QNotes, May 17, 2019

May 17-30, 2019

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inside this issue

May 17-30, 2019 Vol 34 No 02

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contributors this issue

Rev. Jasmine Beach-Ferrara, Camilla K. Cannon, Vic Gerami, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Jesse Monteagudo, Zachary Porfiris, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Trinity

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charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

9 Charlotte’s Cat Cafes Offer Family, Fun and a Place to Destress

Navigating Same-Sex Divorce in the Tar Heel State

news

A local attorney shares tips on how to wade through the system of same-sex couple dissolution.

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6 LGBTQ Military Orgs Merge 6 TAR’s Oakley Shares PSA 6 News Briefs 7 ‘Queer Eye’ Personality Brown Set for DNC Gala 7 Study Released on Gun Violence

a&e 10 10 Questions with Vic:

Tiffany 11 Out in Print: ‘Brown White Black’ 14 Stuck on Sticky 17 Tell Trinity

Our People

Derrick Vidas, whose love of animals led him to open a pet-centered shop, spends his time offering doggie day care, boarding and grooming for Charlotteans and their fur families.

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life 15

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Health & Wellness: The Privilege of Beauty Our People: Derrick Vidas

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A Coven of Witches Asheville Named a Top City for LGBTQ Retirees Same-Sex Divorce in N.C.

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May 17-30, 2019

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A coven of witches Jesse’s Journal

BY Jesse Monteagudo | Guest Contributor

My dictionary defines a witch as “1: one that is credited with usually malignant supernatural powers; esp: a woman practicing usually black witchcraft often with the aid of a devil or familiar ... 2: an ugly old woman ... 3: a charming or alluring girl or woman.” As sexist and incorrect as that definition might be, it reflects popular attitudes toward witches and witchcraft. To most Americans, witches are either childstealing devil worshipers, hideous old women like the Wicked Witch of the West, or lovable enchantresses like the sisters in the television series Charmed.

But witches do exist, though they are nothing like the malevolent sorceresses of popular legend. Witches are followers of a centuries-old religion which traces its roots to the Celts and other pre-historic, matriarchal societies. As a Goddess-worshiping, woman-centered faith, Wicca, “the Craft of the wise one” (wicce) attracts many women who reject patriarchal faiths like Judaism, Christianity or Islam. “Women want to change the internal picture [they] have of a male god in heaven so that these women will no longer accept rule by males on earth” (Naomi Goldenberg). The Craft is also popular with “changing men” and with LGBTQ people of all genders and persuasions.

There are many definitions of witchcraft. Back in my The Weekly News (twn) days I interviewed Will, a gay male witch who lived in South Florida. Will defined the Craft as “the worship of the forces that keep the universe together — life and death.” Some witches believe in literal deities while others view them as “symbols of the forces of the universe.” Though often

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accused of immorality by their enemies, witches have their own code of ethics, the Witches Rede, which Will called “the single most important law” of the Craft. “Do as you will so long as it harms none.”

Will described himself as a Gardnerian witch, a follower of a sect founded in the last century by Gerald Gardner out of older traditions. Witches gather in covens, groups who convene for religious or magical or psychic purposes. Covens meet weekly (esbats) or seasonally (sabbats).

The greatest of eight seasonal sabbats, Samhain, falls on the eve of Nov. 1 and is the precursor to Halloween. Unlike traditional, patriarchal faiths, the Craft accepts sexual and gender variance. As with other nature-centered faiths, spiritual leadership is often held by LGBTQ people. The Radical Faerie movement is, to an extent, a gay male product of Wicca and other neopagan traditions.

According to Will, his adherence to the Craft is closely tied to his status as a gay man. Raised as a Presbyterian, Will “felt at home” the moment he encountered his adoptive faith. Will later became a third degree priest, the highest rank within the Gardnerian sect. Like other LGBTQ witches, Will integrated his religious beliefs with his sexual orientation, and found acceptance from other members of his coven and from the Craft in general. Even so, Will believed that, in America, it’s easier to be queer than to be a witch. Two decades later, there is still a long way to go before the Craft gains the recognition and the acceptance that it deserves, whether or not you believe in it. : :

Asheville named a top city for LGBTQ retirees Op-Ed: Provides a Model for and a Challenge to Other Southern Cities

BY Rev. Jasmine Beach-Ferrara | Guest Contributor

Asheville, N.C. is a model for other southern cites when it comes to LGBTQ retirees. (Photo Credit: SeanPavonePhoto via Adobe Stock) LGBTQ seniors have spent the majority of their lives experiencing discrimination and have now also lived through the incredible progress of the past 10 years. Our great hope is that we make progress fast enough for them to experience full legal equality in their lifetimes.

We’re seeing momentum already for older LGBTQ adults in the South — the latest evidence being the inclusion of seven Southern cities, including Asheville, on a list from SeniorAdvice.com counting down the Top 20 Cities for LGBTQ Retirement.

Lists like this one from SeniorAdvice. com are important because they shine a light on the unique experiences of LGBTQ older adults. Research shows that LGBTQ elders are twice as likely to be single and live alone, four times less likely to have children and generally more likely than non-LGBTQ elders to have faced discrimination and social stigma, which can lead to poor physical and mental health, poverty and homelessness. Too often, LGBTQ elders face additional barriers in accessing equitable services and health care, so spotlighting cities leading the way as models of support is critical.

It’s heartening to see Asheville on the list, as well as other Southern cities such as Austin, Texas; Alexandria, Va.; and New Orleans, La. These are Southern communities with strong LGBTQ communities and more services and resources than you might find elsewhere. Asheville, for example, is home to Western North Carolina Community Health Services (bit.ly/2vPVdYn), a great resource with a groundbreaking Transgender Health Program. Advocates at WNCCHS and beyond are working to repair relationships between health service providers and LGBTQ people. Other efforts, including LGBT Elder Advocates of WNC (bit. ly/2LBuIRj), provide resources about LGBTQ-friendly elder services. Overall, for a Southern community Asheville features a higher than average number of LGBTQfriendly medical providers, attorneys and faith communities. This combination of access to LGBTQ-friendly services and social support offer LGBTQ elders two pillars that can contribute to health, wellbeing and a sense of connectedness.

Still, there’s a lot of room to grow support for LGBTQ seniors. Data shows

that one-third of LGBTQ seniors live at or below 200 percent of the federal poverty line, and those numbers are even higher for LGBTQ people of color. In the South, we know that many social services and direct services are faith-affiliated and that this can present a barrier to LGBTQ elders accessing the care they need. When our team at the Campaign for Southern Equality conducted the Trans Health Focus Group Project (bit.ly/2VwA0Ss), several transgender seniors reflected on the new challenges they were encountering with medical specialists, some of whom had not previously treated trans patients.

With each new provider relationship, the burden of educating about their identity and unique health needs often falls to the trans and nonbinary patient.

Beyond that, every Southern state lacks critical LGBTQ non-discrimination protections at the state level, and in North Carolina, HB142 prohibits cities like Asheville from passing their own LGBTQinclusive non-discrimination ordinances.

Until we can ensure these comprehensive protections, LGBTQ people will continue to face and fear discrimination and harass-

ment — whether it’s as overt as being directly denied a lease, mortgage or space at a senior living facility or more subtle, such as facing hostility at a senior center or being given inadequate health care.

At the Campaign for Southern Equality (bit.ly/2Q060Zd) we know that local communities can lead the way when it comes to establishing strong equity practices in the South. That’s why we do so much work with local health care providers, direct service providers and businesses to become more inclusive and affirming. On the policy level, that’s why we advocate for Southern cities to pass comprehensive non-discrimination ordinances and directly address the inequities that LGBTQ people experience.

Ultimately, LGBTQ seniors shouldn’t need to consult a list of the most supportive, inclusive cities out there. LGBTQ seniors — and LGBTQ people of any age — should be able to live their lives freely and equally in every town and city in every state across the South. That’s what we’re working toward, and that’s what we’ll keep working toward until LGBTQ people are free and equal across the South. : :

May 17-30, 2019

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news

‘Pose’ cast video targets youth homelessness

LGBTQ military orgs merge WASHINGTON, D.C. — Two LGBTQ military non-profits — the American Military Partner Association (AMPA) and OutServeSLDN — have announced that they are combining forces by merging to form the nation’s largest non-profit organization dedicated to education, advocacy and support for LGBTQ service members, military spouses, veterans, family members and allies — the Modern Military Association of America (MMAA).

OutServeSLDN Executive Director and Navy veteran Andy Blevins will lead MMMA as executive director.

“I’m both humbled and honored to lead the Modern Military Association of America at this challenging moment in the fight for LGBTQ military equality,” said Blevins. “While we’ve made tremendous progress over the years as a community, much of that progress is now being threatened and rolled back — especially for our transgender service members who now face an unconscionable transgender military ban. We’re committed to doing everything within our power to stand up for all of our modern military and veteran families and ensure they have a powerful voice in Washington and beyond.”

The MMAA has launched at a challenging moment for the LGBTQ military community as the Trump-Pence administration rolls back progress by implementing a transgender military ban. Just last month, the discriminatory ban went into effect — impacting thousands of actively serving transgender military members and many more qualified transgender recruits who want to serve. Both AMPA and OutServeSLDN have been leading voices in the fight to overturn the transgender military ban. Joined by Lambda Legal and the state of Washington, OutServeSLDN filed the lawsuit Karnoski v. Trump in 2017 on behalf of AMPA, the Human Rights Campaign, Seattle-based Gender Justice League and nine individual plaintiffs. The Newly appointed Modern Military lawsuit will continue with the new organization.

Association of America Executive Director The MMAA, through its legal help desk, it will continue assisting members with discharge Andy Blevins. (Photo Credit: OUTServeSLDN) upgrades, legal name changes and discrimination. And the Rainbow Shield program was launched recently to help equip military and veteran service providers with the skills they need to be culturally competent to provide effective and efficient services to the LGBTQ military and veteran community. The organization will also continue AMPA’s military spouse scholarship, presented by Hilton, that enables military spouses to pursue their higher education goals. With 81 chapters located throughout the world, the organization will facilitate opportunities for fellowship and camaraderie for individuals and families located at both stateside and overseas military bases.

Blevins previously served as a law clerk for Military Disability Lawyer, LLC and the child advocacy section of Oregon’s Justice Department. He also had the opportunity to work for the First Lady Michelle Obama in White House. Blevins spent most of his naval service working as a cryptologic technician in Guam, where he would ultimately end up reaching out to OutServeSLDN for assistance while being investigated under the now-defunct “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law. He studied law and business administration at Willamette University’s College of Law and Atkinson Graduate School of Management, as well as writing, with an emphasis in community-based pedagogy, at the University of Colorado. While in graduate school, Blevins helped to found, and eventually serve as the editor-in-chief, for the Pacific Northwest’s first law journal focused exclusively on social justice and equity issues. He also had the honor of being named the first runner-up for the National LGBT Bar Association’s 2017 Student Leadership Award, a Shepherd Scholar through OGALLA: The LGBT Bar Association of Oregon, and the Atkinson Graduate School of Management’s first ReachingOut MBA Scholar. info: modernmilitary.org. militarypartners.org. outserve.org.

— Lainey Millen

TAR’s Oakley shares PSA NEW YORK, N.Y. and LOS ANGELES, Calif. — The Trevor Project (TTP) and AT&T Turn Up the Love, the company’s campaign to support and engage LGBTQ people and allies, has launched “Anytime, Anywhere” featuring content creator and LGBTQ advocate Tyler Oakley who is currently competing on his second season on CBS’s “The Amazing Race.”

Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young individuals, and LGBTQ youth are more than four times more likely to attempt suicide than their peers. “Anytime, Anywhere” highlights Oakley’s moments of feeling hopeless and alone during his youth, and tells LGBTQ young people that The Trevor Project’s text and chat counseling services, TrevorText and TrevorChat, are now available 24/7 for the first time in the organization’s 21-year history of saving young LGBTQ lives.

“The Trevor Project wants every young LGBTQ person to know that they are never alone and can always reach out to us for help,” said Amit Paley, CEO and executive director of TTP. “Now that our text and chat services are available around the clock, thanks to financial support, products, services, and employee volunteers provided by AT&T, we can provide life-saving support to even more of the 1.5 million LGBTQ young people we estimate to need our services every year. With the help of Tyler Oakley and AT&T, we’re able to reach LGBTQ youth nationwide so they know how to connect with trained crisis counselors at any time, who can tell them that they are loved, valued, and never alone.”

The organization expanded TrevorText and TrevorChat’s availability with Generation Z in mind. As the first mobile-native generation that grew up with smartphone technology, they are more comfortable with text and chat services than with speaking on the phone or in-person interactions. In fact, in a third-party evaluation of the organization’s services, 63 percent who used its text and chat services reported doing so because they felt like it was easier to be themselves. Oakley, who his social media following of more than 23 million fans and over 7.5 million YouTube subscribers, connects directly with young people daily through content that resonates uniquely with them.

“Moments of crisis are different for everyone, and I hope that by sharing mine, LGBTQ youth know there’s no reason too big or small to reach out to The Trevor Project,” said Oakley. “Asking for support isn’t always easy — it’s important to meet LGBTQ young people where they are, with counselors who are trained to meet their unique needs, and on platforms they’re comfortable using.”

The 24/7 transformation of TTP’s text and chat services is powered by AT&T. “Our work with The Trevor Project is especially meaningful to AT&T. We’re proud to make millions of connections every day and those connections are never more important than in a time of need or crisis,” said Valerie Vargas, senior vice president of advertising and creative services. “As one of the first corporate allies of the LGBTQ community, providing resources and support — whether it’s through our technology or our dedicated employees — to help save lives of LGBTQ young people is a crucial part of our mission.”

Supporters of TTP’s expansion to provide 24/7 text and chat support for LGBTQ youth in crisis also includes The Coca-Cola Foundation and Wells Fargo Foundation.

TTP also supports LGBTQ youth in crisis through TrevorLifeline, its confidential phone lifeline, which has been available 24/7 since the organization’s inception 21 years ago. info: thetrevorproject.org.

— Lainey Millen

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The cast of “Pose” — including Billy Porter, Mj Rodriguez, Dominique Jackson and Ryan Jamaal Swain — released a video in honor of True Colors Day held in April which discusssed the issues of LGBTQ youth homelessness. In it they ask what everyday individuals can do to help end it.

LGBTQ youth are 120 percent more likely to experience homelessness than their counterparts, with identity-based family rejection being the most commonly-cited reason, the organizers said.

info: truecolorsday.org.

Augusta announces Pride event

The 10th Annual Pride Festival in Augusta, Ga. will be held from June 21-22 and kicks off on the first day with “Beats on Broadway and a parade the following day. Entertainers include “RuPaul’s Drag Race” contestant Trinity K Bonet, YouTube and social media personality Sean Van Der Wilt, musical artist Josh Zuckerman and YouTube duo Bria and Chrissy. TIckets and more information is available online.

info: prideaugusta.org.

Trans woman sentenced on rape charge

Quonshe Brimmer, a 25-year-old transgender woman, was sentenced to 39 to 48 years in prison after a jury found him guilty of first-degree statutory rape, firstdegree statutory sex offense and taking indecent liberties with a minor, The [Jacksonville, N.C.] Daily News reported.

The victim was around five and a half years old when the incident occurred.

The defense used Brimmer’s gender identity as an arguing point in the case.

info: bit.ly/2LADsXL.

PFLAG chapter raises funds

The Concord/Kannapolis PFLAG chapter raised over $5,000 at its recent spring fundraising event. The funds support the organization’s newly-instituted scholarship fund. The first $1,000 winner was Daphne Reynolds, who attends Cannon School, Concord, N.C. and will use the funds at Ringling College of Art and Design in pursit of a degree in animation. She was greeted at the chapter’s May 14 meeting.

info: ckpflag@gmail.com.

Marchers hit Havana streets

Gay-rights activists took to the streets to hold an unauthorized march in Havana, Cuba on May 11, The Associated Press reported. Some of the participants, who has assembled to press the country for non-discriminatory laws and more, were arrested when they attempted to break trough a police presence.

info: bit.ly/2VRhWSD.

Center creates trans military blog The Palm Center has launched a new blog about transgender military service.

Authored by some of the nation’s top experts on transgender military service, the blog is intended to keep the community informed of developing issues.

info: palmcenter.org/blog_posts..

NC high school approves inclusive policy

On May 1, the North Carolina High School Athletic Association’s Board of Directors approved a policy that “allows participation in interscholastic athletics for all students, regardless of gender or gender identification,” USA Today reported from Asheville Citizen-Times resources.

info: bit.ly/2LEcwWU. highschoolot.com.

‘Queer Eye’ personality Brown set for DNC gala NEW YORK, N.Y. — Karamo Brown, a member of the “Queer Eye” Fab Five, will be a special celebrity guest at the Democratic National Committee’s (DNC) 20th Annual LGBTQ Gala to be held on June 17 in New York, N.Y., The Advocate reported. He will highlight the progress the LGBTQ community has made since Stonewall 50 years ago. Also attending will be every LGBTQ member of Congress, along with DNC Chair Tom Perez. This comes on the tail of helping to elect ‘Queer Eye’ cast member the largest number of LGBTQ members Kamaro Brown. (Photo Congress has ever seen.

Credit: MTV International.

“I’m ready to do my part in helping CC 3.0 license) elect Democrats up and down the ballot,” said LGBTQ activist and TV personality Karamo Brown. “Last year, our community joined together and broke records. Now, it’s time to continue that momentum and help build the infrastructure our eventual Democratic presidential nominee will need to win. I’m excited to join Chair Tom Perez and our LGBTQ members of Congress to kick off the 2020 election cycle.”

“The 2018 midterm election was a landmark moment for the LGBTQ community. LGBTQ representation was boosted all across the country and at every level of government. Now, as we enter the most important presidential election of our lifetime, it’s critical that we build on the progress we’ve made,” Perez shared. “The new House Democratic Majority is holding President Trump accountable and putting forward a legislative agenda to expand opportunities for everyone, including the LGBTQ community through the Equality Act. I’m excited to host LGBTQ activist Karamo Brown and fellow allies at this year’s gala.”

“In 2018 we reset expectations across the country of who runs for office and who we support as candidates. In the 116th Congress, there are more women, people of color and members of the LGBTQ community than ever before. Together we are working to ensure that everyone’s voice is heard and everyone has access to opportunity. I’m proud to be a part of this new House Majority — and a co-chair of the Equality Caucus — as we work towards these goals, “ said Rep. Sharice Davids info: dnc.org.

— Lainey Millen

Study released on gun violence, highlights need for data and research LOS ANGELES, Calif. — A new study released by the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law finds there is a critical lack of data about gun violence and LGBTQ individuals. While gun violence against the LGBTQ community is a significant concern, important questions remain unanswered or unexplored, such as the role of guns in suicide death, intimate partner violence and hate crimes.

“These gaps are partially due to a lack of data. Death and injury surveillance systems in the United States largely do not measure the sexual orientation or gender identity of victims or perpetrators,” the institute said.

The report examines gun violence against LGBTQ individuals, including suicides, homicides and other forms of gun violence. Researchers conclude that gun violence is a significant concern for this population, but there are many unanswered or unexplored questions, such as the role of guns in suicide death, intimate partner violence and hate crimes. These gaps are partially due to a lack of data: Death and injury surveillance systems in the U.S. largely do not measure the sexual orientation or gender identity of victims and perpetrators.

“Government data systems must do a better job tracking the deaths and injuries of LGBT people so we can better understand firearm violence against this population, including differences by race/ethnicity, geography and other characteristics,” said lead author Adam P. Romero, federal policy director, and Arnold D. Kassoy, scholar of law at the institute. “This is especially important because studies show that LGBT people have an elevated risk of violent death, which is related to anti-LGBT stigma and discrimination.”

In a previous study, the Williams Institute found that an estimated 18.8 percent of LGB adults in the U.S. have guns in their home, compared to 35.1 percent of heterosexuals. Among both LGB and heterosexual adults, nonHispanic whites are more likely to have a gun at home than other races/ethnicities. Overall, LGB adults are more likely than heterosexuals to support gun reform measures, such as background checks for all gun sales.

The current report synthesizes literature on gun violence impacting both the general U.S .population and LGBTQ individuals, discusses evidence-based interventions to reduce gun violence and establishes a research agenda. Among key findings from the literature include: Between 10-20 percent of LGB people report having attempted suicide at least once in their lifetime; 6 percent of transgender youth had attempted suicide in the past year, compared to 9.1 percent of cisgender girls and 5.5 percent of cisgender boys; LGBTQ individuals experience Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) as often as or more often than the general U.S. population; over 10,300 hate crimes involve a firearm each year and nearly one-fifth of hate crimes are based on sexual orientation or gender identity bias.

The Williams Institute will host a webinar on May 23, 6 a.m. EDT, to discuss the findings of the report, the potential implications of this research for policies and interventions to reduce gun violence among individuals and the specific needs for future research and data. To register for the webinar, visit bit.ly/2LBd93C. info: bit.ly/2LE0IE4.

— Lainey Millen

May 17-30, 2019

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life

Charlotte’s cat cafes offer family, fun and a place to destress Kitties Gain Much-Needed Attention, ‘Furever Home’ Adoption

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BY Camilla K. Cannon | qnotes contributor

ver the course of my 40-minute interview with Lori Konawalik, founder and owner of the MacTabby Cat Cafe in NoDa, I was lucky enough to be crawled all over by a parade of gorgeous cats: there’s Jared, the adventurous and agile cat that Konawalik places on my shoulders as soon as I walk in, handsome, smokey lap cat Kenny, who seems like an ideal all-day Netflix companion, and Sierra, the cafe’s spunky resident three-legged kitten. Lori knows them all, singing their unique praises and pointing out their antics as we talk.

This experience is common for anyone who visits MacTabby or Daily Mews, a cat cafe located in Oakhurst and owned by wife-andhusband team Tamara and Andy Leicester. In both businesses, customers pay a small fee to enter the cat lounge for either a half hour or a full hour. All of the cats at each cafe are rescues — Daily Mews partners with their neighbors at Monroe Road Animal Hospital, which runs a unique adoption program for both dogs and cats, while MacTabby partners with Catering to Cats and Dogs, a pet-rescue organization in Charlotte that handles adopMacTabby kitties at play. tions from the application process onwards.

In both cafes, customers can simply let a staff member know when they’ve fallen in love with a cat, and they will guide them through the process. The adoption fee for each cafe covers spaying and neutering, the healthcare the cats receive prior to adoption and essentials like food, litter and maintenance.

Both Konawalik and the Leicesters got into the cat cafe business after a lifetime of loving, fostering and rescuing cats. Tamara and Andy had both fostered cats and participated in animal rescue before and spotted a gap in feline-centered business in Charlotte that inspired them to pursue the idea of a cat cafe. While the Leicesters have a background in business, opening MacTabby was much more of a leap of faith for Konawalik, who had no business background, three children and an ongoing photography career.

“It seemed very daunting. The fear was ridiculous,” she says. “I made sure I was humble about it and gained as much knowledge as I could about things I didn’t know.” Any doubt Konawalik may have had about whether or not a cat cafe could thrive in Charlotte was assuaged by the outpouring of support she received before the business even opened.

Konawalik established a GoFundMe for MacTabby with the goal of raising $20,000 for the cafe in 30 days; instead, she raised more than $20,000 in under 30 days. As a result of this fundraising effort, Konawalik says, “I don’t ever feel like this is my cat cafe. I feel like its me and 299 people who made this happen. It’s all of ours. It’s the city’s cat cafe.”

Building a welcoming and therapeutic space for humans as well as cats is a central mission for both Daily Mews and MacTabby. When the Leicesters purchased the Daily Mews building, they made sure to install ramps in order to make the cafe ADA-compliant and accessible. Andy explains that he’s spoken with some customers who report feeling unable to enjoy experience-based businesses in Charlotte because their locations are not accessible, and he wanted to ensure that all community members could be a part of the cafe’s mission.

Daily Mews also partners with Time Out Youth Center, an LGBTQ community center located down the street. Youth participants in the program are offered free admission to the cat cafe, and the staff makes sure to let customers know they are welcome to use their preferred names and gender markers on the waiver all guests must sign before they can enter the cat lounge.

Konawalik and the Leicesters both say they would love for Charlotteans to consider their cafes a destination not just for adoption, but for coffee, getting work done, going on dates, even birthday and graduation parties. Any contribution, whether it’s adopting a cat, providing donations, or patronizing Daily Mews’ boutique shop for cats and cat lovers, strengthens the ecosystem of pet rescue in Charlotte. Strengthening this ecosystem in turn helps to place cats with forever families so that space can be made for at-risk cats in kill shelters to move into more stable shelter environments and, eventually, homes of their own. As Andy Leicester says, “Get a coffee, get a sympathy card for someone whose pet has passed away. Visit the lounge... It’s not just, ‘Oh, there’s a cat I can pet.’ The fact that that cat got there and is alive, and was saved from a kill shelter took resources.” Ultimately, Charlotte’s cat cafes provide refuge for four and two-legged residents alike, contributing to the fabric of the city. : :

Daily Mews kitties watchin’ the ‘fish network!’

May 17-30, 2019

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a&e

10 Questions with Vic: Featuring Tiffany Vocalist, Songwriter, Producer

BY Vic Gerami | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

T

So we’ve got the new single coming out, iffany will forever be an videos to follow and you know, this whole tour iconic Pop Star, whose with New Kids is going to be very interactive, immense talents as not just old school reminiscing; being in the moa vocalist, songwriter, and ment, having fun, but also bringing them into producer have afforded her my new world and the extension really, but all a successful music career. A the new music as a producer, as a writer now, California girl who was born as a woman wanting to turn the page a little in Los Angeles, Calif., Tiffany bit, go into more like Pop Rock. So they’re going has since ventured out to get to see me live these songs, write these and diversified. She lives in songs, be on the back of the bus, recording Nashville, Tenn., and has these songs for the new album. My whole world conquered her love for Rock is music, music, music right now. And I really music, earning the respect just want to bring my fans into my world. of her peers.

I happened to be at a I did not know about your Rock Music Side. benefit concert for Multiple How did you transition or incorporate Sclerosis, The Rock Against pop/rock?

MS Foundation’s 7th Annual Stevie Nicks has always been one of my RAMS Benefit Concert & favorites. Ann Wilson, Fleetwood Mac, Led Awards, a show Tiffany Zeppelin, on and on and on and on. So I’m opened to a standing ovaa Rocker at heart. I’ve always been that. But tion. Backstage and the you know, obviously I started in Pop, which green-room were filled with I’m very grateful, and I love pop music as well, rock legends, so I didn’t but I think my voice has always lent itself to a dream of being able to Tiffany. (Photo Credit: Photographs little bit more than what is the traditional Pop interview her. I snuck out of courtesy of Tiffany) song. Even in my early days when I was trying the theater after a few songs to do ballads, which is amazing, it showed me and asked the publicist of the as a vocalist, but a night of ballads, especially for a young show if I could simply say hi to her; she said that she’ll do her singer is just, it’s too much, too soon. That’s for older best to get me backstage, but no promises. Suddenly Tiffany people. So we really struggled with the material a little bit. comes up to the lobby to greet me and takes me to her And obviously, I was too young to do any kind of rock stuff. dressing room for an exclusive interview.

She was a dream — casual, friendly, very charismatic So you finally get to be a bonafide Rock Star and perand chatted with me for a long time. I was ecstatic to interform with rock icons. view her when she is hotter than ever, with a new album, So I had to wait patiently behind the scenes and grow two new videos and an upcoming tour. With all this, she as a vocalist, as a writer, and just keep doing it. Tonight, is as loyal to her fans as they are to her and always gives being here with the rock community, and back to the community. for them to embrace me and have me here, is a big deal. These guys are very That was a great opening of the show, you brought instrumental in my career and my career down the house. What are you up to in the near future? as a songwriter, the history of music and Well, I have a new single coming out, “I Think We’re especially rock music, LA and the LA scene.

Alone Now,” revamped and re-released, and that’s comSo it’s really cool to be around them and ing out ASAP, April 16. (Ed. Note: The single has since been get to know them, for them to get to know released.) So all the interest with the New Kids on The me now, and see my heart tonight. And Block (NKOTB) Tour, and just me celebrating 30 years in tonight, people go that girl can sing, I’m the industry. I had already re-recorded it, and I was kind of like thank you, get the message out there, waiting maybe, maybe after the tour or something. It’d be so I’m really riding the wave right now and a fun little thing for the fans. But “The Umbrella Academy” really having the best time of my life. started using, “I Think We’re Alone Now” which sparked this whole resurgence and craziness. So I kind of just Tell me about your LGBTQ fans. thought — put it out ahead of time.

Love! They have been very vocal about all of my songs, as a songwriter, telling me this changed my life or this You are in Los Angeles to support The Rock Against helped me through, and now I’m writing my own songs. So MS Foundation’s 7th Annual RAMS Benefit Concert & I think my gay fan base, they’re very honest. Sometimes Awards. What else do you have happening in LA? they drive me nuts because they’re a little too honest and I’m here in LA not just to support the MS charity like, gurl, what’s up with that hair? And it pisses you off tonight, but also to do a video. I might go back to all the when you know I look like shit, you know? I have tons of old school places, it’s a parody a little bit, it’s going to be besties that are gay boys, and they love me and support done professionally, but with a little kick, you know, a little me and they all want the best for me. So when they push cheeky. So I’m going back to Venice beach, I’m going back and nudge you a little bit, it’s always for your best. But to Ventura, and I’m going back to the Glendale Galleria. you know, there are definitely times I’ve been like, I know I I’m actually going to add in there, Norwalk High, my high wore the wrong thing, but we can’t all be divas. school, just because it’s kind of about an LA girl returning So, um, I definitely think that my gay fans have made me to her first memories. So, you know, I want to play it up a better artist, definitely by pulling things out of me, and the and show a lot of people like my high school and Norwalk honesty that we have together growing up, being awkward, and where I’m from, all the things in between the people for them, a lot of times it was, you know, maybe their family didn’t see as well. So it’s going to be a lot of fun. We’re didn’t know they were gay, nobody knew, secrets, how do I do shooting that on this fourth and fifth. this, the first experience wasn’t great. I mean, on and on and on of all these wonderful stories that I’ve got from my fans.

Anything from the new album?

They relate a lot of times through music, and a lot of I shoot my video for “Waste of Time”, which is my new times that’s a healing source for people or just getting ready single coming out from the album “Pieces of Me,” and that’s for the night, you know. Um, and I love that because as an been released last year. artist I do that with other artists, you know, when I’m feeling a certain way, I put on certain people and they feel me.

Tell me more about your upcoming tour with NKOTB.

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Their songs touch me. So to be in that category, it was really meaningful for me.

Aside from MS, what other charities and causes are important to you?

St. Jude, of course, it’s amazing. No families are turned away. It’s free, it’s for kids, you know, kids with cancer, so I’ve always supported St. Jude, a lot of cancer research, a lot of cancer programs, community, anything I can get involved with because I’ve had so many people in my life pass away from cancer.

You own a couple of stores in Nashville and will be auctioning off clothes for charity, correct?

For me, I’m going to be doing the NKOTB tour; I have these two boutiques, clothing stores that have some vintage, some new items, some rework items, lots of, lots of fun.

Everything I’m wearing on the tour of the specialty items will be auctioned off for charity. And I want to actually start getting to community food banks. There are so many people, you know, I could have done stuff with cancer or, or MS, but that’s just one select group. And I really think that right now in America, especially, we are really lacking good nutrition, education of that and also food, you know. There are a lot of people that are working but can’t cut the bill, and so their kids are going without, and they need those supplies, they need to go down to their local church or food bank or whatever and be able to get that food and not be judged and have a good meal.

Tell me a secret — a good one!

9/11, I was being investigated because I’m ArabAmerican, I’m part Lebanese. So when that happened, somebody from Homeland Security called me. But actually, they wanted me to talk more about being Lebanese and the positive side. As you know, my family is here, raised here and they love America. You know, my dad was born in Lebanon. It was like to do a positive thing, but it still scared the shit out of me. I was like, “hello,” I don’t know.

I think that you should be proud of who you are. You don’t get a choice. So, I mean, you know, you have to like be proud of who you are, it’s ridiculous when people are putting a negative slant on a certain nationality or religion or anything. It’s not kind. So anything I can do to show people that I’ve had a different experience, I think is very positive.

For more information about Tiffany’s latest projects and upcoming events, including the new album and tour dates, please visit TiffanyTunes.com. : : Tiffany will be in the Carolinas during July. She performs at the PNC Arena, Raleigh, N.C., on July 7, at the Spectrum Center, Charlotte, N.C., on July 9; and the Bon Secours Arena, Greenville, S.C., on July 10. To purchase tickets, visit bit.ly/2LwxGX5.

Vic Gerami is a journalist, media contributor and the editor and publisher of The Blunt Post. He spent six years at Frontiers Magazine, followed by LA Weekly and Voice Media Group.

His syndicated celebrity “Q&A column, 10 Questions with Vic,” is a LA Press Club’s National Arts & Entertainment Journalism Award finalist. Gerami is a contributor for QNotes, Montrose Star, DC Life Magazine, Out & About Nashville, Q Virginia, GNI MAG, Windy City Times, WeHo Times, GoWeHo, Los Angeles Blade, Asbarez, California Courier, Desert Daily Guide, Armenian Weekly, GED, The Pride LA, IN Magazine and The Advocate Magazine.

‘Brown White Black’ Out in Print

BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER “Brown White Black: An American Family at the Intersection of Race, Gender, Sexuality, and Religion”

by Nishta Mehra ©2019, Picador $25.00 / $32.50 Canada 213 pages Column A or Column B? Truth is, you don’t fit in either. You’re unique, from your toes to your hair, inside and out. People can try to categorize you, but it just won’t work. As you’ll see in the new book “Brown White Black” by Nishta J. Mehra, there’s a lot to learn.

One of her earliest memories still stings.

Nishta Mehra was “about seven or eight years old” when she was shopping with her mother and a little boy called her the n-word. She cried then, not because she was black but because she wasn’t.

As the child of parents from India, Mehra is “brown” but she “came of age not fully at home in either black or white spaces.”

She was an only child with few other Indians nearby, and she had to blaze her own trails through whatever discomforts she might feel in social, religious and cultural situations — something that was exacerbated when she went to college and she “realized that I was queer.”

Today, Mehra’s life is “complicated.”

Her internal narrative always included children, but never a wedding. While in college, though, she met a white woman who became her professor, then her partner, then her wife. Nineteen years Mehra’s senior, Jill had assumed that she’d never have chil-

dren, until the idea of adoption became so appealing that the two women carefully searched for a gay-friendly agency.

Nine months later, they were the mothers of a black baby boy.

It takes a lot of restraint to continue to kindly answer questions about being “a two-mom, three-color family,” says Mehra.

People say things that are hurtful or that make her angry, but that’s also given her a better awareness of the privilege she had, and of the institutions and limitations of gender assumptions and roles, and of racism in America.

“I often wonder if what feels so essential to me now,” she muses, “would still be on our radar if we did not have a black son.”

Sticks and stones, as the playground saying goes, are more damaging than mere words. It’s a retort that author Nishta J. Mehra disputes, but conflictingly so.

While so very valuable as an entry into the national conversation on the meaning of language and family, “Brown White Black” may also seem somewhat rant-like. Mehra makes many excellent points: in how she shouldn’t have to explain her life, her son’s life, his love of “girly” things, or her shorn head; on why she allows him certain freedoms; on having children, and the panoply of choices.

But then, curiously, she questions the choices of others in childrearing, friend-making and mundane things like “car sticker families,” focusing particularly on language (“words matter”) and seemingly refusing to allow for even the slightest of natural human awkwardness.

“We’re making it up as we go,” says Mehra on gay marriage, and that’s a sentence to remember if you tackle this book. “Brown White Black” is certainly a thought-provoking look at modern American families, but for some readers, it just won’t fit. : :

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Same-Sex Divorce in North Carolina Legal Eagles: What You Need to Know

BY Zachary Porfiris, attorney | guest WRITER Before relevant case law surfaced declaring bans on same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional, same-sex divorce was not a topic that was widely addressed — there was not legal marriage to dissolve.

That is not to say that same-sex couples did not split up, but before the Supreme Court’s ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges, many same-sex couples entered into civil unions or other types of contracts which, in contrast to marriages, do not dissolve by divorce.

Today, many family law attorneys find themselves traversing new territory when it comes to same-sex divorce. You may be asking yourself, “Aren’t same-sex divorces the same as any divorce?” In some cases, the answer to your question would be yes.

However, many same-sex couples may face unique challenges when it comes to dissolving their marriage.

One issue couples may face is determining how to fairly divide the assets and debts which were accumulated during the marriage, known as the equitable distribution of marital property. There is a presumption under North Carolina’s equitable distribution laws which provides that marital assets and debts will be divided equally. In Court, sometimes marital assets and debts are not divided exactly 50/50 because there are multiple

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Many same-sex couples can face unique challenges when it comes to dissolving their marriages, including the division of property, identifying assets and debts and others.

(Photo Credit: Andrey Popov via Adobe Stock) factors which might allow for one person to receive more or less than half of the marital estate depending on each couple’s unique circumstances.

There is a looming issue relevant to equitable distribution that is unique to samesex divorce. Specifically, North Carolina did not legally recognize same-sex mar-

riage until 2014. Other states allowed, and legally recognized, same-sex marriages before 2014. When a same-sex couple married before 2014 in another state which allowed and recognized same-sex marriage at that time is now separating in North Carolina, a state that did not begin legally recognizing same-sex marriages until 2014, some may ask: What would be the date of marriage for purposes of identifying which assets and debts make up the marital estate for purposes of equitable distribution?1 Let’s break down the basics. In North Carolina, “marital property” is defined as all real and personal property acquired by either spouse during the marriage until the date of separation. It is important to understand that, in North Carolina, the timeline for identifying the marital assets and debts to be divided starts from the date of marriage until the date of separation. The date of separation occurs when a couple moves into separate residences with one party having the intent to continue living separate and apart from one another permanently.

Once the assets and debts that comprise the marital estate are identified, the next step is to consult with an attorney, and possibly a valuation professional, to work toward assigning a value to each

of the marital assets and debts. The values typically used are from the date of separation, not the date of marriage.

After the values have been determined, you can work with your attorney and the opposing party, or his or her attorney, to determine the best way to divide the marital estate.

When a same-sex couple in North Carolina wants to get divorced, the timeline for identifying and valuating the marital estate comes into question. Consider the following scenario: A same-sex couple is married in State A (a state that has allowed and legally recognized same-sex marriages since 2004) in 2007.

Spouse A purchased a boat with cash in full in 2009.

This same-sex couple has now separated in 2019 in North Carolina, and Spouse B has made a claim for equitable distribution.

If the same-sex couple’s date of marriage is recognized as the 2007 date, before Spouse A purchased the boat, then that boat would be considered marital property because it was acquired during the marriage and Spouse B would likely be entitled to (presumptively) 50 percent of its value.2 However, if the same sex couple’s date of marriage is recognized as the 2014 date when same-sex marriage was legally recognized in North Carolina, after Spouse A purchased the boat, then that boat may be considered separate property because it was acquired before the marriage, and Spouse B would not likely be entitled to any share of its value.

As you can see, this aspect of family law is evolving. Legal precedent will soon be forming. It is essential to hire a knowledgeable attorney with experience in advocating for same-sex clients and who has a thorough understanding of family law. : : Family law attorney Zachary Porfiris practices with Sodoma Law, based in Charlotte, N.C. He has a background in legislative research from his time spent as a law clerk for the South Carolina Legislative Council.

Comparable to the United States Supreme Court Case, McKesson Corp. v. Division of Alcoholic Beverages and Tobacco, Dept. of Business Regulation of Florida, et al., in order for a North Carolina Court to provide samesex couples “meaningful backward-looking relief,” the State of North Carolina could recognize same-sex marriages as lawful preceding to the date that the marriage was actually celebrated. bit.ly/2WAvgYp.

1

According to the North Carolina Court of Appeals case, Armstrong v. Armstrong, laws affecting equitable distribution that change after the parties were initially married should be applied as they currently exist when the parties seek divorce and equitable distribution. bit.ly/2E2z4KT. Thus, North Carolina would arguably apply the earlier date of marriage for identifying marital property for purposes of equitable distribution since North Carolina currently recognizes out-ofstate marriages as legally valid. In so following, Spouse B would arguably be entitled to 50 percent of the boat’s value.

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Stuck on Sticky

An Interview with Dale Lazarov of Sticky Graphic Novels

BY Gregg Shapiro | QNotes CONTRIBUTING WRITER

G

one of Superman’s villain-turned-hero colleagues, was a primary influence on what I desire in the illustration of men in comics. Playing with capey comics tropes was an easy transition for me. But I have a fetish for originality, so I had to find my own twist on it. If I am going to do capey erotic comics, we have to make it new in the context of the carnality, sweetness and wit that our fans expect from us.

One of the tropes of superhero erotica is that the protagonists are ordinary people who have a fetish for costumes and/or are cosplaying as heroes and villains. This is as old hat in this day and age as putting on tiny underpants and a cape towel and prancing around a comic con floor like you’re cosplaying when you’re just an unemployed actor. What makes “Adversaries!” unique is the connection between the sex that’s had and the characters’ hero or villain persona, their superpower, and relationship as hero and villain. So, my take is that gay sex between metahumans would be grudge fucking featuring preternaturally attractive buttocks, super-sexual prowess and massive property damage. And, also, fetish cosplay [laughs].

raphic novels have come a long way in recent years.

From Lynda Barry’s “The Good Times Are Killing Me” to Marjane Satrapi’s “Persepolis” to Alison Bechdel’s “Fun Home,” the graphic novel is here to stay.

Putting the graphic sexuality into graphic novels, gay writer Dale Lazarov and his various illustrating collaborators have created a series of homoerotic books that are sure to satisfy readers of all queer stripes. The two newest books, “Adversaries!” (Sticky Graphic Novels, 2018) and “Comrades” (Sticky Graphic Novels, 2019) are welcome additions to the series. I spoke with Lazarov about the books, collaboration and the exciting world of Comic Cons.

Gregg Shapiro: According to your bio, you are known as “The Father of American Bara Comics.” For the uninitiated, what are “bara comics”?

Dale Lazarov: “Bara manga” means “rose manga” or “gay manga” in Japanese. The label is associated in Japan with “men’s love” comics in general; most people in the U.S. think of it as muscle-man gay erotic comics that play with themes associated with hypermasculinity that I find problematic and wanted to reinvent in a sex-positive context. I was described, rightly or wrongly, as “the Father of American Bara Comics” by fans and it has stuck, whether it recognizes the qualitative difference between “You raped me and made me love you, daddy” Japanese comics and what we do or not do. We do have protagonists that are within the visual tropes of bara manga (older men or muscly-hairy bodies), but put them in a narrative context of relatedness that involves consent, egalitarianism and a certain generosity of spirit and play. In that way, we are significantly *not* in the same mode as rapey bara manga found everywhere on the Internet.

GS: What’s the average span of time for a Sticky Graphic Novel to go from concept to execution to production?

DL: It depends on the artist. Usually, I get four pages a month from my collaborators, so it depends on the length of the book. We all have day jobs, so the pace of production is flexible. I am good at project management, so I have, for the immediate future, a new book in the fall and a new book in the spring.

GS: For more than a dozen years, you have collaborated with “distinctive and evocative gay comics artists from around the globe.” What can you tell me about your process when it comes to finding a collaborator?

DL: Oh, for me, it’s like making new friends: some come to me, some I approach, some take time to develop and some hit the ground running. Say, I was approached for a collaboration by Enrique Nieto, who was a romance comics artist in the ‘60s and ‘70s in the U.S. market and now draws astonishingly hypermasculine comics in his retirement. One of my lifetime goals was to work with old-timey romance comics artists, so I was thrilled by the opportunity. Luckily, I had a script handy that combined both phases of his [Nieto‘s] career: “Comrades,” which takes the unintentionally homoerotic, manly-man imagery of Sino-Soviet poster art and turns it into a shamelessly romantic narrative about the intensity of finding someone with common aims both sexually and emotionally. Hyper-manly men doing hyper-manly things to each other in the context of the romanticism of Communist propaganda art was in Nieto’s wheelhouse so it’s both hot and charming.

GS: How would you say that that process has evolved over the years?

DL: As far as the process of collaborators goes, it’s a mutually-agreed on process where I art direct some aspects of the comic — I, at minimum, edit the character designs and layouts of the comic — and the artist has the freedom to interpret the script in linework and colors as long as he, she or they keep to the character-based narrative beats and the sexual choreography of the script.

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GS: While we’re on the subject of superheroes, “SpiderMan: Into the Spider-Verse” won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature a few days before this interview took place. As someone with some expertise in the area, do you think it deserved to win the Oscar?

DL: I haven’t seen it, yet — I am not a Marvel guy, so I wait for most Marvel movies to hit cable — but my friends who are Spidey fans loved it and loved the diversity in the characters.

GS: Does your interaction with your collaborator change when it’s a woman?

DL: Nope! I sometimes have to provide reference for sexual positions not seen in contemporary video clips but, thankfully, there’s plenty of ‘70s gay erotic loops and recent amateur clips that show sex as people have it with each other and not for a camera.

GS: Have any of your male collaborators been straight?

DL: Yep. But I am sworn to secrecy [laughs]!

GS: The three previous Dale Lazarov books that I have in my personal library, including “Fast Friends,” “Manly” and “Nightlife,” were put out by Bruno Gmunder. Your 2018 and 2019 titles, “Adversaries!” and “Comrades,” respectively, are published on your own imprint — Sticky Graphic Novels. How did that come to be?

DL: After the 2014 bankruptcy that Gmünder went through, I was asked to return. One of the conditions of my return was an imprint for my titles so I could publish books more often and escape how I and my collaborators were typecast as Gmünder authors. Say, I was prohibited from doing non-slice-of-life characters and situations up until 2012 because Gmünder had too many fantasy, SF and superhero gay erotic comics. I was their “slice of life” creator and they limited me to one book a year or two. I still do slice of life — “Carnal” is definitely in that mode — but now I also get to play with monsters, capes and robots.

Once Gmünder went bankrupt again, I walked away with my own imprint and platform, and started getting booked to comic cons, where I met my current print partners, so I could go indefinitely without a traditional publisher. I do miss having publicity and marketing, but everything else is taken care of, currently. I wouldn’t turn away a traditional publisher, but it would have to work on our terms and not theirs.

GS: Speaking of “Adversaries!,” the book takes a superhero versus villain approach to the storytelling. Can you please say something about the erotic nature of superheroes and villains and how you see that fitting into the work you do?

DL: Anyone who knows me well knows that DC Comics put its bullet in my heart at a young age. And that Vartox,

GS: What would it mean to you to have a Sticky Graphic Novel adapted into an animated feature?

DL: That someone has money to burn as animation is hella-expensive and time-intensive. To be honest, the only adaptation I can imagine working or happening is turning “Fast Friends” into a wordless dance piece.

GS: Of the Sticky titles with which I am most familiar, the newest, “Comrades,” which is set in Russia, might be the most political. In terms of making a statement, how much of the setting has to do with current situation of anti-gay violence in Chechnya and how much of it has to do with Trump’s relationship with Putin?

DL: I wrote the script as a response to Putin’s law against “gay propaganda” since Russian propaganda is homoerotic as hell, and I couldn’t resist mocking it while affirming homosexuality with actual Soviet gay propaganda. All that followed the writing of the script are unfortunate coincidences that make the book more timely and necessary than ever.

GS: From now through the fall, you have several comiccons on your schedule. What are the best and worst things about attending comic-cons?

DL: Oh, the fans are the best. Seeing that we have a direct impact in the environment makes me happy — even lesbians and bisexual couples buy our books. The fact that Sticky Graphic Novels are now welcome in mainstream comic cons — we’re even in Comic-Con International San Diego this year! — means that we have a place at the table that we did not have before. People better not dare say what we do isn’t activism! For some people, Sticky Graphic Novels are the first visible representation of same-sex relationships as loving, wholesome, affirmative and spectacularly hot.

The worst thing is the con food, the long hours and the ridicule or hostility we have to tolerate from homophobes who would rather we stay invisible and unheard.

Fortunately, I enjoy sassing them in the great tradition of queer tricksters. For example: Guy walking past my booth: “I didn’t have to see that...”

Me: “I didn’t have to see you...”

Guy flees [laughs]! : : Dale Lazarov will be exhibiting at HeroesCon Charlotte at the Charlotte Convention Center, June 13-16, and at Raleigh Supercon at the Raleigh Convention Center, July 24-29.

life

The privilege of beauty

Health & Wellness: Shifting Standards Across the Centuries

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributor culture is dependent upon both place and time.

For example: The culture of Charlotte in 1819 is very different from Charlotte in 2019. Just as the culture of Charlotte in 2019 is very different from Tokyo in 2019.

Symmetry This refers to the face and body appearing visually balanced and identical on both sides. Consider Halle Berry. She’s consistently ranked as one of the most beautiful women in the world, and when her face was analyzed by a computer, it found she has one of the most perfectly symmetrical faces on the planet. This isn’t a coincidence. Symmetry is a marker of health and “good genetics.”

Is beauty in the eyes of the beholder? Issues like symmetry, clarity, proportion and privilege also play into the equation, as well as overall health. (Photo Credit: Subbotina Anna via Adobe Stock) Healthy is sexy It’s a pretty well established standard across time and place that human beauty is underpinned by symmetry, clarity and proportion. However, beyond that, the standards vary wildly from culture to culture. And

Clarity Whether you know it intellectually or not (you will now), your skin is your largest organ, and it’s an excellent barometer of wellness. You probably look at and consider skin in all sorts of ways without recognizing you’re doing it. But skin is enormously important in how we see people (no, this isn’t going to be one of those articles). If the skin is taught, free of sores and blemishes, and healthy, it implies the insides must be good, too. So then, is beauty only skin deep? Perhaps. But we evolved to see clear skin as another marker of health and “good genetics.”

Proportion Not only the placement of a person’s features, but also their interrelated size ratios are universally important as

well. When you look at a person you find beautiful, possibly what you are assessing in your head is how harmonious all their features are. If you find yourself not sexually attracted to someone, give some consideration to whether you thought, “Their [insert feature] it too big/small/wide/ narrow/high/low.” Irregular features can be manifestations of a wide variety of potential health problems or physical weaknesses and limitations. If you find yourself making assessments like that, you are using proportion to judge someone’s health and “good genetics.”

Privilege Just this morning a client asked me when Rubenesque women were going to come back into fashion. We got a good chuckle out of that, but then something hit me: Most people know that fleshy, voluptuous, and pasty bodies were all the rage for centuries. But now people (or at least fashion magazines) prefer tanned and toned. That is a diametrically opposed aesthetic. What gives?

I don’t have any studies backing this assertion, but hear me out: I feel that beauty (beyond the basic pillars) is a function of privilege. Before the Industrial Era, the world was predominantly an agricultural economy. People had to work with their hands, performing hard labor. So yes, most people also recognize that back then it was a mark of wealth to be well fed and pale, because it meant you didn’t have to do heavy work in the sun.

Alright, why the flip then? I propose that when people moved into the cities to find jobs away from the farms, that the poor started doing more sedentary work see Beauty on 16

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continued from page 15 cramped inside. That has progressed more and more until we arrive at the current day where the overwhelming majority do not perform heavy manual labor in the sun.

So then, if it used to be that only the wealthy had the luxury of sitting around eating excessively in the shade, is it not true today that it is the wealthy who have the luxury to lay around in the sun after working out? Taking the time and energy to build muscles they don’t actually need to use for anything purposeful? Why would you ever need to bench press 300 pounds? You’re not on the farm anymore, so why do you need to be able to press a barn door up onto its hinges? How does it benefit you to be able to squat the equivalent of a four-month-old calf across your shoulders? It’s a form of excess that declares you can afford the resources to look the way you do.

Think about it: Gym memberships, personal trainers, supplements, and organic foods are all quite expensive. Sunlight is cheap to a certain extent, but if you want to chase summer you have to be able to afford the travel, accommodations and food in exotic places. It’s not enough to have brown skin, because it’s an even tan that people value, not a farmer’s tan (Ooops! Even more shade thrown at the poor farmers — shade they don’t get to relax in.)

Let’s look again at light versus dark skin as it pertains to beauty (I lied: It’s going to

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be one of those articles.). In the history of the United States, who is it that had no rights and was forced to work the fields?

Slaves and poor white trash. Who got to sit on the porch sipping mint juleps? You get my point: Beyond symmetry, clarity, and proportion, perceptions of beauty also skew toward whatever markers indicate privileged wealth.

Is there no natural beauty, then? Yes, of course there is. That isn’t what I meant at all. What I’m getting at is that as subjective, malleable and evolving as beauty is, it still ultimately conveys a very specific message: I’m healthy, and I have “good genes.”

“What’s more, I have the stability and resources to devote time to maintaining beauty, and I can share that with a good partner. Together we can build something safe and productive. I have options, and I’m choosing you.”

I’m putting this into a health and wellness context, because it’s important to understand what motivates you. I frequently tell clients to get healthy first, and that the sexy will flow from there. The standard you admire: Is it healthy? Does it manifest wellness? If not, then perhaps it’s not beauty after all. : : Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

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Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER You know Trinity, All this complaining and inside fighting between the gay men, lesbians and the bisexual community over the “transgender” community makes gay rights so much less powerful! Don’t you agree?

Yours, Transgender Rights, Portland, OR You know T.R., Long ago, there was a time when gays, lesbians and bisexuals wouldn’t even talk to each other, never mind fight together. And being distant from transgender people was also the norm. Today, the LGBTQ movement is still trying to sort out the queens from the kings. It’s also trying to find itself while fighting together against the enemy. Yes, inside fighting makes “gay” rights less powerful, but at least we’re together fighting! Aren’t we all transgender in some way, anyway?

Love, Trinity

them. They sense what’s innately right and wrong within themselves and within you. So don’t hide for too long. Be proud, patient and read them plenty of those educational children’s books, which focus on gay themes. PS: I adopted triplet boys when they were 15, in 2005. And it has been a great journey! (It might seem frightening to raise children, but it is so much fun. Check out my cartoon to see how!)

Good Luck, Trinity Dear Trinity, When dating someone you really like can

Dearest Trinity, My best friend does not want to be friends anymore because he’s now “gay” and I’m not.

He says, “We’re not compatible anymore.”

Don’t you think gay and straight people should teach each other things instead of always staying in our own communities?

Yours, Together But Different, Columbia, SC

Trinity’s Savvy Tips For What Gay Men Would Advise Straight Men And Vice Versa About Life GAY MEN ADVISING STRAIGHT MEN: 1. At least 3-5 times a week hit the gym, have a fabulous brunch or meet your friends (ex-lovers) for happy hour.

2. Once a week go to a play, ballet, opera

Hello Rainbow Parents, Children only know what we teach

qonexions

Dear Too Much, Yes, yes and yes again! The biggest challenge of dating is to keep coming up with new and interesting things to do and say about yourself, otherwise if you give it all away too fast, there’s nothing to keep someone interested. It’s always best to keep a bit of mysteriousness about your self. Mystery evokes intrigue and excitement! Remember, adults have secrets, children tell their parents everything!

Now Shush! Trinity

Dearest Together, I definitely think that gays and straights were put together on this planet for a reason.

Besides decorating and fixing cars here’s:

Hello Trinity, You have written before about raising children as gay parents. But do you have any suggestions as to how to teach children about gay culture and life?

Rainbow Parents, Hartford, CT

qomunity

you tell him or her “too much” about yourself?

Sincerely, Too Much, Miami, FL

and Broadway show or cruise area.

3. Once a month have a male cosmetologist wax, shave and groom your eyebrows, legs and or genitalia.

4. At least every few months TRAVEL to a foreign destination, i.e., Thailand, New Zealand or Fort Lauderdale.

5. Once a year do drag, attend a circuit party, take your mother on a trip and have a makeover.

6. Lastly, at least once in your lifetime, get really high and sleep with all your (goodlooking) friends.

STRAIGHT MEN ADVISING GAY MEN: 1. At least 3-5 times a week watch ESPN, have your buddies over for poker or down a brewsky after work.

2. Once a week go to a bowling alley, pool hall, car wash, sports bar or strip joint.

3. Once a month have a barber give you an old-fashion shave, a trim and top it off with his special aftershave.

4. At least every few months STAY HOME and watch the Home Improvement, Discovery or Travel channels.

5. Once a year do a rodeo, a rock concert, take your wife and kids to Disney and have your baseball hat cleaned.

6. Lastly, at least once in your lifetime, get really drunk and sleep with your exwife’s (young) girlfriends.

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

May 17-30, 2019

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events Tickets are $5-$7 and can be purchased online. bit.ly/2Gt7wzY.

May 22 Conversation/Presentation with Cannupa Hanska Luger May 17-June 2 ‘The Legend of Georgia McBride’

Legett Theatre 15 East Peace Street, Raleigh NC Various Times The LGBT Center of Raleigh and the Honest Pint Theatre Company presents the “Legend of Georgia McBride,” a laugh-out-loud musical about a struggling Elvis impersonator turned drag queen. Tickets are $22 for general admissions and $15 for students and those under 25. Tickets can be purchased online. honestpinttheatre.org.

May 23 Queer Safe Game Night

May 18 Spring Fling

Creative Arts Studios 2424 N. Davidson St., Suite 110, Charlotte 4-9 p.m.

Charlotte Black Pride presents Spring Fling, an event celebrating the ladies and featuring a cash bar, photo booth, and music from DJ SPK. Tickets start at $10. bit.ly/2Yb9ScW.

May 19 Rainbow Conversations: A Community Forum

Elder Gallery of Contemporary Art 1520 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 6-8 p.m.

Acclaimed multi-disciplinary Native American artist Cannupa Hanska Luger leads a discussion and presentation of his art, which is informed by environmental matters and issues related to indigenous populations. Luger is one of the featured artists in We See Heaven Upside Down, an ongoing group exhibition at the Elder Gallery.

Admission is free, but attendees are asked to RSVP online. bit.ly/2GXQ1H8.

Comic Girl Coffee 1224 Commercial Ave., Charlotte 6:30-9 p.m.

Comic Girl Coffee hosts a laidback game night featuring easy-to-learn, cooperative and semi-cooperative card and board games. People are invited to bring games from their home collections as well. comicgirlcoffee.com.

May 24-27 The Golden Experience

Undercurrent Coffee 2012 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Taylor Robbins leads a discussion with community members on how best to approach topics of sexuality with youth. Robbins hopes to help adults and parents to encourage children and young people to love themselves and feel free discussing their identity.

Fairfield Inn by Marriot 110 Columbia NE Dr., Suite I, Columbia The Golden Experience is a Memorial Day Weekend event featuring drag, poetry, music, dancing and more. Ticket prices vary. See the website for more detail. The festival is partnering with Fairfield Inn by Marriot to offer a special nightly rate of $92. bit.ly/2GIdI7h.

Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

May 24-June 9 Piccolo Spoleto Festival

Various Locations The City of Charleston presents the Piccolo Spoleto Festival, featuring visual arts exhibitions, music, dance, theatre, children’s activities, craft shows and film screenings. Ticket prices vary and are available online. piccolospoleto.com.

May 25 Queer Prom 2019: Lost in Retro Space!

The Columbia Museum of Art 1515 Main St., Columbia 7-11 p.m.

Current high school students are invited to attend Youth Outloud’s 4th Annual Queer Prom for a night of dancing and community.

This event is in support of Youth Outloud, which has been providing safe spaces and guidance for LGBTQ youth and their allies in the Midlands for 10+ years. Tickets are $10 and are availble online. Tickets range from free to $200 for an allweekend pass. bit.ly/2Vkjl3K.

May 26 Soul-FULL Vegan Fest

Heist Brewery 1033 Carter Ave., Charlotte 12-8 p.m.

Veltree, Charlotte’s own vegan soul food cafe, presents Soul-FULL Vegan Fest, an all-day celebration of Charlotte’s vegan community featuring a variety of local vendors. Admission is free! bit.ly/2LB2vK8.

May 28 CLGBTCC Honoring 2019 Fierce Five!

Bulla Gastrobar 4310 Sharon Rd., Suite W01, Charlotte 6:30 p.m.

The Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce will present its Fierce 5 Awards to community members who are under 35. Complimentary hors d’oeuvres provided. Members can attend free of charge, nonmembers, $5. RSVP/tickets available online at tinyurl.com/y6eczyeg. clgbtcc.org.

May 31-June 2 ConCarolinas 2019

Hilton Charlotte University Place 8229 JM Keynes Dr., Charlotte 3-6 p.m.

The 18th Annual ConCarolinas Sci-Fi/Fantasy convention will feature guests from the world’s literature, media, music, and more. Tickets begin at $18 and may be purchased online. bit.ly/2V3OPqH.

June 1: The Vanity House Presents Queens of the Night

Queens Malachi, Erica Chanel and Shelita Bonet Hoyle lead a night of drag, drink and fun. Tickets are $10 and are available online and at the door. The Rabbit Hole, 1801 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte.

8 p.m. bit.ly/2VFWGiw.

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May-June 2019

May 31 Let Love: A Conversation with Common & Bishop Claude Alexander

The Park Church, Beatties Ford 6029 Beatties Ford Rd., Charlotte 7 p.m.

May 23: The Happening — Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Fund

Join the Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Fund to learn about and support the foundation’s work for the LGBTQ community. Ten-person tables are available for $425 and individual seats are available for $45. Registration and ticket purchase are available online. The Westin Charlotte, 601 S. College St., Charlotte. 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. bit.ly/2vkxwXQ. Bishop Claude Alexander hosts award-winning singer, activist and author Common for a discussion of his new book, “Let Love Have the Last Word: A Memoir.”

Common and Bishop Alexander will “discuss the core tenets of love as they relate to God, self-love, partners, children, and community. Tickets are available online. bit.ly/2H45TZV.

June 1 Alphabet Soup Gay Improv

Charlotte Comedy Theater & Training Center 900 North Carolina Music Factory Blvd., Charlotte 7-8:30 p.m.

Join Charlotte’s first and only LGBTQIA+ improv team for a night of hilarity and entertainment. Tickets are $10 and are available online. bit.ly/2UELe1R.

June 1 South Carolina Pride Outfest

The Vista Columbia 1301 Assembly St., Columbia 2-10 p.m.

Kick off Pride season at Outfest, featuring local talent, vendors and businesses. Outfest is put on by the South Carolina Pride Movement. Admission is free and more information is available online. scpride.org/outfest.

June 1 Pride in the Park

Valor Memorial Garden in Market Common Hackler St., Myrtle Beach, S.C. 12-9 p.m.

Grand Strand Pride’s Coastal Business Guild will hold its Pride in the Park and will include organization vendors, food and beverage vendors, musical entertainment by Jake Newman Band, DJ Chris James, Tru Sol Band, and more. Free admission. grandstrandpride.com.

June 1 Alternative Prom

Holistic Commons of Greensboro 123 S. Walnut Cir., Greensboro 6 p.m.-2 a.m.

The Holistic Commons of Greensboro is hosting two alternative proms. From 6-9 p.m., teens between 15-18 are invited to celebrate themselves. The adults (18+) will take over from 11 p.m.-2 a.m. Both events are alcohol free and the teen prom is fully chaperoned. Tickets are $5 per person and are available for purchase by contacting Holistic Commons at 336-285-6873. bit.ly/2VUgXAZ.

June 2 InsideOut Banquet and Gaeity

Duke Park Picnic Shelter 106 W. Knox St., Durham 1-3 p.m.

InsideOut presents their 13th Annual Banquet and Gaiety, a celebration and awards ceremony for queer youth advocates in the Triangle. Local singer-songwriter Atom Edwards will be the featured musical entertainment. A free brunch will be provided. Tickets are not required, but suggested donations range from $3-$180. bit.ly/2WH60Qc.

June 6-29 ‘Fun Home’

Queen’s University Hadley Theatre 2132 Radcliffe Ave., Charlotte Times Vary Join the Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte for their presentation of the award-winning musical “Fun Home.” Based on the autobiography of lesbian artist Alison Bechdel (a former qnotes cartoon contributor), “Fun Home” explores themes of queerness, family and community. Tickets start at $8.75 and are available online. bit.ly/2IY0Rzd

life

REGULAR EVENTS

Our People: Derrick Vidas

Charlotte Latin Pride

Spanish-language support nights, second and fourth Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., Charlotte Pride offices at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 1900 The Plaza, Charlotte. info: charlottepride.org/latin/

PFLAG Charlotte

Support meetings, second Monday of each month, 6:30-8 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: pflagcharlotte.org

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/

Trans Youth Group

Weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:30-6 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Transcend Charlotte

Support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: transcendcharlotte.org

Youth Drop-In Space

Drop-in space Monday-Friday, 3-6:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth Discussion Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ youth ages 13-20 each Wednesday, 6:308:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth of Color Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ and ally people of color each Thursday, 7-8:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

Pet Entrepreneur

D

BY Camilla K. Cannon |qnotes staff WRITER

errick Vidas is the owner of Midwood Barkery, an Oakhurst establishment offering doggie day care, boarding and grooming for Charlotteans and their fur families. He is a vibrant presence in the Charlotte pet business world and is always innovating new ways to show pets that they are loved, including pet portraits, an array of herbal bath options (check out the Itch-B-Gone: cucumber melon, oatmeal, aloe vera, and a warm coconut rinse), and a full salon (the website promises mohawks!). qnotes spoke with him about his experience as a business owner in Charlotte, the role dogs have played in his life and how humans can make sure to give their dog friends all the love and care they deserve.

How long have you lived in Charlotte?

[Since] 1994, sometime in January. I remember it was snowing that day. My father was a Navy sailor and a photographer. He retired from service in 1993 and my parents finally dry docked us here in Charlotte shortly after.

What motivated you to start Midwood Barkery? Have you always been involved in animal issues?

I have always loved animals. I had a pet sitting business at age 11 and even back then I felt my calling was to care for them.

Life takes a few turns, but ultimately has led me here to a place where I don’t even have to go looking for animals that need me. When Midwood Barkery opened, I remember thinking at the time that we had bought a zoo. I still get that feeling sometimes; in a good way, only not starring Matt Damon.

Have you faced any challenges as a result of being a queer business owner in Charlotte? Do you feel that the business and pet rescue landscape has been pretty welcoming?

Being gay and a business owner hasn’t been a deterrent for myself, and I think that’s hopefully a reflection of where our city stands. The community has been supportive

from the very beginning and many of our clients are members of the LGBT family. It’s been encouraging to watch, as I’ve felt from the very beginning that Midwood Barkery should be a place for everyone.

Midwood Barkery offers a lot of services, some standard ones like boarding and training but also some more specialized, unique services like herbal baths and pet portraits. What inspired you to go above and beyond with services like that?

Being able to offer specific things to our clients is the most exciting part for me. It’s like Christmas morning when something new and fun arrives that I know will excite our customers as well. Ninety-nine percent of the time my dogs are the test pilots, and we’re always searching for new experiences to bring to our guests. I try to bring the things that I love directly to our clients, and it’s a truly rewarding experience.

This issue of qnotes is “Pets are Family,” and its partially about the ways that pets can enrich our lives and become part of our social support. Many of us have been lucky enough to have a dog sit in our lap or lick our face when they can tell we’re sad, stressed, or lonely.

Do you think dogs are particularly empathetic animals?

Dogs are the purest of souls I can think of. Dogs teach us simplicity. They bring us up when all else fails, and the mutual bond that is formed is unlike anything in the world. On our worst day, a dog can sense that and will comfort us accordingly, no questions asked. I think dogs are particularly empathetic. They may not know how to process those emotions, but instead show us through countless displays of affection.

What have dogs taught you in your years of working with them?

Working with dogs continues to educate me on a daily basis. Love,humility, loyalty — those things just come naturally to dogs, and I think we can all agree that they don’t ask for much in return.

We all know dogs have incredible senses of smell, and for humans, smell is the sense most closely tied to memory.

What smell sparks the most associations for you?

Funny you should ask; I remember the smell of a perm processing. My mother is a cosmetologist, and I’m pretty sure I rode shotgun to quite a few sessions under the hooded dryer.

What are some things dog owners can do to make their dogs happier?

My advice to dogs owners: just love them. Give them the best life. Spoil them every day.

Do you have any dogs currently? How do they make your life better?

I have two mini Rat Terriers named Jethro and Lewe. We’re bestest friends.

What do you like the most about yourself?

I think knowing yourself is a lifetime of hard work. I love that I wake up happy every morning, generally speaking, because I never forget to be grateful. I think being grateful is an important part of the journey we’re all on, and it’s something I’m always mindful of.

What accomplishments from your life are you most proud of?

I’m proud of my little company. It was a blip on my radar that took me by surprise.

Sometimes you find things you didn’t know you were looking for, and sometimes they find you. That’s got the makings of a firstrate country music song.

What would you still like to accomplish?

I don’t know what is next. I hope a lot of adventure. I think you just have to be grateful and present in this moment and be glad when you’ve made it to tomorrow. : :

May 17-30, 2019

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May 17-30, 2019