QNotes, February 22, 2019

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

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Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

inside this issue

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019 Vol 33 No 22

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contributors this issue Torie Dominguez, Stan Kimer, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Jesse Monteagudo Very Rev. Christopher Ross, Trinity, Connie Vetter

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS via Adobe Stock

charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

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6 NCAAN Secures Funding 6 LGBTQ Youth Don’t Fare Well in Welfare System 6 News Briefs 7 PrEP College Study

a&e 13 Tell Trinity: If The First Date Is Such Hell, Why Bother?

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The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

Health & Wellness: Setting Boundaries

8 Social Security benefits for the LGBTQ community

life 9 Four Useful Resources to Assist with Aging in Place 12 Health & Wellness: Dear Happily Partnered Extrovert, 17 Our People: Erin Barbee

views 4 Home is Where the Hearth Is 5 Jesse’s Journal: The End of the Baby Boomers 10 Legal Eagles: Taking Care of Senior Business

events 16 16

‘Peter Pan’ ‘Dear Evan Hansen’

It’s Time for the Baby Boomers to Step Aside

As new generations of LGBTQ activists arrive on the scene, the one’s who led the charge decades ago are now in a position to pass the torch to their successors.

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Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

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Home is where the hearth is

Gay & Gray: LGBTQ Seniors Commentary: Senior living option available in the Triangle

BY Very Rev. Christopher Ross | Guest contributor

“I

Village Hearth Cohousing is 55-and ’m from New York,” I say, when over and the first LGBTQ and friends anyone inquires, because that is cohousing community in the country, where my heart is, having fled to but there are characteristics common The Big Apple from the midwest at age to all of them. When I described the 22. Thirty-seven years later, I drove bygone hippie communes, I said that through the outbound Lincoln Tunnel they formed what they believed to be in tears, wondering what on earth I communities. Many communes failed was doing, leaving the only place that because they created a physical comever felt like home. munity — a space — and thought My unrealistic fantasy is that I that was all there was to it. would go back in a New York minute.

Cohousing neighborhoods differ (That’s 50 seconds, for small town and in that they are designed for privacy, country folk.) However, I am not only as well as community. We choose priced out of Manhattan, but I have our own level of engagement. At made a life for myself here in Durham, the same time, the neighborhood and I have a partner who is not the is designed to promote frequent least bit interested in going back. A interaction and close relationships. visit two or three times a year, thereMembers commit to being part of fore, must suffice. a community for everyone’s mutual So here I am in Durham, where I For LGBTQ seniors, finding a safe, caring and supportive place to live among friends and family is important to an benefit. … what? Belong? Well, I have found the individual’s sense of self-reliance and comfort. (Photo Credit: Jakub Krechowicz via Adobe Stock) Why Village Hearth? Well, even planet’s best therapist here, and the best though here in 2019 LGBTQ folks are dentist, and many other wonderful progetting married, living wherever we That is not what we are talking about here. For some, fessionals, colleagues and friends who please and climbing the corporate ladder, the pushback that may be the bad news. For me, it is the good news. I love are my support system. under and by the current administration is ugly and likely to electricity and running water and living in a city. Let me share In addition, there are great bookstores, a restaurant get uglier. with you, therefore, the official definition of cohousing, couror two where we vegans feel safe, serious high-quality In short, in today’s political climate, we are not safe. We tesy of the Cohousing Association of the United States: museums and all kinds of excellent classical music perare not safe in the streets, nor are we warmly welcomed in “Cohousing is an intentional community of private formances for a fraction of what they would cost in New retirement communities, assisted living facilities or nurshomes clustered around shared space.” That means that York, including many freebies. There is even a Pride march ing homes. I want to live in a neighborhood where a public we all have our own homes with traditional amenities, every September and a sizeable and visible LGBTQ comsame-sex kiss hello or goodbye is neutral, not cause for including a private kitchen. Shared spaces typically include munity. And my ministry as a wedding officiant is firmly calling the morality police. I want to feel free to be myself a common house with a large kitchen, a laundry area and rooted here. not just in my living room but also when I walk out the door, space for community meetings and all kinds of recreation.

For its size, Durham is surprisingly sophisticated and VHC certainly offers that.

Outdoors, we share the parking area, walkways, the open and progressive, in large part due to Duke University, Specifically, our vision is to live in a caring community space, the dog run and the community garden, including the University of North Carolina just down the road in with the infrastructure to age in place with grace and digtools and lawnmowers and such.

Chapel Hill, and all the other colleges and universities nity, balancing the privacy of a smaller sustainable dwelling We live independently, but we plan and manage the throughout the Triangle. Centrally located between the with opportunities for social engagement and the support community collaboratively. We are our own managebeach to the east and the mountains to the west, the city of the larger community. ment company, creating our own by-laws, typically as a is also served by a major international airport and an Most importantly, VHC will embrace us as we age in Homeowners Association. Hard work, no doubt, but it Amtrak station. the unique way that a cohousing community is designed means that there is no “outside” company deciding how to do. My heart may be in New York, but my home is in the we live. Moreover, self-management empowers residents, Why Cohousing in General, and Why Village Hearth Hearth. builds community and saves money. in Particular?

The fun part is the shared meals, community workWhen I first heard the term cohousing, my only frame Now under construction, four of the 28 units are still days, parties, games, movies or other events. Need a of reference was the hippie communes that flourished in available. For more information, visit villagehearthcohousScrabble partner? Chances are, s/he is waiting for you in the the 1960s and 1970s. Believing that living in community ing.com, email villagehearthcohousing@gmail.com or call Common House. Need a ride to the market? Sure thing! In was better than living in isolation, groups of people found 561-714-8009. : : addition, there is always someone around to look in on you, land in the middle of nowhere, formed what they believed if needed. Nor are there any worries about leaving your to be communities, lived off the grid, raised their own food, (Very Rev.) Christopher Ross is an ordained priest, spiritual house empty if you are traveling. home-schooled the children, and, in general, lived out the director, meditation teacher and wedding officiant in the Cohousing communities vary widely in their architeccounterculture phrase popularized by Timothy Leary: “Turn Triangle. Visit celestialceremonies.org to learn more. ture, in their legal structure, and in their membership. on, tune in, drop out.”

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qnotes

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

The End of the Baby Boomers Jesse’s Journal

BY Jesse Monteagudo | Guest Contributor In 1966, Time magazine’s “Man of the Year” was not an individual, but a generation: people who were then 25 years of age or under. The Baby Boomers, those born between 1946 and 1964, promised to change the world as we then knew it. Boomers marched in the Civil Rights movement; fought in and protested against America’s war in Vietnam; were active in the Feminist movement; and led the fight for LGBTQ rights and equality at Stonewall and beyond.

Many Boomers died before their time: from war or terrorism or crime or other forms of violence; from substance abuse, cancer or AIDS. But, on the whole, Baby Boomers survived and prospered and changed the world along the way. I was born in 1953, which puts me smack in the middle of the Baby Boom generation. But I am not here to praise my generation. I just want us to retire.

The Baby Boomers’ moment of triumph came on Jan. 20, 1993 when Bill Clinton became president of the United States. Since then, the presidency has been held by Boomers: Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump. Except for Obama, born in 1961, the Baby Boomer presidents were all born in 1946, the first year of the Boom.

Even most of the major losing candidates were Boomers: Al Gore, Mitt Romney, Hillary Clinton.

(John Kerry and John McCain preceded the Boom.)

If he is re-elected in 2020 (G*d forbid!) Trump will be 78 when he leaves office in 2025. I am not saying that old folks cannot be effective leaders. Bernie Sanders would make a good president in 2021 when, if still alive, he will be 79. But it is time for

a younger generation to take over, so no more Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden.

Fortunately, we have younger generation candidates in the wings: men and women who are ready, willing and able to take over our country’s leadership. They belong to the two post-Boomer generations: Generation X, born between 1965 and 1980, and the Millennial Generation. These would-be presidents are, so far, all Democrats, since the Republican Party is firmly controlled by Trump (whose likely successor is his Baby Boomer vice president, Mike Pence). Except for Elizabeth Warren, who was born in 1949, these Democratic hopefuls were born on the edge of or after the Baby Boom years: John Delaney (b. 1963), Kamala Harris (b. 1964), Kirsten Gillibrand (b. 1966), Julian Castro (b. 1974) and Tulsi Gabbard (b. 1981). Even younger is Peter Buttigieg (b. 1982), a veteran of the War in Afghanistan, Mayor of South Bend, Ind. and an openly gay man. Quite a group to run against the unjustified and ancient Donald Trump.

We who are Baby Boomers have had our day. We fought and died for the rights of all and sometimes we succeeded. But a generation that gave the world Donald Trump or George W. Bush or even Bill Clinton cannot be considered to be a total success. Perhaps Elizabeth Warren can show us otherwise. Meanwhile, I welcome the newcomers to the political arena, to show us what a Generation X or Millennial can do. : : (Photo Credit: Argus via Adobe Stock)

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

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BRIEFS

news NCAAN secures funding from AIDS United RALEIGH, N.C. — The North Carolina AIDS Action Network has been awarded a grant for $70,000 from AIDS United through the Southern HIV Impact Fund. The grant will be used toward funding the organization’s programmatic work and to provide general operating support towards NCAAN’s advocacy efforts in 2019. The Southern HIV Impact Fund focuses on the needs of individuals and communities affected by HIV in three primary areas: prevention; care and support; and policy, advocacy and movement building.

“But by focusing on the systemic inequities that fuel HIV, as well as the stigma and barriers they create to accessing care in the South, we hope to turn the tide of the epidemic and ensure that the region can finally free itself from its troubling history of social, economic and health disparities, “ said Jesse Milan Jr., president and CEO of AIDS United.

“We’re honored to be supported by AIDS United in 2019,” said Lee Storrow, executive director of NC AIDS Action Network. “AIDS United has been a long time supporter and partner with NC AIDS Action Network, and their funding through the Southern HIV Impact Fund has the ability to transform the landscape of HIV services and policy in the southern United States.”

AIDS United’s mission is to end the HIV epidemic in the United States and seeks to fulfill its mission through strategic grantmaking, capacity building, policy/advocacy, technical assistance and formative research. The Southern HIV Impact Fund is brought in partnership with AIDS United and Funders Concerned About AIDS, with generous support from Gilead Sciences, the Ford Foundation, the Elton John Foundation, ViiV Healthcare, Johnson & Johnson, Levi Strauss Foundation and an anonymous donor. info: ncaan.org.

— Lainey Millen

Study shows LGBTQ youth don’t fare well in child welfare system AUSTIN, Texas — LGBTQ youth are more likely to end up in foster care or unstable housing and suffer negative outcomes, such as substance abuse or mental health issues, while living in the child welfare system, according to new research from The University of Texas at Austin.

In a Feb. 11 paper in the journal Pediatrics, researchers looked at 593,241 youths living in California in grades 6-12. Less than one percent of the sample was living in foster care or unstable housing. But researchers found that more than 30 percent of the youth surveyed who were living in foster care identified as LGBTQ. More than 25 percent of those surveyed who were living in unstable housing, defined as living at a friend’s house, motel, shelter or other transitional housing, identified as LGBTQ. “People have been concerned for some time that LGBTQ youth are over-represented in the child welfare system, but there has been little evidence — until now,” said Stephen T. Russell, chair of the Department of Human Development and Family Sciences at The University of Texas at Austin.

Researchers also found that LGBTQ youths living in foster care or unstable housing were more likely to be bullied, suffer from mental health problems, have lower grades, skip school because they felt unsafe and have higher levels of substance abuse.

“There has been a lot of concern that the child welfare system is over-burdened in the first place, and that issues like LGBTQ youth discrimination and their distinct needs are an additional complexity for youth who are already vulnerable, just by definition of being in the child welfare system,” Russell said. “We aren’t investing enough in the systems and focusing enough on the distinct needs of some of the most vulnerable kids, including LGBTQ kids.”

LGBTQ youth are probably ending up in the foster care system or unstable housing for several reasons, including rejection by their families or running away because they felt unsafe, Russell said, but more research is needed to understand why they are ending up in the foster system or unstable housing.

In a companion paper earlier in February, which appeared in the journal Child Abuse and Neglect, Russell and colleagues looked at a nationally representative sample and found that lesbian, gay and bisexual youths were nearly 2.5 times as likely to end up in the foster system as their heterosexual peers. Gender identity was not examined in that study.

Researchers pointed out that only 13 states protect youth in the child welfare system from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

Laura Baams of the University of Groningen and Bianca Wilson of the University of California also contributed to the research. info: cns.utexas.edu.

— Lainey Millen

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qnotes

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

Gay NBA exec makes Carolina appearance

Golden State Warriors President Rick Welts, despite his reservations about attending the All-Star Weekend in Charlotte, N.C. due to the state’s antiLGBTQ legislation, did do so after he had a conversation with Gov. Roy Cooper, local officials and the Charlotte Hornets executives, USA Today reported. The event was held in mid-February.

info: bit.ly/2GLuLWx.

Raleigh center ED steps down

James Miller, who has helmed the LGBT Center of Raleigh for the last eight years, has made the decision to resign from his position to allow the organization to have fresh leadership, he said in an email to supporters. His tenure began with a $100,000 budget which has grown to nearly $600,000 now sporting 29 programs and services. He will continue to be involved with the community in the future. A job positing for his replacement can be found online at bit.ly/2SbqzkJ.

info: lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

ENC turning 40

Equality North Carolina is celebrating four decades of advocacy and the fight for rights. In honor of this milestone, the organization is calling on creatives to design a 40th anniversary T-shirt. The winner will receive two free tickets to the 2019 Gala on Sept. 14. Entries should be done in a single color in vector art. Ideas are due by April 12 and should be sent to tshirt@equalitync.org.

info: equalitync.org.

Custody battle key figure dies

Sharon Mattes (nee Bottoms), 48, died on Jan. 21 in Richlands, N.C. A central figure in a same-sex parental custody case in Virginia in the 1990s, she lost her battle for custody of her son to her mother who insisted that having the child raised by two lesbians would harm him both mentally and physically, The New York Times reported.

info: nyti.ms/2SWjvx6.

Bollywood goes gay

BBC News reported that “How I Felt When I Saw That Girl” has been released in India and is one of the first major LGBTQ films for the country’s industry.

info: bbc.in/2DPB1t5.

Carolina author releases novel

North Carolina native Michael Williams has released his new novel, “A Fall

in Autumn,” a queer science fiction detective novel with a gay protagonist.

Williams was born in Asheville, N.C. and currently lives in Durham, N.C.

info: bit.ly/AFIAlink.

Music honors Black History Month

QL Radio is honoring Black History Month with music from the AfricanAmerican LGBTQ community during February starting at 9 p.m., Monday through Friday.

info: bit.ly/2TWYWhk.

Two queens crowned

In an unexpected twist, RuPaul crowned two winners in the finale of “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars” for the first-ever winning tie. Monét X Change and Trinity The Tuck earned the title of “America’s Next Drag Superstar,” $100,000 cash each and coveted spots in the “Drag Race Hall of Fame.”

info: vh1.com. rupaulsdragrace.com.

University starts trans-inclusive program

GayRVA has reported that the University of Richmond began offering transgender-inclusive healthcare coverage under the university’s medical plan. According to the human resources page of the university’s website, this includes genderaffirming surgery and related services.

info: bit.ly/2SbPW6f.

Duke calls for Inclusivity

Duke University joined 92 other United Methodist affiliated colleges and universities to sign a statement urging the denomination to fully include LGBTQ+ Christians, The Chronicle reported.

Guidelines released on providing PrEP through college health programs SILVER SPRING, Md. — The American College Health Association (ACHA) announced the release of its new guidelines, “HIV Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis.” Developed by the ACHA PrEP in College Health Task Force, these guidelines serve as a roadmap for college health services seeking to provide HIV pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) as a means of preventing new HIV infections and as a resource to assist with front line implementation.

While HIV rates have recently decreased among the general population, HIV remains a serious issue for young adults. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), young adults ages 13–24 accounted for 21 percent of new HIV infections in the U.S. in 2016 — 4 out of 5 were aged between 20 and 24 years old. Approved by the Food and Drug Administration in 2012, PrEP can reduce the risk of HIV infection by over 90 percent if taken daily as prescribed.

“ACHA believes the ongoing HIV epidemic is an urgent health priority and that college health centers can make a significant impact in the health of young adults by offering PrEP as a standard health care service,” said Devin Jopp, Ed.D., ACHA’s chief executive officer. “College health services are uniquely positioned to implement comprehensive, evidenced-based prevention strategies that can help end the HIV epidemic among young adults.”

Obtaining actionable recommendations for offering PrEP at college health centers was often a daunting experience for college health providers — the availability of staffing, financial assistance and administrative support varies greatly from campus to campus and even more so compared to other clinical settings. The ACHA “HIV Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis” guidelines offer a solution to this challenge by using streamlined messaging to focus specifically on what is relevant to the college health subset and by including simple, actionable recommendations that can be implemented in both small campus health services and in large, robust college health programs.

“Sexual health issues are a large component of young adult medical care,” says Margaret Higham, M.D., chair of the ACHA PrEP in College Health Task Force. “Our hope in creating the guidelines was to make it clear that offering HIV PrEP is an absolutely manageable service for any college health provider.”

“HIV PrEP is an approved preventive medical care that is well within the scope of clinical providers in college health settings,” says Stephanie Hanenberg, MSN, FNP-C, president of ACHA. “With PrEP, college health providers can make a dramatic contribution to the current and long-term health and well-being of their students, especially those who are marginalized and have the highest risk of acquiring HIV.” The guidelines on HIV PrEP are available online at bit.ly/2EgBPZr. ACHA also provides other college health guidelines and recommendations, available at acha.org/guidelines. info: acha.org.

info: bit.ly/2UZO5TQ.

— Lainey Millen

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

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life

Social Security benefits for the LGBTQ community Gay & Gray: LGBTQ Seniors — Making the Most of the System

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BY Stan Kimer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

aws around equal access and treatment of LGBTQ individuals, including same-gender couples, continues to evolve and change, some for the better, and some for the worse. The following information is a resource provided by Disability Benefits Help, an independent organization dedicated to helping people of all ages receive Social Security benefits. If you have any questions on your family’s eligibility for auxiliary benefits or how Social Security works in general, feel free to reach out to their team at help@ ssd-help.org.

If you’re currently receiving Social Security disability or Social Security retirement benefits, your family may be eligible for additional financial resources.

The Social Security Administration (SSA) offers monthly benefits for dependent family members of disability or retirement recipients. Obgerfell v. Hodges made gay marriage legal in all 50 states, meaning LGBTQ married couples are now eligible for additional financial planning options through the SSA. Using available resources to solve the puzzle of the Social Security system can ease the stresses and tensions of the process. (Photo Credit: larryhw via Adobe Stock) What Benefits Are Available?

Benefits for your family members are known as auxiliary benefits. Spouses, children and even parents can receive auxiliary benefits. Who can receive benefits will vary depending on the type of Social Security you’re drawing from yourself.

For Those on Retirement or Disability Benefits If you’ve retired or disabled and started drawing Social Security, your spouse will qualify for auxiliary benefits under your account. Your spouse can receive up to 50 percent of your own retirement benefits on top of your monthly benefits as soon as your spouse turns 62. If you’re receiving retirement benefits, any minor children* will be eligible for 50 percent of your benefits until age 18. You will have a household maximum income limit of around 180 percent of your entitlement, meaning that even if your spouse and multiple children are eligible for 50 percent of your benefits, your monthly payment will be capped. (*Who counts as a “child” to the SSA? Biological, adopted, and step children will all qualify. You will not need to adopt your spouse’s child if he or she was adopted or is from another marriage, but you will need to wait one year after marriage before applying for auxiliary benefits on behalf of a stepchild.)

Your child could be eligible for auxiliary benefits well beyond age 18 if he or she has a disability that began before age 22, such as autism or cerebral palsy.

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Survivors’ Benefits If you or your spouse were to pass away, additional benefits would be avail-

qnotes

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

able to your family. Surviving spouses are eligible for between 75-100 percent of a deceased spouse’s benefits starting at age 60. Minor children are also eligible for 75 percent of a parent’s benefits until age 18.

Your parents would also be eligible for survivors’ benefits if you were to pass away so long as your parents are over age 62 and were dependent on you for at least 50 percent for their daily living expenses.

What Benefits Can’t Be Claimed?

The only benefits that can’t be claimed by the LGBTQ community (yet) are auxiliary benefits from a disabled or retired spouse after divorce. Typically you can claim 50 percent of a spouse’s entitlement after a divorce once you’re over age 62, so long as you had been married for 10 years and did not remarry before age 60. Because the Supreme Court did not recognize gay marriage until 2015, it’s unlikely anyone in the LGBTQ community will be eligible for these resources until 2025 at the earliest.

Starting Your Application If you need to add beneficiaries to your account, you’ll unfortunately only be able to do so at your closest Social Security office. To make an appointment to fill out the paperwork in person, simply call the SSA toll free at 800-772-1213.

Helpful Resources: Social Security Administration ssa.gov.

Types of Beneficiaries bit.ly/2Ed7GKs. SSA Offices Across the Country bit.ly/2JnSgr0. : :

Four useful resources to assist with aging in place Gay & Gray: LGBTQ Seniors — Helpful Tips

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s a diversity and career development consultant with an active blog, I often receive information from readers in the community to assist one or more diverse constituencies.

One such set of resources I obtained was one provided by publichealthlibrary.org. These four useful resources assist seniors who may be starting to experience physical challenges to remain in their homes longer. (The publichealthlibrary.org is “a project by some premedical students who love the opportunity to geek out with medicine and technology while serving the community.”)

Aging in place is a dream for many seniors. Of course, the older we get, the more likely we are to be living with some form of a physical disability, meaning our homes will likely need some changes in order to allow us to remain there for as long as possible.

But don’t worry: publichealthlibrary.org has compiled a great list of helpful resources with links that will help you understand how to assess your needs as a disabled senior, and create a financial plan and make modifications accordingly.

Guide to Room-by-Room Repairs for Easy Accessibility for Disabled Loved Ones This handy guide will help you make an accessibility plan for your bathrooms, kitchen and yard — three of the most treacherous places for individuals with disabilities. bit.ly/2ACBv5F.

BY Stan Kimer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER 11 Low-Cost Aging in Place Modifications You Can Do Yourself Fortunately, not every safety upgrade requires an arm and a leg, and many can be done DIY! bit.ly/2S5ABUA. Senior’s Guide to Paying for At-Home Long-Term Care: How Your Home Can be a Great Asset Your home can actually be a great tool for paying for any needed accessibility modifications — without having to sell it! This guide offers seniors ideas for funding options their home can provide to pay for both minor and major updates. bit.ly/2tpvZ1F.

Retrofitting a bathroom with rails, raised toilets and showering options can How to Make & Pay for Home enable seniors to age in place at their homes. (Photo Credit: ake1150 via Adobe Modifications to Enable Aging in Place Stock) In addition to your actual home, there are more options than you might be aware of to fund safety upgrades. This guide offers lots This list only scratches the surface of this topic, of of helpful tips and links to other resources for helping you course. If you have questions on how to make your home fund your home modifications. a safe space for your “golden years,” please feel free to bit.ly/2IiqMTP. further explore publichealthlibrary.org. : :

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

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Taking Care of Senior Business Legal Eagles: Tips for Aging LGBTQ Individuals

BY Connie Vetter, attorney | guest WRITER In my law practice I hear about a lot of bad things that happen to people. The good news is that you can avoid a lot of it by using the laws available to you and doing good legal planning. This article will discuss ways LGBTQ seniors can use the law to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

Protect Your Identity As seniors, we’ve spent years building our credit and that, along with our age, makes us a target for identity theft. One of the best ways to avoid people opening credit cards or getting loans in your name is by locking down your credit (called a Security Freeze) so no one can see your credit score and credit history. It’s free and it’s easy for you to unlock your credit anytime you need. Visit bit.ly/2TQglIf to see how to facilitate this.

Medical Decision-Making The law allows you to choose who will make your medical decisions if you are unable. A Health Care Power of Attorney allows you to choose whomever you want (who is at least age 18) to act for you. This is particularly important if you do not want a family member to make medical decisions for you. Without this document, your Next of Kin is who the law looks to for your

medical decisions. This could be a parent or sibling if you do not have a spouse or adult child. Without a Health Care Power of Attorney, your partner or friend will not be able to make medical decisions for you and could be kept from visiting you in a medical setting. Also, with a Health Care Power of Attorney, you can state what medical care you want and don’t want.

Deadnaming and Misgendering in Medical Settings Patients in North Carolina are protected from discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and other protected categories under the Patient Bill of Rights in the North Carolina Administrative Code. When you change your name and/ or confirm your gender on your ID documents be sure to provide that information to your doctor and have it included in your medical file. Make sure your medical provider notes the correct information.

Insist on being called the correct name and remind providers of your protections under the Patient Bill of Rights. If you have difficulty in a medical setting, call attention to it and contact the hospital administrator, social worker or ombudsman. You can also file a complaint with the North Carolina Office of Administrative Hearings.

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qonexions space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

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qnotes

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

Attending to legal paperwork is essential for seniors. (Photo Credit: Photographer via Adobe Stock) Marriage Pitfalls Marriage is a wonderful thing… until it costs you your money. Did you know that when you marry, you are agreeing to pay your spouse’s medical bills even if you didn’t sign on to them? So, when she does that “hold my beer” thing that you’ve told her a hundred times that she’s too old to still be doing, you are on the hook for her medical bills. You probably can’t change the law, but you can remind her of that before she does it. On a more serious note, being responsible for medical bills is something to be aware of when considering marrying as a senior when our bodies are aging

and we may need expensive medical care.

Also, many of us LGBTQ seniors didn’t grow up thinking marriage equality would be a possibility and aren’t educated about how a later in life marriage can affect our children’s inheritance. Talk to an attorney to learn more about your specific situation.

Your Final Wishes I can’t overstate how important it is for LGBTQ seniors (and others) to do our Wills or other Estate Planning. It is important because then you get to control how your final wishes are handled. The law states that without a Will or other planning, your

property will only go to your immediate family members. Your partner and friends will be completely left out — left out of inheritance, left out of decision-making and left out of the ability to carry out your wishes. But, the law also says you can do a Will and say what you want to inherit, who you want to make decisions and who you want to carry out your wishes. Wills are about control, not death. And everyone should have one (or some other plan) no matter how much or how little they own.

In a Will, you can take care of your beloved pets, too. Also, you can address someone deadnaming and misgendering you in your obituary, funeral or memorial services, and burial or cremation. Oh, and it isn’t difficult to do a Will with an attorney of your choice.

Social Security When you marry, change your name, confirm your gender or have or adopt a child, make sure to tell Social Security and get your records updated. When you are a senior and are considering retirement, contact Social Security to learn more about your benefits. Also, there are new decisions by the Social Security Administration all the time and some may affect LGBTQ seniors. Ask a Social Security representative or an experienced Social Security professional any questions you may have.

Employment While laws that protect against employment discrimination may or may not cover sexual orientation and gender identity (the U.S. Supreme Court has not given a definitive legal answer yet), as a senior, you are pro-

tected by laws that cover discrimination in employment based on age. The Age Discrimination in Employment Act and Older Workers Benefit Protection Act are federal employment laws that apply to people over age 40.

Adulting It is a fact of life that as we age, some of us may have challenges with our memory or decision-making. As adults, if we can’t handle things, then the law allows us to name someone to step in for us. What’s nice is that we get to choose who we want and what that person can do on our behalf. The legal document is called a Durable Power of Attorney. And even if you are married, the are some legal matters even your spouse cannot do for you without a Durable Power of Attorney. For LGBTQ seniors, we especially need to do this document to protect ourselves from family members who are not supportive of who we are.

This article is just a snapshot of legal matters for LGBTQ seniors. Please talk to an attorney knowledgeable about how the law applies to LGBTQ seniors. : : Connie J. Vetter, Attorney at Law, PLLC is an attorney serving the LGBTQIA and Allied Communities in the greater-Charlotte area for 25 years. She is highly respected and sought out for her knowledge of law relating to LGBTQ issues. She can be found at CJVLaw.com.

(Nothing is this column is intended to be legal advice and no attorney-client relationship is formed. Consult an attorney for your legal needs. Information in this column is based on North Carolina law as of Febr. 6, 2019.)

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

qnotes

11

life

Dear Happily Partnered Extrovert,

Health & Wellness: Re-establishing Boundaries as a Happily Single Introvert

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributor Dear Happily Partnered Extrovert, I love you, and I want our friendship to continue flourishing. But there’s something I need you to understand, and I’m going to force you this one time to fully acknowledge what I’m saying to you. If you refuse, I’ll stop spending time with you.

I understand that you’re energized by large groups of people and lots of movement, sound and lights. It makes me happy that you thrive in this, and that you get to do it. It does not make me happy that you think I need the same. What you consider fun, I consider overwhelming. I don’t hate people, but I don’t need people either (at least not the same way you do). I’m content with the small cluster of friends I have, and I’m fine with seeing and speaking with them intermittently. I might not spend lots of time with people, but when I do I’m fully invested. I can do that for a few hours, and then I need to recover in solitude. I generally don’t notice when I’m by myself, but I notice it a great deal when I’m not. I’m not lonely when I’m alone.

Also, your need to date constantly and your string of relationships over the years are important to you, and they feed your optimistic quest toward finding “the one.”

I hope you find that person/those people.

I really do. But I am my “the one.” And I’m

truly happy. The worst times in my life have happened specifically when I’ve been dating.

I know what you’re going to say, so let me stop you right there: I’m not bitter, and I haven’t given up, but I do know what I’m “missing out on.” I don’t need or want my other half, because I’m already complete, and frankly I’m concerned that you’re constantly looking for affirmation and completion from others. But we all have our own journey, and I hope you’re finding joy during yours.

To make my point: It isn’t from lack of trying that I’ve decided I’m better on my own. I’m going to get very specific, and I expect you to hear me and accept. Do not tell me I simply haven’t met the right person yet. I’m the right person, but I will this one time explain to you why I want you to stop pressuring me to follow in your footsteps.

I’ve had eight significant relationships in my romantic life (and dozens of others who left small marks that have added up to create an entire category called “And Other Assholes”). I will now go through them one by one, and then we won’t discuss this again.

1. 1991, my first boyfriend. Everyone’s allowed their one teenage crazed relationship, but I unfortunately never stopped having them over the course of my life. I

lost my viriginity to someone I was so in love with that I almost grieved to death when we broke up.

It took 20 years for us to reconcile when he looked me up on MySpace in 2011 and finally apologized for what he did (yes, it was that horrible).

2. 1993, and my second boyfriend was interested in sexual kinks that even my inexperienced mind knew were absolutely fringe. He’s now serving 50 years in prison for raping children, and in retrospect I’m not surprised at all. Really? A three-way with my 13-year-old sister?

3. 1995, and my third boyfriend was a tormented bisexual with congenital heart disease. Ultimately his psychotically religious parents tormented him into marriage. He did love her and his kids.

We finally reconciled 10 years later in time for him to die of heart failure.

4. 1996, and my French boyfriend in France became a stalker.

5. 1998-2002, and the first “real” relationship of my adult life was with a chaotic alcoholic. I was so desperate to get away

(Photo Credit: stanciuc via Adobe Stock) from him that I didn’t even stay to walk to receive my diploma when I finished grad school. I found out in 2012 that he died in 2010 of cirrhosis of the liver: He drank himself to death.

6. 2003-2004, and I had to get a restraining order against the man who threatened my grandparents and their cats unless I agreed to see him. Oh, he cheated on me with a college football player who does drag and broke a bowl over his head.

7. 2006, and I ignored it when people here in Charlotte warned me that my boyfriend had a reputation for roofies and date rape. No way it would happen to me, until it did. He also defrauded me for $100,000, then eloped to Canada to marry the heir to a South Korean airline.

He’s now worth $50M. Frankly, I’m looking forward to reading about him literally crashing and burning.

8. 2015-2016, and after a decade away from dating I meet the malignant narcissist who put me in the hospital. I just watched the television footage of him appearing before a judge for the third time in six months. He is, without exaggeration, a gay racist, self-loathing Trump supporter with Nazi sympathies who was involved in human trafficking and cartel drug distribution. Of the 11 felonies he’s charged with, he’s guilty of exactly all of them. He’s facing up to 300 years in prison.

Now, let’s leave this alone. I don’t need your advice, I need my peace. There’s something in me attracted to dysfunction, and I cannot entertain it. Please stop testing the tensile strength of my last gay nerve. I have not built walls to protect my heart. These are blast shields that protect other people from the ferocious death-ray that is my love. And I’m content refocusing that passion toward what really matters to me: My art, my work, my cat, and binge watching Netflix.

Enjoy your night out. I want to hear all about it. But if you’ll excuse me, season 8 of Game of Thrones is coming, and I need to get caught up.

Love, A Happily Single Introvert Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

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qnotes

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

a&e

If The First Date Is Such Hell, Why Bother?

Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Dearest Trinity, I hate first dates. Why would anyone put themselves through such hell as a first date?

Yours, Skeptical, Nashville, TN Dearest Skeptical, Think of a first date as fun and lighthearted, like a stroll in the park, like an adventure, like learning about someone’s likes and dislikes. Don’t think about it like it’s the Last Supper. Sure, some people are boring, but others are charming and funny.

You’ll see. And while some people are easy to figure out, others may be shy, nervous or having a bad day. Sweetie, life is exciting, dating is exciting and first dates… well, try starting off with a good martini.

Bottoms up, Trinity Hey Trinity, My girlfriend gets on my case because I’m sometimes late for work. She says, “To be successful, you have to show up on time.” But I say, “Success is about showing up, period.”

Don’t you think?

Successfully Late, Providence, RI Hey Successfully Late, It’s time to rethink this! In life, being

early is being on time. Being on time is being late. And being late is just unacceptable. Pumpkin, showing up really means you’re only 90 percent successful. To be 100 percent successful, you really must be on time… and fully woken up. (Don’t show up totally un-prepared for the day. Get dressed, gulp your coffee before you leave home and look lively, unlike how I look in my cartoon.)

Kisses, Trin.

Dear Trinity, I always date bad boys who treat me like crap and take advantage of my generosity.

Sweet and kind eventually just turns me off.

What’s my problem?

Bad Choices, St. Louis, MO Dear Bad Choices, Does the word self-destructive ring a bell?

While tough and rough may be sexy, challenging and a big turn on, eventually, honey, you have to start dating someone who likes you more than you hate yourself. Make the switch.

Love, Trinity Hello Trinity, I just got dumped and I want to die. I put everything into this one. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t even get out of bed. Any magic pills or potions?

Yours, Dumped And Dead, Houston, TX Hello Dumped And Dead, I wish I had some pills but… I took them all! Now, I must ask, Is it really the “worst” thing? Will you give a damn in two years?

And must you take forever to heal? Darling, speed up the process with:

Trinity’s Speedy Tips For Getting Over Getting Dumped 1. Do things that make you LAUGH. Watch TV comedies and funny movies and visit funny friends. Yes, on one hand life is serious, but on the other hand it’s also very funny.

2. S leep, sleep, SLEEP! Your mind and emotions are going to tango for a while, so let your dreams do what they do

best, help you tango.

3. Keep busy with PROJECTS, i.e., work, school or volunteering. Sitting around, feeling useless will make you crazy!

Hey, start a dating book. I did!

4. On a piece of paper, every day WRITE: “I forgive him. I forgive that bastard! She is forgiven!” Forgiveness is healing, and besides, you’ll forgive them anyway in 10 years.

5. If you’re depressed, BE DEPRESSED. Don’t hide it, but rather feel it, and get into it. A lot of great music and poetry came from someone’s depression.

6. Give your depression TWO WEEKS, no more. Being depressed is very unhealthy! And then begin tips 7 thru 10!

7. Even if you know you’re not ready, START DATING right away. Just start practicing again. Also socialize, i.e., clubs, parties, anything!

8. HAVE SEX! That’s right! And right away.

You need to feel sexy, alive and grounded. Even hire someone. Just this once!

9. Force yourself to GET OVER IT and move on. Be that person that people say, “He or she isn’t wasting time feeling sorry for him or herself!”

10. Lastly, GO AWAY, stay away, move away, but don’t cohabitate with or near anyone who dumps you. And get rid of the guns!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

qnotes

13

events beginning $123. bit.ly/2t448Ec.

February 25 I (Heart) Elders February 22-24 ‘Miss Saigon’

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte.

Various times.

The North American tour of this acclaimed Broadway revival, from the creators of “Les Misérables,” comes to Charlotte offering both afternoon and evening performances. Tickets $25-$195. Student rush $25 with valid ID, available at the door beginning two hours before curtain. bit.ly/2TvvRsX.

February 22-March 3 2019 Charlotte Jewish Film Festival

Temple Israel 4901 Providence Rd., Charlotte Regal Ballantyne Village Stadium Theaters 4815 Ballantyne Village Way, Charlotte Various times More than a dozen films from around the world elevate Jewish stories and celebrate the diversity of experience they reveal. Take in the LGBTQ-themed “The Cakemaker” on Feb. 16 at the Regal Ballantyne Village theatre. In addition to the core series lineup, limited screenings will be offered on three successive Sundays at Our Town Cinemas in Lake Norman. Ticket prices start at $11. charlottejewishfilm.com.

February 24 ‘An Evening with Fleetwood Mac’

Spectrum Center 333 E. Trade St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Tickets are in high demand for the Charlotte leg of the iconic group’s North American reunion tour, with resale admission still available

3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 7-9 p.m.

Time Out Youth hosts this Healthy Heart Month gathering of Charlotte LGBT Elders, a newly-formed social, support and resource group offering monthly programs for members of the LGBTQ community ages 55+. The event is free and open to the public, and will feature a presentation from guest speaker Dr. Douglas Meardon along with vegetarian food tasting and education provided by Eastside Local.

RSVP requested in order to ensure enough food is provided for all. bit.ly/iHeartElders.

February 28-March 16 ‘Timon of Athens’

Club shows: The Wicked Witch 416 W. South St., Raleigh 8 p.m.

Community Shows: St. John’s Metropolitan Community Church 622 Maywood Ave., Raleigh 7 p.m. Feb. 28, March 8 and March 16 Shakespeare and Middleton’s unfinished play becomes a 1980s-set genderqueer exploration of tumultuous human relationships in this production by the groundbreaking Bare Theatre, whose design team and cast are both composed predominantly or entirely of queer artists, artists of color, and femaleidentifying artists. “Club shows” are restricted to patrons 18 and up and provide an immersive experience with simulated violence, sex and drug use, as well as flashing lights, smoke effects, loud music and prolonged periods of darkness.

Club show tickets $18. Performance dates are available online.

Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

“Community shows” are open to the public but still feature mature content and effects and are recommended for ages 13+. Admission to community shows is pay-what-youcan with a suggested donation of $15 at the door. baretheatre.org.

March 2 NC Poet Laureate at Wedgewood Church

4800 Wedgewood Dr., Charlotte 11 a.m.

Jaki Shelton Green, North Carolina Poet Laureate, will speak during Sunday services at the famously rainbow-adorned inclusive church led by co-pastors Rev. Malu Fairley Collins and Rev. Dr. Chris Ayers.

704-364-2767.

March 2 Charlotte Pride Band presents ‘Wind Songs and Dances’ Heaton Hall Myers Park Baptist Church 1900 Queens Rd., Charlotte 5 p.m.

Individual tickets $15, family passes $25. charlotteprideband.org.

March 2 Triad Health Project Mardi Gras Bead Bash

Kress Terrace S.H. Kress Building 212 S. Elm St., Greensboro 7 p.m.

Benefitting the Triad Health Project’s HIV/AIDS care, support and prevention programs, the event will include silent and live auctions, a mardi gras costume contest, performances by top local drag queens, beats by DJ MaCray and more. Appropriate for ages 15+.

General admission $50. VIP admission $100 and entitles ticketholder to preferred seating and advance viewing of auction items. triadhealthproject.com/thebeadbash.

March 2 ‘Kissing Che’

March 19-24: ‘Dear Evan Hansen’

This acclaimed musical, which earned no fewer than eight Tony® awards upon its debut in 2017, is a contemporary take on the age-old problem of a young man finding his place in the world. Tickets $35-$225.

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center, 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte. Various Times. blumenthalarts.org.

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qnotes

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

February-March 2019

Porter B. Byrum Welcome Center Wake Forest University, WinstonSalem 7 p.m.

The North Carolina Black Repertory Company presents this staged reading in collaboration with North Star LGBTQ Center and Wake Forest University LGBTQ Center. Set in a Miami nursing home in 1984, the play centers on the friendship between a caregiver her patient, a dying man who claims to have been Cuba’s last famous drag queen and the lover of revolutionary Che Guevara. The event is free to the public. ncblackrep.org/living-room-theatre.

March 8-24 ‘Mamma Mia’

Winston-Salem Theatre Alliance

March 8-17: Charlotte Ballet Presents ‘Peter Pan’

The classic J.M. Barrie tale is told through dance in a highly anticipated show appropriate for all ages. Weekend afternoon family matinees include related activities for kids in the lobby prior to the full-length performance. A special sensory-friendly production will be held Wednesday, March 13 at 1 p.m. Tickets for all shows are $25-$85. Knight Theater at Levine Center for the Arts, 430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte. Evening performances: 7:30 p.m.; Thursday-Friday, 7 p.m.; Saturday Family Matinees: 2 p.m. Saturday-Sunday. charlotteballet.org/tickets/peterpan.

1047 W. Northwest Blvd., Winston-Salem 8 p.m. Wednesday-Saturday, 2 p.m.

Sunday ABBA’s iconic spectacular brings the Greek islands to a North Carolina stage. General admission is $18 for adults, $16 for students and seniors 62+. wstheatrealliance.org.

March 9 OUTright Youth Signature Event

Café Rule 242 11th Ave. N.E., Hickory 6-10 p.m.

The 9th annual benefit supporting OUTright Youth of Catawba Valley.

Evening casual attire. Admission is $100, with tickets available for purchase online or by check. Sponsorship opportunities are also available beginning at $500. outrightyouthcv.org.

March 9 P!nk: Beautiful Trauma World Tour Spectrum Center 333 E. Trade St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

One of the world’s biggest pop stars hits one of the city’s biggest venues. P!nk will be joined by special guest Julia Michaels. Tickets start at $59. livenation.com/artists/51068/p-nk.

March 10 Asheville Drag Brunch Homeless Benefit

Bebette’s Café 221 Tunnel Rd., Asheville 1 p.m.

This week’s brunch, each of which is conceived to support a worthy local cause, is the first to benefit the area’s homeless and housing-insecure individuals. Featuring such performers as Divine (a.k.a. the Bearded Lady), Ginger Von Snap, Katarina

Eclipse and Ida Carolina. General Admission $20. ashevilledragbrunch.com.

March 12 HIV Speaks on Jones Street

North Carolina General Assembly 16 W. Jones St., Raleigh 8 a.m.

NC AIDS Action Network’s annual day of education and advocacy in the state legislature. In-person registration commences at 8 a.m. followed by advocacy and issue training, held at the NC History Museum, until 10 a.m. Participants will then begin meeting with legislators, typically through mid-afternoon. Breakfast and lunch are provided. Members of the public can take part at no charge; those who are able to make a donation of $10-$20 are asked to consider doing so in order to help defray costs. bit.ly/HIVspeaks2019.

March 15-24 ‘The Devil and Mark Twain’

Arts Center Live 300-G E. Main St., Carrboro 8 p.m. Friday-Saturday, 3 p.m.

Sunday This spooky new play posits a rich and potentially otherworldly inspiration for Twain’s most famous work, “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.” Tickets $16. artscenterlive.org.

March 17 Hozier

Ovens Auditorium 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 8 p.m.

The ‘Take Me to Church’ singer takes his “Wasteland, Baby!” tour to the Queen City. Tickets start at $107. livenation.com/artists/124116/hozier.

life

REGULAR EVENTS

Our People: Erin Barbee

Charlotte Latin Pride

Spanish-language support nights, second and fourth Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., Charlotte Pride offices at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 1900 The Plaza, Charlotte. info: charlottepride.org/latin/

PFLAG Charlotte

Support meetings, second Monday of each month, 6:30-8 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: pflagcharlotte.org

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte.

Elder Advocate, Community Leader

I

BY Torie Dominguez |qnotes staff WRITER

n recent years, Aldersgate Continuing Care Retirement Community has earned a reputation as one of the region’s most LGBTQ-inclusive institutions of its kind. This is due in large part to the work of Director of Mission Advancement Erin Barbee, whose commitment to education and equality helped propel Aldersgate towards a prestigious national certification in services for LGBTQ elders. Drawing inspiration from her closest family, including her mothers and wife, she’s moved beyond even that vital mission to take part in a multitude of endeavors benefitting her Charlotte neighbors. Barbee speaks to qnotes about her personal and professional missions, the nature (and nearly mind-boggling scale) of her community involvement, and her excitement about what comes next.

Trans Youth Group

How long have you lived in Charlotte? If you’re not a native of the area, where did you grow up?

34 years. I am a native Charlottean!

Transcend Charlotte

How long have you worked at Aldersgate? Have you always held the position you do today and what is your responsibility?

I have worked at Aldersgate for a year and a half. Yes I have always held this position. I am responsible for leading our efforts with community engagement and the creation of strategic partnerships for the organization.

info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/

Weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:30-6 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org Support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: transcendcharlotte.org

Youth Drop-In Space

Drop-in space Monday-Friday, 3-6:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth Discussion Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ youth ages 13-20 each Wednesday, 6:308:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth of Color Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ and ally people of color each Thursday, 7-8:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

Did you join Aldersgate with the goal of expanding LGBTQ inclusivity, or was this a mission you took on later?

I joined Aldersgate because of the culture of inclusivity. I belonged and it felt like family. The efforts of being inclusive of all people were well underway before I joined. Now I am a part of that mission.

How did you come to believe in the need for reform in the treatment of LGBTQ elders? What additional challenges have LGBTQ individuals historically faced in aging?

This answer is simple... my moms. I have two loving and beautiful mothers and I am watching them age. I am concerned for their future and my own. Historically older adults have had to choose between receiving care and being who they are in the LGBTQ community. Many have gone back into the closet to live in a long-term care setting. At Aldersgate we don’t want anyone to have to choose between who they are and care they need. We want every elder to feel loved, valued and cared for.

Aldersgate made headlines last year — in qnotes and elsewhere — when it was awarded SAGECare platinum status. What is SAGE certification? What requirements did you have to meet to obtain it, and how difficult was that to achieve?

SAGECare [is] the training and consulting division of New Yorkbased SAGE (Services & Advocacy for LGBTQ elders). Our Chief Diversity and Inclusion Officer, Veronica Calderon, in partnership with SAGE national created a training plan that was rolled out to all of our 500+ team members. It took six months to have every team member trained! While this wasn’t an easy effort, it was an incredible journey. To date, 95 percent of the Aldersgate staff has completed the SAGE training. Additionally, Aldersgate at Home, the community’s

in-home caregiving service, has also received platinum status with 100 percent participation.

It was not easy, but our organization was fully committed. The difference between our requirements by SAGE and our approach was intentionality. We did all of our workshops in person — we had over 45 workshops in 2 months, to get to as many of our teammates as possible. We also had the same energy around our residents; we had about 10 workshops last year around SAGECare and understanding the needs LGBTQ elders.

Along with your position at Aldersgate, you’re an active member of the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce. How would you describe your involvement there?

I am the director of public relations, policy and advocacy. Essentially, I work with our board to create the messaging of our chamber. I also lead our efforts in advocating for our LGBT business owners and members of the business community to have their voices heard.

Have you taken part in any programs or initiatives related to the LGBTQ community outside of work? Are you involved in any other community, activist or charitable endeavors?

Yes, I am a member of the HRC NC steering committee. I am extremely passionate about being involved in community. Currently, I am the co-chair of CharlotteEAST that advocates for neighbors and businesses in East Charlotte. I am a member of the Habitat for Humanity Neighborhood Revitalization committee, on the Leading on Opportunity Council, Executive Committee of the Simmons YMCA, the Charlotte Museum of History board of trustees, Queen City Unity board member and a board member of USIAC. What does your home life look like at the moment? Is there someone you see after work every evening — a partner, a nosy neighbor, a pet walrus?

I love this question because I get to talk about my wife. Without her I would not be able to achieve success at work or in the community. She is my foundation and my biggest cheerleader. We come home to our precious dog Dapper!

And finally, what do you hope to achieve next?

In 2019 in the city I hope to partner with members of the LGBTQ community and businesses to advocate for LGBTQ owned businesses to be recognized as a designation along with women and minority owned businesses. Professionally, I hope to continue to elevate the voices of seniors in a city that focuses more on millennials. Personally, I hope to never let the newlywed feeling go away and to travel the world with my wife! : : For qnotes’ extended feature on elder advocate Erin Barbee, visit goqnotes.com/62381.

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019

qnotes

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16

qnotes

Feb. 22-March 7, 2019