QNotes, September 20, 2019

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

inside this issue

Sept. 20 - Oct. 3, 2019 Vol 34 No 11

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contributors this issue

Kode Brown, Mykah Buff, Rev. Dennis W. Foust, Stuti Joshi, Lainey Millen, David Aaron Moore, Stanley Popovich, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Trinity

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: Africa Studio, Blue Planet Studio, highwaystarz, Motortion via Adobe Stock Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

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charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

8 Youth Homelessness: When Your Family Turns on You, Where Do You Go?

Our People: Teresa Davis

A noted community member and an organizational past president shares her coming out journey, her passion and what she enjoys for fun.

news 4 Raleigh Center Hosts Awards Event 4 Film Fest Welcomes Noted Creatives 4 News Briefs 5 Brewery Creates Benefit Beer for CSE 5 New Survey Examines Gay Men Worldwide

a&e 14 15

Out in Print: Youth Tell Trinity

life 6 Bullying: “Not a Garden Variety Aggression” 10 Pride Fests in N.C. 19 Our People: Teresa Davis

views 12 Mental Health: Parents Can Help Their Children Deal With Today’s Mental Health Issues 13 Spiritual Reflections: When Back to School is Difficult

events 18 18

Considering Shepard CLGBTCC Expo

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N.C. Pride Fests

Multi-talented Todrick Hall will be on hand at NC Pride at Night at the end of the month. Other festivals happening are Durham: Pride NC, Pride Winston-Salem and Blue Ridge Pride.

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Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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news Raleigh center hosts awards event RALEIGH, N.C. — The Raleigh LGBT Center is holding its 2019 Fall Achievement Benefit on Oct. 5, 7:30 p.m., at CAM Raleigh, 409 W. Martin St. The wear-what-you-want annual event allows the center to acknowledge publicly those individuals who have given of themselves to the community.

Attendees will be able to enjoy beverages and dessert provided by Indulge Catering while viewing the newest exhibits at the venue featuring Rosana Castrillo Diaz, Gonzalo Puch, Marisol D’Estrabeau, and ¡Viva Viclas! The Art of the Lowrider Motorcycle.

This year’s award recipients are: Distinguished Service Award, Les Geller; Community Impact Award, Natalie Watson; Volunteer of the Year, Lisa Tobey; Ally of the Year, Kristen Cooper; Organization of the Year, Stonewall Sports; and Rising Star Award, Raleigh Pride.

Geller has been a fixture at the center since it’s inception when he helped found it in 2010. He has held the positions of board member, treasurer and space designer (for the properties on Cabarrus, Hillsborough and Harrington Sts.), as well as being a co-founder of the Gay and Gray seniors group which is now a SAGE affiliate. His passion in seeing that seniors have a voice has been at the core of his work at the center. When not at the center, Geller’s focus is on affordable housing for LGBTQ seniors.

Through Watson’s efforts as the center’s volunteer coordinator, they ensure that shifts are covered throughout the center along with acting as a chaperone for ASPYRE Youth Leadership Camp, as well as spending time working with Queer Oriented Radical Days of Summer (QORDS) summer camp and being a board member at the LGBTQ Center of Durham. Watson identifies as non-binary trans masculine.

Tobey has served for the past two years as Out! Raleigh’s lead volunteer. Center organizers said that she was always willing to “jump in” and provide her time to serving others. “Lisa is one of the most kindhearted, generous, and hardworking volunteers we have had. Not only has she completed hundreds of hours as a regular volunteer, she’s also stepped up to help with just about every event and special project we’ve had. Her willingness to lend a hand to a fellow community member truly shows how remarkable of a person she is,” said Kori Hennessey, the center’s director of education and programs.

As North Carolina’s First Lady, Cooper expressed her excitement about the future for the LGBTQ+ community as it continues to move forward and see even greater progress with LGBTQ social justice issues during and after 2020. Gov. Roy Cooper and First Lady Kristin Cooper hosted the first ever Pride event within the Executive Mansion this past June and she eagerly looks forward to future such events hosted in The People’s House.

Stonewall Sports began in 2013 and has provided the Triangle with an option for those who wanted to get together and engage in a variety of sporting opportunities. It now has over 2,000 individuals playing engaging in nine sports leagues. The organization helps to increase awareness of the LGBTQ community through participation in tournaments, the “Gayborhood Project” mural creation, City of Raleigh’s first LGBTQ Trolley Tour, as well as benefiting charities such as Cause for Paws, the Alliance of AIDS-Services and the center.

Raleigh Pride was created to fill the void when NC Pride ceased operation. Its organizers, Trey Roberts, Josh Lamm and Roxanne Lundy, spearheaded a Raleigh Pride parade and have helped to raise funds for the center. They continue to showcase the LGBTQ community through their efforts.

For the first time, the center is offering a $50 student/senior/scholarship ticket price, as well as a $75 Couch FAB option. With it, participants get to stay home on their sofa in their “jammies” and watch television. Then they can join the event on Facebook live for the awards ceremony, organizers shared. Regular tickets are $125. To purchase, visit bit.ly/2NLEdfW. The center is located at 119 E. Hargett St. and is open Monday-Thursday, 12-8 p.m., Friday, 12-4 p.m. and Saturday and Sunday, 12-6 p.m. HIV/STD testing is available on Monday and Thursday from 6-8:30 p.m. info: bit.ly/2O4dKui. — Lainey Millen

Film fest welcomes noted creatives WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — The 2019 OUT at the Movies Int’l LGBT Film Festival will be held from Oct. 2-6 at Wake Forest University’s Byrum Welcome Center, 1834 Wake Forest Rd., and the University of North Carolina School of the Arts ACE Theatre Complex (Main/Babcock/Gold Theatres), 1533 S. Main St., featuring an array of 27 films from filmmakers covering a wide variety of themes, along with 10 Q&A sessions, five parties and one salon panel discussion.

Additionally, 27 filmmakers, actors and documentary subjects will be in attendance.

The five-day event kicks off on Oct. 2 with an exclusive donor/filmmaker cocktail party. This party is for donors at the Supporting Actor level and above. Visit outatthemovies.org/sponsors to learn more or to become a participant.

Among the highlights are the Southeastern U.S. premiere of the Brazilian film, “Primos” (“Cousins”), the North Carolina premiere of the acclaimed documentary, “Circus of Books,” the festival favorite, “Gay Chorus Deep South” and the sexually-charged, “Sauvage” (“Wild”).

Del Shores will return to the Triad with two films, “Six Characters In Search of a Play” and “Cognitive,” and Randy Jones of the Village People will join in as a festival juror and share his talents at an evening reception. Ann Walker, another Winston-Salem favorite, will be on hand for “From Zero to I Love You,” joined by her co-star, Scott Bailey. Nicole Conn will be in attendance with her newest film, “More Beautiful for Having Been Broken,” one of the closing night features. Mauro Carvalho and Thiago Cazado of “Primos” will be flying in from Brazil.

On Oct. 3, North Star LGBTQ Center will host the screening of “Proper Pronouns,” a film about four North Carolina transgender clergy members who battle battle narrow-mindedness within the religious community, their families and North Carolina natives. Of the 30 transgender, ordained ministers in the U.S., six reside in the Tar Heel State. The film will be shown at the Byrum Welcome Center and will include a reception and a Q&A session after the screening with director Meg Daniels, and featured clergy Dawn Flynn, Liam Hooper, Debra Hopkins and Mykal Shannon, along with moderator Angela Mazaris.

On Oct. 4, 7 p.m., at the Byrum Welcome Center, there will be a screening of the documentary “5B” which tells the story of a year spent

by Dr. Sam Pegram of Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center in the AIDS ward at San Francisco General Hospital in the 1980s.

Additional filmmakers, actors and subjects set to be part of the festival are: “The Garden Left Behind,” transgender actors Carlie Guevara, Kristen Lovell and Tamera Williams; “Gay Chorus Deep South,” subject Ash Blow and Triad Pride Performing Arts’ William Southerland (moderator); “Circus of Books,” director Rachel Mason will be joining the festival via Skype from London; and “Can’t Stop the Music,” Village People’s cowboy Randy “RJ” Jones (will serve as a juror).

Each night there will be a reception and Out Late Drinks after screenings at various locations, as well as a closing awards party.

Individual screening tickets are $10, flex passes (good for five films) are $40 and festival passes (one admission to all films) are $75.

Sponsorship opportunities begin at $50 and include screening tickets, flex and/or festival passes. Festival passes, flex passes and/or screening tickets purchased online will be available for pickup at the Byrum Welcome Center on Oct. 3-4 beginning at 6:15 p.m. and at UNCSA’s ACE Theatre Complex on Oct. 5-6 beginning at 11:15 a.m. Tickets are also available at screening venues beginning 45 minutes before showtime.

A complete list of films, trailers, ticket and sponsorship opportunities are available online. info: bit.ly/2O4Q2yb.

— Lainey Millen

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qnotes

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

BRIEFS Kimer nets new gig

Stan Kimer, owner of Total Engagement Consulting by Kimer, was recently appointed as the National Diversity Council’s vice president of training. The part-time role will enable him to support the council’s workplace diversity and inclusion initiatives. Kimer will lead workshops on unconscious bias training.

info: nationaldiversitycouncil.org.

Bad business decisions noted

The New York State comptroller has asked the CEOs of 41 companies — including Amazon, Google, Microsoft, Facebook, and AT&T — to stop making corporate donations to politicians who support anti-LGBTQ policies, Quartz at Work reported.

info: bit.ly/2O5faoi.

Gospel singer shocks nation

The Associated Press reported that Albert Nabonibo’s decision to come out has created a shockwave across Rwanda.

The Gospel singer made his declaration on a Christian YouTube channel interview.

info: bit.ly/302sHo1.

AI used to detect suicide risk

The Trevor Project is using a $1.5 million AI Impact grant from Good to expand its suicide prevention services. The organization is using this tool to detect the risk of suicide in LGBTQ youth and veterans, Rewire reported. This technology, however, will not replace their live counselors.

info: bit.ly/302rCMH.

LGBTQ credit union nets approval Michigan’s Superbia Credit Union has become the nation’s first LGBTQ-based one of it kind. It expects to launch in 2020 and in in the process of forming a board and hiring executive staff.

info: bit.ly/2ZZjwVg.

Org expands youth outreach

We Are Family in Charleston, S.C., has announced the expansion of their GSA Support Services with the addition of their Generating Solidarity through Action initiative.

info: waf.org.

Chorus invites participants

The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus has announced the kick off of their 25th anniversary concert season. They are currently welcoming participants to join the chorus. No formal audition is required.

An open rehearsal, where interested parties can attend, will take place on Sept.

24, 7:30 p.m., at Pullen Memorial Baptist Church, 1801 Hillsborough St., in Raleigh, N.C. Email president@tgmchorus.org to learn more.

info: tgmchorus.org.

Minister Game condemns conversion therapy

McKrae Game, a minister who founded Hope for Holness, a South Carolina-based organization, has come out as gay and is now condemning the practice of conversion therapy and disavowed the “ex-gay” ministry, The Progress Pulse shared.

info: bit.ly/2OaUpYe.

Institute releases law finding

The Institute for Inclusion in the Legal Profession has released its 2019-20 Review on the State of Diversity and Inclusion in the Legal Profession.

info: theiilp.com/IILP-Review-2019-20/.

Brewery creates benefit beer ASHEVILLE, N.C. — On Sept. 12, Wicked Weed Brewing released a new beer honoring the LGBTQ community in Western North Carolina and sent a message of welcoming and inclusion to all, the Campaign for Southern Equality (CSE) reported. The beer, called Y’all Means Ale, will support CSE’s work toward “legal and lived equality” for all LGBTQ Southerners. The beer’s title riffs on “Y’all Means All,” a motto in CSE’s work across the South.

The new release is part of Wicked Weed’s Beers That Build series. One dollar from each pour of Y’all Means Ale will benefit the Campaign for Southern Equality. The release will also take center stage at Wicked Weed’s Pridetoberfest, which coincides with the Eleventh Annual Blue Ridge Pride Festival in Asheville, N.C. on Sept. 28. Crafted by one of Wicked Weed’s founders and brewer, Jessica Dickinson, the recipe for the beer consists of ingredients which represent a different color of the rainbow, universally recognized as a symbol of LGBTQ Pride, such as honey for the color yellow, rose hips for the color red and smoked plums for the color violet.

Wicked Weed’s Community Engagement Coordinator Rachel Dudasik said, “At Wicked Weed, we’ve always been proud to be a welcoming and inclusive space for all, including members of the LGBTQ community. That’s why we’re so excited this year to support the Campaign for Southern Equality and their deep commitments to equity and empathy through the release of Y’all Means Ale. This Pride season we are glad to be able to support a local organization whose work ripples far wider than our Asheville hometown and look forward to continuing this work throughout the year.”

Jasmine Beach-Ferrara, executive director of CSE, added, “Our team at the Campaign for Southern Equality had so much fun working with Wicked Weed’s team during the actual brewing process for Y’all Means Ale and saw firsthand the passion and spirit that went into crafting this beer. We’re so grateful for a Southern business like Wicked Weed that is leading with its values and tangibly supporting our work to build a South where all LGBTQ people can thrive.

That means a South where youth are met with love when they come out, where transgender women of color are safe, and where we are all free to be who we are and love who we love.” info: southernequality.org. wickedweedbrewing.com.

— Lainey Millen

New survey examines gay men worldwide OAKLAND, Calif. — MPact Global Action for Gay Men’s Health and Rights has announced the launch of its fourth global survey on the health and human rights of gay men, bisexual men and other men who have sex with men.

The 2019 Global Men’s Health and Rights Survey (GMHR 2019) focuses on factors that impact the health of gay and bisexual men around the world including discrimination, access to services, and the criminalization of homosexuality. The survey also addresses issues of mental health, freedom of gender identity and expression, and social connection and wellbeing which have all shown to be indicators of broader sexual health.

“We are very excited to launch the GMHR 2019 and to continue to collect information that allows us to advocate for the needs of community members,” said Sonya Arreola, Senior Research Advisor at MPact. “It is critical that we are amplifying the voices of those most marginalized in the global response to sexual health and human rights. We anticipate that this survey will provide insight into the lived realities of key populations locally and globally, including gay and bisexual men, transgender people, people living with HIV, sex workers, and people who use drugs.”

Last launched in 2014, the previous iterations of the GMHR survey yielded more than 10,000 responses from around the world, revealing vital information about the state of homophobia, human rights and access to health services worldwide. As in the past, this year’s survey is designed to support knowledge generation, policy development, program implementation, and advocacy linked to the issues that matter most to community members at the local and global level.

The survey was developed in collaboration with a global network of community organizations from around the world including Action for Access! research partners ISHTAR in Kenya and East Africa, and Lighthouse in Vietnam and Southeast Asia; as well as RCF SHAG Consortium members ECOM in Eastern Europe and Central Asia, M-Coalition in the Middle East and North Africa, SOMOSGAY in Latin America, AGCS PLUS in West Africa.

“This new version of the GMHR builds on our previous efforts by having deepened and expanded our global partners’ involvement in the development of the survey,” said Arreola. “We collaborated directly with community members to build upon the previous surveys. This involved identifying which questions remained most relevant, as well as creating new questions about topics such as the criminalization of homosexuality and the relative importance of different health services among men who have sex with men.”

The online survey is now available in ten languages including the new addition of Indonesian, Swahili, and Vietnamese to the previous iteration’s list of English, Arabic, Chinese, French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Russian translations. info: mpactglobal.org. bit.ly/2O4Fdw3.

— Lainey Millen

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

qnotes

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life

Bullying: ‘not a garden variety aggression’ From Schools to Offices to Construction Sites, Bullying Continues to Rear its Ugly Head

BY Mykah Buff | Guest Contributor

B

Sadly, the world has seen the ullying is a phenomenon that gruesome and catastrophic effects continues to have an earththat bullying can lead to. Far too shattering impact on the common are those who’ve suflives of millions around the globe. fered in silence, often leading to the Especially those who are in the individual taking their own life. And, LGBTQ community, according as we’ve seen an increase in over the to research. years, the lives of others have also Stopbullying.gov, a federal been taken as a result of bullying. government website managed by In the article, “LGBT Teens, the U.S. Department of Health and Bullying, and Suicide” (accessed on Human Services, says, “bullying childmind.org), Harold S. Koplewics, puts youth at an increased risk MD. discusses how the rising numfor depression, suicidal ideation, ber of gay teen suicides has been a misuse of drugs and alcohol, risky result of anti-gay bullying. sexual behavior and can affect aca“In recent years we’ve seen a demics as well. For LGBTQ youth, tragic number of gay teens, endthat risk is even higher.” ing their own lives after enduring As we know, there are many anti-gay bullying,” said Harold S. factors that increase the risk of beKoplewicz, MD. “Suicide is the third ing bullied. However, being openly leading cause of death among adogay or even being perceived as lescents, and gay teens are 4 times gay, has been a leading risk factor more likely than straight teens to for decades. attempt suicide.”

Recently, a great deal of atThe Trevor Project, the national tention and controversy has been leading non-profit organization that circulating over a trial involving an provides crisis intervention and individual who claims he stabbed suicide prevention services to LGBTQ his classmate as a result of antiyouth, says getting support and gay bullying. counseling, and utilizing the types of According to a New York Times services the organization offers, can article published in July of this Words and deeds directed at someone because of their sexuality or gender identity has devastating effects on those who greatly reduce the likelihood of an year, Abel Cedeno, on trial for are bullied, mocked, harassed or shown physical harm. (Photo Credit: BrandNewLover via Pintrest) individual committing suicide. stabbing a classmate in 2017, testi“Each year, more than 1.5 million fied that “after years of bullying, he LGBTQ youth experience suicidal Unfortunately, over the years these numbers have feared for his life when he fatally ideation, and could benefit from our services,” The Trevor remained fairly consistent. stabbed a classmate who had punched him.”

Project says. “One supportive person can decrease an The 2017 Youth Risk Survey, a more recent study (ac“Mr. Cedeno was found guilty of manslaughter, assault LGBTQ youth’s risk of suicide by 30 percent.” cessed on stopbullying.gov), reports that — in compariand criminal possession of an illegal knife, and faces up to “Gay bullying typically involves vicious, hateful, and son to heterosexual students — more LGBTQ high school 50 years in prison,” The New York Times reports. “Members threatening actions toward LGBTQ people that are ongostudents in the U.S. report being bullied. of the LGBTQ community argued the school should have ing, intentional, and unprovoked,” says queercafe.net.

“Nationwide, more U.S. high school students who selftaken action against those who had bullied a gay student.”

“Gay bullying is repeated negative actions toward LGBTQ identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual (LGB) report having been This situation is a tragedy in so many ways, and for people in which there is an imbalance of physical or psybullied on school property (33 percent) and cyberbullied (27.1 so many people. It just shows how quickly bullying can chological power.” percent) in the past year, than their heterosexual peers (17.1 escalate. And, despite efforts and innovative approaches There are a plethora of reasons why people remain percent and 13.3 percent, respectively),” the study reported. introduced to combat this type of malicious behavior, it in the closet. And, fear of bullying is definitely one of Additionally, “the study also showed that more LGB continues to be a prevalent issue. those reasons. students (10 percent) than heterosexual students (6.1 A 2009 survey by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight “We know how challenging coming out can be at any percent) reported not going to school because of safety Education Network (GLSEN) consisting of 7,261 students age, especially in environments that may include risk facconcerns. Among students who identified as “not sure” of (ages 13 to 21), reports that, “84.6 percent of LGBT tors for increased rates of discrimination, rejection, and their sexual orientation, they also reported being bullied students reported being verbally harassed, 40.1 percent bullying,” says The Trevor Project. on school property (24.3 percent), being cyberbullied reported being physically harassed, and 18.8 percent (22 percent), and not going to school because of safety reported being physically assaulted at school in the past concerns (10.7 percent),” reported the study. year as a result of their sexual orientation.” see Bullying on 16

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qnotes

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

qnotes

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life

When your family turns on you, where do you go?

A Look at Problems and Solutions for Homeless LGBTQ Youth

By David Aaron Moore | QNotes CONTRIBUTING WRITER

T

ternative: don’t discuss your sexual orientation. Keep it completely off the table and make it a closed subject.

More than likely, however, that won’t be necessary.

Especially in larger cities.

On America’s west coast in San Francisco there is the Larkin Street Center (larkinstreetyouth.org).

While San Francisco is appealing to many young people because it is largely viewed as the center of LGBTQ culture in this country, the price of residency in the city is unobtainable for many people.

It’s understandable how so many LGBTQ youth become homeless in the city.

The Larkin Street Center has provided help for more than 75,000 young people since 1984.

Among their programs is an on-the-street outreach effort, which offers food, clothing, and harm reduction tool kits.

LGBTQ youth who are, for one reason or another, on the street can find a safe place to sleep and a brief respite from the A daytime drop-in center weather at a homeless shelter. (Photo Credit: Monkey Business via Adobe Stock) provides meals, showers, a medical clinic, laundry facilities and various group Although Justin Early’s book All too often the very thing that draws a troubled activities. There’s also the opportunity to meet with a case “Street Child,” published in 2013 and based on his experiLGBTQ youth to a metropolitan environment is the very manager, which can lead to immediate help for youth that ences near the latter part of the 20th century as a homeless thing that ends up making them homeless: currently, there are living on the street. youth (beginning at the mind-boggling age of 10), the story is no place in the entire country where anyone making the Larkin’s Diamond Youth Shelter is one of only two he tells still carries weight for homeless LGBTQ youth today. federal minimum wage can afford to live in an apartment emergency shelters for young people under the age of 18 There are a myriad of reasons young people find by themselves. in San Francisco, while the Lark Inn shelter offers tempothemselves homeless: parents who don’t approve of their Not even in most of the small towns, so many young rary residency for youth ages 18-24. sexuality or gender identity, broken dysfunctional homes, gay people left behind.

The 1020 Haight site and Geary House provide twomental illness, physical abuse, bullying by classmates, Lack of adequate paying jobs, along with unattainable year housing programs in a specific residential site in siblings and other neighborhood children. housing, equals homelessness. congregated environments.

In Early’s case, he was victimized by a disapproving, That’s a formula unlikely to change under the current The Castro Youth Housing Initiative does two-year abusive father and a submissive mother who feared her administration. residencies, as well, at scattered site houses throughout husband and was unable to stand up for her son, which Being a young individual facing homelessness, and the city. prompted Early to run away from home, ending up on the especially coming from a troubled or financially challenged There are additional programs and housing opportunistreets of Seattle. home, carries with it a distinct set of challenges. Adding ties that function under the Larkin Street umbrella, includRemarkably, he survived and lived to tell his story. With to the mix sexual orientation or gender identity can make ing financial aid, which allows youth to eventually find so many LGBTQ youth, that is not always the case. reaching out for assistance even more problematic. homes of their own, and employment programs that allow Many are forced to turn to prostitution and theft to In an interview I conducted for Etcetera Magazine in the area youth to maintain their independence. survive. Some fall victim to an array of criminal activity. If mid 1990s with actress and television and film producer Overall, Larkin Street is one of, if not the most comprehenyou’re under the age of 18 and apprehended by authoriAmanda Bearse (probably best known for her role as sive examples of how help for LGBTQ youth should function. ties, homeless youth are required to return to their birth Marcy D’Arcy in the series “Married With Children), she Back on the East coast, there’s the Ali Forney Center family or legally recognized guardians. discussed her experiences as a lesbian and seeking shelter (AFC) (aliforneycenter.org) in New York City. It’s clearly anWhile statistics on the percentage of homeless youth in with organizations that weres available at that time. other excellent example of serious solution services that the U.S. who identify as LGBTQ varies, general estimates “I went to the Salvation Army shelter,” she recalled. “My are available for LGBTQ youth. tend to fall somewhere between 11 and 40 percent. In girlfriend at the time came with me.

The Forney Center provides emergency housing, transmaller towns the percentage is much lower. However, “They refused to allow us to be housed near each other sitional living environments, programs and resources for in larger cities, places like Los Angeles, New York, San because of their religious policies and our relationship. employment and health care.

Francisco, Atlanta and even Charlotte, the statistics lean “It was awful. And unfair. That kind of hateful discrimiJust over four years ago the Forney Center’s central towards the much higher rate. nation made it even more uncomfortable. Especially when location became the country’s first 24-hour drop-in center.

Reason being? you saw heterosexual married couples sharing spaces.

Youth can come to the center at anytime of the day or LGBTQ youth (and young people in general facing hard“Other people who were there, and staff, were openly night and have access to meals, showers, clothing, mental ship and lack of acceptance) in smaller towns tend to leave hostile, and we were treated like something less than health support and case management. their communities and head for the largest nearby city. second-class citizens.”

In addition to workshops and support groups, the There’s no question that cities such as today’s Charlotte What are solutions for homeless LGBTQ youth Forney Center offers extended living housing facilities offers an accepting environment. that work? throughout the city.

It’s large and progressive and people want to live here.

Although it seems unthinkable in the 21st century, one Lots of people want to live here. option to consider when a known-to-be-conservative faithTherein lies the largest contributing factor. based organization such as Salvation Army is your only alsee next page u om came around often and never gave up on me. He absolutely refused to believe that my parents didn’t care about me or want me in their home.

“If you want to drive out and meet my parents, we can do it,” I said, giving in. Knowing well in advance what the result would be.

Even though I hated the idea of going there, I let him take me ... on the condition that he brought me back downtown when his magical outreach powers didn’t work.

We pulled into my parents’ driveway and before we even got out of the car, my father came outside screaming. “Get the hell out of here you assholes! Stay away from my house!!”

“Mr. Early, I just want to talk to you and Mrs. Early about your son and his situation. He is living on the streets, which are very dangerous.

And I thought...”

My father cut him off. “You thought wrong. That little faggot will not live in my house! He is a criminal! Get the hell out of here and take that little son-of-a-bitch with you!”

From “Street Child: A Memoir”

by Justin Reed Early

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qnotes

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

Casa Ruby (casaruby.org) in Washington, D.C. is the only LGBTQ multilingual and multicultural group in the Washington, D.C., area that provides services and programs for youth and adults.

While it’s focus tends to lean toward transgender individuals, the organization refers to itself as a “home for everyone,” which means that services are available for transgender, gender queer and gendernon-conforming gay, lesbian and bisexual people throughout the area.

Among those services are preventive healthcare, housing services, which provides living arrangements that range from shelter for a night or two to longer term housing.

Individual case management is available, as well as help for immigrants and victims of domestic violence.

While many people in this country look to New York and San Francisco as the beginning of the Gay and Lesbian Civil Rights Movement, historical records confirm that protests and a movement began in Philadelphia earlier in the mid-1960s.

Given that history, it comes as no surprise that Philadelphia would be one of the leading cities to offer services and housing for LGBTQ folk in need.

The Valley Youth House (valleyyouth house.org), which opened its doors in 2009, is the longest running housing program for youth in Philadelphia. The organization provides housing and supportive services in comfortable surroundings, which allow individuals to transition from youth to young adulthood in a safe and supportive environment.

Although it is not a housing program, The Attic Youth Center (atticyouthcenter. org) provides much-needed support for LGBTQ youth in the Philadelphia area.

Originally founded in 1993, it began as an experimental offshoot of another organization known as Voyage House. While the original intent was to be a temporary, experimental effort, the large number of youth that showed up to participate proved the need for such a program.

The Attic offers education and training for working with LGBTQ youth in schools and workplaces. It also provides creative and social programs, psychological counseling and health and wellness programming.

One of the most impressive efforts in Philadelphia is the Gloria Casarez Residence (bit.ly/2O4bROf). A new construction, it is a significant undertaking.

While it has provided 30 apartments for young adults who are at risk of homelessness and have aged out of the foster care system, it is no longer accepting applications for residency because it is full. That doesn’t mean it has been unsuccessful, however, it does indicate a requirement for more space to meet community needs.

Atlanta-based Lost and Found Youth (lnfy.org) offers support 24 hours a day and seven days a week for LGBTQ youth ages 18 through 25. Among the services they provide are emergency and transitional housing, clothing and food for youth living on the street, mental health evaluations, assistance with any necessary government documentation, GED testing and other resources, such as help with resume writing and interview skills training.

Currently the organization maintains a drop-in center with limited hours of operation. In the upcoming fiscal year they hope to increase the operational hours, develop ongoing relationships with job resources and increase funding for additional housing. Here’s an anomaly not found in our

computer and aptiv in the world so much these days: if you’re in the Atlanta area and you need someone to talk to, you can call them directly at 678-856-7825.

In Charlotte, Time Out Youth (timeoutyouth.org) offers a housing program for LGBTQ youth aged 18 to 23. The state of North Carolina mandates family reunification for youth under that age, although that isn’t always possible.

Every youth who identifies as part of the LGBTQ spectrum and is seeking help is assigned a case worker. If they are under 18, efforts are made to reach out to family. If necessary, the Department of Social Services is contacted to help find appropriate housing.

The organization works directly with other homeless groups across the city and county, including the Men’s Shelter.

“Emergency shelter services can be a very unsafe experience for trans youth,” explains Rodney Tucker, executive director for Time Out Youth. “It can also be very scary for lesbian and gay youth. That’s why we have implemented specific efforts to reach out to mainstream shelters and educate them about the special needs of the LGBTQ community.”

Temporary shelter stays generally last from three to five days.

Time Out Youth offers a rapid rehousing fund, which can provide up to a one-year subsidy for housing.

Depending on the individual needs, a Time Out Youth caseworker can work with an individual from four to 12 months in an effort to help find possible roommates, a job or individual housing.

A comprehensive housing program is in the works to develop a facility that would provide direct housing for LGBTQ youth. Hopes are that the effort will be implemented in 2020.

While Time Out Youth is LGBTQ specific, another option to consider in Charlotte and across the Americas is the very gay-friendly Covenant House (covenanthouse.org).

While there is a faith-based element to the organization, they are quick to point out that their services are for all. : :

Other North Carolina Housing Options Throughout North Carolina there are homeless help options to choose from for LGBTQ youth facing homelessness.

Raleigh Haven House havenhousenc.org.

919-833-3312 Durham The Triangle Empowerment Center (working with LGBTQ folk facing homelessness of all ages) triempowerment.org.

800-806-3558 Greensboro Youth Focus youthfocus.org.

336-274-5909 Asheville Youth Outright youthoutright.org.

866-881-3721

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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life

Pride fests in N.C.

From East to West, Upcoming Pride Festivals

BY Stuti Joshi | Guest Contributor

J

ust because June has passed, it doesn’t mean celebrating our Pride is over! Many cities in NC have pride festivals this month.

Join the fun of Pride: Durham, NC on Saturday, Sept.

28 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., with the parade starting at 11 a.m. The festival will be held at Duke University’s East Campus at 1304 Campus Dr. Main stage will open at 1 p.m., with performances by DJ Gemynii, local drag performers and LoamLands.

NC Pride at Night Raleigh, N.C. NC Pride at Night started this new LGBTQ Pride festival in Raleigh, N.C. in 2018. It was started to celebrate the city’s first Pride celebration in 1988 for its 30th anniversary. The first year attracted over 5,000 people and featured activist Mandy Carter and singer Blue Ridge Pride David Hernandez.

Asheville, N.C. This street festival and The Blue Ridge parade will be held at the NC Pride at Night welcomes the multi-talented Todrick Hall. (Photo Credit: Panda815 Pride Center, Inc. intersection of Hargett and via Wikipedia. CCS-BY_SA4_International license) formed in 2009 to Harrington Sts. near Legends bring together the diNightclub on Saturday, Sept. celebration of community, family, Pride verse LGBTQ population of the area. Held 28, from 4-10 p.m. and activism in Durham, N.C. for the first time in October of 2009, 2,000 This year’s festival will host singer, A murder at Little River in 1981 led to people showed up to celebrate and learn songwriter, dancer, actor, choreographer demonstrations in front of the Durham more, even on a rainy day.

Todrick Hall on the Main Stage.

County Court House from 1986-2000. NC The 11th Annual Blue Ridge Pride Pride March and NC Pride were started Festival will be held on Saturday, Sept.

Pride: Durham, NC in response to this, and later the LGBTQ 28, from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. at Pack Square Durham, N.C. Center of Durham took over the event as Park. This festival will feature the theme Pride: Durham, NC holds the annual Pride: Durham, NC in 2018.

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“Becoming Our Greatest Selves Together.”

It will also feature 200 booths, music, food and two stages with the following acts: Main Stage: Laura Blackley and the Wild flowers, Aaron Woody Wood, Modern Strangers, Ryan RnB Barber, 80H Project, Asheville Gay Men’s Chorus, Wild Bodema, Beer City Sisters, and drag performers.

Cafe Stage: Melissa McKinney, Lo Wolf, Nick Gonnering, Cynthia McDermott, Knotty Gs Pride Winston-Salem Winston-Salem, N.C. Pride Winston-Salem was founded in 2013 to increase the visibility of the LGBTQ communities in Winston-Salem and surrounding areas.

Pride Winston-Salem will sponsor events and programs that celebrate the LGBTQ community including: T With a Tude (a panel discussion for the transgender community and families), Pride Healthy Living events and the Pride Festival. This festival is the state’s third largest Pride festival and parade bringing in 29,000 people to Downtown WinstonSalem!

This event will be held on Saturday, Oct. 19, on Trade St. in the Downtown Arts District, and will feature a festival, parade and food truck rally. : :

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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11

life

How Parents Can Help Their Children Deal With Today’s Mental Health Issues Mental Health

BY Stanley Popovich | Guest Contributor

D

Many teenagers are reluctant to talk to their parents because they are afraid their parents will get angry and take it out on them. Some teenagers may think their parents won’t be able to understand their situation. With this in mind, try to establish a sense of trust with your teenager and encourage them to come to you when they are struggling.

o you worry about how your son or daughter can handle today’s mental health issues such as bullying, peer pressure, depression and addiction?

Here are six suggestions a parent should follow in helping their children overcome the pressures of being a teenager in today’s stressful environment.

1. Talk to Your Teenager on a Regular Basis: One of the most important things a parent can do is to talk to their children about the current issues that they may be dealing with. Do not bombard your son or daughter with endless questions, and do not get argumentative. Establish some kind of dialogue between you and your children so they will be willing to talk with you.

2. Education is Key: Both parents should be familiar on the issues of bullying, suicide, addiction and other mental health issues. Every teenager should be aware of the resources that are out there to help them, and they should be aware of where to go for help.

3. Watch Out for Any Red Flags and Do Not Assume Anything: If you notice any changes in your teenager’s moods or behavior, do something about it by discussing these changes with your son or daughter. If things get serious, then talk to a counselor for some advice. Do not

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5. Get Advice from Other Parents: If you have trouble getting your teenager to open up to you, try talking to other parents to see how they talk to their sons and daughters.

You may get some helpful insights on how you can successfully engage your children.

Being aware of the behavior of one’s LGBTQ teen can help provide them with a better and more nurturing support system during times of stress, bullying, depression and more. (Photo Credit: zinkevych via Adobe Stock) assume that your teenager is going through some kind of phase, or they will snap out of it.

4. How to Encourage Your Children to Talk to You:

6. S ee Things from Your Children’s Perspective: Many parents engage their children from their own point of view. Another helpful suggestion is to try to see things from your teenager’s perspective when dealing with their problems.

Once you see things from your teenager’s point of view, you will be better able to get your teenager to open up to you.

Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods”.

For additional information, visit managingfear.com.

views

When Back to School is Difficult Spiritual Reflections

BY Rev. Dennis W. Foust, Ph.D. | Guest Contributor

T

those children and youth here’s enough twadin your sphere of infludle, half-heartedness ence why bullying is vicand inaccuracy in today’s timization and evil. Every climate of hate and experson — young or not clusiveness. Our young young — is unique. Each people are needing us to person has needs, interstep up and be presests and potentialities ent in their lives. Young which are unmatched in people who identify as anyone else. Although LGBTQ need us. Children you may know sevof LGBTQ families need eral individuals who are us. And, with the beginafraid or gregarious or ning of a new school obsessive or have trouble year, these young people setting boundaries or are need each of us. dishonest, each person A mother described is unique in the ways the night before her they process and express 14-year-old daughter’s their individuation. Each first day of a new school of these individuals need year. As they sat in the you to step up and be floor by the girl’s bed, their advocate. Every the mother cradled her By being supportive and showing love to LGBTQ youth, their experience at school and child and adolescent daughter who described elsewhere can bring them a sense of comfort and safety in places where they may feel needs you to help them her fears and last year’s uncomfortable. (Photo Credit: Viktoriia via Adobe Stock) in their context of underexperiences of being standing. Acceptance is bullied. They discussed crucial. If you have ever been afraid, bullied, pushed outside a group, each episode again and tried to process each emotion even as they isolated by friends or strangers, you know the pain which can cut also remembered how they had worked all summer to develop deep and leave scars. And, each context needs you to be an advocate some skills for her to use when bullies approached her. They had for improved inclusiveness, acceptance and understanding. now informed the school counselors, principals, teachers and the A good friend of mine, James Kevin Gray, has composed a office staff. Each school employee, and even some leaders of the song entitled, “Safe Place,” which is being picked up by soloists Parent Teacher Organization, had been extremely sensitive and and choirs across the country. I offer the words to you here. It caring. So, the hope was that this year would offer better moments. was written for a young friend of ours who experienced bullying Yet, through moist eyes, on the night before a new school year beduring his middle school and high school years. My hope is these gan, the honest 14-year-old still said, “But, I’m so weird; sometimes I words help you develop a framework of meaning as you serve as a just cry, and I don’t know why.” compassionate presence in this new school year.

The beginning of a new school year brings all kinds of opportunities. Yet, some of these opportunities are loaded with joy or dread, When I was a child, my mom would hold me close, disappointment or triumph, excitement or angst, distress or delight.

She whispered to me that I’m what she loved most.

Of course, readers are aware of the challenges which can accomBut waves came crashing in the year I turned thirteen, pany “coming out” to relatives or friends. This heaviness happens The world I loved so much became a place of suffering. each and every year in almost every school across the country. Yet, many other challenges are similar in the degree of stress which can And I want to run from here. I want to run. I want to run. emerge and be present in the lives of children and adolescents.

But I don’t know which way to turn; I don’t know how.

What can you do to be helpful to children, adolescents, parIf I could spread my wings and fly from here — take to the sky; ents, teachers, administrators and others who find the return to Won’t you help me, if you can, find a safe place to be myself? school to be difficult? Here are a few options. Hopefully, they will stir additional initiatives within you.

Day after day, as soon as the bell would ring — scared — and all alone First, open yourself to learn about compassion. It is worth noting The hallways screamed my name that the ancient Hebrew word for “compassion” or “mercy” (rachaI wish I had a friend that understood my pain. mim) derives from the word “womb” (rechem). To be compassionI wish that they could see the hurt that haunts my brain. ate is to make space in our lives to be intimately connected with another person so new life can begin. As you open yourself to learn And I want to run from here. And I want to run from here, but about compassion and seek to be compassionate, you become a I don’t know which way to turn; I don’t know how. life-giver in a world waffling between brutality and banality.

If I could spread my wings and fly from here — take to the sky; Second, let them know you care. Tell them you are thinking Won’t you help me, if you can, find a safe place to be myself? about them. If you are a praying person, let them know you are praying for them — and then — actually pray for them. Send I AM WITH YOU. You are not alone. emails or hand-written notes during the first few weeks of school I AM WITH YOU. You are not alone. to assure them that you care about them. Every small act of careI AM WITH YOU. You are not alone. fullness has more than a small impact and sends ripples of care And I will run to you because you gave me my wings to fly. into the world.

You took me from a world of all alone.

Third, listen for angst in the children and adolescents in your life.

You helped me find a space, a safe place to be myself.

Young people are like adults; they voice their needs in human languages which can be puzzling. They can become extremely critical of There’s enough twaddle, half-heartedness and inaccuracy in everyone and everything around them. They can plunge into extra actoday’s climate of hate and exclusiveness. Our young people are tivities to refuse dealing with difficult challenges. They can turn their needing us to step up and be present in their lives. Young people backs on friends and family. They can insulate or isolate themselves who identify as LGBTQ need us. Children of LGBTQ families need behind headphones or with digital devices or screens. They can surus. And, with the beginning of a new school year, these young round themselves with odd emotional outbursts of laughter or anger. people need each of us. Hillel the Elder’s maxim is always true: Often, adolescents communicate in indirect ways. Yet, these changes “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? in personal expressions should not be merely accepted as natural.

If I am only for myself, what am I? Listen for angst which is often communicated through disguised or If not now, when?” : : distorted behavioral languages. When you become aware of distress, consider that the child or adolescent is actually wanting help, direcRev. Dennis W. Foust, Ph.D. is senior minister at St. John’s Baptist tion and understanding but doesn’t know how to ask directly.

Church in Charlotte, N.C. Fourth, advocate on behalf of those who are bullied. And, teach

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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a&e

Youth books focus on self exploration, teen years and acceptance Out in Print

BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER “Jimmy Neurosis”

by James Oseland ©2019, Ecco $27.99 305 pages

B

ack then, you were a chameleon.

Like most teens, you spent time blending in through different personas. One day, you were this kind of kid; another day, you were that kind; next week one, then another, as if you had a rack full of roles to try on and years to do it. In the new memoir “Jimmy Neurosis” by James Oseland, punk rock helped.

Moving again should have been no surprise for young Jim Oseland.

His father had always been somewhat of a nomad; in each new town, just as the family got settled, it seemed as though the first plan was to move again — although this time was different.

This move was to California, and Oseland’s dad said he no longer wanted a family. Dad was staying in Minnesota.

Just 13, Oseland hoped to fit in with his new ninth-grade California classmates at San Carlos High, but he realized on the first day that it wouldn’t happen. Still, over time, he managed to make friends with a boy who dealt weed; and with a tall Marilyn-Monroe-ish exchange student who invited Oseland to explore the world of punk rock.

The music, the moshing, and the clothing were all things he’d seen on TV in Minnesota, but the culture was attainable in California. In club after club, 15-year-old Oseland was welcomed for his

uniqueness; not fitting in seemed to be the whole point. He even felt comfortable enough to admit, out loud, that he was gay.

It was something Oseland had known since he was very small, but he couldn’t articulate it until he was welcomed into the world of punk rock. And he blossomed.

“Gone,” he says, “was the shy, awkward boy, to be replaced by someone with sharper edges.”

He gained a “boyfriend” who was more than twice his age and, after the boyfriend moved to New York, Oseland followed. When that relationship soured, the 17-year-old returned to California, with a germ of an idea.

California had changed. Punk rock had changed. And so, again, did Oseland.

Though it may at first seem like just another memoir, “Jimmy Neurosis” has three things that set it apart, the most obvious being that it’s a look at punk rock. That’s a story told not merely from its beginning, but also from the perspective of two coasts. Author James Oseland was there to see both.

The second and third things go together: told from the point-of-view of an awkward, desperately-wanna-be-worldly teenager, this memoir is mostly set in a time before the AIDS crisis, but only just. Oseland was highly promiscuous in those days and he’s very open in his recollections; AIDS is never mentioned, but readers still may not be able to avoid feeling an edge-ofyour-seat fear, not because of what’s written but because we know too much.

For that, and for readers who like memoirs of the coming-of-age type, this book is an easy choice. It’s also a great memory trip for old punk rockers. For fans of both, “Jimmy Neurosis” is the perfect blend. : :

“Growing Up Queer”

by Mary Robertson ©2019, NYU Press $26.00 224 pages

G

rowing up is hard.

Most sentient adults would agree, and decline a chance to “teen” again; between changing bodies, Mean Girls, bullies and facing adulthood, it’s enough to have endured it once. But for kids who are “different” on top of all that, there’s hope, as Mary Robertson says in “Growing Up Queer.”

In the early years of the Obama administration, after the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and after three states made same-sex marriage legal, Robertson began volunteering at her local LGBT Resource Center, specifically, in

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the basement teen hang-out called Spectrum. She was working on research, and she hoped, over time, to interview Spectrum’s teen clientele, but she was nervous: as a cisgender straight woman, what would the kids tell her?

Plenty, as it turned out.

While there were gay, lesbian and transgender teens at Spectrum, the majority of the youth Robertson studied called themselves “queer,” a wider sexuality- and genderencompassing identity specifically separate from “gay” or “lesbian.” As one young man indicated, identifying as queer was easier than repeatedly resetting his self-identity as he learned more about himself and the people he might be attracted to.

Many of her interviewees told Robertson that they knew early in their lives that they were not heteronormal.

Many teens told stories of recognizing their own interest in same-sex actors and performers when they were young, and of precocious self-acknowledgment of same-sex leanings. One claimed innocence that compelled him to ask for clarification on slurs, thus learning negativity about his feelings long before he knew his feelings “had a name.”

Robertson says that suicide rates for LGBTQ students are inflated, but she also notes that today’s queer teens have access to an abundance of support: her subjects often noted family attitudes that have shifted with the times, and there seems to be more acceptance from peers.

Gay-Straight Alliances (GSA) weren’t widely known in high schools until the 1990s, but today, most larger schools have a GSA and nearly every state in the U.S. has at least one LGBTQ center. For her queer subjects, this is good news, says Robertson.

On the future, she says, “This is what gives it so much promise.”

As eye-opening and reassuring as it is, this book may be a challenge.

“Growing Up Queer” can sometimes read like a thesis paper made of cardboard, perhaps due to its original intent for research. When the narrative dips like that, it feels a lot like when your newly-Ph.D.’d brother expounds on his favorite subject: it grows complicated, often unnecessary, and sometimes redundant.

Thankfully, author Mary Robertson gets out of the way enough to make a reader want to forgive such transgressions and just enjoy the teens she meets. There’s life in them, deep introspection and philosophical thought, as well as acceptance covered slightly with the scabs of perseverance. Their voices are real and need no explaining.

Indeed, they do offer hope.

That makes this book accessible, but academics may get more from it than will casual readers. Tackle “Growing Up Queer” if you wish, but understanding may come hard. : :

Meeting Someone Outside The LGBTQ Box Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Trinity Dear, I’m 36, fun, good-looking and very educated. I just can’t bring myself to go to LGBTQ bars, hook up apps or any other ridiculous place to meet other gay folks. So how can I meet my match without dumping my self-respect?

Yours, Roaming with Respect, Tulsa, OK Dear Roaming, In gay life, gay bars, hook up apps and other meaningless acts are somewhat cultural

and actually meaningful. It’s where gay people were first allowed to be gay. However, darling, it’s 2019, so you now can join a spiritual, political, educational or sports group in the LGBTQ community. Many gay folks exclusively go to these events. It will give you the self-respect you need while introducing you to many LGBTQ’ers who have found alternative meeting situations. And, lastly, when you’re at these events, please… talk, socialize and act interested. Being gay is really great, so sell your fabulousness like a new car, not a used one.

Kisses, Trinity Hey Trinity, When I was single, I had lots of freedom.

Even though I was lonely at times, my life was all mine. Now, I feel like I’m a slave to my relationship. Is my dissatisfaction all in my mind?

Trapped, Providence, RI Hey Trapped, The way you see life is all in your mind, knowing that fact should give you freedom. So, honey, change in your mind what you can’t accept and accept in your mind what you cannot change! (Hey, my cartoon can sure show you how I deal with my “harem” when life becomes “interesting.”)

qomunity

qonexions

Hello Trinity, Is it always proper, even in gay dating situations, to hold the door, stand up when someone is leaving the table and walk someone to their door?

Thanks, Proper, South Beach, FL Hello Proper, Yes, it’s always proper, but establishing who’s the leader or follower takes time, or at least, takes a cocktail. Straights typically stick to the established rules. But until you know who’s who, go ahead, be proper, be courteous and be yourself. Yet, pumpkin, in those head-bunting situations where both are leaders, take turns and… take videos… and send me them!

Kisses, Trin.

Dearest Trinity, I went on two blind dates last month, and everything went wrong. My compliments ended up insults, and everything else I said turned into babble. I want to sound like a poet, but I end up sounding like an idiot. Help!

Thanks, First Disasters, St. Louis, MO Dearest First Disasters, Yes, you do need some help, especially being yourself on first dates. However, sweetie, don’t be too much yourself if your style is hippy-poet-without-a-job, hint, hint.

Even better why not read:

Trinity’s Poetic Tips For Destroying A First Date

1. LOOKING SLOPPY, unkempt or like you just got over the flu means planning a second date is not gonna hap-

pen for you!

2. LAYING ALL YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE at first, leaves a waterlogged first date, with no chance of thirst.

3. DISCUSSING your financial, emotional or relationship TROUBLES is like placing your dentures alongside the champagne bubbles.

4. BEING false, PRETENTIOUS or telling over inflated lies, is a big no-no unless you like short good-byes.

5. With charm, GOOD ATTITUDE and a dose of intent, you can rest assured this first date won’t end in lament.

6. PLANNING FUTURE trips together or expressing spousal needs can turn any first date into a meal you want to heave.

7. GOING TO a strip club, bathhouse or your favorite pickup bar with a new first date is the biggest faux pas!

8. HAVING TOO MANY sexual NEEDS or needing money to pay your way, is like violently murdering the bride on her beautiful wedding day.

9. If you have anything “special” that your first date might “catch,” SHARING this INFORMATION should come from your words not your snatch!

10. And, lastly, EXPECTING THIS DATE to be “everything you ever wanted” is like forcing a child into a house that is haunted!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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15

life Bullying

continued from page 6 According to queercafe.net, Jamel Myles, a nine-year-old boy in Colorado who had just come out, killed himself in August 2018 after his mother said he was bullied for coming out to his classmates as gay.

Myles was in the fourth grade at Shoemaker Elementary School, and his mother, Leia Pierce, said that her son had come out to her and some of his classmates over the summer.

“My son was nervous to tell me he was gay,” said Leia Pierce. “But when he told me he was gay, I told him I still love you, son,” she recalled. “He is my sunshine... he is my baby.”

Apparently, Pierce’s supportive reaction encouraged Jamel to come out to his classmates upon the start of the new school year in August.

“He went to school and said he was gonna tell people he’s gay because he’s proud of himself,” Pierce said. “But Jamel’s positive feelings changed after some other kids at Joe Shoemaker Elementary School bullied him and allegedly told him to kill himself.”

Unfortunately, this is merely one of the thousands of cases resulting in suicide from anti-gay bullying.

While bullying is a major issue among our youth, it also occurs in today’s offices and other places of employment.

Psychology Today defines bullying as “a distinctive pattern of harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are in some way smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully.

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Bullying is not garden-variety aggression; it is a deliberate and repeated attempt to cause harm to others of lesser power.”

We’d like to think that bullying wouldn’t be an issue, or as much of an issue, after high school. But sadly, that just isn’t the case.

According to a 2014 U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI), “27 percent of Americans expressed being subjected to abusive conduct at work. This percentage accounts for approximately 37 million U.S. workers who were either currently being bullied or had experienced being bullied.”

In a 2015 Carolinas Diversity Council Newsletter, Deitra C. Payne, Ph.D. says employees who are “different” experience this type of bullying more often.

“For those who are different, the impact can be more profound,” Payne added.

Payne discusses a 2009 lawsuit involving the EEOC and Boh Brothers Construction Company, which involved a supervisor harassing an employee because he thought he was feminine.

“In the sexual harassment lawsuit of the EEOC v. Boh Brothers Construction Company, the EEOC presented evidence that Chuck Wolfe subjected Kerry Woods, an iron worker on Wolfe’s crew, to almost-daily verbal and physical harassment because Woods did not conform to Wolfe’s view of how a man should act,” says Payne.

Following his initial EEOC questionnaire filed in November 2006 (after being laid off due to an apparent lack of work), Woods filed an EEOC charge of discrimination, claiming sexual harassment and on the basis of his wrongful removal.

September 2009, three-years-later, “the EEOC brought this enforcement action on Wood’s behalf, claiming sexual harassment and retaliation under Title VII,” reports the EEOC website (eeoc.gov).

“Following a three-day trial, the jury returned a verdict in favor of Woods on the harassment claim and in favor of Boh Brothers on the retaliation claim,” the EEOC reports. “The jury awarded Woods $201,000 in compensatory damages and $250,000 in punitive damages.

The district court reduced the compensatory damages award to $50,000 to comply with the $300,000 statutory damages cap. 42 U.S.C. § 1981a(b)(3)(D). Boh Brothers filed a renewed motion for judgment as a matter of law following entry of judgment and a motion for new trial, both of which the court denied.” : :

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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17

events September 28 Blue Ridge Pride Festival

Pack Square Park 22 S. Pack Sq., Asheville 11 a.m.-7 p.m.

Asheville hosts the 11th Annual Blue Ridge Pride Festival, featuring local musicians, spoken word artists, and activists. blueridgepride.org.

September 20-22 Festival In The Park

Freedom Park 1908 East Blvd., Charlotte Times Vary The 55th annual Festival in the Park, where there is something for everyone. Unique paintings, sculptures, music and kids craft area.

Free admission. More information is available online. festivalinthepark.org.

September 28 NC Pride at Night

Downtown Raleigh 300 W. Hargett St., Raleigh 4 p.m.-10 p.m.

Raleigh has changed it up again for there 2nd Annual NC Pride at Night. This festival includes vendor booths, food and headliner Todrick Hall. bit.ly/2lWON8g.

September 28 Second annual Stonewall Rainbow Run 5k

The Shed 600 E. Sugar Creek Rd. Charlotte 5 p.m.-11 p.m.

Hosted by Stonewall Sports Charlotte. LGBTQ and Ally 5k walk, run and after glow party. Raising money for three Charlotte-based charities: Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Fund, RAIN and Charlotte Art League! Ticketed event. stonewallrainbowrun.org.

September 28 Pride Durham

Duke University East Campus 712 Broad St., Durham 10 a.m.-10 p.m.

Celebrate Pride in the Triangle with a day-long festival at Duke’s campus! The Pride Parade begins at 11 a.m. and performances continue throughout the night. pridedurhamnc.org.

September 30 North Star LGBTQ Community Center, LGBTQIA: The Next Generation

Public Library 660 W. 5th St., Winston Salem 6 p.m.-7 p.m.

Listen and discuss with youth about what it’s like to identify as part of the LGBTQ community.

Moderated by the director of North Star, Nyles Claire Suer and a panel of youth. northstarlgbtcc.com.

October 3-5 Manhattan Short Film Festival

The ArtsCenter 300-G E. Main St., Carrboro Times Vary Help be the judge in the Manhattan Short Film Festival. This event showcases 10 finalists across the country, representing the best in short films. Tickets are $10 and are available online. artscenterlive.org.

September-November 2019 Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

October 5 At The intersection of Faith and LGBTQ Identites :Beyound the Welcome Table

Christ Episcopal Church All Saints Hall 1412 Providence Rd., Charlotte 8:15 a.m.-11:30 a.m.

PFLAG Charlotte will be hosting writer and speaker John Pavlovitz on his 23-year journey as a progressive pastor. This discussion will talk about faith within the LGBTQ community. Free event bit.ly/2lXmDcY.

October 5 Active Aging Expo

Myers Park Baptist Church Heaton Hall 1900 Queens Rd., Charlotte 8:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.

Charlotte LGBTQ Elders is hosting thir first Annual Active Aging Expo.

This Expo will include workshops on financial planning, social security and Medicare benefits and adapting to an environment as one gets older. They will also have guest speakers and free refreshment throughout the day. Free admission, registration and social from 8:30 a.m.-9 a.m. charlottelgbtqelders.org.

October 5 Fall Achievement Benefit

CAM Raleigh 409 W. Martin St., Raleigh 7:30 p.m.

The LGBT Center of Raleigh’s board will honor their recipients during the Fall Achievement Benefit. Tickets are $125 and are available online. Other ticket options are: scholarship/$50, sponsor/$125 and couch/$75. bit.ly/2NLEdfW. lgbtcenterofraleigh.org.

October 6 Reel Out Charlotte — Movies at the Museum

Mint Museum 2730 Randolph Rd., Charlotte 6 p.m.-8 p.m.

LGBTQ short films that weren’t shown at the spring show. Free admission. Candy and popcorn available for purchase charlottepride.org.

October 10 Dementia Education Workshop

October 12: RESCHEDULED — Pride in Business Expo & Career Fair The Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce welcomes participants to their Pride in Business Expo & Career Fair. Vendors will be on hand to showcase their businesses and speakers will share their expertise with event participants during five breakout sessions. There will also be an LGBT Healthcare Summit with modules sponsored by Novant. Camp Northend, 1824 Statesville Ave., Charlotte. 2 p.m. info: clgbtcc.org.

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Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

Union County Public Library 316 E. Windsor St., Monroe 10 a.m.

Join the Alzheimer’s Association – Western Carolina Chapter and the Union County Public Library for a dementia-related workshop.

“Healthy Living for Your Brain and Body: Tips from the Latest Research” will provide tips on how to keep brains healthy as one ages and possibly delay the onset of cognitive decline. The workshop is free and open to the general public. Registration is available online

September 21-22: ‘Considering Matthew Shepard’

A new musical experience, “Considering Matthew Shepard” is a 100-minute oratorio that explores Shepard’s life, death and legacy. Tickets are $25 or $20 for groups of 10 or more. September 21, First United Methodist Church, 501 N. Tryon St., Charlotte, 7:30 p.m.; September 22, Covenant Presbyterian Church, 1000 E. Morehead St., Charlotte. 4 p.m. bit.ly/2lYJAfO. or call 800-272-3900. tinyurl.com/Oct10Monroe. alz.org/northcarolina.

October 12 Hola Charlotte Fest

Uptown Charlotte South Tryon to 4th St., Charlotte 10 a.m.-6 p.m.

Help celebrate Latin culture by joining this group at their 8th annal Hola Festival featuring authentic Latin-American foods, beverage and music. holacharottefestival.com.

October 16 ‘XANADU’

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Join Ginger Minj and Jinkx Monsoon, of “Rupaul’s Drag Race” on a roller skating musical adventure. Based off the 1980 musical movie starring Olivia Newton-John. Tickets range from $45-$85 and are available online. xanaduTheTour.com.

October 18 7th Annual Carolina Conference on Queer Youth: ‘Intersectionality: The Starting Point’ University of North Carolina at Charlotte Student Center 9201 University City Blvd., Charlotte 8 a.m.-4 p.m.

The conference will provide attendees who work with LGBTQ youth an overview for working with this population including topics regarding healthcare, ethics, school systems and hearing perspectives directly from LGBTQ youth. The conference brings together educators, support staff, counselors, therapists, helping

professionals, individuals in higher education, community members, and undergraduate and graduate students from across North Carolina to discuss topics supporting LGBTQ youth in the region. It is presented by Time Out Youth Center, UNC Charlotte’s Office of Identity, Equity, and Engagement and Equality North Carolina. CEUs are available for professionals which one can request on their registration form. A light breakfast and lunch will be provided for all attendees who register. Parking is available in the UNC Charlotte Student Union parking deck for $15 for the day. Onsite registration runs from 7:30-8 a.m. and is open to K-12 educators and support staff, counselors, therapists, individuals in higher education, community members and undergraduate and graduate students. timeoutyouth.org/CCQY.

October 19 Pride WS Festival & Parade

Art District Trade St. N.W., Winston -Salem 10 a.m.-6:30 p.m.

Food trucks, musical guests, LGBTQ vendors and a parade.

Celebrate diversity, love and equal rights for all. pridews.org.

November 6 Elton John: Farewell Yellow Brick Road

Spectrum Center 333 E Trade St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Musical legend Elton John brings his farewell tour to the Spectrum Center. Public ticket sales begin on October 5, 2018 at 10 a.m. Tickets start at $59.50 and are available online. bit.ly/2PdQrQK.

life

REGULAR EVENTS

Our People: Teresa Davis

Charlotte LGBT Chamber

Regular business meetings, social events and other activities throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: clgbtcc.org.

PFLAG Concord/Kannapolis

Meets for monthly group support meetings, second Tuesday of each month, 7-9 p.m., Trinity United Church of Christ, 38 Church St. N., Concord. info: bit.ly/1pCFVBq.

PFLAG Gaston

Meets for monthly support meetings, third Thursday of each month, 7 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 258 W. Franklin Blvd., Gastonia. info: pflaggaston.org.

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/.

Stonewall Sports

Regular team sports, meet-up, social and service events throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: stonewallcharlotte.leagueapps.com.

Trans Youth Group

Time Out Youth Center hosts weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:306 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org.

Transcend Charlotte

Hosts twice monthly support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte.

Prior to each meeting an anxiety support group is offered 5-6 p.m. info: transcendcharlotte.org.

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

Attorney, Former Military Servicemember, Musician, Foodie

T

BY Mykah Buff |Guest Contributor

eresa Davis, who has been a Charlotte, N.C. resident for over 15 years, has led an exciting and fulfilling life.

Davis served as the president of the Charlotte Business Guild (the predecessor of the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce), as well as having served on the board of the Charlotte LGBT Community Center for over five years. She, alongside her spouse of 11 years, Victoria Eves, has been a longtime pillar of the Charlotte LGBTQ community.

Along with a few more interesting tidbits about herself, Davis discussed how she has dealt with life (before and after she came out).

When did you first realize that you were attracted to women?

I was about three- or four-years-old. My brother was 10 years older, so I knew I was attracted to his girlfriends and actually thought I could be a better date to them, LOL. But, I also knew through instinct that I would get in trouble if I even remotely expressed any overtly gay feelings or emotions or actions.

What did you do after law school?

In 1992, I graduated from law school and joined the Air Force.

“Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” was in place, so had anyone found out I was gay, I would have probably been fired.

What prompted your coming out?

In 1997, I won a huge case, and as an award, I started dating women. While serving in Okinawa, we had a group of gays and lesbians in the military, and we all hung out together, secretly. My girlfriend, who was very high in command at one of the Okinawa bases, was one of the unofficial leaders of our little underground group. I remember being terrified that we would get caught.

After leaving Okinawa, where did you go?

In 1999, the Air Force made me leave Japan, so I selected Washington, D.C. so I could engage in LGBTQ activities without worrying so much about getting caught. That year, I met my current spouse — Victoria Eves — and we immediately began dating.

How were things professionally regarding your being out?

I joined the U.S. Department of Justice under Janet Reno; [Bill] Clinton was the president, so government agencies were encouraged to be inclusive. LGBTQ discrimination was prohibited, so I was out at work. But, I was still in the Air Force Reserves, and I was not out when I would put on my uniform and report for reserve duty.

Compared to before you came out as a lesbian, how has your life changed?

What’s changed? Everything has certainly changed for the better.

I immediately became more successful at work — winning cases.

That’s what happens when you aren’t living a lie. What’s stayed the same? My goals and ambitions, a thirst for fun and laughter, and my insistence that I try my best at everything I attempt (I certainly tried hard to be straight.

What would you tell someone who’s struggling with coming out?

Don’t put your life and/or safety or even career at risk by immediately coming out upon reading this. Waiting a few weeks or months probably won’t hurt.

But, sooner than later, you can’t get as far in life if you are living a lie. Of most importance: you can come out in steps. First, you come out to yourself. Then, you come out to close friends, as a way to test the waters. All the while, you seriously evaluate how far you can go in coming out.

Are there any special activities you and Victoria like to do?

We LOVE trying new restaurants and taking trips abroad. Our favorite activity is visiting North Carolina wineries. Driving to them is an adventure, and the grounds of some close to Charlotte are stunningly beautiful.

As a same-sex married couple, what challenges have you faced regarding social intolerance or intolerance, in general?

Well, when we were married in 2013, we DID have to get married in Maryland since same-sex marriage was still outlawed in North Carolina. We look, however, at the positives instead of the negatives. Instead of feeling oppressed because North Carolina can be so embarrassingly backward, we were elated that we could get married.

My family, on both sides, is from Rutherfordton County, and while one side has always been very welcoming of Victoria, the other side is still, apparently, very uneasy that I’m a lesbian.

What are some of you and Victoria’s favorite vacation spots?

Anywhere in France, preferably away from Paris so we we can road ramble and soak up the countryside.

What did you do before practicing law?

I was a full-time music teacher at a music school; and freelance professional pianist.

How would you describe your involvement in the local LGBTQ community?

Since living in Charlotte, Victoria and I have been very active in the LGBTQ community. We were particularly active in the Charlotte Business Guild, which is now the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce.

What’s your favorite cuisine?

My favorite cuisine: steak fries. But that could change next week.

Do you prefer eating out or cooking at home?

I prefer eating out because I love ethnic restaurants which are our windows to the world when we don’t have time or resources to travel. : : Read our extended profile online at goqnotes.com/63871.

Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019

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Sept. 20-Oct. 3, 2019