may be out of style, but we still have sex and drugs. For some of those planning a passionate and romantic evening for your partner this Valentine’s Day, chances are there will be a special substance both at the dinner table and in the bedroom. We would be naive to think that none of our readers will be using anything stronger than a couple of drinks and some dark chocolate to set the mood.

According to a study by Oregon State University, LGBTQ individuals, especially youth, consume tobacco, marijuana and alcohol at higher rates relative to their heterosexual peers of the same age.

Even though we might consider our Valentine’s Day more fun, it’s important to remember the risk factors associated with mixing substances and sex. According to North Carolina Public Health reports 64 percent of all new diagnoses for HIV were between men who reported having sex with other men, as opposed to less than 30 percent of new diagnoses of heterosexuals. Although HIV is on the decline in the Carolinas, rates of gonorrhea and syphilis have steadily increased over the past few years.

Of course, being diagnosed doesn’t mean you can’t ever be intimate, but taking substances that can impair your decision-making skills may not be the best idea if you and your partner are at risk for transmission. But if you “wrap up” before you light up, drink up or otherwide indulge in your substance of choice, then you and your partner can enjoy a nice consensual evening of expanded sensation and intimacy. If you can be safe and can communicate your boundaries and desires with a trusted partner, then any number of common drugs can be a safe and sexy way to enjoy your Valentine’s Day. Who hasn’t gone all the way on a couple of drinks?

Alcohol is probably the most common drug that’s mixed

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with sex, what with it being legal and easy to purchase.

Sadly, drinks and sex have bad connotations with sexual assault, regrettable hookups and having to clean up puke from your bed sheets. Then there’s the other elephant in the room when it comes to drinking and sex. Shakespeare may have said it best when he wrote that drink “provokes desire, but unprovokes performance.” The way that alcohol constricts blood vessels can negatively impact one’s ability to hold an erection, leading to the dreaded and alltoo-real “whiskey dick.” Thankfully, that can be avoided by having better drinking habits than a college freshman. As most romantic dinners and private, at-home Netflix binges will inevitably include a couple of glasses of wine or beer, we can’t realistically say that you won’t ever have drinks before having giggling, uncoordinated sex, but if you do, remember that moderation is key.

With recreational and medical marijuana still outlawed in most of the country, it’s difficult to get concrete data from accredited researchers about the effects of weed on the body in or out of the bedroom, but many people swear by marijuana as a natural sex enhancer. For some, smoking weed can make sex last longer, extending the sex session to really tap into learning a partner’s body.

Although some report this can make it difficult to reach orgasm, that typically only happens if you smoke too much.

Everyone’s tolerance is different, but a steady buzz should be enough to heighten your experience. Like with alcohol, moderation with weed is the way to go. We at qnotes can’t officially advocate illegal activity, but the law has always had a hard time keeping LGBTQ people from doing what they love. If the lingering smell, ash on your pillow cases and the coughing of your partner hasn’t killed the mood, then you should be in for a satisfying experience.

Given its association with the hippie movement and “free love”, one might think that LSD and other hallucinogens like saliva and DMT might be great additions to your sex life. It is, however, hard to recommend substances that have even more subjective effects than weed or alcohol, and the occasional “bad trip” or disassociative episode might make sex actively dangerous or unpleasant.

If conventional drugs and altered states are not your thing, then perhaps you might want to try “flavor tripping.”

Synsepalum dulcificium, more commonly known as “miracle fruit,” is a legal, non-controlled substance that drastically alters the sensitivity of your taste buds, which makes a variety of foods taste sweeter. Though it is a fruit, it is often sold in tablet form in packs of around 10 to a dozen which can be bought online. Some who take “miracle fruit” tablets have flavor tripping parties where they try bitter, sour or bland foods like plain bread, lemons and vinegar and report potent, candy-like flavor. It is conventionally marketed as a diet aid for people who want to eat healthier, less sweet foods, but many have reported that miracle fruit also has more erotic applications. Since it causes bitter flavors to become much more sweet, it may enhance the taste of your partner and make oral sex and general biting and licking much more pleasing to the palate. If it can do all that, and make a Valentine’s Day dinner of lemons, vinegar and raw garlic taste like candy, then it really must be a miracle.

If either you or your partner don’t want to be in an altered state during sex, then it shouldn’t happen. As with all sexual encounters, protection and consent are vital, especially when you and your partner are experimenting with any substance that might impair your judgment and lower your inhibitions. If you plan it well, and both consent, then maybe this Valentine’s Day you’ll find a new way to indulge with your partner. : :

a&e

Ashlee Marie Preston 10 Questions with Vic

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BY Vic Gerami | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

shlee Marie Preston is an award-winning media personality, producer and civil rights activist. She is historically the first transgender woman to become editor-in-chief of a national publication and the first openly transgender person to run for state office in California. Ashlee Marie was named one of The Root 100’s “Most Influential African-Americans of 2017”, profiled as one of LOGO/NewNowNext’s 30 Most Influential LGBTQ Influencers of 2017 and 2018, PopSugar’s top 40 LGBTQ’s of 2017 and was listed on OUT Magazine’s OUT100 of 2018.

In addition, she made her TED talk debut in September of 2018 and was chosen as one of Coca-Cola’s “Next Generation LGBTQ Leadership” influencers of 2018. This compassionate, unfiltered and unapologetic tour de force took time from her busy schedule to chat with me, bluntly.

Congratulations on your recent honor as one of OUT Magazine’s OUT 100. You are one of the most prominent and high-profile trans individuals in the world. How do you reflect on the trans community’s achievements in the last five to 10 years?

OMG, thank you! When I transitioned 15 years ago, most trans people (myself included) were primarily focused on assimilating into cisnormative roles, while exhausting ourselves over passibility politics. Over the last five to 10 years, the transgender community has come out from the shadows, unsubscribed from the Ashlee Marie Preston. (Photo Credit: Photo Courtesy of Ashlee Marie Preston) idea that we’re “broken,” and are done apologizing for existing and taking up space. That doesn’t mean that gender tiple threats of description when an individual’s identity dysphoria isn’t as real as it was in preoverlaps with multiple marginalized groups. Those experivious generations or that we won’t run into challenges as ences aren’t independent of one another, but each inwe navigate a heavily binary society. It just means that as forms the others. So as a black trans woman, I’m not only the global conversation around trans identity continues to navigating transphobia, but I’m also navigating misogynior expand, we realize we are valid and that we get to honor and anti-blackness at the same time. It’s for that reason every stage of our evolution — instead of buying into the that the estimated life expectancy for a black trans woman idea that happiness only awaits us on the “other side.” I is only 35 years old. If we truly want liberation for the don’t feel I was born in the wrong body. I was born in a transgender community; it’s important that we prioritize society that promotes the wrong information about sex the most vulnerable of community. When black trans and gender. women experience liberation — so will everyone else.

What is your assessment on the recent setbacks and Tell me about your #ThriveOver35 Campaign. attacks on the trans community, especially from the The #ThriveOver35 Campaign is really an opportunity current administration? Also, please discuss some for black trans women to reimagine our futures outside disparities within the trans community, such as the of a prison cell or casket. We are more than a statistic, murder rate for trans women of color, for those who and we have the capacity to do and be anything our might pigeonhole all trans people in one group. hearts desire. I felt it was important to promote posiTrans folx are built for battle and will not be intimitive messaging and visuals of black trans excellence and dated. Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Miss Major and to completely transform the narrative. The campaign is the long lineage of trans activists who’ve come before us also an opportunity to educate would be allies about our taught us that our existence is resistance. We’ve always barriers to progress and challenges that present impedibeen here and we always will. We’re not going away. In ments to our ability to thrive. Instead of media consumfact, we’re just going to keep leaning in; popping up in the ing our erasure as if it’s trauma porn; I wanted to peel military, governmental offices, schools, faith-based estabback the lens and take a raw look at the circumstances lishments — and wherever else we decide to fill space. which place us in front of the barrel of the gun — or the We’re going to keep shaking the table because what they blade of the knife. don’t realize is that the fiercest warriors are those who have absolutely nothing to lose but life itself. We’re coming Some day we will reach a point when someone’s for everything they said we couldn’t have. gender identity is a non-issue, when your “trans-ness” We can’t talk about trans issues without discussing does not lead your name; and you are certainly a lot intersectionality. Basically, intersectionality describes mul-

more than your trans identity and your diverse work reflects that. Is that a fair statement?

Will you elaborate as the historically the first trans woman to become editor-in-chief of a national publication and the first openly trans person to run for state office in California? Lastly, Being a famous trans voice, trailblazer and leader comes with an awesome responsibility. Is it ever too much?

You pretty much said it. My trans identity is only a facet of who I am. More importantly, the trans experience is not one size fits all. We have just as much beautiful depth and complexity as our cisnormative peers. And it’s within those folds that our humanity lies.

My hope is that when others are able to access the full range of who we are; they finally retire their perception of us as caricatures or fetish-based beings.

The most important practice I’ve adopted this past year has been self-care. I find it so interesting when people glamorize activism. There is very little perk to it in all actuality. I rarely receive compensation for my labor; others won’t always see the immediate value in your work or the sacrifices behind the scenes, and ultimately the folx that everyone runs to rarely have anyone to run to. I’ve learned to be as kind to myself as someone I’d advocate for. If we don’t know how to advocate for ourselves, we can’t be as impactful in showing up for others. I’ve learned better boundaries, the power of no, and more importantly, how to delegate; allowing others to participate in their own liberation. I think the reason most activists burn out so fast is because we have to learn to let go of the reigns a bit and place more emphasis on mentoring those coming behind us.

You recently started a grassroots humanitarian campaign to help Central American asylum seekers who were not allowed to enter the USA and are being kept in limbo in Tijuana, Mexico. What made you decide to gather 10s of thousands worth of donations and head across the border, and how has that experience been?

I was born in America, but had no choice but to flee Kentucky. I knew that it wasn’t a safe place for me to navigate gender expression or sexual orientation. I had to temporarily leave my family, friends and everything that mattered to me in hopes that I could build a better life and have a fighting chance. That’s not an easy thing to do; but it’s necessary in order to not only survive, but to thrive. The audacity of our government to stand on stolen land and deem another human being as illegal, and meet their pleas with tear gas is absolutely egregious. I felt that since the current administration refuses to do the right thing, it was an opportunity to self-govern. We don’t need permission from a higher authority to access our individual capacity to express compassion and empathy for one another. Many of us are sick of the circus and are yearning for the solution. Love is always the answer and the solution. see Ashlee Marie Preston on 12

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life

Heart On

A Valentine’s Gift Guide for LGBTQ Lovers

BY Mikey Rox | Guest Contributor

S

how the love for your someone special with these affordable gifts that go straight for the feels.

Neon Love Sign

Love-Themed Beaded Pins

Flexible LED tubing that mimics the real glow of neon turns your romantic passion into illuminated wall art with Amped & Co’s white “love sign” mounted on clear acrylic backing for easy hanging. “Love” in purple and a red heart also are available. $60, ampedandco.com.

Vibrating Couple Bracelets

Sensory technology in Bond Touch’s vibrating bracelets allow couples to ping each other — no matter the distance — to calm anxiety, create a sense of intimacy, and strengthen relationships.

A quick tap on the bracelet relays to your partner that they’re on your mind, plus you can create custom codes like three taps for “I Love You.” $98/pair, bond-touch.com.

Handmade beaded pins from celeb-worn Jewels for Hope — in a Pride heart or bouquet of flowers — keeps Valentine’s gift giving sweet and simple. Upon checkout, select one of several charitable organizations that a portion of proceeds will benefit, including the Born This Way Foundation. $35-$55, etsy.com/shop/jewelsforhope.

Fog of Love Game

Settlers of Catan meets RomCom in Fog of Love, a two-player strategy game where players role-play as couples to experience all the milestones, hurdles, compromises and celebrations of a typical relationship to end up happily ever after or in heartache — because ya win some, ya lose some. $50, walmart.com.

‘This Date in Music’ Book

Customized Skin Care

Starry Sky Map

Léon and George Plants

Your favorite music lover will appreciate author Mike Walter’s “On This Date in Music” book, which features stories of significant events in audio history for each day of the year — from Edison patenting the phonograph to Pharrell Williams’ 10-week “Happy” run in 2014. Bar trivia is in your future. $30, amazon.com.

Did the stars align the night you two met?

They did, and you can take away a memento of that specific time and place with an exact depiction of how the cosmos looked overhead. My Sky Moment provides a personalized print of your celestial encounter that blends astronomy and art with a dash of sentiment. $50, myskymoment.com.

Same-Sex Cake Toppers

While finding a bakery to supply your Valentine’s wedding cake could be tricky in some parts of this country, head Down Under for exquisitely designed same-sex cake toppers. Australia’s Marri Tree Lane offers both sexes singly in light, medium and dark skin tones to accurately represent the betrothed. $20, marritreelane.com.au.

Beekman 1802 Sweet Treats

Indulge in straight-from-the-farm sweets from the Fabulous Beekman Boys with their Chewy Gooey Caramels, salty goat milk fudge cookies or the Snuggle Bundle, which includes a pair of Beekman 1802 enamelware mugs and your choice of Heirloom Pantry Salted Caramel Hot Cocoa or double chocolate hot cocoa — which calls for a stay-in-bed snow day. $15-$30, shop.beekman1802.com.

Artificial intelligence uses your partner’s skin type, age, living environment, stress and other factors to design a personalized Y’OUR Skin Care regimen that includes a cleanser, day cream, night cream and serum for a smoother, more kissable complexion. $180, y-ourskin.com.

Keep a symbol of your love fresh and vibrant with help from Léon & George, purveyors of stunning, responsibly sourced statement-piece houseplants styled by interior design pros. Choose from 13 varieties of flora, including peperomia, silver evergreen and bird’s nest fern, that each arrive with a wood-crafted dock. For every plant purchased, a donation is made to plant trees for humanity. $79-$109, leonandgeorge.com.

Travel-Tracking Maps

Travel the country (or the world if you’re ambitious) while tracking your progress on push-pin maps from GeoJango. Framed versions as wall art provide a special way to look back on a lifetime of adventure. Sports maps also are available to chronicle tours of MLB, NHL, NFL and NBA stadiums. $99, geojango.com.

‘What I Love About You’ book

If whispering sweet nothings isn’t your forte, pick up a copy of the fill-in-the-blank book “What I Love About You,” which prompts you to complete evocative checklists, deliver compliments, and otherwise tap into your sensitive side for a gift that your partner will cherish forever. $9, amazon.com.

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.

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I reached out to my network and asked friends to volunteer their time, cars, resources and bodies to go into Mexico and make it very clear that Trump is not our leader, and he does not speak for all of us. I also loved that there were several other black people in our “Compassion Caravan.” Antiblackness is global and when brown people come to America from other countries, sadly enough they subscribe to it. As our migrant families are granted asylum and start their new lives in America; my hope is that when they’re in brown spaces that spew anti-blackness, they will fiercely disrupt it in solidarity because we stood and will always stand in solidarity with them.

It was especially important as a trans woman to make that trip because while we helped LGBTQ migrants as part of our mission, we also extended resources to the migrant families who in some cases were violently abusing the LGBTQ caravaners to the point that they had to be taken to undisclosed locations outside of the encampment for their own safety.

How is it when a fan who has never met you recognizes you in public and offers feedback?

It’s everything to me. I love, adore and appreciate every single person who lifts up my work. Sometimes I’m just flat out exhausted, but they are the ones who give

qomunity

qonexions space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

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me strength and courage to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

Who are a few people that you admire?

I’m a huge Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez fan. Her vibrant spirit, unapologetic expression of her Latina roots and her refusal to kowtow to the establishment is so goals. AOC is bae.

Amanda Seales is everything. Her ability to use comedy to mobilize and heal trauma while telling the unadulterated truth is so magical. I’m hitting refresh on her Instagram several times a day.

Lady Gaga because there’s so much heart, depth and intellect to her that I’m not sure that most people can really digest. I’m an empath, and I feel like I have such a visceral connection with her.

Matt McGorry , Giacomo Gianniotti, LeBron James and Trevor Noah. They are the brothers/allies we all need and deserve — not to mention the absolute blueprint of what cisheteronormative masculinity should look like. I admire their commitment to women, black, brown, LGBTQ and other historically disenfranchised folx.

And of course Beyoncé. Slaying the game, snatching wigs, snagging awards and still maintaining privacy out of the public eye. What’s not to admire about that?

What project(s) do you have coming up?

Is acting in your future?

There’s a film coming up which will be my first. I have butterflies in my stomach — but I’m sure I’ll nail it. I’m just so extra sometimes. And there’s a non-scripted project coming up as well which I’m excited about. I love vibes which allow me to just simply be myself; and trust me — there’s never a dull moment.

For those who care about social justice and inequity, how can they help? What is your call to action?

Educate yourself instead of relying on the labor of those who are too busy fighting for their lives. Some of us are willing to educate you, but the best allies are those who make sure we’re compensated for it.

Lastly, we all have something to contribute to progress. Not everyone is a protester or circuit public speaker — and that’s ok. Your music, art, films and other creative talents carry just as much impact.

The main thing is to refrain from staying silent when you witness injustices taking place. Silence is complicity.

Tell me a secret-a good one!

Sometimes I can do guacamole but I absolutely hate avocado. I know most of California is ready to fight me now, but I said what I said.

Connect with Ashlee on Instagram @ AshleeMariePreston. : :

views

Love, Lust and Relationships

Looking at Black History

BY Rev. Joshua D. Bowron | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

BY Rev. Sonja Lee | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

which is to know another more deeply. I “Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know-whatcertainly lust after my spouse, but in that I-mean?” Thus, quips the ribald Monty lust there is commitment to be together Python character played by the great Eric and learn and to be vulnerable in sharing Idle when discussing, shall we say, relawho I am so that I can be known as well. tions? This being the Love & Lust (11th The companion of lust then is rightly Annual Sex Issue) of qnotes, I would like to always going to be love. offer some thoughts on Lust and Love.

Love will be there when lust is not.

Lust is of course one of the famous Lust is the body responding to a stimuseven deadly sins, but that designalus. Love is the emotional response to a tion, even the concept of sin itself, is so known other. Love could be thought of as frightfully misconstrued that I will avoid lust matured into the emotional arena. discussing lust in those terms, though I Lust brings our bodies together, but love would like to try and convince the dear brings our hearts and minds together. reader of what is deficient in lust.

Of course, there is a deeper aspect to Firstly, the Hebrew Bible, the Old love that is not Testament, when merely romantic talking about the swooning. Love is act of sexual intermuch more than course uses the a feeling; love is a word “knew.” For choice. A choice example, in the to stick it out with book of Genesis, another even when Adam and when life turns Eve have sex it ugly. Love is that says, “And Adam which chooses knew Eve and to sleep in the she conceived.” uncomfortable (Gen 4:1). This (Photo Credit: dariovuksanovic via Adobe Stock) chair while the “knowing” goes for other is hospitalized. Love is that choice Adam and Eve, Adam and Steve, Madam to have that hard conversation. Love is and Eve and any other configuration of a choice we make to commit ourself to sexual union. To have sex with a person another, come what may, so that we can is to know them. know and be known by another to be So, we see in this Hebrew expresloved at the deepest corners and recesses sion that sex involves a kind of knowing. of our being.

It is too bad that this phrase has been Lust brings our bodies together, love preserved only in the Bible and not in brings our hearts together, committedour common speech. When we have sex love brings our lives together. I’ll end with with another we say that we screwed, or some questions to bring to a partner. hooked up, got laid, or any number of If you are anxious or would dismiss the euphemisms that are not fit for print; all questions out of hand, perhaps look of which belie the true nature of what inward: are you using this person to fulfill we are doing when we have sex: we are your sexual desires only and not to truly learning another person. How differ“know” them? ent things would be if instead of, “Hey, In what ways do you agree or disagree I hooked up with John last night,” we with this perspective? said, “Hey, last night I knew John.” It is a Would you share this short article with ridiculous supposition, I know, but you a partner? Why or why not? see the difference. If we deny that there Thinking back on your sexual past, which is significance to our sexual encounters, of your relationships satisfied the three then we deny our own full humanity and criteria of lust, love, and committed-love? : : that of our partner.

Lust then, while perfectly natural, Rev. Joshua D. Bowron is the rector for St. when acted upon, carries with it a risk Martin’s Episcopal Church in Charlotte, N.C. of denying the nature of the sexual act

Educator, poet, and author L’Monique Black history month is traditionally a King is making literary history and retime to reflect on the accomplishments of cently released a book, “From Collards to notables from the past. We often think of Callaloo: Poems & Letters to Assata.” Rev. people who have done marvelous works Debra Hopkins, a transwoman of faith, that impacted thousands, if not milhas surmounted tremendous obstacles lions of people during their lifetime and to become one of the leaders in social beyond. Their legacies bless us from genjustice for transgender people of color. eration to generation. Men and women What do all of our history makers have from every walk of life, including science, in common? They demonstrate spiritual math, economics, education, literature, principles in their lives. Note spiritual, sports, religion, philosophy, architecture, not necessarily religious. Spirituality is politics, music, etc., are studied and the platform upon which these individuapplauded throughout the nation. This als have built their lives. Each of these annual focus on the nation’s best and individuals demonstrate compassion, care brightest serves to educate minds and and concern for transform perceptheir families, tions of men and fellows and women of color. community. They This is especially persevere in the true and signififace of opposicant for identity tion and adverformation in young sity. They share a people. At a recent determination to visit to the National do what is right, Museum of African to live out their American History purpose. These and Culture, I was local notables equally impressed (Photo Credit: scoutori via Adobe Stock) are known for and inspired by the their character, strength, determination exhibits and the reaction to the exhibits and belief in the Divine. They are making by the young people touring the musehistory, and if we aren’t careful, their stoum. The experience was life-changing on ries, like those of countless other Africanevery level. The youth stood a little taller Americans, will go untold, or be approprias they waited in line to enter the exhibated in ways that misrepresent them. its. The lines were long, and the designThey tell their own stories, in print, on ers, as though expecting large crowds, stage, in pulpits. They define themselves utilize the halls and walls to educate the and in today’s world, Black History Month public through the African-American lens. is one platform upon which the wealth of Most of the names are familiar — Rosa our culture can be intentionally shared Parks, Emmett Till, Martin Luther King, Jr., with the world.

Shirley Chisholm, Charles Drew, Michelle This was true of historic figures of the and Barack Obama...the list is formipast, whose stories have been handed dable. The museum curator was caredown through the generations; and this ful to celebrate lesbian, gay, bisexual, is true of historic figures of the present, transgender and queer people of color. whose stories we must hand to future Among the notables, you will find Bayard generations. Let’s build on our historic Rustin, Moms Mabley, Audre Lord and and cultural traditions, broaden the foJames Baldwin. cus to include brothers and sisters that This month, as we celebrate Black are making history today and highlight History, remember to look at current the spiritual gifts, talents and skills that members of our community that are set them apart. Ase. : : making history. One such visionary is Leslie “Mouse” Bond, founder of Beyond Rev. Sonja Lee is the pastor for Unity Blessed, who is breaking new ground Fellowship Church Charlotte in Charlotte, N.C. in the catering and business world.

Spiritual Reflections

Spiritual Reflections

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‘Death Checks In’ Out in Print

BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER “Death Checks In”

by David S. Pederson ©2018, Bold Strokes Books $18.95 / higher in Canada 235 pages A nice little getaway.

That’s all you wanted: two days alone, just you and your amour, with nothing to do but follow your whims. It would be perfect, idyllic — until it wasn’t, and “responsible you won out over “romantic you”. As in the new novel “Death Checks In”

by David S. Pederson, it’s back to work.

Detective Heath Barrington had it all planned out: he and his boyfriend, Officer Alan Keyes would take the train from Milwaukee to Chicago, grab a cab to the downtown area, check into the Edmonton Hotel and enjoy a wonderful weekend.

It was 1947, and being gay could get a man in trouble, but Heath knew there’d be more anonymity for him and Alan in a larger city. The weather would be perfect for exploring nightclubs and sightseeing; there was plenty of entertainment nearby and a live show with a band inside the Edmonton. That, of course, meant that Alan would need a tuxedo, so Heath offered to purchase one for him — which was when the men met Victor Blount, haberdasher.

Blount was a small man with a French accent and a dramatic way about him. He said he was an expert tailor, that he dabbled in photography and that he could secure “discreet” entertainment for Alan and Heath. That was odd, but Blount wasn’t the only character at the Edmonton: the hotel’s assistant manager was a blustery

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guy who had his eye on one of the regular guests, a “full-figured,” flirty widow from New York. A dotty old lady from nearby came to the Edmonton often enough for waitstaff to know her preferences. And the one-eyed piano player and his songstress-wife left an impression on Heath by arguing loudly with Blount, who seemed to be overcharging them.

Two days. That’s plenty of time for a romantic rendezvous, had Heath left work alone. But when Blount was found dead in his back room with “W” scrawled on the floor in his blood and a spool of green thread in his hand, two days was also long enough to solve a crime…

Strictly looking at “Death Checks In” as a mystery, it’s not bad.

That it’s a noir whodunit is nice, the main characters are familiar from past books, it has that old-black-andwhite-movie feel you know you love, and it’s sweetly chaste, in a late1940s way.

Charming, in other words.

But tedious also describes this novel just as equally since a lot of its action comes through dialog, of which there is too much and in too much fussy, stiff detail. It’s wordy, and it feels like filler. It doesn’t help that author David S. Pederson added an eccentric old woman in this story, who constantly clucks like a chicken.

Yes, that’s written into numerous sentences.

No, it’s not fun.

Overall, if you can avoid doing that “speed it up” movement with your hand, or if you like noir mysteries that are more on the light side, only then will this book fit. For you, then, “Death Checks In” is a worthwhile getaway. : :

Dishing with Buff Faye

all fishy, baby. LOL. The opening lyrics of the song: “Bring on that pecan pie,/Pour some sugar on it,/Sugar don’t be shy,/ Scoop me up a mess,/Of that chocolate swirl,/Don’t be stingy, I’m a growing girl…”

I had the chance. She also opened my eyes to this world. As a result, I met my drag mother Sierra Santana, and she put me in drag my first time at the Charlotte Eagle alongside Nikki Eaves letting me borrow her makeup. All of these ladies made drag look like so much fun and truly inspired me.

Because of Nikki, Kiana, Sierra and Roxy, I got to do more shows and be seen more. Then came people like Brian Hemerick and Tiffany Storm who asked me to perform at places like Chasers and The Scorpio. Then came the love and inspiration of my grandma Boom Boom, grandpa Ron Dees and the resolute pioneer Brandy Andrews.

Lucky for me this list of people who have supported me in the past, and those who continue to support and help me, has grown exponentially. But I will never forget those people in my early drag years who gave me opportunity — and inspired me.

Regardless of what happens, your first time is always special. : : (Photo Credit: Tommy Feldman)

Never forget your first time

It was definitely “all you can eat” and the crowd loved it. I won the charity pageant and the rest, as they say, is “herstory.” That was my first time. I rememBY Buff Faye | CONTRIBUTING WRITER | info@bufffaye.com ber it so well. And I thought it was a one time thing.

I remember my first time like it was yesterday. It was Well, it wasn’t quite. I really had fun. The Charlotte the early summer of 2008, and it happened at the Charlotte Eagle had me do a Sunday night show once a month Eagle on the back patio. It was a packed, crowded night like around 9 p.m. It was titled “All You Can Eat Buff Faye.” most others and a bit muggy outside — and lots of men I would serve up some drag and cook some food. Yes, in leather gear and denim jeans, some in sports gear and my first show was a “barnyard theme” cooking drag some in merely boxer shorts. There were all the trappings show. I recall that we made some ham biscuits. Those of a leather bar. I had been at the Charlotte Eagle plenty of were the days — the early days of Buff Faye. times — some I remember better than others.

All of us have a first time. I remember mine fondly.

But this night was different. I was surrounded by a half Do you recall yours? Who put you in drag your first dozen guys near the barber shop, close to a makeshift stortime? Who gave you your first chance onstage? age area. There was a large cage and a St. Andrew’s Cross I try not to lose sight of how it all started. It’s so easy on the patio. I was sitting in the barber chair, bare chested to get mixed up in today’s drag scene. It is important to be and being beaten in the face with a brush — a powder thankful and show appreciation, especially to those who did brush full of makeup. That is where my first time hapdrag before it became an Emmy Award-winning show on pened. My first time being put in drag.

VH1. I did not want to be a drag queen to be a celebrity on Five of my Charlotte Royals rugby brothers and I were YouTube or to be a style icon to have more followers. I did being put in drag for the “Miss Crown Royale” charity pagdrag as a way to bond with my friends, celebrate my queereant. My first song performed that night was “Big, Blond & ness (masc and femme) and raise money for charity.

Beautiful” from the musical “Hairspray.” After some intense My husband Tommy and I loved going to the “Nikki brainstorming, I had decided my name was going to be Buff Eaves Show” at the Charlotte Eagle long before I agreed Faye — a tongue-in-cheek reference to an “all you can eat to be put in drag. We had fun seeing Nikki and her cast of buffet” and the fabulous Southern celebrity Tammy Faye. queens like Kiana Layne, Roxy C. Moorecox (aka Delighted I recall wearing a huge white coat made out of 50 boas Tobehere), Emory Starr, Deana Rose and Sierra Santana. safety-pinned to a white crocheted jacket I had found.

Your first time always starts with someone helping you, Underneath I had a floor length fuschia pink gown I manbelieving in you and inspiring you. aged to sew and hot glue together. I would do a reveal after Nikki Eaves is the one who opened the doors of the the first part of the song. And, of course for the big finale, Charlotte Eagle, a leather bar, to even doing drag, long before I had a pink lace spaghetti strap lingerie to rip away. I was

DRAG TIP: Looking for some new shoes and great deals?

Try online at ShoeShowMega.com.

Buff Faye calls the Queen City her home and loves caramel chocolates (plus she loves to raise money for charities). Find her at your favorite bars and hot spots. And don’t forget her monthly Sunday drag brunch. Learn more at AllBuff.com.

Follow on Twitter @BuffFaye.

SHOUT OUTS:

Are you hungry for drag and an all you can eat buffet? Come out to Buff Faye’s Drag Brunch every month — get tickets online at AllBuff.com.

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Does Selfishness Ever Go Away?

Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hi Trinity, It’s been five years, and I love my girlfriend. However, she’s selfish, and as time goes on, she gets less and less eager to compromise. I’m beginning to feel like a doormat.

What can I do?

Thanks, My Way, Grand Rapids, MI Hi My Way, Today, in the “ME” generation selfishness is as common as… a spoiled brat president!

Also, if your girlfriend is the youngest child or was spoiled and/or is a Scorpio, then you’re in triple-selfish trouble. So first, try getting

her (with you) to volunteer at a hospital or gay youth center to open her mind to the needs of others. Second, try having “Selfless Day” at home so she can practice doing for you and vise versa. And, lastly, pumpkin, see if there are books on selfishness. And if there aren’t any, start writing one.

Good Luck, Trinity Dear Trinity, My last date went ballistic about my driving “too crazy.” Isn’t that ridiculous? Why should I change the way I drive when someone else is in my car? It’s my car.

Driving Date-saster, LA, CA Dear Driving Date-saster, When you’re on a date, you are on a date, not on some Titan competition TV show.

Sorry, honey, but you’re wrong to strap someone into a car seat and then show them who’s in control of their life’s destiny. Driving with someone is totally different than driving alone, period. Be respectful toward your passenger’s comfort level at least… until you become a grownup! (Scaring the beejesus out of someone who is riding in your car is like a ride though a haunted tunnel. Both can have an impact on you afterward. Be polite!)

Hello Trinity, My partner and I are very happy, but

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when it comes to orgasms, it’s always him or me. Even though I’m a biologist, it’s hard to time our orgasms, which makes mutual satisfaction an issue. Help?

Timing’s Everything, Miami, FL Hello Timing’s Everything, Uncontrolled orgasms happen, but after a while you should have some idea of when both volcanos are going to erupt, especially if you’re a scientist. Thus, when one of you gets “close” start preparing the other one of you for mutual eruptions. Sometimes, darling, one of you will have to pull the other one out from that euphoric/selfish place and help their partner with his volcano.

Kisses, Trin.

Dearest Trinity, After four years with my husbear, it happened, our sex life has hibernated. Is it inevitable or is there some trick?

Unsatisfied Bear, Boulder, CO Dearest Unsatisfied, Sex with the same person can be like eating at the same restaurant; it can becomes undesirable after a while. That’s why, sweetie, restaurants change their menus every so often just like you must too. But for now, start reading:

Trinity’s Hot Tips For Keeping Sex and Desire Between You And Your Hubby 1. T ry having sex in different ROOMS or places other than the bedroom. Lots can happen in the kitchen or shower,

especially at a resort.

2. T ry different ways of doing the same thing, especially trying different SEXUAL POSITIONS and/or being more aggressive.

3. T ry different APHRODISIACS, such as scented oils, wine or herbs before lying down for sex.

4. T ry different TIMES of the day. Wake up early, go to bed early or try doing it in the afternoon.

5. T ry clearing your mind during sex while focusing on NAUGHTY thoughts with your partner.

6. T ry using all FIVE SENSES differently, i.e., smelling and tasting new areas.

7. T ry TALKING DIRTY to each other on the phone or the Internet before getting together that night. Also try talking dirty during sex (no laughing).

8. T ry SPRAYING NICE SCENTS into the air conditioner, on the bed and on your privates. It works for me!

9. T ry stimulating different EROGENOUS ZONES such as behind the knees and elbows, the armpits or lower back and especially around the neck and feet.

10. L astly, try NOT BREAKING UP “again” just because the sex got boring “again.”

Life is what you make it so make your sex life fun!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

Feb. 8-21, 2019

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events February 8-9 North Carolina Symphony Valentine’s Romantic Classics

Meymandi Concert Hall at Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts 2 E. South St., Raleigh 8 p.m.

Violinist Dovid Friedlander leads the North Carolina Symphony in a program of perennial favorites, featuring Ravel’s “La Valse,” Strauss’ “Blue Danube” waltz, selections from Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake” and more. A pre-concert talk will be held at 7 p.m. in Swalin Lobby. Tickets $18-$74. bit.ly/2Tyu1I0.

ing the beloved establishment when aggressive urban development threatens to destroy the neighborhood he calls home.

Set against the backdrop of the 1960s civil rights movement, the play represents the seventh of 10 installments in “The American Century Cycle,” for which Wilson was awarded the Pulitzer Prize.

General admission $28. bit.ly/2RChshH.

February 8-16 ‘Nina Simone: Four Women’

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

The Charlotte Symphony presents a passionate pairing of RimskyKorsakov’s “Scheherazade” alongside Strauss’ ”Don Juan.” Tickets $20-$132. bit.ly/2MM0dVC.

Hadley Theater at Queen’s University 2132 Radcliffe Ave., Charlotte 7:30 p.m. Wednesday-Thursday, 8 p.m. Friday-Saturday, 2:30 p.m.

Sunday Presented by Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte, Christina Ham’s play explores vocal legend Nina Simone’s transformation from well-known songstress to activist in the wake of the 1963 Birmingham bombing that resulted in the deaths of four young girls. The official opening Jan. 30 follows three nights of previews offering pay-what-you-can or discount admission. Cast talkbacks will be held each Thursday after the performance. Sunday, Feb. 10 the show will include ASL interpretation. General admission $30-35, $20-25 for students and teachers, or $15-17.50 for military servicepeople, Actor’s Theatre partners, and members of the Queens University community.

Premium admission $44-$50. atcharlotte.org/nina-simone.

February 8-9 ‘Two Trains Running’

February 8-17 ‘Flashdance – The Musical’

February 8-9 Charlotte Symphony: ‘Scheherazade’

Duke Energy Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m. Wednesday-Thursday, 8 p.m. Friday, 2:30 p.m. and 8 p.m.

Saturday, 4 p.m. Sunday August Wilson’s ”Two Trains Running” sees a Pittsburgh restaurant owner forced to consider sell-

Winston-Salem Theatre Alliance 1047 W. Northwest Blvd., Winston-Salem 8 p.m. Wednesday-Saturday, 2 p.m.

Sunday Adapted from the 1983 film of the same name, which launched the career of future “The L Word” star

February 19-24: ‘Miss Saigon’

The North American tour of this acclaimed Broadway revival, from the creators of “Les Misérables,” comes to Charlotte offering both afternoon and evening performances. Tickets $25-$195. Student rush $25 with valid ID, available at the door beginning two hours before curtain.

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center, 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte. Various times. bit.ly/2TvvRsX.

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February 2019

Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

Jennifer Beals, the tale of a teenage welder/dancer features hit singles “Maniac” and “What a Feeling” along with original choreography. General admission $18, $16 for students and seniors 62+. wstheatrealliance.org.

February 8-17 ‘Ain’t Misbehavin’’

Theatre Charlotte 501 Queens Rd., Charlotte 7:30 p.m. Wednesday-Thursday, 8 p.m. Friday-Saturday, 2:30 p.m.

Sunday with additional matinee performance 2:30 p.m. Feb. 9 This fan-favorite revue, winner of the Tony Award for Best Musical, showcases the best of Golden Age jazz legend Fats Waller. Includes the classic numbers “Honeysuckle Rose,” “The Joint is Jumpin’,” “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter” and more. Rated PG-13. $28. bit.ly/2TXKfdg.

February 8 Walk the Moon

The Fillmore 820 Hamilton St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

The Cincinnati-based foursome returns to Charlotte with new music from their latest album, “What if Nothing.” Frontman Nicholas Petricca is known in part for his performance at the inaugural LoveLoud music festival. Held in 2017 in the heart of conservative Utah, the event was conceived as a celebration of the LGBTQ community and a means of reaching LGBTQ youth from Mormon families with a message of solidarity. General admission $32, VIP package $99. Doors open at 7pm. General admission tickets are standing room only. walkthemoonband.com.

February 9-March 3 2019 Charlotte Jewish Film Festival

Temple Israel 4901 Providence Rd., Charlotte Regal Ballantyne Village Stadium Theaters 4815 Ballantyne Village Way, Charlotte Various times More than a dozen films from around the world elevate Jewish stories and celebrate the diversity of experience they reveal. Take in the LGBTQ-themed “The Cakemaker” on Feb. 16 at the Regal Ballantyne Village theatre. In addition to the core series lineup, limited screenings will be offered on three successive Sundays at Our Town Cinemas in Lake Norman. Ticket prices start at $11. charlottejewishfilm.com.

February 9 HKonJ People’s Assembly and Moral March on Raleigh

North Carolina State Capitol 1 E. Edenton St., Raleigh The Historic Thousands on Jones Street (HKonJ) People’s Assembly Coalition, a union of NAACP branch-

February 13: Patti LaBelle

The Godmother of Soul brings her inimitable talent to the Queen City, performing new works along with definitive favorites from throughout her career. Tickets $25-$195. Student rush $15 with valid ID, available at the door beginning two hours before curtain. Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center, 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte, 7:30 p.m. bit.ly/2HM8mdB. es from across North Carolina also including members of more than 200 other social justice organizations, stages its 13th annual demonstration at the state legislature.

A pre-rally assembly will be held at 9 a.m. at the corner of Wilmington and South Streets, with the march beginning at 10 a.m. and demonstrations continuing thereafter. bit.ly/2UJalkT.

February 9 ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me.’

McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Chicago’s legendary Second City comedy company (boasting alumni the likes of Tina Fey, Steve Carell and Gilda Radner) puts its unique spin on the perils of love and relationships. Tickets $22-$57. bit.ly/2UCuY24.

February 9 27th Annual Johnson Valentine Bash

Snug Harbor 1228 Gordon St., Charlotte 10 p.m.

Hardcore Lounge headlines this year’s benefit for HIV/AIDS advocacy organization RAIN, with supporting acts The Electronic Park and The Situationals along with DJs Spaceboy and DJ Godwin.

Doors open at 9pm. Tickets $5.

Ages 18+. bit.ly/2Sb4W9r.

February 13 Salisbury Pride Hearts & Heels Dinner and Drag Show

Sweet Meadow Café 105 E. Fisher St., Salisbury 5:30-9 p.m.

Dinner at this Valentine’s Daythemed fundraiser for Salisbury Pride will be served from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m., with a drag show featuring the likes of Jamie Monroe and

Cierra Nichole beginning at 8pm. $10 donation does not include the price of dinner. bit.ly/HeartsHeels2019.

February 14 Buff Faye’s ‘Be My Valentine’ Drag Dinner

Dilworth Neighborhood Grille 911 E. Morehead St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

The prominent Queen City performer and Sunday morning drag brunch hostess celebrates Valentine’s Day with a special evening show. $25 tickets include show and buffet; drinks, cash bar and gratuity are not included. Seating at 7 p.m. allbuff.com.

February 18-19 Book Talk — ‘No Sanctuary: Teachers and the School Reform That Brought Gay Rights to the Masses’

February 18: Flyleaf Books 752 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Chapel Hill 7 p.m.

February 19: Page 158 415 Brooks St., Unit B, Wake Forest 6:30 p.m.

Author and Boston high school teacher Steve Lane discusses his new book “No Sanctuary,” exploring the history of LGBTQ protections in schools. bit.ly/NoSanctuaryBook.

February 24 ‘An Evening with Fleetwood Mac’

Spectrum Center 333 E. Trade St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Tickets are in high demand for the Charlotte leg of the iconic group’s North American reunion tour, with resale admission still available beginning $123. bit.ly/2t448Ec.

life

REGULAR EVENTS

Our People: Robert Dogens

Charlotte LGBT Chamber

Regular business meetings, social events and other activities throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: clgbtcc.org.

PFLAG Concord/Kannapolis

Meets for monthly group support meetings, second Tuesday of each month, 7-9 p.m., Trinity United Church of Christ, 38 Church St. N., Concord. info: bit.ly/1pCFVBq.

PFLAG Gaston

Meets for monthly support meetings, third Thursday of each month, 7 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 258 W. Franklin Blvd., Gastonia. info: pflaggaston.org.

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/.

Stonewall Sports

Regular team sports, meet-up, social and service events throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: stonewallcharlotte.leagueapps.com.

Trans Youth Group

Time Out Youth Center hosts weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:306 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org.

Transcend Charlotte

Hosts twice monthly support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte.

Prior to each meeting an anxiety support group is offered 5-6 p.m. info: transcendcharlotte.org.

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

Retired Banker, Community Activist

R

BY Torie Dominguez |qnotes staff WRITER

etired banker Robert Frank Dogens is well-known in Charlotte’s prominent finance sector as a former senior Vice President at Wells Fargo, but he’s made as much of an impact, if not more, as a community activist. He’s spent a lifetime building that history of volunteerism alongside his career, in many cases harnessing the same skills that brought him such success as an executive. His genuine enthusiasm for the work, his talent for leadership and his belief in leading by example have led him to seats on the boards of half a dozen community and philanthropic organizations. At the same time, he’s remained active in street-level endeavors — literally, in the case of the city’s annual AIDS Walk. Dogens chats with qnotes about the surprising roots of his professional path, his experience of so-called retirement, and the projects he believes we should place at the top of our national to-do list.

Where did you grow up, and how long have you lived in the Charlotte area?

I am a native of Louisiana, born in New Orleans and grew up in a small town called Minden. I moved to North Carolina in 1997, I’ve been in Charlotte for 18 years.

You recently retired after more than three decades in the banking industry, having built an undeniably impressive résumé. What led you to choose the career you did? What did you enjoy about your work?

It’s funny... I choose banking as a career because banks closed at 2 p.m. when I was growing up... LOL. But I quickly became interested in finance and really enjoyed my time in banking. It’s more than checks and deposits. It sounds cliché, but I really love the people and leading teams the most.

How have you been spending your time since leaving those 9-to-5 obligations behind?

I’m still adjusting, but I’ve spent time traveling and visiting with family and friends. I haven’t started any of those “household projects” that I was going to tackle “once I retire”.

The past few years have been a time of massive upheaval in all areas of social justice, from legal rights for members of the queer community to police brutality and institutional racism. Of all the battles being fought, which do you consider the most vital, or closest to your heart?

The battle for marriage equality was important to me and was a significant step to achieving full equality for LGBT+ people. Secondly, the most vital battle ahead is to secure full employment, housing and nondiscrimination protections for LGBT+ members of the community.

As an activist — and as a human being — do you ever feel overwhelmed by the turmoil constantly making headlines? If so, how do you cope?

Yes, it can be overwhelming sometimes with the 24/7 news cycle and living in a world that is more connected with social media and

technology. I find myself taking a break from social media and reading books, watching movies, or reflecting on what’s important to me.

You once served as a member of the Board of Governors of the Human Rights Campaign. How long did you hold that post? How would you describe the work you did with the organization?

I served on the Board of HRC for five years. I found the work rewarding because at that time HRC was working hard to elect President Obama, secure marriage equality, expand the diversity of its membership base and engage LGBT+ communities more on the local level.

Your history of activism also includes extensive involvement with RAIN. Indeed, the donations you collected as a participant in AIDS Walk Charlotte placed you among the top 10 individual contributors in 2018. To what do you credit that success? Do you plan to take part in this year’s event as well?

I’ve been involved with RAIN for about 15 years and actually was a co-chair of the AIDS Walk twice. It’s an organization that has helped people live healthy and full lives with HIV. I will definitely participate in the AIDS Walk this year and hopefully I can get in the top five donors!

Have you worked with any other organizations or causes?

If so, what?

Yes, we mentioned the Human Rights Campaign, but I’ve also been on the boards of Equality NC, Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Fund, Farewell to Summer Foundation (a.k.a. the White Party) and Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte.

You managed to balance a demanding career with a profound dedication to community involvement and the substantial investment of time and energy that entails. What’s your secret?

I’m not so sure it’s a secret, but for me if I was passionate about it, I found the time and energy. If you’re really passionate, this is easy. It’s funny how “life” prioritizes things for you.

What would people be surprised to learn about you?

That I can be somewhat of an introvert at times. Yeah nobody would think that… LOL. And finally, what advice would you give to someone wanting to become more involved in the causes they’re passionate about?

That’s easy — “just raise your hand”. LGBT+ and charitable organizations are always looking for passionate volunteers who can give of their time, talent or treasure. : : For qnotes’ extended feature on commjunity activist Robert Dogens, visit goqnotes.com/62279.

Feb. 8-21, 2019

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Feb. 8-21, 2019