QNotes, May 3, 2019

May 3-16, 2019

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inside this issue

May 3-16, 2019 Vol 34 No 01

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contributors this issue

Buff Faye, Camilla Cannon, Zachary Harris, Lainey Millen, Jesse Monteagudo, Movement Advancement Project News Sources, National Association of Gay and Lesbian Real Estate Professionals News Sources, Stanley Popovich, Gregg Shapiro, Matt Stone, Trinity, Shea Watts, Stephen Wentz

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The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

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charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

Spiritual Reflections: Finding a ‘home’ with the Lord and each other

10 LGBTQ homeownership below national average

6 AFFA offers rainbow flags

to community 6 Org shares new worst

campus shame list 6 News Briefs 7 Online peer-based support

community launched 7 Indian gay price welcomes events travelers

a&e 12 17 19

Garrison Starr: Girl talk Tell Trinity Dishing with Buff Faye

life

In times of dire economic mobility and rising real estate prices, find a place of comfort with God, family, friends and connectedness with the community.

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Dishing with Buff Faye

Want a yummy plate of food that’s passed the good food test? Then check out the ‘favorite’ places to eat from the palette of Buff Faye.

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ONLINE ONLY: Rural LGBTQ activists push back against

9 New report details unique ‘hillbilly’ stereotypes Marginalized communities throughout Appalachia have unique issues, but a group of challenges, rewards for queer individuals are taking on the challenge of changing the narrative.

LGBTQ people who call See goqnotes.com/62773. rural America home 11 Local Realtors Talk Real Estate Trends These rates only cover a portion of our true cost, 16 Managing your persistent however, our goal is to serve our community fears, anxieties, stresses

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Jesse’s Journal: Arenas and Sex Spiritual Reflections: Finding a ‘home’ with the Lord and each other

events 18 18

Drag Queen Story Hour ‘The Producers’

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May 3-16, 2019

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Arenas and Sex Jesse’s Journal

BY Jesse Monteagudo | Guest Contributor In his autobiography “Before Night Falls” (Antes Que Anochezca), the late Cuban writer Reinaldo Arenas (1944-1990) wrote about his sexual encounters with nominally straight males in 1960s Havana: “These areas were full of recruits and students, single men who were locked up in barracks or schools and went out at night eager for sex. They were willing to settle for the first thing that came along. ... Those men enjoyed their roles of active males ... Many of these ‘buggers’ (bugarrones), Arenas noted, “had girlfriends or wives, but when they came to us they enjoyed themselves thoroughly, sometimes more than with their wives.” During the 1980s Mariel boat-lift, which brought Arenas to the U.S., the Cuban government only gave exit permits to passive homosexuals, since it “did not look upon those who took the active male role as real homosexuals.”

The notion that men who take the “manly” role in sex with other men are not really queer is one that was commonly-held throughout Latin America, especially among the working class. But it is not a uniquely Latino concept. In the Arab world, the practice of keeping women in purdah encouraged unmarried Arab men to have sex with other men, to the delight of European and American visitors. Even in the United States, as historian George Chauncey tells us in “Gay New York,” “the hetero-homosexual binarism ... is a stunningly recent creation. ... Only in the 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s did the now-conventional division of men into ‘homosexuals’ and ‘heterosexuals,’ based on the sex of their sexual partners, replace the division of men into ‘fairies’ and ‘normal men’ on the basis of their imaginary gender status.” The old ways endure in same-sex situations where homosex is the only sex available, such as prisons and seminaries.

Those of us who grew up in a society where butch tops and nelly bottoms are both thought of as gay view this state of affairs with skepticism, and Arenas’ “real men” as closet cases unwilling to accept their sexual orientation. But there are some advantages in dividing the

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Reinaldo Arenas. (Photo Credit: LGBT History Month, a Project of Equality Forum) male sexual world between “fairies” and “trade.” For one thing, the opportunities are greater. Arenas — who alleged to have “had sex with about five thousand men” while in Cuba — discovered to his chagrin that in the U.S. “sexual relations can be tedious and unrewarding. ... The queer gets together with the queer and everybody does everything. One sucks first, and then they reverse roles. How can that bring any satisfaction?”

“In Cuba,” Arenas wrote, “you did not have to be a homosexual to have a relationship with a man; a man could have intercourse with another man as an ordinary act.” In Arenas’s Havana, as in the traditional Arab world or turn-of-the 20th century Bowery, a “straight” kid can have sex with a fairy and not be branded for life with a big lavender Q. In these “traditional” societies, sex between men was something that any man was capable of doing (though he shouldn’t). On the other hand, in modern society, homosexuality is something only gays and bisexuals do.

This makes it easier for the powers that be to isolate and marginalize homosexuality, which they do.

Arenas’ gay life was far from idyllic. He was repeatedly beat up and robbed by “normal men” and was eventually imprisoned by the Castro government for creating a “public disturbance.” The idea that a passive, “feminine” homosexual man can only get sexual satisfaction from a “real man” is something that us post-Stonewall queers would consider to be sexist and self-hating. Though I am a bottom in bed, I consider myself to be as “masculine” as any of my sex partners — who I fully expect to be self-defined, masculine gay men. And I can only love an equal. At the same time, I realize that my opinions are a product of my time and place. Had I lived anywhere else — or at any other time — I might still be queer, but I would have manifested my sexuality differently.

What we know as the gay liberation movement began in Western Europe, spread to the United States, Canada and

Australia, and is only now beginning to make headway in what used to be called the Third World. In all of these places the movement only began after the current model of “the homosexual” — as a people and as a community — took hold. By dividing the population into rigid categories based on sex and gender, society encouraged queer people to create institutions of our own making. From these institutions came the idea of the homosexual community, and from that the concept of a self-defined people seeking rights.

In the early 1970s, we had a category called “political lesbians;” women who discovered their affinity for other women through their involvement in the women’s movement. Likewise, it is my belief that the gay movement has “allowed” many men, “political queers” if you please, to accept and explore their own homosexuality. In other surroundings, these men might have been selfdefined “real men;” married men seeking surreptitious sex in public toilets. Or they might have been effeminate “fairies” looking for “real men” who would treat them “like a woman.” Instead, we who are gay are here, they are queer, and you better get used to it.

Though male and female homosexuality have existed since the beginning of our species, the social model of homosexuality has changed repeatedly over the years. When St. Paul and the authors of Leviticus condemned men who “lie with mankind as with womankind,” they were not thinking about the men who inhabit the industrialized world at the beginning of the 21st century. Muhammad didn’t like queers either, but some of his followers look the other way when their sons seek sexual release with other males. Sexual paradigms change over the years, and yesterday’s sodomite might find today’s brave gay world a strange place to live in.

On the other hand, freeing sexuality from gender and sex roles has allowed more men to take a positive stand and to adopt a forthright gay identity. Indeed, the old gay saying, that “today’s trade is tomorrow’s competition,” is true in more ways than one. : :

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news AFFA offers rainbow flags to community after flag burning incident CHARLESTON, S.C. — In response to a reported rainbow flag burning incident in West Ashley during mid-April, the Alliance For Full Acceptance (AFFA) has been offering rainbow flags to community members who wish to display a flag in solidarity with the affected family, the organization and LGBTQ community.

In a post on April 14 in the West Ashley United Facebook group, a woman wrote, “For a few months now we have had a rainbow peace flag outside of our home in Shadowmoss.... Because, well, our family believes in peace and the equality of all humans. Last night around 10:30, we saw someone run past our front window but didn’t think much of it. Woke up this morning to our flag burned in our side driveway outside our home.” Following the post, there has been a wave of support for the family, and a call for people to display rainbow flags in support of the family and LGBTQ community.

In response, AFFA announced that the organization will provide rainbow and transgender pride flags to anyone in the Tri-County area who will commit to displaying the flag at their residence or business.

AFFA has received over 200 requests for flags and the organization has garnered national press for their response to this crime.

AFFA Executive Director Chase Glenn said, “Incidents like this flag burning can unfortunately contribute to a culture of fear within the LGBTQ community. It reminds us of the possibility that we are living among people who harbor hate against us.

As LGBTQ community members, we are grateful for our allies, including the family whose flag was burned, and we’re asking people to display rainbow flags in solidarity with this family and the LGBTQ community as a whole. We know that love is stronger than hate and flying the rainbow or transgender pride flag speaks to our community’s spirit of valuing diversity, equality, and full acceptance without exception.”

“While it is upsetting that this flag was destroyed, the reaction of neighbors across West Ashley is no surprise to me. I know Charleston is a city of love. We appreciate all those allies who will fly a rainbow or other diversity flag to affirm this value. AFFA is happy to support this effort and donate the flags,” AFFA Board President Colleen Condon added.

Those committed to displaying a rainbow flag and/or transgender pride flag on their residence or business should contact AFFA at info@affa-sc.org to receive more information. info: affa-sc.org.

— Lainey Millen

Stamler receives PFLAG award

Becky Stamler, a Charlotte-area mental health, addiction and gender therapist who also provides diversity training, has been the recipient of the Concord/ Kannapolis PFLAG Advocacy Award for 2019. She received the award for her professional work, as well as their service with the Transgender Health Care Group, Time Out Youth Center and being an integral part of the PFLAG chapter as a board member and more.

Joan Gale, chapter president, said about Stamler, “For me, the best part of what Becky does for PFLAG and other groups like Time Out Youth is her kindness and personal interest in people. She teaches Transgender 101 and 201 to all kinds of groups, from the Charlotte Rotary to Cardinal Healthcare professionals, to addiction counselors. Also she has been a long time member of the Transgender Health Care Group including being president one year.”

info: ckpflag@gmail.com.

Mortgages harder for same-sex couples

For those who find it difficult to get a mortgage, discrimination may be at the root of it, reports LGBTQ Nation.

Researchers from Iowa State University’s Ivy College of Business have revealed that same-sex couples are 73 percent more likely to be denied a mortgage compared to their straight counterparts.

info: bit.ly/2XT7KWW.

Org shares new worst campus shame list CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Campus Pride released its 2019 Shame List highlighting 150 of “The Absolute Worst Campuses for LGBTQ Youth.” The 2019 online list shows another year of consecutive increases from higher education institutions receiving Title IX religious exemptions to openly discriminate against LGBTQ individuals.

Among the 150 campuses this year, there are colleges and universities also listed for specific acts of discrimination against LGBTQ students.

Campus Pride Executive Director and Founder Shane Windmeyer said that the list was intentionally released prior to the Easter Sunday religious observance to bring attention to the negative harms and discrimination that LGBTQ people still face today in the name of religion.

“Releasing the Shame List during Easter, a season where religion is celebrated, will hopefully create religious dialogue about falsely using any set of beliefs as a weapon to continue legally harassing, harming and creating unsafe places for LGBTQ students,”said Windmeyer.

The Shame List was first created in December of 2015 as a way of exposing colleges and universities who secretly had received or applied for Title IX religious exemptions to discriminate against LGBTQ youth, particularly transgender college students.

Since it’s first release in December of 2015, the list has been updated annually and has grown substantially with each update. The 2019 Shame List has named 150 institutions, with 113 having received Title IX religious exemptions to openly discriminate toward LGBTQ youth and two with pending applications. The remaining 35 campuses have a demonstrated past history of anti-LGBTQ actions, programs and practices. Compared to 2018, the 2019 Shame List added 11 new campuses as well as updated the status of 25 previously listed campuses who received a Title IX religious exemption within the year.

“We must call out these 150 campuses on the Shame List who choose to create unsafe campus climates and discriminate with Title IX exemptions. We must also recognize that there are many Christian people and faith-based college campuses that openly accept and create safe spaces for LGBTQ youth.” Windmeyer said.

In releasing the 2019 “Shame List,” Campus Pride noted a “troubling change” in Title IX exemption process which will negatively impact a student and/or parent trying to learn how LGBTQ individuals will be treated on campus — or if they are even allowed to be there.

Through the Title IX letters and on the Department of Education (DOE) website, religious institutions are being encouraged not to apply for Title IX religious exemptions. The Trump Administration Department of Education letters share that the exemption process is merely an “assurance” and is not needed for an institution in advance of claiming a religious exemption.

The February 2018 Department of Education response letter to Arlington Baptist University states: “Primarily, the written ‘request’ for exemption from an institution is a request for assurance from OCR of exemptions to certain sections of the regulation. Religious institutions that have neither sought nor received prior written acknowledgement from OCR may still invoke their exemption after OCR receives a Title IX complaint.”

Campus Pride has conducted a review of the websites of religious campuses. Many of these sites are not clear — or do not have online their policies or actions to enforce anti-LGBTQ biblical teachings.

“When colleges apply for a Title IX religious exemption, we at least know where they stand via their request letters. Now, if a college does not apply, we have no knowledge at all — or at best, we may infer from ambiguous biblical scriptures on the campus website with no information as to how the campus treats LGBTQ students,” Windmeyer said.

“Religious campuses have the responsibility to share openly on their websites and admission materials their anti-LGBTQ beliefs and how they treat LGBTQ students. Otherwise, Campus Pride will continue creating resources like the Shame List until they do.”

The 2019 Shame List and supporting documentation can be found online at campuspride.org/shamelist. For more information, email info@campuspride.org or call 704-277-6710 ext. 0. info: campuspride.org.

— Lainey Millen

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Literary org seeks contributors

Lambda Literary has issued a solicitation for contributions for its Retreat Scholarship Fund that provides resources for writers to attend the 2019 Writers Retreat for Emerging LGBTQ Voices, a residency for up-and-coming queer writers.

info: bit.ly/2XUnGrN.

LGBTQ-friendly retirement cities announced

SeniorAdvice released their annual list of America’s top cities for gay-friendly retirement in 2019. Named in order were: New Orleans, La., West Palm Beach, Fla., Tucson, Ariz., Toledo, Ohio, Alexandria, Va.,Tempe, Ariz., Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., Austin, Texas, Dayton, Ohio, Tampa, Fla., Pittsburgh, Pa., Boulder, Colo., Albuquerque, N.M., Asheville, N.C., Eugene, Ore., Salt Lake City, Utah, Boise, Idaho, Buffalo, N.Y., Bridgeport, Conn., and Santa Ana, Calif.

info: senioradvice.com.

Real estate entrepreneur releases retirement e-book

Jeff Hammerberg, founding CEO of GayRealEstate.com, has released his new e-book, “Ready to Retire? Making Your Retirement Goals a Reality: A Guide for the LGBTQ Community,” and it is available online at gayrealestate.com/lgbtqhome-buyer.html.

info: gayrealestate.com.

Coalition adds new partners

The Ally Coalition has added five new funding partners to its list of beneficiaries with its latest series of grants, totaling $75,000. Its broadened network now includes Center for Black Equity in Washington D.C., Campaign for Southern Equality in Asheville, N.C., Youth Breakout in Louisiana, Black and Pink in Massachusetts, and Transgender Law Center’s Black LGBTQIA+ Migrant Project in California.

info: theallycoalition.org.

First online peer-based mental health and substance abuse support community launched NEW YORK, N.Y. — Ahead of Pride Day 2019, ForLikeMinds.com announced that it has launched the first free online peer-based support community dedicated to mental illness and substance use conditions in the LGBTQ community. ForLikeMinds empowers members to connect and communicate one-on-one and in groups to support, inform and inspire each other’s recovery from mental illness and substance use, organizers said. “Recovery is not a cure, but living a full and meaningful life with mental illness.”

ForLikeMinds was inspired by the recovery journey of its founder Katherine Ponte, who was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder over 15 years ago. It also reflects the experiences of her spouse and main support. ForLikeMinds is tailored to the needs of both members living with a condition and their supporters. It allows people to anonymously connect oneon-one and in groups and create groups.

Greater awareness of mental health and substance use issues in the LGBTQ community is of critical importance. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, in the general population, one in five adults have a condition, but LGBTQ individuals are almost three times more likely to experience a mental health condition, particularly depression or generalized anxiety disorder. The LGBTQ community also reports higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse. An estimated 20-30 percent of LGBTQ individuals abuse substances, compared to about 9 percent of the general population, and 25 percent of LGBTQ individuals abuse alcohol, compared to 5-10 percent of the general population.

Disparities in the LGBTQ community stem from a variety of factors including social stigma, discrimination, prejudice, denial of civil and human rights, abuse, harassment, victimization, social exclusion and family rejection.

Thoughtful examination of these circumstances and issues especially given the severity of the situation requires more than just an “LGBTQ umbrella” approach. According to “The Health of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender People: Building a Foundation for Better Understanding Report,” “Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals experience unique health disparities. Although the acronym LGBT is used as an umbrella term, and the health needs of this community are often grouped together, each of these letters represents a distinct population with its own health concerns. Furthermore, among lesbians, gay men, bisexual men and women, and transgender people, there are subpopulations based on race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, geographic location, age, and other factors.”

ForLikeMinds has considered this reality. “While ForLikeMinds allows the broader LGBTQ community to connect, we also allow people to connect based on specific gender identities and sexual orientations. …This allows for highly relatable exchanges.” info: forlikeminds.com.

— Lainey Millen

Indian gay price welcomes events travelers MUMBAI, India — On a recent excursion to India, travelers on a tour through India with Miami Beach-based Source Events engaged in an up-close and personal dialogue at a private reception with Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil, India’s openly gay royal who has become one of the country’s most vocal advocates for LGBTQ rights.

Source Events specializes in adventurous travel for the LGBTQ community and their friends, often incorporating opportunities for guests to enrich their understanding of other cultures. Given the high profile of Prince Manvendra, (including an appearance on “Oprah” in 2007), and his commitment to improving the lives of LGBTQ people in India, a get-together with the prince was a natural fit, Source Events staff shared.

At a reception, the 21 members of the tour were able to interact in an informal setting with the prince, who was joined by his husband Duke DeAndre Richardson. During that time, they learned about the challenges faced by India’s LGBTQ population, as well as the work of the Lakshya Trust, the foundation established by the prince to advocate for, and improve the lives of, the marginalized communities of LGBTQ people and those infected with HIV in India.

The reception took place just a few days after the Indian Holi festival, as it was during Holi that Prince Manvendra had come out publicly to a reporter 13 years ago. “It was the first day of Holi, India’s festival of colors, when wood and dung cakes are burned in a bonfire to signify the victory of good over evil,” the prince later said in an interview.

“The same pyre was then used to burn my effigies,” he lamented.

Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil with Source The 53-year-old Prince had previEvents President Craig Smith and Operations ously lived a very closeted life, conformDirector Rafael E. Rodriguez. ing to the expectations of his family and fulfilling his royal obligations, including a marriage that was never consummated. It was in 2000, while still not out publicly, that Prince Manvendra established the Lakshya Trust, and in 2007, the year after he came out, he was invited to appear on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, which brought international attention to India’s LGBTQ issues.

During the reception, Prince Manvendra announced that his dream of establishing India’s first LGBTQ Center will become a reality this year, and Source Events pledged their financial support to the project. “My own journey is the reason behind this Center. I was disowned and disinherited from my ancestral property after going public about my sexual orientation,” he said. “I understand the kind of struggles that LGBTQ men and women face after coming out, and my hope is that the Center will provide a safe and empowering space for others to achieve their potential.” info: sourceevents.com. lakshyatrust.com.

— Lainey Millen

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New report details unique challenges, rewards for LGBTQ people who call rural America home Rural Life Amplifies Impact of Both Acceptance and Discrimination, But Millions of Rural LGBT People Have Few Legal Protections

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From Movement Advancement Project News Sources | Guest Contributors

opular culture images of LGBTQ individuals suggest that most LGBTQ people live in cities or on the coasts. Yet an estimated 2.9-3.8 million LGBTQ people call rural America home. The Movement Advancement Project (MAP) released a new report, “Where We Call Home: LGBT People in Rural America,” which examines the structural differences in rural life and their unique impact on LGBTQ individuals in rural areas, who are both more vulnerable to discrimination and less able to respond to its harmful effects. Among other challenges, rural LGBTQ individuals are less likely to have explicit nondiscrimination protections, are more likely to live in areas with religious exemption laws that may allow service providers to discriminate, and have fewer alternatives when facing discrimination, as detailed in the new report.

“LGBT people are a fundamental part of the fabric of rural communities — they are teachers and ministers, small business owners and community organizers, farmers and construction workers,” said Ineke Mushovic, executive director of MAP. “LGBT people live in rural areas for the same reasons as other people, such as love of family, the strength of tight-knit rural communities, and connection to the land. However, the social and political landscape of rural America means that rural LGBT people are more vulnerable to discrimination. This is why non-discrimination laws are vital, so that rural LGBT people don’t have to choose between basic protections and the place they call home.”

Although LGBTQ individuals in rural areas face many of the same challenges as their neighbors, they experience different consequences, and the many structural challenges of living in rural communities can often amplify LGBTQ individuals’ experiences of both acceptance and rejection.

The report findings include that: The interconnectedness of rural communities leads to ripple effects across many aspects of life.

For example, if a person is excluded from their faith community for being gay, they may have a difficult time at work or finding a job, because their church members may also be their coworkers or potential employers. Conversely, if a rural church community or employer takes a supportive stand for local LGBTQ residents, that support can also ripple outward to other areas of life.

By contrast, in a bigger city, a person’s church and work life are likely more separated.

When LGBTQ individuals (and particularly LGBTQ people of color) in rural areas do face discrimination, they may have no or fewer alternatives to find a restaurant, doctor, job, home, faith community, and more.

Amplifying this problem, more service providers in rural areas are religiously-affiliated and are covered under religious exemption laws that may allow them to discriminate, even when providing public services.

LGBT people in rural areas are more vulnerable to discrimination.

Additionally, rural areas are more likely to lack explicit non-discrimination protections for LGBTQ individuals and more likely to have laws allowing religious service providers to turn LGBTQ individuals away. Although the majority of rural residents support non-discrimination protections for LGBTQ individuals, rural residents are on average less supportive than urban residents, and less likely to know someone who is LGBTQ. “This report raises awareness about the millions of LGBT people living in rural communities across the country. Their stories, their joys, and their challenges need to be shared as we work to advance equality for all in city councils, county commissions, in state legislatures and with federal lawmakers who represent rural LGBT people,” said Rebecca Issacs, executive director of the Equality Federation. “State equality groups are working to grow public understanding of the unique experiences LGBT people face, and advocating for local, state and federal policy change that will allow everyone, regardless

of whether they live in Driggs, Idaho or Thurmond, West Virginia, to participate fully in American life.”

David Johns, executive director of the National Black Justice Coalition, said, “Too often rural America is portrayed as white and working class compared to the diversity of our country’s urban centers.

What this report lifts up is the fact that, contrary to popular narratives, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer and same-gender-loving (LGBTQ/SGL) people from all backgrounds live in small towns, suburbs, and big cities alike. LGBTQ/SGL people of color have been, and always will be, integral parts of rural America. And in rural communities, LGBTQ/SGL people of color face the compounding effects of discrimination and bias for being both LGBTQ/SGL and a person of color in 2019.

That’s why protections for communities of color, women, and the LGBTQ/SGL community are needed to advance opportunity for all — this is especially true for black people who continue to be disproportionately impacted by race, gender, sexual identity, gender orientation and location in America.”

“This report puts in stark relief the need for explicit protections to ensure that everyone is treated fairly. In rural areas, many key services — including health screenings, job training, food banks, homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters, child welfare services and more — are provided by religiously-affiliated organizations,” said Shannon Minter, legal director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights. “And these institutions — even those which are taxpayer funded— are increasingly permitted by federal and state religious exemptions to opt-out of following existing nondiscrimination laws and are able to choose who to serve and how to serve them. NCLR’s commitment to engage rural communities, to represent them in court, and to advocate on Capitol Hill has never been stronger nor more necessary.”

“Where We Call Home: LGBT People in Rural America” concludes with recommendations for policymakers, service providers, educators, employers, and healthcare providers, including passing LGBTQ-inclusive nondiscrimination protections at the federal, state, and local level, while also pursuing important state and local progress such as resisting or repealing religious exemption laws, expanding LGBTQ competency training for service providers, and more.

Additionally, addressing the broad structural challenges facing rural communities (e.g., improved health care access, internet access, and more) will also improve the experiences of LGBTQ people in rural areas — and all residents of rural America. : : “Where We Call Home: LGBT People in Rural America” is released in partnership with the Equality Federation (equalityfederation.org), the National Black Justice Coalition (nbjc.org), and the National Center for Lesbian Rights (nbjc.org) and is available online at lgbtmap.org/rural-lgbt.

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LGBTQ homeownership below national average Majority of NAGLREP Members Believe Current White House Policies are Having Negative Impact on LGBTQs Confidence to Buy or Sell Homes From National Association of Gay and Lesbian Real Estate Professionals News Sources | Guest Contributor

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he third annual “LGBT Real Estate Report” (issued by the National Association of Gay and Lesbian Real Estate Professionals (NAGLREP) in conjunction with Freddie Mac ahead of the April 10-11 LGBT Housing Policy Summit held in Washington, D.C.) found that housing discrimination — and the fear of it — continues to have a profound impact on LGBTQ homeownership levels that are currently at 49 percent, far below the national average of 65 percent.

The “LGBT Real Estate Report” shared that 46 percent of LGBTQ renters fear discrimination in their future home buying process. And, for the first time, the report identified how this fear is having a direct impact on potential LGBTQ buyer behavior.

“This year’s commemoration of the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which launched the modern LGBT movement, showcases the strides the community has made and the challenges we still face, including housing discrimination,” NAGLREP founder Jeff Berger said.

“The Equality Act was recently re-introduced in Congress, and if passed would amend the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in employment, housing, public accommodations, public education, federal funding, credit and the jury system. NAGLREP members believe removing housing discrimination as a barrier of entry would pave the way for substantial LGBT homeownership increases.”

Berger pointed out that 22 percent of surveyed members believe LGBTQ home ownership levels would climb 5-9 percent within five years of the Equality Act being passed. Another 25 percent believe it would jump at least 10 percent.

“At the same time, 58 percent of our members believe the current White House administration’s policies on LGBT issues are having a negative impact on the commu-

nity’s confidence to buy or sell a home,” Berger said.

Marriage Equality Helping

The LGBTQ community has clearly benefited since same-sex marriage was legalized in the historic Obergefell v.

Hodges Supreme Court decision on June 26, 2015. The ruling has impacted home buying habits.

NAGLREP members (55 percent) believe more married LGBTQ couples are buying homes since the Supreme Court victory. The number has grown from 46 percent just two years ago.

The report also shows that 73 percent of all married LGBTQ couples own their own home, compared to 41percent of non-married LGBTQ couples and only 35 percent of LGBTQ singles.

Additionally, 67 percent of NAGLREP members believe the number of LGBTQ individuals with children has increased since the ruling. This momentum should be a good sign for the real estate market as 64 percent of LGBT parents currently own a home.

The ‘LGBT Real Estate Report’ found that the current White House policies, as well as the fear of housing discrimination are having an impact on potential LGBTQ buyer behavior. (Photo Credit: 1599685sv via Adobe Stock)

LGBTQ Individuals Value Safety and Welcoming Community

LGBT homebuyers (95 percent) shared that a lack of LGBTQ community violence was what they valued most when choosing a neighborhood. The neighborhood’s vibe and a low violent crime rate followed at 92 percent while sexual orientation anti-discrimination laws were cited at 82 percent.

Renting LGBTQ Individuals Do Not Fully Recognize Homeownership Value

% of NAGLREP members who believe discrimination fears causes potential LGBTs buyers to: Be anxious about how welcoming potential neighbors/community will be

44%

Be overly concerned about neighbors/community reaction if they start family

40%

Be cautious in hiring right professionals (i.e. agents, mortgage, etc.)

36%

Settle for a home without exploring all potential communities/neighborhoods

27%

Remain renters

24%

Fear their offer will not be accepted

22%

Fear not being approved for a mortgage

20%

Interestingly, 72 percent of LGBTQ renters want to own a home in the future, yet surveyed renters have yet to recognize the financial and emotional benefits of homeownership. The report found that 79 percent of LGBTQ renters believe homeownership is a good financial move compared to 95 percent of

LGBTQ homeowners. As for homeownership being part of their American Dream, only 65 percent of LGBTQ renters agreed compared to 87 percent for LGBTQ homeowners.

“The report showcases many of the challenges LGBTs face today in their journey to homeownership, but we also see the opportunity for all of us in the real estate industry to embrace and educate the LGBT community as we now have a greater understanding of what drives their concerns,” Berger said. The report fueled discussions at summit, along with how realtors can impact change at the local, state and national levels.

About the Report

The “LGBT Real Estate Report” combines research from NAGLREP’s annual member survey with Freddie Mac’s “The LGBT Community: Buying and Renting Homes Report.”

“The annual ‘LGBT Real Estate Report’ provides a detailed picture of the LGBT community,” said Danny Gardner, Freddie Mac senior vice president of Single Family Affordable Lending and Access to Credit. “The information here is intended to be a valuable resource for businesses that seek to connect with this community, and we are proud to be a part of that goal.”

NAGLREP fielded the survey to approximately 2,300 members via Survey Monkey in February. There were 648 participants. : :

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May 3-16, 2019

Local Realtors Talk Real Estate Trends Charlotte-Area Pros Share Views

K

BY Zachary Harris, Matt Stone, Stephen Wentz | Guests Contributors

nowing the latest in real estate trends in the Charlotte-area helps buyers and sellers when it comes to navigating the market. qnotes reached out to a few of them to get their take on the local scene.

Zachary Harris Charlottean Realty 2017 E. 7th St., Charlotte, NC 28204 704-907-1867 zachthebroker@gmail.com

Charlotte’s housing market is vibrant and holding steady.

Home prices will indeed continue to rise. However, those increases will not be as robust as in years past. This should give a bit of relief to potential buyers who have seen home prices soar over the past few years. This should also give potential sellers who are gauging the market a slight nudge.

That being said the housing market will continue to be tight and a bit more favorable for sellers. Whether you’re a buyer or seller, this year could be the right time for you.

Throughout the city there are signs of new building projects, renovations and urban renewal. For the classic home buyers areas like South Park, Ballantyne and Steel Creek would be ideal. For the urban dwellers looking to buy a home check out Plaza Midwood, NoDa or South End. Home buyers who are seeking up-and-coming areas should explore MORA, Oakhurst, FreeMore West and Charlotte’s Belmont neighborhoods.

The winter rains are gone, spring is here, and the real estate market is in bloom.

••• Matt Stone Matt Stone Real Estate 1200 E. Morehead St., Suite 270, Charlotte, NC 28204 704-755-5095 matt@mattstoneteam.com mattstoneteam.com Trends currently show that it is turning from a sellers market to a buyers market, with interest rates having decreased resulting in a high activity. Additionally, rental rates are high and rising.

People are renovating their existing homes, and smaller homes with high level finishes are also in demand.

Add to these trends that people are looking for walkability when selecting their new home.

••• Stephen Wentz Keller Williams Realty Ballantyne Area 3430 Toringdon Wy., Suite 200, Charlotte, NC 28277 704-519-9733 (C), 704-887-6600 (O) stephenwentz@kw.com stephenwentz.kw.com The Charlotte real estate market continues to thrive. The city continues to grow at a very steady pace, and the demand for housing has increased significantly. Pricing for homes in the area continue to rise, but not quite at the pace we saw in 2018. We continue to have a healthy seller’s market as inventory for homes remains very low and the demand is high.

However, this “tight market” makes it very difficult for new residents to find housing quick enough. With numerous buyers seeking similar housing, many homes have multiple offers within hours of the property hitting Multiple Listing Service MLS. Affordability of homes in the Charlotte market is top of mind for most buyers. Rising interest rates have also affected the ability for many to purchase homes. A simple percentage point on a loan can price someone completely out of the home of their dreams.

We recently saw property values jump as much as 40 percent in some neighborhoods with the latest revaluation. The average list price for homes closed in Mecklenburg County during the first three months of 2019 was $353,888 with average days on market under 30 days. This has forced many to seek housing outside of Mecklenburg County. Gaston, Cabarrus and Union counties have seen huge growth in both resale and new home communities. The average home price in these counties combined is approaching $289,000.

A lot is happening in real estate. It is very exciting to see Charlotte continue to grow and thrive.

May 3-16, 2019

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Girl talk

An interview with Garrison Starr

BY Gregg Shapiro | Guest Contributor

S

Shapiro: Over the years, you’ve had good fortune in terms of the placement of your songs on TV and in movies. What has that kind of exposure meant to you as an artist?

Starr: The first thing it meant to me in the beginning was that my songs can actually make me some money. I’ve never made any money from all the records I’ve made. As I’ve been an indie artist in my later career, I’ve made some money. Songwriters aren’t making any money unless they’re fortunate enough to get a big hit; a top 10 or something that Garrison Starr is on the road with the ‘Tennessee Queens’ tour. They will be performing in North Carolina during mid-May at venues across the there’s not 14 writers state. (Photo Credit: Shervin Lainez) on. I’d gotten to a place where I was thinking, “How am I as a person. The industry can be really harsh in that way, ever going to move forward? When I started diving into the Gregg Shapiro: In order to give readers some renewed too. When the industry decides that something is no longer placement world, I was burned out. I felt like I’d been rode perspective on your background, I want to begin by relevant, they just shut it down. hard and put away wet in terms of the industry. I was so saying that if anyone can attest to the changes in down on myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’d tried the music world it would be you. Twenty-two years Shapiro: Are you saying that you experienced the simieverything to put my career in a place where at least I was ago, your major-label debut “Eighteen Over Me” was larities between the two? happy, and I wasn’t happy. If I could find a way to have my released on Geffen. From there you moved to Virgin Starr: There were a lot of similar parallels between what I songs make some money, then I could do my artist career and then Vanguard. Looking back on that part of your was going through personally, being rejected by and kicked any way that I wanted. At the end of the day, you have to career, please say something about that experience out of the church for my sexuality, and having to deal with have capital, you have to put gas in the car [laughs]. I was and how it affected your work. that hurt and pain, and then moving into an industry where just living hand to mouth.

Garrison Starr: I’ve thought about that a lot, actually. everybody loves you, and then maybe you get lost in the Nini Camps, a friend in New York, invited me there to Especially in making this new record and feeling like I’ve shuffle. Even though it’s not personal, that’s what it feels write with her. We were writing specifically for TV and film, gotten back to myself, in a way. My favorite thing to do is like. When you don’t have a lot of tools for that kind of life which was really cool. That was my first foray into real to pick up my acoustic guitar and play and sing. I think I stuff, that can be very toxic. constant collaboration. I’m grateful to Nini. I was feeling so started trying to divorce myself from the acoustic guitar as down on my career and questioning how to move forward.

I moved from label to label. When I got signed, and I had Shapiro: It’s devastating.

I had moved from L.A., where I was happy, to Nashville, and a lot of buzz around me when I was first starting out, the Starr: Yes, devastating is definitely one of the things that it is.

I was unhappy, confused and lost there. Nini and I made all Lilith Fair thing was big. The female singer/songwriters had these songs in New York. blossomed. When I came on the scene, it was just starting Shapiro: In addition to being known as a solo artist, Her wife, Brooke, who was at (record label) Razor & Tie to fade out. you have also been involved in other musical projects, and is now at Concord, started placing all these songs for Alanis Morissette came around and it was an edgier, including the bands Plover (with Glen Phillips and us. That gave me the ability to step back and widen the lens more indie rock sound. Although my record was more Neilson Hubbard), Among the Oak & Ash and The Silent and try and figure out what I wanted to do next as an artist. rock than it was Lisa Loeb/singer/songwriter at that time War (with AG).

After touring, banging my head against the wall and workbecause I was so angry [laughs], it was still based around Starr: Of those three projects, my favorite one was The Silent ing my ass off and spinning my wheels, I needed to make me and the acoustic guitar. That was my primary vehicle for War. I love Glen Phillips and Neilson Hubbard. I love that some money to keep going. That’s what TV and film gave singing and playing. I’ve always worked out my issues in my music, and I loved the process of making it. But I think at the me at first. Now, it’s given me a rich world in which I get to songs. My story, growing up in the fundamentalist Christian time we made Plover I was not in a very good place in my life. continue to collaborate with amazing and talented songchurch and not having anybody to talk to or share my pain I wasn’t in a very collaborative space. I’ve done so many colwriters and artists. In that way, it’s been a great gift. or anxiety with, I started writing songs. laborations since then. I’ve told Glen and Neilson that I want As I got into the music industry, the business of music is us to make another Plover record now that I’ve had so much Shapiro: You have described your forthcoming new focused on aesthetics and numbers and other things that more life experience and so much more creative experience album “Girl I Used to Be,” your first solo album since are contrary to creating art and to being free and explorcollaborating with other people. I love the way it sounds, and 2007s “The Girl Who Killed September,” as “an actual atory. When I look back over the years, I see myself kind of I love what it represents for that time. It’s unlike anything I’ve completed thought, sequenced as a storyline, with nine dumbing myself down to try and figure out what was going ever done. The Silent War is special to me because Adrianne songs on it”. At a time when the model for purchasing to work. At the time, I didn’t see it that way. Over the years, Gonzalez (AG) is both a peer and a mentor to me in terms of music is iTunes singles at 99 cents a pop, please say however, I can see myself trying to change or conform a songwriting and production. She’s so talented. She makes something about making a traditional album. little to bit to what would fit the industry. me better. When we write together, I know she’s going to Starr: To me, that’s what a record is. You listened to a After my second record, I felt, for myself, that I had push me and we’re going to get something great. It’s always record from beginning to end. I think of a record as a whole trouble getting my foot in somewhere. I felt like I was one a fun challenge to work with Adrianne. She’s so devoted to story. That’s how I used to listen to music. I got invested in step behind what the industry was doing. I was doing my the craft, to making things as great as they can be, and I trust the whole story. When Neilson (Hubbard) and I made this own thing, but not quite fitting in in some way. At least that. Neilson’s the same way. I love working with producers record, we sequenced it like it was a storybook. It has a first that’s how I feel about it looking back on it. The major-label and writers who are going to push it and not let anything thing was tough. I think I was so unsure about who I was at slide by. They’re going to be true to the art and hold you the time because I was so confused from the rejection of accountable to making the best stuff you can make. In that the church. That rejection was a direct assault on who I am way, The Silent War was my favorite. see Starr on 15 inger/songwriter Garrison Starr, a Grammynominee for her songwriting work on Margaret Cho’s “American Myth” album, is back in a big way. “Girl I Used to Be,” Starr’s highlyanticipated new album, is scheduled for release later this year. Working once again with producer Neilson Hubbard, Starr recorded the album in Nashville over the course of five days. Before the album is released, Starr is heading out on tour with fellow Tennessean Lolo on the “Tennessee Queens” tour during the summer months.

I had the pleasure of catching up with her shortly before the tour began.

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May 3-16, 2019

views

Finding a ‘home’ with the Lord and each other Spiritual Reflections

BY Shea Watts | Guest Contributor Since August, when my wife, Kathryn, and I moved to Charlotte, I have performed a nightly ritual: scrolling through the Zillow App on my iPhone, searching for a home that is both affordable and desirable. I love our neighborhood, but the prices are high and show no sign of falling any time soon.

Real estate prices in Charlotte, like many other cities, are rising. In the last year alone, the median household price rose almost 6 percent. Since 2012, prices have increased by 30 percent (bit.ly/2UW31H3).

Add to this phenomenon the challenges of economic mobility and the optics are not good. In fact, as a 2013 study by Harvard University/UC Berkeley entitled, “Where is the Land of Opportunity? The Geography of Intergenerational Mobility in the United States” indicates, Charlotte is ranked 50th out of 50 in economic mobility among the largest U.S. cities. That is to say: someone born into a particular social location will most likely remain in that class. If someone is born into poverty, they are trapped and likely to die in poverty. Factor in the significant shortage of affordable housing, and we see that the housing crisis has reached its tipping point.

As faith leaders, how do we reckon with this? How do we care for those that are being priced out of their neighborhoods, uprooted from their communities and displaced with no place to go?

Howard Thurman, the brilliant mystic and social activist, raises a question in his magnum opus, “Jesus and the

Disinherited,” that speaks to this issue pointedly: “The masses of men [sic] live with their backs constantly against the wall. They are the poor, the disinherited, the dispossessed. What does our religion say to them? The issue is not what it counsels them to do for others whose need may be greater, but what [the Christian] religion offers to meet their own needs.”

Notice Thurman isn’t concerned with how to counsel or console the poor, but rather how religion can meet their needs.

The answer, for Thurman, is not found in private pietism but in public, pragmatic action.

So, what does the Christian tradition have to say — in anything — to the poor, the disinherited, the dispossessed?

In his own magnum opus that we call “The Sermon on the Mount,” Jesus radically reforms and reshapes his tradition to address the concerns of the poor of his day.

The Roman economy, much like ours today, had created its own class system replete with economic and political systems of inequality and injustice.

In Luke’s rendition of the sermon, Jesus says: Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled.

Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.

Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you on account of the Son of Man. (NRSV)

While many have used this text as a sort of deferment from this world to the next, I think Jesus is speaking quite literally about this world (why else would he teach his disciples to pray “thy kingdom come?”). He goes on to issue “woes” to those who are rich, full, laughing and wellthought of. The takeaway? I believe it is easy to focus only on ourselves. We can live cut off from the rest of society, left to our own comforts and unfazed by the problems of our community. But if we want to address Thurman’s question, we must be willing to reach out and let the needs of the poor affect and change us. Housing is not excluded from this.

This is the way Jesus lived and invited us to live.

Rather than a kingdom of God with a king on a throne, I am an advocate for a kin-dom of God, in which we all realize our connectedness to God and each other: we are family. And family looks out for family. If one of us is struggling, we all struggle. This is what Jesus modeled.

As we consider the rising real estate prices and dire economic outlook for mobility, are we willing to name it? Are we willing, like Jesus, to take action, to reimagine and reorder our worlds to open our hearts and homes to those that are poor, disinherited and dispossessed? What types of action can we take in Charlotte to address the needs and concerns of our community?

If we are not willing, I fear our religion has nothing left to say. : : Shea Watts is the music director at Holy Covenant United Church of Christ and a third year Ph.D. student at Chicago Theological Seminary, where his research focuses on ritual studies and the body.

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a&e Starr

continued from page 12 songs, not somebody else’s songs. Taking chapter and a last chapter; it’s a piece of all these songs, on which I collaborated with art. There’s a through-line, a story. People other songwriters, I realized that all these can pick it apart if they want to, but when other people helped me be the best that you look at it as a whole picture, it makes I could be. To be able to take these songs sense. That’s what a record means to me. and make them mine, to be able to say the To me, it should be something from which words I needed to say at the time. I wasn’t you can take the pieces out, but when planning on making a record. I got all of you put it together as a puzzle it makes these songs together and thought, “Wow! I a picture. It’s not just a bunch of random do have something to say and this is it.” pieces that fit together. It’s a deliberate story. I personally love that about records.

Shapiro: Finally, Garrison, I’d like to ask That’s my experience of listening to music. you about being a part of the queer southIf you listen to (Neil Young’s) “Harvest,” ern female singer/songwriter tradition, you’re not just listening to one song from which includes the Indigo Girls, Michelle the album your entire life, you’re probably Malone, Mary listening to the whole Gauthier, Brandy record; popping it on Clark, H.C. McEntire, the record player and Lucy Dacus and letting it play all the Sarah Shook. Can you way through. It seems please say something to me that people are about your place in craving real stories that realm and the and authenticity again. importance of being I love pop music, don’t out as a queer southget me wrong. I think ern artist? some of these pop Starr: I don’t know songwriters are some what my place is. I of those most talented hope I have a place. people there are.

What I want to say It’s not easy to write is that I’m proud to some of these top be from Mississippi. hits. I applaud those I really am. Because people. The problem I think Mississippi is that this world sort is special. I think of lends itself to a that people from lot of people trying Mississippi have an to be like everybody unspoken sort of else. Maybe that’s connection. It’s like in just human nature in the movie “Mississippi general. It’s hard to Burning.” When the find the courage to preacher says to find your own voice. them, “Hey, y’all, we I’m drawn to people To Garrison Starr, music is meant to be truly listened have a system around who are telling stories to. piece by piece. instead of the whole body of here and you’re fuckthat are pushing the work or record. (Photo Credit: Shervin Lainez) ing it up. Y’all need envelope. I’m drawn to get out of here. We have a way that we to the David and Goliath underdog story. communicate and it works for us.” The I’m drawn to the fight. I’m drawn to trying reason I bring up that example is that I feel to change the world even in the face of like people in Mississippi, and maybe it’s all someone saying it’s impossible. of the South, but people in Mississippi have an unspoken bond. We have a language; Shapiro: You talked a bit about the we have a thing. We may not agree with church. The incredible “The Devil In Me”, each other, but for the most part, it’s not which opens your new album “Girl I going to keep us from stepping up or havUsed to Be,” is particularly timely, given ing a conversation when it’s needed. Or for the rise of religious fundamentalism helping each other out when we need help. and the ongoing banning of conversion That’s something I’ve always experienced in therapy and such. Did you realize at the my time in Mississippi. time you were co-writing the song with I’ll also say that I had to leave the South Carly Paige that this was going to be because I was so hurt and angry by what such a timely composition? happened to me that I had to leave. I hope Starr: No, I didn’t. Honestly, the way the that I have a place, that I’ve been honest songs on this record came about was I was enough in my music. That I’ve somehow writing them thinking they were going to be paved the way for younger artists to be someone else’s songs. What I believed was free to be themselves. I left because I was that nobody wants to put out my records. dying inside. Should I have tried to stay Nobody thinks I’m relevant. I was telling and fight? I don’t know. I’ve always tried myself that I wasn’t a viable artist anymore. to be honest in my music and be myself My time had passed. and stand up for what I believe is right, As I started collaborating, I thought to regardless of the situation. I hope that I’ve myself, “You’re just going to be a songwriter done that. I hope my music gives people now. This is what my career will be from something to hold onto, just like music has now on”. Then I looked back at these other always given that to me. : : songs I’d written with other people that nobody is doing anything with. This X artist Los Angeles-based lesbian singer/songwriter/ isn’t cutting this great song that we wrote producer Garrison Starr performs on May 11 for them. No one’s recording it, and no one’s at Backyard Stages in Greensboro, on May pitching it, so I’ll take it. I made a list of 10 or 12 at Pour House Music Hall in Raleigh and 11 songs that meant something to me over on May 14 at Evening Muse in Charlotte. For the last several years. I realized that I had more information, visit garrisonstarr.com. a body of work that’s strong. These are my

May 3-16, 2019

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life

Managing your persistent fears, anxieties and stresses

Mental Health: Finding Ways to Quiet the Inner Noise

BY Stanley Popovich | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Finding methods to relieve anxiety, fears and stress is important to mental health.

Everybody deals with anxiety and depression, however some people have a difficult time in managing it.

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As a result, here is a brief list of techniques that you can use to help deal with your most persistent fears and everyday anxieties.

When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, the first thing you can do is to divide the task into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increase your chances of success.

Sometimes we get stressed out when everything happens all at once. When this happens, you should take a deep breath and try to find something to do for a few minutes to get your mind off of the problem. You could get some fresh air, listen to some music or do an activity that will give you a fresh perspective on things.

Another technique that is very helpful is to have a small notebook of positive statements that makes you feel good.

Whenever you come across an affirmation that makes you feel good, write it down in a small notebook that you can carry around with you in your pocket.

Whenever you feel depressed or frustrated, open up your small notebook and read those statements. This will help to manage your negative thinking.

Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your depression and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. By talking to a professional, you will be helping yourself in the long run because you will become better able to deal with your problems in the future. Remember that it never hurts to ask for help.

Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods.” For more information, visit managingfear.com.

qnotes

May 3-16, 2019

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Dating, Subliminal Messaging and Your True Age Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hey Trinity, This may sound juvenile, but I’m afraid to tell my girlfriend that I’m younger than I said I was. I’m afraid she’ll dump me. She always says, “I really like that you’re older than me.”

And so on. What should I do?

Yours, Age Caged, Houston, TX Hey Caged, It sounds cliché to say, “she should like you for you, not your age” but she should, period!

However, if she likes older partners then you must deal with your original lie. So first, while she’s sleeping, repeat quietly and often in her ear, “younger is better.” After a while if she’s still attached to your older, more established fake history then it’s time to fess up, honey.

Soon, you must decide between spending the rest of your life in a lie or coming clean with the truth! If she still dumps you for your age, then consider yourself saved from a long life controlled by her irrational fantasies!

Kisses, Trinity

Dearest First Fight, Happily dating couples often think that they’re in “Oz,” the land of bliss. Then comes the first fight when someone appears to be the Wicked Witch (or Wizard) of the West. But only a cowardly lion needs to run. Sweetie, when a tornado strikes, it often opens new doors. Fighting is a normal, and often healthy, way two people let it all out. So let this fight make you two stronger, not weaker.

Practice communication, compromise and

qonexions

Dear Trinity, I was wondering what you as a celebrity are doing for America and the war efforts?

Yours, Standing Up For America, Buffalo, NY Dear Standing Up, Like everyone, I am trying to find my place as an American in these days of war.

Pumpkin, we all must do what we can in whatever way we are able. (Hey, check out my cartoon to see how I bring a little song and dance to the troops!)

Hello Trinity, I have strong feelings for a guy who knows about these feelings. But one minute he’s very attentive to me and the next minute he’s unaware of my existence. Unfortunately, I can’t get over him!

Yours, MEN (ugh!), Fort Lauderdale, FL Hello MEN (ugh!), You’re either very young or very new to the ways and woes of MEN! So here’s some hints, darling, for getting you through the next hundred years or hundred days. I suggest you cut and paste these on your wall and learn to accept them!

Trinity’s Eye Opening Tips for Understanding the Lame Activities of Men

Dearest Trinity, My boyfriend and I had our first big fight.

We have not talked in over a week. Does this mean it’s over?

Help, First Fight, Topeka, KS

qomunity

forgiveness! Until a house falls on your head, keep working on this yellow brick road!

Kisses, Trinity

1. I nconsistency, selfishness and cold mood swings are side affects of MSG and MEN!

2. If he’s madly in love with you and can’t stop thinking about you but acts like NOTHING’S going on, then you’re with a man!

3. Emotional expressions are often found in women, artists and many LIVING things, but as for men, try again!

4. “MY needs, my freedom, my sexual desires, my side of the story...” are phrases most often spoken by... guess who!

5. SOME men are extremely kind, sensitive, warm and loving, but these men are mostly found in... monasteries!

6. Cooking, cleaning, parenting and taking out the trash are things men find...

OTHER people to do!

7. I f you’re (tired of) hearing, “I’m late, it’s not my FAULT. I forgot our date. It’s not my fault. Sorry, but blah, blah, it’s not my fault.” then you are definitely... with a man!

8. Occasional FLINGS and apparent flirting accompanied by puppy dog eyes and expensive presents most often represents the male gender!

9. Men often APPEAR clearheaded, practical, passionate types... until the third month of dating!

10. L astly, now that you know everything about men, don’t fret, because they can also be TRAINED to be incredibly romantic... given time!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

May 3-16, 2019

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events storytelling relating to their own experiences of resistance of oppression, injustice and exclusion.

Admission is free and there is a voluntary $15 donation. Visit the website for additional information. airingoutthedirtylaundry.com.

May 6 ‘Last Men Standing’ Screening

May 3-5 Reel Out Charlotte

Camp North End 1824 Statesville Avenue, Charlotte Charlotte Pride presents Reel Out Charlotte, the city’s annual LGBTQ film festival. The festival features documentary films, short films, and full-length features showing diverse LGBTQ experiences. Individual film screening tickets are $5 and may be purchased online. bit.ly/2lHlslf.

May 3-May 11: Charlotte SHOUT! Festival

Various Locations across Uptown Charlotte Charlotte SHOUT! is a sprawling, two-week festival celebrating art, music, food and ideas taking place at various venues across Uptown Charlotte. SHOUT! kicks off with the Charlotte Jazz Festival and culminates with a three-day “convergence.” While many of the Festival’s 75+ events are free, tickets for individual concerts can be purchased online. charlotteshout.com.

May 4 Airing Out the ‘Dirty’ Laundry

Resident Culture Brewing Company 2101 Central Ave., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Join artist Andrea Downs and speaker Nikki Eason for Airing Out the ‘Dirty’ Laundry, a collaborative art project in which all cis women, transgender women, trans-femme folks and non-binary folks are invited to create a piece of visual

Trinity Lutheran Church 421 N. Main St., Greenville, SC 6 p.m.

AID Upstate and Trinity Lutheran Church present a screening of “Last Men Standing,” a documentary following the lives of eight gay men in the Bay Area who were diagnosed with HIV in the early years of the epidemic and not expected to survive. There will be refreshments and a post-screening discussion. Admission is free, but tickets are required. Registration is available online. bit.ly/2Vh6eQZ

May 9 Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Fund After Work Meet Up

Vin Master Wine Shop 2000 South Blvd., Charlotte 5:30-7:30 p.m.

Join the Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Fund for their semi-annual After Work Meet Up. Connect with other LGBTQ professionals in the Charlotte area and enjoy a glass of wine! facebook.com/myclgf.

May 9-12 LEAF Festival

Lake Eden Events & Lodging 377 Lake Eden Rd., Black Mountain Taking place at beautiful Lake Eden in Black Mountain, LEAF is a family-friendly three-day festival showcasing a number of artists and craft and culinary vendors as well as healing, music and earth skills workshops. Weekend passes

Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

include overnight stays and start at $227. Day passes start at $58.

Children under 10 are free. Tickets can be purchased online. theleaf.org.

May 10 A Clown Nun Drag Gameshow, Oh My!

27 Club Asheville 2630, 180 Patton Ave., Asheville 9:30 p.m.

The Beer City Sisters, Abbey of All Souls will host “The Sisters Show,” a goofy interactive guessing game show fundraiser for Youth OutRight. Nun drag queen Wilma Holeburn hosts. Real audience members are chosen as contestants. Tacky prizes awarded. Also includes silly commercial breaks, stories and pop-up performances by special guests. Tickets are $10 and are available online. bit.ly/2ZGXByv.

May 10 Wanda Sykes

North Charleston Performing Arts Center 5001 Coliseum Dr., North Charleston 7 p.m.

Comedian Wanda Sykes, known as one of the funniest comics in America, brings her national tour to North Charleston. Tickets start at $38.50 and can be purchased online. bit.ly/2VUjWWW.

May 12 Asheville Drag Brunch Fundraiser for Youth OutRight

Grey Eagle 185 Clingman Ave., Asheville 12:30 p.m.

Join Asheville Drag Brunch for a special one-hour drag show and Mother’s Day brunch in support of Youth OutRight. Tickets are $20 and can be purchased online. bit.ly/2PiRdbD.

May 13 AFFA Golf Tournament Fundraiser

Shadowmoss Golf Club 20 Dunvegan Dr., Charleston 1:30 p.m.

Enjoy a day of golf in support of Alliance for Full Acceptance. Individual golfer entry fee starts at $85 and includes range balls, golf cart, drink tickets, lunch and dinner.

Tickets and additional information can be found online. bit.ly/2Xv5B3J.

May 14 Drag Trivia with Onya

May 24-June 9: ‘The Producers’

Experience Mel Brooks’ famous, laugh-out-loud musical at the Eloise McDonald Playhouse. Known as of one of America’s best musicals, the show follows a scheming producer and his mousey accountant who seek to produce the biggest flop on Broadway in order to scam their investors. Tickets are $28 and may be purchased online. The Eloise McDonald Playhouse, 501 Queens Rd., Charlotte. Times Vary. bit.ly/2vfoJq6.

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May-June 2019

Petra’s 1919 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Trivia Vixen Queen Onyx leads a night of trivia and fun at Petra’s. petrasbar.com.

May 14 Tash Sultana

The Fillmore Charlotte

May 11: Drag Queen Story Hour

This family event will feature a local Queen who will read two books to children interspersed with simpler songs and movement activities. The Queen with then lead everyone in a rainbow bunny ears craft, followed by a dance party. The event is free, but registration is required and available online. Bechtler Museum of Modern Art, 420 S. Tryon St., Charlotte.

10 a.m.-12 p.m. bit.ly/2GOHBmt. 820 Hamilton St., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Queer singer/songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Tash Sultana brings her unique indie pop to The Fillmore. Tickets start at $39 and may be purchased online. bit.ly/2vfoJq6.

May 17 Intersections: Arts + Affordable Housing

Covenant Presbyterian Church 1000 E. Morehead St., Charlotte 8-11 a.m.

ArtPlace America and the Center for Performance Practice host a diverse panel of affordable housing activists, artists and storytellers for a morning of learning and discussion on the way that art can positively impact the push for affordable housing in Charlotte and beyond. Tickets may be purchased for $10 online. bit.ly/2ZnQ9rI.

May 17 Time Out Youth Platinum Gala

Le Méridien Charlotte 555 S. McDowell St. 6:30-10:30 p.m.

TOY’s yearly formal event celebrates LGBTQ youth in the Carolinas and raises funds for the organization’s new and ongoing enterprises. Dinner, entertainment, and silent and live auctions are included in the festivities. Individual tickets start at $100, with sponsorship options to $25,000 and beyond. Spots still available for corporate sponsorships.

Tickets and more information are available online. timeoutyouth.org/gala.

May 18 Charlotte Pride Band in Concert

UNC Charlotte, Rowe Recital Hall 9201 University City Blvd., Charlotte 5 p.m.

Under the artistic direction of John Stanley Ross, Charlotte Pride Band closes this season with a “Spring Fling” concert. This concert serves “lighter fare” with fun works by

George Gershwin, Karl King and Joseph Wilcox Jenkins as well as Gustav Holst and Steven Bryant.

Tickets are $15 and can be purchased online. bit.ly/2GmgUUF.

May 18 Charlotte Dragon Boat Festival and Asian Festival

Ramsey Creek Park 18441 Nantz Rd., Cornelius 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

The family-friendly Dragon Boat Festival and Asian Festival features dragon boat races, Asian music, Asian food, martial arts demonstrations and more. Admission is free. Parking is not available at the park, but attendees can park at 8900 Northe Point Executive Park in Huntersville and take a complimentary shuttle. charlottedragonboat.com.

May 19 Rainbow Conversations: A Community Forum

Undercurrent Coffee 2012 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Taylor Robbins leads a discussion with community members on how best to approach topics of sexuality with youth. Robbins hopes to help adults and parents to encourage children and young people to love themselves and feel free discussing their identity. Tickets are $5-$7 and can be purchased online. bit.ly/2Gt7wzY.

May 28 CLGBTCC Honoring 2019 Fierce Five!

Bulla Gastrobar 4310 Sharon Rd., Suite W01, Charlotte 6:30 p.m.

The Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce will present its Fierce 5 Awards to community members who are under 35. Complimentary hors d’oeuvres provided. Members can attend free of charge, nonmembers, $5. RSVP/tickets available online at tinyurl.com/y6eczyeg. clgbtcc.org.

REGULAR EVENTS Charlotte LGBT Chamber

Regular business meetings, social events and other activities throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: clgbtcc.org.

PFLAG Concord/Kannapolis

Meets for monthly group support meetings, second Tuesday of each month, 7-9 p.m., Trinity United Church of Christ, 38 Church St. N., Concord. info: bit.ly/1pCFVBq.

PFLAG Gaston

Meets for monthly support meetings, third Thursday of each month, 7 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 258 W. Franklin Blvd., Gastonia. info: pflaggaston.org.

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/.

Stonewall Sports

Regular team sports, meet-up, social and service events throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: stonewallcharlotte.leagueapps.com.

Trans Youth Group

Time Out Youth Center hosts weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:306 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org.

Transcend Charlotte

Hosts twice monthly support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte.

Prior to each meeting an anxiety support group is offered 5-6 p.m. info: transcendcharlotte.org.

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

a&e

If you can “Dish” it…

Dishing with Buff Faye

BY Buff Faye | CONTRIBUTING WRITER | info@bufffaye.com They say “if you can ‘dish it,’ you can take it.” But I say let’s just “eat it.” I checked the Buff Faye archives (brushed off all the dusty papers) and it seems as though I have not shared in over two year some of my favorite eats in the Queen City. So I figured ladies and their men folk need to know where to get some tasty finger foods.

Here are my updated Queen City favorite spots to eat and drink: The Cowfish Sushi Burger Bar 4310 Sharon Rd., Charlotte, NC 28211 It’s like having drag queens on a platter. You get the beef and fish. What could be better really? Seriously, the dining experience is colorful, hip and the gourmet burgers and sushi are absolutely delish.

Bad Daddy’s Burger Bar 1626 East Blvd., Charlotte, NC 28203 Their hashtag is #BDBurgerPorn. Every morsel is tantalizing and I love this place. Still waiting on having a signature “All Buff” burger named after me. Try the Jalapeño Popper Burger for that extra spicy kick! Plus they handcut their fries.

Pure Pizza 1911 Central Ave., Charlotte, NC 28205 I am a huge fan. This place is a hold over from my first list. It’s an ultra-hip pizza joint that had gender neutral bathrooms long before the HB2 controversy. This hot spot is so queer-friendly and uses only home-grown, fresh ingredients. Guaranteed it’s some of the best pizza in the Queen City — and you can even dip your pizza crust in honey with bourbon. Yummy!

Shake Shack 1605 E Woodlawn Rd., Charlotte, NC 28209 Yes, I realize it’s a chain. But have you tried their frozen custard?! It is the best thing ever. Somehow even their grilled cheese tastes amazing. You should give it a try if you want fast, friendly and yummy!

Dish 1220 Thomas Ave., Charlotte, NC 28205 If I had to pick one place that I love, it would be Dish. This is another hold over from my previous list. Dish makes everyone feel at home, like you’re eating with family. So much of their food reminds you of what your Mom or Grandma might cook. My favorites are pretty much anything on the menu — but you have to try the potato poppers.

Good Food on Montford 1701 Montford Dr., Charlotte, NC 28209 I call it my hidden spot. It’s trendy and yet rustic. I love this place for drinking wine and having small plates with a creative twist.

Definitely a fun place to impress someone special and go back to

their place for dessert — after one, two or maybe five glasses of wine.

SouthBound Buff Faye. (Photo Credit: Cody Perry Photography) 2433 South Blvd., Charlotte, NC 28203 Well, well, well… out of nowhere this place popped up and brought such a chill, beach vibe to South Boulevard. I love the indoor/ outdoor dining experience and open street feel. The food is equally as festive with tacos, chicharrones and fabulous treats.

Boudreaux’s Louisiana Kitchen 501 E. 36th St., Charlotte, NC 28205 Cajun makes me happy! And this casual restaurant joint serves up the best menu of seafood, gumbo and Cajun-style food.

Whenever I go, it is always packed and very popular.

Carpe Diem 1535 Elizabeth Ave., Charlotte, NC 28204 Yep, it’s still my favorite. Occasionally I like to get all dressy and go somewhere for a nice glass of wine and a lovely evening of dining.

Carpe Diem is my special spot to go. The food is exquisite and the restaurant is gorgeous. Located off Elizabeth, the food is always fabulous. If you want my menu pick, I suggest the pork chops. Definitely a must go.

300 East 300 East Blvd, Charlotte, NC 28203 You’re not queer if you have not heard of 300 East. It has been around for over 25 years off East Boulevard inside an old historic home.

I recall it as one of the first places where I felt comfortable dining out with my husband. Great for a business lunch or a special occasion.

Well there you have it. Tell them that Buff Faye sent you — who knows, you might get a discount or at least a big smile. Oh yeah, if you’re buying, you can call me for lunch or dinner too! : : DRAG TIP: Check your boobs for leftovers after a good meal. I always have enough for a snack later.

Buff Faye calls the Queen City her home and lives for red velvet cupcakes (plus she loves to raise money for charities). Find her at your favorite bars and hot spots. And don’t forget her monthly Saturday night shows, Sunday drag brunch and regular Friday night party bus.

Learn more at AllBuff.com. Follow on Twitter @BuffFaye.

SHOUT OUTS: Don’t forget the Queen’s Royal Ball is

Friday, May 17 in Uptown Charlotte at Rooftop 210. Learn more at queensroyaldragball.eventbrite.com.

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