QNotes, June 25, 2021

June 25-July 8, 2021

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qnotes June 25-July 8 2021

inside this issue feature

June 25-July 8, 2021 Vol 36 No 05

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10 Charlotte Artist to Paint City Center Mural

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Rev. Dawn Flynn, L’Monique King, Jesse Monteagudo, Gary Montgomery, David Aaron Moore, Julianna Peres, Gregg Shapiro, Trinity

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6 Scoring Goals for Pride 6 Medical Research Opportunities for the LGBTQ Community 6 Harris Teeter is Celebrating Pride Month 6 Briefs 7 South Carolina’s LGBTQ Community Grows Stronger in Light of Anti-Trans Laws 7 Latest Update on Charlotte’s LGBTQ Nondiscrimination Ordinance

a&e

12 Emanuel Xavier, Poet and Activist 16 Tell Trinity 18 Unsung Story

life

8 Pride Parenting 14 From North Carolina to Brazil 19 Our People: The Nelms

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4 Stealing thet Vote from the People 5 An Interview with Gov. Roy Cooper 15 We Are Spiritual Family

events

For event listings, visit goqnotes.com/events-calendar.

Voter suppression continues to be a major problem in the United States.

People in the LGBTQ community and people of color are particularly targeted in this injustice.

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Our People: The Nelms

Ryan and Del Nelms both grew up in North Carolina, and continue to live in the state. Learn more about the gay couple and their experiences in raising their three adopted children.

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June 25-July 8, 2021

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views

Stealing the Vote from the People Voter Suppression Against People of Color and the LGBTQ Community

by Julianna Peres qnotes Staff Writer

S

o many voices go unheard when voter suppression occurs. It takes a mix of plotting and conniving blended with various forms of bigotry and intolerance, such as institutionalized racism, homophobia, transphobia, and discrimination against the physically challenged. The ultimate goal is to keep members of the non-majority suppressed, so that their votes are never cast, or the votes are disqualified in local and national elections.

Senate Bill 326 (SB 326), the Election Day Integrity Act, is an example of using legal maneuvering to achieve voter suppression. The bill threatens to alter the methods by which voting may be carried out during an election.

If enacted, SB 326 will decrease Far too many people are unable to vote due to lack of resources or time. (Photo Credit: steheap via Adobe Stock) the amount of time that a voter may have to request and return an absentee ballot. most significant reasons that LGBTQ changes could limit the number of people Senate Bill 724 (SB 724), the Expand people vote and the prevalent reasons who are able to vote in any one space durAccess to Voter ID & Voting Act, was they don’t vote. The study found that over ing a limited span of time. recently introduced under the guise of half of LGBTQ voters believed that former Organizations like Democracy North making the State Board website more acPresident Donald Trump and various Carolina are calling voters to action cessible to vision impaired voters. corporations want to keep them from with petitions and open group discusWhile it may seem well-intentioned on turning in their ballots. sions. Equality NC is another group that the surface, there’s a darker, more sinister HRC released another report titled is working to protect voter rights. Their side to SB 724 that isn’t readily appar“Banned from the Ballot Box: the History campaign, called Safe Voter NC, is dedient, especially for the group of voters it is of Disenfranchisement Law on LGBT cated to keeping all people up to date on purported to help. Less touted is the fact it Women of Color,” The research revealed their rights. This campaign is facilitated by would limit funding for certain communithe impact the prison industrial system Disability Rights North Carolina and the ties to be able to vote either absentee or and homophobia/transphobia can have North Carolina Black Alliance in an effort in person. With additional tweaking, the on each other and on the ability to vote. to create empowered representation for bill could ultimately make it so that almost The Guidance on Eligibility page of the underrepresented.

North Carolina’s State Board of Elections’ everyone would be ineligible to vote via According to research published on the website informs formerly incarcerated absentee ballot.

Human Rights Campaign (HRC) website people about their rights to voting. These in 2020, COVID-19 has created unpreceThe third and most recently reviewed regulations state that anyone who is servdented obstacles for LGBTQ people. These voter suppression bill in North Carolina is ing a felony sentence, is on probation, obstacles include a lack of transportation Senate Bill 725 (SB 725), the Prohibit Private parole or post-release supervision cannot to polling locations, difficulty accessing Money in Elections Administration Act. vote in North Carolina. Not only does this mail-in ballots and issues with employers SB 725 would affect not only voters, mean that most previously incarcerated allowing for time to vote. but employment in relation to elections as people will be unable to vote but it also Fair Fight and HIT Strategies conwell. Without being able to hire tempomeans that once they are eligible, without ducted their study during the 2020 rary poll workers, voting locations will be someone to inform them, they may never Presidential election to determine the understaffed and overwhelmed. These

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qnotes June 25-July 8 2021

know they can participate in elections again, or they may simply lose interest in doing so.

Misinformation is one of the greatest tools of voter suppression. The HRC study also found that Black or LatinX individuals are often unable to find polling locations due to a lack of resources or time. Transgender individuals have difficultly voting due to voter ID laws which make it so they must use their government-issued identification cards and, in the process, out themselves to poll workers, which could potentially lead to verbal harassment or even physical harm.

In May of this year the NAACP filed suit against Tim Moore, the Republican Speaker of the North Carolina House of Representatives and Philip Berger, a North Carolina Republican State Senator for their implementation of a discriminatory constitutional amendment, Senate Bill 824.

The actions taken and the resulting changes that were added to North Carolina voting policy made it so that any undocumented resident or any individual without an active license or state ID could not vote.

Several members of the public, as well as the state government, agreed the bill was discriminatory at its core and would only serve to further block access to voting for Black and brown people.

Data from the U.S. Elections Project has found that in North Carolina white voters had their mail-in ballots rejected at a rate of .5 percent, while black voters’ ballots were rejected at a rate of 1.8 percent and Native American voters’ ballots were rejected at a rate of four percent. These statistics illustrate the divide between Caucasian and voters of color.

Paul Brachman, the plaintiffs’ attorney, had this to say: “Taken together, the facts are compelling evidence that [the bill] was intended to entrench the Republican majority by targeting reliably Democratic AfricanAmerican voters.” : :

views

An Interview with Gov. Roy Cooper First N.C. Governor to Declare Statewide LGBTQ Pride Month

by David Aaron Moore qnotes Staff Writer

Even though the Republicans have been overly shrewd and technologically diabolical in the way they have drawn districts, the demographics of the state are changing, so I do feel positive about what we can do in making changes to come.

G

ov. Roy Cooper is a man committed to equality for the LGBTQ community. That’s not to say he hasn’t encountered his fair share of roadblocks from other elected officials in Raleigh since he’s served as governor and tried to achieve goals for our community.

But he hasn’t given up.

And he won’t. He’d like to sign off on a statewide NonDiscrimination Law specifically geared toward protecting the LGBTQ community. Until changes are made via the ballot box that send some members of the opposing party packing to accomplish that, he’s urging towns, cities and lawmakers across the state — like Charlotte and Mayor Vi Lyles — to move ahead with local ordinances without delay.

A state native, Cooper was born in Nashville, N.C. He’s a recipient of the Morehead Scholarship, which allowed him to attend the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill for understudies, and he’s a graduate of the North Carolina School of Law. He spent a few years working for the family law firm before capturing a seat in the North Carolina House of Representatives in 1986. In the years that followed he would be appointed to fill a vacant seat in the North Carolina Senate and later serve as Majority House Leader there before running and being elected as the State Attorney General. In 2016, he threw his hat in the gubernatorial race and successfully unseated the incumbent: a first in North Carolina history.

It’s a Friday afternoon when Cooper sits down at his desk in the office of the Governor’s Executive Mansion to talk with qnotes about a variety of topics.

The interview was prompted by his continuing historic proclamations of a state-wide Pride month, but he has a lot more on his mind he wants to talk about.

What prompted you to declare a statewide Pride month in North Carolina, and did you know it hadn’t been done here before? Your actions also made us one of the very first southern states to do so, too.

I knew that we had never done it in North Carolina before, but I was not aware [about] other southern states. It really didn’t require much thought at all, actually. The suggestion was made to me, and I said “Absolutely. Let’s open the governor’s mansion and put up the rainbow flag and let’s have a celebration.” And we did. We know that North Carolina has been through a lot when it comes to LGBTQ+ people. This was a public showing to demonstrate all I believe, and what most people in North Carolina value and we want to project, not only across the state and country but around the world. We are an inclusive people. We value diversity and we know it makes us stronger.

What are your feelings about the current state of LGBTQ civil rights? And are you satisfied with it?

I am not satisfied, and I won’t be until we can get a nondiscrimination law in North Carolina. I think that’s important.

I think at the end of the day, when we are going to do that, there are going to have to be changes made at the ballot box, but until then, I think that local officials need to move forward with protective policies. I’m glad that we have removed our state of all vestiges of House Bill 2 (HB 2), and now that the time has run out on the ban of local ordinances, there is nothing left of it to prevent efforts to make sure there is equality and protection. I’ve issued a nondiscrimination executive order, which is very comprehensive and sends a strong message. We banned any kind of organization that attempts to engage in conversion therapy, and banned funds for those groups as well.

A lot of things we do have been aimed at LGBTQ+ youth, with the conversion therapy issue and our new child care practice healthcare guidelines. We know in the foster care system there are children from the [LGBTQ] community who sometimes do not get treated well, or are treated with disdain, so we have made sure they get

North Carolina’s Gov. Roy Cooper at home with wife Kristen and their dog, Violet. (Photo Credit: First Pets of NC via Facebook) the care they need, especially with specific services and tailoring it to them. We’ve done the same with our juvenile court system. Another important change is at the department of motor vehicles. We’ve made it so it’s easier to get documents and things you need for a driver’s license and state IDs. A lot of your vetoes were overridden during your first term and you were really pushed into a corner with HB 2. How is it different this go-round?

There are a lot of positive things happening in the state now. Since we broke the supermajority in the legislature, I can veto all that bad legislation and they know it. And we can kill it, so I’m excited about how this affects us, not just economically, but also just because it’s the right thing to do and is the right way to be going forward.

What’s going on with the Republican Party? I would point at the Trump era as a big part of it, but if you look back even further during the Obama administration and the rise of the Tea Party, it really seems like they’ve lost their way. What are your thoughts?

It’s hard to be able to pinpoint that [chuckles slightly].

I think their tent is shrinking. People who are different or think differently often get pushed out. I don’t know if Trump’s actions were his own, or what he did. The actions he took, the things he said, were very hurtful and I think it means we have to work harder as a people. We have North Carolinians that feel the same way — that positive, inclusive direction of the people is key, and we are seeing the rewards of that now, both economically and the way people view our state. And the more people get to know people in the LGBTQ+ community, the better off we all are because we’re all people and we should try our best to accept each other the way we are. It’s hard for me to be able to [speculate] what’s happening with the core of the Republican Party, though. I’ve had to deal with it when trying to get budgets passed, important laws and stopping other bad laws.

Given the way the districts were gerrymandered and then “redrawn” in a clearly tilted manner, do you see a positive path forward in the next election?

I believe so. When you realize this is a census year and North Carolina is getting close to one million new people, and the fact these people have moved into our urban and suburban areas in all House districts and Senate districts, there are going to be more districts drawn. There have to be, in more Democratic areas.

What is the future of healthcare for everyone in North Carolina?

We have to provide healthcare for all of North Carolina’s residents. I believe it’s a moral issue. We’re living in the wealthiest country in the world. People ought to be able to go to the doctor even if they can’t afford it. In North Carolina, we still have more than a million people who don’t have healthcare insurance.

The previous administration put in place a law that prevents us from accepting Medicaid funding, and that would provide insurance for about 600,000 people.

It could take care of about half the people that don’t have insurance right now and all that has to be said is one word: yes. Right now there is more federal funding coming down than ever before, and it would not cost us any of our tax dollars. We’re one of the few remaining states that has not accepted the funding. As governor, I began the process to try to expand it executively, and they sued me in federal court to stop me and they won, but we’re continuing to push this effort in the budget debate right now.

Why is North Carolina’s Sodomy Law still on the books? 20 years after the Lawrence v. Texas ruling, we know it is technically unenforceable, but there have been reports from various individuals around the state that it has been used to intimidate gay men into plea-bargaining from a trumped up felony charge, to a lesser misdemeanor, when they otherwise would have plead not guilty.

I think it’s important to remove ugly, antiquated laws from our statute books. I support that, and I would sign the legislation to do it. As to why the Republicans don’t support [removing] it, or don’t want to do it, it’s hard to say. But I’ll tell you this: I’m working to recruit progressive candidates to run for the state legislature who would be eager to remove those laws from the books and to make [the] progress we need.

Is there an individual who has had a lasting impact on you from the LGBTQ community?

There are a lot of people. One that comes to mind immediately is right there in Charlotte. That’s Judge John Arrowood. I appointed him to the North Carolina Court of appeals. We have been friends since law school, and he has given me a lot of support. I admired his strength and the things he has had to go through as a gay man.

I’ve been grateful for the advice he has given me, and I appreciate the strong, courageous example he has set.

He has been, and continues to be, a good friend and a good man.

Would you consider a transgender appointment?

Certainly I would. We have consulted with Equality North Carolina, and they have been intimately involved in shaping some of the executive orders and policies we have put in place. Equality North Carolina has a number of transgender people who have been involved in that process, so definitely, I would.

Lastly, this state routinely loses some of its best and brightest every year. Even with the achievements we’ve made so far, a lot of young LGBTQ individuals leave because they’re still experiencing bigotry, intolerance and things like employment insecurity. What would you tell LGBTQ youth to encourage them to stay in North Carolina?

Together we can make this state the kind of place they would want to live. We can make it a place they would want their families to live. Let’s keep working together to make North Carolina the best it can be, a place with equality and a place that is inclusive and accepting of everyone. : :

June 25-July 8, 2021

qnotes

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news Scoring Goals for Charlotte Pride

The Charlotte Independence has been a part of the United Soccer League (USL) since 2014. In 2021, Independence made it their mission to support the local queer community of Charlotte during Pride month. Through their Charlotte Pride collaboration, the Independence will be fund-raising, educating and community building during their August 14 game against the Pittsburgh Riverhounds for what they have dubbed “Pride Night.”

President of Charlotte Independence, Tim Schuldt, says, “We are happy to partner with Charlotte Pride as a community builder and a positive resource for inclusivity. Soccer is a powerful unifier, and we welcome all community members to join us in our daily, year-round commitment to be ‘Stronger Together.’”

The Independence year-round online shop has also released several products with rainbow designs in honor of this new partnership.

Part of these proceeds will also go towards Charlotte Pride’s annual festivities.

Representatives from Charlotte Pride will be at the game to share pamphlets and booklets regarding LGBTQ inclusivity and Pride events to all Independence fans. One such representative is Charlotte Pride Board President, Daniel Valdez.

“We are proud to partner with Charlotte Independence to show that our LGBTQ community is supported and valued in our local sports leagues,” says Valdez, “We hope all fans, new and old, can come out and celebrate with us on August 14.”

The idea behind Charlotte Independence’s “Stronger Together” campaign is simple: uplift and honor communities with a platform on which to make their voices heard. In April 2021, Independence hosted Military Appreciation Night to invite veterans and active duty soldiers to the soccer game as guests of honor.

In that partnership, the Independence team was able to raise funds for military personnel. They were also able to offer scholarships to children of veterans and disabled veterans. These themed nights are an effort to educate and influence soccer fans in a positive way. info: bit.ly/35xonNS — Julianna Peres

Medical Research Opportunities for the LGBTQ Community

Duke University’s Gender Health & Wellness Department has begun delving into the world of LGBTQ-specific care with their new research registry. Currently in the works, this registry is being created by three of Duke’s physician researchers who are hoping to learn more about how they may better serve the queer community. One such physician, Hayley Cunningham M.D., is conducting a study on the medication for HIV prevention called Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP).

The information procured by Cunningham and her colleagues will be totally confidential and used for statistical evidence, rather than individual stories. All research will be conducted via surveys, interviews, focus groups and health data collection studies. This means the LGBTQ community will be integrally involved in the research.

Cunningham stresses the HIV PrEP study will allow her to “collect demographic information to help determine where the greatest disparities lie so that we [at Duke] can design and implement targeted initiatives to reduce these disparities.” In order to participate in the research study, Dr. Cunningham invites those over 18 years of age to complete a confidential survey.

As an internal medicine resident, Cunningham identifies as an ally to the community; hoping to improve the quality of life for all LGBTQ people. This may involve further study relating to HIV/AIDS, STDs or STIs. Confidentially is key for Cunningham’s work and she emphasizes, “Adults in North Carolina identifying as a gender or sexual minority can choose to provide basic demographic and contact information. Those on the registry will never be enrolled in a study without their informed consent.”

When opportunities to participate in studies arise, these interested adults will be contacted by one of the three physicians at Duke. As with the PrEP study, the research registry’s end goal is to be able to differentiate between symptoms as well as diseases that may affect one faction of the LGBTQ community over another.

On Duke’s Gender Health & Wellness Department webpage, there are resources listed for gender-expansive care catering to youth and hormone therapy for adults. Duke Health also offers gender-affirming top-surgery options to transgender, nonbinary and otherwise gender diverse individuals. info: bit.ly/3qdwSat — Julianna Peres

Harris Teeter is Celebrating Pride Month

Harris Teeter announced June 15 the company will be celebrating Pride Month with a new array of rainbow products as a show of solidarity with the LGBTQ community. The ultimate goal for Harris Teeter and their product providers is to make every shopper and staff member feel valued and celebrated. For this reason, businesses such as Proctor & Gamble (P&G), Johnson & Johnson, Vizzy and Barefoot have launched Pride-related merchandise to be sold at various Harris Teeter locations.

This is not the first time Harris Teeter has commented on the LGBTQ community this year. At the beginning of Pride month, Harris Teeter made a Facebook post that featured several employees who identify as LGBTQ, asking them what June means to them. This question was met with comments about the importance of recognizing queer experiences and creating a supportive work environment.

“Pride Month to me is a fun time for the LGBTQ+ community to be recognized and allowed to express pure happiness and other emotions. I hope that someday the separation will disappear so diversity and inclusion will win,” said a Harris Teeter associate identified as Julia.

Harris Teeter and their partners are hoping to break down that division by giving back to the community. This includes supplier-sponsored donation campaigns and spotlighting local LGBTQ nonprofits.

Each business featured by Harris Teeter has their own campaign for Pride with their own titles. P&G’s “Can’t Cancel Pride” program focuses on helping LGBTQ people affected by COVID-19 and raising funds for the national LGBTQ organization Centerlink. Johnson & Johnson is supporting Family Equality through their “Care with Pride” campaign to help LGBTQ families with legal matters.

Providing financial aid to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Vizzy has launched their limited edition “Hard Seltzer Pride Pack.” In the interest of helping two organizations, the National Center for Transgender Equality and Free Mom Hugs, Barefoot Bubbly has donated funds to the LGBTQ community for over 30 years and hopes to continue to do so.

In the midst of all of these collaborations, Harris Teeter’s aim is to inform, educate and uplift both the LGBTQ community and potential future allies. info: harristeeter.com/inclusion — Julianna Peres

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qnotes June 25-July 8 2021

Briefs CHARLOTTE Time Out Youth, Reel Out Charlotte and Charlotte Pride Commence Their Summer Movie Series

On June 25 at 8 p.m., local LGBTQ groups are hosting a free outdoor event for youth and adults alike. Doublefeaturing Disney’s Inside Out and Coco, this will be a celebration of childhood and family-friendly summer fun. Snacks and beverages may be purchased at the concession stand and attendants are encouraged to bring their own chairs.

info: bit.ly/3vxadXw

NORTH CAROLINA Advocating for LGBTQ Nonprofits Asheville Business Holds Pride Month Art Contest

With a deadline of June 30, Poppy Handcrafted Popcorn is seeking an artist to design their Pride Artist Bag of the year. Ginger Frank, owner of the gourmet popcorn company, has pledged $2 to the Campaign for Southern Equality for each Pride Artist Bag sold. Residents of any age or demographic are encouraged to submit their work.

info: bit.ly/2TFdUNH

National Wisconsin-Milwaukee Graduate Creates LGBTQ Support Group

Peer Recover in Supportive Mutuality (PRISM) was created by University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee (UWM) graduate Erica Steib. Steib hopes to offer LGBTQ persons constant text, phone, face-to-face or email encouragement.

This project was manifested from the need that Steib saw for members of the LGBTQ community to be able to discuss what they were feeling or thinking in a judgement free environment.

info: bit.ly/3vxPXoz

Kamala Harris Becomes First VP to March at Pride While in Office In a “love is love” t-shirt, acting Vice President Kamala Harris and her husband marched in the Washington D.C. Pride parade. “We need to make sure that our transgender community and our youth are all protected. We need, still, protections around employment and housing,” Harris told NBC Washington. Both Harris and President Biden have stated that they intend on ending LGBTQ-related discrimination in the military as well as public businesses.

info: bit.ly/3xsfpNL

International Lesbian Attacked in South Africa, Told To “Stop Doing What She Is Doing” A 27-year-old lesbian was physically assaulted in Cape Town in early June for her sexuality. This woman said that she did not want to press charges because she is not out to her family and because she knew her attackers and was afraid that they would kill her if she reported them to the police. There have been several cases of sapphic women being murdered in South Africa because of their sexual orientations. Sharon Cox from the human rights organization, the Triangle Project, says, “It is a sad reality that even though we are in 2021, with a progressive Constitution, paper rights and lived realities are worlds apart.

People’s attitudes need to change and that, unfortunately, has not happened.”

info: bit.ly/35ttLl0 — Compiled by Julianna Peres

South Carolina’s LGBTQ Community Grows Stronger in Light of AntiTrans Laws

From banning transgender girls in school sports teams to removing LGBTQ protections, South Carolina’s government has spent the last several months persecuting the queer community. These laws and bills, however, have not deterred the LGBTQ and allied communities.

SC United for Justice and Equality is one organization that was formed in response to all of the negative legislation. Made up of activist groups from all walks of life, this coalition recently decided to take these judicial matters into their own hands, as reported in the South Carolina newspaper The State.

With desperate pleas from LGBTQ individuals to lawmakers and a SC United for Justice and Equality lobbyist, the queer community has taken to courthouses and council meetings in an effort to make their voices heard. Many of these organizations, like the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), SC Pride and the Campaign for Southern Equality have existed long before the “Save Women’s Sports” Act was introduced.

This points to the lengthy history of South Carolina’s anti-LGBTQ policies. One such law, House Bill 4047, states that transgender youths would be ineligible to receive medical care for their transitions. This bill would also require school staff to disclose the student’s gender identity to their parents if it differed in any way from their biological sex.

These bits of legislation are recurring over time, but masquerading as different laws. Over 100 anti-transgender bills have been introduced in 2021 in over 33 different states. Not all South Carolina state representatives are convinced of the necessity of these laws.

Previous govenor Nikki Haley was adamant that South Carolina did not need to pass a bill stating that gender expansive individuals could not use their preferred restrooms.

Instead, she emphasized, “Like it or not, South Carolina is doing really well when it comes to respect and when it comes to kindness and when it comes to acceptance.”

This sentiment is mirrored by cities such as Charleston, Columbia, Folly Beach and Latta, which have prohibited anti-LGBTQ discrimination in employment, housing or public accommodations.

In response to the importance of protecting LGBTQ youth in South Carolina, Colleen Condon, board member of the Alliance for Full Acceptance, says, “We know for a fact that kids who are trans are five times more likely to consider suicide. ... Why create a situation in which a kid that already feels so unwelcome by their school, so unloved in many situations, why put them through that?” info: bit.ly/3zEFrPC — Julianna Peres

Latest Update on Charlotte’s LGBTQ Nondiscrimination Ordinance

At the Charlotte City Council meeting held Monday, June 14, talk centered around the lack of affordable housing and possible solutions to ease the crisis, as well as a budget passage.

But there was no mention of the city’s adoption of an enforceable nondiscrimination ordinance, other than it being tabled until the August 9 meeting.

For the LGBTQ community in Charlotte that raises a very simple, but pertinent question: why?

At the moment, no one seems to know the answer. Mayor Vi Lyles has been mum on the topic even though she has the authority to bring the council together to pass such an ordinance and there is already language for one on the table.

Councilmembers Tariq Bokhari (R) and Larken Egleston (D) spoke on WCNC anchorman Ben Thompson’s “Flashpoint” podcast last week. Bokhari is remiss that his socially progressive viewpoint on the issue, and opinions of other Republicans on the Council, are not being taken into consideration on LGBTQ issues, he is insistent that Republicans are completely on board, and are, in fact, working on their version of an ordinance.

Egleston insists the Council is “committed to passing an ordinance and that there are no excuses for the slow timeline. We are going to bring it up in August.”

Fast forward to today on Ben Thompson’s latest “Flashpoint” segment of WCNC and Bokhari says his proposal would include “broader and more inclusive protections than the current Democratic proposal. It would include protections for accommodations, employment, housing, and it would also extend protections based on a person’s natural hairstyle.”

According to Chad Turner, president of the Carolinas LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce, “Equality North Carolina and the LGBT+ Chamber of Commerce were provided copies of the proposal and the Chamber reviewed Bokhari’s proposal, and it covers everything we would like to see in a proposal and then some.”

He also stated that it addresses the gap the Federal Title 7 law does not. “Title 7 protects residents that work for an employer that has 16 or more employees. Tariq Bokhari’s plan will [also] cover those who work for an employer that has 15 or less employees.” info: bit.ly/3xBOiQv — Gary Montgomery

June 25-July 8, 2021

qnotes

7

life

Pride Parenting

LGBTQ Families are Growing and Blossoming

by L’Monique King qnotes Staff Writer

W

hile it’s still true there is no handbook for being the perfect parent, it’s also true that different challenges come with different types of families. Race, money, level of education and sexual identity are all factors that can place particular challenges on becoming a parent and rearing children.

Presently, and with more LGBTQ folks electing to start families, one doesn’t have to look far to find an LGBTQ person who is also a parent. With the removal of “homosexuality” as a mental disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) in 1973, and the changing climate of discriminatory opinions and beliefs toward the LGBTQ community, more and more LGBTQ headed families with children are popping up. According to a University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) Law School study, an estimated 37 percent of LGBTQ-identified adults have had a child at some time in their lives. Additionally, an estimated 3 million LGBTQ Americans have had a child and as many as 6 million American children and adults have an LGBTQ parent.

Like heterosexual parents, LGBTQ parents are a diverse group of individuals. In celebration of Pride Month, we’re speaking with a few LGBTQ family members who have decided to share some of their parenting ups and downs with qnotes readers.

Billy Maddalon and Brooks Shelley are married gay men who live in Charlotte.

Billy is a councilman and Brooks is a Director of Marketing and Brand Strategy for a non-profit organization. In the mid-‘90s, the then-childless couple were therapeutic foster parents with a major Charlotte foster care agency. Through the agency they met, housed and loved 19 children. Of those many children, they adopted three.

The couple’s first adopted child was a boy named Jed, who had lived in 28 different homes prior to theirs. Foster children who have faced adversity can come with a host of issues, but that wasn’t on the top of Maddalon’s list of challenges as a gay parent.

He recalls that Department of Social Services (DSS) workers presented the greatest challenge, as many were inexperienced in dealing with gay people in the context of fostering and/or adopting.

Outside of DSS, the difficulties of navigating a system that would not allow gay couples to marry regularly presented challenges when considering something simple like trying to travel as a family.

Before gay marriage was federally recognized, only one parent could initially adopt a child. The other would have to later apply for adoption or guardianship rights.

In 1998 when Jed was 14, this meant always having to travel with paperwork when showing up for parent-teacher conferences or trips out of the country so that Shelley, the custodial parent, could make decisions and advocate for their son.

Other challenges have presented themselves for the couple during their

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More and more members of the LGBTQ community are becoming parents.

(Photo Credit: Monkey Business via Adobe Stock) parenting journey. Maddalon and Shelley are both white, but some of the children they fostered over the years were of a different race. According to Maddalon, this made travel at times challenging for different reasons.

“Interestingly enough, I think race is still the predominant issue, even over sexuality. It was tricky to be a gay couple with kids, but [for us] to be a gay couple with Black kids was even more interesting.

People were more curious about who we are and how we got this way. Traveling can be tricky. The law doesn’t always understand state to state in terms of fostering or gayness. You couldn’t just pack the kids up and throw them into the car, you had to make sure it [the place you were headed] was a place in the 21st century, regarding fostering and gayness.”

After extending their family with Jed, (to include 2 more sons) Maddalon and Shelley were legally married. They no longer have the burden of having to un-

necessarily explain their relationship to their children.

Another interesting change, however, was noticing how their circle of friends shifted to being primarily straight.

Maddalon noted how their lives had drastically changed as a result of becoming parents and mentioned how many of their closer LGBTQ friends were childless.

Now living life on different terms, they began to develop friendships with the parents of their children’s friends, but would still love to have more gay friends with children in their lives. With all that said, Maddalon and Shelley (also now proud grandparents) believe that parenting “is all about the most important thing in life, which is love.”

Maddalon confesses he enjoys the experience of parenting, of waking up every day and knowing that he is needed, wanted and special to his children. He believes other LGBTQ community members should consider parenthood, “Do it.

Billy Maddalon, Brooks Shelley and their three sons.

Take a chance, take a risk. You deserve all of the joy and happiness life has to offer, and for many of us the greatest joys and happiness come with being parents and creating families.”

Same-sex couples like Maddalon and Shelley are six times more likely than hetero couples to become active foster parents. Currently in the United States there are about 2,600 gay and lesbian individuals or same-sex couples parenting over 3,400 foster children. When it comes to adoption, same-sex couples are four times more likely to raise an adopted child than hetero couples. In the United States an estimated 16,000 same-sex couples are parenting more than 22,000 adopted children.

Kortney Ballard, 36, is a lesbian and a Digital Consulting Agency founder. She is a separated parent who is currently raising two children she gave birth to: a girl, 14, and a boy who is four. She is estranged from a seven-year-old son birthed by a previous partner, an added difficulty of being an LGBTQ parent in a world where family law isn’t always so kind to separated or divorced LGBTQ couples, which often leaves non biological parents feeling out in the cold.

In her discussion with qnotes, Ballard was initially reluctant to discuss some aspects of her parenting experience, though she was eventually forthcoming. She confirms that more masculine women who choose to have children are frequently up for scrutiny and often met with increased criticism, especially those who have elected to conceive their own children.

She continued, explaining how balancing her own masculine and feminine energy shows up in parenting her children.

She confirmed the importance of maintaining a balance of being both nurturing and firm, and described her greatest joys in being an LGBTQ parent.

“The opportunity to raise children in a more open and understanding environment, encouraging my son to express himself emotionally and allowing him to be gentle, encouraging my daughter to confidently speak her mind and allowing her to set boundaries. Their personalities have been able to shine through at very young ages without the constraints of society’s gender roles.”

In reflecting on her choice to become a parent, Ballard offered this advice to LGBTQ individuals considering taking up the challenge; “It’s not so much [about] the lifestyle of sexuality, of being lesbian/ LGBTQ. What needs to be well thought out before having children is what type of human do you want to raise?”

Lyrical Carter identifies as a lesbian, and is married to Naji Carter, a trans man.

If you ask what her orientation is, she’ll say “love.” Labeling her orientation and her marital relationship is something she shies away from. The couple is a blended family that came together with the passing of Lyrical’s eldest daughter in 2016. Now Lyrical, Naji and her two granddaughters (17 and 14) are a family.

For Lyrical, the challenges of being an LGBTQ couple raising grandchildren are few. She confirms that her chil-

Naji and Lyrical Carter. (Photo Credit: Sarah Stevens) dren and grandchildren were “raised to understand that no matter what, everyone deserves to be honestly loved” and mentioned little on how outside factors impact that loving ideology.

When pressed on how others might react to her family dynamic, she firmly responded: “Life is too hard to listen to someone else’s drama about how to live your own life, and if you’re not willing to listen and be open minded, I have to close the door on that,” She cautioned other LGBTQ parents not to let the opinions of others stop them from giving a child love. In doing so, she fondly recalled her grandmother, who she says she loved dearly because “she didn’t care who I was in love with, as long as they treated me right.”

But what about the children? How are the children of LGBTQ families coping?

We spoke with a few and one was willing to go on record. Kaylyn Ballard, the 14-year-old daughter of Kortney Ballard, weighed in on what it’s like being the child of LGBTQ parents.

For Kaylyn, the obstacle of wondering why she didn’t have a father present was something she soon grew to understand and accept. More of a bother seemed to be other people questioning her mother’s sexual orientation and why she has two moms. On that topic, having two moms, Kaylyn said what we imagine many children feel, “Having two moms can be

annoying, but then again, it’s cool to have two moms. It’s more love and support with two women than just one.”

Lisa Dudzick, a Charlotte PFLAG member and Time Out Youth volunteer is the parent of three children. She and her husband are straight allies (one mom and one dad) who know a little something about parenting LGBTQ youth: two of their three children are part of the LGBTQ community.

The couple are proud parents to a 24-year-old straight male, a 20-year-old gay son and a 14-year-old gender-fluid adolescent. In working with PFLAG, she assists heterosexual parents who are on the road to accepting their LGBTQ children, and as a Time Out Youth volunteer she assists youth who need a safe space to hang out and connect and learn from the shared experiences of others.

Regarding the difference in raising LGBTQ children, Lisa said, “We’ve gone through the same things with all the kids at all their ages. It’s how the world treats them that is different. All of us are in this ridiculous boat of gender roles and heterosexism.

“I just wish the world would let me be open and honest and celebrate all my kids. Instead, I worry about his life [referring to Bryan, her gay son], and somebody taking it because they don’t like the way he looks, talks, walks, whatever. The world needs to do better.” : :

Lisa Dudzick and her family.

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Charlotte Artist to Paint City Center Mural Jamil Dyair Steele is Creating Original Work for the West Trade St. Tunnel

by Gary Montgomery Guest Contributor

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post-pandemic explosion of culture can be seen all over Charlotte these days. From outdoor sculpture displays and museums to our vibrant wall and street murals. Openly-gay painter Jamil Dyair Steele is one of those enriching the Queen City with his art.

An elementary art teacher by day, a muralist and brush painter by night, we sat down at Devil’s Logic Brewery in Midtown and chatted up his Black Lives Matter street mural, his art in the Mint Museum, upcoming projects and even touched on upward mobility of the African-American community and his love life.

How long have you been painting?

I’ve been painting all my life. My dad was a singer [and] jack of all trades, so I got a desire to paint from him. He painted a picture of my mom, and it looked just like her! I think that sparked an interest in art.

When did you first remember developing a love for art?

Elementary school. If I had a book report to do I would always draw or doodle. I think I became very passionate maybe in middle school, and it spiraled from there.

Did you get in trouble for doodling in class?

No, no, no. Actually my teacher kinda’ enjoyed it because I would draw characters with speech bubbles that had the little facts that supported my research and what not (laughs). So she enjoyed it, and it helped me become stronger in my writing and literacy.

What are your inspirations when you paint?

I draw from my life experience.

I’m a gay Black male and most of the time if my work is not about my racial identitym it’s about my sexual identity. But I explore other things too, I’m an illustrator at heart, so any of my work is going to be a narrative of nature, I’m going to tell a story with the visuals. So, most of it deals with that. Here lately I’ve been exploring my racial identity more than my sexual identity. Both go hand-in-hand.

You have a BLM piece that is part of the Mint Museum permanent collection here in Uptown, I understand. Can you tell us about that and how it came about?

Well, I definitely was not expecting it to become a part of [the] Mint’s permanent collection. We did it last year, about a year ago.

They were painting the BLM street mural. I found out on the news and rushed down. I had already wanted to be part of something like that,

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So now you’re commissioned to paint a wall mural on the West Trade Street tunnel. That’s exciting! Tell us more about that.

It is exciting. I answered a call for artists in January and they were looking for someone to paint the underpass wall of I-77 and W. Trade St. There are two projects currently happening. Stacy Utley is doing the sculptures, and there’s a light show displayed underneath the bridge. So I’ll be painting either end of the underpass wall on both sides. One side is 68 feet in length and the other is 113. So my design has two figures.

A male figure that is a profile, and his eyes are closed and he’s reflecting on the current atmosphere of the corridor [and] the things that make the West End recognizable, like Johnson C. Smith and West Charlotte Marching Band, and the new street car. The girl is reflecting Jamil Dyair Steele’s mural on a boarded up storefront window. The piece is now in the Mint Museum’s permanent collection. on the history of the corridor. In the redesign I added a lot of history about the corridor, so I added Fred My cousin, Chandler Snipes, she works for so I went down and introduced myself to Alexander, Julius Chambers, the Sit-In them and was responsible to make sure some of the artists — some of the artists I Movement, Chatty Hattie, who was a Black that each panel got placed somewhere. already knew — I helped Georgie with the female broadcaster in the 1960s, Romare So Jen Edwards, she really, really was M and I was told they were painting the Bearden. So it chronicles the history. There interested in buying my piece for the wooden panels in the storefront windows are over 20 figures in the piece, so it might Mint collection. the next day. They were using aerosol take two to three months to complete. I I didn’t know it would be in the paint and I’m not much of an aerosol think Charlotte needs to do a better job permanent collection. In fact I found out painter, so I said, “I’ll bring my brushes and preserving its history, especially Africanwhen everyone else found out (laughs).

I’ll jump on the wall.” And so I did, I took American history, because we’re a part of But she did tell me it would be up for at the design I already sketched and painted the community, just like everyone else. least six months. it in two days, and while I was painting people came up to take pics and ask Will you be painting all this solo?

Was there any pushback when you first questions and it just became a focal point.

I’m going to solicit help. I’ll do all the figustarted that piece?

I think it really complemented the street rative work in the main pieces of the projNo, most people were receptive. It seems mural. Most of the panels found a home, ect but getting help with the background like it brought people together. It was a but the Mint was interested in buying and the wave. I have a few people in mind place where people could go and reflect, mine. So I’m excited about that. that I would like to ask to help. and that’s what we need. I think we as gay people understand the inclusiveness of Was the current street mural moveWould you ever consider creating an everybody. But I don’t think everyone has ment developed from the Black Lives LGBTQ-themed wall mural? that mindset, and I think the street mural Mural or prior to that?

Oh absolutely, absolutely. Many of my paintand the BLM panels really gave a place I believe it developed out of the BLM ings have to do with LGBTQ themes. Chasers for people to go and reflect and say, “ok, movement. I do know that the Charlotte is looking to have someone paint their wall, we are all humans. There’s really no such Art League is the organization that sponso they asked. I’m very interested. I’m trying thing as race. We make that up.” sored the painting of the panels. to time it because I have other projects that I have right now, so I’m trying not to put too much on my plate. I just found out I was just selected to design two bus shelters on West Blvd. So I have to [get] that done. I’m trying to pace myself and not overload myself.

So, absolutely. I’m very much a supporter of my people, my community.

Steele with one of his paintings.

Where do you think a good place for a LGBTQ-themed wall mural would be?

I’ve always admired the White Rabbit mural. I love that mural. But just anywhere in our city. I think we really need that. I see other cities really have — I know in Atlanta they have a plaza where the crosswalk is a rainbow flag. So anything like that in Charlotte, I would welcome that.

I think we need a space here dedicated to us. I think it’s coming, but we are not quite there yet [laughs].

But anyway I could be a part of it, I’m definitely there.

So you’re an openly gay educator.

Educator, openly gay, there’s no secret that I’m gay. Even though I’m very proud of my sexuality, it doesn’t define me. It’s a part of me. I don’t hide it, there’s no reason to.

Has your artistry crossed into your classroom?

It definitely has, especially since [I’m doing] the mural. My students are able to see the murals I’m doing around the city. I did the mural on Montford. I did the sidewalk murals at the end of 2018. I did one in front of Carmela’s Pizza and Good Food. I did the Shamrock mural in front of the school and then Two of Steele’s paintings that explore themes of sexual identity. also the Amaze apartment complex. I did four tains in Nepal and in front of it is the skyline murals there. The kids of Charlotte and the Taj Mahal. He wants it enjoy seeing it. I tell them art is a process. to be like a melting pot. He’s from there, and You have to find your voice. You may not he’s been here for 17 years. He’s having a know what your voice is for a while. But as grand opening in University City, right by the long as you keep creating you’ll find it.

University of North Carolina at Charlotte.

I love the direction Charlotte is going Are you working on anything right now in with art and murals and what not. Just that we could see? a few years ago that wasn’t here. It’s more I’m doing a landscape/cityscape for an Indian cultural and I’m glad that I’m here to experestaurant in Charlotte. It’s on a wooden panrience and be a part of that. el that is four feet by six feet. It’s the moun-

to reflect what’s happening in society. Social change starts a lot from viewing art, having conversation about it and how to solve [the] issue.

We definitely have an affordable housing crisis in Charlotte. A place like Tent City, it’s awful seeing that. I know people who’ve been there, and I feel for them and I feel that we as a community need to do more, including myself.

Upward mobility within the Black community. Belonging, a safe space, affordable housing, thriving in equitable education settings, contributing to society in good health. Have you thought about addressing any of those issues within your art?

Absolutely. I haven’t really focused on a lot of it yet. But it’s definitely something I wouldn’t shy away from. I think it’s important to reflect that in art because you need

Let’s mention your website.

Dyairart.com. Same on Instagram. I have art for sale and prints. I have some pieces on display at the 9189 Studio Gallery, a house that’s being converted into a gallery in Matthews. I have three pieces there, and it’s a fabulous group show.

Lastly, tell us, are you single?

I am [laughs].

Is there anybody special on the horizon?

I am letting whatever comes my way, come my way. Right now I’m just enjoying the fact that I’m getting a lot of new commissions. You know, it will come when it comes.

Looking for love will drive you crazy [laughs]. : :

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Emanuel Xavier, Poet and Activist Jesse’s Journal

by Jesse Monteagudo Contributing Writer

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manuel Xavier (born 1970) is a Latinx poet, spoken word artist, author, editor and LBGTQ activist. Born in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn, Xavier was sexually abused by a relative while still a child and was kicked out of the house at 16 when he came out to this mother and her livein boyfriend. Like a character in “Pose,” young Emanuel survived as a teenage hustler at the Christopher Street West Side Highway piers and became involved in the House of Xtravaganza and the 80s ball scene. He was also introduced to the world of designer drugs, which he sold and consumed. “25 years ago, in 1996, I was in my mid-twenties and working at an LGBTQ Bookstore in New York City [A Different Light]. I had already experienced a lifetime of pain,” he recalls. Even so, “I proudly embraced being a ‘pier queen’ hanging out at the edge of the city with trans women and men, voguers, ball children, prostitutes and dealers. We existed in our own underground bubble oblivious to the rest of the world.”

While all this was going on, Emanuel Xavier discovered he had a talent for poetry. He read his poems at the Nuyorican

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Emanuel Xavier. (Photo Credit: Brian Berger) Poets Café, winning the Grand Slam. In 1997, now clean and sober, Xavier selfpublished his first poetry collection, “Pier Queen.” He went on to create a spoken word poetry house — the House of Xavier — and to publish four more poetry books and a novel, “Christ Like” (1999). Xavier survived a vicious hate crime attack in 2005, which made him permanently deaf

in one ear and almost wrecked his literary career. Recognized as one of our leading LGBTQ Latinx poets, Emanuel Xavier was named an LGBTQ Icon by The Equality Forum and was honored with a New York City Council Citation Award and an International Latino Book Award.

“Selected Poems of Emanuel Xavier” ($12.95) is a good introduction to the inspirational life and creative talents of Emanual Xavier. This 72-page collection was published by Queer Mojo, an imprint of Rebel Satori, “independent publishers on the frontiers of liminal space.” It features selections from Xavier’s five poetry collections — “Pier Queen,” “Americano,” “If Jesus Were Gay, ” “Nefarious” and “Radiance” — as well as a newly-published poem, “Pulse,” about the 2016 Orlando club massacre. It is a testimonial to the life and art of a man who survived and thrived despite poverty, racism and homophobia. “This collection serves as my own personal journey within the long history of spoken word poetry, Nuyorican poetics and LGBTQ culture. I have been blessed to enjoy such a unique and varied life. Through so many challenges, this art is what has kept me going. May it inspire others to continue sharing their stories and pushing to make this world a better place.” : :

June 25-July 8, 2021

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From North Carolina to Brazil Summer Travel Options for the LGBTQ Community

by Julianna Peres qnotes Staff Writer

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wner of Club Rio & On the Low in Hickory, N.C. and Club Rio in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Jamie Eaker has made it his mission to celebrate all things relating to the Brazilian LGBTQ community both at home and abroad. According to Eaker, gay Americans are very intrigued by Brazilian culture and festivities like Carnaval and the dancing martial art capoeira. Samba shows and drag queens from Rio will soon be featured on the stage of the only Brazilian-themed LGBTQ club known to exist in the state.

About Brazil, Eaker says, “There’s a freedom. You can let your hair down and be who you are. You don’t have to worry about holding hands as a gay couple. In Brazil I never have to worry, and I’ve been to some rough places.”

Kendra Johnson, Executive Director of Equality NC, spent 14 years in Brazil. She says an open LGBTQ community is not new to this South American country.

“Brazil is an extremely bisexual culture in general,” she explains. “It was common for men to go out and sort of ‘walk the dog,’ They would be married with kids and have a passive male sexual partner.”

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In 1991, when Johnson first arrived in Brazil, Sao Paulo boasted one of the world’s biggest lesbian communities. “‘O geitinho’ was something I heard a lot in my time there. It means that they [the people of Brazil] always ‘make a way.’ Brazil was making accommodations and strides in same sex unions, before the United States did.

Although not legal then, civil unions were created in small Brazilian towns all the time.”

Indeed, Brazil would eventually come to legally recognize same-sex marriage in 2013, two years earlier than the United States.

Johnson also shared her observations of gay pride movement during the time she lived there. “When I lived in Brazil, I was able to witness the rise of queer acceptance and, before I knew it, Sao Paulo became home to one of the biggest Pride Festivals in the world.”

With 2.5 million people, Sao Paulo became the most widely attended Pride anywhere on the globe in 2006. Since then, Copacabana and Rio de Janeiro have become hotspots for LGBTQ travelers. In many Brazilian newspapers and magazines, the term GLS is used, which means “gays, lesbians and sympathizers” and is a good indicator of venues and media sources that are LGBTQ friendly.

Although most of Brazil’s largest cities welcome the LGBTQ community, Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo are some of most sought-after tourist destinations in South America. Sao Paulo is often compared to New York City, while Rio is often likened to Los Angeles. Despite both offering arts and entertainment around the clock, Rio is the city that most tourists and natives alike would call liberational or free-spirited.

Sao Paulo, on the other hand, takes the lead in restaurants, innovative businesses and organizations and boasts several clubs and bars that open for business late night, around 11 p.m. The fact that entrepreneurs and white collar workers frequent Sao Paulo means that it is the more expensive of the two, with pricier hotel stays and drink menus.

“There are these mega clubs in Sao Paulo,” Eaker shares. “called The Week. It’s a Brazilian club experience with lots of hot bodies and sexuality and partying. The DJs create an almost euphoric atmosphere that is something to behold.”

Routinely packed with both an international ex-patriot and Brazilian lesbian clientele, Cabaret da Cecilia is one of the several remaining speakeasies in Sao Paulo. There are drag shows almost every weekend and leather-clad patrons are often found on the dance floor or trying a new cocktail at the bar.

Violeta Bar and Restaurant has some of the best cachaca in Brazil and is frequented by many members of the lesbian and bisexual community. For those hoping to stay in an LGBTQ-specific environment, Hotel Unique has housed queer performers from Brazil and abroad; providing some of the most high-end amenities to every tourist.

Rio de Janeiro’s queerest locations are Leblon and Rua Farme de Amoeda.

Ipanema is also known for their clothingoptional beaches and LGBTQ clubs like A Casa da Lua and Studio 64. In Galeria Café, disco has yet to die. This club has been around for quite some time and is constantly packed with patrons.

Boate 1140 is another packed night spot, catering primarily to gay men. All are welcome, but it has a reputation for being one of the best places to meet single men.

The hyper-musicality of Fosfobox rivals the hyper-sexuality of Boate 1140 as the two host most of the LGBTQ community of Rio de Janeiro every weekend. Fosfobox has live music every night, with genres ranging from neo funk to techno.

Open since 2019, the Pink Flamingo is a relatively new addition to the gay scene.

Neon lights and colorful drinks greet customers; giving the bar a decidedly calmer atmosphere than the other clubs. Up Turn Lounge is another popular location, but for all of the things that Pink Flamingo is not.

Up Turn’s strobe lights can be seen for miles around and queer R&B, country and rap musicians perform live almost every weekend.

Their slogan is “be who you want to be.”

Back in North Carolina, if you’re in the mood for a taste of Brazil, visit Eaker’s Club Rio & On the Low in Hickory, just under 60 miles northwest of Charlotte, and well worth the hour’s drive to get there. The club features gay American DJ Ghost, who spins songs in both English and Portuguese, as well as special guest DJs who cater to Brazilian dance styles. To learn more before you go, visit clubrio.net. : :

views

We Are Spiritual Family Spiritual Reflections

by Rev. Dawn Flynn Contributing Writer Scripture — Exodus 12:1-14

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hen we come together as people who love our Creator, we come together in joy as people with a common bond in our faith. If we are Christians, those times include our worship and sharing the Lord’s Supper together. If we are Jewish, it includes those times of worship on the Holy Sabbath and during holy days of Passover and numerous holy festivals. If we are Islamic, it includes those holy times of the faith including Ramadan. As we share these spiritual times, it binds us together as a spiritual family.

The Scripture I have chosen for today’s reflection is about how Jehovah prepared the Hebrews for the Passover (that is when the Angel of Death, sent by Jehovah, passed over the Hebrews). In Exodus 12:1-14 in the Holy Scriptures, the Jehovah gave specific directions on how to prepare a lamb, as part of the Passover feast, and to put the lamb’s blood on the door posts and lintel to ensure that the Angel of Death would pass them by, the Hebrews. In verse 5, Jehovah says to use “a lamb without blemish”. Jehovah goes on in verse 11 to say that it’s “blood shall be a sign for you… when I see the blood, I will pass over you and no plague shall

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fall upon you to destroy you.” This was all foreshadowing, as believed by Christians, of how Jehovah’s son, Jesus Christ, would be the lamb without blemish, who would be sacrificed for our sins.

Jehovah was showing us what love is through the example of the lamb without a blemish and through the sharing of a meal.

Meals during the Old and New Testament times were significant events. Not only were they times of feeding oneself and gathering with family, but they were times of spiritual renewal. They were times when Jehovah’s love was shared. If there were people in the community who didn’t have enough food, you would reach out and share your meal with them. And in so doing, you bonded with them and they became part of your family. Jehovah shows us, in the sharing of a meal together, that we are bound together and made part of a spiritual family.

That’s the reason why Paul wrote to the First century church in Corinth, as we read in I Corinthians 11 in the Holy Scriptures, about the meaning of communion. Communion was a very special event instituted by Jesus. In it, Jesus was making us part of a spiritual family, and they were abusing it. They were making it an orgy and getting drunk. Paul wanted them to understand that communion was instituted by Jesus, as stated in verse 26, to “… proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.”

If we are then part of a spiritual family (whether we are blood family or not), then

we need to love, respect and treat one another as if everyone is a member of our blood family. That goes for how parents and grandparents should treat members of their blood family if they come out as LGBTQ+. The Creator God created us all — as the song says, ‘red and yellow, black and white. We are all precious in His sight.’ And because the Creator is great and pure, the Creator doesn’t make junk. We occasionally sin and fall short, but we are still holy temples of God. If we are Christian, we believe John 3:16 which says, “for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” It says ‘whosoever’. It doesn’t say only straight people would be saved. It doesn’t say only one denomination will be saved. It doesn’t say only converted Jews would be saved. It says whosoever. We are ALL part of Jehovah’s large family and need to love one another as Jehovah loves us.

When we define spiritually how an LGBTQ+ family should relate to its members (regardless of its faith tradition), it must include all the qualities I mentioned above including love and respect.

In the end, love is the greatest gift we have on earth and is the conduit through which our benevolent Creator God (regardless of faith tradition) ties us together as one creation. When we show love to each other, we are showing love to our Creator. : :

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June 25-July 8, 2021

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Transgender Folk, Cross-Dressers and Drag Queens, Oh My Tell Trinity

by Trinity | Contributing Writer Dear Trinity, I just moved from the country to the city, and I’m confused about the differences between transgender people, cross dressers and drag queens.

TransConfused, Minneapolis, MN

Dear TransConfused, Transgender people are folks who, for many reasons, decide to either; live differently from the gender they were assigned to at birth and/or change their bodies to the gender they identify most with. Crossdressers are typically straight men that dress as women from time to time. And drag queens are men, and sometimes women (drag kings), who change their appearances, not their sexual identity, for performance purposes and/or a free bar tab. That’s the cut, I mean the tuck of it, sweetie.

Kisses, Trinity

Hello Trinity, I love my boyfriend but he makes more money than me and he bugs me to get a better job or go to school to get a trade. Money means a lot to him. How do I get him to see that life is simple and not all about money?

Money vs. Life, Albuquerque, NM

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Hello Money vs. Life, It sounds more to me like he wants you to achieve greater things and become more successful for yourself and your relationship before the arthritis kicks in. Yes, it’s great to be simple but struggling your whole life is nothing to strive towards. So pumpkin, use his love (and money) to become more successful and less complacent.

Dearest Trinity, I’m gay and have a physical handicap.

How do you suggest I find dates?

Handicapped & Dating, Cleveland, OH

Dearest Handicapped & Dating, I’d start by searching the internet for groups of similar folks and making dates.

And, on that first date, don’t talk about your negatives or issues but rather talk about the positives that have come from your negatives. But you probably know this already!

Hugs, Trinity P.S. Never give up!

Hey Trinity, I was with the same guy for months then he suddenly broke up with me for someone else. I’m so mad. I wish him more harm than he could ever imagine. Am I wrong to wish such things?

Unkind Thoughts, Las Vegas, NV

Hey Unkind Thoughts, Being revengeful may be wrong but being mad and/or thinking nasty thoughts is normal after a breakup. So baby, wish away but never get too carried away… and read:

Trinity’s Wishes You Are Allowed and Not Allowed After a Break Up

1. Y ou’re not allowed to wish that he ends up a cancer patient helplessly dying in a lonely hospital room.

2. B ut you are allowed to think of him as a witch in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692 who is being wrongfully and painfully prosecuted for being a witch.

3. Y ou’re not allowed to wish that she ends up in a terrible car accident, paralyzing herself and her new lover.

4. B ut you are allowed to think of her as a laboratory rat, being given a new experimental drug to see if her fat cells multiply rapidly.

5. Y ou’re not allowed to wish that they become a hate crime victim, beaten by the religious right and left at the Republican Campaign Office.

6. B ut you are allowed to think of them as a criminal who has been dumped on an island without food, fire or sex for two years.

7. Y ou’re not allowed to wish that she ends up a kidnapped and buried alive.

8. B ut you are allowed to think of her as Tippi Hedren from Hitchcock’s “The Birds” where thousands of birds peck her to near death.

9. Y ou’re not allowed to wish him to be slowly starved then beheaded on the internet.

10. B ut you are allowed to wish him, her or them a boring and itchy life, far, far away from you! : : With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings. Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, wigministries.org Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation!

Send e-mails to: Trinity@telltrinity.com

June 25-July 8, 2021

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Unsung Story

An Interview with Gay Filmmaker Aaron Bear The doc is full of fascinating interview subjects, many of whom were friends of Ric’s including Bill Gates and LGBTQ activist Urvashi Vaid. When you approached people about being interviewed for the doc, did you meet any resistance, or was everyone willing to sing Ric’s praises before the camera?

Everyone wanted to be a part of singing Ric’s praises. From Bill Gates to Urvashi. Zachary Quinto’s involvement came later after I contacted him and expressed what an impact Ric has had on me while making this film. The only unfortunate and sad turn of events was that I never got to interview Paul Allen. We had a filming date, and he passed two weeks before that date. Paul and Ric were incredibly close, and I wish I would have been able to show the brotherly type of love they had for each other. Fenton (Bailey) and Randy (Barbato) at World Of Wonder were heroes of mine since high school, so working with those two was a dream come true. I really did have the gay dream team working on this film with me.

by Gregg Shapiro Contributing Writer

D

uring the COVID-19 pandemic, the term “unsung hero” was tossed around a lot as average, yet extraordinary, people struggled to find alternative means of survival because the government failed to protect them. To a whole generation of gay men, this experience had an eerily familiar feeling. If the late Ric Weiland (1953-2006), a true unsung hero if ever there was one, was still alive he would most likely agree. Weiland, an openly gay man who co-founded Microsoft along with Bill Gates and Paul Allen, still found a way to make a lasting impact on causes near and dear to him, including HIV/AIDS research and marriage equality, by leaving significant financial endowments to various LGBTQ organizations. With his informative documentary “Yes I Am: The Ric Weiland Story” (World of Wonder), gay filmmaker Aaron Bear illuminates Weiland’s story, shining a well-deserved spotlight on a man who deserves the attention and accolades. Bear was kind enough to answer a few questions before the premiere of the doc.

For some people, Ric Weiland’s name isn’t as familiar as his Microsoft cohorts Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Would you say that was what attracted you to telling his story in “Yes I Am: The Ric Weiland Story”?

Much of Ric’s life was unknown and that was on purpose and of his own choosing. He wanted to be someone behind the scenes making things happen. Being a filmmaker and someone who works behind the camera, I could relate to how Ric felt. The deeper I dug into his life, it became clear that his life has paralleled a lot of my own.

The film also touches on the subject of mental health and taking care of yourself.

While making this film, I turned to working on my own mental health for the first time ever. I felt and continue to feel deeply connected to him on so many levels.

tionary and central to his story.

One of the doc interview subjects says that Ric was “so brilliant with code, he would write more, so he could make more money, so he could give it away.” How do you think Ric would feel about the ongoing impact of his endowments?

Ric’s accomplishments are unsurpassed and that is putting it mildly. Seriously, Google his name, and it’s astonishing of his achievements and nobody knows who he was. Ric would feel quietly delighted of his impact from his ongoing endowments.

How much of your awareness of Ric was derived from your being a gay man living in Seattle?

Seattle is undoubtedly a special place, but in regards to my awareness of Ric, I had only read headlines about him upon his passing in 2006. Years later, I was approached at the Seattle International Film Festival by Ric’s friend Michael Failla about perhaps making a film about his life. It wasn’t until I was deep into the research of this film that I realized what a significant impact he had on Seattle, marriage equality, AIDS/HIV research and the list goes on. Ric has inspired me to be a better human being.

Ric’s long-lasting contributions to LGBTQ philanthropy are truly revolu-

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Aaron Bear.

You mentioned out actor Zachary Quinto who provides the voiceovers during the parts of the doc in which we are given access to some of Ric’s journal entries.

What was it about Zachary that made him right for that?

After findings Ric’s diaries, I knew I wanted an out gay actor to read as Ric’s voice.

Someone who had seen some life, met some resistance along the way and knew the tone of Ric’s voice. I made a short list and Zach was someone I’ve always been drawn to. In all of my dreams, I never would have thought he would say yes. Zach had the tone nailed from the beginning and was such a gentleman to work with.

You also incorporate animation in the doc. Why did you include that visual element?

The animation was something I had in my brain and storyboarded from the getgo. Since there wasn’t a ton of material of Ric (no actual video interviews of him exist) I knew I was going to have to create some visuals that were compelling but also helped guide the story along. My associate producer introduced me to this incredible talent located here in Seattle named Neely Goniodsky. She understood the heart and heartache of Ric from our very first meeting.

Nearly 40 years into the HIV/AIDS epidemic, the subject continues to be presented onscreen, not only in Yes I Am, which deals with Ric’s seroconversion, but also in Russel T. Davies’ It’s A Sin. Can you please say something about the importance of not forgetting the ongoing AIDS all these years later?

The history of HIV/AIDS should never be forgotten. Period. We have pills like Truvada that protect us these days, but history still remains and should be taught.

I was able to show the film to a couple of late teens and early twenty-somethings, and they had no idea. This is an interesting question because showing this film to some of the older folks I knew said there was “too much” about it. So, I found a balance with how much history I put in there. That said, Ric’s contributions to (fighting) this disease were and continue to be paramount. He was giving money for research when nobody else was. Oh, and if you can follow @TheAidsMemorial on Instagram, it also provides a glimpse as to what it was truly like.

What do you hope to achieve by increasing public awareness of both Ric Weiland’s life and death?

I hope Yes I Am helps inform people about Ric’s life and accomplishments, yes. But, I really hope that the viewer leaves with the essence of — death is not the end, and your life achievements can make a serious impact on the entire world.

Your next project, the TV series, “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out,” is the second upcoming release to feature the title of a song by The Smiths as its name; the first being “Shoplifters of the World.” Can you please say something about the influence of Morrissey and The Smiths on your work and life?

Being a suburban gay teenager in the Midwest, pre-internet, was an incredibly isolating and lonely experience. Music back then was my absolute outlet and savior. I’m not sure how I would have survived that experience otherwise. The Smiths, more specifically Morrissey’s voice and lyrics, truly spoke to the isolation and longing of that era in a way nobody had before.

The way he sang about alienation and wanting someone to, “Take me anywhere, I don’t care, I don’t care...” was anthemic in wanting to escape from the oppression I found myself in and how I was willing to do anything possible to find my tribe outside that world. : :

life

Our People: The Nelms Gay Couple Talks Parenthood and More

by L’Monique King qnotes Staff Writer

B

oth in their mid-30s, the Nelms are professionals who both (currently) work from home.

Ryan, a Microsoft Hub Manager has worked from home since the beginning of the pandemic. He’ll be returning to work in the office in September. Del, an accomplished photographer who launched Del Luis Photography in 2010, decided to work from home the moment he knew he wanted to become a parent.

Del was born in California where his father, a naval officer, was stationed at the time. He moved to North Carolina with his family at the age of two.

Ryan was born and reared in Landis. He’s lived in North Carolina most of his life, with the exception of a few years when he and Del lived in Washington.

Together, Del and Ryan are parenting three children: Mimi, 21, Lena, 16 and William, 4.

On Main Street in Landis, a small town in Rowan County situated north of Greensboro and south of Charlotte, sits a mill house built in 1912, with a prominently displayed rainbow flag. The Progressive Pride Flag includes the colors light pink, white and light blue, reflecting the trans community, while the black and brown stripes represent LGBTQ communities of color. The flag waves proudly in front of this house, because the homeowners want any child passing by to know people like them exist and the house is a safe space.

Inside the house natural sunlight fills rooms, the sound of laughter fills the air and the love shared between two men and their children fills the heart of anyone lucky to meet and know them.

On the Saturday before Father’s Day, Del and Ryan Nelms (their children refer to them as Papa and Dad) are relaxing in their living room, comfortably dressed in shorts and ready to share their story.

Ryan, how did the two of you meet?

Ryan: We met 16 years ago next month on Yahoo personals. We were both like 20 but my pickup line was “Is it Dill like the pickle or Dell the computer?

Del: [Laughing] I just spelled it for you.

Del, what attracted you to Ryan?

D: It was the line, but in further conversation it was his youthfulness, his cheesiness. No matter what, it’s always fun. When you’re with him your heart takes you back to childhood where Legos take on more importance than they used to. Not because they’re important but because I hate Lego, but he loves them.

Ryan, what made you decide to have children?

R: I always wanted to have children. Del and I had been married for seven years and I was working in Seattle.

When I returned we started the process of fostering.

Initially, I wanted a little me; I thought maybe use one of my sister’s eggs and a surrogate to carry our child. Del wanted to adopt, and financially foster to adopt was way more affordable. So we found the Children’s Home Society of North Carolina. Their role is to help parents connect with children who are up for adoption either because they’re about to age out of the foster care system or their parents’ rights have been terminated. That’s how we got William. He was only one and his mother’s parental rights hadn’t been terminated then, but the family history indicated they might be. So, we got him in November and by July of the following year, we were officially his parents.

D: We have three children. I have a sister who passed away. When I was a teenager, my sister got pregnant and had two little girls, but my sister and I were close, always together — so her girls were like my girls. Once we got William, my sister got sick, I cared for her until she passed away — then we ended up with my sister’s children. So, within one year, we ended up with three kids.

As men caring for one young child and two girls, do you ever feel at a disadvantage?

D: Gender-wise no. I don’t feel like we have any kind of disadvantage. We’re blessed because there are people out there that don’t naturally have a balance of masculinity and femininity, but I think in our specific situation, the balance is there.

Who do you look to for advice during challenging parenting moments?

D: I think about everything situationally. I very rarely tell the girls no. We will talk it out for hours until one of us sees the perspective of the other. It’s an internal process for me, if I don’t feel I can make a good decision we need to talk about it more. But, my mother visits every other weekend and the girls are starting to learn to work us.

My mom leads with her heart, so she knows the struggle of doing what you do because you don’t have a choice.

Everything she did was for her kids and I’m motivated by that. I can look at how she’s handled situations and find solutions there without asking her — it guides my internal process during challenging moments with the kids.

Speaking of challenges in LGBTQ parenting, folks can often be rude or even cruel. What’s the rudest thing that’s ever been said to you and how did you handle that?

R: What comes to mind is, I live in a small town and everyone knows me. My dad owns a plumbing business and my sister runs the booster club. We were in a little restaurant, with the kids, all three of them and Myrella [aka Mimi], the oldest told me she heard a lady (who was staring at us) say, “if I was them, I wouldn’t go outside.” I turn around [noticing the woman] and told my daughter, “Everyone has a right to their opinion, it doesn’t mean it’s right.” I wanted to have a learning moment with Mimi, I wanted her to know that if I worry about what people think about me, it will hold me back. I explained to her that you can’t let the haters bring you down. We didn’t tell Del until we left because he would have wanted to fight. I mean, me sitting there and finishing my meal, that was winning the fight.

D: [Agreeing that he would have had some strong words for the rude woman commenting on their family] We stick out in this town. The girls are half Mexican and half Black and the baby is blonde with green eyes.

How important is diversity in raising children, aside from the ethnic makeup of your children, how does that show up in your lives?

R: It’s super important for us but what we’ve learned diversity isn’t the issue for us. It’s a thing that we’ve been blessed to take on the responsibility of — showing the world that this [our family diversity] is the new normal.

When we talk about it, it’s more around how the world isn’t used to seeing us.

In light of Juneteenth just being recognized as a national holiday at the same time that elected officials are trying to stop conversations on race from happen-

ing in schools — what’s your reaction to that?

Do you want your children learning and hearing about race in America in their classrooms?

D: I feel like it should be talked about, if we’re not talking about it, we’re not doing anything but throwing a blanket over it. This is important. You can’t just not talk about race. Race involves culture and how people live together and how people are treated — so to say that we’re not going to talk about it because there’s negative spin is just ignorant. Yes, it’s terrible [much of America’s race-based history], but it’s necessary.

We’ve touched on race, how to handle ignorance and how diversity shows up in your family. But what about outside of your household? Ryan, would you share with qnotes readers a little on how inclusion shows up in your professional life?

R: In five years I’d love to see myself in a more HR oriented position with Microsoft, doing more Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) work. I’m not trying to hold my team back, if they’re not successful I’m not.

So I feel like I’m successful in walking the walk when it comes to diversity and inclusion. We’re diverse. Not just in race, but age, sexuality and gender identity and I’m proud of my team. When the “bathroom bill” was in place, we started doing Pride events at my retail location. I wrote a letter to HR and told them I’m not hosting a Pride event until you take men and women [signs] off the bathrooms. Within three weeks every store in the U. S. and Canada got new bathroom signs.

Now, the signs [on the] restrooms have no male/ female symbols and the same amenities exist in all restrooms. There’s also the family restroom, a single restroom where mothers can breast feed, change babies or folks take care of any specific hormone routines they need to take care of in private. We highlight gender-neutral bathrooms when we do tours with high school students and we encourage them to ask people their pronouns. I did all this in my store before it became policy.

Sounds like a great place to work.

R: It is. Our company allows us to create our own culture within our teams — unlike any other hub. We can be ourselves and I’ve built a family culture within my team – we assist each other [with issues outside of work]. If you need to move or get out of a dysfunctional situation, I can call a team member and we’ll help you move or find you a safe place to stay.

As a career professional, what advice do you have for parents seeking to balance their careers with child rearing?

R: I remember going through foster parenting training and being told how we need to make it about us, as individual[s] and as a couple. So, if you’re that person who enjoys getting your toes done and decide that when you have kids you’re not gonna’ do that anymore, you’re setting yourself up for failing.

How do you make time to keep your relationship fresh while working and parenting?

R: Date nights. Three weeks ago, we went to a drag brunch in Dilworth.

D: But sometimes it’s at home and our outside space, our girls hate bugs, so we spend time outside, gardening and enjoying each other.

Is there anything else either of you would like qnotes readers to know about you, your family, or your lives together?

D: I hope readers find comfort in reading about us. To say that we’re a normal family like everyone else — deprives us of how special we really are because being in a samesex marriage is special, but it’s just an ingredient in what makes our family recipe. : :

June 25-July 8, 2021

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