QNotes, July 14, 2017 by QnotesCarolinas

July 14-27 . 2017

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July 14-27 . 2017

inside

Transition Storyline

qnotes news & features

views. arts. 4 entertainment. DOJ awardsnews. honors 4 Jesse’s Journal: Lost Giants 6 News Notes: Regional Briefs 7 News Notes: U.S./World Briefs 8 From negative to positive 9 Divorce in marriage equality 15 Legal Eagles: Adoption

a&e / life&style 13 16 18 19

Tell Trinity Health & Wellness Q Events Calendar Our People: Lynette Matusik

opinions & views 5 Which road to travel? 5 A loving goodbye

New columnist Lynette Matusik will begin to share her monthly experience as she navigates her transition. page 19

more news & features

Legal Eagles Same-sex couples prepare for adoption. page 15

Health & Wellness Taking time to develop a giving and generous spirit has sizable rewards. page 16

July 14-27 . 2017

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news

HB2/HB142 Update

DOJ Pride honors Grimm, HB2 opponents Employee org begun under Obama defies current administration by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff WASHINGTON, D.C. — A ceremony took place on June 28 at the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), honoring lawyers who fought North Carolina’s House Bill 2 (HB2), as well as transgender teen Gavin Grimm. All honorees were recognized for serving the LGBTQ community, both nationally and within the DOJ. The organization hosting the ceremony, DOJ Pride, was founded during President Barack Obama’s administration. DOJ Pride consists of LGBTQ employees of the department, as well as their allies. The organization has continued its efforts in spite of the current administration’s apparent opposition to progressive policies concerning LGBTQ rights. According to its website, DOJ Pride aims to serve as a resource, identify and address issues for LGBTQ employees, and “to support the Department in the development and implementation of effective policies and practices for the elimination of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.” The head of the Department of Justice, U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions, is notorious to activists for his anti-LGBTQ history. Under his leadership, the Trump administration revoked an Obama-era guidance requiring that public schools respect students’ gender identities to in deciding which bathrooms and changing rooms the students may use. Still more anti-LGBTQ nominees for central federal positions were announced by the new administration throughout its initial months. Attorney Eric Dreiband defended HB2 in court before

being named a nominee to head the Trump administration’s Civil Rights Division. Sessions was notably absent at the ceremony, which a spokeswoman attributed to “scheduling conflicts.” Meanwhile, DOJ Pride’s ceremony honored lawyers who served in the Civil Rights Division under then Attorney General Loretta Lynch in a lawsuit against North Carolina for HB2. The suit claimed that invalidating transgender persons’ gender identities in reference to public facilities constituted sex discrimination under Title XI of the Civil Rights Act. These lawyers were honored alongside Virginia transgender teenager Gavin Grimm, who sued his high school for banning him from using the boys’ restroom. Grimm’s case was headed to the U.S. Supreme Court, until it was stopped short by the Trump administration’s revoked guidance.

DOJ Pride voted to honor Grimm in recognition of his “outstanding contributions to the LGBT community.” Just a high school junior when the lawsuit began, Grimm became a national icon for the LGBTQ fight for true equality. Although reporters were banned from the ceremony itself, Grimm spoke to The Associated Press (AP) afterward. He said that attending DOJ Pride’s event revitalized his determination to keep fighting for himself and his community. “Given that today’s administration is largely hostile to LGBT people and especially dangerous to LGBT youth, the gravity of receiving an award from DOJ itself, specifically the pride alliance within it, is not lost on me at all,” Grimm told The Associated Press after the ceremony. “It’s beautifully symbolic of the fact that there are still people working for equality in every corner of the world, and they will continue to do so no matter what happens.” : :

Jesse’s Journal

Two LGBTQ community giants pass Jim French and Chuck Renslow by Jesse Monteagudo :: guest contributor

Renslow was a founder of Second City Motorcycle Club, Chicago’s cards, movies, and community events produced by French and une 2017 will be remembered as our LGBTQ community’s first gay bike club. In 1979 he founded International Mr. Leather, still his fantasy factory. French ran Colt until 2003, when he sold the Pride Summer of Resistance, when the joyful celebrations of the greatest LGBTQ leather title contest and the greatest gathering studio to John Rutherford, formerly of Falcon Studios. previous Pride seasons were replaced by protest marches of LGBTQ leather folk in the world. After Renslow’s partner, like so Two weeks after French died the LGBTQ community lost and rallies. It was also a month when our community lost two of many other gay or bisexual leathermen, died from AIDS complicaanother icon, one whose contributions vastly surpassed those its most influential figures. On June 15 Jim French, the male phytions, Renslow saw the need for an institution that would preserve of the original Colt Man. Chuck Renslow, who died on June 29 at sique artist and photographer who created his most famous work the legacy of his endangered community. In 1991, Renslow and the age of 87, was more than a successful photogunder the pseudonym “Rip Colt,” passed Tony DeBlase founded the Leather Archives & Museum in Chicago, rapher, business owner, newspaper publisher and away at the age of 84. “Jim French’s which continues to exist and flourish today. According to a statecommunity leader. More than anyone else, Renslow contributions to the gay porn industry, to ment issued by the LA&M staff and board, “Chuck gave deeply and created the LGBTQ leather/SM/BD/kink/fetish the art world, to generations of gay men, worked with great passion for over 26 years to save the names and community as it is known today. Renslow was a are immeasurable and too numerous to faces of Leather, kink, BDSM and fetish people, communities, and larger-than-life leader, an alpha male in all senses of count,” said Dennis Bell, president and history, and he fought to ensure that Leatherfolk were the ones who the word, both in his home town of Chicago, Ill. and CEO of the Bob Mizer Foundation. “We would ‘tell’ their own stories so that they might better understand elsewhere in the U.S. and abroad. at the Foundation are forever indebted and bring enhanced visibility to ‘Leather history.’” Renslow’s eventful life is chronicled in to Jim for paving the way Renslow was active in Chicago LGBTQ politics during the 1970s “Leatherman: The Legend of Chuck Renslow,” by for other photographers, and 1980s, when he founded the Prairie State Democratic Club and Tracy Baim and Owen Keehnen. In the 1950s, Renslow and today we pay tribute pushed for a lesbian and gay rights ordinance in the Windy City. He founded Kris Studios, one of the earliest purveyors to the life of a brilliant artserved on the board of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force of male physique photography. Renslow’s greatest ist who will live on in his and was a U.S. representative to the International Lesbian and Gay discovery was Dom Orejudos, who became Renslow’s work, which celebrates Association. Renslow was inducted into the Chicago LGBT Hall life partner and, as “Etienne,” the greatest male erotic male beauty and mascuof Fame in 1991 and received many artist this side of Tom of Finland. In 1958 Renslow linity throughout decades Jim French awards from the LGBTQ and leather opened Gold Coast, the first gay leather bar in Chicago of changing social mores Photo Credit: Adrian Gottlieb communities, including the Leather or anywhere else. This was the first of many Renslowand trends.” Journal’s lifetime achievement award owned or operated bars and sex clubs, most famously including French began to draw and photograph the male form during and a Centurion Award given to Man’s Country, a Chicago bathhouse Renslow the 1960s following a successful career as a fashion illustrator. Renslow as Leatherman of the and Orejudos bought in 1972 which continues to One of French’s early drawings, “Longhorns - Dance,” caused Century. Though such titles often flourish today. Renslow was also the publisher a sensation when Malcolm McLaren, fashion designer and invite hyperbole, in Renslow’s case of various publications, including Triumph, Mars, manager of the punk-rocking Sex Pistols, used the drawing on a it was no exaggeration. Rawhide and, later, Chicago Gay Life, which he T-shirt sold in McLaren’s London boutique, Sex. In 1967 French Chuck Renslow and Jim bought from its founder Grant Ford (who later and his then-partner, Lou Thomas, founded Colt Studio to proFrench were giants in the LGBTQ became a minister and pastor of the Sunshine duce and sell male erotic drawings, photographs, publications, community; and though we Cathedral in Fort Lauderdale). films and videos. Soon the “Colt Man” became the epitome of the mourn their passing, we celebrate Renslow’s involvement in the gay leather male masculine ideal. Generations of gay or bisexual men were International Mr. Leather’s Chuck Renslow their lives and vast contributions. : : scene went beyond his businesses. In 1965 inspired and stimulated by books, magazines, calendars, post

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Life’s Transitions

Which road to travel? Seek spiritual guidance in decision-making times Photo Credit: James Steidl via Adobe Stock

by Rev. Dawn Flynn :: guest contributor

ife has many transitions. Some of life’s major transitions include our birth, our decision regarding whether to go to college and where to go, our recognition of our sexual preference, our decision as to whether to commit to a life-long relationship with someone, our decision whether to have children, our adjustment to death of loved ones and our relationship of faith with our Creator. In the process of making those decisions, we can consult our friends, our family, and our faith leaders. We then weigh the facts and make a decision, and the results of the decisions we make at each of these times affects the rest of our lives. The question becomes: how do I decide, even after I have gathered the facts, which is the right decision for me? We certainly don’t want to make the wrong decision at these critical transition times in our lives. We can use our instincts and gut feelings to make these choices, along with input from the sources mentioned above. Sometimes decisions made in that manner work out well, but most times they don’t. As humans, our instincts aren’t always “on target.” Our instincts, many times, are clouded by our human desires to be liked or to do what would benefit us financially. So, we should seek some help in making those tough life-transition decisions. According to the Hebrew Scriptures, one of King David’s psalms, Psalm 51, says in verse 5 these words, “Behold I was brought forth in iniquity [immoral behavior], and in sin did my mother conceive me.” The Apostle Paul in the Christian New Testament says in his letter to the Roman Church, Chapter 3, verse 23, “…all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” It would appear then that we, in a natural state, even at the time of birth, do what displeases God. So, instinct is not a good choice in making decisions at the important times of life’s transitions. If we rely on instinct, we are

probably going to do what pleases us and not our Creator and, as people of faith, that is not what we should do. So, what should we do? I believe, that as people of faith, we should do two things: (1) we should seek spiritual help, in prayer, before making those important decisions, and (2) we need to believe in our value and worth as individuals. Society is centered in self-satisfaction and not in individual worth as portrayed in spiritual writings. Every major world faith acknowledges a Creator and that individuals have value and worth. By focusing on that fact in a positive sense (not in a conceited way), we will be open to spiritual leading during our decision times. Belief in self (coupled with spiritual guidance) allows us to move forward in our decisions with confidence knowing our decisions are pleasing to our Creator and in our best interest. In the Hebrew Scripture of Jeremiah Chapter 1, verse 5, we read God telling Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you;” We are God’s people and God’s creation. Before we were formed in our mother’s womb, I believe God knew who we would be. God knew we were going to be LGBTQAI and that we were set apart, consecrated if you will, to reach out to the rest of the world and teach them that God’s love is for everyone. As God’s messengers to the world regarding God’s all-inclusive love, we must stand and proclaim it with confidence and assurance. We must seek spiritual guidance during life’s transitions and believe that, as we move forward in life, we have the protection and love of our Creator, and be proud of who we are. : : — Rev. Dawn Flynn is the pastor at New Life MCC in Gastonia, N.C.

Life’s Transitions

by Michaele Ballard :: guest contributor

drian McCoy was a much-loved man with a lot of long and deep friendships. Those who had the privilege of knowing him knew that he was a non-comformist; his everyday attire was a Hawaiian shirt, shorts and Birkenstocks. He loved anything Madonna. So when he died, after a stroke six months earlier, family and friends knew a traditional funeral would not be appropriate. It was only fitting that they would celebrate Adrian’s life with the same warmth that had permeated his friendships. On Saturday, Dec. 5, 2015 more than 35 people gathered at the home of Jessica Peach and Michael Pirkle in Matthews, N.C. Jessica, who had known Adrian for 24 years, was often the common thread running through the relationships in the room. “This service reflects all sides of Adrian — his goals in life, the music he loved and a reflection of his last year. It is non-religious but loving and caring,” said Lynn Query. Guests gathered in the living room where photos of Adrian filled the room, as did flickering candles. A large dining room table was filled with dishes catered by Encore — sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, tartlets, fruit trays and a variety of desserts. There were also dishes that family and friends brought. Another room had a full array of wine, beer and sodas. Most of the people arriving hugged other friends or family members because the group was interconnected by Adrian. It was clear that each and every person had a special relationship with Adrian and each other. As everyone settled into a comfortable spot, Jessica rang a bell to signal the beginning of the service. “I knew Adrian for 24 years; he was like a brother to me. When you lose someone dear you have to be able to show your emotions,” she said holding a “talking stick,” an ancient Indian tradition whereby the person talking holds the talking stick and passes it to anyone who wants to say something — in this situation is was about Adrian. “We are celebrating Adrian today. While we grieve, Adrian was a funny man; he would want us to laugh today.” Jessica was the first to share some of her special memories of Adrian. “I had always encouraged Adrian to take a chance at the slots,” she recalls. “We took a trip to Cherokee, and he won $20,000. I said ‘Now you can go to England with me.’ He did. We actually made several wonderful trips to England to see my mother before she passed.” Another friend told of Adrian turning up in his pajamas with a cup of coffee for her in the wee hours of the morning at the emergency vet when

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contributors this issue

Michaele Ballard, Maria Dominguez, Rev. Dawn Flynn, Penelope L. Hefner, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Jesse Monteagudo, Jeff Taylor, Trinity

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Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: (main) zimmytws via Adobe Stock, (Gavin Grimm) Goeff Livingston via Flickr, CC license Mission:

A loving goodbye Coping with loss

Photo Credit: Ronald James via Adobe Stock

it was time for her to say goodbye to her beloved cat. For the celebration Michael prepared a special video, a montage of friends and family celebrations that ranged from funny to sad. With background music by Madonna — “Rebel Heart and Queens’ These Are The Days of Our Lives” — there were candid photos of happy days with Adrian with Jack Carnes, his partner of 37 years, at birthday parties and other special occasions to celebrate milestones in Adrian’s life. By his 60th birthday on Feb. 3, 2015, after struggling to overcome his stroke, friends could see his light dimming. The last few years had been hard. Adrian had retired from Mecklenburg County Substance Abuse after working there for 20 years, and caring for and losing his long-time partner five years earlier. After his stroke he just didn’t seem to rebound. During his last days, a team of friends made sure Adrian was never alone. Four people were there, two holding his hand, when he died. “It gave Adrian and us support and comfort,” said Query, a nurse. While there was an air of sadness at times at the loss everyone felt, it was more apparent how much he loved and how much he was loved. Although I was the only person in the room who hadn’t known Adrian, the loving sentiment brought a tear to my eye. I know I would have loved him too. Everyone who knew Adrian knew he was always laid back and casual. He didn’t like long meetings, didn’t want conversations to drag on. He wouldn’t want a stuffy, formal funeral service. So he was cremated, the ashes in a box in a room that was a sanctuary devoted to Adrian with his college graduation pictures, a portrait, and photos with friends. Many of the people paying their respects were people who had worked with Adrian over the years in the Detox Stabilization Unit. Dr. Ann Newman, his graduate professor, lauded Adrian for being a trailblazer, reminding everyone that he was the first male nurse in North Carolina. “Funerals are usually so formal and somber you feel like you have to shut down your grief. We wanted everyone to be able to share their feelings — happy and sad — with people who cared about Adrian,” said Jessica. “There are no canned comments; we are sharing who he is and his life.” No doubt he would have been proud. : : — Michaele Ballard is a professional freelance writer, writer/reporter with People Magazine for over 15 years.

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues. Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Social Media Editor: Jeff Taylor, jeff@goqnotes.com Staff Writer: Maria Dominguez, maria@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2017 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Cohousing project gets green light

events, including a youth Pride dance on Aug. 4. Grand opening ceremonies have been slated for Aug. 20. More details will follow as plans are confirmed. The building was purchased earlier this year and the center launched a $3.4 million capital campaign at that time. As of June 16, $2.2 million has been raised in gifts and pledges. “We are thrilled to finally move into our Forever Home and are so thankful for the deep community support we have received during this process,” the center’s Executive Director Rodney Tucker said. In other news, four youth have joined the center’s board of directors for a one-year term and serve in the same capacities and with similar responsibilities as adult board members. Selected were Eli Goforth from Mt. Pleasant High School in Mt. Pleasant, N.C., along with Fabian Hamilton, Adrian Ross and Sy Sanders from Vance High School in Charlotte, N.C. info: timeoutyouth.org.

Triad Foundation presents grants

DURHAM, N.C. — Village Hearth Cohousing received approval for rezoning and annexation for its LGBTQ-focused cohousing community, the first in the U.S., from the Durham City Council. Margaret Roesch, Village Hearth co-founder, remarked, “It was so amazing to watch the council members’ faces as Village Hearth members spoke about our project. They moved from interest to head-nodding to smiles…” Village Hearth has extended an invitation to the public to a reception on July 18, 5 p.m., at Judea Reform Congregation, 1933 W. Cornwallis Rd., when they will unveil the architectural design created by McCamant & Durrett Architects for the community. The project will be available to the 55-plus LGBTQ, friend and allied communities. Co-founder Pat McAulay shared, “It took many of us a lot of time to come out; many LGBTs wind up going back into the closet to safely get the care they need as they age. We want to be able to live comfortably, without having to hide any aspect of ourselves.” The construction start has been proposed for the Spring of 2018, with completion expected in Spring/Summer 2019. Availability and seniority for home selection is determined by the date of membership application, and discounts on home prices are still being offered. Twenty-eight accessible, single-story, attached houses will be built with floor plans including one- and two-bedroom units. Target prices will be from the mid $200,000s to the high $300,000s. Communal living space fills out the complex. “We’ve completed four of our six design workshops, so we now have a site plan, common house floor plan, three private home floor plans, and exterior designs,” McAulay added. info: villagehearthcohousing.com.

Charlotte Youth org makes a big move

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Time Out Youth Center has announced its relocation to its new facility at 3800 Monroe Rd. and will be closed until July 31 at 3 p.m. for youth visitors.

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July 14-27 . 2017

Drop-In Space and discussion group programming will not be available during the relocation process. However, steps have been taken to support youth during this time and staff will be available for crisis work, case management, counseling and housing services during July. Youth activities during the week of July 31 will include a homecoming-themed week of

GREENSBORO, N.C. — The Guilford Green Foundation will hold its annual granting ceremony on July 20, 7:30 p.m., at Schiffman’s Diamond Club at the Greensboro Coliseum Complex, 1921 W. Gate City Blvd. To attend, email with an RSVP to rsvp@ ggfnc.org by July 16. In other news, the foundation will hold a takeover event on July 14, 5:30 p.m., at Four Flocks and Larder, 433 Spring Garden St. Spend time with friends in the outdoor space, weather pending. If inclement weather persists, the soiree will be moved indoors. Additionally, Guilford Green will have a new web presence when its site has a “makeover” in the coming months compliments of TechTriad. As its 2017 Extreme Nonprofit Makeover recipient, GGF will get a free new website and logo, training and assistance on web content management including social media, assistance with Google AdWords, technology upgrades, and other professional guidance valued at $50,000. The Cemela Foundation and eight area businesses TechTriad, Solace IT Solutions, Atlantic Webworks, Carolina Digital, Magnetic Ideas, Why People Click, Samiam.com and Altina Layman support the makeover financially and with in-kind professional services.

The foundation awarded its annual leadership awards recently to four individuals who have been key leaders and allies to the LGBTQ community. They are: Distinguished Leadership Award, Tony Doles, co-owner of Party Chick & Paper; Visionary Award, Matt Hirshey, interim director for Equality North Carolina; Distinguished Service Award, Nick Wilson, co-owner of 1618 Concepts; and the Dawn S. Chaney Award, City Councilwoman Marikay Abuzuaiter. And finally, Ivey Ghee has been hired as the organization’s new community outreach coordinator. She was recently featured in a Made in Greensboro project. info: ggfnc.org.

Bingo benefits church

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — On July 29, 7 p.m., Macaria Rage will host Drag Queen Bingo along with Devonte Jackson at Metropolitan Community Church of Winston-Salem, 4105 Patsy Dr. Special guest will be Bianca Lepore. Light table snacks will be provided and other snacks, candy and drinks will be available for a contribution. Tickets are $15/single and $25/couple and can be secured by calling 336-757-0264. info: mccwschurch.com.

PFLAG social slated

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Greensboro will hold an ice cream social at its meeting on July 18, 7:30 p.m., at College Park Baptist Church, 1601 Walker Ave. Then on July 22, 11 a.m., there will be a gettogether for “moms of gay kids” at the home of Leslie Malueg (email endomoms3@aol.com for directions). Attendees will be able to enjoy socializing and food while participating in a discussion on LGBTQ family love with author Susan Cottrell. Afterward, head out to Scuppernong Books, 204 S. Elm St., for a 5 p.m. reading and book signing by Cottrel. A Q&A discussion will also be held. An international speaker, author and spiritual director, Cottrell is considered a prominent voice of faith for parents of LGBTQ children and has been featured on national television. She also has a non-profit organization, FreedHearts, which serves to champion the

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LGBTQ community and families with kindness. She also challenges Christians who reject them with her loving insistence. Cottrell’s books have been endorsed by the Human Rights Campaign, PFLAG, the Gay Christian Network and others. Participants are invited to join Malueg and Cottrell for a dutch-treat dinner at a location that will be provided at the book signing event. On July 23, Cottrell will speak at morning worship services at the College Park church. info: pflaggreensboro.org.

Triangle Broadway hits the stage

DURHAM, N.C. — Broadway Bingo will be held on July 15, 7 p.m., at the Durham Arts Council PSI Theatre, 120 Morris St., to benefit the Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolina. Hosted by Vivica C. Coxx, along with her crew - Amazing Grace (Miss Gay Pride NC), Stormie Daie and Naomi Dix - the evening will be filled with dancing, lip syncing, drag queens, food, friends and more, the organization said. Doors open at 5:30 p.m. and a VIP meet and greet will take place at 6 p.m. VIP ticketholders receive upfront seating. Note that no food or drink will be allowed in the theatre other than bottled water. Tickets are $20/general admission and $25/ VIP and are available online. info: aas-c.org.

Youth org seeks adults

DURHAM, N.C. — iNSIDEoUT will hold an adult interest meeting on July 20, 6:30 p.m., at the Durham Solidarity Center, 1803 Chapel Hill Rd. The get-together will provide opportunities for learning about the work of the organization and ways that adults can support it. A meal will be served, however an RSVP would be welcomed to allow for a head count. Email jilllovesdurham@gmail.com to learn more. In other news, the organization has selected six new board members for the 2017-18 year. They will be involved in the group’s senate, Queernival and more. iNSIDEoUT and Upsidedown will resume weekly meetings in late August. Email insideoutamy@gmail.com to learn more. info: insideout180.org.

Pride set for Triangle

DURHAM, N.C. — Shades of Pride will be held on July 29 at the LGBTQ Center of Durham, 114 Hunt St. From 11 a.m.-4 p.m., a family-friendly potluck will launch the day’s activities. The organization and the center will provide hot dogs and hamburgers for grilling and ask that the community provide side dishes. During the evening, there will be a free screening of the Oscar-winning film “Moonlight” at 7 p.m. at the center. Attendees are asked to bring chairs and blankets to sit on. Refreshments will be available for purchase. Vendors will be on hand showcasing their products or services, as well as organizational information. To promote a group or business, and to obtain a table at the event, a $50 contribution to the center is requested. Email info@ shadesofpride.org to learn more. info: facebook.com/shadesofpride. Have news or other information? Send your press releases and updates for inclusion in our News Notes: editor@goqnotes.com.

news

news notes: u.s./world compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Illinois bishop forbids funerals and communion for lesbian and gay married couples SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Bishop Thomas Paprocki has issued a directive to LGBTQ Catholics and pastoral ministers entitled “Same-Sex Marriage Policies Decree 6-122017” which lays out how to handle this issue in “ecclesial life,” New Ways Ministry reported. In the decree, he asserts that same-sex couples should not receive or be admitted to communion because “their relationships are of an ‘objectively immoral nature,’” New Ways added. Not only this, but couples would be denied “ecclesiastical funeral rites” if they do not repent prior to death. If this was not enough, the decree goes on to say that same-sex couples are not to be permitted to serve in liturgical ministry, nor as a sponsor for the Sacraments of Baptism or Confirmation. Also, they cannot be admitted to the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults or receive the Sacrament of Confirmation unless one or both in the couple “withdraw from the objectively immoral relationship.” New Ways further reported that church workers who act in a professional capacity are forbidden to participate in same-sex weddings and that church property cannot be used, along with blessed items which have been dedicated for use in Catholic worship. In addition, couples’ marriages are forbidden to be blessed. However, children of same-sex couples can be accepted for Sacraments of Initiation and they can be admitted to Catholic religious education and schools with a caveat that their families “must agree to abide by the Family School Agreement.”

Same-sex married couples and their children are being targeted by a discriminatory decree toward them by Catholic Bishop Thomas Paprocki. Photo Credit: photo_mts via Adobe Stock

Pastoral ministers have been threatened with punishment if they violate any of the decreed rules. New Ways Executive Director Francis DeBernardo responded to Paprocki’s directives saying that the decree “has been received by Catholics across the nation with one of the strongest negative reactions that I have witnessed in almost 25 years of ministry with the LGBT community in the Church.” He added, “Catholics just do not understand how such regulations correlate with a Church that preaches love and inclusion.” Another appeal came from FutureChurch

Executive Director Deborah Rose-Milavec which urged Bishop Paprocki to “rescind his harmful decree barring lesbian and gay couples in civil marriages from communion and Catholic funerals and calls on him to follow Pope Francis’s lead in becoming more loving, accepting, and welcoming members of the Body of Christ. … FutureChurch supports LGBTQI Catholics and the Catholic parents, family and friends of LGBTQI Catholics and ask those who disagree with the bishop’s decree to respond honestly and respectfully by contacting him” via email address at tjpaprocki@dio.org. info: newwaysministry.org.

QUICK HITS ———————————————————————————————————————————————— Scouts for Equality will be on hand at the Boy Scouts of America’s National Jamboree. This is the first time that the organization has attended a national event. They will assist the United Church of Christ and the Unitarian Universalist Association at their shared booth in the God & Country exhibit area. info: scoutsforequality.org. A new memorial will make its way to the Hudson River Park in Greenwich Village, New York City, honoring the LGBTQ lives lost at the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando as well as anyone who was a victim of intolerance or hate, GayRVa reported. info: gayrva.com. Transgender comic Ian Harvie spoke with People Magazine about making the first transgender comic stand-up special, starring on “Transparent” and protecting women’s rights. info: people.com. The plaintiffs in Campaign for Southern Equality v. Bryant filed a petition on July 6 after seeking a rehearing en banc by the full U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit after a three-judge panel found on June 22, 2017 that the plaintiffs did not have standing to challenge Mississippi’s HB 1523, the most extreme antiLGBT law in the nation. Info: southernequality.org. The Lambda Archives San Diego will celebrate its 30th anniversary on Sept. 16. info: lambdaarchives.org.

Agency33 Public Relations, Nashville, Tenn.’s first LGBTQ-focused firm, recently began operations under the leadership of entertainment industry veteran Joey Amato. info: agency33pr.com. A Russian-based startup has released its Partner APP which provides a safe experience for users who are not ready to come out. info: partnerapp.dating. Canada Pride Montréal 2017 will include over 200 activities in celebration of sexual diversity and gender plurality, organizers said. info: fiertemontrealpride.com. A new report released on July 5 by MSMGF and OutRight Action International in collaboration with the Global Platform to Fast Track the Human Rights and HIV Responses with Gay and Bisexual Men argued for a global health and development approach that is inclusive of LGBTI individuals. It called on countries to recognize and address the impact of stigma, discrimination, violence, and criminalization on health. info: msmgf.org. Montréal, Canada is celebrating some significant anniversaries in 2017, including its Gay Village (35th) and the Gay Village cultural pedestrian street program (10th), with a 1kmlong linear rainbow installation suspended above the pedestrian axis of Sainte-Catherine Street East in Montréal. A succession of six principal colors, each in three hues, combine to form 18 shades across 180,000 recycled plastic

balls. Two sizes of balls are attached on tensor wires and suspended above the street and through the trees. 18 Shades of Gay celebrates the evolving spectrum of LGBTQI community identities – plural, diverse, inclusive and nuanced, organizers shared. info: facebook.com/AiresLibresMTL. Earlier this month, Virginia’s Fairfax County Public Schools postponed its “Coming Out and Coming Around” event due to criticism and concern by conservative parents who saw this as a one-sided conversation. They wanted to see “both sides” of the issue discussed and transition dangers included. info: gayrva.com. The Rhode Island General Assembly voted for final passage of a bill sponsored by Rep. Edith Ajello to prohibit licensed mental health providers from using the discredited and harmful practice of conversion therapy on children and adolescents. This was a victory for the Rhode Island Conversion Ban Committee. The state joins Nevada, Connecticut, California, Illinois, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont and Washington D.C. in banning the practice. info: glad.org. The Black AIDS Institute shared that the American Society of Plastic Surgeons reported that U.S. transgender surgeries are up by 20 percent in the first two years of collecting data on these procedures. info: blackaids.org.

July 14-27 . 2017

qnotes

Life’s Transitions

From negative to positive Transitioning after an HIV diagnosis by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

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Gulden’s work with Metrolina AIDS f all the transitions confronted throughout a lifetime, testing positive Project and now RAIN has brought for HIV/AIDS is one of the most earth-shaking. The Centers for her to the view that her diagnosis Disease Control reports that in 2015, nearly 40,000 people in the U.S. was a transition that led to a better had to face this news. Of these newly-diagnosed individuals, gay and life, not a tragic one. bisexual men received 82 percent of positive results. This does not neces“I am actively working to help sarily indicate that men who have sex with men constitute 82 percent engage the next generation of acof new infections; they may be disapportionate to the rate of infection tivists and advocates,” she said. “It because they are more likely to get tested. grounded me and focused me into Once you test positive, where do you go from there? How can you a job which is much more than just initiate such a transition, which will have long-lasting results? One woman a career — it is my passion, and my reacted by dedicating her life to serving others like her. honor to serve others who are dealChelsea Gulden, diagnosed HIV+ in college, is now vice president ing with such a difficult diagnosis.” of operations at RAIN. She believes empowerment is the key for newlyGulden and her clients — now diagnosed HIV+ people. college graduates, doctors and educa“Therapy is a really great way to work through some of the initial feeltors — are living proof that the transiings after diagnosis,” Gulden told qnotes. “Talk about treatment options, tion from negative to HIV-positive can be remove fear, get them connected with medical care and medications.” less catastrophic, and more progressive. This is the aim of RAIN, as well as other organizations. Affinity Health “The biggest successes are when you Center provides free testing, therapy, treatment and other services. see someone come to terms with their Rosedale Infectious Diseases specializes in the treatment of HIV/AIDS diagnosis and become virally suppressed and other diseases. There is help, if you’re willing to look. from successfully remaining adherent Unfortunately, Gulden says that not everyone who receives the news to their HIV medications,” Gulden said. is as proactive as necessary. “The truth is a negative and a positive “Some people use education and action, others drugs and alcohol,” couple can have a very happy and she said. “Some people get numb to the diagnosis and go into denial. healthy sex life… HIV is 100 percent These are the individuals who usually don’t go into care, and often get preventable [and] people living sick, until they do deal with it.” with HIV can live perfectly After diagnosis, seeking a next step is essential. Yet some who test happy and healthy lives, get positive are more concerned with how they got there than where they’ll married, have children.” : : go. It’s an understandable reaction, but not always a healthy one. “Some get really focused on who could have given it to them,” Gulden said. “That can become an obsession for some people and it can really prohibit them from accepting the diagnosis and moving on.” But how do you move on, aside from seeking treatment? The process is complicated by social stigma and extreme misconceptions about the disease. Misinformation is problematic because it can not only affect relationships with others, but also the HIV+ person’s attitude to their own treatment. “There is still a lot of perception that HIV is highly contagious and will cause imminent death. People listen to us, but those beliefs have been so ingrained in them that they don’t always hear us,” Gulden said. “HIV is more manageable and less impactful than diabetes…The saddest part about HIV is it is not a death sentence as many people think, but it can still feel like a social death because of the stigma.” This “social death” can lead to extreme depression, selfisolation and even suicide. Negative reactions from loved ones are often the most painful part. Gulden believes that dealing with the diagnosis personally is an essential step, before sharing it with others whose reactions may hurt. “I encourage people to come to terms with their diagnosis first, before telling people who you are unsure of their reaction and/or level of support,” she said. “If you know someone will be supportive, by all means tell them, but if you’re not sure, it’s best to get a handle on your feelings first.” Once an HIV+ person reflects and decides on their own course of action, each has to choose for themselves when and whom to tell. For Gulden, her own diagnosis was a moment of change. She wanted to keep the secret, but soon learned that her voice was more important than comfortable silence. “People are so afraid of disclosing publicly, even if they want to,” she said. “I remember going into this field [of work] Chelsea Gulden took her diagnosis of HIV and made it her life’s passion and work thinking I would help people ‘like me’ without letting anyone to help others deal with the same type of news. She even had it tattooed on her arm to express her sentiment of hopefullness. know. Within the first year, I felt like I had to shout it from every rooftop in Charlotte because we were so behind.” Photo Credits: Gulden, Facebook page; ribbon, Katyr via Adobe Stock

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life

Life’s Transitions

LGBTQ divorce in marriage equality The legal and emotional challenges of transitioning from married to single by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

lthough nationwide marriage equality only began with the 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges Supreme Court decision, divorce among LGBTQ couples does happen. Divorce between any couple is one of the most painful transitions confronted in a lifetime; but with LGBTQ couples, this process can be particularly challenging. Local domestic law attorney Sarah Brady, a partner of Charlotte-based James McElroy & Diehl, told qnotes that the numbers just aren’t there to see how prevalent a phenomenon same-sex divorce really is. “I imagine we’ll see that data in a few more years,” Brady said. “There are studies before [2015], but the statistical samples were limited to individual states that passed marriage equality pre-Obergefell, or to foreign countries that had marriage equality.” However common or uncommon, Brady emphasized, it is essential to seek help when going through a transition of this nature. “Separation and divorce can be enormously stressful, even in the most amicable of situations,” she said. “It’s important to have a good support network, including friends, family members and counselors.” A simple Google search reveals a plethora of options for counseling both pre- and post-

divorce, a vital resource for emotional support during a trying time. Of course, psychological professionals cannot assist with the various legal issues of divorce — particularly those complicated by both spouses being of the same sex. Legal aid is available, with a number of attorneys and law offices now specializing in LGBTQ legal issues. In the event of divorce between a same-sex couple, hurdles include premarital civil unions or domestic partnerships, child custody and even complications to property division and spousal support. Connie Vetter, an attorney local to Charlotte, N.C. who specializes in family law and LGBTQ legal challenges, told qnotes that premarital legal partnerships are one significant complication to the divorce process. Although North Carolina never instituted civil unions or domestic partnerships, those couples who committed to one outside the state have another hurdle to seek divorce after marriage. “That civil union is a legal bond,” Vetter said. “[If] you’ve got a civil union in one state and when marriage came along you went ahead and got married, if you’re going to get divorced, you also have to remember that civil union and go back and undo it.”

Other issues are common to all divorces, but have additional challenges to same-sex couples. Even things as everyday as division of property and spousal support can present disadvantages, when a same-sex couple had a long relationship but a short marriage. “The law on property division values a marital estate from the date of marriage until the date of separation,” Brady said. “If an LGBTQ couple accumulated significant property before their legal marriage, this property would fall outside of the marital estate… Similarly, in an alimony action, the court is instructed to consider the duration of the marriage in determining the amount and duration of support.” Yet the most challenging and emotional problem arises when a same-sex married couple has children. If one spouse doesn’t have a legally-recognized right to the child, the already-troubling event of custody arrangements can be still more painful. “Currently, North Carolina only has one statute regarding children born as a result of artificial insemination, and it contemplates this procedure being used only by opposite-sex married couples,” Brady lamented. “There is model legislation from the American Bar Association that would better address the re-

alities of assisted reproductive technology and the many ways in which families are formed, however this has not been adopted in North Carolina yet.” Vetter pointed out that artificially-conceived children, though equally bonded with both parents, can be separated from the one whose genes the child does not share. “Only one [parent] is biologically related to the child,” Vetter said, which automatically grants that spouse an advantage in custody negotiation. “One thing that we’re doing is advising the non-biological parent to adopt their own child. Some people do it, some people don’t. But that’s how that makes that legal relationship…if the other parent didn’t do an adoption, then their chances in court are more challenged.” These legal issues are important to consider for same-sex couples marrying, having children, or initiating divorce. Still more significant, the emotional impact of such a transition — from married life to single life — requires attentive self-care. Counseling and a nurturing support system of friends or family are essential for anyone going through a divorce, particularly an LGBTQ couple dealing with additional legal challenges. : :

July 14-27 . 2017

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July 14-27 . 2017

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July 14-27 . 2017

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tell trinity by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

The being stood up/standing someone up issue Hey Trinity, I stood someone up. I apologized, and now he won’t answer my calls. What’s up? I had an excuse, and I called the next night. What’s Up, Eugene, OR Hey What’s Up, You called the next night? OMG, aren’t you just Saint A-Day-Late. Sweetie, when you decide not to show up you owe it to that person you share a planet with to clearly communicate (even if you have to lie) that you won’t be showing up. Period! And that clear communication comes at least an hour before your planned date, not an hour later. Baby, the human race runs on integrity or it doesn’t run at all. Hello Trinity, Doesn’t not showing up for a date that I’m not interested in send a strong message that, I’m just not interested? Not Interested, Austin, TX Hello Not Interested, I suppose if you’re seven years old or lost most of your rational mind in a car crash, then this is a great way to say, I’m an a**hole, I mean, I’m not interested. But for the rest of the civilized

world, this is not OK, I repeat, this is not OK! Next time call or text (at least one hour before your scheduled time) to say, “I have an emergency” and then dump them tomorrow the same way! Remember, darling, this person may be a witness at your trial, or your juror or even your judge! Or even worse, you may make a wonderful person become sad, confused and depressed, maybe even worse. (Be positive about your options, and don’t get mired in the muck when you get stood up as my cartoon shows.) Dear Trinity, I kept checking the place, the time and the day until I realized I was being stood up. I am still fuming three days later. Help! Fuming, Albuquerque, NM Dear Fuming, What you can’t do is keep on being mad, angry or resentful. It’s a waste of time, energy and self-esteem. But what you can do is try to forget, start the forgiveness process and maybe even daydream that they meet an alcoholic, chain smoking ex-con with a love for pet snakes. You can also text or leave a voice message telling this person exactly how you feel. And then, pumpkin, get right back on that horse and start meeting great dates again.

a&e

Dearest Trinity, I waited at the bar for two hours and still no date. I never heard from them at all. What now? Sadly, Waited, Charlotte, NC Dearest Waited, Two hours! It’s not what you should do now, but rather what you should’ve done then. Honey, start memorizing: Trinity’s Sturdy Tips For What To Do After 30 Minutes Passes And You Realize You’re Being Stood Up 1. Don’t start sending nasty texts. Wait 15 minutes and call or text. Wait 15 minutes more, and then leave. 2. Leave! Get out of the bar, restaurant or movie theater. Staying means looking for them all night! 3. Go for a walk, a drink or a visit to a friend’s house, but never sit waiting and wondering. 4. B reathe deeply and trust life. Give thanks for all the other great things in your life! 5. P lay upbeat music. Don’t listen to lovely, mellow or downer music! 6. C all friends to support you and remind you of just how great you are. 7. Treat yourself to a massage, a dark chocolate bar or a counseling session! 8. Exercise. If you’re at home, don’t wait for their call or knock on the door. Do pushups,

yoga, clean the bathroom or play with the dog. Get your blood flowing! 9. Think good thoughts about them and yourself. Daydream of them in whatever (evil or kind) way you’d like. 10. T urn on the Comedy Channel and laugh because it’s all going to be fine. This is the first day of the rest of your life…not the last! info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

July 14-27 . 2017

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Sexual Orientation is Biological Exploring and demystifying sexuality

In June the LGBT community celebrated Pride Month. It is a time when lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender-identified people honor previous heroes, as well as focus on sexuality and quality of life issues by promoting dignity and equal rights in order to build a diverse community. While most people believe that sexuality is something choosen, science states that it is more of a biological phenomenon. Dr. Simon LeVay is a neuroscientist from Harvard University who studies sex and the brain. He states that sex hormones from a mother circulate in the blood of the fetus and enter the brain, influencing how the brain develops a sexual sense, whether in a masculine or feminine direction. Similarly to how people have different physiological properties (finger length, hair color, inner ear structure) from their parents, they also receive different sex hormones that interact with their brain, determining their sexuality. Typically, high levels of testosterone drive the brain and body into a male direction and low levels allow the brain and body to develop a more female direction. While there may not be a “straight gene” or “gay gene” as thought by some, hormones do play a major role in affecting the brain. It is also common to believe that sexuality is influenced by the environment in which a child is raised. A study performed at the

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July 14-27 . 2017

Kinsey Institute determined that there is no evidence to make this conclusion, nor that family structure influences sexual orientation. Additionally, many twin studies have been performed, the largest one being in 2008 on Swedish twins, and have concluded that there is no evidence showing that environmental factors have a pronounced effect on sexual orientation. These twins studied were raised in the same environment under the same conditions, and one was just as likely to be homosexual over heterosexual and vice versa compared to those that ended up the same sexuality. While all the answers are not solidified, science is moving toward expanding the knowledge of sexual orientation. What we do know for a fact is that hormones play a crucial role in the hypothalamus in the brain, to which gender identity and sexual orientation have been linked. Common Myths: • L GBT-identified people can be identified by certain mannerisms or physical characteristics. People who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender come in all shapes and sizes. •E arly sexual experiences are indicative of one’s sexual orientation as an adult.

Many LGBT-identified people have early heterosexual experience, but still choose a homosexual lifestyle. Vice versa is also true, many heterosexual people have had sexual contact with a member of the same sex and end up choosing a heterosexual lifestyle. • LGBT-identified people work and live in only certain types of situations. LGBT-identified people belong to all ethnic and racial groups and live/work in all different communities. • Homosexuality is a type of mental illness and can be “cured” by psychotherapy. Current evidence shows that homosexuality can be linked to hormones presented in the fetus phase. • There is a “gay” lifestyle. LGBT-identified people do not have a standard lifestyle just like heterosexual-identified people. Some people believe that a “normal” lifestyle is a heterosexual marriage with 2 children, but fewer than 7% of all families in the U.S. consist of these identifiers. Citations: “Biological Factors.” Exploring the origins of sexual orientation and gender identity. LGBT Science. 2013. http://www.lgbtscience.org. Rahman, Qazi. “Homosexual Behavior Largely Shaped by Genetics and Random Environmental Factors.” Science Daily. June 30, 2008. “Sexual Orientation Myths and Facts.” Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Center. Case Western Reserve University. 2017. https://case.edu/lgbt.

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life

Legal Eagles / Life’s Transitions

What to expect when you are an LGBTQ couple expecting to adopt Month-by-month plan of action by Penelope L. Hefner :: guest contributor

non-legal aspects — buying supplies, taking parenting classes, etc. This is also the time to look out for any “red flags.” If you have

see Adoption on 16

Following a plan of action helps LGBTQ couples navigate the adoption process. Photo Credit: dglimages via Adobe Stock

ou have decided to pursue adoption — congratulations! Your head is likely filled with visions of holding your child and swarming with unanswered questions. The road to adoption can be lengthy, but here’s what you can expect from a general standpoint.* Month One: So, what should you do first? Meet with an adoption attorney! Choosing the attorney who will help you build your family is a very personal decision — especially if you are a same-sex couple. Not only should you choose an attorney with whom you are comfortable, but he or she should also be someone with passion for this type of work and experience with navigating the adoption process for members of the LGBTQ community. Month Two: You’ve now selected an attorney and feel very comfortable with that person. Your initial meetings will likely focus on answering questions — How quickly does everything happen? What are some typical delays? Who does what in the process? A lot will depend on whether you are pursuing a private adoption or working through an agency. If you are going through an agency, your attorney will work with your adoption team to ensure all of your questions are answered. It is also important to consider the financial aspects of adopting very early on in the process. Do you have the necessary funds? Are there programs for which you can apply? Your attorney can give you guidance in this arena as well. Month Three: This period is full of paperwork and getting your ducks in a row. From financial information to background details, your attorney can help guide you through exactly what needs to be completed and when it needs to be completed by. An important consideration for same-sex couples: some states, like North Carolina, have different hurdles to jump for second-parent adoptions if the intended parents are unmarried. Be sure to check with your attorney on your options. It is also essential that everyone involved in the adoption process receives notice of your

intentions. Addressing this from the outset will help prevent future challenges to adoption. For example, if the biological father is not properly identified and specific procedures are not followed, he could potentially challenge the adoption later on. Month Four: At this point you may be meeting with the birth parents or learning more about them. Depending on your situation, you may be entitled to certain information about the biological parents’ background and health. Your attorney can help explain what you can reasonably expect. It is also around this time that you may be considering your new child’s name. Whatever name you select will be recorded on the child’s birth certificate. Until recently, samesex couples could not have both parents’ names on or added to a birth certificate. With marriage equality, however, this process has been significantly streamlined, making it easier to include both parents on the child’s birth certificate regardless of the intended parents’ genders. Month Five: Assuming you have completed the initial paperwork to everyone’s satisfaction, you are now at the assessment stage. There are exceptions to this, but most prospective parents participate in an assessment designed to evaluate your current home, life and family, and reassure the biological parents and everyone else involved that this is a good placement for the child. You may have to meet on more than one occasion with the person performing the assessment. Don’t worry— this is normal, and while you are probably going to be nervous, make sure to relax. No one is perfect, and the assessor is not expecting that. They truly want to see what day-to-day life is like in your home. Month Six: You are well on your way and likely in the waiting stages. You may be waiting on approval from the agency. You may be waiting on documents to be completed by your attorney. You may be waiting to actually be selected as parents. Take this time to work on some of the

July 14-27 . 2017

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life

health and wellness by Jack Kirven :: personal trainer, qnotes contributor

Social Wellness My friend Brian I was in the hospital in May 2016, and I met a man named Brian. I had just come out of an extraordinarily toxic relationship, and he was reeling from the death of his mother and infighting with the rest of his family. We had both been dealt some really bad blows. These were really seriously difficult obstacles. I still had an apartment of my own, but he was homeless at the time. He’s a beautifully talented artist, and a really good person. I simply intuited that about him as soon as I met him. I could empathize while he was going through a rough patch, so I helped him quite a lot. It was an obvious choice for me, because I wanted him to have a chance to come back to his real life, his true life: Being a creative, productive person. I gave him money, supplies and gear. For the first couple of months I was concerned that it was going to be — I won’t say wasted time, effort, money and energy — but he had some really challenging months, and I was afraid my assistance wouldn’t help. He experienced more pitfalls in the seasons after leaving the hospital, and then for several months he just disappeared altogether. But then he randomly texted me not too long ago to tell me that I’m the angel that saved his life. He has a bunch of money in savings. He has his own place. He’s painting again and selling his art. That makes me feel so good. When you invest yourself in something (whether it’s a person, project or place), it’s so rewarding when that commitment comes back and reminds you why kindness should be everybody’s default setting. It is gratifying and inspiring.

A constant light A common theme in Brian’s work is the coastline. The water changes, perhaps depending on his mood or state of mind? The weather, the time of day, all that adjusts. However, one of the constants is a lighthouse in the background. It’s always lit. I don’t know how else to see that but as a constant ray of hope in the background that guides him back from the rocks. I’m so honored that I got to help with that. Really humbled. So I suppose this entry is to enBeing willing to be generous and share a conversation and one’s life with someone else is essential courage you to remember that in developing and maintaining social and spiritual wellness. the good works you do really do Photo Credit: pathdoc via Adobe Stock matter. They make a difference. this story, understand that caring for others is inextricably conSo keep being kind, even when nected to caring for ourselves. you don’t want to be, even when the day is terrible. Try to find To see the YouTube video for this entry, visit youtu.be/ a way to remember to be generous. You’ll get it back. You don’t eIRVsDwiYpw. : : know when, but you’ll get it back. info: Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and I felt it was important to share this, because my column tends earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His to focus so much lately on exercise and nutrition. But in the past, wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as I was better at discussing other modalities of wellness. File this opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and one under Social Wellness. You might even connect it to Spiritual INTEGRE8Twellness.com. Wellness, if you think in those terms. However you experience

Adoption continued from page 15 concerns about your level of communication with the birth parents or comments they have made, share those with your attorney. Your attorney can help determine if action needs to be taken to address those concerns (and when and how) and what you can to do mitigate any risks. Month Seven: More waiting. Month Eight: Even more waiting. Month Nine: You’re almost there! Things are coming along. All the paperwork is complete, a child has been identified, and now you are waiting on confirmation that nothing further is needed. Once all of that is done and the child has been placed with you, in North Carolina, the birth mother will have seven days to revoke her consent — check with your attorney for the laws in other states. While not unheard of, revoking consent is not by any means routine. Due Date: It’s the big day! You wrap your sweet child in your arms and put behind you every minute of hard work, worry and planning that has brought you here! You are no longer “prospective parents” — you are the real deal. Get ready for the sleepless nights, teaching lessons, and most of all, making memories! *All timelines are approximate and designed to explain various stages rather than state specific time frames. — Penelope L. Hefner is a Family Law attorney and Principal at Sodoma Law Union, in Monroe, NC. She is also a trained Parenting Coordinator and has served as a Guardian ad litem. In addition to her practice, Hefner serves as a pro bono volunteer attorney for Safe Alliance’s Legal Representation Project.

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July 14-27 . 2017

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EVENTS July-August 2017 Kasey King’s Birthday Night Celebration Chasers 3217 The Plaza, Charlotte 10 p.m.-2:30 a.m. North Carolina’s own drag legend Kasey King will celebrate her birthday with a cast of divas, Chaser’s male dancers and DJ Randall. Free hors d’oeuvres will be served. More information is available online. chaserscharlotte.club.

SEP JUL MO

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Starving Artist Popup SEP JUL MO Market Charlotte Art League 1517 Camden Rd., Charlotte 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Non-profit gallery and organization the Charlotte Art League presents a Starving Artists Popup Market with local vendors selling their creations. Admission is free, and food trucks will be on hand. Those wishing to be added to the vendor list for future events can sign up at eepurl.com/cCIt61. More information is available online. charlotteartleague.org.

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Continues through July 23 SEP JUL MO Charlotte Black Gay Pride Various locations and times Charlotte Black Gay Pride will be celebrated in locations throughout the Queen City from July 19 to July 23. On July 19, join the community for “Centerstage,” a one-act play series, at 7 p.m. at the Little Rock Cultural Center, 401 N. McDowell St. On July 20, a town hall meeting will take place at 6:30 p.m., at St. Luke Missionary Baptist Church, 1600 Norris Ave. On July 21, there will be a meet and greet reception at 6:30 p.m. at the host hotel Embassy Suites by Hilton Charlotte Uptown, 401 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. Participants who want to continue the fun can stay for the Pajama Jam at 10 p.m., which includes games, movies and concessions. The Pride Expo will gear up at 12 p.m. on July 22 at the Embassy Suites by Hilton Charlotte Uptown. Then on July 23, 11 a.m., a yummy jazz brunch will be served at Fahrenheit Restaurant Uptown, 222 S. Caldwell St. Later in the day, head over to the Nickel Bar, 2817 Rozzelles Ferry Rd., for a Sunday Cool Down event. More information is available online. charlotteblackgaypride.org.

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Submit your event to our calendar!

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-for-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com). LGBTQ & Ally Cross SEP JUL MO Company Mixer The Underground at the Fillmore Charlotte 900 NC Music Factory Blvd., Charlotte 5-8 p.m. Queen City Connects invites individuals and organizations to participate in the next LGBTQ & Ally Cross Company Mixer. Over 30 companies are expected to be present to meet and mingle with community members. Your organization can have its logo displayed on TV screens throughout the private room and on the main projector. If interested, email queencity.connects@gmail.com with a copy of your logo. The event is free, and free parking is available in the new parking garage across the street. facebook.com/QueenCityConnects. –––––––––––––––––––– Continues through August 10 Movies in the Garden Louise “Scottie” Stephenson Amphitheatre 301 Pogue St., Raleigh Various dates 7 p.m. For four Thursdays in July and August, Raleigh Little Theatre will play a free movie at the Louise “Scottie” Stephenson Amphitheatre: July 20, “La La Land;” July 27, “Cinderella;” Aug. 3, “The Sound of Music;” and Aug. 10, “Hidden Figures.” Food trucks will be on hand, and concessions will be available, including adult beverages. There will also be pre-movie activities, like a scavenger hunt, trivia, and a lip-synch battle. All movies start at 8:30 p.m. More information is available online. raleighlittletheatre.org.

To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/

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July 14-27 . 2017

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Charlotte LGBT Chamber of SEP JUL MO Commerce ‘25 in Twenty-Five’ Le Meridien/Sheraton Hotel’s Craft City Social Club 555 S. McDowell St., Charlotte 6:30 p.m. The Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce will celebrate 25 years of support and advocacy for LGBTQ business owners and professionals. Twenty-five individuals who have made that possible will be honored, and Charlotte Mayor Jennifer Roberts, Sen. Jeff Jackson, and Mecklenburg County Commissioner Pat Cotham will be on hand as well. This is a free event. RSVP at bit.ly/2tyh0C5. More information is available online. clgbtcc.org.

Miss Charlotte Pride Pageant Chasers 3217 The Plaza, Charlotte 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Honoring 2016 Miss Charlotte Pride Shelita Bonet Hoyle, the Miss Charlotte Pride Pageant will take place this year under the theme “Over the Rainbow.” Contestants will hit the runway, as well as perform a talent, and reveal a bit about themselves with an onstage question. Former Miss Charlotte Pride winners from over the last decade and other special Pride pageant title holders will also be on hand. More information is available online. charlottepride.org/pageant.

SEP AUG MO

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Hot Stuff Pop-Up Market Petra’s 1919 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte 1-6 p.m. The Hot Stuff Pop-Up Market offers the chance to explore the creations of local artists and vendors, who will have a variety of goods on hand to show and sell. Food vendors will also be on hand and the bar will be open. More information is available online. petrasbar.com.

SEP JUL MO

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LGBT & Allies Rooftop 2nd SEP AUG MO Chance Prom The Harvey B. Gantt Center for African-American Arts + Culture 551 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 7-11 p.m. A married couple who were unable to go to their high school proms are recreating the experience and want to share it with others. The LGBTQ and ally community is invited to this second chance prom at The Harvey B. Gantt Center for African-American Arts + Culture. Tickets vary from $35-$500. est8387.com.

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life

Our People:

Introducing qnotes guest columnist Lynette Matusik Trans writer documents her journey by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

elcoming a new writer to the qnotes team is always a special moment. This issue, we’re proud to introduce Lynette Matusik, a pioneer in both her career and her approach to transitioning from biological male to transgender female.

Matusik is a bold, creative person dedicated to self-love and developing her skills as one of Charlotte, N.C.’s only resident circus arts performers. She and her partner, Rachel MacNab, launched Circus Innovations, a company that performs and teaches these arts. “A lot of people that do [circus] arts, they get good at it, and they leave to somewhere else,” Matusik told qnotes “I want to get good and stay, build it up…I want just a pure entertainment, just fun circus that’s open to everyone.” Inclusion is key in Matusik’s career as well as her personal journey. Even before beginning her transition, when presenting as a male, she always included her partners by discussing her gender identity. Though it strained some relationships, she knew it was the only way to have a healthy relationship. “I’ve always felt you should bring your partner in on this stuff,” Matusik said. “If you can’t be open with your person then, like, why are you even together?” Now in a relationship with MacNab for over a year — beginning a company and a transition together — Matusik says that her number one supporter has been essential to becoming her true self. “My partner’s been with me the whole time on this,” she said. “She actually helped me get insurance, which I didn’t have before, and this wouldn’t even be possible without it, not the way I want to do it.” Matusik chose a process of medical treatments, but pointed out during the interview that there is no uniform way to transition. Currently three months along in hormone replacement therapy (HRT), she plans vocal lessons and

eventual surgery. Seeking a medium to document the journey, Matusik agreed to write monthly columns for qnotes. “I’ve got one [column] starting from scratch that was about two weeks in that was just a little bit of background on the transition process, more science-based, very objective,” Matusik said. “The second one is another month in. My dosage jumped up, they doubled my dosage.” More than the medical process, Matusik strives to shed light on other issues that have affected her personally during her transition. Of course, one of these is the importance of having a voice in the conversation around gender identity, and combating ignorance with testimony. “As much as there’s bigotry and hatred in the world, which I feel like we’ve eroded in 2017, there’s also just misconceptions,” Matusik said. “I feel like having my own unique perspective on this, I can offer something. I’m a performing artist, I like to share things with the world already, so just sharing this experience might… benefit the world somehow.” The benefits of expression also reach inward, as any artist knows. One issue that Matusik hopes to address is the way that family relationships can transition parallel to physical changes. Within her own family, there has been resistance to discussing her gender identity with siblings’ children. “My nephews and nieces, I’d like them to know who I am,” she said. “There’s a neutral [term] for almost everything. Mom, dad, parent. Son, daughter, child. Brother, sister, sibling. What do you have for aunt and uncle? There’s nothing.” Beyond terminology, family relationships can impact mental health as well. Matusik stresses the importance of evaluating whether a certain connection — relative, friend, or business partner — is healthy and beneficial to you as an individual. “My experience with family is mostly that they’re not around,” she said. “A lot of that is because it’s for my health. I believe that trying to nurture a relationship that’s toxic is just dangerous for you.” Despite emotional challenges, Matusik describes herself as “leagues happier” since she began her transition. As an artist, athlete and LGBTQ person, she believes above all that selfacceptance and being committed to progress leads the way to physical and emotional health. “Sometimes you have unrealistic goals and that just — it doesn’t help,” she said. “A healthy body transitioning to another healthy body is just ideal… you can’t transition an unhealthy body. An unhealthy male can’t transition to a healthy female. Healthy is healthy.” : :

July 14-27 . 2017

qnotes

July 14-27 . 2017