QNotes, September 8, 2017

Sept. 8-21 . 2017

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inside

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news & features

Candidate proud to be anti-LGBTQ rights Sept. 1, goqnotes.com/52847

arts. entertainment. news. views.

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HB2/HB142 mark mayoral race News Notes: Regional Briefs News Notes: U.S./World Briefs Our Bridge helps kids Honoring those lost Suicide Prevention Resources Mental Health Stigma

arts. entertainment. news. views.

Sen. Joel Ford is not an LGBTQ advocate Aug. 30, goqnotes.com/52788

Non-profit ourBRIDGE for KIDS promoted diversity, cultural awareness, acceptance. page 10

Trans military ban lawsuits filed Aug. 28, goqnotes.com/52748 Aug. 30, goqnotes.com/52777 LGBTQ-inclusive youth sexual health bills Aug. 27, goqnotes.com/52726

more news & features …

Thousands visit Charlotte Pride 2017 Aug. 26, goqnotes.com/52705

a&e / life&style 15 16 18 19

Pro-Trump ‘Deplorable’ Pride protests Aug. 25, goqnotes.com/52680

Health & Wellness Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar Our People: Alicia Lightfoot

opinions & views 14 Legal Eagles

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online

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Getting a new home!

Cartoonist critiques Berger on white supremacy Aug. 24, goqnotes.com/52556

Health & Wellness

Legal Eagles

Columnist shares story of dealing with mental health issues and how he got help. page 15

Attorney Connie Vetter shares her thoughts on the separation of powers in government. pagte 14

MeckPac, ENC, HRC endorsements Aug. 23, goqnotes.com/52489 Alleged slur-slinging at Wilmington diner Aug. 21, goqnotes.com/52449

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news

HB2/HB142 Update

HB2 saga a decisive factor in Charlotte mayoral race Candidates’ bathroom bill stances impact more than freedom to pee

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The LGBTQ rights movement has been a key issue in recent elections, and the 2017 race for mayor of Charlotte is no different. Three Democrats face each other for September primaries, and their actions on House Bill 2 (HB2) and its descendent, House Bill 142 (HB142), may hold heavy influence on voters who identify as LGBTQ or allies.

Incumbent Mayor Jennifer Roberts has been the object of criticism as the most visible figurehead of a city government that repealed its LGBTQinclusive non-discrimination ordinance in a vain effort to bargain for the state legislature to repeal HB2. Roberts’ competitors, Mayor Pro Tem Vi Lyles and Sen. Joel Ford, each have contrasting histories on the issue.

Ford, though recently releasing an ad campaign claiming to be an LGBTQ ally, has met backlash from the community for a number of questionable comments and votes. In a 2010 appearance on NBC Charlotte “FlashPoint,” Ford spoke of “trying to figure out what was wrong with” the military policy known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

In 2015, Ford voted in favor of magistrates’ right to recuse themselves from performing same-sex marriages. Just this year, he caused a local press firestorm when responding to former qnotes editor Matt Comer’s criticism with a tweeted GIF of a dog defecating.

Throughout the HB2 saga, Sen. Ford has not demonstrated his willingness to fight for LGBTQ progress. He has openly criticized Roberts for passing the non-discrimination or-

dinance that protected LGBTQ Charlotteans prior to HB2’s conception. Ford opposed the section of the ordinance that allowed transgender people access to public facilities consistent with their identities.

Sen. Ford also voted to pass HB142, the “false repeal” that advocates have called “HB 2.0.” His history was enough for the Mecklenburg LGBTQ Political Action Committee (MeckPAC) to issue a warning against supporting his campaign.

“We have issued our strongest warning ever on the campaign of Joel Ford for Charlotte mayor,” a MeckPAC release states. “Our warning against your votes or support is based on a variety of factors, including his long record of anti-LGBTQ statements and votes.”

Mayor Pro Tem Vi Lyles is perhaps the incumbent’s biggest challenger on LGBTQ issues. Lyles, a veteran of city government, voted in favor of the non-discrimination ordinance — but in the years leading up to its passage, she opposed the provision for transgender

public facilities access.

During months of unsuccessful negotiations with the North Carolina General Assembly on an HB2 repeal, Lyles belonged to the bipartisan team of council members who met with GOP leaders.

“You have to look at what’s realistic,” Lyles said of her stance.

“Some people will look for ways to compromise,” Human Rights Campaign Board Member and Charlotte resident Scott Bishop said of Lyles. “But in the fight for equality, there can be no compromise.”

Submitting to compromise is one misstep that brought criticism down on Mayor Roberts, who ultimately signed off on repealing Charlotte’s non-discrimination ordinance in an attempt to pacify state legislators. Roberts told qnotes shortly after the repeal that she had no part in planning for it.

“I think the reason they worked so hard to get an unanimous vote on Council and to get everything in place before they even talked to me, is because they knew I would have said ‘no’ if everything wasn’t sealed up tight as a drum,” the mayor said. “It’s been incredibly, incredibly hard, because I know the symbolism hurts…It’s the hardest thing that I’ve ever done politically.”

The contrast between these three candidates’ histories on HB2 may indicate more than their stance on bathrooms, just as LGBTQ people know that the bill itself was about much more. Democratic primary voters have a compelling choice before them; this issue could decide the race. : :

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qnotes connect Sept. 8-21, 2017 Vol 32 No 10

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

contributors this issue

Dana M. Cea, Maria Dominguez, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Jeff Taylor, Trinity, Connie Vetter

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography/Illustration: Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues.

Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Social Media Editor: Jeff Taylor, jeff@goqnotes.com Staff Writer: Maria Dominguez, maria@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2017 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

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upcoming issues: 09.22.17: Fall & Winter Fashion Fall A&E / NC Pride Preview Advertising Space Deadline: Sept. 13 10.06.17: Focus on the LGBTQ Family Women’s Health Advertising Space Deadline: Sept. 27

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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

ACLU announces keynoter RALEIGH, N.C. — The American Civil Liberties Union of North Carolina has announced that Yusef Salaam will be its keynote speaker at its Justice for All Liberty Awards Dinner to be held on Oct. 14, 7 p.m., at the Sheraton Raleigh Hotel, 421 S. Salisbury St. A reception at 6 p.m.

Yusef precedes the dinner and awards.

Salaam Salaam was wrongfully convicted in the “Central Park Five” case and served more than five years in prison for a crime he did not commit. He now shares his story to raise important questions about race and class, the failings of our criminal justice system, legal protections for vulnerable youth, and basic human rights.

Those being honored are: James E. Williams, Jr. — criminal justice reform advocate and former public defender for Orange and Chatham counties (Frank Porter Graham Award for Lifetime Achievements in Defending and Advancing Civil Liberties in North Carolina); LGBTQ Plaintiffs — Joaquín Carcaño, Payton McGarry, Angela Gilmore, Hunter Schafer, Maddy Goss and Quinton Harpe, named plaintiffs in the ACLU’s lawsuit challenging North Carolina’s anti-LGBTQ laws HB2 and HB142 (Sharon Thompson Award for Courageous Pursuit of Equal Rights for LGBTQ North Carolinians); Religious Liberty Plaintiffs — Rowan County residents Nan Lund, Bob Voelker and Liesa Montag-Siegel, plaintiffs in the ACLU’s challenge to Rowan County commissioners’ unconstitutional practice of opening public meetings by coercing members of the public to join them in prayers that overwhelmingly advanced beliefs specific to one religion (ACLU-NC Award HB2 Plaintiffs for Extraordinary Service in Defense of Civil Liberties in North Carolina). Other awardees are the University of North Carolina Center for Civil Rights, Elaine Gordon and Davion M. Washington, Jr. Tickets are available online and are going fast. Cost is $175. info: acluofnc.org.

Charlotte ‘Darkness’ walk honors losses

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention will hold its 10th annual Out of the Darkness Charlotte Walk on Oct. 28, 2 p.m., beginning at Romare Bearden Park, 300 S. Church St. When participants walk in the Out of the Darkness, they join hundreds of thousands of people nationwide to raise awareness and funds that allow the foundation to invest in new research, create educational programs, advocate for public policy and support survivors of suicide loss.

Registration is available online and closes at noon on the day before the walk. Also, onsite registration will begin at 1 p.m. with an opening ceremony and walk to follow.

Collection of pledges and donations closes on Dec. 31. info: afsp.org/charlotte.

Duke LGBTQ employees welcome ally support

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Duke Energy reported that they are making sure that all employees at their company feel welcome, especially those from the LGBTQ community.

“You’re carrying a huge burden if you can’t be who you are at work,” said John Lincoln, the customer experience manager who, with a small group of others, started the WeR1 employee resource group in Charlotte in 2014. He wanted all employees to feel like they can bring “their full, authentic selves to work.”

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“If your mind is preoccupied with being ‘found out,’ you can’t dedicate yourself fully to your work when you’re here,” he added.

WeR1 depends upon allies within the company’s culture. And, employees who have participated in LGBTQ panels and other activities have come away feeling empowered.

The employee group has about 200 members with 70 percent identified as LGBTQ individuals and 30 percent allies.

Due to the accepting work environment, employees feel more comfortable telling coworkers who they really are and know they have a safe harbor in which to thrive. info: duke-energy.com.

Law center changes name

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Legal Services of Southern Piedmont has undergone a rebranding effort over the past two years and is now called the Charlotte Center for Legal Advocacy.

This coincides with the organization’s 50th anniversary, which will include a year-long celebration marked with special events and initiatives such as the Legal Advocacy Day of Service on Sept. 14, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., an open-tothe-public event providing a variety of legal services to be held at the Mecklenburg County Courthouse, 832 E. 4th St. On the same day, an anniversary kick-off reception and celebration will follow the Day of Service at 5:30 p.m. in the courthouse atrium.

Keynote speaker will be Morris Dees, founder of the Southern Poverty Law Center. Visit the Charlotte center’s website for other events during the year.

The organization helps domestic violence victims seek protective orders, the sick find healthcare coverage, disabled veterans obtain income and health benefits, protect senior citizens at risk of scams, homeowners in danger of foreclosure and immigrants in danger of exploitation. It employs close to 40 and a volunteer base of more than 500 legal professionals who help 3,500 families facing a crisis of safety, shelter, health or income. It also provides individual advice and representation, as well as community education and outreach in partnership with other agencies and is the largest provider of legal assistance in Mecklenburg County improving access to health care for low income and vulnerable populations, the center said. Its Executive Director Ken Schorr said that it “is a champion for those in need of safety, security and stability and our organization has been serving the community since 1967.” info: charlottelegaladvocacy.org.

Pride bestows awards

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte Pride Festival and Bank of America Charlotte Pride Parade are now one for the books. The organization gave out its annual Champions of Pride Awards at the culmination of the two-day event.

Receiving recognition were: Charlotte City Councilmember LaWana Mayfield and former Councilmember Al Austin, Harvey Milk Award; Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays National South Atlantic Regional Director Diana Troy, Outstanding Ally Award; and Time Out Youth Center’s staffer Rebby Kern and transgender high school student Vinnie Holt, Young Catalyst Award.

Also recognized with honors were U.S. Navy veteran Monica Helms and Sen. Jeff Jackson. They both served as grand marshals for the parade. Helms is the creator of the Transgender Pride Flag and founder of the Transgender American Veterans Association.

Sen. Jackson is a strong ally and proponent for the LGBTQ community.

The parade has now been designated as the largest parade in the Queen City. info: charlottepride.org.

Sponsorships are still being solicited. Visit the website for details. info: outatthemovieswinston.org.

Church unveils app

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Metropolitan Community Church of Winston-Salem has announced that it now has a new mobile app called ChurchLink which allows members to stay connected with the church, as well as receive important messages from the staff.

The app is available in iOS and Android format from online stores. Once installed, users can see nearby churches wherever one travels.

For more information, email Rev. Jon M. Hamby at pastor@mccwschurch.com.

In other news, the church will hold its 23rd Annual Anniversary/Homecoming Service on Sept. 10 at 11 a.m. at the church located at 4105 Patsy Dr. and wants to pack the pews.

They are also hosting an old-fashioned dinner on the grounds following the service. Ham and chicken will be provided. Attendees are asked to bring sides and dessert to share. After the meal, stay and enjoy Rev. Hamby’s hymn and gospel sing. info: mccwschurch.com.

Shimmy benefit supports ASO

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Twisted Dance Collective’s 9th Annual Project Shimmy, a world dance showcase, will be held on Sept. 23, 7:30 p.m., at The Van Dyke Performance Space, 200 N. Davie St. Proceeds from the event will benefit Triad Health Project. Over the past eight years, Project Shimmy has raised over $10,000 for it.

Audience members can also purchase raffle tickets for prizes to be given away during the show.

Advance tickets are $20/adult, $15/students with ID and $10/children under 12 and prices rise on the show date. Tickets can be purchased online at projectshimmy.brownpapertickets.com or at the door of the Van Dyke Performance Space on the night of the show. info: twisteddance.com/project-shimmy.html.

Triad

Triangle

Film fest slated

PFLAG seeks ad funds

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — OUT at the Movies International LGBT Film Fest will be held from Oct. 5-8 with a host of films crossing a number of genres.

The organizers are completing their selections of the films, but they have shared that “The Abominable Sin,” “A Very Sordid Wedding” and “Sordid Lives” are among over 20 additional features and shorts being screened during the festival. Visit the website for the full lineup.

Nightly filmmaker receptions will be held at 9:30 p.m. at Meridian Restaurant, 411 Marshall St. S.W. during the festival. They are open to festival pass holders and ticket holders from any of the day’s screenings.

Festival passes are $75 and are available online. The “Sordid Lives” and “A Very Sordid Wedding” tickets are $15 for each performance. Del Shores and others will be on hand for a Q&A after each screening. Between shows, the “Sordid” ensemble will be featured guests at a limited-attendance VIP cocktail party. Admission is $100, which includes an open bar and heavy hors d’oeuvres, and reserved seating at both presentations.

More information is available online, including film trailers.

DURHAM/RALEIGH, N.C. — Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Triangle is seeking signatures and contributions for its annual Independent Weekly ad that will run on Sept. 27.

This fundraising effort helps the organization to continue to fulfill its mission.

Individuals, community organization, faith groups and businesses are encouraged to participate in order to send a powerful message of support for the LGBTQ community.

The message states: “We the undersigned affirm the lives of gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, and transgender people. We condemn acts of bigotry and hatred. We join PFLAG in celebrating the lives of those we love and admire; acceptance and love…family values for a lifetime.”

A contribution of $15 per individual, household or non-profit signer is requested.

Businesses are asked to give $30.

Deadline for submission is Sept. 18 and can be facilitated online at bit.ly/2wzA1Fr. info: pflagtriangle.org.

LGBTQ-themed plays mounted

CHAPEL HILL/RALEIGH, N.C. — Two plays are being presented onstage during September across the Triangle which have LGBTQ themes and storyline.

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From Sept. 13-Oct. 1, 7:30 p.m., PlayMakers Repertory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill’s Center for Dramatic Art, 120 Club Dr. in Chapel Hill, N.C. will stage “The Cake”

by Bekah Brunstetter and directed by Jeffrey Meanza in the Paul Green Theatre.

Set in Winston-Salem, cake baker Della is asked by Jen to make a cake for her wedding.

However, the baker is forced to examine her beliefs when she finds out that Jen’s partner is another woman.

Tickets start at $15 and are available online.

From Sept. 21-24 and 28-30, 8 p.m., VAE Raleigh, 309 W. Martin St. in Raleigh, N.C. will stage “The Member of the Wedding” by Carson McCullers.

This play is an adaptation of McCullers’ novel of the same name. It presents complex issues pertaining to race relations, sexuality, and gender identity, their roles in the 20th century American South, as well as their complex relationships with the development of identity and intimacy.

Tickets are $15 and are available online at bit.ly/2vDV9x7. info: playmakersrep.org. vaeraleigh.org.

Pagan Pride fest upcoming

APEX, N.C. — The Central NC Pagan Pride Days Festival will be held from Sept. 16-17 at Optimist Club Farm, 2908 Optimist Farm Rd. Hours are 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Festival goers can enjoy entertainment and educational opportunities through social, commercial and spiritual activities. Everyone is welcome to join or observe rituals, attend workshops, meet local groups and more.

Additionally, there will be children’s activities, raffles and vendor booths to visit.

The event is open to the public. Daily admission for attendees consists of a contribution for the Food Bank of Central and Eastern NC. info: cncppd.org.

Western PFLAG fundraiser upcoming

HENDERSONVILLE, N.C. — Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) of Flat Rock/Hendersonville and the Henderson County High School Gay-Straight Alliance will hold a

car wash fundraiser on Sept. 16, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at First Congregational Church, 1735 5th Ave. Cost is $5 (outside only) and additional donations are welcome.

Proceeds and donations will benefit PFLAG’s Youth Enrichment Program, including the PFLAG Equality Scholarship at Blue Ridge Community College, and Henderson County High School Gay-Straight Alliances and PRiSM at Blue Ridge Community College. Youth from these organizations will join PFLAG volunteers at the car wash. info: pflaghendersonville@gmail.com.

Prager talks at bookstore

ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Author Sarah Prager will be holding a talk about queer history, as well as a reading and signing of her book “Queer, There, and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World” on Sept. 21, 6 p.m., at Malaprop’s Bookstore, 55 Haywood St. This first-ever of its kind LGBTQ history book for young adults will appeal to adults as well.

Admission is free.

Prager is an activist, public speaker and writer with a B.A. from Boston University and a Certificate of Communications from Emerson College. info: malaprops.com.

Pride pageant seeks contestants

ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Blue Ridge Pride Center, Inc. and Michael-David Entertainment will present the 9th Annual Miss Blue Ridge Pride Pageant on Sept. 28, 7 p.m., at Asheville Masonic Temple, 80 Broadway St. Miss Blue Ridge Pride 2016 Ginger Von Snap will open the pageant with a performance and Miss Blue Ridge Pride alumni will serve as judges and entertainment for the show.

Doors open at 5 p.m., with a meet and greet slated for 5:30 p.m. and cocktail party at 6 p.m.

Contestants will be judged on Interview, Creative Evening Gown and Talent. Prize package for the winner is valued over $13,225 and includes crown, professional photo shoot with Roxy Taylor Photography, business and a year of professional representation by MichaelDavid Entertainment.

Tickets are on sale online and are $12/floor and $8/balcony. Meet and greet tickets are an

additional $5 and include a photo opportunity with Von Snap and alumni. Day-of tickets are $15/floor, $10 balcony and $10/meet and greet. info: missblueridgepride.com.

Pride picnic slated

ASHEVILLE, N.C. — The LGBTQ Elder Advocates of Western North Carolina are holding their Pride 2017 Family Picnic on Sept. 27, 3-7 p.m., at Weaver Park, 200 Murdock Ave. Hot dogs and drinks will be provided.

Attendees are asked to bring a side or dessert to share.

For those who are musically inclined, instruments are encouraged to provide entertainment.

An RSVP is required to attend. Email stephanie@landofsky.org to reserve a spot.

The event is sponsored by AARP, Blue Ridge Pride, Western North Carolina AIDS Project and Area Agency on Aging/Land of Sky. info: lgbtelderadvocatesofwnc.org. landofsky.org.

South Carolina Charleston set for Pride

CHARLESTON, S.C. — The 8th annual Charleston Pride will be held from Sept. 23-24.

The festivities begin with a Pride Parade beginning at 9 a.m. from the Wragg Mall in downtown and ends at Colonial Lake, 46-54 Ashley Ave. Afterward, head to Brittlebank Park, 185 Lockwood Dr., for the Pride Festival complete with live entertainment, vendors, drink booths and food trucks.

A new option this year will be a Storefront Decorating Contest. This free promotional opportunity gives businesses a chance to showcase their business’ support of the LBGTQ community. Window displays go up on Sept. 9 and remain until Sept. 24. Judging will be based on best use of color, message and Pride theme.

The winner will be announced at the Pride Festival and via social media. info: charlestonpride.org.

Regional HIV/AIDS conference slated

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The NC HIV/AIDS Advocacy Conference, Building Power Across

news notes: u.s./world compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Funds being sought for storm-ravaged LGBTQ citizens HOUSTON, Texas — Hurricane Harvey has left its mark on the coastal city with devastation everywhere, individuals left homeless, displacement abounding and more. This also applies to the LGBTQ community.

The city’s LGBTQ counseling and community agency, The Montrose Center, has created the LGBTQ Hurricane Harvey Disaster Relief Fund online contribution page with the hopes of raising $500,000 in an effort to provide the necessary dollars for aid for those affected by Hurricane Harvey.

Monies raised will go toward providing the necessary care the community needs during this difficult time.

The fundraising page stated: “With more than 35,000 clients in core programs, we are already learning of staff and community members who have lost everything. The LGBTQ Disaster Relief Fund will be used to help individuals and families begin to rebuild their lives through counseling, case management, direct assistance with shelf stable food, furniture, housing and more. The center’s

dedicated case management team is on call to help homeless youth, seniors, people living with HIV, hate crime survivors and those devastated by the storm.”

The Victory Institute shared in an email: “The flooding from Hurricane Harvey will impact LGBTQ Houstonians for years to come. And one of the many lessons we learned from Hurricane Katrina is that LGBTQ disaster victims were not always treated fairly in shelters and in receiving other emergency services.”

And, community members, organizations, agencies and others from across the U.S. have been asking constituents to lend a hand.

Visit the center’s fundraising page at bit.ly/2vyqaP3 to learn more and to make a contribution to LGBTQ “family” who have been decimated by this horrific storm. info: montrosecenter.org.

news

the Spectrum, will be held from Oct. 6 at RAIN, 601 E. 5th St., and Oct. 7, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., at the Holiday Inn Express-Center City, 230 N. College St. It is being hosted by NC AIDS Action Network.

Included in the conference will be the firstever Trans Health Summit, a transgender and gender non-conforming health-centered event on Oct. 6. “Though we’re looking to elevate the voices of the trans and gender nonconforming individuals in this conversation, all are welcome and invited to attend,” said Network Executive Director Lee Storrow.

Following day one activities will be a reception where advocates will be recognized.

Breakout sessions will be available for participants, along with educational opportunities and networking.

Registration is available online at bit.ly/ BuildingPower2017. info: ncaan.org.

Youth conference announced

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The 2017 Carolina Conference on Queer Youth will be held on Oct. 13, 8 a.m.-5 p.m., at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, Popp Martin Student Union, 9201 University City Blvd.

The event is presented by Time Out Youth Center, Equality North Carolina, The Multicultural Resource Center and the university. It is a larger strategic partnership between Time Out Youth and Equality North Carolina, made possible by a gift from Bank of America, to offer a shared staff position focusing on youth policy and school outreach initiatives.

Emphasis this year will be on LGBTQ youth health. This year’s conference will bring together hundreds of K-12 educators and staff, healthcare professionals, college students and staff, community activists and youth.

Registration for youth is free and $25 for adults and is available online at bit.ly/2x1uASX. Space is limited and potential attendees are encouraged to register early to ensure a spot. info: timeoutyouth.org. equalitync.org.

Have news or other information? Send your press releases and updates for inclusion in our News Notes: editor@goqnotes.com.

QUICK HITS —————————— TimeOut Israel published a timeline of the country’s LGBTQ progression from the 19th century until the present. info: timeout.com/israel.

J.D. Disalvatore, 51, a LGBTQ film and television producer and director and gay rights activist, died on Aug. 24 after a long battle with cancer. info: ildkmedia.com.

Metropolitan Community Churches has restructured its global staff to meet the needs of its current and future focus and growth. info: mccchurch.net.

Registration is now open for the National Coalition for LGBT Health’s SYNChronicity 2018, a conference on LGBTQ, HIV and HCV Health being held in Arlington, Va. from April 22-23, 2018. info: healthlgbt.org.

Netflix’s LGBTQ-focused “Sense8” has been offered a home at porn site xHamster after the network cancelled the show. info: news.sky.com.

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Community Involvement

Non-profit celebrates new facilities ourBRIDGE for KIDS grows, promoting diversity, cultural awareness and acceptance

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

A

young nonprofit, ourBRIDGE for KIDS, celebrates the inauguration of its new center on Sept. 17. The organization’s new home is the latest development in ourBRIDGE’s blossoming growth since Founder and Executive Director Sil Ganzó began working to provide educational and community services to refugee and immigrant children in the Charlotte area.

The immigrant and refugee community of Charlotte grows every year, with the city hosting more newcomers than any other in North Carolina. Many of these are LGBTQ, particularly refugees escaping persecution in conservative nations. The Center for American Progress estimates that 267,000 undocumented LGBTQ immigrants currently live in the United States, with even more documented and refugees granted asylum from persecution.

Ganzó was herself an immigrant to Charlotte in 2003, originating in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Through her work with a for-profit tutoring program called The Bridge from 2010-2014, Ganzó was reminded of immigrant children’s vulnerability, both socially and academically.

“Did you know 187 different languages are spoken in our CMS [Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools] system and there are 17,000 Limited English Proficiency (LEP) students?” Ganzó asked. “While immigrants and refugees

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bring so much energy, culture, and business entrepreneurship to our city, their children can struggle with complex issues including poverty, family separation, cultural shock, and learning English as an additional language. Without extra academic and socio-emotional support, immigrant and refugee children are especially vulnerable to academic failure.”

This is the gap that ourBRIDGE strives to fill, through diverse afterschool programs that include one-on-one tutoring in English, as well as hands-on activities focused on STEAM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts and Math). Still more important, Ganzó says, is providing the chance for students “to be part of a learning community that supports them and values their families’ cultures.”

Now, the organization has leapt forward through a partnership with Aldersgate Senior Community Learning Center, a 231-acre campus in east Charlotte. Aldersgate has offered ourBRIDGE a 6,000 square foot facility at a rent of $1 per year.

The generous partnership is not the only blessing; ourBRIDGE leadership is equally excited to move into the neighborhood where so many of Charlotte’s 600 immigrants per year end up settling.

“We are thrilled for the opportunity to be part of Aldersgate’s initiative to embrace

the culturally rich communities in the east side,” Ganzó said. “Through this partnership, ourBRIDGE will be able to expand its unique out-of-school programming to include more children and more intergenerational activities, while continuing to help newly arrived families feel welcomed and become acculturated to the United States.”

The inaugural event takes place on Sept.

17 from 3p.m.-6p.m. at the new center, 3925 Willard Farrow Dr. in Charlotte. The ribbon cutting ceremony and remarks will take place at 4:30p.m. Of course, the formal elements won’t be the only fun.

A community potluck and international food trucks will offer meal options. For the kids — whose futures are the cause for celebration — field games, bouncy houses, and a soccer tournament provide a wealth of entertainment.

Onstage performances are scheduled, and organizers are still looking for diverse performers to participate, particularly LGBTQ artists.

After the festival, the time comes to roll up sleeves and get to work. The very next day, Sept. 18, ourBRIDGE begins serving 125 students in grades K-6. The students are comprised of individuals from 20 cultures in Southeast Asia, Africa, the Middle East and Latin America.

This diversity is a central goal of the organization, which promotes learning about different cultures. Within a nation where xenophobic rhetoric runs rampant, bridging differences is essential. “ourBRIDGE is the only non-religious affiliated after school program in Charlotte that provides a bridge for these children,” Ganzó said. “The organization focuses on building understanding and respect among people from different cultures — a mission that’s more important now than ever.”

The group’s educational missions aren’t far-off pipe dreams; years since programming began, quantifiable results show its effectiveness. Recently, CMS administered Measure of Academic Progress (MAP) which showed that ourBRIDGE students’ growth was an average of 45 percent higher than the national growth expectation in math, and 54 percent higher in reading.

“Through the program, ourBRIDGE children achieve enormous growth in their English proficiency and are set on a path toward academic success,” Ganzó noted, adding, “ourBRIDGE envisions a community where newly arrived and 1st generation American children will not fall behind academically or socially because of a lack of resources, encouragement, English language skills, networks, or opportunities.” : :

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life

Remembrance

Finding ways to honor those lost LGBTQ individuals may want to avail of pre-need arrangements

by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

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reparing burial arrangements is especially important for those in the LGBTQ community, who may face issues with acceptance by family, be it personally or with regard to a surviving partner or spouse. This can lead to a push and pull for control of the deceased’s remains and last wishes.

In talking to a local funeral director, qnotes was able to learn how to navigate this difficult path with fewer problems.

Handling pre-need arrangements with a licensed funeral director is always the best way of going about the issue. It allows the person who will avail of the services to decide how he/she/they wish for that final step in life to be handled. Items of note are: readiness and availabilithy of all necessary documentation; legality of individual(s) making arrangements; choice of burial or cremation; internment location or place where ashes will be scattered; size and type of service; financial responsibillity; among other logistical issues.

Also, a funeral director will need the following in a pre-need arrangement: statistical information, place of birth and city, social security number, occupation and industry.

Cremation is more affordable. In Charlotte, N.C., the rate for all post-death final remains handling is at 60 percent of all arrangements with cremation. The cost of cremation is about half of that of burial. And, younger people look for an eco-friendly option.

However handled, taking time out of the day to honor the dead and pay respects to the family and friends is key. It can be a celebration, a traditional service or candlelight vigil. All of this will vary by culture, faith or character.

Song choices could include ones like “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” or others that were significant to the deceased person’s life.

At the time of death, the family or friends will provide a special outfit in which the deceased will be buried. Or special items may be placed in an urn (photos, rings, etc.)

Most people assume that everyone’s death is announced through an obituary published in newspapers. This is not true. It is up to the survivors and the person who died to determine whether that practice will occur.

Some choose to forego fanfare and others want to “go out with a bang.” For public figures, an obituary may already be partially prepared in advance. An interview is suggested and the person whose obituary will be published could be asked what they want to be remembered for.

If a person was in the military (and this is extremely important for transgender servicemembers in a Trump world), evidence of a DD214 discharge must be obtained if the person is to have a military service and flag.

The funeral director shared a story of a gay couple where one was prior military and one was not. The survivor was tasked with having his partner’s cremated remains buried in Arlington Cemetery. He had to get signatures from the next of kin before the government

would inter, as same-sex partners are not recognized, but same-sex married couples are.

All of the regulations changed when same-sex marriage became legal.

In today’s world, acceptance of those from the LGBTQ community is becoming more prevalent. However, as in the past, a gay couple may have one or both partners who are not out to their family. It is tricky to navigate the “roommate” issue.

The funeral director recounted some individuals he encountered during his career and how this played out with regard to their deaths. As previously mentioned, “roommates” became a tricky subject.

A woman chose not to tell her mother of her “proclivities” but came out to others.

For those who are transgender, the next of kin may be a sticky point over the issue or not.

In years past, a person known as Sherry/Jerry came to mind for the funeral director. Jerry and wife were not legally divorced. However, Jerry lived as a cross-dresser called Sherry. At the time of death, Sherry/Jerry’s wife had the right to make final decisions. So, getting a divorce may be wise if one does not want a surviving spouse to handle the arrangements contrary to one’s wishes.

More prevalent in the 1980s and 1990s during the AIDS epidemic, the cause of death was often a difficult situation as family may or may not have been aware of the deceased person’s circumstances. This was sensitive to ask.

Whatever one’s situation is, planning in advance is recommended to avoid conflicts during a time of grief and loss.

Things have changed over the last number of years and there are innovative and lasting ways to honor those lost. Some of those are: cremated ashes being made into a diamond; ashes being transformed into a coral reef; scattering ashes at sea; and the body being buried in Israel/Holy Land.

A creative way to memorialize someone is to have their cremated remains buried in a biodegradable urn that grows into a living tree.

This is a perfect option for those who want to preserve the environment while honoring their loved one.

For a more costly option, someone’s cremated remains in symbolic portion can be shot into space and returned to earth to preserve as a keepsake. Or, they can orbit the earth and become part of the “final frontier;” orbit or become a part of the moon’s surface; or be catapulted into deep space on a permanent “celestial journey.” Prior to launch, memories are shared in a service and preserved on a video or DVD. This truly could be a “somewhere over the rainbow” experience for everyone involved.

And, finally, someone can be forever memorialized by providing their DNA sample for generations to come. Learning about lineage, medical issues and genealogical connections helps keep the person’s memory alive and serves as a legacy. : :

Sept. 8-21 . 2017

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life

Mental Health & Wellness

Suicide prevention resources just a call away Local and national organizations provide essential care

by Dana M. Cea :: guest contributor

Making a call to a helpline when contemplating suicide can result in finding the help needed and resources to aid one in times of crisis.

Photo Credit: Elnur via Adobe Stock

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uicide numbers and figures are no longer arbitrary to me.

They became tangible when I lost my dad to suicide in 2011, and even more so when I recognized the significance of my own suicidal ideation (defined as thoughts of suicide — both passive and active). I am in a good place now; I become a trainer in suicide prevention after having undergone the required trainings to do so. I know the warning signs (talk, behavior, mood), the risk factors (health, environmental, historical) and resources. I wish I had known this information prior to my dad’s death so that I could have gotten him help.

Suicide is a problem. As the 10th leading cause of death nationally, it is a health problem. Almost 45,000 people die by suicide each year in the U.S. Twice as many people die from suicide than die from homicide. Suicide is a problem for our community, with over 1,400 people dying by suicide each year in North Carolina and almost 800 people dying by suicide each

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year in South Carolina.

Suicide knows no boundaries. It affects all age groups, all races, all ethnicities, all socioeconomic statuses, all religions, all geographic regions — you name it. You can find out more by visiting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website.

Suicide also affects all gender identities, gender expressions and sexual orientations. There are several barriers to reporting accurately on suicide deaths, and this is especially true when it comes to reporting on the numbers within the LGBTQ community.

Medical examiners do not typically note someone’s gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation on their death certificate. So the data we do have for the LGBTQ community focuses more on suicidal ideation and on suicide attempts.

In 2015, 41.7 percent of North Carolina LGB high school students noted they had seriously considered attempting suicide during the past year, compared to only 14.1 percent of their straight peers (North Carolina Injury & Violence Prevention Branch, 2015 YRBS). Gender identity was not asked during this survey, and if it was we might find the percentage for transgender and gender non-conforming high school students to be even higher. The National Transgender Discrimination Survey found that 41 percent of transgender adults had attempted suicide; compared to only 4.6 percent of the total national population. Find out more at afsp.org/lgbt.

The unfortunate reality is that my dad had most of the risk factors and was showing all of the warning signs. After his death I researched a lot about suicide, and I wanted to know what I could do about it the next time I saw the warning signs and risk factors in someone else (including myself). What I found was that

I could: • Talk to the person about my concerns; • Ask directly if they were having thoughts of suicide (Are you having thoughts of suicide? Have you thought of killing yourself?)

• Listen to them, for as long as they need it; • Get additional help (doctor, mental health professional, suicide prevention hotline); and • If in immediate danger, call 911 and ask for the CIT (Crisis Intervention Trained) officer.

We have national and local resources at our fingertips, as well: • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 or suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/lgbtq.

• Trans Lifeline 1-877-565-8860 or translifeline.org.

• The Trevor Project 1-866-488-7386 or thetrevorproject.org.

• Suicide hotlines by state suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html.

Find your local Mobile Crisis Management Team at: • North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services bit.ly/2tJmqfW. • Hands on Health - South Carolina bit.ly/2gmuCKe. • American Foundation for Suicide Prevention afsp.org.

I am a queer, cisgender woman who has been affected by suicide and who serves as the chair of the North Carolina Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

I advocate for suicide and mental health awareness and the LGBTQ community. I encourage everyone to learn more: take a suicide prevention training class, look into the suicide prevention hotlines and available resources online, reach out to others, and take care of yourself.

If you want to know more about the warning signs and risk factors, visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website. You can also find your local suicide bereavement support groups online if you lost a loved one to suicide. We have walks to raise awareness, as well as events to remember our loved ones whom we have lost.

I am honored every time I am asked to write or speak about suicide, mental health, and the LGBTQ community. These are tough subjects, and through my work I am able to bring others understanding, comfort and hope. Please join me in my fight to #StopSuicide. I promise we will have a little fun along the way. : : — Dana M. Cea is chair of the North Carolina Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Email her at dana.m.cea@gmail.com or northcarolina.afsp@gmail.com or visit danamcea.com and afsp.org/northcarolina to learn more.

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life

Mental Health & Wellness

Stigma stings:

Destructive misconceptions about mental illness LGBTQ people with mental illness speak up

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

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ental health is a vital concern to the LGBTQ community, but it often goes ignored, or worse — stigmatized.

Although the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that people who identify as LGBTQ are three times as likely to experience a mental health condition like depression or anxiety, even within our own community, ignorance and discrimination against mental illness abounds.

“I tend to let my guard down around people I know are LGBTQ+ [because] they know about acceptance,” said Janet Weiss, 27, a pansexual Charlotte native who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in her teenage years. “That’s why it can hurt so much more when one of these people I trusted turns out to be as blind and as cruel as any other ‘neurotypical’ — someone who doesn’t have mental illness or a learning disability or a brain injury; someone whose brain works the way it’s generally assumed it’s supposed to.”

No community and no individual is immune to holding preconceived notions about those different from themselves. LGBTQ people know the harmful effects of small comments — “that’s so gay” comes to mind — and the same is true of those with mental illness.

“Remember all the times you resented somebody’s assumption that they knew what was going on in your head or in your heart?” Weiss asks. “All the times you needed the people in your life to take your word for it that you know who you are? Show that same humanity to people like me. I don’t think it’s so much to ask that coming out as bipolar not be even more frightening than coming clean about my sexuality.”

But this stigma does exist, and it does impact both individuals with mental illness as well as the institutions that are meant to help them. The Mayo Clinic notes that when family, friends and community fail to understand, the personal effects can be enormous. Sarah Crouse, 25, knows this far too well.

“Internalization of heteronormativity led me to realizing later than I should have that I’m bisexual,” Crouse told qnotes. “[Similarly], the most serious obstacles that mental illness stigma has provided to me, personally, were self-made ones.

Internalizing the idea that I should just be able to ‘get over’ my depression and anxiety led me to view my inability to do so as a personal failing, a sign of poor character.”

The way that outward intolerance turns inward is likely familiar to LGBTQ readers, even ‘neurotypical’ ones. How many of us have hated ourselves for our desires, when family or religious communities judged us harshly? This internalization is what Dr. Mike Freidman, a Manhattan-based clinical psychologist, calls “self-stigma.”

bend the crooked bits of ourselves into shape, the more damage we cause. They know that ignorance and malice too often walk hand in hand.”

Ignorance — and the related malice — can lead to something even more damaging. As with anti-LGBTQ legislation and policies implemented as a result of homophobic and transphobic stigma, that against mental illness has institutional results as well.

The Mayo Clinic notes that those with mental illness may have fewer opportunities for employment, suffer social alienation and have difficulty securing reliable housing. Even health insurance companies often don’t adequately cover treatment for mental illness.

“My income is below the poverty line, and I spend half of it on insurance co-pays,” said another LGBTQ person who Photo Credit: chose to share thoughts anonymously and was diagnosed Wisky via Adobe Stock with bipolar disorder. “My medication, frequent therapist visits and the increased co-pays for specialists in psychiatry have literally forced me to apply for food stamps. But without that treatment, I’d probably be dead.”

Dr. Freidman reminds us that the isolation stigma incurs “is associated with poor mental and physical health outcomes and even early mortality — ‘the lethality of loneliness’.”

Lethal loneliness occurs frequently in a world where mass murderers are labeled “mentally ill” in the media without diagnosis; where parents in denial would sooner bring a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Alicia Lightfoot of University struggling child to church than therapy; where significant others Psychological Associates in Charlotte, N.C. points out that ask “why do you need pills? Don’t I make you happy?” though many mental illnesses do improve from medicated treatIndividual, private struggles reach an even broader level ment, there are other vehicles for support available. But without when stigma is widely held even within healthcare providers the community support that encourages a person to seek help, and the halls of legislatures. The Centers for Disease Control and many neglect their mental wellness and emotional stability.

Prevention acknowledge that stigma leads to lower prioritization “Having good social supports that the individual can be of government resources, and lower-quality care. vulnerable with, including lots of positive and affirming experiNAMI and other mental health advocates work tirelessly to ences, can help insulate and build resiliency when faced with combat stigma and its destructive effects. NAMI’s StigmaFree societal stigmas,” Lightfoot told qnotes “Sometimes just having campaign asks that allies take the pledge: educate themselves someone that you can be vulnerable with is healing within itself. and others; see the person, not the condition; take action on Normalizing seeing a therapist or counselor as part of good selfpersonal and legislative levels. care, just like going to a gym or yoga class, could be really helpful A person is not defined by their symptoms. Stereotyping for a lot of people that struggle with reaching out for help.” based on diagnosis is still stereotyping, no matter what characNormalizing mental self-care is challenging when even teristic is being used. At best, dismissive comments about mental members of more tolerant communities seem prone to the same illness are insensitive. At worst, they are blatantly discriminatory. prejudices that prevent individuals from entering treatment.

“Telling a person with depression to try harder to cheer up “When one of us [in the LGBTQ community], in all earnestmakes as much sense as telling a lesbian to look harder for the ness, tosses off a word like ‘psychotic’ or ‘bipolar’ as if that right penis,” Weiss declares. “Someone with OCD is not a cranky constitutes a character flaw, it feels like a betrayal,” Weiss neat freak. Someone with PTSD is not a coward. And I am no said. “Normality is relative. They know that no amount of selfone’s punchline.” : : recrimination can change who we are; the harder we fight to “Self-stigma will often undermine self-efficacy, resulting in a ‘why try’ attitude that can worsen prospects of recovery,” wrote Dr. Freidman for Psychology Today. “One research review of 22 studies that focused on barriers to care and mental illness determined that stigma and embarrassment were the top reasons why people with mental illness did not engage in medication adherence.”

Of course, “going off your meds” is usually not an effective way to combat a legitimate illness — and despite what far too many people claim, mental illness is legitimate. Saying “it’s all in your head” to someone with mental illness is parallel to telling a diabetic, “it’s all in your pancreas.” A chemical imbalance is a chemical imbalance, whatever organ it affects.

Sept. 8-21 . 2017

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views

Legal Eagles

Standing one’s ground for justice Actions speak loudly with a vote; and raising a voice for a cause creates pushback

by Connie J. Vetter, Attorney-at-Law :: guest contributor

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Judges live in this world like we do. They read posts and et me start by telling you why I am writing this. As I sit here, news sites, and newspapers and magazines. They watch televithe courts are the only branch of government standing up sion and movies. They watch commercials and see advertiseto the president. But, judges don’t like to get out in front of society. They remember what happened when they did, and it wasn’t good.

In 1954, the Supreme Court desegregated schools in the Brown v. Board of Education decision. Some schools simply refused to follow the court’s decision. The Supreme Court realized it didn’t have any way to actually carry out its decision. More importantly, it realized it had gotten out in front of where society was on the issue, and if people started ignoring its decisions, then it was in very big trouble. The Supreme Court won’t make that mistake again.

That brings us to 2017. Almost every day, there is a new assault on people’s rights by the current president and his administration. Thankfully, the courts, the Constitution, and the law are a check Photo Credit: on the president. The federal court system is equal rcfotostock to the president. Its decisions are binding on the via Adobe Stock president, his administration and Congress. ments. They talk to their friends. And they have friends and family To paraphrase John Adams, we are a nation of laws, not of who are LGBTQ. All this informs their thinking. While judges are men. Thankfully, the law is greater than any oe man. supposed to be unbiased, their view of the world is still the filter The law, including the court system, doesn’t operate in a void. they bring into the courtroom. They receive the messages in Judges are a part of society. Judges learned in Brown v. Board subtle, and not-so-subtle ways about what society thinks about of Education that what society thinks, matters. Also, we have a people who are LGBTQ. We must continue to educate people, voice in who becomes a judge. In other words, we are not powincluding judges, about who are as people who are LGBTQ. We erless. We are powerful. And what we can do is pretty easy.

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do it by living our lives as openly as we are able, by supporting those who advance equality and, for those of us who can shout louder, by shouting louder.

It matters when we support businesses that have all-gender bathrooms. It matters when we support companies whose ads show two men or two women in the same way they show a different-sex couple. It matters when a TV show tells the story of a transgender kid in an unbiased manner. It matters when we introduce our sweetheart as our wife, husband or partner. It matters when our families, friends and coworkers know who we are. It matters when we make donations to organizations working for our rights. It matters when we join lawsuits asserting our rights.

There is also our vote. Our system has federal courts and state courts. Federal court judges are nominated by the president and confirmed by the Senate. We vote for who is in the Senate and who is the president. In North Carolina state, judges are elected. We choose who is elected. We, us, you and me. Because only a small percentage of voters scroll down the ballot and vote on the judges, our votes are even more powerful.

The saying goes that none of us can do everything, but all of us can do something. Even in the current political climate, each of us has a voice. The courts, Constitution and law are standing their ground. We have to make sure that continues. : : — Connie J. Vetter is an attorney practicing in Charlotte, N.C. Learn more about her at cjvlaw.com.

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life

health and wellness

by Jack Kirven :: personal trainer, qnotes contributor

Working in: Exercising the true you. Keeping strong inside is a necessary balance

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f you were to go back to the very beginning of this column, you’ll find that I used to write about many more of the modalities of wellness. For the past year I’ve focused on exercise, diet and other physical components of health. In other words, it’s been fitness and “working out.”

There isn’t anything wrong with that; however, I’d like to bring some balance to this column and speak more often about “working in.”

Several years ago I did a better job of addressing the wider concept of wellness. Physical health is comprised of its own modalities, but it is still only a portion of your general wellbeing. Wellness is a complex balance of your physical, intellectual, psychological, emotional, social, financial, sexual and spiritual selves. I want to share my thoughts about the modality I have never yet discussed in all these years: Psychological.

In 2016, when a devastating relationship put me into the hospital after a botched suicide attempt, I was finally able to receive the treatment I’ve needed practically my entire life. In 1999, while I was 22 years old and experiencing the rigors of graduate school in Los Angeles, Calif. while living with an alcoholic boyfriend, I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II. In retrospect, I know I began developing the symptoms from the age of perhaps 10 years old and definitely by 12.

The problem is that our health system is already bad enough to navigate when you have acceptably sympathetic illnesses like cancer, Parkinson’s or Cystic Fibrosis; however, two categories of disease are demonized and treated with shame. Specifically, I’m talking about sexually transmitted infections and mental health disorders. It was literally impossible for me to get effective, long-term treatment until I was 40 years old.

What you may not know is that you generally need a referral by your main practitioner for practically everything, but the one glaring exception is mental health. For that you must self-refer, and because you’re not likely a licensed expert, you aren’t qualified to diagnose and refer yourself. As I was descending deeper and deeper into depression from mid-2014 until mid-2016, I told my primary doctor multiple times what was happening. A week before my latest suicide attempt, I pleaded with him to give me a referral. His reply stopped me

cold: “Call 911, if you think you’re going to off yourself.” Then he walked out the door. My five minutes were evidently up.

That was sobering.

Over the course of the next week, the situation with my boyfriend and my apartment lease deteriorated worse and worse, until a series of terrible coincidences aligned simultaneously, and I attempted “to off myself.” But some small, quiet part of me had enough rational thought left to call a friend with a background in psychology, and to explain calmly to him what I was in the process of doing. In turn, he calmly told me what to do to prepare myself for the arrival of the ambulance and police.

This was the impossible situation: I had to do the work of contacting over 200 psychiatrists and therapists (all of whom were listed as innetwork by my insurance), but not a single one of them would see me. All those with independent practices focused on teens, battered women, the homeless or whatever other specialty. All those attached to hospitals couldn’t see me until I was in the system for their particular hospital or group of hospitals. I couldn’t get into their hospital systems until I showed up in the emergency room, but I couldn’t show up in the emergency room unless I tried and survived a suicide attempt. In retrospect, I think the small, rational part of me who called my friend was also the part of me who decided to take a gamble on getting into the

system via the emergency room. His bet paid off, so my luck held out for that spin of the roulette wheel.

I’m sharing this to make a point (or three). If you know you need help, do not put off doing the work of getting seen.

It’s a purposefully confusing labyrinth, but you have to start navigating it while you feel well. You will not be able to get through it while you’re in crisis, unless you get lucky like I did. Also: Our medical system is a failure, pure and simple. I Photo Credit: Photographee.eu via Adobe Stock don’t care if it offends you for me to say it. We’re sacrificing our people to this behemoth, and it must be fundamentally the doctor or the therapist. I have to pay for changed. And lastly, mental health is not somethose out of pocket, but both providers have thing to blame people for developing. If I could generously agreed to see me for a wildly “just snap out of it,” don’t you think I would? reduced cash copay. My meds are covered by Don’t be mean. We’re all imperfectly wired BlueCross/BlueShield, but I have an ongoing machines, and we each break down in different reminder each month that I am still at precariways. For some that means brittle bones, for othous risk. As with building muscle for the long ers it means brittle emotions. haul, I’m also building a stronger sense of self I want to finish this off by saying that since I — one exercise at a time. left the hospital in May 2016 I’ve been properly For more information, visit my YouTube medicated, I have access to a behavioral video at youtu.be/Ee0uec52jwg. : : health clinic and I’ve established a relationship info: Jack Kirven completed the MFA in with a therapist. I’m doing the hard exercise Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a of “working in” as much as I do the “working personal trainer through NASM. His wellness out.” I’m much better for now. I have bad days, philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles but they’re manageable. There is one problem as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at that remains: My insurance still doesn’t cover jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

Sept. 8-21 . 2017

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tell trinity

by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

What’s a healthy sex life?

Hey Trinity, My sexual appetite has been crazy lately. Is it so wrong to sleep with whomever I want? And what’s a healthy sex life anyway?

Sex Life, Chicago, IL Hey Sex Life, The difference between a healthy sex life and a hedonistic one usually happens around the full moon where even monks and nuns have to loosen their collars. Moreover, promiscuity is not a new word, but it does get stale. Sure, sex is grand, but the unreturned phone calls, texts, emails and/or late nights on the Internet, in the streets or at the bars plus constantly ducking social diseases eventually turns quality into quantity and possible addiction. So, pumpkin, for a healthier sex life remember, moderation, patience, fun, adventure and a bit of abstinence now and then will keep you fresh from turning overly ripe.

Hello Trinity, I’m single and want a relationship, yet my best friend who has a boyfriend always talks about being single. Can we ever win?

Me And/Or We, Phoenix, AZ Hello Me And/Or We, Some people live alone and hate it, while others

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live as a couple and hate it too. But, honey, the best attitude for dealing with any situation is, a) accept what you don’t have, b) enjoy what you do have and c) work hard for what you want.

Oh and d) fantasize, fantasize, fantasize! Good luck… (and take a look at how I navigate the jungle of love when you check out my cartoon.)

Dearest Trinity, I’ve been married five years and love my partner, but I’ve had a couple of affairs on the side. I’m not proud, but it happened. I’ve been keeping a diary and don’t want him to see it.

Where’s a good place to hide it?

Diary Troubles, NYC, New York Dearest Diary Troubles, As for extra marital affairs, you know it’s wrong!

And I know it happens — so now listen up, sweetie! Walk that diary to furthest garbage can, in the furthest state and burn it. And never “write your wrongs” in a diary, especially with the person you wronged living in the same house as that diary. Every diary eventually gets read, period.

Dear Trinity, My ex and I dated for a couple months and soon moved in together, but soon after that we broke up. Now we still live together and fight

a&e

all the time. I need communication help ASAP! Trapped In Ex-Hell, Miami, FL Dear Trapped, I know adventure is the key to heaven’s gate, and you’ll never get in there by always doing the right thing, but, baby, did you have to move in so quickly?

Anyway, for now, read: Trinity’s Smart Tips For Learning Good Communication Skills 1. Learn to find the right moment. A safe, calm and gentle timeslot to sit down and yell, I mean talk is always best.

2. Learn to talk neutrally. Speak in such a way that no one is right or wrong, but rather “this is one possible way” of seeing it.

3. L earn to let it out. Express yourself while being clear, to the point, patient and strong.

4. L earn to bite your tongue. Not always saying what you feel at the exact time you feel it is a holy task.

5. Learn to walk away. You don’t always have to have the last word or always win, enough said!

6. Learn to ask for outside advice. Make time to talk to neutral friends, relatives or professionals.

7. Learn to give it a rest. Create fun, upbeat moments together where you don’t talk about what bothers you.

8. Learn not to bring up past problems that have already been put to sleep. Every issue eventually deserves to rest in peace.

9. Learn to use humor and wit, “I love you best when…” “I feel like eating the dog when…” and so on.

10. L astly, learn to touch, hug or kiss someone you are mad at even when you don’t feel like it. Touching is healing! info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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from the Rx pad……

by Rx Clinic Pharmacy, a comprehensive onsite service of Ballantyne Family Medicine

Germs May Benefit As We Age Desiree Gaines, PharmD Since preschool, U.S. children are taught the ABCs for keeping clean and washing hands frequently. From handy hand wipes to hand sanitizers, we learn at an early age to always keep our hands free of germs and dirt to stay healthy.

However, Thom McDade and a group of fellow anthropologists published a study showing that babies exposed to surroundings with germs and dirt are likely to grow up with lower levels of inflammation later in life, resulting in a reduced chance of allergies and other chronic diseases. Chris Kuzawa, McDade’s fellow investigator, explained that inflammation has been linked to several diseases such as asthma and dementia. Could it be that these disease risks can truly be reduced by simply exposing our children to more dirt? Kuzawa and McDade believe that the early exposure to germs educates or trains our natural immune systems to regulate

inflammation markers more effectively. McDade says that poorly educated immune systems partially explain why there is such a rapid increase in diagnoses of celiac disease, allergies, and major chronic conditions.

Photo Credit: jbrown via Adobe Stock

McDade and Kuzawa began their study by looking at data from a 2010 study in Cebu, Philippines. Since 2010, there have been more studies to support these findings. McDade does mention that not all bacteria are beneficial in training our immune systems. There has to be some awareness for disease-causing bacteria versus common microbes and, therefore, some anti-vaccine advocates have taken his research out of context. “The microbial exposures that help our bodies

learn to regulate inflammation are typically non-infectious — they’re in dirt, rotting vegetables and non-purified water systems,” McDade states. He also notes that these microbes are not those that cause measles or mumps or other infectious diseases.

McDade and Kuzawa are now taking their research a step further and considering ways they can inform health policies and approaches for new child development designs. Their research may also be used to help reduce healthcare costs overall through reducing long-term chronic conditions through early germ exposure. They also have hopes that they can later develop some kind of vaccine to give children a safe dose of microbes within the first 6 months to 2 years of life.

Through McDade and Kuzawa’s research, they may find a new approach to prevention of diseases that could have a lasting impact on improving quality of life around the world.

References: Milliken C. “Germs at four, less inflammation at forty.”

Northwestern Now; July 18, 2017.

McDade TW, Ryan C, Jones MJ, MacIsaac JL, Morin A, Meyer JM, Borja J, Miller GE, Kobor MS, Kuzawa C. “Social and physical environments early in development predict DNA methylation of inflammatory genes in young adulthood.”

PNAS 2017 114 (29) 7611-7616; published ahead of print July 3, 2017.

Sept. 8-21 . 2017

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EVENTS

Submit your event to our calendar!

September-October 2017 Gaston Pride Family Picnic Lineberger Park 632 E. Garrison Blvd., Gastonia 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Celebrate with the LGBTQ community of Gastonia at this family-friendly event. The festivities will kick off with an interfaith service at 11 a.m. The picnic will begin at noon, with fried chicken provided, and the community asked to provide the sides. Information booths will be set up and there will be activities for kids. More information is available online. gastonpride.com.

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LGBTQ & Ally Pool Party Craft City Social Club 555 South McDowell St., Charlotte 12-5 p.m.

SEP SEP MO

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Continues through Sept. 17 SEP SSEP MO NC Trans Pride 2017 University of North Carolina at Charlotte Center City 320 E 9th St., Charlotte 9 a.m.-6 p.m.

NC Trans Pride comes to Charlotte, under the theme “Centering Care and Unlearning Oppression.”

Transgender organizers from across the state have teamed up with the Women’s and Gender Studies Program and the LGBTQ Faculty/Staff Caucus at UNCC for this year’s event. There will be vendors, speakers, workshops and skillshares centering around trans resiliency and resistance. Those interested in donating or sponsorship options are asked to email Transpridenc@gmail.com. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/857786007702546.

Greensboro Pride S. Elm St., Greensboro Greensboro Pride returns, with a family-friendly event featuring, food, vendors, and entertainment all day long. There will be a kids’ area for those bringing little ones along. More information is available online. greensboropride.org.

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The final LGBTQ & Ally Pool Party will take place at the Craft City Social Club, inside the Sheraton Hotel. DJ Little Betty will provide the music, and there will be a cash and credit bar.

Attendance is free. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/491601091203676.

Catawba Valley Pride The SALT Block Foundation 243 3rd Ave. N.E., Hickory 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Wet Paint SEP SEP MO Goodyear Arts 1776 Statesville Ave., Charlotte Goodyear Arts presents its first show in its new space at Camp North End, called “Wet Paint,” a nod to the new digs. The show will feature 31 Charlottebased artists in a range of visual and performing arts disciplines. Beer will be Catawba Valley Pride returns. Food, fun provided by Petty Thieves Brewing Co. and community will be shared in this free, and Birdsong Brewing Co. The Masa kid-friendly event. It will also feature what Casa and King of Pops Charlotte will be the organization terms the “world’s short- on site selling tamales and popsicles, and est Pride parade.” Vendor and non-profit band Shadowgraphs will perform. Artists applications are being accepted for the include Lydia Baird, Chad Cartwright, event at bit.ly/2tALPJo. Vendor cost is $50 Jessica Sea, Bryan Olson, Jeremy Pelt, and non-profit space can be secured at Jonathan Paul Prichard, David Scott $25. More information is available online. Sackett, Elisa Sanchez and many more. catawbavalleypride.org.

More information is available online. goodyeararts.com.

SEP SEP MO

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SEP SEP MO

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a threefor-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

Continues through Oct. 1 SEP SEP MO ‘RENT’ — 20th Anniversary Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte Times Vary The 1996 rock musical classic is about a group of seven artists struggling to follow their dreams without selling out. The Tony Award and Pulitzer Prize winning smash hit is celebrating its 20th anniversary, and will hit the stage in Charlotte at Belk Theater. Prices start at $25. More information is available online. blumenthalarts.org.

To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/

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NC Pride at Night Harrington St. in Raleigh & Rigsbee Ave. in Durham 4 p.m.-4 a.m.

NC Pride at Night returns with street festivals in both Raleigh and Durham.

There will be food, vendors, entertainment and more for this event open to all LGBTQ individuals and allies.

More information is available online. ncpride.org.

SEP SEP MO

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Winston-Salem Festival, Parade & Food Truck Rodeo Downtown Arts District Trade St., Winston-Salem 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

SEP OCT MO

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Winston-Salem Pride returns, with a festival, parade and food truck rodeo theme. Join the LGBTQ community and allies for a celebration of Pride, with eats, drinks, entertainment, and more.

More information is available online. pridews.org.

–––––––––––––––––––– Charlotte UNITE Festival NoDa Brewing Company 2921 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 12-8 p.m.

Queen City Unity presents the Charlotte UNITE Festival, a multicultural event open to all, in celebration of diversity and community. Local artists will provide entertainment, food, and vendors will be on hand, and a newly released NoDa brew will be presented. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/460136731026871.

Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/

goqnotes.com/to/life

life

Our People:

Q & A with Alicia Lightfoot Mental health counselor and ally

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

S

eeking mental health treatment for the first time is an intimidating task, but upon sitting down with Alicia Lightfoot, her friendly freckled face and calm, green eyes will instantly begin to soothe your aching nerves. A licensed clinical social worker with University Psychological Associates in Charlotte, N.C., Lightfoot grants her clients the privilege of a truly understanding confidante who strives not only to serve, but to learn. With a Master’s in Social Work and more than a decade of private practice under her belt, she has never left behind the mentality of a student seeking to understand the world — and herself.

A steadfast ally to the LGBTQ community, Lightfoot’s methods as a counselor center on unfailing respect for her clients and establishing trust to allow them to be vulnerable. As a mother and professional, compassion and commitment are her central philosophies.

When you meet a new client, how do you put them at ease?

I try to be myself with clients, but at the same time balance the boundaries and role I serve as a therapist. Each time I meet a new client I try to convey my respect for how hard it must be for the new client to come and talk to a total stranger about very personal issues.

I also attempt to empower them to see that, as helpful as I hope the sessions can be, they are actually the expert on themselves. My hopeful outcome from the first session is that a client leaves knowing that the sessions are a place to be truly themselves without being judged. I also attempt to empower new clients to comfortably explore other therapists or counselors if they feel I might not be the right therapist for them; a large part of therapy is the ability to be at ease communicating with your therapist, and I get that I may not be a fit for everyone.

Outside of mental health services, are there other issues that you’re passionate about?

I’m pretty passionate about a lot of issues, and that is one of the other reasons why I

chose to get my MSW. Social work has a Code of Ethics that syncs my personal and professional beliefs and at its core is about pursuing social justice and seeing the dignity and worth of the individual.

There is a tremendous amount of work to be done in this field and I am inspired daily by the current number of grassroots movements working towards these goals.

Who has been an influential figure in your life, and how so?

My grandmother was an amazing woman and a constant in my life. She lived to be 100 years old and survived the Great Depression, served in World War II, had a family, worked and served her community in various capacities.

Everyone who knew her was truly touched by her kindness and constant compassion for others.

What three courses would constitute your ideal meal?

I haven’t had a three-course meal in quite some time. My child is four, and I am lucky if I get to actually finish a basic meal if I am out somewhere before he starts trying to do football plays across my body or sit in my lap, making it virtually impossible to actually reach my plate.

When you have a day completely free of all obligations, how do you spend it?

Again, because I have a four-year-old, this seems like such a delightful concept. Ideally, I would sleep in, stay in my pajamas, watch some comedies on Hulu, take a nap and maybe read one of the dozen books I have started. I probably won’t have a whole day anytime soon, but when my kid starts preschool this month, I am going to try and just enjoy those few hours, maybe try and workout and well, probably take a nap.

What’s the best part of your job?

Without a doubt, the best part of my job is being allowed by my clients to be a safe place to process through life. I have such respect for my clients. It can be really difficult and intimidating to sit down and have an honest conversation about all the stuff in our heads. Life can be so overwhelming at times, and our brains can be such sticky traps when we keep it all inside. I try to stay open to the things that my clients are teaching me about the world and myself as well. While it is possible that not all of my clients would say I am a perfect therapist, I am confident that I have been able to sit with many of them through really difficult times. I am hopeful that sessions were helpful in empowering and encouraging them in ways that last beyond their time as my clients. : :

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