QNotes, June 2, 2017

June 2-15 . 2017

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June 2-15 . 2017

inside

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qnotes news & features

views. arts.

5 entertainment.

HB2/HB142news.

Update 6 News Notes: Regional Briefs 8 News Notes: U.S./World Briefs

a&e / life&style 9 9 16 17 18 19

Adopt, Don’t Shop!

Disability and Support Animals Dishing with Buff Faye Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar Our People: Chelsea Gulden

opinions & views 4 Guest Commentary 5 Spiritual Reflections

Equality March comes to the Carolinas!

The Equality March for Unity and Pride will be held in the nation’s capitol on June 11 and sister marchs will be held on the same day in the Carolinas.

The global movement is bringing its message to the epicenter of HB2 in Charlotte, N.C. at 12 p.m. in First Ward Park, 301 E. 7th St. Participants will engage in showing the community its solidarity and respect for all. It is hosted by Anthony Danisi and Spread Progress NC. Marchers are asked to meet at the park, stay on the sidewalks and obey traffic and pedestrian signals while also being mindful of other pedestrian traffic.

The march route will head northwest on E. 7th St., then southwest down N. Tryon St. until reaching The Green located next to the Mint and Bechtler Museums.

To join in, visit the march Facebook page at facebook.com/events/233491553795386 to RSVP. Across the state in Elizabeth City, marchers will gather at 10 a.m. at Mariner’s Wharf, 707 E Fearing St., for the coastal town’s ECNC Progressives’ observance.

Organizers shared that they are rallying for unity, diversity and pride and welcomes all causes and intersecting causes. “Those who celebrate diversity and respect the rights of all individuals are invited to gather, join hands, raise their voices and proclaim our indivisibility,” they added.

Admission is free and the event is child friendly.

For more information, visit facebook.com/events/1269764846478179.

Official march T-shirts and tanks in blue and white for events or to show support are available for purchase online at store.equalitymarch2017.com. Proceeds from the sale go to support the march. info: equalitymarch2017.com.

more news & features

Dishing with Buff Faye Get tips on how to be a fabulous drag queen. page 16

Spiritual Reflections Fur friends help their meowmies and daddies remain balanced and become spiritual directors. page 5

June 2-15 . 2017

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Commentary

‘The devil doesn’t come dressed in a red cape and pointy ears. …

He comes as everything you have ever wished for.’

by Topher Loren :: guest contributor

I qnotes connect June 2-15, 2017 Vol 32 No 03

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

contributors this issue Buff Faye, Maria Dominguez, Topher Loren, Lainey Millen, Rev. Dr. Joan Saniuk, Trinity

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The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues.

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June 2-15 . 2017

To put it simply — I got played, and I participated in the game for way n the summer of 2015, I was in a stalled 18- year relationship and too long. From my experience with Bob, I have spent countless hours approached each day with a “will today be the day?”…the day I learning about various behaviors and how they apply to this situation. might meet the new and exciting person for whom I had been looking.

Some thoughts and realizations: Intimacy was not happening at home and hadn’t for many years. I was 1. Gaslighting — Bob would carefully spin our day-to-day activities, and primed and ready. I was bored, frustrated and, in many ways, lonelier than if I questioned anything, I was regularly told that I was wrong, that I did I had ever been — a bit ironic since I shared a home with my partner and not listen to him or that was crazy. I speak from experience: this plays our pets. To the outside world, my life was the perfect picture. with your head, and you do begin to wonder if you are the crazy person.

I chose to have an affair.

Run if you find yourself in a gaslighting situation. You are not crazy.

As many men are now doing in our community, I turned to the online 2. Read and learn about sociopaths — I want to be clear, I am not cruise bar known as Grindr. Being partnered, I had to be careful and, for diagnosing Bob and his mental health. I am simply providing a possibilsome odd reason, thought that Grindr was the perfect solution — not ity because Bob fits the textbook definition of a narcissist, sociopath careful and not smart. I was aware of all of the negative feelings and comor psychopath. They are in it for the control of their prey and they ments about the app but thought that it was the safest option. manipulate them out of their fear of exposure (bar story above). Their Toward the end of the summer of 2015, I met Mr. Right, or so I thought. deepest professions of love are empty as they are incapable of loving Within 10 minutes of meeting in a shopping center parking lot, we were anyone other than themselves. The sociopath will say and do whatever engaged in a sexual encounter right there. The spark was ignited and a it takes to get what they want or think that they need. They lie with great 16-month relationship was begun. He was charming, funny and very handease. Be alert: they will often try to come back, usually when it appears some, and I had “it” bad. outwardly that you are better and over the sociopath. Again, this is a From the first meeting forward, almost all of our time together involved major form of their ever-present need for control. I fell for it. money. From monthly student loan payments (supposedly) to car payment, 3. Extreme Behavior — People like Bob will go to any lengths to get what rent, insurance, meds and day-to-day living expenses, my wallet experithey want. The last night that we were together, Bob stole from me and enced a full-on attack. Since our relationship ended, I have learned that denied it. After the police had retrieved by property from Bob, he went he enjoys regular cocaine use. I can only imagine how much of my money to great lengths to cover his tracks and lied for more than a week about went up his nose. Various supposed realities were stated to me that having my property. Be careful if they come into your home. required me to pay the money directly to him.

I am not stupid. I am responsible for my decisions. They were fed by a Our connection grew to include more than money. Risky behaviors became sick individual who has no ability to live in a right-or-wrong world. If you part of the norm — public sex, unprotected encounters and regular encounfind yourself experiencing anything that I have described, then please get ters at my home, running the risk of being caught by my partner. At the time, out as soon as possible. Protect everything that you have, but, most imporI thought it was quite the adventure. Now, I can see that it was performance tantly, take care of yourself. Ending things is not an easy process. I speak art on his part, and he was doing what he thought I wanted. It is a tactic called from experience. You will hurt like Hell. You will want one more chance mirroring. He was always trying to “please” me. It got him what he wanted. to “fix” things. You will seek one more phone call, a text to say “can’t we Bob (not his real name) was keenly aware of the image I presented work this out?” or a chance to say “I’m sorry” even if you have no reason to the world — decent dresser, kind, intelligent, nice car, monied. In fact, to be. You will only remember the good times for a while.The aftermath is he entered my name in his contacts as Topher Martin based on the car still a form of control by the sociopath. A return to a relationship will only I drove at the time. He would not enter my real last name, even when I bring more severe manipulation and lies. requested that he do so, because it might have been seen by his friends.

Clarity will begin to come to you and you will realize that you have He studied me and learned what I liked and wanted with someone, and he been living within a nasty and fake fairy tale without a happy ending. You proceeded to give my desires to me. will not live happily ever after with someone like Bob in your life.

The next 16 months were fun, adventure-filled and happy, but I quickly The fog will lift. Whether gay, bi, straight or transgender, do not allowed the good times to cover up the unhealthy aspects of our conaccept this as normal. Trust will be a distant and meaningless word for nection. We traveled a lot, spent luxurious nights in the suites of some of a while. Breathe. It didn’t take a day for you to get into the mess, and it Charlotte’s best hotels, dined in nice restaurants (while traveling), gambled won’t be over in a day. You will be okay. It may not feel like it today, but (25k+), and lived out the adage “shop till you drop!” All of this was at my you will be okay. expense. He never spent one dime on anything involving the two of us.

He, or she, is not everything that you have ever wished for. : : During our time together, we regularly fought over our being seen in public together. He would not go to any bars with me, even demanding that I call or email him if I was going to one. It was an on-going battle. Shopping had to be done away from any of the shopping places in the middle of Mecklenburg County. Almost all eating-out experiences were away from the center of town and at chain types of restaurants that did little to provide unique and interesting menu options. He faked illnesses and created some to keep from being seen in public with me. I asked him to change his relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship” rather than “single.”

Mr. Employed by a Tech Sales Company could not imagine how to make this change — one that even a computer idiot could figure out. Bob was also caught in a number of lies surrounding trips he had made — trips for which I paid, including a two-night stay in New York while he was supposed to be at his mother’s home for Thanksgiving. Bob is in an organization, and I was never allowed to attend one of their events. It would have broken his rules.

Now, for the point of this piece, I have several goals.

Everything that I have stated is factual, and I have hundreds of text messages and banking documents to back up my claims.

With all that I have, I want to be clear that there is no blame in Making the decision to pursue an online dating site should be approached with caution what I write. I made some very bad choices and I accept my and forethought to avoid encountering those with questionable issues or standards. responsibility in all that happened.

Photo Credit: biker3 via Adobe Stock

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HB2/HB142 Update

NBA returns All-Star Game to Charlotte in 2019 Advocates and journalists nationwide condemn the league’s decision

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver announced that the NBA All Stars Game will return to Charlotte, N.C. in 2019 after the State of North Carolina’s General Assembly repealed HB2.

Photo Credit: Mike Persinger, The Charlotte Observer

Although the notorious House Bill 2 (HB2) is repealed, legal discrimination against LGBTQ North Carolinians continues. Under the “compromise” legislation, House Bill 142, signed into law by Gov. Roy Cooper on March 30, much of HB2 still remains.

Though the statewide ban on transgender bathroom access was reversed, a four-year moratorium on local non-discrimination protec-

tions has LGBTQ advocates and allies up in arms. In addition, localities in the state are forbidden from enacting any regulations concerning access to multiple-occupancy restrooms, changing rooms, and other public facilities.

HB 142 has been largely neglected this news cycle, but one significant announcement has dominated headlines. Last year, the NBA announced that it would move the 2017 All-

Star Game from its planned site in Charlotte, N.C. to the more LGBTQ-friendly city of New Orleans, La. Now that HB2 is repealed in favor of HB 142, the NBA has granted the city of Charlotte the privilege of hosting the 2019 All-Star Game, despite protests from LGBTQ advocates that the law perpetuates the discrimination of its predecessor. When making the announcement, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver justified the league’s decision.

“While we understand the concerns of those who say the repeal of HB2 did not go far enough,” Silver acknowledged, “we believe the recent legislation eliminates the most egregious aspects of the prior law.”

Activists were not appeased. Indeed, many argued that Silver and the NBA are now accessories to the legal discrimination that LGBTQ North Carolinians still face.

“The NBA’s decision to quickly reward North Carolina with a $100 million event rubs cash-covered salt into the wounds of the thousands of transgender North Carolinians subjected to state-sanctioned discrimination, and the nearly two million transgender people nationwide who have been harmed by the hateful rhetoric spread by HB 2 and its proponents,” responded Executive Director Mara Keisling of the National Center for Transgender Equality in a statement.

“We need to see concrete guidelines and policies put in place that will live up to the proposed principles put forward by the NBA designed to protect all of its players and

fans,” said Equality North Carolina Interim Executive Director Matt Hirschy. “As we move forward with the NBA All-Star Game returning to Charlotte, LGBTQ people must be invited to the discussions between the NBA, the city of Charlotte and NCGA leadership to provide input and feedback on how to best protect LGBTQ people.”

“North Carolina’s discriminatory law prohibits the city of Charlotte from implementing non-discrimination protections for LGBTQ residents and visitors attending the All-Star Game. Nothing has changed that fact,” stated Human Rights Campaign Senior Vice President for Policy and Political Affairs JoDee Winterhof. “It’s critically important that people understand the gravity of this situation, which has had the effect of extending discrimination and endangering LGBTQ people across the state of North Carolina.”

Even sports reporters have commented on the hypocrisy of the NBA’s recent decision.

ESPN’s Katie Barnes wrote a scathing criticism of the move. “[This] marks the end of the alliance between businesses, sports and LGBTQ communities to fight the wave of anti-LGBTQ legislation sweeping the country. Returning to North Carolina sends the message that there won’t be repercussions for putting anti-LGBTQ actions into law,” Barnes pointed out. “The league wants LGBTQ dollars and also wants to be seen as an organization that cares about its LGBTQ fans and players. When the going got tough, however, the NBA got going.” : :

spiritual reflections

by Rev. Dr. Joan Saniuk :: guest contributor

My cat, my spiritual director My wife didn’t intend to be a cat person. Like so much in life, it just happened.

When we moved to Boston, Mass. 20 years ago, I agreed that we (actually, she) could get a dog. But when a co-worker brought a kitten to her work, Sharilyn knew that cat was the pet I wanted as a child, but never had. So we became owners of/ owned by a longhaired Maine Coon mix. And even though I found myself slightly allergic to her dander, I soon realized that the improvement in my state of mind was worth it.

Our Bridgit was with us for 17 years. Like any pet, she gave us many gifts. She was a friendly presence in an otherwise empty house. She was a warm, fuzzy being to snuggle with on a cold night. She was the four-legged, furry alarm clock who pawed Sharilyn’s face every morning at 5:30 a.m., demanding her breakfast. And she forced us to take time out to play. In fact, when I trained Bridgit to play fetch, I soon realized that if I wanted her to stay trained, I needed to play on her schedule!

Once I had trained her to return an object, I realized that every ball, wad of paper, crumpled chocolate truffle wrapper or rubber band dropped at my feet was an invitation. It was no longer clear which of us was the trainer, and which the trainee.

My cats have also been spiritual teachers. They have taught me that like them, God/Higher Power is wild — impossible to control and frequently surprising. They teach me humility; they remind me that I am not the center of the universe, not even the center of their universe. They teach me transparency, by model-

ing it; unlike humans, cats and dogs are incapable of duplicity.

What you see is what you get!

Science has proved it: our pets are good for our physical, spiritual and mental health! According to the Centers for Disease Control, pets can help decrease our blood pressure, our cholesterol, our triglycerides and our feelings of loneliness. For those of us who are LGBTQ and allies, they also fill a critical need; they give us affection and unconditional acceptance. Most, if not all, of us face daily micro-aggressions. Some of us face outright hostility, threats, even violence. As a result, whether we are out or closeted, we risk depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. We can ward off these conditions by acknowledging the stress and getting regular doses of affirmation. Whether it is through the eager, tail-wagging welcome of a dog or the subtle touch of a cat rubbing against a leg, our companion animals remind us that we belong to them. We belong with them. We are family. No questions asked.

Sharilyn and I are again owned by a cat, this one adopted as an adult from the Blue Ridge Humane Society in Hendersonville (blueridgehumane.org). We are on a familiar, yet new, spiritual path: learning to be gentle (because this cat is easily spooked), learning to be trustworthy (serving meals on time and keeping her “bathroom” clean), learning all over again to respect this kitty’s boundaries and to accept affection on her terms, not ours.

It may not be a traditional spiritual practice, but it is effective, and it is a blessing.

For all the animals who are our companions, I give thanks!

Rev. Joan Saniuk and Bridgit

May all of us, and all of our pets, be well and be happy as we grow on our interconnected spiritual journeys. : : — Rev. Dr. Joan Saniuk is the pastor of Metropolitan Community Church Sacred Journey in Hendersonville, N.C.

June 2-15 . 2017

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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Austin to vacate seat CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Democrat Alvin “Al” Austin, a gay city councilmember, will resign his seat effective July 16, following his appointment as the Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU) outreach director for the State of North Carolina’s Department of Transportation (NCDOT).

He is currently serving his second term in office and was originally elected in 2013, representing the second district. He will spend time with his replacement to ensure a smooth transition and continuity of service, the city said.

“While it’s bittersweet to see my time on the council come to an end, I’m excited to serve our state and continue my life’s dream of public service,” Austin said.

“This is a great opportunity for me to use everything I’ve learned serving on council, while continuing to always serve as a resource for Charlotte.”

NCDOT Chief Deputy Secretary David Howard said, “Al brings the department a wealth of experience, including his work at Johnson C. Smith University and with the Charlotte City Council. He will be a key team member for us, partnering with our colleges and universities, as well as other state agencies, to advance our initiatives.”

Austin currently serves as the director of development for the Division of Institutional Advancement at Johnson C. Smith University. He is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where he received bachelor of sciences degrees in sociology and criminal justice administration. info: charlottenc.gov.

Charlotte Film sequel hits Carolinas

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The North Carolina premiere of “A Very Sordid Wedding” will take place on July 1, 7 p.m., at McGlohon Theatre at Spirit Square, 345 N. College St. and is being presented by Rosedale Medical.

Created by award-winning writer/director Del Shores, the film is a sequel to “Sordid Lives” and reunites the cast of characters who explore acceptance, conflict and bigotry in the small town of Winters, Texas following the U.S. Supreme Court marriage equality decision.

As the original film dealt with coming out in a conservative southern world, “A Very Sordid Wedding” explores the questions, bigotry and the fallout of what happens when gay marriage comes to communities and families that are not quite ready to accept it.

A VIP meet and greet will be held at 6 p.m. with a reception prior to the film screening. A Q&A will follow the show.

Tickets are $75/VIP and $32.09/regular and are available online at bit.ly/2rb7vqW. On July 2, the screening moves to WinstonSalem, N.C. at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts ACE Theatre Complex, 1533 S. Main St., with a VIP meet and greet reception at 5 p.m. at a private location, screening and Q&A at 7 p.m. and an after-party at 9:30 p.m. at at downtown location to be announced at a later date. The event is presented by OUT at the Movies and Winston-Salem Theatre Alliance.

Tickets are $50/VIP, $20/screening and after-party and $10/screening only and are available online at bit.ly/2re0fNg. info: averysordidwedding.com.

Catholics host retreat

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — St. Peter’s Catholic Church will hold its spring retreat on June 17, 11 a.m.-4:30 p.m., in Benedict Hall, 2nd Floor, 507 S. Tryon St. Theme for this year’s event is “I Have Called You Friends.” The retreat includes lunch. Attendees can attend evening mass at

the church at 5 p.m. after the day’s activities have ended.

Parking is free in the Green parking deck.

Participants can park on the lower second floor in the blue section reserved for St. Peter’s.

Bring the parking ticket for validation.

An RSVP is requested for a head count for lunch and other information. info: mrcipolletti@hotmail.com.

Pulse tribute upcoming

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — “Ray of Light, Night of 1,000 Madonnas” benefit will be held on June 12, 9:30 p.m., at Bar at 316, 316 Rensselaer Ave. Drag performances will honor the victims and families of the Pulse Nightclub shooting one year ago.

Host for the event is Miss Don’t H8 Diva Buff Faye. Performers are Felicia Monet, Valarie Rockwell, Veronica Iman Davis, Vivi VanDank, Amanduh Pleaze, Brandi Andrews, Lilli Frost, Tequilla Holiday, Tia Douglas, Aiesha Paris, Angela Lopez and Mile Vyrus.

“We feel it’s important to remember one year later the lives that were lost in the tragedy of the Pulse Orlando shooting. As a community it is important that we hold each other dear and that we find a safe space in our local gay-owned establishments. Part of this is about honoring those lives that were lost, as well as holding space to remember how fragile life is,” Buff Faye shared.

There is no cover. Proceeds benefit the Orlando LGBTQ Community Center. info: bar316.com.

Pierce takes new post

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Dale Pierce has taken a position with Rosedale Medical as its 340 B program director, stepping down from his role as CEO of Different Roads Home.

His role includes managing, administrating and serving as a compliance officer for the pharmacy program which helps provide financial resources to those in need.

Pierce was a founder of Different Roads Home from 2013-2017 and previously served Rosedale as its chief financial officer, practice manager and Ryan White program director.

He received his bachelor’s degree in business administration and management from Kaplan University. info: rosedaleid.com.

Eastern Felton luncheon nears

GREENVILLE, N.C. — The 2017 Gayle Felton Love Thy Neighbor Lunch will be held on

June 17, 12 p.m., at the Holiday Inn, 203 S.W. Greenville Blvd.

Keynote speaker is Rev. Vernon Tyson who will speak on “What God has Made Me Do.” For the fourth consecutive year the North Carolina Conference Chapter of the Methodist Federation for Social and Reconciling United Methodists and Friends will serve as hosts.

Tickets are $15/advance, $17/at the door and $10/students. Visit bit.ly/2s6RO4q to make a purchase. info: rum-nc.org. mfsancc.org.

Teens hit MTV

PINECREST, N.C. — Pinecrest High School couple Noah Ambrose and Brandon Caddell will be featured in an upcoming episode on June 4, 7:30 p.m., of the new MTV series “Promposal,” The Pilot reported.

The Moore County students are the show’s first gay couple.

Ambrose and Caddell began dating 16 months ago and applied for the show prior to the promposal in early April, WTVD-TV reported.

Details of the actual event are being kept quiet, but Ambrose says his boyfriend had a lot of help from local businesses, the station added. Ambrose was really surprised, saying “it was really romantic.”

The couple was chosen due to their activism in support of equality. They spend time volunteering for organizations like the Human Rights Campaign, Equality North Carolina, Sandhills Pride, NAACP and the Democratic Party. Ambrose serves as president of the gaystraight alliance Spectrum. Caddell told The Pilot that “meant hitting the restart button on established relationships with friends and family.” Finding spaces where they feel supported can be challenging, even in ones that appears to be accepting. Simple things like holding hands in school is dependent on the trust received from classmates and teachers.

As an end result the couple hopes that there will be more acceptance of LGBTQ issues both in North Carolina and globally, as well as a representative voice with the MTV episode. info: thepilot.com. abc11.com.

Triad Company named tops in progress

SALISBURY, N.C. — During a ceremony held on May 2, DiversityInc ranked Delhaize America as 10th on the 2017 Top 11 Companies for Progress, exceling in such areas as hiring, retaining and promoting women, minorities, people with disabilities, LGBTQ and veterans.

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“We are proud to receive this recognition, which reinforces our commitment to cultivating an inclusive culture for all associates and customers throughout Delhaize America and its local brands, Food Lion and Hannaford,” said Millette Granville, director of diversity and inclusion and associate engagement. Granville accepted the recognition on behalf of Delhaize America at the DiversityInc event.

The annual survey ranking is based upon recruitment, talent development, senior leadership commitment and supplier diversity. info: diversityinc.com.

Scholarship winners announced

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — The North Star LGBTQ Community Center, 930 Burke St., has announced the 2017 recipients of the Kevin Jennings Equality Winston-Salem Scholarship.

Winners include: Megan Sigler, Kernersville, N.C., North Forsyth High School, $1,000, Salem College; Marissa Forfar, Kernersville, N.C., Atkins High School, $500, University of North Carolina Charlotte; Sarah Jane Martin, Winston-Salem, N.C., Mount Tabor High School, $500, Forsyth Tech; Jan Fernandez-Castillo, Kernersville, N.C., East Forsyth High School, $500, North Carolina State University; and Zachary Weavil, Kernersville, N.C., East Forsyth High School, $500, University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

In other news, the center’s College & Youth Initiative has invited applicants for three internships which are part-time and deal with marketing, development and faith. Email Rayce Lamb at outreach@northstarlgbtcc.com to learn more.

Other programs are Youth Leadership Council, College Leadership Council, Graduate Leaders Program and Alt Prom. Email info@ northstarlgbtcc.com to explore these options.

Other center initiatives include the arts, education, faith, health, service and support. info: northstarlgbtcc.com.

Triangle Boxing ‘combats’ bullying

RALEIGH, N.C. — Top Catz Boxing has announced that it has initiated its anti-bullying campaign, reaching out to middle school principals at Durham and Wake County schools.

The program promotes self-confidence, discipline and a general awareness of the issue of bullying, the organization said.

feminist spirituality at the Immaculate Heart College Center in Los Angeles, Calif. and earned a Doctor of Ministry in 2008 at the Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge, Mass.

Her doctoral thesis studied the traumatic psychological effects of anti-LGBTQ hostility on LGBTQ individuals and described the implications for the dynamics of LGBTQ-affirming congregations. She lives in Hendersonville, N.C. with her wife Sharilyn Steketee. Learn more about Saniuk’s life by reading qnotes’ Spiritual Reflections column on page 5. info: mccsacredjourney.org.

“Many of the fighters involved with Top Catz Boxing were at one time victims of or witnesses to bullying. For all, bullying played a role in their introduction to professional boxing. Each fighter has a unique story and background that will inspire others to take positive steps to overcoming the bullying epidemic,” it said.

Top Catz is available to discuss scheduling its program to the community. Contact Chris Williams at topcatzboxing@gmail.com for more information and to get bullying facts. info: topcatzboxing.com.

South Carolina

Chorus releases director

Musical benefit slated

RALEIGH, N.C. — The governing board for the Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus issued a formal letter on May 25 informing Dr. Jay A. Pierson that his artistic director contract would not be renewed for the 2017-2018 season. The termination date was May 31.

The board’s decision comes after a thorough review of the last three seasons, it said.

This change was motivated by a strong desire to move the group in a new direction. The board believes that a new artistic director will best serve the future needs of the chorus.

In the chorus’ formal letter of termination, the board expressed their sincere appreciation for Pierson’s talents, hard work and generosity and their desire to part ways on amicable terms.

“We thank Jay for his work and dedication over the last three years,” said Board Chair David Conroy. “We wish him nothing but the best in his future endeavors.” info: tgmchorus.org.

CHARLESTON, S.C. — Alliance for Full Acceptance will be the beneficiary of “Musical Miscast” to be held on Aug. 12, 6 p.m., at Dock Street Theatre, 135 Church St. The black-tie event features performances of quintessential Broadway tunes with a twist. Men sing songs originally intended for women and vise versa. It will also feature some of the city’s top performers.

Infinite Capacity serves as the presenter.

The organization supports those who focus on equality and human rights in order for them to reach their goals.

Tickets are $125/VIP (reception with cast and emcee Leslie Jordan, hors d’oeuvres, open

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bar, musical interludes, first access to the theatre and silent auction bidding during pre-show reception) and $75/general admission (admission to pre-show reception, open seating) and are available online. info: affa-sc.org. infinitecapacitycharleston.com.

Regional Diva pageant upcoming

SPARTANBURG, S.C. — The 2017 National Miss Don’t H8 Diva Pageant, “Down on the Farm,” will be held on June 30, 12 p.m., at Club South 29, 9112 Warren H. Abernathy Hwy. Turning over her crown is the current Miss Don’t H8 Diva Buff Faye.

Check-in and registration begins at 12 p.m., with Interview starting at 1 p.m.

Participants will compete at 5 p.m. in the Evening Gown and Onstage Question stages. Showtime heats up at 10 p.m. with Themed Presentation and Talent portions.

The winner will be given $2000 in cash and prizes include crown, sash, South 29 bookings, hotel, photography and travel.

Entertainment will be provided by past titleholders.

Registration is $75. info: facebook.com/events/1358679224182593.

Have news or other information? Send your press releases and updates for inclusion in our News Notes: editor@goqnotes.com.

Western Church installs new pastor

HENDERSONVILLE, N.C. — Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) Sacred Journey will install the Reverend Dr. Joan Saniuk as its new pastor on June 4 at its worship service at 5:30 p.m. at First Congregational Church, 1735 5th Ave. W. The Rev. Amy Lambert-Burns will serve as guest preacher.

Prior to the installation, a social hour will be held at 4 p.m. with heavy hors d’oeuvres and mingling.

Saniuk has been an ordained clergywoman in MCC since 1997. As pastor of MCC Boston, she was a founding member of the Massachusetts Religious Coalition for the Freedom to Marry. Saniuk earned an M.A. in

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news

news notes: u.s./world compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

SONG exceeds ‘bail out’ efforts

ATLANTA, Ga. — Southerners On New Ground’s (SONG) National Black Mama’s Bail Out Action raised over $200,000 regionally, with more than 3,000 contributors, which went to help release 41 Black mothers so they could be reunited with their families on Mother’s Day. The initiative was achieved by a large push during the campaign effort.

Organizations also lent their support to the action. Those were Black Youth Project 100 Durham, Inside-Outside Alliance, All of Us or None, Push Black, Participatory

The organization said, “Your actions of love and purposeful, collective support are beyond appreciated.” It added, “We are just getting started. To end money bail and disable the framework of the prison and criminal legal system it will take everyone playing a role to make it happen. While this endeavor is Black-led and centers Black mothers, we are all tied to this effort. We cannot forget our political and spiritual conviction ties us to act.”

Debrief questions were issued with respondents sending their answers to SONG. info: southernersonnewground.org.

Defense Durham, Triangle SURJ, Resource Generation NC, Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, Ignite NC, SisterSong, Durham People’s Alliance, Durham for All, Southern Coalition for Social Justice, The Beautiful Project, The Mamis and the Papis, Center for Maternal Wellness, Exodus Foundation, Free Press, Charlotte Uprising and Community Feeding Community.

QUICK HITS —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Lambda Literary has announced that Michele Karlsberg is the recipient of the 2017 Publishing Professional Award. info: lambdaliterary.org.

MSMGF attended a meeting in Bangkok, China to explore the gaps in the Yogyakarta Principles — a set of principles relating to sexual orientation and gender identity in the context of international human rights law. info: msmgf.org.

Fifteen cities across the world held “Welcome Home, Chelsea Manning!” events on May 17 to bring recognition to transgender Manning’s release from prison. info: gayliberation.net.

Spellman College is undergoing a decision by its board of trustees to determine if it will allow transgender women to apply to its school. info: thegavoice.com.

GLAD welcomed Francisco Cabas, Fred Csibi, Leila Bailey-Stewart and Meghan E. Freed as new board members. info: glad.org.

Scotland has been overtaken by Malta in the European league table of LGBTQ equality laws and policies. Malta rose to first place after introducing new laws protecting the rights of transgender and intersex individuals. info: equality-network.org.

Investigation Discovery’s “The Real Story with Maria Elena Salinas” will re-examine the

Pulse Nightclub tragedy on June 5 at 10 p.m.

Interviewed are survivors of the mass shootings, in addition to Omar Mateen’s alleged gay lover. info: discovery.com.

Atlanta, Ga’s City Council President Ceasar Mitchell has added his name to the growing list of supporters who are petitioning for a permanent rainbow crosswalk installation. info: thegavoice.com.

Gov. Andrew Cuomo will receive the 2017 Freedom Award from the Transgender Legal Defense & Educational Fund’s benefit on June 8. info: transgenderlegal.org.

Twitter was abuzz with hints of a reboot of “The L Word,” LGBTQ Nation reported. Time will tell, however, if this comes to fruition. info: lgbtqnation.com.

The American Library Association and hundreds of libraries will celebrate June 2017 as GLBT Book Month, a nationwide celebration of the authors and writings that reflect the lives and experiences of the LGBTQ community. info: ala.org/glbtbookmonth.

A new study suggests that bisexual young women are at higher risk of unintended pregnancy, partly because they are less likely than straight women to use contraceptives. info: journalistsresource.org.

Rev.Troy Perry received Cuba’s CENESEX award on May 12 in Havana during the

10th Cuban Gala Against Homophobia.

Approximately 5,000 attended. info: mccchurch.net.

collected, shared and used in the U.S., including addressing the LGBQT data gap. info: datainnovation.org.

Lynette McFaden, president of BiNet USA, has become co-chair of The Equality March being held on June 11. info: binetusa.org.

Antwon Stephens and Richie Knight, both openly gay, have placed their bids for election to become Athens, Ga.’s new mayor. info: thegavoice.com.

The Queer Kampala International Film Festival will be held from Dec. 8-10 and is seeking support to end the victimization of the LGBTQ community by bringing communities together through the power of film. info: queerkiff.com.

Rainbow Fashion Week, an eight-day celebration of queer fashion, film, art and technology, kicks off on June 16 to coincide with New York City’s LGBTQ Pride Week. info: rainbowfashionweek.com.

“Boystown” series author Jake Biondi has announced that he is re-launching his entire book series with an entirely new look just ahead of the release of his seventh “Boystown” book on July 7. info: jakebiondi.com. boystowntheseries.com.

My True Colors Festival, being held from June 14-July 2, has announced its 2017 lineup which includes over 35 plays, musicals, films, webisodes, dance arts and more. info: mytruecolorsfestival.com.

Nevada Gov. Brian Sandoval signed SB201 into law, putting an end to conversion therapy in the state of Nevada for LGBTQ youth. info: nclrights.org.

The Center for Data Innovation has released a report outlining 10 concrete steps Congress can take to optimize the way data is

A video has been released by the Reformation Project which showcases a live discussion held on May 18 in Orlando, Fla. The project is a non-denomination organization that tries to reconcile the differences in theological interpretation of the Bible as viewed by evangelical Christians and LGBTQ-affirming congregations. info: bit.ly/2raAQUz. Queer Country artists Karen & the Sorrows will host the “Another Country Festival” — a showcase of queer, trans, and POC musicians — to be held in Brooklyn, N.Y., on July 2. The event’s bake sale will benefit the Trans Justice Funding Project. info: babyrobotmedia.com.

The Mormon Church has ended chartering of Boy Scout Venturing and Varsity Scout units, effective on Jan.1, 2018. info: scoutsforequality.org.

NETWORK print and online advertising solutions with qnotes and goqnotes.com call or email us today 704.531.9988 adsales@goqnotes.com

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life

People & Their Pets

Adopt, Don’t Shop!

Saving the lives of shelter pets National campaign battles inhumane commercial breeding

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

T

Choosing to adopt a pet helps bring an animal into a caring ‘furever’ home and gives the ‘fur baby’ a second chance rather than living in a shelter or being forced to live a life in isolation.

hough the motto “Adopt, Don’t Shop!” can oversimplify a complex issue, at the root it is meant to encourage potential pet owners to do their research. True, not all breeders are evil or inhumane. Yet, choosing to buy a pet has a cost, both financially and morally.

Many owners who choose to purchase their pets from breeders have a number of justifications. Some argue that reputable breeders will market “superior” quality dogs. Some seek “hypoallergenic” animal breeds because of a pet-allergic person in the household. Others simply prefer a specific breed of dog or cat and do not know where else to get one.

The Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America destroys the myth of “hypoallergenic dogs.”

Even poodles — the breed most often labeled so — have the same pet dander, saliva and urine cells that invoke allergic reactions.

“A truly non-allergic dog or cat does not exist,” the Foundation reports. “People with dog allergies may be more sensitive to some breeds of dogs than others. Some people may be allergic to all dogs.”

Instead of pursuing a designer “hypoallergenic” dog, the Foundation advises pet owners to use HEPA air filters, remove carpet, keep the animal out of the bedroom and most importantly, frequently clean all surfaces.

As for finding a specific breed, keep an eye on local shelters and pet searchers will inevitably find their ideal pet.

“You can go to the Shelter Pet Project to find pets near you, of every size, color, temperament and breed,” the Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) asserts. “Purebred and mixed breed animals alike are waiting for their forever homes!”

As for purebred animals being “superior” to mutts, a 2013 study by Bellumori, et. al., examined University of California Davis veterinary clinic medical records. According to the Institute of Canine Biology, the study found that of 24 common genetic disorders in dogs, only one was more common in mixed-breeds.

Photo Credit: inna astakhova via Adobe Stock

see Pet Adoption on 13

LGBTQ disability and support animals Fur-babies make life easier for those struggling

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

F

or many people, animal companionship is more than having a pet. Those with disabilities, whether physical or mental, often benefit from service and assistance animals. In the LGBTQ community, mental illness and psychiatric disability are common due to the pressures of stigma, discrimination and outright violence.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) tracks data on mental illness, as well as offering support resources for those struggling with it. NAMI addresses the unique challenges faced by those in the LGBTQ community.

“Between 38-65 percent of transgender individuals experience suicidal ideation,” NAMI’s LGBTQ page reports. “LGBTQ individuals are almost 3 times more likely than others to experience a mental health condition such as major depression or generalized anxiety disorder. This fear of coming out and being discriminated against for sexual orientation and gender identities, can lead to depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, thoughts of suicide and substance abuse.”

For anyone struggling with a mental health condition, one avenue for relief is to turn to Emotional Support Animals (ESA).

These animals, unlike service dogs, are not professionally trained to perform tasks. Instead, ESAs provide companionship, unconditional love and often give their human partners a reason to keep living.

“The patient is focused on the animal’s needs, feeling a sense of responsibility for the animal which takes them away from worrying about their own problems,” said Michael Halyard, a licensed professional clinical counselor and therapist. “The animal is dependent on the person to take care of them and gives the person a reason to get up in the morning and feel good…

This dependence makes the person accountable to another liv-

ing being, which adds purpose and meaning to one’s life.”

This purpose and meaning is not exclusive to ESAs, of course, but often benefits those with trained service dogs as well. Canine Partners for Life, a service dog placement organization, pairs those with physical and less visible disabilities with a canine partner who will perform specific tasks and also provide that emotional support. “[My dog] keeps me active and gives me a sense of something I need to do,” said one Canine Partners client, a Vietnam veteran diagnosed with ALS. “She takes care of me and I take care of her. [She] has helped me to become more active and overcome my disability.”

The increased likelihood of LGBTQ people to experience mental illness means that ESAs are one vital resource to queer people with psychiatric disability.

Halyard stresses, however, that an ESA should not be the one and only treatment for such patients.

“When part of a treatment

plan in psychotherapy,” he said, “Studies show that connection of a person with their dearly loved animal can help alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression … the mere presence of animals has been proven to reduce the physiological symptoms of anxiety, stress, and blood pressure.”

However, ESAs do not share the same legal rights as formally trained service dogs. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), the Fair Housing Act (FHA) and state law all play a part in the distinction between different types of assistance animals.

“Dogs whose sole function is to provide comfort or emotional support do not qualify as

see Support Animals on 13

Emotional support animals (left) and service dogs (below) for those who are disabled help to make life more functional and lessfearful. Cats, among other animals, also offer comfort to their owners who experience depression, loneliness and anxiety.

Photo Credit: (top left) mirsasha via Flickr, CC 2.0 license; (bottom right) public domain; (bottom left) theartofphoto via Adobe Stock

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life

Pet Adoption

Support Animals

continued from page 9

continued from page 9

guarantee that the person is truly treating the “This study found that purebred dogs animals well. The New York Times reported have a significantly greater risk of developing a scandal leading up to the American Kennel many of the hereditary disorders examined in Club’s (AKC) world-renowned annual dog this study,” reports the Institute. “No, mixed show in New York. The scandal involved one breed dogs are not always healthier than of the AKC’s prize judges, a breeder of awardpurebreds; and also, purebreds are not ‘as winning Chihuahuas. healthy’ as mixed breed dogs.”

“An A.K.C. inspector said that the These results are theorized to result 34 Great Danes and mastiffs under the from the historical inbreeding of pureWilliamses’ care were in ‘acceptable’ bred dogs. Especially in past eras when conditions,” Times writers Mary Pilon and breeders selected physical traits but were Susanne Craig reported. “Three months oblivious to other genetic flaws, inbreedlater, Wilson County officials seized 28 of the ing was rampant. It still continues today, in Williamses’ dogs…A veterinarian told the the infamous puppy mills that cause animal court that the rescued dogs had ailments activists to shudder. that ranged “from serious to severe” and Puppy mills are the most frequently cited that “most of the injuries appeared to be reason to “adopt, don’t shop!” Your local pet chronic, having been in existence for a stores are notorious for buying pups from substantial period of time.’” these mills, which often raise animals in The evidence suggests that it takes a lot hideous conditions without proper hygiene of research — and luck — to find a perfect or socialization. pet. Those who intone “adopt, don’t shop!”

“Puppy mills are factory-style breeding want everyone to look into these facts, and facilities that put profit above the welfare to choose a pet carefully through the less of dogs,” the HSUS said. “Animals from expensive, more humane public shelters puppy mills are housed in shockingly poorPhoto Credit: Balint Radu via Adobe Stock where millions of homeless animals find conditions with improper medical care, and refuge every year. are often very sick and behaviorally troubled “By adopting an animal, you’re makas a result…Puppy mills will continue to ing room for others,” HSUS suggests. “Not operate until people stop supporting them. only are you giving more animals a second By adopting a pet, you can be certain you chance, but the cost of your adoption goes aren’t giving them a dime.” directly towards helping those shelters better Even if a potential pet parent goes to a care for the animals they take in!” : : breeder with a good reputation, there is no

ception to a ‘no pets’ rule or policy,” the HUD service animals under the ADA,” states ADA. states, “to permit a person with a disability to gov. The site notes that while common types live with and use an assistance animal(s) in of service dogs are seeing-eye dogs, hearingall areas of the premises where persons are assistants and seizure-sensing alert dogs, normally allowed to go … some service dogs are charged Breed, size, and weight with “reminding a person with limitations may not be mental illness to take preapplied to an assistance scribed medications, calming animal.” a person with Post-Traumatic The prevalence of Stress Disorder (PTSD) during assistance animals in an anxiety attack, or performthe LGBTQ community ing other duties.” is such that San Diego With such essential jobs, Pride, one of the largest service dogs have a legal right pride festivals in the nato enter any public venue with tion, has an explicit policy their handlers. Refusal to admit welcoming assistance a service dog to a public space animals — including constitutes discrimination emotional support anibased on disability, without mals not legally protected exception. in public spaces.

“Allergies and fear of “Pride welcomes dogs are not valid reasons for service dogs and denying access or refusing Emotional support dogs have documented emoservice to people using service increasingly become a welcome tional support dogs as animals,” the ADA states. addition to Pride festivals. a cherished part of our Untrained assistance Photo Credit: mbruxelle via Adobe Stock LGBT family,” the policy animals do not share public acstates. “Recognizing that some individuals commodation rights, but are legally protected with certain disabilities may need their canine in one way. The U.S. Department of Housing companion to fully participate in events at the and Urban Development (HUD) guarantees Festival, Pride will admit emotional support ESAs access to housing. dogs that have documentation of the role they “The FHA and Section 504 require the play in their handler’s life.” : : housing provider to modify or provide an ex-

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++++++++ Sponsored Content ++++++++

from the Rx pad……

by Rx Clinic Pharmacy, a comprehensive onsite service of Ballantyne Family Medicine

Fun Under the Sun?

Taking care of the skin to prevent skin cancer, other issues

by Brianna Johnson, Pharm D. Summertime is coming quickly! The days where everyone looks forward to fun by the water and being in the yard. Days of relaxation and enjoying all the outdoors has to offer…good and bad. One of the most colorful marks of summer is left by the sun.

While its warmth may be inviting, beware everything those rays have to offer. It’s much more than a change in skin color.

Any time spent in the sun increases your risk for skin cancer. Don’t be fooled by myths such as “tanning beds are safer,” “spending less time outside means you will not get skin cancer,” or that “if you tan faster than you burn, you are less likely to get cancer.” The American Cancer Society and the American Society of Dermatologists have determined these beliefs false. Studies show that 1 out of every 5 Americans will be diagnosed with skin cancer, regardless of their age, activities, or tanning habits.

Skin cancer can occur at any age on any part of the body.

There are many different types of skin cancer, but the same steps for screening and prevention can be utilized regardless.

The best screening and prevention method is getting to know your body — normal moles, freckles, skin color and texture — and checking yourself and your partner. Things to look for include:

•M oles that are irregularly shaped, multi colored, bigger than the width of a pencil eraser, or do not have a defined border, and moles that change over time.

• Patches of skin that are discolored and changing in size, shape, or texture.

• A small open wound or red bump that may be scaly and that starts to heal, but does not ever seem to heal completely.

If you notice anything that was not there before or that looks abnormal, then make an appointment with your primary care physician or a dermatologist.

When planning to be outside, no matter the season or if it’s sunny or cloudy, make sure to put on sunscreen frequently! The American Academy of Dermatology encourages everyone look for sunscreen that is broad spectrum, at least SPF 30, and water resistant. One ounce, equivalent to a full shot glass, should be enough to

cover all exposed areas of the body.

Sunscreen should be reapplied at least every 2 hours.

Additional tips to protect your skin from the sun are: • Avoid being in the direct sunlight between 10 am and 2 pm. This is when the sun’s rays are hottest.

• When you are outside, wear a widebrimed hat and sunglasses with UV protection.

• Put sunscreen on at least 20 minutes before going outside to give it time to take effect. After reapplying, stay in the shade for a little bit before going back out into direct sunlight.

Go ahead, enjoy the warmer longer days under the Carolina sun. Just be sure to check your skin, wear sunscreen, reapply skin protection, and take care of yourself when having that fun in the sun!

For more tips on sun safety awareness view the following link: www.aad.org/ public/spot-skin-cancer/free-resources.

Photo Credit: puhhha via Adobe Stock

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dishing with buff faye

by Buff Faye :: qnotes contributor :: info@bufffaye.com

A drag mother’s advice: 12 rules for being a drag queen Mothers are special. It shouldn’t take Mother’s Day, which we celebrated in mid-May, for us to remember that. And for drag queens, it is always important to remember your drag mothers too.

These are the drag queens who helped you be who you are today.

My drag mother is Sierra Santana, the big, the blonde and the beautiful. She retired from doing drag in 2014, but she had been doing drag for 20 years. She worked at all the clubs in the Carolinas, including O’Henry’s, Scorpios, Club Cabaret, Scandals, Oleens, Patricks and Chasers. She first put me in drag in 2007 for the Miss Crown Royal Rugby Pageant for the Charlotte Royals Rugby Football Club fundraiser. And I won! Buff Faye was born. That’s one way to give birth to a drag queen, I guess.

Even though I missed Mother’s Day with my column, I wanted to share some of my drag mothers “rules for being a drag queen.” This sage advice is for new and old drag queens alike.

Sierra Santana, left, and her drag child Buff Faye. Photo Credit: Tommy Feldman, Tyvola Design

12 Rules for Being a Drag Queen 1. Be yourself. Drag queens are like snowflakes. No two are alike.

2. Don’t be just a Diva. Feel your oats and be the queen. But also be sure to keep your head about you. Nobody likes a bitchy queen who doesn’t appreciate others.

3. You stand in the heels of others. Don’t F@&% it up! Remember that drag has a long history. You are part of influencing the art form for the future. Take that responsibility seriously.

4. Keep it professional. Be a person of your word. Show up for bookings and be sure to show respect for other entertainers.

Tomorrow your popularity could be gone.

5. Originality is hard to come by. Be a showstopper and keep your drag fresh and unique.

Don’t do what all the other queens do. Forge your own way and deliver your point of view.

6. G o all the way, Dancing Queen. No matter your size or ability, put everything you have into your drag performance. Dance, jump, roll…whatever you got, give it your all.

7. F ind your staying power. Is your performing as a drag queen going to last? Find out if this is a hobby for you or if you have what it takes to be a career queen. Both are respectable; just realize you have to have longevity and change with the times to stay relevant.

8. Break the boundaries. Be a rule breaker.

Follow your own lead, and do things your own way. It’s okay to go against the grain.

9. Don’t be afraid to fall down. Make mistakes, whether you’re new or old. That is part of growth as an entertainer. Nobody has been successful without some failure.

10. Pretty is nice too. Drag is a personal expression. Fishy is good but not everyone has to be fish to be a queen. You can express across a spectrum of gender.

11. M ind your business. If you want to be successful financially, you must treat drag as a business. Invest in your hair, costumes and performances. And chill out on all the drag drama.

12. S hine bright. Inside you are a star. Never forget that, and sell that to the crowd.

Well, 10 years later, my drag mother has not only shaped who I am today, but also given me tons of advice. Just like with a real mother, sometimes you listen and sometimes you have to learn the hard way. Her teaching me these 12 rules is just one of the reasons why I love my drag mother — Sierra Santana. Love you, Momma!

DRAG TIP: Paint for the back row!

— Buff Faye calls the Queen City her home and performs to make her Drag Momma proud (and raise money for charities).

Find her at your favorite bars and hotspots.

Plus don’t forget her monthly Sunday drag brunch and regular Friday night party bus.

Learn more at AllBuff.com.

Follow on Twitter @BuffFaye

SHOUT OUTS:

Don’t forget we are having Buff Faye’s “Country Hoe Down” Drag Brunch at noon on Saturday, June 10 at Pure Pizza off Central Ave. And please come out to a special benefit on Monday, June 12 at 9:30 p.m. at The Bar at 316, and show your love one year later for the loved ones lost at the Pulse Orlando shooting. More information is available online at BuffFaye.com.

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tell trinity

the Queen said. And so will you, sweetie!

by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

Hey Trinity, I have no luck with sex or relationships and no time for dating, plus the world is filled with diseases.

That’s why I’m choosing celibacy.

But my friends think these are the wrong reasons for choosing celibacy! Help?

Celibate Decisions, Brooklyn, NY

Don’t kill him, just get a divorce!

Dear Trinity, My niece is getting married, and I want to give her some advice. But I’ve never been married.

So before she says “I do,” what should I tell her “to do” about maintaining a marriage?

Marriage Advice, New Haven, CT Dear Marriage Advice, Remind her that getting married is like buying an old house. It needs constant fixing and refining, and should never be left alone for too long. Negotiate the big decisions, and don’t sweat the small ones. Lastly, the more love and kindness you show it, the more valuable it becomes with time. What a marriage itself needs is respect, communication and understanding, in that order, not nagging reminders of what happened five years ago. So, pumpkin, tell her to take breaks alone, vacations together, and, to quote Court TV, “ If everything goes wrong don’t kill him, just get a divorce!”

Dearest Trinity, After seven years of being uncomfortable about my weight and basically being sexless, I lost a lot of weight and finally want to try sex again. I get propositioned at clubs to “spend the night,” but I feel odd using someone for sex. Are onenight stands wrong?

Feeling Odd, Washington, DC

Dearest Feeling Odd, Sometimes in life we just have to let go and forget about what’s “right” and pure and holy.

Sometimes we just have to open our minds to dangerous flirting, wild dancing and one-night stands. Yes, baby, it’s sometimes OK to hit the clubs on a Saturday night and let the fever take us…home with a stranger and show us what lust is all about. (My cartoon shows you how to set the night on fire once you decide that it’s OK to get off the dance floor and get some “night fever” stoked!)

Hello Trinity, After dating for many years, I finally found the perfect guy. I know this is it, and I’m ready to propose marriage. But when is it time to stop dating and start proposing?

Finally Found It, Milwaukee, WI Hello Finally Found It, Once upon a time in the small town of Dating, just outside the big city of Marriage, a man wrote the Queen asking, “When is it time to move to Marriage? The Queen replied, “What… are you crazy for wanting to leave Dating? Your rent’s cheap and Marriage is full of troubles!” So the man thought and thought until one day, he simply knew it was time to move to Marriage, no matter what

a&e

Hey Celibate Decisions, Not only do I think these are the wrong reasons to hide behind celibacy instead of working on your sexual issues, but, darling, here are also: Trinity’s Unreasonable Reasons (And Tips) For Being Celibate 1. “ I have no genitals.” (But you still can enjoy someone else’s.)

2. “ The genitals I have don’t work.” (I repeat, “You still can enjoy someone else’s.”)

3. “ I found God.” (But there are plenty of sects without celibate clergy.)

4. “I was saving myself for the perfect mate, and now I’m too old.” (But don’t you want to reach adolescence some time in your life?)

5. “I’m an amputee, quadriplegic with elephantiasis.” (OK, I need a drink!)

6. “ I’m afraid of sex and have very low self esteem.” (But with a good therapist, you’ll be “shagging” in no time.)

7. “ I’m extremely unattractive.” (Unattractive humans find mates and have great sex too.)

8. “I’ve never had sex, so why start?” (What the hell are you waiting for?)

9. “ I’m afraid of diseases.” (But safe sex also means great sex.)

10. L astly, “I have no luck or time for sex.”

(Honey, if Edison had that attitude, we’d all be living in the dark!) info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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EVENTS June 2017 Continues through June 18 ‘Avenue Q’ Raleigh Little Theatre 301 Pogue St., Raleigh Times vary The Raleigh Little Theatre presents the first local staging of the hit play “Avenue Q” in the Triangle.

The play is a satirical comedy musical, appropriate for mature audiences. It functions as a coming-of-age story, utilizing puppetry.

Tickets prices vary. More information and tickets are available online. raleighlittletheatre.com.

Continues through June 25 SEP JUN: MO Charlotte Squawks 13: Charlotte, We Have a Problem Booth Playhouse at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte Times vary The news, both local and national, sports, pop culture and life in the Queen City get a sendup in what creators call a cross between “Saturday Night Live” and a Broadway show. The creative team of Mike Collins and Brian Kahn, and a team of the area’s most talented performers, will have no shortage of material to draw from this year. Ticket prices vary and start at $24.50. Tickets and more information are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

Submit your event to our calendar!

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-for-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

Continues through July 2 SEP JUN MO ‘Fun Home’ Knight Theater at Levine Center for the Arts 430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte Times vary The hit Broadway musical, adapted from the graphic novel of the same name by former qnotes cartoon contributor Alison Bechdel, “Fun Home” brings audiences into the life of Alison at three different ages as she grapples with the mysteries of her childhood. Those themes include discovering her own sexuality, as well as that of a close family member, and the effects born out of those realizations.

–––––––––––––––––––– Ticket prices vary. More information and Continues through June 3 Tosco Music Beatles Tribute tickets are available online.

SEP JUN MO Charlotte Ballet: ‘Inspired Works’ Knight Theater at Levine blumenthalarts.org.

Knight Theater at Levine Center for Center for the Arts The Equality March Charlotte the Arts 430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte SEP JUN MO Carolinas CARE 5K Run Fortune Feimster First Ward Park 430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

SEP JUN MO SEP JUN MO McAlpine Parkway The Comedy Zone 301 E. 7th St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Around 15 acts will take the stage to 8711 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 900 NC Music Factory Blvd., 12-2 p.m.

Jean-Pierre Bonnefoux presents his perform favorite songs by The Beatles.

8-10 a.m.

Ste. B3, Charlotte Charlotte will hold a sister final performance of his Charlotte Expect variety and a good time for all Run for a good cause to 8 p.m.

Equality March, in conjunction with the ages. Tosco Music is a non-profit that Ballet tenure. He presents a collection raise funds for the work Carolinas CARE Comedian Fortune Feimster first gained National Equality of his inspiring works throughout the is dedicated to enhancing Charlotte’s Partnership does for those living with March in D.C., to years, including George Balanchine’s music community. More information and national attention as a contestant HIV/AIDS. Everyone who registers will on “Last Comic Standing,” and later show support for “Rubies,” Mark Godden’s “Angels tickets are available online. get a free t-shirt and everyone who appeared on shows LGBTQ rights. “We in the Architecture,” Sasha Janes’ blumenthalarts.org. toscomusic.org. finishes will get a medal. Early registra- will use the Equality March-Charlotte, like “Chelsea Lately,” “Lascia la Spina, Cogli la Rosa,” Jeantion before May 15 is $30 and afterward along with our National and Sister “2 Broke Girls” and Pierre Bonnefoux and Quentin Talley’s goes up to $35. Registration is available marches, to give voice to our concerns, “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

“Transformation,” and Jiri Kylian’s online at bit.ly/2okGgaw.

The North Carolina and to support, uplift and bring attention “Sechs Tänze.” Ticket prices range native returns to bring from $25-$85. Tickets and more informa- facebook.com/events/624596291059029. to those in our communities who are her hilarious standup targeted due to immigration status, ethtion are available online. act to the Queen City nicity, religion, skin color, gender, sexual blumenthalarts.org. at The Comedy Zone. orientation, age and disability,” organizDoors open at 7 p.m. Tickets begin at ers said. “We affirm and celebrate that $20. Tickets and more information are we are a mix of diverse communities.” available online.

More information is available online. cltcomedyzone.com. equalitymarch2017.com.

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Vintage Charlotte Summer SEP JUN MO Market Camp North End 1776 Statesville Ave., Charlotte 10 a.m-5 p.m.

Over 80 local and regional vendors will be on hand at the 6th annual Vintage Charlotte Summer Market, offering vintage and handmade items. Not Just Coffee and Birdsong Brewing Co. will be on hand to provide beverages and Bleu Barn Bistro, The Dumpling Lady and King of Pops will supply the food. There will also be live music and an art installation. $7 early bird tickets are available for entry at 10 a.m. Starting at 11 a.m., tickets will drop down to $2. Parking is free. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/170407950139231.

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United with Orlando: SEP JUN MO A Day of Love and Kindness Pulse Ultra Club 2701 S. Kings Hwy., Myrtle Beach 6 p.m.

Grand Strand Pride will hold an event honoring and remembering the victims of the mass shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Fla. last year. Organizers are partnering with Honor Them With Action, a group calling for the sharing of stories of working to end anti-LGBTQ bigotry and violence, and lifting up love, openness, and acceptance. More information is available online. honorthemwithaction.org. grandstrandpride.com.

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life

Our People:

Q&A with Chelsea Gulden RAIN VP advocates for positive youth like she was

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

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vercoming hardship is a challenge that many of us have faced, but fewer, perhaps, have triumphed to the degree that Chelsea gulden has. At age 21, just before her senior year in college, Gulden received the shocking news: she was pregnant and HIV-positive. Despite how much her life had changed, Gulden was and

remains determined to advocate for people like her. “I began using my story to elicit change,” she says. Beginning with Metrolina AIDS Project (MAP), Gulden is now 35 and vice president of operations at Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN). A proud bisexual and mother of three, Gulden has truly taken ownership of her diagnosis and loves the direction it has influenced her to take in her career.

Of all of RAIN’s programs and projects, which is most important to you personally?

The Empowering Positive Youth (EPY) Program will always be close to my heart. The concept was to give to other youth what I felt like I needed. I was 21 when I was diagnosed and I felt like no one could understand, I felt like my whole life was ruined … although the program is really important to me, I also know for its success, I’ve had to step back and watch the younger staff members give the gift of hope, life and restoration. Both of RAIN’s current EPY Peer Navigators are graduates of that same program. I am very proud of that and about all the youth we’ve helped over the years.

Why did you choose to go into this field of work?

I always say, I chose social work, but HIV chose me. When I reflect on my life and my career path, I am often thankful for my HIV diagnosis directing to this field … HIV still carries such a stigma that it negatively impacts people’s ability to deal with their diagnosis, maintain supportive family members, have healthy and happy sex lives and prevents us from educating the youth with factual information as opposed to scare tactics. Although we have the tools to end AIDS with PrEP and

treatment as prevention, we still have a lot of work to do.

Either personally or professionally, what was the hardest decision you ever had to make?

The hardest decision I ever made was last March. My best friend was in the hospital, a month after her 30th birthday, dying from AIDS … she had slipped into a coma. Her family wanted to leave her on the machines indefinitely in hopes of a full recovery, but she and I had talked a lot about her end of life wishes. The last thing I wanted to do was advocate to allow her to die, but I knew that’s what she wanted. I made a decision to honor what I knew she wanted, even though every fiber of my being wanted to hold on to the hopes of a miracle. While I held her hand, and with family surrounding her, I kissed her forehead and we said goodbye. She had lived with HIV for 17 years, and we had been friends for 11 years. She was one of the first people I met when I was diagnosed and was part of the reason I became so passionate about the work. For 11 years I tried to make her take her medication, but she embodied all of the stigmas and barriers we fight daily.

What hobbies or pastimes do you enjoy?

I have three kids, so I don’t know what I like to do anymore. Most of my free time revolves around their activities. I do love to travel, and I particularly like tropical destinations. In the summer, I love to swim.

Who are some important people in your support system, and how do they add to your life?

Although they can’t really support me at their age, my kids are the most important people in my life. I would set my entire life on hold for them. My 93-year-old grandmother is also very important to me. She has always been there for me, and when I was in the midst of [my] teenage and adolescent years, she never judged me or got upset with me. She has always just been there for me. I would have to say my sister, Cassie, and my best friend, Susan. When I’m in a bind, I can always call them for support and clarity. Last but not least, my mentor, Debbie Warren. She can calm me down without even knowing I was upset.

Debbie has an ability to tell me certain things, which may be hard for me to hear, in a manner that forces me to have an “ah huh” moment. I know she’ll always be here to support me and she genuinely cares about my success.

If you were to meditate, what would you envision as your “happy place”?

My happy place would be a tropical island, on one of those massage beds. There would be clear water, clear skies, fancy drinks with umbrellas, and lots of personal wait staff. : :

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